Wesley Bridges was lost between the living and the dead. She was
clinging to her boyfriend, who passed away unexpectedly. She was left
with having no way to move on. Her best friends, Annabella and Pierce
were too caught up in each other to save her. Even her family turned a
blind eye, not able to bear her grief.
Then one day, Royal Sanders walked into her life. Tall, dark and
sinfully handsome, but aren't all the unattainable ones? At first it was
nothing. She was asked to tutor him and found he's different than even
she thought. She even turned to Royal when things got too hard. And
when she falls for him, she falls hard.
But Royal's the enemy. A long drawn out hatred brews between her
friends and Royal's. That doesn't seem important to her, considering
she's still in love with her dead boyfriend. A love triangle between life
and death.. .who will win?
Grief is a powerful emotion but there are several different kinds of
grief. Betrayal and heartache are still knocking on her door. Things are
about to come crashing down around her. It will definitely break her,
but will Royal be enough to save her?
Break Me (Make or Break, #2)
Amanda Heath

Break Me
Copyright © 2014 by Amanda Heath
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in
any manner without written permission from the author, except in the
case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and for review
purposes.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and events are
products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously and are not
to be construed as real. Any resemblances to actual events, locales,
organizations, or persons living or dead, are entirely coincidental.
The use of artist and song titles throughout this book are done so for
storytelling purposes and should in no way be seen as advertisement.
Trademark names are used in an editorial fashion, with no intention of
infringement of the respective owner's trademark.

Cover:
Stock Image © Mayer George Cover design by Robin Harper Wicked
by Design
Editing by ProofBeforeYouPublish Formatting by Amanda Heath

Other books by Amanda Heath
This Beautiful Thing (Young Love)
Fire In Her Eyes (Summer Love)
Norma Jean (Young Love and Summer Love)
Wrong Kind of Love (Young Love)
Make Me (Make or Break)
Angel Cuffs (Erotic Short Story)

Break Me is the second book in Amanda Heath's Make or Break series.
It can be read as a standalone.
"Wes, I don't know what you want me to say here. " Royal's voice is
broken. Maybe he is broken. Maybe I broke him. Lord knows I'm
broken myself.
"Don't say anything, " I start off with. There are so many things I want
to tell him. The one thing I want him to know, that I want him, I will
never say aloud. "Whenpush comes to shove Royal, you'll break me. I'd
never be the same after you. I' d be a shell of this girl. "
His face pales but he doesn' t step away. Something I had planned on.
His hands caress my face before he says, " You have that wrong,
Wesley. You' ll be the one to break me. "
Wesley Bridges was lost between the living and the dead. She was
clinging to her boyfriend, who passed away unexpectedly. She was left
with having no way to move on. Her best friends, Annabella and Pierce
were too caught up in each other to save her. Even her family turned a
blind eye, not able to bear her grief.
Then one day, Royal Sanders walked into her life. Tall, dark and
sinfully handsome, but aren't all the unattainable ones? At first it was
nothing. She was asked to tutor him and found he's different than even
she thought. She even turned to Royal when things got too hard. And
when she falls for him, she falls hard.
But Royal's the enemy. A long drawn out hatred brews between her
friends and Royal's. That doesn't seem important to her, considering
she's still in love with her dead boyfriend. A love triangle between life
and death. who will win?

Grief is a powerful emotion but there are several different kinds of
grief. Betrayal and heartache are still knocking on her door. Things are
about to come crashing down around her. It will definitely break her,
but will Royal be enough to save her?

Table of Contents
Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five
Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven Chapter Twelve Chapter Thirteen Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen Chapter Sixteen Chapter Seventeen Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen Chapter Twenty Chapter Twenty-One Chapter
Twenty-Two Chapter Twenty-Three Chapter Twenty-Four Chapter
Twenty-Five Chapter Twenty-Six Epilogue
Sneak peek of Save Me

Acknowledgements About The Author Chapter One of Make Me

For Aidyn
You find joy in the small things and I remember what it' s like to be a
child
Oh how I wish life was still that simple Love you to distraction baby
girl

Chapter One
Six Months Ago...
We laid him to rest today. Eighteen years old is far too early to put
anyone to rest. That kind of death puts a stop to life. It breaks you;
makes you so buried in grief you feel like you can't ever get back out.
When my grandma died it wasn't devastating. Yeah, I was sad and I
cried, but she died of old age. We all knew it was coming. It's far easier
to let go of someone who had a full life. Not someone who had only just
begun his life.
"Are you ready to go?" My best friend Annabella asks me.
I don't look up to answer. I just stare down at his coffin. I want to cry
but the tears won't come. I haven't shed one tear. It hasn't hit me yet I
don't think, but I know it's coming. My body knew I had to make it
through this day so it shut down my emotions. Even my thoughts.
A strong hand lands on my shoulder and I flinch. Pierce squeezes my
shoulder before turning me around to face him. I look up into his green
eyes and sigh. "Let's go, Wes," he says softly. His hand reaches for my
hand and I slip mine into it.
Annabella comes to my other side and slips her arm through my elbow.
"Want to go home? Or do you want to head to the Gardeners? "
"Home," is all I say.
Annabella nods and leads the way to Donovan's car. He stands next to it
with his shades on top of his head. His arms are crossed over his chest
and there's a sad look on his face. Even his green eyes look sad.

I break apart and rush to him. I reach my hand up and cup the side of his
face. "You should never look so sad Donovan. I always want to see a
smile on this face." I pause and lower my hand. His troubled eyes stare
into mine. I' m happy to see that the sadness has lifted. "You don' t look
like you without it. "
"Okay, Wes," he replies and opens the passenger side door for me. I
climb in and buckle up. The other three are soon in the car and
Donovan heads home.
My parents are probably going to the Gardeners, so I relax. I have
wonderful parents but they hover too much. "Where's Bentley?" I ask
without looking at anyone.
"He went to stay with David," Pierce answers me from the back
seat.
His voice sounds strained and I automatically feel bad. "I'm sorry, I
should have sat in the back," I tell him without thought.
The silence in the car gets even worse. I spoke without thinking, which
is never good around these three. "Not a problem." Pierce clears his
throat and shifts in the back seat. I want to groan.
Donovan and Pierce are my cousins. They also happen to be brothers.
Annabella is dating Donovan, but if you knew anyone in this car right
now, you would know that Pierce is even closer to Annabella than I am.
We've been stuck together so long, we don't really know how to be
friends with anyone else. Which makes everything awkward because
Donovan thinks Pierce and Annabella want each other.
Now that I can't answer though. There are no people more closed off
than Pierce and Annabella. I go with it though. They have their demons
and who am I to say something about how they fight them off?
We finally make it to my house. I'm out of the car and running to the
front door before anyone else can even get out. I run up the stairs to my
front door and almost kick over a potted plant. I slip my key into the
lock and twist until the door pops open. I leave it open because I know
the other three won't leave, no matter what I say.
I rush through the foyer and up the stairs until I get to the last door on
the right. My room. I kick my shoes off and jump face first on the white
comforter. I reach my left hand out and grab the picture frame

sitting there. I turn my head until I'm not breathing pillow anymore.
Pain sears me throughout my body.
Trey stares back at me from the picture. We took it about three months
ago while we were hanging out with everyone. His blonde hair sticks
up from the gel he put in it. His brown eyes stare at me with happiness
behind his glasses. His classical face brings the first tears to my eyes.
The control I had over my emotions is slipping away. It's really the end
to this beautiful life. It was taken for no reason. I can't handle it.
The tears run down my face as fast as my eyes can produce them. Pain
keeps my entire body frozen in place. I can't even remove my eyes from
his face. The face that took my first kiss. The face I saw over me while
we made love. The face I woke up to countless times, but only on the
weekends when it was easier to sneak him in.
The love of my life gone.
Forever.
How do I even deal with this? I don't.
I cry myself to sleep long before I can shrivel up and die.
***
I'm sure by now you're wondering about a lot of things. I'll get to them,
but I had to tell you about that day. The lowest day of my life. I' ll tell
you what happened to Trey and explain our relationship, but you won't
get to read that. This story isn't about us, but it started that day. The day
we buried Trey. I also wanted you to know where I was at emotionally.
Annabella tells me all the time that people have to hit rock bottom
before they are lifted up again. And that was definitely when I was the
lowest. It took me months to crawl up from there. I honestly never
thought I would.
For now, I will tell you about Trey. We met at the bowling alley near
his house. I'm a bookish person and I have never been social, so it was a
miracle I was even there. Annabella wanted to go so she dragged Pierce
and I. I'm happy I went now, but then, I wasn't.

Trey was one lane over with some of his friends. He always wore his
hair gelled up. I remember that I liked that about his appearance. He
was very well put together. Something else I liked. His button up shirt
was nice and ironed to perfection. His dark jeans were as well. I couldn'
t say much for his bowling shoes, but then again, I had some on too.
We were going at the same time but since I'm horrible at bowling, my
ball ended up in his lane. I could hear everyone behind us laughing, but
Trey didn't. No, he waited for our balls to come back up and he stood
behind me and showed me how to throw. Tingles raced up and down
my body when he touched me. His hands on my hands. It was definitely
inappropriate to be touching when I didn't even know his name but it
wasn't creepy. He was very professional about it. He explained what to
do in terms that I could understand.
When I got a strike from his help I turned to find Pierce scowling at us.
But that was Pierce for you. He is over protective of all his female
relatives plus Annabella. Things in his life weren' t good growing up.
He' s never come out and said anything, but I know he watched his dad
beat his mom, almost to death. My mom and dad were talking about it
one night when they thought I was asleep in the car. He had to have
been seven at the time. Apparently the shrinks his mom sent him to say
he was emotionally scarred from the incident for the rest of his life. So
I don' t hold the protectiveness against him.
Anyway, the rest was history. We spent a total of two years together.
He was everything to me. I thought about him when I first woke up and
he was the last thing on my mind when I went to sleep at night. It's hard
to let that go, even though I know I have to. I have to let him go, but I
can't. How do you let something go that meant so much to you? You
can't. I feel at times this pain will always be with me.
I got a call about midnight the day he died. It was his mother. She said
Trey was in the hospital and it didn't look good. Then he passed. Just
like that my whole life ended. One drunk person got into a car and hit
my boyfriend while he was walking down the street. He did that a lot.
He liked the night air and the peace of the dark sky. He wasn't even in
the road, he was on the sidewalk. The driver swerved and ran him over.
Just like that.

One second he was here and the next he wasn't. They wouldn't even let
me see his body. He had a closed casket. I couldn't even look at my love
one last time. His dad told me that I didn't need to remember him like
that. He said he didn't want to remember him like that. That only made
it worse, because I feel like he might be out there somewhere still. I
never saw proof he was dead.
Now after spending three days inside crying, I sit outside in my
backyard with my headphones on, listening to whatever comes on. Sad
songs, happy songs, love songs, they all have the same affect. They
break me apart. They rip me to pieces. I'm nothing anymore. I stand up
and scream. I scream as loud as I can and I curse whoever took him
away from me. I let it all out but it doesn't help. It all comes right back
in.
"Wesley!" My dad screams from the back door.
I turn fast and see him running toward me. I open my arms before he
even gets there. I need this. He envelops me and I start sobbing.
Remember when I said I hadn't cried? Well now I cry and cry all day. I
can't seem to move on.
"It's going to be okay, baby bear. I swear to you it's going to be okay."
Tears choke up his voice and it makes it all worse. I'm hurting everyone
around me because I can't see an end in sight. There's only one path and
it's full of pain. Maybe I'll be this way forever. I know I'll never be sane
again.
I' m fucking broken. No good anymore.
"Dad?" my little brother Bentley says softly.
"It's okay son. She's not hurt," my dad tells him just as softly.
I don't hear his feet move away so I know he's still there. My beautiful
sixteen-year-old brother. I open my eyes and take in his tight jeans and
band t-shirt. His face that looks just like our father' s. His green eyes
pierce mine and I sob harder.
"I love you, Wes," he whispers before heading back into the house.
Most younger brothers want nothing to do with you. They are more
worried about video games and girls, but my brother is different. We
are close and I hate hurting him but sometimes, you just need your dad.
"He' ll be okay, baby bear. He just doesn' t understand what you' re
going through," he whispers into my hair and I clutch him as tightly as

possible.
"I hope he never does," I choke out.

Chapter Two
"Wesley! You're going to be late for school!" My mother calls from the
kitchen. I imagine her sitting at the table and sipping her dark coffee. I
personally can't drink the stuff without cream but she just dumps it in
her cup and goes. No sugar either.
Her blonde hair is probably pulled up into a bun and her designer suit
pressed to perfection. She might look like Business Barbie but she isn't.
She was top of her class at Harvard and now enjoys running her own
law firm.
I' ve been ready for hours. I pulled my long, curly blonde hair into a
ponytail. I put on really light makeup, which included black eye liner
and mascara around my green eyes, clear lip gloss on my bow-shaped
lips and blush on my high cheek bones. I put on my school uniform and
then laid out on my bed.
I tend to only sleep for a few hours at night. The dreams wake me up.
They don't even have to be bad. Sometimes I'm with Trey and we are
married and happy. Those are the worst. Why does my brain think it's
okay to show me what I'll never have?
"You want to ride with me?" Bentley jolts me out of my head with his
soft words. My baby brother. Always looking out for me when it
should be the other way around.
I take my eyes away from the ceiling and take in his shaggy blonde
head and bright green eyes. His school uniform looks good on him and
forms to his muscles. "I like the blue polo on you better," I tell him
before I go back to staring at the ceiling.
Bentley and I attend a private high school where uniforms are
mandatory. The boys have to wear polo's or button ups either blue or
black. Girls have to wear pleated skirts with a polo or a shirt and vest.
Bentley wears the black polo and it gives him a dangerous edge. He
must like someone at school. His hair, now that I think about it, has gel
in it.

"Yeah well it clashes with my skin tone. Black makes me look all
mysterious and sexy." Normally I would throw a pillow at his face but
for the past six months I haven't been the same. Now I just shrug my
shoulders. "Do you want a ride, Wes?" he asks again, this time there' s a
warning in his voice.
"No. I'm waiting for Pierce and Annabella." I've been waiting for thirty
minutes and I know it's a lost cause. Pierce forgot me again. He tends to
do that sometimes. He'll get caught up in whatever he and Annabella
are doing. They both tend to forget I exist anymore. Apparently I' m a
completely different person than I used to be.
I don' t know if that' s true. I have the same thoughts and do the same
things but I tend to space out during conversations. Or I'll pretend to
leave for school but sneak back in and lay in bed all day.
"According to Facebook they are both at school already. I was waiting
for you to figure that out. " He comes into the room and picks me up off
the bed. I weigh one hundred pounds soaking wet and Bentley has to be
two fifty since he's six feet tall. I only average out at five feet. I think he
could bench press me all day and never get tired.
Since he's done this to me before, I grab my backpack from my desk
before he makes it out the door.
Mom waves to us from the kitchen, also used to this. I think everyone is
just used to me this way. They don't seem to try and make me back into
what I was. Or maybe I won't let them. I don't know anymore. I don't
know much anymore and I don't want to.
We live in a small community of rich as fudge people. Meadows is
right outside of Dallas, Texas. I watch the skyline of the buildings pass
by the window on our way to school. You'd think since we live so close
I would go to Dallas all the time, but I hate huge cities. They make me
crazy and give me anxiety.
I don' t need any more of that.
Though being out here there are so many people, it's easy to get lost. Or
hide. Trey's parents do okay but he didn't attend my school. He didn't
hang out with the people I go to school with. They didn't know about
him when he passed because I didn't want them to know about him.
He's my secret in a world full of secrets. Maybe that's why it's so

hard to let him go. He was the best part of my life for so long. There is
nothing to replace him.
"You look like shit, Wes." Bentley speaks low. He always speaks low.
Does he do that for me? As if he speaks too loud I might fall apart.
There are things about my brother I will never understand. He should
be out partying with his friends and hooking up with girls. Instead he
sits at home with me almost every day he doesn't have football practice.
But even after those he still comes home and sits with me.
The tears start falling after that. What am I doing to my brother? What
am I doing to all the people around me? Why can' t I be normal?
"Pull over! " I scream, tears falling fast and soaking my skirt.
Bentley gently eases out of traffic and pulls over to the side of the road.
I jump out when the engine is off and fall to my knees.
"Wesley..." Bentley whispers. His voice hurts me. Everything hurts
right now. I feel like I can't breathe. I feel like I'm dying. Maybe I will.
Maybe I'll die and be with Trey. Anything is better than this.
Anything.
"It's a late goodbye, such a late goodbye. And we keep driving into the
night. It's a late goodbye, such a late goodbye..." comes out of Bentley'
s car speakers. "Late Goodbye" by Poets of the Fall. I immediately
calm down.
This song was on Max Payne 2, the video game, not the movie. Trey
loved that game and he played this song over and over again. I can
almost feel him here with me. I stand up and turn back to the car.
"Thank you," I whisper to Bentley once I'm seated in the car.
"You don't need to thank me, Wes." He doesn't say any more and drives
the rest of the way to school.
***
I knew this morning everything would be different today. I think that's
why I refused to get out of bed. I didn't want to face the changes I could
feel coming. I hate change. I wish change wasn't even a word and
nothing ever changed. But if it wasn't change, it would still be
something

else.
Anyway, the first thing to change was Paisley Vaughn. This girl is a
legend at our school and no one had ever even met her before.
Apparently after her dad died in some tragic car accident, he left
Paisley everything and she wasn't even born yet. Her mother didn't like
that too much and took off with her. They were both missing for sixteen
years. It was a huge thing over the weekend when her maternal
Grandmother showed up with Paisley in tow. Along with Paisley's two
year old sister, BeeBee. The mother overdosed and the grandmother
got called in to take care of the girls.
Enter Channing Southerland, the school's most curious dude. All the
girls want in his pants but he doesn't even touch them. I thought he was
gay until Annabella mentioned he hooked up with this slut named
Jasmine. Now I don't like name-calling but she really is a slut. She'd
sleep with anyone, whether they were taken or not. But that's not the
point here. Channing's mother was besties with Paisley's and there have
been rumors for years that there is an arranged marriage between the
two. I doubt this is true considering it's illegal, but hey, you never know
with rich people.
Now I'm staring at a gorgeous redhead that doesn't seem to notice the
rest of us exist. She literally hasn't made eye contact with anyone. I
mean if I was new at a school I would be looking for friends or
watching to see all the people staring at me. This girl has no clue. She
lives in her own world.
Which brings me to my next point. Pierce has an older sister, Ashley,
and older being six years older. Ashley and Channing have the same
dad. That guy was a real piece of work. Anyway, Channing wants
nothing to do with Ashley and this of course hurts Ash, so Pierce hates
Channing. No one hurts Pierce's sister and lives to tell the tale. Well,
unless you're Channing because that guy is still walking around.
This is where my family and relationships with friends gets strange.
Channing and Pierce are the same age. I'm also the same age. So this
rift has been going on for as long as I can remember. I got stuck with
Pierce and Annabella because going off on my own wasn't an option.
Pierce and Annabella have been through so much, it was actually never
a

hardship for me. I love them both, always have. Channing got his own
friends and we have always been separate from them.
My point being, I' m supposed to hate Channing and all his friends
because of Ashley, but I don't. I could care less. Which means I ignore
them just to keep Pierce happy. But that's also why it's a big deal that
Paisley' s here. We all witnessed an argument between the two at lunch.
That turned weird though because they were up in each others faces.
When I say that, I mean there wasn' t an inch of space between them.
Plus you could feel the heat and sexual tension coming off of them..
I don' t blame Paisley though because Channing is super hot. If I wasn't
emotionally screwed up or related to Ashley, I'd do him.
The big deal here is that now there is someone else I have to ignore and
watch my cousin and best friend be mean to. I try not to get involved
but sometimes they drag me into it. I'm hoping they don't drag me into
messing with her. She made friends with Rachel Sanders. Who
happens to be Channing's ex and Royal Sanders's twin sister. Royal and
Channing have been best friends since birth I think. Now rumor is that
Royal's not too happy with Rachel dating, so the Channing thing, well I
think him being Royal's best friend that didn't really matter. Besides it
was for three weeks a long time ago.
"Earth to Wesley! " Annabella snaps her fingers in my face and I jerk
back in my desk. I really need to start paying better attention. My entire
life is about to pass before my eyes. I swear yesterday was the first day
of senior year, but that was four weeks ago.
"What?" I snap at her. Before Trey died I would never have snapped at
anyone. But sometimes I can't stop myself now.
"Redhead at ten o'clock," she mutters before turning around in her
seat.
I look up and watch Paisley Vaughn enter my Spanish class. Great
more change!
Before I can even think of speaking up, everyone we sit with is glaring
at her. I pretend to, half-heartedly. After losing Trey I just don' t feel
like putting up with high school bullshit, so I pretend. She has to sit
next to Pierce, which makes me want to groan. This could not get any
worse!

