plik

Wesley  Bridges  was  lost  between  the  living  and  the  dead.  She  was
clinging to her boyfriend, who passed away unexpectedly. She was left
with having no way to move on. Her best friends, Annabella and Pierce
were too caught up in each other to save her. Even her family turned a
blind eye, not able to bear her grief.
Then  one  day,  Royal  Sanders  walked  into  her  life.  Tall,  dark  and
sinfully handsome, but aren't all the unattainable ones? At first it was
nothing. She was asked to tutor him and found he's different than even
she thought. She even turned to Royal when things got too hard. And
when she falls for him, she falls hard.
But  Royal's  the  enemy.  A  long  drawn  out  hatred  brews  between  her
friends  and  Royal's.  That  doesn't  seem  important  to  her,  considering
she's still in love with her dead boyfriend. A love triangle between life
and death.. .who will win?
Grief  is  a  powerful  emotion  but  there  are  several  different  kinds  of
grief. Betrayal and heartache are still knocking on her door. Things are
about to come crashing down around her. It will definitely break her,
but will Royal be enough to save her?
Break Me (Make or Break, #2)
Amanda Heath

Break Me
Copyright © 2014 by Amanda Heath
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in
any manner without written permission from the author, except in the
case  of  brief  quotations  embodied  in  critical  articles  and  for  review
purposes.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and events are
products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously and are not
to  be  construed  as  real.  Any  resemblances  to  actual  events,  locales,
organizations, or persons living or dead, are entirely coincidental.
The use of artist and song titles throughout this book are done  so for
storytelling purposes and should in no way be seen as advertisement.
Trademark names are used in an editorial fashion, with no intention of
infringement of the respective owner's trademark.

Break Me is the second book in Amanda Heath's Make or Break series.
It can be read as a standalone.
"Wes, I don't know what you want me to say here. " Royal's voice is
broken.  Maybe  he  is  broken.  Maybe  I  broke  him.  Lord  knows  I'm
broken myself.
"Don't say anything, " I start off with. There are so many things I want
to tell him. The one thing I want him to know, that I want him, I will
never say aloud. "Whenpush comes to shove Royal, you'll break me. I'd
never be the same after you. I' d be a shell of this girl. "
His face pales but he doesn' t step away. Something I had planned on.
His  hands  caress  my  face  before  he  says,  "  You  have  that  wrong,
Wesley. You' ll be the one to break me. "
Wesley  Bridges  was  lost  between  the  living  and  the  dead.  She  was
clinging to her boyfriend, who passed away unexpectedly. She was left
with having no way to move on. Her best friends, Annabella and Pierce
were too caught up in each other to save her. Even her family turned a
blind eye, not able to bear her grief.
Then  one  day,  Royal  Sanders  walked  into  her  life.  Tall,  dark  and
sinfully handsome, but aren't all the unattainable ones? At first it was
nothing. She was asked to tutor him and found he's different than even
she thought. She even turned to Royal when things got too hard. And
when she falls for him, she falls hard.
But  Royal's  the  enemy.  A  long  drawn  out  hatred  brews  between  her
friends  and  Royal's.  That  doesn't  seem  important  to  her,  considering
she's still in love with her dead boyfriend. A love triangle between life
and death. who will win?

Table of Contents
Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five
Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten
Chapter  Eleven  Chapter  Twelve  Chapter  Thirteen  Chapter  Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen Chapter Sixteen Chapter Seventeen Chapter Eighteen
Chapter  Nineteen  Chapter  Twenty  Chapter  Twenty-One  Chapter
Twenty-Two  Chapter  Twenty-Three  Chapter  Twenty-Four  Chapter
Twenty-Five Chapter Twenty-Six Epilogue
Sneak peek of Save Me

Chapter One
Six Months Ago...
We  laid  him  to  rest  today.  Eighteen  years  old  is  far  too  early  to  put
anyone  to  rest.  That  kind  of  death  puts  a  stop  to  life.  It  breaks  you;
makes you so buried in grief you feel like you can't ever get back out.
When  my grandma died it  wasn't devastating. Yeah, I  was sad and  I
cried, but she died of old age. We all knew it was coming. It's far easier
to let go of someone who had a full life. Not someone who had only just
begun his life.
"Are you ready to go?" My best friend Annabella asks me.
I don't look up to answer. I just stare down at his coffin. I want to cry
but the tears won't come. I haven't shed one tear. It hasn't hit me yet I
don't  think,  but  I  know  it's  coming.  My  body  knew  I  had  to  make  it
through this day so it shut down my emotions. Even my thoughts.
A strong hand lands on my shoulder and I flinch. Pierce squeezes my
shoulder before turning me around to face him. I look up into his green
eyes and sigh. "Let's go, Wes," he says softly. His hand reaches for my
hand and I slip mine into it.
Annabella comes to my other side and slips her arm through my elbow.
"Want to go home? Or do you want to head to the Gardeners? "
"Home," is all I say.
Annabella nods and leads the way to Donovan's car. He stands next to it
with his shades on top of his head. His arms are crossed over his chest
and there's a sad look on his face. Even his green eyes look sad.

I break apart and rush to him. I reach my hand up and cup the side of his
face. "You should never look so sad Donovan. I always want to see a
smile on this face." I pause and lower my hand. His troubled eyes stare
into mine. I' m happy to see that the sadness has lifted. "You don' t look
like you without it. "
"Okay, Wes," he replies and opens the passenger side door for me. I
climb  in  and  buckle  up.  The  other  three  are  soon  in  the  car  and
Donovan heads home.
My  parents  are  probably  going  to  the  Gardeners,  so  I  relax.  I  have
wonderful parents but they hover too much. "Where's Bentley?" I ask
without looking at anyone.
"He went to stay with David," Pierce answers me from the back
seat.
His  voice  sounds  strained  and  I  automatically  feel  bad.  "I'm  sorry,  I
should have sat in the back," I tell him without thought.
The silence in the car gets even worse. I spoke without thinking, which
is  never  good  around  these  three.  "Not  a  problem."  Pierce  clears  his
throat and shifts in the back seat. I want to groan.
Donovan and Pierce are my cousins. They also happen to be brothers.
Annabella is dating Donovan, but if you knew anyone in this car right
now, you would know that Pierce is even closer to Annabella than I am.
We've  been  stuck  together  so  long,  we  don't  really  know  how  to  be
friends with anyone else. Which makes everything awkward because
Donovan thinks Pierce and Annabella want each other.
Now that I can't answer though. There are no people more closed off
than Pierce and Annabella. I go with it though. They have their demons
and who am I to say something about how they fight them off?
We finally make it to my house. I'm out of the car and running to the
front door before anyone else can even get out. I run up the stairs to my
front door and almost kick over a potted plant. I slip my key into the
lock and twist until the door pops open. I leave it open because I know
the other three won't leave, no matter what I say.
I rush through the foyer and up the stairs until I get to the last door on
the right. My room. I kick my shoes off and jump face first on the white
comforter. I reach my left hand out and grab the picture frame

sitting  there.  I  turn  my  head  until  I'm  not  breathing  pillow  anymore.
Pain sears me throughout my body.
Trey stares back at me from the picture. We took it about three months
ago while we were hanging out with everyone. His blonde hair sticks
up from the gel he put in it. His brown eyes stare at me with happiness
behind his glasses. His classical face brings the first tears to my eyes.
The control I had over my emotions is slipping away. It's really the end
to this beautiful life. It was taken for no reason. I can't handle it.
The tears run down my face as fast as my eyes can produce them. Pain
keeps my entire body frozen in place. I can't even remove my eyes from
his face. The face that took my first kiss. The face I saw over me while
we made love. The face I woke up to countless times, but only on the
weekends when it was easier to sneak him in.
The love of my life gone.
Forever.
How do I even deal with this? I don't.
I cry myself to sleep long before I can shrivel up and die.
***
I'm sure by now you're wondering about a lot of things. I'll get to them,
but I had to tell you about that day. The lowest day of my life. I' ll tell
you what happened to Trey and explain our relationship, but you won't
get to read that. This story isn't about us, but it started that day. The day
we buried Trey. I also wanted you to know where I was at emotionally.
Annabella  tells  me  all  the  time  that  people  have  to  hit  rock  bottom
before they are lifted up again. And that was definitely when I was the
lowest.  It  took  me  months  to  crawl  up  from  there.  I  honestly  never
thought I would.
For now, I will tell you about Trey. We met at the bowling alley near
his house. I'm a bookish person and I have never been social, so it was a
miracle I was even there. Annabella wanted to go so she dragged Pierce
and I. I'm happy I went now, but then, I wasn't.

Trey was one lane over with some of his friends. He always wore his
hair gelled up. I remember that I liked that about his appearance. He
was very well put together. Something else I liked. His button up shirt
was nice and ironed to perfection. His dark jeans were as well. I couldn'
t say much for his bowling shoes, but then again, I had some on too.
We were going at the same time but since I'm horrible at bowling, my
ball ended up in his lane. I could hear everyone behind us laughing, but
Trey didn't. No, he waited for our balls to come back up and he stood
behind me and showed me how to throw. Tingles raced up and down
my body when he touched me. His hands on my hands. It was definitely
inappropriate to be touching when I didn't even know his name but it
wasn't creepy. He was very professional about it. He explained what to
do in terms that I could understand.
When I got a strike from his help I turned to find Pierce scowling at us.
But that was Pierce for you. He is over protective of all his female
relatives plus Annabella. Things in his life weren' t good growing up.
He' s never come out and said anything, but I know he watched his dad
beat his mom, almost to death. My mom and dad were talking about it
one night when they thought I was asleep in the car. He had to have
been seven at the time. Apparently the shrinks his mom sent him to say
he was emotionally scarred from the incident for the rest of his life. So
I don' t hold the protectiveness against him.
Anyway, the rest was history. We spent a total of two years together.
He was everything to me. I thought about him when I first woke up and
he was the last thing on my mind when I went to sleep at night. It's hard
to let that go, even though I know I have to. I have to let him go, but I
can't. How do you let something go that meant so much to you? You
can't. I feel at times this pain will always be with me.
I got a call about midnight the day he died. It was his mother. She said
Trey was in the hospital and it didn't look good. Then he passed. Just
like that my whole life ended. One drunk person got into a car and hit
my boyfriend while he was walking down the street. He did that a lot.
He liked the night air and the peace of the dark sky. He wasn't even in
the road, he was on the sidewalk. The driver swerved and ran him over.
Just like that.

One second he was here and the next he wasn't. They wouldn't even let
me see his body. He had a closed casket. I couldn't even look at my love
one last time. His dad told me that I didn't need to remember him like
that. He said he didn't want to remember him like that. That only made
it worse, because  I feel like he  might be out there somewhere still.  I
never saw proof he was dead.
Now  after  spending  three  days  inside  crying,  I  sit  outside  in  my
backyard with my headphones on, listening to whatever comes on. Sad
songs,  happy  songs,  love  songs,  they  all  have  the  same  affect.  They
break me apart. They rip me to pieces. I'm nothing anymore. I stand up
and scream. I scream as  loud as I can and I curse whoever took him
away from me. I let it all out but it doesn't help. It all comes right back
in.
"Wesley!" My dad screams from the back door.
I turn fast and see him running toward me. I open my arms before he
even  gets  there.  I  need  this.  He  envelops  me  and  I  start  sobbing.
Remember when I said I hadn't cried? Well now I cry and cry all day. I
can't seem to move on.
"It's going to be okay, baby bear. I swear to you it's going to be okay."
Tears choke up his voice and it makes it all worse. I'm hurting everyone
around me because I can't see an end in sight. There's only one path and
it's full of pain. Maybe I'll be this way forever. I know I'll never be sane
again.
I' m fucking broken. No good anymore.
"Dad?" my little brother Bentley says softly.
"It's okay son. She's not hurt," my dad tells him just as softly.
I don't hear his feet move away so I know he's still there. My beautiful
sixteen-year-old brother. I open my eyes and take in his tight jeans and
band t-shirt. His face that looks just like our father' s. His green eyes
pierce mine and I sob harder.
"I  love  you,  Wes,"  he  whispers  before  heading  back  into  the  house.
Most  younger  brothers  want  nothing  to  do  with  you.  They  are  more
worried about video games and girls, but my brother is different. We
are close and I hate hurting him but sometimes, you just need your dad.
"He'  ll  be  okay,  baby  bear.  He  just  doesn'  t  understand  what  you'  re
going through," he whispers into my hair and I clutch him as tightly as

Chapter Two
"Wesley! You're going to be late for school!" My mother calls from the
kitchen. I imagine her sitting at the table and sipping her dark coffee. I
personally can't drink the stuff without cream but she just dumps it in
her cup and goes. No sugar either.
Her blonde hair is probably pulled up into a bun and her designer suit
pressed to perfection. She might look like Business Barbie but she isn't.
She was top of her class at Harvard and now enjoys running her own
law firm.
I' ve been ready for hours. I pulled my long, curly blonde hair into a
ponytail. I put on really light makeup, which included black eye liner
and mascara around my green eyes, clear lip gloss on my bow-shaped
lips and blush on my high cheek bones. I put on my school uniform and
then laid out on my bed.
I tend to only sleep for a few hours at night. The dreams wake me up.
They don't even have to be bad. Sometimes I'm with Trey and we are
married and happy. Those are the worst. Why does my brain think it's
okay to show me what I'll never have?
"You want to ride with me?" Bentley jolts me out of my head with his
soft  words.  My  baby  brother.  Always  looking  out  for  me  when  it
should be the other way around.
I  take  my  eyes  away  from  the  ceiling  and  take  in  his  shaggy  blonde
head and bright green eyes. His school uniform looks good on him and
forms  to  his  muscles.  "I  like  the  blue  polo  on  you  better,"  I  tell  him
before I go back to staring at the ceiling.
Bentley  and  I  attend  a  private  high  school  where  uniforms  are
mandatory. The boys have to wear polo's or button ups either blue or
black. Girls have to wear pleated skirts with a polo or a shirt and vest.
Bentley wears  the black polo and it gives him a dangerous edge. He
must like someone at school. His hair, now that I think about it, has gel
in it.

"Yeah  well  it  clashes  with  my  skin  tone.  Black  makes  me  look  all
mysterious and sexy." Normally I would throw a pillow at his face but
for the past six months I haven't been the same. Now I just shrug my
shoulders. "Do you want a ride, Wes?" he asks again, this time there' s a
warning in his voice.
"No. I'm waiting for Pierce and Annabella." I've been waiting for thirty
minutes and I know it's a lost cause. Pierce forgot me again. He tends to
do that sometimes. He'll get caught up in whatever he and Annabella
are doing. They both tend to forget I exist anymore. Apparently I' m a
completely different person than I used to be.
I don' t know if that' s true. I have the same thoughts and do the same
things but I tend to space out during conversations. Or I'll pretend to
leave for school but sneak back in and lay in bed all day.
"According to Facebook they are both at school already. I was waiting
for you to figure that out. " He comes into the room and picks me up off
the bed. I weigh one hundred pounds soaking wet and Bentley has to be
two fifty since he's six feet tall. I only average out at five feet. I think he
could bench press me all day and never get tired.
Since he's done this to me before, I grab my backpack from my desk
before he makes it out the door.
Mom waves to us from the kitchen, also used to this. I think everyone is
just used to me this way. They don't seem to try and make me back into
what I was. Or maybe I won't let them. I don't know anymore. I don't
know much anymore and I don't want to.
We  live  in  a  small  community  of  rich  as  fudge  people.  Meadows  is
right outside of Dallas, Texas. I watch the skyline of the buildings pass
by the window on our way to school. You'd think since we live so close
I would go to Dallas all the time, but I hate huge cities. They make me
crazy and give me anxiety.
I don' t need any more of that.
Though being out here there are so many people, it's easy to get lost. Or
hide. Trey's parents do okay but he didn't attend my school. He didn't
hang out with the people I go to school with. They didn't know about
him  when  he  passed  because  I  didn't  want  them  to  know  about  him.
He's my secret in a world full of secrets. Maybe that's why it's so

hard to let him go. He was the best part of my life for so long. There is
nothing to replace him.
"You look like shit, Wes." Bentley speaks low. He always speaks low.
Does  he  do  that  for  me?  As  if  he  speaks  too  loud  I  might  fall  apart.
There are things about my brother I will never understand. He should
be out partying with his friends and hooking up with girls. Instead he
sits at home with me almost every day he doesn't have football practice.
But even after those he still comes home and sits with me.
The tears start falling after that. What am I doing to my brother? What
am I doing to all the people around me? Why can' t I be normal?
"Pull over! " I scream, tears falling fast and soaking my skirt.
Bentley gently eases out of traffic and pulls over to the side of the road.
I jump out when the engine is off and fall to my knees.
"Wesley..."  Bentley  whispers.  His  voice  hurts  me.  Everything  hurts
right now. I feel like I can't breathe. I feel like I'm dying. Maybe I will.
Maybe I'll die and be with Trey. Anything is better than this.
Anything.
"It's a late goodbye, such a late goodbye. And we keep driving into the
night. It's a late goodbye, such a late goodbye..." comes out of Bentley'
s  car  speakers.  "Late  Goodbye"  by  Poets  of  the  Fall.  I  immediately
calm down.
This song was on Max Payne 2, the video game, not the movie. Trey
loved  that  game  and  he  played  this  song  over  and  over  again.  I  can
almost feel him here with me. I stand up and turn back to the car.
"Thank you," I whisper to Bentley once I'm seated in the car.
"You don't need to thank me, Wes." He doesn't say any more and drives
the rest of the way to school.
***
I knew this morning everything would be different today. I think that's
why I refused to get out of bed. I didn't want to face the changes I could
feel  coming.  I  hate  change.  I  wish  change  wasn't  even  a  word  and
nothing  ever  changed.  But  if  it  wasn't  change,  it  would  still  be
something

else.
Anyway, the first thing to change was Paisley Vaughn. This girl is a
legend  at  our  school  and  no  one  had  ever  even  met  her  before.
Apparently  after  her  dad  died  in  some  tragic  car  accident,  he  left
Paisley everything and she wasn't even born yet. Her mother didn't like
that too much and took off with her. They were both missing for sixteen
years.  It  was  a  huge  thing  over  the  weekend  when  her  maternal
Grandmother showed up with Paisley in tow. Along with Paisley's two
year  old  sister,  BeeBee.  The  mother  overdosed  and  the  grandmother
got called in to take care of the girls.
Enter  Channing  Southerland,  the  school's  most  curious  dude.  All  the
girls want in his pants but he doesn't even touch them. I thought he was
gay  until  Annabella  mentioned  he  hooked  up  with  this  slut  named
Jasmine. Now I don't like name-calling but she really is a slut. She'd
sleep with anyone, whether they were taken or not. But that's not the
point here. Channing's mother was besties with Paisley's and there have
been rumors for years that there is an arranged marriage between the
two. I doubt this is true considering it's illegal, but hey, you never know
with rich people.
Now I'm staring at a gorgeous redhead that doesn't seem to notice the
rest  of  us  exist.  She  literally  hasn't  made  eye  contact  with  anyone.  I
mean  if  I  was  new  at  a  school  I  would  be  looking  for  friends  or
watching to see all the people staring at me. This girl has no clue. She
lives in her own world.
Which brings me to my next point. Pierce has an older sister, Ashley,
and older being six years older. Ashley and Channing have the same
dad.  That  guy  was  a  real  piece  of  work.  Anyway,  Channing  wants
nothing to do with Ashley and this of course hurts Ash, so Pierce hates
Channing. No one hurts Pierce's sister and lives to tell the tale. Well,
unless you're Channing because that guy is still walking around.
This  is  where  my  family  and  relationships  with  friends  gets  strange.
Channing and Pierce are the same age. I'm also the same age. So this
rift has been going on for as long as I can remember. I got stuck with
Pierce and Annabella because going off on my own wasn't an option.
Pierce and Annabella have been through so much, it was actually never
a

hardship for me. I love them both, always have. Channing got his own
friends and we have always been separate from them.
My  point  being,  I'  m  supposed  to  hate  Channing  and  all  his  friends
because of Ashley, but I don't. I could care less. Which means I ignore
them just to keep Pierce happy. But that's also why it's a big deal that
Paisley' s here. We all witnessed an argument between the two at lunch.
That turned weird though because they were up in each others faces.
When I say that, I mean there wasn' t an inch of space between them.
Plus you could feel the heat and sexual tension coming off of them..
I don' t blame Paisley though because Channing is super hot. If I wasn't
emotionally screwed up or related to Ashley, I'd do him.
The big deal here is that now there is someone else I have to ignore and
watch my cousin and best friend be mean to. I try not to get involved
but sometimes they drag me into it. I'm hoping they don't drag me into
messing  with  her.  She  made  friends  with  Rachel  Sanders.  Who
happens to be Channing's ex and Royal Sanders's twin sister. Royal and
Channing have been best friends since birth I think. Now rumor is that
Royal's not too happy with Rachel dating, so the Channing thing, well I
think him being Royal's best friend that didn't really matter. Besides it
was for three weeks a long time ago.
"Earth to Wesley! " Annabella snaps her fingers in my face and I jerk
back in my desk. I really need to start paying better attention. My entire
life is about to pass before my eyes. I swear yesterday was the first day
of senior year, but that was four weeks ago.
"What?" I snap at her. Before Trey died I would never have snapped at
anyone. But sometimes I can't stop myself now.
"Redhead at ten o'clock," she mutters before turning around in her
seat.
I  look  up  and  watch  Paisley  Vaughn  enter  my  Spanish  class.  Great
more change!
Before I can even think of speaking up, everyone we sit with is glaring
at her. I pretend to, half-heartedly. After losing Trey I just don' t feel
like putting up with high school bullshit, so I pretend.  She has to sit
next to Pierce, which makes me want to groan. This could not get any
worse!

Though little Miss Vaughn surprises me when she just glares right
back.
"This one' s got fight. I like her," comes Annabella' s raspy voice from
in  front  of  me.  Her  hair  is  long  and  a  beautiful  shade  of  honey.  Not
blonde, not brown. The in-between stage. Her eyes, believe it or not,
match her hair, as well as her eyebrows. Her nose is perfectly straight
with a button on the end. There' s a freckle right above her lip and it
almost disappears when she smiles. Which she is doing right now. Her
lips are full and red and her cheeks help her face become heart shaped.
"Annabella Gage.  That guy next to  you," she turns from Paisley and
looks to Pierce, "is Courtney Pierce. He hates Channing and Channing
hates him, so he's going to stop glaring at you because I have it on good
authority you hate Channing." I don't know if I've said this, by Pierce
goes by his last name. I would too if my mother gave me a woman' s
name.
She rolls her eyes and looks at Pierce. "I don't hate what I don't know.
Just back off me, because I have nothing to do with him." She glares
harder at him before opening her book and flipping through the pages.
Then  Pierce  and  Annabella  start  having  a  conversation  around  her.
"You're really getting on my nerves lately, Ella," Pierce mutters.
She laughs and it's a deep rasp. She really needs to stop smoking. "Like
I care. It's senior year, you and Channing need to get over yourselves.
Besides,  he'  s  going  to  have  his  hands  full  with  this  one.  "  Then
Annabella  pokes  her  with  a  nail  file.  Paisley  is  lucky  she  didn't  get
stabbed.
I guess Paisley thinks Annabella is being nice, but I know it's her way
of fishing for information. "Why do these dumbasses hate each other? I
couldn't get a straight answer out of Rachel." Everyone but Annabella
gasps  when  Paisley  calls  the  boys  dumbasses.  Even  me,  but  mostly
because I didn't see it coming.
"Pierce's  older  sister  is  also  sister  to  Channing.  They  have  the  same
dad."  Apparently  it's  "tell  all  our  family  drama"  day.  "Anyway,
everyone knows Channing hates his dad, even though the guy is dead.
But I might hate my dad too if he didn' t give a shit about me. Channing

refuses  to  have  anything  to  do  with  his  sister.  Ashley,  being  the
sweetest person ever, got her feelings hurt over it. And you don't hurt
the Pierce brothers' sister. "
Paisley  thinks  for  a  second  before  rolling  her  eyes.  I  can  tell  she  is
getting really bored. I don't blame her; I'm getting bored too. If only
this class was educational. Mr. Foster is a horrible teacher if you haven'
t noticed. It's okay though, I'm passing with flying colors. "So you're
telling  me  you  were  about  to  make  my  life  a  living  hell  because
Channing doesn't want to have a sister? How is that my fault? Are you
that dense?"
"Look, little girl, you don't know anything about it. So shut up," Pierce
growls at her.
Annabella goes to open her mouth but Paisley stops her by raising her
hand. "For one thing, don't call me little girl. I'm not little and where I
come from, no one protects  you but you.  I'm strong enough to bring
you to your knees. Don't push me or you'll regret it."
"Did  you  just  threaten  me?  "  Pierce  mumbles,  raising  his  eyebrows
slightly.
"No,  I  made  you  a  promise.  I'm  saying  I  don't  give  a  crap  what  you
think about Channing. I don't give a crap what y'all think about each
other." She points her finger at him. "I'm saying don't bring me into it.
It's not any of my business and you're not going to hurt me to get to
him, because he hates me just as much as you hate him. "
With that she turns back around and ignores them. I'm very impressed
myself. It' s about time someone stood up to Pierce. Maybe change isn't
bad after all.

Chapter Three
The second change came after my last class. Which is my least favorite
class all day. Some idiot put Pierce,  Annabella and I in a room  with
Channing and his entire league of friends. And now Paisley. Needless
to say, I put my headphones on and pretend I'm not there.
"Ms.  Bridges!"  My  AP  World  History  teacher,  Mr.  Richards  hollers
from the door of his classroom. Unfortunately, it's right across from my
locker.
The one thing I take seriously is history. All my other classes I do well
in, I mean come on I' m a tiny genius but history has always been my
favorite. I guess you can call me sentimental because facts about the
history of the world excite me. I also like knowing how we got here. I
get it from  my father but, unlike  my dad, I plan on doing something
with it. My dad took his intelligence and used it for bad things. But I'll
get to that later. Right now, I' m about to have a conversation to change
the course of my life.
I take a deep breath and turn around. "Yes, Mr. Richards?" The man is
in his forties but he takes care of himself. I'm pretty sure he is gay, but
that kind of thing doesn' t matter to me. His hair is just starting to grey
at his temples and he looks very dashing. His grey suit is clean and fits
him perfectly. His grey eyes are warm and welcoming, which is a huge
thing for me. A lot of the teachers in this school are just here for the big
paycheck. You can tell Mr. Richards cares. I need more people to care
in my life.
"Can I talk to you for a moment? " he asks with a bright smile. I' m sure
Bentley  is  outside  waiting  for  me,  so  I  nod  and  follow  him  into  his
classroom.
"Let me text my little brother real quick. " I take my phone out of my
bag and type out the message before hitting send and putting the phone
back up.

Mr. Richards sits down at his desk and points to one of the seats in the
front row. I shuffle over and plant my butt. I'm starting to think I'm in
trouble but I' m not sure why.
He weaves his fingers together in front of his face and sighs. "You're
not in trouble Ms. Bridges, but I don't think you're going to like what I
have to say. "
My palms get sweaty, as I grow more nervous. Oh god, I failed a test
and I'm not going to be able to graduate. I shake my head, because that
is ridiculous since I haven't ever failed a test. And I don't think I could
ever fail a test in History. That would be a failure at life.
"I asked you in here because one of my students needs tutoring. The
Headmistress has agreed, if you agree, that you'll be paid for your time.
And you'll receive extra credit." He stops and looks at me with pointed
eyes. I have a feeling I'm not going to like who I have to tutor.
"All that sounds good. So what's the problem?" I ask him before wiping
my palms on my skirt.
"That's what I'm worried about. I may only be a teacher but I still pay
attention. I know about your group of friends and his group of friends.
I'm worried that you'll say no because of it and he really needs the help.
He'll  lose  his  place  on  the  swim  team  if  he  doesn't  pass  my  class."
Dread starts to fill  my stomach.  He's about to tell  me I have to tutor
Channing Southerland. I just know it.
I close my eyes and rub my temples. There is no possible way I can say
no. The money would be nice and I'd never say no to extra credit. "I just
want  to  say  that  my  cousin  and  best  friend  both  have  problems  with
Channing  Southerland.  I  do  not.  But  since  they  are  my  friends,  I
pretend to go along with it. I actually could care less about it all. "
Mr. Richards sighs in relief and gets up from his desk. I remain seated
because I have a feeling this isn't over yet. "That is very nice to hear
Ms. Bridges but I'm sorry if you were misled. The student I need you to
tutor is Royal Sanders. "
My mouth drops open as he opens the door and Royal walks in. While
I'm surprised, relief floods my body. I've been sitting here freaking out
about how I'  m going to have to listen to Channing talk, because his
voice is weird. Now I don't have to worry about that. When I

say weird, I mean it has this affect on my body. I'm not turned on but I
still feel the need to squeeze my thighs together. See, weird!
Royal Sanders is by far the most gorgeous boy at my school. He has to
be near six and half feet with warm brown eyes and a face straight out
of the Regency era. When I see him I always think of a Duke or an Earl.
Did I mention that's my favorite time in history? I think I've read every
Regency romance book ever written. I can't get enough of them.
Royal's nose is long and straight and his cheekbones are high. His lips
are full but not too full. Perfectly shaped brows frame his eyes and his
brown hair falls into them. He usually has a snobbish look on his face
but  I  can  see  the  laugh  lines  around  his  mouth  so  I  know  he's  not
normally like that. I always want to picture him in a popped up collar
and knee high boots. If he had lived back then, he would have been a
Royal Duke. I laugh to myself at the thought and grab the attention of
said Royal Duke. Okay I just laughed out loud.
"I' m sorry. I' m not laughing about anything that' s going on right now.
" My cheeks flush and I duck my head. I haven' t been this embarrassed
in a really long time.
I feel Royal' s eyes on me. Laughter shines in his eyes and my face gets
hotter. "So you don' t have a problem helping me out? " He raises one
of his eyebrows and I want to laugh again. He would make a great
Duke.
"Not at all," I say, getting up out of my seat. I cross over to him and
realize I come up to his pecs. I can see them formed through his tight
black polo. I gulp because a flare of a different kind of heat fills up my
face. "We haven' t ever been properly introduced. " I hold out my hand
for him to shake. "Wesley Bridges. "
This is  where I about die. Royal takes  my hand and lifts it up to his
mouth where he places a chaste kiss on the back of my hand. "Lovely to
meet you, Wesley. Royal Sanders. " He stares into my eyes and, for the
first time in the past six  months, I  don't feel sad.  I feel a little bit of
hope.
I quickly pull my hand away and step back. I don't want to be sad but I
also don't want to let go of my sadness. If I do, then I'll forget about
Trey.
Mr. Richards clears his throat and I blink before looking up at him.

"Now  that  that  is  settled  you  two  should  get  out  of  here."  He  smiles
warmly and opens the door for us. I hoist my backpack on my shoulder
and head out the door. I can feel Royal following behind me as I walk
out of school.
Before I open the front doors I turn around and face him. I look at the
ground as I speak to him. "I just have to know if you're going to mess
with me because I'm Pierce's cousin? I understand there is bad blood
between him and Channing but I have nothing to do with that. "
Royal sticks his finger under my chin and lifts my face. "I don't have a
problem with you, Wesley. I seriously need help in World History. If I
fail History I'll get kicked off the swim team and my dad won't pay for
Juilliard."
My  eyes  widen.  Juilliard?  "You're  going  to  Juilliard?  That's  really
impressive." I shift my feet before looking back down at the ground.
He chuckles and I like the sound. It's deep and soothing. "Yeah, like
Harvard isn't impressive." I look up at him with wide eyes again. "My
dad was talking about it a few months ago. I think he knows your mom.
Something about the hospital he works at getting sued. "
I  nod  like  this  makes  sense.  No  one  but  my  family  knows  I  got
contacted by Harvard. I've had straight A's since I was in kindergarten
and  I  got  a  34  on  the  ACT's.  Plus  I  was  on  the  debate  team,  a
cheerleader,  softball  player,  and  I'  ve  tutored  before.  Harvard  was
really looking at me. Then they found out what my father does.
I open the door with my hand but I don' t step out just yet. "You can't
tell  anyone  that.  Pierce  and  Annabella  don't  know  yet.  We  were  all
supposed to go to Alabama together. " He nods slowly, almost as if he
knew he spooked me. "I don't have any after school programs this year.
I  know  swim  team  has  practices,  so  text  me  when  you  want  to  start
tutoring." I grab a pen out of my bag and then I grab his hand. I write
the number down and turn to leave.
Royal grabs my arm, gently though. Then he bends at the knees so our
faces are close together. "I didn't tell anyone about Harvard, but a lot of
people already know you got in. It's only a matter of time before Pierce
or Annabella find out. You should probably be the one to tell them."

He has a point but I really don't like being told what to do. But then, I
don't have anything to worry about since I didn't really get in. I look
into his eyes but I only see warmth. He isn't trying to hurt me. "Thanks
for the advice but when those two started keeping secrets from me, I
gave up trying to be open. You can't have an honest friendship with
someone if you lie to their face." I turn away from him and wrench my
arm free. "At this point it's like I was never friends with them."
I rush away and don't slow down until I make it to Bentley's car. When
I'm safely inside and on my way home I think, Why the hell did I tell
him that?

Chapter Four
My afternoons have become the worst part of my day. I used to go out,
hang out with Trey or Annabella and Pierce. Or all three together. It
seems  ever  since  I  lost  Trey,  I  lost  the  other  two  for  no  reason.  I've
become a very lonely person and I hate it. I may not have had many
friends, but they meant the world to me.
There  are  two  words  I  use  in  my  head  for  Annabella,  shallow  and
vapid. She is so into herself it's not even funny. As her  friend I try to
look past these negative facts about her. That's what friends do. They
are there for you no matter what, even when you're being horrible to
them.
Pierce is a one-emotion kind of person. It's like he can only feel one
thing at a time. Right now, and for the past hundred years it's been hurt.
Hurt  over  the  hurt  Ashley  feels,  hurt  over  the  fact  Annabella  chose
Donovan  and  not  him.  Hurt  over  his  past  and  what  he  went  through
with  his  father,  what  his  mother  went  through  with  his  father.  I  can
understand all of that, but sometimes you have to let that stuff go. Live
your  life;  never  forget  the  past  but  move  beyond  what  it  makes  you
feel. Holding grudges is the best way to get hurt. The people you hold
them against generally don't care what you feel. Why do you think they
hurt you in the first place?
Trey... he was like a lighthouse. He shone bright and clear through the
fog  at  sea.  He  protected  me  from  the  hurt  Annabella  and  Pierce  can
inflict on me. Now I'm left alone and dealing with their crap. It's really
hard not to sit up and scream at the top of my lungs and punch one of
them in the face.
Bentley  walks  into  my  room  while  I  stalk  Facebook.  "What  is  that
scowl for?" I look up at him and want to smile at his outfit. Gone is the
mysterious boy who went to school with me this morning. Now he is
just wearing a grey tank and plaid pajama pants.
I look back down at Annabella's profile and glare. "Seems

Annabella and Pierce are out together. Alone. And without me," I tell
him, reading the same check-in update again.
Annabella Gage was at Meadow's Central Mall with Courtney Pierce.
7:59p.m.
"I' m starting to think those two are dating behind Donovan' s back."
Bentley states. I wince but try to cover it with a smile. "You can't even
lie  about  it,  Wes.  You  think  the  same  thing."  With  that  parting
statement, he turns and leaves.
I groan and fall back on my bed. Before Trey died, things were not like
this.  Those  two  only  hung  out  alone  if  Donovan  and  I  both  had
something else going on. Now that Donovan is away at college, they
can't seem to spend enough alone time together.
"Hey,  Wes!  Look  alive!"  I  scream  out  when  I  hear  Donovan's  voice
come from my computer.
I sit up fast and feel a little dizzy. When was the last time I ate? "What
the  fudge,  Donovan!  You  can't  sneak  up  on  me  like  that!"  I  tell  him
through the screen of my laptop. I look him over while he sits there in
my Skype window. His brown hair has grown out and now falls across
his forehead. His green eyes are filled with sadness but I don' t know if
it's for me or because of Annabella.
"What did I tell you about looking sad?" I say, trying to smile. I can't
though because there is nothing to be happy about today. There hasn't
been anything to be happy about in a really long time.
He  smoothes  a  hand  over  his  face  and  sighs.  "Don't  Wes.  You're  no
more happy than I am." He scoots around on his bed. I can see his wall
behind him, full of pictures of Annabella, Pierce, Ashley, Bentley and
me. I almost laugh when I see one of Victor. Victor and Donovan get
along, but Victor hates having his picture taken. Victor is Annabella' s
older brother and Ashley's long-term boyfriend.
I move my laptop to the end of my bed and lay on my stomach. I prop
myself up on my elbows and chew on the inside of my cheek before I
answer.  "I  don't  know  what's  going  on,  Van.  She  doesn't  talk  to  me
anymore."
He curses before rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands. I can
feel the frustration coming off of him all the way over here. "That' s

what  scares  me.  She  used  to  tell  you  everything.  Now  she  tells  him
everything  and  they  leave  you  sitting  at  home.  She'd  never  do  that
before I left."
"I don't know what to tell you, Van. I guess I was just too sad for her to
be around. For both of them to be around. They started leaving me out
way  before  you  left."  Donovan  wants  to  believe  that  she  tells  me
everything but that wasn't true even before Trey died. She just didn't
want her boyfriend to know she was closer to his brother. I was a cover,
maybe that was all I ever was.
He glares at his keyboard and my heart breaks for him. "What do I do
here? How do I get my girlfriend back?"
I pretend to think, but really I'm not. I know how to get her back but that
would  mean  the  loss  of  Pierce.  Not  death,  but  if  he  wasn't  here
anymore, she' d only have us to cling to. That' s important to Annabella;
she doesn' t like to be alone. She has to have someone around she can
turn to. Victor might always be there, but she won' t run to him, not like
she would me.
But since I'm still the scaredy cat I've always been, I lie. "I don't know,
Van. "
That's  when  he  starts  to  glare  at  me.  "Wesley,  you  are  one  of  the
strongest people I have ever met, but you are a horrible liar. At some
point you're going to have to realize, those two don't care about anyone
but themselves. Stop protecting them." He growls out before he turns
the Skype chat off.
Tears silently fall down my face as I stare at my blank computer screen.
I'm trying to protect him. He would never hurt his brother, but he would
hurt Annabella. I think that's one thing she doesn't understand about her
boyfriend. He would pick Pierce over her any day. That's why I lied to
him.
If Annabella left, or even if Pierce left, I would be alone at school. A
freaking ghost. I need someone to stand behind, someone to sit with at
lunch and in class. If one left, the other would desert me for good. They
may suck as friends, but I still need them.
"Wesley?" comes a deep male voice.
I about jump out of my skin and look up at my bedroom door.

