Chapter30

Chapter31

BADNEWS

LillyJames

BellaTulipPublishing

ABellaTulipBook

BellaTulipPublishing,83DucieStreet,Manchester,M12JQwww.bellatulippublishing.com

PublishedbyBellaTulipPublishing2017

BADNEWS

©CopyrightLillyJames2016

Allrightsreserved.

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Thisisaworkoffiction.Anyresemblancetoactualpersons,livingordead,eventsandorganisationsarepurelycoincidental.

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Coverdesign©CopyrightRebeccaWeeks2016

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Acknowledgments

Thisbookcametomesoeasily,andIinstantlyfellinlovewiththecharactersthatsuddenlyswampedmy
mind.ButIcouldneverwriteastoryifIdidn’thavethesupportfromthosearoundme.ToKeira,who
still doesn’t know what mummy writes about, but is still my number one fan. To my mum, sister, and
family, your constant support and encouragement for what I do is precious to me–thank you! To my
friends,whoarealwaystellingtomewritefastersotheycanreadmynewbooks,hereisanotherstoryto
sinkyourteethinto.

ThankyoutoJulie,CristinaandSophia,mywonderfulauthorfriendswhoIcantalktoaboutthedaily

stressesandwondersofthewritingworld–becausetheygetittoo.

Ahugethankyoutomynewpublisher,BellaTulipPublishing,andallthewonderfulladieswhowork

within,youareallincredibleandhavebeensowelcomingandlovelytome.

IwanttosayamassivethankyoutotheamazingMichelle,whocontinuestooverwhelmmewiththe

constantsupportshegivesmeandmybooks.Thankyou,thankyou,thankyou,youlovelyhumanbeing.

To my readers, thank you for being so amazing, and so incredibly patient whilst waiting for my next

release.YouaremyRockstar's.

Ican’tsayabigenoughthankyoutoallthosebloggersouttherewhosharethehelloutofmybooks,

review,maketeasersandjustgenerallyspreadtheword.Withoutreadersandbloggers,mylittlewriting
habitwouldn’treachsomany.Iappreciateyourhelpmorethanyouwilleverknow.

Chapter1

Iturnofftheignition,takeoffmyseatbeltandpressmyforeheadagainstthesteeringwheel.Why,oh,why
doesmyeighteen-year-oldpea-brainsisterputmeinthesesituations?Anotherthing,whycan’tshebeat
the book club, like she told our father she was? Nooo - Bree is way too popular and pretty to be at a
boringbookclub, a quote from her own mouth, not mine. I happen to think the book club is a joy. Just
saying;liesareforfools,andBreehasmademelietoourfatheraboutherwhereabouts–again!God,I’m
goingtohell.

Isigh,turntomyleftandglanceoutofthecarwindow.Iseethedoortothehouseisopen,maybeIam

headingtohellsoonerthanIthought.Igroan.Openmydoorandstepoutside,theloudmusicisbursting
fromthehouse,andIamclutchingatthecardoor,wishingIdidn’thavetogoinside.ButImust.

Oh,Lord,Iaminside-therearepeopleeverywhere,thestenchofsweat,alcoholandsomethingIcan

onlyguessisdrugs,attacksmysenseofsmell.Gross.Iwalkpastthecrowdsandthroughthehallwayuntil
IspotBree’sbestfriend,Paisley,kissingaboylikeherlifedependsonit.Iwalkoverandawkwardlytap
hershoulder.Paisleyturns,furiousthatsomeonehasinterruptedheruntilshenoticesit’sme.

“Woah,”shesays.“Lou,whatthehellareyoudoinghere?”
“Notpartyingthat’sforsure.”Ilookoverhershoulder.“SeenBree?”
“Daddywantsherhome?”shemocks,thenpointsupstairs.“Shewentthatway.Goodluck.”Shegrins,

turningbacktocontinuehermeddlingoftonguesgame.

Great.Upstairs?Really?
I make my way upstairs and try not to brush past shoulders of kissing couples who are groping each

other.“Excuseme.Sorry,”IsayasItrytosqueezethrough.

ThefirstdoorIcometowhenIgettothetopistheoneIdecidetoopen.Icounttothree,bracemyself,

andpush.Idon’tknowhow,butIendupstumblingintotheroom.Myeyesscangirl’slegs,arms,mouths
kissing, and a naked guy underneath it all. He suddenly sits up, noticing the door has been opened, and
smiles.

“Cometojoin?”
Ilookawayquickly.“Sorry!”Isqueal,slammingthedoorclosedbehindme.LeantupagainstthewallI

closemyeyes.Memory,pleasewipethatpornographicimageaway!Likenow!

Just as I’m about to give up guess who walks down the hallway, arms wrapped around a guy I have

neverseenbeforeinmylife.“Bree!”Iyellhername,myangstcomingout.Hereyesgowideforasecond
beforetheynarrow.

“Dadsendyou?”sheguessescorrectly.
“Yes,” I hiss. “Excuse me.” I push the guy’s arm from her shoulders and take her hand in mine. “We

need to leave. One, because dad is going to kill you. Two, because you let Valery throw away your
portionofmeatloaf–andyouknowshehateswaste.Andthree,becauseIneedtogetoutofherebeforeI
haveanoverdoseofbumpandgrindandthesmellof,”Isniffoncemore.“Whateverthatis.”

“Let’sgo.”Breeagrees,easierthananticipated.Iglanceawaywhenshekissesthatbigguygoodbye,

andhegrosslytellshertocallhim.Ew.

Igetbackinmycarandinhaleadeepbreath.
“Whatareyoudoing?”Breelaughs,havingdifficultyputtingherbeltintoitsslotbecauseshe’sdrunk.

Drunk!Onaschoolnight.Disgusting.

“Inhalingfreshair.”Igasp.“Ifeelviolated.”
Breelaughsagain.“Lou,youaresuchasissy.”
“Iliketocallitsensible.”Ideadpan,pullingoutontotheroad.“Don’tmakemelieforyouagain,B,

youknowhowmuchIhatelyingtodad.”

Shescoffs.“Why?Heliestousprettymucheverydayofourlives.”
Isigh.“That’snottrue.”
Iknowshe’srollinghereyes.“Alwaysdefendinghim.”
Idefendhim,because,well,he’smydad.
“Hejustwantedyoutobehomeforourlastdinnertogether.”
“Lastdinner?”shelaughs.“Lou,we’regoingtocollege,nottheothersideoftheworld.Wecancome

homewheneverwelike.Well,”sherollsbackhershoulders.“Youcan,Iwon’tbe.”

“Whydidn’tyoujuststayhometonight.Onenight.”It’snotreallyaquestion,Ireallydidwishshe’d

stayedhometonight.

“Justtopleasedad?Noway.”
Igripthesteeringwheelharder.“Forme,atleast!YouknowIhadtositinthediningroom,”Iholdmy

finger up, “in silence, listening to Valery’s’ damn Grandfather clock ticking for a whole twenty minutes
beforedadmademecomegetyou.”

“Let’sburntheclock.”Iknowshe’sgrinning,butIdon’ttakemyeyesofftheroad.“Besides,”shesays.

“IhadtomakesureeveryoneknewhowgreatIwasbeforestartingcollegetomorrow.”Sheflicksherhair
behindhershoulder.“ImagineifnooneknewwhoIwas.”

“Nightmare,”Ismirk.
Bree slouches. “I never got to see who I intended to, though, he was too busy having a fucking

gangbang.”

“Pleasedon’tcuss,”IscoldherasmyGrandmawould.WhyamIturningintomyGran?“Who did

youwanttosee?”

Shesighsalldreamily.“HunterHolland.”
IscoffasIpullintoourdrive.“Don’ttellme,boyswannabehim,girlswannadatehim.Blah,blah,

blah.”

“Got it in one, sister.” She unbuckles her seat belt and takes my arm before I move. “I would do

anythingtogetwithhim.Anything.”Sherepeatswithawink.

Ishakemyheadatherpromiscuousbehaviorandclimboutofthecar.“Well,”IsayasImeetheratthe

front door. “You are going to be the hot new blonde on the scene, it’s bound to happen.” I’m not only
sayingittobenice.Iamright.EveryonelovesBree.

“God,Ihopeso.”Sheclapsherhandsallexcitedlikeit'salreadyhappened.“Anywayyou,”shebumps

shoulderswithmeasIpushthekeyintothedoor.“Youwillbethehotnewblondetoo;guyslovethequiet
ones,Lou.”

“Icouldn’tthinkofanythingworse,”Imumble.

Chapter2

It’sawkwardcityinmydad’scarashedrivesBreeandmetocollege.Ourfirstday,Breeanddad,can’t
evenhaveapoliteconversation.It’snotlikeIhaven’ttriedtogetthemtalkingbecauseIhave.I’veeven
expressed my excitement about my new roommate, but my Dad just says things like, “that’s great,
sweetie.”AndBreegrunts.LikeIsaid,awkwardcity.

“ComeonBree,can’tyouatleaststayoffyourphoneforthejourney?”Iglaredownathercellphone

likeit’sthedevil.Well,itis.Totalconversationblocker.

Breeholdsupafinger,herfacestillgluedtoherscreen.“Holdup,I’mjustcheckingFacebook."She

looksupatmeandsmirks.“Actually,I’mcyberstalkingalltheRougeMen.”

“Thewhomen?”
Bree rolls her eyes like I’m adorably clueless. “It’s a group of college guys. They are, like, they’re

ownfraternity.”

Irollmyeyesthistimeandstareoutofthewindow.“Agroupofguys?Like,ofcourse,itis.”Ijoke.
“Allfourguysarefuckingperfection,Lou.Waittillyouseethem.”
“Bree!”Mydadscoldsherswearing.ButBreedoesn’tapologize.Instead,shepokeshertongueoutto

thebackofhishead.

“Whydoescollegehavetobeaboutguys?”Ichastise.“Imagineitwasjustaboutlearning.”
Breelooksatme,hard.“Saidnoone.Ever.”
We pull up at Newbrook U Campus, and Bree quickly climbs out of the car to retrieve her suitcases

fromthetrunk.

“Letmegetthose,”mydadoffers,butshetugsthemoutofhisreach.
“I’m good.” Bree ignores the eyes I give her, then nudges her head to the right. “I’m over on West

Campus.I’llgetmyselfmovedin.”

“I’llseeyouatorientation?”Icalltoherback.
“Asif.”Shescoffs,pullinghertwosuitcasesbehindher.
“Youhavetoregisterforyourclasses,Bree!”Icallagain.
“She will be there.” My dad says firmly, closing the trunk with a slam. Then, carrying all my

belongings,weheadtowardscampus.IwalkalongsidehiminmyConverse,twostepstohislargeone.I
knowwhyhe’swalkingfast,it’sbecausehemustgetbacktowork.Storyofhislife.

Igrabmyroomkeysandidentificationpass.Ileadmydadintotheliftanduptothethirteenthfloor–

wheremydormroomisat.

"Younervous?"Isallhesays.
"Alittle."Ihavefirstdaynerves,buttheexcitementofitalltreblesthat.
“It’snotbad,”mydadlooksaround.“Harvardwouldhavebeenbetter,butnevertheless.”
Ismile,forgetwhathesaid,turnthekeyinthelockandpush.Thedoorswingsopen,soIwalkinand

nearlygetblastedbackwardsbythemusiclyricsthatshout,“LiveandLetDie.”

“Oops, wasn’t expecting you so soon.” My roommate, I assume, lazily turns down the music, then

pointstoherT-shirt.“GunsandRoses.Legends.”Shesings.Ismirk,eyingherquickly.Withshortblack

hair that’s cut edgy, pale makeup, dark eyes, tattoos up her arms and a black leather cuff on her right
wrist–wearethetotalopposite.

Igiveasmallwaveandfeelmydadstraightenupbehindme.“Hey,I’mLouisa.”
“Fallon.”Shenodsherhead,thenjumpsontoherbedandcrossesherlegs.
“Righthoney,”Iturnandwatchdadplacemysuitcasesdown,thenscowlatthedirtylookhegivesto

Fallon.“Youcantakeitfromhere,right?”

“Surecan.”
AsIwait,hepullsouthisphonefromhissuitjacketandlooksdownatthescreenashetalkstome.

“Callmeifyouneedanything.”

Iglanceawaybecausehisphoneisthereasonwedon’tbondasmuchasI’dlike.“Surething.”
Mydadgivesmeanawkwardhug,stifflynodstoFallon,thenhe’sgone.
“Woah,who’sthepoliticianguy?”
“Mydad,andhe'sadoctor."Isigh,observingmyroom.Iwonderhowlongshe’sbeenhere.
“SinceMonday,”shesays,readingmymind.
Igotothedoor.“Shouldweleaveitajar.”
Fallonfrowns.“Thisisnotabrothel,Louisa.Hell,no.”
“Oh.”Iclosemymouthandthedoor.
“Don’ttellme,”Fallonglancesmeupanddown.“Blonde,blueeyes,innocentlookingwithnomakeup

on.Youdon’tdrinkorswear,you’rethetypicalSan-dra-dee.”Shegrins,notinamockingway,though…I
don’tthink.

Ismile,quitelikingherobservation.“Idon’tthinkSandyistypical.But,ifyouwanttocomparemeto

ayoungOliviaNewtownJohn,”Ishrug,“thengoahead.I’mdown.”I’mdown?IneversayI’mdown.

“Shootmenow.”Fallonpretendstoshootherselfintheheadandfallsonherbed.
Afterunpackingallmythings,Imakemywaydowntothefirstfloorwheremyorientationstarts.Ifind

aseatnexttoaboywithcurly,untamedhairthathidesunderaSlouchyBeanieHat.

“Hey,”hesmiles,movinghisbackpackfromthechairsoIcansit.“Newhere,too?”
“Thankyou.”Igrin.“Andyeah,firstday.”
“Minetoo.”Heholdsouthishandformetotake.“Axel.”ButbeforeIcanshakeit,aguyyanksAxel’s

Beaniedownoverhiseyes.

“Realmature,”Axelshoutsaftertheidiotwhohighfiveshisequally,idioticfriend.
“Anyway,wherewerewe?”Hetakesoffhishatandscratcheshisshaggyhair.
“YoutoldmeyournamewasAxel,”Ismile.
Oh,yeah…”Hescratcheshisheadagain.“Iwasabouttoshakeyourhand,andprobablyblushbecause

it’s one of my worst habits when I touch a girl.” He closes his eyes tightly. “Including saying what I’m
thinking,andlookingacompletejackass.”

“Youdonot.”Inudgehisshoulderwithmine.“I'mLouisa.”
“Prettynameforaprettygirl.”Heshakeshishead.“Thatthingishappeningagain.”
“Whereyouspeakyourmind?”Ilaugh.“Howbadcanitbe?”
“Well,”hepusheshisglassesuphisnose.“Bad.Igotintroducedtomyfather’sgirlfriend,andItold

herthatherperfumemademyinsidestingle.”

Igawp.“Well,uh,maybeyouwerejustnervous.”Iglancearound,checkingalltheseatsforaplatinum

blondethatismysister.Iwillkickherbuttifshedoesn’tturnup.JustasI’mabouttogiveup,Iseeher
walkingthroughthedoorwithfiveothergirls.Axelfollowsmylineofsight.

“Sorority girls.” He scoffs. “I don’t see why everyone can’t be equal. Why do there have to be

groups?”

“Iknow,right?”IsmileasIsitbackinmychair.AxelandIwillgetalongjustfine.Iknowit.Ikindof

feelgoodformakingafriendalready.

Aftertheorientation,Istandandgathermybelongings.“So,whatareyoudoingrightnow?”IaskAxel.
Heswingshisbackpackoverhisshoulder.“Oh,youknow,gobacktomydorm,sitandstareatmybare

wallsandwishIwasgoodlookingenoughtobeintheRougeMen’sclub.”

Ichuckleandpullmyarmsthroughmybackpack–doublearm,somethingBreetoldmenevertodo,butI

don’tcare.Ilikeadoublearm.“Wanttocomeuptomydorm?Ihaveakickassroommate.”Axelsmirks,
andIcringe.“Yeah,kickasssoundsawkwardcomingoutofmymouth,doesn’tit?”Ineversaykickass
either!

Heholdshishandsupandwalksaheadofme.“Ididn’tsaythat.”
“Youdidn’thaveto.”Ilaugh,joggingtocatchup.

***

“Axel?”Fallongapeswhenwebothentermydorm.

Axel’seyesgowidewhenhespotsFallon.“You?”Heturnstome,“Ithoughtyousaidyourroommate

waskickass?”

“Wait,”Ipointbetweenthem.“Youtwoknoweachother.”
“Samehighschool.”Fallonnarrowshereyes.“GodLou,Itellyoutomakefriendsinorientation,and

youbringbackMcLovin.”

“Mc-who?”I’mconfused.
“Superbad?”shesayslikeI’mdumb."Themovie."
“Nope.”Ishrug.“GonewiththeWindandTheSoundofMusiciswhatIlike.”I’mtotallykidding.
“Sure.”Fallonyawns.“Andanunnerycampinsummer.”
“Come on,” I shrug off my backpack and sit crossed legged on the carpet. “Let’s play, a ‘getting to

knoweach’othergame.”

Fallonraisesherpiercedbrow.“OnlybecauseIkindoflikeyou,”shepointsherfinger.“Don’tbreathe

awordtonoone.Youhearme?”

Igrinandpretendtozipupmymouth.

Chapter3

Myfirstmorningatclasseswentwell,andevenbetter—Axelisineverysingleoneofthem.Fallon,not
somuch.She’stakingbiology,probablybecauseshetakespleasureoutofdecapitatingaratorsomeshit.
DidIjustsayshit?Shit.

We’reatthecafeteria.Andbywe,Imeanme,AxelandFallon.I’meatingpizzaasIwatchAxeland

Fallonargueoverwhogetsmoreelbowspace.Whydidtheyevensittogether?

“Seriouslyguys,”theybothlookupatme.“Doyoutwoneedtoswapseats?Imean,therearesixchairs

atthistable,butifyoureallyneedtomovebecauseofyourchildishness…”Igrin.

“I’llswap.”Fallonoffers.“Ijustwishyoudidn’tpickatablesoclosetothefuckingRougetable.”
Fallonhasalreadyexplained;theRougetableisawhereallthehottestguyscongregate.Sofarthere

arethreealreadysittingthere.

AsIgetuptoswitchseats,Iseeaguystrollingintothecafeteria.Allgirl’sheadsturnwhenhewalks

in.Iknowtheroomdoesn’tgoquiet,butasIstare,itseemsthatway.Iwatchhimdiptokisstoapretty
redhead,thenhesmacksherassbeforeshewalksaway.Helookspleasedwithhimselfashepullsouta
chairatthe‘Rouge’table.Hisfriendsmakeferalnoisesandhighfiveshimlikehe’saceleborsomething.
TheyaresoloudIcanheartheirconversation.

“Hunter,where’dyousendher?”Theguywithanimpressivemanbun,tattoosdownhisneckandarms,

slapshimontheshoulder,presumablyreferringtotheredhead.

“Toldhertomeetmeoutsideinten.Nokissing.Nofunnybusiness.Juststraightupfucking.”
Idropmyeyesdowntothefloor,grossedoutbytheanimalistwaytheyaretalkingaboutthatgirl.Then

I’mtuggedonmywrist.

“Uh,Lou,weswitchedseatsfiveminutesago,andyou’restillstandingup.”IglancedownatFallon,

andsheleansbacktoseepassedmeandlaughs.“Ohshit.LadyMaryisn’tsoimmunetomenafterall.”
She points with a celery stick. “Forget those guys, though. They are fuckin’ manwhores. Worse than
manwhores.”

“Whatcanbeworsethanamanwhore?”Axelpipesup.
“Alittlesquirtlikeyou,that’swhat.”Fallonthrowsapieceofceleryathim.
Axelthrowsitback.“Fuckyou,Fallon.”
“Neverinyourwildestdreams.”Shesings.
Axelgags.“Youwillneverbeinmydreams.Icanassureyou.”
“Notevenwetones?IbetI’minthose."shewinks."Ibetyourstepmomistoo.”
“Disgusting.”Axelgetsup.“Lou,I’llseeyouatclass.”
“Bye,bye.”Fallonteasesasheleaves.
Ilookatherwitharaisedbrowandshakemyhead.
“What?”shesmirks.
WhenAxelisgone,Ihappentopeerupandtheboywhoturnedallgirl’sheads–isstaringatme.He

smiles and glances down when he catches me looking. I smile to myself and bite the side of my lip,
bowingmyheadintomylap.Iknowmyfaceisred,likeabeetroot,andthat’sembarrassing.

“Oh, my God, Lou stop. You’re like a hormonal teenager who doesn’t know what to do with those

hormones.”

Igrimace.“Whatdoesthatevenmean?”
“Idon’tknow.”Shesniffs.“Justmadeitup.”
Ilaugh,takeanotherbiteofmyPizzaandchangethesubject.“Thisisgood.”
Fallonstudiesme.“Ithoughtyouwouldhavechosentheveganoption,buthey”sheshrugs.“WhatdoI

know?”

Iwipemymouthwithapapernapkin.“Ha,myauntisvegan,hernamesGerty,ifshesawmeeating

pepperonipizza,she’dbefurious.”

“I’dbefuriouswithanamelikeGerty.”Fallondeadpans.
I chuckle and glance over to the Rouge table again. He’s watching me! I see navy blue eyes. He has

navyblueeyes!Thenhegrinsandturnsaway.Myheaddips,andIreleaseabreath.Ifeelamegawaveof
emotionsglidingthroughmyveins.Oh,dearGod,Ihavedamppanties.Wait,what?

“Ohshit.”Fallonsnorts,grabbingholdofmyhand.
“What?”Igasp,full-onpanicking.
“YouhaveacrushontheDoubleH.”
“Thedoublewho?”Iaskconfused.
“HunterHolland”Shenudgesherheadtothedirectionofhistable,andIgulp.
“Hunter?That’shisname?”
Shebangsherfistonthetable.“Ha.Youlikehim!”
Mybodystiffens,defensive.“Ididn’tsaythat.”
“Youdon’thaveto.”Sheteases.“Yourfuck-me-eyessayitall.”
“Dothey?”Ifrown,wonderingwhethermyeyesareabettertalkerthanIam.
Fallonnods.“Ishityounot.”Thenshesighs.“Hehasagirlfriend,though.”
Ihesitate.“Uh,that’sgood.”That’sgood?Whatkindofansweristhat!
Fallondigsaroundinherblackbagthatiscoveredinskulls,findsherphoneandquicklyflicksthrough.

“Checkitout.”SheturnsherphonesoIcanlookatthescreen.It’saFacebookpicture,withHunteranda
beautifulbrunette.Inmyhead,Ipokemytongueoutatthepicture,butthat’snotme.

So,Isaysomethinglike,“Theymakeagreatcouple.”
“Yawn,”Fallonsaysoutloud.“Didyounoticethatgirl’sasshejustslapped,isn’thisgirlfriend?”
IglancebackovertoHunteragain,andsomethingsuddenlyhitsme.“I’veseenhisass.”Iblurtout.My

admissiontotallycomingoutwrong.

Fallonspluttersonherorangejuice.“Whatdidyoujustsay?”
Iflapawayhershockwithmyhand.“Imean,Ihadtorescuemysisterfromahouseparty,andIsaw

Hunter,”Ileanovertowhisperthenextpart.“Havingathreesomewithtwogirls.”Iknowit’shim.

Fallon stands and takes our trays in her hands. “Come on, Missy, I don’t want you fantasizing about

Hunterasecondlonger.He'sbadnews.”

Wewalkbacktoourdorm.Imakemyselfcomfortableatmydeskandtakeoutmytextbooks.Studying

is on the cards. Well, I would say peaceful revising, but Fallon blasts head pounding music from her
system.

“Fallon,”Iyelloverthemusic.“I’mtryingtoconcentrate.”

Sheholdsupherhandsandturnsthemusicdown.“Sorry,I’mjustpsychingmyselfupformydate.”
Ipickupmypencilandpointwithit.“Youhaveadate?”
Sheappliesblacklipstick.“Ialwayshaveadate.Thisvaginaisonehungrymotherfucker.”
Iturnawayfromhergrossedout,andbegintoreadmynotes.
Fallon leaves, I wish her luck, and get comfortable on my bed, thinking I have peace for the night.

However, ten minutes later, the door opens, and Fallon walks in with a huge grin splashed across her
face.

“Youwereonlygonetenminutes.”Igawp.
She looks pleased with herself as she falls onto her bed. “An exciting ten minutes is better than a

boringhour.”

Anotherknockonthedoorinterruptsmyresearch,Isighandcalltheknockerin.It’sAxel,holdinga

DVDinonehandandabagofcandyintheother.

“Thoughtwe’dcatchamovie?”HeglancesovertowardsFallon.“Ithoughtyouweregoingonadate?”
Shesmirks,fullysatisfiedshe’sbursthisbubble.“Idid,nowI’mback,readyandwaitingtopissall

overyournight.”

Axelgroansandflopsdownintoachair.“God,Fallon,yousuck.”
“Andyouprobablyswallow.”Shesnipes.
“Iwasactuallygoingtostudy,”Isay,butAxel’ssmilefadesandIfeelbad.Iclosemytextbookand

dropmypencil.“ButIsupposeIcanleaveitforonenight.”

“Metoo,”Fallongrins.“NotlikeIstudy,anyway.”
Axelglaresather.“You’regoingtobenothingbutafailure,Fallon.”
“Oh,”shesmirks.“Justlikeyourdad’scondom?”
“YouarethegrossestgirlIhaveevermet.No.Ican’tevencallyouagirl,youlookmanlierthatIdo.”
“That’sright.”Fallonlaughs.“Iprobablygetmorepussythanyoutoo.”
“God,”Icovermyears.“Ihatethatword.”
“Ohsorry,”Falloncontinueswithhersarcasticattitude.“IforgotLadyMarywaspresent.Forgiveme

ohsweetlord,forthIhavesinnedartthough…”Shepauses,Iglareather,andsheshrugs.“Iwasgoing
forsomeShakespeareshitbutfuckeditup.Anyway,”shepullstheDVDoutofAxel’shands.Hetriesto
swipeitback,butFallonistooquick.“Whatfilmisthis,MyLittlePony?”

Axelcrosseshisarms,“Noactually,it’scalledMyFriend’sRoommateisacun…”
“Woah - Woah - Woah.” I push myself between them, trying to call a truce. “Lets’ just put the movie

on.”

Chapter4

Hunter

“It’snotme,it’syouSavannah.”Shit…didthatcomeoutwrong?Nope.Fuckit.Herbottomliptrembles.
Irollmyeyes,andthewaterworksbegin.

Idoacountdown.“3,2,1.”
“Ahhhhhwaaaa,”
Ah,thereitis,thewails,thesob,thetearsandthesnottynose.HappyfuckingFriday,Hunter.
“Comeon,Sav.”Itrytoputmyarmaroundher.Toatleastsoftentheblowbutsheshovesmeaway.
“You’reanasshole,Hunter.Youusedme.”
Icockmyheadandpout.“Hmm,Ineverusedyou...persay.”
“We’vebeentogetherfortwomonths,Hunter!”
“Twowholemonths?”Ipretendtoactshocked.“Wewerethisclose,"Ipinchmythumbandfinger,"to

gettingmarried.”Isnapmyfingers.“Damnit.”

Mybedroomdoorswingsopen,andJaxonpokeshisheadaround.“H,yourdadisonthephone,sounds

prettyurgent.”

Mydadhasn’tcalledme.It’soneofourstrategies.Iturnandputonmybestactingskills.“God,Jax,

will you at least give us a second. I mean, we’re having a moment here.” I turn to Savannah who is
blubbering.“Aren’twe?”

“Momentthis,”She’sabouttokickmeintheballs,soImovebackfasterthanafuckingcheetahand

protectmymanhoodwithmyhands.

“Notthegoods,Sav,anywherebutthegoods.”Sheslapsmyfaceinstead,notideal,butit’lldo.Icup

wheresheslappedme,andIseeJaxonstandinginthedoorway,crossedarms,watchingtheshowwitha
grin on his face. “Why don’t you go get some fucking popcorn.” I laugh. He laughs. And we both get a
slap.

“Assholes.”Savannahpushespast.Wewatchherwalkawayandoutofthefrontdoor.
Isigh.“Greatass.”
“Shame.”Jaxonsighs.
“Na.”Iflapmyhand.“She’llgetoverit.”Iwalkovertotherefrigerator,grababeer,andjumpontothe

sofa.

“Breaking girl’s hearts again, Hunt?” I glance over at Dexter, and he’s watching me with his glasses

halfwaydownhisnoselikehe’smyfatherorsomeshit.Heevenshakeshisheadlikehe’sashamedofme.

“Dex,reallyquick,stopactinglikemyGrandpaandstartactinglikeadouche.”
Dexter glares at me. “You know how I feel about the way you guys treat women, it's wrong. On all

levelsoftheword.”

I walk over to Dexter and stroke his cheek playfully. “God Dex, you’re so smart, and funny, and

beautiful.”

“Fuckyou.”Dexterbatsmyhandsawayfromhischeek,andIjoininwithJaxon’slaughter.

“Youcan’thaveanamelikeDexterwithoutaseriouspairofglasses.Anddumbasswit.”Jaxonadds.
Dextertakesoffhisglassesandglaresatus.“RemindmewhyI’mfriendswithyouguysagain?”
“Becauseyou’remylittlebrother.”Jaxonwinks,“AndIlikehavingyouaround.Hunter?”heshrugs.

“I’mnotsosurewhyyou’refriendswithhim.”

“Dickhead.”IthrowmybeercapatJaxon,takeaswigofmybeerthentipittowardsDexter.“Iwould

havesaidbecausehangingwithusgetsyoutheP,butyoudenyitlikeachickenshit.Buckawk.”Dexteris
venting,butIneverknowwhentocutitout.“ComeonDex,it’snotthathard.Alittlelubeandyou’rein.
Boom.”

Jaxonsmacksmyballcapfrommyhead.“He’swaitingforthe‘one—getoffhisass.”
“Woah.”Iholdmyhandsup.“Iamnowherenearthatdude’sass.”
“WhataboutSavannah’s?”Jaxoncockshisbrow.
Itiltmyheadbackandlaugh,“Nowthattookalotoflube.”
Dexterangrilystandsfromhisdeskandtakesholdofhislaptop.“Animals.”Hespits,beforeheading

outofthedoor,andpresumablybacktohisdorm.DexterisJaxon’slittlebrother.He’safreshman,agood
kidandgoodlookingasfuck.He’stheonlykidIknowthatcanwearglasseslikeheownsthem.Allthe
girlswillbehoveringaroundthegood-lookinggeek-kidthissemester.Isay,goodlucktohim.Dexterand
girlscanonlybedescribedasadisaster.Hejustdoesn’tknowwhattodowiththem.

IshareanapartmentwithJaxonandAshby,whoaremyfellowjuniors,justoutsidecampus.They’re

bothcoolasshit.Wesharethesameinterestsinmusic,girls,tattoos,butJaxon’smanbun?That’swhere
myshitdrawstheline.Fuckingmanbun.Whoeverinvitedthathairstyleneedsagoodwordwithhimself.
Inadarkroom.Alone.

“So,Isawyoueyeingupfreshmeattheotherday,Hunt.”Jaxongrabshisownbeerandswitchesonthe

TV.Freshmeat,—therehavebeensomany.Inormallydon’tgoforfreshmen,butacoupleofdaysago,
thisonecaughtmyeyeinthecafeteria.TrustBigBollockstonotice.

“Yeah,” I scratch the stubble across my jaw. “Pretty little thing that Blondie.” She was more than a

pretty-little thing. Long blonde hair, angelic face, big blue eyes. Damn, she was a hot little thing in her
jeans,ConverseandbaggyT-shirt.Shit,didItakethatmuchnotice?

“Youreadytomakeyourmove?”helaughs.
“Jax,I’vebeenreadyforgirlsfromthemomentIsteppedoutofmymom’swomb.”
“Dude,”Jaxonlaughs.“Yourhumorisfuckedup.”Hefistspumpsmebecausethismotherfuckeristhe

same.“Isawher,though;sheseemsalittletoosweetforthelikesoftheH.”

Ilaugh,aimtothrowmyemptybeerbottleintothebinfromwhereI’msittingandcursebecauseImiss.

“I’lljusthavetotoneitdown.”

“You?”hescoffs.“Toneitdown?Yeahright.”

Chapter5

Hunter

Fivedayslater…

Iliebackonmybed,buttnaked,handbehindmyheadwhileIwatchMyastripforme.Ihaveasexsong
playinginthebackground,definitemusictofuckto.MyachoseKellyRoland-Motivation.Yeah,acool
sexsong,notsomethingcheesylikeBarryfuckingWhite.PaisleychoseBarryforuslastnight.Iburstout
laughingatmythought,andMyafrowns,justasshe’sabouttounclaspherbraforme.

“Don’tstop,”Icommand,andshedoesasshe’stold.Unclaspingherbra,sheletsitdroptothefloor.

Shesmirks,allwideandpleasedbecauseI’mstaringathertits.Idon’tgasp,though,neitherdoesmydick
getharderthanitalreadyis.Hertitsaresmall,pertbutnothingspecial.NodifferenttoanyothertitsI’ve
hadinmymouthorslidmydickbetween.Fuck,Mya’saresosmallIdon’tthinktheycouldsandwichmy
nob.Herbodyisnicethough,tonedandtan,buttooskinny–thefuckamIsupposedtoholdonto?

She’swaitingformetocommentonherbody,hertits,herwaxedtofuckpussy,butIdon’t.Inudgemy

headtowardsmydesk.“Condomsareinthetopdrawer.”

Briefly,aflashofhurtfillshereyes,butjustliketheothers,shewalkstowardsthedrawerandpulls

oneout.“Extra-largeforabigboy?”shegrins.

“Areyougoingtoslideitonmycockorwhat,baby?”
HereyesdarttowhereIstartstrokingmydick.“So,romantic.”
“Thisisn’tmeanttoberomantic.Afuckisafuck,Mya.Nothingcandlelitaboutit.”
IknowMya,Iknowhowmanyguysshe’sfucked.Iknowhowlongshe’sbeenwaitingtohaveme,and

fromwhatIheard,shefuckshard.Nasty.Dirty.Filthy.Rightnow,that’sallIwant.It’snotallshewants,
though,Icantell.Fuckme,ifIhadadimeforeverytimeagirltoldmetheywantedmorethesepasttwo
weeksI’dbethenextHughHefner.Justnotasold.Orwrinkly.

“TellmehowyouwanttoplaythisMya?Dirty?Rough?”
Sheputsthecondomonthenightstandandstartstoclimbontopofme.“Boththosethings.”
Ismile.“Doesthatpussyofyourswantthis?Ornot?”Istrokemycock.“BecauseIheardyou’reone

hellofafilthyfuck,andI’mnotseeingthatrightnow.”

Shequicklyshakesoffanythoughtsshe’shavingandgetsbackintothegroove.“Hmm,mypussydoes

wantyourbig,thickcock,Hunter.”

Itakeherwristsandflipheroversoshe’slyingonherback,andI’mtheoneontopnow.Hmm.Thisis

morelikeit.Istrokemydick,makeherwatch.“Doesyourpussywantthis?”

“Yes.”Shemoansasmyhandslipsbetweenheropenlegs.Christ,she’swet.Ipushtwofingersinwith

ease,andshemoans.Ipushanothertwoin,thenglancedownather.Idon’tlookintohereyesbecause
that’stoointimateandthisisnotmeanttobeintimate.

“Fingerfuckme,Hunter.Hard.”
Ipushinhardandgoforit–myfingersslipinandoutofherholefasterthanwhenIjerkmyselfoff.The

squelchingnoiseasshecomesallovermyhandshouldturnmeon.ButallIcanthinkaboutishowmuch
itsoundslikeI’mwhiskingafuckingegg.Wherethefuckismymindattoday?Itclearlyisn’tonthisgirl.
No,notthisgirl,anothergirl.Louisa,TheFreshman.

“Hmm,”IbegintomoanandonlybecauseLouisahasenteredmymind.Imentallyscoff,shehasn’tleft

itsinceIaskedaroundforhername.

“Suck my cock.” I grab hold of Mya’s hair and pull her towards my dick. She willingly obliges and

takesmycockstraightdownherthroat.Myheadfallsback.“Oh,Jesus.”I’mthinkingofLouisa’spinklips
wrapped around my dick. Her tongue licks around the head before she takes me into her pretty little
mouth.Ithrustdeeper,hard,makingMyagagonmydickasithitsthebackofherthroat.Fuckshe’sgood.
ButthatmayonlybebecauseI’mimagingthehotlittlethingthatI’vebeenwatchingallweek.Waitingto
make my move. The thought of Louisa deep throating me makes me lose my load. “Ah, fuck.” I moan,
holdingMya’shairtightlytomakesureshedoesn’tmove.Shetakesitalllikeafuckingtrooper,moaning
asshegulpsdownmycome,enjoyingeverydropofit.

Shefallsbackontothebed,spreadsherlegsopenandstartsplayingwithherclit.“Repaythefavor,

Hunter.”

Igrabthecondom,ripitopenandrollitdownmycock.Ifallontothebed,hoveringoverher.“Don’t

tellmewhattodo,sweetcheeks.Besides,Idon’tgoaroundlickinganygirl’sclit,theyhavetobepretty
specialforthat.”Sheopenshermouthabouttoprotest,butIcloseherwordswithahardkissthathasher
relenting.“Youloveit,really.Youalldo.”IpushmycockintoherwarmpussyandfuckherhardwhileI
thinkofLouisa.Shit,I’mevensayinghernameasIfuckMya.

“God,Louisa.”Imoan,comingagainhardandfast.IpullonMya’shairuntilIamspent,thencollapse

besideher.

“WhothefuckisLouisa?”Myashrieks.
Ithrowmyarmovermyeyes.Oh,shit.She’sthefourthgirltoaskmethatthisweek.
“You’reanasshole.”Sheyells,climbingoffthebed.Sheshoveshert-shirtoninarage.I’mgladshe’s

leavingsoIdon’thavetomakeupsomeshitexcuseforhertogobeforeshewantsacuddle–fuckthat.

“Iwouldsaycallme,”sheglaresatme.“ButIdon’twantyouto,”Ismirk.Shescreamssomethingthat

soundslike‘youfuckingstupidbastad’then‘Ihateyou’,andsheslamsthedooronherwayout.

God,IseriouslyneedtopursuethisLouisachickbeforeIstarttogiveashitaboutthesegirlswhocry

ontheirwayoutofmybedroom.

Chapter6

Louisa

Isurvivedawholeweekatcollege,hadarelaxingweekendbackatmydad’s,andnowI’mreadytostart
myMondaypositively.Apositivemindtostartthedayisalwaystheway.

I’mwalkingdownthehall,makingmywaytomynextclasswhenIfeelsomeonetappingmyshoulder.I

turn to see who it is, then jump back almost out of my skin. Not because I’m scared, but because the
beauty of Hunter’s face is like inches away and he’s even better looking this close. I take advantage of
himbeingsonear,andtakewaytoomuchnoticeofhisbeautifulnavyeyes.Hisskinlookssmooth,buthe
has light stubble scattering his jaw. His hair is dirty blonde and floppy, and some of it falls across his
forehead.Myheartstops,andItellmyselftobreathe.It’sjustaguy.Ahotguy.Butstilljustaguy.AsI
breathein,Itakeinafreshscentthatradiatesoffhisfineself.Oh,lord…

“Hey,Blondie,Ithinkyoudroppedthis.”Blondie?
Iglancedownatthetextbookthatheholdsinhishandsandshakemyhead.“That’snotmine.”
“No?”Hethrowsitoverhisshoulderandleansagainstthewall.
“Whatthefuck?”Agirlwhogetshitontheheadwiththetextbookisglancingaround,butIignoreher

because all I can focus on is Hunter's biceps curling when he crosses his arms. Oh, my, are they
wonderful.

“I’mHunterbytheway.HunterHolland.”
IwaitforhishandtocomeoutsoIcanshakeit,orsomething,butallhegivesmeisagrinthatstops

thebeatofmyheart.Dazzling.“Youhaveadoublelettername?”WhatkindofquestionisthatLou!

Helooksamused.Ofcourse,hedoes.“Yeah,allthegreatshaveadoublelettername.”
Ilaugh,intrigued.“Likewho?”
Heopenshismouthtosaysomething,holdsuphisfingerthenshakeshishead.“Letmegetbacktoyou

onthat.”

Ilaughagain,relaxingalittle.Onlyalittle.“Well,nicetomeetyou.Ihavetogetbacktoclass.”Ismile

politely,turnonmyheelandexhale.Imentallytellmyselftoactcool.

“DanniDeVito.”Hecallsafterme.
Iturnbutcarryonwalkingbackwards.“JoeJonas.”Igrin.
“Lame.”Heshakeshisheadwalkingtowardsme.“RyanReynolds.”
“Gorgeous.KimKardashian.”
“Hot.”Hesmirks.“PeterParker?”
“Spiderman?”Ichuckle,andturnmybackonhim.Iexhaleagain,mentallytappingmyselfontheback

forgettingthroughthatwithoutblushing,orstuttering.ButthenIjump,again,becausehe’swalkingbeside
me,glancingatmewiththoseeyes.Ihavebeendreamingaboutthemallweek.“Whyareyoulookingat
melikethat?”Isayuneasily.

“I’mmentallyundressingyou.”Hesmirksdevilishly.
Woah,okay.KeepcalmLou.Thisisnormalguybehavior.Thisisjustnotnormalforyou.Butyoucan

dealwithit.Inagrown-upway.Orrun.

“And what underwear are you imagining?” Wrong! I said grown up way, not the slutty way! Second

option-run! I tightly close my eyes and bite my lip. “I did not mean to say that. I do not say things that
like.”

Iwalkaheadofhimmortified,buthecatchesuptome.Hiseyesglancedownmybody—inawaythat

hasmykneesallwobbly.Ineedtokeepbalance.Thisissohard.

“Black,lace.Skimpy.”Hesays.
“Wrong.”Ikeeptalking,butmentallyI’mbeggingmyselftoshutup.“Ihaveonacottonbraandcomfy

pantieswithabutterflyonthefront.”Whatthe?Oh,mylord.RealhotLou.Not!

Huntercockshisheadlikehe’sweighinguphisoptions.“Icanworkwiththat.”
Ishakemyheadagainandcringeatmyself.“Ididnotmeantosaythateither.Idon’tmakeahabitof

tellingguyswhatunderwearIhaveon.Pleasedon’tspreadrumorsaboutme.”WhatacompletepratIam.

“PullinggirlsagainHunt?”
Hunterrollshisheadbackandlooksexasperatedasgiantofaguywalkstowardsus.Hunterisabout

6ft3,butthisguylooksabout9ft.

“What’sittoyou?”
Thegiantstepsforwards.“Youonlyjustfuckedovermysister.”
Huntershovestheboy'sshoulder.“Fuckoff,Boris,orI’llmakeyourmomdeepthroatmeagain.”
“Fuckyou,Holland.”Borissnarlsbutretreatsandturnshisbackonhim.
“Oh…kay.”Idon’t’knowwhattosay,soIstandandawkwardlygape.
“Sorry,”Huntercloseshiseyestight.“Iuh,thatwas…forgetthat.”
Iclearmythroat.“Ireallyshouldgettoclass.”
“Wait,”Hunterpullsonmyarm.“Doyouhaveaboyfriend?”Heletsgoofmyarmandscratchesthe

backofhishead.“Becauseifyoudo,thatwouldbebadforme.”

Ihugmytextbookstomychest.“Idon’thaveaboyfriend.”
Hunterexhalesthensmileswidely.“Good.So,you’llletmetakeyouout?”
Wow. Hunter Holland has just asked me out on my second week at college. How the hell has this

happened? And what the hell do I say? Do I want to go out with him? I don’t want to be distracted by
guys.Ihavestudiestogetthrough.ButdoIwanttogooutwithhim?

“I…uh…”
“Ohshit.”Huntergasps,pretendingtobeoffended.“You’regoingtoknockmeback,aren’tyou?”
Ipursemylips.“Bythelookonyourface,I’dsayyounevergetknockedback.”
Hecockshishead.“Canyoublamethem?”
Iburstoutlaughing.“Ilovethatyouloveyourself.Ithinkeveryoneshould.”
Hecockshisbrow.“Loveme,orlovethemselves?”
“Themselves.”Butnotinacockyway,Iwantedtoadd.Butthemeaningfulway.
Hiseyesglancearoundandhelooksawkward.Igettheimpressionhedoesn’tknowhowtodealwith

deepconversation.Well,itwasn’tthatdeep.

“Ireally,reallyshouldgettoclass,”Iwhine.
Helookslikehe’sconsideringhisoptionsagain.“Letmewalkyou.”
“Thatmeansyou’llbelateforyourclass.”

Huntershrugshisshoulders.“Meh.”
Irollmyeyes,sohebacktracks.
“Ididn’tmeanthat.It’snotlikeIdon’tcare.Ido.I’mneverlateforclass,butforyou,Icanmakean

exception.”

Isqueezemyshoulderstogether.“Luckyme.”Hunternudgesmeplayfully.“What’syourmajor?”Iask,

havinganoverwhelmingurgetoknoweverythingaboutthisboy.Evendowntothesmalldetailofwhat
underwearhe’swearing.Lou,don’tdothis.

“Sportsscience.”Hesays.
“Oh,”Igetalittleexcited.“Mysisteristoo.”
“What’shername?”
“BreeDawson.”
Hiseyesgowide.“Breeisyoursister?Well,fuckmesideways.You’reaboutassimilarasapancake

andanegg.”Hepinchesthebridgeofhisnose.“Thatwasashitcomparison.”

We continue to walk, but I can’t help hearing high heels clipping behind us. We both turn, and a tall

brunettewavesherfingersatHunter.Huntergroansandturnsbackaround.

“Someoneelseyou’vesleptwith?”Iguess.Hunterlaughs.Eitherthatoritwillbeinthefuture.
“Ha,noway.Shedryhumpedmypenisinbiologyclassonce.”Ilookathimgobsmacked.“Once.”He

clarifies.“Nowshethinkswe’regoingtohavebabiesorsomeshit.”

“Wow,thewonderfullifeofHunterHolland,”Imockplayfully.
“Yougotthatright.”Hewinks.
Wegettomybusinessclass,andanotherRougemaniswalkingtowardsus.However,he'sdifferent.

Helooksanythingbutarouge.Hisblackhairissmartlystyled.Hisflawlesspaleskinbringsoutthose
gorgeousgreeneyeshe'shidingbehindhisblackglassesthatsuithimsomethingstupid.

“Dex.”Hunterslapshisfriendontheback.“Lookslikeyou’reinthesameclassasBlondie.Takecare

ofherwillyou.Ifanyjerktriestochatherup,letmeknow,andI’llkill‘em.”

Dexterrollshiseyes.IlookbackatHunterwhowinksatme,thenbendsdownandpressesakisstomy

forehead.Heleaveswhilewhistlingasong.Istandstill.Motionless.Igotkissed.Ontheforehead.Ifeel
likeawhore.

“Dexter.”
IamstartledbackintotherealworldasDexterintroduceshimselfwithabeautifulBritishaccentand

anoutstretchedhandformetoshake.Whatagentleman.

“Louisa.NotBlondie.”Ismileandshakehishand.
“Afteryou.”Dexteropensthedoorandallowsmetowalkin.Ifindatablenexttoabrunettewithgreat

bangsandplonkmyselfbesideher.InoticeshediscreetlyglancesovertoDexter,andwhenhecatchesher
staring,heblushesandlooksawayquickly.Ismileatthemboth.Howadorable.

Sheleansovertomeandwhispers,“Isn’thedreamy.”
“Heisgoodlooking,yes.”Iagree.“Louisa.”Iintroducemyself.
“Nicki.” As Nicki reaches over, I assume, to hug me, she knocks my textbooks and backpack off the

table.Everyheadintheclassturns.

“Shit.”Shesaysunderherbreathandquicklyscramblestopickitallup.Igetdownonmykneesand

helpher,andsheapologizes.

“I’msoclumsy.I’msorry.”Shesaystotheclass.
“Don’tapologizeforbeingclumsy,”Ireassureherasshesitsdownwithredglowingcheeks.
“My boyfriend says I’m a nuisance.” She sighs. Her blue eyes fill up, and I can tell there is an

underlyingissue.

“Listen,ifyourboyfrienddoesn’tloveallofyou,thenhe’snotworthhavingaround.”
“Buthe’sGilesBoris.Thecaptainofthefootballteam.He’shot.But,”Shelowershervoiceandleans

intomeagain.“Dexterismyidealsomeone.”Shesighsagainandturnsherheadtolookathim.Ilook
overtoo,butDexteristypingawayonhisAppleMacBook.

“He pokes out his tongue when he’s concentrating.” She says. “I think it’s the most adorable thing I

haveeverseen.”Shegushes,restsherchinonherknucklesandmakesnosecretaboutwatchinghim.

“Hasheeveraskedyouout?”Iask,gettingmypenout—readytowritedownanythingthatcomesoutof

theprofessor’smouth.

Sheflapsahand.“Noway,Dexterneverasksanygirlout.He’sshy.Iknoweverythingabouthim,and

I’veonlyknownhimfivedays.I’vehadanobsessivecrushonhimsince.”

Ismile,wantingtoresumewiththeconversation.Butnotuntilafterclass.Nodoubtmymindwillbe

elsewhere, because, wait a second, have I not just been asked out on a date… by the hottest guy on
campus?

Chapter7

Louisa

IbargethedooropenwhenIgettomydorm.“Fallon!”

“Hmm?”FalloniswatchingTV.She’swrappedinjustatowel,lyingonherbed.Mymindistoobusy

towonderifsheevenattendedclassestoday.

Irunmyhandsthroughmyhairfrantically.Pacingbackandforth.
“What?”Fallonasked.
Ipacefaster.“HunterHollandaskedmeoutonadateandkissedmeonmyforehead.”Irushmywords

outbecauseI’membarrassedtosaythem.Embarrassedorshocked.Maybeamixtureofboth.

“HunterHollandhas…whatthefuck?”Fallonquicklystandsupfromthebedanddropshertowelas

herhandsgointotheair.

“Oh…wow.”Iclosemyeyesandturnmyback,mortified.
“OhLou,growup.It’sapairofperkytitsandaBrazilianminge.Getoverit.Whatdidhesay?”
Iturnaround,makingeveryeffortnottolookatherbits.“Hesaid…”thenIgetdistractedbyboobsand

turnmybackagain.“FallonIcan’t.You’rebuttnaked.”

“Urgh.”Shegroans.Ihearhergrabthetowel.“I’mmodest,nowtellme.”
Iturnbackopeningoneeye,thensagandopentheotheronewhenIseeshe’sdressed.Ishouldreally

beusedtomycrazyroommatealready.

“Heaskedmeout.”Itwiddlemythumbs.“AndIkindofsaidno.”
She nods impassively. “Okay.” Then she glares at me. “Why did you go and do a fuckwit thing like

that?”

Iflopdownonmybedlikeadramaticteenager.ButI’mnineteen.Andsonotdramatic.“Iclammedup.

Ididn’tknowwhattosay.Wellactually,Isaid;I…I…uh…Besides,didn’tyousaynevertogetwithany
oftheRougemenbecausetheyweremanwhores?”Iblush,mybrainthinkswhoreisaswearword.AndI
don’tswear.

“Well,yeah.ButLou,thisistheonetimeyoucouldloseyourvirginitytothecampusceleb.Ifanyoneis

goingtostealthatvcardofyours,itbetterbesomeonewhocangiveyoutherideofyourlife.Although,it
isalittlebitworrying.He’sdirtyandraw,andyou’rewell,”shewavesahanddownmybody.“Pure.”

“Exactly.”Isighouttheword.
I’mgettingoverwhelmedbyitall.Suddenlymycollegelifeisn’tjustaboutwork.It’saboutaboy.

Oh,hellno.

“Wait,”Ipointmyfingerather.“HowdoyouknowI’mavirgin?”
Fallonwrinkleshernoseatme.“Ohc’mon.Ionlyhavetolookatyoutoguess.”
“Whatever.”Isay.“Itdoesn’tevenmatternow.Itoldhimno.Iwon’tchangemymind.Idon’twantmy

studiestobecomesecondbesttoacrush.”

Fallon’sexpressionturnsfromintriguedtomischievous.“Ah,youdolikehim.”
Iflopbackonmybedbutwhackthebackofmyheadonthewall.“Ouch!No!”AndnowI’mlying?

Jesus,Iamdefinitelygoingtohell.ItellFallontoforgetaboutit,putmyheadphonesin,pressplaytoan
OwlCitysongandstarttostudy.

***

An hour later Fallon suddenly gets dressed after reading a text on her phone, and tells me she has
somethingsheneedstodo.She’sgonesoquickoutofthedoorIdon’tgetchancetoaskherwhereshe’s
going.Shedoesn’tcomebackuntilthreehourslater,soIguessshe’sbeenoutonadate.Maybeshedidn’t
wanttotellmeaboutitthistime.

“Hey,”Igreetherwhenshemakesherwaybackintoourroom.Inoticeshe’slookingalittlesheepish,

andIdreadtothinkwhy.Idon’task.

Fallonpushesmytextbookoffmylap,jumpsontomybednexttomeandcrossesherlegs.“Whatyou

needisagoodworkoutsession.”

Whatisshetalkingabout?“Now?Why?”
She playfully slaps my leg. “To work off that tense energy, I mean, being a virgin must come with

frustrations,right?”

“Um,Iguessso.”WhereisFallongoingwiththis?
Fallon nods. “Right. I know a gym a couple of miles from here. I’ll text the directions and meet you

thereinabout,”sheglancesatherwatch.“Anhour?”Shegetstoherfeet,andIpullonherelbow.

“Whereyougoingnow?”
Sheslapsmyhandaway.“Nevermind.Iknowthisamazeballsinstructor,you’lllovehim.Justmeetme

thereokay?”

***

Igettothegymacoupleofmilesawayfromcampusandstoremybaginthelocker.Fallonisn’thereyet,
she says she’s running late, and to top off my annoyance, the receptionist tells me the instructor is also
runninglate.Thatwasafterhegavemeapervyglanceoverwithhiseyes.

Ifindaquietcornertowaitin,andwhenIlookaround,Ifeelcompletelyoutofplace.Thegymisn’ta

modernizedgym,it’sanoldgyminawarehouse.ThemusicthatisplayingisEminem–TillIcollapse.I
only know it because my step brother is obsessed with Eminem. There is a boxing ring with two guys
fightingeachother.Sweatybodieswalkaroundlookingleanandmean,andIstarttonoticethatIamthe
onlygirlhere.I’mabouttostartoffwithsomestretcheswhileIwaitforFallon,butbecauseofwhojust
walksthroughthedoor,mybodyisacopout.Itfreezes.Failingme.

Hunterentersthegym,loosegreysweatpants,agreyhoodedsweatshirt,andhe’sholdingaduffelbag

overhisshoulderwithabottleofGatoradeinhisotherhand.Thewayhewalksinislikehe’sintunewith
themusicandhenodshisheadtothebeat.Whenhespotsme,firstly,henarrowshiseyes,butthengrinsat
me and has a quick word with the receptionist before looking back at me. I gulp, trying to moisten my
mouth,butit’snousebecausehe’swalkingtowardsmeandmymouthhasgonedrierthanaten-year-old
raisin.

“Blondie,whatbringsyouhere?”HunterdropshisduffelbagandGatoradetothefloor,thenpullsoff

hishoody,revealingagreytankthatIcan’tstopstaringat.

“I’muh,”I’mwringingmyhands,IknowIam.“I’mherefortheenergizeroneononeworkout.Fallon

askedmetocome.”Wherethehellisshe?

Henarrowshiseyes,thensmiles.“Aoneononeworkout?”
I nod, and I am internally embarrassed that my eyes are making zero attempts to stop me from

eyeballingHunterfromtheverytipofhissneakerstothedirtyblondrootsofhishair.Jesus,talkabout
Gaston,Hunterhasbicepstospare.

“Yeah,areyouhereforthattoo?”
HetakesaquickswigofhisGatorade.“I’mtheinstructor,Blondie.”
Igulpagain.“Youare?”
Henods,andmystomachcurlsnervouslywhenhechecksmeover.Slowly.“Youlooksmokingfucking

hot,Lou,Lou.”

“Okay,”Iputupmypalm.“One,Idonotlookhot.”Iaminyogapants,sneakersandasportsbra,and

feeluncomfortable.“Butthankyou.Andtwo,pleasedon’tcallmeLou,Lou.Orsweetie.OrBlondie.”

Hunter grins and salutes me. “Whatever the girl wants.” Then he claps his hands. “First things first.

Stretches.Shallweseehowbendyyouare?”Ijustnodandgowithit.“Okay,Blondie.”Iglareathim.
“Louisa.”Hegrins.“Lieonyourbackandletmeworkmymagic.”

Lieonmybackandlethimworkhismagic?Whydoesthatsounddirty?
Igetdownonthefloor,lieonmybackandlookupatHunterwhoisstandingaboveme,hisfeeteither

sideofmyhips.“Hm,hm,hm.”Hemutters,appreciatingmybody.

“Howtallareyou?”Iask,overlyadmiringhim.
Hisgrintellsmehegetsaskedthisalot.“6ft4.Youlike?”
Inod.Justnod.Heisbeyondbeautiful.
Huntergetsdownonhiskneesandhoversoverme.Hepullsmyleftlegup,andwhenhisbighands

curlaroundmythigh,Igasp.Noonehasevertouchedmythighbefore.Itrynottothinkofitassexual
becausethisisaworkout,butmynon-sexualmindiscallingitsexual.He’sstretchingmyleg,bringingit
uptomychestashekneels.Heletsthatleggo,anddoesthesamewiththeotherone,butthistime,ashe
bendsmykneetomychest,heleansforward.IsweartoGodhispenistouchesmyvagina.Notjusthis
penis.Ahardpenis.Ilosemybreath,inhalingitinandallowingittogetlostsomewhereinmychest.I
can’tbreathe.Ican’tthinkofanythingotherthanhisprivatestouchingmine.Myprivatestouchinghis.Our
privatesaretouching,andIfeellikeawhore.IonlyfeellikeawhorebecauseIlikeit.Ionlyfeellikea
whorebecauseIcanfeelsomethingpoundingfastbetweenmylegs.Damnit.

Huntergrinscheekily.“You’requitethebendytype,aren’tyou?”
“Ididn’trealize.”Ibreathe.“I’veneverhadmylegsovermyheadbefore.”Oh,shit.NowI’musingan

unintentionalsexualinnuendo.

“No?”Huntergrinsandhisvoicesoundsteasing.“Ihavetoapologizeaboutmycock.Iknowit’shard

andbrushingoveryourpussyrightnow.”