Though little Miss Vaughn surprises me when she just glares right
back.
"This one' s got fight. I like her," comes Annabella' s raspy voice from
in front of me. Her hair is long and a beautiful shade of honey. Not
blonde, not brown. The in-between stage. Her eyes, believe it or not,
match her hair, as well as her eyebrows. Her nose is perfectly straight
with a button on the end. There' s a freckle right above her lip and it
almost disappears when she smiles. Which she is doing right now. Her
lips are full and red and her cheeks help her face become heart shaped.
"Annabella Gage. That guy next to you," she turns from Paisley and
looks to Pierce, "is Courtney Pierce. He hates Channing and Channing
hates him, so he's going to stop glaring at you because I have it on good
authority you hate Channing." I don't know if I've said this, by Pierce
goes by his last name. I would too if my mother gave me a woman' s
name.
She rolls her eyes and looks at Pierce. "I don't hate what I don't know.
Just back off me, because I have nothing to do with him." She glares
harder at him before opening her book and flipping through the pages.
Then Pierce and Annabella start having a conversation around her.
"You're really getting on my nerves lately, Ella," Pierce mutters.
She laughs and it's a deep rasp. She really needs to stop smoking. "Like
I care. It's senior year, you and Channing need to get over yourselves.
Besides, he' s going to have his hands full with this one. " Then
Annabella pokes her with a nail file. Paisley is lucky she didn't get
stabbed.
I guess Paisley thinks Annabella is being nice, but I know it's her way
of fishing for information. "Why do these dumbasses hate each other? I
couldn't get a straight answer out of Rachel." Everyone but Annabella
gasps when Paisley calls the boys dumbasses. Even me, but mostly
because I didn't see it coming.
"Pierce's older sister is also sister to Channing. They have the same
dad." Apparently it's "tell all our family drama" day. "Anyway,
everyone knows Channing hates his dad, even though the guy is dead.
But I might hate my dad too if he didn' t give a shit about me. Channing

refuses to have anything to do with his sister. Ashley, being the
sweetest person ever, got her feelings hurt over it. And you don't hurt
the Pierce brothers' sister. "
Paisley thinks for a second before rolling her eyes. I can tell she is
getting really bored. I don't blame her; I'm getting bored too. If only
this class was educational. Mr. Foster is a horrible teacher if you haven'
t noticed. It's okay though, I'm passing with flying colors. "So you're
telling me you were about to make my life a living hell because
Channing doesn't want to have a sister? How is that my fault? Are you
that dense?"
"Look, little girl, you don't know anything about it. So shut up," Pierce
growls at her.
Annabella goes to open her mouth but Paisley stops her by raising her
hand. "For one thing, don't call me little girl. I'm not little and where I
come from, no one protects you but you. I'm strong enough to bring
you to your knees. Don't push me or you'll regret it."
"Did you just threaten me? " Pierce mumbles, raising his eyebrows
slightly.
"No, I made you a promise. I'm saying I don't give a crap what you
think about Channing. I don't give a crap what y'all think about each
other." She points her finger at him. "I'm saying don't bring me into it.
It's not any of my business and you're not going to hurt me to get to
him, because he hates me just as much as you hate him. "
With that she turns back around and ignores them. I'm very impressed
myself. It' s about time someone stood up to Pierce. Maybe change isn't
bad after all.

Chapter Three
The second change came after my last class. Which is my least favorite
class all day. Some idiot put Pierce, Annabella and I in a room with
Channing and his entire league of friends. And now Paisley. Needless
to say, I put my headphones on and pretend I'm not there.
"Ms. Bridges!" My AP World History teacher, Mr. Richards hollers
from the door of his classroom. Unfortunately, it's right across from my
locker.
The one thing I take seriously is history. All my other classes I do well
in, I mean come on I' m a tiny genius but history has always been my
favorite. I guess you can call me sentimental because facts about the
history of the world excite me. I also like knowing how we got here. I
get it from my father but, unlike my dad, I plan on doing something
with it. My dad took his intelligence and used it for bad things. But I'll
get to that later. Right now, I' m about to have a conversation to change
the course of my life.
I take a deep breath and turn around. "Yes, Mr. Richards?" The man is
in his forties but he takes care of himself. I'm pretty sure he is gay, but
that kind of thing doesn' t matter to me. His hair is just starting to grey
at his temples and he looks very dashing. His grey suit is clean and fits
him perfectly. His grey eyes are warm and welcoming, which is a huge
thing for me. A lot of the teachers in this school are just here for the big
paycheck. You can tell Mr. Richards cares. I need more people to care
in my life.
"Can I talk to you for a moment? " he asks with a bright smile. I' m sure
Bentley is outside waiting for me, so I nod and follow him into his
classroom.
"Let me text my little brother real quick. " I take my phone out of my
bag and type out the message before hitting send and putting the phone
back up.

Mr. Richards sits down at his desk and points to one of the seats in the
front row. I shuffle over and plant my butt. I'm starting to think I'm in
trouble but I' m not sure why.
He weaves his fingers together in front of his face and sighs. "You're
not in trouble Ms. Bridges, but I don't think you're going to like what I
have to say. "
My palms get sweaty, as I grow more nervous. Oh god, I failed a test
and I'm not going to be able to graduate. I shake my head, because that
is ridiculous since I haven't ever failed a test. And I don't think I could
ever fail a test in History. That would be a failure at life.
"I asked you in here because one of my students needs tutoring. The
Headmistress has agreed, if you agree, that you'll be paid for your time.
And you'll receive extra credit." He stops and looks at me with pointed
eyes. I have a feeling I'm not going to like who I have to tutor.
"All that sounds good. So what's the problem?" I ask him before wiping
my palms on my skirt.
"That's what I'm worried about. I may only be a teacher but I still pay
attention. I know about your group of friends and his group of friends.
I'm worried that you'll say no because of it and he really needs the help.
He'll lose his place on the swim team if he doesn't pass my class."
Dread starts to fill my stomach. He's about to tell me I have to tutor
Channing Southerland. I just know it.
I close my eyes and rub my temples. There is no possible way I can say
no. The money would be nice and I'd never say no to extra credit. "I just
want to say that my cousin and best friend both have problems with
Channing Southerland. I do not. But since they are my friends, I
pretend to go along with it. I actually could care less about it all. "
Mr. Richards sighs in relief and gets up from his desk. I remain seated
because I have a feeling this isn't over yet. "That is very nice to hear
Ms. Bridges but I'm sorry if you were misled. The student I need you to
tutor is Royal Sanders. "
My mouth drops open as he opens the door and Royal walks in. While
I'm surprised, relief floods my body. I've been sitting here freaking out
about how I' m going to have to listen to Channing talk, because his
voice is weird. Now I don't have to worry about that. When I

say weird, I mean it has this affect on my body. I'm not turned on but I
still feel the need to squeeze my thighs together. See, weird!
Royal Sanders is by far the most gorgeous boy at my school. He has to
be near six and half feet with warm brown eyes and a face straight out
of the Regency era. When I see him I always think of a Duke or an Earl.
Did I mention that's my favorite time in history? I think I've read every
Regency romance book ever written. I can't get enough of them.
Royal's nose is long and straight and his cheekbones are high. His lips
are full but not too full. Perfectly shaped brows frame his eyes and his
brown hair falls into them. He usually has a snobbish look on his face
but I can see the laugh lines around his mouth so I know he's not
normally like that. I always want to picture him in a popped up collar
and knee high boots. If he had lived back then, he would have been a
Royal Duke. I laugh to myself at the thought and grab the attention of
said Royal Duke. Okay I just laughed out loud.
"I' m sorry. I' m not laughing about anything that' s going on right now.
" My cheeks flush and I duck my head. I haven' t been this embarrassed
in a really long time.
I feel Royal' s eyes on me. Laughter shines in his eyes and my face gets
hotter. "So you don' t have a problem helping me out? " He raises one
of his eyebrows and I want to laugh again. He would make a great
Duke.
"Not at all," I say, getting up out of my seat. I cross over to him and
realize I come up to his pecs. I can see them formed through his tight
black polo. I gulp because a flare of a different kind of heat fills up my
face. "We haven' t ever been properly introduced. " I hold out my hand
for him to shake. "Wesley Bridges. "
This is where I about die. Royal takes my hand and lifts it up to his
mouth where he places a chaste kiss on the back of my hand. "Lovely to
meet you, Wesley. Royal Sanders. " He stares into my eyes and, for the
first time in the past six months, I don't feel sad. I feel a little bit of
hope.
I quickly pull my hand away and step back. I don't want to be sad but I
also don't want to let go of my sadness. If I do, then I'll forget about
Trey.
Mr. Richards clears his throat and I blink before looking up at him.

"Now that that is settled you two should get out of here." He smiles
warmly and opens the door for us. I hoist my backpack on my shoulder
and head out the door. I can feel Royal following behind me as I walk
out of school.
Before I open the front doors I turn around and face him. I look at the
ground as I speak to him. "I just have to know if you're going to mess
with me because I'm Pierce's cousin? I understand there is bad blood
between him and Channing but I have nothing to do with that. "
Royal sticks his finger under my chin and lifts my face. "I don't have a
problem with you, Wesley. I seriously need help in World History. If I
fail History I'll get kicked off the swim team and my dad won't pay for
Juilliard."
My eyes widen. Juilliard? "You're going to Juilliard? That's really
impressive." I shift my feet before looking back down at the ground.
He chuckles and I like the sound. It's deep and soothing. "Yeah, like
Harvard isn't impressive." I look up at him with wide eyes again. "My
dad was talking about it a few months ago. I think he knows your mom.
Something about the hospital he works at getting sued. "
I nod like this makes sense. No one but my family knows I got
contacted by Harvard. I've had straight A's since I was in kindergarten
and I got a 34 on the ACT's. Plus I was on the debate team, a
cheerleader, softball player, and I' ve tutored before. Harvard was
really looking at me. Then they found out what my father does.
I open the door with my hand but I don' t step out just yet. "You can't
tell anyone that. Pierce and Annabella don't know yet. We were all
supposed to go to Alabama together. " He nods slowly, almost as if he
knew he spooked me. "I don't have any after school programs this year.
I know swim team has practices, so text me when you want to start
tutoring." I grab a pen out of my bag and then I grab his hand. I write
the number down and turn to leave.
Royal grabs my arm, gently though. Then he bends at the knees so our
faces are close together. "I didn't tell anyone about Harvard, but a lot of
people already know you got in. It's only a matter of time before Pierce
or Annabella find out. You should probably be the one to tell them."

He has a point but I really don't like being told what to do. But then, I
don't have anything to worry about since I didn't really get in. I look
into his eyes but I only see warmth. He isn't trying to hurt me. "Thanks
for the advice but when those two started keeping secrets from me, I
gave up trying to be open. You can't have an honest friendship with
someone if you lie to their face." I turn away from him and wrench my
arm free. "At this point it's like I was never friends with them."
I rush away and don't slow down until I make it to Bentley's car. When
I'm safely inside and on my way home I think, Why the hell did I tell
him that?

Chapter Four
My afternoons have become the worst part of my day. I used to go out,
hang out with Trey or Annabella and Pierce. Or all three together. It
seems ever since I lost Trey, I lost the other two for no reason. I've
become a very lonely person and I hate it. I may not have had many
friends, but they meant the world to me.
There are two words I use in my head for Annabella, shallow and
vapid. She is so into herself it's not even funny. As her friend I try to
look past these negative facts about her. That's what friends do. They
are there for you no matter what, even when you're being horrible to
them.
Pierce is a one-emotion kind of person. It's like he can only feel one
thing at a time. Right now, and for the past hundred years it's been hurt.
Hurt over the hurt Ashley feels, hurt over the fact Annabella chose
Donovan and not him. Hurt over his past and what he went through
with his father, what his mother went through with his father. I can
understand all of that, but sometimes you have to let that stuff go. Live
your life; never forget the past but move beyond what it makes you
feel. Holding grudges is the best way to get hurt. The people you hold
them against generally don't care what you feel. Why do you think they
hurt you in the first place?
Trey... he was like a lighthouse. He shone bright and clear through the
fog at sea. He protected me from the hurt Annabella and Pierce can
inflict on me. Now I'm left alone and dealing with their crap. It's really
hard not to sit up and scream at the top of my lungs and punch one of
them in the face.
Bentley walks into my room while I stalk Facebook. "What is that
scowl for?" I look up at him and want to smile at his outfit. Gone is the
mysterious boy who went to school with me this morning. Now he is
just wearing a grey tank and plaid pajama pants.
I look back down at Annabella's profile and glare. "Seems

Annabella and Pierce are out together. Alone. And without me," I tell
him, reading the same check-in update again.
Annabella Gage was at Meadow's Central Mall with Courtney Pierce.
7:59p.m.
"I' m starting to think those two are dating behind Donovan' s back."
Bentley states. I wince but try to cover it with a smile. "You can't even
lie about it, Wes. You think the same thing." With that parting
statement, he turns and leaves.
I groan and fall back on my bed. Before Trey died, things were not like
this. Those two only hung out alone if Donovan and I both had
something else going on. Now that Donovan is away at college, they
can't seem to spend enough alone time together.
"Hey, Wes! Look alive!" I scream out when I hear Donovan's voice
come from my computer.
I sit up fast and feel a little dizzy. When was the last time I ate? "What
the fudge, Donovan! You can't sneak up on me like that!" I tell him
through the screen of my laptop. I look him over while he sits there in
my Skype window. His brown hair has grown out and now falls across
his forehead. His green eyes are filled with sadness but I don' t know if
it's for me or because of Annabella.
"What did I tell you about looking sad?" I say, trying to smile. I can't
though because there is nothing to be happy about today. There hasn't
been anything to be happy about in a really long time.
He smoothes a hand over his face and sighs. "Don't Wes. You're no
more happy than I am." He scoots around on his bed. I can see his wall
behind him, full of pictures of Annabella, Pierce, Ashley, Bentley and
me. I almost laugh when I see one of Victor. Victor and Donovan get
along, but Victor hates having his picture taken. Victor is Annabella' s
older brother and Ashley's long-term boyfriend.
I move my laptop to the end of my bed and lay on my stomach. I prop
myself up on my elbows and chew on the inside of my cheek before I
answer. "I don't know what's going on, Van. She doesn't talk to me
anymore."
He curses before rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands. I can
feel the frustration coming off of him all the way over here. "That' s

what scares me. She used to tell you everything. Now she tells him
everything and they leave you sitting at home. She'd never do that
before I left."
"I don't know what to tell you, Van. I guess I was just too sad for her to
be around. For both of them to be around. They started leaving me out
way before you left." Donovan wants to believe that she tells me
everything but that wasn't true even before Trey died. She just didn't
want her boyfriend to know she was closer to his brother. I was a cover,
maybe that was all I ever was.
He glares at his keyboard and my heart breaks for him. "What do I do
here? How do I get my girlfriend back?"
I pretend to think, but really I'm not. I know how to get her back but that
would mean the loss of Pierce. Not death, but if he wasn't here
anymore, she' d only have us to cling to. That' s important to Annabella;
she doesn' t like to be alone. She has to have someone around she can
turn to. Victor might always be there, but she won' t run to him, not like
she would me.
But since I'm still the scaredy cat I've always been, I lie. "I don't know,
Van. "
That's when he starts to glare at me. "Wesley, you are one of the
strongest people I have ever met, but you are a horrible liar. At some
point you're going to have to realize, those two don't care about anyone
but themselves. Stop protecting them." He growls out before he turns
the Skype chat off.
Tears silently fall down my face as I stare at my blank computer screen.
I'm trying to protect him. He would never hurt his brother, but he would
hurt Annabella. I think that's one thing she doesn't understand about her
boyfriend. He would pick Pierce over her any day. That's why I lied to
him.
If Annabella left, or even if Pierce left, I would be alone at school. A
freaking ghost. I need someone to stand behind, someone to sit with at
lunch and in class. If one left, the other would desert me for good. They
may suck as friends, but I still need them.
"Wesley?" comes a deep male voice.
I about jump out of my skin and look up at my bedroom door.

"Down here, girl," it comes again, but this time I realize it's from my
computer.
I finally look down and see Royal Sanders staring back at me. My
breathing automatically picks up speed, because he's not wearing a
shirt and his entire golden chest is on display. I swallow hard before
speaking, "Can you put a shirt on before I ask you what you're doing?
It's a bit distracting."
He chuckles and it's the same one from earlier today. It's deep and full
of warmth. "Yeah sorry. Rachel claims to be cold and turned the heat
up in the house. It's like a sauna in here."
He gets up, I assume to find a shirt, but I speak before he can
completely leave, "Wait!" he stops and looks back at me, "It's fine. I
don' t want you to get all sweaty and start stinking. "
He chuckles again before sitting back down. It's dark behind him so I
can't tell what his bedroom looks like. If he is even in his bedroom.
"Don't worry, I'm wearing plenty of deodorant."
This time I laugh and it surprises me. I think I forgot I could laugh. "So.
why are you Skyping me?" I ask while shifting around on my bed.
"Tutoring? Did you forget about that?" He smiles and it's beautiful the
way it transforms his face.
"No, I didn't forget about the tutoring, but you could have at least texted
first." I scold him before getting up off my bed. I find my backpack on
my desk and pull out my World History book.
"Sorry about that. I didn't think you would be all that comfortable
around me, at least not yet, so I decided to try this first." By the time I
get back to my bed, his light is on in his room and he also grabbed his
World History book.
"It's fine, I need to study for the test this Friday and I get to help
someone in the process, it's a win, win for me." I smile for him and sit
cross-legged on my bed. "Where do you need to start?"
"The beginning." When I snort, he grins. "I'm serious. I have no idea
what's going on or why it went on. This stuff just flies over my
head."
"You're lucky, I could talk about this stuff in my sleep." I tap my pen on
my chin and grin myself. "In fact, I'm pretty sure I do."

"Well in that case I'll just sit here while you sleep and take notes." We
both laugh and start working. I could talk about this stuff for hours and
this night I do.
Well until about midnight when Annabella walks in through my
bedroom door. I shut my laptop in the middle of Royal's sentence,
cutting him off. "What's up Annabella?" I stammer out. I'm totally
busted.
She has a sour look on her face and I think it has to do with who I was
talking to but she quickly corrects that. "Ugh, Donovan is getting on
my nerves lately. I thought it would get better since he went off to
college, but it's only gotten worse."
She throws herself down on my bed almost clocking me in the face
with her elbow. "What do you mean?" I ask. I scoot my laptop under
my legs, hoping she doesn't ask what I was doing when she walked in.
Oh wait, this is Annabella; she doesn't care what I was doing. She only
cares about her problems.
"He thinks I' m sleeping with Pierce. Like I would cheat on him with
his own brother. Besides, Pierce has a girlfriend too. I love Pierce like
my brother, not like I love Donovan." She closes her eyes and visibly
relaxes like she was waiting to tell me all that and it's better now.
"Well, just a word of advice, maybe you shouldn't hang out with Pierce
alone anymore. Or at least don't advertise it on Facebook. He's
hundreds of miles away, he doesn't know what's going on unless he
talks to one of us or reads Facebook. " She pops up real quick and heads
to my balcony doors. I hate that she smokes.
She pulls the pack of Reds out of her back pocket and pops one in her
mouth. Her pink and gold lighter comes out of her front pocket and the
smell of smoke enters my room. "You didn't say anything to him did
you?" she questions, not meeting my eyes.
"What the hell would I tell him? That you' re hanging out with Pierce?
He knows you are, because you put that shit on Facebook. I don't know
what you do with Pierce when I'm not there, so I have nothing to tell
him," I ground out, trying my hardest not to yell.
She turns toward me and eyes me up and down. "Don't get your panties
in a bunch. Pierce thinks it was you who told him but I forgot

about the check-in on Facebook. Then Van said he talked to you on
Skype. I just wanted to see your face when I asked you." She takes a
deep drag of her cigarette before tossing it over the railing. "I've got to
get home. I'll see you at school tomorrow!" she hollers as she strolls out
my bedroom door.
That's how I know they are hiding something. Never before have they
had to question me on what I told Donovan. Which leads me to believe
they think I know something. And they would only be scared I told
Donovan something if there was something to tell.
Now all I want to know is. what is there to know?