"Down here, girl," it comes again, but this time I realize it's from my
computer.
I  finally  look  down  and  see  Royal  Sanders  staring  back  at  me.  My
breathing  automatically  picks  up  speed,  because  he's  not  wearing  a
shirt and his entire golden chest is on display. I swallow hard before
speaking, "Can you put a shirt on before I ask you what you're doing?
It's a bit distracting."
He chuckles and it's the same one from earlier today. It's deep and full
of warmth. "Yeah sorry. Rachel claims to be cold and turned the heat
up in the house. It's like a sauna in here."
He  gets  up,  I  assume  to  find  a  shirt,  but  I  speak  before  he  can
completely leave, "Wait!" he stops and looks back at me, "It's fine. I
don' t want you to get all sweaty and start stinking. "
He chuckles again before sitting back down. It's dark behind him so I
can't  tell  what  his  bedroom  looks  like.  If  he  is  even  in  his  bedroom.
"Don't worry, I'm wearing plenty of deodorant."
This time I laugh and it surprises me. I think I forgot I could laugh. "So.
why are you Skyping me?" I ask while shifting around on my bed.
"Tutoring? Did you forget about that?" He smiles and it's beautiful the
way it transforms his face.
"No, I didn't forget about the tutoring, but you could have at least texted
first." I scold him before getting up off my bed. I find my backpack on
my desk and pull out my World History book.
"Sorry  about  that.  I  didn't  think  you  would  be  all  that  comfortable
around me, at least not yet, so I decided to try this first." By the time I
get back to my bed, his light is on in his room and he also grabbed his
World History book.
"It's  fine,  I  need  to  study  for  the  test  this  Friday  and  I  get  to  help
someone in the process, it's a win, win for me." I smile for him and sit
cross-legged on my bed. "Where do you need to start?"
"The beginning." When I snort, he grins. "I'm serious. I have no idea
what's going on or why it went on. This stuff just flies over my
head."
"You're lucky, I could talk about this stuff in my sleep." I tap my pen on
my chin and grin myself. "In fact, I'm pretty sure I do."

"Well in that case I'll just sit here while you sleep and take notes." We
both laugh and start working. I could talk about this stuff for hours and
this night I do.
Well  until  about  midnight  when  Annabella  walks  in  through  my
bedroom  door.  I  shut  my  laptop  in  the  middle  of  Royal's  sentence,
cutting  him  off.  "What's  up  Annabella?"  I  stammer  out.  I'm  totally
busted.
She has a sour look on her face and I think it has to do with who I was
talking to but she quickly corrects that. "Ugh, Donovan is getting on
my  nerves  lately.  I  thought  it  would  get  better  since  he  went  off  to
college, but it's only gotten worse."
She  throws  herself  down  on  my  bed  almost  clocking  me  in  the  face
with her elbow. "What do you mean?" I ask. I scoot my laptop under
my legs, hoping she doesn't ask what I was doing when she walked in.
Oh wait, this is Annabella; she doesn't care what I was doing. She only
cares about her problems.
"He thinks I' m sleeping with Pierce. Like I would cheat on him with
his own brother. Besides, Pierce has a girlfriend too. I love Pierce like
my brother, not like I love Donovan." She closes her eyes and visibly
relaxes like she was waiting to tell me all that and it's better now.
"Well, just a word of advice, maybe you shouldn't hang out with Pierce
alone  anymore.  Or  at  least  don't  advertise  it  on  Facebook.  He's
hundreds  of  miles  away,  he  doesn't  know  what's  going  on  unless  he
talks to one of us or reads Facebook. " She pops up real quick and heads
to my balcony doors. I hate that she smokes.
She pulls the pack of Reds out of her back pocket and pops one in her
mouth. Her pink and gold lighter comes out of her front pocket and the
smell of smoke enters my room. "You didn't say anything to him did
you?" she questions, not meeting my eyes.
"What the hell would I tell him? That you' re hanging out with Pierce?
He knows you are, because you put that shit on Facebook. I don't know
what you do with Pierce when I'm not there, so I have nothing to tell
him," I ground out, trying my hardest not to yell.
She turns toward me and eyes me up and down. "Don't get your panties
in a bunch. Pierce thinks it was you who told him but I forgot

about the check-in on Facebook. Then Van said he talked to you on
Skype. I just wanted to see your face when I asked you." She takes a
deep drag of her cigarette before tossing it over the railing. "I've got to
get home. I'll see you at school tomorrow!" she hollers as she strolls out
my bedroom door.
That's how I know they are hiding something. Never before have they
had to question me on what I told Donovan. Which leads me to believe
they think I know something. And they would only be scared I told
Donovan something if there was something to tell.
Now all I want to know is. what is there to know?

Chapter Five
My life used to be so simple.  I never thought about what Pierce and
Annabella  did  when  they  were  alone.  I  never  thought  about  Royal
Sanders  without  his  shirt  on.  I  never  thought  I  would  have  to  live
without Trey. Now I' m suffering from all of these.
I know it's been six months since he passed, but I can't seem to walk
away from  it.  I still expect him  to walk into  my room  with his huge
goofy grin and tell me he'd been thinking about me. He wouldn't have
even had to knock on the front door. He'd have walked in, waved hello
to my mother and gone up the stairs. He'd have stopped by Bentley's
room and asked him what new riffs he was working on with his guitar
before making his way to me.
I can feel him everywhere. I'm a ghost now because of it. The part of
me that loves him won't come back. I'm stuck with this shell that has no
idea what to do without him. We were going to get married after we
graduated from college. We were going to have three kids and a cat.
We even picked out their names. Now none of that will ever happen.
Tears fall down my face as I look at his gravestone. There is a picture of
him in the middle along with his name. His birth date and death date
stare  daggers  at  me.  He  would  have  been  eighteen  today.  We  would
have had a quiet dinner with his parents, partied with Annabella and
Pierce, then gone back to my house and made love. It's what we did the
two years I had him. Trey wasn't into birthday parties. We would throw
him  one  anyway,  just  because  we  wanted  to  celebrate  the  wonderful
human being that he was. Trey would have given you the shirt off his
back if you needed it. I once watched him give a homeless man twenty
bucks and a hot meal. When I asked him why he did that, he replied,
"Because you have to show support to those who need it most, simply
for the fact they have none anywhere else. I gave him something to be
thankful for. Something to brighten his day. He might not have

chosen to be homeless. It could have been thrust upon him. "
That was my Trey. Sweet, kind, loving and now no one gets to be a part
of  his  life.  Someone  who  couldn't  bother  to  obey  one  simple  law
snuffed it out. Driving drunk hurts more than just you, it hurts everyone
you come in contact with. Trey was minding his own business but some
drunk  guy  didn't  care.  He  didn't  even  care  when  he  hit  him.  He  just
drove off. He was later pulled over with blood still on the hood of his
car.
My phone goes off in my pocket, so I set my flowers down gently on
Trey's grave. I stand up and fish it out.
Annabella:  Hey sorry we can't make it tonight. Some stuff came up.
Ttyl.
I want to roll my eyes but I don't. Figures they would both bail on me.
When  Annabella  has  a  problem  I'  m  front  and  center  with  help,  but
when I need her here to hold my hand she is nowhere to be found.
I need to get drunk.
My Kia is parked a few yards away, so I blow a kiss to Trey and walk
over.  I  have  no  idea  where  to  go,  but  I  drive  anyway.  When  I  find
myself outside of Royal Sanders's house, I wonder why he was on my
mind.
It got dark on my drive here, so I can barely make out the cars parked in
his driveway. I know there is a party here; it' s the only one, I think.
Pierce and Annabella would never show up here, so I feel safe.
I wonder when that happened? That I feel safer at the enemy' s house
instead  of  with  my  so-called  friends.  I  know  they  are  both  going
through something, but does that mean they have no time for me? Trey
was friends with both of them. He went out with Pierce all the time. He
went shopping with Annabella and me. He had relationships with them
and they just don' t give a shit. They don' t give a shit that he died. How
can they not care? Someone died and they went on living. Not that they
shouldn' t have, but damn they could have at least acted like it affected
them.
"Bridges?" My thighs instantly close together and my knees get

tingles. Channing Southerland.
I  slowly  look  up  into  grey  smoky  eyes.  God  he  is  beautiful.
"Southerland?" I ask back.
A small grin appears on his face before he crosses his arms on his broad
chest. His muscles jump and shift under his tight shirt. "May I ask why
you're outside of Royal's house?"
I square my shoulders and take a deep breath. "There's a party, right?
That's why I'm here."
His  face  doesn't  change  but  that's  nothing  new  with  Channing.  He
either  looks  bored  or  pissed  off.  Nothing  else.  "Is  this  some  kind  of
joke?" he questions raising one of his eyebrows.
I roll my eyes and get out of my car. He's seen me now so there's no
reason to run off scared. "No." He moves so I can exit but doesn't move
far enough away for my comfort. "When have I ever done anything to
you? Said anything mean to you? I don't really care about you at all, if I'
m  telling  the  truth.  I  just  pretend  to  when  Pierce  or  Annabella  are
around. Those two get pissy if you go against them. "
He nods like this makes sense to him. He surprises me when he puts an
arm  around  my  shoulders  and  walks  me  toward  the  house.  It'  s  been
over six months since I've been to a high school party but they don' t
seem  to  ever  change.  Bodies  everywhere,  dancing,  drinking,  and
having a damn good time.
Channing walks into the house and it's almost comical how everyone
turns toward us. Some look pissed off, some look surprised, and others
look  bored.  "Listen  up!  No  one  fuck  with  Bridges  here.  And  no  one
breathes a word that she was here. " He pauses and glares around the
room. "Do I make myself clear?"
And they all nod together, one unit.
"Whoa..." I breathe out.
Channing snorts and moves me through the crowd. We go down a long
hallway  and  then  into  a  big  room  with  double  doors.  The  doors  are
open but the only people inside are Channing' s friends.
"Royal get Bridges here a drink. " He glares again and I know what' s
coming. "If I find out any of you fuck with her, you' ll be ended. And
don't spread it around that she was here." Then he lets my shoulders

go and moves to the bar where Royal has the biggest grin on his face.
He  is  staring  right  at  me  and  I  feel  my  cheeks  flush.  He  makes
something at the bar before he walks over to me. I don't think my feet
could move if I physically moved them myself. "I can't believe you are
here right now," he says to me, still wearing his grin.
I take the glass from his hand without even asking if it's mine. I sniff it,
finding rum and Coke. I chug it down as fast as I can and still look like
a lady. When my glass is dry, I hand it back to Royal. "I can' t believe I'
m here either," I mumble out.
"Why  are  you  here?"  he  asks  and  something  dark  passes  behind  his
eyes. It's gone before I can see what it is, and that scares me a little.
"Pierce  and  Annabella  bailed  on  me.  I  need  to  get  drunk,"  I  get  out
through  my stiff lips. The  alcohol isn't kicking in yet  but I know it's
only a matter of time.
He bites his lower lip and I follow the movement with my eyes. "What
really happened between the library and now?" Since Monday I' ve met
Royal at the library on Wednesday and Friday. Which is today. Luckily
he wasn't pissed off I cut our session short on Monday night.
"Nothing happened," I lie and try to smile. The alcohol is starting to
make  me  feel  good,  so  it  probably  looks  more  real  than  it  is.  "Can  I
have another drink?"
He eyes me up and down before slowly nodding. "Yeah, but you should
slow down after that. "
I roll my eyes and shove past him, finally able to move my feet. "You're
not my boss," I spit out, suddenly pissed off. Why does he think he can
tell me what to do?
He chuckles that deep soothing chuckle and I want to punch him in the
face. This is not funny. "Right, Duchess. "
My breathing accelerates and I spin around to face him. "Excuse
me?"
He lifts his eyebrow and his lips move into a mocking grin, "I called
you Duchess. Do you have a problem with pet names? Or are you one
of those girls who think pet names are stupid? " He moves closer, about
an inch from touching me. He bends down until our eyes are level. "I'll
have you know I thought long.. .and hard about that pet name." He

whispers the last part and his eyes travel down to my cleavage.
Tingles spread throughout my body and I start to feel faint. "I bet you
did. But you're not getting in my pants."
He  laughs  softly  before  he  moves  and  now  we  are  touching.  "If  I
wanted  in  your  pants,  Wes,  I'd  have  been  there  already."  With  those
parting  words  he  goes  over  to  the  bar  and  starts  a  conversation  with
Channing.
I blink several times before I walk over to them. Royal hands me a new
rum and Coke before I can even say anything. I snatch it out of his hand
and walk out of the room. I find my way into the kitchen where I find a
treasure trove. I grab a two-liter of Coke from the counter and then a
liter of Captain Morgan's coconut rum. I find glasses in the dishwasher
and then head up a back set of stairs.
I' m pissed off and seriously upset, so when I open the first door and
realize it's Royal's bedroom, I grin widely. His room kind of reminds
me of Bentley' s but only because of the guitars. I see a few Fenders and
one badass red Gibson on the left side of the room. They either hang on
the wall or have a stand sitting next to his half stack. His bed sits in the
middle of the room, covered in a black bedspread along with two black
nightstands on either side. There' s a black couch on the right side of the
room, sitting in front of a black entertainment center.
I  set  my  treasure  down  on  his  nightstand  and  make  myself  a  drink.
Before twenty minutes have passed I' ve drank half the bottle of Coke
and two-thirds of the rum. I' m fucking drunk.
That' s when I lay down on his bed and start to cry. I cry hard and while
it' s refreshing and I need it, it makes me feel even shittier. I don' t even
want  Royal  to  want  me,  but  it  hurt  to  be  rejected.  I'  ve  been  getting
rejected a lot lately. And by two people who should have stood by me
at all costs. So what? I got a little sad my boyfriend died, I do believe I'
m entitled.
Hours pass as I stare at the ceiling and cry. When I start to feel more
sober, I drink another glass. At some point I fall asleep. For once I don't
dream of Trey. I don't dream at all.
"Wes," someone says softly. I think it's Royal. When I slowly open my
eyes, I see it is Royal. I must still be drunk because I sit up and hug

his neck. And I sob, and then sob some more. His shirt is soaked at the
shoulder before long.
I can tell at first he doesn't know what to do, but then his arms go
around me and he rubs my back. Neither of us speak and I love it. For
once someone is letting me just be.
After a while he lays me down on the bed. He takes his shirt off before
lying down beside me. I'm a little worried by that, but then I remember
he doesn't want me. He puts an arm around my shoulders and pulls me
to his chest. I've finally stopped crying, so it's seconds before I' m fast
asleep again.
The next time I wake up, Royal is asleep and I'm still on his chest. I feel
safe and warm. and not alone. That thought scares me so bad; I almost
jump out of his bed. Instead, I quietly get out of his arms and off his
bed. I'm still completely dressed, I'm even wearing my shoes, so I
bolt.
If I had looked back I would have seen that I woke him up. I would
have seen my future in his eyes.
I would have also seen that I started something that would break
me.

Chapter Six
"So what did you do last night? " Annabella asks me later on Saturday.
After I got home from Royal's I took a long hot shower and washed the
entire night from my body. Then my phone started ringing. Luckily it
was only Annabella, never Royal. Apparently she needed a girl's day. I
think she is just starting to feel guilty for ignoring me for the past six
months.
I shrug my shoulders and walk around a young mother with a stroller
going  two  miles  an  hour.  "Nothing  really.  Watched  Pride  and
Prejudice, then I went to sleep. "
She nods before shoveling more ice cream into her mouth. "Pierce and
I watched James Bond movies all night." I scrunch up my face at her
and  she  laughs.  "This  is  why  we  didn't  invite  you.  What  is  your
problem with James Bond?"
I shiver in revulsion before explaining, "Well if he wanted to watch the
ones with Daniel Craig, I'd be all over that, but he has to watch the ones
with Sean Connery." I pause before I quote an episode of Family Guy
where Sir Connery said, "Fifty no's and one yes, still means yes."
Annabella has to stop and double over with her laughter. "You are too
good at that!" she exclaims between breaths.
I grab her arm and pull her along, "Come on you big dork. I want to see
if they have any new historical romances at Barnes & Noble. " Now it's
her turn to look disgusted.
"How can you even read that junk? " She stops to toss her ice cream
away and turns to face me. "Oh no, Duke Greyson, you can't kiss me
before our wedding!"
I  slap  her  arm  gently  and  pull  her  along  with  me  on  my  way  to  the
bookstore.  "Because  they  did  things  differently  back  then.  It  was  all
more romantic. "
She rolls her eyes but comes into the bookstore with me. "I'm

going to go look at the magazines. Come find me when you're done."
We part ways and I make my way over to the historical romances. I find
one by Kat Martin that I haven't read and pick it up. I'm  reading the
back cover when I feel intense heat light up my back. I almost drop the
book  when  Royal'  s  voice  floats  down  to  my  ear,  "You  even  read
history for fun." His voice is low and sexy, most likely on purpose.
I square my shoulders and  move past him before facing him. "These
aren't  really about history.  They're just  romance's taking place in the
past." I shrug and turn to head to the register.
He stops me with a hand on my shoulder. I feel that heat up against my
back  again,  before  his  warm  breath  hits  my  ear,  "Look,  I  know  you
want to pretend nothing happened last night, but I need an explanation.
You can't just cry on my shoulder and sleep in my bed and expect me
not to ask what's wrong with you."
I face him, anger fueling my words, "What's wrong with me?" I push
his chest but he doesn't budge. "You have no right to ask that. So what?
I had a weak moment. It's not like I went looking  for you to help me
with my problems. "
"See that's where you're wrong. I think you went looking for me. I think
you've  had  enough  of  the  shitty  way  your  friends  treat  you,  and  you
went looking for me. I've been nice to you, made you feel secure about
something. I don't know what that is, but I'll find out Wes." His face
gets redder the longer he talks. I know he's mad but I'm not about to tell
him what's going on. I don't know him. I don't trust him.
Or is that all lies? He's right about me going looking for him. A part of
me  wanted him  to care,  and when he showed  me he  could, I ran the
other  way.  "You  won't  find  out,  Royal.  Simply  for  the  fact  there  is
nothing to find out. " Then my phone starts ringing. I look down and
see it's Trey's mom calling.
Damn.
I answer without thinking, "Mrs. Gardener?"
"Wesley!  It's  lovely  to  hear  your  voice,  sweetie."  She  pauses  and  I
know what she is about to say is going to wreck me. "I'm sorry I haven't
called, especially yesterday, but you have to understand. "
"I understand Mrs. Gardener. I've been that way, too."

She sighs and I know it's  going to be bad. "We are  moving in a few
weeks.  I  just  can't  stand  to  live  in  this  house  anymore.  We  were
wondering if you wanted to get anything out of Trey's room before we
packed it up?"
One tear falls out of my eye. When he first died I used to sit in his room
for hours. His parents never knew I was there. I snuck in through his
window. I haven't been in a few weeks but now I don't even have that
option anymore. I choke out, "Yes, there are some things I want. "
"Okay, sweetie. Can you come over on Monday? That's the day they
are coming to remove his stuff. "
"Yes, Ma'am. See you Monday." I hang up before she can reply. They
are  getting  rid  of  him.  How  can  they  get  rid  of  him?  They  are  his
parents!
"Wes?" Royal whispers behind me, making me jump. I totally forgot he
was here.
"I  have  to  go,"  I  spit  out  before  dropping  my  book  on  the  floor  and
running out of there. And I just keep running. Before I know it I'm at
my car and I'm climbing in. I blare YellowCard's "Only One" in my car
as I drive.
After an hour I find  myself at Trey's grave. The graveyard is  empty,
which is a true blessing. I park  my  car and get out. Once I'  m  at his
gravestone, I lie down next to it. I brought my bag from the car, so I fish
out my headphones and my phone. I hook the headphones up and pop
them in my ears. Then I just hit play.
***
Hours later, I'm still sitting there. Annabella's called several times, but I
always  hit  ignore.  Royal  has  been  calling  just  as  much.  I  just  let  his
ring. It just seems rude to hit ignore on him. I don't care what Annabella
thinks.
The sun is just starting to set when I decide to leave. There's no point in
laying out here in the dark. That's way too creepy for me. I could just
imagine ghosts floating by my head or zombies coming up

from the ground.
That's how I find myself running from the graveyard like the hounds of
hell are on my heels. I drive home this time and pretend I didn' t just
spend an entire afternoon lying with dead people. At least they don't
want to know what's wrong with me.
There is only one light on in the house, which means everyone is out.
Bentley  probably  went  out  with  his  friends.  The  same  goes  for  my
mother. My dad is on a business trip. Or so he says. I know the truth.
And sometimes I hate him for it.
I use my keys to get in the front door and almost scream when I find
said dad sitting on the couch watching TV. "Dad you scared ten years
off my life. I didn't think you'd be home until next week."
He  gets  up  from  the  couch  and  walks  over  to  me  before  he  speaks.
"Sorry baby bear. I've only been home for an hour. I just figured you
were out with Courtney and Annabella. How's life?" He throws an arm
around my shoulders and pulls me toward the couch. I glance at the TV
and see Law & Order: SVU. He totally has a crush on Olivia. "How are
you doing after yesterday?" he asks in a softer voice.
I sit with him on the couch but I don't really want to. I want to go up to
my room and stare at my ceiling. But I don't because, whether I like it
or not, my dad knows me better than I know myself. "Yesterday was
hard. "
He rubs my shoulder and I lay my head on his shoulder. "I know baby
bear. Sorry I couldn't be here. I tried to get out of leaving, or at least
leaving after yesterday but Barney wasn't hearing it."
"Yeah, because mob bosses are so easy to ask for time off." I spit
out.
He  flinches  and  I  instantly  feel  bad.  "I  know  you  didn't  mean  it  like
that. And never say you're sorry for something you're not." He tells me
before I can even open my mouth to apologize.
"I know you've been doing this since before Bentley and I were born. I
need to learn to live with it." I didn't know my father was a part of the
mob  until  after  Trey  died.  Uncle  Barney  runs  the  Barcelo  family  in
Dallas.  It's  actually  not  as  bad  as  it  sounds,  but  it's  still  messed  up.
Before I found out about the mob, I was always told dad was a doctor.

Which I guess was never a lie, because he is a doctor, he just works
solely for Uncle Barney and his men. He makes bank, I'll give him that.
It was really funny how I found out. The guy who killed Trey ended up
dead a few weeks after he made bail. I was thankful at first but then
things started to come out. Like the fact that his death was tied to Uncle
Barney. I had no idea he was a mob boss until I read the article about
the drunk guy' s death.
By the way, I do know his name, I just refuse to speak it out loud.
Anyway, I found my dad in his office and shoved the paper in his face.
He  made  me  sit  down  and  he  explained  that  he's  worked  for  Uncle
Barney  since  he  was  fifteen.  Dad  has  an  affinity  for  healing  those
around  him,  so  Uncle  Barney  sent  him  to  college,  where  he  got  his
Doctorate in Medicine. And he doesn't just work on the men who get
hurt doing mob stuff. I have no clue what mob stuff is, that's just what
my dad says. He makes house calls to their families as well. He's even
helped birth all the babies in the "family" since he got his degree.
My dad doesn't look like he's in the mob either. He's short, skinny and
balding on the crown of his head. His green eyes are kind and while his
face has some wrinkles, it's from laugh lines, not from having to see
hard shit for most of his life.
"You  don't  have  to  live  with  it,  baby  bear.  I  got  myself  into  trouble
when I was fifteen. I was thrust into this life, more than I chose it. Now
I can't get out without being killed or you or your mother, or Bentley. I
just don't bring it home with me." He sighs and turns the TV off. "Now
what' s wrong?"
I let out a frustrated sigh myself. "Why do people keep asking me
that?"
"Maybe  because  you  look  like  you've  been  crying  for  hours?  That
would be my first guess." He chuckles when I glare at him.
"Royal Sanders asked me that today. I didn't even know that boy could
care enough to ask. I didn't think he gave a shit about girls and their
feelings." Before I even knew him, I saw what he did with other girls.
He wasn't all that nice.
He has this way about him that just makes you tell him things. I guess
he's good at his job. That's one thing about my father I wish he

would stop.
He taps his chin a few times before he speaks. "Royal Sanders? Isn't he
friends  with  Channing  Southerland?"  He  raises  his  eyebrows  and  I
groan.
"Yes.  They  are  best  friends.  Though  you  can't  tell  sometimes  by  the
way they talk to each other." Which is true. I have seventh period with
both of them and they talk shit to each other all the time. I shift around
until  I'm  sitting  on  my  feet.  "I  don't  like  him  or  anything.  Well,  not
romantically. He's actually a pretty cool guy. I've been tutoring him in
World History. Pierce and Annabella have been ignoring me lately, and
well.. .Royal's been around. He listens to me when I talk and now he
seems to generally care about my well being. "
Dad laughs and gets up off the couch. "Well baby bear, all I have to say
is guard your heart," he pauses for dramatic effect, "unless you want
him to have it. I know his father; he's a good kid. I'd approve. Besides I
love your cousin but he's about to get into some serious trouble with
Annabella and I want you to stay out of that. "
"Huh? What kind of trouble?" I ask standing up myself.
He just laughs, "Not the illegal kind. More like the kind of the heart. I
don't want you in the middle of all that. We are going to have our hands
full with Courtney and Donovan." He winks before leaving the room.
I knew Annabella and Pierce had something going on.

Chapter Seven
On Sunday morning at exactly eleven a.m., Royal Sanders knocks on
my front door. He didn't call first, didn't text, just showed up. And who
answers the door? My father. Can you say awkward?
I  am  in  my  room,  staring  at  the  ceiling  listening  to  music.  My  dad
appeared  above  me  and  I  pulled  my  headphones  off  "You  have  a
visitor." That's all he said before he walked out and Royal walked in.
I swear my mouth opened and closed like a fish for ten whole minutes.
I  wasn't  expecting  him  to  walk  into  my  room.  But  I  went  with  it.
Whether I wanted to admit it or not, he and I have something. It' s in the
beginning stages, a connection that hasn't found its purpose yet.
I  take  in  my  room  through  his  eyes.  I  wonder  what  he  thinks  of  my
closet doors being open and showcasing all the junk in there; clothes,
shoes, boxes, and a softball bat that I haven't picked up in years. My
bed sits in the middle of the room, just like his. It's covered in a white
bedspread and has a few hundred white pillows piled on it. My chest of
drawers sits to the right and has a huge mirror mounted on the top. The
surface is cluttered with jewelry, fingernail polish, and books. On the
left side of my bed is a huge white bookshelf that holds all my books.
"So. I brought you something," he says after entering my bedroom. He
lays a Barnes & Noble bag on my bed, right next to my feet. It's full of
paperbacks.
I pick the bag up and start pulling books out. The one I was looking at
yesterday is in there along with several others I've never read. "I talked
to  a  nice  lady  who  pointed  out  all  the  new  releases  in  historical
romance. I felt kind of bad for pushing you. I just didn't know what to
think of you. "
I look at him with a question in my eyes. "What does that mean?" He
shrugs, "One second you're my enemy simply for the fact you hang out
with Pierce and Annabella. Then Mr. Richards was asking if he

could pair us up for tutoring. You turned out not to really care about
what  Pierce  and  Annabella  think  about  my  friends  or  me.  You  have
your  own  opinions,  which  is  awesome.  Now  you've  got  Channing
guarding your back and you have me worried over a girl who isn't my
sister."
I  want  to  laugh  because  he  does  look  incredibly  lost.  But  I  don't
because I'm just as lost as he is. Not once in  my life would I think I
would want Royal Sanders's friendship. "I didn't see it coming either,
but that's life. You don't see a lot of things coming."
He looks at me from under his lashes when he tells me, "I'm starting to
think you know that better than anyone. "
Shock goes through my body but I don't show a reaction on the outside.
I do shrug though. "Maybe I do. "
He  nods  before  sitting  at  the  end  of  my  bed.  He  also  brought  his
backpack  and  now  he  reaches  into  it,  pulling  out  his  World  History
book.
"Want to study?"
I smile my first real smile in a long time. "Definitely. "
***
"How long have you played the guitar?" I've been dying to ask since I
saw all the guitars in his bedroom. Plus, he got into Juilliard, so he must
be really good.
He  rolls  his  eyes  before  answering  me.  "I've  played  since  I  was  like
seven. I love music. There's nothing more important than music. Well.
no, sex is more important than music but that' s neither here nor
there."
I laugh so hard I have to bury my head in my pillow to stop. We studied
for a few hours but now that our brains are shot on history, we are both
lying on our stomachs on my full size bed. "Right. " I say before getting
up off my bed. I run into Bentley' s room and grab his Gibson where it
sits on its stand.
By the time I get back he's holding the picture of Trey. Damn. He looks
up when I enter and looks at me puzzled. "Boyfriend?"
I take a deep breath and tell him the truth. "Not anymore. " Well,

mostly the truth.
"Oh."  He  finally  sees  the  guitar  in  my  hand  and  laughs.  "Bentley's  I
assume?"
I nod and hand it over. He pulls the pick out from between the strings
and  starts  messing  around  until  a  familiar  tune  comes  from  the
instrument. Then in a sexy clear voice he starts singing. The lyrics state
yelling timber and dancing.
I smack him on the shoulder and laugh. "Ke$ha? Really?"
He laughs with me. "Hey, she's hot." I smack his shoulder again.
He sets the guitar  down and looks at  me seriously, "Can I ask you a
question?"
My hair falls into my face and I look away as I tuck some behind my
ear. "Sure. "
Please don't be about Trey. Please don't be about Trey. "Why did your
parents name you Wesley?"
Oh  my  lord.  I  think  my  heart  has  stopped  beating.  "My  mom  was
obsessed with The Princess Bride when she was pregnant with me. She
loved  the  romance  between  Westley  and  Buttercup."  I  laugh
remembering  the  story  when  my  dad  told  me.  "My  dad  put  his  foot
down on naming me Buttercup. Then Mom didn' t like the way Westley
was spelled so she took the T out. "
"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to
die'' Royal says straight-faced and I burst out laughing.
"You are the first person to ever quote the movie to me! No one has
ever figured it out. They just think my parents are weird. " I laugh some
more as he smiles at me.
"Don't  sweat  it.  At  least  your  mother  didn't  name  you,  Royal  Duke
Sanders." My entire face goes into shock.
"Your middle name is Duke? Are you fudging with me? " I swear my
mouth is hanging open to the floor.
"Yeah, apparently we have a British heritage and there was actually a
Royal Duke Sanders in the family history." Then he just smirks. "Don't
get  any  ideas  there.  I  know  how  those  historical  romances  go.  This
Duke is a free agent for eternity. "
I smirk right back. "Then don't call me Duchess." Now his mouth

hangs open to the floor. Well not really. "Checkmate!"
Before I have a chance to do a victory dance, Royal asks, "Do you want
to go to the movies?"
I stop once my feet reach the floor. "Um. sure?"
"Why do you not sound sure?" he chuckles my favorite chuckle and I
feel at ease. Well a little bit.
I shrug. "Maybe it's not a good idea. Our friendship is so new and the
movies can be considered a date." I pause and take a deep breath. "And
I'm just not ready for that."
"As  you  wish,"  he  replies.  I  laugh  and  pick  up  my  pillow  before
slapping him in the face with it.
"You're a big dork." He takes the pillow from me and goes to hit me
back but we get interrupted.
"Whoa!" Bentley's voice comes through the room surprised.
Damn.  "Hey,  Bentley."  I  get  up  off  the  bed  and  pick  up  his  Gibson.
"Sorry we borrowed this. I wanted to hear Royal play." I try to hand it
to him but he doesn't move to take it. No, he's staring over my shoulder
at Royal.
"What is going on?" he spits out, starting to look mad.
"It's not like that, Bentley. You know me better than that. Our History
teacher asked me to tutor him. That's all we've been doing. Well, until
we started talking about Royal playing the guitar and I went to get your
Gibson," I tell him, meeting his eyes the whole time.
"So  Pierce  and  Annabella  didn't  put  you  up  to  this?"  If  there  is  one
thing Bentley hates, it's being deceitful. He hates liars and people that
use other people. Hmmm, I wonder if he'll hate dad when he finds out
what dad does for a living.
"No. They don't even know and I would like to keep it that way," I say,
picking up his hand and shoving the guitar at him. That thing is heavy
and I' m tired of holding it.
Then Bentley does the one thing I never thought he would do to
me. "What about Trey?"
I close my eyes as pain washes over my entire body. I haven't thought
about Trey much since Royal got here. He is usually constantly on my
mind. How could I forget him so easily? "Not right now Bentley.

I' ll talk to you about it later. "
Bentley looks over my head at Royal and then back down to me. "Don't
hurt him. He doesn't deserve this." And with those last words, he leaves
the room. Talk about making me feel like shit.
And  what  is  he  even  talking  about?  How  can  I  hurt  Royal  when  he
doesn't even want to start a relationship with me, let alone anyone else?
That's ludicrous.
I feel that intense heat light up my back and I know we are about to
have  a  fight.  Why  must  I  put  in  so  much  effort  for  someone  I'm  not
even  sure  I  want  a  friendship  with? This  is  getting  out  of  control.  "I
thought you said you weren't with him anymore?"
I close my eyes, willing the tears to stay in my eyes. "I'm not," are the
only words I can speak.
"Then what the fuck is your brother talking about? " he asks harshly. I
don't  know  what  to  tell  him.  I'm  not  willing  to  talk  to  someone  who
didn' t even know Trey, about Trey.
"None of your business," I spit out. Right now I just want him to leave.
And I'll do or say anything to make that happen.
"One of these days, Wes, you're going to have to talk about whatever is
fucking with your head. You can't keep it all bottled up in there. You're
so tiny, you're liable to blow the fuck up." I can hear the anger behind
his words, but I don't care. Why does he have a right to be mad? So
what  that  I  don't  want  to  talk  about  my  dead  boyfriend.  He'd
understand, if he knew.
"Good.  Then  I  won't  have  to  deal  with  this  bullshit."  I  flinch  after  I
speak, knowing it was the wrong thing to utter.
Royal gets in my face, his breath flavored like sweet candy, "You can
push me all you want, girl, but I'm not going to run. I have a twin sister.
I know how you teenage girls work. You want me to run so I' ll let you
live alone in your misery, but that's not going to happen. I won't let you
shrivel up and die, Wesley." His hands cup my face and they are hot. Or
am  I  just  so  cold?  "You  showed  me  a  side  of  you  that  I  don't  think
anyone has ever seen. That means something to me, whether you like it
or  not.  I'm  here  for  you.  Remember  that  always."  He  kisses  my
forehead and exits my bedroom.

Chapter Eight
When I was little I used to run to Ashley when things got out of control
in  my  life.  She  is  like  the  older  sister  I  never  had.  Now  though,  she
spends every waking moment with Victor, which is annoying. I love
Vic  and  everything,  but  you'd  think  she  could  make  time  to  see  her
favorite cousin.
And  I  might  love  Victor,  but  I  don't  spend  time  with  him.  To  be
completely honest, I'm terrified of Victor. He joined the army when he
was eighteen years old. He was sent off to war not long after he got out
of boot camp. He spent eight months over in Iraq. He only got to come
home because he got shot. And I mean he got shot several times. They
were  really  worried  for  a  long  time  that  he  wasn't  going  to  make  it.
Now if you see him without his shirt on, he has ten tiny scars along the
right side of his torso.
About  three  years  ago  I  was  staying  the  night  with  Aunt  Lily.  My
parents were out of town and Bentley stayed with his friend. Victor and
Ashley  had  their  own  house  at  this  point  but  he  was  still  recovering
from his bullet wounds. Oh, and his PTSD. He woke up in the middle
of the night and started screaming. It woke me from a dead sleep and I
ran out into the hallway. That's where I found Victor squatting on the
ground with his head in his hands. I must have spooked him because he
got up and came after me. There was nothing in his eyes. That's the first
thing that scared me. The second would be the fists that started flying
after  me.  One connected  with  my left eye. The only thing that didn't
scare  me  was  when  Ashley  came  out  and  wrapped  her  arms  around
him, calming him down enough for Aunt Lily to pull me out of the way.
I, of course, had a black eye the next day and let me tell you, that shit
isn't fun.
I can tell it hurts him whenever he enters a room and I flinch or when he
speaks I usually jump. I can't help it. It's not his fault, the poor man had
no idea what he was doing, but I still got hurt in the crossfire.

He's  tried  to  apologize  many  times,  but  I  just  can't  talk  to  him.  You
might think I'm mean or whatever but you haven't seen Victor. He didn'
t give me a girl punch, he gave me a pissed off army man punch. They
even had to take me to the emergency room because they thought he
broke the bones around my eye. Luckily, he didn't. He even told me I
could  press  charges  but  I  know  he  didn't  mean  it.  I  know  he's  sorry.
And I know what he did to me might be killing him.
If there is one thing you should know about Victor, it's he would never
hurt a woman. So hurting me messed up his already screwed up head.
Ashley tells me he's getting better and better every day. I only hope I
get over the scary shit myself one day.
Ashley  lives  in  this  nice  two-story  brick  house  on  the  other  side  of
Meadows. Victor bought it for them when they graduated high school. I
keep waiting for her to call me and say she's getting married soon, but it
never comes up. You never know with Ashley and Victor.
They are ...strange.
Strange meaning, they've been together since middle school and they
haven't  gotten  married.  They  spend  all  their  time  together,  yet  they
hardly speak to each other. Victor is usually standing behind Ash, the
silent guard. I don't know what he thinks, but I doubt anything is going
to come out and kidnap or murder Ash. Victor doesn't help with Pierce
because he is constantly over protective of Ash. Pierce had to learn it
from somewhere.
I  pull  up  into  their  driveway  and  roll  my  eyes.  Annabella  is  home.
Victor and Annabella's parents passed away ten years ago. My aunt is
Victor and Annabella's godmother, so she raised them after that. Talk
about keeping it in the family.
I knock on the door and a few seconds later, Pierce answers. He looks
at me confused but opens the door wider and I sail past him. I don' t
stop to talk to him or Annabella who is standing a few feet away. I just
walk up the stairs that were placed close to the front door.
"Wesley!" Pierce growls but I ignore him. I don't have anything to say
to  either  of  them  today.  Today  is  about  me.  I'm  tired  of  everything
being about someone else. I just want one person to sit down and talk to
me about my problems and me. Someone who I don't live with.

"Leave her. It's not our fault she has her panties in a wad," Annabella
says snidely.
I brake halfway up the stairs and turn around. My blood is pounding in
my veins and for the first time in my life I want to punch someone in
the face. "Excuse me?" I ask with my eyes narrowed.
Annabella throws her hair over her shoulder and smirks, "I said it's not
my  fault  you're  being  a  bitch."  She  spits  the  word  bitch  out  like  it's
diseased. That's funny considering bitch is her middle name.
I look over to Pierce who has the expression of someone hit by a car.
Idiot.  "I'm  not  being  a  bitch.  I'd  just  rather  not  associate  with  two
asshats, who think nothing could ever go wrong in their perfect little
world."
Pierce speaks after that comment. "Don' t bring me into this. " And he
turns to walk away.
But I stop him. "Oh yes I am Courtney Pierce!! I'm so fucking sick of
the two of you! Can you just care about someone else in your life other
than yourselves?"
"Wesley Bridges! What in the world? " Ashley chimes in from behind
me.
I throw  my hands  up in the air. "Oh  great,  you're going to take their
side?"  This  would  happen  to  me.  It's  no  wonder  I  have  this
overwhelming urge to find Royal and make him hug me. These people
are insane.
"I' m not taking anyone' s side. But if I were, it would be yours. I don't
think  I've  ever  heard  you  say  fuck.  It  was  quite  startling."  I  want  to
laugh. From relief. This is why I love Ashley.
"What the fuck, Ashley? She came in here acting like a bitch to us!"
Annabella  yells.  I  feel  a  full  fledge  hissy  fit  coming  on.  "I  didn't  do
anything! "
"Yeah,  because  ignoring  your  best  friend  for  the  past  six  months  is
doing  nothing.  Oh  wait  it  is."  I  spit  out  in  her  direction.  I  get  a  sick
sense of satisfaction when she takes a step back.
"That's enough, Wesley. There's no need to attack her," Pierce growls
out. Always being her savior. God I'm so sick of this crap.
"I' m going to say this once and only once. When you two take your

heads out of your butts, maybe then will I explain to you why I'm mad.
But right now I didn't come over here to get into a huge fight with y'all.
I came to talk to Ashley, because she's not a judgmental piece of shit!"
My breathing is so fast I feel like I might faint. Why am I so mad? Why
does this hurt so much? Haven't I had enough pain?
I hear Pierce scream my name as I start to fall down the stairs.
***
"They want to put her in a mental hospital, Greyson," my mother says
somewhere on my right.
"I know Jenny. I know you don't want to put her in there but she's in
really bad condition. It was way worse than we ever thought," my dad
tells my mother.
What in the hell are they talking about?
"I vote we keep her at home, where she belongs. I think this is a wake
up call to everyone in this room. We are so caught up in our own lives,
we didn't notice what she was doing to herself," Bentley chimes in. My
baby brother, always my hero.
Tears start to fall down my face before I even open my eyes. "Bentley,
don't blame yourself. If anything I'm still alive because of you." I
whisper, but I know he hears me.
"Wes..." Pierce says and when I open my eyes he's standing over me.
His hand comes down and rests on mine. I want to pull away but I don'
t have the energy.
"Don't. I'm not speaking to you," I tell him closing my eyes. "Please
leave. You' re only here because it looks good. I bet Annabella stayed
home." I open my eyes and look at him. His green eyes are full of guilt.
Good. "That's what I thought."
"Wesley, don't talk to your cousin that way!" my mom exclaims but I
ignore her. Pierce was supposed to be my best friend, but he didn' t
respect the position. He didn't even care to have the position.
"He's no cousin of mine." I glare up at him, saying every word to him
slowly.