Isplutteroverabsolutelynothing.Hunterclimbsoffme,getstohisfeetandpullsmeup.Hishandstake

mycheeks,andhelooksatmeseriously.

“Youokay?”
“Jeez,”Igasp,takinghishandsawayfrommyface.“Doyouhavenofilter?”
Heshrugsunapologetically.“No.”Hunterrubsacrosshisstrongjaw.“Myhumoriscrude,alittledark,

butI’mgoingtotonethatdownaroundyou.”

“Why?”Iaskclueless.“Ifthat’swhoyouare,don’tbeafraidtoshowit.”
Helooksalittleembarrassed.“I’mafraidI’llscareyouoff.”
Istepclosertohim.“IfIgetscaredoffbecauseyou’rejustbeingyou,thenIdeservetobescaredoff.”
Hunterlooksatme,Imean,reallylooksatme.Hiseyeslatchontomine,andhestaresforawhile,

contemplatingwhatIjustsaid.“Wow,that’sthenicestthinganyonehaseversaidtome.Suckstobeme,
hey?”helaughs.

“Holland?”
Webothturninunisontoseeamanwhoisbuiltlikeanarmytankcomingtowardsus.“Getyourmother

fuckingassinthatringandstopbotheringtheladies.”

I gape at him. “You’re not my instructor?” He just made me believe he was my instructor just so he

couldmakemestretchandhaveaprivateruboff?AndIfellforit!Ifellforhim!

Hunter shakes his head, and then he smirks and I can’t be mad anymore. “Sorry, Lou, but listen,” he

stepsclosetome,andsmootheshishandacrossmycheekgently.“Don’thangaroundthisgym,it’sfullof
scaryguys,andletches.”

“Youbeingoneofthem?”Iraisemybrow.
“Holland!”Thearmytankbellowshisnameagain.Hunterrollshiseyesanditsortofmakesmylegs

wobblebecauseit’ssohot.

“I’m coming, I’m coming.” He kisses my forehead again then looks into my eyes, “One day I’ll kiss

morethanyourforehead,”

Ilookupathim,andIknowI’mdoe-eyedandpathetic.“Youwill?”
He nods his head, sure of himself, then turns on his sneaker. I don’t leave like he asks me too; I sit

downonthefloorandwatchhimpulloffhistankandrevealarippedtorsothathasmymindmakingme
wanttogooverandlickeachdent.

Louisa!Youareavirgin,andyouareimagininglickingmen’ssixpacks.Collegehaschangedyou,

girl!

ThearmytankmanwhonowgoesbythenameofCaesarpassesHunterblackboxingglovesandagum

shield.Whenhepasseshimaheadguard,Hunterrefusesit.Ibringmykneesuptomychestandwatch
curiouslyashisopponententersthering.HeisthesameheightasHunterbuthasnowherenearasmuch
muscle.

Hunterstridesuptohimcarelessly.“Whatthefuckyougonnado?”Hegoads.
TheguyturnsbacktoCaesarwithasmugsmileonhisface.Caesarnods,thenhelooksbacktoHunter.

“Giveityourbestshot,motherfuckingshitstain.”

Hunterpunchestheguyacrossthejaw.Heturnsintheairandgoesdown,flatout.Caesarbellowsat

Hunterangrily.“Don’tknockhimthefuckout,youhavetogiveusashowHunt.Fuck.”

Caesar gets in the ring and shakes the man conscious again. I can’t see no more, I hate violence and

hatetowatchpeopleinpain.Iknowit’sasport,butnotoneI’minto.

I’mleaving.

Chapter8

Louisa

“Lou,whyareyouputtingonlipglosstogotoyourclass?”

“I…”Ihesitate,glancingdownatthelipglossIboughtearlierfromthedrugstore.“Ialwaysputlip

glosson.”

“Liar.” Fallon teases. “You don’t wear makeup. You bought it when you went shopping didn’t you?”

Fallontapsmyshoulderandgivesmeaknowinglook.“You’redoingittoimpressHunterHolland,aren’t
you?”

“Hunterwho?No.”Ishakeherhandoffmyshoulderandplacethelipstickbackintothetube.Fallon

looksatmeagain,andIdeflate.“Okay,IamtotallytryingtoimpressHunterHolland.God,Ihatethis.”I
look at my reflection and hate the makeup too. This is not me. The girls Hunter normally dates, and
probablychasesarenotgirlslikeme.Igotograbthemakeupwipesanddecidetoclearitoff.

Fallonfastensanelectricbluecostumewigontoherhead.“Chick,youcan’tbethisniceaspieLady

Maryallthetime.”

Ilookather.“I’mnotthatnice.”
Fallonstaresatme.“Lou,you’dwalkintoachairandsaysorrytoit.”
Inodmyheadsideways,“Okay,maybeIamnice.Butthat’sme.Niceiswhatweneedmoreofinthis

world.”

Fallonchecksoutherhairinthemirror.“Yeah.AlongwithwomenwholooklikeAngelinaJolie.”She

addsseriously.“Haveyouacceptedhisofferforadateyet?”

I shake my head and feel sick because of the thought of a date. “No, and I am still mad at you for

sendingmetothegymwhenyouknewhewouldbethere.Yousetmeup.”I’mnotmad,really.Ican’tbe
madatanyoneforlongerthanasecond.

Fallonlaughs.“Getoverit.Tellme;whatareyouscaredof?”
I suck in a deep breath. “Where the date leads at the end of the night. Because…” I shrug casually,

“wellyouknow.”

Fallonsighsandturnsawayfromthemirrortolookatme.“Lou,youallowedHuntertorubhisdick

alongyourvagyesterday,that’shalfwaythere.”

Iclosemyeyesandtrytomentallyerasetheimage.“Thatwasaccidental.Pleasestopbringingitup.

Anyway,whatifhethinksI’mnaive?”

Sheshrugs.“Wingit.”
Ipickupmybackpackandthrowitovermyshoulder.“WhatifhehatesthatIdon’ttalkdirty,orwear

miniskirts?”Ilookinthemirror.“Ican’tdancesexy.Idon’twearhotclothes.Idon’tlikemakeup.Ican’t
parallelpark.”

“Be yourself!” Axel yells as he steps into our room. I wonder if he was listening outside the door?

“Youtelleveryoneelsetodojustthat.Simple.”

Fallon throws a Skittle she found on her bed at Axel. “People gave up giving a fuck about what you

thinkinthesummerof95.”

“That’swhenIwasborn.”Axelsnarls.
“Duh.”FallonscowlsthenthrowsaSkittleatmethistime.“ToquoteShiaLabeouf–‘Justdoit.’”
Ifrown.“Isn’tthatNike?”
Fallondisagrees.“Prettysureit'sShia.”
“Thathairsucksbytheway.”AxelpointstoFallon’swig.
Fallonflareshernostrils.“Thenit’sagoodjobIdon’tgiveashitwhatyouthink.”
IquicklyslideonmygrayConverseandfollowAxeloutthedoor.“Bye,Fal.”

***

At lunch time, Axel and I head towards the bleachers. Bree is playing a friendly game of baseball and
invitedmetowatch.It’swaytoohottostayinsideandmelt,buteventhoughIhavedenimshortsonwitha
strappytop,thereisstillnowayofmeevercatchingatan.Pale,frecklyskinissuesandall.

Wegetcomfyonthebenchesandtakeoutourlunch.
Axelbitesintohissub.“I’mgladFallonisn’theretopissalloverthis.”
“What’sthis?”Iaskconfused.
Axel gets embarrassed, his cheeks are glowing. “Well, you know, uh, our lunch.” He looks away

quickly and bites into his sub. Pointing, he focuses on Bree who is out on the pitch. “That one your
sister?”

Breeisholdingabat,lookinglikeshe’sreadyandwaitingtomakeahomerun.She’salwaysbeenso

goodatathleticsandsports,me,Icouldn’tevendoaforwardroleingymclass.

“Yeah, great isn’t she.” I nod, smiling proudly as she hits it so far that she could easily achieve two

homeruns.

“Room for one more?” We both turn in unison and see Hunter jogging down to us. He’s wearing a

Newbrookbaseballjerseyandlooksgoodenoughtoeat.IhearAxelgroan,butIcanonlysmile.Widely.

Axel is about to protest, but Hunter puts his hand over Axel's face and pushes him away so he can

squeezebetweenus.

“Don’tmindme.”Axelgroans,snatchinghisbackpackfromunderneathHunter'sfeet.“I’mjustthecute

friendwhoalwaysgetsintheway.”

Ilaugh,butnotmockingly,onlysympathetically,andI’mabouttotellAxelhe’swrong,butHunterbeats

metoit.“Axel,Ifeelsorryforyoudude.Yourwholelifeyou’vebeenfriendzoned.Nothingmorethana
shouldertocryon.”

“Letmetellyousomething,”Axelbravelywarnsashegetstohisfeet.“IfLouisacriesonmyshoulder

becauseofyou,I’llcomeforyou,loverboy.”

“Loverboy?” Hunter pokes Axel's chest. “You almost sounded convincing until you said Loverboy.

Nowgetlost.”Huntershooshimaway,butIstophim.

“Axel,don’tleave,ifanything,Loverboyshouldleave.”Hunterlooksatmewideeyed,thenheglances

atAxel,thenbacktome.“You’renotserious?”

“IamHunter,he’smyfriend,andwe’rehavinglunchtogether.So,ifyoudon’tmind…”
Huntergetstohisfeetandpointsatme.“Iwillgetyoutogooutwithme.Evenifitkillsme.”
Hejogsaway,andIshout.“Thenitmayhavetokillyou.”Itrymyhardesttokeepastraightfaceafter

that,butwhenHunterwinks,mylipsbetraymeanddisplayasmile.

Chapter9

Louisa

I promised Nicki, my business classmate, I would meet her at the diner that is around the corner from
campus.Shesaidtheydothebestmilkshakes.Milkshakesaremyvice,soIgotreadytoleaveearlythat
morning. I think Nicki wants to bond. I sense she doesn’t have many friends. I’m not sure why, she’s
awesome.

I open the door of the diner and a bell rings. The diner is blue and white, with all American-style

booths,swivelbarstools,andaDukeBoxisplayinganElvissong.Ilovethevibe.Iseeanemptybooth
inthefarcorneranddecidetodiveforitbeforeitgetsoccupied.Ipassanotherfivebooths,butasIget
closertotheoneIsetmysightson,Ispotwhoisoccupyingtheonebeforeit,andhalt.Oh,God,it’sthe
‘RougeSquad’.IseeHunter,Dexter,Jaxonandanotherboythatisequallyashotandfrontcoverworthy
astherest.Isigh,closemyeyesforabriefsecondandcontemplatewhethertowalkpastorlegitbackto
campus.Ican’tjustwalkoutnow;itwilllookodd.

I brace myself. I should not feel nervous or intimated just because of a bunch of guys, so I carry on

walking. I pass their booth, and of course, Hunter glances up and spots me. I bow down my head, and
continuewalking,butmyhearthascompletelystopped.IcatchHuntershimmyingoutoftheboothfromthe
cornerofmyeye.Islideintotheemptybooth,andthenextthingIknow,Hunterisstandingbesideme–his
handcasuallyleaningagainstthewallbehindme.Igulp,andglanceathismessy,dirtyblondehairfalling
overhisforeheadwhenhelooksdownonme.Iampetiteat5ft2,sohetowersoverme.Ikindalikeit.
AndIkindalikethewhitet-shirtandjeanslookhehasgoingon.Simple,butohGod,it’ssexy.

“Hey Blondie, what brings you here?” Hunter’s eyes travel down my grey Ramones top, and jean

shorts.MyConversecoulddowithawash,butIdon’tcare,hedoesn’tseemtoeither.

Ilookaroundtheroom.“Milkshake.”
Hunterflashesawallopingheart-stoppingsmile,andit’sthenIrealizeIdonotwanttorefuseanother

datewithhim.Iwanttodatehim.I’mGoddamngivingin!

“IntroduceusHunt.”IturnandseeJaxonsteptowardsuswithasmileoverhishandsomeface.Ican’t

helpadmirethetattooshe’scoveredin.Hunterhassome,butnotasmanyasJaxon.

“ThisisLouisa,”Huntersitsdownnexttomeandthrowshisarmaroundmyshoulder.“OrasIliketo

callherLou-LouorBlondie.”

“Louisa’sfine.”Ismileattheboys,eventhoughtheymakemefeelsickwithnerves.
“We’readuo.”Hunterproudlycomments,pointingbetweenus.
“Uh,”Ishakemyheadandwormmywayoutofhishold.“We’renotaduo.”
“Yes,weare.”Hesmirks,knowinghe’swindingmeup.
IglanceatJaxon.“No,we’renot.”
IhearHunterwhisper,“Weare.”
Iplacemybackpackbesidemeandfrown.“Hunter,Iamactuallymeetingsomeonehere.So,canyou

leave,please?”Iampolitebecausethat’sallIeveram.

Hunterlaughsandrubshishandoverhisface.“Damn,Blondie,youhavetostopbruisingmyegolike

this.”

Irecoil.“Iwasn’tawarethatIwas,so…sorryforthat.ButIreallyammeetingsomeone.”
Hefrowns,“Who’ssomeone?”
Iplayfullyrollmyeyesathismachobehaviorbutplayalong.“Hisname’sJaq.”
Hewrinkleshisnoseindisgust.“Jaq?WhothefuckhasanamelikeJaq?”
Ilaughandswathimwithanapkin.“Imeetingmyfriend,Nicki.”
“Nicki,aboyorgirl?”
Ichuckle.“Agirl.Nowleave.”
Hunterclutcheshischest.“Yougotmerightwhereithurts,Lou.”Hegetstohisfeet,thenbendsdown,

so his lips are brushing against my ear. “Say you’ll go out with me. I’ll bring you here if you like
milkshakessomuch.”

Sayyes,sayyes–mymindisscreamingatme.
Ishakemyhead,andmyearrubsagainsthislipssendingachargethroughoutmywholebody.Itmakes

mefeelwarmandfuzzyrightdowntothetipofmytoes.“I’mnotyourtype.”

“Bah.”Hunterscoffs,straighteningup.“Youaresowrong.Iwillhaveyou,youknowthat,don’tyou?”
Ipushonhischestandfeelhowharditisbeneathmyfingertips.“Justgoalready.”
Hunterbendsdownandkissesmyforehead,thenmoves,sohislipsarealmosttouchingmine.Iblink

downtohislipsandrealizeI’mnotbreathingright.“NexttimeIwillkissyourlips.”Hegrins,“Iwantto
rockyourbody.”

Ipullonhist-shirttostophimwalkingaway.Hiseyesstareintomineallhopefully,thentheydropto

mylips.HethinksI’mabouttokisshim.“Hunt,”

“Yeah?”Hebreathes.
“Don’tforgettothankJTforthatline.”
He’sconfused.“Whatline?”
“The–Rockyourbody,line.”
He scoffs and pulls away from me. “Fucking Justin Timberlake.” I watch him walk away and head

towardstheDukeBox.Ican’ttakemuchmoreofthis.Ican’tbreathewhenhe’saroundme,andsoonI’m
goingtohavetorentanoxygentank.

“SorryI’mlate.”Nickifallsintotheseatoppositemeandblowsherbangsoutofhereyes.
“You’renotlate.I’mearly.”Sheislate,butIdon’twanttomakeherfeelbad.
Sheleansincloseandwhispers.“Didyouseewhoissatrightoverthere?”
Inod.“Hunter,Jaxon,yourDexter,”Ismirk.“ButIdon’tknowtheotherone.”
Nicki cranes her neck and makes it blatantly obvious we’re talking about them. “Oh, that’s Ashby

Sanders,biggestplayerofmankind.He’sdamnfine,though.”

“Howareyouandyourboyfriend?Giles,isn’tit?”
Nickirestsherchinonherknucklesandsighs,makingnomistakethatsheisblatantlystaringoverat

Dexter.“Okay,Iguess.Butthatdon’tstopmefantasyingaboutridingDexter’scocklikearodeochamp.”

“Stop.”Ihissmortified.Theboysnoticeusstaring.“Theysoknowwe’retalkingaboutthem.”
“Shit.”Shequicklylooksawayfromthemandsquints.“DidImakeitobvious?”
Ijustnodslowly.AllIcandoitjustnod.Thewaitresscomesaround,andthankfullyitblockstheview

ofthetable.

I order. “Two strawberry milkshakes, please.” The waitress is gone, and back again within minutes

withourshakes.Shesetsdownthetallglassesinfrontofus,smilesandleaves.

“Have you started on your elevator pitch yet?” Nicki asks. “Sometimes I don’t know why I chose

business as a subject.” Picking up her milkshake, she takes a gulp without her straw, giving herself a
moustache.

“Uh,Nick…”beforeIcantellher,IwatchNicki’seyeswanderfrommine,andhaltatsomethingnext

to me. I frown, then turn to see Hunter standing beside me, a side smirk presenting itself across his
beautifullips.

“Uh,canIhelpyou?”Iask.
Beforehespeaks,abeatcomestolifearoundthediner.It’sCarlyRaeJepson,andHunterstartssinging

thesongtome.

Igritmyteeth.“Hunter,stop.Everyoneiswatching.”
Helaughs,“I’llonlystopsingingwhenyouagreetogooutwithme.Desperatemeasures…”
Irunmyhandsthroughmyhairandriskaglancearoundthediner,everyoneisstillwatchingashesings

atthetopofhislungs.

“Givehimachance,sweetcheeks.”Oneofhissquadshoutsover.
Oh.Lord.
“Okay,okay.”IgripholdofHunter’selbow,pullhimtowardsmeandgritmyteeth.“I’llgooutwith

you.”

IfeelHunter'swholebodysaginrelief,thenasmilebrightensuphisface.“Iknewyou’dcometoyour

senses.I’llpickyouupateight.”Hunterleansoverandplantsaquickkisstomycheek.Heturnshisback
onme,andIshoutlouderthanIintendedto.

“Tonight?”
Heturnsonhisheel.“Tonight.”
“Wehaveabusinesspresentationtonight.”IglareatNicki.“Don’twe.”
Nickiisclueless.“Dowe?”
“Youwon’tgetoutofthis,Lou-Lou.”Hewinks,thencomesbacktome.Hetakesmyphonefromthe

table.“Letmeputmynumberinyourcontactlist,andyoucancallmewheneveryoulike.”Afterhehands
mebackmyphone,heturnstoNicki.“Uh,nicemoustacheyougotgoingonthere.”Hunterpointstohis
owndeliciousmouth,andNickigetsthehint,wipingawaythemilkshakewithhersleeve.

NickigrabsmyhandfiercelywhenHunterisgone.“Firstly,whythehellisHunterHollandsingingto

you?Secondly,youhaveadatewithHunterHolland?Thirdly,thatwasthefirsttimeIgottospeaktothe
boy,andIgotafuckingmilkmoustache?Whydidn’tyoutellme?”

Iputmyhandonmymouthtohidemygrin.“Itriedto,butHunterinterrupted.”
Shebowsherheaddown,soherforeheadhitsthetable.“ThisismoreembarrassingthanthetimeIsat

in the wrong class for thirty-five minutes before I realized I shouldn’t have been there.” I laugh, then
apologizeforit.“Nolaugh,it'sfine,”Nickisays.“Mylifeisfullofawkwardmoments.”

***

“Didhesaywhereheistakingyou?”FallonasksasIrifflethroughmycloset.Ishakemyhead.“Sohow

doyouknowwhattowear?”

Ipullablousefromthehanger.“Whataboutthis?”
AmatchthatFallonhasbeenchewingfallsoutofhermouthasshegawks.“That?Girl,hellno.You’d

looklikeyou’rewearingmyGrandmother’sdrapes.”

“Butit’spretty,”Iwhine,andFallonswipesitoutofmyhands.
“Letmesee.”Fallonchecksthroughmyrackofclothes.“Baggyt-shirts,turtlenecks,cardigans?Who

wearsthoseanymore?”

“Uh,me.”IpulladenimjacketfromherhandandpullitovermywhitetanktopwhichI’vetuckedinto

skinnyjeans.IpushmyfeetintoflatsandraisemybrowtoFallon.“Aretheseacceptable?”

Sheglancesawayandmumbles.“Iwouldhavewornheels.”
“Iamnotwearingheels.Idon’tevenownapair.”
“Clearly.” She huffs and points to my head. “What are you wearing your hair like?” I take the brush

frommydeskandcombmylongblondelocksthrough.Theyfallwavy.

“Justlikethis.”
“BeboldLou,wearasideparting.”Fallonteases.
“Oh,Icouldn’tpossibly.”Ijoke.
Fallon laughs even harder. “The most rebellious thing you do is wear a black bra with a white top.

Yolo.”

I glance down at my breasts and clutch at them. “I’m wearing a black bra with a white vest top.”

Cringe.Itakeawhitebrafromthedrawer.

“Changeyourpantiestoo.”
“Whatfor?”Ifrown.
Fallonslapsherforehead.“ChristLou,youhavetowearmatchingunderwear.”
Issheforreal?WhodoesshethinkIam?
“I didn’t even intend on agreeing to go on a date with him. So, I definitely don’t intend on showing

Huntermypanties.”

Myphonebuzzeswithanincomingtext.IscarpertoitbeforeFallondoes.“It’sHunter.”Myheartdoes

aflutterandIsmirkwhenIseewhathehassavedhisnameunder.

FutureHusband:MeetmeattheBowlHaveninanhour.Hx

Nowourdateisbecomingreal,Ifeelsick.
“Let’ssee.”Fallon’sheadisovermyshoulderandreadingthetext.“MeetmeatTheBowlHavenat

8.30?”Fallonscoffs.“FutureHusband?Hewishes.Whyishenotpickingyouup?Trueasshole.”

Imovemyphoneoutofhersight.“There’snoharminmeetinghimthere,Fallon.”
Fallonrollshereyesandliesonherbed.“It’safirstdate,heshouldcomeandpickyouup.”
Iignoreherandpickupmybackpack.“Wishmeluck.”Itakeadeepbreathandtrytosmile,butitgets

replacedwithdread.“God,I’msonervousIcouldvomit.”

Fallonrollsoffherbedandtakesmebymyshoulders.“Okay,breathe,breathe…”Idowhatshesays,

butitonlymakesitworse.“Breathe,oryoucouldquicklydownashotoftequila?”

Ipushherawayfromme.“GoodGod,no.”
“GoodGod?”FallonstaresatmelikeI’mararespecies.“YoudresslikemyGran'sdrapesandsound

like my aunt, Bessie.” She shakes me. “And they’re 98. Not cool.” I laugh and she winks at me.
“Anyway,”shegivesmeahug,“Enjoyyournight.”

Chapter10

Louisa

I’mwalkingaroundthearcadeslikealostsoul.Hunterwasmeanttomeetmeherethirtyminutesago,and
he’sstillanoshow.Itriedcallinghimbuthe’snotanswering,andIwonderifIhaddoneorsaidanything
wrong?Maybehe’sstuckintraffic,andhe’slefthisphoneathome?Whatifhe’schangedhismind?Hada
betteroffer?Allthesescenariosrunthroughmyhead,andit'sdrivingmecrazy.

ItextHunteragainandtellhimI’llbewaitinginthefoodhall.
Tenminuteslater,I’msittingatthetable,myfingersdrummingalongtheplastictablecloth.“Wherethe

hell is he?” I grumble. The longer I wait, the more that idea of being letdown crawls into my stomach,
leavingmefeelingnauseated.Evenangry.

Iliftmywristandcheckthetimeonmywatch,again.Okay,he’snowanhourlate.IthinkI’llgivehim

anotherfiveminutes.Imustgivehimthebenefitofthedoubt.

Anticipation,ofcourse,turnstodoubt,andIstartmindlesslydisturbingthearrangedsachetsofsaltand

pepperonthetable.

“Hey,”Iglanceupasasoftvoiceinterruptsmythoughts.“Areyouwaitingforsomeone?Ifnot,couldI

joinyou?”

Iamnowlookingatayoungboywhoiswearingacheckedshirt,standinginfrontofmewithhishair

sleeklygelledtotheside.Ishakemyhead.“I’mjustabouttoleave.”

“Letmebuyyouasomethingtoeat,atleast.”Heclearshisthroat.“Telltheguywhohasstoodyouup

thatagentlemanhastakenhisplace.”Hesmilesandstraightensouthisquirkybowtiethatspikesalaugh
frommyotherwisedisappointedform.

“Whynot.”Ishrug.
“Nicolas.”Hissmileissmallandasquirkyashistie.Notthesamepatternofcourse,butitwarmsme.

ImentallytellHuntertogetstuffed.Hischancehaswellandtrulyblownfromthatcandle.Ican’thelpbut
feeldeflated,mixthatwithembarrassedandthatprettymuchsumsupmymoodrightaboutnow.What’s
more,Iamacceptingdinnerfromastrangerwholookslikehe’sjuststeppedoutofanotherera.

Welldone,Lou.Well,freakingdone.

***

Two hours later, me and Nicolas are enjoying a conversation about historical fashion, until I watch
Nicolas’s eyes wonder behind my shoulder. I glance behind me and find Hunter standing there, arms
crossed,hisblackballcaplowered–butnotenoughtoavoidthewayhiseyesareragingatthebothofus.

“Whatthehellisthis?”hisvoiceislow.He’sglaringatNicolas.
“Hunter,”Igasp.“Wherehaveyoubeen?”
HestaresatNicolas.“Iwasrunninglate.”
“Late?”Ihiss.“Twohourslate.”Idon’tcarewhathemaythinkaboutmesittingwithanotherboyright

now.Howcanheactlikebeingtwohourslateisn’tacrime?Itisinthegirlworld,thankyouverymuch.

Hell,aminutelateisacrime.

“I’mlatesoyoudecidetoditchmeforEugene,here?”hesays.
Igritmyteeth.“HisnameisNicolas.”
“AndIhaveamouth,”Nicolassays,gettingupfromthechair.
HunterstepsforwardandgrabsholdofNicolas’sbowtie.“AndIhaveafistthatcaneasilyfuckitup

ifyoudon’tleave.”

“Hunter!”IgrabholdofhisarmandheletsNicolasgo.“Whatthehellareyoudoing?”
Nicolas’sscoffsandstraightensouthisbowtie.“Youwerewastingyourtimewaitingforthisguy?”
Hunterstepstowardshimagain.“Whatdidyoujustsay?”
“That’s enough, Hunter.” I stand between them. “Forget Nicolas. The fact is you pestered me enough

aboutgoingonadatewithyou.Ifinallygivein,andyou’retwodamnhourslate.Wherehaveyoubeen?”
Hunter still isn’t looking at me; his gaze is fixed on Nicolas behind me. At this point, I’m done. “You
knowwhat,forgetit.”

Istormoutofthebowlingcomplexinarageandheadbacktocampus.

***

“Howdiditgo?”Fallonasksasshewatchesmewalkthroughthedoor.ShenoticesthewayIslamthe
door, the way I shove down my backpack, the way I kick off my shoes in a huff. She pulls off her
headphonesandsitsupinbed.Ilookawayfromherandfindahairtieonmydesktoscrapemyhairinto
amessybunbeforeIsitdownonmybedtofaceher.

“Whatdidhedo?”shesighs.
“Hedidn’tturnup.”Iclosemyeyes,awaitingherverbalattackonHunter.
“Themotherfucker!”
Ishrugmyjacketoffmyshoulders.Idon’twanttotellherwhatreallyhappened,becausestupidly,I

don’twanthertocursehim.“Heprobablyhadsomethingelseon.”

Fallonpushestoherfeet.“No,no,noLou.Donotstartwiththat.”
Ilookupather.“Withwhat?”
Sheflapsherhandaround.“WithactingallMotherTeresaandnotseeingthebadinpeople.Whathe’s

doneisafuckingjerkmove.He’llbesorrywhenI’mdonewithhim.”

Itakeoffmyjeansandpullonpajamabottoms.“Fallon,pleasedon’tsayanything.Idon’twantyouto

makeascene.”

Ofcourse,shedoesn’tlistenandswipesmyphonefrommybed.Igroan,makingzeroattemptstotakeit

offher.Iwatchherfindhisnumberandcallhim,hedoesn’tanswer,sosheleavesamessage.

“You better protect your balls tomorrow Holland, because I am going to grip them so hard you’ll be

talkinglikeAlvinthefuckingChipmunk.”Shehangsup,andIamfrozenwithcringesyndromerightnow.

“Ican’tbelieveyoujustdidthat,”Iwhisper.Fallonstillhasmyphone,andsheisscrollingandtyping

somethingbeforeshehandsitbacktome.

“Believeitbaby.Futurehusband.”Shescoffs.Iscrollthroughmycontactlistandseeshehasreplaced

Hunter’snameasmotherfucker.

Fallonclimbsintobedandpullstheduvetoverherhead.“Getsomesleep,Lou.We’lldealwiththat

asstomorrow.”

Itrytosleep,butit’suseless.Whywon’tmybrainstopthinking?Thinkingaboutlogicalreasonswhy

Hunterwaslateforourfirstdate.Maybehewasmessingwithmeanddidn’treallywanttotakemeout.I
mean,whowouldwantthefrigidgoodgirl?Oh,no,Ididn’teventhankNicolasforbeingsokind,nowI
knowIwon’tgetanysleepbecauseofHunter,andbecauseofthefeelingofguilttowardsastrangerwith
acutebowtiewhoonlywantedtobenice.Whyme?

***

Thedoorknocks,anditslowlydisturbsmefrommysleepthenextmorning.Idon’topenmyeyes,thinking
itwillgoaway,butitdoesn’t.TheknocksgetlouderanddisturbFallon’ssleep,whichisnotgood.She
throwsherblanketoffherbodyandstormstowardsthedoor.

“Someonewantstofuckingdietoday.”Sheyells,yankingthedooropen.“You!”Shegrowls.Ispring

up in bed and see Hunter in the doorway, covering his manhood because Fallon is about to act out her
revenge.

“Letmeexplain.”Hebegs.Ipullmycomforterbackovermyhead.Idonotwanttoseehimrightnow.

NotbeforeI’vebrushedmyteeth,anyway.

“Explain?” Fallon shrieks. “At quarter past 7 in the morning? I do not have to be up until 7.30, and

those fifteen fucking minutes are precious to me. You have ruined my sleep routine, and you fucking
dumpedonmyfriendlastnight.”

“Justletmeexplain.”Hecontinues.
IhearFallontrytoclosethedoor,butHuntermusthavehisfootjammedintheway.“Hunter,Iswear

ontheholybible,ifyoudonotremoveyourfootfromthisdoor,Iwillbeforcedtomakeyousoundlike
Alvin.”

“Ithoughtyoudidn’tlikeballs?”hejokes.
“Fuckyou.Twice.”Sheyells,slammingthedoorfinally.
“Thankyou.”Isigh.
Shelooksdownonmestillinbed,clutchingathermessyblackhair.“Ifthatfuckwiteverwakesmeup

again,Iwillnotbeheldresponsibleforcuttingoffhisdick.”Shethrowsherselfbackintobed.

Ilaythere,staringupattheceiling.ShouldIlethimexplain?Ofcourse,Ishould.

Chapter11

Hunter

Irunthewholelengthofthetrack,thendoitagain.Ialwaysgetupearlyforarun,thefreshairallowsme
toclearmymind,andthismorning,Ineededashitloadcleared.Ifeellikeafuckingidiot.Iwishtheball
grabberthatisLouisa’sbestfriendwouldhaveletmeintoexplain.ButwhatwouldIhavetoldher?The
truthormadesomeshitup?NodoubtIwouldhavemadesomeshitup.NowI’mpissedbecauseshemight
not give me a second chance, I mean, why would she? I was two hours late, then I acted all fucking
Ramboonthatbowtiewearingjerk’sass.Ifshedoesn’tgivemeanotherchance,that’sfine.Thatdoesn’t
meanIwillstoptryingtowinherover,though.

Sweatisdrippingdownthefrontonmygrayt-shirt,soIheadbacktomyapartmenttotakeashower.
“Holland!”JaxonhowlsmynamewhenIenter.Iseehimsittingonthesofa,alargebowlofcerealin

hislapforbreakfast.“Wheredidyoustopouttolastnight,dude?”

Ipushmyhairoutofmyfaceandthrowmyselfonthesofa.“Don’taskman.”Ididn’tgetanysleeplast

nightbecauseofmyfather,andIhaveanearlyclassIcan’tgetoutof.Ineedtoshower,getchangedand
movemyass.Butmyassrefusestomove.

“YoulookasshitasIfeel,”ImumblewhenJaxongetsuptoputhisbowlinthesink.
“Ashby kept me up all fucking night with a crazy chick he pulled.” He says. “I swear to God, she

soundedlikeallama.”

Igrinandthrowmyarmovermyeyestoblockoutthesunlightcominginfromthewindows.“Hisdick

is always out of his pants.” Us boys have a reputation, but none of it is true, all except Ashby’s.
Everything about him being a manwhore who has a different girl every night is true. His reputation has
rubbedoffandJaxandme,butIdon’tgoaroundtryingtodefendmyself.Letthemalltalk.Whogivesa
fuck.

Itakeashower,pullonawhiteT-shirt,darkjeans,andpushmyfeetintobrownLeviboots.Ithrowon

mynavybomberjacketthatJaxonhates,andcheckmyselfoutinthemirror.Damn,Ilookgood.

“You’rewearingthatjacketthatIlove.”JaxonfuckswithmeasIrunmyhandsthroughmyhair.
“Shutthefuckup,MrTrenchcoat.NotallofusliketodresslikeDavidBeckham.”
HelaughsasIheadoutofthedoor.
Isitthroughmyhumanbiologyclassirritatedtoshit.Idon’ttakeanythingin.AllIcanthinkaboutis

whatI’mgoingtosaytoLouisa,andhowtomakeituptoher.Myclassends,soItakeoutmyphoneabout
tocallher,butIseeamissedcallfrommydad.IdeletethenotificationangrilyandcallLouisa.Again,
shedoesn’tanswer.Ipushmyphoneintomyjeanspocketandheadovertowardsthecafeteria.Mystrides
aredetermineduntilIseeSavannahwalkingtowardsmeevenmorefuriousthanIam.

“Shit.”Irubmyforehead.Idonotneedthisrightnow.
“Hunt,didyougetmytext?”Herhandcomesontomychest,stoppingmefrommovement.Itakeholdof

herhandandplaceitbyherside.

“Ichangedmynumber,”Itrytowalkaroundherbuthergriponmeisfierce.

“Whywouldyoudothat?Toavoidme?”
“Gotitinone.”Iturnagain,butshepullsmeback.Myheadtiltsback,andafrustratedgroangrowls

frommythroat.

“Oh,I’mnotgoodenoughforyounow?ShallItelleveryoneherehowyoubrokemyheart.”
Inarrowmyeyesather,thenpullherintomebyherwrist.“Doyouwantmetoshoweveryonehere

thatvideoofyousuckingJohnson'sdick?”Hereyesgowide,andherfaceprovesshedidit.“WheneverI
dosomething,thereisalwaysareasonforit.Idumpedyoubecauseyoufuckedwithme.Getoverit.”Ilet
herwristgo,turnwithoutanydisruptionsandheadtowardsthecanteen.Savannahisjustanotherbigpain
inmyass.

Louisa.

I make my way inside the cafeteria at lunch time. My sister asked me to go and sit with her and her
sorority,butIrefused.Instead,ItakeanemptytablewithAxel.Breeandherfriendsarewaitingforthe
Rougetabletobefilled,andI’moverherehopingitdoesn’tgetfilled.

“CorrectmeifI’mwrong,Lou,butI’mprettysureIheardBreesayinghowmuchshewasintoHunter

justnow.”Axelkindlyremindsmethatyes,mysisterdoeshaveahugecrushontheboywhoistryingto
dateme.IthinkthewholecampusknowshowmuchBreelikesHunterbynowifI’mhonest.“Ifshesees
youspeakingwithhim,sheisgoingtofliphershit.”

Istabmyforkintomypasta.“Let’shopehedoesn’tshowup.Likelastnight.”
Axelissmug.“Icouldhavetoldyouhewasadouche,Lou.Ididtellyou.He’sbadnews.”
Iplacesomepastaintomymouthandswallowitbeforetalking.“Ihavetohearhimoutatleast,Ijust

hopehedoesn’tdoithere.Likeyousaid,”Iglanceoveratmysister.“Breewillgoapeatthethoughtof
hernonofficial,never-wasboyfriendactuallylikingmeandnother.”

Axelfrowns,andIcantellhethinksI’manidiot.“You’regoingtohearhimout?”
I shrug and take my Coke can into my hands. “Why not? Oh, God…” I see Hunter walking into the

cafeteria, as cool as a cucumber. And I don’t even know why cucumbers are cool. His physical
appearancedoessomethingtome.Idon’tknowwhatthatsomethingisandthat’shardtoaccept.Igivea
quicklookoveratBree,andIseehereyesfocusedonhim.Iseeherandherfriendshopinghe’sgoingto
sit at his table where Jax and Ashby have just sat, but he doesn’t. I only know he’s changed direction
becauseIwatchBree’ssmiledrop–likeslowmotion.

Hunterisonhiswayovertome.Crap.Iturnmywholebodytothesideandcoverthesideofmyface

withmyhand.Ifthere’saslimchancehemaynotnoticeme,thenIwouldliketopullitoff.

“Lou,”hecallsmynameandIcringeatmyselffortryingtohide.
Iclearmythroat,andshiftinmyseattopretendlikeIwasn’ttryingtohide.“Hi,”Isqueak.Iquickly

glance over his casual clothes that suit him better than any man trying to pull of causal. He’s hot.
Gorgeous.AndIdon’tevencarethatIamstalkinghimwithmyeyesrightnow.

Heholdshishandsup.“Beforeyougocrazy,pleaseletmeexplain.”
“Okay.”Iswallow,andthelookofsurpriseonhisfaceisevident.
“Okay?”heblanches.“You’renotgoingtotryandscrammyeyesout?”
Istareathim.Really?“WhywouldI?”
Hescratchesthebackofhishead.“Uh,becausethat’swhatgirlsdo.”

“Notme.But,couldyouexplainlater?”Iglancebehindhim.“Iknowmysisterisgivingusthedeath

starerightnow.”

Hunter’seyessidewardglancebuthedoesn’tmovehishead.“IsthisamomentwhereIshouldn’tlook

overbecauseBreewillknowwe’retalkingabouther?”

“Exactly.”Igigglebecausethewayheisgrinningatmeleavesmewithnootheroptionthanjuststaring

andsmilinglikeacompleteidiot.

Hunterpullsoutthechairnexttomeandsitsonitbackwards.“Meetmeatthedinerat6pm?”
Iraisemybrow.“Areyougoingtoshowupthistime?”
He looks at me grinning, seeming to love my answer rather than loath it. “I wouldn’t miss it for the

world.” He gently pushes my hair behind my ear, then nudges my cheek with his knuckle. “You look
beautifulbytheway.I’llseeyoulater.”

“Yeah,seeya.”
“Seeya?”Axelsnorts.“Oh…kay.”
My attention bounces back to Axel, and I take my Coke can into my hands again. “He is pretty

something.Don’tyouthink?”

Axelshakeshisheadatme.“No.Idon’t.”

Chapter12

Louisa

Gettingreadyforthisdatefeelsdifferent.It’snotsointense,andI’mnottryingtoimpresssomuch.Ifyou
lookandbeyourselffromthestart,youcan’tgetaccusedofchanging.Fallonhasalreadygoneonadate
tonight, with a girl called Rayne, so it’s much easier this time because I don’t have her here to pile
pressureonme.Ipickupmybackpack,grabmycarkeysandgetreadytoleavebeforemydoorknocks.I
openitupandinstormsBreelookingincredulous.

“You’regoingoutwithHunter,andyoudidn’tthinktotellme?”
Itakeadeepbreathandsitdownontheedgeofmybed,plonkingallmybelongingsdownwithme.

“Bree,I’mnotgoingoutwithhim.Hejustaskedmeoutonadate.”

Isthatthesamething?
She’sonthevergeoftears.“Andyousaidyes?”
Ifeelbad,myheartsinksandnowIhatethatIsaidyes.“Look,ifitmeansthatmuchtoyou,Iwon’t

go.”

Breethrowsherhandsupintheairfrustrated.“You’vealreadysaidyes.Howdoyouthinkthatmakes

mefeel?”Herhandgoesontoherchest.“Youmademelooklikealoserinthefoodhalltoday!Youknew
Ilikedhim,Lou.Howcouldyou?”

I hesitate because I don’t know what to say. I’ve never been put in this position before. Boys have

neverbeenanissuewithme,nowitseemsIsayyestooneguythatIhappentolikeandallhellbreaks
loose.

“Youknowwhat,forgetit.”Breewalkstothedoor,thenturnsbacktomeandlooksdownatmelike

I’mdirt.“Don’tcomecryingtomewhenhebreaksyourheart.”Thensheslamsthedoorbehindher.

Itiltmyheadbackandsigh.AmIdoingwrong?Theywereneveranitem,andHunterhasneverasked

her out. If she dated him before, that would be a complete no-go, but there is no history between them.
BreejusthappenstolikehimjustliketherestofNewbrookdo.AmIcommittingacrime?I’mnot–butI
feelliketheworsecriminalrightnow.

***

HunterisalreadysittinginaboothwhenIenterthediner,soItakeadeepbreathandheadonovertohim.
Hepushesawayamilkshakethathewassippingatwhenheseesmeandgetstohisfeetwiththeworld’s
biggestsmileIhaveeverseeninmylife.#winning.

“Hey, beautiful.” Hunter kisses me on my temple before I sit down. I push my hair behind my ear

nervously,andrealizeIamblushingbecauseofthe‘beautiful’remark.Idon’tlookbeautiful,cutemaybe,
butnothistypeofbeautiful.

“Youtoo.”Ismileback,gulpingasIeyehimup.Hishairisshortonthesidesbutlongeronthetopof

hisheadmakingitwavylocksofmessy,dirtyblondehairthatissogorgeousIfeellikerunningmyhands
throughit.Hunter,doesit,though,runshishandthroughittoruffleitalittle.Iglanceoverhisthickneck,

hisbroadshouldersandhisarmsthatlooksogoodIwanttosqueezethem–justbecause.He’sacocktail
of sex and torture. Sex because that’s what looking at him makes me want, and torture for the men,
becausenoneofthemlooksasgoodashedoes.

Ipointmyfingeroverhisfineself.“YouhaveaJamesDeanlookgoingon.”
Hunterraiseshisbrow.“No,IhaveaHunterHollandlookgoingon.”Henudgesamilkshaketowards

me.“Strawberry.Justforyou.Don’teversayIdon’tbuyyouanything.”Hewinks.

“Thankyou.”ItakethestrawtomylipsandfindhimwatchingmewhenIglanceup.It’sunnerving,and

Ilikeit.

Hunterpullsthemenufromthemiddleofthetable.“Let’sgrabsomethingtoeat.Doyouwanttosharea

pizza?Theydothebestmeatfeast.It'shuge.”

“Sure.”Iwanttotalk,Iwanttosaymore,butmyshynessholdsmeback.Thebutterfliesinmystomach

keeptellingmehownervousIam.Itakethesecondmenuandglanceovereverydetailbutdon’ttakeeven
oneletterin.

Hunterordersthepizza,andIsitthere,watchinghimtakecontrolandfindmyselffallinginlustwith

the way he does everything so calmly. He’s charming, confident and charismatic, and those three C’s
describeabadboy.Ijusthopethisdoesn’tendindisaster.

“So,”hesays,leaningovertotakemyhandinhis.“How’syourdaybeen?Filledwiththinkingofme?”
“Howdidyouguess?”Ilaughandbowmyheaddownunintentionally.
Huntersmiles,andhepullsupmychinwithhisfingers.“Youcanlookatmeyouknow;Iwanttosee

your face. Don’t be nervous around me, okay?” Wow, that’s easy for him to say. He clicks his fingers.
“Askmesomething.”Hesays.

Hunterletsgoofmyhandandsitsbackagainsttheplasticonthebooth.Itakeadeepbreathandgetinto

thisdatemode.It'seitherthatorIremainshyandsilentforthewholenight.

“Okay,” I agree with a sigh of bravery. “I’m going to think of a question you haven’t been asked

before.”

Huntercrosseshisarms.“IknowaquestionIhaven’tbeenaskedbefore,”
“What?”
“Isitinyet?”Hehasamassivesmirkonhisface.
“Hunter!”
He’sabouttoleanforward,andIknowhewantstoholdmyhandsbecausehe’slookingatthem,but

thenwhenheglancesuptome,somethingcatcheshisattention.“Shit.”

“Whatisit?”IglanceovermyshoulderandseeHunter’smansquadwalkingintothediner–everyone

ofthem.Myheartstops.Whyaretheygatecrashing?

“Holland!” Jaxon slips next to Hunter, making him shift over. Hunter groans, glaring at his friend

makingitknownheisfurious.“Louisa.”Hesaysmynamewithawink.Ismile,thenglancetotheside
becauseAshbyhasslippedinbesideme.

“Seriously? You’re fucking all over my date?” As I guessed, Hunter is pissed, and it seems to give

JaxonandAshbyammunition.

“We’re not fucking all over your date, dude,” Ashby grins, then looks at me, “but if you Lou don’t

mind.”

“That’snotwhatImeant,dickhead.”HunterpushesAshbyoutoftheboothwithoneshove.“Andgive

mygirlsomefuckingrespect.”

Iglanceawayfromthemallalittleembarrassed,andIcan’texplainwhy.
“Sorry,Lou,”Jaxonsaysgenuinely,butamusedallthesame.“Wewerewalkingpast,soIjustwanted

tocheckinonmymainmanhere.”JaxonplayfullyslapsHunter’sshoulder.

“Nowyou’vecheckedin,youcanbothfuckoff.”HuntergetsupandsmacksJaxonacrosstheheadto

tellhimtoshifthisasstoo.

Theybothlaugh,thenholdtheirhandsupindefeat.“We’releaving.Haveagoodnight.”
I turn to see what Hunter is scowling at, and I catch Ashby making a vulgar, suggestive move by the

door.Iturnaround,dyingofembarrassment.ThenIscoldmyselfforevenbeingembarrassed.Iamalmost
twentyyearsoldwhyamIsuchaprude?

Hunterhastensed,Icanseeitinthewayhe’scrackinghisknuckles.“Sorryaboutthat,myfriendsare

fucking–”

“It’sfine.”Ibringmyhanddownontohis.“Honestly.Relax.”
Hisexpressionswitchesfromanger,toamused.“You’retellingmetorelaxwhenyouhaven’trelaxed

sinceyou’vebeenhere.”

Ishift,feelinglikeIambeinganalyzed.“That’snottrue.”
Hesmiles,knowingitisexactlytrue.“Yes,itis.”Heleansforward.“Relax,Lou,Lou.”
Irollmyeyes.“Iwouldifyou’dstopcallingmethat.”
Huntermoveshishandssothewaitresscanplacedownourpizza.“Let’sgetyoufed,thenyoucantell

meallaboutLouisa…wait,what’syoursecondnameagain?”

Ismile.“Dawson.”
Hunternods,contented.“LouisaDawson’slifeisallabout.”
IfeelmycheeksfillupwithahotburstasIblush.“Idon’twanttoboreyoutodeath.”
“That,”hepoints,“willneverhappen.TellmewhatbringsyoutoBoston.”Hepicksupasliceofpizza

andtakesabite.

“HowdoyouknowIhaven’tlivedheremywholelife?”Myreplyisplayful.
Heexpressionsoftens.“BecauseIwouldhavefoundyou.”Ibowmyhead,anactionIoftendotoavoid

eyecontact,andHunterpicksuponitimmediately.“Lou,babe,stopdroppingyourhead.Iliketolookin
youreyes.Theytellmewhatyou’rethinking.”

Ioftengettoldthatmyeyesarefullofexpressions,andIcantellHunterdoesn’tmissatrick.Irestmy

elbowsonthetableandclaspmyhandstogether.“AndwhatamIthinking?”

Huntertakesanotherbiteandplaceshisslicebackdownontheplate.“ThatIwillbethebestthingthat

haseverhappenedtoyou.”

Iclearmythroat,pushingmyselftotalkmoreandtostophidingbehindmyshyness.“Butyouhaven’t

happenedtomeyet.”

“Ah,”hepoints.“Therewasayetontheendofthesentence,sodoesthatmeanIhaveachance?”He

places his hands in a prayer position, pretending to pray. I laugh out loud. Who am I kidding? He has
alreadywonmeover.

***

Huntersnakeshisarmaroundmyshoulderswhenstepoutsidethediner.“So,doyouwanttocomebackto

mineandfuck?”

Ichuckle.“No,Hunter.”
“I’mkidding,”hestepsawayfromme.“Butifyouwantto.Imean,Iknowitmustbehardforyouto

resist,”hewaveshishandsdownhisbody,“this.”

Istarttowalkbackwards.“Look,thisisme,resistingyou.However,willIcope?”
Hunterlaughs.“Don’tIevengetakiss?Givemethatatleast,Iamdyingoverhere.”
IgiggleandstopwhereIam.“Dyingofwhat?”
Hunterthrowshishandsintheair.“Dyingofself-doubtbecauseIambeingrejectedrightnow.Doyou

knowwhatthiswilldotomyego?”heplayfullytakesholdofmyshouldersandshakesthem.“Welldo
you,punk?”

I laugh again, and before he pulls me into him, I watch his expression wiping away playfulness and

now showing intimacy. He drags his lips along the arch of my eyebrow and sighs. “You are beautiful,
Blondie,andifyouwantmetowaitbeforeIgettokissyou,thenIcandealwiththat.That’sifyoudon’t
makemewaitlongerthantwodays.Imean,twohours.”Hecoughs,“Twominutes.”

Ishovehiminhischest,buthetakesholdofmyhandsandbringsmeintohim.Irestmyheadonhis

chestwhilehewrapshisarmsaroundmyshoulders,hisfingerswrappingthemselvesintomyhairsohe
canholdmeclosetohim.It’squitechillytonight,butbeingwrappedinHunter'sarmsisheatingmybody
uptoatemperaturethatmaymakemefaintatanysecond.ButIdon’tcare.Iclosemyeyes,feelingsafe,
feelingclosetohimwhenIdon’tevenknowhim.Idon’twanttobethefirstonetobreakcontactbecause
Icouldeasilystayhereallnight,butImustgetback.

Ireluctantlypullawayfromhim,andhesighs.“Ihadagreatnight,”Ismileshyly.“Thankyou.”
“Metoo,Blondie.”Hekissesmeonmycheekandsmootheswherehejustkissedwithhisthumb.
Iriseonmytiptoesandherubshisnosealongmine.“Whyme,Hunter?”Iask.
Hunterinhales.“Becauseyou’retheone.”Hegrins.
“Howdoyouknow?”
“Whenyouknow,youknow.”Heplantsadelicatekisstothetipofmynoseandbacksawayfromme.

Ourhandsonlyreleasewhenhe’stoofarawayforthemtobelinkedanymore.“Goodnight,Lou,Lou.”

“Night.”IclutchatmychestasIwalktomycar.WhenIaminside,Ibuckleup,andletoutanalmighty

breath.WhathaveIgotmyselfinto?

Chapter13

Louisa

“Howdiditgo?Whatdidyoutalkabout?Didyoukiss?”

Really?BeingaskedathousandquestionsbeforemyalarmgoesoffthismorningisnotthewayIwant

tostartmyday.But,whenIdocomearoundfrommysleep,IrememberwhyFallonisaskingallthese
questions.IrememberwhoIsharedmynightwith.NotthatIforgot.Idreamtaboutitallnight.WishingI
hadthegutstolethimkissme.No,Idohavetheguts,butkissingonafirstdateisnotnecessary.Thereis
noruleorsettimeframetellinganyonewhenafirstkissshouldoccur,butitwillhappenonmyterms,my
timeframe,andwhenIamcompletelyandutterlyreadytogetblownawaybyHunterHolland’slips.

“Did you fuck?” Fallon mocks herself by thrashing her palm against her forehead. “What a stupid

question. Sorry. Forget that. I’m still pissed you gave him a second chance though. Anyway, forget that
too.Howdiditgo?”Shejumpsontomybed,crossingherlegsatthebottom.

Isitup.“Well–”
“Don’ttellme,”shebuttsin.“Hetriedtogetinyourpantiesallnight,butyouheldontothatchastity

beltlikeamotherfuckingnun.Yougosister.”Shehighfivesme.

“Actually–”
“Didhetalkabouthimselfallnight?”MymouthisagapeasshecontinuesbecauseIdon’tgetachance

tospeak.“Showoffhissix-pack?Bragabouthowmanygirlshe’ssleptwith?”

Iplacemyhandonhershouldertomakeherstoptalking.“Fallon,nothinglikethathappened.”Isigh,

slidemylegsoutofbed,andpullonmyNewbrookhoodie.AhoodieFallontoldmetoburnthemomentI
boughtit.Idon’thaveaclasstoday,soIintendonspendingitchillingandrevisingincomfort.

“Whatdoyoumean,nothinghappenedlikethat?ThisisTheDoubleHwearetalkingaboutrightnow.

Hunter–thebest-lookingguyoncampuswhocanfuckwhohelikes–Holland.”Fallonisinquisitive,she’s
waiting,she’seager,andallforinformationIdon’thave.

IsighagainasIfallbackdownontothebed.Butit’sagoodsigh,acontent,daydream,cloudninesigh.

“HewasnothinglikeIexpected.”

Fallonpullsonmyarm,atwitchforminginhereye.“Sweetmotherofthefuckingsaints,justtellme

whathappened,Lou.”

Irubatmytiredeyes.“Butyouwantmetodishoutthedirt,Fal,andthereisn’tanytodish.”
Herheaddropsdownontomyshoulder,andshegroans.“Louisa,justtellmewhatthehellhappened

alreadybeforeIseriouslyconsiderjumpingoffacliff.”

Iraisemybrow.“That’sabitdrastic.”
Fallongetstoherfeetinahuff.“Lookatthesetattoosandpiercings,lookatmypurplewig,lookatthe

clothesIwear,IamdrasticLou.YouneedtotellmewhatwentdownrightnowbeforeIlosemyshit.”

Istartlaughing,getoutofbedandbegintogathermyshowerboxtogether.“Hetookmeforpizzaand

milkshake,heaskedaboutmylife,toldmeIwasbeautiful,kissedmeonmycheekandtoldmehe’dsee
metomorrow.”Iturnmybackonher,slidemyfeetintomyflipflopsandopenthedoor.

“That’sit.”Shecalls.“Nodryhumpinginvolved?”
Iholdthedoorajarwithmyfoot.“None,buthetoldmeIwastheone.”
Shewrinkleshernose.“Theone?Ohsure,likehehasn’ttoldanygirlthatbefore.Youknowwhat–”
Iclosethedooronhervoiceandmakemywaytothecommunalshowers.Itypicallycomedownhere

withFallon,becauseIhatecomingalone,butthismorningIfelttoolightheadedtocareaboutbeingalone.
MyheadfeelsfluffyandweightlesswiththoughtsaboutHunterandhowhemakesmefeelsoadored.My
feelingsabouthimoverwhelmme.Inthebestway.

Ienterthebathroomandseetherearealreadythreegirlsatthesinksbrushingtheirteeth.Whentheysee

me,theyallglanceateachother,thenhuddlein.Iknowtheyaretalkingaboutme,andIfeelaflushofheat
riseonmycheeks.Iwanttodieonthespot.That,orwalkoutofthebathroomandnevercomeback.I
swallowed,ignorethem,andplacemysweatpants,hoodieandunderwearinthelockers.Iputmyhead
downandlockmyselfbehindtheshowerdoor.IwaitamomentbeforeIturnthewateronsoIcanlisten
totheirconversation.

“IhearshewentoutwithHunterHollandlastnight.Howdidshemanagetogetsomeonelikehim?”
“Shemustgiveitupeasily.”Theothergirlsays,andtheyalllaugh.
“Wouldn’t you for Hunter? God, did you see him on the track the other day? I only go to the field to

watchhimrun.”

Ihearthedoorcloseastheyleave,andIamfrozen.Giveitupeasily?That’swhatpeoplethinkofme

just because I went on a date with a guy every girl wants? I feel sick and even worse, I feel like I
shouldn’tseeHunteragainbecauseIcan’tdealwithrumors,oranyonetalkingaboutme.Ihatethatgirls
thinktheyhavetherighttojudgebeforetheyknowthefacts.Whydon’ttheytakethetimetocomeandask,
instead of spreading lies? Don’t they realize the impact it causes? What ever happened to women
supportingoneanother?

I wash and get changed in record time, then head back to my dorm. Fallon picks up on my behavior,

eventhoughIwishtogoundetected.

“What’sup,Lou?Didsomeoneleaveashitinthetoiletagain?Imean,can’ttheytakehalfasecondout

oftheirlivestousethegoddamnflush.”

Ishakemyhead,pickupmyhairbrushandfocusondetanglingmyblondelocks.
“Lou?” Fallon now sounds a little worried, so I open my drawer to find my hair dryer. I’m about to

blastituntilFallonpullstheplugfromthesocket.“Whathappened?”She’sseriousnow,andIambacked
intoacornerandhavenochoicebuttotellher.

I flap my hand, acting all casual like I can dismiss what happened back there, but I can’t. Because I

can’tstopthinkingaboutit.“Oh,it’snothing.”Igotopushtheplugbackin,butFallontakesthedryerout
ofmyhands.

“Tellme.”
Irollmyeyes.“Girls,beinggirls,that’sall.TalkingaboutmeandHunter.”NowIhavesaiditoutloud,

itsoundsworse.Ihatethattherewas,infact,girlsbitchingaboutme.Me.Agirlwhohasneversaida
badwordaboutanyoneinherlife.Agirlwhojustwantstogothroughcollegehappy,withzerodrama
andstudyherassoff.Isthatsobad?

Fallonclutchesatthehairdryer.“Thosedirtylittlewhores.Whowasit,Lou?Iamgoingtokicksome

college girl’s asses.” Fallon throws on her jacket, ready to start a war. I am flattered that she wants to

stickupforme,butIfeelitwillonlymakethingsworse.

Ipullonherarm.“Itdoesn’tmatter.I’mjustgoingtoignorethem.”
Fallonglaresatme,nostrilsflaring.I’mnotsurewhethershe’smadbecauseIwon’ttellherwhothey

are,orbecauseshedoesn’tgettohitanyone.

“Ignorethem?Noway.Noonegetstotalkbullshitaboutmygirl.”
Ilookdownatthefloor,exhalingharshlybecauseIwanttheanxietythathascreptitswayupmythroat

tostepthehelldown.WhyamIlettingthosegirlsgettome?“Itjusthurts,yaknow?IthurtsbecauseIdid
nothingtowarrantthosebadwords.”