Chapter Five
My life used to be so simple. I never thought about what Pierce and
Annabella did when they were alone. I never thought about Royal
Sanders without his shirt on. I never thought I would have to live
without Trey. Now I' m suffering from all of these.
I know it's been six months since he passed, but I can't seem to walk
away from it. I still expect him to walk into my room with his huge
goofy grin and tell me he'd been thinking about me. He wouldn't have
even had to knock on the front door. He'd have walked in, waved hello
to my mother and gone up the stairs. He'd have stopped by Bentley's
room and asked him what new riffs he was working on with his guitar
before making his way to me.
I can feel him everywhere. I'm a ghost now because of it. The part of
me that loves him won't come back. I'm stuck with this shell that has no
idea what to do without him. We were going to get married after we
graduated from college. We were going to have three kids and a cat.
We even picked out their names. Now none of that will ever happen.
Tears fall down my face as I look at his gravestone. There is a picture of
him in the middle along with his name. His birth date and death date
stare daggers at me. He would have been eighteen today. We would
have had a quiet dinner with his parents, partied with Annabella and
Pierce, then gone back to my house and made love. It's what we did the
two years I had him. Trey wasn't into birthday parties. We would throw
him one anyway, just because we wanted to celebrate the wonderful
human being that he was. Trey would have given you the shirt off his
back if you needed it. I once watched him give a homeless man twenty
bucks and a hot meal. When I asked him why he did that, he replied,
"Because you have to show support to those who need it most, simply
for the fact they have none anywhere else. I gave him something to be
thankful for. Something to brighten his day. He might not have

chosen to be homeless. It could have been thrust upon him. "
That was my Trey. Sweet, kind, loving and now no one gets to be a part
of his life. Someone who couldn't bother to obey one simple law
snuffed it out. Driving drunk hurts more than just you, it hurts everyone
you come in contact with. Trey was minding his own business but some
drunk guy didn't care. He didn't even care when he hit him. He just
drove off. He was later pulled over with blood still on the hood of his
car.
My phone goes off in my pocket, so I set my flowers down gently on
Trey's grave. I stand up and fish it out.
Annabella: Hey sorry we can't make it tonight. Some stuff came up.
Ttyl.
I want to roll my eyes but I don't. Figures they would both bail on me.
When Annabella has a problem I' m front and center with help, but
when I need her here to hold my hand she is nowhere to be found.
I need to get drunk.
My Kia is parked a few yards away, so I blow a kiss to Trey and walk
over. I have no idea where to go, but I drive anyway. When I find
myself outside of Royal Sanders's house, I wonder why he was on my
mind.
It got dark on my drive here, so I can barely make out the cars parked in
his driveway. I know there is a party here; it' s the only one, I think.
Pierce and Annabella would never show up here, so I feel safe.
I wonder when that happened? That I feel safer at the enemy' s house
instead of with my so-called friends. I know they are both going
through something, but does that mean they have no time for me? Trey
was friends with both of them. He went out with Pierce all the time. He
went shopping with Annabella and me. He had relationships with them
and they just don' t give a shit. They don' t give a shit that he died. How
can they not care? Someone died and they went on living. Not that they
shouldn' t have, but damn they could have at least acted like it affected
them.
"Bridges?" My thighs instantly close together and my knees get

tingles. Channing Southerland.
I slowly look up into grey smoky eyes. God he is beautiful.
"Southerland?" I ask back.
A small grin appears on his face before he crosses his arms on his broad
chest. His muscles jump and shift under his tight shirt. "May I ask why
you're outside of Royal's house?"
I square my shoulders and take a deep breath. "There's a party, right?
That's why I'm here."
His face doesn't change but that's nothing new with Channing. He
either looks bored or pissed off. Nothing else. "Is this some kind of
joke?" he questions raising one of his eyebrows.
I roll my eyes and get out of my car. He's seen me now so there's no
reason to run off scared. "No." He moves so I can exit but doesn't move
far enough away for my comfort. "When have I ever done anything to
you? Said anything mean to you? I don't really care about you at all, if I'
m telling the truth. I just pretend to when Pierce or Annabella are
around. Those two get pissy if you go against them. "
He nods like this makes sense to him. He surprises me when he puts an
arm around my shoulders and walks me toward the house. It' s been
over six months since I've been to a high school party but they don' t
seem to ever change. Bodies everywhere, dancing, drinking, and
having a damn good time.
Channing walks into the house and it's almost comical how everyone
turns toward us. Some look pissed off, some look surprised, and others
look bored. "Listen up! No one fuck with Bridges here. And no one
breathes a word that she was here. " He pauses and glares around the
room. "Do I make myself clear?"
And they all nod together, one unit.
"Whoa..." I breathe out.
Channing snorts and moves me through the crowd. We go down a long
hallway and then into a big room with double doors. The doors are
open but the only people inside are Channing' s friends.
"Royal get Bridges here a drink. " He glares again and I know what' s
coming. "If I find out any of you fuck with her, you' ll be ended. And
don't spread it around that she was here." Then he lets my shoulders

go and moves to the bar where Royal has the biggest grin on his face.
He is staring right at me and I feel my cheeks flush. He makes
something at the bar before he walks over to me. I don't think my feet
could move if I physically moved them myself. "I can't believe you are
here right now," he says to me, still wearing his grin.
I take the glass from his hand without even asking if it's mine. I sniff it,
finding rum and Coke. I chug it down as fast as I can and still look like
a lady. When my glass is dry, I hand it back to Royal. "I can' t believe I'
m here either," I mumble out.
"Why are you here?" he asks and something dark passes behind his
eyes. It's gone before I can see what it is, and that scares me a little.
"Pierce and Annabella bailed on me. I need to get drunk," I get out
through my stiff lips. The alcohol isn't kicking in yet but I know it's
only a matter of time.
He bites his lower lip and I follow the movement with my eyes. "What
really happened between the library and now?" Since Monday I' ve met
Royal at the library on Wednesday and Friday. Which is today. Luckily
he wasn't pissed off I cut our session short on Monday night.
"Nothing happened," I lie and try to smile. The alcohol is starting to
make me feel good, so it probably looks more real than it is. "Can I
have another drink?"
He eyes me up and down before slowly nodding. "Yeah, but you should
slow down after that. "
I roll my eyes and shove past him, finally able to move my feet. "You're
not my boss," I spit out, suddenly pissed off. Why does he think he can
tell me what to do?
He chuckles that deep soothing chuckle and I want to punch him in the
face. This is not funny. "Right, Duchess. "
My breathing accelerates and I spin around to face him. "Excuse
me?"
He lifts his eyebrow and his lips move into a mocking grin, "I called
you Duchess. Do you have a problem with pet names? Or are you one
of those girls who think pet names are stupid? " He moves closer, about
an inch from touching me. He bends down until our eyes are level. "I'll
have you know I thought long.. .and hard about that pet name." He

whispers the last part and his eyes travel down to my cleavage.
Tingles spread throughout my body and I start to feel faint. "I bet you
did. But you're not getting in my pants."
He laughs softly before he moves and now we are touching. "If I
wanted in your pants, Wes, I'd have been there already." With those
parting words he goes over to the bar and starts a conversation with
Channing.
I blink several times before I walk over to them. Royal hands me a new
rum and Coke before I can even say anything. I snatch it out of his hand
and walk out of the room. I find my way into the kitchen where I find a
treasure trove. I grab a two-liter of Coke from the counter and then a
liter of Captain Morgan's coconut rum. I find glasses in the dishwasher
and then head up a back set of stairs.
I' m pissed off and seriously upset, so when I open the first door and
realize it's Royal's bedroom, I grin widely. His room kind of reminds
me of Bentley' s but only because of the guitars. I see a few Fenders and
one badass red Gibson on the left side of the room. They either hang on
the wall or have a stand sitting next to his half stack. His bed sits in the
middle of the room, covered in a black bedspread along with two black
nightstands on either side. There' s a black couch on the right side of the
room, sitting in front of a black entertainment center.
I set my treasure down on his nightstand and make myself a drink.
Before twenty minutes have passed I' ve drank half the bottle of Coke
and two-thirds of the rum. I' m fucking drunk.
That' s when I lay down on his bed and start to cry. I cry hard and while
it' s refreshing and I need it, it makes me feel even shittier. I don' t even
want Royal to want me, but it hurt to be rejected. I' ve been getting
rejected a lot lately. And by two people who should have stood by me
at all costs. So what? I got a little sad my boyfriend died, I do believe I'
m entitled.
Hours pass as I stare at the ceiling and cry. When I start to feel more
sober, I drink another glass. At some point I fall asleep. For once I don't
dream of Trey. I don't dream at all.
"Wes," someone says softly. I think it's Royal. When I slowly open my
eyes, I see it is Royal. I must still be drunk because I sit up and hug

his neck. And I sob, and then sob some more. His shirt is soaked at the
shoulder before long.
I can tell at first he doesn't know what to do, but then his arms go
around me and he rubs my back. Neither of us speak and I love it. For
once someone is letting me just be.
After a while he lays me down on the bed. He takes his shirt off before
lying down beside me. I'm a little worried by that, but then I remember
he doesn't want me. He puts an arm around my shoulders and pulls me
to his chest. I've finally stopped crying, so it's seconds before I' m fast
asleep again.
The next time I wake up, Royal is asleep and I'm still on his chest. I feel
safe and warm. and not alone. That thought scares me so bad; I almost
jump out of his bed. Instead, I quietly get out of his arms and off his
bed. I'm still completely dressed, I'm even wearing my shoes, so I
bolt.
If I had looked back I would have seen that I woke him up. I would
have seen my future in his eyes.
I would have also seen that I started something that would break
me.

Chapter Six
"So what did you do last night? " Annabella asks me later on Saturday.
After I got home from Royal's I took a long hot shower and washed the
entire night from my body. Then my phone started ringing. Luckily it
was only Annabella, never Royal. Apparently she needed a girl's day. I
think she is just starting to feel guilty for ignoring me for the past six
months.
I shrug my shoulders and walk around a young mother with a stroller
going two miles an hour. "Nothing really. Watched Pride and
Prejudice, then I went to sleep. "
She nods before shoveling more ice cream into her mouth. "Pierce and
I watched James Bond movies all night." I scrunch up my face at her
and she laughs. "This is why we didn't invite you. What is your
problem with James Bond?"
I shiver in revulsion before explaining, "Well if he wanted to watch the
ones with Daniel Craig, I'd be all over that, but he has to watch the ones
with Sean Connery." I pause before I quote an episode of Family Guy
where Sir Connery said, "Fifty no's and one yes, still means yes."
Annabella has to stop and double over with her laughter. "You are too
good at that!" she exclaims between breaths.
I grab her arm and pull her along, "Come on you big dork. I want to see
if they have any new historical romances at Barnes & Noble. " Now it's
her turn to look disgusted.
"How can you even read that junk? " She stops to toss her ice cream
away and turns to face me. "Oh no, Duke Greyson, you can't kiss me
before our wedding!"
I slap her arm gently and pull her along with me on my way to the
bookstore. "Because they did things differently back then. It was all
more romantic. "
She rolls her eyes but comes into the bookstore with me. "I'm

going to go look at the magazines. Come find me when you're done."
We part ways and I make my way over to the historical romances. I find
one by Kat Martin that I haven't read and pick it up. I'm reading the
back cover when I feel intense heat light up my back. I almost drop the
book when Royal' s voice floats down to my ear, "You even read
history for fun." His voice is low and sexy, most likely on purpose.
I square my shoulders and move past him before facing him. "These
aren't really about history. They're just romance's taking place in the
past." I shrug and turn to head to the register.
He stops me with a hand on my shoulder. I feel that heat up against my
back again, before his warm breath hits my ear, "Look, I know you
want to pretend nothing happened last night, but I need an explanation.
You can't just cry on my shoulder and sleep in my bed and expect me
not to ask what's wrong with you."
I face him, anger fueling my words, "What's wrong with me?" I push
his chest but he doesn't budge. "You have no right to ask that. So what?
I had a weak moment. It's not like I went looking for you to help me
with my problems. "
"See that's where you're wrong. I think you went looking for me. I think
you've had enough of the shitty way your friends treat you, and you
went looking for me. I've been nice to you, made you feel secure about
something. I don't know what that is, but I'll find out Wes." His face
gets redder the longer he talks. I know he's mad but I'm not about to tell
him what's going on. I don't know him. I don't trust him.
Or is that all lies? He's right about me going looking for him. A part of
me wanted him to care, and when he showed me he could, I ran the
other way. "You won't find out, Royal. Simply for the fact there is
nothing to find out. " Then my phone starts ringing. I look down and
see it's Trey's mom calling.
Damn.
I answer without thinking, "Mrs. Gardener?"
"Wesley! It's lovely to hear your voice, sweetie." She pauses and I
know what she is about to say is going to wreck me. "I'm sorry I haven't
called, especially yesterday, but you have to understand. "
"I understand Mrs. Gardener. I've been that way, too."

She sighs and I know it's going to be bad. "We are moving in a few
weeks. I just can't stand to live in this house anymore. We were
wondering if you wanted to get anything out of Trey's room before we
packed it up?"
One tear falls out of my eye. When he first died I used to sit in his room
for hours. His parents never knew I was there. I snuck in through his
window. I haven't been in a few weeks but now I don't even have that
option anymore. I choke out, "Yes, there are some things I want. "
"Okay, sweetie. Can you come over on Monday? That's the day they
are coming to remove his stuff. "
"Yes, Ma'am. See you Monday." I hang up before she can reply. They
are getting rid of him. How can they get rid of him? They are his
parents!
"Wes?" Royal whispers behind me, making me jump. I totally forgot he
was here.
"I have to go," I spit out before dropping my book on the floor and
running out of there. And I just keep running. Before I know it I'm at
my car and I'm climbing in. I blare YellowCard's "Only One" in my car
as I drive.
After an hour I find myself at Trey's grave. The graveyard is empty,
which is a true blessing. I park my car and get out. Once I' m at his
gravestone, I lie down next to it. I brought my bag from the car, so I fish
out my headphones and my phone. I hook the headphones up and pop
them in my ears. Then I just hit play.
***
Hours later, I'm still sitting there. Annabella's called several times, but I
always hit ignore. Royal has been calling just as much. I just let his
ring. It just seems rude to hit ignore on him. I don't care what Annabella
thinks.
The sun is just starting to set when I decide to leave. There's no point in
laying out here in the dark. That's way too creepy for me. I could just
imagine ghosts floating by my head or zombies coming up

from the ground.
That's how I find myself running from the graveyard like the hounds of
hell are on my heels. I drive home this time and pretend I didn' t just
spend an entire afternoon lying with dead people. At least they don't
want to know what's wrong with me.
There is only one light on in the house, which means everyone is out.
Bentley probably went out with his friends. The same goes for my
mother. My dad is on a business trip. Or so he says. I know the truth.
And sometimes I hate him for it.
I use my keys to get in the front door and almost scream when I find
said dad sitting on the couch watching TV. "Dad you scared ten years
off my life. I didn't think you'd be home until next week."
He gets up from the couch and walks over to me before he speaks.
"Sorry baby bear. I've only been home for an hour. I just figured you
were out with Courtney and Annabella. How's life?" He throws an arm
around my shoulders and pulls me toward the couch. I glance at the TV
and see Law & Order: SVU. He totally has a crush on Olivia. "How are
you doing after yesterday?" he asks in a softer voice.
I sit with him on the couch but I don't really want to. I want to go up to
my room and stare at my ceiling. But I don't because, whether I like it
or not, my dad knows me better than I know myself. "Yesterday was
hard. "
He rubs my shoulder and I lay my head on his shoulder. "I know baby
bear. Sorry I couldn't be here. I tried to get out of leaving, or at least
leaving after yesterday but Barney wasn't hearing it."
"Yeah, because mob bosses are so easy to ask for time off." I spit
out.
He flinches and I instantly feel bad. "I know you didn't mean it like
that. And never say you're sorry for something you're not." He tells me
before I can even open my mouth to apologize.
"I know you've been doing this since before Bentley and I were born. I
need to learn to live with it." I didn't know my father was a part of the
mob until after Trey died. Uncle Barney runs the Barcelo family in
Dallas. It's actually not as bad as it sounds, but it's still messed up.
Before I found out about the mob, I was always told dad was a doctor.

Which I guess was never a lie, because he is a doctor, he just works
solely for Uncle Barney and his men. He makes bank, I'll give him that.
It was really funny how I found out. The guy who killed Trey ended up
dead a few weeks after he made bail. I was thankful at first but then
things started to come out. Like the fact that his death was tied to Uncle
Barney. I had no idea he was a mob boss until I read the article about
the drunk guy' s death.
By the way, I do know his name, I just refuse to speak it out loud.
Anyway, I found my dad in his office and shoved the paper in his face.
He made me sit down and he explained that he's worked for Uncle
Barney since he was fifteen. Dad has an affinity for healing those
around him, so Uncle Barney sent him to college, where he got his
Doctorate in Medicine. And he doesn't just work on the men who get
hurt doing mob stuff. I have no clue what mob stuff is, that's just what
my dad says. He makes house calls to their families as well. He's even
helped birth all the babies in the "family" since he got his degree.
My dad doesn't look like he's in the mob either. He's short, skinny and
balding on the crown of his head. His green eyes are kind and while his
face has some wrinkles, it's from laugh lines, not from having to see
hard shit for most of his life.
"You don't have to live with it, baby bear. I got myself into trouble
when I was fifteen. I was thrust into this life, more than I chose it. Now
I can't get out without being killed or you or your mother, or Bentley. I
just don't bring it home with me." He sighs and turns the TV off. "Now
what' s wrong?"
I let out a frustrated sigh myself. "Why do people keep asking me
that?"
"Maybe because you look like you've been crying for hours? That
would be my first guess." He chuckles when I glare at him.
"Royal Sanders asked me that today. I didn't even know that boy could
care enough to ask. I didn't think he gave a shit about girls and their
feelings." Before I even knew him, I saw what he did with other girls.
He wasn't all that nice.
He has this way about him that just makes you tell him things. I guess
he's good at his job. That's one thing about my father I wish he

would stop.
He taps his chin a few times before he speaks. "Royal Sanders? Isn't he
friends with Channing Southerland?" He raises his eyebrows and I
groan.
"Yes. They are best friends. Though you can't tell sometimes by the
way they talk to each other." Which is true. I have seventh period with
both of them and they talk shit to each other all the time. I shift around
until I'm sitting on my feet. "I don't like him or anything. Well, not
romantically. He's actually a pretty cool guy. I've been tutoring him in
World History. Pierce and Annabella have been ignoring me lately, and
well.. .Royal's been around. He listens to me when I talk and now he
seems to generally care about my well being. "
Dad laughs and gets up off the couch. "Well baby bear, all I have to say
is guard your heart," he pauses for dramatic effect, "unless you want
him to have it. I know his father; he's a good kid. I'd approve. Besides I
love your cousin but he's about to get into some serious trouble with
Annabella and I want you to stay out of that. "
"Huh? What kind of trouble?" I ask standing up myself.
He just laughs, "Not the illegal kind. More like the kind of the heart. I
don't want you in the middle of all that. We are going to have our hands
full with Courtney and Donovan." He winks before leaving the room.
I knew Annabella and Pierce had something going on.