"Wesley  Ann  Bridges!  "  My  mother  hollers  out  this  time.  Then  she
takes  a  deep  breath,  calming  herself  down.  "Maybe  it's  best  if  you
leave, Courtney. Wesley isn't in her right state of mind."
Pierce nods at my mother before looking back at me. "I know you hate
me right now, but I want you to know I'm sorry. I let something get the
best of me, when you deserved the best of me too." One tear escapes
down his cheek and I feel bad. But then I remember all those times I
called him to talk and he hit ignore. Fuck both of them.
After he leaves, the doctor comes in to talk to my parents. I have severe
exhaustion; I'm half starved and emotionally unstable. The starvation
surprises me, but then I can' t remember the last time I ate anything.
Which scares the shit out of me.
I ask to go to the bathroom and a nurse comes to help me. I ask to be
alone and since I never tried to kill myself they grant my wish. I slowly
raise up my hospital gown and gasp. My hand comes up to cover my
mouth because I know I'm about to get really upset.
I  can  see  my  ribs.  I  can  count  them.  My  stomach  is  so  hollow.  My
thighs no longer touch, in fact my legs look like pencils. What have I
done to myself? When did it get this bad? Tears fall down my eyes but
I don't sob. I don't want anyone rushing in here.
I finally see my purse sitting on a shelf in the bathroom and fish out my
phone.  I  don't  even  think  before  I  dial  Royal's  number.  "Wes?"  he
answers on the second ring.
"Hey..."  and  then  I  start  sobbing.  I  didn't  realize  how  horrible  and
lonely my life has become. Just the sound of his voice makes me cry.
He's so real and so alive. I want to be like that again.
"Wesley, babe, you have got to stop crying. You're really freaking me
out." His voice cracks and I feel terrible. Why am I dragging him into
this?
"I' m sorry," I hiccup and then take a deep breath trying to calm myself
down. "I just needed to hear your voice. I needed to feel grounded for a
moment. "
"Where are you?" he inquires quietly.
I  hiccup  again  but  I  tell  him.  Even  though  I  don't  want  to.  "The
hospital."

"Which one?" is his reply.
I look around the bathroom and find a cup with the hospital's name on
it. "Meadows Regional. "
"Hold tight, Duchess. I'll be there soon." I try to tell him that he doesn't
have to show up here, but he hangs up before I can.
I  slowly  get  up  off  the  floor  and  unlock  the  bathroom  door.  Bentley
stands there looking lost and freaked out. "Who were you talking to in
there?" he asks gently, but I can tell I scared him.
I almost laugh but I refrain. "Royal." Then I hold out my phone.
Relief flashes across his face before he looks angry. "You have to tell
him about Trey. If you want any kind of healthy relationship with him,
you can't keep him in the dark."
"I don't want a relationship with him," I mutter, walking around
him.
"Yes you do. Don't lie to yourself Wesley. Even if it's only friendship,
you want something from him. You called him at your worst moment.
That  should  tell  you  everything  you  want  to  know  right  there.  "  His
eyes are stern and I want to look away but I know he's right.
"When  did  you  become  the  older  sibling  here?  "  I  try  a  laugh  but  it
sounds forced.
He rolls his eyes before he ushers me back to my bed. "When you fell
off the deep end. Don't worry, in a few years I'm sure you'll be back to
the wiser older sister." He gives me a real smile and a small one appears
on my lips.
"I love you, Bentley." I hug him tightly before I climb back into my
hospital bed.
"I love you too, Wesley." Then he laughs and smoothes some hair from
my face. "We have to be the weirdest siblings ever. "
"No joke," I tell him.
Twenty minutes later, Royal strolls into my room. My mom and dad
are handling all the paperwork with my doctors. I'm pretty sure they are
going to have me committed.
He  doesn't  say  anything  when  he  walks  in;  he  just  grabs  a  chair  and
pulls  it  up  beside  my  bed.  Then  he  grabs  my  hand  and  squeezes  it
before placing a kiss on the back.

"Why are you here?" I question.
He looks up at me with his deep brown eyes and they shine with tears.
"I don't know really. After the night you got drunk at my house, I can't
stop  picturing  you  in  my  head  like  that.  All  broken  and  messed  up
inside.  I  just  realized  you  needed  a  friend,  someone  who  wasn'  t
involved. If I have a quality you need in a friend, then I'm all over that."
He smiles a little, lost in thought. "It feels nice to be needed. Rachel
finally made a friend, which is a blessing, considering how she is. And
Channing's  about  to  have  his  hands full  with  a  certain  sexy  redhead.
Plus being there for you, it's effortless."
We are quiet for awhile, lost in our own thoughts. Then he looks at me,
intensely. "Seeing you in here, with that gown, breaks my fucking
heart."
"I think I broke a lot of hearts today," I mumble looking down at my
hands.
His hands come up to my face and turn it toward him. "And you don' t
have to be sorry about that. Whatever is going on, you need to deal with
it. Being put in here shows me you weren't dealing with it. It also shows
me that those around you, who know, they weren't helping."
I finally meet his eyes. "You're too good to be true," I tell him, wishing
I could just blurt it all out. But I can't, and I don't know why. It would
be so easy to tell him everything. There's just a part of me that likes that
he doesn't know. He may look at me with pity sometimes, but it's not
because of death. It's because he can see I'm hurting.
He chuckles and I close my eyes in pleasure from the sound. "No, girl.
You're too good to be true." Then he kisses my cheek before letting me
go.
Channing  hurriedly  walks  into  the  room  and  looks  right  at  Royal,
"Pierce is coming in the building. We've got to get out of here." Then
he looks at  me. "If you need anything at all Bridges, you just let  me
know. " Next he salutes me. "Get better soon." After that, he leaves the
room.
Royal  laughs  and  turns  back  to  face  me.  "Yeah,  get  better  soon,
Duchess." He lifts my hand up again and kisses it before walking to the
door. He turns to face me before exiting the room, "Stay sane, girl. "
Then he's gone.

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. My life seems to be
turning around and just maybe I'll have Royal Sanders to thank.
"They want to put you in a mental hospital for a few days, Wesley," my
mother tells me later that night. The funny thing about it is, I want to
get better. I want to go.
I take a deep breath, because I know she's not going to agree with me on
this. "I want to go, Mom. I want to get better. "
Tears fall down from her eyes and she lifts her hand to wipe them away.
"I should have known. My sweet little girl. You always do what' s best,
whether I think it's right or not."
I grab up her hand and squeeze, "I need help Mom. I collapsed today.
That's not good at all. I've also lost touch with reality. I need a break
from all of this. I need to go somewhere and get right again. "
She lays her head on my shoulder and sobs. I know this is hard for her,
that I' ve become this way. But she is going to have to face it. Everyone
is going to have to face it. "I know baby. I know. "

Chapter Nine
One Week Later. . .
My parents finally agreed to let  me go to  the  mental hospital. It was
only a one-week thing. The doctors wanted me to talk to someone and
adjust  to  eating  right  again.  And  now  that  I've  had  time  to  talk  to  a
shrink, I realize I should have done it in the first place. I had a really
nice shrink who asked me to call her by her first name, Michele. Come
to think of it, I don't even know her last name.
She helped me overcome my emotions involving Trey. She made me
realize it's okay to mourn him but I still need to move on with my life.
He passed away and it was tragic, but I ' m still here. I ' m still living and
I need to start doing that again. Living the way I was, I was headed in a
really bad direction. I can't even process in my mind what would have
happened if I hadn't passed out at Ashley's.
Michele also helped me see I needed to make new friends. I've been
stuck with Annabella and Pierce my whole life; I didn' t have any other
friends to lean on. I had Trey but that' s what makes this so devastating
to me. If I couldn't get what I needed from my best friends, I would run
to my boyfriend. He's gone now, so I had no one to run to. She told me
parents  could  only  do  so  much.  They  are  there  to  guide,  raise  and
support me. Which is what they were doing, but I wasn' t comfortable
coming  to  them  with  my  feelings  about  Trey.  I  didn't  want  to  make
them sad for me. I didn't want to make Bentley sad for me, which I did
anyway.
Michele wanted to bring in Annabella and Pierce but I refused. Royal
would be brought up and I can't go through that yet. I really want to
keep my friendship with him. He helped me when I couldn' t  find

anyone else to turn to.
Royal and I talked on the phone, but it wasn't about anything serious.
Mostly I helped him with his history and we talked about school drama
that had nothing to do with me.
Saturday morning I greeted  my family at the front desk. All three of
them pulled me into a hug and it felt so great to be with them again. I
know it was only a week, but it could have been an eternity. I was really
bored  when  I  didn't  have  group  therapy  or  an  appointment  with  the
shrink.
There is a huge room where all the patients can go to watch TV and
interact but I didn't feel like being a part of that. I ' m not crazy, not by a
long shot; so seeing people who are actually mentally insane was really
hard  for  me.  I  just  needed  help  dealing  with  depression  and  grief.
Thankfully nothing else is wrong with me. There was a lady who used
to scream at all hours of the night. I ' m ready to get home and sleep for
two days.
"You look better, baby bear," my dad says to me on our way out to the
car. I '  m short and have a high metabolism so I was skinny to begin
with. I average about one hundred pounds. Apparently I got down to
eighty. I ' v e  gotten back up to one hundred, but I blame the protein bars
for that. They wouldn't stop feeding them to me.
"You ready to go home, Wes?" Bentley questions as I climb into the
back seat of my parent's car. I smile at him.
"I have never been more ready."
***
By the time I walk into  my house, I wish  I had stayed at the  mental
hospital. The two most stressful things in my life were sitting on my
couch. Annabella and Pierce. "I know why you're both here, but can we
seriously not do this right now?"
Annabella stands up and I want to groan. "I know Wes, but you can't
ignore  us  forever.  You'll  end  up  back  where  you  just  came  from."  I
want to laugh because the place I just came from were Royal's arms.

Kind of ironic, isn't it?
"Great start Annabella." I mutter shifting around on my feet. "Well?" I
inquire, eyeing the stairs I can just see behind Pierce' s big head.
I  look  them  over  and  feel  only  disgust.  Annabella's  biggest  dream  is
fashion. She has on leather boots with three-inch heels and cute little
buckles up and down both sides. I ' m guessing Chanel, but I don't really
know.  I  don't  look  at  designers;  I  just  buy  what  I  like.  Her  jeans  are
expensive and fit her almost too perfectly. Her top shirt is black with
fabric cut in strips so they flutter when she  moves. It has a beautiful
gold design on the front; I can't see the whole thing because of her deep
red  jacket.  Her  bottom  shirt  is  black  and  I  assume  it's  to  hide  her
stomach. Then she has a red bandana tied around her head and deep red
lipstick. She looks awesome, but right now I would never tell her that.
Before, I wasn't ever really serious about thinking they had something
going on, but I ' m starting to get really scared that they do. I can tell
she's dressed Pierce. Everything he has on is designer and tailor made.
Pierce normally doesn't give a shit.
"Are you two fucking?" I spit out bluntly.
Their reactions tell me everything I need to know. They aren't, but they
want  to.  "No,"  Pierce  grits  out.  Annabella  looks  like  a  fish  with  no
water,  which  is  her  generally  shocked  face.  If  they  were  guilty,  they
would look guilty and neither of them does. I shrug  my shoulders in
relief.
"Good. You should really break up with your significant others before
that happens. At least then you won't be hurting Donovan as  much."
Then I turn on my heel and find my way up the stairs. My room looks
the same, but I know I ' m different.
I stopped being the weakling I was, and I grew a pair. Hopefully it stays
that way.

Chapter Ten
After walking away from Pierce and Annabella I spent the rest of the
day alone, much to the chagrin of my family, I spent it alone. I didn' t
stare at the ceiling, if that's what you were wondering. No, I spent it
going through boxes that Mrs. Gardener sent over. It was full of things
of Trey's. Since I couldn't make it to her house on Monday she sent me
things  she  knew  I  would  want.  And  I'm  happy  to  report  they  didn't
make  me  sad.  They  made  me  happy.  For  the  years  Trey  was  on  this
planet, he was happy and he was loved. That seems to give me a peace
now that it didn' t before.
I  taped  all  our  movie  tickets  to  a  white  board  and  framed  them.  We
were both movie junkies, so there are a lot of them. Then I hung up all
his shirts in my closet. Well, not all of them, just the ones I bought for
him or had special meaning. Mrs. Gardener unwittingly put in the shirt
I wore to sleep in  the night Trey took  my virginity.  I admit I  almost
cried on that one, but I didn't. I'd always have that piece of him. He was
my first everything and they say you never forget your first.
One box was completely full of DVD' s we bought together, so I left the
house  for  a  little  while  and  picked  up  a  new  shelf  so  I  could  have  a
place for them. I already have a big shelf full of different movies. Now
I could probably charge people to rent them, and make a huge profit.
I didn' t get to make it through all the boxes, so I pushed them into my
closet and made a mental note to finish on another day. I'm surprised I'
m not in a hurry to get through them, but then again, I have the rest of
my life. I think it would be nice when I' m way older to pull them out
and go through them. Remember things that aren't fresh in my mind at
the time. Oh, that sounds amazing!
So now it's Sunday morning and I have agreed to go out with Pierce and
Annabella. I promised Michele that I would work on my relationships
with both of them. I wish I didn't have to do it with them

together. It's harder to get anything in because they talk to each other
like they haven't talked in years. It's very annoying.
"There is no 'Philly will beat the Cowboys' this year. How can you even
say such blasphemy? " Annabella exclaims while we ride in the car
to IHOP.
Pierce laughs and turns the wheel on the car, so we make a left. "Nick
Foles understands the game. He's broken Philly's records and he's only
been  playing  a  few  weeks.  If  Vick  hadn't  gotten  hurt,  Foles  would
never have had a chance. Hell he tied with Peyton Manning on passing
records this year!"
"Whatever. Philly  always chokes when they play Dallas. It'll happen
again  this  year  and  we'll  make  it  to  the  playoffs.  Then  to  the  Super
Bowl," Annabella replies, a gloating smile on her face.
"You  two  do  realize  I  hate  football?  "  I  question  with  both  my
eyebrows raised. Annabella turns around in the front seat to face me. I
toss my curly hair over my shoulder and groan.
"What, are you a swimming fan now?" Annabella asks right back.
I roll my eyes and flip her off. "No, I'm not a swimming fan either. If
it's a sport, I'm not watching it or talking about it. I thought today was
about me and how you both screwed up your relationships with me? "
Annabella glares at me but I don't care. I am tired of everything being
about them. Today it's about me. "Sorry. I forgot how much fun you
are." With those words she turns back around in her seat.
I  sit  up  and  poke  my  head  into  the  front  seat.  "Pull  over,"  I  snap  at
Pierce.
He jerks, but doesn't pull over. "No, Wesley. You're going to stay in
this car until we get to IHOP. "
"No,  I'm  not.  Look,  you're  family  Pierce.  I'll  always  love  you,  but  I
don't have to put up with this bitch. " I point my thumb at said bitch.
Pierce flinches and makes a face like his stomach is upset. "Just wait till
we get to IHOP. We'll get something to eat and I'll take you home," he
pleads with me.
"No! I' m serious right now! I just got out of the crazy house and now
this  bitch  wants  to  put  me  in  jail  after  I  beat  the  shit  out  of  her!"  I
scream. I'm about to lose it.

Where is the Annabella who used to stay at my house all the time? The
one  who  watched  Gossip  Girl  with  me?  The  one  who  knew  all  my
secrets? The one who used to comfort me when I was sad? She doesn' t
exist anymore. My best friend is dead and this uber bitch replaced her.
Pierce finally makes a turn to the left and once he parks I jump out of
the car, only to realize we have arrived at IHOP. "I'm calling Bentley to
come get me." I tell whomever once they both get out of the car.
"Wesley, just calm down! Why are you acting like this?" Pierce hollers
over the car.
I was walking away from the car, fishing my phone out of my purse but
I stop in my tracks. Then I turn around ready to unload my thoughts on
their  bullshit.  "For  once  in  your  life  Pierce,  wake  the  fuck  up!
Annabella is only going to bring you down. She already ruined your
relationship  with  your  only  brother  and  I.  We  are  family  and  you
pushed us aside for a bitch who has her head so far up her ass she hasn't
seen the sun in months." I'm huffing and puffing but I don't care. It feels
good to get this off my chest. Well, until I see Annabella standing by
the car, tears falling steadily down her face.
Pierce looks between the both of us. I know he doesn't know whom to
go to. I wouldn't know whom to go to either. "Why are you crying? Do
you finally feel something other than self absorbance? "
"STOP!" Annabella screams and I'm jarred backward. She wipes at her
eyes, smearing mascara all over the surface of her face. "I' m fucking
sorry, Wesley! I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you! But I didn't know
what the fuck to do for you! You were constantly depressed and I just
couldn't be around you! What was I supposed to do? Sit with you in
your room and stare at the ceiling? Listen to all that horrible emo music
you insisted on listening to? Because I couldn't do it! Yes, I lost Trey
too, we were the four amigos and shit. But you were the one in love
with  him!  I  just  wanted  you  to  be  happy  but  you  refused  to  make  it
happen. " Then she falls to her knees and my own tears break out. "I'm
sorry I didn't see you were hurting yourself. I'm so fucking sorry you
even had to go through this! God it hurts to even think about, Wesley.
You could have died, and yes, I was more self-centered than usual but
you could have talked to me. Why didn't you talk to me? That hurts too,
Wesley.

You hurt me, too. "
I stumble over to  her and fall to  my knees in front of her. I take her
hands away from her face and wrap my hands around her. "Forgive me
okay? I'm sorry. You'll always be my best friend, Annabella. Always."
I sob into her hair and she clutches me hard.
We stay like that  for several  minutes but then I hear Pierce clear his
throat.  "We  should  get  up  before  we  make  Pierce  any  more
uncomfortable.  You  know  how  he  is  about  affection."  Annabella
whispers. We both laugh and look up at my cousin, whose cheeks are
red. His eyes shift around the parking lot and a sense of dread fills me.
"I would normally let you two do this girly shit whenever you wanted,
but it seems our enemies are also here for breakfast. " Pierce states.
I close my eyes and exhale. I bet you fifty bucks Royal heard the whole
thing. "God, look at us! We've turned into Blair and Serena."
I  laugh  and  sniff  my  nose.  "I'm  Serena,"  I  chuckle  out,  right  when
Annabella says, "I'm Blair."
We slowly get up off the pavement and my eyes automatically look for
Royal. I see Channing's Range Rover a few cars down, but I only see
Channing  standing  by  the  back.  It's  weird  seeing  Channing  with  his
Range Rover considering he owns a Jag. But don't ask me what goes on
in that boys head.
I look all over the place for Royal but he's nowhere in sight. I look back
at Channing and he barely shakes his head. Which means Royal isn't
with him. I sigh on the inside with relief.
It just seems so wrong to talk about Trey with Royal. Whether I want to
admit it or not, there is a reason I ran to Royal in the first place. I chose
him  to  lean  on  when  I  didn't  think  I  had  anyone  else.  There  is
something about him I want to cling to. He makes me stronger, better,
more mentally sound. I don't feel so lost and sad when I'm with him.
And that utterly scares the crap out of me.
"Can we go somewhere else for breakfast? " I ask Pierce timidly as he
glares at Channing.
"I' m really starting to hate that guy," Annabella glowers. "He should
really learn to respect our space. "
I want to laugh, but since I just got out of the mental hospital, I

don' t want to be sent back. Annabella grabs my hand and holds it the
whole way home. We sit in the back and we lean our heads together.
And I know now what we both did wrong.
Some people can't take pain like others. While I was living in my pain,
Annabella couldn't live in it with me. And that's what I wanted her to
do, and looking back I see that was wrong of me. But she also shouldn't
have let me live in it. And we both should have paid better attention.
When  we  pull  up  to  Ashley  and  Victor's  house,  I  smile.  A  sense  of
peace and longing comes over me. Modest Mouse's "Float On" plays
through my head because we all float on okay. That's life for you.
Annabella gets out first and when she looks back at us, she just smiles
and runs into the house. I try to follow but Pierce stops me. I look up at
him and see his green eyes are very intense. I should have known he
wouldn't let me go without him saying his piece.
"I'm  not  going  to  sit  here  and  pretend  that  I'm  not  in  love  with
Annabella,  because  I  am.  "  My  eyes  pop  but  I  keep  my  mouth  shut,
only because I know he's not done. Once Pierce gets started, he doesn't
stop until he's done. That's what I love the most about him. He doesn't
say much on a normal day, but when he has something to say, he doesn'
t shut up. "You know I am, too. That's where some of your anger was
coming  from.  You're  worried  about  Donovan..  .and  me.  You  know
what  a  girl  like  Annabella  could  do  to  us.  That's  why  mom  was  so
pissed  when  Van  and  Ella  got  together.  She  knew  how  I  felt.  They
didn't and still don't." He rubs a hand down his face before going on. "I
know you're my cousin, legally, but in my heart you're just as much my
sister  as  Ashley  is.  Seeing  you  like  that,  when  you  fainted,  it  almost
killed  me,  Wesley.  And  not  because  you  were  hurt,  it  was  because  I
didn't notice. I was so wrapped up in Annabella. My love for her got in
the way of you and me. And I kind of hate myself for it. I was just so
happy that she was paying attention to me. I should have known it was
because she couldn' t deal with your pain, and Van is gone. She didn't
have anyone else to go to." Then he chuckles, while I have more tears
running down my face. But he doesn't see those, because he's looking at
the ground. "We should really find more friends. "

I laugh with him this time. "My shrink said the same thing. The three of
us were too close and when that fell apart, I didn't have anyone to turn
to." I shrug when he winces. "It was what it was, Pierce. I promise you
right here and now that I won't go off the deep end again. I' ll talk to you
both whether I want to or not. "
He gives me his trademark Pierce smile and pulls me into his arms.
"Okay, Wes." I pull away but he doesn't let me get far. He smoothes the
hair out of my face and states, "I love you. I can't say it to her, but my
love for you is way different. I just want you to know that. No matter
what happens, I'm here for you. Never again will I put her before you."
I give him a small smile, touched by his words. "I love you, too. But if
she needs you more than I do, you can put her before me. You don' t
have to feel bad about that. "
He nods before throwing his arm over my shoulders and leading me
into the house. "You're pretty cool, Bridges."
I snort, "Thanks, Courtney."

Chapter Eleven
A  warm  nose  nuzzles  my  neck  and  I  shiver.  "Trey,  "  I  whisper  right
before his lips make it to mine. He kisses me slowly, just the way I like.
His tongue sneaks into my mouth to gently play with mine. He groans
and I reach up with my arms to run my hands through his hair.
I open my eyes to see a dark head of hair above me. That isn't right,
Trey  is  blonde.  That's  when  the  kiss  becomes  altogether  different.  It
becomes hard, demanding, and... hot as hell. His eyes are closed so I
can' t see what color they are, but after the way he' s kissing me I don' t
really care who he is.
His hand snakes under my shirt, trailing a path of fire to my breast. My
nipples pebble before he even reaches my bra. He smoothly pushes his
hand under the lace and pinches my nipple between his fingers. I moan
around his tongue in my mouth and find myself digging my nails into
his shoulders.
I open my legs wider and he settles his hips against mine. His erection
is rock hard and now gently rocking into me. The pressure is just right
as I start to move my hips with his. This feels amazing.
He  lifts  his  head  from  my  lips  and  looks  down  at  me.  I  gasp  when  I
realize who I '  m making out with, but somehow it doesn' t surprise me.
"Does that feel good, Duchess? " he whispers, thrusting his hips a little
harder indicating what he' s referring to.
I only nod before he lowers his head. His hand comes out of my bra
only to push up my t-shirt and my bra. His mouth captures my nipple in
its warm heat and I groan loudly. Then he switches to the other one and
I '   m  thrashing  around  in  pure  pleasure.  "  Royal!"  I  gasp,  unable  to
believe what he's doing to my body.
Royal lets out his chuckle, the one that I love. The one that comes from
deep  inside  him  and  makes  me  feel  alive.  While  he's  still  teasing  my
breasts,  his  hand  snakes  down  to  my  jeans  and  unbuttons  them,
slipping

inside  my  panties.  I  start  panting  from  pleasure  overload.  "  Are  you
wet, Wes? I bet you' re so fucking wet, " he says, his voice thick with sex
and heat.
His fingers make it to my sex and I arch my hips up trying to get him
where  I  want  him.  His  fingers  finally  sink  into  me.  "  I  was  right.
Fucking drenched, " he whispers, bending over to reward me with a
kiss. His tongue licks at my lips before plunging inside, matching the
rhythm of his fingers.
He rises back up to stare down at me. I flush while he watches, but I
know what he's waiting for. I can feel it building inside my lower body.
Then it starts coming faster and harder than I '  ve ever come before.
Then I' m sitting up in my bed wide eyed. "What. The. Fucking. Hell! "
I mutter out into the early morning light.
My cheeks are still flushed, but for a different reason. Why am I having
dirty dreams about Royal? That doesn't make sense in my brain. While
Royal is totally hot, I haven't ever been attracted to him before.
Now though, it's a different story. I see him in my head, all six feet and
then some of him. Without a shirt and in a little Speedo, walking out of
the  locker  room  last  year  as  he  made  his  way  to  swim  practice.  I
remember drooling then, but now I think about climbing up his body
and giving it to him.
I shake my head, trying to clear it, but I can't. So I think of Trey. That's
whom  I  originally  thought  the  dream  was  about.  But  I  should  have
known better. With Trey, he was gentle, sweet. He always made sure
our lovemaking was slow. He definitely didn't talk dirty to me. He also
didn't watch me like that when I got off. While it was strange, even for
a dream, I kind of. liked it.
Whoa.
I climb out of my bed and walk into my adjoining bathroom. It's been
well over seven months since I had sex, let alone had an orgasm. And
you can tell. I'm glowing this morning and there's a secret smile on my
lips. I try to rub it off, but it doesn't go anywhere.
So I do what I feel is best. I forget about the dream and get ready for
school.  Though  by  the  time  I'm  out  the  door,  in  my  car,  and  then  at
school, I wonder if it's going to affect me all day.

A  month has passed since I got out of the crazy place. I've hung out
with Royal, of course, but we never did anything like that. This dream
was so vivid and real. I shudder thinking about Royal's phantom hands
touching me. If our tutoring sessions turned into that, I don't know what
I would do. But then again, do I even want them to turn into. that? I like
Royal well enough. He's funny, charming, and down to earth. He gets
laid a lot and sometimes treats me like a guy. He keeps inviting me over
for football games and he horses around with me, just like I've seen him
do with Channing.
I' ve gotten closer to Channing too. Though when he started showing
up at Royal's while I was tutoring him, I made it a point to explain I
didn't want to talk about Ashley with him. But I did want him to come
to me if he had questions about her. I don't want to push him. I would
love  for  Ashley  to  be  in  all  her  brothers'  lives,  but  we  have  to  give
Channing  time.  I  also  told  him  not  to  reply  because  I  might  get
emotional and I know how he is with tears.
I only know that because he comforted me about Trey. He overheard us
that  day  at  IHOP  and  said  he  looked  into  it.  I  told  him  I  didn't  like
talking about Trey, especially with Royal. I don't think he understood
but since I had burst into tears, he let it go. And okay the tears might
have been forced, but I really didn't want to explain why I don't talk
about Trey with Royal. I don't even really have an excuse for
it.
The stupid smile won't go away. I've tried moving my lips around, even
frowning,  but  it's  still  there.  Then  I  happen  to  look  down  at  myself
before I get out of my Kia. I wore my white button up shirt, except it' s
not  buttoned  all  the  way  up  like  I  usually  wear  it.  No,  you  can  see
plenty of cleavage and even a hint of my pink bra. My vest is a little too
tight, pushing my breasts up even more. Huh, they kind of look huge.
Maybe that' s not a bad thing.
Oh my god, one dream and I've turned into a hussy!

I catch my reflection in my rearview mirror and groan. My hair, which
I usually wear up in a ponytail, is down around my shoulders and crazy.
I have naturally curly hair, which is also thick and full of body. Right
now it looks like I just had wild sex. I start looking around the Kia for a
ponytail holder, but I have no luck.
I sigh and slam my head back against my headrest. This day is going to
be so much fudging fun. Then I look up and lock eyes with the object of
my desire His mouth is hanging open and his eyes are rounded hugely.
Well, at least I know Royal doesn't look hot one hundred percent of the
time.
Okay, that was a total lie.
Channing stops beside him, takes in his face and follows his eyes. Then
he sees me and smirks. He slaps Royal on the back of the head before
walking toward the school.
I let out a huge breath and finally get out of my car. My skirt, at least, is
the right length and I wore tights, so I don't feel so exposed in that area.
I walk over to Royal, the dumb smile still on my face. I seriously can't
get rid of it, no matter what mood I'm in.
Royal seems to be doing better. He's closed his mouth and his eyes don'
t appear so large. "You look." he mumbles, his eyes stationed at my
breasts.
I roll mine. "This is all your fault," I tell him harshly before walking
around his body, which at this point is only taking up space.
He stops me by grabbing my wrist, gently. Tingles and sparks fly from
where his skin touches mine. At first I think I'm the only one who feels
it, but then the way he drops my arm like a ton of bricks, I know I' m not
in this alone.
Ugh.
I don't turn around to face him. "Seriously pretend none of this ever
happened. I don't want things to get weird, and they will get weird." I
sigh and feel a tear form at the corner of my eye. "It wouldn't be worth
it."
He clears his throat but I still don't turn around. "It'll be really hard to
pretend that I never saw you like this. No pun intended. "
I close my eyes tightly, trying not to picture a bulge in his pants.

"Please. We are friends. I can't lose you as a friend."
He doesn't say anything for a while, so I start to walk away. "Wait! " he
hollers, and this time I do turn around. His expressive brown eyes bore
into  mine.  "I'll  do  whatever  you  need  me  to  do,  Wes.  I  thought  you
were hurting because of Pierce and Annabella. That maybe you were a
little  too  emotional,  but  I  could  work  with  that.  I  didn't  feel  any
different. And I still don't." He looks off in the distance and I think he's
done,  so  I  open  my  mouth  to  reply  but  he  speaks  before  I  get  the
chance, "Channing told me about Trey. I didn't realize he had passed
away. I understand why you didn't tell me." Then he looks back at me,
fear and hope  mixed together in his eyes.  "If you only want  me  as a
friend, then that's okay with me. I've always known how hot you are;
I've just never thought you could be sexy too. I'm sorry if I made you
uncomfortable."
I want to scream at him. How can he be understanding at this moment?
He's supposed to be over here ravishing me! God, I have to get away
from him or I'm going to end up at the crazy bin. "I'm sorry I didn't tell
you  about  Trey."  Wait,  what?  Why  am  I  saying  this  to  him?  "I  just
didn't want to  mix that into your life. He's gone, but you're here and
you're so full of life. I think that's why I kept turning to you. Everyone
else around me, they let me become what I was when I broke down. "
Thinking about it now, a tear runs down my cheek. "Just for that night
you held me, I will always be your friend. " And I head away from him.
Not ready for more. Though I know deep inside me, I'll always want
more.
"You want to do a marathon of Gossip Girl this afternoon? " Annabella
asks me as she sits down at our lunch table.
I blink a few times, having been lost in my own thoughts. "Not really,
I've seen the first season like eight times." Which is true, considering
it's the only season we have.
She grins. "No, Victor bought me the entire series on DVD! We can
finally watch all of them, and in order! " she tells me excitedly.

I  laugh  and  shake  my  head.  "Now  I  will  definitely  have  a  marathon
with you. "
Pierce sits down next to me and looks like he's about to throw up. "I' m
not  sitting  through  another  episode  of  GG.  Chuck  Bass  gives  me
nightmares." Then he shudders.
I roll my eyes. Annabella chuckles before biting off a chunk of her beef
jerky. "You know they weren't going to cast Ed  Westwick as Chuck
Bass because they thought he looked too much like a serial killer? "
Pierce just glares at her. "Why do you think I give a shit? " he growls
stuffing a roll into his mouth.
"Because secretly you have a man crush on him." Annabella winks at
me.
Pierce damn near chokes on his roll and I slap him on the back. "She's
right you know. You always say you don't want to watch with us, but
you always end up there anyway. "
Pierce glares at  me before turning to one of his  football  buddies and
Annabella and I giggle. Luckily I've had a really busy day and haven' t
had  a  chance  to  run  into  Royal  or  think  about  Royal.  We  were  fine
before my dream, because there was no sexual tension. Now if I even
think his name I kind of want to pant and drool. Being a teenager sucks.
I look at Annabella seriously for too long and she starts to get annoyed.
"What? Do I have ketchup on my face?" she snaps.
"No. Sorry, I was lost in thought," I admit, but I won't admit what I was
lost in thought about.
She rolls her eyes but asks me, "So what's going on? You need to
talk about it?"
I want to laugh because she looks like she might hurl. If I start being
sad  again,  she's  going  to  run  for  the  hills.  "It's  not  about  Trey.  I
promise."
She puts her fork down and glares at me. "I don't care who it's about.
Just freaking talk to me. I really don't want to end up back where we
were.  You're  my  best  friend,  whether  you  like  it  or  not."  Then  she
winks. "You're fucking stuck with me."
I almost spit out my mouthful of food but I quickly swallow it. "I

don' t know, Annabella. I have this friend, a male friend. And last night
I kind of had a dirty dream about him. And now it's all weird because I
have  created  sexual  tension.  And  I'm  just  not  ready  for  that  kind  of
relationship."
Now I've got Pierce's attention but he looks like he's about to upchuck.
"You couldn't have waited until I wasn't around to say that? Who is this
dude?" he growls.
I  sneer  at  him.  "Will  you  quit  growling?  Jesus,  you're  not  a  fudging
dog, Pierce," I glower.
Annabella  starts  laughing  so  hard  she  snorts.  "Oh  my  god!  Our
sarcastic little shit is back! " Then she stands up and lifts her arms into
the air. "Do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight! "
I nearly bury  my face in my tray, but I refrain. "Annabella sit down.
Everyone is staring." Pierce growls, yet again. I slap him on the back of
the head. "Ouch. Sorry," he mumbles.
Annabella  finally  sits  down  without  a  care  in  the  world.  She  doesn't
care what anyone thinks about her. I find I like that about her. She's free
to live her life without worrying about people saying shit about her. "I
love you, Annabella. You're just as crazy as I am."
She  shakes  her  finger  at  me,  "No,  sugar,  I  was  crazy  before  it  was
cool." Then she winks.
When lunch is over, I link my elbows with Pierce and Annabella, not a
care in the world. I' m glad to have my friends back and to be somewhat
normal again.
Well  until  I  see  Royal  and  that  girl  Paisley  holding  hands,  while
walking down the hallway.