Fallonrelaxesafterabeat.“Lou,listentome,”shetakesmyhandinhersandswitchesfromaraging

bulltoasweetlittlerabbit.Iwon’ttellherthat,though.“YouarethekindestgirlIhaveevermet.You
don’tdeservebitchestotalkshitaboutyoulikethat.Youhavegiventhemnoreasonatalltohateyou,they
arejustcreatingtheirownlittledramaoutofjealousy.”

I brush her off. “I know that. I do.” I shake myself out of it. “You’re right, let them talk.” Life is too

shorttobeanythingbuthappy.Anditiscertainlywaytooshorttoworryaboutgirlswhowillforgetabout
metomorrow.“IthinkI’mgoingtostudyatthelibrarywithAxeltoday,wanttojoin?”

Fallontwistsherhairintoabun,butInoticethecheekygrinshe’swearing.“Nothanks.I’mofftogive

ChaseMarquesalapdance.”

“Oh,”I’mamusedasIplugmyhairdryerbackinthesocket.“Ididn’tknowyoucouldlapdance.”
Fallondeadpans.“ItmeansI’mgoingtofuckhiminhislap,Louisa!”
“Oh.”Iswallow.“Right.”ThenIfrown,feelinglikeI’mmissingsomething.“WhataboutRayne?AndI

thoughtyouonlylikedgirls?”

Fallonspraysperfumeonherneck.“Ilikedickonoccasions.”
Icanonlygroan.

***

Ifeelataponmyshoulderforcingmetopeelmyeyesawayfrommytextbook.

“Sweetie,I’mclosingupintenminutes.”
Ipushmyreadingglassesupmynoseandsmileatthelibrarian.“CouldIstayherealittlelonger?I

won’t be a nuisance.” I have been in the library all day and all night. Axel left two hours ago, then I
studied with Dexter for an hour, one of Hunter's friends. He isn’t at all like any of the ‘Rogues’ he’s
sensitive,smartandshy.

“Becauseit’syou.”Marywinksthenleavesmealoneasshepottersaround.
I’mabouttogetsettledagainwhenIfeelanothertaponmyshoulder.Iglancearound,wonderingwhy

Maryisback,butit’snother.

“Hey,Blondie.”
“Whatthe…”Itakeoffmyglasses.
“Hey,”hechastisesme,takingtheglassesoutofmyhandsandslippingthembackonmyface.“Don’t

takethemoffjustbecauseofme.Youlooksexyinthose.”

Itakethemoffanywayandsigh.“Hunter,whatareyoudoinghere?”
HunterlooksatmelikeI’mstupid.“Uh,ifyou’reaskingwhyI’minalibrary,Lou,IthinkyouandI

needtotalk.”Heturns,pretendingtolookthroughthebooksontheshelves.He’skidding,Iknowheis.

Ihumorhim.“IhearLadyChatterley'sLoverisagoodone.”
Hunter closes a book and places it back on the shelf, then turns to me with a mysterious glint in his

eyes.“WhataboutHunter’sLover?Thehotnesswouldbeflyingfromthepagesinthatone.Yaknow,”he
bendsdown,facetofacewithme,“makinggirlspantieswetandall.”

I gulp, and he stands up straight again to allow me some breathing space. I’m not sure I particularly

wantspace.IamimaginghimoutoftheblueT-shirtandjeanshe’swearing.

Ipushawaymythoughtsandjokewithhim.“Seriously,whatareyoudoingdownhere?Icameherefor

peace.You’rekindofruiningthat.”

“So aggressive.” He pretends to act shocked, and pulls out a chair opposite me. “Can I join you?” I

nod.Huntersitsdownandscootscloser.“Dextertoldmehe’dbeendownherewithyou,”heraiseshis
brow.“Ihopestudyingwasallyouweredoing.”

Igape.“Seriously?”
“He is a good-looking sonofabitch.” He laughs at the seriousness of my face. “Who wouldn’t?

Although, I did get jealous over the fact that Dexter had spent time with you. The time that could have
been mine.” He’s serious now, and I kind of like that he gets all alpha. Is that the right word? Alpha?
Whateveritis,ishot,anditgetsmehot.

“Doyoureadalot?”Hunterasks,lookingintomyeyeslikehe’sreadingme.
“Allthetime.Idon’thavealife.”Ilaugh,bowingmyheaddownagain,thenIrealizewhatI’vesaid,

anditmaymakemesoundboring.“I’mtotallykidding.Idohavealife.”

Huntersmirks.“Everthoughtaboutdoingthosethingsinbooksinsteadofjustreadingthem?”Helooks

around,thenhehasanideaandclickshisfingers.“LikeTheGreatGatsby,nowhehadabosslife.”

“Hunter,hislifewouldbeimpossibletolive.Wehavetoliveintherealworld.”
Hegazesatme,andIcanseehismindgoingtoodeep,gettinglostinthought.“Dowe,though?Whatif

therealworldispainful?Askyourselfwhyyoureadbooks?Isitpurelyoutofenjoyment,orisitbecause
youfinditeasiertoliveinfantasy?”

“Fantasy?”Ifrown.
“Yeah,”heleansbackonhischair.“Wheretherearen’tanyfuckups,noemotion,noheartbreak.”
“Hunter,”Ilaugh.“Booksarefullofallthosethings,andwhenIread,Igothroughthattoo.”
“Butthoseemotionsaren’trealLou,theyaren’tyours,arethey?It’smuchharderwhentheyareyours.”
Idon’tknowwherehe’sgoingwiththis.Maybehe’stryingtotellmesomething.“Areyouokay,Hunt?”
Heshakeshimselfoutofhistrance.“Yeahso…moreonthis…uhnever.”Hetakesmyhand.“So,tell

me,sweet,shyLouisa,doyouhaveafantasy?”

Ismile.Iknowhe’sonlytryingtodiffusetheconversation.Itjustgotdeep,andIdon’tknowwhy.What

isHunterhiding?

“Doyou?”Iask,restingmychinonmyknuckles.Iamalreadyinvested.
Hunterhasamischievouslookinhiseye.Heleansforward,hiseyesstaringatmymouth.“Rightnow,I

amfantasizingaboutyourlips.”Hisfingertipsbrushalongmybottomlip.“Letmekissyou,Lou.Iwantto
knowwhatyouwilltastelikeagainstmytongue.”

“I… uh…” I am lost for words. Staring like a deer in headlights, like a wimp who has never been

asked to be kissed before. Only I have. But not like this. Not by someone who looks like Hunter. He
makesmycheeksfillupwithheat,hemakesmyhearthammeragainstmychestlettingmeknowit’sthere.

IclenchmythighstogetherbecausethethoughtsIhaveinmymindiscausinganachebetweenthem.

Iwatchhislipspurse;hiseyesstareintomineandholdontohope.Ifourfirstkissisgoingtobeina

libraryfullofbooksaboutfirstkisses,thenIwanttoshowthesebooksthatIcanfirstkissjustasgoodas
them.

“RomeoandJuliet’sfirstkisswas…”Ifreeze,shit,IamthinkingoutloudwhenIthoughtIwasstill

daydreaming.

“What?” Hunter chuckles looking a lot confused. And yeah, I have killed the moment. “Are you

comparingwhatourfirstkisswillbelike,toRomeoandJuliet’s?Becauseifwemustgothere,thenIsay
SpiderManandMaryJane’supside-downkissknocksthemoutofthepark.”Isag,relievedtothehigh
heavensthathe’splayingalong.

Hunterleansinagain,readytokissme,butIshoottomyfeet.“Marywillbearoundanysecond.”
WhyamIstallingthis?
Huntertakesasteptowardsme,butItakeastepback,andIdon’tknowwhy.Iwantthis.I’mlooking

up at him. It’s like I’m looking right into his soul, just like he’s looking into mine. I am breathing
erratically.Irubbingmyswearingpalmsonmythighs.Iamnervous.I’mexcited,andIhavethesecrazy
tinglesrunningdownmylegsandgatheringrightinthemiddleofmythighs.He’smakingmewet,wetI
tellyou!

“Doyouwantmetokissyou,Lou?”Hiseyesroamdowntomymouth,andIwatchhistonguedartout

towethisbottomlip.It’slikehe’swonderingwhatmylipsfeellike.Nowhiseyesarebacktomine,andI
ammute.

“Like,um,now?”Iglancearoundquickly.“Righthere?”
Hunterstepsintomyspace,closingthegapbetweenus.“Righthere.”
“Rightnow?”Ibreathe.Myeyesareinlinewithhislips.Ican’tlookawayfromthem.Iwon’t.
Hunternodsslowlyandplaceshishandonmycheek.“Rightnow.”
“Like,inthislibrary?”
Hunterlaughsandhangshishead.“Lou,you’renotmakingthisaveryromanticmomentrightnow.”
He’s right, I’m not. I need to loosen up and relax. “Maybe you should act like Romeo?” No, Lou,

you’restillactingweird.

Hunterdoesn’tflinch,though,hesmiles.“What,andtrytomakeyoubelieveIamworthyofyourkiss?”
IamimpressedheknowsalittleabouthowRomeotriestopersuadeJulietthathedeservesherkiss.

AndnowIamstillthinkingthingsIshouldn’t.

Idrawmybrowstogetherandtakeanotherstepback.“Areyousayingyou’renot?”
Hunter shakes his head before glancing into my eyes. “I am not worthy of anything where you’re

concerned.IknowI’mbadforyou,butyouaresogoodforme.Ishouldstayaway,butthatdoesn’tmeanI
willleaveyoualone,Lou.Ican’t.Ireallycan’t.Ifyoudon’tkissmenow,oreventomorrow,Iwillwait.
Waituntilyou’rereadytogivemeachance.”

Oh, lord, he’s like my very own Romeo. And that was romantic as hell. I step forward, and he

automaticallyplaceshisbiggentlehandsonmycheeks.

“Ithinkyou’redefinitelyworthyofafirstkiss,”Isay.Hesois.
Hunter is leaning in, and I’m forgetting to breathe. “Give me your lips.” He demands. I push up on

tiptoes,offeringmylips.Hunter’sthumbbrushesovertheplumpnessofthem,thenhebendsandplantshis

lips on mine. He kisses me, just a small peck at first, then the second one is longer, where he lingers,
groaningonlyslightly.Myeyesareclosed,myheadfeelsgiddy,andIalmostforgettokisshimback.Then
whenIdo,Idon’tknowhowIcan’tseethesparksthatIfeelflyingfrommybody.Ourlipsmove,sliding
gentlyacrosseachother’s.Easily.Softly.

Hunter’sfingersareinmyhair,andIplacemyhandsonhispecs.Thefeelofmyhandsonhischest

mustignitesomethinginsideofhimbecausehepullsmecloseronagroanandslipshistonguebetween
mylips.IremembertobreatheasIenjoythesensationofhistongueslidinggentlyacrossmine,ourlips
kissing, our hands slowly feeling. I am lost, that is until I hear a cough. I pull away immediately, but
Hunterdoesn’tletgosoeasily.IdetanglemyselffromhisholdandturntoseeMarywithcrossedarms.
Shit.Mary!

“Youtwowannastoplockinglipsandmakeyourwayoutside?”
Hunter groans rudely, but I can’t look at Mary. I apologize, grab all my study books, MacBook and

walked ahead. I don’t look back at Hunter who is following behind me until we were safely out of the
library.

Iturntofacehimanddeadpan.“Iwon’tbeabletolookMaryintheeyeagain.”
Hunterpushesmeupagainstclosedlibrarydoor.Igaspwhenhislipsmeetmyneck,andheglideshis

mouthupmyskinandintomyear.“Iwantyoumorethananything,Lou,andit'stakingallthedecencythat
Ihavelefttostopmyselffrommakinglovetoyourightnow.”

Love?Makinglove?
My mouth dries up; my eyes go wide. “No, they’re not my usual words, I get it,” Hunter thinks I’m

shockedbecauseofhischoiceofwords?“Butyou’respecial,”hefoldsmyhairbehindmyear.“IfIstood
here and told you I wanted to fuck you so bad you wouldn’t be able to make your way to classes
tomorrow, then I would be treating you like the rest of them, and you are definitely not like the rest of
them.”

Ifit’spossible,Ithinkmymouthhasadrought.Ithinkmyhearthasstopped.Ifhisdirtywordscanstop

mefromwalkingtomydorm,thenonlyGodknowswhathis‘lovemaking’willdotome.Iwanttomove,
IwanttogetbacktoFallonandtellhereverything,butI’mtorn.IalsowanttostayinHunter’scompany
becausehemakesmelaugh,hemakesmefeelcomfortable–80%ofthetime.Ilikebeingaroundhim.He
isspecial.

“EarthtoBlondie.”Hesnapshisfingersinfrontofmyfaceaftermyminuteofsilence.
“Sorry,”Iblink.MyphonestartsringingsoHunterputsdistantbetweenus.Itakeitoutofmypocket,

seethatit’sFalloncalling,butletitring.Whentheringingstops,Huntertakesmyphoneoutofmyhand.I
knowhe’sscrollingthroughmycontactlist,andIamcringingbecauseIknowhe’slookingforhisname.
Hemusthavereachedwhatheknowsmustbehim,becausehisthumbstopsscrollingandheglancesat
me. His brows rise, and his lips twitch, but he doesn’t smirk. He types something in, then smirks and
handsitbacktome.

“Textmetonight,okay?”
“Yes,sir,”
Hunterglancesatsomeonewalkingdownthecorridorbehindhim,thebacktome.“Andifyouwantto

sextorevensendnaked–”

“Definitelynot.”Ipushhimawayfrommeplayfully,andhebacksawaywithhishandsintheair.

“Justasuggestion.”
Hunter walks me to my dorm, and it takes all my power to stop him from coming inside. I tell him

Fallonishomeandthatshewillhavehisballs,andafterlasttime,hedoesn’twanttostayaroundtofind
outifI’mkiddingornot.Iopenmydoorwhenhe’shalfwaydownthehall.

“Textme.”Hedemands.
Irollmyeyes,salute,andcrashintomydorm.Iclosethedoorandpressmybackupagainstit,holding

myMacBooktomychest.“Holyfu–”Idon’tswear,butI’msoclosebecauseeverythingthathappened
withHunterhasbeencrazy.

“Fallon?”Fallonisn’tin,soItrytocallherback.Whenshedoesn’tanswer,Iquicklychangeintomy

pajamasandjumpintobed.WhyamIexcitedtotextHunter?Ilovethisfeeling.It’sgiddyandfun,and
new.Iscrollthroughmycontactlist,lookingforHunter,butwhatIfindmakesmegrinlikeaschoolkid.It
reads‘Bestfirstkisserever’Itexthimsmiling.

Me:HiBestFirstKisserEver.IfthisisHunter,Imayhavethewrongnumber.

IlaughtomyselfandpressSEND.Idon’thavetowaitlongforareply.

BestFirstKisserEver:Wrongnumber?Don’tmakemecomebacktoyourroomandspankyoass,

whichyoumaylike.Justsaying.

Spankmyass?He’snotserious?Ifeelhistextisslightlyleaningtowardsasext,andIdon’tknowhow

torespondtothat.Although,Ifeelmoreconfidenttextinghim,ratherthanspeakingfacetoface.AtleastI
can’tstutterovertext.

Me:Idon’tknowifIwouldlikeit,notsomethingI’veevertried.

Ideletethattext,thenretypeitagain-SendthedamnthingLou.
IcloseoneeyeandhitSEND.“Shit.”IgaspwhenIseeit’ssent.NowIamstrayingtowardssexting,

andIdon’tknowwhatthehellIamdoing.

BestKisserEver-No?Whathaveyoutried?

Idothebiggestgulpinthehistoryofgulpsandfreeze.Isthereanyeasywaytotellaguythatisasex

God (presumably) that you are a virgin? And you haven’t tried much at all. I’ve been kissed, had my
boobsfelt,butnoonehasevertravelleddownmypanties.Number1)becauseIhaven’tallowedanyone
too,andnumber2)noonehasevertried.Ithinkboysseeme,thinkthereisnowaytheyaretappingthat
becauseIactlikeafridget,andtheydon’tevenbother.Butthathassuitedmejustfine.NowI’msitting
herethinkingofaguythatisalloweddownmypants,hellIwanthimdownmypants,buthowcanIbe
truthfulandtellhim,well,thetruth?

BestKisserever:Waiting...

Oh,shit.Shit.Shit.WherethehellisFallonwhenIneedher?

Me:Whathaveyoutried?

“Christ,Lou!”IscoldmyselfsomethingstupidafterIsendthetextbecauseIlooknotonlylikeawimp

butacopout.AndaskingHunterHollandwhathe’sdone?Whatapatheticquestion.Ialreadyknowthe
answertothat.

BestKisserEver:Everything.Obviously.Tellmewhatyoulike.Tellmewhatmakesyouwet,baby.

Iamtotallydodgingthequestion.Islidemyphoneundermypillowandlaymyheaddown,pullingthe

duvetoverme.IwilljusttellhimIfellasleep,nobigdeal.

WhoIamkidding?EverythingaboutHunterHollandisabigdeal.

Chapter14

Louisa

“Dawson,getthatsexybootyoverhere,rightnow.”Iclenchmyeyes;Iknowwhatthisisabout.Nobig
deal?Yeahright.IclosemylockerandseeHunterjoggingdownthehall.

“Youbailedonmelastnight,Lou.Thatbrokemyheart.”Heholdshispalmonhischest.Isagbecause

ofcourse,he’skidding.

“Ifellasleep.”Ihatelying,andI’msurethecringeexpressiononmyfaceoutsme.
Hegasps,“WasIboringyou,sleepingbeauty?”
Iswallowandstareathim.“No,Ijust…”
“Iknowwhatitwas,”Hesaysseriously.
“Uh,youdo?”Shit,heknows.
Heleanshisshoulderagainstthelocker.“Itwasthatkiss,wasn’tit?Tookitoutofyou.Best Kisser

Ever,andall.”Hepretendstoswishhishairoutofhisfacelikehe’sinacommercial.

“Ohyeah,”Mywordsareassarcasticashis.“Itknockedmeforsix.”
“IsthatyournewgirlHunter?”IturnaroundandseeGilesBoris,whoalwaysseemstobebothering

Hunter.Thelookonhisfaceproveshe’stryingtorilehim.

“Yeah,itis.We’rehappilymarried,andshe’sexpecting,nowgetthefuckouttahere.”Huntershoves

Gilesawayfromhim.

“Hunter!”Ishriek.“Youcannotsaythingslikethat.”
Hunterfrownsatme.“Doesthatmeanwe’renotmarriedandyoudon’twantmybabies?”
Ishakemyheadathim,tryingtoremainmadbut,howcanI?“Hunter,areyoueverserious?”
Heleansagainstthelockeragainlookingdeepinthought.Imovein,readytohearhimout.“Therewas

thisonetime,inthetenthgrade,andIneverwanttogobackthere.Ever.”

Igroanandbrushpasthim.“Seriously,youdon’thavetobefunnyorcrudeallthetime.Notaroundme,

anyway.”

“Babe,ifIeverwanttobeserious,Iwillletyouknow,andwewillhaveaseriousconversationabout

it.”

Isigh.“You’redoingitagain.”
Hunterjogstogetinfrontofme.“Ihaveafewthingstodotoday,butcanwemeetlater?”
Ismile.“Sure.”

Hunter

Later…

IdragmyfeetasIwalkuptotheporchtomyhouse,thelightisstillonoutside,andIcansmellthesmoke
fromwayupthepath.Thosetwofactorstellmemydadhasbeenoutside,smokingwhenhepromisedmy
littlebrotherhe’dquit.Yep,that’smydad,afuckinggoodfornothingsonofabitch.

“Hunt,isthatyou?”
Itrytoclosethedoorasquietlyaspossible,becauseI’dhopedtogostraightupstairstoseeBrodyand

notentertainmydad.Buthe’sclearlyheardme.Ilookupattheyellow,smoke-stainedceilingthatcould
dowithmorethanalickofpaint,andcringe.Imentallycounttotenandwalkforward,myfeetsticktothe
floorbecausethelazybastardwouldn’tknowwhatamopwasifyouthrewitinhisface.

“Hmm.” I manage and peer around the doorframe. My dad is sitting in his old brown armchair that

coulddowithapatchupjob,andhe’swatchingthefootballgame.Whatnormalfathersandsonsshould
dowhentheysitandwatchittogether.Ha.Fatchanceofthateverhappening.

Myfatherturnsinhischair.Hisblackhair,oliveskinandbrowneyesmakemethankfuckIdon’tlook

anythinglikehim.IfIhadtolookatareflectioneverydaythatremindedmeofmyoldman,IthinkI’dfind
thenearestcliff…andjump.

“Icookedyourdinner,kid.Spaghetti,justhowyoulikeit.”
IlookpasthiseyesandsetmygazeontheTV.“I’vealreadyeaten.”
Mydadgroans.“Ah,comeon,kid.Stay,watchthegame?”
“Don’t,”Iwarn.“Ididn’tcometohavedinnerwithyou.IcametoseeBrodyreallyquick.Ihavethings

todothisevening.”

Mydad’ssmilefades,andIwatchhimpickuptheTVcontrolwithashakyhandandremovethemute

button.Iturnandheadonupstairs,hearingthefamiliarcreeksofthefloorboardbeneathmyfeet.Those
soundsshouldbringcomforttome,buttheydon’t.Nothinginthishousebringscomforttomeanymore.

“Hey,kiddo.”Ifindmylittlebrotherinhisroom,playingonhisXBOX,andgrabhiminaheadlock.

It’smywayofgivinghimahugwithoutbeingallgirlybecausehehatesthat–beingthirteenandsocool
andall.

“Hey,youstayingfordinner?”He’sallhopefuleverytimeheasksthisquestion,andIgetthispainful

stabbingsensationinmychestbeforeIdecline.Icanonlydescribeitasguilt.

“Ihaveplans,bro.Butanothertime?”
He shakes his head and throws down his controller. “You always say that. Why can’t you just stay,

Hunt?Justonce?”

Ilookdowntowherehethrewthecontrollerandpickitup,anythingtoavoidthewayhe’sstaringat

me.“Youknowwhy,littleman.”Ithrowthecontrollertohim,andhecatchesit.

“Quitcallingmethat.I’mnotalittlemananymore.”
“Oh, I forgot,” I laugh, picking up a baseball from his bed. “You’re a big man now. Thirteen and

growing.”Ithrowhimtheball,andhecatchesit.

“Please stay.” He begs. His question pains me, and I miss the ball when he throws it back, letting it

bounceagainstthewallbehindme.

Ibowmyheaddownonasigh,guiltrippingmeapartinside.“Ican’tsitwithdadandact–”
“Likewhat?”Heinterrupts.“Likeafamily?”
Family?Iwanttosayweain’tnofamily.Ilovemylittlebrothertopieces;mydadcanrotinhell.
“Hehadanothercoughingfittoday,Hunt.He’scoughingupblood!”
Ishrug.“Probablyabadchest.”
“Hefelloveragaintoobecausehe’ssoweak,andittookmeagestotryandpullhimupthistime.He

doesn’teat.Helooksskinnyashell.Idon’tgetit.”

I frown, remembering how I had to drive over here the other day and not meet Louisa at the Bowl

HavenlikeIplannedbecauseBrodycouldn’tpickhimupbyhimself.ThethoughtofBrody’ssmalland
skinnyframetryingtohelpmydaduponhisownthistimeslicesthroughmelikeaguilttrip.“Whydidn’t
youcallme?”

“Idid.Youdidn’tanswerme.Icalledfromdad’sphone.”
Icanrememberseeingmydad’snumberonmyscreen,andnowIfeelsickwithguiltthatIrejectedthe

calleleventimes.“Where’syourphone?”

Brody’sheaddrops,andIseethefrownlinethatiscreasinghisbrows.“Ilostit.”
Iknowwhenhe’slying,soIpushsomemore.“Brody,whathappenedtoyourphone?”
“Nothingokay!”
Irecoilalittle,hisattitudestunningme.Isitbesidehimandnudgehisshoulderwithmine.“Youcan

tellyourbigbro.Shoot.”I’mwaitingforthelinesof,‘I’velostit,oritwasrubbishsocanyoubuymea
newone.’Allheneedstodoisask.

“Mitchelltookitoffme.” He says the words so quick it sounds like one word, and I don’t catch it

becauseherubshismouthwithhissleevetomakethemsoundjumbled.

“Okay,youneedtospeakupbrother.”
Brodysuddenlyfliesoffthehandle.“Mitchelltookitoffme,okay!”
“Woah,woah,woah.”Itrytocalmhimdownbeforehepunchesaholeinthewall.“Whothefuckis

thisMitchellkid?”

“Aboywho’sbeenbullyingmeformonths.Butyouwouldn’tknowthatbecauseyou’reneveraround

anymore.”

Talk about a punch in the gut. I go from confused to speechless, to angry within a space of seconds.

“Whatthefuck?Whydidn’tyoutellmeyouweregettingbullied!”

“LikeIsaid,”helooksawayfromme.“You’renotaroundanymoreHunt,whywouldItellyou?It’snot

likeyoucare.”

“Nowholdup.”Istandfromthebed,feelingtooangrytoremaininoneplace.“Icareaboutyoumore

thanIcareaboutanythinginthefuckingworld,sodon’tevergivemethatbullshit.Youhearme?”

Brody looks down at his feet, his shoulders rise where he’s exhaling furiously. I hate that he has the

sametemperasme,butheclearlyisn’tusingitonthosebullies.Bullies?Fuck.Mykidbrotherisgetting
bullied.

I take him by the shoulders and make him face me. “What have I always taught you, Brody? When

thingsgettough,youfight.Youstandupforyourselfbecause,intheend,weonlyhaveourfuckingselves
torelyon.Wecomeintothisworldalone,andweleavealone.”

Helooksup,andtheangryfrownhe’sdisplayingisaimedatme.“You’reright,bigbro.Iamalone.It’s

notlikeIcanrelyonyouforanything,isit?”

Hiswordsfuckinghurt.Heissowrong;hecanrelyonmeforanything.Whathecan’tcountonismeto

movebackhomeandbeafamily.Afamilyhewants.Abrotherwholoveshisfather,andabigbrotherhe
canlookupto.Hecan’tlookuptome,andIhateeveryboneinmyfuckingbodythathecan’t.Brodyisn’t
lookingatmenow,he’sturnedhisTVbackup,andgrabbedholdofhisXBOXcontroller.He’sshutting
off,andIknowIwon’tbeabletotalktohimnow,soIdowhatIfeelisthenextbestthing.Ishoveoffmy
jacket,jumpdownonthebedwithhimandtakethecontrolleroutofhishands.

“Letmeshowyouhowit’sdone.”

Chapter15

Louisa

AfterreadingHunter'stext,Isaglikeaballoonbeingburstandexhaleangerthroughmynose.Ikickoff
mysneakers,throwoffmyjacketandclimbontomybed.IcanfeelFallon’seyesonme,soIreachunder
mybedandpulloutabook.

“Uh,you’regoingtobelateforHunter.LikeIcare,butstill.”Shesays.
Ishrugmyshoulders,butthatdoesn’tfoolherintothinkingI’mcoolwiththetextIjustreceived.“I,uh,

I’mnotgoing.”

“Why?Youhavingsecondthoughts?”
Idrawinadeepbreath,snapthebookclosedandturntoher.“Hecancelled.Saidsomething’scome

up.”

“What!”sheshrieks.“Thisisthesecondtimethismotherfuckerhasditched,Lou.Whatthehellishis

problem?”

Well,ittechnicallyisn’tthesecondtimehe’scancelledourplans.Thefirsttimehejustdidn’tturnup.

Maybehejustisn’tthatintome,whichistotallyfine,Ijustwishhewouldbehonestwithme.Idon’twant
toinvestmytimeintohimifhedoesn’twanttoinvestinme.IknowI’llbethinking‘why’allnightlong,
and I hate that I know I will. I hate that I feel like crying because I’ve been let down. I hate that my
thoughtsarebeingovertaken.StudiesarewhatIwantmymindtobefilledwith-notguys.Toolatenow,I
guess.

“Hesaidsomething’scomeup.”Irepeat,tryingtosoundcasual,likeit’snotaffectingmeatall,butmy

voicefailsmemiserably.“WhyamIcroaking?WhyamIupset?”IaskFallonbecauseitconfusesmewhy
Iamsoupset.Imean,Iknowwhyexactly,becauseIhavebeenlookingforwardtoseeinghim,andthenhe
cancelsonme,withoutanexplanation,andthatkindofsucks.TheconfusionistherebecauseIdon’tknow
whyIamthisbothered.

“Becauseyouhavebeenwaitingforthisdateallday,Lou.That’swhy.Doesn’thethinkaboutanyone

buthimself?Please,don’tgivehimanotherchanceafterthis.Sure,he’sgorgeous,charmingandfunny.”
Shepretendstogag.“ButIdon’tcallhimanassholefornothing.”Herphonepings,andIknowit’sRayne,
hernewgirlfriend,callinghertoseewheresheis.

“Hey,”sheanswers.“Ihaveabestfriendcrisis,soIwon’tbeabletomakeittonight.”Iglanceoverat

Fallonandshakemyhead.Idon’twanthertocancelherplans,andIdonothaveacrisisgoingon.

“Sure,”shecontinues.“Seeyoutomorrow.”Fallonhangsupandjumpsoverontomybed.“Right,fuck

men,let’shaveagirlynight.”Shedoesalittlewiggle.“It’sallaboutthegirls,baby.”

***

I don’t see Hunter the next day, I’m not sure if he’s avoiding me on purpose, but he hasn’t texted me. I
expected a text on my phone when I woke up this morning, but when I saw I had nothing, my heart
thudded.

Igetmybusinessstudybookfrommylocker,closethedoor,andhe’sstandingbehindmewhenIturn

around,givingmealeveltenheartattack.

“Jesus.”Iclutchmybooktomychest,andhepullsoffhisBeatsandhangsthemaroundhisneck.His

grayt-shirtisloose,butIcanstillseetheoutlinesofhismuscleshidingunderneath.Wow.

“Blondie,fancyseeingyouaroundhere.”Irollmyeyesandpushpasthim.Hefollowsme,pullingon

myt-shirt.“Hey,what’sup?”

Ishoulderhimawayfromme.“Ihavetogettoclass,Hunt.”
“Woah,woah,woah.”Hepullsmeintohim,andIgroanuntilheletsmego.ButI’mfacinghimnow,

andwhenheglancesintomyeyesthewayhedoes,it’shardtolookaway.

“You’repissedatme,aren’tyou?Isthisaboutlastnight?”Icrossmyarmsandlookpassedhimjustso

Icanavoidlookinginhiseyes.“Baby,Itoldyou,somethingcameup.”

“It’scool,”Isay,andcringebecauseIdon’tusethewordcool.Ever.Icarryonwalking,butmystrides

turnintoabriskwalk,andIalmosthavetheurgetorun,butthatwouldbestupid.

Hunterpullsmebackbymybackpackstrapandstandsinfrontofme.Ikeepmyeyesonhissneakers.

“Lou,Lou,lookatme.”

Isighandglanceupathimreluctantly.He’ssmirking,likemyactionsinthelastfiveminuteshavebeen

amusingtohim.

“Whyareyousmirkingatme?”Isnap.
Hefailstohideasmirkandstepsforwards.“Becauseyou,sweetlittlelady,mustbethemostadorable

littlethingwhenyou’remad.”

Mysmileturnsintoafrown,andIcrossmyarmsagain.“I’mnotmad.”
Hecopiesmeandcrosseshisarmsoverhischest,thentiltshishead.
“Really?”hedrawsthewordout.
Inudgehimwithmyelbowbutrefusetouncrossmyarms.“Really.”Twogirlsthatpassusattractmy

attention, and when they see me, then put their heads down and start whispering. “Yeah, so that’s been
happeningalotlately.”Ithinkoutloud,andHunterscowlsafterthem.

“Jealous,”Huntersayscasually.
“Ofme?”Irollmyeyesandturnonmyheel.“Idoubtit.”
“No,”hesays.“Ofmeandyou.”
Ifeelmyselfsmiling.“Well,youhadtobeintheresomewhere,didn’tyou?”
“ItwouldbeboringifIwasn’tintheresomewhere.”Hewinks.
IstopoutsidemyBusinessclassdoorandpeekinside.Thelectureisabouttostart,andIdon’twantto

beembarrassedbywalkinginlate,whichmeansallattentionwillbeonme.

“Thisisme,”Inudgemyheadtowardsthedoor.Hunterdoesn’tseemtocare,though.
“Whatareyoudoingtonight?”Henudgesmycheekwithhisknuckle.
“Studying.”
Hunterscoffs.“Boring.ElswoodisthrowingapartyatTheStateClub.”
Iraisemybrows.“CharlesElsewood?Theposh,richkid?”
Hunter’sexpressionchanges,Iknowit’salookthatwondersifI’mintoCharlesElswood.I’mnot.I

justknowabouthim.“Hmm.Comewithmeor,bringyourMarilynMansonchickfriend.”

Islaphisshoulder.“ShedoesnotlooklikeMarilynManson.”Iglancebackintoclass,andeveryone

hastakentheirseats.Shit.“Idon’tlikeparties,it’snotmything.”

Hunterleanshisshoulderagainstthewallandgroans.“Iknowitisn’t.You’retheshytype,Igetit.”
Iscowlathimandhunchmybackpackonmyshoulders.“Uh,maybeit’sjustthefactthatlikeIdon’t

likeparties.Noteverycollegestudenthastolikeparties.”

“Yep,theydo.”Heshrugs.“It’sthelaw.”
“Look,Ihavetogetinside.I’mscaredofmissingsomethingimportant.”
Hunterraisesabrow,waitingforanythingthatmaytellhimI’mjoking,butI’mnot.I’mdeadlyserious.

Thethoughtofmissingsomethingkillsme.Killsme.

“Okay,”hechuckles.“I’llletyougetinside.”Hestepstowardsmeagain,butthistimesoclosehislips

brushagainstmycheek.“Cometonight,itwouldmakemyeveningseeingyouthere.”

Istiffen,andI’mamawareHuntermaybethinkingIjustexperiencedabodyspasm.“I’ll…uh…think

aboutit.”

Heliftshisheadup,runningthetipofhisnosealongmineashedoes.“Doesmebeingsoclosescatter

yourthoughts?”Heteases.

“You’reunbelievable.”Ipushhimaway,pushdownthehandleandopenthedoortoafullclassstaring

atme.Igulp,frozeninplaceasInoticealllipsturnedupintogrins.

“She’sallyours,Gallymore,”Huntercallsin.“Well,technicallyshe’smine,but–”
I spin around and grit my teeth. “Go.” Hunter holds up his hands and walks away, amused by my

humiliation.

Hunter is gone, and I’m dreading having to turn my head back to the class. They all clearly saw our

displayfromthewindow.Iturnmyhead,keepitupstraightandtrynottolookatanyone.

Igettomyseat,slideinquietly,pushmybagoffmyshouldersandplaceitbeneathmyfeet.Iamred,I

know I am because of the heat radiating from my cheeks. Though I don’t entertain anyone, I take my
textbook out, and read, hoping they will forget about what just happened. I know one girl who won’t
though.

“HunterHolland,”Nickileansoverandgrabsholdofmyhand,makingmypendrawasquigglyline

rightthroughmywork.

“Whatabouthim?”IripapageoutofthetextbookI’mwritingin,ballitup,throwitawayandstart

again.

“He almost kissed you outside class, he sung to you in the diner a couple of days ago, and you say

‘whatabouthim?’”

Isighandshifttofaceher,“HewasaskingmetoElswood’spartytonight,that’sall.Nobiggie.”
“Nobiggie,”NickiwhispersafterreceivingascowlfromGallymore.“It’sabiggiewherethedouble

Hisconcerned.Inmorewaysthanone.”Shegigglestoherself,andIplacemyheadinmyhands.Isthere
somethingwritteninarulebookthatsayseveryoneapartfrommemustformperfectsentences,butturnit
intosomethingthatresemblesfilth?

“I’llcomewithyou.IfHunter'ssquadaregoing,thatmeansDexteris.”
I glance over my shoulder to look at Dexter, who, just like always, is typing at the same rate as the

speedoflight.Histongueisslightlypokingoutofhislips,andthatmeanshe’sconcentratinghard.Imust
admit;heisgorgeous.

Ipointwithmypen.“Iverymuchdoubtthatguylikesparties.”

Nickigiggles.“Hegetsforcedtopartiesbyhisbrother,buthesitsinacornerallnightlookingboredto

thepointofdeath.”

“Andyoulikethat?”Poorguy.PoorNicki.
“Yeah,”shesaysitlikeduh.“IfIknowhe’sinthesameradiusasme,Idon’tcarewhathe’sdoing.I

justliketostalkhim.”

Iplayfullyinchawayfromherinmyseat.“Creepy.”
NickirestsherchinonherarmandgluesherstareonDexter.“Obsessed.”

Chapter16

Louisa

Themomentmyfootstepsoverthethresholdofmydormroom,areddressisbeingthrustintomyface.
“Thisonewilllookgorge.”Fallonmakesmetakeitintomyhands,andIhavenoideawhat’sgoingon.
ThatisuntilInoticehermakeupcakedon,andhereyessoheavilylinedinblackshelookslikeacat.

“I’mnotgoing.”Iprotest,throwingthedressbackather.Besides,ifit’soneofherdresses,andthey

arewaytooshort.

“Oh,Iforgot,you’resuperbusywithyoursuperbusylife.”Sheshovesthedressintomychest.“This

willshowoffthoseimpressivetitsofyours.It’sawinnerallround.”

MyhandinstinctivelygoestomychestlikeshecanseethroughmyNewBrookUT-shirt,andIshake

myhead.“Ijustwanttogetintomysweats,atank,andsettledownwithabook.”

Fallon groans. “Now calm down Lindsey Lohan, you may be having way too much fun there.” Her

sarcasmdoesn’tchangemymind,butitdoesmakemylookdownatthereddressagain.

“EvenifIweregoingtoaparty,Iwouldn’twearthat.”
“Ah,” Fallon enthusiastically throws the dress over her head, abandoning it. “So, you do want to

come?”

“You’recomingtoo?”
“SureIam.”Shewinks.
“Hey, Lou, ready for a chillaxed study session.” I turn my head and watch Axel waltz into the room

holdinghislaptop.

Fallonglaresathim.“Beatit,chickenshit.Therewillbenochillaxinggoingontonight.Lou’scoming

to a party. With me.” She steps towards him and prods a finger in his chest. “Not you. Nor are you
invited.”

I flop down onto my bed and kick off my shoes. “See,” I shrug, looking over towards Axel. “I have

plans.”

Fallondropsdownontoherownbedlookingdeflated.“Well,thatjustcostme$50.”
Ifrown.“Why?”
Shetakesmoneyfromherjeanspocketandstartstocountit.“BecauseIbetHunterIcouldgetyouto

come,andhesaidIcouldn’t.”

“Hunter?”Axelchides,whichmakesmewince.“You’restillhookingupwiththatjerk?”
BeforeIansweralldefensively,Fallontalksbeforeme.“Whyareyoustillhere,Axel?”
Irubatmyforeheadwithmytwofingers.Idon’tfeellikelisteningtotheirargumentsasecondlonger.

Andit’sonlyjuststarted.“Look,ifIgo,”Fallonlooksupatme,andIholdupafinger.“Foronehour,”
shewrinkleshernose.“ThenwillyouletmecomebackandstudywithAxel?”

“Oh,”AxelhidesthefactthatIjustunintentionallyhurthim.“IguessI’mnotinvitedthen.”
Iplacemyhandonhisshoulderandcursemyselfforforgettinghowsensitivehecanbe.“Sure,youare.

YoucanaccompanymebecauseweallknowwhereFallon’sgoingtobe.”

“Ohyes,”shesings.“SofarupRayne’s–”
“There’snoneedtotellme.”
Ilookatmyselfinthemirror,justlikeI’vebeendoingforthelasttwentyminutes,undecided.“Ican’t

wearthis.”I’vealsosaidthatsamesentenceabouttwentytimestoo.

I’mright,though,thereddressthatshowsoffwaytoomuchcleavageisnotme.Atall.Afterdebating,

andgettingaweirdlookfromAxel,Idecidetotakeitoff.ThereisnowayIamgettingpressuredinto
wearingsomethingI’mnotcomfortablein.Besides,Idon’thavethelegstowearadress.

“It’saclub,Lou,”Fallonwillnotquit.“Youcan’twearsweatsandatank.”
“Jeansandatankthen?”Isuggest.
“Fuckno,we’renothangingoutatthepark.”Fallonflicksthroughmyclosetagain,thenmakesan‘ah

ha’noise.“Justthething.”Shepullsoutashortwhitedress.“Justwearthefirstcoupleofbuttonsundone,
andwallah.”

Igroan,takethedressoutofFallon’shandsandmakeAxelturnaroundwhileIpulliton.Ibuttonitup

alltheway,andgetaMargeSimpsongroanfromFallonwhensheseesmebuttoningitalltheway.“I’m
notgoingtobeasexsymbol,Fal.”

“Clearly,youlooklikeyoubelongwiththeTrappkids.”IknowIdidn’tlooksexy,butIdon’tlookas

innocentasthechildrenfromTheSoundofMusiceither.EvenifIdo,Idon’tcare.Idon’twanttoflaunt
my body, why would I? kudos to girls that do, that’s their choice, it just isn’t mine, and I wish people
wouldrespectthat.IknowFallondoes,butitdoeskindofgetannoyingthewayshegoesonatmeabout
it.

“Hey,” Fallon bumps shoulders with me because she knows I’m deep in thought. “I’m just kidding; I

wanttopervonyouasmuchastheguysdo.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to come?” I ask Axel for what must be the hundredth time before we

leave.IhopeeverytimeIask;hemaychangehismind.

Axelpusheshisglassesuphisnose,thentuckshislaptopunderhisarm.“No.ThelasttimeIwenttoa

partyIgotthrownintotheswimmingpool.Naked.EverwonderedwhyIgotthenicknamePencilDick?It
wascoldokay!”ThewayAxelgrimaceshasmefeelingbadforhim.Whydokidshavetobesocruel?

“Andbytheway,”helooksatmehard,andIdon’tlikeit.“ItwasHunterandhisstupidRougeteam

whodidittome.”

Ifrownuponhiswords.Whywouldhedothat?
“And just for the record,” he leans in while Fallon is busy texting on her phone. “Stay away from

Hunter if he’s drunk. He’s an angry drunk, Lou. Everyone knows when Hunter Holland is drunk, shit is
goingdown.Healwaysbeatssomeonetoapulp.Whydoguyslikehimhavetoactallmachoandshit?”

Ihesitatebeforeanswering,tryingtoprocessthethoughtofHunterbeinganyoneotherthanhisfunny

self. “Maybe it's a rumor.” I say, noticing I’m wringing my hands. Something I do when I’m
uncomfortable.

Axelshakeshisheadatme.“I’veseenitmyself.He’sdangerous,Lou.Becareful.”
“Let’sgo.”Fallontakesafirmholdofmyhand,andwe’reoutofthedoorbeforeIevengetachanceto

waveAxelgoodbye.

“I’llwaitforyouhere,Lou.”Ihearhimshoutbeforethedoorcloses.

***

A Busta Rhymes song is blasting through my eardrums when we walk into the club. The club is dark,
dingyandthesmellofalcohol,sweatandsmokeisinsultingmynostrils.

“Whatelsedidyouthinkitwouldsmellof?”FallonlaughswhenIcomplain,shepullsonmyarmand

pushesherwaytothebar.Shedoesn’tcarethatwe’regettingdeathstaresfromguysandgirlswhowere
waitinginlinebeforeus.Inotice,though,andputmyheaddowntoavoidit.

The floor is sticky, the shouting of conversations all around me as they try to talk over the music is

becoming overwhelming. Looking around I see girls huddle in corners, glancing at the guys discreetly.
Theboysarenotsomuchdiscreet.Couplesaredancing,gyratinginawaythatmakesmeblushwhenI
look. Some couples have their tongues down each other’s throats, and girls are willingly having their
assesgrabbedandlovingit.No,thisisonehundredpercent,notmyscene.For.Sure.

“Down it in one.” Fallon passes me a small shot of something and clinks her glass with mine. She

drinkshersdownwithoutsomuchasawince,thenscowlsatmebecauseI’mstillholdingtheglass.

“We’reunderageFallon!”
“Whocares!Livealittle.”Shegoads,turningbacktothebartotaketwoglassesofwhoknowswhatin

herhands.“Stopbeingapussyandshootit.”

Irollmyeyesandtakeittomylips.Icandothis-Itellmyself.
Icounttofive,gotodrinkitandbackoutagain.“Ican’t,”Iwhine.“Ican’tknockitback.”
Fallon laughs. “Then give it here.” She’s about to take it out of my hands, but then I feel like I’ve

missedoutonsomethingandifIgiveitbacktoherIhavebeendefeatedbyadamndrink.

“No, I’ll do it.” I count to six this time, and down it. “Oh, my God.” I gasp as the burning sensation

fireballsdownmythroat.MyhandgoestomymouthtostopitcomingbackupandmyeyeswaterasI
heave.“Thatwasvile.”

“Here,”Fallonhandsmeaglassofbrownstuff.“Washthetasteawaywiththis.”
Itaketheglassfromherhandandeyeitsuspiciously.“Whatisit?”
“RumandCherryCoke,it’stodiefor.”
I pull out a straw from my purse and plop it into the glass. Only God knows how many people have

touched this glass with their lips. Fallon takes my hand and leads me through the crowd that are on the
dancefloor.Ibumpshoulders,getelbowed,brushagainstboys'frontsandgirls’backs,alltogetacross
theroomtowhereFallonhasspottedRayne.

“Fallon!”RaynelookssuperexcitedtoseeFallon,andit'sonlythendoesFallonletgoofmyhand.I

takeasecondtogetagoodlookatthegirlthatFallonhasn’tshutupaboutoverthepasttwoweeks.The
firstthingInoticeisherlongbluemermaidhair,herelectricbluetressescomerightdowntoherbum,her
armsarecoveredintattoosthatInoticeareallDisneyprincesses.Ilovehertartantrousers,andplatform
shoes,butI’mguessingshe’ssweatingoutinherleatherjacketbecauseIknowIwouldbe.

“ThisisLouisa,thebestest,butmostboringroommateever.”Fallonteased,pullingmeintotheirsmall

circle.

“Hey,”Rayneleansinandkissesmeonthelips.Ifreeze,shockedattheinvasionandunexpectedjuicy

smacktomymouth.Shetastesofcherry.

“You two wanna get fucked up?” Rayne digs into her pocket and pulls out a see-through bag that

containsthingsthatlooklikepills.FallonshovesRayne’shanddowntohersideinfury.

Istare,andIknowI’mwideeyed,soIglanceatFallon,beggingwithmyeyesforhernottoevendare

takethose.MythoughtsonRayneareimmediatelyredundant.IplacemyglassofRumandCherryCoke
downontothetableandturnmybackonthegirls.

Fallon quickly steps in my way, blocking my view of the sex pit of bodies on the dance floor. “You

knowIwouldn’ttakethose,right?”

“Ihopenot.”Iscowlather.“Youknowwhatdrugsdotopeople?”Ididn’twanttogointooneofmy

lectures,butshesawbymyfacehowunhappyIwas.Ialreadywantedtoleave.ThatwasuntilIsawhis
face,straightacrosstheclub,hisblueeyesseemtoinstantlycatchmeout.

Ismileatthewayhesmirkswhenheseesmeandraiseshisglasstome.IeyehimupfromwhereI

stand, and my heart races. His muscles are screaming to let them free under his black shirt. His black
jeansaretightlyfittedframinghislongthicklegs.Iquicklyturnaroundtoretrievemyglassfromthetable,
anduncharacteristicallydownthewholething.Iwipemymouthwiththebackofmyhand,placedownthe
emptyglassandturnbackaround.IwatchHuntertakeslowstridestowardsme,fist-pumpingguyswhohe
passes,andgettingseductivelooksfromgirlswhohehasnochoicebuttopushpasttogettome.

“You came,” he smiles, kisses me on the lips and holds me at arm’s length to check out what I’m

wearing.Hiseyesaredevouringme,andashegetstomyheels,hislipspart,andhistongueislicking
acrosshisfullbottomlip.

IleanbackontheheelsFallonmademewear,andswingmyarms.“Icame,”Irepeatonanod.
Huntersmirksandstepsforward,soclosethathishandcatchesmyarm.Hisfingersslideupmybare

skinuntiltheyarerestingonmyneck.“Youlookbeautiful.Andnexttime,Iwanttohearthosetwowords
gaspingoutofyourmouthwhenyousaythem.”

Ileanbacktogetsomespace.SpacethatIdon’twantbutIwanttoseehisfacewhenItalktohim.“I

came?”Isaythewordsagain,thistimeconfused.ConfuseduntilHunterspreadsawideandentertained
smileacrosshislips.ThenIclosemyeyesandmockmyselfforbeingstupid.“Oh.”Idrawl.

“Andthepennydrops.”Hewinks.Ididn’trealizeIwaswringingmydressinmyhandsuntilHunter

takesthemfromcreasingupthematerial.

“Hey,”FallonpushesherwaybetweenusandholdsoutherpalmtoHunter.“Youoweme.”
Hunterglancesatmeuneasily.
Icrossmyarms,pretendingtobepissed.“Oh,yeah.Iheardyoubettedonmenotcomingtothisparty.”
Hunterscratchesthebackofhisneck.“It’snot–”
“I’mkidding.”Ismirk.“JustpayFallon.”
Hegroansandhandsheroverthemoney.ShekissesitandthendragsRaynetothebar.
Iraisemybrowtohim.“Didyouhavenofaithinme?”
Hisarmssnakearoundmyhipsandhepullsmeintohim.God,hesmellssogood.
“Ialwayshavefaithinyou.”Hebreathesintomyear,thenreachesaroundme.“Thisoneyours?”Igive

aquickglancetotheglass,Iknowit’snotbecauseIhavealreadydrankmine,butIfeellikeIneeditto
calmmynerves,soInod,takingitfromhim.I’mgiddy,andnervous,andfeelingthingsinsideofmethatI
haven’tfeltsincehavingacrushonyoungNickCarterfromtheBackstreetBoys.AndHunterisnothing
likeNickCarter.He’sevenbetter.AndI’mintrouble.

I take two long sips from the glass, and the contents is gone. I continue talking to Hunter, but after a

couple of minutes, my mind seems to be floating elsewhere. I can’t concentrate on what he’s saying. It
feelslikemybodyisfloatingeventhoughIampartlyawarethatmyfeetareontheground.Myvisionis

slowlybecominghazy,andI’mbeginningtopanic.

“Lou?”IhearHunter'svoice,hesoundspanicked,butI’msoconfused.Myheadisspinning.“Haveshe

drunkthatmuch?”It’sHunter'svoiceagain,butI’mnotsurewhohe’stalkingto.Itrytoreachouttogeta
griponthetable,butImiss.AllIcanseeisthedancefloorcomingtowardsmyface,thenI’mscoopedup
intowarmsarms.

“Shehasn’tdrunkthatmuch.”IhearFallon.“Oh,shit.”ThenIseeherfacerightinfrontofme,butit’s

blurred,andmyheadwon’tstaystill.“Lou,whichglassdidyoudrinkfrom?”

Ishakemyheadfromsidetoside,stillfeelinghandsaroundmywaistthatishelpingmestaybalanced.

Thereistalking,butwordsarenotcomingfrommebecauseIcan’tseemtoproduceany.

“Are you fucking shitting me?” Hunter sounds angry. It’s then I realize that it is his hands around my

waistbecausehisvoiceissoclose.“I’mtakingherhomewithme.”Hesays.

“No,letmetakeher.”I’mnotsureifFallonisangryorcrying,allIknowisthatI’mbeingpickedup

andmyeyesarestartingtoclose.

Chapter17

Louisa

I’msowarm,toowarmasIcomearoundfrommysleep.IfeellikeI’msweating.Idon’tmovebecause
when I blink my eyes open the light that is coming in from the window is blinding me and causing a
massiveheadache.

“Myhead,”Imumbletomyself,eventuallyopeningmyeyesfully.Iglanceatthewindow,offendedby

thelight,thenrealize,shit,thatwindowisnotmydormwindow.Iglancedownandseeanarmwrapped
aroundmywaist.Atthesametime,InoticethetopIamwearingisn’tmineeither.

“Whatthef-”Ijumpoutofbed,toohot,tooconfusedandscaredoutofmymind.ThatisuntilIseewho

islookingbackatmefromthebed.Abedthatisnotmine.“Hunter?”Igasp.I’mlookingathim,inbed,
shirtless.ThenIglancedownmybodyandseethet-shirtIamwearingistheonlythingthatIamwearing.

“Wherearemyclothes?WhyIaminyourdorm?WhydidIsleepinyourbed?”
Hunterdisplaysanadorablelazysmileashekickstheblanketoffhimselfandslidesoutofbed.Oh,

wow,Hunteriswearingnothingbutblackboxers!

“Holymotherof…Imean.Doyouworkout?”Lou!Mentallyslapyourselfinthehead!Ofcourse,he

does!

“Areyoufuckingkiddingme?”Hegapes.“Ididn’tgetthisbodybydoingnothing.DoIworkout.”He

mocks.“Lookatthesepecs?”heclencheshisbiceps.“Andmyarms?Fuckingbeautiful.”

Theyarebeautiful,andIhavetheurgetotouchhischest,feeloverthesmallnumberoftattoosthatare

drawnoverhispecs.Nottomentionhissixpackandthosehard-musclyarmsthataregreetingmeright
now.Iwanttotouchthemtomakesuretheyarereal.Myeyesmakenosecretaboutsexuallyglaringall
overHunter'sbody.WhenIseehowhardheisbetweenhislegs,Igulpandglanceawaylikeit’sillegal
thatIcaughthimpeacockingaroundwithhismorningglory.

“Sorry,”hehuskilychuckles.“Ithinkit’sbeenlikethatallfuckingnight.”Ilookbackuptohiseyesand

try to focus on his face, but it’s like my eyes don’t want to obey. They keep looking at his penis. His
penis!

I lick my lips because my mouth has gone dry and wave a finger between us. “Did we?” I clear my

throat.“Imean,didyou…didI…”GoddamnitLouisaspititout.

“Did we fuck last night?” Hunter spells it out loud and clear for me, and all I can do is nod. Hunter

bowshishead,shakingit,andIhopethatmeansno.“Baby,ifyouhadthis,”hegrabshispenis,“lastnight,
youwouldn’tbestandingrighttherewithease.”

Myeyesarewide,andIdon’tthinkIcanremembertoblink.
“Come here.” He beckons me towards him and before my mind has been made up my legs walk

towardshimanyway.Hepullsmeonhislap,andIsitsidewards.Idon’tknowwheretoputmyarms,soI
keeptheminmylap.Hisarms,however,knowexactlywheretogo.Hisrightarmgoesaroundmylower
back,andhisleftispushingmyblondehairbehindmyear.Thenherestshishandonmythigh,givingita
smallsqueeze,Ican’tproduceanyotherthoughtsthanthinkingabouthisfingertipstouchingmybareskin.

Hunter’seffingfingertipsaretouchingmybareskin!Areyoureadingme?
He’s watching me, his eyes really looking at my face. Studying every spec. “I’m so angry with your

friendrightnow.I’mjustsofuckinggladIwastherebecausewhoknowswhatcouldhavehappened.”

Myfacescrewsup.Didtheyargue?“WhyareyouangrywithFallon?”
Hisexpressioncontorts,theangerpouringfromhim.“Canyounotrememberlastnight?Youdrunkher

drink, Lou. It was dunked with a fucking pill. Your friend obviously chooses to take drugs while she’s
partyingandIdon’twantyouaroundthosekindsofpeople.”

“What?”Idon’tknowwhattosay.Iamrenderedspeechless.Fallonisn’tintodrugs.ButIdrunkher

drinkthatwaslaced?Holyshit.

“Youwerelikearagdoll,allfloppyandoutofit.Ibroughtyouheretolookafteryou.Ididn’ttrustyour

friendtotakeyouhome.”Huntercontinues.

“OhGod,”Irubmyhandsovermyface,getupandsettleintoHunter'sdeskchair.AsItrytoremember

it suddenly comes back to me. “I shouldn’t have taken her drink.” I can remember downing it for some
Dutchcourage.“It’snotherfault.”

HunterscowlsandIknowhedisagrees.Ican’tthinkaboutit.Irefuseto.Ican’tthinkofdrugsbeing

insidemybodybecauseitwouldcausemeamentalbreakdown.“Forgetit.I’mhereinonepiecearen’t
I.” I glance down at myself and realize someone must have undressed me, and now drugs seem to be
pushedbackintomylistofworries.“Didyouundressme?”

Huntershakeshishead.“I’mnotdisrespectfulLou,Iwasn’tsureifyou’dfreakoutinthemorningif

youknewIundressedyou.IaskedJaxon’sgirlfriend,Avery,tohelpyouout.”

Iexhaleamassiveamountofrelief.“Thankyou.”ButnowAvery,agirlIhavenevermethasseenmy

goods?Oh,lord.

“Besides,”hecomestowardsme,andwrapshisarmsaroundmylowerback.Hefeelshiswaytomy

buttandsqueezes.“Whenthetimecomesformetoundressyou,Iwanttoyoubeawareofmyfingertips
brushingagainstyourskinwhenItakeoffyourt-shirt.”Hiswordshaltmybreathingpattern,turningitinto
anonexistentone.“Orunclaspyourbra.”Hekissesmycollarbone.“Andpulldownyourpanties.”Now
he’slickingintomyear,soIleanintohistongue,closemyeyesandclampmylegstogether.Ihavethe
urgetohavehisfingerspressedbetweenmylegs.

His hand rubs up my thigh until it's underneath my t-shirt and sliding up my hips. I can do this, I tell

myself. Hell, I want to do this. It’s just kissing and foreplay. Sex is the tricky part. His mouth moves
acrossmine,anddownpastmyjawuntilhe’sskatinghislipsdownmyneck.Itiltmyheadbackandmoan
softlyuntilhislipsareskimmingbackupmythroat.Theylandonmymouth,andImelt.Itrulyandutterly
melt.Hislipslockwithmine,andhetakesmepassionately.

Hunter’smouthissoft,hislipsdelicateashishandholdsthesideofmycheek.Ikisshimback,finally

placingmyarmsaroundhisneck.HemovestoshiftmefrontwardssonowIamstraddlinghim.Igasp,
and my lips unlock from him because of the hardness that just brushed across the softness between my
legs.

“Baby,”hewhispers,kissingmylipsagain.Histongueslidesin,andIlickmineacrosshis.Slowly.

Thesmallgasps,thedelightfulmoansthatarecomingfrombothourmouthsiswhatisturningmeonthe
most.AllIcanimagineiswhatwewouldsoundlikeifwehadfullonsex.Butit’sthatwordagainthat
makesmeclamup.