Chapter Seven
On Sunday morning at exactly eleven a.m., Royal Sanders knocks on
my front door. He didn't call first, didn't text, just showed up. And who
answers the door? My father. Can you say awkward?
I am in my room, staring at the ceiling listening to music. My dad
appeared above me and I pulled my headphones off "You have a
visitor." That's all he said before he walked out and Royal walked in.
I swear my mouth opened and closed like a fish for ten whole minutes.
I wasn't expecting him to walk into my room. But I went with it.
Whether I wanted to admit it or not, he and I have something. It' s in the
beginning stages, a connection that hasn't found its purpose yet.
I take in my room through his eyes. I wonder what he thinks of my
closet doors being open and showcasing all the junk in there; clothes,
shoes, boxes, and a softball bat that I haven't picked up in years. My
bed sits in the middle of the room, just like his. It's covered in a white
bedspread and has a few hundred white pillows piled on it. My chest of
drawers sits to the right and has a huge mirror mounted on the top. The
surface is cluttered with jewelry, fingernail polish, and books. On the
left side of my bed is a huge white bookshelf that holds all my books.
"So. I brought you something," he says after entering my bedroom. He
lays a Barnes & Noble bag on my bed, right next to my feet. It's full of
paperbacks.
I pick the bag up and start pulling books out. The one I was looking at
yesterday is in there along with several others I've never read. "I talked
to a nice lady who pointed out all the new releases in historical
romance. I felt kind of bad for pushing you. I just didn't know what to
think of you. "
I look at him with a question in my eyes. "What does that mean?" He
shrugs, "One second you're my enemy simply for the fact you hang out
with Pierce and Annabella. Then Mr. Richards was asking if he

could pair us up for tutoring. You turned out not to really care about
what Pierce and Annabella think about my friends or me. You have
your own opinions, which is awesome. Now you've got Channing
guarding your back and you have me worried over a girl who isn't my
sister."
I want to laugh because he does look incredibly lost. But I don't
because I'm just as lost as he is. Not once in my life would I think I
would want Royal Sanders's friendship. "I didn't see it coming either,
but that's life. You don't see a lot of things coming."
He looks at me from under his lashes when he tells me, "I'm starting to
think you know that better than anyone. "
Shock goes through my body but I don't show a reaction on the outside.
I do shrug though. "Maybe I do. "
He nods before sitting at the end of my bed. He also brought his
backpack and now he reaches into it, pulling out his World History
book.
"Want to study?"
I smile my first real smile in a long time. "Definitely. "
***
"How long have you played the guitar?" I've been dying to ask since I
saw all the guitars in his bedroom. Plus, he got into Juilliard, so he must
be really good.
He rolls his eyes before answering me. "I've played since I was like
seven. I love music. There's nothing more important than music. Well.
no, sex is more important than music but that' s neither here nor
there."
I laugh so hard I have to bury my head in my pillow to stop. We studied
for a few hours but now that our brains are shot on history, we are both
lying on our stomachs on my full size bed. "Right. " I say before getting
up off my bed. I run into Bentley' s room and grab his Gibson where it
sits on its stand.
By the time I get back he's holding the picture of Trey. Damn. He looks
up when I enter and looks at me puzzled. "Boyfriend?"
I take a deep breath and tell him the truth. "Not anymore. " Well,

mostly the truth.
"Oh." He finally sees the guitar in my hand and laughs. "Bentley's I
assume?"
I nod and hand it over. He pulls the pick out from between the strings
and starts messing around until a familiar tune comes from the
instrument. Then in a sexy clear voice he starts singing. The lyrics state
yelling timber and dancing.
I smack him on the shoulder and laugh. "Ke$ha? Really?"
He laughs with me. "Hey, she's hot." I smack his shoulder again.
He sets the guitar down and looks at me seriously, "Can I ask you a
question?"
My hair falls into my face and I look away as I tuck some behind my
ear. "Sure. "
Please don't be about Trey. Please don't be about Trey. "Why did your
parents name you Wesley?"
Oh my lord. I think my heart has stopped beating. "My mom was
obsessed with The Princess Bride when she was pregnant with me. She
loved the romance between Westley and Buttercup." I laugh
remembering the story when my dad told me. "My dad put his foot
down on naming me Buttercup. Then Mom didn' t like the way Westley
was spelled so she took the T out. "
"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to
die'' Royal says straight-faced and I burst out laughing.
"You are the first person to ever quote the movie to me! No one has
ever figured it out. They just think my parents are weird. " I laugh some
more as he smiles at me.
"Don't sweat it. At least your mother didn't name you, Royal Duke
Sanders." My entire face goes into shock.
"Your middle name is Duke? Are you fudging with me? " I swear my
mouth is hanging open to the floor.
"Yeah, apparently we have a British heritage and there was actually a
Royal Duke Sanders in the family history." Then he just smirks. "Don't
get any ideas there. I know how those historical romances go. This
Duke is a free agent for eternity. "
I smirk right back. "Then don't call me Duchess." Now his mouth

hangs open to the floor. Well not really. "Checkmate!"
Before I have a chance to do a victory dance, Royal asks, "Do you want
to go to the movies?"
I stop once my feet reach the floor. "Um. sure?"
"Why do you not sound sure?" he chuckles my favorite chuckle and I
feel at ease. Well a little bit.
I shrug. "Maybe it's not a good idea. Our friendship is so new and the
movies can be considered a date." I pause and take a deep breath. "And
I'm just not ready for that."
"As you wish," he replies. I laugh and pick up my pillow before
slapping him in the face with it.
"You're a big dork." He takes the pillow from me and goes to hit me
back but we get interrupted.
"Whoa!" Bentley's voice comes through the room surprised.
Damn. "Hey, Bentley." I get up off the bed and pick up his Gibson.
"Sorry we borrowed this. I wanted to hear Royal play." I try to hand it
to him but he doesn't move to take it. No, he's staring over my shoulder
at Royal.
"What is going on?" he spits out, starting to look mad.
"It's not like that, Bentley. You know me better than that. Our History
teacher asked me to tutor him. That's all we've been doing. Well, until
we started talking about Royal playing the guitar and I went to get your
Gibson," I tell him, meeting his eyes the whole time.
"So Pierce and Annabella didn't put you up to this?" If there is one
thing Bentley hates, it's being deceitful. He hates liars and people that
use other people. Hmmm, I wonder if he'll hate dad when he finds out
what dad does for a living.
"No. They don't even know and I would like to keep it that way," I say,
picking up his hand and shoving the guitar at him. That thing is heavy
and I' m tired of holding it.
Then Bentley does the one thing I never thought he would do to
me. "What about Trey?"
I close my eyes as pain washes over my entire body. I haven't thought
about Trey much since Royal got here. He is usually constantly on my
mind. How could I forget him so easily? "Not right now Bentley.

I' ll talk to you about it later. "
Bentley looks over my head at Royal and then back down to me. "Don't
hurt him. He doesn't deserve this." And with those last words, he leaves
the room. Talk about making me feel like shit.
And what is he even talking about? How can I hurt Royal when he
doesn't even want to start a relationship with me, let alone anyone else?
That's ludicrous.
I feel that intense heat light up my back and I know we are about to
have a fight. Why must I put in so much effort for someone I'm not
even sure I want a friendship with? This is getting out of control. "I
thought you said you weren't with him anymore?"
I close my eyes, willing the tears to stay in my eyes. "I'm not," are the
only words I can speak.
"Then what the fuck is your brother talking about? " he asks harshly. I
don't know what to tell him. I'm not willing to talk to someone who
didn' t even know Trey, about Trey.
"None of your business," I spit out. Right now I just want him to leave.
And I'll do or say anything to make that happen.
"One of these days, Wes, you're going to have to talk about whatever is
fucking with your head. You can't keep it all bottled up in there. You're
so tiny, you're liable to blow the fuck up." I can hear the anger behind
his words, but I don't care. Why does he have a right to be mad? So
what that I don't want to talk about my dead boyfriend. He'd
understand, if he knew.
"Good. Then I won't have to deal with this bullshit." I flinch after I
speak, knowing it was the wrong thing to utter.
Royal gets in my face, his breath flavored like sweet candy, "You can
push me all you want, girl, but I'm not going to run. I have a twin sister.
I know how you teenage girls work. You want me to run so I' ll let you
live alone in your misery, but that's not going to happen. I won't let you
shrivel up and die, Wesley." His hands cup my face and they are hot. Or
am I just so cold? "You showed me a side of you that I don't think
anyone has ever seen. That means something to me, whether you like it
or not. I'm here for you. Remember that always." He kisses my
forehead and exits my bedroom.

Tingles race through my entire body. Goose bumps break out and I feel
like I can't get enough air.
Did Royal Sanders just claim me?

Chapter Eight
When I was little I used to run to Ashley when things got out of control
in my life. She is like the older sister I never had. Now though, she
spends every waking moment with Victor, which is annoying. I love
Vic and everything, but you'd think she could make time to see her
favorite cousin.
And I might love Victor, but I don't spend time with him. To be
completely honest, I'm terrified of Victor. He joined the army when he
was eighteen years old. He was sent off to war not long after he got out
of boot camp. He spent eight months over in Iraq. He only got to come
home because he got shot. And I mean he got shot several times. They
were really worried for a long time that he wasn't going to make it.
Now if you see him without his shirt on, he has ten tiny scars along the
right side of his torso.
About three years ago I was staying the night with Aunt Lily. My
parents were out of town and Bentley stayed with his friend. Victor and
Ashley had their own house at this point but he was still recovering
from his bullet wounds. Oh, and his PTSD. He woke up in the middle
of the night and started screaming. It woke me from a dead sleep and I
ran out into the hallway. That's where I found Victor squatting on the
ground with his head in his hands. I must have spooked him because he
got up and came after me. There was nothing in his eyes. That's the first
thing that scared me. The second would be the fists that started flying
after me. One connected with my left eye. The only thing that didn't
scare me was when Ashley came out and wrapped her arms around
him, calming him down enough for Aunt Lily to pull me out of the way.
I, of course, had a black eye the next day and let me tell you, that shit
isn't fun.
I can tell it hurts him whenever he enters a room and I flinch or when he
speaks I usually jump. I can't help it. It's not his fault, the poor man had
no idea what he was doing, but I still got hurt in the crossfire.

He's tried to apologize many times, but I just can't talk to him. You
might think I'm mean or whatever but you haven't seen Victor. He didn'
t give me a girl punch, he gave me a pissed off army man punch. They
even had to take me to the emergency room because they thought he
broke the bones around my eye. Luckily, he didn't. He even told me I
could press charges but I know he didn't mean it. I know he's sorry.
And I know what he did to me might be killing him.
If there is one thing you should know about Victor, it's he would never
hurt a woman. So hurting me messed up his already screwed up head.
Ashley tells me he's getting better and better every day. I only hope I
get over the scary shit myself one day.
Ashley lives in this nice two-story brick house on the other side of
Meadows. Victor bought it for them when they graduated high school. I
keep waiting for her to call me and say she's getting married soon, but it
never comes up. You never know with Ashley and Victor.
They are ...strange.
Strange meaning, they've been together since middle school and they
haven't gotten married. They spend all their time together, yet they
hardly speak to each other. Victor is usually standing behind Ash, the
silent guard. I don't know what he thinks, but I doubt anything is going
to come out and kidnap or murder Ash. Victor doesn't help with Pierce
because he is constantly over protective of Ash. Pierce had to learn it
from somewhere.
I pull up into their driveway and roll my eyes. Annabella is home.
Victor and Annabella's parents passed away ten years ago. My aunt is
Victor and Annabella's godmother, so she raised them after that. Talk
about keeping it in the family.
I knock on the door and a few seconds later, Pierce answers. He looks
at me confused but opens the door wider and I sail past him. I don' t
stop to talk to him or Annabella who is standing a few feet away. I just
walk up the stairs that were placed close to the front door.
"Wesley!" Pierce growls but I ignore him. I don't have anything to say
to either of them today. Today is about me. I'm tired of everything
being about someone else. I just want one person to sit down and talk to
me about my problems and me. Someone who I don't live with.

"Leave her. It's not our fault she has her panties in a wad," Annabella
says snidely.
I brake halfway up the stairs and turn around. My blood is pounding in
my veins and for the first time in my life I want to punch someone in
the face. "Excuse me?" I ask with my eyes narrowed.
Annabella throws her hair over her shoulder and smirks, "I said it's not
my fault you're being a bitch." She spits the word bitch out like it's
diseased. That's funny considering bitch is her middle name.
I look over to Pierce who has the expression of someone hit by a car.
Idiot. "I'm not being a bitch. I'd just rather not associate with two
asshats, who think nothing could ever go wrong in their perfect little
world."
Pierce speaks after that comment. "Don' t bring me into this. " And he
turns to walk away.
But I stop him. "Oh yes I am Courtney Pierce!! I'm so fucking sick of
the two of you! Can you just care about someone else in your life other
than yourselves?"
"Wesley Bridges! What in the world? " Ashley chimes in from behind
me.
I throw my hands up in the air. "Oh great, you're going to take their
side?" This would happen to me. It's no wonder I have this
overwhelming urge to find Royal and make him hug me. These people
are insane.
"I' m not taking anyone' s side. But if I were, it would be yours. I don't
think I've ever heard you say fuck. It was quite startling." I want to
laugh. From relief. This is why I love Ashley.
"What the fuck, Ashley? She came in here acting like a bitch to us!"
Annabella yells. I feel a full fledge hissy fit coming on. "I didn't do
anything! "
"Yeah, because ignoring your best friend for the past six months is
doing nothing. Oh wait it is." I spit out in her direction. I get a sick
sense of satisfaction when she takes a step back.
"That's enough, Wesley. There's no need to attack her," Pierce growls
out. Always being her savior. God I'm so sick of this crap.
"I' m going to say this once and only once. When you two take your

heads out of your butts, maybe then will I explain to you why I'm mad.
But right now I didn't come over here to get into a huge fight with y'all.
I came to talk to Ashley, because she's not a judgmental piece of shit!"
My breathing is so fast I feel like I might faint. Why am I so mad? Why
does this hurt so much? Haven't I had enough pain?
I hear Pierce scream my name as I start to fall down the stairs.
***
"They want to put her in a mental hospital, Greyson," my mother says
somewhere on my right.
"I know Jenny. I know you don't want to put her in there but she's in
really bad condition. It was way worse than we ever thought," my dad
tells my mother.
What in the hell are they talking about?
"I vote we keep her at home, where she belongs. I think this is a wake
up call to everyone in this room. We are so caught up in our own lives,
we didn't notice what she was doing to herself," Bentley chimes in. My
baby brother, always my hero.
Tears start to fall down my face before I even open my eyes. "Bentley,
don't blame yourself. If anything I'm still alive because of you." I
whisper, but I know he hears me.
"Wes..." Pierce says and when I open my eyes he's standing over me.
His hand comes down and rests on mine. I want to pull away but I don'
t have the energy.
"Don't. I'm not speaking to you," I tell him closing my eyes. "Please
leave. You' re only here because it looks good. I bet Annabella stayed
home." I open my eyes and look at him. His green eyes are full of guilt.
Good. "That's what I thought."
"Wesley, don't talk to your cousin that way!" my mom exclaims but I
ignore her. Pierce was supposed to be my best friend, but he didn' t
respect the position. He didn't even care to have the position.
"He's no cousin of mine." I glare up at him, saying every word to him
slowly.

"Wesley Ann Bridges! " My mother hollers out this time. Then she
takes a deep breath, calming herself down. "Maybe it's best if you
leave, Courtney. Wesley isn't in her right state of mind."
Pierce nods at my mother before looking back at me. "I know you hate
me right now, but I want you to know I'm sorry. I let something get the
best of me, when you deserved the best of me too." One tear escapes
down his cheek and I feel bad. But then I remember all those times I
called him to talk and he hit ignore. Fuck both of them.
After he leaves, the doctor comes in to talk to my parents. I have severe
exhaustion; I'm half starved and emotionally unstable. The starvation
surprises me, but then I can' t remember the last time I ate anything.
Which scares the shit out of me.
I ask to go to the bathroom and a nurse comes to help me. I ask to be
alone and since I never tried to kill myself they grant my wish. I slowly
raise up my hospital gown and gasp. My hand comes up to cover my
mouth because I know I'm about to get really upset.
I can see my ribs. I can count them. My stomach is so hollow. My
thighs no longer touch, in fact my legs look like pencils. What have I
done to myself? When did it get this bad? Tears fall down my eyes but
I don't sob. I don't want anyone rushing in here.
I finally see my purse sitting on a shelf in the bathroom and fish out my
phone. I don't even think before I dial Royal's number. "Wes?" he
answers on the second ring.
"Hey..." and then I start sobbing. I didn't realize how horrible and
lonely my life has become. Just the sound of his voice makes me cry.
He's so real and so alive. I want to be like that again.
"Wesley, babe, you have got to stop crying. You're really freaking me
out." His voice cracks and I feel terrible. Why am I dragging him into
this?
"I' m sorry," I hiccup and then take a deep breath trying to calm myself
down. "I just needed to hear your voice. I needed to feel grounded for a
moment. "
"Where are you?" he inquires quietly.
I hiccup again but I tell him. Even though I don't want to. "The
hospital."

"Which one?" is his reply.
I look around the bathroom and find a cup with the hospital's name on
it. "Meadows Regional. "
"Hold tight, Duchess. I'll be there soon." I try to tell him that he doesn't
have to show up here, but he hangs up before I can.
I slowly get up off the floor and unlock the bathroom door. Bentley
stands there looking lost and freaked out. "Who were you talking to in
there?" he asks gently, but I can tell I scared him.
I almost laugh but I refrain. "Royal." Then I hold out my phone.
Relief flashes across his face before he looks angry. "You have to tell
him about Trey. If you want any kind of healthy relationship with him,
you can't keep him in the dark."
"I don't want a relationship with him," I mutter, walking around
him.
"Yes you do. Don't lie to yourself Wesley. Even if it's only friendship,
you want something from him. You called him at your worst moment.
That should tell you everything you want to know right there. " His
eyes are stern and I want to look away but I know he's right.
"When did you become the older sibling here? " I try a laugh but it
sounds forced.
He rolls his eyes before he ushers me back to my bed. "When you fell
off the deep end. Don't worry, in a few years I'm sure you'll be back to
the wiser older sister." He gives me a real smile and a small one appears
on my lips.
"I love you, Bentley." I hug him tightly before I climb back into my
hospital bed.
"I love you too, Wesley." Then he laughs and smoothes some hair from
my face. "We have to be the weirdest siblings ever. "
"No joke," I tell him.
Twenty minutes later, Royal strolls into my room. My mom and dad
are handling all the paperwork with my doctors. I'm pretty sure they are
going to have me committed.
He doesn't say anything when he walks in; he just grabs a chair and
pulls it up beside my bed. Then he grabs my hand and squeezes it
before placing a kiss on the back.

"Why are you here?" I question.
He looks up at me with his deep brown eyes and they shine with tears.
"I don't know really. After the night you got drunk at my house, I can't
stop picturing you in my head like that. All broken and messed up
inside. I just realized you needed a friend, someone who wasn' t
involved. If I have a quality you need in a friend, then I'm all over that."
He smiles a little, lost in thought. "It feels nice to be needed. Rachel
finally made a friend, which is a blessing, considering how she is. And
Channing's about to have his hands full with a certain sexy redhead.
Plus being there for you, it's effortless."
We are quiet for awhile, lost in our own thoughts. Then he looks at me,
intensely. "Seeing you in here, with that gown, breaks my fucking
heart."
"I think I broke a lot of hearts today," I mumble looking down at my
hands.
His hands come up to my face and turn it toward him. "And you don' t
have to be sorry about that. Whatever is going on, you need to deal with
it. Being put in here shows me you weren't dealing with it. It also shows
me that those around you, who know, they weren't helping."
I finally meet his eyes. "You're too good to be true," I tell him, wishing
I could just blurt it all out. But I can't, and I don't know why. It would
be so easy to tell him everything. There's just a part of me that likes that
he doesn't know. He may look at me with pity sometimes, but it's not
because of death. It's because he can see I'm hurting.
He chuckles and I close my eyes in pleasure from the sound. "No, girl.
You're too good to be true." Then he kisses my cheek before letting me
go.
Channing hurriedly walks into the room and looks right at Royal,
"Pierce is coming in the building. We've got to get out of here." Then
he looks at me. "If you need anything at all Bridges, you just let me
know. " Next he salutes me. "Get better soon." After that, he leaves the
room.
Royal laughs and turns back to face me. "Yeah, get better soon,
Duchess." He lifts my hand up again and kisses it before walking to the
door. He turns to face me before exiting the room, "Stay sane, girl. "
Then he's gone.

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. My life seems to be
turning around and just maybe I'll have Royal Sanders to thank.
"They want to put you in a mental hospital for a few days, Wesley," my
mother tells me later that night. The funny thing about it is, I want to
get better. I want to go.
I take a deep breath, because I know she's not going to agree with me on
this. "I want to go, Mom. I want to get better. "
Tears fall down from her eyes and she lifts her hand to wipe them away.
"I should have known. My sweet little girl. You always do what' s best,
whether I think it's right or not."
I grab up her hand and squeeze, "I need help Mom. I collapsed today.
That's not good at all. I've also lost touch with reality. I need a break
from all of this. I need to go somewhere and get right again. "
She lays her head on my shoulder and sobs. I know this is hard for her,
that I' ve become this way. But she is going to have to face it. Everyone
is going to have to face it. "I know baby. I know. "

Chapter Nine
One Week Later. . .
My parents finally agreed to let me go to the mental hospital. It was
only a one-week thing. The doctors wanted me to talk to someone and
adjust to eating right again. And now that I've had time to talk to a
shrink, I realize I should have done it in the first place. I had a really
nice shrink who asked me to call her by her first name, Michele. Come
to think of it, I don't even know her last name.
She helped me overcome my emotions involving Trey. She made me
realize it's okay to mourn him but I still need to move on with my life.
He passed away and it was tragic, but I ' m still here. I ' m still living and
I need to start doing that again. Living the way I was, I was headed in a
really bad direction. I can't even process in my mind what would have
happened if I hadn't passed out at Ashley's.
Michele also helped me see I needed to make new friends. I've been
stuck with Annabella and Pierce my whole life; I didn' t have any other
friends to lean on. I had Trey but that' s what makes this so devastating
to me. If I couldn't get what I needed from my best friends, I would run
to my boyfriend. He's gone now, so I had no one to run to. She told me
parents could only do so much. They are there to guide, raise and
support me. Which is what they were doing, but I wasn' t comfortable
coming to them with my feelings about Trey. I didn't want to make
them sad for me. I didn't want to make Bentley sad for me, which I did
anyway.
Michele wanted to bring in Annabella and Pierce but I refused. Royal
would be brought up and I can't go through that yet. I really want to
keep my friendship with him. He helped me when I couldn' t find

anyone else to turn to.
Royal and I talked on the phone, but it wasn't about anything serious.
Mostly I helped him with his history and we talked about school drama
that had nothing to do with me.
Saturday morning I greeted my family at the front desk. All three of
them pulled me into a hug and it felt so great to be with them again. I
know it was only a week, but it could have been an eternity. I was really
bored when I didn't have group therapy or an appointment with the
shrink.
There is a huge room where all the patients can go to watch TV and
interact but I didn't feel like being a part of that. I ' m not crazy, not by a
long shot; so seeing people who are actually mentally insane was really
hard for me. I just needed help dealing with depression and grief.
Thankfully nothing else is wrong with me. There was a lady who used
to scream at all hours of the night. I ' m ready to get home and sleep for
two days.
"You look better, baby bear," my dad says to me on our way out to the
car. I ' m short and have a high metabolism so I was skinny to begin
with. I average about one hundred pounds. Apparently I got down to
eighty. I ' v e gotten back up to one hundred, but I blame the protein bars
for that. They wouldn't stop feeding them to me.
"You ready to go home, Wes?" Bentley questions as I climb into the
back seat of my parent's car. I smile at him.
"I have never been more ready."
***
By the time I walk into my house, I wish I had stayed at the mental
hospital. The two most stressful things in my life were sitting on my
couch. Annabella and Pierce. "I know why you're both here, but can we
seriously not do this right now?"
Annabella stands up and I want to groan. "I know Wes, but you can't
ignore us forever. You'll end up back where you just came from." I
want to laugh because the place I just came from were Royal's arms.