Chapter Twelve
I'm not used to feeling jealous. I haven't had a time to be jealous. While
I was with Trey, I only had eyes for him and he for me. We didn' t fight
about  other  girls  or  boys.  And  to  my  knowledge  he  never  looked  at
another girl in that way while he was with me.
My parents are rich, whether I like to admit that or not. My mom works
to get guilty criminals from having to go to jail. We know what my dad
does. So I've had whatever I wanted in my life. There was no need to be
jealous because I have the same things those around me do. And if I
didn' t, then I got it.
So when I saw him walking down the hall holding her hand, I wanted to
punch her in the face. It seems since she got here, everyone has put her
on a pedestal. Anyone with eyes can see Channing is in love with her. I
wouldn't  usually  use  that  word  where  Channing  is  involved,  but  it'  s
true. His eyes follow her everywhere. His eyes were the first I met after
seeing the happy couple.
And he looked destroyed.
My  heart  lurched  for  him,  only  because  I  know  that  kind  of  pain.  I
might not have watched Trey walk away from me, but I know what it
was like to lose someone I truly loved. We nodded at each other and
moved on. That's how Channing is. Something might be bothering him,
but he doesn't dwell on it. He files it away somewhere in his brain and
comes back to it later, when it's easier.
I, on the other hand, can't do that. I dwelled on it all day long. I don't
even know why I did. Because at the end of the day, I don't even know
what I want. Just this morning I had that dream and everything changed
between  us.  I  didn't  mean  for  it  to,  but  it  did.  And  I  thought  he  was
feeling  the  same,  but  then  I  see  him  with  Paisley.  So  maybe  I  don'  t
want to know what he feels. I don't need any more hurt in my life.
"What do you think all the Gossip Girl characters were doing

during  The  Avengers?"  Pierce  asks  during  an  episode  of  GG  in  the
sixth season.
Annabella rolls her eyes and I burst out laughing. "I'm sure Chuck Bass
would  have  everyone  locked  up  in  the  basement  of  the  Empire,"  I
explain through my laughter.
Pierce grunts. "Maybe. Ever since he got shot, he's become a pussy. I
miss the guy who would have destroyed Dan Humphrey for what he' s
done. "
Annabella and I look at each other and I laugh harder. I even have a few
tears  leak  out  of  my  eyes.  "Since  when  do  you  care?"  Annabella
questions, while wiping her fingers under her eyes.
Pierce grunts again. "Well if I want to spend any time with the two of
you,  then  I  have  to  watch  this  shit.  I'm  so  glad  it's  almost  over."  He
groans before dropping his hand into the bag of popcorn in his lap. He
looks overly relaxed sitting on my couch with his feet propped up on
the coffee table.
We' ve spent the past two weeks watching Gossip Girl. There are six
seasons  and  thankfully,  for  Pierce's  sake,  we  are  finally  at  the  last
episodes.  "You  know,  Chuck  Bass  reminds  me  of  Channing,"
Annabella says, looking at Pierce for his reaction.
He  just  shakes  his  head,  laughter  in  his  eyes.  "They  have  that  same
brooding  bad  boy  shit  going  on.  But  Ella,  you're  more  like  his
personality."
I pick up a throw pillow and bury my face in it to cover my laughter.
"You dickhole! " Annabella shouts, smacking him on the arm. "It's not
funny, Wes! I do not act like that."
I look up from my pillow, my tummy hurting from all the laughter and
say,  "He's  so  right!  You  would  manipulate  whoever  you  want  for
whatever  you  want."  She  once  talked  an  older  classman  out  of  his
bottle of vodka at a party, just so she could keep this girl drunk. The girl
happened to be whom Donovan was crushing on at the time. Needless
to say, Annabella went home with Donovan that night. They' ve been
together ever since.
"Well, I am Blair," she says snottily and Pierce and I snort.
Then it occurs to me, "Then you're perfect for Channing!" and start

laughing again.
Pierce even bursts out laughing. This is so strange that Annabella and I
stare wide eyes at him until he stops. "What?" he asks breathless.
I lift an eyebrow. "You really thought that was funny." I bite my lip,
waiting to see if he'll say anything.
He shrugs, "Annabella would stomp all over Channing. And the look
on her face was worth the horrible mental image." Then he grins. My
heartstrings tug and I blow him a kiss. Maybe he'll grow up this year,
instead  of  keeping  this  stupid  war  with  Channing.  Not  that  you  can
even call it a war, since they don't battle.
My phone, which is shoved under my pillow on the floor, starts playing
"Wreck Me" by Miley Cyrus. I instantly blush. That's Royal's ringtone.
Pierce  and  Annabella  start  up  a  conversation  before  I even  bring  the
phone out. "Hello?"
I  haven'  t  spoken  to  Royal  in  two  weeks.  Ever  since  I  saw  him  with
Paisley, I haven't really wanted to speak to him. And why would I? It
only lasted a week, and I wouldn't want that to happen to me.
"Hey, girl. What's up?" he breathes into the phone. His voice sounds
off.
"Are  you  okay?"  I  ask,  walking  into  the  kitchen  so  Annabella  and
Pierce don't overhear me.
He  sighs  and  I  hear  a  scratching  noise.  "Will  you  come  out  to  the
backyard? I see Pierce's car in the driveway and I'm tired of waiting for
them to leave.
My heart starts beating wildly and my palms get sweaty. "I don't really
feel like it. Can we do this another time? " I squeak.
He sighs again. "Just come outside, dammit! You've been with those
two for two weeks straight! You won't answer my texts. I haven't tried
to call, but that's because I figured if you hit ignore I'd lose a lot of my
pride," he rambles.
"Are..." No, no he cant be! "Are you nervous right now?" I mumble not
believing my ears.
My hand lands on the countertop to brace  me. What he has to say is
enough to knock me over. "God dammit! Just come out here! I haven' t
seen you up close in over two weeks and it' s killing me! I don' t even

know what's going on right now. I haven't tried to hit on you. I haven't
come on to you. Hell girl, I haven't even kissed you!"
"I-I'll..." I stammer out. What do I even say to that? "I'll be right there."
And then I open my back door and walk out into the night.
He  stands  twenty  yards  away,  with  his  hands  in  his  pockets.  My
breathing hasn't slowed down but I don't expect it to. This is what he's
done to me every time I've seen him in the past two weeks. I don't know
whether to slap him or run into his arms. I slow down once I am almost
there.
He looks lost and I don't know what to do with that. Did I do that? How
could I have done that? "Wes." he whispers, locking eyes with me.
His stare is almost too powerful. I want to break it but I don't. "What are
you doing here?" I cross my arms over my chest and finally look away
from him.
"I  just  wanted  to  see  you.  I  wanted  to  know  you're  alright,"  he  says,
shifting his feet around.
I  close  my  eyes  and  pretend  I'm  somewhere  else.  Somewhere  that
Royal doesn't exist and I can stay in my bubble with Trey. I feel Trey
all around me. His presence feels nice, like he's happy but I don't know
why  he  would  be  happy  right  now.  I  know  he  would  go  away  if
anything ever happened with Royal. He wouldn't be able to watch that.
"I'm perfectly fine. "
He laughs, but it's hollow. "See, I don't believe you. You're scaring the
shit out of me. You can' t even imagine how worried I' ve been. " He
moves closer but I move back, keeping the same distance between us.
"You have no reason to be worried. I' m perfectly fine. I even eat now,
in  case  you  were  wondering,"  I  smart  off  to  him.  I  flinch  at  myself.
Why am I being mean to him?
His eyes cloud over, with what, I don' t know. "You have turned into
one  of  my  best  friends.  And  I  don'  t  even  know  how  that  happened
considering we don' t really talk about anything. But that' s what makes
us, us. You need me to be there, and I like being there for you. I'm used
to talking to you every day. And now it' s been two weeks. Two fucking

weeks of radio silence." He crosses over to me, getting right into my
space before I can get away. "You. Are. Fucking. With. My. Head," he
spits out slowly.
I huff. "How am I fucking with your head? You have to talk to someone
to  do  that."  But  I  know  better.  I  know  I'm  fucking  with  his  head.
Because  I'm  a  fucked  up  person.  I  won't  even  admit  to  myself  that  I
want him, yet I don't because it means the end to something I hold dear.
I refuse to let go of Trey completely. If I have anything with Royal, I
know I' ll have to let Trey go.
He swears under his breath, "Wes, I don't know what you want me to
say here." Royal's voice is broken. Maybe he is broken. Maybe I broke
him. Lord knows I'm broken myself.
"Don't say anything," I start off with. There are so many things I want
to tell him. The one thing I want him to know, that I want him, I will
never say aloud. "When push comes to shove Royal, you'll break me.
I'd never be the same after you. I'd be a shell of this girl."
His face pales but he doesn't step away. Something I had planned on.
His  hands  caress  my  face  before  he  says,  "You  have  that  wrong,
Wesley. You'll be the one to break me."
I let out a shocked noise, like the air can't escape my throat. "You don't
know what you're talking about. I couldn't break anyone," I mutter.
He shakes his head, moving his hands down my arms. His green t-shirt
brushes against my breasts and I shiver. "What you're doing right now,
that's breaking me. You won't let something go. I don't know why, and
maybe  I  shouldn't  push  you.  And  we  both  know  what  I'm  talking
about." He frowns when I feel a tear slip out. Always with the crying!
"I don't want to hurt you either, Wes. I just want you to try. Try for me."
"I  don't  need  to  try  anything.  There's  nothing  to  try!"  I  cry  out,
frustrated. Why am I lying through my teeth? It's all lies. Why am I so
scared?
He closes his eyes, and takes a step back. Then he lets me have it. "You
want to talk about me making you a shell of this girl? " he waves his
hand  up  and  down  my  body.  "You're  already  a  shell.  You've  been  a
shell  for  the  past  eight  months.  You're  going  to  be  a  shell  until  you
learn

to move on. It's really hard for me to watch you do this to yourself. I
care about you so much. I want to be in your life. I want to be there for
you, but you make it so hard. You run away when things start to change
and I get that. I do. But right now, you're giving up on our friendship
and I won't let you do that. I won't ever give it up, because some days,
it's all I have." Tears shine through his brown eyes. They look almost
dead. That scares the everloving shit out of me. My Royal doesn't have
dead eyes. He's alive, vibrant, and free.
"What  does  that  even  mean!  "  I  scream  out  my  question.  I  know  it
might be too late, but I pull his arm over to the bushes so if Pierce or
Annabella look outside they won't see.
He shrugs and looks over my fence. I hear a radio and I assume his car
is parked close. "My  mom and dad, they aren't ever around. They've
never been around. Now Rachel's not even coming home. Our house is
so empty and I'm alone all the time. Do you know how that feels? It
scares  me.  "  He  wipes  his  nose  on  his  shirtsleeve  and  keeps  going.
"Now Channing is all about Paisley. So he's pissed about me dating her,
but it was all a game. He can't even see that she never wanted me. She
wants him, but I' m the one to blame. My best friend turned his back on
me for some girl. Granted she might be the love of his life, but I didn't
touch her. And he won' t believe me. "
Some part of me knew this was where it was going. That's fate for you.
He was there for me when I couldn't count on anyone else. So I wrap
my arms around his waist and hold on for dear life. If he ever stumbled
or fell, I don't know what I would do. He's supposed to be my lifeline,
yet I haven't been taking care of him. "I'm sorry, Royal. So sorry. I'll be
here for you, always."
I leave him there sitting on my grass. I go inside and ask Pierce and
Annabella  to  leave.  I  just  tell  them  I  have  homework  to  do  and  I'm
super tired. They leave without a fight.
I go back outside and I pick him up off the ground. I grab his hand and
pull  him  toward  my  house.  Bentley  comes  down  the  back  stairs  as  I
enter, Royal in tow. He looks at me, then Royal and shakes his head.
Then he goes to the fridge. I pull Royal up the stairs and to my room. I
lay him down on my bed and kiss his cheek.

I run outside and find his car parked right next to my fence. I drive it to
the  guesthouse  and  park  it  in  the  garage  there.  That  way  my  parents
won't see it. Then I go to my parent's room, kiss both of them and say
goodnight.
By the time I get back to my room, Royal's asleep. His beautiful face is
relaxed  and  I  find  peace  in  that.  He's  happier  in  his  dreams  anyway.
Maybe  he's  having  sex  with  me  in  there.  I  find  I  don't  mind.  If  that
makes him happy, then it makes me happy.
I take his shoes off before I shut off the lights. Then I climb in beside
him and play my iPod softly knowing I'll not fall asleep for awhile. The
first song that comes on is "Stay" by Rihanna. I lay on my back for half
the song but then I roll to my side and throw my arm around Royal' s
waist.
I whisper into his ear the lyrics. He needed saving tonight but I' m the
one whose broken. And it is funny, how this song fits us. That' s the
wonderful  thing  about  music.  There  is  always  a  song  out  there  to  fit
what you' re going through.
And it scares me to know that I' m the broken one and Royal needs the
saving.

Chapter Thirteen
After  that  night,  everything  changed.  I'll  start  with  the  next  morning
though. I thought it might be weird, waking up next to Royal and not
running out the door. When my eyes first opened, his arm was thrown
over  my  waist.  I  could  feel  his  breath  on  my  neck  and  I  remember
thinking it was okay if he was that close to me. I kind of liked it. Okay,
I really liked it.
Then Bentley came crashing into my room. Royal and I both shot up in
my  bed  and  gave  him  horrified  looks,  where  Bentley  proceeded  to
laugh  his  butt  off.  "Oh  my  god,  you  should  see  your  faces!  "  he
laughed.
I threw my pillow at him, hitting him in the face. "You' re a butthead,
Bentley! " I screamed, about to get off the bed and hit him with my fist.
He waved his hand before I could though. "Well since neither of you
were up I thought I' d better come and wake you. Mom left ten minutes
ago and dad got called out in the middle of the night. " Then he left my
room, still laughing.
Royal chuckled and I turned to scowl at him. "Don' t encourage him!
The  little  shit,"  I  huff.  I  see  we  have  reverted  to  the  immature  little
brother/older sister role.
Royal stood up and stretched, his shirt rising above his belly button. I
remember gulping at the smooth golden skin it exposed. "I' ve got to
get  going,  Duchess.  "  He  bent  at  the  waist  and  kissed  my  cheek.
"Always  a  pleasure  waking  up  next  to  you,"  he  whispered,  his  lips
lingering at my skin.
Then  he  left  and  I  haven't  been  the  same  since.  It's  only  been  a  few
days, but that change is cemented inside of me. My body wants Royal,
but my heart and head are fighting to stay away. That's a strange thing
to go through, by the way. My feet and my hands head toward Royal
but my torso and head go the opposite direction.

Royal stayed Monday night, and today is Wednesday, one of our tutor
days. Still at war with myself, I made him meet me at the library. There
are no beds here and he should stay completely clothed. The boy likes
to take his shirt off way too much. And it's freaking October, and cold!
When he used to do it before I had my dream, I didn't really react, but
now, I start drooling.
One insanely gorgeous boy and I lose all the intelligence I've had since
I was born.
"So it wasn't Christopher Columbus who discovered America?" Royal
asks me, looking up from his World History book. His eyes narrow like
I' m messing around with him.
I shake my head. "In 1963 they found evidence of a Viking Colony in
Canada. They were here five hundred years before Columbus. He can
be credited with the European discovery, but no, he wasn't the first one
here. In fact, The Americas are named after Amerigo Vespucci, who
was the first to say The Americas were a completely different continent
than Asia, which is what everyone thought before. So Columbus wasn't
truly looking for a new place, he was looking for a new way to India.
That' s why our Indians are called Indians. "
His eyes glaze over, which is typical when I start rambling on about
random  facts  and  whatnot.  "I  can't  believe  you  can  hold  that  much
information  in  your  tiny  head.  "  He  gives  me  a  lopsided  smile  and  I
kind of want to fall out of my seat.
I shrug my shoulders instead. "That's nothing. You wouldn't believe the
information I have on the Regency Era. I' m totally obsessed with that
time in history. "
He laughs and moves his seat closer to mine. He' s started doing that a
lot lately. Moving closer to me. Plus, he always ends up touching me in
some way. A hand on my shoulder, pressing his arm against mine, and
putting  his  hands  on  my  hips  to  move  me  out  of  the  way.  But  my
favorite has to be when he kisses my cheek when he says goodbye. His
lips are incredibly soft and they always linger like he' s taking my scent
in. I have to force my face forward so I won't turn and meet his lips with
mine.
"I know. You've told me this before, remember?" His voice is soft

and his eyes are peeking at me from under his lashes.
I laugh this time. "Probably. I' m sure I talk about it more than I
should."
He  shakes  his  head.  "You  don't  really  talk  about  it  at  all.  I  just
remember  you  saying  something,  plus  the  time  you  came  to  school
dressed like a duchess for Halloween. "
My mouth drops open. "You remember that?" I question.
He smiles at me and leans back in his chair. "Yeah, what? Were we in
the sixth grade? You had your hair in that crazy up do. Then that dress.
You truly looked like royalty. I was in awe of you. "
I told my mom that year I wanted to be a duchess. So she delivered. She
found me a beautiful dress at a costume shop. It was white with roses
sewn  into  the  skirt.  The  bodice  was  high,  but  that  was  proper
considering I was in the sixth grade. The skirt was huge and flared out.
I had to hold my hands out so I wouldn't lose them in the massive skirt.
Mom had this romance novel with a woman on the front, her hair up
and fancy. So I pointed it out and we took it to her hairdresser. They did
my hair exactly like that woman's and my outfit was complete.
"Whatever. I might like to talk about that time, but I don't think I could
have dressed like that all the time. That dress was heavy, and my neck
was killing  me by the time the day  was over."  And that's true. But I
would have loved to fall in love back then. Guys just don't talk sweetly
to  girls  anymore,  they  don't  compliment  like  they  used  to  and  they
definitely don't dress that way. Tight breeches and high collared shirts?
Totally hot.
We get back to the lesson for a little while but I have to get up and find
a new book. Our World History book doesn't cover all the information
he needs. I tell him I' ll be right back and head down the history aisle.
I didn' t know that he followed me until I' d located the book and turned
around to walk back. I let out a squeak, because no matter how big he
is, he doesn' t make a lot of noise when he walks. I think it' s all the
swimming. "You scared me, dickhole! " Then I look up at him.
The  way  he's  looking  at  me  right  now  totally  has  me  singing  Nicky
Minaj in my head. Because my heartbeat is running away. Great, now

this song is stuck in my head.
His  lips  are  suddenly  on  mine,  devouring  them  in  his  haste.  It's
delicious and dizzying, making my knees incredibly weak.
His hands reach the waistband of my jeans, lifting my shirt a bit. His
warm fingers skim over my bare skin causing the biggest shiver.
My hands go over his chest, then over his shoulders, up his neck and
into his hair.
His tongue slowly reaches out licking at my lips. I open immediately to
let him in.
Wait. What am I doing? We are in the library!
I  break  away  from  his  lips  saying,  "Stop."  My  voice  is  breathless.  I
drop my arms from around his neck. I feel my cheeks are flushed and
notice his are as well.
He  backs  his  face  away,  blinking  several  times,  "What?"  His  tone  is
confused.
I blink a few times myself. Why did I make him stop? "Shut up," I tell
him before reaching around his neck and bringing my lips back to his.
His  tongue  immediately  enters  my  mouth  again,  and  he  groans.  The
sound  vibrates  over  my  own  tongue  and  I  clutch  harder  to  his
shoulders.
His  hands  glide  along  my  lower  back,  leaving  behind  goose  bumps.
"I've been waiting to do this for forever," he whispers, nipping at my
lips.
"Then why didn't you?" I ask sucking his lower lip into my mouth.
He takes the kiss back over and pushes me harder into the bookshelf I
just realized we are leaning up against. "Because you weren' t ready."
He's still whispering, his lips barely brushing mine.
"I' m definitely ready now," I mumble reaching for his lips again.
He smiles, looking down at me. His hands leave my waist and cup the
sides of my face. "I know. That's why I'm kissing you, girl." His nose
nuzzles along my cheek and I tighten my fists in his hair.
His lips start back for mine, but then we are interrupted. "Really? In the
library?" Channing's voice drifts over to my ears and I close my eyes
tightly.
Royal  growls,  "This  better  be  good, Southerland.  I've  had  enough of
your shit lately." I open my eyes and look up at Royal. His hands are

by his sides, clenched into fists. I slowly lower mine, but he doesn' t
seem to notice.
"Yeah, I know. I'm fucking sorry dude. That's what I came in here to
tell you, but I didn't realize you'd...be making out with Bridges." Then I
swear,  under  his  breath,  he  says,  "I  totally  should  have  seen  this
coming."
Royal sighs and closes his eyes. I place my hand on his chest and he
opens them to let me see his expressive brown eyes. "I' m going to go
back to the table. Y'all should talk." He nods and kisses my lips softly.
I walk past Channing and he has this stupid smirk on his face. I smack
him on the shoulder and I turn around to watch him rub it. I long for the
days when he didn't have any facial expressions. Now it seems he' s
always showing me what he feels.
I hear their voices raise a few times, but I don't listen in on what they
are saying. I'm friends with both of them, but they've known each other
all their lives. They've been friends all their lives. Plus, I'm too lost in
my own thoughts to even pay attention to what they are saying.
I thought when this moment came, and I knew it would because I' m not
dumb,  I  would  feel  different  than  I  do.  I  thought  I  would  be  mad  at
myself.  I  honestly  thought  I  would  hate  myself,  because  it  could  be
considered  a  betrayal  to  Trey.  But  even  after  I  kissed  Royal,  Trey'  s
happy presence is still with me. I don't think his ghost is following me
around or anything. I know Trey has long gone to heaven, but I just feel
him. Kind of like a guardian angel. Nothing spooky or that serious.
But while my head is okay, my heart isn't. What if he wants to be my
boyfriend? Can I handle that? I don't think I can handle that. I mean
there is a difference between making out and getting off, and having a
full-blown  relationship.  Royal's  MO  is  usually  the  non-committed
kind. Here's hoping he can stay that way.
They finally come around the corner, and I sigh in relief. The thoughts
running around in my head are starting to get out of control.
"All better?"
Channing  nods  and  sits  down  on  the  other  side  of  the  table.  "Never
better. We're different from girls. We just punch each other in the face
and go on about our lives. "

I quickly look up at Royal's face, but I don't see any bruises forming.
"He's joking, Wes." And they both burst out laughing.
Royal's chair is still incredibly close to mine so I elbow him in the gut,
hard. Channing laughs until he snorts and then turns beet red, which
sets  both  Royal  and  I  off.  "She's  getting  worse  than  Paisley,"  Royal
says breathless.
"I am not,"  I exclaim.  "She's a freaking ball buster. I just elbow you
when you say some stupid shit." And Paisley is a badass. The way she
handles herself and life, I'm seriously jealous. She doesn't take anyone's
crap, including Channing's. Which is crazy to think about because I've
seen a lot of people just take Channing's crap. Pierce and I used to call
him Dictator.
Channing winks at me and I roll my eyes. "I've got to get out of here.
I'm  meeting  said  ball  buster.  Here's  hoping  she  doesn't  kick  me  in
them." He salutes before heading out the front doors of the library.
Royal stands up and packs all our stuff away. I try to help him but he
just grins and moves my hands out of the way. "Don't need your help,
girl. I've got this taken care of."
When he's satisfied that we have everything. He walks me outside and
to my car. I'm about to say goodbye and head far away from him and
the crazy things he does to my body, but he backs me up into my car.
His lips  meet  mine softly, gently. It pulls at  memories of Trey and I
want to cry. He can't be slow or gentle. But he pulls away before I can
really freak out. "I'll see you tomorrow, Wes." He walks to his car, as I
get into mine.
He might see me tomorrow, but what will I feel tomorrow?

Chapter Fourteen
At first, I thought maybe he just wanted to get laid. I mean come on,
Royal Sanders and me? That is a disaster waiting to happen. We both
keep things so bottled up, we explode. Plus, I'm still holding on to a
love I' ll never have again. I do know I need him though.
Or should I say my body needs him? I wake up in the morning and all I
can think about is touching him. He set some kind of fire in my blood
and only he can put it out. The evidence being that every time I see him,
I  pull  him  into  some  dark  corner  and  kiss  the  mess  out  of  him.  I'  m
addicted to his lips and the way he touches me. He never goes where I
want him to though. Not like in my dreams.
Try spending a week with a guy who kisses you like he's desperate to
have you, only for him to pull back right before he reaches into your
pants and takes what he wants. Because that's what he does. His hands
will play about on my stomach, lower back, and  hips. The second he
gets too close to my pants or whatever I'm wearing, he stops kissing me
and leaves.
I'm seriously sexually frustrated. I want to scream at him that I'm not a
virgin.  Believe  me  dude,  I  have  had  plenty  of  sex.  Trey  was  a
wonderful guy, but he wasn't a saint. Though he never made out with
me in a janitors closest while Pierce and Annabella were just outside
the door at her locker. That was fun and it made it even better that we
could be caught at any second. We weren't though, because Annabella
and Pierce were too into their conversation.
I thought it was funny, but Royal didn't. He says that he's afraid Pierce
is going to beat the shit out of him when he finds out. And he will find
out  because  I've  watched  enough  GG  to  realize  secrets  always  come
out. Not that we have some stalker blogger chick telling all our secrets
to the world, but we do have Rachel.
You haven't heard much about Rachel, but that's because I don't

really get along with Rachel. Before Royal was around, I didn't go near
her because I think she's an idiot and because well, I pretended I hated
them  all.  Now,  I  stay  away  from  her  because  she'll  tell  anyone  who
listens I'm making out with her twin brother constantly.
My dislike of her started long before I even thought to have a friendship
with Royal. I had AP English with her freshman year. We got paired to
do a reenactment of Pride and Prejudice. She refused to do the scene
because, and I quote, "This  story is stupid. Who cares what they did
back then? I personally think they have horrible outfits and talked very
confusing."  I  made  a  vow  right  then  and  there  I  wouldn't  ever  be
anything  but  her  enemy.  I  definitely  shouldn't  have  done  that,  but  I
didn't know I would want to get in her brother's pants.
"Wesley,  you  have  got  to  stop  going  off  into  space!  I'm  sitting  here
talking to a freaking statue. It's annoying." I look up from my locker to
see  Annabella  glaring  at  me.  My  cheeks  instantly  heat  up.  "Unless
you're daydreaming about a boy. Then I can get over it." She smiles
then, a secret in her eye.
I want to laugh but she's way too close to home on this one. "I'm not
daydreaming about anything. I' m just thinking. "
She rolls her eyes before leaning against my neighbor's locker. "Look,
Wes, I was talking to you for five minutes and you didn' t respond to
anything I said. You were daydreaming. And if you were daydreaming
about Trey, I' m going to have to put my foot down. "
Sadness overcomes me. I haven' t even thought about Trey in weeks.
He comes up but mostly as an afterthought or if I' m comparing him to
Royal. I swallow hard. "I've got to go," I say, my voice strained.
Annabella  grabs  my  arm  and  stops  me.  She  makes  me  face  her  by
jerking me around. "I can see that look in your eyes. You don't have to
be  ashamed  or  sad  because  you  went  a  little  while  without  thinking
about him." She squares her shoulders and I know she's about to let me
have it. "He's gone. He's not coming back. I'm sorry you even have to
go through this, but you' re seventeen years old. You should be living
your life, going out on dates, partying. But you don' t, you just exist.
You' re coasting through senior year. He's been gone for eight months.
You can be sad about it, and you can mourn him. That's fine, but right
now

you're living with him. In death. He wouldn't want that, and you know
it. He wouldn't care if you moved on. If you had a healthy relationship
with  another  guy.  All  Trey  ever  wanted  was  for  you  to  be  happy.  "
Tears flow down my cheeks and I imagine the sound they make when
they hit the tile floors. "I don't want to make you upset, but I have to say
my piece. I know I hurt you before, but that's because I couldn't stand to
see  you  hurt  yourself.  And  that's  what  you  were  doing.  Now  you're
better and I won' t let you go back to that place. "
I sniff my nose and she helps me clear some of the tears. "I don't know
how to move on. Every time I try to, I get scared. I don't want to love
anyone else the way I loved him," I whisper, my voice cracking.
Annabella  smoothes  some  hair  behind  my  ears  and  meets  my  eyes.
"You won't ever love anyone the way you loved him. I think that's what
you don't get. He was your first love. You never forget that one. They
stay with you whether they die, or you break up." Then she giggles and
looks off like she's far away. "You are so full of love. You will love the
next  guy  just  as  much  as  you  loved Trey.  I  don't  think  you  have  the
piece inside of you that makes you hate anyone. I know you pretend for
Pierce's  sake  that  you  hate  Channing  and  his  friends.  You  love  him
enough to do that. That's what draws him and me to you. We have black
hearts and evil souls and shit. But there is also this part of us that wants
to be pure. And you make us better, so maybe we are a little pure. "
"You sound so crazy right now," I mutter at her, and she kind of does.
But that's Annabella. She's always been a little off.
She comes back from wherever she was and winks at me. "I'm batshit
crazy. I blame Victor. "
"I blame Victor, too." And we laugh. Then she hugs me. She holds on
to me for so long, I start to feel alright again. I just can't seem to stop
having  setbacks.  It's  that  whole  "moving  one  step  forward  and  two
steps back" thing.
"I don't even want to know  what's going on with you  two," comes a
snarky voice behind me.
Annabella looks up and sneers. "Sanders. I would say it's a pleasure to
hear your voice, but since I can' t stand the sound of it, I won't." Then
she looks at me. "It's like nails on a chalkboard." Then she

shudders.
"Real  cute,  Annabella,"  Rachel  says,  and  I  can  imagine  her  standing
there with her hand on her hips and a glare in her eyes. Her brunette
hair will be down to her shoulders and her button up shirt will be open
too far, showcasing her boobs. Her brown eyes, which are not soulful
like Royal's, will be empty and void.
"Why don't you move along? No one has anything to say to you in this
part  of  the  hallway."  My  shoulders  tense  up.  These  two  are  about  to
fight and I want nothing to do with it. I might not know where Royal
and I are headed, but I do know I don't want beef with his sister.
So  I  turn  around  just  in  time  for  Rachel  to  roll  her  eyes.  "Y'all  are
having  this  weird  lesbian  shit  on  my  new  locker.  So  why  don't  you
move along? Hmmm? Or should I go find a teacher and have them ask
you?  That  should  be  fun;  I  could  totally  say  y'all  were  making  out.
That's against the school rules, you know." She beams down at us with
her megawatt smile. Oh my god she's a bitch.
"Your locker is now by mine?" I ask, my face all pinched together in
disgust.
Her  eyes  go  from  Annabella  to  my  face.  This  is  where  I  start  to  see
Rachel  in  a  new  light.  Her  eyes  soften  when  she  takes  in  my
tear-streaked  face.  "I'  m  only  joking  around.  Well  about  the  lesbian
thing.  I  really  do  have  the  locker  next  to  yours  now.  There's  a  black
mold outbreak over where my old locker is." Then she smiles gently at
me.
Annabella and I quickly back away at Rachel's mood swing. "I think
she' s batshit crazy. Not you," I tell my best friend, with a scared look
on my face.
Annabella does a full belly laugh and then snorts. "Probably. Did you
know Royal won' t let her date anyone? Yet he can sleep with anything
that moves. I' d go crazy if I couldn' t have sex. It' s already killing me
that  Donovan  lives  so  far  away  now.  At  least  I  get  to  see  him  every
once in a while or have phone sex whenever. "
I gag. "Please don' t talk about the phone sex. I don' t care about that or
about how good it is. "
"Don't knock it until you try it." Then she winks.

I hang out with Annabella and Pierce that night, which also happens to
be Friday. Tough I left them two hours ago.
Royal texts me a few times asking me to come over, but I ignore them.
I know it's wrong, but at the end of the day, I'm fucking terrified of him.
I'm terrified of what he makes me feel. I'm scared of what being with
him will do to me. The closer we get, the further away I feel from Trey.
There's a big part of me that refuses to let him go.
I know it's wrong of me, but how can I give up something that meant
that much to me? Trey was my whole life and he was taken from me.
He  didn't  choose  to  leave.  And  this  part  of  me  can't  choose  to  walk
away from him.
Another  part  of  me,  that  is  just  as  big  as  the  Trey  part,  is  all  about
Royal. I think about him all the time. That's what messed me up in the
hallway  with  Annabella.  How  can  I  think  about  him  and  not  Trey?
Then it occured to me that I've been having them both. I keep my love
alive for Trey but the hormonal part of me is all about Royal. It's like
I'm having a relationship with two guys. Is that wrong of me?
I know it's not cheating considering Trey has passed. Or is it? Because
I've  started  something  with  Royal  whether  I  want  to  admit  it  or  not.
And  that  leaves  me  caught  between  life  and  death.  That's  where  my
biggest problem lies. How can I truly feel anything for Royal if I'm still
in love with Trey? The truth is, I can't.
I climb out of my bed, where I admit I was staring at the ceiling. But
this time it was different. I wasn't feeling sorry for myself or caught up
in  old  memories  of  Trey.  Royal  was  the  reason  I  was  staring  at  the
ceiling.
I make my way to Bentley's room.
I take in how much it's changed since he was little. The walls are still
blue but he's painted over the clouds Mom had painted when he was
young. The walls are full of heavy metal posters and his guitars. His
favorite, the red and black Gibson, is propped up on its stand. His room
is big enough for a full size bed, a couch and an entertainment center.

Bentley is sitting on his couch playing The Last of Us on his PS3.
"Can we talk?" I inquire softly, looking anywhere but at him.
Bentley looks up from his game and smiles. "You can always talk to
me, Wes. I'd never turn you down."
I cross the fluffy white carpet, loving the feeling between  my toes. I
flop  down  on  my  butt  next  to  him.  I  stare  at  my  hands  as  I  begin  to
speak. "If there was a girl you really liked, would you wait around for
her to get over someone else?"
I can feel his sharp green eyes on me, searching for why I'm asking this.
It's a moment before he answers me. "If I really liked a girl, I would
wait forever. Because that's what really liking someone is. It's the hope
that one day you'll love this girl and she'll love you. If there were even a
hope  I  could  love  her,  I'd  wait.  Even  if  someone  else  came  along.  I
might be with this other girl, but that girl I really liked? She's the one
I'll  love.  I  know  I  wouldn't  get  over  her  just  because  I  was  with
someone else. It might not be fair, but that's life."
I finally look up at him, my face frozen in grief. "You really think he' d
wait forever?" My voice is small, barely audible.
Bentley nods, his eyes shining. "I think he could love the shit out of
you, Wes. I've only seen you two together a few times, but I see it. I've
seen  him  at  school,  watching  you.  Long  before  you  brought  him
around. And I said in my head, that guy wants my sister. I felt bad for
him though because some of those times, Trey was still alive. "
I didn't know this bit of information. But that's  Bentley. He's always
been a people watcher. He's far wiser than I'll ever be, but I don' t mind.
It' s not every day you find a younger brother who can give such great
life advice. "What if I never want to get over Trey? "
Bentley takes a deep breath and smoothes a hand over his hair. I see a
tear splash on his hand. "I was afraid you would ask that. And I don' t
want to sit here and tell you that' s stupid. But it is. You can' t marry
Trey. You can' t have children with Trey. You can' t have a life with
Trey. " His voice cracks with his tears, my pain bleeding with his over
everything I' ve been through. "You used to scare me before you started
hanging out with Royal. I thought you were going to join Trey. I would
stay up at night worried sick you were going to kill yourself. Then

one day you had a little light back in your eyes. And then you got help.
But I don't think you got enough help. You're still reaching for Trey
when he can't be reached. And I don't know what I can do for you."
That hurts, but I think he meant it to. While I've hurt enough for one
lifetime, this pain is different. My parents, they are there for me, but
they don't see how I'm truly doing. They only see what I show them.
Annabella and Pierce, they are scared of what I went through. They are
just happy it wasn't them. Bentley though, I hate this hurt I've burdened
him with. He deserves for me to be happy because my pain is his pain.
If he thinks I can be happy with Royal, then maybe that's where I
should be. I give Bentley my first real smile to him in months. Then I
kiss his cheek and get up off his couch. "I love you, Bentley. I hope one
day I'll be here for you, like you're here for me."
He sighs before answering me. "I love you, too. And I know you will
be. Because in the long run, you know since you're old, you'll go
through everything first." Then he laughs.

Chapter Fifteen
I take a deep breath before I call Royal's cell.
After talking to Bentley, I went to bed. I needed a good nights sleep to
be able to come talk to Royal today. I wanted a clear head and my sense
in tact. Though it didn't really help much. I still feel like all my insides
are about to fall out and I want to run back to my house.
"Hey," Royal says on the other line. His voice is distant, but what did I
expect?
I take another deep breath before speaking. "Can you come let me in?"
I would have just knocked on the door, but Rachel's SUV is still in the
driveway.
"You're here?"
"No, I'm sitting on the stoop to another Royal Sanders's house." I really
shouldn't start this day with sarcastic comments. "Funny, girl." Then he
hangs up.
I wait on the steps for what seems like forever, before the front door
opens  behind  me.  I  quickly  stand  up  and  dust  my  hands  off  on  my
jeans. I went for kind of sexy, kind of comfortable today. Skinny jeans,
a  low  cut  red  t-shirt  with  a  pocket  on  the  breast  and  my  three-inch
leather boots. I let my hair down and the curls fly everywhere in this
wind. "Hi," I squeak out.
While  I'  m  actually  dressed,  Royal  only  wears  a  pair  of  basketball
shorts. They hang off his hips and for the first time, I let myself study
his naked upper body. His arm muscles are impressive. Big and formed
around his bones to perfection. His torso is smooth with a few dips and
ridges.  I  like  that  about  him.  He's  not  overly  done  with  his  abs  and
chest. "Can I ask why you're here on a Saturday morning? And looking
like  a  sex  kitten?"  His  brown  eyebrows  are  raised  and  his  lips  are
formed into a little frown.
I sigh. I guess I deserve this since I can't seem to make up my mind

about  what  I  want  from  him.  "Can  we  go  inside?  And  talk?"  I  ask
timidly.
He steps back from the door but doesn't lower his arm. I walk under it,
getting  a  whiff  of  his  cologne.  It's  dark  and  sweet,  a  weird
contradiction. He shuts the door behind me and moves past me up the
stairs. I follow at a slower pace, scared to take this next step. And it is a
step, hopefully one in the right direction.
Before he can say anything or I lose my nerve, I plop down on his king
size bed and sit Indian style. Royal stays by the door, his arms crossed
over  his  chest.  His  face  appears  bored  and  I  pray  he  hasn'  t  already
given up on me. "Eight and a half months ago, I received a call in the
middle  of  the  night.  It  was  my  boyfriend's  mother  calling  to  tell  me
Trey wasn't going to make it. That he got hit by a drunk driver while he
was walking down the street. He did that sometimes. He liked the night
air and all the stars in the sky. I think it helped center him sometimes.
"I can remember now, but for a long time I couldn't. Right after that call
my heart broke into a hundred pieces. My entire life was turned upside
down.  I  didn't  cry  though,  not  for  the  first  couple  of  days.  While  I
appeared sad on the outside, inside I was fucking destroyed. I didn' t
know where I was half the time or what I was doing. I would space out
in the middle of conversations. Like one second I would be talking to
Mrs. Gardener, then I would be talking to my mom. With whole hours
missing  in  between.  Bentley  says  he  didn't  notice  anything  different.
He was around me constantly then. He said he was worried I would fall
over and die myself. He knows how much Trey meant to me." Tears
flow down my face, but by this point I'm so used to them, I feel funny
when I' m not crying.
"Why are you telling me this? " Royal speaks through the fog in my
brain. I look up at him, seeing he has moved away from the door. He
stands in front of me now, his eyes sad.
I shrug and look down at the floor. "Because if I've learned anything
from this, it is don' t let go of those who mean something to you. That' s
what I did. I let go of my parents, Bentley, Pierce and Annabella. I shut
them out of the world I had in my head. That' s where

Trey lived, in my head with me. He was all I needed, so I stopped living
my life. I just went with the flow, never really giving a shit about what
I was doing." Then I look back up at him, locking my eyes with his.
"Until  you.  You  are  the  first  thing  that  broke  me  out  of  that  place.  I
started feeling something again, other than sadness and grief. I finally
woke up because I didn't have to associate Trey with you. You didn't
know each other and I don't have memories of him that are tied to you.
"And you make me feel safe. Especially when I thought Annabella and
Pierce  were doing it. That was  a really scary time for  me.  My entire
family would be divided if that ever happened. Donovan is my cousin
and friend, too. They would ruin him, because he loves Annabella so
much. It's not even funny." I close my eyes as memories pass behind
them.  "I  haven't  talked  to  him  in  a  while,  and  now  I  feel  like  shit
because of that. He Skyped me a few months back and I could see, I
could  see  what  they  were  doing  to  him.  If  he  lost  Annabella,  he
wouldn't ever be the same. My happy, carefree cousin who always has
a smile on his face and in his eyes." I sob now, letting everything crash
around me.
Royal climbs on the bed beside me and makes me lay down. My head
rests on his bare chest and I feel like I can finally breathe again. "I don'
t think you can stop Annabella and Pierce, Wes. Those two have been
heading  down  a  path  of  self-destruction  for  a  long  time.  Donovan
should have known that when he got with Annabella. I can see it, the
way Pierce looks at her. He's been in love with her for forever. I don't
think he'd ever admit it to anyone, but it's true. Donovan should get out
before he loses his girlfriend and his little brother. "
I sniff and wipe some tears off my face. "He told  me he was in love
with her. He said it got in the way of what was going on with me. She
had  completely  consumed  his  thoughts.  He  told  me  that  he  wouldn't
ever put her first again." Then I laugh and the sound feels bad. "I never
told  him  I  didn't  believe  him  for  a  second.  He'll  always  choose
Annabella.  He's  going  to  die  alone  because  he  can't  see  what  she's
doing to him."
Royal's arms tighten around my shoulders and I close my eyes, loving
it. "Why does everything turn into Pierce and Annabella with you?" he
questions softly, his lips moving against my forehead.
"Because they have been in my life the longest. My aunt is

godmother to both Annabella and  Victor. She raised them  after their
parents died. The three of us are all the same age; we grew up together.
I'  ve  always  kind  of  been  stuck  with  them.  Trey  and  I  rarely  ever
fought, but if we did, it was because of them. Trey liked to party, and
while  doing  it  every  so  often,  I  never  really  cared  for  it.  Pierce  and
Annabella were always getting him drunk and I hated it. We finally had
to stop hanging out with them so much because they were ruining our
relationship."
And I never realized that before. My eyes pop open. "You know, they
barely  flinched  when  Trey  died.  I  think  that's  why  I  drifted  away  so
much;  because  they  didn't  care.  I  felt  I  was  the  only  one  who  cared.
They  ruin  a  lot  of  things."  I  whisper  the  last  words,  thinking  about
hiding my friendship with Royal from them. I never would have done
that before Trey died.
"Seems  one  good  thing  happened  with  his  passing.  You  realized  the
truth  about  Pierce  and  Annabella,"  Royal  whispers  back,  kissing  my
cheek. "Tell me about Trey. I want to hear about this guy who meant so
much to you. "
So I do. I leave out the sex and kissing parts. I do tell him about what
we did on dates and how I first realized I was in love with him. "He was
always  quoting  movies  and  video  games.  He  loved  to  do  the
Terminator  voice  and  he  quoted,  'Hasta  la  vista,  baby.'  and  started
climbing in his car. So I yelled out, 'I love you,' and that was it. He got
out of the car and looked at me like I had grown a new head. He later
told me he wanted to say it first but couldn't work up the nerve."
It got easy to talk to him about Trey. Something I thought would never
happen.  And  the  more  I  talked  about  him  to  Royal,  the  more  I  felt
myself  letting  him  go.  Maybe  that's  what  I  needed  the  whole  time.  I
will always have Trey, like Annabella said, he was my first. But now I
realize he will live on inside me. I'll always have these memories and
no one can take them away from me. Besides, it's nice to have a friend
who wants to talk about him.
I  fall  asleep  with  my  face  pressed  to  Royal's  chest  and  his  arms
wrapped around me. And for once, I don't dread waking up.