Hishandsmoveupmyhips,pastmywaistandareunderthet-shirtuntilhe’sskimmingacrossmybare

nipples. My back arches, a moan, flies from my mouth, and I feel embarrassed about how loud it was.
Hunterdoesn’tseemtocare,thoughbecausethewayhesqueezesmybreastswithbothhandsandgroans
againstmylips,sureenough,tellmehe’senjoyingthefeelofme.

“Baby,youhavebeautifultits.”Ifeelhimhardenevenmorebeneathme,andheletsgoofmylipsto

presshisforeheadagainstmine.

“Ican’ttakeyourightnow.”Hebreathes.“Iwantto.Fuck,doIwantto.Butnotrightnow.”Iwonder

why,butIdon’task.Ijustbowdownmyhead,deepinthought,forgettingthatHunteriswatchingme.

“Hey,”hetugsonmyhairtogetmetolookathim.“TheonlyreasonIdon’twanttomakelovetoyou

rightnowisthatIwantittobespecial.Notaquickfuckinthemorning.”Hesmiles,andIsighinrelief.I
amquiterelievedthathedoesn’twanttomakehismoverightnow.Forone,Iwouldn’tbereadyforit.I
needtopreparemyself.ThetimeIlosemyvirginitytoHunterHollandisatimeIwanttocherish.Iam
awarethathehasnoideaofmylackofexperience,though.WhileIamnotembarrassedthatIstillhave
mycherryintact,Iamembarrassed,forsomereason,totellhim.

“Comeovertonight,”hesays,haulingmebackfrommythoughts.“I’lltellJaxandAshtogetlost.”He

skimshisthumbovermylips.Lipsthatfeelswollenanddeliciouslybruised.“It’lljustbeyouandme.”

Meandhim?Justustwo?Thatmeanshewantstohavesextonight?WhydoIsuddenlyfeelsick?And

howmanyquestionscanIaskmyselfinthematterofasecond?Six,apparently.IfeelsickinawaythatI
don’twanttoholdontomyinnocenceanymore,andIfeelasenseofguilt.Ihavealwaystoldmyselfthat
myvirginityisagiftthatIwillonlywillinglypassovertotherightman.Amanthatmakesmeweakatthe
knees, that makes me smile, and laugh, someone I think about every second. Does Hunter pass those
expectations?Hell,yeah.

“Uh,Lou?”IcomebacktoearthwhenHunterwavesahandinfrontofmyface.“Areyouzoningouton

me?”helaughs.

“Justthinking.”Iclimboffhislapandglancearoundhisbedroomformyclothes.
“Over there,” he points to the chair in the corner of his room. I notice his features have slightly

changed, and his eyes are looking at me differently. I can only assume that he is wondering why I am
actingdistantandeagertoleaverightnow.

“HaveIoffendedyouinsomeway?”heasks,andIhatethatIhavemadehimsecondguesshimself.

“Wedon’thavetohavesextonight.Idon’twantyoutothinkI’msomehornydickheadwhosecockgets
hardatthetouchofanipple.Spectacularnipples,though,inmydefense.”

Iturntofindclothesthataren’tmineallfoldedneatly.“Idon’tthinkthat.”Hedoesn’treply,soIturnto

facehimwiththeclothesinmyhandandhe’sraisinganeyebrowatme.“Idon’t.”Hescratcheshisbicep,
and it only makes me zone in again like a cartoon character who can’t keep their eyes in their head.
“Thesearen’tmyclothesbytheway.”

Heignoresme.“IsitbecauseIsaidIwantedtowait?Look,IknowmybodyishardtoresistbutJesus,

Lou,I’monlyaskingyoutowaitacoupleofhours.”Helaughsandwalkstowardsme.“I’mkidding.”

I smile and get brave by pressing my lips to his. “I know you’re kidding. You don’t have to tell me

you’rekiddingeverytimeyou’rekidding.”

“Ohhhh,”hesings.“Louisahasjokes.”
Inudgehisshoulder.“Iamwayfunnierthanyou.”

Helooksatmeanddeadpans.“Seriously?Isthatwhatyouthink?Wemayaswellbreakuprightnow.”
“Stop,”Ichuckle,settlingonhislap.
He touches the clothes I have in my hands. “The clothes are Avery’s by the way. She thought you

wouldn’twanttogohomethismorninginlastnightclothes.Yourswilllaunderedforyou.”

“That’ssonice.Thankherforme.”Itracealongthetattooonhisbicep.It’sablackandwhiteportrait

ofawoman,andIamsuddenlyfeelingsomethingIhaveneverexperiencedbefore.Jealously?Surelynot.
“Anystoriesbehindyourtattoos?”

Helooksdownathistats.“Yeah,wentoutonenight,gotsmashed,wokeupwithatattoo.”
Ifrown.“12times?”yes,Ihavecountedthemall.
“Shithappens.”Heshrugsashoulder.Iwanttoaskaboutthewomanonhisshoulder,butthereisn’ta

wayofaskingwithoutsoundingterritorial.AndIamnoalpha.

“You’recrazy.”Ikisshischeek.“Ilikethataboutyou.”
“Isthereanythingyoudon’tlikeaboutpeople?”
Idon’tevenhavetothinkaboutit.“No.Everyonehastheirownquirks.WhoamItohateonsomeone

forbeingthemselves?”

“Maybeyou’retoonice.”Hesays.
“MaybeIdon’twanttowasteprecioustimeinlifebyworryingaboutwhatIdon’tlikeinotherpeople,

andgetonwithmyownlife.”

Hunter spreads his thumb across my bottom lip. “Touché.” He smiles at me, and it gives me a silly

fuzzyfeelinginsidemystomach.“Bytheway,thetattooonmyshoulderismymom.”

Iphysicallyrelax,andHunterlaughs.“YouthoughtIwouldgetatattooofagirlfriend?I’mcrazy,but

notbatshitcrazy.”

Icatchthetimeonthewallclockinthecornerofmyeye,andmysensiblebrainistellingmetomove

mybutt.“Right,canyoupleaseleavetheroomsoIcangetchanged.”

Hetiltshishead;Ithinkhe’salittleoffended.Offendaway,Louisa.
“Really?”
“Really.”
Hunter shrugs. “Fine.” he kisses my forehead pretending to act casual about the situation. I can see

throughitthough,andit’skindoffunny.“Getchanged,we’llhavebreakfast,andI’lltakeyouhome.”

“Hunter.”Ilaugh.“Mydormislikehalfamileaway.Icanwalkmyself.”
He shakes his head like he’s not even discussing it, walks to the door and closes it behind him. Is it

weirdthatIstandstillforamomentandtakeinthefactthatIamstandinginHunterHolland’sbedroom.
HunterisaJuniorandhasthechoiceoflivinginanapartmentbuildingoncampus.Theseapartmentshave
bedrooms,abathroomandalivingandkitchenarea.Hunter’sroomisquitetidy,withlightbluewalls,a
doublebed,asingleclosest.AlthoughhisdeskismessyandIhavetheurgetotidyitup,butIdon’t.Ido,
however,noticeapictureframeonhisdeskofayoungboywholookslikeHunter.Itakeaguessthatit
maybehislittlebrother.

Igetchanged,quicklycheckmyfaceandhairinthemirroranddecideIlookdecentenough.AsI’m

abouttowalkoutofthebedroomdoor,Ihearothermalevoicesoutside.Ifreeze,unsureofwhatthehell
todonow.IthoughtitwasjustgoingtobeHunterandme,andnowIhavealltheRougeteamjoiningus
forbreakfast?Doubleshit.Ipacebackandforthbythedoor,tellingmyselftogetagrip.It’sonlyboys.

HotboyswhoallshouldhavetheirownspreadinMen’sFitnessmagazine,butjustboysallthesame.

“WhatifIsaysomethingstupid?”Imumbletomyself.“Whatiftheydon’tlikeme,orworsestill,think

I’m just Hunter’s one-night stand.” I’m talking to myself again. Then I scold myself for being so
ridiculous–notabouttalkingtomyself,butaboutactingliketheopinionsofotherboysshouldshapemy
thoughtsanddoubtsinanyway.

Itakeadeepbreath,remindmyselfthatIamaconfidentyoungwomanandpeerdownthehall.Iseea

sightthatmakesmystomachgrowl.Andno,notbecauseofthesmelloffood.Theyareallthere!Hunter,
JaxonandAshby,sittingatthetable,allinsweatpantsandnotops,Irepeat,notops!Tan,yummyabsall
over.Irepeat,tan,yummyabsallover.Shit!

“Blondie,”Hunterspotsme,andassoonasthesillynicknamehaslefthislips,alleyesareonme.
“Oh,theresheis.”Jaxongrins,tippinghisglassfilledwithorangejuicetowardsme.
“Comesityourprettylittlebuttdown.”Ashbypatshislap.Hunterlaunchesapieceoftoastathim.
“Leave her alone, jackass.” Avery appears. “There’s toast, eggs and bacon, honey. Orange juice?”

Averyholdsaplateoffoodinherhandthatispresumablyformeandholdsajugoforangejuiceinthe
other.

“Thankyou.”IpulloutthechairnexttoHunter,andafterAveryplacesmybreakfastandorangejuicein

frontofme,Hunterleansoverandpressesadeepandhardkisstomylips.Whenhepullsaway,Istareat
him,stunned,almostwishinghewoulddoitagainbutAshbybutsin.

“Noneedtoclaimyourpussyinfrontofme,H.Iheardyourgirlloudandclearlastnight.Definitely

soundedtomelikeyoualreadyclaimedher.”

My head snaps towards him. “What?” his comment shifts me into confusion. Hunter said we didn’t

havesexlastnight,andnowAshbyispracticallysayingheheardmemoaning?

Hunter scoffs. “Shame we didn’t get to hear you claim a chick last night, uh, Ash? Last I heard from

Baileywasthatyoucouldn’tgetitup.”

AshbyjustlaughsatHunter.“Noproblemgettingthisbadboyup.It’sgettingitdownistheproblem.”
Istaredownatmyfood.Iamdyingofembarrassmentrightnow.Theyalltalksoopenlyabouttheirsex

lives.Somuchbravadogoingon.ThenthereisthehugeissuewhetherHunterandIhadsex.Itrytoforce
downapieceoftoastbutrightnowIamanythingbuthungry.

“Louisa,”IglanceupandcatchAverywatchingme,sheisoneofthosegirlswhoisbeautifullycrafted.

One of those girls who can take a selfie and get the first one perfect first time. One of those girls who
perfectsamessybunfirstgo,thenthereismewhodoesiseighttimesandstilldon’tgetitright.

Her dark brown hair falls right past her hips, and it frames her stunning features and brown eyes

beautifully.Ididn’trecognizehernamewhenHuntermentionedherearlieron,butnowIdoknowwho
sheis.SheisanEnglishmajor,andIalwaysreadherarticlesinthestudentnewspaper.

“CanIspeakwithyouforsecond?”shenudgesherheadtowardsthedoor.
Icringeandstandfromthechair,followinghertointothelivingarea.“Don’tbetoolongwithher.”

Huntercalls.“Shemightmissme.”

Idon’tturn,butIrollmyeyesandtakeaseatonthesofaoppositeAvery.
“Areyouokay?”sheasks,crossingherarmsandsettlingintothecushions.“Whathappenedtoyoulast

nightwouldshakeanybodyup.Imean,shit.”Sheshakesherheadaggravated.“Ifmyfrienddidthattome,
shewouldn’tbebreathingrightnow.”

Oh…kay.
“Iwasn’therfault,”Isay.“Idrunkthedrink.Imean,”Iletoutadeepbreath,thinkingaboutitallover

again.ThethoughtofdrugsinmysystemissomethingIwanttoforget.“Itwasastupidmistake.Lastnight
wasmyfirst,andlasttimeIwillevertouchalcohol.”

Shedoesn’tlookshocked.“Youdon’tusuallydrink.”
“I’mnineteen.So,never.”Itellher.“AndIkindofjustwanttoforgetaboutit.Screamingatmyfriend

for being careless will only make me feel bad. Crying about it won’t solve anything and not talking to
Fallonwon’tturnbacktime.”Ishrug.“What’sdoneisdone.”

Averylooksatmelikeshe’sslowlydigestingwhatIjustsaid,thennods.Leaningforwardsheleansher

elbowonherknee,thenplacesherchinonherknuckles.“Youareoneofthosegirlswhoseesthebestin
everyone.Igetit.”Shesmiles.“Ilikethat.”

I’mnottoosurehowtorespond,soIsay.“Igetitfrommymom.”
Shesmilesagain,andit’ssoprettyIalmostwanttotellher.
“Ijust,”shepauses,exhalingalongbreathbeforecontinuing.“IfeelHunterneedsagirllikeyou,Lou.

ButdoyouthinkyouneedaboylikeHunter?”

Is she about to give me a lecture on why I shouldn’t date Hunter, because I feel like this is about to

happen.“Whywouldyouthinkthat?”

“Don’t get me wrong,” she quickly adds because of the way my face is contorting. “I love Hunter to

bits.Heisn’tlikeAshby,orJaxon,oranyotherplayboy.Iknowwhatrumorsarespreadabouthim,but
they aren’t true. Hunter just isn’t that bothered to squash them all.” She laughs. “What he is, though, is
kind,andthoughtful,andfunnyashell.”

“Heis.”Iagree.
She nods, becoming serious. “I know but since…” she goes quiet, “you know… he’s bad tempered.

Erratic.Hotheadedandridiculouslyhardtotame.”

Icrossmyarms.“Idon’twanttotamehim,Avery.He’snotalion.”
Averybowsherheadonasigh,actinglikeIdon’tunderstandwhatshe’stryingtosay.“Andwhatdo

youmean,”Iask,“since…sincewhat?”

Slightawkwardnessfillsthesilenceforabeatuntilshelooksup.“Forgetthat.”Shesmilestightly.“I

haveseenthewayhelooksatyou,Lou.Lastnight,whenhecalledmeintoundressyou,thenhestepsout
oftheroomtogiveyourespect,Imean,shockeddon’tevencutit.You’respecialtohim,Icanfeelit.I
supposewhatIamtryingtosayis,Idon’twantyoutomakeHunterfallinlovewithyou,thenleaveand
breakhisheartbecauseyousuddenlyrealizeheisn’ttheoneforyou.”

Ikindofwanthertostoplecturingmenow,butmaybesheisonlylookingoutforHunterandactingin

hisbestinterests.

“You don’t have to worry,” I bite the side of my lip, trying to hide the grin that appears on my face

whenIthinkofHunter.“IalreadyknowthatHunteristheoneforme.”

Avery smiles, nodding in approval. “Well, I like you already. And if Hunter ever does you wrong,

comeandseeme.”

Ilaugh.“You’llhavetogetpastmyfriendFallonfirst.But,honestly,thankyou.Iappreciatethatyou’re

lookingoutforhim.Andme.”

Averyglancesdownatalltheaccessoriesshehasonherwrists.“I’veknownhimforaslongasIhave

beendatingJax.He’slikeabrothertome.SoisAshby,eventhoughheisahugepaininmyass.”

“You have a nice butt, by the way.” She does, I often find myself admiring girl’s asses. Something

strangeaboutme,Iknow.

Averyleanstoonesidetojokinglycheckoutherbutt.“20squatsanight,that’sallittakes.”
What?“Really?”
“Really,”shelaughs.“Haveyouseenmyboyfriend’sbody?TherewasnowayIwasdatinghimand

notworkingout.”Shelooksdreamily.“We’reoneofthoseannoyingcutecoupleswhoworkouttogether
everymorning.”

Ismile,knowingexactlywhatshemeans.“Icouldn’tbelikethat.Ihateworkingout.”
Shetiltsherheadalittle.“Justaswell.Hunterlikestoworkoutalone.”
Inod,rememberinghissparringsessionattheboxingring.“Hefights?”
Averyshakesherhead.“No,hedoesitasaworkout.Theboxinggymisownedbyhisuncle.Hepushes

Hunterintofightingallthetime,butHunteractuallygoesdowntheretoteachself-defensetothekidsin
thatarea.”IamawarethatIamlookingathersurprised,hedidn’ttellmethat.“Don’tworry,”shesays.
“Hedoesn’ttellmanypeoplethat.”

“Why?”Ifrown.“It’ssomethingtobeproudof.”
“I know,” she sighs. “But he doesn’t want people to think he does it to make himself look good. He

does it to get paid, but most of all, because he genuinely wants to help kids learn self-defence if they
shouldeverneedit.”

IglanceawayfromAvery,thinkingabouthowamazingHunterisandthatwasbeforeIjustfoundout

thathedoesthis.Nowheisevenmoreamazing.

“Anyway,”shesays,pullingmeawayfromdeepthought.“Ihavetogettowork.”
“OnaSaturday?”Igroanforher.
“Yeah,”shemoans.“Someone’sgottowaittablesatTheBistro.”Hersmileisweak,andIalmostget

theimpressionshe’sembarrassedthatsheisawaitress.

“It’sajob,”Itellher.“Don’tbeashamedofthat.”
She gets to her feet. “Yeah, try telling your boyfriend’s mother that.” I remain quiet, hoping she will

elaborate.Sheleansin,talkingquietly.“Hismotherisastuck-upwitchwhothinkshersonisfartoogood
forme.”

“Oh,”Isighheavily.“Oneofthose.”
“Oneofthose.”Shesitsbackdown.“Jaxon’smotherisfromLondon,NottingHill,actually.”Sherolls

hereyeslikeit’sasentenceshe’sheardfromhismothertoooften.“SoisDexter.”

“Ah,”Inodmyheadgettingit.“Iwondered,afterhearinghisaccent.”
“Yeah,” she checks her watch. “Their parents split up, Jax and his dad came to live here, and his

motherstayedinLondonwithDexter.Itwasonlyayearago,thatDexterandhismomcametolivehere
aftershecouldn’tbeartobeawayfromJaxanylonger.”Sheshakesherheaddisapproving.“Iwishshe
stayedinLondon.So,doesJax.”Shelaughs,gettingupagainfromherchairandcheckingherwatch.

“I really have to run,” she heads for the living room door. “It’s been so nice to hang out with you. I

hopeIseeyouaroundhereoften.I’moutnumberedrightnow.”Shegivesmeasmallwavebeforeleaving.

“Oh,thankyoufortheclothesbytheway.”
“Noproblem.”Shesmiles.

IgetupfromthesofaandfindHunter.Heinhisbedroom,freshlyshowered.Icansmellcitrusfruitand

colognesoenticingIdiscreetlyinhalehisscent.Heisalreadywearingjeans,buthe’sjustpullingablue
T-shirtoverhishead,makingthemusclesinhisstomachripple.Hesmilesatmeashepullsitintoplace,
thenrunsaquickhandthroughhishair.

“HowwasyourchatwithAvery?”he’swalkingtowardsme,andIdon’tknowifIshouldstepbackor

waittillhefinallyreachesme.Iwait–ofcourseIdo.Assoonashishandscatchmyhips,heyanksmeinto
hisbody.

“Good.” My voice is feeble, and I am embarrassed it was so quiet I question myself to whether the

wordcamefrommymouthatall.WhenIamaroundHunterthatconfidentspeakerthathasbeenbuiltinto
mesinceachildturnsherselfintoamouse.

Hunter nods, his lips still smiling. He inhales deeply through his nose when he tilts his head back a

littlesohecanglancedownmybody.“DidshetellyouthatIamthebestthingthathaseverhappenedto
you?”

Ilaughandgotopushhimaway,butheholdsontometighter.“ShesaidI’mthebestthingthathasever

happenedtoyou.”

He’s smug, of course. “I bet she did.” He leans in and places a soft kiss to my lips. When he pulls

away,I’mjustslowlyopeningmyeyesafterrelishinghiskiss,andhetiltshishead.“Youlikemekissing
don’tyou.”It’snotaquestion,butIcatchthesideofmylipbetweenmyteethandnod.Hiseyescuttomy
mouth.

Heleansinagain.“Justhere?”Hislipsbrushovermine.“Orhere?”Hekissesmyjaw.“Andhere?”

hismouthgentlykissesovermyneck.TheloosejumperI’mwearingfallsoffmyshoulderandexposesthe
topofmybra.Hunter’seyesimmediatelyshoottomybra,andhiseyesflutterlazily.

“Whatabouthere?”Hemoveshislipstomybareshoulderthenglidesthemdowntotheswellofmy

breast.Mybreathcatcheswhenhistonguedartsouttolickmyskin,andIfeelhissmileagainstthetrailof
histongue.Isuddenlystartbreathingtooheavily,thinkingtoomuch,panickingjustslightly.

Whatifatanymomenthepullsdownmybra?Whatifheseeshowhardmynipplesare,takesitintohis

mouthandsucks?God,Iwanthimto,butIamtooshytoadmitthatoutloud.Tooshytothrustmyboobs
intohismouthandmakeitobvious.Ibringmyeyesuptomeethisandfallinloveagainbythewayhe
towersoverme.

“Yes.Allthoseplaces.”Ibreathe.It’snottalkingdirty,butIfeelembarrassedthemomentthewords

comeoutofmymouth.Itellmyselfit’sbecauseIamnotusedtotalkingthiswayorbeingtalkedtothis
way.But,hell,whenHunterdoesit,Imentallybegformore.God,Iamavirgin,andIenjoydirtytalk!
Washyourmouthout,Louisa.

Hunter’shandsaresuddenlyundermybutt,andheispickingmeup.Mylegswraparoundhiswaist,

andhetakesmetohisbed.Hismouthisovermine,andIinvitehislipstotakeover,histonguetoplay
relentlesslywithmine.Hislipsarefull,softanddamntheyareso,soskilled.Hekissesmegentlyfirst
thenslideshistonguein.Henibblesmybottomlip,andIhavetheurgetodothesametohim,butIamnot
quiteupthereintheconfidencestandrightnow.Whatifhedoesn’tlikeit?WhathelaughsifIdoit?

“Lou,”hequietlygroansmynameagainstmymouth,thensighsandrestshisforeheadagainstmine.“I

can’ttellyouhowmuchIwanttobebetweenyourlegsrightnow.”Hishandstravelovermybreaststhen
uptocupmyface.“ButIwanttoexplorethissexinessfirst.”

I think he means my whole body, and I freeze. Goddammit, why can’t I just relax when the word or

thoughtofsexappears?

Insteadofreplying,IgentlypushHunteroffme,andscoottotheendofhisbed.“IforgotIhavetobe

somewhere,Hunt.”

IpushmyfeetintoapairofAvery’sshoes,determinednottolookatHunter,butIcan’tresist.Ipeek,

andhe’ssittingontheedgeofhisbed,armscrossed,aconfusedbutnotmadlookonhisface.

“Oh,Igetit,”asmallsmirktugsathislips.“Youdon’tthinkyoucanhandlethis?”hecupshisdick,

and I swear I bend just slight because of the way my legs are about to give up supporting me. “You’re
fragile,aren’tyoubaby.”

Iwishheknewhowmuchhisjokingaroundwastrue.He’sright.Idon’tthinkIcouldhandlehispenis

thatisundeniablygoingtobethesizeofanewbornsarm.Andyes,Iamfragileinthewayofstillhaving
mycavenotconqueredyet.NotthatIhaveacave,ImeanIamnotlikeatunneldownthereoranything.

Casually,Iwaveahandtryingtobrushoffhisjoke.“It’snotthat.I’mgoingtobelatefor…”Itryto

think,butit’snotquickenough,andnothingcomes.

Hunter quirks a brow. “Late for what?” he asks. I get the sense he’s suddenly wondering why I am

beingsoflaky.

I spot Hunter’s black jacket that is neatly placed over his desk chair and whip it off. I pull my arms

throughthesleevesbeforeIturnbacktohim.“CanIborrowthis?”henods,buthe’sstillwaitingformeto
explain.“Lunchwithmydad.IalwayshavelunchwithmyhimonaSaturday.It’stheonlydaywegetto
reallycatchup.”That’snotalie,Iwouldneverlie,it’sjustnormallywegointheevening,notlunchtime.

Hiseyesnarrow,buthe’sstillslightlysmirking.He’stryingtofigureoutwhyIamtryingtogetoutof

hisroom,andamusedbyitatthesametime.Oh,buthowIwishIcouldstayhereandlethimtakeme,
onhisbed,againstthewall,overhisdesk.

I close my eyes, half scolding myself for this dirty mind that has suddenly invaded its way into my

brain.“You’rethinkingtoomuchagain.”Hunterscoldsme.Iopenmyeyesandembarrassmentfloodsmy
cheeks.“Andyou’reblushingagain.”Henotes.

“Iknowyou’reshyBlondie,butthereisneverareasonwhyyoueverneedtofeelembarrassedinfront

ofme.”Ibowdownmyheadandletmymessyhairfallintoashieldaroundmyface.Ifeelhimcoming
towardsme,andhetipsupmychinwithhisknuckle.“Ever.Gotit?”

Irelaxandfeelmyshoulderssagfromthereliefofhiswords.“Gotit.”
“Comeon,”hepullsonhisshoesandtakesmyhand.“Letmewalkyoutoyourdormbeforeyoubruise

aman’segoevenmore.”

Ipushhimawayfrommeplayfully.“Ithinkyouregoiswaytoobigtobebruised.”
Helaughs.“Yeah,you’reprobablyright.”
Huntertakes my handand walks methrough my hallway. Thereare a groupof girls gathered outside

eachother’sdorms,casuallychatting,andwhenIseethemItrytopullmyhandoutofHunter’shold–the
onlyreasonbeingisIdon’twanttobethegirloneveryone’slips.

Hunterpullsonmyhand,comingtoastop.“Uh,areyouashamedtobeseenwithme?Like,wow.”He

raiseshisvoicetomakesurethegirlsarewatchingus.Itseemshewantseveryonetoknowwearedating.

“Stop,”Itellhimseriously,butthatonlymakesitworsebecauseHunter’sfuelisbeingtoldNOTtodo

something.

“Hellno,”helaughs.BeforeIcanobject,hetakesmebythehipsandthrowsmeoverhisshoulder.
Oh,God.Oh,no!Oh,shit!
I…am…dying.
“Hunter,”Islaphisback,wrigglingwithallmymighttomakehimplacemebackonmyfeet.Wepass

thegirls,andIcan’tevenlook.“Justasmalldomestic.”Hetellsthem.“Nothingtostareatgirls.”

Icouldkillhim.Iwanttokillhim.Iwillkillhim.
Hepullsmydormroomkeyoutofmybackpocket,opensthedoor,stepsinsideandshouts.“Nowlet’s

makeupbaby,”beforekickingthedoorclosedwithhisfoot.Heplacesmedownonmyfeetandtakesa
stepawayfromme,pursinghislipstoreigninagrin.

Istareathim.Myheartispounding.Myhandcomestomymouth,andthat’showIstand.Shockedinto

silence.Ihateattentiononme.‘LowKeyandDramaFree’ismymotto.Butnowallthegirlsoutsidewill
betalkingaboutthis…fordays!

“Hunter,please,”Iclosemyeyesandtakeabreath.“Pleasetellmethatjustdidn’thappen.”
Hunter’slaughspillsoutofhismouth.“Yourface,Blondie.”
“IambeyondembarrassedHunter.Seriously,”Iplacemyhandonmystomachandsitdownontheend

ofmybed.“Ifeelsick.”

Huntersitsdownnexttomeandnudgesmyshoulderwithhis.“IwishIcouldsayIwassorry,butI’m

not. I quite liked your ass in my face.” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Come on,” he says, holding his
handsup.“Someonehadtobreaktheice.”

Istareathim.“Therewasnoicetobreak.Allwehadtodowaswalkdownthehall,andcomeinhere

withoutafuss.”

He stands from the bed and walks towards my photo frame on my bedside table. “I gave those girls

somethingworthstaringat.Bigdeal.”Hepointstothelittlegirlwithhermom.“Isthisyou?”

“No,”Isnatchtheframefromhim,mymoodstillalittlesour.“It’sNelsonMandela.”
Hunter’slipstwist.“Wasitaphotofromhisyoungeryears?”
“Stop.”Ilaugh,fallingontomybed.Hunterfallswithme.Ikickoffmyshoes,liewithmybackisto

hisfront,andhespoonsme.We’rebothfullyclothed,andwe’respooning.Whycan’twebefullynaked
andspooning?

“You’redisruptiveandcrazy,”Isay,smilingintomypillow,alreadyforgettingthatmyearsareburning

andthosegirlsoutsidearecallingmenamesthatIdon’tdeserve.

Hunternuzzlesintothebackofmyhead.“Doyoulikedisruptiveandcrazy?”
“No,”Ihalflie.HalfbecauseIdon’tnormallylikethosetwothings,andahalfbecauseIlikeHunter’s

disruptive and crazy attitude. He’s like a breath of fresh air. Different, special, and he makes me laugh
untilmystomachhurts.

“No?”hepretendstobeshocked,makingmeturnaroundtofacehim.“ThenIamgoingtobedouble

disruptiveandcrazy.”

I roll my eyes and nuzzle into his chest, relaxing and feeling an overwhelming sense of comfort. My

eyesareclosing;Idon’tknowwhyIfeelsotired,butbeingwrappedupinhisarmsissowarm,andthe
beatofhisheartinmyearissotranquil,thatIfeeltoocontenttomove.

“IthinkI’mfallingtosleep.”Iyawn.
“Thenfalltosleep,Blondie.I’llbeherewhenyouwakeup.”Hewrapshisarmsaroundmetighter,and

I’mdrifting.

Chapter18

Hunter

She’sbeautiful,abso-fucking-lutelybeautiful.Iwatchhersleep,andgentlymoveherblondehairfromher
facesoIcanseefully.Louisaistimid,tootimidtoflirt,tooshytoadmitshewantsmeinthewayIsee
herlookingatme.She’sinnocent,petite,andsogenuinelykindIdon’tthinkIhaveevermetanyonelike
her.Idon’twanttocorrupther;Idon’twanttodisrupther,butIcan’tpromisemyselfthat.AllIknowis
thatIwouldnevertreatherthewayIhavetreatedgirlsinthepast.Nevergawpatherandrefertoherasa
pieceofass,afuck,apussyIwanttowetmydickin.SheisthegirlIhavebeenwaitingtostumbleacross
sincethemomentmymomgavebirthtome.Okay,maybenotthatyoung,butcloseenough.

TheonlywomanIhaveevertreatedlikeaprincesswasmymother,andnowIwanttotreatthisgirl

likethefuckingnextairtothethrone.Iclosemyeyes,settlingnexttoher,andI’mfalling…

Bang,bang,bang,bang.
Anoisethatmakesmyheadachewakesmeupwithajolt.“Thefuck?”Iyell,situpandnoticeFallon

standingonherbed,bangingaspoonagainstafryingpan.IfeelLouisasitupnexttome,butIamevil.
EvilItellyou.

“Unlessyouplanonmakingmeanomeletwiththatpan,youbettergetthefuckouttahere,Fallon.What

shityoutryingtopull?”

“You,” she points at me with her spoon. “Seem to be in my best friends’ bed, hugging and shit. You

havemadeherlateforherdinnerwithherfather.IknowthisisnotLouisa’susualbehavior,soyou’rethe
badinfluence.Getout.”Shepointstothedoorwiththespoon.

“What!”Louisafly’soutofbedandtakesheralarmclockintoherhands.“Anhourlate!”sheshrieks.

“Crap.”

I watch her scramble to get her shoes on, and she’s running her fingers through her hair at the same

time.Iclimbfromthebedandstretchoutmyarms.Checkingmywatch,Icatchthetime.It’s6pm.Louisa
saysshe’sanhourlate,butearliershetoldmeshewasmeetingherdadforlunch.Idon’twanttoaskher
aboutitrightnow,though,Icanseeshe’sstressing.

IglanceovertoFallon,andshe’sstaringatmewiththosehard,blackeyesofhers.ThenIremembered

lastnight,andwhatshedidtoLouisa.

“Greatfriendyouwerelastnight,huh?”
“Itwasanaccident,asshole.”Shejumpsdownfromherbedandpointsthespoonatme.“Atleastyou

found your perfect chance to take Louisa home and take her virginity like it was some sort of fucking
prize,asshole.”

She’s grating on my goddamn nerves. “Call me an asshole one more time– wait, what did you just

say?”IlookovermyshoulderandLouisaisstandingstill,herbackpackheldinmid-air.Hereyesclose,
andIhearFallonwhisper‘shit’frombehindme.

“Ireallyhavetogo.”Louisa’scheeksareburningwithembarrassment.Shethrowsherbackpackover

hershoulderandscarpersforthedoor.

IturnmyheadslowlyareglareatFallon.“You’retheonlyassholerightnow.”
“Ithoughtyouknew,”shetriestodigherwayoutoftheshitpitshe’sdugforherself.“Ithought–”
“Youthoughtwrong,”Isay,beforerunningtowardsthedoor.“Louisa!”IcallherbeforeIevenseeher

becauserightnowIhatethatshewasembarrassedbyherfuckingassholeofabestfriend.Iknewshewas
shy,butavirgin?Fuck,whydoesthisnewsmakemesohappy?Iseeherjumpingintotheelevator,butby
thetimeIgettherethedoorsclose.Imakeforthestairs,jumpingthreeatatimeandmakeittothebottom
justbeforetheelevatordoorsopen.Louisaseesmestandingthere,waitingforher.

“Hunter,Ireallyhavetogo.”Shepushespastme,butItakeherwristandpullherback.
“Lou,” I say her name, but she refuses to look me in the eye. “What did I tell you about never being

embarrassedinfrontofme?”

She hunches her backpack on her shoulders and glances behind her to two girls watching us in the

corridor.Fuckingnoseyfucks.

“Ijustdidn’twantyoutofindoutthatway.”Hervoiceissmall,andshetakesastepback.“I’lltalkto

youlater,okay?”sheturnshastilyandwalksquicklyoutofthebuilding.

Ifollowherthroughtheparkinglot.“Callmeafter?”Iaskher,hopingthatshewill,andshedoesn'tfeel

tooembarrassedtotalktomeaboutit.

Shepressesherkeyfob,andthewhiteMercedesSLKbeepsasitunlocks.“Nicecar.”Iwhistle.
Sheopensthedoor.“Ihateit.”
Iknewthistypeofcarwasn’ther.She’snotflashy,norboastful.Iwonderifherparentsarerich?
“Mydad’saDoctor.”Sheanswersmythoughts.“Notrich.Buthehasenough.”
“What kind?” I want to keep her talking, but by the way she’s shifting on her feet I know she really

wantstogetgoing.

“Radiology.”Sheslidesintotheseat.Iholdthedooropen,lookinginonher.
“Louisa,”Isayhernamewithasigh.“Pleasedon’tpanic.You’reavirgin,bigdeal.”Iraiseasmirk.“I

actuallylovethatyouare.”

Iwatchhervisiblyrelax,hershoulderssag,andsheletsoutagasp.“Really?”
I also relax, because for a second there I thought she was going off me and wanted to be rid of my

company.Yeah,Iknow,hardtobelieve.“Hmm,”Imakethesoundfromthebackofmythroat.Iknowshe
enjoysitwhenImakethatnoise.She’llenjoyitahelluvalotmorewhenI’mmoaningandgroaningwith
myhandsarealloverthatsweet,sexybodyofhers.

Ibenddownandpressakisstohercheek.“ToknowthatI’mtheonlyguywhowilleverhaveyour

body?Hell,yeah,itfuckingturnsmeon.”

Shelaughs,risesonhertiptoesandpullsonmycollar.“Whatmakesyousosureyou’regoingtohave

it?”shesays,talkingagainstmymouth.

Ismile.“I’mnotsure.”Yeah,Iam.“Iliveinhope.”
Ihearherphoneringing,andwhenshepicksitup,Iseethecallerisherdad.“Goalready.”Shesays.

Sheclosesthedoor,andIlookthroughthewindowandholdmycelluptomyear.

“Callme.”Imouth.
Shenods,grinningasshebacksoutoftheparkingspacelikeapro.WhyamIhardasfuckwatchingher

driveaway?Girlsandmotors?Twooflife’sfinest.

Louisa

IpullupoutsidemyhouseinMoseHill.Mystepmomsaysourtwo-mile-longstreetisoneofthesought-
afterneighborhoodsinBoston.Itisimpressive,butIjustdespisewhatValerydidwiththeplaceinside.
Everythingiswhite.Whitefloors,whitewalls,whitekitchen,withsplashesofblackandgrayhereand
there. Nothing represents her personality, there’s no warmth or character. Bree says it matches Valery’s
personalityperfectly.

“Dad?”Icallthroughthehall,pushingmybackpackoffmyshoulders.Iwalkthroughthelargehallway

andintothekitchen.There’snoonearound.Iwalkthroughthediningroomandtheretheyallare.Mydad,
Valery,mystepbrother,EmmersonandsurprisinglyBree.

“Itriedcallingyou,sweetie.”Mydadsays.“It’snotlikeyoutobelate.”Myphonestartsringing,andI

gainafrownfrommyfatherbeforeansweringit.

“Heyyou,”Fallongreetsme.“IamsosorryabouttellingHunteryou’restill–”
“Canyouexcusemeamoment?”Iaskmydad,andhenods,buthisbrowisraised.Imakeitdownthe

hallwayandpulloutmyphonewhenIamhiddenbehindacorner.

“Forget it,” I say. “That doesn’t matter now because I think I’m going to be losing it tonight.” I am

whispering like a child who doesn’t want anyone to eavesdrop. I should have just taken the call in the
closet.“I’mgladyoucalledbecause,well,Ineedtips.”

“Motheroffuck,”shegasps,andIstopmyselffromscoldingherforcursing.“Right,whatpantiesare

youthinkingofwearing?”

“IboughtacoupleofnewpairsatWalmarttheotherday.”
“Louisa,”shehisses.“Youarenotwearingcottonpantiesthatcomeasamultipackfor$2.”
“$3,actually.”
“Bin them or I will. You need sexy Frenchie’s, matching bra. Wear something hot. Do not wear your

Converse.”ShesaysbeforeIcangetthatin.

Mystyleiscasual,Conversethatarebeloved,jeans,abaggyt-shirt,hairlookinglikeIjustgotoutof

bed,anklebraceletsthatIhaven’ttakenoffinthreeyears,makeupnonexistent,that’sme.So,what?

“YouhaveaKristenStewartstylegoingon,Louisa,eventhoughIwoulddoherinaninstant,it’skind

oflazy.YouneedtobemoreBlakeLively,justfortonight.”

“Saysyou,whoonlywearsblackandlivesinthoseleatherbootswiththathideousskullonthefront.”I

slapmyhandovermymouth.“Oh,myGod,Iamsosorry.”

The line goes silent, then I hear laughter coming from Fallon. “Shit,” she’s laughing hard. “I think

HunterHisbringingoutthatcheekinessthatwasneededfromyou.”

Ishakemyheadfiercely.“No,thatwasmean,andjudgy,that’snotwhatImeant.”
“It’scoolasice.”Fallonchuckles.“Anyway,getyourselfsomethingsexy.BorrowBree’sifyouhave

to.”

“Ew,no!”Ihearfootstepscomingdownthemarblesqueakycleanfloor.
“Lou?”
“It’sBree.Gottogo.”
“Whoareyoutalkingto?”BreefrownsandIcanseehereyesglanceatmyphoneinmyhand.
“Fallon.Familyemergency.”Ilie.
ShecrossesherarmsandnodstowardsthejacketIamwearing.“IsthatHunter’sjacket?”
I completely forgot I kept it on! “Uh, yeah.” As I walk past her to head back to my uneaten plate of

chickensalad,Ifeelhereyesburningintomyback.Idon’tmakeafussthough.

***

When I get back to my dorm, I take a shower, and change into a cami and bed shorts. My phone hasn’t
stoppedringing,sowhenIfinallygetchancetopickitup,Iseeit’sHuntercalling.Thebiggestgrinforms
acrossmyface.

“Hey,”
“Finally,you’reback.CanIcomeseeyounow?”Hesaysstraightaway.“That’sifyou’renotwithyour

Rottweiler.”

Isnuggleintomypillow.“Fallon’sout.HowdoyouknowIwashome?”
“Isawyourcarintheparkinglot.”
Ichuckle.“AreyoubecomingobsessedwithmeHunter?”Iwouldn’tmindifhewere.Hell,Iwishhe

were.

“Uh,”hescoffs.“Iwatchyousleep,Iwanttobenearyou24/7,andIknowyou’rebackbecauseI’ve

beenlookingoutofthewindowtotheparkinglotforthepasttwohours,andsuddenlyI’mobsessed?”I
knowhe’sgrinning;Icanhearitinhisvoice.“Unbelievable.”Hewhispers,pretendingtobechokedup
andupset.

“Doyouwanttocomeover?”I’mtwistingmyhairaroundmyfinger,andflirting!
“Whatkindofquestionisthat.”
“Ifyoucomeover,doyoupromisetobehave?”
“Crossmyheart.”Hesays.“Canyouhearmedoingitrightnow?”
Igrin.“Okay,youcancomeover.”Thelinegoesdead,andthere’saknockonthedoor.Idon’thaveto

goandanswerbecauseaftertheknockthedoorgetspushedopenandinwalksHunter.

Hunter

Sheraisesherbrowatmewhensheseesmewalkintoherroom.“Youwerestandingoutsidethewhole
time?Security!”Sheshouts.

Iclutchatmychestandgrabatmyshirt.“Iamwoundedbysuchmockery.”I’mmakingajokeoutofit,

buthellIfIamjoking.Fuckiswrongwithme?Iamactinglikeapussywhippedbitch.IexpectLouisato
laughalong,butrightnowshe’sjuststaringatmeinawayIstareather–allthetime.Predatory,heated,
needingtocomesohardImaybreak.Well,maybeshe’snotthinkingaboutthelatter,butIam.

“Your t-shirt shows off your abs perfectly, Hunter.” I watch her throat dip as she swallows. I am

wearingmysportskitthatincludesblacktrackpants,ablackandredtight-as-hellt-shirtandmyduffel
bagisthrownovermyshoulder.Ididn’thavetimetochange,andfuckamIgladIdidn’t.“Idon’tknow
howyoucanbethishotandreal.”Shegiggles.

“Baby, this is not an illusion.” I throw down my duffle bag, grab the bottom of my t-shirt and pull it

overmyhead.“100percentreal.”Iglancedownatmystomach,thenwalktowardsLouisa.“Goahead,
touchme.”Sheholdsoutherhandbuthesitates.“I’mallyours,Blondie.”Isuckinadeepbreathasshe
runsherfingertipsdownmychest,andIswearmydickshootsstraightup.

Downboy.
Bothherhandsarenowfeelingtheirwayacrossmystomach,andthewayshelooksfrommyabs,upto

myeyesinawaythatissopuppy-likeandsweet,makesmewanttopummelher.AndIdo.Fuckyeah,I
do. I push her down onto her bed and crash my lips into hers. She moans so sweetly it sends an ache
throughmychest.

“Iwantyouspreadnakedbeneathme,baby.”Oh,shit,I’mthinkingoutloudagain.“Sorry,Blondie.

Ignoreme.”Itellher.ThereisnowayonearththatIwantLouisatothinkIampressuringher.Atall.I
willwaituntilshe’sonehundredandfuckingtwoifImust,butIwouldmuchpreferalesswrinklypussy.

Mythoughtsaboutheraredirty.ThethingsIwanttodotoherarefilthy,butIalsowanttomakereal,

passionate love to this girl. A girl that I want to take my sweet time with. A girl who deserves to be
devouredslowly.

“Don’tbesorry.”Shebreathesagainstmylips,massaginghertongueagainstmine.“Ilikethatyoutalk

dirtytome.”

Well,fuckmetwice.Shedoes?
“Youdo?”Ipullbackandseethesweetandinnocenceofherfeatures,butshealsohasaminxlikegrin

spreadingacrossherlips.Shenods,andIwatchtheheatrisinginhercheeks.“Lou,”Imoanhername,
movemyhandsupherstomachandpullhercamioverherhead.

Oh, sweet Jesus, she’s braless. Her tits are pale and pert, nipples pointed and a perfect pink. I

swallowhard.MyeyescloseandIrestmyforeheadonhers.

“Mydickiscausingmepainrightnow.”Ibreathe.Shepullsherfingersthroughmyhairandmakesme

lookather.

“Why?” she asks. She knows why. I love that she knows, her smile tells me as much, but her

vulnerability also tells me she’s a little nervous to be so exposed in front of me. She’s not exposed
enough.

“Because it has never ached so much. Your tits… hmm.” I can’t finish my sentence because I can’t

describehowperfecttheyarewithoutgroaninginsatisfaction.Hertitsarebig,full,perkyasfuck.Her
stomachisflat,butshehasthosewidehipsthatismakingmesalivateatmymouthrightnow.Shewatches
mestaringatherandshesuddenlycoversherstomachwithherhands.“Canweswitchthelightoff?”

Igapeather-Seriously?
“You switch the light off Louisa, and you will be committing a crime against my eyes.” I move her

handsaway,pinthemdownaboveherheadandrestthemagainstherpillow.“Youarefuckingstunning,”I
saypointblank,dippingdowntokissherlips.“So,sobeautiful.”Iletherhandsgo,andherfingersrun
throughmyhair.Shepullsmyheadtowardsherandkissesmehard.It’senoughtomakemecrack.She
moans into my mouth when my hands cup her tit, I bite her lip hard because of the way my cock is
throbbing,andbythewaymytonguefeelsagainstherbareneck.

“Hunter,”shesaysmynamebetweenagaspwhenItakeanippleintomymouthandsuck.Oh,thisis

so,sogood.Isuckhard,pullhernipplebetweenmyteethandgroanbecauseofthewayLouisaispulling
atmyhair,gasping,andurgingherpussyupwards.Shehasn’tgroundherpelvisagainstmydickyetbut
fuckthemomentshedoesIamgoingtoexplode.

Ashardasitistosay,Idon’twantherto,though,becauseifshedoesmycockisgoingstraightintoher

pussyandfuckingherhard.Iwilllosecontrol,thereisnodoubtaboutit.Louisaisavirgin,andIwantto
takeitslow,Idon’twanttoharmorbruiseher.Ontheotherhand,Iwanttofullyshowherwhatshe’s
beenmissing,andthat’smycock.

Louisa

Hunter’slipsaroundmybreastisforcingmetomoan,gaspandmakenoisesI'mnotusedto.Mybodyis
wrigglingoffitsownaccord.Mymoansarecomingout,andthereisnowaytostopit.Thetemperateof
mybodyisrisingbythesecond,andIhavenoideahowtocoolitdown.Ifeelstupidlyinexperienced
whenhesitsmeonhislapandwrapsmylegsaroundhiswaist.

“Youokay?”heasksforthetwentiethtime.
“Morethanokay.”Ismile.
“Good.” I am fully aware, maybe more aware of his lips pressing into mine, the noises he makes to

make me aware he wants me. “Baby, tell me if I’m going too fast, too slow. Tell me if I am doing
somethingyoudon’tlike,ifthereisanythingyoudon’twantmetodo,orifyoufeeluncomfortableatall.”

Huntermeltsmyheart.He’skissingmehard,thenhereignsincontrolandactslikeI’mfragile.Iamnot

fragile;Iamjustavirgin.Ihaveneeds.Idon’twanttobetreatedwithcareorlikeImaybreak.When
Huntertalksdirtytome,kissesmehard,feelsmybodyinawaythatissoeffortlessyetsopowerfuland
commanding,Iyearnforit.Iamyearningforit.Betweenmylegs,Iamwet,Iampounding,Iamneeding.
Just because I haven’t done this before, or don’t know how to express myself sexually, doesn’t mean I
haven’tfelturgesorthesedesires,andIwantHuntertoknowthat.Ifeelsafewithhim;Ifeelreadytolet
go.Iamready.

IntheheatofthemomentIwrapmylegsaroundhiswaist,andhiseyeslightup.“Hunter,please,don’t

begentle.”

Hetensessitsbackandlooksatmehard.MakingsureIamtellingthetruth.“You’renotjustsayingthat

becauseyou’returnedon?Idon’twantyoutoregretitlater,Lou.”

Ishakemyheadquickly.Ineedhimonmeagain.Grabbingforhisshoulders,Ipullhimoverme.My

handsgoontohisface,andItracehisbottomlipwithmythumb.“Imeanit,Hunter.Don’tgogentle,don’t
actlikeIwillbreak.Don’tthinkaboutit,justdoit.Please.”

Helooksatme,makingsureIamgenuine.Ilovethatheis,thathe’sthinkingaboutmeandwhatIwant.

ButthisiswhatIwant.

“Whataboutdirtytalk?”hebitesthetipofmythumb.
Igasp.“Thedirtier,thebetter.”
Heinhales.“Hardfucks?”
“Yesplease.”Isqueak.
“Anyboundaries?”heasks,gettinghimselfworkedup.
“None.”Ibreathe,gettingimpatient.Idon’tevenknowifIhaveany.“Justtakeme,Hunter.”DidIjust

saythat?

Hiseyesclose,andhereleasesasubtlemoan.“Baby,it’llbemypleasure.”
His hands are pinning my arms above my head, and he’s kissing me so hard I lose breath. One hand

releasesmyarmandheusesthebackofhisfingerstoskimdownmyneck,downmybreastsandstomach,
thenhisfingersstopashegetstothewaistbandofmyshorts.Hisbehaviorhasmeallexcited.

“Theseneedtocomeoff.”Hepullsthemdownmylegs,butkeepsmypantieson,thenhe’sbackover

me, kissing me, taking over my mouth with his tongue. I can’t help but think how much of an excellent
kisserheis,andwonderwhathethinksofme?Hekissesmesopossessivelylikehebeenholdingthis
sidebackandnowhe’sunleashingitwithavengeance.Ilovethewayitfeels.Lovethissidetohim,a

sideIknewhewantedtoletloose.AsideIknewhewashiding.

Iletmyhandsroamoverhisshoulders,overtheripplesofhisabs.Theyarereal,theyareundermy

palms and so hot and hard. I wonder if he thinks I should work out as much as he does? Stop thinking
Lou!Healreadysaidyouwerebeautiful.

Hisfingersslideintomypanties,andhestopskissingandglancesintomyeyes.
“Okay?”Hemakessurefirst.
“Amazing.”Ibreathe.Withthatonewordspokenhenods,keepshiseyeslockedonmineandslideshis

fingersinsidemypanties.Hepushestwofingersinsideofme.

“Hunter.”Igasphisnameandmybackarchesfromthebed.
“Okay?”Heasksagain,butalittlemorebreathlessthistime.
“Yes,”Itellhim.
Hethrustshisfingersintomeharderandgroans.“You’resoakingwet.”
“Isthatagoodthing?”Iask,pushingupmyhips,sohisfingerspushindeeper.
Hischuckleisraspy.“Yeah,baby,itis.”Hegetsmyhintandpushesanotherfingerinsideofme.“Have

you ever cum, Louisa?” I shake my head no. “That makes me so happy. Your first orgasm is going to
belongtome.”Hethrustshisfingersinandoutslowly,andeverytimehepushestheminwithalittlebit
moreforce,Igaspevenharder.Hunterhasn’ttakenhiseyesoffme.Hewatchesmyface,mylipsmoaning,
mybuttrising,hisfingersthrusting.Hesucksthetipofhisthumbthenbringsittomyclit.Itonlytakes
threecircularrubs,andmybodyistightening.Mylegsarestrengthening.ThenHunterstopsandremoves
hisfingers.

“Whydidyoustop?”IswearIamabouttocry.Hunterstartskissingdownmywobblinglegs,moving

hismouthbetweenmythighs.“Iwanttotasteyourpussy,Lou.Iwantyoutocomeforthefirsttimeinmy
mouth.”

“Oh,God.”ImoanasHunterlicksbetweenmylegs.Myheadfallsbackintothepillow.Myfingersdig

into his shoulders. The way he’s French kissing me down below, then sucking at my clit is causing my
headtospin.Mymindislost.Hunterismakinggentlenoisesthatsoundlikehe’senjoyingitjustasmuch
as me, and that’s turning me on even more. Feeling his tongue lashing across my clit and exploring
betweenmylegscausesmetolosemymind.

“Hunter!” I call out his name, clench my eyes shut and come loose. “Oh my God.” I am gasping for

breath as I come. I press my legs against Hunter's temples and yank at his hair. The sensation is life
changing.

Life.
Changing.
“Fuckme,Hunter,”Ibegofhim.Irealizethattalkinglikethisisn’tme.Iwouldneverusethesewords,

butIaminthemomentwhereIdon’tcareaboutanythingotherthanHunterbeinginsideme.

Hunterlickshislips,hiseyesareheavylidded,andhelooksextremelypleased.Ithinkhe’saboutto

obeymywishes,buthekissesupmynecksoftly,calmingmedown.“Baby,Idon’tthinkweshould.”

“I’mready,”Itellhim,feelingdownhisstomachtotakehisdickintomyhands.
“Oh,Jesus.”Hegasps,pressinghisforeheadagainstmine.Okay,IamholdingHunter’slargedickin

mypalm,andIsuddenlyfeeltheurgetopleasehimmorethanhepleasedme.

Hispalmscupmycheeks,andhekissesmehardasImovemyhandupanddown.Slowatfirst,Itease

him,runningmythumbalongtheheadandsmearinghispre-cumdownhisshaft.Ihaveanurgetotasteit,
but I feel too shy to bring my thumb up to my lips. I move my hand harder, faster. I love the noises he
makes,themoans,thegroans,thegasps.Thewayhekissesme,thenlet’sgotoreleaseabreath.

“Lou,”hebreathsagainstmyneck.“…feelssogood.”Ithinkhe’sabouttocumbecausehetenses,his

fingerspullalittleonmyhair.Imovemywristfaster,needinghimtocumforme,notjustbecauseit’s
turningmeonwatchinghimabouttocomeundone,butbecause,Jesus,mywristiskillingme.

“Lou,oh,Lou.”Heheavesoutmynamehuskilyandragged,andIkeepgoinguntilhetensesontopof

me.Thewayhesaidmynamejustnowkeepsre-playingthroughmymindasherelaxes.Iwanthimtosay
itsomuchmore.Justlikethat.

Whenourbreathingreturnstonormal,heshifts,fallstothesideofme,liesonhisbackandpullsmeon

topofhim.

Brushing my hair behind my ear, he says, “That was…” he smiles and glances up to the ceiling. “A-

fucking-mazing.”

Ilaugh.“Iamprettysurethatworddoesn’tbelonginthedictionary.”Thenitsuddenlydawnsonme,

shit, I asked him to fuck me? What the? I hang my head in shame and bury my head in the crook of his
neck.NotonlybecauseIaskedhimsomethingIwouldnevernormallyask,okay,begged,butbecausehe
saidno.Whydidhesayno?

“Hey,”helaughs,tryingtopullmeuptolookathimbutIrefuse.“Youjustletmelickyourpussy,and

now you decide to go shy on me?” he bumps me up with his hips, but I still refuse to look. “Blondie,
what’sup?”

Irolloverhimandthrowthecoversovermyhead.Helaughs,pullsthemupandgetsunderneathwith

me.“YoubetterstarttalkingbecauseIturngreenwhenIgetclaustrophobic.”

Iquicklythrowthecoversoffus.“Really?”
Hunterbowshisheadbetweenusandsmirks.“No.”
“Hunter,”Iplayfullysmackhisshoulder.
Hegrabsholdofmyarmsandmakesmelookathim.“Tellme.”
Ishrug,andglanceawayfromhim,focusingonallofFallon’scostumewigsthataremessilythrown

acrossherbed.“I’mjustembarrassedthatIbeggedyoutofuckme.Thentoaddinjurytoinsult,yousaid
no.”Iglancebackathimbecausethecolorofherwigsstarttogivemeaheadache.“IknowImaynotbe
agirlyouusuallydate,but–”

“Stopthere.”Hesays.Huntermakesmelieonmyside,nexttohimsowearefacetoface.Iclosemy

eyeswhenhestartsstrokingmycheek.“You’reright,you’renothinglikethegirlsIusuallydate.”Myeyes
shootopen,butheputsafingertomylipstostopmetalking.“Andthat’sthepoint.”Hesighsandleansup
onanelbow.

“Lou,Itoldyouno,becauseIdon’twantyoutoaskmetofuckyouintheheatofthemoment.Iwant

youtoaskmetomakelovetoyouwhenyou’rethinkingstraight.”Thewayhe’slookingdownonmeis
like he’s looking at the most adorable teddy that exists. I don’t want to be adorable, I want to be sexy.
Don’tI?No,Idon’twanttobesexy.Iwanttobeme.Hunterlikesme.Iwillnotlosemyselfrightnow
justbecauseIamhavingalittleself-doubt.

“IfIlostcontrol,andbelievemeIwasclose,thenIwouldhavefuckedyousoharditwouldhavehurt,

Lou.ThatisthelastthingIwanttodotoyou.Tohurt,you.”

“Ever?”Iask,wonderingifhewillonlyevertreatmelikeIammadeofglass.
“Justforthefirsttime,”herunshisfingersdownmybreast.“Iwanttomakeyoufeelcomfortableand

special.Then,”hisfingerstrailovermyhips.“Wecanfuck.”Heleansin.“Ashardasyouwant.”Ibite
mylip,alreadyturnedonandanticipatingthemomentwhenIgettolosemyvirginitytoHunter.Myheart
swellsatthethoughtthathewantstotakeitslow,itmakesmefeelspecialtodoitwhenthetimeisright.I
know if it were any other boy, he would have dived right in, and yes, probably hurt me and ruined my
first-timeexperience.Iwonderwhathehasinstoreforme?

Thesmallestkisstomycollarbonehasmewrigglingunderhistouch.“Tellmewhen,andIwillbeat

yourservice.”Hesays.

“Tomorrownight,”Itellhim.Ican’twaitanylonger.
Hisgrinhishuge.“Tomorrownightitis,then.YouwillfeeladifferentgirlafterI’mdonewithyou.”

Hejokes-ordoeshe?

Hunterpullshimselfup,andIwatchhimfindhisclothes,andthenIscowlbecausehehidesthatbody

fromme.Althoughheisequallyassexywhenhe’sdressed.

Hunterthrowshisduffelbagoverhisshoulderandbendsdowntokissmeonmylips.“I’llcallyou

afterpractice.”Hewinks.Irollmyeyes,andsmile,watchinghimleavemybedroom.Whenhe’sgone,I
collapseintomypillowandexhalethebiggestbreath.Whatthehelljusthappened?

As I am contemplating life with Hunter, and reliving what happened just now, I feel tingly all over

again.ThinkingaboutthewayHunter'stonguedancedaroundmyclitisformingathrobbetweenmylegs.
Ipulltheblanketovermynakedbodyandslidemyhanddownbelowmythighs.Ihavetouchedmyself
before, but have never made myself cum. I’ve touched myself thinking of celebrities, (mainly Ryan
Gosling)butneveracrush,neveraboyfriend.ItouchmyselfthinkingofHunterandliftmybuttoffthebed
justalittleasIpushmyfingersinsidemyself.Imoan,whisperingHunter'sname.