Kind of ironic, isn't it?
"Great start Annabella." I mutter shifting around on my feet. "Well?" I
inquire, eyeing the stairs I can just see behind Pierce' s big head.
I look them over and feel only disgust. Annabella's biggest dream is
fashion. She has on leather boots with three-inch heels and cute little
buckles up and down both sides. I ' m guessing Chanel, but I don't really
know. I don't look at designers; I just buy what I like. Her jeans are
expensive and fit her almost too perfectly. Her top shirt is black with
fabric cut in strips so they flutter when she moves. It has a beautiful
gold design on the front; I can't see the whole thing because of her deep
red jacket. Her bottom shirt is black and I assume it's to hide her
stomach. Then she has a red bandana tied around her head and deep red
lipstick. She looks awesome, but right now I would never tell her that.
Before, I wasn't ever really serious about thinking they had something
going on, but I ' m starting to get really scared that they do. I can tell
she's dressed Pierce. Everything he has on is designer and tailor made.
Pierce normally doesn't give a shit.
"Are you two fucking?" I spit out bluntly.
Their reactions tell me everything I need to know. They aren't, but they
want to. "No," Pierce grits out. Annabella looks like a fish with no
water, which is her generally shocked face. If they were guilty, they
would look guilty and neither of them does. I shrug my shoulders in
relief.
"Good. You should really break up with your significant others before
that happens. At least then you won't be hurting Donovan as much."
Then I turn on my heel and find my way up the stairs. My room looks
the same, but I know I ' m different.
I stopped being the weakling I was, and I grew a pair. Hopefully it stays
that way.

Chapter Ten
After walking away from Pierce and Annabella I spent the rest of the
day alone, much to the chagrin of my family, I spent it alone. I didn' t
stare at the ceiling, if that's what you were wondering. No, I spent it
going through boxes that Mrs. Gardener sent over. It was full of things
of Trey's. Since I couldn't make it to her house on Monday she sent me
things she knew I would want. And I'm happy to report they didn't
make me sad. They made me happy. For the years Trey was on this
planet, he was happy and he was loved. That seems to give me a peace
now that it didn' t before.
I taped all our movie tickets to a white board and framed them. We
were both movie junkies, so there are a lot of them. Then I hung up all
his shirts in my closet. Well, not all of them, just the ones I bought for
him or had special meaning. Mrs. Gardener unwittingly put in the shirt
I wore to sleep in the night Trey took my virginity. I admit I almost
cried on that one, but I didn't. I'd always have that piece of him. He was
my first everything and they say you never forget your first.
One box was completely full of DVD' s we bought together, so I left the
house for a little while and picked up a new shelf so I could have a
place for them. I already have a big shelf full of different movies. Now
I could probably charge people to rent them, and make a huge profit.
I didn' t get to make it through all the boxes, so I pushed them into my
closet and made a mental note to finish on another day. I'm surprised I'
m not in a hurry to get through them, but then again, I have the rest of
my life. I think it would be nice when I' m way older to pull them out
and go through them. Remember things that aren't fresh in my mind at
the time. Oh, that sounds amazing!
So now it's Sunday morning and I have agreed to go out with Pierce and
Annabella. I promised Michele that I would work on my relationships
with both of them. I wish I didn't have to do it with them

together. It's harder to get anything in because they talk to each other
like they haven't talked in years. It's very annoying.
"There is no 'Philly will beat the Cowboys' this year. How can you even
say such blasphemy? " Annabella exclaims while we ride in the car
to IHOP.
Pierce laughs and turns the wheel on the car, so we make a left. "Nick
Foles understands the game. He's broken Philly's records and he's only
been playing a few weeks. If Vick hadn't gotten hurt, Foles would
never have had a chance. Hell he tied with Peyton Manning on passing
records this year!"
"Whatever. Philly always chokes when they play Dallas. It'll happen
again this year and we'll make it to the playoffs. Then to the Super
Bowl," Annabella replies, a gloating smile on her face.
"You two do realize I hate football? " I question with both my
eyebrows raised. Annabella turns around in the front seat to face me. I
toss my curly hair over my shoulder and groan.
"What, are you a swimming fan now?" Annabella asks right back.
I roll my eyes and flip her off. "No, I'm not a swimming fan either. If
it's a sport, I'm not watching it or talking about it. I thought today was
about me and how you both screwed up your relationships with me? "
Annabella glares at me but I don't care. I am tired of everything being
about them. Today it's about me. "Sorry. I forgot how much fun you
are." With those words she turns back around in her seat.
I sit up and poke my head into the front seat. "Pull over," I snap at
Pierce.
He jerks, but doesn't pull over. "No, Wesley. You're going to stay in
this car until we get to IHOP. "
"No, I'm not. Look, you're family Pierce. I'll always love you, but I
don't have to put up with this bitch. " I point my thumb at said bitch.
Pierce flinches and makes a face like his stomach is upset. "Just wait till
we get to IHOP. We'll get something to eat and I'll take you home," he
pleads with me.
"No! I' m serious right now! I just got out of the crazy house and now
this bitch wants to put me in jail after I beat the shit out of her!" I
scream. I'm about to lose it.

Where is the Annabella who used to stay at my house all the time? The
one who watched Gossip Girl with me? The one who knew all my
secrets? The one who used to comfort me when I was sad? She doesn' t
exist anymore. My best friend is dead and this uber bitch replaced her.
Pierce finally makes a turn to the left and once he parks I jump out of
the car, only to realize we have arrived at IHOP. "I'm calling Bentley to
come get me." I tell whomever once they both get out of the car.
"Wesley, just calm down! Why are you acting like this?" Pierce hollers
over the car.
I was walking away from the car, fishing my phone out of my purse but
I stop in my tracks. Then I turn around ready to unload my thoughts on
their bullshit. "For once in your life Pierce, wake the fuck up!
Annabella is only going to bring you down. She already ruined your
relationship with your only brother and I. We are family and you
pushed us aside for a bitch who has her head so far up her ass she hasn't
seen the sun in months." I'm huffing and puffing but I don't care. It feels
good to get this off my chest. Well, until I see Annabella standing by
the car, tears falling steadily down her face.
Pierce looks between the both of us. I know he doesn't know whom to
go to. I wouldn't know whom to go to either. "Why are you crying? Do
you finally feel something other than self absorbance? "
"STOP!" Annabella screams and I'm jarred backward. She wipes at her
eyes, smearing mascara all over the surface of her face. "I' m fucking
sorry, Wesley! I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you! But I didn't know
what the fuck to do for you! You were constantly depressed and I just
couldn't be around you! What was I supposed to do? Sit with you in
your room and stare at the ceiling? Listen to all that horrible emo music
you insisted on listening to? Because I couldn't do it! Yes, I lost Trey
too, we were the four amigos and shit. But you were the one in love
with him! I just wanted you to be happy but you refused to make it
happen. " Then she falls to her knees and my own tears break out. "I'm
sorry I didn't see you were hurting yourself. I'm so fucking sorry you
even had to go through this! God it hurts to even think about, Wesley.
You could have died, and yes, I was more self-centered than usual but
you could have talked to me. Why didn't you talk to me? That hurts too,
Wesley.

You hurt me, too. "
I stumble over to her and fall to my knees in front of her. I take her
hands away from her face and wrap my hands around her. "Forgive me
okay? I'm sorry. You'll always be my best friend, Annabella. Always."
I sob into her hair and she clutches me hard.
We stay like that for several minutes but then I hear Pierce clear his
throat. "We should get up before we make Pierce any more
uncomfortable. You know how he is about affection." Annabella
whispers. We both laugh and look up at my cousin, whose cheeks are
red. His eyes shift around the parking lot and a sense of dread fills me.
"I would normally let you two do this girly shit whenever you wanted,
but it seems our enemies are also here for breakfast. " Pierce states.
I close my eyes and exhale. I bet you fifty bucks Royal heard the whole
thing. "God, look at us! We've turned into Blair and Serena."
I laugh and sniff my nose. "I'm Serena," I chuckle out, right when
Annabella says, "I'm Blair."
We slowly get up off the pavement and my eyes automatically look for
Royal. I see Channing's Range Rover a few cars down, but I only see
Channing standing by the back. It's weird seeing Channing with his
Range Rover considering he owns a Jag. But don't ask me what goes on
in that boys head.
I look all over the place for Royal but he's nowhere in sight. I look back
at Channing and he barely shakes his head. Which means Royal isn't
with him. I sigh on the inside with relief.
It just seems so wrong to talk about Trey with Royal. Whether I want to
admit it or not, there is a reason I ran to Royal in the first place. I chose
him to lean on when I didn't think I had anyone else. There is
something about him I want to cling to. He makes me stronger, better,
more mentally sound. I don't feel so lost and sad when I'm with him.
And that utterly scares the crap out of me.
"Can we go somewhere else for breakfast? " I ask Pierce timidly as he
glares at Channing.
"I' m really starting to hate that guy," Annabella glowers. "He should
really learn to respect our space. "
I want to laugh, but since I just got out of the mental hospital, I

don' t want to be sent back. Annabella grabs my hand and holds it the
whole way home. We sit in the back and we lean our heads together.
And I know now what we both did wrong.
Some people can't take pain like others. While I was living in my pain,
Annabella couldn't live in it with me. And that's what I wanted her to
do, and looking back I see that was wrong of me. But she also shouldn't
have let me live in it. And we both should have paid better attention.
When we pull up to Ashley and Victor's house, I smile. A sense of
peace and longing comes over me. Modest Mouse's "Float On" plays
through my head because we all float on okay. That's life for you.
Annabella gets out first and when she looks back at us, she just smiles
and runs into the house. I try to follow but Pierce stops me. I look up at
him and see his green eyes are very intense. I should have known he
wouldn't let me go without him saying his piece.
"I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I'm not in love with
Annabella, because I am. " My eyes pop but I keep my mouth shut,
only because I know he's not done. Once Pierce gets started, he doesn't
stop until he's done. That's what I love the most about him. He doesn't
say much on a normal day, but when he has something to say, he doesn'
t shut up. "You know I am, too. That's where some of your anger was
coming from. You're worried about Donovan.. .and me. You know
what a girl like Annabella could do to us. That's why mom was so
pissed when Van and Ella got together. She knew how I felt. They
didn't and still don't." He rubs a hand down his face before going on. "I
know you're my cousin, legally, but in my heart you're just as much my
sister as Ashley is. Seeing you like that, when you fainted, it almost
killed me, Wesley. And not because you were hurt, it was because I
didn't notice. I was so wrapped up in Annabella. My love for her got in
the way of you and me. And I kind of hate myself for it. I was just so
happy that she was paying attention to me. I should have known it was
because she couldn' t deal with your pain, and Van is gone. She didn't
have anyone else to go to." Then he chuckles, while I have more tears
running down my face. But he doesn't see those, because he's looking at
the ground. "We should really find more friends. "

I laugh with him this time. "My shrink said the same thing. The three of
us were too close and when that fell apart, I didn't have anyone to turn
to." I shrug when he winces. "It was what it was, Pierce. I promise you
right here and now that I won't go off the deep end again. I' ll talk to you
both whether I want to or not. "
He gives me his trademark Pierce smile and pulls me into his arms.
"Okay, Wes." I pull away but he doesn't let me get far. He smoothes the
hair out of my face and states, "I love you. I can't say it to her, but my
love for you is way different. I just want you to know that. No matter
what happens, I'm here for you. Never again will I put her before you."
I give him a small smile, touched by his words. "I love you, too. But if
she needs you more than I do, you can put her before me. You don' t
have to feel bad about that. "
He nods before throwing his arm over my shoulders and leading me
into the house. "You're pretty cool, Bridges."
I snort, "Thanks, Courtney."

Chapter Eleven
A warm nose nuzzles my neck and I shiver. "Trey, " I whisper right
before his lips make it to mine. He kisses me slowly, just the way I like.
His tongue sneaks into my mouth to gently play with mine. He groans
and I reach up with my arms to run my hands through his hair.
I open my eyes to see a dark head of hair above me. That isn't right,
Trey is blonde. That's when the kiss becomes altogether different. It
becomes hard, demanding, and... hot as hell. His eyes are closed so I
can' t see what color they are, but after the way he' s kissing me I don' t
really care who he is.
His hand snakes under my shirt, trailing a path of fire to my breast. My
nipples pebble before he even reaches my bra. He smoothly pushes his
hand under the lace and pinches my nipple between his fingers. I moan
around his tongue in my mouth and find myself digging my nails into
his shoulders.
I open my legs wider and he settles his hips against mine. His erection
is rock hard and now gently rocking into me. The pressure is just right
as I start to move my hips with his. This feels amazing.
He lifts his head from my lips and looks down at me. I gasp when I
realize who I ' m making out with, but somehow it doesn' t surprise me.
"Does that feel good, Duchess? " he whispers, thrusting his hips a little
harder indicating what he' s referring to.
I only nod before he lowers his head. His hand comes out of my bra
only to push up my t-shirt and my bra. His mouth captures my nipple in
its warm heat and I groan loudly. Then he switches to the other one and
I ' m thrashing around in pure pleasure. " Royal!" I gasp, unable to
believe what he's doing to my body.
Royal lets out his chuckle, the one that I love. The one that comes from
deep inside him and makes me feel alive. While he's still teasing my
breasts, his hand snakes down to my jeans and unbuttons them,
slipping

inside my panties. I start panting from pleasure overload. " Are you
wet, Wes? I bet you' re so fucking wet, " he says, his voice thick with sex
and heat.
His fingers make it to my sex and I arch my hips up trying to get him
where I want him. His fingers finally sink into me. " I was right.
Fucking drenched, " he whispers, bending over to reward me with a
kiss. His tongue licks at my lips before plunging inside, matching the
rhythm of his fingers.
He rises back up to stare down at me. I flush while he watches, but I
know what he's waiting for. I can feel it building inside my lower body.
Then it starts coming faster and harder than I ' ve ever come before.
Then I' m sitting up in my bed wide eyed. "What. The. Fucking. Hell! "
I mutter out into the early morning light.
My cheeks are still flushed, but for a different reason. Why am I having
dirty dreams about Royal? That doesn't make sense in my brain. While
Royal is totally hot, I haven't ever been attracted to him before.
Now though, it's a different story. I see him in my head, all six feet and
then some of him. Without a shirt and in a little Speedo, walking out of
the locker room last year as he made his way to swim practice. I
remember drooling then, but now I think about climbing up his body
and giving it to him.
I shake my head, trying to clear it, but I can't. So I think of Trey. That's
whom I originally thought the dream was about. But I should have
known better. With Trey, he was gentle, sweet. He always made sure
our lovemaking was slow. He definitely didn't talk dirty to me. He also
didn't watch me like that when I got off. While it was strange, even for
a dream, I kind of. liked it.
Whoa.
I climb out of my bed and walk into my adjoining bathroom. It's been
well over seven months since I had sex, let alone had an orgasm. And
you can tell. I'm glowing this morning and there's a secret smile on my
lips. I try to rub it off, but it doesn't go anywhere.
So I do what I feel is best. I forget about the dream and get ready for
school. Though by the time I'm out the door, in my car, and then at
school, I wonder if it's going to affect me all day.

A month has passed since I got out of the crazy place. I've hung out
with Royal, of course, but we never did anything like that. This dream
was so vivid and real. I shudder thinking about Royal's phantom hands
touching me. If our tutoring sessions turned into that, I don't know what
I would do. But then again, do I even want them to turn into. that? I like
Royal well enough. He's funny, charming, and down to earth. He gets
laid a lot and sometimes treats me like a guy. He keeps inviting me over
for football games and he horses around with me, just like I've seen him
do with Channing.
I' ve gotten closer to Channing too. Though when he started showing
up at Royal's while I was tutoring him, I made it a point to explain I
didn't want to talk about Ashley with him. But I did want him to come
to me if he had questions about her. I don't want to push him. I would
love for Ashley to be in all her brothers' lives, but we have to give
Channing time. I also told him not to reply because I might get
emotional and I know how he is with tears.
I only know that because he comforted me about Trey. He overheard us
that day at IHOP and said he looked into it. I told him I didn't like
talking about Trey, especially with Royal. I don't think he understood
but since I had burst into tears, he let it go. And okay the tears might
have been forced, but I really didn't want to explain why I don't talk
about Trey with Royal. I don't even really have an excuse for
it.
The stupid smile won't go away. I've tried moving my lips around, even
frowning, but it's still there. Then I happen to look down at myself
before I get out of my Kia. I wore my white button up shirt, except it' s
not buttoned all the way up like I usually wear it. No, you can see
plenty of cleavage and even a hint of my pink bra. My vest is a little too
tight, pushing my breasts up even more. Huh, they kind of look huge.
Maybe that' s not a bad thing.
Oh my god, one dream and I've turned into a hussy!

I catch my reflection in my rearview mirror and groan. My hair, which
I usually wear up in a ponytail, is down around my shoulders and crazy.
I have naturally curly hair, which is also thick and full of body. Right
now it looks like I just had wild sex. I start looking around the Kia for a
ponytail holder, but I have no luck.
I sigh and slam my head back against my headrest. This day is going to
be so much fudging fun. Then I look up and lock eyes with the object of
my desire His mouth is hanging open and his eyes are rounded hugely.
Well, at least I know Royal doesn't look hot one hundred percent of the
time.
Okay, that was a total lie.
Channing stops beside him, takes in his face and follows his eyes. Then
he sees me and smirks. He slaps Royal on the back of the head before
walking toward the school.
I let out a huge breath and finally get out of my car. My skirt, at least, is
the right length and I wore tights, so I don't feel so exposed in that area.
I walk over to Royal, the dumb smile still on my face. I seriously can't
get rid of it, no matter what mood I'm in.
Royal seems to be doing better. He's closed his mouth and his eyes don'
t appear so large. "You look." he mumbles, his eyes stationed at my
breasts.
I roll mine. "This is all your fault," I tell him harshly before walking
around his body, which at this point is only taking up space.
He stops me by grabbing my wrist, gently. Tingles and sparks fly from
where his skin touches mine. At first I think I'm the only one who feels
it, but then the way he drops my arm like a ton of bricks, I know I' m not
in this alone.
Ugh.
I don't turn around to face him. "Seriously pretend none of this ever
happened. I don't want things to get weird, and they will get weird." I
sigh and feel a tear form at the corner of my eye. "It wouldn't be worth
it."
He clears his throat but I still don't turn around. "It'll be really hard to
pretend that I never saw you like this. No pun intended. "
I close my eyes tightly, trying not to picture a bulge in his pants.

"Please. We are friends. I can't lose you as a friend."
He doesn't say anything for a while, so I start to walk away. "Wait! " he
hollers, and this time I do turn around. His expressive brown eyes bore
into mine. "I'll do whatever you need me to do, Wes. I thought you
were hurting because of Pierce and Annabella. That maybe you were a
little too emotional, but I could work with that. I didn't feel any
different. And I still don't." He looks off in the distance and I think he's
done, so I open my mouth to reply but he speaks before I get the
chance, "Channing told me about Trey. I didn't realize he had passed
away. I understand why you didn't tell me." Then he looks back at me,
fear and hope mixed together in his eyes. "If you only want me as a
friend, then that's okay with me. I've always known how hot you are;
I've just never thought you could be sexy too. I'm sorry if I made you
uncomfortable."
I want to scream at him. How can he be understanding at this moment?
He's supposed to be over here ravishing me! God, I have to get away
from him or I'm going to end up at the crazy bin. "I'm sorry I didn't tell
you about Trey." Wait, what? Why am I saying this to him? "I just
didn't want to mix that into your life. He's gone, but you're here and
you're so full of life. I think that's why I kept turning to you. Everyone
else around me, they let me become what I was when I broke down. "
Thinking about it now, a tear runs down my cheek. "Just for that night
you held me, I will always be your friend. " And I head away from him.
Not ready for more. Though I know deep inside me, I'll always want
more.
"You want to do a marathon of Gossip Girl this afternoon? " Annabella
asks me as she sits down at our lunch table.
I blink a few times, having been lost in my own thoughts. "Not really,
I've seen the first season like eight times." Which is true, considering
it's the only season we have.
She grins. "No, Victor bought me the entire series on DVD! We can
finally watch all of them, and in order! " she tells me excitedly.