When  I  wake  up  later  that  afternoon,  I  can't  help  myself,  so  I  kiss
Royal. It might be a little creepy, but I don't care. His handsome face is
relaxed in sleep, so I lean in and press  my lips against his. My hand
raises up and pushes through his silky locks.
When his tongue snakes out and licks at my closed lips, I groan, not
realizing he is awake. "That's a way to wake a guy up, Duchess," he
whispers,  his  voice  low  and  full  of  promise.  His  tongue  enters  my
mouth when I open it to reply. It duals with mine, seeking dominance,
and I let him have it.
He breaks away from me, breathing hard and shallow. Something in his
eyes sets my entire body on fire. Before I know it I'm taking my t-shirt
off,  leaving  me  only  in  my  pink  bra  and  jeans.  "Fuck,"  he  groans
closing his eyes and throwing his head back against the headboard.
His  hands  glide  up  and  down  my  sides  and  I  smile  a  secret  smile,
getting off on the power. When those hands stop at the back of my bra,
I know things are about to get real. I should say something to stop it,
but I don' t. After the talk we had earlier, I' m about to throw my heart at
Royal and never look back. Though I'm not quite there yet.
My bra comes off quickly and that's when he opens his eyes, taking in
my exposed breasts. He doesn't speak, but he does lift his head to suck a
nipple  into  his  mouth.  Now  my  eyes  close  and  I  open  my  legs  to
straddle his hips. He's already hard and I grind against him, loving the
friction. When he switches to the other nipple, flicking it hard with his
tongue, I decide that's my favorite part of sex.
"You taste like heaven," he murmurs, my nipple still in his mouth.
"You feel like heaven," I gasp, my hips grinding even harder. His hips
start  to  lift  up  making  the  sensation  even  better.  Okay,  that's  my
favorite part.
He suddenly flips me onto my back and my eyes widen. He chuckles,
making me smile because you know how much I love the sound. His
hands  smooth  down  my  neck,  over  my  breasts,  gently  down  my
stomach where he circles my belly button, and then he stops at my

jeans. My breathing gets more and more labored the longer he moves
down  and  he  notices.  "I'm  going  to  take  these  off,  Wes.  I'm  not
stopping after that. I'm really turned on right now and it's going to hurt
if we make it past this point and stop. So tell me right now if you want
this."
I nod. "I want you. Please." It's all a whisper but I don't care. He can
hear me just fine anyway.
"Thank god." Then he swiftly takes my jeans off, leaving me in my tiny
pink  panties  that  match  my  discarded  bra.  "Fuck  me,  you  are  so
gorgeous," he says, his voice in awe. Nah, that's my favorite part.
"Right back at you, stud." I laugh out. He smirks at the corner of his lips
and slips his fingers under my panties. They slide down my legs and off
my feet before I can blink. Feeling a little shy about being completely
naked, I sit up and start pushing his shorts down, "Your
turn."
He  stands  up  and  shucks  the  shorts,  revealing  the  fact  he  has  no
underwear on. I don't comment because I'm too focused on his junk.
He's  long  and  hard  of  course,  but  the  size  of  it  has  me  a  little  light
headed.  Trey  was  smaller,  but  then  again,  Trey  was  a  smaller  guy.
Royal  is  just...big.  "I  see  your  eyes  right  now.  I'm  having  the  same
issues in my head, because you are tiny," he tells me, looking a little
scared.
I sit up on my knees and move over to the side of the bed. I reach my
arms up and fold them around his head. "Don' t worry, it will fit. If you
hurt me I' ll let you know," I whisper in his ear as I reach down to stroke
him.
He lets me for a moment, but then he takes my hand away. He kisses
me hard while laying me back down on his bed. His hand moves down
to my sex where his fingers start to play. I'm already wet, but this just
makes it worse. He glides two fingers into me and starts pumping them.
Before  long  I  start  meeting  his  hand  with  my  hips.  His  passionate
brown eyes stare into  mine,  making  the  moment intense.  "How does
that feel?" he asks, bending down to kiss my lips. He bites my bottom
lip and gently tugs.
"Really, really good," I gasp out, holding on tight to his neck. He gives
me a wicked smile and starts to pump harder until I'm crying out his
name. My climax reaches every part of my body and it's enough to

last me a lifetime.
"Wesley." Royal calls out and I look up at him. "Just wanted to make
sure  you're  around  for  this,"  he  groans  out  as  he  rubs  his  erection
against my sex, teasing both of us.
"Oh god," I mutter, holding on to his neck like he might fly away.
Having enough teasing, he slowly starts to slide inside of me. It hurts a
little at first but once he's sunk all the way in, I forget that tidbit. His
eyes watch what his hardness is doing to my lower body before looking
up  at  me,  a  question  in  his  eyes.  I  just  nod.  He  starts  to  thrust  now,
moving along at a steady pace. Every time he moves back, tingles start
at the center of my sex and reach up to my lower stomach. It's way too
intense for me to handle but I hold on to Royal anyway. I want to close
my eyes and pretend this isn't special but I can't because he's staring
right into them. He's reading everything he can and he's making it clear
he's not letting go.
"You are so fucking tight," he moans nuzzling his face into my neck.
One of his hands, which were settled next to my face, goes to the center
of  my  body  and  presses  on  that  part  of  me  that  holds  the  gates  of
heaven. His lips meet my ear and he whispers, "Come, Wesley. Come
all over me, I want to feel it. "
I shoot off like a rocket, calling out his name again, and decide that was
my favorite part. I open my eyes in time to see his face appear close to
rapture and his muscles straining around my head. His hips get jerky
and I reach up and kiss up and down his neck.
When  he's  finished  he  collapses  on  top  of  me,  while  we  both  try  to
catch  our  breath.  "I  didn't  use  a  condom,"  he  says,  his  voice  just  as
strained as his muscles.
I want to laugh at the horror on his face, but I don't. "I was on birth
control with Trey. I never stopped taking it. Force of habit. "
His entire body visibly relaxes and I smile. "Thank god."
He falls off of me onto the bed and tugs me to his chest. I have other
ideas. I climb on top of him and kiss him deeply. When we break apart,
I ask, "Want to go again?"
"Yes," he growls, grabbing my hips to tease over his already returning
erection.

Chapter Sixteen
Royal's leg squeezes in between  mine and I smile with  my  eyes still
closed. "You have a serious problem," I mumble, too tired to speak at a
normal volume.
He laughs and it makes my smile bigger. "I can't help myself. I have
this really sexy, naked blonde in my bed." His voice is low and full of
lust. I shiver and reach my hand under the blankets to weave with his
fingers.
I open my eyes, about to turn over and kiss him, when I see the time on
his alarm clock. "Oh my god!" I exclaim shooting up in his bed. "I'm
going  to  be  late  for  school."  I  nearly  fall  on  my  face  when  I  launch
myself out of the bed.
Royal, who is suddenly moving at the same fast pace as me, gets out of
bed and races to his closet. "I so forgot it's Monday." His face appears
from around the door and he grins. "You really shouldn't be keeping me
in bed like this. I'll think you're into me."
I roll my eyes as I pull on my jeans from two days before. "Whatever!
You're the one who talked me into staying the night. And then the next
night." Then I point my finger at him. "You promised you would set the
alarm! "
He frowns then and disappears into the closet again. "I swear I did. But
then  I  remember  you  showing  some  nipple  and  I  forgot."  His  voice
floats out of the closet on an air of laughter.
I roll my eyes again. "It's not my fault my nipples are so awesome. "
Then I laugh myself. What a change in one night. Two days ago, I was
afraid that if I laughed, I would be killed by lightning. Now all I want to
do is spend another day in Royal' s bed. And laugh my ass off at his
humor and good nature.
I' m just getting my shirt over my head when he comes out of the closet.
"We really need showers, but if we take those, then we won' t

have any time. " His smile is cheeky and I answer him with my own.
His hands land on my hips when he reaches me and he leans down to
press a kiss to my face. "I want you to run home and change. I'll meet
you  at  the  front  of  the  school  with  bagels.  Then  after  school  you'  re
coming over here and getting in the shower with me. " He kisses my
neck this time before looking at me from under his lashes.
I kiss his lips, gently. They are swollen after all. "That sounds amazing.
" I grab my shoes off the floor and head to his closed bedroom door.
His  voice  stops  me  from  opening  it.  "Then  we  can  talk  about  us.
Because I don't know about you, but I'm not real sure what's going on
between us. "
I turn to face him and take in the scared look on his face. What he is
scared of, I don't know. "That sounds good, too." Then I leave.
***
"Did you spend all night getting laid?" a high-pitched voice asks me
next to my locker.
I jump about ten feet in the air. Rachel has opened her locker door and
is in the process of getting all her books together. I was too busy eating
my bagel and trying to remember what class I have first period to even
notice her approach. "What?" I stammer out.
She purses her lips and glares. "Don't be dense, Wesley. I asked you if
you had sex all night. Your hair is all over the place and your lips are so
swollen I think I can pop them with my pencil." Then she starts tapping
her foot and I know I'm going to lie. "You know the funny thing about
it is, when I left for school this morning, there was a Kia parked in my
driveway. The same Kia that was there when I got home last night. "
She pauses and taps her index finger on her chin. "Plus I saw it parked
at  my house two days ago. And Royal also has swollen lips and this
hickey on his shoulder he didn't think I saw."
I blink a few times, wondering when Rachel became so ...perceptive. "I
have no idea what you're talking about." It sounds

weak, even to my own ears.
This is when she puts her hands on her hips and I feel like she might hit
me. "Just admit it. Just admit my stupid brother is fucking the enemy
and  he  won't  even  let  me  have  a  boyfriend.  I  mean  seriously.  That's
another thing you probably didn't know. Royal calls me when I'm even
a  minute  late  from  when  I  say  I'll  be  home.  He  doesn't  get  drunk  at
parties because he's too busy following me around. And if he hears a
noise in the middle of the night, he automatically comes to check if I
have  a  dude  in  my  bed."  She  huffs  and  looks  around  the  hallway.
"Look,  I  don't  care  if  you're  fucking  him,  honestly.  He's  been  acting
like  a  lovesick  puppy  since  you  started  tutoring  him.  I'm  actually
rooting for the two of you. But I'm worried about the aftermath when
Pierce finds out. And I won't tell him, if you keep a secret for me."
I move my head to the side slowly, and then I move it to the other side
slowly. Did that sound right to you? Because it didn't sound right to me.
"You want me to keep a secret so you'll keep my secret? How does that
work exactly?"
"Ugh, Wesley. I swear you are making this harder than it has to be. I
can't tell anyone this secret because I don't trust anyone enough to. I'd
tell Paisley, but she's got this best friend in bum-fucking nowhere she is
more loyal to. We are friends, but I just tell her the gossip because she'
s too introverted to see it herself." She shuts her locker door and leans
against it. The first bell rings and everyone runs to get to class. The two
of us just stand there. "You want to go sit in my car? I hate my first
period."
I  nod.  "Yeah,  at  this  point  I  can't  remember  what  I  have  for  first
period." Then I smile.
Rachel  grimaces  and  leads  the  way  to  her  car,  her  designer  purse
hanging at her elbow. "You are going to make  me sick. I'll help you
with relationship problems with Royal, but I won't talk about the sex.
Thinking  about  him  having  sex  is  enough  to  make  me  want  to  kill
myself."
"You're really dramatic," I tell her, smiling as she opens the front doors
to the school.
"You'd be dramatic too, if your twin brother was stuck up your butt

and your parents were pretty much nonexistent in your life." We stop at
a blue Mercedes, one of the SUV kind.
I climb into the passenger seat as she gets in the drivers. "My dad works
for  the  mob,  and  my  mom's  a  lawyer.  But  they  are  still  in  my  life,
sometimes  too  much.  What  could  yours  possibly  do  that  they  ignore
their
children?"
"My mom is a shrink. She works at the Meadows Mental Hospital, has
for ten years. And that place is up the road. She is always there! I' m
even like 'Mom come have dinner with me for like five minutes.' She's
like, 'Okay honey.' And never show up. My dad is a surgeon in Dallas.
He  has  a  better  excuse,  because  he's  always  sewing  someone  back
together. My mom doesn' t have patients all day every day. " Tears start
to leak down her face and I grab her hand. Sometimes being there for
someone else is as easy as saying my name.
"I can't tell you what their problem is. I don't know you that well, and
sometimes I want to hit you, but that shouldn't matter to your parents.
Royal is amazing and they don't spend time with him either. I' ve had to
be there for him while he was upset about them. All I can tell you is,
you're going to have to realize that they aren't going to be around. If
you'  ve  tried  everything  you  can,  then  they  aren'  t  meant  to  be  great
parents.  At  least  you  have  Royal.  He  could  be  absent  too.  He  cares
enough about you to protect you from his species. " We both laugh and
I can see her working things over in her head.
"I know all this. It just hurts. Anyway, I'm supposed to tell you about
my secret. " Then she pauses and looks at me, her eyes intense. "The
real reason I want to tell you is, I figure you're going to be around from
now on. I've never seen my brother like this. Yeah he sleeps around, but
I' ve never seen him take a girl to his room, let alone stay with her for an
entire night. Then make plans to see her after school, after spending the
previous day with her. I think you're going to get him to commit. And I
want us to get along, to be sisters." She looks out the windshield and
nods, like she's come to a conclusion in her head.
The things she's just revealed about her brother would have scared me
before yesterday. Because I've already slept in his room, long ago. And
he's made plans with me plenty of times after seeing me the

previous day. And while I'll always love Trey, I know it's time to move
on. I want to be with Royal, as more than friends who have sex. I want
to hold his hand walking down the hallway. I want go out on dates and
cuddle  on  the  couch  watching  movies  I've  already  seen  a  hundred
times. I want him to look at me with that rapture in his eyes while he's
above me, showing me heaven.
"I  want  us  to  be  friends,  too.  I  really  like  Royal.  I  think  it  might  be
really good for me to be with him," I tell her softly. And while I might
always think Rachel's selfish and vapid, I get along with Annabella fine
for  the  most  part.  That's  why  they  hate  each  other.  They  are  pretty
much the same person.
"Good." Then she squeezes her eyes shut and grips the steering wheel
hard. "I've been sleeping with Kellan Dean for the past three weeks."
"One of Paisley's cousins? The one who doesn't have his tongue down
Lola's throat every minute of every day?" I'm pretty sure I know which
one she's talking about. Kellan Dean and Brody Vaughn are cousins to
Paisley  Vaughn.  Also  cousins  to  each  other.  They  hang  out  with
Channing. I'd consider them third and fourth hand man.
She nods and bites her lip, looking over at  me. "He's  terrified to tell
Royal, like Royal might beat the shit out of him. Now my brother has a
few issues, but he's not violent. The whole protective thing comes from
childhood trauma. He kicked me out of a tree when we were five and I
broke  my  leg.  Now  he  won't  let  me  out  of  his  sight  when  guys  are
around.  My  mom  might  be  a  horrible  parent  but  she  is  a  wonderful
shrink."
I laugh at her wink. "At least he felt bad about kicking you out of a tree.
He could have thought it was funny. "
She shakes her head. "Bull. The bone was poking out. It was fucking
gross." Then she points to a scar on her shin, and a shiver crawls down
my spine. "Right? I still see it in my dreams sometimes. At least I know
never to be a surgeon like my dad. I'd be tossing my cookies left and
right. "
We are quiet for a little while, reflecting on the conversation we've had.
"I'm glad we did this, Rachel. I just don't want you to get offended

Chapter Seventeen
After my weird talk with Rachel, I figured out which classes I needed
to attend. And it goes to show you how much my friends notice things.
Rachel, who hasn't spent her life looking at me

noticed I looked.

different. Annabella and Pierce? No clue. They went about their own
lives  like  nothing  whatsoever  was  different  about  me.  I  almost  went
right up to Royal's table at lunch and sat in his lap. Then maybe they
would have noticed.
Last period had turned into a freak show. Rachel made funny faces at
me behind her brother's back. Royal pretended not to look at me, but
his eyes always seemed to make it back to me. I didn't mind because I
like  his  eyes  on  me.  Pierce  and  Annabella  were  too  busy  to  notice
anyway. This time it wasn't because they were shoved up each other's
asses.  No,  apparently  there  is  a  big  test  in  their  Calculus  class
tomorrow, so they actually studied the whole period.
I was so ready to leave by the end of class, I shot out of my chair the
second the bell rang. I was so excited to get to Royal's house and take a
shower. It was seriously hard this morning not to take one, but I really
didn't have the time. Which turned out to be stupid because I skipped
first period anyway. I did put on tons of deodorant and perfume so I
wouldn't  smell.  And  I  know  you're  sitting  there  with  your  nose
scrunched up. Stop, because I totally took a shower yesterday at Royal'
s. So I haven't been sitting in my own stink for over twenty-four hours.
Right now, Royal has me pinned up against his shower wall. His hands
are pressed into my butt, so he can hold me steady. His thrusts are hard
and fast, coming at an even faster rate as I find my release. Stars shoot
out behind my closed eyelids and I feel him jerk, getting off with me.
His warm lips burn against my skin as they kiss a trail down my neck.
"That just keeps getting better and better," he murmurs, his breaths still
coming out short.

I laugh and kiss his pec and lean my head against him. The water gets
cold,  so  we  just  turn  it  off.  "I  think  that  happens  when  you  have
chemistry with someone," I tell him, just as breathless as he is.
He opens the shower door and walks out. A second later a towel ends
up in my eyesight and I take it. I wrap it around my torso as another one
extends into the shower stall. I use that one to wrap around my hair. "I
wouldn't know, Duchess. I haven't ever had this with anyone else."
I  smile,  a  big  goofy  grin.  It's  nice  to  hear  he  hasn't  done  this  with
anyone else. "Well you are handling it like a champ. You know what to
say, even when you don't mean to," I tell him, finally stepping out of
the shower.
He's standing in front of his mirror, rubbing his towel over his hair. He
has on black basketball shorts and nothing else. "What can I say, I' m
good like that." He gives me a fake cocky smile and I laugh.
I walk up behind him and wrap my arms around his stomach. I kiss the
center  of  his  back,  mainly  because  I  can't  reach  higher  up.  "Do  you
really want to be with me?" I ask softly, my voice shaky.
His shoulders stiffen and I feel my stomach drop. He turns around and
puts his hands on my hips. He picks me up and swings me around until
my butt lands on the counter by the sink. His fiery brown eyes bore into
mine. I don't know what he's searching for, but I know when he finds it.
His  entire  body  relaxes  and  he  kisses  my  forehead.  "To  be  honest,  I
haven't wanted anything this much in a long time."
I  look  up  at  him  and  grin.  "I  can't  remember  the  last  time  I  wanted
anything.  And  I  know  I  want  this,  but  before  we  do,  I  have  to  say
goodbye to someone. "
Royal kisses my lips, sucking the bottom one into his mouth. His hands
skim up and down my back. "I know you need to. And I know I' ll be
right here when you get done. "
"You're too good to be true," I tell him, tears shining in my eyes.
His smile is small and barely lifts the side of his mouth. "I like what we
have, Wes. I'm not going to screw it up by pushing you into anything. I
can see the guilt in your eyes, girl. I know you think you 're hurting him
by being with me, but you're wrong. If he truly loved you, he would
want you to be happy. And I know you'll be happy with me.

You just have to let him go first. He would want that." He lifts my chin
until my head is tilted all the way back. His lips hover over mine but he
doesn't kiss me. "I want you to know that I'll wait for you. Always. I
have to say that because when I look in your eyes, I see everything. I
have hope you won't freak out on me, but when it comes down to it,
holding on to him means so much to you. And I can tell you until I' m
blue in the face, that you don't have to hold on to him, but you won't
listen.  You  have  to  want  to  let  him  go.  And  I'm  hoping  with  all  my
heart, that you do it. "
I stare into his eyes, my own filled with confusion. Right here and now
I want to let Trey go. I want to be with Royal. I want the kind of love I
had with Trey again. And I know in my heart I could have that with
Royal. But I've had this hold on Trey for so long, it's become a third
arm. How can I truly let that go?
"Are you two done in there? I really want to spend some girl time with
Wesley!" Rachel yells like a banshee from inside Royal's bedroom.
"What the fuck, Rach? I thought you were going to Paisley's!" Royal
yells back just as loud. I want to laugh because I have a feeling they yell
like this a lot.
I hear something hit the bathroom door, but I have no idea what. "Royal
Duke Sanders, you let that girl out of the bathroom. You can fuck her
later. I want girl time with my new bestie! " Then something else hits
the door.
"If you don't stop throwing my shoes at the door I'm coming out naked!
"  This  makes  Rachel  shriek  before  we  hear  the  bedroom  door  slam.
Royal looks down at me with a new question in his eyes. "Want to tell
me what that was about?"
I shrug. I really need to learn not to shrug so much. It makes me look
dumb.  "Apparently  there  was  a  black  mold  breakout  in  her  locker
hallway.  They  moved  her's  next  to  mine.  She  saw  my  car  here  last
night... and this morning. So we started talking about that. And now it
seems we are besties. " I want to laugh at his expression, but I refrain. "I
actually like her, if that makes you feel better. You seem protective of
her,  so  don'  t  get  all  freaked  out.  It'  s  perfectly  fine  for  your  future
girlfriend to be friends with your sister. "

One  of  his  eyebrows  raise.  "Future  girlfriend?  That  sounds  like  a
promise. " Then he kisses my cheek and moves away from me. "Okay,
I won't trip about y'all being friends. Just don't tell me what she says.
Rachel hasn't ever had a filter and most times I can't stomach the shit
she says about guys." Then he shudders before leaving the bathroom.
I grab my bag off the counter and pull out clothes. I'm not staying the
night, but I really wanted clean clothes to put on.
When  I  exit  the  bathroom,  Royal  sits  at  his  computer  desk,  typing
away. "You want to study later? We haven't gone over your history in a
while, and I don't want you to get rusty."
He turns in his chair, a huge grin on his face. "Will you take off a piece
of clothing every time I get something right?"
I give him a sly grin. "Sure. I'll even do that thing with my tongue if you
get every question right. "
He stands up and walks over to me. He holds his hand out and I giggle.
"It's a deal, Bridges."
"See you in an hour, Sanders." I kiss his bare shoulder and head out to
find Rachel. I' m not sure where her room is.
Turns out I didn't have to wonder for long. She stands in a doorway, a
nail file in her hand. "Took you long enough. I was about to come bang
on the door again." She looks up from her nails and gives me an evil
grin. "You really shouldn't fuck so much. You're skinny enough as it is.
I really don't want to have to worry about you dying from starvation."
"You have a way with words, Rachel. I don't know whether to hit you
or feel joy that you're worried," I tell her, walking past her to get inside
her room.
"I  don't  like  to  worry  about  anyone  but  Royal,  so  you  should  feel
honored." Rachel's room is way plainer than I would have thought. The
bedspread on her bed is a light pink, which matches the walls. She has
white furniture, which includes a dresser, desk and chair, entertainment
center, and a couch. The curtains are white, but the carpet is fluffy and
pink.  Her  TV,  incidentally,  is  pink,  but  I  find  that  cute.  "I  take  that
back. I worry over Kellan, but that's only because his mom is a straight
up bitch. I think that's why we bonded in the first place. My mom isn't

around and his tries to control his entire life. I even think she hits him. "
She plops down on her bed and starts pinching the bedspread between
her fingers. "He has these bruises sometimes, you know, when we do it.
They are on his arms but he says they are from messing around with
Brody."
I sit down on her couch, which is a few feet away from the bed. "Maybe
they are from Brody. Those two are pretty close. They probably do get
a little rough. Kellan doesn't help when he hits on Lola all the time."
Rachel  rolls  her  eyes.  "He  only  hits  on  her  because  it's  funny  to  see
Brody react.  Anyway, I've  watched them horsing around. They don't
hit that hard. And besides, sometimes he has nail marks. I asked him if
he  was  sleeping  with  someone  else  and  he  said  no.  I  believe  him
because  he's  always  bugging  me.  If  he  had  someone  on  the  side,  he
wouldn't be after me so much. "
I place my elbow on my knee and rest my chin on my palm. "The way I
see it, he's almost eighteen years old. If she's hitting him, then it's been
going on for a long ass time. And he doesn't want to talk about it, so
don't  worry.  Unless  he  gets  really  hurt,  then  you  definitely  need  to
worry. But I've met Mrs. Dean. She's a tiny thing compared to Kellan.
If she got really violent with him, then I think he could hold her down
without effort. He's going to be off at college soon, then you don't have
to worry about it at all. "
She chews on the inside of her cheek for a minute and I wonder what' s
going through her mind. "You want me to sit here and do nothing? That
doesn't seem right."
"You're  a  teenaged  girl,  Rachel.  And  you  don't  even  know  if  she's
hitting him. Just because she's a bitch and he has bruises doesn't mean
he'  s  getting  abused.  What  if  you  went  to  the  cops  with  this?  They
would investigate and if nothing was wrong, a stain would still be over
Mrs. Dean. They take that stuff very seriously," I tell her, shifting my
feet to under me on the couch.
Rachel  still  pinches  the  bedspread,  lost  in  thought.  When  she  finally
speaks it's annoyed, yet happy. "I guess I can't do anything unless he
wants me to." Then she laughs. "I got drunk at this party and I

called him to come get me. " She finally stops pinching the bedspread
and looks up at me. "I' ve always had this thing for him. He' s just so
funny and kind. He never treated me like Royal' s sister. So I kissed him
when he was trying to get me out of the car. The rest is history. "
"Don' t you want more though? Having sex is nice and all, but don' t
you want a relationship?" I question timidly.
She rolls her eyes. "We are boyfriend and girlfriend. We just haven' t
told Royal yet, and that' s his thing, not mine. I want to tell Royal. I don'
t like keeping things from him. He' s the only family that counts."
I shrug. Ugh with the shrugging! "Then tell him. If Kellan really wants
to be with you, then he won' t truly care if you tell Royal. "
Speaking of the devil, Royal barges in and looks around at us. "You' ve
been gone for an hour. Let' s go study. " Then he waggles his eyebrows.
Rachel makes a disgusted face before telling me, "Thanks for the
advice. I'll think about it." Then she pulls her cell out of her pocket and
starts texting.
I hold Royal' s hand out of Rachel' s room and all the way to his. "What
was that about?" he inquires, his face a little worried.
I smile brightly and reach up to kiss his nose. "Girl stuff. She wanted to
know who I thought was hotter, Harry Styles or Robert Pattinson."
Royal pretends to gag and sits down on his bed. "Okay, I' ve heard
enough."
Then we spend the rest of the evening studying and. well, you know.

Chapter Eighteen
I have a plan. Thanksgiving is a few weeks away and that seems like
the perfect time to spring Royal on Pierce and Annabella. That way we
can figure out if being together is truly what we want. Or should I say,
if that's what he wants. I just don't see him sticking around, based on
the fact that I'm a nutcase. I mean, I have forgone happiness to hang on
to  my  dead  boyfriend.  For  a  while  I  was  with  him.  Dead  inside
completely.  I  don't  think  I  would  have  come  back  from  that  without
Royal. He was there when no one else was.
Royal is so alive in everything he does. That's why I'm so drawn to him.
I've been holding on to the darkness of death and I need his light. And
in order for us to be in a healthy relationship, I have to say goodbye to
Trey. It's the one thing I've been dreading. While I go on with life, he's
still walking beside me. He's still there, unless I'm with Royal. And I
like that peace. I freaking need that peace.
It's almost ten at night but I'm already in bed. I had a feeling this night
would be hard for me, so I left Royal's hours ago. The first thing I did
when I got home was change into one of Trey's shirts. Then I laid in bed
for a long time thinking about him. And now as I climb out of bed, I
vow that today will be the last time I cry for Trey.
To move on with my life, I have to put him in a box and seal it. No, I
won't ever forget him, and I know that now. And no, I won't ever stop
loving  him.  I'll  always  love  my  bright  beautiful  Trey,  the  one  who
made me laugh constantly. The one who loved me unconditionally and
faithfully. I know it's okay to be sad, but at some point, I have to move
on with my life and it's going to get done.
I open my closet door and pull out the boxes of stuff I didn't ever go
through. The first thing I pull out is a mixed CD. In his handwriting are
all the songs on a piece of notebook paper, stuck on the inside of the
case. I see a list of his favorite songs and smile. We always had similar

tastes, but he refused to listen to the pop that I do. I refused to listen to
his  heavy  metal.  All  the  growling  and  screaming,  I  can't  even
understand what they are saying. That didn't stop Trey. He sang along
to  every  song,  all  the  words  just  coming  to  him.  He  never  got  them
wrong.
The next thing I pull out is a photo album. This is almost enough to kill
me because it is full of him and me. Junior prom is at the beginning. My
dress was a light pink and strapless. It was flowy and trailed behind me
when I walked around. I loved it. And Trey had fun taking it off of me
that night. Pierce and Annabella went with us. Though Pierce brought
his girlfriend and Annabella went with Donovan.
Pierce has a different girlfriend now. I don't spend much time with her.
She's kind of stupid and into Hello Kitty. Come to think of it, I don't
know why Pierce is into her either. Annabella and I have sat at lunch
and made fun of her while Pierce wasn't listening in. I think he keeps
her  around  so  he  doesn't  have  to  go  looking  for  sex.  It's  wrong  and
stupid, but Pierce is a guy.
There are a few photos of us out on dates and hanging out with friends.
The  back  half  of  the  book  is  all  of  me.  I'm  doing  different  things
throughout but you can tell I' m thinking about Trey in all of them. My
face is relaxed and happy. My smile is full of joy. And that is what I' ll
remember the most about him. About how happy we were and how I
could have spent my life with him and never regretted it.
The thing I' m becoming more and more clear with is, no matter how
perfect we were and no matter how happy I was, he is gone. Life moves
on from death. Life is also unfair and unkind. Taking Trey from me was
probably  the  worst  thing  life  could  have  thrown  at  me.  But  now
everything  is  different.  Life  has  given  me  Royal,  who  isn't  anything
like Trey, but I know I can be just as happy with him. Maybe more so.
Because with Royal there is a chance of drama and fighting. I never
fought  with  Trey.  We  never  disagreed  about  anything and  it  made  it
boring. And no, I  didn't realize that  until just  now.  I never thought I
would say it, but I need drama in my life.
There are a few more knickknacks in the box. A lone DVD, his favorite
gold chain necklace I gave him for Christmas, and a baseball. I thought
I had reached the end but I was wrong. Sitting at the very bottom

is a small black box. Kay Jewelers is printed on the lid. I wonder if it' s
a pair of earrings or a necklace he picked out for our anniversary. When
I lift the lid I find another box, but it doesn't have earrings or a necklace
in it. No, inside that box is the one thing that could ruin my progress.
My hands shake as I carefully take the ring box out. I flip open the box
on a silent scream. Grief, rage, sorrow, and hopelessness settle into my
body. Because in that box sits an engagement ring. A silver band with a
perfect princess cut diamond in the middle. Simple, perfect, elegant, all
the things we were together. I'm frozen in time just looking at it. My
life crashing all around me.
Trey was going to ask me to marry him.
Then he was taken from me.
I calmly set the box down, with the lid still open. I stand up and barely
notice that my hands are shaking. I pick up my old softball bat, which is
propped up in my closet. I walk over to my dresser and look at myself
in the mirror. I don't comprehend that I look deranged. I look fucking
crazy.
I look like death.
The bat connects with the mirror making a loud crashing sound as the
glass shards fall around me. I think one stabs into my arm, but I don' t
notice.  I  swing  the  bat  at  the  stuff  collected  on  top  of  my  dresser.  I
break  fingernail  polish,  shatter  makeup,  and  break  apart  the  wood
before my mom and Bentley run into the room.
I  swing  the  bat  at  Bentley  when  he  tries  to  reach  out  for  me.  "Don't
touch me!" I scream, my voice uncontrolled and crazy.
"Wesley..." Bentley is breathing hard and crying but it doesn't penetrate
my thoughts. No, right now I'm stuck in a place where no one can reach
me. My rage controls my movements and my actions. It wants me to
destroy everything because I'm completely destroyed inside.
Bentley and mom are stuck in the doorway, both afraid to move toward
me. At this point I'll use the bat to destroy anyone who gets in my way.
I  start  swinging  into  walls,  making  huge  holes  in  the  plaster.  I  don't
care.  I'll  tear  down  this  entire  house.  I  don't  care  about  anything
anymore.
"Is t h a t . "  Bentley says and I see him point at something on my

floor out of the corner of my eye.
"Oh Jesus," my mom mutters but I don't listen. "Call Victor. Get him
over  here  and  tell  him  to  bring  Pierce  and  Annabella.  Tell  him  to
hurry."
When Bentley moves out of the doorway it startles me and I swing the
bat close to my mom's head. Thankfully she backs away but in the state
I'm in it doesn't really matter. "Baby girl, Wesley, please, please stop
this. I know you're hurting and I know you don't want to do this. Please
put the bat down. Please, you are scaring me to death, baby, please..."
she keeps begging me but I don't hear. I don't hear anything in my head
really, just the sound of Trey asking me to marry him then I hear his
mother's voice telling me he's going to die.
Royal was wrong all those weeks ago. It wasn't me who was going to
break him; no it was me who was going to break me.
***
"Wesley,  put  the  bat  down.  If  you  don't  calm  down,  we  are  letting
Victor  in  here.  You  won't  like  what  he's  going  to  do.  I  promise  you
that." Annabella's raspy voice floats into the fog in my head.
They got here fast. It was only twenty minutes ago that Bentley left to
get his phone. I still  have the bat in front of  me, protecting  me from
them. They will make me hurt more, I know it. They will make me talk
about it and I don't want that. I want to stand here in my rage forever. I
don't want to think about that box and what's in it. I want the voices in
my head to go away too. I can't take it anymore.
"Look at her feet. You have to send Vic in there. She's going to hurt
herself real bad." Pierce sounds so scared, something I never thought I
would hear.
It sort of breaks through my fog but not completely. "Are you scared
Pierce? You shouldn' t be! I' m the one who has to live with this! I' m
the one carrying around this pain! Not you!" I scream at the top of my
lungs.
The crowd in my doorway all blanches. I don't blame them. I look

like a deranged wild animal. I'm thinking like one too. I want to slam
this bat into my cousin's face. I want someone to hurt with me too.
Pierce comes out of his stupor first and quickly shuts my door. He's on
the inside and they are all on the outside. He locks it before they can
stop him. "I'm  more scared right now than I have been since I was a
little boy. I love you, Wesley. You're more like my fucking sister then
my cousin, I would die for you. I would die to take this pain away from
you, but I can't. I know what it's like though. Not the deep searing that
you  do,  but  I  know  one  ounce  of  it.  I  know  what  it's  like  to  love
someone with everything you have and they are nowhere to be found.
"Put the bat down, Wes, please. I'm going to send Vic in here, I swear
to god I am. He's going to knock you out with his special forces mojo.
You don't want that." Banging starts on the door and we both look at it.
I' m already lowering the bat because something Pierce said makes the
pain  more  bearable.  I  know  what  it's  like  to  love  someone  with
everything you have and they are nowhere to be found. "Open the door,
Pierce! Right the fuck now!" Victor yells through the door.
I flinch and drop the bat on the floor. I start to walk toward Pierce but
he stops me. "Wait! Don' t move! Let Vic come in here and carry you.
There is glass everywhere and you already have most of it in your feet,"
he tells me, his eyes wide and full of pain. I look down at my feet and
sure  enough  I  have  glass  shards  dug  into  my  feet.  There  are  bloody
footprints  from  where  I've  moved  around.  I  look  back  at  Pierce  and
nod.
Pierce turns around and unlocks the door before moving out of the way
for Victor. Victor scares me on a good day, so I shrink away from him
but he doesn't react. I've known him since I was little so he's used to it.
His  huge  combat  boots  crunch  over  the  glass  on  my  bedroom  floor
before he scoops me up into his arms. He carries me past the worried
faces of my family and that's when the tears start to roll down my face.
Why does being in pain hurt everyone around you?
Pierce is right behind Victor, so I reach out and he grabs my hand. He is
the only one who gets it, even if only a little bit. "Don't leave me," I sob
out, burying my head against Victor's shoulder.
"I won't, Wes," Pierce says, his own voice full of tears.

When we get to the couch, Victor nods at Pierce to sit down. He does
and then I'm gently lowered into Pierce's lap. Pierce makes me lay my
head against the armrest. My Aunt Lily appears down by my feet with a
first aid kit. "Will she need stiches?" my mom asks from somewhere
behind my head.
Aunt  Lily  carefully  moves  my  feet  around  before  answering.  "No.
These  are  all  little  pieces.  It  might  hurt  her  a  bit  when  I  have  to  dig
some of them out. "
"I won't feel it, Aunt Lily. I don't feel anything." Tears flow down my
face. I lied to her; I do feel one thing and that's overwhelming grief.
Because  for  me,  I  lost  Trey  all  over  again,  but  this  time  Royal  went
with him.
"She got one in her arm, mom," Pierce chokes out and I look down at
my arm. It's a bigger piece stuck there, but I don't really notice.
Aunt  Lily  comes  to  look  at  it  and  appears  relieved.  "That  one  won't
need stiches either. "
After  that  Ash  and  Victor  go  into  the  kitchen  to  make  coffee  for
everyone. I didn't even know Ash was here. Figures though, she hardly
goes anywhere without Victor. Annabella comes and lays her head on
my stomach. After a few minutes I start running my fingers through her
hair and it gives me comfort.
Aunt Lily works for an hour, getting all the pieces of glass out. Bentley
paces back and forth behind the couch and I watch him with my eyes.
I've seriously freaked him out. I think I've freaked everyone out. Well
not Victor, he doesn't get freaked out. He's calm at all times. Mom is on
the phone with dad, who had to work tonight. They talk about sending
me back to the mental ward, but I think they finally agree not to.
I honestly don't care either way.