“Shit,Iforgotmyphone–”
Ishootupinbed,clutchingthecoverstomychest.“Hunter!”Igasp.Iwouldn’tbeembarrassed,butthe

wayhe’slookingatmeistellingmewithoutadoubtheknowswhatIwasdoingundertheblankets.

Hetiltshisheadandsmirks.“Wereyou–”
“No!”Isnap.Mortifiedjustdoesn’tcutitrightnow.
Hunter drops his duffel bag from his shoulder. His eyes turn dark, turned on and excited. “You were

touchingyourselfandthinkingofme?”Okay,thewayhe’slookingatmerightnowisthewayalionlooks
athispreybeforepouncing.Thatmeansmyanticsturnedhimon,right?

“Were you thinking about my hands all over your gorgeous tits? My fingers and tongue inside your

pussy?”

Oh,whyishesogoodatthis.andwhyamInot?“Maybe.”Ibreatheout,staringintohiseyes.
Hedropstohiskneesandscootstothesideofthebed.“Doitnow.Letmewatch.”
Mycheeksheatup.“Youwanttowatch?”
“Hmmm,” he groans. He reaches under the cover with his hand and feels his way between my open

thighs.“Goddamn,you’resowet.IsthishowImakeyou,baby?”Oh,God,yeah,hedoes.

Inod,andunderthesecurityofthecover,Iplacemyhandoverhisandmoveitaround.Myheadfalls

back,myeyesclose,butHunterpullshishandawayandreplacesitwithmine.Hecan’tdirectlyseemy
handonmyvagina,buthecanfeelit,andhecanseethewaymyfeaturesarefallinglanguid,thewaymy

lipspart.Hecanhearmysoftmoans,hearhisnamebeingwhispered.

“Makeyourselfcum,Lou.”Hecommands.Iamcirclingmyclitwiththetipofmyfinger,andHunter

thruststwofingersinsideofmebutkeepsthemstill.“Iwanttofeelyoutightenaroundmyfingers,baby.”
Hisfingersaredeep,andhebeginstothrusttheminandoutleisurely.It’ssexy-himclothed,menaked,
andbothofusworkingmeuptoaclimax.

IscootforwardpushinghisfingersintomeasIapplymorepressuretomyclit.
“Hunter…I’malmostthere.”
“Hmmm,yes.”Hemoans,keepinghisfingersstillasIcum.Iclosemylegstogetherandgripholdof

thesheetsridingoutmyclimaxuntilIfallbackontothebed.Hunterremoveshisfingersandhoversover
me.Herunsthetipofhisfingersalonghisbottomlip,thenheslidesthemintohismouthandsucks.

“Youaremyfavoriteflavor.”Hegrins.“Now,isitokaytoleaveyoualone?Iknowyou’regoingto

missme,butI’llcallyoulater.”

Irollmyeyes.“I’msureI’llmanage.”
Hunterisabouttokissmegoodbye,buthisphoneringsinsidehispocket.Hereachesinandchecksthe

calleronthescreen.Hunterscowls.“Fuck’ssake.”Hehangsupandclimbsfromthebed.“Ihavetogo,
Blondie.”Heblowsmeakissandgoesonhisway.

Whoeverjustcalledhimhasmadehimangry.Maybeit’sanex?Idoubtthereissomethingworsethana

jealousexwithavendetta

Chapter19

Louisa

“Imean,ismyhandmeanttoache,oristheresomeexerciseIcandotocombatthat?”IamtellingFallon
allaboutwhathappenedwithHunterlastnight.SinceIamnotexperiencedwiththissexbusiness,Iliketo
askallquestionsIknowFallonwillhavetheanswersto.

“Fuckno,”shesays,screwingupanotherpieceofpaperandthrowingitintothetrashcannearby.“It

acheslikeabitch,butyoudrivethroughitlikeatrooperandbegtofuckhecumsbeforeyougivein.”

Iflickthepageoveronmystudybook,FallonandIarestudyingonthetablebenchesintheparknear

college. A lot of students come here when the weather is nice, it’s peaceful, and being surrounded by
wildlife hiding in the trees gives me a sense of serenity. Although, Fallon’s Marilyn Manson music is
givingmeaheadacheandIcanonlyhearitslightlycomingfromherheadphones.Howcanshestudyand
listentothatkindofmusic?Todayherhairispink,butIamnotsureifshe’sdyeditorshe’swearinga
wig.Theylooksoreal.

“Anyway,Ihaveaclassin…”shechecksherphoneforthetime.“Oh,now.Seeyalater.”
Iwaveheroff,placemysunglassesbackovermyeyesandgetstuckin.Aroundtenminutes’pass,andI

hearmusiccomingfromsomewhereelse.Igroan,hatingitwhenstudentsbringtheirsmallmusicpillsor
whateverthey’recalledtothepark.Themusicgetscloser,soIwhipoffmysunglassesandturnaroundto
seewho’sdisturbingme.Ofcourse,Iwouldn’targueoryell,therewouldbenoneed;apolite‘wouldyou
keep it down’ will do. However, and a huge, however, it is Hunter and his guyband that is making the
noise.Iwatchastheymoveacrossthepark,Hunter,Jax,AshbyandDexter.It’salmostliketheyshouldbe
movinginslowmotion.LiketheyshouldbeonasexyPepsiadvert.

Thegirlsareliterallytakingofftheirsunglassestocheckthemout.Irollmyeyes,pushmysunglasses

backonandturnbacktomywork.

“Blondie.”MyearsprickupwhenIhearhisvoice.Iglanceovermyshoulderandwatchhimjogaway

from where his friends are about to sunbathe on the grass and make his way towards me. My eyes are
dartingoverhisfaceandhisbaretorso.Hist-shirtiscasuallythrownoverhisshoulder,andhepusheshis
RayBansontohishead.“Comehereoften?”hewinks.

I laugh. “You’re so weird.” I glance back to where his friends are, they’re watching us. “Are you

ditchingthemforme?”myquestionwasplayful,butsomewhereitcameouthopeful.

His grin is infectious. “Baby, I would ditch the goddamn Queen for you. Queen Elizabeth that is, ya

know,notQueenBbecausethatwouldmakemecrazy.”

Igaspplayfully.“YouwouldditchmeforBeyoncé?WellIwouldditchyouforRyanGosling,andBrad

Pit,and–”

“Whoa,whoa,whoa.”Hewaveshishandsaroundthenleansonmyshoulders.“Therearemorethan

threemenyouwouldditchmefor?IthinkIneedtocallyourmomlittlelady.”

Thesmilethatwasonmyfaceslowlyfadesautomatically,butIpickitbackupbeforeHunterrealizes.

“Justkidding,”Iquicklysay.“Iwouldn’tditchyouforanyone.”

Hunterstraddlesthebenchandfacesme.Heslipsoffmysunglasses,placestheminhislapandsmiles.

“Iwouldn’tditchyoueither.Iquitelikeyou.”Heleansinandkissesme.It’sasoftandslowkiss,andI
ammentallyawarethatweareprobablybeingwatchedrightnow,butIdon’tcare.“Whatyoudoinghere
byyourself?”heglancesovermystudypapersandnotes.“Oh,Ishouldhaveknown.”Hegrins.

“Yes,andyou’re,”Ipokehiminhischest–hisbarechestthatishard,tanandurgingmetotouchisthat

bitmore.“Distractingme.”

Huntershrugsproudly.“Disruptiveanddistracting.Isn’tthatwhyyouagreedtobemygirlfriend?”he

scoffs.“Becauseifit’snot,weseriouslyneedtoreconsiderthisrelationship.”

Ishakemyheadathim.“Stopmessingaround,Ineedtostudy.”
Hunternodslikehegetsit,standsupandmovesasidesomeofmysheets.Heliesdownonthetable,

places his sunglasses back on and sunbathes right there. “I’m not stopping you. I’ll just lie right here,
lookingallirresistibleandshit.”

Iflickhimonthekneewithmyruler.“Youareannoyinglyright,butwhenitcomestomystudies,Ican

resistanything.”

“Ohreally,”hesayswithoutlookingup.IknowbythewayhisvoicehasateasetoitthatIhavejustset

himachallenge.

“Really,”Isay.PickingupmypenIcarryonwriting,tryingtoignorethewayHunter’sabsareinfull

viewandsoamazinglygorgeous.Iglancebackdowntomyworkbutnoticehishandshifttohiscrotch.

“Justtoletyouknow,Iamsofuckinghardrightnow.Watchingyoustudyisweirdlyturningmeon.”
“Shhh.”Ihiss,bitingatmylipandcarryingonwithmywriting.Ihatemyeyesforglancingbackand

forth.Watchinghishandrestingonthebulgethatissoobviousunderhisshortsiskillingme.Killingme.

“Whatifwefuckedonthisbench,Lou?Hmmm,”hegroans,stillwithoutlookingup.“Iwouldfuckyou

sogood,thewholeparkwouldknowmyname.”

Iraisemybrow.“I’mprettysuretheyknowyournamealready,Hunter.”Iclenchmylegstogetherand

trytoconcentrate,butIhavereadthesamelinefivetimes.

Hefinallysitsup,takesmypenoutofmyhandandthrowsitbehindhim.“Ican’ttakeitnomore.Come

here.”Heslipsdownfromthetable,placeshishandsundermyarmsandpullsmefromthebench.

“Hunter,whatareyoudoing?”
Hepicksmeupandlaysmedownontothegrass,thenhoversoverme.
“Ican’tgomorethanaminutewithoutthinkingaboutyouLou.Ican’tgoasecondwithoutwantingmy

handsonyou.Idon’twanttogosecondswithoutyou.”Herunsthetipofhisnosealongmine,andIsmile
widerthanIhaveeversmiledduetohiswords.

“Isthisyoubeingserious?”Iask.
“Deadlyserious.”Hekissesmeagain,andIpalmthesideofhisheadasIkisshimback.
“EventhoughIwouldliketo;Idon’tthinkit’spossibleforustobejoinedatthehip.”
Hunterpullsbackanddeadpans.“IhaveabeltathomethatIcanstrapusbothinto.Justsaytheword.”
Ipushhisshoulder.“You’recrazy,butIlikeyou,butyou’recrazy.”
Hunterlaughs.“You’requotingOldSchoolonmerightnow?”
“Isuream.”Itakehissunglassesfromhisheadandplacethemovermyeyes.“Now,getlost.Ifyou

wantmetoyourselftonight,youhavetoletmestudyrightnow.”

Huntershootsupfromwhereheissittingandgetstohisfeet.“Yes,mam.”Hekissesmyforeheadthen

jogsbacktowardshisfriends.Whenhe’slyingnexttothem,hegivesmeawave.

Ishakemyheadandgetbacktostudying.

Chapter20

Louisa

IcheckmyhairinthemirroroncemoreafterIreceiveatextfromHuntertellingmehe’soutside.Ithrow
onahoodedjumperquickly,pushmyfeetintoboots,andI’mready.

“Youlooklikeyou’regoingcamping,whatifhe’stakingyoutoarestaurant?”
“Hetoldmetowearwarmclothes,”IsaytoFallonasIshovemyphoneintomypocket.
“Youlookfine.”Axelpipesup.
I glance over at him. “Want to walk down with me?” I know now that I am leaving to go out, Axel

won’t want to stay here alone with Fallon. His dorm is on my way out so I figured we could walk
together.

“I’mgoodhere.”Assoonasthosewordsfallfromhismouth,hiseyescutawayfrommine.
Ifeelmybrowarch.“Seriously?”HewantstoremaininthepresenceofFallon,alone?Axelmakesan

‘hmm,hmm’noise.MygazetravelsfromhimtowardsFallon.“Andyou’reokaywiththat?”

I catch her looking away from Axel before shrugging her shoulders. “You tell us to get along all the

time,nowweareyou’requestioningit.”

Thatknocksmebackalittle.FallonandAxelgettingalong?Ismellsomethingfishy.“Itseemsweird

that’sall.”Iglancebetweenthembothagainandcatchhowsheepishtheyarebeginningtolook.“I’mglad
you’refinallycomingtoyoursenses.”Ishouldbeturningonmyheelandwalkingoutofthedoor,butI
can’tputmyfingeronwhat’shappeningrightnow.

“Don’twant to keepHunter waiting.” Fallonsmiles then whistles andlooks up tothe ceiling when I

narrowmyeyes.

Theyareconfusingme.
“Haveagreatnight,”Axelsays,hiswordssoundingforced.
“Seeyoulater,then,”Isayslowly.IgetthefeelingIambeingusheredout.
I close the door behind and ‘what the hell’ comes out of my mouth. Fallon and Axel are both acting

odd.Theyareuptosomething,andIwanttoknowwhatthehellisgoingon.

IamstillwonderingaboutmytwobestfriendswhenIwalkoutofcampus,butallthosequestionsand

all my confusion fizzles away when I see Hunter standing next to a dark blue pickup truck. He has his
handsshovedinhisjeans,hisbacksideisleaningagainstthetruck.Ialmostslowdownjusttolookathim
forafewsecondslongerbeforehestopsme.Hisredandblackcheckflannelshirtwiththesleevesrolled
upismakinghimlookevenhotterthanhenormallyis.

Howisthatpossible?
“Blondie.”Hespotsme,andmyheartflutterswhenIseehiseyeslightupfrommypresence.“Youlook

stunning,eveninjeansandahoodie.”Hewinks.

Ifeelmycheeksglowwhenhepullsmeintohimforamuch-neededhug.Idon’tknowwhyitismuch

needed,butitis.Hunterisconsuming,hecompletelyfillsmymindandabsorbsmywholeattention.Heis
beautiful, but not just because of his looks, his floppy blonde hair or because he wears a flannel shirt

betterthanarunwaymodel.It’sbecausehehassuchavarietyofamazingqualities,thatitishardnotto
findsomeonelikehimsobeautiful,sospecial.

Ilethimgo,thenadmirehispickuptruck.“Thisyours?”
Hunter adoringly taps the side of the door. “Nope, I stole it on my way here.” My mouth drops, but

Hunterchuckles.“Yeah,it’smine.Iknowit’snotaMercedeslikeyours,butshe’smine.MeandBonny
havecomealongway.”

Igiggle.“You’venamedher?”
Hunterpretendstolookoffended.“Whywouldn’tI?”
Iopenthepassengersidedoorandclimbin.Hunterholdsontothedoorandwatchesmebuckleup.
“Isthissatisfyingyourviewingpleasure?”Iflirt.
Hunterhums,“Damnright.”Heclosesthedoorandwalksaroundhisside.Histruckisimmaculate,for

some reason I expected it to be like any other college student car–messy, empty cans on the floor, foil
condomwrappers…Iamparticularlyhappythatthereisnoneofthelatter.

IwatchHunterclosehisdoor,settleinandturntheignition.He’sabouttopulloutwithoutputtingon

hisseatbelt,soIstophim.“Wait!”Iyell.

Hunterslamsonhisbreaksandlooksinhissidemirror.“What?Whatisit?”hepanics.
“Youdon’thaveyourseatbelton.”Ipointout.
Hegapes.“Seriously?Blondie,youscaredthelifeoutofme.Jesus.”
He’sabouttopulloutagain,butIliftthehandbrakeup.“Hunter,ifyoudonotputyourseatbelton,I

won’tbegoinganywherewithyou.”

Huntershakeshishead.“Itwillcreasemyshirt.”Istareathim,notexactlyknowingifhe’skiddingor

not.Ifhe’snot,Iwillcreasethedamnthingupmyself.Hunterholdshishandsup.“Kidding,itirritates
me.”

Ireachoverhimonagroanandpullhisseatbeltoverhischest.“Anditcanalsosaveyourlife.Putit

on.”Ihandhimthebelt,andhesmirksatme.

“MaybeIshouldletyouleanovermeandgetmybeltmoreoften.”
“Shutup.”Iscoldhim.“Putyourbelton.”
“Bossy.”Hunterjokes.“Ilikeit.”
“Likewhat?”Iask.“Yourseatbelt?”
He shakes his head. “I’m talking about you being bossy.” Hunter turns on the ignition and carries on

downtheroad.Iglanceoutofthewindow.Idon’tknowwhy,butIlovecarjourneys.Lovegazingoutof
thewindowatlifepassingby.Iliketodaydream,liketowatchtheroadwhizzingpastunderthewheels.

“Wherearewegoing?”IbreakthecomfortablesilenceasIseemoretreesandgreenerythensidewalks

androads.

“Somewhere.” Hunter leans down to press the radio on. Taylor Swift, Say You’ll Remember Me is

playing,soHunterscoffsandisabouttoswitchitoverbutIknockhishandaway.

“Ilovethisone.”
“Singittome,then.”Hunterchallenges.Ialwayssinginmycaralone,butwouldIsinginthepresence

ofothers?Yeah,IfIwantedtolookaprat.

“Noway.”
“Comeon.”Hepushesplayfully,thenstartssinginghimself.

Ilaughandhidemyfacewithmyhands.“Stop.”
“WillyouremembermeLou?”Hunterasks,thendisplaysacockygrin.
“Onlyinmywildestdreams.”Iwink,andHunterburstsoutlaughing.
“MariahCareybetterwatchout.”Hejokes.
Ipushhisshoulder.“Ithoughtyoudidn’tlikeTaylorSwift,butyouknowhersong?”
“Luckyguess.”
“Yeahright.”
Thesunisstartingtoset,andIcanseeitclearlyoverthehorizonasHunterdrivesusupahillthatis

masked by woodlands and overgrown trees. I wonder if he has taken a wrong turning, but my wonder
ceaseswhenhedrivesintoaclearingandcomestothetopofthehill.

“Ohwow.”Theviewfromwhereweareissospectacular.Icanseethebrighttwinklinglightscoming

fromthecitybelowus.Crispwhitestarsstartingtomakeanappearancefromthedarkskyabove.

Hunterclimbsoutofthecar,soIopenmydoorandjumpdownoutofthetruck.Iamdrawntotheview,

but when Hunter walks towards the back of the truck, he pulls down the door and starts pulling things
fromrucksacks.Iwatchhimarrangepillowsandblanketsonthebackofhistruck,makingitlookallcozy,
thenhescratchesthebackofhisneck,somethingIknowhedoeswhenhe’salittlenervous.Idon’tknow
whyhe’snervous.

Maybeit’sbecausehe’snotsurethatI’mgoingtolikeit.Hehasnoreasontodoubtit,Iloveit.Love,it

morethanacandlelitdinnerinsomefancypantsrestaurant.Huntertakesouttwo-foldupchairsandsets
them far away, but close enough to the edge so that we can see the view. I watch him work in silence.
Next,hetakesanotherrucksackandpullsoutfourcartonsthatIassumecontainfood.Hehasacoolbox
fullofbeersandwater.Whenhe’sdone,heturnstomeandexhalesadeepbreath.

“Tada.”Hesings.
“It’ssoromantic.”Ismile,huggingmyselfwithmyarms.
“Really?”hearchesabrowasheclosesthegapbetweenus.“Youlikeit?
“Hunter,Iloveit.”Ireallydolove.“Effortiswhatmatterstome.”Simplethingsinlifearesomething

noteveryoneappreciates,buttheyarethethingsthatmattermost.Thethingsthatwearealwaysgoingto
rememberlongaftertheyhavehappened.

“Lifeisaboutappreciatingandmakingmemories,andIwanttomakememorieswithyou.”Ikisshis

lips;theyarewarmandsoft.Imoanagainstthem.

Huntersetsupthepicnicacrossthecheckedblanketwe’resittingon,andthenpress’splaytochilled

musiconhisiPhone.Hunter’scompanyissoothing,funny,ourconversationsflowwithease.Ourinterests
aresimilar.Welookateachotherinawaythatmakesmyheartheavyandlightatthesametime.Andthe
amountoftimeswelaughatsomethingnotparticularlyfunnyiscountless,andIrelishit.

When we have demolished the picnic, Hunter helps me up into the back of his truck. He lies on his

back,andIliebesidehimtostareupatthenightsky.

“Doyouthinkthosestarsupthereareourlovedoneslookingdownonus?”Iask.
“No.”Hunter’sanswerisclipped.
“Ithinktheyare.”IhopemorethanIthink.
“That’syourhearttalking,”Huntersays.“Theyarestars,Lou.Theyarenot‘lovedones’lookingdown

onus.It’sfacts.”

IshiftontomyelbowsoIcanlookathim.“Whydon’tyouseetheworlddifferentlyHunter?”
“Iseeitasitis.”Hefrowns,hisgazefixedonthenightsky.“Theworldisharsh,fullofdeaths,cruelty

andsuffering.”

Iliebackdownandglanceuptothesky.“Butit’ssomuchmorethanthat.”Imovemyhandsaboveus.

“Imagine us, a tiny speck lost in space, thousands of galaxies and planets around us, the only thing that
keepsusbalancedisourmoon.”

“And?”hesays.
“And… why? Everything has a purpose for a reason. The moon is protecting us, but why? When it

could easily drift away and leave us standing alone. They are like companions; two things brought
togetherforareason.”

Hunteristheonewholeansonhiselbownow.Helooksatmedeeply,andtheadorationheholdsfor

meissoapparentthroughhiseyes.“Likemeandyou?”

Ismileandtracehislipswithmythumb.“Definitely.”
“I’ll be your moon.” He grins, “protecting you from harm.” His smile fades. “Seriously, though. I

wouldprotectyoufromanythingLou,Ineedyoutoknowthat.I’dwalkonfuckingwaterforyou.Well,”
heshrugsashoulder.“Ifitwaspossible.”

“You’ddefinitelyfallin.”
“Yeah,thenI’dgetangrybecauseyouknow…myhair.”WebothlaughandIturnmyhead,sowe’re

facingeachother.“Tellmeaboutyourfamily.”Hesays.

Itakeabreath.“Well,mydadisadoctor,he’soriginallyfromTexasbutmovedtoLouisiana,andthat’s

wherehemetmymom.”Ismileasmymomcomestomind.“He’smarriedtoValerynow.She’sthereason
wemovedtoBoston.Shehasherowninteriordesigncompanyhere.She’snice.”Iguess.“Asneatasa
pin,butnice.”Idon’tsaynomore,myeyesdrop,andIfindmyselfstaringattheblanketbetweenus.

“Whataboutyourmom?”Hunterasksgently.
Ismilefondlyasmymemoriesofmymomhitmeagain.“Mymomwasafreespirit.”
“DidshestayinLouisiana?”
Mysmilefades.Memoriesaretheretocherish,butnotallmemories.NotwhenIwishsomememories

were not memories at all. Sometimes I wish they could be swiped from the mind as easy as deleting a
Facebookaccount.“No.Shediedofovariancancerayearago.”

IhearHuntergasp.“Baby,I’msosorry.Iwouldneverhaveaskedif–”
“It’s okay.” He’s about to take me into his arms, but I push him away gently. “I’m past the grieving

stage. I am now at the part where I can smile about my mom and relive the happy times that we had
together.Itrytolookforwardbecauselookingbackistoopainful.Shewasprettyspecial.”Iglanceback
upatthesky,wishingandprayingthatmymomislookingdownonme.

“Breedidn’ttakeitwell.She’sstilltryingtocometotermswithit.”Honestly,Idon’tthinkBreewill

evercometotermswithit.Yousee,Breehasalwaysbeenarebel,andshewasneverthatclosetomy
mom, even though she had every opportunity to be. My mom tried so hard with her, but Bree wasn’t
interested. She’s a friend’s person, not a family person. I am a family person. Family, for me, comes
beforeanything,andmeandmymomhadoneofthosebondswhereitwasunbreakable,untildeath.Bree
hatesherselffornotspendingenoughtimewithher.Shehatesthatshetookherownmomforgranted.She
hates that the last time she saw her, she stormed out of the house in anger and never told my mom she

lovedherjustbeforeshedied.

Hunterlooksawayfromme.“Doyoueverwonderwhatwillbetheendforyou?Imean,whatwillend

yourlife?”

“Hunter,”Igasp.“Thatismorbidashell.”
Heshrugslikehedoesn’tcare.“Ioftenlieawakeatnight,wonderingiflifechoosestheverywayeach

ofusaregoingtodie.Iwonderwhatlifehaschosenforme.Sofar,aloadofbullshit.”Hesitsupand
wrapshisarmsaroundhisknees.

Iplacemyhandonhisback.“Ifweworryaboutwhatlifeisgoingtobringinthefuture,wewillnever

enjoythepresent,Hunter.Theworlddoesn’tcarveitsownpathforus,thatpartisuptous.Godcreated
theword,buthegavemanfreewill.Lifeisaboutenjoyment.Enjoyingitthewayyouwantto.”

Hunterseemstodisagree.“Somepeopledon’tgettheluxuryofenjoyinglife,Lou.Imean,”helooksat

me.“What’sthemeaningoflife?”

Ilookhardintohiseyesandplacemyhandonhischeek.“Thereisn’tone,whichmeanswehaveto

givelifeameaning.”

Hunter tilts his head, and I’m not quite sure he’s on the same wave length as me. “How - by just

creatingone?”

Ismile,tryingtochangetheconversationintoalightersubject.“Everythinghastobecreatedbeforeit

exists,Hunter.Whataboutyourfamily?”Iaskhim,finallybeingabletolookhimintheeyes.

“Myfamilyisajoke.”Hesimplysays.
Oh…kay.Iwasn’texpectingthat.
“Tellmewhatyourmom’slike.”Ipush.
Huntersighs.“Iammom-less.”Hescoffs.“Iguesswehavemoreincommonthanwethought.”Hunter

scootstotheendofthetruckandjumpsdown.

Ittakesmeasecondtoprocesswhathesaid.Iquicklysitup.“OhHunter,Iamsosorry.”
“Metoo.”Hesays,hisbackstillturned.“Imean,whodoesn’tneedtheirmomaround?”
Iwatchhimwalktotheedgeofthecliff,thensitdownonhisbuttanddanglehislegsovertheedge.I

jumpoffthetruckandwalktowardshim,sittingdownnexttohim.Don’tlookdown.Don’tlookdown.

“Shewastakenawayfrommetooquick.”Hesays,throwingastoneintotheair.
“Howdidshe–”
“Do you mind if I don’t talk about it?” he says sternly. I’ve never see him so serious, so deep in

thought.Ifeellikehedoesn’twanttotalkaboutitbecausehedoesn’twanttogetemotional.Hiseyestell
meheisemotional.ButIdonotwanttodisobeyhiswishes.

“Sure.”Irestmyheadonhisshoulder.
“Ihavealittlebrother.He’swhatkeepsmegoingeachday.Himandyouthatis.”Hekissesmyhead.
Ismiletenderly,it’ssoniceforhimtocomplimentmethatway.
“Whataboutyourdad?”Iask.
Huntervisiblytenses.Ifeelitwithinhisshoulders,seehisjawharden.
“Youdon’twanttoknowabouthim.”Iwanttoaskwhy.Instead,Isaynothing.Iclosemymouthand

stare down across the lit-up city below us. It’s peaceful, just the two of us and the sounds of the night
wildlifeinthetrees.IfeelwarmwithHunter’sarmaroundme.Iputmyhandinhislapandentwinemy
fingersintohis.

“Lou,”Huntersaysmynamequietly,almostawhisper.“Whatdoyouthinkthemeaningoflifeis?”
Iliftmyheadtolookathim.He’snotlookingatmebutstillstaringouttowardsthecity.Hisquestionis

sincere,notajoke,agenuinequestioncomingfromwithin.ItrytoansweritashonestlyasIcanfroma
personalperspective.

“Truthfully,Ithinkweshouldmakeourownmeaning,ratherthansearchananswer.”
Hunterstilldoesn’tlookatme.“Whatifyoudon’tseethepoint?”
I frown, confused and disturbed by the sad tone to his voice. “In making your life mean something?”

Hunterjustnods.“Hey,”Ipullonhisarm,andhelooksatme.“Yourlifemeanseverything,Hunter.How
canyounotseethepointtothat?”

Hegetstohisfeetandpullsmeupwithhim.“Youmeaneverything.”heexhales,givingmyforeheada

kiss.“Youcold?”heleadsmebacktowardsthetruck,pullstheblanketfromthebackandclosesthetrunk.
Hewrapstheblanketaroundmyshoulders,andallIcandoissmile,andfeelmorecontentthanIever
havefelt.Ever.

“Comeon,let’sgetyouback.”
“Are you coming back with me?” I don’t want us to part ways when we get back to campus. The

eveninghasbeenbliss,romantic,andit’smademyfeelingstowardsHuntermoreapparentthantheyever
were.Iadorespendingtimewithhim,themoretime,thebetter.

“No.”Hesays,andthatonewordhasmysmilefadingandheartpoppinglikeaballoon.Heturnshis

head and smirks. “I’m taking you back to your dorm so you can get some of your things, then you’re
comingbackwithme.”Ithinkmyheartjustblewupagain.Hunterpackseverythingaway,thenhandsme
hiscarkeys.“Doyouwanttodrive?I’vehadthreebeers.”

Iclapexcitedlyandrushtowardsthedriver’sside.“I’vealwayswantedtodriveatruck,”IsquealasI

climbbehindthewheel.

Hunterslidesinnexttome,andIgivehimalook.HetakesthehintandputshisseatbeltonasIbuckle

inmine.Ipushthekeyin,turntheignition,andwe’reoff.ItakemytimebecauseIamasensibledriver,
butIseeHunterbitinghislip,dyingtocomment.

“SlowdownLouwhydon’tya.”
IignoreHunter’ssarcasticcommentandcontinuedrivingwithinthespeedlimit.
“IamdrivinglikeIamsupposedto.”Iturnmychinawayfromhimindefiance.Ihearhimyawn,soI

glareathimquickly.

“What?”hesays,failingtohidehissmirk.
Iturnbacktotheroad.“Nexttimeyoucandriveyourself.”
“Trustme,ifIknewyoudrovelikemyGrandmaIwouldn’thavehadthebeers.”
“IdonotdrivelikeaGrandma.”
“Butyoudo.”Helaughs.“Jesus,youmaybeevenworse.”
“Shutup.”Isnap,takingoffensebecauseIthinkIamanexcellentdriver.Hishandcomesontomyknee,

andIfeelthatchargebetweenmylegs.

“I’mkidding,Blondie.Ijustwishyouwouldhurryupalready,mydickishardandaching.”
My hands stiffen on the steering wheel. My concentration is suddenly spiraling as it imagines dirty

things.Automatically,Ipressmyfootdownonthegas,speedingupalittlebit.

Whore.

Chapter21

Louisa

Hunter’sbedroomfeelsdifferenttowhatitdidthefirsttimeIwasinhere.I’mguessingit’sbecausethe
lasttimeIwasn’texpectingtolosemyvirginity.Mybackistothewall,mybreathingisragged,myheart
rate is thumping to stupidly fast beat. Hunter is standing in front of me, his hands on my hips, his eyes
travellingdownmyfullyclothedbody.

“Yousureyouwanttodothis.Idonot,inanyway,wanttopressureyou,Lou.”
Inod,certain.“Iwantto.Iwantyou.”
Hunterpurseshislips,andhishandstravelpastmyhipsandupmywaist.Myfingersfindtheirway

into his hair, and I pull him towards me. My lips meet his and I part them to allow his tongue to meet
mine.Ourkississlowandpassionate,andmyheadisdizzy,butIneedtotouchhim.Ifeelmywayunder
hisT-shirtandupacrosshisstomach.Thewayhishardabsfeelundermypalmhasmemoaningagainst
hislips.

“Takeitoff,”hewhispersintomyear,thenkissesdownthesideofmyneck.IpullhisT-shirtoverhis

head,andhestepsbackjustenoughformetoseewhatIjusthadmyhandspressedagainst.Iwhimper,
goddamwhimper.

“Youlike?”hesmirksproudly,thenleansintospeakagainstmylips.“Iknowyoudo.”Hepullsonmy

handstoleadmeovertohisbed.

IfallintothemattressandHunterhoversoverme,takingmylipsagain.Ourkissisbecomingfaster,

harder,urgent.Hishandsareallovermeuntilhe’stakingmyt-shirtoff.Histhrowsmyshirtasideand
gazesdown.

“Hmm,”hegroans.“Perfect,perfecttits.”
Ifindthecouragetofeelmywaytothewaistbandofhisboxersandgivethematug.Tugginguntilthey

arepasthisbutt.

AndIgulp.
“Ishouldhavewarnedyou,”Hunterrunshisnosealongmycheek.“Iamabigboy,baby.”Ifeelhis

smileagainstmyskin,andIamlyingherethinking,‘shit,thisisgoingtohurt.’Hunterseemstoreadmy
mindandtriestoreassureme.“I’llgogentle,Lou,”hetonguesthesideofmyneck.“Don’tworry.”

“I’mnotworried.”Ipullonhishairandbitehisbottomlip.Myturned-onbodyisencouragingsome

kind-ofhornyanimalinsidemethatIneverknewIhad.

Hunter’s lips grow more eager; his actions are impatient. He’s pulling my bra off, feeling across my

tits,lickingacrossmynipples.He’stakingoffmytrousers,caressingatmythighs,spreadinghisfingers
betweenmylegs.

Igasp,mybackrisesalittlefromthebed,andImoanwhenhelicksbetweenmylegs,overthematerial

of my panties. It’s not quite a tongue on flesh but, God, does it feel good. My hands run along his
shoulders,andhepullsmypantiesdownmylegsandgroans.

“I’mgoingtoburymytongueinsideyourpussy,butI’mnotgoingtomakeyoucum,baby,Iwantyouto

cumaroundmydick.”

IholdmybreathandbiteintomybottomlipbecauseHunteriskissingdowntheinsideofmythighs.

Thenhistonguereachesitsdestination.“Ohhh…Hunterrr.”Imoanloudlyanddragouthisname.

His tongue is swirling, flicking, plunging. My moans are getting louder; my legs are wobbling and

trying to press together to relieve the pressure that is building. My fingers are pulling at Hunter’s' hair,
andIambegginghimtostop,notstop,andstopagain.JustasIamabouttoexplode,Hunterpullsaway
andrunsthetipofhistonguealonghislips.

“Youtasteso,sosweet.”
Wecrashmouths,ourtonguesfightingfrantically.Hunter’sright-handleavesmyboob,andIfeelhim

feelingaroundhisnightstand.Iamalmostreadytotakethecondomoutofhishandandrollitontohim
myself,butthewaymybrainisscrambledrightnow,IdoubtIwouldrememberhow.Andbesides,Ihave
onlyeverrolledoneontoabananainaSex-Edclassinmiddleschool,anyway.

Hunter rips the packet like a pro, and I watch him slide it on himself quickly. There is something

extremelyhotaboutthewayHunteristouchinghimselfrightnow.

Aragged,loudbreathleavesHunter'smouthasIfeelhimbetweenmylegs.“Areyousureaboutthis,

baby?”hiseyesaresoftbuteagerallatonce.

“Yes,”Isayquickly,Iwanttolosemyinnocencetoyou!Iholdontohisarmsandlienaked,waiting,

anticipating.Mylegsarewideopen,himbetweenthem.Hunterpresseshislipsthesideofmymouth,runs
hisfingersthroughthesideofmyhairandpushesinslowly,gently.

Igasp,shortlaboredbreaths.Ifeelmyselfopeningashepusheshimselfinsideme.It’spainful,andI

closemyeyestighttotryandsqueezeitout.Likethatwillhelp.

“Oh, Jesus… fucking… Christ.” Hunter’s voice is low and ragged. “You feel… God you feel… so

tight.”Hebringshisheadupfromthesideofmyneck.“Baby,tellmeifithurts.”

Ishakemyhead,no.“Carryon,”Itellhim.Hunter’shandcupsmycheek,andashepullsback,he’s

staringintomyeyes.Ibitemylip,wincingalittle,andHunterstills.

“No,”Itellhim.“Don’tstop.”Ifeelmywaydownhisback,andtakeholdofhisasstopushhiminto

me.“Ahh.”Imoan,thefeelingisbecomingtoomuch.Toogood.Tooamazingtostopnow.Huntermoans
becausehe’ssodeep,andIfeelhimeverywhere.

Huntergainsasteadyrhythm,pushinginandpullingout.Icryouthisname.Pullathishair.Mylegs

wraparoundhiswaist.Hishandsareonmylegs.Hispalmsagainstmybreasts.Ourgaspsandthesound
ofthebedsmackingagainstthewallaresoundsIwouldneverhavethoughtwouldturnmeon.Butthey
do.

“Hunter.” His name falls out of my mouth almost desperately, and Hunter notices it too. Something

builds inside me that was emerging while he had his tongue pressing against my clit, but this time it
doesn’tstop.“Hunter,oh…God…”Itfeelslikethebigbuildupburstsbetweenmylegsandpoursoutof
meinagush.MylegstenseandIclawatHunter’sback.

“Baby,” Hunter whispers against my lips, and his movement becomes more rigid, less controlled,

faster,harderandshorter.“Ah,yesss.”Hunter’sgroanscomeoutofhisthroatlouderashetensesabove
me,thenquiversuntilheispantingandfallingontopofme.

Afterafewseconds,heisrelaxedandpressinggentlekissestomyface.“Fuckthatwasamazing.”He

breathes.“Howwasthatforyou,baby?”heasks.

“So,sogood.”Mylegsfeellikejelly,Ifeelsoredownbelow,andtheonlythingIwanttomovearemy

eyelidstoclosethem.ButohGod,amIhappy.

“Shallwegoagain?”Hunterwhispersagainstmyneck.
Inod.Hell,yes.

Chapter22

Louisa

I wake up groggily and feeling totally different. Different because I have never woken up before with
bonessoachyIfeellikeIhavebeenrunover.IfeelsotiredIdon’tevenknowwhyIwokeupinthefirst
place. I feel different because last night my virginity was taken. Gone. Poof. Vanished. I am no more a
virgin. No more a good girl. And I don’t feel like I should have ‘sister’ said before my name. It feels
strange,butagoodstrange.Lastnightfeltanythingbutstrange,itfeltincredible,mind-blowing.Okay,it
wasalittlepainfulatfirst,butafterhehadbrokenmein,Iwasagoner.

Hunterisfastasleepnexttome,butIreallyneedtopee,soIpeelhisarmfrommychestandscootout

ofbed.Iamcompletelynaked,whichisfinebecauseHuntersawmoreofmelastnightthanIhaveseenof
myself, but I don’t want to get caught sneaking to the toilet naked by one of his friends. I scoop up
Hunter’st-shirtfromthefloorandpullitovermyhead.IpulloutacoupleofHunter’sdrawersuntilIfind
apairofhisshorts.AsIstepintothem,Inoticealittlebloodbetweenmythighsandcompletelycringe.I
shovetheboxersonquickly.IwilldealwithitafterIpee.Peekingaroundthedooranddownthehallway,
IseeIhavetheallclear,soImakearunforit.IhurrytothetoiletandgoasfastasIcanbecauseInotice
thedoordoesn’thaveadamnlock.

Hunter

I wonder where the hell Louisa has got too because she’s not next to me when I wake up. I yawn and
stretchout,thenglancedownmybody.Fuck,I’mpitchingupatentoverhere.Idon’tthinkmymindhas
stoppedthinkingabouthowLouisa’stightpussyfeelshuggingmycocksinceithappenedlastnight.Jesus,
nogirl’sPhaseverfeltlikeLouisa’sdoes.IjusthopeImadeitasspecialforherasshemadeithella
specialforme.

Mydreamsturntodesirebecausesheiswalkingthroughmybedroomdoor.She’sgotmessyhair,and

she’swearingmyT-shirtfromlastnight.Fuckmydickishardagain.Allgirlsliketowearmybaseballt-
shirts,buthell,theydon’tlookasgoodasLouisadoesinit.

“Sexy.Sexy.Sexy.”Iclimboutofbed,makemywaytowardsher,slipmyhandsacrossherhipsand

claspthembehindherback.“Howyoufeelingafterlastnight?”

Shegrins.“Achangedwoman.”
Isighandpullherintomejustthatlittlebitcloser.“Achangedwomanisbad.Ilikeyoujustasyou

are.”

“I’malittleachy,too.”Sheadmits.“ButIkindoflikeit.”
Oh, I bet she does. I glance down her body again, hating my baseball shirt for covering up all that

treasureshe’shiding.“Shallwetakeashower?Inoticedyoubledalittle,baby.”

Louisalookshorrified.“Youdid?”
Ikissherbrow.“Blondie,whocares.Ijustwanttomakesureyou’realright.Let’sgotakeashower

andhaveroundfour.”

“You’renotcomingintheshowerwithme.”Shesayspointedly.
Iamwounded.“Whynot?”
Shecoylylooksdownatthefloor.“Becauseit’s…exposure.”
Ican’thelpbutlaugh.“What?”
“Can’tyoujustpicturemeintheshower?”Shesays,woundingmefurther.
“Yeah,”Iscoff.“It’snotlikeI’vedoneitamilliontimesalreadyoranything.”
“Youhave?”Shegasps.Isshethisshocked?She’sbeautiful,ofcourseI’vewhackedoneoutoverher.

Manytimes,Ihave.

Right,let’scutthebullshit.“Baby,I’mtakingashowerwithyou.Stopbeingshy.I’veseenyounaked

allnight,andIneedmoreofit.”

“Youdo?”
Andnowshe’ssurprised?Isigh.“Wereallyneedtosortoutthisbodyconfidenceissue,don’twe?”
Shetriestohideagrowingsmile.“Dowe?”
“Baby,”Ipressakisstoherswollenlips–lipsIhavetakenfulladvantageofallnight.“Yourfaceis

stunning,fromyourbrowstoyourchin.”Ikissherchinjustbecause.“YouhavethebesttitsIhaveever
seen.Ever.AndI’veseenplenty.”

Shepullsthatgoddamirresistibleinnocentface.“Betterthananyone?”Shebitesherlip,andInod.
“Waybetter.Yourbodymakesmydickhardasfuck,andthat’swhenyou’redressedsoyoudon’twant

toknowwhatitdoeswhenyou’renaked.”

Louisarunsherfingersupmychestsuggestively.“Icantakeaguess.”Sheglancesdownmyhardcock

withthathungrylookinhereyes.

“Andyourass.”Icranemynecktolookatit.“Damn,it’sonfire.Don’tevengetmestartedonyour

pus–”

Sheputsafingertomylips.“Whatifyou’rejustsayingthattogetintheshowerwithme?”
“Trustme,Iamnotjustsayingit.Ithurtsmethatyoueventhinkthat.Knowyourworth,Blondie.”Ikiss

her again because I am like a damn addict who needs the fix of her lips, her touch, her everything.
“Louisa,youarethemostconfidentpersonIknowbutnotwithyourbody…pleasetellmewhythehell
youthinkyouhaveareasontobeconsciousofit?”

Shedoesthatthingwhereshewringsherhands.“Idon’tknow.It’sallnewIguess.”Sheshrugs.“Being

nakedinfrontofsomeoneelse.”

Iholdheratarm’slength.“Excuseme?Iamnotjustsomeoneelse.”Itakeastandbacksoshecansee

allofme,andwaveahanddownmybody.“Youarelookingatyourfuturehusbandrighthere.Howgood
doesthatmakeyoufeel?”

Shepushesmychestandlaughs.“We’regoingtogetmarriednow?”
Itakeholdofherhands.“Wellyouain’tmarryinganyoneelse,soyeah,weare.”Ismileandpullher

intomeagain.“LookBlondie,ifyouwantashoweralone,goahead.Idon’twanttopressureyou.”Iroll
myeyesaway.“Imeanitwouldbeniceformyhandstogettotouchyourwettits,slidethemalloveryour
hotskin,massagesoapbetweenyourlegs.”Iglancebackatheragain.“Butthat’sokayifyoudon’twant
to.Honestly.”

Sheleansupontiptoesandkissesme.“Thankyouforunderstanding.”
Andshegoddamnturnstoleavefortheshower.Alone.Well,I’llbefucked.Shereallydoesn’t’wantto

showerwithme.NowIsuggestI’llhavetositonthebedandjerkthegherkinbecauseIknowLouisais
nakedandusingmysoaponhersexyassinbodyinthenextroom,andIcan’tdojackshitaboutit.Mylife
ismiserablerightnow.

I’m just about to wrap my palm around my cock, but the door opens. Louisa steps in with a smirk

lightingupherface.

“Youwantroundfour,”shenudgesherheadtowardsthedoor.“Allwetandsteamy?”
Ialmoststumbleacrossthebedroomfloortogettoher.WhatthehellamI?Asixteen-year-oldvirgin?
“Hellyeah,Ido.”IchaseLouisaintothebathroomandbootthedoorclosed.Rippingmyshirt,Ifreeit

fromLouisa’sbody,andkissherdeeplyasIwalkherbackwardsuntilwearestandingintheshower.I
closetheglassdoor,butjustasIputmyhandonthetaptoturnthewateronthebathroomdoorswings
open.

“Ah,”Louisayelpsandhidesbehindme.Ipushherbodytothetileswithmyback,hidingherfrommy

friend’seyes.

“Ashby,don’tyoufuckingknockanymore?”
Heholdshishandsup.“Woah,sorry,man.”
IwaitforthedoortoclosebeforeIcanrelax.
“Whatifsomeoneelsecomesin?”Louisapanics.
Iturnthetaponandwatchasthewatertricklesdownherhair,fallingontoherperfecttitsandflowing

down her stomach. I step forwards, desire ripping through me. “Then they will see us fucking.” I turn
Louisaaround,soherpalmsarerestingagainstthetiles,thenpushintoher.

“Hunter!”
Jesus,shefeelsfuckingfantastic,andthewayshemoansmynameisasoundIwanttokeeprepeating.

Louisa

Afteratrulyextraordinaryshower,wechangethebedsheetstogether,getdressedforcollegeandhead
intothekitchenforsomebreakfast.Ionlyfeellikeeatingcereal,soHuntermakesusbothabowlandwe
getseatedatthetable.It’sjustustwo,eating,chatting,tenderlygazingateachotherandinsanelyenjoying
eachother’scompany.Ifindmyselfwatchinghislipswhenhetalks,wishingtheywerekissingmeagain.I
amlookingathishandsandwishingtheywerealloverme.Iadmirethewaytheshortsleevesonhisblue
t-shirtclingtohisbiceps,andthewayIcansortofseehisbulgeinhistrackpants.

Forthefirsttimeinthehistoryofever,Idon’twanttogotocollege,IwanttoremainwithHunterall

day.Everysecondofeveryday.Thisisnotlikeme.Ashbyenterstheroomawhilelater,andIlookaway
fromhimimmediatelywhenhiseyesmeetmine.

“Morning,Y'all,”hesings.
Imumblea‘morning’andfocusonfinishingtherestofmyCheerio’s.IcatchAshbylookingathimself

inthemirroronthecountertopfromthecornerofmyeyeandHuntergroansplayfully.

“Hearthat?”Huntersays.“That’sthemirrortellingyoutogetafuckinglife.”
Ashbysmirks,stilladmiringhimselfinthemirror.“Browsonfleek.”
Hunter holds his spoon in mid-air. “Did you just say…” Hunter pinches the bridge of his nose.

“Remindmethatourrelationshipisoverwheneveryoutrytotalktomeagain.”

Ashbyjumpsontothekitchencountertoplaughing.“Don’tyouwishyouwereasgood-lookingasme?”

“Don’tyouwishyouhadachicktodickeachnight?”Hunterfiresback.
Ashbygrabsanappleandrubsitalonghist-shirt.“Don’tlistentoHunter,Lou,Ihaveplentyofgirlsto

dipmydickin.”

Idon’tknowwheretolook.
“Yeah,adirtydick.”Hunterdeadpans.“Dirty.Dick.”
“Mydickisn’tdirty,justbusy.”Ashbywinks.
“Yeah?”Hunterscoffs.“That’swhyeverytimeyoufuckagirlyousitinyourroomafterwardsthinking

aboutnothingbutregret.Bummer.”

“No,that’snot…”Ashbyholdsupafinger,thenshrugs.“Yeah,you’reright.Shit.”
“Will you keep it down; I’m trying to study next door.” Avery comes into the kitchen and opens the

refrigeratordoorsocomfortablyyou’dthinkthiswasherhouse.IwatchhowHuntergrinsandgoesback
tohiscereal,butAshbybiteshislipwhenAverybendsdowntograbsomemilk.

“Youaresowrong.”HuntermouthstoAshby.
Ashbybitesintohisappleandwinks.
“Morning,Lou.”Averyblowsmeakissandheadsoutofthekitchenwithaglassofmilkintow.
“FYI,” Hunter pushes his bowl away from him, looks at Ashby and crosses his arms. “You’re not

supposedtogawpatyourbestfriend’sgirl’sass.”

Ashbythrowshisappleintothetrash.“That’swhyyou’remybestfriend.Hunter–themanwithgreat

advice–Holland.”

Hunter scoffs. “Hunter–who sometimes wishes he was not the ‘fleek’ loving assholes advice giving

friend–Holland.”

“Givemesomelove.”AshbyhighfivesHunterbeforemakinghiswayoutofthekitchen.Hehumsthe

words‘sexyandIknowit’asheleaves.

I take Hunter’s cereal bowl, place it on top of mine and walk towards the sink. “I love your

relationship.”Ichuckle,justabouttowashup.

“Leave them.” Hunter wraps his arms around my waist and turns me to face him. “I’ll do them later.

Rightnow,allIwanttodo,”hepressesagainstme.“Isyou.”

Oh,Iwanttodowhathe’sthinkingtoo,butasIglanceatthewallclockbehindHunter’sheadandsee

thatifIdon’tmovenow,Iamgoingtobelateforclass.Mybrainkicksmyassintogear.IholdHunter's
handsatmyhipstostopthemwandering.

“Hunter,wehavetogettoclass.”
Hunterglancesathiswatch.“Shit.Okay,well,Icheckedyourtimetable,andIfinishanhourearlier

thanyouattheendoftheday,”

Iraisemybrow.“Goon.”
“So,I’llcomehome,stripnaked,lieonmybedandwaitforyou.”Herollshisshouldersback.“You’re

welcome.”

“Ididn’tsaythankyou.”Igrin,runningmyfingersuphischest.
“No, but you were going to.” He kisses me hard. His fingers are in my hair, and he’s pushing me

backwards.Keepinghislipslockedwithmine,hepicksmeupandsitsmeonthetable.Histakesafirm
gripofmythighs,squeezesthemthenwrapsthemaroundhiswaist.

“Lou,”hebreathesoutmyname,andIknowhowhefeelsbecauseIambecomingwet,needy,kissing

himbackalmostviolently.Checkmeout,lastnightIwasLadyMary,Ilosemyvirginity,andIstartacting
likeJennaJameson.

“Hunter,” I pull away from his lips, but he doesn’t give up that easily. His lips are skating down my

neck.“Wehavetogo.”Iamnotconvincinganyone.

“Ican’tpullmyselfawayfromyou,”Huntersaysashishandsslidedownmybreasts.Hunterisabout

tograbthehemofmyshirt,butwhenheglancesbehindme,hestills.

“Ashby,whatthefuckman?”
IturnandammortifiedtoseeAshbyleaningagainstthedoorjambwithagrinonhisface.“Justwhenit

wasgettingtothegoodpart.”

Hunterthrowsanorangeathisfriend.“Gostartpuberty,asshole.”
“Is this what you call starting,” Ashby pulls down the front of his pants, and I see his willy as his

wigglesitinhishands.Holyfu–

Huntercoversmyeyes.“Getthefuckoutofhere,man.”
I can’t hide my embarrassment; I feel my cheeks heating up by the second. I mean, I get to nineteen

withoutseeingapenisintheflesh,butthismorning,Igottoseetwo!Oh,lord.

Hunter mumbles something under his breath and picks up his duffle bag. “He just ruined a pivotal

fuckingmomentrightthere.”Hetakesmyhand.“Let’sgettoclassinsteadoffucking.SomethingI’vespent
mywholelifenotwaitingfor.”

Chapter23

Louisa

“What happened last night?” I ask the exact same question Fallon asks me when we sit at a table in
cafeteriaatlunchtime.

“No,no,no.”IforcehertopauseasIunscrewthelidonmybottledwater.“Youfirst.”Itakeaswig

andwait.Icantellbythewayshe’spretendingtotypeonherlaptopshedoesnotwanttotellmewhy
suddenlysheandAxelarebeingnicetoeachother.Oh,andwhyIfoundAxelshirtlessinourdormroom
thisafternoon.

“DoyouknowhowmanyhoursIspendonlinelookingforthingsIneveractuallybuy.”Hereyescutto

me,thenbacktoherlaptopscreen.

Itwiddlemythumbs,andmylegtwitchesrestlesslyunderthetable.“Fallon,whathappenedbetween

youandAxellastnightandthisafternoon?”

“Westudiedtogether.Bigdeal.”Sheshrugs.
Itryadifferentapproach.“WhatdoyouthinkofAxel?”
Shetakesthestrawfromherjuiceboxtoherlips.“He’salittlecurly-hairedsquirt.”
“Heisfunnythough,isn’the?”Iamtryinghere!
Fallondeadpans.“Axelisasfunnyasahousebrick.”
“Butyoulikehim?”Iraisemybrowwhensheglancesoverthetopofherlaptopscreen.
“No.”Sheslamsshutthelip,andpointsherfingersintoasteepleposition.“Yourturn.”
Ipause.NotbecauseIdon’twanttotellher.ButbecauseIdon’tknowwheretostart.“Hunterpopped

thatforbiddencherryofyours,didn’the?”shedoesalittledance.“Oh,yeah.Gogirl.”

“Keepitdown.”Ihiss,lookingovermyshouldertoseeifanyoneheardFallon’sfoghorn.
Hereyeslightup.“Hedid!”Fallonleansbackinherchairandcrossesherarms.
Whydoesshelooklikeshe’sassessingme?
“Ithoughttherewassomethingdifferentaboutyou.”
“Howcanyoutellbyjustlookingatme?”Itakeabiteoutofmyburger.
“Ijustcan.”Shesays,thenleansin.“Onascaleofonetoten,howgoodwashe?”
Iswallowmyfoodandgrin.“Onehundred.”Andsomuchmorethanthat.
“Hey,”Ifeelahandonmyshoulder,soIturnandfindAxelstandingbehindme.“Youreadyforclass?”

IfrownbetweenlookingatAxelandFallon.Theycan’tlookateachother,andnowIamwonderingwhy
Axeldidn’tjoinusforlunch.

“Iateoutside.”Hesaysasifreadingmymind.“It’saniceday.”
I glance in the direction of the window to make sure I am not going crazy. Nope, I am not. It’s still

raining,justlikeithasbeenallday.InarrowmyeyesatAxelbecauseheisnotasgoodasFallonunder
pressure.HeknowsIknowsomething.

“Comeon,twolatesinonedayisn’tgoingtolookgoodforyouLou.”
IpushtomyfeetandthrowmybackpackovermyshoulderbutFallontakesholdofmywrist,herface

lookingliketheearthiscrumblingaroundus.

“Youwerelateforaclasstoday?”shegapes.
“Yeah,”Iclearmythroat,nothappyaboutitatall.“Imissedtrackoftimethismorning.”
Fallonletsgoofmyhandandwalksaroundthetable.“Yeah,that’swhathappenswhenyou’rebeing

fuckedsenseless.”

Axelstopsinhistracks,looksaroundhimtomakesurenooneislookingthengapsatme.“You,did

it?”hewhispersthewordit.

“Let’sgettoclass,Axel.”Ialmostrundownthecorridortoavoidtellinghimthedetails,eventhoughI

knowhewillprodmeaboutitthroughoutourlecture.

Hunter

Ifinishclass,throwmyduffelbagovermyshoulderandheadacrosscampusinthedirectionofLouisa’s
dorm.SweetJesuslastnightwasheaven.BeinginsideLouisawashonestlysomethingelse.Agirl’spussy
isapussy,allsmellandfeelthesame.NotLouisa’s.Itfeltsotightitwasalmostchokingmycock,and
fuck did that feel good. I know for goddamn sure I can make a girl cum, make her yell ‘oh you feel so
good’and‘harderHunter’butwithLouIwasnervous.Me!Nervous.

Whatthefuckinghell?ButIwas,I’lladmitit.
Iwonderedifshe’dcallmynameandifitwouldfeel‘ohsogood’forher.WonderedifIcouldmake

hercum,andifIcouldmakeherclawthosepinknailsofhersintomyback.OnlybecauseIcarewhatshe
thinks.Icarehowshefeels.IwanthertofeelallthosethingswithmebecausefuckdidIfeelallofthem
withher.KnowingIwasthefirstdickshe’deverhadtoo?InthewordsofAshbySanders–Mind.Blown.

NowIdon’twanttosoundlikeafuckingbraggingcatwho’sjustgotthebestcreamaroundtown(even

thoughIhave)becauseItookmytime.IwasmoreawarethatLouisawasavirginandIwantedtomakeit
ascomfortableforheraspossible.Mostofmewasthinking;IhopeIdon’thurther,Idon’twanttorush,
Idon’twanttotearher.ButJesus,didIwanttohurther,inagoodway,fuckhersohardshewasseeing
stars.Butthere’stime.Godistheretime.Louisaismygirl.Iamherfirst,andshewillbemylast.Where
sheisconcerned,Iamnotgoinganywhere.Ican’twaittodiscoverLouisa’senjoyments.Doesshelikeit
rough,hardandfilthy?Ordoesshepreferitslow,gentleandpassionate.Iamhopingit’sallthosethings.

IambeamingtomyselflikeacockasIjogacrossthefield,butbeforelongIamalmosttrappedbytwo

girlsastheycometowardsme.They’reflickingtheirhair,pushingouttheirchest,puckeringuptheirlips.
Jesus.Idon’tneedthis.

“Hunter,”Daniellecallsmynamefirst,thetoneofhervoicealmostlikeapurr.“Wewatchedbaseball

practicejustnow,youplaylikeapro.”Shegrins.

“Asalways.”Zoewinks.
Theyarebothabouttolinkmyarmsintotheirs,butImoveoutofthewaytododgethem.“Asmuchas

I’dlovetostandhereandsoakuppraise,thereissomewhereelseI’dratherbe.Bye,girls.”Ithrowa
waveovermyshoulderandcarryonmyway,buttheycatchuptome.Annoyingly.

“And where is that?” Zoe asks, her hand resting on my shoulder. I peel her fingers off me and place

thembyhersides.

“With us?” Danielle says, her hands coming around my waist, and I am sure she’s trying to rub her

pussyalongmyass.

Itakeherhandsfrommeandwalkbackwards.“Actually,inmygirlfriend’sbed.”Iwaveagain,leave

themgaping,turnandjogtowardsLouisa’sbuilding.

“Blondie,”Idon’tknock,IjustwalkinbecauseIamherboyfriend.
“Hey.” She smiles, glancing up at me through her glasses. I jump onto her bed, and she turns in her

swivelchair.ThankfuckIamsittingdownbecauseshedoesn’tneedtoknow,orsee,thatmycockhas
decidedtohaveahugeboneroverthewaysheiswearingthoseglasses.