I laugh and shake my head. "Now I will definitely have a marathon
with you. "
Pierce sits down next to me and looks like he's about to throw up. "I' m
not sitting through another episode of GG. Chuck Bass gives me
nightmares." Then he shudders.
I roll my eyes. Annabella chuckles before biting off a chunk of her beef
jerky. "You know they weren't going to cast Ed Westwick as Chuck
Bass because they thought he looked too much like a serial killer? "
Pierce just glares at her. "Why do you think I give a shit? " he growls
stuffing a roll into his mouth.
"Because secretly you have a man crush on him." Annabella winks at
me.
Pierce damn near chokes on his roll and I slap him on the back. "She's
right you know. You always say you don't want to watch with us, but
you always end up there anyway. "
Pierce glares at me before turning to one of his football buddies and
Annabella and I giggle. Luckily I've had a really busy day and haven' t
had a chance to run into Royal or think about Royal. We were fine
before my dream, because there was no sexual tension. Now if I even
think his name I kind of want to pant and drool. Being a teenager sucks.
I look at Annabella seriously for too long and she starts to get annoyed.
"What? Do I have ketchup on my face?" she snaps.
"No. Sorry, I was lost in thought," I admit, but I won't admit what I was
lost in thought about.
She rolls her eyes but asks me, "So what's going on? You need to
talk about it?"
I want to laugh because she looks like she might hurl. If I start being
sad again, she's going to run for the hills. "It's not about Trey. I
promise."
She puts her fork down and glares at me. "I don't care who it's about.
Just freaking talk to me. I really don't want to end up back where we
were. You're my best friend, whether you like it or not." Then she
winks. "You're fucking stuck with me."
I almost spit out my mouthful of food but I quickly swallow it. "I

don' t know, Annabella. I have this friend, a male friend. And last night
I kind of had a dirty dream about him. And now it's all weird because I
have created sexual tension. And I'm just not ready for that kind of
relationship."
Now I've got Pierce's attention but he looks like he's about to upchuck.
"You couldn't have waited until I wasn't around to say that? Who is this
dude?" he growls.
I sneer at him. "Will you quit growling? Jesus, you're not a fudging
dog, Pierce," I glower.
Annabella starts laughing so hard she snorts. "Oh my god! Our
sarcastic little shit is back! " Then she stands up and lifts her arms into
the air. "Do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight! "
I nearly bury my face in my tray, but I refrain. "Annabella sit down.
Everyone is staring." Pierce growls, yet again. I slap him on the back of
the head. "Ouch. Sorry," he mumbles.
Annabella finally sits down without a care in the world. She doesn't
care what anyone thinks about her. I find I like that about her. She's free
to live her life without worrying about people saying shit about her. "I
love you, Annabella. You're just as crazy as I am."
She shakes her finger at me, "No, sugar, I was crazy before it was
cool." Then she winks.
When lunch is over, I link my elbows with Pierce and Annabella, not a
care in the world. I' m glad to have my friends back and to be somewhat
normal again.
Well until I see Royal and that girl Paisley holding hands, while
walking down the hallway.

Chapter Twelve
I'm not used to feeling jealous. I haven't had a time to be jealous. While
I was with Trey, I only had eyes for him and he for me. We didn' t fight
about other girls or boys. And to my knowledge he never looked at
another girl in that way while he was with me.
My parents are rich, whether I like to admit that or not. My mom works
to get guilty criminals from having to go to jail. We know what my dad
does. So I've had whatever I wanted in my life. There was no need to be
jealous because I have the same things those around me do. And if I
didn' t, then I got it.
So when I saw him walking down the hall holding her hand, I wanted to
punch her in the face. It seems since she got here, everyone has put her
on a pedestal. Anyone with eyes can see Channing is in love with her. I
wouldn't usually use that word where Channing is involved, but it' s
true. His eyes follow her everywhere. His eyes were the first I met after
seeing the happy couple.
And he looked destroyed.
My heart lurched for him, only because I know that kind of pain. I
might not have watched Trey walk away from me, but I know what it
was like to lose someone I truly loved. We nodded at each other and
moved on. That's how Channing is. Something might be bothering him,
but he doesn't dwell on it. He files it away somewhere in his brain and
comes back to it later, when it's easier.
I, on the other hand, can't do that. I dwelled on it all day long. I don't
even know why I did. Because at the end of the day, I don't even know
what I want. Just this morning I had that dream and everything changed
between us. I didn't mean for it to, but it did. And I thought he was
feeling the same, but then I see him with Paisley. So maybe I don' t
want to know what he feels. I don't need any more hurt in my life.
"What do you think all the Gossip Girl characters were doing

during The Avengers?" Pierce asks during an episode of GG in the
sixth season.
Annabella rolls her eyes and I burst out laughing. "I'm sure Chuck Bass
would have everyone locked up in the basement of the Empire," I
explain through my laughter.
Pierce grunts. "Maybe. Ever since he got shot, he's become a pussy. I
miss the guy who would have destroyed Dan Humphrey for what he' s
done. "
Annabella and I look at each other and I laugh harder. I even have a few
tears leak out of my eyes. "Since when do you care?" Annabella
questions, while wiping her fingers under her eyes.
Pierce grunts again. "Well if I want to spend any time with the two of
you, then I have to watch this shit. I'm so glad it's almost over." He
groans before dropping his hand into the bag of popcorn in his lap. He
looks overly relaxed sitting on my couch with his feet propped up on
the coffee table.
We' ve spent the past two weeks watching Gossip Girl. There are six
seasons and thankfully, for Pierce's sake, we are finally at the last
episodes. "You know, Chuck Bass reminds me of Channing,"
Annabella says, looking at Pierce for his reaction.
He just shakes his head, laughter in his eyes. "They have that same
brooding bad boy shit going on. But Ella, you're more like his
personality."
I pick up a throw pillow and bury my face in it to cover my laughter.
"You dickhole! " Annabella shouts, smacking him on the arm. "It's not
funny, Wes! I do not act like that."
I look up from my pillow, my tummy hurting from all the laughter and
say, "He's so right! You would manipulate whoever you want for
whatever you want." She once talked an older classman out of his
bottle of vodka at a party, just so she could keep this girl drunk. The girl
happened to be whom Donovan was crushing on at the time. Needless
to say, Annabella went home with Donovan that night. They' ve been
together ever since.
"Well, I am Blair," she says snottily and Pierce and I snort.
Then it occurs to me, "Then you're perfect for Channing!" and start

laughing again.
Pierce even bursts out laughing. This is so strange that Annabella and I
stare wide eyes at him until he stops. "What?" he asks breathless.
I lift an eyebrow. "You really thought that was funny." I bite my lip,
waiting to see if he'll say anything.
He shrugs, "Annabella would stomp all over Channing. And the look
on her face was worth the horrible mental image." Then he grins. My
heartstrings tug and I blow him a kiss. Maybe he'll grow up this year,
instead of keeping this stupid war with Channing. Not that you can
even call it a war, since they don't battle.
My phone, which is shoved under my pillow on the floor, starts playing
"Wreck Me" by Miley Cyrus. I instantly blush. That's Royal's ringtone.
Pierce and Annabella start up a conversation before I even bring the
phone out. "Hello?"
I haven' t spoken to Royal in two weeks. Ever since I saw him with
Paisley, I haven't really wanted to speak to him. And why would I? It
only lasted a week, and I wouldn't want that to happen to me.
"Hey, girl. What's up?" he breathes into the phone. His voice sounds
off.
"Are you okay?" I ask, walking into the kitchen so Annabella and
Pierce don't overhear me.
He sighs and I hear a scratching noise. "Will you come out to the
backyard? I see Pierce's car in the driveway and I'm tired of waiting for
them to leave.
My heart starts beating wildly and my palms get sweaty. "I don't really
feel like it. Can we do this another time? " I squeak.
He sighs again. "Just come outside, dammit! You've been with those
two for two weeks straight! You won't answer my texts. I haven't tried
to call, but that's because I figured if you hit ignore I'd lose a lot of my
pride," he rambles.
"Are..." No, no he cant be! "Are you nervous right now?" I mumble not
believing my ears.
My hand lands on the countertop to brace me. What he has to say is
enough to knock me over. "God dammit! Just come out here! I haven' t
seen you up close in over two weeks and it' s killing me! I don' t even

know what's going on right now. I haven't tried to hit on you. I haven't
come on to you. Hell girl, I haven't even kissed you!"
"I-I'll..." I stammer out. What do I even say to that? "I'll be right there."
And then I open my back door and walk out into the night.
He stands twenty yards away, with his hands in his pockets. My
breathing hasn't slowed down but I don't expect it to. This is what he's
done to me every time I've seen him in the past two weeks. I don't know
whether to slap him or run into his arms. I slow down once I am almost
there.
He looks lost and I don't know what to do with that. Did I do that? How
could I have done that? "Wes." he whispers, locking eyes with me.
His stare is almost too powerful. I want to break it but I don't. "What are
you doing here?" I cross my arms over my chest and finally look away
from him.
"I just wanted to see you. I wanted to know you're alright," he says,
shifting his feet around.
I close my eyes and pretend I'm somewhere else. Somewhere that
Royal doesn't exist and I can stay in my bubble with Trey. I feel Trey
all around me. His presence feels nice, like he's happy but I don't know
why he would be happy right now. I know he would go away if
anything ever happened with Royal. He wouldn't be able to watch that.
"I'm perfectly fine. "
He laughs, but it's hollow. "See, I don't believe you. You're scaring the
shit out of me. You can' t even imagine how worried I' ve been. " He
moves closer but I move back, keeping the same distance between us.
"You have no reason to be worried. I' m perfectly fine. I even eat now,
in case you were wondering," I smart off to him. I flinch at myself.
Why am I being mean to him?
His eyes cloud over, with what, I don' t know. "You have turned into
one of my best friends. And I don' t even know how that happened
considering we don' t really talk about anything. But that' s what makes
us, us. You need me to be there, and I like being there for you. I'm used
to talking to you every day. And now it' s been two weeks. Two fucking

weeks of radio silence." He crosses over to me, getting right into my
space before I can get away. "You. Are. Fucking. With. My. Head," he
spits out slowly.
I huff. "How am I fucking with your head? You have to talk to someone
to do that." But I know better. I know I'm fucking with his head.
Because I'm a fucked up person. I won't even admit to myself that I
want him, yet I don't because it means the end to something I hold dear.
I refuse to let go of Trey completely. If I have anything with Royal, I
know I' ll have to let Trey go.
He swears under his breath, "Wes, I don't know what you want me to
say here." Royal's voice is broken. Maybe he is broken. Maybe I broke
him. Lord knows I'm broken myself.
"Don't say anything," I start off with. There are so many things I want
to tell him. The one thing I want him to know, that I want him, I will
never say aloud. "When push comes to shove Royal, you'll break me.
I'd never be the same after you. I'd be a shell of this girl."
His face pales but he doesn't step away. Something I had planned on.
His hands caress my face before he says, "You have that wrong,
Wesley. You'll be the one to break me."
I let out a shocked noise, like the air can't escape my throat. "You don't
know what you're talking about. I couldn't break anyone," I mutter.
He shakes his head, moving his hands down my arms. His green t-shirt
brushes against my breasts and I shiver. "What you're doing right now,
that's breaking me. You won't let something go. I don't know why, and
maybe I shouldn't push you. And we both know what I'm talking
about." He frowns when I feel a tear slip out. Always with the crying!
"I don't want to hurt you either, Wes. I just want you to try. Try for me."
"I don't need to try anything. There's nothing to try!" I cry out,
frustrated. Why am I lying through my teeth? It's all lies. Why am I so
scared?
He closes his eyes, and takes a step back. Then he lets me have it. "You
want to talk about me making you a shell of this girl? " he waves his
hand up and down my body. "You're already a shell. You've been a
shell for the past eight months. You're going to be a shell until you
learn

to move on. It's really hard for me to watch you do this to yourself. I
care about you so much. I want to be in your life. I want to be there for
you, but you make it so hard. You run away when things start to change
and I get that. I do. But right now, you're giving up on our friendship
and I won't let you do that. I won't ever give it up, because some days,
it's all I have." Tears shine through his brown eyes. They look almost
dead. That scares the everloving shit out of me. My Royal doesn't have
dead eyes. He's alive, vibrant, and free.
"What does that even mean! " I scream out my question. I know it
might be too late, but I pull his arm over to the bushes so if Pierce or
Annabella look outside they won't see.
He shrugs and looks over my fence. I hear a radio and I assume his car
is parked close. "My mom and dad, they aren't ever around. They've
never been around. Now Rachel's not even coming home. Our house is
so empty and I'm alone all the time. Do you know how that feels? It
scares me. " He wipes his nose on his shirtsleeve and keeps going.
"Now Channing is all about Paisley. So he's pissed about me dating her,
but it was all a game. He can't even see that she never wanted me. She
wants him, but I' m the one to blame. My best friend turned his back on
me for some girl. Granted she might be the love of his life, but I didn't
touch her. And he won' t believe me. "
Some part of me knew this was where it was going. That's fate for you.
He was there for me when I couldn't count on anyone else. So I wrap
my arms around his waist and hold on for dear life. If he ever stumbled
or fell, I don't know what I would do. He's supposed to be my lifeline,
yet I haven't been taking care of him. "I'm sorry, Royal. So sorry. I'll be
here for you, always."
I leave him there sitting on my grass. I go inside and ask Pierce and
Annabella to leave. I just tell them I have homework to do and I'm
super tired. They leave without a fight.
I go back outside and I pick him up off the ground. I grab his hand and
pull him toward my house. Bentley comes down the back stairs as I
enter, Royal in tow. He looks at me, then Royal and shakes his head.
Then he goes to the fridge. I pull Royal up the stairs and to my room. I
lay him down on my bed and kiss his cheek.

I run outside and find his car parked right next to my fence. I drive it to
the guesthouse and park it in the garage there. That way my parents
won't see it. Then I go to my parent's room, kiss both of them and say
goodnight.
By the time I get back to my room, Royal's asleep. His beautiful face is
relaxed and I find peace in that. He's happier in his dreams anyway.
Maybe he's having sex with me in there. I find I don't mind. If that
makes him happy, then it makes me happy.
I take his shoes off before I shut off the lights. Then I climb in beside
him and play my iPod softly knowing I'll not fall asleep for awhile. The
first song that comes on is "Stay" by Rihanna. I lay on my back for half
the song but then I roll to my side and throw my arm around Royal' s
waist.
I whisper into his ear the lyrics. He needed saving tonight but I' m the
one whose broken. And it is funny, how this song fits us. That' s the
wonderful thing about music. There is always a song out there to fit
what you' re going through.
And it scares me to know that I' m the broken one and Royal needs the
saving.

Chapter Thirteen
After that night, everything changed. I'll start with the next morning
though. I thought it might be weird, waking up next to Royal and not
running out the door. When my eyes first opened, his arm was thrown
over my waist. I could feel his breath on my neck and I remember
thinking it was okay if he was that close to me. I kind of liked it. Okay,
I really liked it.
Then Bentley came crashing into my room. Royal and I both shot up in
my bed and gave him horrified looks, where Bentley proceeded to
laugh his butt off. "Oh my god, you should see your faces! " he
laughed.
I threw my pillow at him, hitting him in the face. "You' re a butthead,
Bentley! " I screamed, about to get off the bed and hit him with my fist.
He waved his hand before I could though. "Well since neither of you
were up I thought I' d better come and wake you. Mom left ten minutes
ago and dad got called out in the middle of the night. " Then he left my
room, still laughing.
Royal chuckled and I turned to scowl at him. "Don' t encourage him!
The little shit," I huff. I see we have reverted to the immature little
brother/older sister role.
Royal stood up and stretched, his shirt rising above his belly button. I
remember gulping at the smooth golden skin it exposed. "I' ve got to
get going, Duchess. " He bent at the waist and kissed my cheek.
"Always a pleasure waking up next to you," he whispered, his lips
lingering at my skin.
Then he left and I haven't been the same since. It's only been a few
days, but that change is cemented inside of me. My body wants Royal,
but my heart and head are fighting to stay away. That's a strange thing
to go through, by the way. My feet and my hands head toward Royal
but my torso and head go the opposite direction.

Royal stayed Monday night, and today is Wednesday, one of our tutor
days. Still at war with myself, I made him meet me at the library. There
are no beds here and he should stay completely clothed. The boy likes
to take his shirt off way too much. And it's freaking October, and cold!
When he used to do it before I had my dream, I didn't really react, but
now, I start drooling.
One insanely gorgeous boy and I lose all the intelligence I've had since
I was born.
"So it wasn't Christopher Columbus who discovered America?" Royal
asks me, looking up from his World History book. His eyes narrow like
I' m messing around with him.
I shake my head. "In 1963 they found evidence of a Viking Colony in
Canada. They were here five hundred years before Columbus. He can
be credited with the European discovery, but no, he wasn't the first one
here. In fact, The Americas are named after Amerigo Vespucci, who
was the first to say The Americas were a completely different continent
than Asia, which is what everyone thought before. So Columbus wasn't
truly looking for a new place, he was looking for a new way to India.
That' s why our Indians are called Indians. "
His eyes glaze over, which is typical when I start rambling on about
random facts and whatnot. "I can't believe you can hold that much
information in your tiny head. " He gives me a lopsided smile and I
kind of want to fall out of my seat.
I shrug my shoulders instead. "That's nothing. You wouldn't believe the
information I have on the Regency Era. I' m totally obsessed with that
time in history. "
He laughs and moves his seat closer to mine. He' s started doing that a
lot lately. Moving closer to me. Plus, he always ends up touching me in
some way. A hand on my shoulder, pressing his arm against mine, and
putting his hands on my hips to move me out of the way. But my
favorite has to be when he kisses my cheek when he says goodbye. His
lips are incredibly soft and they always linger like he' s taking my scent
in. I have to force my face forward so I won't turn and meet his lips with
mine.
"I know. You've told me this before, remember?" His voice is soft

and his eyes are peeking at me from under his lashes.
I laugh this time. "Probably. I' m sure I talk about it more than I
should."
He shakes his head. "You don't really talk about it at all. I just
remember you saying something, plus the time you came to school
dressed like a duchess for Halloween. "
My mouth drops open. "You remember that?" I question.
He smiles at me and leans back in his chair. "Yeah, what? Were we in
the sixth grade? You had your hair in that crazy up do. Then that dress.
You truly looked like royalty. I was in awe of you. "
I told my mom that year I wanted to be a duchess. So she delivered. She
found me a beautiful dress at a costume shop. It was white with roses
sewn into the skirt. The bodice was high, but that was proper
considering I was in the sixth grade. The skirt was huge and flared out.
I had to hold my hands out so I wouldn't lose them in the massive skirt.
Mom had this romance novel with a woman on the front, her hair up
and fancy. So I pointed it out and we took it to her hairdresser. They did
my hair exactly like that woman's and my outfit was complete.
"Whatever. I might like to talk about that time, but I don't think I could
have dressed like that all the time. That dress was heavy, and my neck
was killing me by the time the day was over." And that's true. But I
would have loved to fall in love back then. Guys just don't talk sweetly
to girls anymore, they don't compliment like they used to and they
definitely don't dress that way. Tight breeches and high collared shirts?
Totally hot.
We get back to the lesson for a little while but I have to get up and find
a new book. Our World History book doesn't cover all the information
he needs. I tell him I' ll be right back and head down the history aisle.
I didn' t know that he followed me until I' d located the book and turned
around to walk back. I let out a squeak, because no matter how big he
is, he doesn' t make a lot of noise when he walks. I think it' s all the
swimming. "You scared me, dickhole! " Then I look up at him.
The way he's looking at me right now totally has me singing Nicky
Minaj in my head. Because my heartbeat is running away. Great, now

this song is stuck in my head.
His lips are suddenly on mine, devouring them in his haste. It's
delicious and dizzying, making my knees incredibly weak.
His hands reach the waistband of my jeans, lifting my shirt a bit. His
warm fingers skim over my bare skin causing the biggest shiver.
My hands go over his chest, then over his shoulders, up his neck and
into his hair.
His tongue slowly reaches out licking at my lips. I open immediately to
let him in.
Wait. What am I doing? We are in the library!
I break away from his lips saying, "Stop." My voice is breathless. I
drop my arms from around his neck. I feel my cheeks are flushed and
notice his are as well.
He backs his face away, blinking several times, "What?" His tone is
confused.
I blink a few times myself. Why did I make him stop? "Shut up," I tell
him before reaching around his neck and bringing my lips back to his.
His tongue immediately enters my mouth again, and he groans. The
sound vibrates over my own tongue and I clutch harder to his
shoulders.
His hands glide along my lower back, leaving behind goose bumps.
"I've been waiting to do this for forever," he whispers, nipping at my
lips.
"Then why didn't you?" I ask sucking his lower lip into my mouth.
He takes the kiss back over and pushes me harder into the bookshelf I
just realized we are leaning up against. "Because you weren' t ready."
He's still whispering, his lips barely brushing mine.
"I' m definitely ready now," I mumble reaching for his lips again.
He smiles, looking down at me. His hands leave my waist and cup the
sides of my face. "I know. That's why I'm kissing you, girl." His nose
nuzzles along my cheek and I tighten my fists in his hair.
His lips start back for mine, but then we are interrupted. "Really? In the
library?" Channing's voice drifts over to my ears and I close my eyes
tightly.
Royal growls, "This better be good, Southerland. I've had enough of
your shit lately." I open my eyes and look up at Royal. His hands are

by his sides, clenched into fists. I slowly lower mine, but he doesn' t
seem to notice.
"Yeah, I know. I'm fucking sorry dude. That's what I came in here to
tell you, but I didn't realize you'd...be making out with Bridges." Then I
swear, under his breath, he says, "I totally should have seen this
coming."
Royal sighs and closes his eyes. I place my hand on his chest and he
opens them to let me see his expressive brown eyes. "I' m going to go
back to the table. Y'all should talk." He nods and kisses my lips softly.
I walk past Channing and he has this stupid smirk on his face. I smack
him on the shoulder and I turn around to watch him rub it. I long for the
days when he didn't have any facial expressions. Now it seems he' s
always showing me what he feels.
I hear their voices raise a few times, but I don't listen in on what they
are saying. I'm friends with both of them, but they've known each other
all their lives. They've been friends all their lives. Plus, I'm too lost in
my own thoughts to even pay attention to what they are saying.
I thought when this moment came, and I knew it would because I' m not
dumb, I would feel different than I do. I thought I would be mad at
myself. I honestly thought I would hate myself, because it could be
considered a betrayal to Trey. But even after I kissed Royal, Trey' s
happy presence is still with me. I don't think his ghost is following me
around or anything. I know Trey has long gone to heaven, but I just feel
him. Kind of like a guardian angel. Nothing spooky or that serious.
But while my head is okay, my heart isn't. What if he wants to be my
boyfriend? Can I handle that? I don't think I can handle that. I mean
there is a difference between making out and getting off, and having a
full-blown relationship. Royal's MO is usually the non-committed
kind. Here's hoping he can stay that way.
They finally come around the corner, and I sigh in relief. The thoughts
running around in my head are starting to get out of control.
"All better?"
Channing nods and sits down on the other side of the table. "Never
better. We're different from girls. We just punch each other in the face
and go on about our lives. "