Chapter Nineteen
"How do you feel today, Wesley?" Michele asks me from behind her
big desk.
I  shrug.  That's  my  answer  for  everything  the  past  couple  of  days.
Nothing matters to me anymore. I want to waste away, be nobody.
Michele taps her pen against her desk and gives me a "do you think I'm
going to let that go?" look. "You've been sitting there for ten minutes in
silence. Have you decided not to speak anymore? " She raises one of
her eyebrows and things start to click in my head. Rachel does that all
the time. Plus Royal has Michele's smile.
I sit forward in my chair and look her over seriously. Her eyes are the
same soulful brown that Royal has. The twins also inherited her brown
hair. Rachel got her looks from Michele; I don't know why I didn't see
it before. "What's your last name?" Those are the first words I've said
since Monday night. It's Thursday today, so my voice sounds dry and
unused.
Michele sets her pen down and opens a drawer in her desk. She pulls
out  a  nameplate  and  sets  it  down  in  front  of  me.  It  reads  "Michele
Sanders". "You know who I am. "
"I  only  became  friends  with  Rachel  this  week.  Before  that  I  didn't
spend that much time looking at her. I would never have guessed if she
hadn' t befriended me," I tell her, a slight smile on my lips.
Michele  grins  and  I  find  it  lightens  up  her  face.  She  doesn't  look  so
intense anymore. "Yes, Rachel and I share similar facial features. But
Royal  gets  his  personality  from  me,  and  we  both  know  you  have  a
heavier relationship with him. "
I shrug again. "I did. I was hoping for more. But life has other ideas."
Michele gets up from her chair and walks around the desk. Her suit is
expensive and tailored to fit her perfectly. Her brown hair is pulled up

into a high bun, not a single strand out of place. "I'm sorry I hid my
identity.  When  Royal  told  me  he  had  a  friend  coming  here  for
treatment, I figured I could get you to open up more if you didn't know
whose mother I was. "
She sits at the edge of her desk, crossing her ankles over each other. I
only  notice  because  I ' m  looking  at  the  floor.  "It  wouldn't  have
mattered to me. You are paid to help people; you have to be private and
confidential.  I  would  never  have  thought  you'd  tell  Royal  anything  I
said to you. I '  m going to Yale you know, I '  m not an idiot. "
Her lips part into a perfect O and I wonder if I seem so dumb that she
would be surprised I got into Yale. "With your test scores and GPA I
would have thought Harvard would have opened their doors for you. "
Oh that. "I had considered Harvard, but once they found out who my
father is, they stopped calling. No big deal to  me. The  Big Three all
have great History programs. I can't choose wrong there."
She  nods  like  this  makes  sense.  "Let's  get  back  to  the  topic  at  hand,
since I've gotten you to speak for the first time in three days." I sigh and
she laughs. "There's no need for that. I know you feel beaten down right
now, but that's okay. It's okay to feel whatever it is you do feel. You
just have a bad habit of bottling that all up and letting it explode. "
"I didn't bottle it up this time. I wanted so bad to be with Royal so I
decided  to  say  goodbye  for  good  to  Trey.  His  mom  brought  over  a
couple of boxes while I was in here the first time. I went through one
box weeks ago, but I completely forgot about the other ones. So that
night, after I left Royal's, I went through another box. I didn't expect to
find an engagement ring. I feel like I've been taking one step forward
and two steps back since the day he died.
"When  I  pulled  that  ring  out,  I  felt  so  much  rage.  Rage  over  some
dumbass  who  decided  to  drive  drunk  and  hit  my  boyfriend.  He  took
that away from me. He took my entire life away from me and I was left
with this gaping hole. I started to put the pieces back together but they
never seemed to fit." Tears start to pool on my open palm but I don't
wipe them away. "That was my biggest problem. I didn't know who I
was without Trey. Plus, I was always alone and I listened to that voice
in my head that told me no one cared. Then I started tutoring Royal. It
wasn' t a

big  shift.  Nothing  changed  overnight.  Over  time  though?  I  became
someone  else  because  of  him.  I  became  someone  who  didn't  need
anybody to define who I am.
"Thinking  about  Trey  hurt  less  and  less.  Until  one  day  I  didn't  think
about him at all. That scared the shit out of me because I didn' t think I
wanted to let him go. Then I realized talking to Royal or Annabella or
even  Pierce,  it  helped  me.  No,  they  didn't  understand,  but  they  give
killer advice. That's when I decided I do need people, I just don't need
to rely solely on them for my sanity." The tears have pooled so high in
my palm they wash over onto my jeans. I don't even care that it kind of
looks like I pissed myself.
"I want you to know that it's okay to always love Trey. He was a part of
your  life  for  a  long  time.  You  should  always  keep  his  memory  with
you. There is nothing wrong with that. But this sadness and constantly
thinking  about  it  are  going  to  keep  bringing  you  down.  You  have  to
start getting back out with your friends. You have to find it inside you
to keep Trey, but find another place to let someone else in. We never
plan to lose the ones we love, so when they are gone, living becomes
bleak.
"I'm sure you've heard it before, Wesley, but I'll say it again. From what
I can gather, Trey wouldn't want you to mourn him for the rest of your
life. He would want you to go on. He would want you to have a family,
someone who loves you like he did. Living is the best present we can
give the dead. Do the things Trey would have wanted to do. Get out
there and celebrate his life, don't grieve in a dark room, with tears as
your only friend." Michele gets up off the desk and moves back around
to her desk chair.
She's about to sit down when I ask the only thing I've been dying to ask.
"You have two beautiful children. I just can't understand how you can
ignore them all the time. "
Michele  flinches  and  I  feel  awful  for  asking  this  question.  It's  true
though.  Why  does  she  not  take  part  in  their  lives?  "I  was  diagnosed
with cancer when I was twenty five. The twins were three years old. At
that point I had never given them a nanny, I did all their raising. But
with  chemo  and  constantly  being  in  the  hospital,  they  had  to  have  a
nanny. It

took me three years to completely beat it. For a long time they thought I
was going to die. It's a miracle I'm sitting here today.
"When I started being home all the time, the twins had no idea who I
was. They knew I was their mother, but that I wasn't around. I could see
they loved their nanny; she had filled the mother role when I couldn't. I
didn't blame her, or anyone, for it. Cancer and life did that to me. It may
hurt them but I just never tried to be their true mother again. They had
become so independent and self-sufficient. So I buried  myself in  my
work.  Now  I  barely  see  them  but  I'm  helping  people.  I  could  be  out
doing drugs or spending my trust fund. Instead I choose to save lives
and help people overcome the troubles in their lives." She picks up a
handkerchief from her desk and dabs at her eyes.
"I'm  sorry.  I've  just  had  to  see  what  that  did  to  them.  You've  been  a
huge help to  me, I just  want to repay  you." I take a deep  breath and
speak from my heart. "I just think you  should stop working so much
and be home more. Rachel doesn't understand why you aren't around.
Royal is like me. He bottles it up and makes everyone think he's okay
on the outside. But he's not. He's hurting. They are both hurting. You
should get to know them again. It's never too late to be their mother."
After those parting words I walk out of her office. I notice for the first
time she even pulled the faceplate out of her door. Good thing because
Pierce is sitting outside in the waiting room. "You ready to go, love?" I
ask him.
His  eyes  pop  open  and  he  smiles.  "It's  so  good  to  hear  your  voice,
Wes," he mumbles, getting up and hugging me to his body.
I relax against him for what seems like forever. It brings back all the
times I scraped my knee when I was little. Or when I hurt myself at all
when I was little. I didn't run to my mom. I didn't run to my dad or even
Bentley. I ran to Pierce because he always knew how to make it better.
"I promise I won't shut up like that again. It just took me a long time to
realize  I'm  not  only  hurting  myself,  but  I'm  hurting  everyone  around
me. "
He chuckles and I smile. "You knew you were hurting everyone. You
just didn't care, not this time at least. You wanted us all to hurt like you
are. I just hope you get over that soon. "

"Okay maybe I did know. It's just really hard to stop. If I hurt so much,
why can't everyone else? Everyone is so fucking happy all the time and
I just want to punch them in the face." He chuckles again and it makes
me think about another chuckle I love to hear. Then I just get sad again.
"You want to get some food? I'm starving right now," Pierce asks as he
leads me out of my shrink's office.
***
"Donovan!" I scream walking into my house. My grown up cousin with
his shaggy hair and deep green eyes is full of smiles. I run until I' m
picked up and in his arms. "What are you doing here?"
He sets me down and kisses the top of my head. "I came to see you,
Dumbo.  I  hear  you  have  had  quite  the  week."  He  looks  at  me  like  I
should just start spilling it all out.
I put my hands on my hips and glare. "You can't even lie. You came to
see Annabella. You couldn't even wait the two weeks for Thanksgiving
to get here. "
He laughs and pulls me down to the couch with him. "You look good
today.  The  way  Pierce  made  it  sound,  you  weren't  be  speaking  to
anyone."
I let out a snort. "Yeah, I went through that for three days. But it was
more like I was lost in my own thoughts than not wanting to speak to
anyone," I tell him, settling back against the couch.
"Annabella has been worried about you. So I figured it was pretty bad
because  we  all  know  she  only  worries  about  herself."  He  throws  his
head back and smiles up at Annabella, who had come into the living
room from the kitchen.
She gives him an evil grin and kisses him. I spy Pierce lurking at the
kitchen  entrance  and  my  heart  hurts  for  him.  If  only  Annabella  had
wanted Pierce, instead of Donovan. Not that I don't want Donovan to
be happy, but that' s Donovan. He would be happy with anyone who
could  have  a  good  time  and  loved  him.  Annabella  was  it  for  Pierce.
There

wasn't anyone else out there for him. And she had to go and screw it all
up because when Annabella and Donovan break up, and they will break
up, she couldn't be with Pierce. Donovan would never let that happen.
Annabella  is  the  Helen  of  Troy  in  our  family.  My  heart  does,and
always will, side with Pierce. He deserves the best in life and it sucks
that he won' t ever want anyone the way he wants Annabella.
"I'm going to go up to my room. I haven't looked at my phone for days,"
I say to no one since Van and Annabella have their tongues down each
other's throats. I don't even think they notice me walking away and up
to my room.
My mom let me stay home from school on Tuesday and Wednesday.
Not that she had much to fight it, considering I refused to get out of
bed. So I slept for two days. That's why this morning she forced me out
of bed and made Pierce take me to Michele.
My phone died at some point during all of this and I found it on my bed
where  I  left  it  Monday  night.  It  hurts  to  enter  my  room,  where
everything has changed. Mom had a cleaning company come yesterday
to clean the glass and repair the sheetrock. The ring and everything of
Trey's is nowhere to be found. I couldn't stomach coming in here after
that so I slept in the guest room.
I plug the charger in and connect my phone. I wait for like five minutes
before  it  comes  on.  I  immediately  start  getting  texts  and  voicemails.
The texts are all from Rachel. The voicemails are all from Royal. I go
through  the  texts  first,  but  they  all  say  the  same  thing.  "Where  are
you?", "Pierce won't tell me shit! Let me know you're not dead! ", or "I
hate you! My brother is in ruins! Get ahold of me! "
I'm not much of a texter but I text her anyway. I let her know I'll be at
school tomorrow and I'm not dead. I send an all-together different one
to Royal.
We made a mistake. I can't be with you. I'm sorry if I led you on. Have a
nice life, Royal.

Chapter Twenty
You  might  be  wondering  why  I  let  go  of  Royal.  I  mean,  I  had  a
perfectly nice guy who was there for me, and we had amazing sex. He'
s funny, charming, and so full of love it's not even funny. That's what
makes  him  so  alive.  He  and  Trey  are  both  like  that.  They  would  do
anything they could to make someone else feel better. They didn't care
if it made them look weak or girly. They are true men in my eyes.
You might also be wondering why I got so mad the night I found the
ring.  Yeah  I  was  mad  because  it  seemed  life  was  throwing  another
thing at me, a thing I had no control over. I was  mostly mad because
that ring ruined anything I ever had with Royal. How could I ever be
with him, try something with him, if I would always be in love with
another man?
What scares me the most is that I would have told Trey yes. If he had
asked  me,  I  would  have  screamed  from  the  rooftops,  "YES!  "  But  I
would have also told him hell no. If he had asked right here and now, I
would have told him no because I was thinking about giving my heart
to another man. I had already given him my body my heart was close
behind.
If both of them were standing in front of me right now, I wouldn't know
whom to pick. And that adds more to my hurt. How could I even think
of picking Royal over Trey? How could I become that person? If they
were both alive, I couldn't do it. I want both of them and that's why I let
Royal go.
You might not understand, but that's okay. I don't expect you to. I don' t
ever want you to be in this position to begin with. Losing my boyfriend
is, and will probably be, the hardest thing I'll ever have to go through.
Which brings me to my point. Being with Royal isn't worth the pain I'll
put him through. I'll never be one hundred percent his. I'll always be
half Trey' s.

Believe it or not, Trey helped shape me into the woman I am today. He
gave me advice; straightforward, beautiful advice every day I was with
him. He made me a better person. I don't want Royal to ever have to
think  about  what  I  am  thinking  about.  I  don't  want  him  to  think  I'm
thinking of Trey when I' m doing the dishes or folding clothes. I don' t
want him to think if we have kids, I'll wish their father were Trey.
I don' t want Royal to be Pierce.
Pierce will forever be in love with a girl who can't love him back. Not
the way he deserves. Annabella is already in love with Donovan, not to
mention,  herself.  I  don't  see  an  end  for  her  and  Van  any  time  soon.
"Love The Way You Lie" is the perfect song for Annabella and Pierce.
She will forever watch him burn and he'll always love to burn for her. It
scares me to even think about. Two people, who I love, will forever be
hurt because Annabella couldn't see the right guy for her was always
there.
I don' t want Royal to waste his time on me because I will never be over
Trey. Yeah, ten years down the road, I might not think of him every
day, but I will still love him. I can't do that to my sweet Royal. I can't let
him love me, knowing I will always be in love with Trey. So, I hurt him
now before it's too late.
***
"Dude,  why  is  the  Brady  Bunch  staring  at  us?"  Annabella  whispers
from across the lunch table.
"The  Brady  Bunch?"  I  mumble,  on  the  verge  of  laughter.  Pierce  has
already beaten me to it. He's sitting next to me laughing from his
gut.
Annabella  glares  at  us  both  and  huffs.  "Paisley,  Royal,  Rachel  and
Channing. The mother fucking Brady Bunch," she spits out, venom in
her voice.
I hold back  my laughter, barely. "Did you start  your period today? "
Annabella has the worst PMS of any girl I have ever met. It's that whole
pain thing. Her cramps are awful and I've found her plenty of times in a

ball on the bathroom floor crying her eyes out. Annabella hates pain
and hates crying. Add them together and she is a raging bitch.
"Yes." She sighs, already calming down. "Sorry. You know how I
am."
I snort but look over at the Brady Bunch. Paisley is looking directly at
me  with  a  thoughtful  look  on  her  face.  I  glare  at  her  and  her  face
changes to shock. Then she just glares back at me. "Aren't Paisley and
Channing together now?" I ask, looking at Annabella.
She holds her stomach and groans. "Yes. You remember I told you they
haven't  been  to  school  for  like  three  days?  They  both  had  the  flu.
Apparently they got each other sick with all the spit swapping and shit.
"
"Gross!  You  didn't  have  to  say  all  that,"  I  mutter.  "You  could  have
stopped at 'They both had the flu.' I mean, Jesus."
Pierce snickers and I smack his shoulder. "Sorry. I overhead that from
Rachel Sanders. You know how she is. All up in your face and no filter
in her brain," Annabella speaks directly to her huge piece of chocolate
cake.
I glance over at Rachel and see her head bent low. She's speaking to
Paisley  and  I  wonder  if  they  are  talking  about  me.  Did  Royal  say
something? I still talk to Rachel. I feel like I should since she doesn' t
make friends well. I know what it' s like to be alone when you really
need someone around.
Then I move my eyes to her twin brother. Outwardly he looks fine, but
that's only if you don't know him. His shoulders are tense and he eats
like  a  dying  man.  Well,  that's  not  different,  but  the  messy  hair  and
wrinkled clothes are.
After I came back to school, he tried to talk to me a few times, but I
blew  him  off.  I've  been  staying  close  to  Annabella  and  Pierce  so  he
doesn't get any ideas about approaching me. Though for the past week
he's been ignoring me. He won't meet my eyes and he got a new tutor
for World History.
I'm not going to lie and say it doesn't hurt, but what was I expecting? I
let him go, and he moved on. I guess I just thought what we had was
more  than  that.  But  what  do  I  know?  I  didn'  t  fight  for  him,  so  why
should he fight for me?

"I' m getting Vic to call and let me leave early. I need to lay down and
take  a  handful  of  pain  pills."  Annabella  groans,  banging  her  head
against the table.
"Well banging your head isn't going to make it any better, sugar," I say,
laughing with Pierce at her antics.
She  lifts  her  head  up  and  glares.  "Just  you  wait.  Yours  will  be  here
before the day is over. You're never far behind me with Aunt Flo." Her
phone  goes  off  on  the  table  and  she  grins  real  big  while  reading  it.
"Later, dickholes! I'm going home to my boyfriend, the heating pad!"
Pierce and I watch her leave. I giggle when she passes the Brady Bunch
and flips them off. Rachel stands up and throws an apple core at her.
She sits down fast before Annabella can turn around to see who threw
it. It bangs into Annabella's shoulder and falls to the ground. She turns
with a glare on her face and I can see her getting ready to let it all out.
What  surprises  me  the  most  is  when  Pierce  starts  laughing  when
Paisley points to Channing, who points to Rachel who points to Royal
who points to Paisley. I mean it's funny, but usually if they are being
funny he gets all pissy. "You are growing up on me Pierce," I tell him,
laying my head on his shoulder.
"I still hate Channing and Royal but Rachel is growing on  me. Plus,
Paisley has balls bigger than mine. And it's comical that they are going
up against Annabella, who will eat them for dinner." He wraps an arm
around my shoulders squeezing me to him.
"No way. Paisley is from the wrong side of the tracks. She's got spunk,
humor, smarts, and muscles. All Annabella has is smarts and muscles.
Then you add Rachel, who has humor and spunk. They don' t equal out.
They will take her down and I might just sit back and watch the show,"
I tell him, completely serious.
There has come a time in my life that I realize Annabella is  my best
friend. I love her to death and I will do just about anything for her. But
I won't let her ruin Pierce. I won't let her ruin my cousin. Because in the
long run, Pierce will always be here. Annabella won't.

"Can I talk to you?" Rachel asks after seventh period at our lockers.
I look at her and notice her chewing her lip. "As long as you don't lock
me in a room with Royal, then sure." I put my last book up and shut the
locker door.
Rachel rummages around for a second before closing her locker door.
"No. Believe it or not, I like you. I don't need you to make my brother
happy, because you make me happy. If I was just into this because of
him, I would have stopped talking to you the second you sent that text
message. "
Well  that's  nice  to  know.  We  walk  out  of  the  school  together  and  I
notice  Kellan  Dean  standing  by  her  car  long  before  we  get  there.
"Ummm... do you want me to meet you later?"
Rachel scowls when she notices him there. "Hell no. He cornered me in
the girl's bathroom during second period. He can wait till tonight."
When we get to her car, the look on his face is priceless. He looks at me
then at Rachel. "No Kellan, you didn't smoke too much weed during
lunch. Wesley here is my new best friend. She doesn't ask anything of
me and she listens when I have something to say. "
"Does your brother know this?" he asks, disbelief still written all over
his face.
She rolls her eyes. "Duh. He would notice when I bring home a tiny
cute blonde. Not when I sneak a hot brunette through my window at
night."
Kellan swallows hard and I want to laugh. He is really scared of Royal.
"Well  then.  I'll  call  you  later,  princess."  He  walks  over  to  her,  not
caring about who can see him and wraps his arms around her waist. He
nuzzles  her  cheek  and  my  heart  melts.  "Don't  have  too  much  fun
without me. I'll be missing you till then." He whispers all this, but since
my elbow is still linked with Rachel's, I hear it all.
She  sighs  all  dreamy  like.  "I'll  miss  you,  too."  Then  they  share  an
altogether hot kiss, which shouldn't have been in public.
Later, when we are sitting at a back booth in Selma's, this beautiful

café in Meadows, she tells me, "Okay, I promised I wouldn't force you
to talk to Royal, but I am going to force you to talk about him."
I knew this was coming. I take a bite out of my cinnamon roll and look
her in the eyes. "I really care about your brother. I  really want to be
with  him.  But  it's  one  of  those  things  that  will  never  work  out.  I'm
always  going  to  be  in  love  with  Trey.  It's  not  fair  to  him  to  start  a
relationship and put him through shit. I don't want him to hurt because
of it."
Rachel'  s  mouth  drops  open  and  anger  darkens  her  eyes.  "Are  you
really that dense?" Then she smacks me in the arm. "Oh my god! We all
know  you  are  going  to  love  Trey  forever.  That's  not  something  you
ever get over. Yeah, if he had cheated and dumped you for a slut, you' d
be over him by now. It' s the fact he was still with you that makes it
okay. It' s okay to always love him, Wesley. No one will ask you not to
love  him.  But  are  you  really  going  to  go  the  rest  of  your  life  alone?
Because that' s what this means. You won' t give your heart to anyone
else because Trey has a piece of it? Royal has a piece of it too or you
wouldn't be worried that you're going to hurt him.
"Royal knows you still love Trey. He wants you to love him too." Then
she pauses and chews on the inside of her cheek. I don't know about
you but I really wanted to hear the rest of this. "He loves you, Wesley.
He would give you the world if you let him. He talks about you all the
time. He has for weeks. I even remember when he saw you dressed up
as a duchess. I think he's been smitten ever since."
My  breathing  became  labored  at  some  point  and  I  stammer  out,
"What?"
Rachel  grabs  my  hand  and  holds  it  tightly.  My  own  foul-mouthed
anchor. "He. Loves. You. He won't come out of his room unless he has
to go to school. Channing comes over to see him and stuff, but that' s it.
He sits  in there and writes  music on his guitar  and plays stupid love
songs day and night. I'm actually surprised Channing hasn't been to see
you.  You  don't  hurt  his  Royal  without  payback."  Then  she  leans  in
close and whispers, "If those two were gay, they would be the perfect
couple."
This shocks me so much I laugh and snort at the same time. "Do you
think I could love him, too?"

She pretends to think on this for a moment and grins. "I think you've
been in love with him since the first time he called you Duchess. You
just don't want to see it because that means a dead guy and a guy full of
life are sharing your heart. But that's okay. No one gets to dictate how
you divide your heart. Love is love no matter what form it comes
in."
"You should really think about a career in what your mom does, " I tell
her, laughing at her expression.
She waves me off with a flick of her hand. "Please. I want to write
romance novels. There is nothing better in this world than love. I want
to write a story that shows someone how love can change your entire
life. I want people to see my books and know they are going home with
a great story that shows you what real love looks like. "
I hug her neck and say, "I think you'd be perfect at that."

Chapter Twenty-One
"Wesley Ann Bridges! " My named being screamed, instantly wakes
me up. I fell asleep on my hand and as I lift up my head, I shake my
hand to relieve the tingling. Then I start rubbing sleep out of my eyes as
I hear footsteps stomping up the stairs. Annabella walks into my room a
moment later. I'm only wearing one of Trey's shirts so I quickly throw
my bedspread over my exposed legs.
"What?" I say, grumpily.
The look on her face makes me instantly alert. That's Annabella's "I' m
fucking  pissed  at  you  and  you  are  going  to  die"  look.  "You  better
explain  and  you  better  explain  fast.  Why  the  fuck  is  Royal  Sanders
sending you flowers?" Her voice is sharp as nails and cuts my skin with
every word.
I  gulp,  so  not  ready  for  this  at  ten  in  the  morning.  "I  have  no  idea,
Annabella," I mumble, all but ready to lie my ass off. There is nothing
between Royal and I anymore.
"They are pink roses! " she screams, throwing one pink rose at me. I let
it fall to the bed so I don't get pricked. "How did he know you liked
pink roses? Huh?" She shoves her hands on her hips, her face more red
than I have ever seen.
The one thing I hate the most about fighting with Annabella is that we
know each other too well. In a minute she is going to start hitting below
the  belt.  Then  I'll  start  hitting  below  the  belt,  and  I  know  Pierce  is
around here somewhere. This is going to get ugly real fast.
I climb off my bed and get a pair of yoga pants out of my dresser. I
moved back into my room once the mirror was replaced and my room
looked more like my own. I shove my legs through the pants and pull
them  up.  I  shove  around  Annabella  and  run  down  to  the  first  floor.
There  is  a  vase  of  pink  roses  sitting  on  the  end  table  placed  in  the
hallway. I pick the card up and read it before Annabella snatches it out
of my hand.

Wes,
You might think it's over but it's not. I won't let you go without a fight.
So be prepared to be courted like those English ladies you like so much.
Love, Royal
"Oh my god," I say out loud, my mouth hanging open. My heart wants
to beat out of my chest in happiness. He remembered when I told him I
had always wanted to be courted like the women in my novels. And he
remembered  my  favorite  flowers.  Well  he  has  that  on  Trey.  Trey
couldn't remember small things like that.
"Why  would  you  do  this?  You  know  how  much  we  hate  them!  "
Annabella screams and I wince, hating how the sound scratches around
my skin.
I turn toward her and take her in. Long, honey-colored hair pulled up in
a  high  ponytail.  Feather  earrings  that  reach  her  shoulders  and  a
matching necklace, but it hangs in-between her breasts. Her red long
sleeve  blouse  Donovan  bought  her  for  Christmas  last  year  matched
with  skinny  jeans  and  black  leather  boots.  This  is  something  I  have
always found annoying about Annabella. She always looks nice. She
gets  up  at  the  crack  of  dawn  every  day  just  to  get  ready  for  school.
"That's  the  problem  with  you  Annabella.  You  hate  everyone."  My
voice is almost a whisper and I worry she didn't hear me. I don't have
the courage to say it again.
"You hate them, too! You're always talking shit about them with us!"
She is still screaming and I'm worried everyone in my house is

about to witness this show.
"No,  Annabella.  I  don't  hate  any  of  them.  I  love  Ash,  don't  get  me
wrong.  But  her  shit  with  Channing  is  not  our  problem.  If  Channing
wants to be cut off from his sister, then I imagine he has a good reason."
I  spy  Pierce  walking  up  the  sidewalk  from  the  window  in  my  front
door. "I know you don't want to hear me say all this, but I'm sorry, I
can't keep pretending with you. "
Pierce  sees  us  standing  in  the  entryway  and  quickly  opens  the  door
after noticing the way both of us are standing. "What's going on now?
Can' t you two go a couple years between fallouts? "
Annabella turns around to face him. I close my eyes because I don' t
want  to  see  the  disappointment  on  his  face  or  the  hurt.  "Wesley  has
been seeing Royal Sanders behind our backs! "
"Wh-what?" Pierce sputters. I keep my eyes firmly closed. I feel him
brush past me, heading for the flowers. I hear him growl and the noise
makes me shudder. "You have got to be fucking kidding me! " I haven't
heard Pierce this mad in a really long time.
"I think it's time you both left." Shock races down my body when I hear
Bentley speak, his voice wise beyond his years. "I'm not going to sit
here and listen to this bullshit. Wesley has been through enough. She
doesn't need either of you giving her a hard time about Royal. She feels
like shit enough because she gave him up. Because of you two! " I open
my  eyes  and  turn  around  to  see  him  descending  the  stairs.  He  isn'  t
wearing a shirt, only plaid sleeping pants, so I assume we woke him up.
His  face  is  beet  red,  just  like  Annabella's.  "Get  the  hell  out!  I'm  not
playing around. This is our house. You're not going to yell at my sister
like  you  fucking  own  the  fucking  world.  You  two  need  a  goddamn
wake up call. Not everyone agrees with you. Not everyone is going to
follow your every move. "
Pierce  and  Annabella  wear  matching  shocked  faces;  their  mouths
dropped open staring at Bentley. I grab Bentley's hand and squeeze it,
letting him know I am thankful. But I have to handle this on my own.
"He's right,  you need to leave. I'm not going to listen to both of you
putting me down for a relationship I' m not even in. And if I want to be
with  Royal  or  whoever,  then  you  can't  say  shit.  It's  my  decision.
Neither

of you have anything to do with it. Plus, you need to remember what
relationships you're in to begin with." With those parting words I head
up the stairs, pulling Bentley behind me.
I don' t watch them leave and I refuse to feel bad about anything I have
done.
***
Thanksgiving is coming up this week, and right now I'm not looking
forward to it. I haven' t heard from either Pierce or Annabella since this
morning. It's freaking Saturday and I'm bored. Rachel texted me earlier
this afternoon inviting me to a party at her house. I don' t know if I'm up
for all that. No doubt Royal will be there and that will make everything
just awkward.
A few hours later, I'm so bored I don't care who I see at the party. I pull
out some jeans and a blue shirt. I'm not sure it is even clean. When have
I ever cared what I look like?
I knock on Bentley's door but he doesn't answer. I open it a crack and
find he isn't even here. I wonder when he left as I make my way down
the stairs. It saddens me to realize I'm the only one home. Mom and dad
went into Dallas for dinner hours ago. That's fine because they hardly
get any time alone together. I have no idea where Bentley went. I kind
of want to text him to find out, but he might be on a date and that' s just
too weird for me.
I find my car keys buried under junk mail in the kitchen. I lock all the
doors before I head out the front door. I' m just letting go of the
doorknob when I feel someone behind me. God I hope its not Pierce or
Annabella.
I slowly turn around and find who I was dreading the most. Annabella
hasn't changed since this morning, but she redid her makeup. Pierce has
on a dark grey t-shirt and leather jacket. They both have their arms
crossed over their chests and I feel like I'm about to get arrested. "Can
we do this later?" I squeak out.
Pierce steps out first and the porch light shines on his face. He

looks beaten down. "I'm really sorry, Wesley. Ash sat both of us down
and had a talking to us. Apparently Bentley called, the little traitor. "
I shrug. "He was always more loyal to her than you two." Which makes
me so proud. It was really hard for Bentley to get close to the three of us
because we have always been the three of us. Ash though, she took him
right under her wing. She might appear meek and timid but she is far
from it.
Pierce flinches and I kind of want to smile. I don't know why it feels
good to see him figure out his mistakes. "It might take me a long time to
get used to it, but I will... agree to disagree... about your boyfriend. I
don't like him but Bentley told Ash he was the one there for you when
we got stupid. "
I don' t reply right away. I wonder about his words and then I decide to
forgive him. Pierce has spent his whole high school career pissed off at
Channing. He doesn' t even know him or Royal. He had no right to be
mad that I was seeing him. But that doesn't matter in the long run
because I'm not going to see him anymore. "You're forgiven. I just
want you to know, I didn't do it to piss you off or hurt you. He's a really
good guy, he made losing Trey easier. But that's all over now."
Annabella steps forward, uncrossing and re-crossing her arms over her
chest. "Are you sure? That note seemed like he wasn't going to let you
go." She chews on her lip like she wants to say more but doesn't know
how. Then she takes a deep breath and says it anyway. "I thought that
was pretty awesome of him. He doesn't want to let you go, so he's going
to act out one of your fantasies. One I have always found to be odd and
stupid, but then again, it's yours not mine."
Pierce scrunches his face up in disgust. "I wouldn't say fantasy. More
like a dream. Fantasy implies sex and I don't want to hear about their
sex life. "
Annabella and I both laugh at him, but in a good naturedly kind of way.
"Well if it makes you feel better, the sex was amazing." I grin real big
as Pierce turns green.
Annabella walks up the steps and hugs me tightly. "I'm sorry we went
psycho on you. Sometimes it just takes an older, wiser person to put
you in your place." Then she giggles. "Or a younger, wiser person to

kick  you  out.  It  doesn't  matter  how  we  came  to  our  senses,  it  just
matters that we have."
Annabella passes me to Pierce once we get to the bottom of the steps.
His arms wrap around my shoulders and I smile, breathing him in. "I
just want you to be happy. And if Royal Sanders makes you happy, I
don't give a shit if you're with him."
"I' m glad you said that, because we are headed to their party. I feel like
crashing tonight," I tell him,  moving toward my Kia. They both hate
my driving so they groan when I climb in the driver's seat. "Let's go,
dickholes!"
***
This  was  the  stupidest  idea  I  have  ever  had.  Royal  is  shitfaced  and
sitting on the couch just staring at me. At least Kellan and Rachel are
flirting near him and he's not trying to beat Kellan up. Kellan's cousin,
Brody, and his girlfriend, Lola, are damn near having sex on the couch.
But if you share a class that they are both in, this isn't anything new. It's
a  wonder  they  haven't  had  a  baby  yet.  "Do  you  feel  weird?  I  feel
weird," Annabella mumbles to Pierce behind me.
Pierce doesn't say anything, but I can see him in my head nodding his
head.  Good.  After  the  scene  this  morning,  they  need  some  payback.
Though  I'm  starting  to  realize  that  I'm  making  myself  feel  weird,
mainly for the fact that Royal won't stop staring at me.
"What  the  fuck  did  we  just  walk  into?"  Ugh.  That  voice!  My  thighs
instantly tighten and I kind of want to hit him. But I can't, considering I
think he's pretty cool.
"I don't know, baby." I turn to see Paisley Vaughn shrug her shoulders
while standing next to Channing.
He  leans  down  and  moves  her  sweater  a  little  off  her  shoulder.  He
bends over it and kisses her bare skin. If I'm not mistaken, I think she
has a bite mark there. Gross. "I'm going to go talk to Royal. You take
care of Wesley," he tells her after lifting his head. Then he presses his
forehead to hers. "Don't get tired. I'll be keeping you up all night."

My  face  wants  to  scowl  but  I  don't  because  that  was  kind  of  hot.
Channing winks at me on his way to Royal and I refrain from laughing.
I' m starting to realize Channing is a sneaky bastard.
"Hi, Wesley," Paisley says to me, holding out her hand. "I'm
Paisley."
I  roll  my  eyes  before  taking  her  hand.  "I  know  who  you  are.  The
Cinderella of Meadows." Pierce snickers behind me and she glares at
him.
Then she's scowling at me. "Look, I don't know you, you don't know
me. " She crosses her arms over her chest and looks over my shoulder. I
assume  to  peer  at  Royal,  who  is  still  shitfaced  drunk  sitting  on  the
couch staring at me. I know because I can feel heat wherever his eyes
touch me. "I do know that Royal is like my brother, and you're hurting
him. Which is hurting me. So we have a problem. "
At first I' m a little ticked off. So is Pierce, who I know is tense behind
me. I can feel the waves of anger. He really needs to see someone about
that. Then I realize she might have a little insight, considering she is
dating Channing. "How do you do it?" I question, adding a look like
pleading  to  my  eyes.  If  there  is  one  thing  you  should  know  about
Paisley,  she  has  a  huge  heart.  She  might  act  like  a  badass,  but  if
someone is hurting, she wants to fix it.
"Do what?" She asks, uncrossing her arms and leaning closer to
me.
"Be with one of them? I mean, I have money too, but my money isn't
good money. They have old money. They have trust funds that were set
up  before  they  were  even  thought  of."  I  pause  and  look  down  at  the
floor. "I know you are like that now, but you weren' t raised that way.
You're from the wrong side of the tracks. And Channing is a freaking
god." I feel myself blush when I look over at Royal. "So is Royal." This
is all total bullshit because I have no problem with my money or his
money. This is just me trying to play on her heartstrings.
She bites her lip and I watch her eyes cross over to Channing. "That's
the thing you have to remember. They aren't gods. They are human like
everyone else. You might not be able to believe that one of them loves
you, but they do. And just like with any good man, they love

with their whole heart. You feel like every time they look at you, you
become their goddess and you'll never know anything bad again in your
life."  Then she smiles at Channing,  who instantly smiles back. "You
might have bad parts, but that's in every relationship. You'll even cause
some of them." Then she laughs, seemingly lost in a memory. "I was
scared too, Wesley.  I didn't know what to do with him. But finally  I
realized that I was more miserable without him than I would ever be
with him. I gave him that one chance and he blew me away. " She looks
at me as I study her face to see if she's being truthful. "Just give him one
chance. I promise he won't blow it."
And then she walks away from me. And maybe she took some of my
doubt  with  her.  This  is  when  I  turn  around  and  pull  Annabella  and
Pierce with me. I walk us out the door because if I want to fix Royal
and me, I can't do it while he's drunk.

Chapter Twenty-Two
Thanksgiving for my family is always a huge affair. There are a lot of
us.  Lily  is  my  dad's  sister.  Their  parents  passed  away  when  I  was
younger, so  now  my  dad is the head of the family.  With  Lily comes
Ash,  Victor,  Pierce,  Donovan  and  Annabella.  Then  you  have  my
parents, Bentley and me. My mom and Lily always end up cooking the
big  meal,  and  all  the  girls  have  to  help  out.  The  men  sit  around  and
watch football or movies. It depends on who's playing.
Then we eat until we can't stand and we have to unbutton the top of our
pants to breathe. Afterward mom, dad, and Aunt Lily end up having a
drink  in  my  dad's  office  and  the  kids  sit  out  in  the  living  room  and
watch TV. Sometimes we bring our own drinks, but not enough to get
us drunk. Vic would have our asses.
***
After the party Saturday, in which my group left after the conversation
with Paisley, I haven't heard from Royal. Well, until today. It' s Sunday
morning,  and  we  have  to  go  back  to  school  tomorrow.  There  was  a
knock  on  my  front  door  at  ten  a.m.  and  there  stood  Channing
Southerland.
I was seriously shocked that he was at my house. I could see Paisley's
red head in his Jag but apparently he wanted to do this alone. "Royal
wrote  this  for  you.  He  didn't  want  to  bring  it  himself.  He  said
something  about  the  courter  always  having  someone  else  bring  the
letter. He was going to send it in the mail but that would've taken longer
than he liked." Then Channing handed me an envelope and left.
Now I'm sitting in my room staring at the letter, wishing I didn't have it.
Then I wish I had the courage to open it and read it. I can only

imagine what's written in there. I want it to be a love letter, but then I
want it to be a fuck off letter.
"Are you going to sit there and stare it all day, or open it? " Annabella
asks while sitting at my desk. She used some lame excuse about using
my nail polish to come over. I think she can't stand to be around Pierce
and Donovan at the same time. I don't want her around both of them at
the same time, so I agreed. Luckily, Donovan will be going home
tomorrow.
"If I say I'm scared will you hit me?" I question, biting my lip and still
staring at the letter.
Annabella huffs. "No, I'll only hit you if you don't open that thing and
read it. I can see the way you're looking at it. You have a mixture of
longing and scared shitless in your eyes. "
I pick up the envelope and carefully open it. My name is written on the
front in expressive cursive. I figure he got Rachel to write that part, that
way it would look pretty. My nerves shoot up when I pull the notebook
paper out. My palms get sweaty but I can't open it. I'm too scared.
"Oh for the love of god! " Annabella quickly snatches the letter out of
my hands and opens it. Her eyes move over the words written and I
start spazzing out. You know, breathing like a crazy person and trying
to pull my hair out. She finishes a few seconds later and smiles up at
me. "I never thought I would ever say this but Royal Sanders is fucking
awesome. Oh my god, if you don't read this I will kill you!" She throws
the letter at me and sits on the bed.
I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and scoop the letter off the
bed. I open it slowly and start reading:
Duchess,
I don't have pretty words. I don't even know that many pretty words, but
I do know that you are beautiful. Is that cheesy? I don't really care if it
is. I can remember the first time I ever thought you were beautiful. It
was in the third grade. You were dancing around with Annabella on the
playground. You looked so amazing, so free and full of

life. You didn' t care who was looking at you, you didn' t even care that
you had no rhythm or style. You just wanted to dance. And I remember
you telling Pierce that when he said you looked stupid. Even then you
were standing up to him. I think that' s why you cling to him so much.
You need him in your life because the shit he gave you, you gave him
right back. You have a relationship with him that I am so envious of. I
want to be that guy for you. I want you to give me shit and I give it right
back. I want to fight like an old married couple. I want to grow old with
you. I want those amazing green eyes to be the first thing I see every
morning and the last thing I see at night.
I'm getting ahead of myself. The next time your beauty really affected
me was when you showed up at school as a duchess. I' ve told you this
before, I know, but it' s worth repeating. You stole my breath in that
huge  dress  and  that  crazy  up  do.  And  you  carried  yourself  like  a
duchess. That' s what made me look up and notice. I didn' t know much
about you then, I just knew you were Pierce' s cousin. And he always
seemed to be standing in front of you. Annabella too. It took me a long
time to realize that they weren' t smothering you. They were protecting
you. I know you now, girl. I know you inside and out. You didn' t ever
want to stand out. I knew that the moment you said you were headed to
Harvard.  Most  people  would  have  been  shouting  that  from  the
rooftops,  but  you,  you  didn'  t  want  anyone  to  know.  Annabella  and
Pierce, they cover you, make you less important than you are. And this
last  year  you  needed  that.  You  needed  to  be  unnoticed  so  you  could
grieve for Trey.
That's the next time I thought you were beautiful. Channing and I were
out  grabbing  a  bite  to  eat  and  we  noticed  you  and  Trey  at  the
restaurant. The way he was looking at you, I wanted to look at you like
that too. You could see it in his eyes how happy you made him. That guy
loved  you  so  much  and  I  hope  one  day  you  can  let  me  love  you  that
much. I don' t want to replace Trey. I could never replace him. I don' t
even want to try. I just want to be with you. And I want you to glow like
you did that day, again. Because you were; you were glowing. I could
see how much he meant to you even then. I remember thinking I wanted
that so bad. I wanted to be so in love like that. Little did I know I would
one day want that love with you.

