MUSIC JOKES


What is the difference between...

.. A french horn and a lawnmower?
You can tune a lawnmower.

.. A clarinet and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces.

.. A saxophone and a chainsaw?
The grip.

.. An accordion and a trampoline?
You are supposed to take off your shoes before jumping on the
trampoline.

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Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They have a machine that does that now.

Q: What do you call someone who hangs around a bunch of musicians?
A: A drummer.

Q: How do you know if there is a drummer at your door?
A: The knocking always speeds up.

Q: Why do drummers always have trouble entering a room?
A: They never know when to come in.

Q: How many lead trumpet players does it take to change a light buld?
A: 50. 1 to do it and the others to stand around and say, "I could do
that better.

Q: What do lead trumpet players use for birth control?
A: Their personality.

Q: What's the inscription on dead blues-singers tombstones?
A: "I didn't wake up this morning..."

Q: What's the difference between a moose and a blues band?
A: The moose has the horns up front and the asshole behind.

Q: How many members of U2 does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. Bono holds up the light bulb, and the universe revolves
around his ass.

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What's the difference between a viola and a violin?
A violin burns faster.

Why is a violist like a terrorist?
They both f**k up bowings.

What is the difference between a violist and a terrorist?
Terrorists have sympathisers.

What's the difference between a violist and a dressmaker?
A dressmaker tucks up frills.

What's the difference between a viola and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline.

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A violist comes home late at night to discover fire trucks, police
cars, and a smoking crater where his house used to be. The chief of police
comes over to him and tells him, "While you were out, the conductor came
to your house, killed your family, and burned it down." The violist
replied, "You're kidding! The conductor came to my house?"

A violist is sitting in the front row, crying hysterically. The conductor
askes the violist, "What's wrong?" The violist answers, "The second oboe
loosened one of my tuning pegs." The conductor replied, "I admit, that
seems a little childish, but nothing to get so upset about. Why are
you crying?" To which the violist replied, "He won't tell me which one!!"

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The composition of a string quartet:
1 good violinist
1 bad violinist
1 really bad violinist who became a violist
1 cellist who hates all violinists.