I quickly look up at Royal's face, but I don't see any bruises forming.
"He's joking, Wes." And they both burst out laughing.
Royal's chair is still incredibly close to mine so I elbow him in the gut,
hard. Channing laughs until he snorts and then turns beet red, which
sets both Royal and I off. "She's getting worse than Paisley," Royal
says breathless.
"I am not," I exclaim. "She's a freaking ball buster. I just elbow you
when you say some stupid shit." And Paisley is a badass. The way she
handles herself and life, I'm seriously jealous. She doesn't take anyone's
crap, including Channing's. Which is crazy to think about because I've
seen a lot of people just take Channing's crap. Pierce and I used to call
him Dictator.
Channing winks at me and I roll my eyes. "I've got to get out of here.
I'm meeting said ball buster. Here's hoping she doesn't kick me in
them." He salutes before heading out the front doors of the library.
Royal stands up and packs all our stuff away. I try to help him but he
just grins and moves my hands out of the way. "Don't need your help,
girl. I've got this taken care of."
When he's satisfied that we have everything. He walks me outside and
to my car. I'm about to say goodbye and head far away from him and
the crazy things he does to my body, but he backs me up into my car.
His lips meet mine softly, gently. It pulls at memories of Trey and I
want to cry. He can't be slow or gentle. But he pulls away before I can
really freak out. "I'll see you tomorrow, Wes." He walks to his car, as I
get into mine.
He might see me tomorrow, but what will I feel tomorrow?

Chapter Fourteen
At first, I thought maybe he just wanted to get laid. I mean come on,
Royal Sanders and me? That is a disaster waiting to happen. We both
keep things so bottled up, we explode. Plus, I'm still holding on to a
love I' ll never have again. I do know I need him though.
Or should I say my body needs him? I wake up in the morning and all I
can think about is touching him. He set some kind of fire in my blood
and only he can put it out. The evidence being that every time I see him,
I pull him into some dark corner and kiss the mess out of him. I' m
addicted to his lips and the way he touches me. He never goes where I
want him to though. Not like in my dreams.
Try spending a week with a guy who kisses you like he's desperate to
have you, only for him to pull back right before he reaches into your
pants and takes what he wants. Because that's what he does. His hands
will play about on my stomach, lower back, and hips. The second he
gets too close to my pants or whatever I'm wearing, he stops kissing me
and leaves.
I'm seriously sexually frustrated. I want to scream at him that I'm not a
virgin. Believe me dude, I have had plenty of sex. Trey was a
wonderful guy, but he wasn't a saint. Though he never made out with
me in a janitors closest while Pierce and Annabella were just outside
the door at her locker. That was fun and it made it even better that we
could be caught at any second. We weren't though, because Annabella
and Pierce were too into their conversation.
I thought it was funny, but Royal didn't. He says that he's afraid Pierce
is going to beat the shit out of him when he finds out. And he will find
out because I've watched enough GG to realize secrets always come
out. Not that we have some stalker blogger chick telling all our secrets
to the world, but we do have Rachel.
You haven't heard much about Rachel, but that's because I don't

really get along with Rachel. Before Royal was around, I didn't go near
her because I think she's an idiot and because well, I pretended I hated
them all. Now, I stay away from her because she'll tell anyone who
listens I'm making out with her twin brother constantly.
My dislike of her started long before I even thought to have a friendship
with Royal. I had AP English with her freshman year. We got paired to
do a reenactment of Pride and Prejudice. She refused to do the scene
because, and I quote, "This story is stupid. Who cares what they did
back then? I personally think they have horrible outfits and talked very
confusing." I made a vow right then and there I wouldn't ever be
anything but her enemy. I definitely shouldn't have done that, but I
didn't know I would want to get in her brother's pants.
"Wesley, you have got to stop going off into space! I'm sitting here
talking to a freaking statue. It's annoying." I look up from my locker to
see Annabella glaring at me. My cheeks instantly heat up. "Unless
you're daydreaming about a boy. Then I can get over it." She smiles
then, a secret in her eye.
I want to laugh but she's way too close to home on this one. "I'm not
daydreaming about anything. I' m just thinking. "
She rolls her eyes before leaning against my neighbor's locker. "Look,
Wes, I was talking to you for five minutes and you didn' t respond to
anything I said. You were daydreaming. And if you were daydreaming
about Trey, I' m going to have to put my foot down. "
Sadness overcomes me. I haven' t even thought about Trey in weeks.
He comes up but mostly as an afterthought or if I' m comparing him to
Royal. I swallow hard. "I've got to go," I say, my voice strained.
Annabella grabs my arm and stops me. She makes me face her by
jerking me around. "I can see that look in your eyes. You don't have to
be ashamed or sad because you went a little while without thinking
about him." She squares her shoulders and I know she's about to let me
have it. "He's gone. He's not coming back. I'm sorry you even have to
go through this, but you' re seventeen years old. You should be living
your life, going out on dates, partying. But you don' t, you just exist.
You' re coasting through senior year. He's been gone for eight months.
You can be sad about it, and you can mourn him. That's fine, but right
now

you're living with him. In death. He wouldn't want that, and you know
it. He wouldn't care if you moved on. If you had a healthy relationship
with another guy. All Trey ever wanted was for you to be happy. "
Tears flow down my cheeks and I imagine the sound they make when
they hit the tile floors. "I don't want to make you upset, but I have to say
my piece. I know I hurt you before, but that's because I couldn't stand to
see you hurt yourself. And that's what you were doing. Now you're
better and I won' t let you go back to that place. "
I sniff my nose and she helps me clear some of the tears. "I don't know
how to move on. Every time I try to, I get scared. I don't want to love
anyone else the way I loved him," I whisper, my voice cracking.
Annabella smoothes some hair behind my ears and meets my eyes.
"You won't ever love anyone the way you loved him. I think that's what
you don't get. He was your first love. You never forget that one. They
stay with you whether they die, or you break up." Then she giggles and
looks off like she's far away. "You are so full of love. You will love the
next guy just as much as you loved Trey. I don't think you have the
piece inside of you that makes you hate anyone. I know you pretend for
Pierce's sake that you hate Channing and his friends. You love him
enough to do that. That's what draws him and me to you. We have black
hearts and evil souls and shit. But there is also this part of us that wants
to be pure. And you make us better, so maybe we are a little pure. "
"You sound so crazy right now," I mutter at her, and she kind of does.
But that's Annabella. She's always been a little off.
She comes back from wherever she was and winks at me. "I'm batshit
crazy. I blame Victor. "
"I blame Victor, too." And we laugh. Then she hugs me. She holds on
to me for so long, I start to feel alright again. I just can't seem to stop
having setbacks. It's that whole "moving one step forward and two
steps back" thing.
"I don't even want to know what's going on with you two," comes a
snarky voice behind me.
Annabella looks up and sneers. "Sanders. I would say it's a pleasure to
hear your voice, but since I can' t stand the sound of it, I won't." Then
she looks at me. "It's like nails on a chalkboard." Then she

shudders.
"Real cute, Annabella," Rachel says, and I can imagine her standing
there with her hand on her hips and a glare in her eyes. Her brunette
hair will be down to her shoulders and her button up shirt will be open
too far, showcasing her boobs. Her brown eyes, which are not soulful
like Royal's, will be empty and void.
"Why don't you move along? No one has anything to say to you in this
part of the hallway." My shoulders tense up. These two are about to
fight and I want nothing to do with it. I might not know where Royal
and I are headed, but I do know I don't want beef with his sister.
So I turn around just in time for Rachel to roll her eyes. "Y'all are
having this weird lesbian shit on my new locker. So why don't you
move along? Hmmm? Or should I go find a teacher and have them ask
you? That should be fun; I could totally say y'all were making out.
That's against the school rules, you know." She beams down at us with
her megawatt smile. Oh my god she's a bitch.
"Your locker is now by mine?" I ask, my face all pinched together in
disgust.
Her eyes go from Annabella to my face. This is where I start to see
Rachel in a new light. Her eyes soften when she takes in my
tear-streaked face. "I' m only joking around. Well about the lesbian
thing. I really do have the locker next to yours now. There's a black
mold outbreak over where my old locker is." Then she smiles gently at
me.
Annabella and I quickly back away at Rachel's mood swing. "I think
she' s batshit crazy. Not you," I tell my best friend, with a scared look
on my face.
Annabella does a full belly laugh and then snorts. "Probably. Did you
know Royal won' t let her date anyone? Yet he can sleep with anything
that moves. I' d go crazy if I couldn' t have sex. It' s already killing me
that Donovan lives so far away now. At least I get to see him every
once in a while or have phone sex whenever. "
I gag. "Please don' t talk about the phone sex. I don' t care about that or
about how good it is. "
"Don't knock it until you try it." Then she winks.

I hang out with Annabella and Pierce that night, which also happens to
be Friday. Tough I left them two hours ago.
Royal texts me a few times asking me to come over, but I ignore them.
I know it's wrong, but at the end of the day, I'm fucking terrified of him.
I'm terrified of what he makes me feel. I'm scared of what being with
him will do to me. The closer we get, the further away I feel from Trey.
There's a big part of me that refuses to let him go.
I know it's wrong of me, but how can I give up something that meant
that much to me? Trey was my whole life and he was taken from me.
He didn't choose to leave. And this part of me can't choose to walk
away from him.
Another part of me, that is just as big as the Trey part, is all about
Royal. I think about him all the time. That's what messed me up in the
hallway with Annabella. How can I think about him and not Trey?
Then it occured to me that I've been having them both. I keep my love
alive for Trey but the hormonal part of me is all about Royal. It's like
I'm having a relationship with two guys. Is that wrong of me?
I know it's not cheating considering Trey has passed. Or is it? Because
I've started something with Royal whether I want to admit it or not.
And that leaves me caught between life and death. That's where my
biggest problem lies. How can I truly feel anything for Royal if I'm still
in love with Trey? The truth is, I can't.
I climb out of my bed, where I admit I was staring at the ceiling. But
this time it was different. I wasn't feeling sorry for myself or caught up
in old memories of Trey. Royal was the reason I was staring at the
ceiling.
I make my way to Bentley's room.
I take in how much it's changed since he was little. The walls are still
blue but he's painted over the clouds Mom had painted when he was
young. The walls are full of heavy metal posters and his guitars. His
favorite, the red and black Gibson, is propped up on its stand. His room
is big enough for a full size bed, a couch and an entertainment center.

Bentley is sitting on his couch playing The Last of Us on his PS3.
"Can we talk?" I inquire softly, looking anywhere but at him.
Bentley looks up from his game and smiles. "You can always talk to
me, Wes. I'd never turn you down."
I cross the fluffy white carpet, loving the feeling between my toes. I
flop down on my butt next to him. I stare at my hands as I begin to
speak. "If there was a girl you really liked, would you wait around for
her to get over someone else?"
I can feel his sharp green eyes on me, searching for why I'm asking this.
It's a moment before he answers me. "If I really liked a girl, I would
wait forever. Because that's what really liking someone is. It's the hope
that one day you'll love this girl and she'll love you. If there were even a
hope I could love her, I'd wait. Even if someone else came along. I
might be with this other girl, but that girl I really liked? She's the one
I'll love. I know I wouldn't get over her just because I was with
someone else. It might not be fair, but that's life."
I finally look up at him, my face frozen in grief. "You really think he' d
wait forever?" My voice is small, barely audible.
Bentley nods, his eyes shining. "I think he could love the shit out of
you, Wes. I've only seen you two together a few times, but I see it. I've
seen him at school, watching you. Long before you brought him
around. And I said in my head, that guy wants my sister. I felt bad for
him though because some of those times, Trey was still alive. "
I didn't know this bit of information. But that's Bentley. He's always
been a people watcher. He's far wiser than I'll ever be, but I don' t mind.
It' s not every day you find a younger brother who can give such great
life advice. "What if I never want to get over Trey? "
Bentley takes a deep breath and smoothes a hand over his hair. I see a
tear splash on his hand. "I was afraid you would ask that. And I don' t
want to sit here and tell you that' s stupid. But it is. You can' t marry
Trey. You can' t have children with Trey. You can' t have a life with
Trey. " His voice cracks with his tears, my pain bleeding with his over
everything I' ve been through. "You used to scare me before you started
hanging out with Royal. I thought you were going to join Trey. I would
stay up at night worried sick you were going to kill yourself. Then

one day you had a little light back in your eyes. And then you got help.
But I don't think you got enough help. You're still reaching for Trey
when he can't be reached. And I don't know what I can do for you."
That hurts, but I think he meant it to. While I've hurt enough for one
lifetime, this pain is different. My parents, they are there for me, but
they don't see how I'm truly doing. They only see what I show them.
Annabella and Pierce, they are scared of what I went through. They are
just happy it wasn't them. Bentley though, I hate this hurt I've burdened
him with. He deserves for me to be happy because my pain is his pain.
If he thinks I can be happy with Royal, then maybe that's where I
should be. I give Bentley my first real smile to him in months. Then I
kiss his cheek and get up off his couch. "I love you, Bentley. I hope one
day I'll be here for you, like you're here for me."
He sighs before answering me. "I love you, too. And I know you will
be. Because in the long run, you know since you're old, you'll go
through everything first." Then he laughs.

Chapter Fifteen
I take a deep breath before I call Royal's cell.
After talking to Bentley, I went to bed. I needed a good nights sleep to
be able to come talk to Royal today. I wanted a clear head and my sense
in tact. Though it didn't really help much. I still feel like all my insides
are about to fall out and I want to run back to my house.
"Hey," Royal says on the other line. His voice is distant, but what did I
expect?
I take another deep breath before speaking. "Can you come let me in?"
I would have just knocked on the door, but Rachel's SUV is still in the
driveway.
"You're here?"
"No, I'm sitting on the stoop to another Royal Sanders's house." I really
shouldn't start this day with sarcastic comments. "Funny, girl." Then he
hangs up.
I wait on the steps for what seems like forever, before the front door
opens behind me. I quickly stand up and dust my hands off on my
jeans. I went for kind of sexy, kind of comfortable today. Skinny jeans,
a low cut red t-shirt with a pocket on the breast and my three-inch
leather boots. I let my hair down and the curls fly everywhere in this
wind. "Hi," I squeak out.
While I' m actually dressed, Royal only wears a pair of basketball
shorts. They hang off his hips and for the first time, I let myself study
his naked upper body. His arm muscles are impressive. Big and formed
around his bones to perfection. His torso is smooth with a few dips and
ridges. I like that about him. He's not overly done with his abs and
chest. "Can I ask why you're here on a Saturday morning? And looking
like a sex kitten?" His brown eyebrows are raised and his lips are
formed into a little frown.
I sigh. I guess I deserve this since I can't seem to make up my mind

about what I want from him. "Can we go inside? And talk?" I ask
timidly.
He steps back from the door but doesn't lower his arm. I walk under it,
getting a whiff of his cologne. It's dark and sweet, a weird
contradiction. He shuts the door behind me and moves past me up the
stairs. I follow at a slower pace, scared to take this next step. And it is a
step, hopefully one in the right direction.
Before he can say anything or I lose my nerve, I plop down on his king
size bed and sit Indian style. Royal stays by the door, his arms crossed
over his chest. His face appears bored and I pray he hasn' t already
given up on me. "Eight and a half months ago, I received a call in the
middle of the night. It was my boyfriend's mother calling to tell me
Trey wasn't going to make it. That he got hit by a drunk driver while he
was walking down the street. He did that sometimes. He liked the night
air and all the stars in the sky. I think it helped center him sometimes.
"I can remember now, but for a long time I couldn't. Right after that call
my heart broke into a hundred pieces. My entire life was turned upside
down. I didn't cry though, not for the first couple of days. While I
appeared sad on the outside, inside I was fucking destroyed. I didn' t
know where I was half the time or what I was doing. I would space out
in the middle of conversations. Like one second I would be talking to
Mrs. Gardener, then I would be talking to my mom. With whole hours
missing in between. Bentley says he didn't notice anything different.
He was around me constantly then. He said he was worried I would fall
over and die myself. He knows how much Trey meant to me." Tears
flow down my face, but by this point I'm so used to them, I feel funny
when I' m not crying.
"Why are you telling me this? " Royal speaks through the fog in my
brain. I look up at him, seeing he has moved away from the door. He
stands in front of me now, his eyes sad.
I shrug and look down at the floor. "Because if I've learned anything
from this, it is don' t let go of those who mean something to you. That' s
what I did. I let go of my parents, Bentley, Pierce and Annabella. I shut
them out of the world I had in my head. That' s where

Trey lived, in my head with me. He was all I needed, so I stopped living
my life. I just went with the flow, never really giving a shit about what
I was doing." Then I look back up at him, locking my eyes with his.
"Until you. You are the first thing that broke me out of that place. I
started feeling something again, other than sadness and grief. I finally
woke up because I didn't have to associate Trey with you. You didn't
know each other and I don't have memories of him that are tied to you.
"And you make me feel safe. Especially when I thought Annabella and
Pierce were doing it. That was a really scary time for me. My entire
family would be divided if that ever happened. Donovan is my cousin
and friend, too. They would ruin him, because he loves Annabella so
much. It's not even funny." I close my eyes as memories pass behind
them. "I haven't talked to him in a while, and now I feel like shit
because of that. He Skyped me a few months back and I could see, I
could see what they were doing to him. If he lost Annabella, he
wouldn't ever be the same. My happy, carefree cousin who always has
a smile on his face and in his eyes." I sob now, letting everything crash
around me.
Royal climbs on the bed beside me and makes me lay down. My head
rests on his bare chest and I feel like I can finally breathe again. "I don'
t think you can stop Annabella and Pierce, Wes. Those two have been
heading down a path of self-destruction for a long time. Donovan
should have known that when he got with Annabella. I can see it, the
way Pierce looks at her. He's been in love with her for forever. I don't
think he'd ever admit it to anyone, but it's true. Donovan should get out
before he loses his girlfriend and his little brother. "
I sniff and wipe some tears off my face. "He told me he was in love
with her. He said it got in the way of what was going on with me. She
had completely consumed his thoughts. He told me that he wouldn't
ever put her first again." Then I laugh and the sound feels bad. "I never
told him I didn't believe him for a second. He'll always choose
Annabella. He's going to die alone because he can't see what she's
doing to him."
Royal's arms tighten around my shoulders and I close my eyes, loving
it. "Why does everything turn into Pierce and Annabella with you?" he
questions softly, his lips moving against my forehead.
"Because they have been in my life the longest. My aunt is

godmother to both Annabella and Victor. She raised them after their
parents died. The three of us are all the same age; we grew up together.
I' ve always kind of been stuck with them. Trey and I rarely ever
fought, but if we did, it was because of them. Trey liked to party, and
while doing it every so often, I never really cared for it. Pierce and
Annabella were always getting him drunk and I hated it. We finally had
to stop hanging out with them so much because they were ruining our
relationship."
And I never realized that before. My eyes pop open. "You know, they
barely flinched when Trey died. I think that's why I drifted away so
much; because they didn't care. I felt I was the only one who cared.
They ruin a lot of things." I whisper the last words, thinking about
hiding my friendship with Royal from them. I never would have done
that before Trey died.
"Seems one good thing happened with his passing. You realized the
truth about Pierce and Annabella," Royal whispers back, kissing my
cheek. "Tell me about Trey. I want to hear about this guy who meant so
much to you. "
So I do. I leave out the sex and kissing parts. I do tell him about what
we did on dates and how I first realized I was in love with him. "He was
always quoting movies and video games. He loved to do the
Terminator voice and he quoted, 'Hasta la vista, baby.' and started
climbing in his car. So I yelled out, 'I love you,' and that was it. He got
out of the car and looked at me like I had grown a new head. He later
told me he wanted to say it first but couldn't work up the nerve."
It got easy to talk to him about Trey. Something I thought would never
happen. And the more I talked about him to Royal, the more I felt
myself letting him go. Maybe that's what I needed the whole time. I
will always have Trey, like Annabella said, he was my first. But now I
realize he will live on inside me. I'll always have these memories and
no one can take them away from me. Besides, it's nice to have a friend
who wants to talk about him.
I fall asleep with my face pressed to Royal's chest and his arms
wrapped around me. And for once, I don't dread waking up.