The next time I thought you were beautiful, is probably not a time you
would  like  to  remember.  I  realize  now  that  Trey  had  passed  months
before this. It was the first day of school this year. I don't think you ever
saw  me,  but  I  saw  you.  I  was  coming  out  of  the  swim  coach's  office
when I noticed you sitting on the blenchers in the gym. You weren' t
making  any  noise,  which  I  thought  was  strange  because  you  were
crying. I mean, really crying. You brought tears to my eyes; I could feel
your pain, Wes. I had no idea at the time what you were crying about
but I knew you loved whatever it was. You loved it so much it brought
you those heart wrenching tears I thought you were beautiful even with
puffy eyes and makeup trails. And you were beautiful because whatever
had  brought  you  to  that  point,  it  made  you  feel.  And  when  you  feel
something that strongly, you can see it in everything you do. I love that
about you. You don't just stick your foot in the water; no you jump in
headfirst.
Well, except for me, but I don' t blame you for that. I would have been
scared of me too, if I had lost someone like Trey. Which brings me to
the next time. That night you cried on my chest; that night you slept in
my bed, you changed me. Before that night I was shallow and I didn' t
care about much around me. I kind of floated through life, not really
caring  about  anything.  I  used  girls  before  you.  I  hate  to  even  admit
that, but it' s the truth. I used them because I could. I used them because
I wanted to. There' s no excuse for that. But that night you showed me
how I was being an awful person. You were so upset; I couldn' t get you
to stop crying. I couldn' t figure it out, but you trusted me anyway. You
trusted me enough to cry on and sleep next to, even though we didn' t
know anything about each other.
You made me realize I wanted to be a better person. I wanted to be that
guy you trusted, because before that night, I wasn't.
When I saw you in that hospital bed, I thought I might die. I couldn' t
figure out what was wrong with you. I just knew you needed me to lean
on, so I let you. And that' s what makes you so beautiful. You lean on me
even when I don' t deserve it. I wanted to hurt whoever made you feel
like that, but I never realized it was a dead man. I felt horrible when I
found  out.  And  at  one  point,  I  wanted  to  bring  him  back  just  so  you
would be happy. But this is real life and I can' t do that. Besides, I want

my time with you now. I know that makes me a selfish bastard, but I
don' t care.
I want you to know that you will always be beautiful, no matter what
state I see you in, but this one I' m about to talk about, it' s my favorite.
When you looked up into my eyes when we made love that first time, it
broke  me.  You  can't  imagine  how  I  handled  that  in  my  head.  You
showed me trust, comfort, and love all at once. I knew right then and
there I was in love, and there isn' t anything or anyone who can take
that from me. Even if you never read this, never give me the time of day,
I will always love you. That might be a serious thing for me to say since
I' m only eighteen, but it' s true, girl. You are all I think about, all I see.
Everyday life constantly reminds me of you. It hurts, but if being with
me isn't what you want, I'll let you go. But I don't honestly think you
want to let me go. I think you 're just scared. Of what, I'm not sure. I
can tell you I' m not going anywhere. I' ll be alive and kicking for a
long time coming.
What happened to Trey was a freak accident. One in a million. He didn'
t deserve to die, you didn' t deserve to lose him, but that' s life Wes. Life
is a fucking bitch and I hope this doesn' t give me bad juju. But she is,
she  takes  away  the  people  we  love  one  by  one.  Sometimes  she  takes
away a bunch of them at the same time. The choice we have to make is
whether to let them go, or hold on to them even in death. But you aren'
t living if you are doing that.
Wesley you aren' t living. You are sitting by that grave with Trey. You
haven' t left it since he was buried. Whether you want me or not, I want
you to leave that grave. I want you to move on with your life. I want you
to love again. I want you, most of all, to be happy. No one deserves that
more than you.
And  just  to  let  you  know,  I'll  always  be  here.  Forever  and  always.
Because in the long run, we were friends first and I will always be your
friend. Oh and I' m not done courting you. I plan on doing a lot more to
win you over, unless you tell me to go to hell. But I have hope on my
side. Hope that you won' t let me go forever. Hope that one day you
will walk through my front door and tell me you love me, too.
As you wish,

Royal
I wipe tears away from my eyes and wonder how I got so lucky. How
did I end up with Trey first and now Royal? That doesn't seem fair to
the  rest  of  the  world.  "He's  so  awesome,"  I  breathe  out  through  my
tears.
Annabella  moves  my  face  up  to  look  at  her.  She  swipes  her  fingers
under  my  eyes,  clearing  away  some  tears.  "If  you  don't  go  after  that
boy, I will. And we both know I have enough boy problems to begin
with."
I nod, because let's face it, it's true. "I'm scared though."
She  nods  as  well.  She  tucks  a  strand  of  my  curls  behind  my  ear.  "I
know. I'm scared for you. Because every time you have tried to let Trey
go, it didn' t go well. I think you need to at least give it a few days. Once
it settles in that Royal really wants you, you might find it's impossible
to be without him. Plus, I want to see what else he has in store for you.
" Then she winks.

Chapter Twenty-Three
I took Annabella' s advice. I sat on it for a few days. My mind always
wandered to that day I spent in his bed. How good it felt to be close to
Royal.  When  it  comes  down  to  the  nitty  gritty  stuff,  the  one  thing  I
want is to be happy. And Royal  makes  me happy. I  might be scared
shitless, but isn't that what makes it fun? I don't know what's going to
happen; I just know I need to let them happen.
And let me tell you, it took me two weeks to come to that conclusion.
Let's  start  with  the  day  after  I  received  Royal's  letter.  The  day  was
normal, I got up, went to school, and by the time History came around,
I was so nervous. I wanted to see him but I didn't want to see him. My
stomach  was  in  knots  and  I  couldn't  get  my  knees  to  stop  shaking.
Turns  out,  I  shouldn't  have  bothered.  Royal  ignored  me.  I  mean  I
looked  right  at  him  but  he  never  made  eye  contact.  I  couldn't  help
wondering for the rest of the day why he would send me that letter, only
to pretend he didn' t. He did this in seventh period too. And let me tell
you,  for  once  in  my  life  it  wasn't  someone  else  who  made  an  entire
room feel awkward. No, it was Royal and I. It was almost like everyone
was waiting for us to make a move before they started talking. Needless
to say, no one spoke at all during that class.
So that night when my phone went off, I got excited to see a text from
Royal. He sent me an audio file, which I thought was weird, because
neither of us are texters. I clicked to open the file and laughed when a
song started playing. A thought crossed my mind, reminding me that
gentlemen used to serenade their ladies. So I realized that is what Royal
was doing. The beat started playing, a song I didn't recognize at first.
Then Royal's voice started singing the words. I sat and listened to him
sing and then I hit replay three times before I went to bed. I couldn' t
stop listening to his voice. It is so rich and vibrant, just like him.

"Best of Me" by The Starting Line was the song. I had to look it up.
Apparently The Starting Line is an old emo band. I thought the lyrics
spoke to our situation. It actually grew on  me by the time I drove to
school the next morning. I had my iPhone plugged into the stereo and I
jammed it all the way to school, singing at the top of my lungs.
School was pretty much the same, except everyone in seventh period
decided  Royal  and  I  weren't  going  to  talk  to  each  other,  so  they
resumed  their  chatter.  I  got  another  song  that  night  and  it  totally
surprised me. Nicki Minaj's "Super Bass" was the inspiration this night
and it brought back memories of our first kiss. Except instead of Royal
doing the rapping, Rachel did. She did an amazing job. And at the end
of it she said, "I hope you liked tonight's song! I totally picked it out
and shit. But I felt I needed to serenade you a little as well considering
Royal and I come as a package." Then she paused and I could see her
biting her lip in my head. "You also talked some sense into my mother,
which I will be forever grateful for. "
The next night it was "A Thousand Years" by Christina Perri. Only this
time he didn't sing and neither did Rachel. I kind of liked that it was just
Christina Perri and I. After that I got "Unconditionally" by Katy
Perry, "Clarity" by Zedd, "Lights" by Ellie Goulding, and "With Me"
by
Sum 41. So the first week was generally happy. That's not true for the
second week.
First up was "I Miss You" by Blink 182. I cried not only because Royal
played it for me, but also because it was one of Trey's favorite songs.
You could hear the pain in Royal's voice. That was the first time I hated
myself for hurting him. It gave me chills and I wanted to run to him, but
I didn't. I was scared to death. I'm still scared to death.
"The Story of My Life" by One Direction  was a surprise. And while
listening to it, you might not think it's all that sad, but the next time you
listen to that song, think of Royal. Think of what I've put him through
and what he's gone through in life in general, and it might move you to
tears. Or it just might be me, because I'm the one hurting him.
"Wrecking Ball" by Miley Cyrus, I should have seen coming. While I
don't condone Miley's video for this song, I can love the song. It flows
incredibly well and the words hold such meaning.

I braced myself for "Stay" by Rihanna and "Love The Way You Lie"
by Eminem, but the last two... well they put a different light on things.
In the long run, with his silence at school and these songs, these last
two songs are what made me decide once and for all that I was in love
with Royal Sanders. I loved him. I couldn' t take it anymore. I couldn't
take  the  silence,  these  stupid  sad  songs,  and  I  couldn't  stand  not
touching him anymore.
"Promise"  by  Matchbook  Romance  had  me  on  my  bedroom  floor
crying my eyes out. But for a different reason. I listened to it for months
after Trey died. That song to me is about the loss of a loved one. About
death. What' s funny, instead of pushing me closer to Trey, it pushed
me  closer  to  Royal.  Because  for  once  he  made  me  see  that  he  was
feeling what I felt when I lost Trey. It's unbearable. I almost ran to his
house, in a t-shirt and panties with no shoes on. Annabella walked into
my room right when the song stopped playing. I told her I had to leave
and she told me it wasn't time yet. I told her to get out of my way and
she refused to let me.
When the last song came in, I understood. "Say Something" by A Great
Big World and Christina Aguilera. I got the meaning behind it loud and
clear. If I didn't make my move tonight, then he was done. This time, I
shoved on my yoga pants and a jacket before I raced down the stairs.
Annabella was standing by the front door, holding my keys out. "Did
you have something to do with this? " I ask, some things clicking in my
head.
She gives me her evil grin and nods. "I told him what songs to sing to
you. Plus a two-week  courtship is long enough. I just wanted you to
realize you loved him before you went to him. I wanted you to truly
know you wanted it. I know letting go of Trey is hard, but you deserve
a chance at love again. Even if it is with the enemy." Tears leak out of
her eyes and she sniffs.
I reach around her neck and hug her to me. "You deserve love, too. The
kind you want, not the kind you think you have to settle for. When you
find yourself at that crossroad, I'll help you find the right path." Then I
kiss her cheek and run out the front door.

By the time I make it to Royal's, I'm a nervous wreck. My palms are
making it hard to steer since they have gotten so sweaty. I can't stop
wiggling my toes or chewing on the inside of my cheek. I wonder who
I picked that up from?
When I park my Kia outside the Sanders house, it takes me a minute to
realize he is waiting for me. He stands on the front porch, wearing his
basketball shorts and a hoodie. He looks so amazing; I can' t even catch
my  breath.  I  don't  know  how  I  got  out  of  my  car,  but  I  know  I'  m
running right for him. His arms spread wide when I jump into them. I
slam my lips against his and kiss him like I'm dying. And maybe I am
because my heart has never beaten this hard. The moment his tongue
touches mine I know I have never felt like this. What I had with Trey
was real but it was simple and made me feel safe. Being in love with
Royal  is  completely  different.  He  makes  me  think  about  things.  He
makes me feel alive. Our love isn't simple but flawed. We make each
other better. Not that Trey didn't do that but he was already good. Royal
was lost and so was I. We found our way together and nothing has ever
been this beautiful.
When we break apart, I look deep into his eyes. His gorgeous, tender
brown eyes. "I love you," I whisper, a tiny smile playing about my lips.
His grin is huge. He leans down to kiss my nose. "I love you, too." Then
he kisses my mouth, slowly, but full of heat.
I break away, saying, "Come somewhere with me?"
He nods and I lead him to my car. I don't tell him where we are going,
nor does he ask. I think he's just happy to be with me right now. I know
I'm  more  than  happy  with  it.  I  don't  ever  want  to  be  away  from  him
again. Well, not for long periods of time.
When we make it to the graveyard, I can see Royal shift uneasily from
the corner of my eye. I want to laugh, but it doesn' t seem appropriate.
"I need you to help me with something. You think you're up
to it?"

He gives me a look but agrees with a nod of his head. "Trey's buried
here, isn't he?"
I nod and turn around to get my bag out of the back seat of my car. I set
the bag in my lap and turn to face him. He looks smushed in my car, his
long legs bunched up near the dashboard. He has to lean his head down
a bit so he doesn't hit the top of the car. "There are two reasons we are
here." I pause to take a deep breath, drawing on my inner strength. "I
wanted to tell you why I acted the way I did. I' m sure someone has told
you, but I want you to hear it from me. "
He leans toward me and opens the bag. He rummages around until his
big hands bring out the box. "This, right?" His voice is gentle but I can
hear the inflection. He's worried this is going to set me back.
"They might have told you I went nuts because of that, and I guess I
did. But that wasn't the whole truth. I got mad, full of rage." I look him
in the eyes, my hands flying around to express my feelings. "I was so
mad that I found it in that box. I was so ready to let Trey go, but it set
me back. I was so mad that I couldn't be with you. I know it was all
irrational now, but I wasn't thinking clearly. I just couldn't figure out
how I was going to let him go then. That ring means he was going to
marry  me, because I would have said yes." Royal flinches and I feel
guilty for saying that. But then I don't, because I want to be honest. I
want  to  throw  everything  on  the  table,  explain  why  I've  been  such  a
bitch. "Then I realized if Trey walked up to me right now and asked me
to marry him, I would say no. It may have taken me a long time, but I
finally realized that he is my past. He' s not coming back and I won' t
ever be with him again." Then I pointed at my heart. "He will always be
right here. He doesn't own my entire heart but he owns a little bit. But
you are in there now too, and you are my future. And I want to be a part
of that future, so that's the other reason we are here."
I climb out of the car, holding the ring box. I don't even want to open it
and  look  at  it  one  last  time.  I  honestly  haven't  looked  at  it  since  the
night I found it. My mom had put it in the safe in my parent' s bedroom.
I calmly asked for it, and she gave it to me. I could tell she was scared
to, but I didn't react. I have no reason to anymore. Because deep in my
soul, I have let Trey go. I no longer feel his imagined presence and

I no longer constantly think about him.
I open the back door and pull out the little hand shovel I found in our
shed. Royal climbs out too, a sad look on his face. He meets me at the
front of my Kia and I reach up and touch his face. "I want to give this
ring back to Trey. And the only way I know how to do that is to bury it
with him. "
"I think that's a good idea," he murmurs, as I take his hand to lead him
to Trey's grave.
I freeze once I get there. I had an entire speech planned out in my head
but I draw a blank once it comes time to speak it. When Royal stops
next to me and grabs my hand, I know what I need to say. "Trey, this is
Royal. I wanted you to meet the guy I' m in love with. I thought you
might like that. Everyone keeps telling me that you would want me to
be happy, and it took me long enough to find my own happiness. You
would want me to be full of happiness and love." Tears start to pour,
but  what  else  is  new?  "I  loved  you  so  much.  I  still  love  you,  but  I
moved on to a different love. My love has morphed and changed into
something else. It chose someone who is charming, funny, and full of
life.  Something  you  no  longer  have.  And  I'm  sorry  you're  gone.  I'm
sorry this happened to you, but I can't change it. I wanted to for months.
I tried to wish you back into existence, but it never worked.
"I'm giving you this ring back. I love it, but it's just not mine to keep.
And I wanted you to know, if you had asked while you were still alive,
my  answer  would  have  been  yes.  I  would  have  married  you  in  a
heartbeat. But you're gone and life moves on."
Royal sinks down to his knees and starts digging a hole for us to bury
the ring. It's at the foot of Trey's grave. I don't feel comfortable standing
on him. When Royal's done digging, I drop the ring box in the hole and
bury it. Then I stand up but Royal starts talking once I stand, "Trey, I
can promise you I will always take care of Wesley. I won't ever hurt her
and I'll be the best friend she ever had. And maybe one day, I'll make
her a wife and mother. I don't know if that will happen for sure, because
we are still in high school, but I do know I'll always protect her. " Then
he smiles. "It was nice to meet you, bro. Rest in peace. " He kisses my
head and walks back to the car.

"He's great, isn't he? I can see you in my mind standing in front of me,
telling me how good I did. You wouldn't have any hard feelings." I sit
down  on  my  butt  and  wipe  a  few  stray  tears  away.  "Anyway,  I  love
you. And I promise to bring you flowers on your birthday every year. I
promise to bring my husband and kids to meet you. And I promise I
will  never  forget  you.  You  will  live  on  inside  of  me,  because  that's
where you are safest. I'm going to miss you for the rest of my life. But
it's nice to know it won't ever hurt again, not like the first day. I have
Royal now, and he makes it better. Almost normal, actually. "
I stand up and walk to his headstone. I place a kiss there and whisper,
"Goodbye,  my  sweet  boy.  Sleep  in  peace."  Then  I  walk  away  from
Trey' s grave, tears flowing down my face and I reach for Royal.
He folds me in his arms and rocks me back and forth. "Will you stay
with me tonight?" he whispers against my hair.
"Always."

Chapter Twenty-Four
After leaving Trey's grave, I haven't felt so free. I kind of think I could
up and fly right off the ground. I don't try that though, because I know
it's never going to happen. But a girl can dream.
"I don't think I have ever seen you this happy," Royal whispers, as we
make our way up to his bedroom. Since my talk with his mom, she' s
been home a lot more. That means we have to sneak up to his room. It'
s  almost  midnight  and  for  some  reason  I  can't  wait  for  it  to  be
tomorrow. I've let go of everything that was holding me back. It's the
most amazing feeling ever.
"I've been this happy before, but right now I blame it on you." I smile
when he squeezes my hand.
Right before we pass Rachel's room, Kellan steps out. With no shirt on.
Like any girl with hormones, I check him out. His light green eyes are
wide,  fear  resounding  within  them.  His  brown  hair  hangs  down  to
about his chin and normally he swings his head around to clear his eyes
but  I  think  he's  too  surprised  to  do  that  now.  His  lips  are  full  and
swollen, most likely from Rachel's kisses. He's on the swim team along
with  Royal  and  Channing,  and  his  body  shows  it.  Lean  with  a  flat
stomach, his chest is slightly broader than I would have thought. His
arms have muscles but they aren't out of control.
Before I try to stop him, Royal punches Kellan in the face. His slender
nose  starts  to  pool  blood  while  he's  laid  out  on  the  floor.  "Royal!"  I
screech.
He looks back at me with a smile on his face. He winks before turning
back around to face Kellan. Since he seems so light hearted about the
whole thing, I decide to let it go. "I figured this would happen after that
party," he tells Kellan, reaching his hand out to help Kellan back up.
"You wouldn' t have gotten punched if you had come to me first. Just so
you know. " Then he moves to open Rachel' s door. I don' t

see Rachel but I hear her surprised gasp. "I know about Kellan now. No
need  to  keep  making  him  hide  his  car  and  sneak  in  through  your
window. Have a good night." Then he sticks his tongue out at her.
"You are an asshole! Go away!" She starts throwing something at the
door but Royal shuts it before he gets hit.
"I see you finally  came to your senses, Bridges," Kellan  murmurs to
me, while Royal laughs and keeps taunting his twin sister. "With you
around, things should be easier for me." Then he winks, crossing the
hallway to break up Royal and Rachel's spat.
Royal laughs the whole way to his bedroom. He enters before me, so I
shut the door and lean against it. I decide to take some of his fun away.
"They've been together for a lot longer than you think." His shoulders
stop shaking and he turns around to face  me, a question on his  face.
"Yeah, when I was coming around before, she told me they had been
sneaking  around.  Well,  I  don'  t  know  about  sneaking  around.
Apparently you're the only one who didn't know."
His lips get really small and he strides back toward the door. I won't
move out of the way and he looks down at me, his eyes angry. "Move. I
think Kellan needs to have his ass beat." His breathing is hard and his
chest rises and falls with the movement.
I don' t move. Well, not away from the door. I stand on my tiptoes and
kiss  his  neck.  I  let  my  tongue  come  out  and  gently  lick  at  his  skin.
"Why  would  you  go  and  do  that,  when  you  have  me  here?  Hmm?  I
have other plans for your hands, Royal." I whisper this into his ear and
grin when he shivers. "I'll let you do whatever you want, as long as you
stay here... with me."
He looks down at me, his eyes focused on my lips. "You play dirty, girl.
"  Then  he  kisses  me.  My  lips  open  up  immediately,  waiting  for  his
tongue. It's been so long since I was in his arms.
His hands move under my shirt, as his tongue enters my mouth. I suck
at it and then bite his lip. I might never have been in a true relationship
with Royal before now, but I do know what he likes in the bedroom. I
lift one of my legs to hook around his back, grinding myself against his
erection. He growls before removing his hands from under my shirt to
my yoga pants. He pushes them down along with my panties.

His  fingers  smooth  over  the  exposed  skin,  finding  my  sex  ready  for
him. "Someone's excited," he whispers against my lips before sinking
his tongue back into my mouth.
I  moan  around  it,  my  hips  chasing  his  fingers  around.  "It'  s  been
awhile." I gasp as he plunges a finger inside of me.
"Way too long." While his fingers control my body, he uses his other
hand  to  push  down  his  basketball  shorts.  I  reach  up  and  my  fingers
connect with the crown molding around his door. I lift my leg, the one
not  around  his  hip,  and  toss  my  clothes  off  my  foot.  They  are  still
around my other leg, but that's okay.
I lift my other leg around his hips and finally my eyes are level with his.
His brown eyes burn with passion, lust, and love. It's a dizzying effect
as he removes his fingers and pushes his erection inside of me. "Fuck,"
he mutters when he starts to thrust. "Why are you always so tight?" he
asks, rapture in his voice.
I shudder, those tingles I get below, shooting up to my lower stomach.
"Because I weigh one hundred pounds less than you do, " I gasp out,
rolling my hips while his hands move to my back, supporting me.
He  chuckles  my  favorite  chuckle  and  it  does  funny  things  to  my
insides. "Sarcasm during sex. That's a new one." He doesn't give me
time to reply as he slams his lips against mine. His tongue moves into
my mouth, mimicking what he's doing below.
It' s not long before I' m climaxing and clutching his hair. His hips jerk
a few times before he stills. Instead of letting me down to the floor he
keeps me against the door. His eyes are full of everything he's feeling
and  its  almost  more  than  I  can  take.  "I  love  you,  Wesley.  And  I'  m
seriously happy you came to your senses." He kisses my lips gently and
I smile around it.
"I  love  you,  too.  And  I'm  seriously  happy  I  came  to  my  senses."  He
pecks me again before gently moving out of my body.
He  looks  down  and  then  over  at  me.  His  face  is  clouded,  hiding
whatever it is that he's thinking. "What?" I ask, both eyebrows raised.
"We should really start using condoms. I'm too young to be a daddy. "
He kind of looks terrified, so I laugh. "I don' t really think it' s funny."

I shrug, because that's what I do. "I'm still on birth control. And from
now  on  I'll  be  naggy  and  make  you  wear  one."  Then  I  wink  before
moving to the bathroom to clean up.
When I come back out, all hell has broken loose. Michele is standing at
Royal's front door with her arms crossed over her chest. "At least it's
you. I had horrible images of some bimbo with air for brains."
My eyes widen and my mouth falls open. "Hi, Michele." What? It' s the
only thing I could come up with.
She snorts and looks back at Royal. "Well the two of you can join the
other two and me in the dining room. " Royal clenches his fists but I
gently pry one apart and link my fingers with his. He looks down at me
and smiles. Then we follow Michele down to the dining room.
Kellan, who still isn't wearing a shirt, and Rachel, who's in a robe, are
sitting with their arms crossed at the table. "I didn't tell her I swear. I
thought she took her damn pill and went to sleep. She caught Kellan in
the kitchen getting food, then she heard a thump in your room, " Rachel
rushes out, looking angry and scared all at once.
"I know you didn't rat, Rach. Stop bugging out." Royal quiets her and
sits down at the table. I move to the chair next to his but he pulls me
into his lap. "You're sitting here if I'm about to get chewed out. It will
make me feel better," he whispers in my ear so I relax against him.
Michele stands at the head of the table and looks over us all. Then she
just shakes her head. "I don't even know what to say. It's after midnight
on  a  school  night  and  I  find  both  my  children  in  inappropriate
positions." She glares at Rachel and I assume Rachel wasn't wearing
that robe when she found her.
"I  don't  mind  either  of  you  having  relationships,  especially  if  they're
with these two. I approve of your choices, I just don't approve of the
late  nights.  All  four  of  you  are  still  in  high  school.  You  aren'  t  old
enough to be staying the night together and having sex at all hours of
the night." She puts her hands on her hips and starts pacing. "I don't
even  know  how  to  punish  you.  On  the  one  hand,  I'm  angry  that  you
would betray my trust like this. Then I remember I haven' t been around
for a long time, so I wonder how long these late nights have been going
on. Then it makes me sick to my stomach because I'm way too young to
be a

grandmother.  I  just  hope  at  this  point  everyone  has  been  using
protection." She's too busy pacing for her to notice Royal stiffen. I want
to laugh at him. Not only am I on the pill, but I'm not fertile now, nor
was I the last time we did it. I guess I didn't tell him that. Oops.
"Mom, before you start talking about the birds and the bees, just stop.
I'm  pretty  sure  we  all  know  how  babies  are  made.  Just  get  to  the
punishment, please," Rachel states placing her head on her palm.
Michele rolls her eyes. "I'm the parent here. I believe at this point and
time, I have the right to talk about whatever I want. But you are right. I
believe we are all familiar with the birds and the bees." Then she sits
down  at  the  table  and  looks  over  all  of  us.  "First  up,  your  curfew  is
eleven on school nights. Two in the morning on weekends. I think that'
s  fair.  "  Rachel  and  Royal  nod.  "When  you  have  company  of  the
opposite sex, you will leave your bedroom doors open. There will be no
sleepovers or late night sneaking in the window. Y'all aren't married.
You're still children. Mature children, but children nonetheless."
"That  all  sounds  fine,  mom.  But  can  I  ask  why  you  feel  the  need  to
punish us now, when before you didn't seem to care one bit?" Royal
growls out. I can tell he is getting more upset the more she talks.
Michele flinches and I feel for her. I remember what she said about her
cancer and when she stayed away from her children. Then I decide to
get into everyone' s business. "You should tell them about the cancer,
Michele." I speak up softly but everyone hears me.
"I believe you are right, Wesley. Once again I've been given advice by
a patient." Then she kind of glares, kind of smiles at me.
Royal stands up real fast, planting  me on  my feet gently.  "You have
cancer? Why didn't you tell us?" he demands, hitting his fists against
the table.
"Mom?"  Rachel  asks,  and  then  she  looks  at  me.  "And  how  did  you
know, but I didn't?"
I look down at my feet and shrug. "It's not my story to tell, Rachel. It's
your mom's." Then I look over at Kellan. "We should probably leave.
This seems like a family matter. "
He looks relieved but I don't know why. I don't ask either. Everyone
has something to hide at some point in his or her life. "Rach,

just call me later." He kisses her and gets out of his seat.
Royal looks over at me and frowns. "How about you call me later,
too?" It's more of a question than a statement. He nods.
Kellan and I leave the house, to the sound of Michele explaining to her
children about her cancer. Later that night Royal shows up at my house.
I'm too happy to see him to get on him for disobeying his mother. He
doesn't speak. He just pushes me against my bedroom wall. His kiss is
hard, desperate, and frantic. I enjoy the hell out of it. He pulls my hair
gently, arching my neck so he has better access to my lips. We end up
on my bed, where our lovemaking is hard and fast.
Royal kisses me on the forehead before he gets up to leave. "I love you,
girl." After he pulls his pants on he leans over me again and kisses me
gently. "Thank you. "
I grin. "You don't need to thank me. Your mom should have done that
sooner. "
He shakes his head, a big smile on his gorgeous face. "No, thank you
for being you. You make it so easy to love you. " He makes it so hard to
have a comeback.

Chapter Twenty-Five
Royal stands a few feet away. His gorgeous brown locks fall into his
brown eyes. Always the roguish lord with his cocky smile. He makes me
want to run into his arms...or run in the opposite direction.
"Wesley,  always  a  pleasure,"  he  states,  tucking  his  hands  into  his
pockets. Hands that pushed me against the wall in my room last night.
Hands that pulled my hair gently to get the right angle for his lips.
Cue the shiver.
"Royal.  It's  never  a  pleasure."  I  hear  Annabella  and  Pierce  snicker
behind me.
I want to roll my eyes but I don't. Why can't the people I love get along
with my Prince Charming? Why must we be a secret? I shouldn't have
to suffer because Channing wants nothing to do with Ash. It's not my
fault. It's definitely not Royal's.
"Why  don't  you  move,  Sanders?  Some  of  us  have  better  things  to  do
than bow to your presence," Pierce says from behind me.
Royal's  eyes  twinkle  because  he  knows  what  I  want  to  do.  I  want  to
smack my cousin. Then I want to kiss Royal's full lips and get lost in the
way he makes me feel.
"Sorry  Pierce,  I'm  just  admiring  the  view.  Your  lovely  cousin  is
something to look at." My heart beats like crazy. What will Pierce do?
"Excuse me?"Pierce growls.
My spine stiffens and before things get worse, I lunge forward and kiss
Royal. My hands quickly bring his lips to mine. His hands quickly hold
my face. I keep it simple because we are at school. His lips are warm
and sweet, like rich chocolate.
We break apart and I look up at him and smile. "There's my queen," he
whispers, as he rubs his thumb across my cheekbone.
I close my eyes and smile before taking in the scene around me.
Before Trey died I would have never been in this situation.

Everyone is looking at us. Pierce's mouth keeps opening and closing
like a fish and Annabella looks like she might faint.
I  notice  Channing  and  Paisley  just  behind  them,  but  they  look  way
happier than my family. They both wear smiles. "Bout time, Bridges,"
Channing  speaks  out  in  his  crazy  voice.  It  still  makes  me  want  to
tighten my legs together.
"Are you kidding me right now? Are you serious?" Pierce's face has
turned red and I think he might blow. "There's anyone you could have
moved on to, but you disgrace Trey's memory with him?"
Royal places his hands on my shoulders, always ready to defend me. I
stop him when I speak, "Trey would want me to be happy. Royal makes
me happy. Our issues have nothing to do with him. You know
that."
Pierce  glares  at  me.  Everything  is  a  battle  with  him.  It  seems  he's
fighting for stuff he has no need for. "If you're going to be with him,
then we can't be family."
All the blood drains from my face. My knees give out and I lean back
against Royal.
This  is  the  moment  I've  been  waiting  for.  The  moment  where  I  put
Pierce in his place. No longer will I be left out or left behind. It won't
even hurt anymore because I won't have to worry about what he thinks.
We will be nothing to each other.
Only I feel hurt that he would make me choose. But I always care way
more than I should.
I regain my footing and take one of Royal's hands in mine. "So be
it."
Then I walk away. Hand in hand with the enemy.
I wake up with a start from my dream. I have to pat myself down to
make sure I'm not at school.  I know it's just  a dream;  something  my
mind  came  up  with.  I  just  can't  help  thinking  that  it  might  be  what
happens today. I mean, that' s my worst fear. Having to choose between
my boyfriend and my best friends. Boyfriend. that sounds so right and
amazing. Even after two years with Trey, I never felt like this.
Though I've come to see that with every person you love, you love

them differently. I just love Royal with a different kind than I did Trey.
And that' s okay.
My phone goes off and I reach for it off my bedroom floor. I have a
new text message from Royal. I open the text message to find a new
song. This time he didn't use anyone else's words. He used his own. His
voice comes through clear and strong. His voice is so beautiful I can' t
find words to describe it. I'm just happy he sings to me.
I' ve watched you grow I' ve watched you change When you walked
into my life I had nothing by shame There' s a part of me That will
always need you There's a part of you That will always rise above
Standing behind the line
I noticed your beauty
Way before you ever saw mine
And I am beautiful
With you beside me
We' ve made something meaningful
Something we shouldn' t give up
For you girl, I'd do anything
I' d walk my ass right to the moon
For you girl, I' d change anything
I' d take all your pain, even if it were to soon
For you girl, I' d love anything
I' d make you happy, to the loss of anything
You' re the reason I' m still breathing You' re the reason I' m the man
I am today Stars in your eyes

You can finally dream again
Death no longer knocks at your door
He rests peacefully in the arms of heaven
Because I gave you the strength
To let him go
You dragged me through the mud
My heart broke into pieces
I thought I was just a stud
You didn' t want me for all these reasons
Though I wasn't guilty of any treason
I told you, you would break me
Now I need you to save me
For you girl, I' d do anything
I'd walk my ass right to the moon
For you girl, I' d change anything
I' d take all your pain, even if it were to soon
For you girl, I' d love anything
I'd make you happy at the loss of any boon
I love you
I cherish you
I savor you
They all mean the same thing I' ll always be here for you
For once in my life, I didn't cry. No, I listened and I fell in love all over
again. At the end he simply says, "This is called 'For You'. I love you,
Wes. See you at school. "
So  I  get  out  of  bed  and  get  ready  for  school.  I  admit,  I  was  kind  of
nervous considering the rift between my group and his group and my
stupid  dream.  I  know  Pierce  and  Annabella  know  about  us,  but  that
doesn't change the fact that they are.. .Pierce and Annabella.
When  I  make  it  down  to  my  living  room,  Pierce  and  Annabella  sit
around with Bentley. They are joking around and having a good time so
I

instantly relax. "Good morning," I tell them, bright and cheery.
Bentley  looks  like  I  punched  him  in  the  face.  While  it'  s  comical,  I
haven't wanted to punch him since he was seven and set my cat's tail on
fire. "Did you just sound. happy?" he questions, standing up from the
couch.
"She's in love again. You remember how that was right? She's going to
be a Stepford wife and shit." Annabella has a way with words, doesn't
she?
Pierce  gently  slaps  her  arm.  "You  promised  you  wouldn't  be  rude
today. We've caused enough shit with Wes. Just smile and bear it."
Annabella  rolls  her  eyes.  "While  I  appreciate  the  concern,  I'm  not
worried  about  Annabella.  She  speaks  her  own  language  and  we  all
know
that."
Annabella grins and slaps Pierce back, not gently. "Yeah, you hear that,
you big oaf? I' m unique and there is nothing you can do about it!" This
starts a verbal argument I have to listen to the entire way to school.
Tired of my friends when I park at school, I don't even bother to wait
for them to exit the vehicle. Besides, I see my tired looking boyfriend.
"Here  goes  nothing,"  I  mumble,  adjusting  the  backpack  strap  on  my
shoulder.
My backpack hits my butt as I make my way over to Royal. He notices
me and breaks away from his friends. "How are Pierce and Annabella?"
he inquires, looking behind me. His arms wrap around my waist and I
smile.
"They are fine. I've just had to listen to them bicker the entire way to
school. I know it's only ten minutes but I'm exhausted." I lay my head
against his shoulder as he chuckles.
"Well,  I  can  think  of  a  few  more  reasons  you  might  be  exhausted."
Then I playfully smack his butt.
I take my head off his shoulder and look up into his tender brown eyes.
"Can we get this over with? The anxiety is getting to me. "
His face darkens a bit, but not much. He grabs my hand and pulls me
over to his friends. Paisley and Channing, who are still together, wear
matching  grins  but  I  figured  that  was  coming.  Rachel  is  talking  five
hundred miles an hour to one of the girls standing there, while Kellan
has

a hand on her hip. No one blinks when Royal walks up with me. He
stands next to Channing, who's cuddled up to Paisley. I stand in front of
Royal and his arms go around my shoulders. He starts a conversation
with  Channing  but  I  don't  feel  like  talking  to  anyone.  So  I  close  my
eyes and rest against Royal's chest.
That is until Rachel gasps and I hear Annabella speak. "We've decided
since our friend has joined the dark side, we might as well, too. Don't
worry, you don't have any choice in the matter. If Wesley is here, we
are here." I open my eyes to see her climbing on the hood of Channing's
Jag. Pierce rolls his eyes but winks at me.
"We've had this talk before Annabella.  You can't just invite yourself
into  a  group."  I  try  so  hard  not  to  laugh  at  her  shocked  expression.
That's what I love about her; she is so dramatic but pretends she isn't.
"Well, Paisley likes me. We all know she's the only one who matters."
She leans back on the hood and props herself up on her elbows. If she
was wearing a bathing suit she would appear to be sunbathing.
Paisley snorts. "She's right, you know."
Pierce stands there, looking awkward as hell and I want to hug him.
Pierce  would  do  anything  for  Annabella  and  I.  Even  endure  these
people because we want him to. So I break away from  Royal to pull
Pierce over to us. "Just stand there and look intimidating. No one will
speak to you then," I whisper, as he slides up next to Royal and me.
Pierce nods and drops his backpack on the ground. He crosses his arms
over  his  chest  and  glares.  Everyone  looks  shell-shocked  but  they  go
back to their conversations. "Thanks, Wes," he whispers back to me.
Channing's group includes a weird guy named Vince, who I've tried to
stay away from since I saw him corner a freshman in the hallways at the
beginning of school, then we have Jasmine, who is bubbly and full of
life. I kind of think she's a moron, but whatever. Then there is the tall
blonde girl who always has her tongue down Paisley' s cousin's throat,
Lola. Brody is the cousin and I'm pretty sure they don't even know we
came  over  to  the  group.  I  know  it  seems  like  a  lot,  but  if  don'  t
remember any of them, its not a big deal. I kind of forget they are there
myself.