WhatamI?Afourteen-year-oldboywhocan’tcontrolhispenisaroundgirls?
Apparently.
“So,I’vebeenthinking.”Shesays,slippingherglassesonherhead.
“Thinking?Idon’tlikethesoundofthat.”
She ignores me with a smile, and I love that she gets me. “It’s my father’s birthday, and we’re

celebratingatFlorence’stonight.”

Iwhistle through myteeth. “Snazzy.” Everyoneknows only the poshestof posh eatat the best Italian

restaurantaround.JaxandDexterdinethereallthetimewiththeirparents.I’veneverbeen.Obviously.
ButIgetafeelingI’maboutto.

“Wouldyouliketocome?”
Shit.I’mhitwithadilemma.Idon’tdodilemmas.WouldIwanttospendmyeveninginaposhItalian

restaurantwiththisblondebeautyIhavethepleasureofcallingmyfuturewife?Hell,yeah.ButdoIwant
tomeetherfolkssosoon?Hell,no.Although,thethoughtoftellingLouisanokillsmemorethanwatching
myfavoritebaseballteamlosetheleague.

Iscratchthebackofmyneck.“Sure.Whynot.”Igiveherasmile,butthensherunsherhandthrough

hermessyhair,andIdon’tknowwhybuteverytimeshedoesthatmydicktwitchesandbegsmetobury
himinsideher.Fuckingfiend.

“Phew.”Shebreathesout.“ForasecondIthoughtyouweregoingtosayno.”
Ipullheroutofherchairandintomylap.“WouldIsaynotoyou,baby?”
Sheshakesherhead,no,butthewayshegrinsistellingmethatshelovesthefactIwouldneversayno

toher.Whatevershewantsit'shers.Whateversheasksofme–done.Anywishshemayhave–granted.

“You’rebeautiful,”Itellherpushingherthickhairbehindherear.Sherollshereyes,andit’sprobably

because I tell her this all time. In my mind, though, I don’t tell her enough. I trace my finger along her
glasses.“Letmefuckyouwhileyou’rewearingthese.”

“Hunter!”Louisashrieksplayfully,tryingtowrigglefrommylap.
Ilaughandpinhertothebedsoshecan’tescape.“Youlovemydirtytalk.”Irunmynosedownthe

side of her face. “You love it more than studying.” She’s giggling but the more I touch her, the more
relaxedherbodygets,thedeeperherbreathingisbecoming.“YouloveitmorethanMr.RyanGosling.”
MylipsgrazedownherneckuntilI’matthetopofherbreasts.

“I doubt that.” Her voice is a tease, but the way it comes out raspy because I am pulling down her

baggyt-shirtsoIcangettohertitshasmydickwanting,mybodyneeding.

“Nobra.”Ibreatheagainsthertits.“Sexyasfuck.”Igroanbeforetakingherhard-pinknippleintomy

mouth. Her fingers run lazily through my hair, and she’s rubbing herself against my cock as I suck her
perfectboobs.

“Hunter.” That one word is enough for me to know she wants more. I take off her t-shirt and run my

hands down her sides until I reach the waistband of her jeans. Her button is already undone, so I give
thematuguntilthey’reoffcompletely.Shelyingbeneathme,naked,eyesglazed,beggingmetofuckher.
No, no, no. My little Blondie doesn’t beg for a fuck. I make love to her. It’s different. She’s the most
beautifulgirlIhaveeversetmyeyesupon.Herskinispaleandsoft.Herscentgetsmegoingeverytime
I’mnearher.WhenIleave,Icanstillsmellheronme,onmyfingersanddick.Imustadmit;Imasturbate
toherscent.

So,what?
Louisasitsupandridsmeofmybaseballjersey,sheletsitdroptothefloor,andIwatchhereyesscan

mypecslikeshewantstoeateachone.Finebyme.

Shefeelsherwayaroundmyabs,watchingherfingersfeel.Ican’trestrainmyself.Itakeherheadinto

my hands and capture her mouth, licking between her lips and finding her tongue excited for me. She
kisses me back differently from before. Her lips are more urgent, more demanding. She tries to take
controlofthekiss,butIcan’tletherbecauseit’shardtoholdback.Iwanttodevourthisgirlgoddamnit.

Iletherpulldownmytrackpants,andhookherfingersintomyboxerstoremovethemtoo.Ihearher

gaspwhenIspringfree,andIknowsheseesmycocktwitchinreply.Whenmycockisreplyingforme,I
mayaswellhandLouisathekeytomyballandchain.Singlefreedom?Tohellwithyou.

We’rekissing,handseverywhere,andthenshegoesandsurprisesmebygraspingherpalmaroundmy

cock.IknowdamnwellshewasavirginbeforeImether,Iknowshehasn’texperiencedsexorplay,but
shit,shecouldhavefooledme.

“Lou.” I rasp her name between kissing her, and slide my hand down the inside of her thigh as she

worksherwristmasterfullyupanddownmydick.

“Isthisokay?”sheasks.
Okay?Isshekiddingme?
“The best,” I tell her, but I must bite my tongue because telling her that I want her mouth around my

cocktooissomethingshemaynotbecomfortablewithrightnow.

“Lie down.” She demands. I stop kissing her, pull back and look at her a little surprised and a lot

fuckingturnedon.“DoasIsay.”Shecommands.

“Demandaway.”Igrin,switchingpositionsandlyingbeneathher.
“Letmetakecontrol.”Shekissesthesideofmymouth,thenrunsthetipofhertonguealongmylips.

“Keepyourhandsbehindyourhead.”

Ishakemyhead.“Ican’t.Thatmeansyou’retellingmenottotouchyouandthat’sthesameassomeone

tryingtotellmeIwon’teverbeabletojerkofffortherestofmylife.Fuck,”Igroanasshestraddlesme
andherbeautifulbodyisonfulldisplay.“Itmaybeevenworse.”

“Youtakecontrolallthetime.”Shepoutsandit'scuteasfuck.
“Don’tyoulikethat?Well,woundmetwicewhydon’tyou.”
“Youdoallthework,”shegiggles.“Can’tyouletme?Justonce.”
WhatcanIsay?Iammasterofcontrolinthebedroom,andwithLouisaIcan’tthinkofanythingother

thancontrollingherbody,takingitprisonerandmakingitmine.It’stoospecialnottothinkthat.Itexcites
mebecauseIamtheonlyonewhohasseenherbodythisway,andtome,thatmeansitbelongstome.
NowIknowIamsoundinglikeanobsessed,possessivecrazyasfuckguyrightnow,butfuckit,maybeI
am.

Iplacemyhandsbehindmyheadtostopmyselffordisobeyingherwishes,andnod.“Goahead.”
Louisabitesthesideofherlip,andsheeyestalksmybodyuntiltheylandonmycock.Shetakesitinto

herhand,andIgripholdofthebackofmyhairtostopmyselffromtouchingher.

Up,down,up,downshepalmsme,herthumbrollingaroundtheheadofmydickeverynowandthen

andit’sdrivingmeinsane.JustwhenIthinkmymindisn’tabouttoexplode,thatIamjustactinglikeaguy
whohasneverhadsexbeforeinhislife,Louisapushesthesidesofherhairbehindherears,thenbends
downtoflickthetipofhertongueacrossmynob.

“Oh,Jesus.”Iamalmostweeping.Fuckingweeping.Ican’ttouchher.Can’tplaywithhertitsasshe

sucksmeoff.Can’treachdownandpressmyfingerstoherclitwhilesheplayswithmyballs.Can’ttake
twofistfulsofherblondehairandtakecontrolofthemovementsshe’sactingoutonmydick.

Her mouth is so warm and wet; her tongue is licking just the right places. She’s giving the just right

amountofsuction,andforthosereasons,Iampattingmyselfonthefuckingbackforwarningmyselfnotto
thrustupandrammycockdownherthroat.Thewayshe’slookingupatmethroughthoseinnocenteyesof
hers is hella-fucking-hot. Lips so full and pink focusing on my crown? Yeah pretty. Fucking. Awesome.
So,awesomeI…am…about…to…

“Lou,fuck,Lou.I’mgonnacum.”Sheprobablyguessedit,bythewayIcan’tkeepmyhandstiedany

longer.Theyhavecomedownintoherhair,mybodyistensing,andIamthrustingupautomatically.Iwarn
her because I don’t want her to feel pressured into swallowing. She sucks faster until I can’t hold onto
controlanymore.

“Fuckkk…”Icumhardintohermouth,andthesexylittlemixisswallowingitallwithoutsomuchas

evenwincing.Ithoughtshemayhavegaggedorspatherfirsttimebutfuck,shetakesitlikeapro.

When I’m empty, I pull her up my body. I am breathless and hornier than a spring rabbit. I run my

fingersthroughherhairandkisshermouthoverandover.

“Howwasthat?”sheasksconfidently,butIcanseeshe’shopingforapproval.
“Mind.Blown.”Igrin,exhalingoutdeeplyassheliesonmychest.Shecan’tliedown;Ihaveafavor

torepay.

WhoIamkidding?LickingLouisa’spussyisnotsomethingIonlywanttodooutofdebt,it’ssomething

I’ddoinmysleepifitwerepossible.

Ipositionherovermyfaceandtellhertofuckingsitonit.

Chapter24

Hunter

“Didsheblowyourhorn?”AshbyisstraightonmewiththedickquestionswhenIwalkthroughthedoor
toourapartment.Jaxonlooksupfromhisphone,hisbrowarchedlikehe’swaitingformyanswertoo.“I
mean,”Ashbycarrieson.“Youdon’twalkthroughthatdoorwiththathugegrinonyourfaceandtellme
it’snotduetoablowjob.”

Iopentherefrigerator,takeacartonoforangejuiceandunscrewthecap.“Mysexlifeisnomoreup

fordiscussion.”Itakethecartontomylipsandswig.

JaxonandAshbyglanceateachother.Jaxknowswhy,heknowsIam100percentpussywhipped,and

he knows how that feels. Avery has had Jax’s ball in a vice from the moment they met. Ashby though,
you’dneedacrossbetweenAngelinaJolie,MeganFoxandMilaKunisforhimtosettledown.Hell,he
mayeventakehimtimetoconsiderthat.NowpoorDexter,ontheotherhand,Iamgettingalittleworried
abouthim.Hisgoodlooksaregoingtowaste.

“Louisahasyouleashed,man.”AshbylaughssoIthrowmycartonlidathisheadandpulloutthechair

fromthekitchentable.

“I’mmeetingherparentstonight.”
Ashbystopschewinghissub,andJaxonputsdownhisphone.
Shit,whodied?
“Already?”Ashbyisthefirstonetocomment.
Ofcourse,heis.
“Fuck,man.Ihaven’tevenmetAvery’sfolksyet.”Jaxonadds.
Yeah,justforgoodmeasure.
“What’swrongwithmeetingherparents?”Ishrug.
“Saidnoman.Ever.”Ashbydeadpans.
“Well,”Istretchoutmyarmsaboveme–tryingtoactcasualandshit.“Icouldn’tturndownanightat

Florence’s,couldI.”IglanceoveratJax.“That’swhereyougo,ain’tit?”Jaxistherichestmotherfucking
tattooedguyIknow.

“Often.”Hesays,stillweirdlyeyeballingmeup.
Ashbypushestohisfeetandslapsmyback.“Wellbitches,I’dlovetostayandchat,butIhaveadate

withSarahHugeTitstoday.Goodluckwiththeparentstonight,H.Justdon’tforgettoignoreLouisawhen
shecallsdaddybecauseshewon’tbereferringtoyou.”

“Kissmydick.”IflipAshbythebird,andheblowsmeakiss.
Jaxon makes sure Ashby is out of sight, then leans back in his chair. I swear he acts like my dad

sometimes.No,mydadwouldn’tactlikeJaxdoes–likehegivesafuck.

“Youokaywiththis?youcouldhavetoldherno.”
Ifrown.“I’mcoolwithit.It’swhatshewants.”
“Whatifshewantstomeetyourdadinreturn?Youknowwhatgirlsgetlike.‘You’vemetmine,socan

Imeetyours’typeofthing.”

Iglanceawayfromhimandclenchmyjaw.Thementionofmydadhypesmeup.Always.“I’lltellher

he’sbusy.Besides,”Ipushmychairbackandgettomyfeet.“Blondieisn’tlikeothergirls.”

“Icantell.”Jaxonnods.“She’sspecial,justlikemyAvery.”Thewayhesmilesfondlyatthemention

ofhisgirlfriend’snamewouldnormallyforcemetomakeachildishgaggingnoise,orbetterstill,ribhim
forit,butnowIseewherehe’scomingfrom,Icanonlyrelate.

“Shesureis.”Ipathimonhisshoulderonmywaypastandheadfortheshower.Sincewhendidwe

becomesentimentalbitches?

Louisa

ImakeacalltomydadbeforeIdrivedowntohisplace,andmakesureit’sfinetobringHunteralong
tonight.

“Dad,HappyBirthday,”Isaycheerfully,eventhoughIknowhehatesafuss.Justlikeme.
“Thankyou,sweetie.Areyouonyourwaydown?”
“I’mjustabouttoleave.”
“Great,becauseyoursisterisn’tcoming.”
“What?Why?”
Icanalmosthearhisjawclenching.“Saidshehasstufftodo.”
Iclutchatmyhairbeforelettingitgo.Mysistercanbesoselfish.She’sunbelievable.“I’lltalktoher,

dad.”Ileavethesilencehangingforafewseconds,thenIjustgoforit.“WoulditbesobadifIbrought
someonealong?”

“What,honey?”hesays,thenIhearValeryinthebackgroundaskinghimwhichdressheprefers.“The

blackone.”Hesays.“Sorry,Lou.You’rebringingafriend?”

“Uh…aboy…friend.”
Thelinegoessilent,andIcanonlyimaginethathishopesforhisoldestdaughtertobecomea40-year

virginareslowlycrumbling.

Heclearshisthroat.“Youhaveaboyfriend.”It’snotaquestion,it'sratheracommenttotryandmake

himselfcometotermswiththefact.Getoverit,Richard.

“Yes,canhecome?I’dloveyoutomeethim.”
“Louisahasaboyfriend?”IhearValeryaskinginthebackground,thenit’shervoiceIhearnext.
“Courseyoucanbringhim.Ignoreyourfather,Louisa.We’dlovetomeethim.”
It’sallformalandtryingtoohardwithValery,butIwon’tknockherforit.She’sonlyhuman.Ahuman

thatmydadfellinlovewithamonthaftermymotherdied.Butstillhuman.

“Great,I’llseeyoutonight.Oh,”Iquicklyaddbeforeshehangsup.“IwilltalktoBree,trytogetherto

changehermind.”

“Oh,itreallydoesn’tmatterifshe’sbusy.Seeyoulater.”
IhangupandsighatthefactthatValerywouldrathergoaheadwiththisbirthdaymealwithoutBree.I

knowBreehatesherandcanbetough,butshe’sstillfamily.

IfindBree’snumberandgiveheraring.
“Hi,”shesaysflatly.Yep,she’sstillmadatme.
“Hey,youcomingtodad’sbirthdaydinnertonight?”IactlikeIhaven’talreadytalkedtomyfather,but

Breeknowsmetoowell.

“You already know I’m not, so if this is you calling to persuade me to change my mind, then you’re

wastingyourbreath.”

I sigh heavily to make it clear she’s being difficult. “Come on, Bree, it’s for dad. Besides, Hunter is

coming,andIneedabackupincasedadgiveshimthethirddegree.”

“Hunter’sgoing?”shesays,hertoneofvoicequicklyflippingfromdulltosurprised.
“Well,yeah,heismyboyfriend.”
IhearBreeinhalingthroughhernose.Iknowsheistryingtocalmdownbeforeshesayssomethingout

ofline.Again.“Fine.I’llcome.I’llpickyouupat8pm.”

“B–”shecutsmeoffbeforeIgettosaybye.Iknowshe’srunningaroundrightnow,tryingtofindthe

sexiestdresstoimpressHunter.It’ssadthatmysisterwoulddothat,butwhatever.

I’mjustputtingthefinishingtouchestomymakeupwhenmyphonerings.It’sBree.
“I’moutside.”Andshehangsup.
Jesus,Breebeingreadybeforemeisrare.
“Woah, are my eyes deceiving me or are you totally wearing a dress.” Bree stalks the black dress I

haveonasIclimbintohercar.It’sfitted,justbelowthekneewithasmallslitdowntheside.It’soneof
Fallon’s,Iwouldneverbuysomethinglikethismyself.Ikindoflikeit,though.

“You’vecutyourhair?”ItouchBree’snewbobinapproval.Itlooksgorgeousonher.
“Looksgooddoesn’tit.”Shepoutsintothemirror.“Gilesmentionedthatitwouldlookgreatonme,so

Iwentwithit.Keptitblonde,though,becausehelikesblondes.”

“Who'sGiles?”Ofcourse,it’sanotherguyshe’sdating,butIfeelalittleoffendedshedidn’ttellme.

Wetelleachothereverything.

Sheglancesatmequickly,andIcanseeawrysmirkonherlips.“GilesBoris.”
Giles Boris, Giles Boris. I’ve heard that name before. Oh, yeah, I know. “That’s Hunter’s ex-

girlfriendsbrother?”Jesusthatwasamouthfull.“Isn’thedatingNickiSummers?”NickiisthegirlIsit
nexttoinmybusinessclass.

She grins. “Not no more.” Then she turns the music on dismissing any further conversation. I am

seethingrightnow.IhopetoGodthatBreedidn’tsleepwithGileswhileNickiwasstillwithhim.

Breepullsintotheroad,andIpullmyhairtoonesideneedingitoffmyneck.Iamburningup,almost

shakingwithnerves.Ikeepcrackingmyknucklesinmylap,andI’mgladforBree’smusicbecauseshe
wouldmostdefinitelytellmetostopdoingit.Itannoysher,justlikeeverythingdoes.

“So,tellme.”Shefinallyspeaks,turningdownhermusic.“How’sitfeeltogooutwiththehottestguy

oncampus?”

Irollmyeyesandglanceoutofthewindow.“He’sjustHuntertome.Kind,caring,funnyHunter.”
Bree’sscoffmeansshedoesn’tbelieveme,eventhoughsheabsolutelyhasnoreasontodoubtme.Iam

notoneofthosegirlswhodoesthingsforpopularity,thathasneverbeenme,andsheknowsit.Seemsto
meshejustwantstotakeaswipe.

“Yeahright.Youdon’tnoticeallthegirlslookingathimliketheywanttojumponhisdick?Ha,”she

laughs.“Mostofthemhave.”

Icrackmyknucklesevenharder.NotbecauseIdonoticegirlslookingathimthatway,becauseIam

notajealouspersonandcan’thatethemforadmiringhim,butbecauseshetalksaboutHunterlikehe’s

justanaccessorytocollegelife,andhe’smuchmorethanthat.

“What’s that got to do with it? I’m Hunter’s girlfriend, and he doesn’t entertain those girls. I have

nothingtoworryabout.”

“Hmm.” She murmurs. “Have you seen him punch anyone in the face yet? I’m sure you have. His

temperiscrazy,isn’tit?”

Mysighisafrustratedone.“Heisn’tviolent,Bree.”
“Sure. Whatever you say.” she smirks, ending the conversation again. I hate this. Hate that she’s

allowingacrushtogetinthewayofourrelationship.Whycan’tshejustbehappyforme?

We pull into Florence’s parking lot, and already see my father’s Jaguar across the lot, so fancy and

unnecessary.Iclosethecardoorandquicklytakemyphonefrommypurse.Huntersaidhewouldmeet
mehere,soI’mwonderingifhe’salreadyinside.

“Hey,I’mrunningalittlebitlate.”Hesayswhenheanswers.Icanhearcommotioninthebackground,

butIcan’tquitemakeoutwhatitisbecausethevoiceofValery’smotherisbellowingacrosstheparking
lot.Iturn,andmyfacedropswhenIseeitisher.BreeglancesatmethesametimeIglanceather,andshe
flareshernostrilsindistaste.

“I’llseeyousoon.”Hunterhangsup,andIamleftstaringatRoberta,whoispointedlylookingmeup

anddown.

“Hi,”Ismilepolitely.“Nicetoseeyouagain.”
Oh,God,thatwassuchabigfatlie.
It’srareifIevercomeacrosssomeonewhoI‘don’tlike’,butRobertaisanexception.Sheisoneof

those women who gives expensive gifts just to gloat about how much they cost. She brags about her
twentyholidaysayear,andthatshetravelsinfirstclassbecauseshecouldn’tpossiblytravelineconomy
withpeasants–herwords.Robertaisalwaysdressedinblack,sayingthatshe’sstillinmourningoverher
late husband. She has been dressing in black for six years. It’s only for show, because give her a little
sherryandshe’stellingushowmuchshehatedhim.

Roberta plays the poor old widow act to people she doesn’t know and told my father that she knew

exactlywhathewasgoingthroughwhentheymet.Ibetshedidn’tevenlistentomyfatherlongenoughto
getthefactsonhowmymotherdiedbecausetheconversationalwaysretractsbacktoher.

“That’s a bit revealing, Louisa.” Roberta is looking at the small slit in my dress, and all I can do is

smile,Iamwaytoopolitetosayanythingrude.Breeisdifferent,though.

“This isn’t the 1900’s, Rob.” Bree steps by my side, and I’m glad for her big mouth sometimes.

Although she is my little sister, she was always the one who stood up to bullies if I got picked on at
schoolforwearingglasses,orthatmyfrecklesshowedinsummer.

“Roberta.”ShecorrectsBreelikeshealwaysdoes.
“Rob–whatever.”Breelinksarmswithme,andwewalkintotherestaurant,leavingherandher8-inch

heelstrailingbehind.

“My girls.” Dad opens his arms when we get to his table, ready to hug Bree and I at the same time.

Breeunlinksherhandwithmineandducksunderhisarm.Mydadlooksbackather,readytosnap,soI
hughimquicklytodistracthim.“Noboyfriend?”Hesays,lookingovermyshoulder.Iknowhe’stryingto
hidehisrelief.

“Oh,he’sonhisway.”Ismileashepullsoutthechairformetotakeaseat.IsayhitoValery,thenshe

getsuptoairkisshermombeforeshetakesaseatnexttoher.

“Gladyoucouldmakeit,Bree.”Dadsays,holdinghisglassofwateruptoherasatoast.
Breedoesn’tacknowledgehimwhenshemumbles,“Hmm.”
The waiter comes around with our menus and tells us the soup of the day, then he notices the empty

chairnexttome.“ShallIgiveyouafewmoremoments?”

“No,”mydadsayspolitely.“Weshouldgoaheadanorder.Thatalright,Lou?”
“Sure.”Ismile,pickingupthemenu.“IcanorderforHunter.”
“Hunter?”Valerypipesup.“Isthathisname?”
“No,it’ssomethingshemadeup.”Breequips.
“Hunter?”Robertajoinsin.“Well,itisn’tagrandname,reallyisit?LikeEdward,orRupert.”
“Ilikehisname,”Itellheronanotherdamnfakesmile.
“Wellsomeonehasto.”Robertasnorts.IglanceovertoBree,andshe’smakingagaggingexpression.
Ourdrinksarebroughtover,waterforme,CokeforBreeandwineforeveryoneelse.Iorderabeer

forHunter,thencheckmywatch.He’sbeenoveranhour.Theconversationisboringthehelloutofme.I
mean,Idon’twanttotalkstatisticsofthenextpresident,norlistentoit,andBreeissoengrossedinher
phoneshedoesn’twanttotalkeither.IcheckovermyshoulderagainandIseeourappetizersareaboutto
bebroughtout,thenIseehimwalkingthroughtheglassdoors.He’slookingaroundforme,soIwavea
hand.Hehasthebiggestgrinonhisfacewhenhespotsme,sohejogstowardsus,andtakesdownthe
hoodonhissweater.You’renormallynotallowedtowearcasualinaplacelikethis,butitonlymakesme
smirkbecauseHunterdoesnotgiveadamn.

Icanalmostfeeltheeyesdiggingintousbothwhenhefinallyreachesmeandbendsdowntoplanta

longhardkissonmylips.

“Missedyou.”hesmiles,thenstandsuptoglancearoundatthetable.Idon’tevenhavetolookbehind

metoseethatmydad,ValeryandRobertaarelookinghorrifiedathischoiceofclothing.Huntermakesa
yikesface.“Sorryaboutthis,”hepullsathissweater.“Ilostmykey,couldn’tgetintochange.”

Ifinallyturnaround,andIseethatthelookontheirfacesthatwasinmyhead,isexactlyright.
“Ithinkyoulookhot.”Breerestshercheekagainstherknuckles,flirtingwithmyboyfriend.
“Dad,”Iglanceovertomydadandnudgemyhead.
MydadseemstoshakehimselfoutofwhateverheisthinkingandstandsuptogreetHunter.“Niceto

meetyou.”Huntershakesmydad’shand,thenisgreetedbyValerywhogetstoherheelsandgivesHunter
apolitekissonthecheek.

“Takeaseat.”Shesmiles,pointingtotheonenexttome.
“Iorderedforyou,”Itellhim.
Huntersits,takesanotherlookatmyfamilythenswipeshisbeerintohishands.“Nicetomeetyouall.”

Hetipstheheadofhisbottletowardsthemiddleofthetable,takestwohugeswigs,thenplacestheempty
bottledown.

“Didyounothaveanythingbettertowear?Thisisn’tagymnasiumafterall.”Robertasnorts.
“Aren’tyousmart.”Huntergrins,pretendingtoactinnocent.
Robertagetsherselfallinafluster,soValeryplacesherhanddownonhermotherstocalmherdown.
“Wheredidyougetto?”Iaskhimwhenhestopsbecomingthemainattractionforasecond.
“It was my brother’s soccer game. Sorry.” He bends to kiss me again, and I hear my dad clear his

throat.Hunterignoreshimandkissesmeanyway.

“Youlookgood.”Ismile.
“Yousmellgoodtoo,Hunter.Whatisthat?”Breeclearlyleansovertoinhalewhathiscologne.Iglare

ather,wonderingwhyshe’smakingafoolofherself.

Huntershrugs.“TomFord,Ithink.Havetosmellniceformygirl.”Hewinksatme.
IcanfeeltheangerradiatingoffBree.She’sclenchingherpalmaroundherforksotightlyshemayeven

bendit.Icanalsofeeltheheatradiatingoffme.Hunter’spresencedoesstrangebutgreatthingstome.
ThemoretimeIspendwithhim,themoreIfall.

“So,what’syourmajor,Hunter?”
“Sportsscience.”Herepliestomyfather’squestion.
“Sameasme.”Breehappilypointsout.
Myfatherjustnods,andIhatethatHunterisn’tgettingtherecognitionhedeserves.“Healsoworksin

Metro’sGymtoteachkidshowtoprotectthemselvesfromanattackerorbullies.”IpeeroveratHunter.
“He’squitesomething.”

Hunterflapsahand,genuinelynotlikingtheattentiononhim.“It’snothing.”
“Metro’sGym?Isn’tthattheroughsideoftown?Thosekidsdon’tneedtolearnself-defence,whatthey

needisagoodkickupthebackside.”MydadandValeryagreewithRoberta,andIamalmostbendingmy
forkjustlikeBree.

“That’s not true,” Hunter says. “Those kids on the ‘wrong side of town’ are good kids, they want

someone to stick up for them because they don’t have anyone to do that. They want to be taken care of
becausetheycomefromabusiveorbrokenfamilies.”

“Ha,”myfatherscoffs.“Ineverunderstoodwhymothershavekidsiftheycan’tloveandsupportthem

tobeginwith.”

“That’sbecausetheycanfeedoffwelfarewithour,”Robertapointstoherchest,“hardearnedmoney.”
Hunterisclaspingandreleasinghisfistaroundhisbeerbottle.“Andthatisthechild’sfault,isit?”
“Well,”Mydadretorts.“Iamsimplystatingthatsomechildrengrowupbadbecausetheirparentsare

bad.”

“Maybethoseparentscan’tallbeasgreatasyou,MrDawson.”
MydadglancesoveratHunter,notquitesureifhe’sbeingsincereorifitwasaquip.Idon’tthinkI’m

suremyself.

“Ifthatwasacomplimentyoungman,thenthankyou.”Mydadsays,straighteningouthistie.Mydadis

a man that says he doesn’t like to blow his own trumpet, yet he plays it better than the late Louis
Armstrong.“Iknowwhat’sbestformydaughters.”Hecontinuestrumpeting.“Although,IdowishLouisa
wouldhavechosenHarvardMedicalSchoolinstead.”HelooksoveratRobertaproudly.“Theyoffered
heraplace,youknow.”

“Whatasillygirltorefuse.”Shesays,almosthiccuppingonhersherry.
“IcandojustasgoodatNewbrookdad.BusinessiswhatIwanttostudy.”
Heshakeshisheadandcutsintohisfood.“Harvardisnumberone,Louisa.Youwouldhavebeenmore

focusedthere.”ThewayhelooksatHunterwhenhefinisheshissentencedoesn’tgounmissed.

Hunterrefrainsfromholdinghistongue.“IthinkwhatmattersisLouisa’shappiness,don’tyou?”It’sa

directquestiontomydad,onemydaddoesn’ttakeverywell.

Heplacesdownhisknifeandfork.Doesthatmeantheglovesareoff?“Anddoyoumakemydaughter

happy?”

Huntertakesmyhandbutdoesn’tlookatme.“Whydon’tyouaskyourdaughter?”
Mydad’seyeslandonourhands.“Louisa?”
IsmileoveratHunter,andIfeelmyeyeswellingup.“Hemakesmeveryhappy.”
Hunter’s smile is warm when he looks at me, and a flash of something that I can only describe as

adorationpasseshisfeatures.“I’mgladIcanbeofassistance.”Hewinks.“Inmorewaysthanone.”

Iclosemyeyesandpraythatmydaddidn’thearthat.Hunterhasbeenonhisbestbehaviorsofar,I

almostforgotthatheisawildcrackerandhasnofilter.

WhenIgetbraveenoughtoglancearound,itdoesn’tseemlikeanyonenoticed,well,someonedid,my

sister.She’sgapingatme;eyesandmouthopenlikeshe’straumatized.

“Yousleptwithhim?”Shemouthssonoonecanhear.
Ijustnodmyheadthenimmediatelytellhertokeepitdown.
“Weneedtotalk.”Breegetstoherfeet,roundsHunterandgrabsmyhand.She’spullingmeup,pulling

methroughtablesandintotherestroom.

“Youfuckingsleptwithhim?”Sheshriekswhenweresafelybehindaclosedcubicle.
“Whyareyousomad?”Idon’tgetit.OrmaybeIdo.
“Lou,God.”She’sclaspingherhandstohermouth.“Howcouldyoubesostupid?”
“Stupid?”Iscowlatthewordsheuses.“Whyisthatstupid?Stupidislosingittosomeidiotattheage

offifteenonaparkbench.”Iyell.Ialreadygaveheralectureaboutitwhenshetoldme.Iwassosadfor
her.So,sadthataboysheliked–thatshewasgoingtoapparentlymarry–pressuredherintodoingit.

“Andyou’velostittoaboywhocan’tkeephisdickinhispantsforfiveminutes.”
“Are you serious? Hunter hasn’t slept with as many girls as you think. He just doesn’t go around

defendinghimselfbecausewhat’sthepoint?”

Breedoesn’tbelieveme,thewaysheshakesherheadatmeandbitestheinsideofhermouthtellsme

asmuch.Youknowwhat?Idon’tcare.

“Hewilldropyou,Lou,assoonashe’sdone.”
“Thenwhydoyoulikehim?”Isnap,alreadyknowingIamgoingtofeelawfulaboutarguingwithher

whenIhavecalmeddown.“Whyareyousittingouttherepouting,battingeyelashesandsmellinghimfor
God’ssake?”

“Yeah I fancy him.” She holds her hands up. “Who don’t? but that doesn’t mean I want him messing

aroundwithmynaivesister.”

“No,that’snotit.”Istandmyground.“Youjustdon’tlikethefactaboylikeHunterHollandisactually

intomeandnotyou.”

Shescoffsandglancesintothemirrortoavoidme.“Nottrue.”
“Yes, it is,” I say to her reflection. “Hunter makes me happy. Happier than I have ever been. So, for

once,justonce,can’tyoubehappyforme?”Idon’tletherreplybecauseIamoutofthedoorandneeding
togohomerightnow.

“Dad,I’mnotfeelingtoogood.”
Hunterstandsimmediatelyandpresseshishandtomyhead.“Youokay?”
“Willyoutakemehome?”Iaskhim,steppingintohisspaceandputtingmyarmsaroundhim.

“Let’sgo.”Huntertakesmyhandandturnsbacktothetable.“Itwasnicemeetingyou.”
“Louisa.”Mydadstandsfromhischair.“Youcan’tleavenow.”
“Iwanttogo,dad.”
“Goodnight.”Hunternodstomyfatherthenleadsmeoutoftherestaurantandtohistruck.
“Tellmewhathappened.”Hecommandswhenwebothbuckleup.Ican’thelpbutsmileknowingthat

Hunterisonlynowstartingtousehisseatbeltbecauseofme.

“BreethinksI’mstupidforsleepingwithyou.”
Huntergroansandturnsthekey.“Shejustwantsapieceofthis.”Hegrabshispenis.“Butitbelongsto

you,sotoobad.”

Hemakesmelaugh,andIneedthat.
Itrytogetcomfortableinthechair,butsomethingdigsintomyback.“Whatthehell.”Ireachbehindme

andfindasetofkeys.IholdthemuptoHunter.“Theseyours?”

“Theretheyare!Sonofabitch.”Hetakesthemfrommeandpushesthemintohispocket.
“Canwegobacktoyours?”
“Sure. The boys are out. It’ll just be you and me. You can scream until your pussy’s content.” He

smirks.

It isn’t long until we are pulling up outside Hunter's apartment, and I quickly say what’s been on my

mindsincehetoldmehisplacewasfree.“Willyouberoughwithme?”Iquietlyaskwhenhepullsinto
hisdrive.

Huntertakesthekeyoutoftheignitionandlooksatme.“What,baby?”
Itakeadeepbreath,wishingheheardmethefirsttimebecauseIdon’twanttosayitagain.Outloud.

“Willyouberoughwithme?”

Hestopsblinking,andIwatchhistonguerollaroundtheinsideofhismouth.“Youwantitrough?”
Inodmyhead,awarethatmybreathinghasbecomedeeperbecausehe’sleaningtowardsme.
“You want me to push you against the wall as soon as we get inside?” I nod again, barely able to

breathe.“Youwantmetoripyourclothesoffwithmyteeth?Pullyourhair?Biteyourbeautifulskin?You
wantmetoshovemydickinsideyousohardyou’llbewishingyounevertoldmetofuckyourough?”

“Yes,”Iwhisper.
“Youwantdirtytalk,baby?”
“Yes,”Iwhisperagain.
“Fuck.”Hunterbreathesout.“Getinside.”
Ifumblewithmyseatbelt,pullingitoffmeandIamoutofthecardoorandalmostrunninginsidehis

apartment.

Hunterslamsmeagainsthisfrontdoor,hisonehandonthesideofmyfacetheotherabouttoputthe

keyin.

“Youcanfeelhowhardmydickisforyourpussybaby,can’tyou?”herollshiships.“Youwantallof

this inside you?” I nod. That’s all I can do. “This is going to be rough, baby, are you ready for that?”
Again,Inod,andHuntergrowlsbeforepushingmeintohisapartment.

Chapter25

Hunter

AshbyiseatingbreakfastatthetablewhenImakemywayintothekitchen.IhidemysurprisewhenIsee
himbecauseIthoughtLouisaandIhadthehousetoourselveslastnight.Apparentlynot.

“You’reupearly,”Isay,openingtherefrigeratortotakeoutthelastcartonoforangejuice.
Ashbyyawns.“Icouldn’tsleep.”Heraiseshismugtome.“Thankstoyou.”
Itaketwoglassesfromthesinkandwashthemout.“Ithoughtyouwereout.”
“I was, but I worked Sarah so hard she couldn’t take no more.” He shifts to face me. “So, you still

haven’ttoldmehowgoodLou’svirginpussyis.”

Igroananddon’tevenlookathim.“Louisdifferent,Ash.You’llbegettingnadaaboutherP.”Iturnto

facehimafterI’vepouredthejuice.“Irespecther,andyoudothesameifyoudon’twantarow.”

IleavehimtogobacktohisbowlofLuckyCharmsandheadbacktowardsthebedroom.
Louisaisstillasleep,andthecoversareonlycoveringfromherhipsdownwards.Igettoeyestalkher

forasecondlongerwhileshelaysnakedandbeautiful.Jesuslifeisgood.Iwalkovertothecurtainsand
pullthembackalittle,andLouisastirrsfromthelight.It’sthenInoticethelovebitesdownherneckand
tits,andsmallfingermarkbruisesdownherarms.Whenshegroansasshestretchesout,Iseeherlipsare
swollenandbruised.Holyfuck.Istarttopanicatthesightofherinjuriesandrushovertopullthecovers
back over her gently, so they are hidden from my eyes. I push my hair off my forehead and clutch at it.
Shower,getchangedandleave,that’swhatIintendedtodo,allbeforeshewakesup.

Louisa

IwassureIfeltHunter’spresenceintheroombeforeIwokeupjustnow.Iswingmylegsoutofbedand
wincealittleastheburningsensationdownbelowremindsmeoflastnight.WhenIfinallymanagetopull
myself off the bed, my bones feel stiff and achy, my back feels like it’s split in half and my legs feel
bowed.Wow,IfeellikeIam108yearsold.

Afterglancingaroundthebedroomandseeinghe’snothere,Ifindmyphoneandcallhiminstead.His

phonestartsringinginthesameroomasme,whichmeanswhereverhe’sgone,he’sforgottenhisphone.
Maybe he’s just gone out for something. I call Fallon instead; I want to know that what my body is
currentlyfeelingisnormal.

“Hmmm.”Fallon groans whenshe answers, andI’m glad I’ve wokeher up, orshe would have been

lateforclass.Yes,Iknowhertimetable.

“Fallon,whydoIfeellikeI’vebeenrunoverbyatruck?”Itrytostretchoutmybody,butithurts.
“Haveyoubeenrunoverbyatruck?”shemumbles.
“No.IspentthenightwithHunter.”
Fallon laughs, and my sentence seems enough to wake her up entirely. “OH, that explains it. Was he

rough? If so, your body will feel like it’s been run over because your limbs aren’t used to it, and your
vaginaisn’tusedtoharddick.”Irollmyeyes;whydoshehavetobesovulgar?

“Ishetherenow?”Sheasks.
“No,Ithinkhemayhavegonetoclassalready.”
“Fuckmewithastick.Hecouldhaveatleastwaiteduntilyouwokeup.”
“Doesn’tmatter.I’mgoingtogetreadyforclass.Seeyoulater.”
I make my way to the bathroom with my wash bag, then almost drop the entire thing when I see my

reflectioninthemirror.“Ohmy…”Myneckiscoveredinlovebites,soaremybreasts.Ihavebruiseson
thetopsofmyarms,onmyhips,downtheinsideofmylegs.Mylipsareswollen,andIhaveabruised
thickbottomlip.

Washethatrough?
I close my eyes slowly and try to think of how I’m even going to try and cover them all up without

havingtowearaburka.Inmyovernightbag,Ipackedshortsandatankbecauseit’sbeensowarm,butI
can’t wear that now. After taking a shower, I dry myself and pull on my panties and shorts. The shorts
cover up the bruises on the insides of my thighs thank God, but when I put the tank on, it covers up
nothing!IdartforHunter'sclosetandfindaNewBrookUhoodieinburgundy.It’smilestoobigforme
whenIslipitovermyhead,itevencoversmyshorts,butwhatotherchoicedoIhave?Ipushmyfeetinto
sneakers,quicklytiemylaces,andI’moutofthedoor.

“MissDawson,you’relate.Again.”MrGallymorestillspotsmeeventhoughItriedtosneakintoclass

unnoticed.

“Sorry.”AllIcandoisapologizeandtakemyseatnexttoNicki.“Hey,”Igreetherandquicklytake

outmystudybooks.

“Hi.”Nickidoesn’tlookatme;shedoesn’tseemtobelookingatanythingotherthanherscribblingson

hernotebook.Nickiisalwaysupbeat,quirkyandfun,butthismorningshe’sbeenactingstrange.Iwonder
if it's anything to do with her and her boyfriend Giles Boris. What if she knows about him seeing my
sister?MaybeIshouldtellheraboutit.

“Youokay,Nick?”
“Okay?”Shesnaps.“Iwouldbeifmyboyfrienddidn’tcheatonmewitheverybitchinschool!”She

pushestoherfeetandalmosttakesmeoutassheswingsherbackpackoverhershoulderandrushesfor
thedoor.

“Nicki?”MrGallymorecallsafterherbutNickiisalreadyoutofthedoorandslammingitbehindher.

Wow.Ifeelbad.Ialmostwanttochaseafterher,butIfearshemaytakemyheadoff.

Thebellrings,andItrytocallHunteragainonmywaytomynextclass.Itringsandrings,soIgiveup

andgotoclassasusual.

“Lou,it’ssowarm,whyareyoustillwearingthathoodie?”
IshrugatAxel.“IthinkImustbecomingdownwithsomething.”Thatwassuchalie,Iambakinglikea

hotpotatopierightnow.

Fallonputsherarmaroundme.
“Lies.You’rekeepingitonbecauseitsaysH.Hollandontheback.Markyourterritorygirl.”Igroan

andshrugoutofherarm.Ididn’trealizeH.Hollandwasprintedontheback,butwhenFallonpointedit
outjustnowwhenImetherforlunch,suddenlyallthewhisperingandgapingfromgirlswholikeHunter
madesense.Ifthiswerethewild,IwouldbetheAfricanwilddoggettinghuntedbyapackofteethbaring
lions.ThankGodthisisBoston.

Wegetuptoleavethecafeteria,andHuntercatchesmyeyesacrosstheroom.Iwave,butheputshis

headdownlikehehasn’tseenmeandcarriesonwalkingoutofthehallwithDexter.Myheartsinks.Truly
andutterlysinks.

“Youtwohadarow?”FallonfollowsmystridesasIbegintowalktheotherway.Embarrassmentis

washingovermerightnow,andIdon’twanttostayaroundherejustincaseotherssawHunterplainly
ignoreme.EspeciallywhenIamwearinghisdamnhoodie.“Wantmetokickhisbolloxin?”

“Doyourealizehowdamagingitcanbeforamanifyoukickhimthere?”Axelpointsout.
Fallon groans. “Do you realize our bodies have trillions of nerve endings and you happen to get on

everylastfuckingoneofthem?”

“Youtwoarebacktonormalthen,”Imumble.“I’mheadingbacktoourdorm.Ihavestudyingtocatch

upon.”

Icanfeelmyselfwellingup.Thefeelingofrejectionistakingoverme,andIjustwanttobeleftalone

tocryandwonderwhyHunterisavoidingme.

Fallonpullsonmybackpackstraps.“Woah,therelittlelady.Ithoughtwewerespendingtheafternoon

atthesoccergame?”

Igroan.ThelastthingIwanttodoisgoandwatchasoccergamewhenHunterhasmeallconfused.

Whyisheignoringme?WhatdidIdowrong?Iwanttocallhimagain,butthenIrealizethatthisisn’tme.
I don’t want to spend my time wondering about what happened, or if I did something wrong because I
didn’t.Hunterisobviouslypissedforsomereason,andIamgoingtolethimhavehislittletantrumand
waitforhimtocallme.Iamnotadoormat.

“Let’sgothen.”

Chapter26

Hunter

Fuck,IhatemyselfforignoringLoujustnow.WhatadickheadIam.Ican’tlookather,though.Ican’t
remindmyselfthatIhurtherlastnight.SeeingthosebruisesmademepanicandIcan’tthinkstraightright
now.Notwhenmemoriesarefoggingmymindandtakingovermyactions.Fuckyou,memories.Whotold
youtoremaininmybrainanyway?

“Areyouevenlisteningtome,Hunter?”Dexterpolitelywaitsformetorespond.
“YouweretellingmehowyoubeatTomson’sscoreoncandycrush?Yeah,”Iscoff.“Riveting.”
“Don’tinsultme,Hunter.Ihaveneverplayedcandycrush.Ifyouunderstoodhowaddictivethatcanbe,

thenyou’drealizehowbaditisforeveryone.”

“Right,poshboy,remindmetocallyounexttimeIneedadviceonhowtosavetheplanet.Thefirsttip;

donotplaycandycrush.Noted.”

Dexterignoresme,andI’mgladhedoes.Igivehimahardtimefornoreasonsometimes,butit’sonly

becauseIlikethekid.

Dextertakeshisglassesoff,rubstheglassinacloththenputsthembackonbeforelookingatme,hard.

“YouknowLouisawaslateforherclassagaintoday.It’sbecomingquiteahabit,andthatisnotinher
character.”

Thatpullsatmyattention.“Shewas?”
Dexterpusheshisglassesbackuphisnoseandnods.“Shewas.ThenshehadsomesortofBarneywith

Nicki.That’snotfacts,butNickistormedoutofclasswhichisalsooutofcharacter.”

Ican’thelpbutsmirkandprodDexterintheshoulder.“Nickithegirlyoutugoveratnight?”
Dexterpushesmyproddingfingeraway.“BloodyhellHunter.No.Idonot.”
“Come on, Dex. You’re good looking as fuck. I bet you get girls panties wet by talking in that posh

accentofyoursalone.”Iribhimagain,butDexterhatesit.“Youhavethathotgeekthanggoingon.Chicks
godampforthatshit.”

“Hunter,youarevulgar.”Dextergathershisbelongings,pushesfromthechairandstormsawayfrom

me.

“You’rewelcome,”Icallafterhim.
Whenhe’sgone,andIstoplaughing,IrememberthatIamstillanassholeandthatIamstillignoring

thegirlIwanttomakemywifeoneday.Lifesucksbigballsrightnow.

***

WhenIgetbacktomyapartment,allisquietanditgivesmetimetothink.Thinkabouthowmuchofa
fuckingassholeIamactingtowardsthegirlIwillcallmywifeone.Ineedtocallher.Ishouldapologize
formydickheadactions.

“What?”Ihissatmyphone.Herphoneisoff.Okay.Whyisitoff?Doesn'tshewanttotalktome?Of

course,shedoesn’tfuck-wit.NowI’mpacingaroundmyroomwithmyphoneinmyhand,waitingforher

tocallmeback.Hopingsheswitchesherphonebackonsoon.Fuck,I’mactinglikeabitch.

Ten minutes’ pass and my phone rings. I almost drop it, so eager to answer but when I see it isn’t

Louisamynostrilsflare.It’smydad.

“Whatdoyouwant?”Isnap.
“Hunter,kid,yougood?”Asalways,heignoresthewayIspeaktohimlikeIhatehim.That’sbecauseI

do.Hatehim,Imean.

“LikeIsaid,whatdoyouwant?”
“Igotthreeticketsforthesoccergametonight.Iknowit’sshortnotice,butIthoughtyou’dliketocome

withyourbrotherandme.”

“Nothanks.”I’mabouttohangupbutmyfather’spleadstopsmefromcancellinghimout.
“Come on, Hunter. Please. Can’t you spare one damn day to be with your family? Fine. If you don’t

wanttobenearme,thenIcandealwiththat,butIcan’tdealwithyouignoringyourbabybrothertoo.”
Mybrotherisnotababyanymore,he’sthirteenyearsold.

“Idon’tignorehim,IspendasmuchtimewithhimasIcan,Marv.”
IknowmydadisgrimacingrightnowbecauseIcalledhimbyhisfirstname,butIcan’tbeartocall

himdadanymore.Tome,mydaddiedwhenmymotherdid.

“Thencometonight,Iknowhewouldloveit.Please.I’mtryingtomakethemostofthetimeIhaveleft

withyouboth.”

Herecomestheguilttrip,andIhatethatithasworked.
“Fine.I’llpickyouupinfive.”

***

I’m not even joining in with all the chanting, singing and encouraging calls everyone else around me is
doing.Theloudnessandthejeershaveneverbotheredmebefore;Inormallyenjoythehelloutofit.My
enjoymentthoughislonggonebecausewhenevermyfatherisaround,itfeelslikehesuckstheliferight
outofmeandleavesmesoulless,coldandhateful.Hisvoice,hisactions,hissinging,hisclothes,hisgrey
hair,thewayheconstantlycoughs–everythingabouthimannoysthefuckoutofme.

“Isn’t this cool, bro.” Brody pulls on my arm so excited that it’s hard for me not to smile and try to

pretendthatI’mhavingagoodtime.

Half-timeiscalled,andItellthemI’mgoingtogetusmorefoodanddrink.Reallythough,Ijustneed

time away from my father trying to talk to me and act like we’re this happy fucking family like the
Walton’s.

I’m waiting in line for the best steak and cheese sub there is when I notice a familiar blonde head a

coupleofpeopleinfrontofme.She’sbeingserved,andwhensheturnsaround,balancingthreesteakand
cheesesubsinherhand,hereyesfindmineimmediately.Iforgetaboutmyownsub,andthatI’vebeen
waitinginlinefortenminutes,andrushtowardsher.

“Lou,whatareyoudoinghere?”Ifrown.“Youbetternotbewithanyguys!”
Shelooksmeupanddown,andIswearitturnsmeonherseeherthismad.“Watchingpigsfly.”She

snaps.

Iforcebackalaughandgotohelpherout.“Needahand?”I’mabouttotakethesubsoutofherhand,

butshenudgesmeoutoftheway.

“I’mgood.”
“Whoareyouherewith?”Iaskagain,stillfollowingbesideherlikealapdog.
She frowns, and I can see the confusion flashing across her face. “My friends, Hunter.” She says my

namesharp.“Bye.”

Itakeholdofherarm.“You’redismissingme?”Really?
“Yes,”shehisses.“GodIcouldshovethesesubsrightupyourtooshrightnow.”
Ileanoverandtakeabite.“Iwouldadviseyounottobecausethatwouldbesuchawaste.”God,they

aresogood.

“AndnowyouhavetoexplaintoAxelwhythereisabitemissingoutofhissteaksub.”
Oh,she’sherewithAxel,that’snotsobad.“Can’tyouhavethatone?”
“I don’t like mustard.” She turns her back to me so sharply that the guy in front of her collides with

Louisa.Hersubscrashbetweenthemandendupallovertheman’st-shirt.

“Watchwhereyou’refuckinggoing.”Theguyyells.“Lookatthestateofme!”
Louisaisvisiblyshakenupandstartstoapologise,butmyangerovertakesme.
“Itwasanaccident.”IstepinfrontofLouisabecausetheguyisintimidatingher,soIintimidatehim

instead.

Theguypullsouthisshirtformetoseethesplatteredmustard.“Doyouseewhatthatbitchdidtome?”
“Whatthefuckdidyoujustsay?”Ipushhischestreadytosmashhisfacein.
“Hunter,leaveit.”Louisapullsonmyshoulder,butIhaveastaringmatchwiththeguybeforeshecan

pullmeawayfully.

“Fuckingprick,”Igrowl,takeLouisa’shandandleadherbackoutintothestands.
“Hunter,allyouhadtodowasletmeapologize,itwasmymistake.”
Ilookovermyshoulderandglareattheguyagain.“Andlethimgetawaywithcallingmygirlfrienda

bitch?Nochance.”

“Oh,isthisthesamegirlfriendyouignoredearlier?”Louisathrowsthesubsthatarenowsquishedinto

thetrashcan,thenwe’refacingeachotheroffinthemiddleofthestairs.Ihearcheeringsuddenlystartup
aroundus.Louisalooksaround,butIlookupandimmediatelyknowwhywe’rebeingwatched.Ipointto
thehugescreenandshowLouisathatwe’reonKissCam.IknowLouisaisfreakingoutrightnow.She
hatesfuss.Ifigurethequickerwekiss,thequickertheywillmoveon,andshecanrelax.Ipullherclose,
wrapmyarmsaroundherwaistandleaninforakiss.Ikissherhard,deeply,andthecheerserupt.Iknow
I’m meant to pull away but I can’t. I’m pouring an apology out in my kiss, showing her how much she
meanstome,provinghowmuchI’vemissedhersinceleavingheraloneinmybedthismorning.I’vebeen
kissingherforsolongthatIonlyrealizetheKissCamhaslongmovedonwhenIpullaway.

“I’m sorry,” I tell her sincerely. She’s wide-eyed, staring at me. I think she’s allowing what just

happenedtoregisterinherbrainbeforeshespeaks.“Doyouwantaminute?”Iaskher.

“I’m good. I think.” She glances around. “Now that everyone has stopped staring. Anyway,” she

focusesbackonme.“Caretoexplain?”

Irubmyface.“IpanickedLou.”
She’sunderstandablyconfused.“Aboutwhat?”
Ifoldherhairbehindherear.“CanIexplainlater?”
“Hunter?”Iturnaroundandfindmybrotherheadingupthestairstowardsus.“Meanddadcaughtyou

onKissCam.”MybrotherissmirkingandlookingbackandforthbetweenLouandme.“She’sakeeper.”
Hecheekilynudgeshisheadtowardsher.

“Thisismylittlebrother,Brody.Brody,thisisLouisa,mygirlfriend.”
“Hey,”Louisawaves,andBrodywinkslikethecheekylittleshitheis.Thenhepullsmeaside.
“Dadkindofneedstogo,Hunt.Hesayshislegsarefeelingnumb.”
Igroanandrubmyhandovermyjaw.“That’sbecausehe’sbeensatdownforalmosttwohours.”
Brodyshakeshishead.“No,he’sscared.He’sgettingchestpains,Hunt.Weneedtogo.”
IglanceovertoLouisawhoislookingmoresuspiciousbythesecond.Iwanttoremoveherfromthe

situationbecauseIdon’twanthertobeinvolved,butIalsodon’twanttoremovehereither.“Lou,doyou
mindifI–”

“Wait,isheokay?”Sheasksmybrother,andshestepsforwards,thecaringsideofhercomingoutto

play.

Istepinfrontofher.“It’sjustoldachesandpains.ShallIcallyoulater?”She’slookingpastme,trying

togetaglimpseofmysomeonewhomaybemydad.Whenshecan’tseeanyone,sherelents.

“Sure.”Sheblinksupatme,andIswearhereyesarethebestgreen-blueeyesI’veeverseen.Igoto

beddreamingaboutthem.Andherofcourse,notjusthereyes–becausethatwouldbeweird.

“Makesureyoucallme,Hunter.”Shepresses.
“Later.”Ikissher.
“Promiseme.”
Iwatchherpokeoutherpinkiefinger.“Forreal?”Ismirk.Shenods.Ilaughandlatchmylittlefinger

aroundhers.“Promise.”

“ItwasnicemeetingyouBrody,”shesmilesbeforesheheadsbacktoherfriends.
IfollowBrodybacktowheremydadissittingandtugonhisshoulder.“Getup.”
“Hunt,Ican’t.”Hesays,genuineworryuponhisface.
“Yes,youcan.”Ipullonhisarm,abouttomakehimstandbutit’slikehislegsgivewayunderneathhim

andhefallslikeasackofshittotheground.IsitwrongthatIfeelnoremorse?Nosympathyashehitsthe
deck.It’sonlywhenmylittlebrotherrushestohissideandtrieshisbesttohelphimupalongwithtwo
othermendoIstepin.

“I’vegothim,”Iyell,andslinghisrightarmaroundmyneck.Brodydoesthesamewithhisleftarm,

andwepullhimoutofthestadium.

“Fuck.”Igaspwhenwegetoutside.Brodyissweatingbuckets,andIcantellhe’sonthevergeoftears

whenIsetmydaddownontothegrassvergeoutside.

“Hunt,dad’ssick.”Hegulps,blinkingrepetitively,sohedoesn’tcryinfrontofme.
Ilookatmydadwhoisbreathingheavily,rubbingathislegsandwincing.“He’sfine.Isnap.“I’llgo

getmytruckandbringitaround.”

IpullmytruckintowheremydadandBrodyarewaiting.Ijumpoutandopenthebackdoor.Iliftmy

dadupandplacehimintothebackofthecar.Ipickeachoneofhislegsupinturn.Hesayshephysically
can’tpickthemupbecausehefeelsweak.

“Hunter,heneedsthehospital.”Brodyispanicking,andIhatetoseehiminthismuchstress.
“He’sfine.”Ibrushitoffanddriveinthedirectionofmydad’shouse.
“Hunter,”mydadpleads.“Ineedtogokid.”

Ipunchthesteeringwheel.“Fuck.I’mtoobusyforthisshit.”
IhearBrodyscoff.“Toobusytohelpdadout?”
“Whenhasheeverhelpedus,Brody?Youtellmewhen?”
“It’sokayson,”mydadpatsBrody’sshoulder.“We’llgetacab.”
IwanttoscreambecauseIknowmydadistryingtoguilttripmeagain.Brodyhashisarmscrossed,

andhe’sstaringhardoutofthewindow.I’mabouttotakethenextturningoffthehighwaythatwilllead
thembackhome,butwhenIseeBrodywipeatearfromhischeek,mygutclenchesandIchangemymind.
Icontinuedriving.

Whenwegettothehospital,Ifindawheelchair,placemydadintoitandgivethehandlestoBrodyto

push. He stares at me, eyes pleading me to come with them, but I couldn’t give a shit about my dad’s
health.

“Here,”Ihandhimsomecash,andhestaresatit.“Takeacabhome,okay.”
IturnmybackonBrodybeforehemakesmechangemymind,andcallLouisa.
“Hey,”whensheanswersit’slikemyworldisputbacktogetheragainaftershatteringeachtimeIam

withmydad.“Iseverythingokaywithyourdad?”

“Fine,”Isay.“Shallwegotothebeach?”IlookupattheskydarkeningbeforeIopenmytruckdoor.It

will be romantic to go to the beach at night. And I want to romance the shit out of this girl, and forget
aboutmydadrightnow.

“Now?”Sheasks.
“Yeah.Meetyouthere.”Ihangup,getcomfortableinmytruck,leanmyheadbackandexhalethestress

mydadbringsme.AfterI’mrelaxed,Istartupthetruck.

Ipulluptothebeachparkinglot,turntheignitionoffandtakeinthesightthatIseeafewyardsaway.

Louisa is sitting on the sand, hands wrapped around her knees, and she’s staring at the sea that is
whooshingagoodfewfeetinfrontofher.

Ijumpoutofmytruckandmakemywaytowardsher.
“Hey.”Isitdownnexttoherandgivehertempleakiss.ShelooksatmelikeIhavesomeexplainingto

do,soItakeadeepbreathandletitallout.

“Ipanicked,Lou.Isawthebruisesonyourskin,Isawthebites,anditjustbroughtbackmemories.I

wouldneverhurtyou.Idon’teverwantyoutofearme.Ever.Ifyouwereeverscaredofme,thatwould
tearmeapart.”