I turn and look at Channing when he asks me a question. "Can you get
Annabella off my car? I just had the paint redone." With that he gives a
grin to Paisley. I didn't get to witness it, but I overheard some chicks in
class talking about how Paisley keyed Channing's car. Paisley blushes
but grins back.
"Annabella, get off the car, " I tell her with both my eyebrows raised.
She  rolls  her  head  toward  me  and  smirks.  "Why  would  I  do  that?"  I
smile like she's a kid and I know better than her. "Because secrets make
friends. "
"You are no fun!" she exclaims while climbing off the car. "Wait till
you do something I don't like. I won't threaten, I'll tell."
"Oh?  So  if  you  tell  some  of  my  secrets,  I  guess  I  can  just  tell  all  of
yours."  I  wink  and  turn  around  in  Royal's  arms  as  he  lets  out  that
chuckle I love so much.
"You are so cute," he murmurs, leaning down to kiss me. I let him, only
to hear the bell ring.
I pout my lip but I don't let him go. "Let's just stay out here all day," I
offer.
He grins but shakes his head. "Unlike you miss smarty pants, I have to
pass my classes." He starts walking forward, carrying me a few inches
off the ground. I make a face but he just laughs. When we get to the
front  steps  he  lowers  me  back  down.  He  raises  his  hands  to  cup  my
cheeks.  His  thumbs  caress  my  cheeks  and  I  shiver.  "I  love  you,  girl.
And always will. "
"I  love  you,  too."  He  gives  me  a  tiny  kiss  on  my  lips  before  joining
Channing  at  the  top  of  the  steps.  He  waves  before  they  go  into  the
building.
I'  m  waving  back  when  a  bony  arm  links  elbows  with  mine.  Then
another arm links with my other arm. Rachel on the left and Annabella
on the right. Paisley looks at us and winces. "How long have y'all been
friends?  I  didn't  think  you  would  be  buddy  buddy  with  Royal's
girlfriend so fast. You know, since you've all hated each other since the
beginning of time?"
Rachel glares at Paisley. "Lets not get into all the hate right now. I

could go on for days about who hates each other in this school." Rachel
spits out. "But to answer your questions, we've been friends for weeks.
And it was a secret because we didn't want to upset the devil twins."
"The devil twins?" Paisley asks, a giggle right behind her lips.
"Yeah. Pierce and Annabella," Rachel answers, like this should have
been common knowledge.
"That's really funny, Rach. Pierce and I used to call Royal and you, the
devil twins." That's when they start glaring at each other.
I break away and climb the stairs to stand with Paisley. "This is going
to be a long, hard relationship. "
Paisley nods. "Yeah, but it's worth it. Love is a magical thing."
I think about how happy I am right now and how happy Royal looked
and I get butterflies in my stomach. "Yeah, he's so worth anything."

Chapter Twenty-Six
Three Months Later. . .
"What  I  wouldn't  give  for  some  privacy  in  my  own  house,"  Royal
grumbles, as we lay on his bed listening to Rachel and Paisley chitchat.
The two girls sit on his couch while Channing plays a video game. I
think  it's  Bioshock  3  but  I  can't  be  sure.  I  can't  tell  the  difference
between one and two, let alone three. Even after watching Royal play
all of them.
"Well you did invite them over." Then I giggle. "Plus I invited Pierce
and Annabella, so it's about to get a little louder."
He groans. "Annabella and Rachel together always ends up being loud.
They always end up fighting over something and then pretending they
didn't."
"Well,  Kellan  should  be  here  any  minute,  so  that  should  distract
Rachel." We both laugh and draw attention from everyone else.
"Why don't you two get out of bed and come join the real world! You
two spend every waking moment together. I don't know how you aren' t
sick of each other yet," Rachel complains.
Royal sits up and glares at her. "Just because Kellan can't spend all his
time with you, doesn't mean you have to put down the rest of us."
She sticks her tongue out at him. "Please. He could never get tired of
me, I' m fucking perfect! " She says it in a singsong voice and Royal
throws a pillow at her.
I tap his shoulder and move to get off the bed. "We really should get up.
We can't make love with all these people in here." This makes Rachel
gag and I giggle.
"Did you really just say 'make love'? What, are we in the 19th

century?" Channing asks while still tapping away at his controller.
"No,  we  aren't,  but  it's  better  than  saying,  'sex'  or  'fucking'  or  '  mad
monkey sex' as Rachel likes to use. Royal and I make love, no matter
where we are or how fast we go." I get a sick sense of pleasure as I take
in Rachel's green face.
Paisley scrunches up her nose. "She has a point. Though getting you to
use 'making love' would be a wish that will never come true. Anything
that makes you look less like a man, and all that bullshit. "
Channing glares at her. "I love you, that's the best you are going to get
from me. "
Paisley smiles. "I love you, too. That's why I take you as you are." Then
they share a gentle kiss.
Rachel immediately starts texting on her phone and I sigh. "Kellan will
get here when he gets here. "
Rachel looks up at me and winks. "I know, but I told him what I want
him to do to me when he gets here. I went into plenty of detail. You
want to read?"
It's  Royal's  turn  to  turn  green.  "Fuck  no!  Put  that  shit  away.  It's  bad
enough you're having sex. I don't need visuals."
She smiles. "Don't worry, I'm not texting him all that. Apparently he's
having an issue with his dad and he won't be here for a little while."
Then she just looks sad.
"What's up with Uncle Nathan?" Paisley asks, trying to take Rachel' s
phone.
Outrage  covers  Rachel'  s  face  now.  "It'  s  none  of  your  business.
Besides, I don't know anything. His text just says his dad needs him and
he' ll be over later. "
When  my  phone  starts  ringing,  I  get  a  sick  feeling  down  my  spine.
"Titanium" blares out of my phone. That's  Ashley's  ringtone and she
never calls. She texts. I don' t reach it in time, so I wait for her to leave
me  a  voicemail.  Before  she  can,  it  starts  ringing  again,  this  time  its
"Timber". "Van? What's going on? Is Aunt Lily okay?"
"Mom's  fine,  Wes."  He  doesn't  say  anything  else  and  that  feeling
moves down my spine again.
"What's wrong, Van?" Royal has moved off the bed and now

stands behind me. He places his hands on my shoulders and starts to
rub them when he finds them tense.
"She broke up with me," he whispers, and my stomach drops. It's the
one moment in my life that I wish had never happened. I know Pierce is
in  love  with  Annabella.  I've  always  known  she  picked  the  wrong
brother. I just never thought she would do this.
"When?" Three days ago, Pierce and Annabella left on a road trip. They
were supposed to be back by now. I didn' t think anything of it. They
have been doing it for spring break for the past three years.
"Three days ago," he replies, and I can hear the anguish in his voice.
I'm speechless. Truly, deeply speechless. I don't know what to tell him.
When  I  invited  them  over  to  Royal's,  I  didn't  speak  to  them  on  the
phone.  I  just  texted.  Annabella  texted  back  that  they  would  be  over
later. She lied to me. They both lied to me. They've lied to everyone
around them. This betrayal hurts more than anything I've been through.
I drop the phone down to my waist and just stare at the wall. They have
ruined my family. I told her all those years ago to leave Pierce alone.
And she told me she didn't feel that way about him. I understand you
love who you love, but there is  a line. You don't string two brothers
along.  Because  when  Van  finds  out,  he's  going  to  blow  up.  There  is
going to be a huge rift in my family now.
Royal takes the phone out of my hand but I hardly notice. I hear his
amazing voice behind  me but I can't  make sense of his words. I just
stare at the wall. What am I going to do?
Rachel walks up beside me and pulls me away from the wall. "Ashley's
here."
I look over to the doorway and see my beautiful, older cousin and I hurt
for  her.  I  cross  over  but  stop  halfway  when  I  notice  she's  staring
wide-eyed  at  Channing.  "You  look  just  like  him,"  she  whispers,
dumbstruck.
Channing has turned pale and Paisley stands beside him,  holding his
hand. "So do you," he mumbles, his lips barely moving.
"Ashley..." I say, trying to break up this awkward situation. She turns
her head toward me and the spell is broken. "I was waiting for you

to leave me a voice message but Van called. Where are they?"
Her face goes from shock to rage. My cousin is the sweetest, kindest
person I have ever met. That's why Victor loves her so much. "I have
no idea. I was hoping you knew. I had no idea she even broke up with
Van. He called and he sounded horrible. I didn't tell him that Court was
with her. I didn't tell him they left together. I feel so horrible for lying to
him." She leans against the doorway and starts to sob.
"He  knows.  Apparently  Annabella  posted  pictures  on  Facebook."
Royal pauses and swallows, hard. "Apparently they are pretty bad. "
"What is pretty bad?" Ash asks, but we both look at my boyfriend.
Royal just shakes his head. "Oh my fucking god! " Rachel exclaims and
we all turn toward her. She jumps up and runs over to me, her phone in
her hand. She shoves it in my hands and looks up at Royal. "Things are
about to get real bad. "
What I see in those photos fill me with rage and a long-lasting hatred
for my best friend. At first they are innocent. Just them at the beach, the
Gulf of Mexico, beautiful behind them. Some are in the car, just them
goofing off and having fun. Then they get really bad. As in, they are
kissing in front of the Gulf of Mexico. There are even a few where they
are kissing in a hotel bed.
"I' m going to be sick," I mumble, dropping the phone and running to
the bathroom. I throw up the pizza Royal and I had for dinner. Someone
holds my hair up so I don't get vomit on me.
When I finish, I find Royal in the bathroom with me. He holds out a cup
of water and I take it. I take a drink and swish the water around. Then I
spit it in the toilet. "How could she do that to Donovan? How could she
take  two  and  a  half  years  and  hurt  him  like  that?  It's  not  his  fault
Annabella is a bitch. I knew she was going to do this. I kept praying
that she wouldn't, but this is what she does. She ruins everything. She
pushes everything good out of her life." I slam my head back against
the cabinet and grit my teeth. "Pierce is in love with her. Like there is
no  one  else  on  this  planet  for  Pierce  but  Annabella.  She's  going  to
destroy him."
Someone knocks on the door and I groan. "It's me," Ash says, and I tell
her to open the door. When she comes in she looks distraught. "I just
want to find them. "

"Annabella  said  they  were  coming  over  here  later.  Just  sit  and  wait.
You know her, you can't hurry her anywhere," I say, my voice weak.
Ash leans on the floor and cups my cheek. "You shouldn't worry about
this, Wes. The moment Annabella chose Van, I knew this was going to
happen. I knew she was going to ruin my family. I honestly think that's
what she wants. I have no idea why, but maybe somewhere in her crazy
head, she has a reason. "
"I have to worry. She's going to destroy Pierce, Ash. I can't let her do
that. I can't let her hurt my Pierce," I whisper, tears starting to fall down
my face.
Ash hugs me tight to her chest and we both cry. I think we get this from
Aunt Lily, because Ash is always crying, too. "Ash?" Victors booming
voice shocks both of us.
Ash looks a little sheepish when she pulls away. "I totally forgot I left
him downstairs with Mrs. Sanders." Then she turns her head toward the
door. "We're coming out, love."
Then with Royal' s help, they get me off the floor. Victor stands right
outside  the  door  and  his  face  is  pissed.  He  looks  at  me  and  I  flinch.
"Where is  my sister?" Royal feels me tense up and backs me behind
him.
"I have no idea," I squeak out, popping my head around Royal's
back.
Victor eyes him up and down. His face doesn't change but I can tell he
approves.  Oh  what  joy,  my  cousin's  boyfriend  approves  of  my
boyfriend.  All  my  dreams  have  come  true.  "Vic!  Royal  is  going  to
punch you in the face if you don't stop scaring Wesley. You know how
she is with you. "
Victor grunts but moves around the room to stand by Ash. Royal still
stands in front of me, while Channing glares at Victor with his hands in
fists.  Paisley  looks  pissed  off  too  and  I  see  Rachel  took  her  pepper
spray out of her purse. I take a deep breath. "Sorry guys. Victor and I
have a... weird past. He isn't going to hurt me."
Everyone seems to stand down. I told Royal about Victor a long time
ago. I can still hear him screaming whenever he talks. I just hate that it's
not even his fault I'm scared of him. I meet his eyes and try to smile. I
kind of want to cry when I see the hurt. He wants me to love him

because Ash is his, and I do. I love Victor, like I love the rest of my
family; he's just hard to be around.
We all decide to sit around and wait for Pierce and Annabella. I guess
since Channing and Ashley haven't seen each other in a long time, they
decided they needed to talk. If only I had known it was that easy. Could
have saved a lot of bullshit in my life.
Paisley and Victor sit beside their loves, but you can tell how happy
they are. Finally Channing grows some balls. Paisley and I have been
working  on  him  for  three  months.  He  hasn't  budged  once.  If  I  had
known he only needed to see her, I would have planned a secret attack.
Two hours go by and we try to do things, but we can't. Our minds are
on  what  lays  ahead.  Confrontations  with  Annabella  are  never  fun.
That's why I'm glad Victor is here. He doesn't put up with her shit and
she knows it.
My phone rings and it's Pierce. No one else knows it's Pierce because I
used one of the factory ringtones. Pierce isn't really a music guy. Royal
and I sit side by side on the bed and he sees Pierce's name. He nods
when I pick it up. "Hello?"
I can feel all eyes on me. But I don't meet any of them. I hear a sob and
my shoulders slump. "She left. "
"Where are you?" I whisper. That sob brings back so many memories.
"Please. "
"In Royal's driveway." He sobs again and I throw my phone down.
"Ash, he's outside. I think I should go first." I look at Victor and make
eye contact, which is something I never do. "She's going to contact you.
We all know she is. Pierce is out there, crying." Then I laugh. The noise
is deranged. "Pierce crying. This is what she's left him to be. I told you
when I was seven, but you didn't listen."
Ash looks from me to Victor, who she focuses on. "What did she
tell you?"
Victor clenches his fist but doesn't look at her. No, he keeps looking at
me. "That Anna would destroy Courtney. "
"That's the thing about this family."  I look at both of them.  "No one
ever listens to me." Then I go outside to comfort my cousin.
I find him in his car. No music, no noise, just the silence of the

night. I climb in the passenger side and just sit. He doesn't speak but he
does  grab  my  hand.  Ten  minutes  pass  before  I  speak.  "Ash  is  really
worried about you. "
He laughs through his tears and the noise grates on my skin. "Believe it
or  not,  Van  is  worried  about  me,  too.  I  stole  his  girlfriend  and  he'  s
worried about me. "
"He's called you?" I ask.
Pierce nods. "Yeah, and I answered because I wanted to hear him yell
at me. I wanted to hear him beat me down. It' s what I deserve. " Then
he  wrenches  his  hand  out  of  mine  and  starts  punching  the  steering
wheel. "That bitch! That fucking bitch! She knew what she was doing!
She wanted us to fucking hate each other and fight over her! I told that
whore I loved her! " He stops punching the wheel only to lay his head
against it. He broke the horn, so it just sits there blaring. "I love her.
Why do I love a person like that? She told Van when she broke up with
him she was going to go after me. And I fell right into her trap. Then
she told  me she  couldn't ever love  me. I was a weak  person and she
needed  a  real  man.  Then  she  kicked  me  out  of  her  house.  She  didn't
even care, Wesley. She just stood there; no emotion whatsoever. She
was so cold. "
"I don't know why, Pierce. I just knew she was going to do this. If I had
known  she  broke  up  with  Van,  then  I  would  have  warned  you,  "  I
whisper, rubbing his back.
"HA!  Shows  what  you  know!  We've  been  fucking  since  you  started
dating  Royal.  She  wouldn't  leave  Van.  And  I  didn't  care  because  I
wanted her so much! I'm so fucked up."
A  new  sense  of  rage  hits  me.  I  don't  react  to  Pierce's  confession  but
inside I'm boiling. The next time I see Annabella Gage, she better run
in the opposite direction. I'm coming after her with guns blazing.
I say more soothing things to Pierce and text Royal to bring Ash down.
When I see them I want to run to Annabella's house. I want to end her.
I calmly climb out of the car and run into Royal's outstretched arms.
"Are you okay, Duchess?" he asks, kissing the top of my head.
"I'll be okay as long as I'm in your arms," I tell him, and it's the truth. I'll
be fine as long as I have Royal. "Though I can't say the same

Epilogue
Seven Weeks Later. . .
I step out of my car and shield my eyes from the sunlight. Pierce stands
with  his  back  to  me.  His  shoulders  are  tense  and  his  hair  has  gotten
longer.  He  stands  next  to  his  car  listening  to  my  boyfriend  talk.  I
wonder what they are saying but I decide I don't care.
I  was  so  worried  about  Pierce  without  Annabella,  but  it  turns  out  I
shouldn't have been. He fits in with Royal and Channing like he should
have  been  there  all  along.  It  helps  that  Channing  and  Ashley  are
working  on  their  relationship.  Pierce  feels  more  comfortable  around
them knowing he doesn't have to worry about Ashley anymore.
Royal's entire face lights up when he spots me. I love to see that. I make
someone that happy. He makes me feel like the most beautiful girl in
the world. It doesn't hurt that he tells me that everyday. Every time I
wake  up  I  want  to  run  around  and  dance  my  heart  out  because  this
amazing guy loves me.
After  Trey  died,  I  didn't  think  I  would  ever  feel  this  way  again.  It's
crazy  to  think  I've  had  two  loves  in  the  short  time  I've  been  on  this
earth. And I' ve come to think that just maybe I was here to love Trey so
he would know what it was like before he passed. And just  maybe I
made his life that much  more amazing. I know he  made my life that
much more amazing.
And  I  think  I'm  going  to  love  Royal  for  the  rest  of  my  life.  It's  not
something I know, just something I feel deep in my bones. To see him
light up the way he does, who would ever want to lose that?
He  runs over to  me, Pierce following behind him. "Let  me see! " he
exclaims excitedly.

I bite my lip and look at Pierce. At first glance he looks healthy and
whole,  but  if  you  look  deep  into  those  green  eyes,  you  would  see
sorrow unlike anything else. I never thought Pierce and I would switch
places. I'm the one madly in love now, and he's the one mourning for a
girl who shouldn't have left.
The only person who knows where Annabella is, is Victor.  Well I'm
sure Ash knows too, but we told her we didn't want to know. We didn' t
care. And the funny part about it is, Pierce sounded like he meant it. I
think slowly but surely, Annabella will no longer be the girl for Pierce.
"Fine," I tell Royal, kissing his cheek. His warm skin smells like home
and I can't wait to be wrapped up with him later. I raise up my shirt and
turn around so they can see my lower back. I turned eighteen yesterday
and I told Royal I wanted a tattoo. He wanted to come with me, but I
said I needed to do it alone. I guess he thought I wanted a Trey tattoo,
when in reality I wanted a tattoo to represent all the men in my
life.
"Oh," Pierce whispers, and I imagine his eyes getting wide.
"It's beautiful, Duchess," Royal says, and kisses the top of my
head.
I had the artist draw up a sun, a mighty sun shining so bright. Then I
had him add a slightly bigger star on the right side. On the left side I
said I wanted a smaller moon. And around the bottom I asked that he
add a cloud to hold them all up. It turned out amazing. The colors are
bright and vibrant, just like Royal.
"The sun is Royal, the star is Pierce, the moon is Trey and the
cloud-"
"Is Bentley. That's amazing, girl. The guy did a really good job." Royal
cuts me off and lowers my shirt back down.
I turn around and stick out my tongue. "So, you really like it?"
"I love it, Wes. It's amazing, but then again, it's tattooed on you." Then
he winks before kissing me deeply.
Pierce clears his throat and looks a little off. "You ready to get going?
Royal,  you  have  that  swim  meet?  "  Pierce  raises  his  eyebrows  and
smirks.

"Right.  I'll  see  you  later,"  Royal  says,  kissing  my  ear  where  he
whispers, "I love you. Always. " Then he jogs off, weaving through the
cars parked in the lot.
"You two are so cute. I kind of want to snuggle you both and take you
home with me," Pierce taunts, his voice full of sarcasm.
"Okay,  Mr.  Moody.  Let'  s  head  over  to  Paisley'  s.  Are  you  sure  you
want to hang out with us girls? " I purse my lips because I know it' s the
last thing he will probably want.
He sighs. "Mom went out of town for the weekend and I refuse to stay
at Ash and Vic's. You're stuck with me." Then his face clouds over with
disgust. "I don't feel like being alone and I'm not sitting at this swim
meet. I like Royal and Channing just fine, but I can't handle them in
Speedos. "
"Well, it' s a pretty good sight. " He groans before jogging back to his
car.  I  shake  my  head  and  climb  into  mine.  He  follows  me  over  to
Paisley's, even though he lives a few houses down.
We walk up to Paisley's guesthouse. And by that, I mean, Paisley lives
with  her  grandfather  who's  going  through  a  divorce  with  her
grandmother. But Paisley was living in the guesthouse before that went
down. The grandmother is crazy and a horrible person, or so Royal has
told me. I don' t really bring it up around Paisley because I can tell it
makes her sad.
She opens the door after I knock but is distracted by the phone in her
hand. "You can't tell him! No, no, no! Let Rachel tell him! I mean it,
Channing. If you fucking say anything I'm going to cut your junk off!"
She screams and hangs up on him.
Then she looks up at us and then down at her phone. "Okay. You have
walked  into  a  crazy  situation.  I'm  sorry  that  you  did,  but  there's  not
much I can do about it. " Then she grabs my arm and pulls me inside,
before  pointing  toward  her  bedroom.  "Go  in  there  and  take  care  of
Rachel. For some damn reason you're the only one who can calm her
down. " Then she grabs Pierce and pulls him inside. "Channing has his
PS3  hooked  up  in  the  living  room.  Play  whatever  you  want.  This  is
going to be a long dramatic day. I know how you are with drama so just
sit there and pretend it's not going on." Pierce nods, so I go into the

bedroom and find Rachel crying on the bathroom floor.
I  take  in  her  mascara-streaked  face  and  the  way  she  is  clutching  her
stomach. Then I take in the three pregnancy tests lying on the bathroom
counter. "Oh my god! " I exclaim without thinking.
"When did you get here?" she moans.
"Just now. Oh my god," I say, sinking to my knees in front of her. "You
already said that," she mumbles, trying to wipe some tears off her face.
"I  know,  but  you're  pregnant.  I'm  having  trouble  wrapping  my  brain
around this. What are we going to do? " Then I laugh because I' m in
shock and too much crap has been thrown at me. "At least you can hide
it till you graduate. That way you won't get shit at school."
Rachel  suddenly  sits  up  and  looks  at  something  behind  me.  Her
breathing accelerates. "Who is that?"
"What? Who?" I turn around but don't see anyone.
"No that voice?" She starts twisting her hands in front of her.
I  listen  for  a  second  but  don't  hear  anything.  "You  probably  heard
Pierce. He didn't want to be alone this weekend. So I brought him with
me."
She  doesn't  relax,  which  causes  red  flags  to  go  up.  "Oh.  Okay,"  she
says, her eyes wide and her focus still on the outside.
Paisley  walks into the bathroom and takes us in, sitting on the floor.
"Okay,  Channing  is  bringing  Royal  and  Kellan.  I  figure  with  Wes
being here, that we can tell them both at the same time. Then we need
to find you a good doctor, because we want to make sure you are, in
fact, pregnant. I mean three sticks all said positive so I mean you are
pregnant."
"Paisley, stop rambling. We can get all that figured out on Monday. It's
Saturday, chick, no doctors are open." I stop her before she can keep
rambling on.
Rachel doesn't seem to have heard anything that was said. She won't
stop staring outside of the bathroom. Something is floating around in
my thoughts but I can't seem to grasp it.
Thirty  minutes  later,  the  boys  arrive.  This  is  where  I  start  to  get
nervous. Paisley has the two boys sit down in the living room, and I
have

this overwhelming urge to sit between them. Rachel finally comes out
of the bathroom and Paisley and I stand her between us.
"Okay. Okay. Okay." Paisley says three times and I can tell she doesn't
like the spotlight on her.
"Rachel's pregnant," I say, looking at Royal. Kellan and him both stand
up. Kellan has gone pale and he slowly backs away from Royal. Royal
just stands there and stares at his sister.
Pierce was standing off in the back and I hear glass break. When I look
up he looks just as pale as Kellan. That's when that "something" clicks.
"Oh my fucking god," I blurt, staring wide-eyed at Pierce. "Please, for
the love of everything that's holy, tell me you didn't, Courtney
Wentworth Pierce! "
He nods his head slowly, still looking like a ghost. It takes Royal two
seconds to catch on and I run after him when he stalks toward Pierce.
"You didn't, what?" Royal spits out, his entire face red. I've never seen
him this mad. I fear for Pierce' s well being.
"STOP IT!" Rachel screams, and we all freeze. "Don't you dare hit him,
Royal! I swear to god, I will stab you if you touch him! " She takes a
few deep breaths while plopping down on the coffee table. "I' m sorry
Kellan. God, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I feel like so much
shit right now. I kind of want to run off with that crazy bitch,
Annabella."
Kellan swallows hard and stares at Rachel. "What are you talking
about?"
"This baby is Pierce's. Not yours." The End
Turn the page for a sneak peek at the third novel in my Make or
Break Series

Save Me (Make or Break, #3)
Coming Soon...
"I don't care! Do you hear me? I don't care Pierce!" She screams at
me. She is pissed and breathing fire. She has never looked so beautiful
to me. Well when I can see her face and she isn't turning away from me.
"You care. You can pretend you don't, but you do. You came all the way
out here. " I pause grabbing her hand and swinging her around to face
me. "You wouldn 't be here if you didn 't care. " I'm breathing fire now
myself, but I don' t care. I pull her closer, until her chest touches mine.
I cup my hands around her jaw and lean down to whisper against her
lips, " You made me, you broke me, now you' re going to freaking save
me. "

Acknowledgements
The biggest thank you goes out to all my fans. I can't thank you guys
enough for  all  the  support  and  the  daily  messages.  You  guys  are  the
reason  I  do  this.  I  would  have  quit  a  long  time  ago  if  I  didn't  have
someone tell me they love my writing style or they love one of my men.
If you keep wanting my stories, I'll keep putting them out there!
Dawn,  Shanora,  Jessy,  I  love  you  ladies  like  there  is  no  tomorrow.
Sometimes I feel like I'm in a shark tank but instead of being a shark
I'm a regular old fish and I'm running away from the sharks. You three
keep me sane and every time I've thought about calling it quits, y'all
talk me out of it. I know I might not be the best friend around but you
three are a godsend!
Ena, thank you so much for doing my blog tours and everything else for
this  series!  You  have  gotten  the  word  out  there  about  Make  Me  and
Break Me and I can' t thank you enough.
Tamsyn, you are awesome. Since you seem to love my Royal so much,
you  can  be  his  Duchess.  Even  though  your  accent  is  South  African
instead of English. Though you have to take Pierce and Annabella with
him because I'm quite tired of their bullshit. <3
Finally, Cody, I love you even though you're a butthole. Thank you for
being  you  and  letting  me  write.  Thank  you  for  cleaning  my  house
because I don't have the mental strength to do the dishes. Thank you for
helping with the monkey even though I' m used to doing all of it. I love
you to the moon and back.

About The Author
I live in southern Arkansas with my husband and young daughter.
There is also an insane Boston Terrier running around. I've always been
a lone wolf and find my friends in books. I started writing at a young
age and I haven't stopped since. Most days you can find me either glued
to my laptop or my kindle. My first novel, This Beautiful Thing was an
Amazon best seller for 11 weeks and a year later I'm still tickled to see
people enjoy it. I may not be a huge seller but I have the best fans ever
and I thank God everyday for every single one of them.
Find me on Facebook!

First Chapter of Make Me (Make or Break, #1)
Chapter 1
"PAISLEY! ANSWER  YOUR phone!" The voice of my best friend,
Carly, filters in through my sleep. I blink open my eyes and realize that
she  isn'  t  actually  here.  She  took  my  phone  one  night  at  a  party  and
programmed her voice as her ringtone.
I grab the offending thing from the floor in my bedroom and answer.
"What?" I snarl, rubbing my eyes.
"Good morning to you, too, grumpy," she states in her sweet, china doll
voice.
"What do you want?" I say in the same voice, only minus the growl.
I can see her in my mind. Her porcelain skin and amazing brown eyes.
Her  long, blonde hair pulled up in a ponytail, wearing a  pair of jean
shorts and a pink tank top. I' ve been best friends with her most of my
life.  She  lives  two  trailers  down  from  me  with  her  dad  and  older
brother. Her dad is a nice guy but he has the "can't get right gene".
"Do  you  need  a  ride  to  school,  grumpy?  I'm  leaving  in  like  ten
minutes," she says and I can see her shit-eating grin through the phone.
"Dang," I say, rubbing my eyes some more. "Yeah, but we'll have to be
late. BeeBee isn't awake yet. I've got to feed her and make sure she's
taken care of for the rest of the day." BeeBee is my little sister. She's
two and full of life.
"I  was  only  joking  about  the  ten  minutes,  silly.  It's  only  seven."  She
laughs and I smack my forehead. Not one of my finer moments. My
alarm clock is sitting right next to my bed and it reads 7:01 a.m.
"Thanks for the wake up call, asshole." I hang up before she gets onto
me for cursing. I used to curse all the time, before my little sister

came along. She doesn't need to hear that from me. Mom curses enough
for the entire world.
I scramble out of bed and head into the only bathroom in the house. I
find a needle and rubber tube sitting on the bathroom counter. Instead
of freaking out like someone else might, I quickly throw them away in
the trash. Mom's new boyfriend deals in heroin, so right now it's her
drug of choice. I don't really care; the woman has never shown me any
love.
I grab my brush from under the sink and pull my hair up into a ponytail.
I line my eyes with liner and brush on some mascara. After that I take a
moment to study my reflection. My hair is long, curly, and auburn. I
spend a lot of time in the sun, so there are a lot of blonde highlights
running through the strands. My eyes are deep green with shades of
blue streaking through. My eyes are huge, and so are my lips, which are
shaped like a bow.
It's really comical when I run into a group of guys I don't know. They
stop in their tracks, staring at my lips. Derek, Carly's older brother, says
they are perfect, perfect for sucking. Don't worry - I slapped him upside
his head for that one.
I run back into my room and throw on a pair of low-rise skinny jeans
and a green shirt. It's a few years old, so it's skintight. Not the kind of
attention I want to bring to myself, but I'm dirt poor and I can't afford
new clothes. My mom won't buy any clothes for me since I started
throwing her drugs out. The skinny jeans are hers. If she isn't going to
buy me anything new, or give me money to get it myself, I'll just steal
hers.
I pad into my little sister's room, which is next door to mine. Her little,
red head is peeking up from under her covers. I reach an arm into her
crib and rub her back. Her little eyes open, showcasing her amazing,
light green eyes. My little sister is gorgeous; I'm going to be beating
boys off with sticks when she grows up.
"Good morning, BeeBee," I coo, picking her up. I lay her down on her
fluffy pink rug on the floor. We can't afford to buy a toddler bed, so she
has to wear pull-ups at night. I had this little angel potty trained four
days before she turned two.

"Morwing  Pawisley,"  she  tells  me,  rubbing  her  eyes.  She's  a  light
sleeper, unlike  me, so she can't sleep with me. According to Carly, I
toss, turn, and punch in my sleep. It would kill me to give BeeBee a
black eye.
I get her changed into her day clothes and she toddles behind me into
the living room/kitchen area. Mom is either really high and out of it or
she's passed out. When I hear a snore, I realize she is passed out.
BeeBee and I sit at the kitchen table while I feed us both from the same
bowl of cereal. I'm seriously lucky our next-door neighbor loves kids.
She has one of the nicest trailers in the park, and it doesn't hurt that she
keeps  it  spotless.  She  babysits  a  few  kids,  and  when  she  found  out
about our situation she offered to watch BeeBee for free. I think I cried
for  like  ten  minutes  on  Ms.  Summers'  floor.  She  sat  besides  me  and
patted my back the whole time. I freaking love that women.
After we finish eating I grab my backpack and pick BeeBee up. I take a
look at the trailer before I exit. One old patched up couch sits against
the wall next to the door. A small box TV sits on a table across from the
couch. The carpet is an ugly brown with stains galore, all over it. The
kitchen has an old wooden table with four plastic chairs. The fridge is
ancient and barely holds the food. We used to have a microwave, but
in-between boyfriends my mom pawned it. The stove is old and barely
works. I've stopped trying to cook on it. Instead I pitch in with Carly's
dad and we eat dinner over there every night.
Shaking  my  head,  I  head  next  door  to  Ms.  Summers'  to  drop  off
BeeBee.  BeeBee  is  not  her  actual  name.  My  mom,  believe  it  or  not,
comes from money. I've never met any of her family, but she rants and
raves about how loaded they are. She says they don't care about us, and
hey,  if  that'  s  the  way  they  feel,  then  screw  them.  Anyway,  mom
thought it would be funny to name us with big names. Rich names. I'm
Paisley Noelle Vaughn and BeeBee is Beatrice Victoria Vaughn. I was
not about to call my sister Beatrice. No thank you.
Ms.  Summers  happily  takes  an  equally  happy  BeeBee.  "I'll  see  you
after school, Ms. Summers! " I say on my way out the door. I would get
a job but Mom would just steal all my money. And I couldn't ask Ms.
Summers to watch her that long. As soon as I graduate though, I'll be

finding permanent employment. That way I can pay Ms. Summers and
she'll only have to watch her for eight hours, while I'm at work.
"Paisley,  looking  sexy  as  usual,"  Derek  says  when  I  knock  on  their
door. Besides his pervy ways, he's a decent dude. He doesn't drink or do
any  drugs  and  has  a  steady  girlfriend.  He  also  has  a  steady  job  at  a
mechanic shop in town. He hits on me because I think it's funny and it
annoys Carly.
"Looking pervy as usual, Derek." I smirk and dip under his arm to enter
their home. Mr. Peters is at the kitchen table reading the newspaper and
drinking a cup of coffee. He works over night at the local chicken plant,
and luckily he's had this job for six months. Maybe he'll stay away from
the alcohol this time.
About  seven  months  ago  he  wrecked  the  family  car  after  a  night  of
boozing, and I' m pretty sure Derek kicked the shit out of him. I think it
was a wake up call and he is actually trying to get his act together this
time.
"Morning, Paisley. Want some coffee?" he asks me.
I nod and head over to the table, setting my bag on the floor. Mr. Peters
is in his early forties and has dirty blonde hair with greys growing at his
temples. His eyes are brown but I've never seen them sparkle, not like
his children's. Derek takes the seat next to me and grins as he places my
cup down in front of me.
Unknown to Carly (and really, I feel bad about it) I lost my virginity
after a party to Derek. I was really drunk and had just found out Mom
was  pregnant.  Derek  was  equally  as  drunk,  and  you  know...  things
happen. He felt really bad about it the next morning; the only thing I
felt bad about was puking all over his bedroom floor. It was just my
virginity - who takes that seriously nowadays?
Derek, though, is super hot. His dirty blonde hair is long, down to his
shoulders, and he keeps it tied back. His brown eyes are the color of
dark chocolate and they smolder. It's really sexy but I only get a tiny
twinge of lust. We only had sex the one time, but it was my first time,
so of course it sucked. He wanted to date me, but I was not going there.
I  don't  want  a  boyfriend.  Never  have,  never  will.  I  don't  even  know
what got into me the night I spent with him. I don't get turned on, or go
gaga

over a guy. That's Carly's department.
"Paisley! Let's go before Derek decides to devour your face." Her eyes
are bugging out of her head when I turn to look at her. Those eyes are
pointed at Derek so I look over at him. Of course his eyes are pointed at
my  lips.  Being  the  bitch  that  I  am,  I  nibble  on  my  bottom  one  for  a
second and blink my eyes a few times at him. When he starts panting I
giggle and get up.
Mr. Peters slaps him on the back of the head, knocking Derek out of his
lust  haze.  "Damn,  Paisley,  if  you  would  have  me,  I  would  treat  you
so...right." He winks at me as he follows my eye movement.
"Don't lie to me Derek," I exclaim. "Donna would kill you and then me.
Besides, you love her too much. "
He sighs and finally looks away. "You're right. Y'all have a good day at
school! " he shouts as Carly and I head out the front door.
"My brother is such a pervert! " she shouts as well. I can only chuckle.
After we climbed into her old Pontiac Grand Am, she starts in on me.
"So.  Laney  said  Ben  was  asking  about  you.  He  totally  wants  to  date
you." I see her look at me hopefully from the corner of my eye.
I rub in-between my eyes after hearing this. I' m sick to death of her
trying to find me a boyfriend. She's been with Mark Gauthier's for like
five years. Just because she's happy with a guy, doesn't mean I will be.
Besides,  I'm  happy  now.  "Drop  it,  Carly.  You  know  I  don't  want  a
man."
"I don't know why. A guy could drive you to and from school. Could
help fix things up around your house. Help you with your homework.
And if you find the right man, you could even have him take you out on
dates that include BeeBee. " She grins over at me and I can only roll my
eyes.
"I'm  in  freaking  high  school,  Carly.  I  don't  need  to  settle  down.  I'm
good  how  I  am."  She  goes  to  open  her  mouth  to  spew  out  more
nonsense, so I just glower at her. She rightly shuts up.
I  go  through  my  whole  day  on  autopilot.  It'  s  the  only  way  to  get
through high school. I '  m two weeks into my senior year and I already
wish I were graduated. I want to get BeeBee way from my mom so she

doesn't have to go through the things that I did.
I ' m waiting for Carly at the end of the day, by her car. She comes out
holding hands with Mark. Those two will be married the second they
get out of high school. Mark is insanely smart, though, so I ' m thinking
Carly has her ticket out of the trailer park. Too bad I '  ll always be stuck
there.
They kiss for like ten minutes until I start clearing my throat. I have to
do it five times before they break apart. "I'll see you tonight?" he asks.
Carly nods. "Later Paisley," he states, tossing his dark brown hair out
of his blue eyes. Carly didn't do badly in the looks department either.
Not bad at all.
"Later,  Mark."  I  wave  and  climb  into  Carly's  car.  We  chat  about
random stuff on the way home. The second she pulls to a stop in front
of my house, though, I get a horrible feeling. "Will you come in with
me for a second?" I ask her softly.
She looks puzzled but after seeing the look on my face she gets out with
me. We silently walk into the house. If I had known this would be the
second  my  entire  life  would  change,  I  don't  know  if  I  would  have
walked into that house.
My mom is lying on her side on the couch. Her left arm is hanging off
with the rubber tube still tied around her arm. The needle and spoon are
on  lying  on  the  floor.  Her  dark  green  eyes  are  open  and  staring
lifelessly. Her greasy red hair is pulled back from her face. If she had
her eyes closed she would have looked like she was sleeping.
I always knew I would come home and find her like this. I always knew
I would come home and find her dead.