FuckwhyamIgoingsodeep?
Louisa’s eyes narrow slightly. “How could I ever be frightened of you?” I don’t say anything. “The

bruisesandbitesweren’tintentionalHunter.Iquietlikelookingatthem.Remindsmeofourroughnight.”

Inuzzleintoherhair;herwordsdon’tmakemefeelanybetter.Ihavebruisedgirlsbefore–theresultof

roughsex,butneverthisbad.Nevertothisextent.Iletthemomentcarrymeaway.“Ishouldn’thavebeen
sorough.”

“Iaskedyouto.”Shesayssoftly.“Didn’tyouenjoyit?”
Irunmyfingersacrossherthigh,she’swearingthesesexylittledenimshorts.“Areyoukiddingme?I

lovedit.UntilIsawwhatIdid.”IglanceawayfromherbecausetheimagesthatItrysohardtoignore
comefloodingback.

“Hunter,”shegiggles,pullingatmychin,soIfaceher.“Don’tbesohardonyourself.”

IbowmyheaddownandhopethatIdon’tregretwhatIamabouttosay.“Look,Lou,mydadusedto

beatmymomallthetime.Sheneverwentadaywithoutbeingcoveredinbruisesortryingtoavoidmy
dadbecauseshewasthatscaredofhim.I’dhateforyoutobescaredofme.Imeanit,itwouldkillme.”

Thereissilence,andIdon’twanttolookatLouisabecauseIdon’tknowhowsheisgoingtoreact.
“Yourdadbeatyourmom?”hervoiceissmall,lowandshocked.
Inodmyhead,andIcanfeelthebloodrushingthroughmybodyasIstarttogetangryagain.
“I’msosorry.”Shesays,andherhandclaspsintomineandrestsinmylap.“Youcan’tthinklikethat

thoughHunter,justbecauseyoubruisemedoesnotmeanithurtmeorIamgoingtofearyou.”

“Ihopenot.”Iamlookingathernow,andIleanintokissherpuckeredlips.
“Youhavetakenyourmom'sdeathhard;haven’tyouHunt?Icantell.Isyourdadthereasonshedied?”
Ipullmykneesuptomychestandwatchthewavescrashintoeachother.“Iknoweveryonedies,but

youthinktoyourself;notmyfamily,notanyoneIknow.Theyaregoingtobehereforlife.”Isigh.“Then
one day comes when you’re proved wrong, and those thoughts about wishing you did more with that
personbombardyourmind.”Ibowmyheaddownandrememberallthosetimesmywishesofdoingmore
torturedme.“Youmustappreciatetime,becauseit’ssomethingyoucannevergetback.Beforemymom
diedshewassoangry,shesaidshewasmadbecauseGoddidn’tgiveherenoughtimewithhersons.”I
lookupattheskyandclenchmyeyestogether.Itcausesmetoomuchpaintoknowhowangrymymother
wasbeforeshewent.“Toansweryourquestion,yes.Itwasn’tGodchoice,orthedriverofthecarthat
killedher,itwasmydadwhomadeherruninthefuckingroadtobeginwith.”ItrytoignoreLouisa’s
gasp.“Peoplesayitgetseasier,butitdoesn’t,Lou.Everydaygetsharder.EverybreathItakeharsher.My
pain gets more intense, the memories harder to think about.” I press my forehead on my knees and take
deepbreaths.

Louisa'splacesherhandonmyback.“Youdon’thavetothinkaboutiteverydayHunt.”
Iliftmyheadup.“ButwhatifIforget,Lou?”
She shakes her head. “You won’t. Don’t put yourself through this agony because I’m sure your mom

wouldn’thavewantedyouto.”

Iscoff.“Shewouldn’thavewantedmeandbrotherwithoutamothereither.”
Louisa nods and closes her eyes. I see a tear fall down her cheek but she quickly swipes at him. “I

know,” she exhales. “And neither would my mom, but we must try and live life Hunter, live without
thinkingaboutwhatifs.”

Iknowwhatshe’ssayingistrue,butIamstillnotovermymother’sdeathandcannotallowadviceto

sinkinrightnow.

“SomedaysIjustwanttoscreamatthetopofmylungs,Lou.AndIdon’tcarewhohearsme.”
Louisapullsmeuptomyfeet.“Thenscreamatthetopofyourlungs,Hunter.”
Iblink.“What?”
Shesmiles.“Likethis…”Louisascreamssolouditpiercesmyeardrums.
Ilaugh,thendothesame.Myscreamisgruffer,though,painful,ItrytoletallthepainIfeeldailyoutin

theformofagrowl.Itworksalittle.

Louisawrapsherarmsaroundme.“Feelbetter?”
Ikissthetopofherhead.“Muchbetter.”Shenuzzledintomychest.“Youareoneextraordinarygirl,

Lou,Lou.”Shepullsherfaceoutofmychestandpeersupatmethroughhereyelashes.“What?”Ismile.

Louisatakesmycheeksintohersofthands.“Ijustwanttoletyouknowhowhappyyoumakeme,Hunt.

Thankyou.Thankyouformakingmesmileeveryday.”

Irubmynosealonghers,tryingtoactcasual,tryingtoactlikeherwordsdidn’tjustpuncturemydamn

heartandremainembedded,soIneverforgetthem.‘Iloveyou’isonthetipofmytongue,becauseJesus,
themomentfeelsrighttoletherknowhowmuchshemeanstome.Howmuchshe’smeanttomefromthe
momentIsetmygreedyeyesuponher.Idon’tsayit,though.Notyet.

Louisa slowly pulls away from my lips and does that cute as hell thing where she slowly opens her

eyesandsighsdreamily.Fuckyeah.

“Blondie,”sheglancesupatme.“You’reprettyfuckingspecial.Please,don’teverchange.”

Chapter27

Hunter

Iam lying onLouisa’s bed, handbehind my head watchingmy beautiful girlfriendcatch up on studying
fromherdeskwhenIgetatextfromJaxon.He’slettingmeknowthatacarraceisonthisevening,andto
getmyselfready.Morethanmostofthetime,Jaxonmustwaituntilhegetsatexttellinghimwhereand
whenthestreetracewillbe,it’sorganizedweeksormonthsinadvance,butJaxonandtheotherracersget
theirtextspontaneously.Okay,it’sillegal.

“Lou,youwannacomecarracing?”
Shelooksawayfromherworkandlightsuplikethelittleclosestdaredevilthatsheis.“Dowegetto

race?”

“Uh,no,Lou.”Shecracksmeup.“Wegettowatchthebestofthebest,though.Jaxonraces.He’sthe

realdeal.”

“Okaycool.”Shereturnstoherstudies.“Who’sgoing?”
Iwatchherbitetheendofherpencil,asignofconcentrationandforsomereasonanalertformypenis

toharden.“It’llbemeyou,Avery,AshbyandDexter.”

Louisa drops her pencil, but that still doesn’t stop my dick from growing. “Shall we invite Brody

along?”

What?“Brody?”
“Yeah,like,yourbrother.”Shehumor’sme.Ilovethatshewantstobeapartofmyfamilyandeven

morethatshewantsmybrotherinvolved.IjusthatethatI’mkeepingherawayfromthatpartofmylife.

Isnakemyarmsaroundherneckandpullherintome.“Wetypicallyendupinaclubafterwards,so

better if he stays home. I don’t want an illegally drunk teen in my care.” I walk my fingers across her
thighs,andwhentheylandinthemiddleofherlegs,sheknowsmyintention.Ican’thelpmyself.

“So,whenistherace?”Sheasks.It’ssoobviousherbreathinghashitched,andIonlygetmoreexcited

bythewayIknowI’mturningheroninwaysthatnootherhasbefore.Noothereverwilleither.

“Now,”Imumbleagainsthersoftskinandpressmylipsagainstherneck.
“Shouldn’twegetreadytoleave?”
Ishakemyheadandkissacrossthelovebitsonthetopsofherbreasts.“Givemeacoupleofminutes.”

Ibreathe.

“Acoupleofminutes?”shesayswithateaseinhervoice.“Isthatallit’sgoingtotake?”
Ipullbacktolookatherandreigninagrin.“Baby,withhowhardmycockisandhowturnedonIam

rightnow,Idoubtyouneedtogivemethatlong.”

Shelaughs,andI’mpullingoffhertrousersquickerthanFlashfromthecomicbooksevercould.

***

“Whydidn’tyoubringlittlemisscrazyalong,Dex?”IslapDexter’sshoulder,andhegroans,ignoringmy
question.

“Don’ttellmeDexter’sfinallypulled?Fuckme.”AshbyalsoslapsDexter’sshoulder.
DextershrugsoffAshby’shand.“Notatall,mate.”
Ilaugh.“Nickihasbeenstalkingyouforweeks,giveherachance,Dex.”
Dexterclencheshisjaw.“Sheisnotstalkingme.”
“Leave him alone.” Louisa rushes to Dexter’s defence. “Besides, I know Nicki, she’s not crazy. She

maylikeDexter,butshewouldn’tstalkhim.Cutitout.”Herwordsofwarningareenoughformetoclose
mymouthlikethewhippedbitchIam.

“AretheytalkingaboutNickiSummers?”Averywhisperstome.Howthisgirlknowseverythingabout

everyonebeatsme.“Yeah,sheisalittlecrazy.”

Louisasighs.“She’snotcrazy.Don’tsaythat.”
IgiveAshbyandAverythesignaltocutitoutandstopcallingthisgirl,thatsheclearlylikes–crazy.I

knowLouisawon’tstandforothersbitchingaboutpeople.God,thisisanotherreasonIamaddictedto
thisgirl.

Louisa watches Avery and Jaxon kissing and being over the top affectionate as always, and smiles.

“Howdidyoubothmeet?”sheasks.

AveryturnstoLouisawhileJaxonsucksonherneck.“Iwasvolunteeringinahospital,andJaxwas

broughtinwithawhiplash.Carracing–ofcourse.”

“StraightoutofJaneAustin,”Ismirk.
Louisanudgesmewithherelbow.“Andwheredidwemeet,Hunt?”
Ithrowmyarmaroundhercasually.“Thatdepends.”
“Onwhat?”Shefrowns.
“Ifyouclassasourfirstmeetinthecorridorwhenyouwereonyourwaytoclass,orwhenyouwere

givingmethecome-fuck-me-eyesinthecafeteria.”

Shegaspsplayfully.“Iwasnotgivingyouthatlook.”
“Cometobedeyesforsure.”Iclarifyforthegroup'ssake.
Louisaturnstothegroup.“Ithinkyou’llfinditwasHunterwhoapproachedme.Ionlygaveinbecause

hebeggedmetogoonadatewithhim.”

“Ooohhh.Burn,baby,burn.”Ashbygoads.Igethowlsfromtheboys,butIignorethembecauseIcan’t

helpbutsmileatthewayLouisacanbethisplayful,oneofthelad’sgirlwhomakesmyheartrace,and
thissexyassingirlwhomakesmydicksohardit’spainful.

“Shelovedit.”Igrin,pullingLouisaintomeforakiss.
We walk over to where the cars are all lined, and Jaxon jogs towards his beloved red porch. The

cleverfuckerbuilttheenginehimselftomakeitevenfasterthanitalreadywas.Heisn’tjuststandingnext
tohiscar,though,he’sspeakingtoFelicity,agirlwhohasbeendyingtoridehisdickontopofhisbonnet
themomentsheknewhewasthebestmotherfuckingcarracerhere.

IglanceovertoAveryandcanalmostseethesteamcomingfromhernostrils.Herjealousyisanissue

herandJaxonworkonprettymucheveryday.Shechargesover.IrollmyeyesandlookatAshbywho
shakes his head. Jaxon is undeniably in love with Avery. She is his one and only, and all that bullshit.
And,Iunderstandthatgirlscangetprotectiveandshitwhentheirmanisseenwithagirlwhoisallover
themlikethefuckinglurgies,butAveryissomethingelse.

“Whatthefuckisthis?”AverypushesbetweenJaxonandFelicity.

I don’t want Jaxon to race on a mind where it’s not about winning but more about the argument he’s

abouttohavewithhisgirlfriend,soIpushbetweenthemmyself.

“Youwerejustfuckingoff,weren’tyouFlis?”
Felicitybitsherlipatme,eyesmeupanddownandwalksaway.“Lookinggood,Hunt.”Shecallsover

hershoulder.I’mexpectingthesamelookfromLouisaasAveryisgivingJaxonrightnow,butwhenIturn
toher,she’sgrinning.

“Yourlookshypnotizegirls.”Shescoffs.
Irubmychin.“Ican’thelphavingthateffect.SoJax,”Iturntomybuddy.“Allreadytogo?”
Jaxonpatsthehoodofhiscar.“Readyandrearing.”
Thenoisearoundusisallrevvingcarengines,blaringmusic,andmakeshiftlights,andtheyareallthe

thingsJaxonthriveson.Igetthisstupidproudasfuckfeelingwhenhecrossesthefinishlinefirst,each
time.JaxongivesAveryhisthreekissesonthelips–somethinghedoeseverytime–nodshisheadtousand
climbsintohiscar.

“Nowwejuststandhereandwaitforhimtocomeback?”Louisaasksme,butDexteranswersforme.
“Yep.Idioticifyouaskme.”
Louisalaughsandfaceshim.“Thenwhyareyouhere,Dex?”
IwatchDextershrug.“Support,Iguess.”
“Youraccentbytheway…”Louisabegins,andmyearsprickuplikeadog.“Isprettyincredible.”
Irollmyeyes.AllthegirlsthinkDexter’saccentisincredible.IamgettingjealousthatLouisathinksit

too, though? Hell, yeah. Dexter blushes because he hasn’t the first fucking clue how to deal with girl’s
compliments.

IchildishlypushmywayinsoIamstandingbetweenDexterandLouisa,thenIwrapmyarmaround

herwaist.“Youexcited?”Iaskher.

Herfocusturnsbacktothecars.“Yes.”
IsmilebecauseLouisaisadorableandsexy,andIwatchherhairblowinherfaceasthecarsspeed

past.Ishouldbewatchingtheshow,eggingonJaxonbutwatchingLouisayellinginexcitement,brushing
her hair out of her face with her eyes sparkling in enjoyment is a much better show for me. She’s
confident.Sexyandsecure.She’shappyandhasapositiveoutlookoneverything.She’sfuntobearound,
lovestheworld,andiswillingtogetstuckintoalmostanything.Shelivesherlifejustasshewantstolive
it.AndIfindthatmoreattractiveandbeautifulthananyothergirlwhotriesactlikesomeonethey’renot
justtomakemelikethem.

“You’relookingatmeagain.”Shesayswithasmileonherface.
“Ican’thelpit.”Istandbehindherandsnakemyarmsaroundherwaist.
Jaxon nails it and speeds back to the finish line in record time. I take Louisa’s hand and run over to

Jaxon’scarlikeeverybodyelsetocongratulatehim.

“Partytime.”Heyells.

Chapter28

Louisa

Hunter’sarmisfirmlyfixedacrossmywaistasthecrowdfollowusdownthestairsintoanunderground
nightclub.Themusicblastsmyears,andIrecognizeittobeDMX–PartyUp.Iknowitbecausemysister
hasplayedthissongamilliontimesinhercar.Theheatoftheroomhitsmeoutofnowhere,andmybody
instantly feels like it’s been pushed into a 100-degree stove. I can feel my hair turning into a frizz ball
already.

TherearesomanypeoplecominguptoHunterandtheboystosayhi,andeverytimetheyaskwhoI

am,Huntersays.“Mygirl,sokeepyourfuckinghandsoff.”

JaxonandAveryhitthedanceflooralmostimmediately,andthewaytheystartdancingmakesmewant

tocovermyeyesbecausetheymayaswelljusthavesexonthedancefloor.Ismileandturnaway,and
I’mleadovertothebar.HunterknowsIwon’ttouchadropofalcoholsincethelasttime,sohegetsmea
waterandaroundofbeersforhimselfandthegang.

“Iwon’tgetwasted,baby.”Hepromisesmewhenhespotsmefrowningathowquickhejustdowned

histhirdbottledbeer,thenorderedanother.

Asthenightprogresses,InoticeHunterisstartingtobecomedrunk,andIhatethatIcanseehimlosing

control.It’soneofthereasonswhyIwanttoavoidalcoholcompletely.Huntertakesmyhandandpulls
metothebarwithhim.Hehasn’tletmyhandgo,it’salmostlikehe’smakingsureeveryoneattheclub
knowsIamhisgirlfriend.

“Hey,anotherbeeroverhere.”Heshoutsthebarmanasheputsdownhisemptybottleofthebar.The

barman ignores Hunter and serves someone else who was waiting in line first, and Hunter’s hand
clenches the neck of his beer bottle. “I said over here.” He yells, and throws his bottle behind the bar
lettingitsmashonthefloor.ThebarmanlooksoversoIpullonHunter’sarm.

“Hunter,Idon’tthinkyoureallyneedanotherbeer.Comeon.”
“Louisa,”Averyhasseenwhat’sbeengoingonsoitseemstomelikeshe’scomingtorescueme.Even

thoughIwouldmuchratherstayandmakesureHunterdoesn’tgetintotrouble.

“You haven’t danced with me yet.” Avery pulls on my arm. “Come on, leave the boys to gape.” She

winks.

“No.” Hunter pulls me back, wraps his arms around my shoulders and kisses the side of my head.

“She’sstayingwithme,Avery.”

Averyrollshereyesandtakesmyhandagain.“Hunter,youhaven’tlefthersideallnight.She’scoming

todance.”

Hunterpullsmeback.“That’sbecauseI’veseenthewayallthosegreedyfuckingeyesarelookingat

her.”

Averypullsmetoheragain.“That’sbecauseshe’sbeautiful.”Shegritsherteeth.“Nowlethergo.”
Hunterexhalesharshly,relentsandletsmego.IgivehimasmallwaveasIfollowAvery.Thesongis

CandyShop,andGodIamnowherenearasgoodatthisdancingsexythinglikeAveryis.Averyleadsme

anyway, dancing behind me and moving my hips for me with her hands. I swear it’s like a girl on girl
grinding, and when I glance back at Hunter, he has his mouth open, so does Jaxon, even Dexter does. I
havenoideawhereAshbywent,thelasttimeIsawhimhewasdisappearingtothetoiletswithtwogirls.
Wedanceuntilthesongturnsintoanother,andHunterisatmyside,draggingmeawayfromAvery.

“Hunter,”Igasp.
“Doyouknowhowfuckingsexyyouare?”Hunter’shandsaregrabbingatmyface,andhe’swalking

me to the wall until my back hits it. “You need to stop dancing. The boys in this fucking club keep
watching what’s mine.” His lips cover mine, and his tongue reaches into my mouth and devours it. My
breath is taken, my mouth controlled by Hunter’s. He’s grabbing at my breasts, grinding his pelvis into
mineandIcanfeelexactlyhowhardheisbecauseithitsjusttherightstop.

Ipullmymouthaway.“Hunter,shallweleave?”IknowHunterisdrunk,notincontrolandIknowifI

lethim,hewillundressmerighthere,rightnow.

Hunterpullsbacktolookatme.“Youwanttoleave,baby?”Hiseyesareeverywhere,staringatme,

buttheyareeyesofsomeonewhohashadtoomuchtodrink.Heevenstumblesbackalittlewhenhetakes
hishandsfrommychest.

Inod,andHuntertakesmyhand.“Thenlet’sleave.”Hunterbendstowhisperinmyear.“Ihavesuch

dirtyfuckingthoughtsofyouonmybedrightnow.”

IswearImakeamoaningnoisebecauseofthewayeverythingbetweenmylegscontracttohiswords.I

feel like they’re pulling towards the door and telling me to get the hell out of here and get underneath
Hunter'sbody.

Hunterisabouttotelltheguyswe’releaving,butGilesBoris–Nicki’sex-boyfriend,andBree’snow

boyfriend–iswalkingtowardsusanditmakesHunterstandtall,waitingtohearwhatthehellhewants.

“Nicewin.”BorisnodstoJaxon.Jaxonstareshard,notevenentertainingthecomment.Hethenlooks

overtoDexter.“English,youaftermygirl,Nicki?”

Dexteropenshismouth,abouttosaysomething,butJaxonplaceshishandonDexter’sshoulder.“Don’t

explainyourselftohim,brother.”

Giles laughs. “You can have her. She’s a little too coo-coo for me.” Then his focus turns to Hunter.

“Beautiful piece of ass you got there.” He nudges his head in my direction. I feel Hunter’s fist clench
beside me, and I start to panic. I have a feeling in my gut that this is not going to end well if Giles
continueshismissiontopisssomeoneoff.

“Getyourfuckingeyesoffher,”Hunterwarns,steppingforward.
Gilestakesonestepback.
“Justenjoyingtheview.”Helooksovermybodyagaininalewdmannerthatmakesmewanttocover

myselfupwithmyhandseventhoughtheonlyfleshIamshowingisabitofankle.“Bitofadowngradeto
mysister,though,Hunt.”

“Whatthefuckdidyoujustsay?”Withoutwarning,Hunter’sarmcomesoutofnowhere.Idiveoutof

thewaybecausehisfistconnectswithGiles’jawsopowerfullyitdropshimtothefloortakingtheperson
thatwasstandingbehindhimdowntoo.Acrowdsuddenlyformsaroundus,andIseeJaxonandDexter
shootupfromtheirchairstoholdHunterback.It’stoolate,though.HunterlungesforwardswhenGiles
getsbackupandstartslayingintohim.Punchafterpunchisdelivered.Kickafterkick.

“Hunter!Stop!”I’mscreamingathim.Iwanttoruninthemiddleofitallandpullhimaway.ButI’m

tooafraid.LikeI’vealwaysbeenafraidofthesightofviolence.ThesoundsofHunter’spunchtoGiles’s
gut is crippling, even over the music. The crashes of their bodies are sickening, and the yelling and
screamingofonlookersarealltoomuchforme.IfeelnauseasbecauseIhaveneverseenHuntersoangry,
sooutofhismindwithrage.I’mscaredandworriedforGiles’slife.WorriedwhatHuntermaydoifhe’s
notstopped.

“Dosomething.”IpleadtoJaxon,whoistryinghisbesttopullHunterawaybutgetspunchedhimself.

Jaxon holds his hands up in the air and gives up. It’s like he’s seen Hunter like this so many times it
doesn’tfazehim.Well,it'sfazingme.

“Lou,comeon.”Averytriestopullmeawayfromthescene,butIcan’tleavehim.
“Hunter,pleasestop.”I’mcryingatthispoint,Ifeeluseless.Helpless.IfeellikeIdon’tmatterenough

to Hunter because he isn’t listening to me. It’s like my pleading isn’t enough for him to stop. Beside
myself, Avery and the boys, no one else could care less. Phones are out recording the scene,
encouragement coming from all angles. I have to do something. I run towards him, grip him by the
shoulderandpullathisshirt.IwatchasHunterbringsuphisfist,pullingitbacktogiveGilesanother
blow,butit’ssoquickthatitcatchesmeinthejaw.Iscreamoutwiththepain,letgoofHunter’sshirtand
stumbleback.

“Lou?”Ihearhiscall,butI’malreadyrunningthroughthecrowds,headingforthestairs.“Lou?”Now

he’syellingmynameatthetopofhislungs,screaminginrage,cursinginanger.Iquicklyturnmyheadas
I run, and I see Giles on the floor where Hunter has left him, gathered by a crowd. Hunter is running
towardsme.

MyarmgetsgrabbedsuddenlyasIreachthetopofthestairs,andI’mpulledbackandintoHunter’s'

chest.Hishandsworkquicklytoholdeithersideofmyfacewhileheexaminesme.Hiseyeswidenwhen
theyhitmyjaw,andIcanonlyimagineit’sswollenfromhisblow.“Fuck,”hisbodyrecoils.“Fuck.Fuck.
Fuck.Lou,baby,”hetakesmyfaceintohishandsagain,butIcan’tseehimclearlyfromtears.Tearsfrom
thepain,tearsbecauserightnow,IdespisethemanIhavefalleninlovewith.Yes,Ihavefallenindeep,
deeplovewithhim.

“Itwasanaccident.IfIknewyouwerebehindme…”Helooksonthevergeoftears,likehiswhole

lifehascomecrashingdownonhimthelongerhestaresatme.

Ipushawayhishandsandtakeastepbackontothesidewalk.“Leavemealone,okay.”
“No,”Hunterpullsonmyarmagain,butIthrowitoutofhisreachthistime.
“ItoldyoutostopHunter,”Isob.“Youwouldn’tlistentome.Youwouldn’t–”
“IwasangryLou,”hegrowls.“Thatmotherfuckerwaslookingatwhat’smine.”
“What’syours?”Iscream.
“Yes, mine. Don’t ever forget it.” He yells back. I glare at him, my tears disappear, and anger

overtakes.Mentallyandphysically,Iamdoneatthispoint.

Hunterdoesn’tseeitthatway,though.
“Comehere,baby.”He’spullingme,andIknowhe’sdrunkandupsetandonlywantstoholdme,but

he’sbeingheavyhanded.

“Hunterletgo.”Ipleadwithhimashepullsmeintohisarmsanddoesn’trelent.“Hunter,”Isayagain

untilhe’ssqueezingmesohardithurts.

“You’recominghomewithme,Lou.”He’spullingmedownthestreetbymyarm.I’mtryingtoyankit

freebutfailing.

“Ouch,Hunterstop.Hunter,you’rescaringme.”Hereleasesmeandstumblesback.Thelookonhis

faceislikeI’vejustslappedhimwithathousandinsults.Heknocksbackwhatlooksliketearsformingin
hiseyes,andmyheartripsforhim.Shreddingintoathousandpieces.

“I’mscaringyou?”Hewhispers.
Inod,tearsstreamingdownmyfacebecauseIknowit’sthelastthinghewantstohear.
“No.No.No.”Heyellsclutchingathishair.Icryashewalksawayfromme,yellingandsobbingatthe

top of his lungs. I know I’ve hurt him. I’ve cut his heart apart and broken him all from telling him I’m
afraid,buthewasscaringme,andIcan’thelpthewayIfeel.EventhoughIknowhewouldneverhurtme
-atthismoment,I’mscared.

“Lou, I need to get you home. Right now,” Avery finally catches up to me and takes my hand. She

guidesmyshakingbodyclosetohers.IlookoverhershoulderandseeHunterbootingtrashcansashe
walksaway.

“He’sbreakingdownAvery.”Icry,havingtheurgetogotohim.
Avery pushes me at arm’s length, her fingers on my shoulders. “Yeah, because he’s a fucking mess

whenhe’sdrunkLou.Ilovehimtobits,buthe’sbadnewsforagirllikeyou.”

“He’snot.”Iweep.“He’shurtinginside,andheneedsmetomendhim.”
Averyscowls.“Takeitfromme,honey,noonecanmendHunter.He’sbeyondrepair.Jaxonsaysever

sincehismomdied,Huntergivesnofucksnomore.”

I am too quick to defend him. “You don’t get it. His mother was afraid of his dad, and he told me it

wouldkillhimifheevermademeafraidofhim.”

Averysighs.“EveryoneisafraidofHunter,Lou,he’saloosecannon.”
Iplacemyhandonmychest.“ButIshouldn’tbe.Theyshouldn’tbe.”
Averytakesmyhandandcontinuestowalk.“Let’sjustgetyoubacktocampus.”

Chapter29

Hunter

Ashby’scheeryvoiceisthefirstoneIhearwhenIwalkintothekitchenthenextmorning.

“Goodmorningsunshine.”Hesings.
IgroanbecauseI’mnotinthemoodforchitfuckingchat.“Fuckyouandyourmorning.”
“Whataboutthesunshine?”Hegoads.
Irestmyelbowsonthekitchentableandrubatmytemples.“Fuckthattoo.”
“Woah,”Ashbysitsonthechairoppositeme.“Nowcalmdown,Rocky.”Hejokes.
Fuck this guy don’t give up. Before I launch the milk carton at his head, Jaxon shuts him down by

clippinghimaroundhisear.

“Ash,leavehim,alonedude.”
Ihaveadifferentrelationshipwithallmyfriends.AshbyandIhavethebestbanter.JaxandIaremore

ofanemotionaltell-allrelationshipandDexterisjustoneIfeelprotectiveof.JustlikemylittlebrotherI
guess. This morning though I wish I didn’t have friends because I don’t need them trying to figure out
what’swrongwithme.

IdownaglassofmilkthatI’vebeenstaringatforthelasthalfhour.It’sthenIseethedried-upblood

andbruisingtomyknuckles.Itiltmyheadbackandstareupattheceiling.Iamafuckingidiot.

“Wanttoshootsomehoopslater?”Jaxonsuggests.Ilookoverathim,andhehasaslightbruiseonhis

jaw.Irubmyhandovermyface.

“Ididthat?”Ican’trememberhittingJaxon,butIguessIdid.Regrettably,it’snotthefirsttimeI’vehit

himwhenundertheinfluence.Ideservetoberunoverbyhim.Tentimes.

Jaxonshrugs.“Gotcaughtinthecrossfire,that’sall.Youcan’tdrinkanymore,man.”
I close my eyes rub at my temples again. The headache from hell is putting is too politely. “Tell me

about it. Lou won’t answer my calls. Fallon told me she’s heading to her family holiday home for the
weekendorsomeshittogetawayfromme.”

“Yougotintoafight.”Ashbyshrugs.“Bigdeal.Youdoitallthetime.”
“Yeah,”Igroan.“Iamthatfuckingpredictable,aren’tI.”
Ashbyshakeshishead.“SeriousthoughHunt,yougottostop.”
“Fuckyouboth.”EventhoughIknow,theyareright.Istillwon’tlisten.
Jaxonjumpsdownfromtheworktop.“I’mheadinghometoseemymomsoon,soifyouwanttoshoot

somehoopslet’sgo.”

Ishakemyhead.“No,yougo,dude.Youknowhowyourmomgetswhenshedoesn’tseeyou.”
Ashbyhums.“Hmm,Jaxon’smom,hellI’llgoseeherifyoudon’twantto.”
“Fuckyou,dick.”AshbyandJaxongetintoaplayfight,soIexcusemyselfsoIcantryandcallLouisa

again.Man,Ifuckedup.

IlieonmybedandcallLouisaforthetwelfthtime,anditgoesstraighttoanswerphone.
“Fuck,” I mumble to myself. She isn’t going to answer. Without having a shower, because I am too

eager,Ithrowonthefirstt-shirtandjeansIfind,slipmyfeetintosneakersandjogoutofmyapartment.
MydestinationisLouisa’scampusblock.

“Itoldyou.She’snothere!”Fallongritsherteeth.
I am leaning against the doorframe with my foot jammed in the way so she can’t close it on me. We

haveanaudienceofgirlsoutinthehallway,andFallonisgettingonmylastfuckingnerve.

“LetmeinFallonbeforeIkickthegoddamnfuckingdoordown.”
“Yeah,” Fallon moves towards me. “You break the door, and I’ll break that pretty face of yours

Holland.Nowfuckoff.Louisahasgoneawayforabreak.You’renotseeingherforthenextfourdays.
Dealwithit.”

ImovemyfootandFallonslamsthedoor.Ican’tbelievesheleftwithouttellingmeorsayinggoodbye.

Fuck.

“YouwantmetomakeyoufeelbetterHunt?”
Iturnmyheadandseeoneofthegirlswinkingatme.Iglareatherandturnonmyheel,runninglikea

madmanbacktomyapartment.Fuckbasketballwiththeboys,whackingaballwithabaseballbatright
aboutnowfeelslikeabetteridea.

***

“Thisnotlust,boys.It’slove.Ifeelpossessive.Jealous.Idon’twanthertalkingtootherboys.Iwanther
alltomyselfandanysparetimeshehasIwantittobespentwithme.There’sbeingintoagirl,andthen
thereishead-over-heels-ga-gashit,andthatsumsmeupprettymuchrightnow.”Ithrowthebaseballupto
theairandletitcomebackdownformetocatchit.“Thethoughtofnotseeingherforfourdaysisfucking
killingme.”

“Thencallher.”AshbypointsoutasIthrowhimtheball.
“Don’tyouthinkI’vetriedthat,dipshit.”Ithrowdownthebat,slumptomyassandlieback,pulling

mycapovermyeyestoblockoutthesun.Ifeeltheboysfalldownnexttome,butIdon’tlookup.“She
won’tanswermycalls,dude.”Itakeoffmycapandplaceitovermyface.“Ihaveroyallyfuckedup.She
toldmeshewasscaredofme.Fuck,it’smademefeellikeaworthlesspieceofshit.”

Jaxonscoffsnexttome.“Justpulloutthatcharmofyours,pussy.”
Ishakemyhead,situpandwrapmyarmsaroundmyknees.“Nah,she’snotlikeothergirls,Jax.AndI

wouldn’tinsultherbytryingthatanyway.She’spissed,Igetit.Ijusthateit.”

Jaxon lies back on the grass and starts throwing the ball up into the air and catching it. “Then get

groveling.”

I turn to him. “I will grovel on my hands and knees if I have to, but waiting until she comes back is

goingtodrivemenuts.”

“Wouldyoudrivetoherifyouknewwhereshewas?”Heasks.
Idropmyhead.“I’dfuckingwalktoherifIhadto.Thisisgoingtobethelongestfourdaysofmylife.”
Jaxonsighs.“You’lljusthavetosuckitup,brother.”
There’ssilencebetweenusthreeforacoupleofsecondsuntilJaxonsitsup.“How’syourdad,Hunt?”
Doeshereallyhavetoruinmylifeevenmorerightnow?“Fine.”Ishrug.
“That’snotwhatyourGrantoldmymom.”Hesays.
Ipushtomyfeet,“Icouldn’tgiveafuckrightnow.”Ijogaway.

Chapter30

Louisa

Igettomyroom,closethedoor,letmybagsdroptomysideandslumpdownontomybutt.ThelasttimeI
washereatourholidayhomewaswhenmymotherwasalive.Iglancearoundmybedroomandbreathin
thememorableandcomfortingsmellofthedarkwoodfloor.It’srichandpineyallatonce.Ihaveyellow
floralwallpaper,ahugedarkwoodbed,aclosetandasidetable.SimpleandneatiswhatIlike.

Ipushmyselfupfromthefloorandwalkovertothewindow.MyviewofthecoveisonethatIcherish

everytimeI’mhere.Mymomwouldwakemeupjustbeforesunrisesothatwecouldwatchthesunrise
abovethewaterinthemorning.Thenwewouldwatchthesunsetintheeveningtogether.Thosememories
aresomethingIholdtomyheartdearly.MymomanddadboughtthisholidayhomehereinBostonwhen
wewereyounger.Ican’thelpbutfeellikemyfathermetValerywaybeforemymomdied.It’stoomuch
ofacoincidencethatmydadrandomlymetaladyfromBostonnotfarfromourholidayhome,amonth
aftershedied.MydadcomeshereoftenwithValery.Butit’sthefirsttimeIhavebraveditsincemymom.
IthoughtcomingdownthisweekendcouldgivemesomebreathingspaceawayfromHunterforacouple
ofdays.

Totakemymindoffthings,Itryandgetsomestudyingdone.
Notes are scattered all around me, and I crumple up another piece of paper and throw it onto the

mountainofcrumpleduppaper.Whycan’tIgetthewordsflowingtoday?Stupidquestionreally.Iknow
why.It’sbecauseIcan’tgetHunteroffmydamnedmind.Ilookupattheceiling,tryingtoholdbackthe
waterworks.Donotcry,Lou.Donotcry.

Shit,I’mcrying.
“Whyareyoustilluphere?”Breewaltzintomyroom,andIquicklywipeawaymytears.
“Studying.”Istareatmypapers.
Shemakesa‘hmm’noise,andIknowshe’sgotherhandsonherhips.“Doyouwanttotellmehowyou

gotthatbruiseonyourjaw?”

Myhandautomaticallytouchesit.“IgotcaughtupinoneofHunter’sfights.That’sall.”
Hermouthdropsopen,andthelinesonherforeheadshowmeshe’sangryashell.“Excuseme!”
Idon’tlookup.“Bree,itwasanaccidentbeforeyoustarttellingmehowbadheisforme.”
“Ididwarnyou.”Shemurmursagain.“Buthey,ifyouwantabrokenheartbemyguest.Anyway,we’re

goingdowntothevillageforabitetoeat.Getdressed.”AsIlookupshe’salreadyoutofthedoor.Iwant
to throw my study book at the door and pretend it’s her head, but I don’t. Only because I’m afraid of
breaking my book. The way my sister is being because of this whole Hunter thing is ridiculous. In the
beginning,Iletherhaveherjibes,ignoredhercommentsandfeltguiltyoverthewholesituation.Thatwas
before Hunter taught me to stick up for myself. Oh, no, now I’m thinking of Hunter again, and I almost
madeittensecondswithouthimonmymind.

“Youtwoarealotoffun.”Mydad’sjokeonlyworkedonValerywholaughsalongwithhimlikeit’s

thefunniestthinginhistory.Heis,ofcourse,talkingaboutBreeandI.Wehaven’tsaidawordtoeach

other.AlthoughBreemaythinkI’mquietbecauseofher,it’snot.It’sbecausewhenwewouldcomehere
withmymom,wealwaysusedtoeatatthesmalllocalcoffeeshops.Thequirkylittledocksidebars.One
ofourfavoriteswasalittlefarmersmarketwithasmallcaféthatonlyservedwhattheyfarmed.Instead,
weareeatingataposhrestaurantthatlooksnodifferentfromtherestoftheposhrestaurantsValeryseems
tolike.Ithasnoquirks,noflaws,no‘catchoftheday’.Justfancypantsfoodthatislikeapieceofarton
yourplateratherthanfoodthatfillsyouupandmakesyoudribbledownyourchin.

“Idon’tthinkLouisaknowshowtohavefun.”Breecocksherheadatmeafterhersnipe–whichtells

meit’sabouttogodown.“Although,youseemtobehavingalotoffunwithHunterHollandrightnow,
don’tyou?”

I roll my eyes, pick up my fork and stab it into the work of art on my plate. It makes me feel a lot

satisfiedthatI’vemesseditup.

“Everythingokaybetweenyouboth?”Mydadasks.
Letmeexplainsomethingaboutmyfather,whenhe’sathome,he’sallformal,strictandprofessional.

Gethimonvacationoroutoftown,andheturnsintooneofthoseannoyingfatherswhostillthinksyou’re
ticklishunderthechinatnineteen.

Ishrug,andstareatmyplate.Iknowthisisnotmyusualbehavior.Iwouldnevernotansweraquestion

myfatherhasaskedme,oranyoneforthatmatterbecauseit’srude.IhatethatIcan’tdragmyselfoutof
thisfunk.

“Fine.”Itakeamouthfulofmyfoodtopreventmesayinganythingelse.
Mydadclapshishands.“IsLouisainlove?”Hesings.
“Really,dad?Really?”Breescoffs.“He’stheworstkindofboyfriendtohave.Imean,thoseguysyou

callbadnews.Yousawwhathewaslikeonyourbirthday.Haveyouforgotthat?”

“Didn’t stop you wanting to take him to bed, though, did it?” Oh, yeah, hit it right out of the park,

Louisa.Boom.ThenIsighbecauseIhatebeingmeantoanybody.Theguiltcreepsupmythroat,butbefore
Iapologize,Breescoffs.

“Well,hemusthavegotboredofyou.Isthatwhyyou’remopingaround?”Shelooksatmydad.“When

he’shadenough,heleaves.IfyouknowwhatImean.”

Idon’tknowwhethertothrowmynapkinatherface(yeah,realharsh)orexplaintomydadthatshe

couldn’tbemorefurtherawayfromthetruth.

Mydad’seyesarebattingbackandforth,andValerytakesalongswigofherredwine.
“Bree,Iassureyou,Louisaisnotthekindofgirlwho…”Mydadclearshisthroat.“Iwillnothaveyou

talkingaboutherthisway.”

And here it comes, Bree is about to go crazy because she will say my dad is taking my side–like he

alwaysdoes.“You’retakingherside,again?”Therewego.

I clutch at my fork so hard the metal digs into my palm. “He is not sticking up for me, Bree. He is

tellingthetruth.”

“Oh,”Bree’sdemeanorchangesintosomethingcalmer.“Sowhydon’tyouinvitehimhere?”
“Maybe I will.” I hiss, aggressively biting at my bread roll. As I swallow, it feels like sandpaper is

scrapingitswaydownmythroat.Emotionisbuildingbythesecond.

Igetbacktothehouse,butdon’tgoinside.Instead,Idragmyfeettowardsthepromenade.Iwalkright

to the end and have the urge to jump into the water, but I flake out and sit down with my legs crossed

instead.Thesunissetting,soIcaptureapicture,andcaptionit‘stillthinkingofyou’It’smeantformy
mom.Justbecauseshe’sgonedoesn’tmeanIshouldstopdoingthosethingswealwaysusedtodo.

Thechillinessintheairisbitingatmyskin,causinggoosebumpstobreakout,butthisiswhatIlove.

Sittingalone.Reflecting.Clearingmymind.Appreciatingthethingsinlifewetendtoforgetwhenwe’re
toobusytoappreciateourveryexistence.OnethingIcan’tforget,though,isHunter.Hisvoice,hishands
acrossmyskin,thatdevilishsmile.Ievenlovehislaugh-itcausesmyhearttoflutter.Hishumorhasme
laughingsohardmystomachhurts.Ilovethosekindsoflaughs.AndIalmostforgothowitfelttolaughso
hardIcouldn’tbreatheuntilHuntercamealong.Whenmymomdied,Igrievedforalittlewhile,ofcourse
Idid.Mymotherwasmybestfriend,thelifeandsoulofourfamily.Afteralmostfallingintodepression,I
knewIhadtochangemylife.Iknewmymotherwouldnotwanttoseemesosad.Idecidedtonotallow
lifetobeatme,buttobeatlifeinsteadandliveittothefullest.Huntercomingalongremindsmeofwhy
weshouldcherishthosewecarefor.Notdeny.

IabsolutelyloveallsidestoHunter.It’snotevenaboutthewayhecanhavemehotandflusteredina

matterofseconds.It’saboutthewayhemakesmefeelinside.Thewayhemakesmegrowasaperson.
Sure, amazing sex is a bonus, but sex is not what makes you fall in love with another. It’s the way he
smilesandglancesawayfrommewhenIcatchhimstaringatmefromacrosstheroom.ThewayIloveto
watchhimsleep,thewayheputshisarmsaroundmejusttobeclosetome.

Idon’tbelieveinloveatfirstsight.IfellinlovewithHuntergradually.Themoreheshowedmehow

muchofanamazingpersonheis,themoreIfell.NowIhavefallen,Ihavefallenhard.Nowthereisno
going back. I don’t want to go back. I just want to know the side of Hunter that is yet to still be
discovered,andIwanttofallinlovewiththattoo.

Chapter31

Louisa

AfterIunpack,Iglancearoundmydormroomandfeelrelivedafterbeingawayfromthisplaceforfour
days.Icouldn’twaittocomeback.AlthoughIamalittleapprehensive.

“Fallon,whyisthereanoteintherefrigeratorsayingdon’teatme?”Iunstickthenotefromtheplate.
Fallonremainsonherphone.“Itremindsmenottoeatthecake.”
Ifrownandtakeouttheplatefromthesmallfridgeandclosethedoor.“Butthereisnocakeleft.”
“No.”Shescoffs.“I’mnotverygoodattakingorders.”
Ipushtheplateaside,takemyphoneoutofmypocketanddebate.ShouldIswitchiton?I’maboutto

askFallonwhatIshoulddo,butsinceIgotbacktocampus,allwe’vedoneissharesmalltalk.Fallonhas
been lying in her bed, her face depressed and she’s surrounded by empty chocolate wrappers and ice
creamtubs.

Iplacedownmyphone.Itcanwait.“Fallon,istheresomethingwrong?”
Sheglaresatmefromunderherduvet.“Imissedyou,that’sall.Whydoyouask?”
Istareatthewrappers.“Iaskbecauseyou’reeating–”
“Toomuch?”shesnaps.“Isthatit?”
“Well,”Ishrug.“Toomuchjunk,yeah.”
Shesighs.“Idonotneedthatkindofnegativeenergyaroundmerightnow.”
I have a burst of laughter waiting to explode, but I force it back down my throat because Fallon is

deadlyserious.Fallondoesn’tdoserious.Moody,butnotserious.

IthinkIknowwhatisencouraginghermournfulbehavior,soItreadcarefully.“Haveyou…uh…have

youandRaynebrokeup?”

Fallonthrowsoffherduvetinrage.“What,justbecauseI’mactinglikeagirlwhosebrokeupwithher

partner means I actually have?” I watch her lip wobble then she dramatically throws her head into her
hands.“Youaresoright.”Shesobs.Idartoffmybedandrushtoherside,takingherintomyarms.She
sobsintomychest,snottynoseandall.

“IknowIshouldhavefinisheditwhenshefuckedwithyou,”sheblubbers,andIthinkshemeansthe

drinkspikingbusiness.“ButIlovedher,Lou.NowshewouldratherstickhertongueinstupidbitchAnn
Willsassinstead.Imean,”shepullsawaytowipehernoseonhersleeve.“Whothehellhaswhitehair
and black bangs these days? Fucking badger bitch.” Fallon breaks down again and falls back into my
arms.“Yousmellnice.”Shemurmurs,clutchingatmeevenmore.“Don’tgoawayagain.NexttimeI’ll
justgetridofHunterforyou.”

Ilaughalittle.“C’monFal.Cryingoversomeonewhoisn’tworthcryingaboutis…well,notworth

it.”

“Iknow,”shesighs,wipinghertearsaway.“ButthemoreItellmyselfthat,themoreIdon’tbelieve

it.”

After an hour of consoling Fallon, and eating ice cream with her, she decides to get dressed and get

someair.

“Wantmetocome?”Iask.
Sheshakesherhead.“I’mgood.I’mgoingtoseeAxel.”
Iarchmybrow.Confused?Hell,yeah.“Axel?”
“Axel.”Shenods,andleaves.
WhenIgetmyselfreadyforbedthetimeisnearingmidnight.Istareatmyphoneanddecide.AsIturn

it on, it bleeps repeatedly. Message after message from Hunter. Just as I’m about to open them up, my
phonerings.It’smydad.

“Lou,Iknowit’slate,butiseverythingokaywithyourboyfriend?”
Ifrown.“What?”
“Iwasjustpassingthehallsinthehospital,andI’mprettysureIsawHunter.”
Myheartstartspounding.“Ishehurt?”
“No,he’snot.Ithinkhewasdroppingsomeoneoff.Look,I’mheadinghome,butIcanstayandfindout

foryou?”

Ipushmyhairfrommyface.“No,it’sokay.I’llcallhim.Thanks,dad.”
“Noproblemsweetie.”
I call Hunter as soon as I hang up. “Dammit.” It’s switched off. I try again but get the same result. I

placeitbesidemeandrestmyheadonmypillow.Ihopehecallsmeback.AndIhopeIcanstayawake
longenoughtoanswer.Ihaven’tsleptproperlysinceI’vebeenawaybecauseI’vebeenwalkingaround
withthatacheinsidemystomachfromthinkingaboutHunter.I’vebeengoingtosleepwiththethoughts
aboutwhathe’sdoinginsidemyhead.I’mstillangrywithhim,butIlovehim.NowIhavehadmyspace
andtimetothink,Idon’twanttobeawayfromhimanymore.

Chapter32

Louisa

IopenmyeyesbecauseIfeelapresencenearme,andIshouldbestartledtofindafuriousHunterstaring
atme.Ishouldbeangrythathehashisarmscrossedlikehehaseveryrighttobemad.Ishouldbepissed
thathehasclearlycomeintomydormwithoutpermission.Iturnoverandthrowtheblanketovermyhead.
I’mnotreadytohavearow.AndI’mnotdonewithsleeping.

“Goaway,”Imumbleintomypillow,hopinghewilllisten.HunterbeingHunter–hedoesn’tlisten.
“You’vebeenignoringme.”Hesays.“Youwentawayforalongweekendwithouttellingme.”
IreachformyearphonesbecauseIknowthesoundofOwlCityistheonlythingthatisgoingtostopmy

bodyheatingupfromthesoundofhisvoice.

“Goaway,Hunter.”I’mabouttoputinmyearphones,butheswipesthemoutofmyhands.
“Go away? I need an explanation, Lou! You left without one word. Do you know the hell I’ve been

goingthrough?”

That statement makes me throw the blanket off my body, and I swing my legs furiously out of bed. I

catchmyankleonthewoodenleg,butI’msoangryIdon’thavetimetocomplain.

“Whatyou’vebeenthrough?”IpokehiminhischestsohardherubsatthepartwhereIpoked.“You

weresoangry.Fighting,arguing,youbrokeGilesBoris’sribs,Hunter.”IfoundthatpartoutwhenIcame
homeyesterday.“Youweretreatingmelikeapieceofmeat!”

Hiseyesarescanningmyfacequickly,takingintheattitudeI’mgivinghim.“Iwasdrunk,Lou.”
Ishakemyhead,sickofthedrunkexcuses.“No,youwereafuckinglunatic.”
Hestepsback.Eyeswide.Mouthopen.“Youswore?”
“YeahIdid.”Isnap.“AndnowI’mgoingtohellbecauseofyou!”Ishovehisshoulder,intendingto

causeanimpact,butitdoesn’tandbecauseofitIgetangrier!“Idon’twanttobeinlovewithanasshole
Hunter.Idon’twanttobeinlovewithsomeonewhoissoangryinsideandwon’ttellmewhy.Idon’t
wanttobeinlovewithsomeonewhopicksfights.Whomessesmearoundandcan’ttellmethefucking
truthwhenIaskforit.AndnowI’veswornagain.God,damnit.”Intheheatofanger,IrealizewhatIjust
said.Hunter,too.

“Youdon’twanttolovesomeonelikeme?”Hewhispers.
Iswallow,notentirelysurehowhe’stakingmyconfirmationoflove.“Idon’twantto.”Isigh.“ButI

do.”

Huntercloseshiseyesandit’snotwhatIwantedtohappen.WhatdoIwanttohappen?Thathesayshe

lovesmetoo?Justhowit’smeanttobe?Ifhedoesn’tlovemeback,thatstillisn’tgoingtostopmefrom
lovinghim.Ichangethesubjectquickly.

“Tellmewhat’sgoingoninthere.”Itaphistemple,andhetakesmyhandgentlyandplacesitagainst

hislips.

“Toomuch.”Hewhispers.“AndIcan’tsayitoutloudbecauseitmakesmelooklikeabadperson.”
“You’renotabadperson,Hunter.”

“I’mbadnews,Lou.”
Iexhaletotryandcomposeandstopmytears.“No,you’renot.”
Hestepsawayfrommelettingmyhanddroptomyside.“Youdon’tknowmeBlondie.”
Idon’tknowwhybutithurts.Idon’twanttobeinlovewithaboywhothinksIdon’tknowhim.ButI

am.

“You’reright.Idon’t.Idon’tknowwhywereyousodrunklastweekyoufelttheneedtohaveafight.I

don’tknowwhyyouflakedthreetimesonourfirstthreedates.Whyyou’resosecretiveaboutyourdad.
Whyyouwereatthehospitallastnight.”

Hunterfrowns.“Howdidyouknowaboutthat?”
“Mydadcalledme.Areyougoingtotellmewhy?”Hescoffsandflapshishand,dismissingme,soI

giveup.“Youknowwhat,forgetit.”Iamabouttoturnawayregretfully,butHuntergrabsatmyelbow.

“Ihaveneverliedtoyou,Lou.Ever.”Helooksatmecoyly.“MaybeIhaven’tbeenhonestwithyoubut

Ihaveneverlied.”

I snatch my elbow from his grip. “Then care to be honest now?” Hunter clutches his hair and looks

awayfromme.“I’lltakethatasano.”I’mabouttowalktothedoorsoIcantellHuntertoleavebuthe
surprisesme.

“Myfatherissick.”Heblurtsout.Hisheadfallsback,andhelooksuptotheceiling.“He’ssick,and

I’m allowing my little brother to become his full-time fucking carer because I can’t stand the sight of
him.”

Iamstunnedintosilence.MyhearthasstoppedI’msureofit.“Yourdadissick?”
Hunterrubsahandoverhisface,afaceIhavebeenachingtoseefordays.Nowhe’sinfrontofme

lookingdrained,farawayfromhisfunny,freshlookingself.

“Hehascancer,Lou.”
Igulp.ThewordcancersendsashiverdownmyspinebecauseIknowonlytoowellhowdamagingit

canbe.“Howsevere?”

Hunterlooksawayfromme.It’sliketellingmeishardenoughforhim,nevermindexplainingit.Idon’t

urgehim,Iwaitpatiently.

“It’sbad.”He’sangryathimself.“HowthefuckcanIletaskinnyteenageboycareforhisdadwhenhe

shouldbeoutenjoyinghislife?”

MymouthgoesdrybecausethequestionI’mabouttoaskisrisky.However,Iaskanyway.“Andwhy

hasyourthirteen-year-oldbrotherbeencaringforhimonhisown?”

Hunterbowshisheadinshame.“BecauseIdon’twanttohelp.”
“Idon’tunderstand.”Whyisn’tHunterhelpinghisbrother?Whywouldn’thewantthebestcareforhis

dad?IknowIwould.Whyishebeingstoicalaboutthewholething?Ormaybeheisn’t.Maybethisisthe
reasonwhyhe’ssoangryinside.Hidingsomuchragehedoesn’tknowthebestwaytohandleit.Hecould
havetalkedtome.Iwishhedidtalktome.I’mgladheisnow.

“You’rewonderingwhyIhaven’tsaidanythingbefore?”Heasks.
Idon’tmindthathemayhavejustreadmymind,butwhatIdon’tlikeisthewayheislookingatme.

It’salookthatsayshethinksI’mjudginghim,andthatissofarfromthetruth.

“It’sbecauseItrytoforgetthatmyfatherisinpain.Fuck,”heslumpsdownonmybed,andhishead

goesintohishand.“Ialmostwantthemotherfuckertobeinpain.”

NowIamjudging.“Hunter.”Hisnameisagasponmylips.“Howcanyousaythat?”
Helooksupatme,impassive,nothinginsidehiseyesoronhisfeaturestosaythatheishurtingforhis

father.“Isayitwithease.”

I almost want to tell him to get out. I want to scream and yell at him. He is being immoral.

Disrespectful and damn right disgusting. Although, what will that achieve? Too many problems are not
resolvedbecauseofthelackofcommunicationandthemoreofarguing.Idon’twanttoscreamathim.I
don’twanttoyellifitwillonlymakethingsworse.

Isitdownnexttohim,socloseourthighsaretouching.Takinghishand,Iplaceitinmylap,andhe

finallylooksatme.Hiseyesstareintomine,andIcanseepainhiddeninside.“Tellmeexactlywhat’s
goingoninthere.”Itaphistempleagain,andheclencheshiseyesshutlikemytouchhasgivenhimsome
sortofelectricshock.

He takes my hand and kisses my fingers. “You are too pure for me,” he whispers against them. “You

findthegoodineveryone,butI’msorrytodisappointyouBlondie,youwon’tfindanygoodinme.”

“Stop.”Iyell,eventhoughIpromisedmyselfIwouldn’t.“Youareeverythinggoodinmylife,Hunter.

Don’tsaythat,ithurtstohearyousayit.”

Heshakeshishead.“IsitgoodthatIcan’tcareformyowndadbecauseIdon’tcareabouthim?”
I’msoconfused.IknowHunterexplainedtomethathisdadusedtobeathismom,butisthatcausefor

Huntertobesocruelrightnow?“Idon’tgetit.”

Hunterlaughsspitefully.“Youdon’tgetalotofthings,Lou.”
Iblinkalittleoffended.“You’reright,Idon’t.Idon’tgetitbecauseyoudon’ttellme!AndIdon’tget

whyyouthinkyouhavetoactlikethisbadboyassholewhodoesn’tgiveashitaboutanyoneoranything
justtobeimpressive.”Ibangmyfistonmydesk.“NewsflashHunter,itdoesn’timpressme.So,stop.
Stopactinglikesomeonewhoisn’tyou,becauseIknowwhotherealHunterHollandis,andIaminlove
withhim.”

Huntergetstohisfeetandpresseshishandsbehindhishead.“ActinglikeIdon’tcareaboutmydadis

notalie.It’snotajoke,ormejusttryingtoactcoolokay.I.Fucking.Hate.Him.”

IstandinfrontofhimandplacemyhandsonmyhipsjustlikemyGranwoulddo.“Well,youneedto

getyourheadoutofyourassandtakeastand,Hunter.Yourfatherhaslookedafteryouyourwholelife,
nowheneedsyoutolookafterhim.”

He pushes me aside. “I’m not listening to this.” And so, he leaves, slamming the door behind him. I

almostwanttochasehimdownthehallswithabaseballbat.ButIdon’tbecausea)Idon’twanttomakea
sceneandb)Idon’thaveabaseballbat.

Ifalldownontomybedandstareatmyphone.Ihavebroughtthetextscreenup,butIdon’tknowwhat

tosaytohim.Callme.Whereareyougoing?Haveyoucalmeddownyet?Idon’tknowwhichoutofthe
threeismoreappropriate–soIsendallthree.Momentslatermyphoneisringing.He’scallingme.

“I’matthegym.AndnoIhaven’tcalmeddownyet.”Andhehangsup.Well,itwasabrupt,butatleast

hedidwhatIaskedandansweredmyquestions.Ipacebackandforth,butI’mnotsettlingbecauseIneed
tospeaktoHunterfacetoface.IfIhavetogotothegym,hewarnsmetostayawayfrom,thensobeit.

***

IdrivetotheothersideoftownandpullupnexttoMetro’sGym.Itakeadeepbreath,unbucklemyseat

beltandclimboutofmycar.

The moment I push open the blacked-out glass door, the sound of rap music hits me in the face. The

smell of sweat and grime assaults my nose. Thrashing and yelling from across the room has got my
attention,andwhenIlookup,myeyesarefixedonHunterintheboxingring.Hisheadisunguarded,his
hands in boxing gloves. The boy who is he sparring with him is hunched over, his nose pouring with
bloodandhiseyeslooksliketwoballoons.

“Givehimanotherfuckingjab,Hunt.”
AsmallroundmanisjeeringHunteron,andwhenHunterthrowsthenextpunch,hisopponentfallsto

thefloor,knockedout.

Irushintotherestroom.IthinkI’mgoingtothrowup.Ipushopenthedoorofthecubicle,andjuststand

withmybacktothedooruntilIcanregainsomecomposure.Calmdown,calmdown,calmdown,Itell
myself.It’sjustasport,aviolentanduglydangeroussportthatHunterseemstoenjoy.

IunlockthedoorwhenIhavecalmed,andcomefacetofacewitharowofmirrorsoverthesinks.The

mirrorsaresmashed;graffiticoverthegreenwalls.Itsmellsofstalepiss,it’sdark,andthesinksarefull
ofgrease.

“WhatyoudoingaroundtheseendsBlondie?”
IjumpasIturnaroundtoseewhoistalkingtome.
“It’srougharoundhere.Didn’tHuntertellyounottocometothissideoftown?”
IclutchatmychestwhenIseeJaxonleaningagainstthewall,hiseyeslookworriedforme.
Iwipeatmytearyeyes.“WhyisHunterfightinglikethat?”
Jaxonbowshishead.“He’sinabadplacerightnow,Lou.Fightinghelpshimrelieveanger.”
Inarrowmyeyes.“Whycan’thetellmeaboutit?Talktome?I’mhisgoddamgirlfriend.”
Jaxonnodsinagreement.“Iknow.I’vetoldhimtoletyouin,buthe’snotlisteningtoanyone.”Hesteps

forwardandplacesagentletattooedhandonmyshoulder.“Lethimcooldown.He’llfigureitout.”

“Iwon’tlethimhurthimself,Jax,oranyoneelse.”
“He’sabigboy.”Hesmilestotryandreassureme.It’snotworking.
“Whenwillhecalmdown?”
Jaxonfeelssorryforme,Icantell.Idon’tknowhimthatwell,butIsuspecthehasagoodheart.
“Ican’ttellyouthat,Lou.That’shiscall.ButwhatIcantellyouisthatheneedsyourightnow.”
“Hedoesn’t.”Iscoffoutofdisbelief.“He’spushingmeaway.”
“Thenpushbackharder.”Heopensthedoorandnudgeshishead.“Goon.”
Iwalkoutoftherestroom,andIseeHunterthrowinghisduffelbagoverhisshoulder.He’saboutto

leave,soIcallhimbeforeheopensthedoor.

“Hunter,youneedtotalktome.”
HunterspinsaroundandInoticehehasablackeye.“Lou?”
Irushtowardshim,andwhenIreachhim,Igentlytouchhiscuteye.“Youneedtocleanthatup.”
Huntertakesholdofmywrist.“Andyouneedtogetoutofhere.It’snotsafeforaprettygirllikeyou.I

won’thesitatetosteponsomeone’sfuckingfaceiftheysomuchaslookatyouthewrongway.”Hunter
pullsmeoutintothestreet.

“Hunter!”Iyellhisnamewhenwegetoutonthesidewalk.“Stopit.Stopactinglikethis.”
Heopenshisarmswide.He’sangry,andhistoneisagrowl.“Actinglikewhat?Actinglikeme?”

Irefusetobelievethatthisishim.Thatthisruthless,coldpersonisanythingtodowithHunteratall.

“Thisisnotyou.Iknowyou.”

Hunterprodshisfingerintohischest.“YouknowwhatIallowyoutoknow,Lou.”
Ialmostwanttogripatmyhairindespair.He’spushingmygoddamnbuttonsrightnow.“Thenwhat’s

thepointtous?”

Iseetheflickerofgriefinhiseyes.Confusedandhurtpassthelookonhisface.
“What?”
“You heard me.” Come on voice, don’t break now. “If you don’t want to show me all of you, if you

don’tthinkyoucanopenuptomeafterItellyouIloveyou,andthatIwillbehereforyou,thenwhyamI
chasingsomethingthatisn’treal?”

Hunterstopstothink.IseehisAdam'sappledipasheswallows.Hisheadbowsback,andhelooksup

tothenightsky.

“Don’tdothisLou,youknowhowmuchyoumeantome.Iamtrying,I’mfuckingtrying.Ijustdon’t

knowhowtohandleeverythingthat’sgoingoninsidemyhead.Otherthanfightitout.”Twostepstowards
meclosethegapbetweenus,andhe’sholdingbothmyhandstohischest.“HowcanIletthegirlIam
madly,deeplyinlovewith,seethesideofmethatIhateandwishIneverhad?Howdoyouexpectmeto
explainthatIdon’twanttohatemydad,butIdo,Lou?Ifuckinghatehim.Ican’texpectyoutoloveme
whenyouknowhowheartlessIam,soheartlessthatIwishtofuckingGodthiscancerwillkillmydad.I
wanthimtobeinpainsohecanfeeltheexactpainheputmymomthroughfromthedayshemethim.”

Iamdoingeverythinginmypowernottocryrightnow.Forcingmyselftokeepittogetherisproving

difficult.Tryingtosteadymyshakinghandsisalmostgrueling.Toletmyheartstilllovethisboy,though?
isaseasyascountingtothree.

“Iamafuckup,Lou.Yousaidityourself,you’rescaredofme.Igetit.”
CuppingHunter'scheeksIbringhimtome,andherestshisforeheadagainstmine.
“ThenwhydoIstillloveyou?”
Hisclencheshiseyesshut.“Don’t.”
Ikisshislips,tastethesaltflavorthatatearfromhiseyebrings.“Iwill!AndIbelieveyoujusttoldme

youlovedmetoo?”

Hewrapshisarmsaroundmylowerbackandpressesmeintohisbodycloseandtight.
“Idoloveyou,Lou.Ireallydo.Pleasedon’tgiveuponme.”
Irestmyheadonhisshoulder.“Thereisnothingtogiveupon,stupid.Nowlet’sgohome,andyoucan

tellmeeverything.Deal?”

Hunter’sbodyrelaxes.“Deal.”

Chapter33

Hunter

Iknowwemadeadealtotalkwhenwegotbacktomyplace.ButallIwanttodoismakelovetoLouisa.
Tothegirl,Ihavefalleninlovewith.Nottalkaboutmyfuckingwasteofspacedad.

“Hunter,”Louisatriestopushmeoffher.“Youagreed.”
“Inasec.”I’mkissingherlipsgently,gettingcarriedawayinthemoment,lostinthought,alluntilmy

phonevibratesinmypocket.Ishovemyhand,takeoutmyphoneandglanceatthescreenwithouteven
breaking the connection of our lips. I see it’s my dad, so I am about to shove my phone back into my
pocket and pretend like he doesn’t exist, but Louisa somehow knows what I am up to. She places her
hands on my shoulders and stares at me hard with a face that means something serious is about to go
down.

“Youneedtogoandseeyourfather,Hunter.”
Why,why,whyisourmomentfuckingruinedbyamanthathasalreadyruinedmylife.
“Louisa…”Ijustsayhernameanddon’tfollowitupwithanything.Ihavenothingtosay.
Shethumbsalongmyeyebrow.“Hunter.Please.”
Ipullawayfromherharshly,andIhatethewayherfacescrewsupbecauseofit.Iclenchmyeyesshut

tryingtosqueezeoutfrustration,thendropmyassdownontomybed.

“Idon’twanttoseehim.Idon’twanttoconsolehim.Idon’twantanythingtodowithhim.”IknowI

amright.IknowhowIfeel.SothenwhydoIhaveanacheinsidemystomachthatfeelslikeit’seating
awayatmeeverytimeIsaythosethings?

“Hunter…just…”Louisa’svoicetrailsoffasshetoyswiththeedgeofhersweater.She’sstandingin

themiddleoftheroom,soIscowl.It’snotlikehertoshyawayfromtellingmeoff.

“Justwhat?”
She bites her lip, and I can see by the way she is looking at me that she’s having some sort-of inner

conflict.

“Louisa?”
Sheletsthehemofhersweatergoandthrowsherarmsupintheair.“Right,Iamjustgoingtosayit

becauseitneedstobesaid.”Shepointsatme.“Andyouneedtolisten.”

Isalutemyladyandcrossmylegs.“Allears.”
“You have one father, and one father only Hunter. Do you realize how many people are out there,

beggingtohavetheirfatherbackintheirlives?”Sherollshershouldersback.“Youknow;somepeople
maynothaveadadbecausetheydon’twanttobetherefortheirchild.”Sheflapsherhand.“Ortheyhave
lostthemtoafatalaccident,”shestaresatmepointedly.“Anincurabledisease.”

IrollmyeyesbutLouisasnaps.
“Don’tyoudarerollyoureyesatmeHolland.”
Isitupstraightonthebed,andIfeelmyeyeswiden.Well,fuck,thatgotmyattention.
“Ididn’t–”

“I’mstilltalking!”Shebarks.Ibuttonupandlisten.
Shecrossesherarms.“Iknowitmaybehardforyoutoevensympathizewithyourdadbecauseofthe

past–”

“Yougotthatright.”Iscoff.Louisascowlsatme.Ibuttonupagainandnodforhertocontinue.
“Butifwealllivedinthepast,ourliveswouldnevermoveforward,Hunter.”
IfeelmyfistclenchingasIstarttorelivethepastagain.“Hemademymother’slifehell,Lou,ifhe

didn’t,shewouldstillbehere.”

“Iknow,Hunter,Iknow.”Louisa’svoiceiscompletelysympathetic,butshe’snotfinishedwithmeyet.

“Buthowisheasadad?notahusband,butyourdad.”

Iswallowdownalumpthatsuddenlyformsaftersheasksmethatquestion.Noonehaseveraskedme

that question before. I drop my eyes into my lap and remember all the times he took me to baseball
practicewhenIwassix.Howhewouldnevermissagame.Howhewouldalwaysmendpuncturesonthe
wheels of the bright blue bike I had when I was nine. How he taught me to stick up for myself against
bullies.Hetaughtmehowtothrowapunch.HeconsoledmewhenIbrokemyarmfromfallingoffmy
skateboard.

“Iidolizedmyfather,”whyismyvoicecroaking?“untilIwasoldenoughtostartbecomingsuspicious

ofthebruisesonmymother’sbody.Herblackeyes.Hercutlips.Istartedwonderingwhymymomwould
always cry when she thought nobody was around. Why she was always so happy until my father came
homefromwork.”IlookupafterabeatandseeLouisa’shandagainstherchest.Iknowshefeelspainfor
me,butshewillneverknowhowpainfulitistoone-daystopcallingyourdadahero,andstartcalling
him a murderer instead. “Why wasn’t I big enough to stop him, Lou? Why wasn’t I strong enough to
protectmymomfromallthoseyearsofmisery?”

Louisaremainswheresheis,buthugsherselfwithherarms.“Hunter,youweretooyoung.”
“Yeah?”Ishakemyheadandglanceoutofthewindowtothesideofme.“WhenIwasfourteenIwas

bigenough.”Iamclenchingmyfistsagain.“Mydaddidn’thearmewalkingthroughthedoor.Ihadbeen
tobaseballpractice,sowhenIheardmymomcryingandbeggingmydadtogetoffher,Ipulledoutmy
baseballbatfrommybag.”IhearLouisa’sbreathsturnheavy,Iknowshehatesviolence,butImustbe
truthful.

“Iwalkedintothekitchentowherehewasabouttopunchherinthestomach,andIflipped.Iliftedthe

batandsmackeditrightacrossthebackofhishead.Hefelltothefloor–knockedout.”Iwipemyeyewith
thesideofmysleeve.“MymomthoughtI’dkilledhim.Sheevensaidthatshewouldtaketheblame.”I
grit my teeth. “But that motherfucker got back up with nothing more than a headache,” I growl out of
frustration.“Thenextday,hegavemymomadog’slife,anditwasallmyfault.”

Louisa sits beside me and places her hands on my knee. “Hunter, I can’t imagine being put in the

positionyouareinrightnow,andIcan’tsaythatIwouldn’thatemyfatherifIwereinthesameboat.”
Shesighs.“ButIwouldtryandforgive.Clutchingathateandallowingittoruleyourlifeisimpactingon
thewayyoulive.Resentingsomeoneislikeself-tortureHunter.Whatdoyougainfromit?”

I stare at her again, her question hits me so hard I feel like I’ve run straight into a brick wall. “I…”

comeonbrain,youmusthavesomethinginthere.Iswallowdownthatlumpagain.“Itmakesmydadfeel
guilty.ItshowshimhowmuchIhatehim.”

“Butwhatdoyougainfromit?”sheasksagain.

Afterpausingtothinkaboutit,andcomingupwithzero,Isigh.“Absolutelynothing.”
Louisasitsinmylapandswingsherarmaroundmyneck.“Baby,”GodIloveitwhenshecallsmethat.

“Youcan’tgoonlikethis.Youneedtotalktoyourdadbecausethisriftisn’tgoingawayanytimesoon.”

“Ican’tforgetitthoughLou.Thedayshediedreplaysinmyheadeverydamnday.”
IhearLouisaswallow.“Whathappened?Tellme.”
I let out a painful sigh and begin. “I went got home one evening from school and asked my brother

wheremomwas…”Icontinuetorecallthatnight.

“Mom’sinworkwhereshealwaysis.Whereshealwayswantstospendhergoddamtime.”Mybrother

said.

Iplayfullyclippedhimacrossthehead.“Twothingsbrother,curseagainaboutourmomandI’llslap

thewordsrightoutofyourmouth.Secondthing,momworkssogoddammuchbecauseshehastokeepthis
roofoverourheads,andfoodonthetable.”

Hecrossedhisarms.“Liar,shejustwantstostayawayincaseshegetsonthewrongsideofdad.”
Ilookedawaybecausehewasright.Mymomworkedherdamnassoffbecausemyfatherwasalazy

bumwhoonlycaredabouthisnextdrink.Mymomsaiditwasn’thisfault.Thatthethingshesawinthe
armydrovehimtodrink.Ialwayssaidhewasacoward.Andafuckingwomanbeater.Afterhittinghim
withthebat,Icanrememberthinking;IsweartoGodifIeverseehimlayingonemorehandonmymom
againI’dkillhim.

Ipickedupmyduffelbagandheadedtowheremymomworkedtogetsomethingsforapicnic.
“Hey,sweetie.Pickingupyourwaterforpractice?”
AsIwalkeddowntheaisle,mymomwasjustpullingoutabottleofwaterfromthedrinkscabinet.My

mom’svoicewassoftandsoothing;herhandswerewarmandgentle.

“Hey, mom.” I can remember pulling my mom into an embrace and kissing her cheek. I never pulled

awayfrommymomorgotembarrassedtohugher.Shewastheonebroughtmeintothisworld,andshe
deservedmorethanmyutmostrespect.

“I’ve been to practice, mom. How’s work?” I looked down at the canned food she had to stock the

shelveswithandpickedupacoupletohelpher.

“It’sallgood,sweetie.”MymomwouldsmileandactlikeshelovedherjobformysakewhenIknew

shehateditdeepdownbecauseherbosswastheworstkindofchauvinisticpigoftheirkind.

“Ineedtogetafewthingsfor…apicnic.”Igrinned.
“Oh?ForyouandJaxon?”
Ishookmyheadandplacedacanofbeansontheshelf.“Agirl,actually.”
Icanrememberwaitingformymother’sexcitement.
“Oh,Hunter!” She squealed,pulling me intoher and giving meanother kiss. “Youdidn’t tell me you

weredating.”

“MomI’vebeendatingsinceIwasnine,”Isaidaftersmilingawkwardly.
Mymomaskedwhathernamewas,andItoldheritwasCindy.“She’srealpretty,”
“Oh,youhavetobringhertomeetme.”Shepinchedmycheek.
Iscoffedandpickedupanothercan.“Withdadaround?Noway.”
Icanrememberthewaymymom’ssmilefaded,anditkilledmeinsidebecauseIneverwantedtoburst

herbubble.

Mymomchuckled,andsaid,“I’msureyourdadcanbehaveforonenight.”Ikneweventhenitwasa

nervouschuckle.Asoundshedidwhenshewasuncomfortableortryingtomakethesituationlight.

“Hecouldn’tevenbehaveatGran’sfuneralMom.”Ispatout.“Whatmakesyousurehewillbehave

now.”Ikissedmymom’scheek.“I’llseeyoulater.Loveyou.”

“Loveyoutoo,sweetie.”
I went on a picnic that day, thinking I’d go home to tell my mom all about it but when I got home, I

foundmymotherpackingbags.

“Hunter,I’mleaving.”Shecried.“Ican’tdothisanymore.”
IcanrememberjustwatchingherpackuntilIsuddenlyrealizedwhatshewasdoingwasreal.
“Youcan’tleavemom;youcan’tleaveus.”
Mymomtookmycheeksintoherhands,Iremembertheywereshaking.
“I’llcomebackforyouandyourbrotherHunter,letmefindsomewhereandgetsettledthenwecanall

live-inpeace.PleaselookafterBrodyuntilIcomebackforyou.”

Iheldontomymother’shand.“Youcan’tdothismom.Pleasedon’tdothis.”
Ifollowedmymotherdownthestairs,andIwasbeggingsoloudmyfatherheard.AllIcanremember

fromthatpointwasmyfatheryankingatmymom’shair.

“You’restayinghere,”hewasyelling.“Youthinkyoucanjustleaveyourfuckingkids?Me?Getback

insideyoubitch.”

Irememberpunchingmyfathersohardheletgoofmymother’shair.Mymomwasfreetorunsofast

she didn’t see the car that was speeding down the street. She didn’t see she was about to get mauled
underneathit.ButIcould.Isawitcoming.Isawhermoweddownandgetthrownunderthewheels.Isaw
thecarspeedaway.ThenIsawherlifelessbodyinthemiddleoftheroad.Icouldn’tscream.Icouldn’t
move.AllIcoulddowasstareatthebodythatlayintheroadlikeroadkillandtellmyselfthatitwasn’t
mymom.Thatshegotaway,shesafelycrossedthatroadandshewasfine.ButIwaslyingtomyself.I
was too scared to go to her, too scared to see if she was alive or dead. I just remember the blood, the
soundofherscreamringinginmyearsbeforeshewashit.Iwaszombifieduntilmybrotherpushedpast
meandscreamedforhismom.Mydadwasabouttogoouttoher,butIshovedhimback.

“TakeBrodyinsideandcallanambulance.”Ibarkedathim.“Thisisallyourfuckingfault.”ThenIran

towardsmymother…AfterIrantomymomtherestisallablur.

IcomeoutofmytranceandmemoryrecallingwhenIfeelLouisa’shandonmyshoulder.Iputmyhead

inmyhandsandrubtheheelsofmyhandsintomyeyestostopthetears.

“Hunter,”shewhispers.IglanceupandIcanseehertears.“Iamsosorryyouhadtogothroughthat.”
Iinhalesomecouragetocarryon.“Ihatedmyfatherbeforethat,butafterthat,”Ishakemyhead.“He

was dead to me. I’m just glad I’ve got such good friends because if it wasn’t for them and my little
brother,Icouldn’tseewhatlifewasworthlivingfor.”

“Ican’tevenimaginewhatyouwentthrough.”Louisacries.
I wipe away her tears with my thumbs. “You can imagine because you lost your mom too, you’re

probablytheonlyonethatcanunderstand.”Itakeherhandstomymouthandkissherknuckles.“Iwantto
beabletodealwithitlikeyouLou,butIcan’t.Youtalkaboutthememories,butIdon’twantmemories
Lou,Iwanther.Here.Everyday.”

Louisaplacesherhandonmycheek.“But–”

“Nobuts.”Iinterrupt.“IwanthertotellmewhenI’mwrongandwhenI’mrightandwhenshe’sproud

ofme.Iwantherheretowatchmylittlebrothergraduate.Iwantherhereonourweddingday.Seeingher
sonmarrythegirlofhisdreamsbecauseyouarebaby.”Isqueezeherhand.“Youarewhatmydreamgirl
ismadeof.AndI’vesufferedtoomuchpaintoeverlivealifewithoutsomeoneelsethatIlove.Itmight
notbetoday,mightnotbenextweek,butallIknowisthatI’mgoingtomarryyou,Lou-Lou.I’mgoingto
marryyoubecauseIloveyousofuckingmuch,Ineedtoholdyourightnexttomyheart.I’msofucking
afraid of losing you. I fear that one day you’ll realize what a dick I am and not want me anymore. I’m
afraidthatyou’llfinallyrealisethatIdon’tdeserveyou.”

“Hunter,”Louisa’svoiceisbraking.“Youdodeserveme,don’tsaythat.”
“IknowIdon’t.”Iadmit.“Butthatdon’tmeanIwon’ttrymybesttoprovetoyouthatonedayImight.

Imayfuckupalongtheway,butIsweartoGodIwon’tstoptrying.”

Louisaclutchesatmyt-shirtasshecuddlesintomychest.Iknowshe’scryingandit’sagonytohear.

“Youdon’thavetotry,Hunter.”Shesniffs.“Youalreadyhavemylove.Thereisnothingyoucandoorsay
toeverchangethat.”

IholdontohersotightI’mafraidtoletgo.Pouringmyheartouttothisgirlhasmentallyexhaustedme,

butmorethanthat,ithasrelivedmeofpainatthesametime.

Myphoneringsinterutpingourmoment,andIgroanwhenLouisaloosensherembracesoIcanreach

intomypocket.

“It’smybrother,”IsaywhenIglanceatthescreen,thenanswer.
“Dad’sdrunk!”Brody’svoicesoundspanicked.
“What?”Isay,gettingtomyfeet.
“He’sdrunkHunter!Youneedtogethererightnow!”Andhehangsup.
Ishovemyphoneintomyjeanspocket,findmytrainersandpushmyfeetintothemquickly.
“Whatisit?”
IkissLouonthelipsandrushtothedoor.“It’smybrother,heneedsme.”
Louisapullsmeback.“Dotherightthing,Hunter.”
Inod.“Comewithme.”
Shenodsandwebothboltforthedoor.

Chapter34

Hunter

ThebrakesonmycarscreechasIpullintomyfather’sdriveway.“Stayhere,Lou.”Idon’tevenclosethe
dooronmytruckasIbolttowardsthedoor.

Ihearsobbingcomingfromthekitchen,soIrushinthatdirection.
“Brody?”WhenIfind,himcoweringonthekitchenfloorinthecorneroftheroom,mylegscometoan

abrupthalt.“Brody.”Hisnamesfalloutofmymouthinastrangledgasp.Ican’tstandtoseehimhurting
likethis.

“Dadsdrunk,Hunt.”Herepeats,yelling.“Allbecausehe’sgivenuponlife.Givenupandtryingtoget

overmom.Givenuptryingtopleaseyou.”Hebarks.

Iwipeatearfrommycheekaggressively.“I’mhere,Brody.I’mhere.”
“You’retoolate,Hunt.”He’sintearsandIcanhearthepaininhisvoice.Thesoundripsaholeinmy

heart.“Nothinghedoesisevergoodenoughforyou.He’striedsohard,Hunter.Andyoudon’twantto
helphim.Youdon’twanttohelpus!”Hecries.“Hetookawayourmom,butifyoutakeawaymydad,I’ll
neverforgiveyou.”

Itrytotakehishandsbuthepushesmeaway.“Brodycalmdown,please.Calmdown.”
“Fuckyou.”Hehisses.
Hiswordsfeellikeaswiftblowtothegut.Iignorethathe’scursed,andthumpmychest.“Whatdoyou

needfromme,Brody?”

“I need my dad, Hunter. I just want my dad.” A sob catches his words, and it’s a couple of seconds

beforehetalksagain.“Itrymybesttohelp,buthe’sgettingworse.Ican’tdoitonmyown.”

His words kill me. Cut right into my heart and made me bleed. Why the fuck have I allowed my kid

brothertotakeonthisburdenjustbecauseofself-fuckingpride.

“He doesn’t want to depend on me,” he hiccups, “but he has no choice. Has no choice because you

won’thelpme,youwon’thelphim.”

Crouchingtomyknees,Ishimmytowardshim.“Brody,Iwillhelp.Foryou,Iwilldoanything.”
Hepushesmyhandaway.“No,doitfordad,Hunt.Please.Doitfordad.”
IsitonthekitchenfloorbesideBrodyandpullhimintomylap.Thetearsthatfallfromhiseyes,the

sufferingthatvibratesfromhisbodyashesobspuncturesmyheartlikestabwounds.Ican’thelpbutcry.
Can’thelpbutholdhimcloseandtight.Heismylittlebrother,andIhaven’tbeenthereforhim.Haven’t
beenthatrolemodelabigbrothershouldautomaticallybe.IlethimgothroughthisallalonebecauseI
wastooblindedbyhateandfurytoevenwanttohelp.Hehaslosthismomtoo,notjustme.Iammore
thanbadnews.Iamscumrightnow.

Brodylooksupatmethroughwetlashes.“Hewillgetbetter,Hunter,won’the?”
IkissthetopofBrody’shead.Truthbetold,allIknowiswhatthenurseshavetoldme.Hiscancerhas

spreadlikeamotherfucker,andtomakeeverysecondcount.I’mnotsureifBrodyknowshowsickdadis,
orifhe’sholdingontohope.

“I don’t know…” I inhale a deep breath because the lump in my throat won’t let me talk. “He’s just

sick.Everyonegetssick,right?”

Brodyclimbsoutofmylapandsitsbesideme.Hewipesawayhistears.Whenhestaresatme,Isee

howredandswollenhiseyesare.Brodyletshistearsfallsilentlynowandshakeshisheadslowly.

“He’ssick,buthe’snotgettingbetter,isheHunt?”
IquicklybringhimintomyarmsandsqueezebecausetheguiltIfeeltowardshimweighssoheavyon

myheartI’mfindingitdifficulttobreathe.

Westaylikethisforsometime.Idon’tletBrodygofrommygripuntilhestopscrying.
Brodyglancesupatme,glassy-eyedandhurtinginside.“Maybeifwebothlookafterhim,hewillget

better.”

“Maybe.”Icroak.
“Willyougoseehim?please.”
Iswallowandnodatthesametime,kissthesideofhishead,andgettomyfeet.
Shit.
Ialmostdragmyfeettowardshisbedroomdoor.Itakeahugegulpofairbeforeknocking.Whenthere

isnoanswer,Icallhiminstead.“Dad?”Stillnoreply,soIletmyselfin.StraightawayIseehim.Sitting
upinhisbed.Blanketoverhisfeet,half-drunkbottleofwhiskyinhislap.He’sbeencryingIcanseeitin
hiseyes.Hedoesn’tnoticeme,though.He’sfixatedonTV.Itakeacloserstepintotheroomandglanceat
whathe’swatching.It’shisweddingvideo.Hisandmymom’s.Mymom’sgentlevoicecomesthroughthe
speakers.Hergigglylaughfillingthesilenceoftheroom.Iclosemyeyesbecausemywobblingliptells
meIamabouttocry.

“Wasn’t she beautiful.” He says. I open my eyes, and I’m not sure if he’s talking to himself or me

becausehehasn’tyetacknowledgedthatIamintheroom.

“Hunter,lookathowbeautifulshewas.”Hesayssoftly.IturnawayfromthescreenwhenIhearmy

mom’svoiceagain,andpressmyhandagainstthewallforsupport.Itkillsmetohearhervoice.Tolook
atpicturesofher.Iknowhowbeautifulshewas.Shestillistome.IsqueezemyeyesclosedwhenIhear
hervoiceagain,wishingitwouldgoaway.

“Whydoyouwatchit,dad?”Icroak.
Mydad’seyesflickfromtheTVtomine.Helooksskinny.Yellow.Likeanoldman.He’sneverlooked

sobad.

“Itwasourweddingday,”hesays.“Thebestdayofourlives.Whywouldn’tIwatchit?”
“But she’s not coming back, dad. Watching the stupid fucking wedding video isn’t going to bring her

back.”IrushtowardshimgrappletheTVremotefromhishandandthrowitattheTVscreen.Ipunchthe
wallbehindmegettingangrylikeIalwaysdo.“She’snotevercomingback.”Ivent.

“Don’tyouthinkIknowthat?”Myfatheryells,forcingmetofacehim.“Don’tyouthinkIlieawake

every fucking night knowing that I will never get to see my wife again? That my God damn sons won’t
evergettoseetheirmotheragain?”

“Andwho’sfuckingfaultisthat?”Ishout.“Who’sfuckingfault?”
Mydad’seyeswellup.“I’msorry,kid.”Hestartscoughing.“I’msofuckingsorry.”
“Sorryisn’tenoughwhenyoumadeaconsciousdecisiondad.Repeatedly.”Iprodhisshoulderhard

andhewinces.“Youknewyouwereabusingmomandyouenjoyeddoingit.Don’ttellmeyou’refucking

sorry.”Mydad’sheadbowsdown,andIcanseehislipwobbling.Icontinuetogoadhim.“Whosefault
wasitthatshemarriedanabusiveassholewhocontrolledeverythingsheeverfuckingdid!Whosefault
was it that she ran out of this house to try and get away from you because she was so fucking scared.
Whose fault was it that she ran out so fast she got mowed down by a fucking car.” I get in his face.
“WhosefuckingfaultisitthatmeandBrodydidn’tevengettosaygoodbye.”Icry.

“Mine!” He shouts, spittle coming from his mouth. “Mine.” He says again quietly. I step back and

absorbtheshock.Beforenowmyfatherhasnevertakenresponsibility.Nowhehas,itfeelslikethetonof
fuckingweightthatwasonmyshouldershaveeasedalittle.

“It’s all my fault.” He begins to sob. His whole-body shakes, and the howling that comes out of his

mouthisasoundIcanonlydescribeasamanininsufferablepain.“Iwilltakethisguilttomydeathbed.”
Hewails.“I’msorry.I’mso,sosorry.”

Istandhere,fightingbackthetears,clutchingatmychestbecausethepainofhimadmittingfault,his

apologythatwaslongawaitedhashitmeallatonce.ThisisallIhaveeverwanted.Forhimtotellme
he’ssorry.Forhimtostandupandtaketheblameformymother’smisery.

Mydadcalmsdownafterwailingandcoughingandclearshisthroat.“Iloveyou,kid.Iloveyouso

fuckingmuch.I’msorryIwasn’tagooddad.I’msorryIwasn’tagreathusband.IfIhadtimeleftinmy
life,Iwouldmakeituptoyou.Buttimehaspassedmeby,andnowIhavenochancetomakeitupto
you.”Hestartscoughingintoabloodiedtissuehe’sbeenfisting.HecoughssomuchIalmostthinkhe’s
notgoingtoeverstop.

Itakeasmallstepforward,hesitatingtogotomydad.AmanIcannowseeisbrokenasjustasme.

He’ssobbingallthesuffering,thehurt,theangerandguilt,andalmostlosingbreathfromdoingit.

Iwalktowardshim,takethebottleofBrandyoutofhishandsandputmyarmsaroundhim.Ibringthe

frailoldmanintomeandholdhimforthefirsttimeinmylife.Alsoforthefirsttimeinmylife,Ibreak
down.Hard.

“Hunter.”Hecriesintomychest,grippingatmyt-shirt.“Forgiveme.Please,pleaseforgiveme.”
Tearsmurkmysight,butIholdontothesideofhishead.“It’sokay,dad.It’sokay.”
Idon’tknowhowlongmydadandIremainsilentafterourbreakdown.Ican’tformanywords.Only

thoughts.Icannotforgivethewayhetreatedmymom.Icannotforgetthatshewouldstillbeherenowifit
weren'tforhim.However,Icantryandmakethelastofwhathemayormaynothaveleftonthiseartha
littleeasier.

“I’mdyingHunter.”Myfather’sthreewordsbothbreakthesilenceandun-expectantlypinchmylungs

togethertightly.

“Canceristreatablenowdad.”
“Notmine,son,notmine.It’stoofarspread.It’swhatIdeserve,Iguess.”
Iswallowdownalump.“Don’tsaythat.Noonedeservesthis.Noone.Youhearme?”
Mydadbreaksawayfromme,andIsitontheedgeofthebed.“Iwanttodie,Hunt.Ican’tputupwith

this pain no more.” He suddenly starts coughing so aggressively blood is coming spluttering out of his
mouth.

“Thedoctorscanhelpwiththepain.”Iquicklysay,fetchinghimsomemoretissues.“Iknowthenurse

saysyourdenyingtreatment,butyoucanchangeyourmind.”Igettomyfeetquickly.Myphoneisinmy
truck.IfIcancallanambulance,theycanhelphimrightaway.“I’llgetyouhelp,”Itellhim,headingfor

thedoor.

“Hunter!”Mydadyellsmynamemakingmeturntofacehim.Hiseyesclose,hisheadsfall’sbackonto

hisheadboard,andheshakeshishead.“Please,son,please.Justletmedie.”

Ishakemyheadfiercely.“No,Iwon’tletyou.”Istarttocry,andIalmosthatemyselfthatIfeelpityfor

this man. Yet half of me naturally does because he is my father. Half of me is hurting for him, and it’s
killingeverypartofmeinside.“WhoisgoingtolookafterBrody?Heneedsyou,dad.”

“Hehasyou,”myfathersmiles,buthecan’thidehisagonyfromme.“Iknowyouwillbethemanyour

motheralwaystaughtyoutobe,Hunt.YouareabettermanthanIeverwas,andIknowBrodywillgrow
uptobejustlikeyou.IcouldneverexplainhowproudIamofmyboys.Ijustwishyoucouldhavebeen
proudofme.”

“Weare,”Brodyappearsinthedoorway.Iwanttotellhimtoleavetheroom,butIfearmyfatheronly

hasamatteroftimeleft,andIdon’twanttotakethatawayfromhim.

“You have been the best father to me, dad, please don’t hate yourself for that.” Brody’s eyes are red

raw,andhesitsrightnexttomyfather’sside.BrodyknowsaswellasIdothatmyfatherhasbeenashit
man,dad,husband.ButBrodyclungontohimwhenourmomdiedbecausehewastheonlyparenthehad
left.AllBrodyhaseverwantedwasafamily,justlikeanyotherteenagekid.

Fucking tears well in my eyes again, and my throat is so tight I can’t compose any words to try and

comfortmylittlebrother.

“YoubeagoodkidforHunt,nowwon’tyou?”HesaystoBrody,holdinghimastightashisbonyarms

willlethim.

“Dad,”Brody’ssobsletloose.“Don’tgo,please.Don’tgo.”
Iwatchmydad’seyesclosingandIcan’ttakeitnomore.Irushoutoftheroominafitofpanic.Louisa

isstandingrightthere,butbeforeIgettoher,mykneesgiveway.

“Hunter!”LouisafallstoherkneeswithmeandcradlesmeinherarmsbecauseIamamess.Emotions

hitmeallatonce,andIfeellikeI’mdrowning.Tears.Pain.Sobs.Screams.Agony.Guilt.

Louisa

I stand aside and watch the paramedic's wheel Hunter’s father out of the house. Hunter is standing
oppositeme,tryinghisbesttokeepittogetherforBrody’ssake.Iamstillcryingsilentlyovertheway
Hunterfelltohiskneesandbrokedownjustnow.IamalsocryingforthewayBrodyiscallinghisdad,
loud, heart-wrenching screams. I turn my back on them and wrap my arms around myself. I know what
they are going through. How it feels to lose a parent. Lose someone you cherish. The hardest part is
knowingyouwillnevergettoseethatpersonagain.Nevergettohugthematnight.Neverbeabletopick
upthephoneandcallthem.ThosesimplethingsthatseemsosmallineverydaylifearethethingsIwould
killtogetback.Itissuchashamethatanendingofsomeone’slife,iswhatmakesussituponedayand
tell ourselves that we must make each day count with the ones we love. No one will be here forever.
Tragedycouldstrikeatanymoment,it'sonlythenweaskourself’s“Whatif.”

Icalledtheambulance,IalsocalledHunter'smaternalGrandmother,andIseeherpullupslowly.Well,

I am guessing it is her because when she gets out of her car she walks straight to her Grandsons. The
momentisheartbreakingtowitness.

Ifeelextremelyoutofplace.IquestionwhetherIshouldhavecomeherewithHunteratall.Iquestion

whether I should go to Hunter, stay where I am, or leave for home. They need space. It’s only when I
decideIshouldleave,iswhenIseeHunterunlockfromhisGran’sembrace,thatheislookingforme.My
gazelockswithhisglassyeyeswhenheseesme,andhejogstowardsme.

“I’msosorryHunter.”IwrapmyarmsaroundhiswaistandholdontohimsohardIdon’tcareifhe

can’tbreathe.

Hunter kisses my forehead. “It all seems so unreal. What do I do, Lou?” he wipes a hand across his

mouth.“Ifeelataloss.HowcanIfeelthiswaywhenI’vehatedhimforsolong?”

Ishakemyheadandtrytogethimtostopthinkingthisway.“Youhatedyourfatherasahumanbeing,

Hunter.You’rehurtingforhimnowashisson.Thereisnothingwrongwiththat.”

Herubsathiseyes.“Iguess.”Hesighs,“Ijust…”
“Hunter,don’tbeatyourselfuprightnow.”
“You’reright.”Hewipesathistears.“IneedtobethereforBrody.”Heglancesoverhisshoulderto

whereBrodyandhisGranarestanding.

“Gotothem,”Itellhim.“Ifyoulike,Icanheadhome–”
“No,”hesaysquickly.“Please,staywithme.”
Istepclosertohimandkisshislips.“Always.”

Chapter35

Hunter

MyhandisclaspedwithLouisa’shandaswesitinthebackofmyGran’scar.Brodyisinthefront,and
he hasn’t said one word. My Gran is already babbling on about funeral arrangements. Gran hated my
father,understandably,butshewouldneverwishdeathuponhim.GrancallsmyUncleTodandaskshim
togetto thehospitalto betherefor thepostmortem result.Gran saysit’stoo muchforus totake.Too
muchforustoseesoyoung.Mybrothermaybe,butnotme.Halfofmewantstobetherewithmydad,half
ofmedoesn’t.

ThecarstartsandmyGranheadstowardsherhouse.
“Gran,”Isay.
“Yes,sweetie?”
“Takemebacktocampus,please.”
IseemyGranshakeherhead.“Nosweetie,itwillbebestifyouallstaywithmetonight.”
“Gran,”Isay,myvoicestillsoftbutalittlefirmer.“Iwanttogobacktocampus;youcancallmeifthe

hospitalcallsyou.”

MyGran’sshoulderslump.“Whateveryouwant,sweetpea.”
MyGrandoesaturnintheroadandheadstowardscampus.
“Areyousureyoudon’twanttobewithBrodytonight?”Louisasays.
Iglanceoutofthewindow.“Ijustwanttogohome.”
Shenodsandsaysnomoreaboutit.
IamgratefulthatAshbyandJaxonhavegoneonanall-nightbenderandwon’tbehomeuntiltomorrow

because I don’t think I could deal with anyone right now. I walk straight to my bedroom, throw off my
clothesandclimbintobed.Ifeeltired,yetsoawake.Idon’tthinkIwillbesleepingmuchtonight.Louisa
climbsinnexttome,restsherheadonmychest,andweremainsilent,andstill.

***

Iwakeupinthemorning,andLouisaisn’tnexttome.Iswingmylegsoutofbed,rubatmyswolleneyes
andfindsomeclothestoshoveon.

“Howdidyousleeplastnight?”LouisaasksmeasImakemywayintothekitchen.
Ipulloutachair,slumpintoitandshrug.“Iclosedmyeyes,anditsortofhappened.”
Louisasighs.“Ifyousleptthenwhydoyoureyestellmedifferent.”
“They’re lying.” I yawn. “Anyway,” I mumble, “Wouldn’t you know how I slept? You were next to

me.”

IwatchLouisarollhereyes,thenshesetsdownagrocerybagontheworktop.“Iwokeupearlyhours

ofthismorning.Icouldn’tsleep.Icrashedoutonthesofaforacoupleofhours,thenIdidsomegrocery
shoppingforyou.”Shelooksawayfrommeandcontinuestounpack.“Letmecookyousomebreakfast.I
knowyoumustbehungry.”

Irubmyhandsovermyfaceandfeeladays’worthstubbleappearingonmyjaw.
“I’mnothungry.IthinkI’mgoingtoheadtomyGran’s,findouthowBrodyisdoing.”Ipushbackthe

chairandgettomyfeet.IseeLouisa’sshouldersdropandhearthedeepbreathsheletsloose.

“Letmecookforyoufirst.”Shefindsasaucepanandbeginstofillitwithwater.“Sitdown.”
I push the chair under the table, and Louisa tenses at the sound of the scrape. “I’ll have it later.

Thanks.”

Louisaplacesthesaucepanonthehob.“ThenI’llcomewithyou.”Shewipesherhandonthedishcloth

besidethesink.

Ishakemyheadandfindmysneakersoutsidethekitchendoor.“I’llbegoodbymyself.”
Louisawalksovertothesaucepantipsoutthewaterinthesinkandthenthrowsitdown.“Hunter.”
Ifrown.“What?”
Shegesturesbetweenus.“You’reactingweird.”
Iblanch.“MydadhasjustdiedLouisa.I’msorryifI’mnotsurehowthefucktoact.”
Shelooksdowntothefloor,andIknowmywordshavehurther,whichmeanstheyhavekilledme.
“I’m sorry.” I sigh heavily. “I’m so sorry.” The floor is the next thing I look at because I can feel a

painfullumprisinginmythroatandthenmyeyesarewellingup.Myshouldersstartshakingofftheirown
accord,andit’slikemybodyhasnosayoverthematter.“TellmewhattodoLou?Ifeelhelpless.Idon’t
knowwhattodo.”

I’mblubberinglikeafuckinggirl.Louisaholdsmeinherarms.TheyareprettymuchallIneed.That

andsomeonetotellmewhichfuckingdirectionIneedtotakemylifeinrightnow.

“Hewantedmetocareforhim,andIcouldn’tdoit.”Isniff.“Hewantedmetomeactlikeafamily,

even though I never gave a shit. I didn’t love him, I hated him. Now he’s dead, why do I feel like I’m
grieving?Ihavenorighttofuckinggrieve.”

Louisatakesmycheeksbetweenherhands.“Itmeansyouarebrave,Hunter.Youhavealovingsoulno

matterhowmuchyoudon’twantit.”

“Howwasthereeveraspaceinmyheartformydadwhenitwasfilledwithhateandpain?”
“You loved him, Hunter. I know you did. Just because you didn’t like him, or respect him, does not

meanyoudidn’tlovehim.”

Iclearmythroat.“AmIabadpersonforforgivingwhathedid?”
Louisaexhalessoftly.“Forgivinghimdoesnotmeanyouarecondoningwhathedid.Itmeansyouare

lettinggo.”Shetipsmychinuptomakemelookather“Ifyoudon’tletgo,howwillyouevermoveon?”

Isupposeshe’sright.Asalways.Ijustdon’tknowhowtoletgo.HowdoImoveonfromanemotion

thatIhavebeenfeelingforsomanyyears?

Inhalingadeepbreath,IswipeatmytearsandgiveLouisaatenderkisstohercheek.
“IneedtoseeBrody.”

Louisa

“Hunt,whatarewegoingtodo?”BrodyalmostknocksHunterbackwardswithhowmuchforcehethrows
himselfathimwith.ItshattersmetoseeBrody,ayoungthirteen-year-oldkid,breakdowninsuchaway
he should never have to. Not knowing what to do, I walk out of the living room, and into the kitchen,
leavingthemtohavesomespace.Ipulloutawoodenchairfromthetableandtakeaseat-myelbows

restonthetable,mychinonmyknuckles.

Losingaparentislifechanging.It’sraw,andyouexperiencemorepainthroughoutyourwholebody

than you can’t even begin to describe. Brody should be enjoying his high school days, not watching a
parentbeingtakenawayinabodybag.Huntershouldn’thavetobethinkingabouthowheshouldburyhis
father,afterlosinghismothertoo.Lifeiscruelsometimes.Extremelycruel.What’sworseisthatitisout
ofourcontrol,andthatisthehardestpart.IwillbehereforHuntereverysingleday,everysinglesecond,
everytimeheneedstotalk,ornot.IfIcaneasehispainjustalittle,thenIknowIamdoingsomethingof
significancerightnow.

HunterandBrody’sGrandmother,InowknowasBet,hasgonetothehospitalwithTodd.Iseeasticky

noteontherefrigerator.It’stellingmetoheatupaLasagnashemade.IpresstheONbuttononthestove
andturnbacktothetable.

“Shit.” I gasp, holding my hand to my chest. Hunter is leaning against the wall. Watching me. “You

scaredme.”Iwassodeepinmyownthoughts,IalmostforgotwhereIwas.

“Sorry,Blondie.”HunterslipsintothechairIwassittingin,soImovearoundthetableandsettleinhis

lap. Hunter nudges his head towards the living room. “Brody’s asleep. I think he’s cried himself to
exhaustion.”

“It’ssohardforhim.Forbothofyou.”Irestmyhead-onHunter’s'shoulderandsnakemyarmsaround

hisneck.“ButI’mhereforyouHunter.Okay?”

“I wouldn’t want you anywhere else. Thank you.” He kisses my neck. “I know this must be hard for

you,Lou.”Hebrushesmyhairoutofmyfacewithhisfingers.“Havingtore-livewhatyouwentthrough
withyourmom.Itmustbringbackmemories.”

I kiss his cheek softly. “Don’t worry about me. I just want to get you better. Shall we stay the night?

MakesureBrody’sokay?”

Huntersmilesandnuzzleshisheadintomyshoulder.“That’swhyIloveyou.”
Wedecideit’sbesttostaythenightatHunter'sGran’s,butwebothneedachangeofclothes,sowe

headbacktocampusfirst.Hunter’splaceisthefirststop,andwhenwewalkthroughthedoor,Ashbyand
Jaxonarebackandlounginginthelivingarealookinglikethey’renursinghangovers.

“Myman.Wherehaveyoubeen?”Jaxonsays,throwingapillowatHunter.Hunterallowsittodropto

thefloor.“I’vebeentryingtocallyou.”

“He’sbeenpussywhipping.”Ashbylaughs,circlinghishipssuggestively.
“I’vebeentomyGran’s.”Huntermumbles.Hehasn’ttoldanyoneabouthisfatheryet,soIknowhis

friendswouldnotbeactingthiswayiftheyknew.

AshbyandJaxonpickuponthewayHunterandIarenotinthemoodfortheirjokesrightnow.“Did

youtwohaveabustup?Troubleinparadisealready?”Ashbymocks.“Uhoh.”

IglanceoveratAshbyandshakemyhead.Jaxon’ssmilefades.HenarrowshiseyestowardsHunter

andsitsupstraight.

“Hunt?Everythingokay,man?”
Huntertiredlyrubshishandsoverhisface.“It’smydad,heuh…”
“Thatprick.”Ashbyscoffs.“What’shedonenow?”
Hunterswallows.“He’sdead.”.
“Thefuckoutofhere.”AshbythinksHunteriskidding.

IlookoveratJaxon,andhe’sfrowning.“Don’tfuckaround,Hunt.That’snotcool.”
Hunterbrusheshishairoutofhisfacewithhishand.“He’sdead.Lungcancer.Ididn’tevenknowhe

hadit.”Hescoffsindisbelief.“Imean,Itriedtoignorethathehadit.So,no,Iain’tfuckingaround.”

Jaxonjumpstohisfeet.“Fuck,Hunt.Fuck.”HequicklymakeshiswaytoHunter.EventhoughHunter

standsback,Jaxonbringshimintoahuganyway.IlookawaytogivethemprivacyandAshbyisonhis
feet,mouthopenandspeechless.

“IfthereisanythingIcando,”JaxongripsHunter'sshoulderstightly.“Youtellme.Gotit?”
HunterstepsbackfromJaxonandrubsathiseyes.“Iappreciateit,”Huntersays.
“Hunt,man,Iamsosorry.”Ashbyisshocked,butIcanseeguiltfromhiswordsjustnowflashingin

hiseyes.

“Forgetit.”Huntermeansitandheadsintohisroom.Ifollowhiminandsitnexttohimontheedgeof

hisbed.

“Youhavegoodfriends,Hunt.”
Hunterletsoutalaugh.“They’recrazy,butIloveem.”
Inudgehisshoulder.“Andtheyloveyou,justasIdo.NotasmuchasIdo,but…”Ismile.
“Lou,”Hunter’svoicehaschanged,evenjustsayingmyname.It’ssofter,hidinguncertaintyanddepth.I

cantellbythewayhe’slookingatmethatwhateverheisabouttosay,ishard.“Doyouthinklifeishere
totestus?”

“Oh yes,” I say with certainty. “And I believe just like school, those tests get harder the older we

become.ButwelearnfromeachdaythatpassesHunter.Welearntoadaptandchangeandcryandmend.
That’slife.”

Huntertakesmyhandintohislapafterkissingit.“Howareyousogoodatthisshit?”henarrowshis

eyesplayfully.“IwanttobelikeyouwhenIgrowup.”

Ilaughhard,anditfeelsgoodbecausethepasttwodayshavebeenemptyoflaughs.“IjustknowwhatI

believe.IthinkIamgoodatcoping.Goodunderpressure,maybe.”

Hunterpushesme,soIamlyingdownonthebed.Hehoversoverme,andhishairfallsinfrontofhis

face.IpushitbacksoIcanseehimclearly.

“You’re fucking brilliant.” He kisses me. “Thank you for making me see sense about my dad. If it

weren'tforyou,Iwouldneverhavegonetoseehimthatday.Ibelievehewantedtodie,buthewantedto
doitafterhehadmyforgiveness.Thankyouformakingmeseesense.Iwouldneverhaveforgivenhimif
wasn’tforyou.Youhavechangedmylife,Blondie.”Hesaysitlikeit’safact.

Ishakemyheadinthekindestpossibleway.“Iknowonlyonepersonwhohaschangedyourlife.”
“Who?”
“Takealookinthemirror.”
Huntergetstohisfeetandstaresinthemirrorthatisonhisbedroomwall.“Shit,thishandsomesonof

abitchneedsahaircut.”Hesays.

Igiggleandmeethimbythemirror.Heturnstome,andIamlookingatthereflectionofushugging.
“WillyoucomewithmetoGreeneryHill?”Huntersays.
Idon’tmove,butIwatchmybrowarchinthemirror.“GreeneryHill?Rightnow,”GreeneryHillisa

coupleofmilesfromhere.Asmallmountainthatispeaceful.Wherefamily’sgotopicnicorcouplesgo
ondates.

Hunternods.“Iwanttoclearmyhead,youknow.Beforeitgetsbombardedinthenextcoupleofdays.”
Breakingawayfromhim,Ikisshislipssoftly.“Let’sgo.”

Chapter36

Hunter

Emotionsareafunnything,really.Idon’tknowiffunnyistherightword,butforme,itis.Twodaysago,
myfatherwasbeggingforforgivenessonhisdeathbed.IhatedhimeverytimeIsawhisface,butthatday,
I didn’t see his face. I saw a dying, frail old man face who wanted forgiveness from his son before he
tookhislastbreath.Myheadandheartweretorn.TheywerefightingbetweenwhatIthoughtwasright,
towhatIfeltwasright.Ithoughtamanwhoabusedmymotherwasworthyofnothing.Especiallynotmy
forgiveness. I felt a man, who was my father, who tried to make things right the moment she died, who
broughtmykidbrotherupalonethebesthecould,wasworthyofmyforgiveness.IfeltIowedhimthat
beforehepassed.Forgiving,likeLouisasaid,isnotcondoning,andIrealizethatnow.It’ssadthatmy
fatherhadtodie,formetocomprehendmyfeelingsforhim.

Ibringmykneesuptomychestandwrapmyarmsaroundthem,andLouisadoesthesame.Greenery

Hill is stunning, if I may get sentimental for a second. It’s peaceful, scenic, and the wind that bustles
throughmyearsfrombeingsohighup,helpsclearmymind.

“Thisisbeautiful,”Louisasays,takingintheviewsaroundus.
“It’swherewescatteredmymom’sashes,”Isay.“Ithelpsmefeelclosetoher,yaknow?”
Her smile is wide, and she tilts her head. “I do.” Louisa then rests her head on my shoulder. Man, I

lovethisgirl.

“Lou,”
“Hmm.”
Iglanceuptotheblueskiesthathaveascatteringofcloudsandtakeadeepbreath.“MyGranandI

weretalkinglastnight,and,wethinkit'sbestifImovebacktomyfather’shouse.Brodyneedsstability
rightnow.”

Louiseliftsherheadfrommyshoulderandshifts,soshe’sfacingme.“Ithinkthat’sagoodidea.”
Iscratchthebackofmyneck.WhyIambeingapussyaboutthis?“Willyou,uh,wouldyoumovein

withme?”ImakeayikesexpressionstraightawayincaseI’vecomeontoostrong.

She’sshocked,Icantell,andIdon’tknowifit’sagoodshocked.
“Youwanttolivewithme?”shesays.
Ibitethesideofmylip.“Imean,Iknowwe’reyoung,butwepracticallylivetogethernow,”Iraisemy

brow,“don’twe?”

“Uh,yeah,but…”
“But?”Isay.Oh,shit,Ifeelaknockbackafoot.Shecannotknockmeback.Ihavetobringoutthebig

gun.Andno,nottheoneinmypants,Imeanmyheart.“Listen,Lou,”Iclimbtomyknees.“I’lldecorate
thehouse.WecanlookafterBrody,stillgotocollegeeveryday.Wefinishourstudies.Wekeepthesame
aspirations,butjusttogether,underoneroof.”

“Iknowbut…”
“Louisa,youonceaskedhowIknewIwasinlovewithyou,”she’slisteningintently.“ItoldyouIjust

know,butnowIreallyknowLou!”Itakebothherhandsinmine.“Iaminlovewithyoubecausemyheart
aches when I think of you. My mind is consumed by you and by the memories we make together every
singleday.”Iscoottowardsher.“IknewIwasgoingtofallinlovewithyoufromthemomentImetyouin
the hall that day. Louisa, I love you today, I will love you more tomorrow, and I will keep loving you
foreverafterthat.OnedayIwillmarryyouLouisaDawson,andwewilllivehappilyeverafter.So,let’s
makeastart.Areyoudownforthat?”Igrin.

Louisabitesherwobblinglip.“I’mdownforthat.”Shesays,finallygrinning.Thankallthatisholyfor

that!

IseeinhereyeswhatIhavewantedtoseeforsolong.Adoration,desire,thelookoflove.That’sall

I’veeverwanted,tobelovedbysomeonelikeher.

Iclimbtomyfeetandpullherwithme.Standingbehindher,Iwrapmyarmsaroundherstomachand

restmychinonhershoulder.“Thenextfewweeksaregoingtobetough,Lou,Iknowthat,butwithyouby
myside,showingmethatIcangetthroughanythingthatlifethrowsinmyway,IthinkIwillbeokay.”

Sheturnsaround,andIknowinmyheartthatthetearsinhereyesarehappytears.Mywhole-bodyfills

withprideknowingImakethisgirlhappy.“Iknowwewillbeokay,Hunter.Ifwe’rehonestwitheach
other,ifwesticktogether,thennothingcanstopus.”

Ikissherlips,once,twice,threetimes.“Myheartbelongstoyou,LouisaDawson,pleasetakecareof

it.”

Louisabeams.“Always.”

Epilogue

Louisa

“Ican’tbelieveyou’releavingme.”Fallongroans.

I zip up the last suitcase containing my belongings and laugh. “Fallon, I will be like, a five-minute

driveaway.Iwillstillseeyoueveryday.”

“Still.”Shewhines,stuffingmypillowintoatrashbag.
Webothturntothedoorwhenthereisaknock,andBreeletsherselfin.
“Allreadytogo?”
BreehasofferedtohelpmemovemythingsovertoHunter'shouse.Strictlyspeaking,ourhouse.Just

thinkingaboutlivingwithHunterevokesawaveofexcitementthatspeedsupthebeatofmyheart.

“I’m glad you finally worked it out with Louisa,” Fallon says to Bree. “I mean, once Hunter had his

sightssetonBlondieoverthere,”shesmirksatme.“Hewasn’treallygoingtogoandfuckyoutoo,was
he?”

Irollmyeyes.FallonhasexpressedherdislikeforBreeonmanyoccasions,buttoday,Breeletsthat

commentslide.

Breetwistsherhairupintoamessybun.“You’reright.Ididactabitch.ButI’mhappyforthemnow.”

Shethrowsherarmaroundmyshoulder.“Mysisterdeserveshappiness.”

“I’lldrinktothat.”Axelwaltzintomydormholdingabottleofcheapchampagne.“Celebration?”
“Axel,”Fallonfrowns.“Youdon’tdrink.”
“Butthisisaspecialoccasion.”
Ilaugh.“Ithoughtyoudidn’tlikeHunter.”
Axelpusheshisglassesuphisnosestiffly.“Imean,Ididn’t.ButIguesshe’sokay.”
“I’mmorethanokay,McLovin’.”Huntercomesinfrombehindhim.
Axelgritshisteeth.“DidIsayhewasokay?Ididn’tmeanit.”
“Lightenup.”Hunterlaughs,smackingAxel’sbacksohardhisglassesfalllopsided.Hunter'sblueeyes

lockwithmine,andthesmileheproducesstimulateseverythingthatcanbestimulatedbetweenmylegs.
“Movethatsweetlittleass,Blondie.Wehaveroomstochristen.”

Igigglewhenhepicksmeupandswingsmearound.He’sbeensoexcitedforthisdaytocome.Hunter

hashadhelpfromJaxon,AshbyandDexterwiththedecorating,andwe’vebeenwaitingfortheendofthe
semestertomovein.

Fallonthrowsapillowatus.“Pleasedon’tmakeoutinfrontofAxel,youknowhegetshardovershit

likethat.”

“Fuckyou,Fallon.”Axelhitsback.
“Hey,” Hunter glances back and forth Axel and Fallon. “When are you both just going to admit that

you’refucking.Itwouldbeeasierforallofus.”

IswatHunter’s'shoulder,andhelaughs.
Fallonmakesagaggingnoise.“Inhisdreams.”ButthenIseehersmileshylyatAxel,andhequickly

smilesback.

Igrin,lovingtheirlittlesecret.
“Okay,”Breetakesholdofoneofmysuitcases.Thelightestone.Youknow,justincaseshebreaksa

nail.“Let’sshoot.”

It’sallhands-ondeck.FallonandAxeltakeboxesofstationaryandshoesandheadoutofthedoor.I’m

abouttotakethebiggersuitcase,butHunterpullsonthebackofmysweater.

“Whatyoudoing?”Igiggle,ashekissesupmyneck.
“You.” He grins devilishly. He walks me towards the door and gently pushes me against it. “I do

believeIhaven’tfuckedyouagainstthisdooryet.HaveI?”Ibitemybottomlipandshakemyhead.“This
is our last chance to fuck in your dorm room before you leave.” He turns to glance around the room.
“Wouldyoulikeagoodbyefuck?”

Ipullonthecolorofhist-shirt.“Yes,please.”
Hishandsarealreadyunbuttoningmyjeans.Hisfingertipsarewarmastheyslidealongmythighs.Itug

downhisjeans,digmynailsintohisbuttandpullhimtowardsme.

Igasp.He’shard.AndI’mwet.
“He’stoournewadventuretogether.”Hebreathesagainstmylips.
“It’sgoingtobeonehellofaride,”Ismirk.
Huntergroans–satisfied.“Youbetterbelieveit,baby.”

THEEND

Document Outline

Table of Contents
Title Page
Acknowledgments
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Epilogue

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