When I wake up later that afternoon, I can't help myself, so I kiss
Royal. It might be a little creepy, but I don't care. His handsome face is
relaxed in sleep, so I lean in and press my lips against his. My hand
raises up and pushes through his silky locks.
When his tongue snakes out and licks at my closed lips, I groan, not
realizing he is awake. "That's a way to wake a guy up, Duchess," he
whispers, his voice low and full of promise. His tongue enters my
mouth when I open it to reply. It duals with mine, seeking dominance,
and I let him have it.
He breaks away from me, breathing hard and shallow. Something in his
eyes sets my entire body on fire. Before I know it I'm taking my t-shirt
off, leaving me only in my pink bra and jeans. "Fuck," he groans
closing his eyes and throwing his head back against the headboard.
His hands glide up and down my sides and I smile a secret smile,
getting off on the power. When those hands stop at the back of my bra,
I know things are about to get real. I should say something to stop it,
but I don' t. After the talk we had earlier, I' m about to throw my heart at
Royal and never look back. Though I'm not quite there yet.
My bra comes off quickly and that's when he opens his eyes, taking in
my exposed breasts. He doesn't speak, but he does lift his head to suck a
nipple into his mouth. Now my eyes close and I open my legs to
straddle his hips. He's already hard and I grind against him, loving the
friction. When he switches to the other nipple, flicking it hard with his
tongue, I decide that's my favorite part of sex.
"You taste like heaven," he murmurs, my nipple still in his mouth.
"You feel like heaven," I gasp, my hips grinding even harder. His hips
start to lift up making the sensation even better. Okay, that's my
favorite part.
He suddenly flips me onto my back and my eyes widen. He chuckles,
making me smile because you know how much I love the sound. His
hands smooth down my neck, over my breasts, gently down my
stomach where he circles my belly button, and then he stops at my

jeans. My breathing gets more and more labored the longer he moves
down and he notices. "I'm going to take these off, Wes. I'm not
stopping after that. I'm really turned on right now and it's going to hurt
if we make it past this point and stop. So tell me right now if you want
this."
I nod. "I want you. Please." It's all a whisper but I don't care. He can
hear me just fine anyway.
"Thank god." Then he swiftly takes my jeans off, leaving me in my tiny
pink panties that match my discarded bra. "Fuck me, you are so
gorgeous," he says, his voice in awe. Nah, that's my favorite part.
"Right back at you, stud." I laugh out. He smirks at the corner of his lips
and slips his fingers under my panties. They slide down my legs and off
my feet before I can blink. Feeling a little shy about being completely
naked, I sit up and start pushing his shorts down, "Your
turn."
He stands up and shucks the shorts, revealing the fact he has no
underwear on. I don't comment because I'm too focused on his junk.
He's long and hard of course, but the size of it has me a little light
headed. Trey was smaller, but then again, Trey was a smaller guy.
Royal is just...big. "I see your eyes right now. I'm having the same
issues in my head, because you are tiny," he tells me, looking a little
scared.
I sit up on my knees and move over to the side of the bed. I reach my
arms up and fold them around his head. "Don' t worry, it will fit. If you
hurt me I' ll let you know," I whisper in his ear as I reach down to stroke
him.
He lets me for a moment, but then he takes my hand away. He kisses
me hard while laying me back down on his bed. His hand moves down
to my sex where his fingers start to play. I'm already wet, but this just
makes it worse. He glides two fingers into me and starts pumping them.
Before long I start meeting his hand with my hips. His passionate
brown eyes stare into mine, making the moment intense. "How does
that feel?" he asks, bending down to kiss my lips. He bites my bottom
lip and gently tugs.
"Really, really good," I gasp out, holding on tight to his neck. He gives
me a wicked smile and starts to pump harder until I'm crying out his
name. My climax reaches every part of my body and it's enough to

last me a lifetime.
"Wesley." Royal calls out and I look up at him. "Just wanted to make
sure you're around for this," he groans out as he rubs his erection
against my sex, teasing both of us.
"Oh god," I mutter, holding on to his neck like he might fly away.
Having enough teasing, he slowly starts to slide inside of me. It hurts a
little at first but once he's sunk all the way in, I forget that tidbit. His
eyes watch what his hardness is doing to my lower body before looking
up at me, a question in his eyes. I just nod. He starts to thrust now,
moving along at a steady pace. Every time he moves back, tingles start
at the center of my sex and reach up to my lower stomach. It's way too
intense for me to handle but I hold on to Royal anyway. I want to close
my eyes and pretend this isn't special but I can't because he's staring
right into them. He's reading everything he can and he's making it clear
he's not letting go.
"You are so fucking tight," he moans nuzzling his face into my neck.
One of his hands, which were settled next to my face, goes to the center
of my body and presses on that part of me that holds the gates of
heaven. His lips meet my ear and he whispers, "Come, Wesley. Come
all over me, I want to feel it. "
I shoot off like a rocket, calling out his name again, and decide that was
my favorite part. I open my eyes in time to see his face appear close to
rapture and his muscles straining around my head. His hips get jerky
and I reach up and kiss up and down his neck.
When he's finished he collapses on top of me, while we both try to
catch our breath. "I didn't use a condom," he says, his voice just as
strained as his muscles.
I want to laugh at the horror on his face, but I don't. "I was on birth
control with Trey. I never stopped taking it. Force of habit. "
His entire body visibly relaxes and I smile. "Thank god."
He falls off of me onto the bed and tugs me to his chest. I have other
ideas. I climb on top of him and kiss him deeply. When we break apart,
I ask, "Want to go again?"
"Yes," he growls, grabbing my hips to tease over his already returning
erection.

And that' s what we do for the rest of the afternoon. I feel like a starving
woman who can't eat enough cake. Then again, maybe I am. I want to
take Royal and keep him next to me for the rest of my life. He' s
brought out a side of me I didn't even know existed.
And I love it.

Chapter Sixteen
Royal's leg squeezes in between mine and I smile with my eyes still
closed. "You have a serious problem," I mumble, too tired to speak at a
normal volume.
He laughs and it makes my smile bigger. "I can't help myself. I have
this really sexy, naked blonde in my bed." His voice is low and full of
lust. I shiver and reach my hand under the blankets to weave with his
fingers.
I open my eyes, about to turn over and kiss him, when I see the time on
his alarm clock. "Oh my god!" I exclaim shooting up in his bed. "I'm
going to be late for school." I nearly fall on my face when I launch
myself out of the bed.
Royal, who is suddenly moving at the same fast pace as me, gets out of
bed and races to his closet. "I so forgot it's Monday." His face appears
from around the door and he grins. "You really shouldn't be keeping me
in bed like this. I'll think you're into me."
I roll my eyes as I pull on my jeans from two days before. "Whatever!
You're the one who talked me into staying the night. And then the next
night." Then I point my finger at him. "You promised you would set the
alarm! "
He frowns then and disappears into the closet again. "I swear I did. But
then I remember you showing some nipple and I forgot." His voice
floats out of the closet on an air of laughter.
I roll my eyes again. "It's not my fault my nipples are so awesome. "
Then I laugh myself. What a change in one night. Two days ago, I was
afraid that if I laughed, I would be killed by lightning. Now all I want to
do is spend another day in Royal' s bed. And laugh my ass off at his
humor and good nature.
I' m just getting my shirt over my head when he comes out of the closet.
"We really need showers, but if we take those, then we won' t

have any time. " His smile is cheeky and I answer him with my own.
His hands land on my hips when he reaches me and he leans down to
press a kiss to my face. "I want you to run home and change. I'll meet
you at the front of the school with bagels. Then after school you' re
coming over here and getting in the shower with me. " He kisses my
neck this time before looking at me from under his lashes.
I kiss his lips, gently. They are swollen after all. "That sounds amazing.
" I grab my shoes off the floor and head to his closed bedroom door.
His voice stops me from opening it. "Then we can talk about us.
Because I don't know about you, but I'm not real sure what's going on
between us. "
I turn to face him and take in the scared look on his face. What he is
scared of, I don't know. "That sounds good, too." Then I leave.
***
"Did you spend all night getting laid?" a high-pitched voice asks me
next to my locker.
I jump about ten feet in the air. Rachel has opened her locker door and
is in the process of getting all her books together. I was too busy eating
my bagel and trying to remember what class I have first period to even
notice her approach. "What?" I stammer out.
She purses her lips and glares. "Don't be dense, Wesley. I asked you if
you had sex all night. Your hair is all over the place and your lips are so
swollen I think I can pop them with my pencil." Then she starts tapping
her foot and I know I'm going to lie. "You know the funny thing about
it is, when I left for school this morning, there was a Kia parked in my
driveway. The same Kia that was there when I got home last night. "
She pauses and taps her index finger on her chin. "Plus I saw it parked
at my house two days ago. And Royal also has swollen lips and this
hickey on his shoulder he didn't think I saw."
I blink a few times, wondering when Rachel became so ...perceptive. "I
have no idea what you're talking about." It sounds

weak, even to my own ears.
This is when she puts her hands on her hips and I feel like she might hit
me. "Just admit it. Just admit my stupid brother is fucking the enemy
and he won't even let me have a boyfriend. I mean seriously. That's
another thing you probably didn't know. Royal calls me when I'm even
a minute late from when I say I'll be home. He doesn't get drunk at
parties because he's too busy following me around. And if he hears a
noise in the middle of the night, he automatically comes to check if I
have a dude in my bed." She huffs and looks around the hallway.
"Look, I don't care if you're fucking him, honestly. He's been acting
like a lovesick puppy since you started tutoring him. I'm actually
rooting for the two of you. But I'm worried about the aftermath when
Pierce finds out. And I won't tell him, if you keep a secret for me."
I move my head to the side slowly, and then I move it to the other side
slowly. Did that sound right to you? Because it didn't sound right to me.
"You want me to keep a secret so you'll keep my secret? How does that
work exactly?"
"Ugh, Wesley. I swear you are making this harder than it has to be. I
can't tell anyone this secret because I don't trust anyone enough to. I'd
tell Paisley, but she's got this best friend in bum-fucking nowhere she is
more loyal to. We are friends, but I just tell her the gossip because she'
s too introverted to see it herself." She shuts her locker door and leans
against it. The first bell rings and everyone runs to get to class. The two
of us just stand there. "You want to go sit in my car? I hate my first
period."
I nod. "Yeah, at this point I can't remember what I have for first
period." Then I smile.
Rachel grimaces and leads the way to her car, her designer purse
hanging at her elbow. "You are going to make me sick. I'll help you
with relationship problems with Royal, but I won't talk about the sex.
Thinking about him having sex is enough to make me want to kill
myself."
"You're really dramatic," I tell her, smiling as she opens the front doors
to the school.
"You'd be dramatic too, if your twin brother was stuck up your butt

and your parents were pretty much nonexistent in your life." We stop at
a blue Mercedes, one of the SUV kind.
I climb into the passenger seat as she gets in the drivers. "My dad works
for the mob, and my mom's a lawyer. But they are still in my life,
sometimes too much. What could yours possibly do that they ignore
their
children?"
"My mom is a shrink. She works at the Meadows Mental Hospital, has
for ten years. And that place is up the road. She is always there! I' m
even like 'Mom come have dinner with me for like five minutes.' She's
like, 'Okay honey.' And never show up. My dad is a surgeon in Dallas.
He has a better excuse, because he's always sewing someone back
together. My mom doesn' t have patients all day every day. " Tears start
to leak down her face and I grab her hand. Sometimes being there for
someone else is as easy as saying my name.
"I can't tell you what their problem is. I don't know you that well, and
sometimes I want to hit you, but that shouldn't matter to your parents.
Royal is amazing and they don't spend time with him either. I' ve had to
be there for him while he was upset about them. All I can tell you is,
you're going to have to realize that they aren't going to be around. If
you' ve tried everything you can, then they aren' t meant to be great
parents. At least you have Royal. He could be absent too. He cares
enough about you to protect you from his species. " We both laugh and
I can see her working things over in her head.
"I know all this. It just hurts. Anyway, I'm supposed to tell you about
my secret. " Then she pauses and looks at me, her eyes intense. "The
real reason I want to tell you is, I figure you're going to be around from
now on. I've never seen my brother like this. Yeah he sleeps around, but
I' ve never seen him take a girl to his room, let alone stay with her for an
entire night. Then make plans to see her after school, after spending the
previous day with her. I think you're going to get him to commit. And I
want us to get along, to be sisters." She looks out the windshield and
nods, like she's come to a conclusion in her head.
The things she's just revealed about her brother would have scared me
before yesterday. Because I've already slept in his room, long ago. And
he's made plans with me plenty of times after seeing me the

previous day. And while I'll always love Trey, I know it's time to move
on. I want to be with Royal, as more than friends who have sex. I want
to hold his hand walking down the hallway. I want go out on dates and
cuddle on the couch watching movies I've already seen a hundred
times. I want him to look at me with that rapture in his eyes while he's
above me, showing me heaven.
"I want us to be friends, too. I really like Royal. I think it might be
really good for me to be with him," I tell her softly. And while I might
always think Rachel's selfish and vapid, I get along with Annabella fine
for the most part. That's why they hate each other. They are pretty
much the same person.
"Good." Then she squeezes her eyes shut and grips the steering wheel
hard. "I've been sleeping with Kellan Dean for the past three weeks."
"One of Paisley's cousins? The one who doesn't have his tongue down
Lola's throat every minute of every day?" I'm pretty sure I know which
one she's talking about. Kellan Dean and Brody Vaughn are cousins to
Paisley Vaughn. Also cousins to each other. They hang out with
Channing. I'd consider them third and fourth hand man.
She nods and bites her lip, looking over at me. "He's terrified to tell
Royal, like Royal might beat the shit out of him. Now my brother has a
few issues, but he's not violent. The whole protective thing comes from
childhood trauma. He kicked me out of a tree when we were five and I
broke my leg. Now he won't let me out of his sight when guys are
around. My mom might be a horrible parent but she is a wonderful
shrink."
I laugh at her wink. "At least he felt bad about kicking you out of a tree.
He could have thought it was funny. "
She shakes her head. "Bull. The bone was poking out. It was fucking
gross." Then she points to a scar on her shin, and a shiver crawls down
my spine. "Right? I still see it in my dreams sometimes. At least I know
never to be a surgeon like my dad. I'd be tossing my cookies left and
right. "
We are quiet for a little while, reflecting on the conversation we've had.
"I'm glad we did this, Rachel. I just don't want you to get offended

if I ignore you in front of Pierce and Annabella. I love Ashley and
everything, but it's just not my fight. And I've been stuck with them for
my entire life. And if I have to fight with anyone, it'll be you."
She nods along before replying. "That will be fun! We can so fake
catfight and stuff! Royal will love that." Then she giggles and I find she
might be slightly evil.

Chapter Seventeen
After my weird talk with Rachel, I figured out which classes I needed
to attend. And it goes to show you how much my friends notice things.
Rachel, who hasn't spent her life looking at me

4

noticed I looked.

different. Annabella and Pierce? No clue. They went about their own
lives like nothing whatsoever was different about me. I almost went
right up to Royal's table at lunch and sat in his lap. Then maybe they
would have noticed.
Last period had turned into a freak show. Rachel made funny faces at
me behind her brother's back. Royal pretended not to look at me, but
his eyes always seemed to make it back to me. I didn't mind because I
like his eyes on me. Pierce and Annabella were too busy to notice
anyway. This time it wasn't because they were shoved up each other's
asses. No, apparently there is a big test in their Calculus class
tomorrow, so they actually studied the whole period.
I was so ready to leave by the end of class, I shot out of my chair the
second the bell rang. I was so excited to get to Royal's house and take a
shower. It was seriously hard this morning not to take one, but I really
didn't have the time. Which turned out to be stupid because I skipped
first period anyway. I did put on tons of deodorant and perfume so I
wouldn't smell. And I know you're sitting there with your nose
scrunched up. Stop, because I totally took a shower yesterday at Royal'
s. So I haven't been sitting in my own stink for over twenty-four hours.
Right now, Royal has me pinned up against his shower wall. His hands
are pressed into my butt, so he can hold me steady. His thrusts are hard
and fast, coming at an even faster rate as I find my release. Stars shoot
out behind my closed eyelids and I feel him jerk, getting off with me.
His warm lips burn against my skin as they kiss a trail down my neck.
"That just keeps getting better and better," he murmurs, his breaths still
coming out short.

I laugh and kiss his pec and lean my head against him. The water gets
cold, so we just turn it off. "I think that happens when you have
chemistry with someone," I tell him, just as breathless as he is.
He opens the shower door and walks out. A second later a towel ends
up in my eyesight and I take it. I wrap it around my torso as another one
extends into the shower stall. I use that one to wrap around my hair. "I
wouldn't know, Duchess. I haven't ever had this with anyone else."
I smile, a big goofy grin. It's nice to hear he hasn't done this with
anyone else. "Well you are handling it like a champ. You know what to
say, even when you don't mean to," I tell him, finally stepping out of
the shower.
He's standing in front of his mirror, rubbing his towel over his hair. He
has on black basketball shorts and nothing else. "What can I say, I' m
good like that." He gives me a fake cocky smile and I laugh.
I walk up behind him and wrap my arms around his stomach. I kiss the
center of his back, mainly because I can't reach higher up. "Do you
really want to be with me?" I ask softly, my voice shaky.
His shoulders stiffen and I feel my stomach drop. He turns around and
puts his hands on my hips. He picks me up and swings me around until
my butt lands on the counter by the sink. His fiery brown eyes bore into
mine. I don't know what he's searching for, but I know when he finds it.
His entire body relaxes and he kisses my forehead. "To be honest, I
haven't wanted anything this much in a long time."
I look up at him and grin. "I can't remember the last time I wanted
anything. And I know I want this, but before we do, I have to say
goodbye to someone. "
Royal kisses my lips, sucking the bottom one into his mouth. His hands
skim up and down my back. "I know you need to. And I know I' ll be
right here when you get done. "
"You're too good to be true," I tell him, tears shining in my eyes.
His smile is small and barely lifts the side of his mouth. "I like what we
have, Wes. I'm not going to screw it up by pushing you into anything. I
can see the guilt in your eyes, girl. I know you think you 're hurting him
by being with me, but you're wrong. If he truly loved you, he would
want you to be happy. And I know you'll be happy with me.

You just have to let him go first. He would want that." He lifts my chin
until my head is tilted all the way back. His lips hover over mine but he
doesn't kiss me. "I want you to know that I'll wait for you. Always. I
have to say that because when I look in your eyes, I see everything. I
have hope you won't freak out on me, but when it comes down to it,
holding on to him means so much to you. And I can tell you until I' m
blue in the face, that you don't have to hold on to him, but you won't
listen. You have to want to let him go. And I'm hoping with all my
heart, that you do it. "
I stare into his eyes, my own filled with confusion. Right here and now
I want to let Trey go. I want to be with Royal. I want the kind of love I
had with Trey again. And I know in my heart I could have that with
Royal. But I've had this hold on Trey for so long, it's become a third
arm. How can I truly let that go?
"Are you two done in there? I really want to spend some girl time with
Wesley!" Rachel yells like a banshee from inside Royal's bedroom.
"What the fuck, Rach? I thought you were going to Paisley's!" Royal
yells back just as loud. I want to laugh because I have a feeling they yell
like this a lot.
I hear something hit the bathroom door, but I have no idea what. "Royal
Duke Sanders, you let that girl out of the bathroom. You can fuck her
later. I want girl time with my new bestie! " Then something else hits
the door.
"If you don't stop throwing my shoes at the door I'm coming out naked!
" This makes Rachel shriek before we hear the bedroom door slam.
Royal looks down at me with a new question in his eyes. "Want to tell
me what that was about?"
I shrug. I really need to learn not to shrug so much. It makes me look
dumb. "Apparently there was a black mold breakout in her locker
hallway. They moved her's next to mine. She saw my car here last
night... and this morning. So we started talking about that. And now it
seems we are besties. " I want to laugh at his expression, but I refrain. "I
actually like her, if that makes you feel better. You seem protective of
her, so don' t get all freaked out. It' s perfectly fine for your future
girlfriend to be friends with your sister. "

One of his eyebrows raise. "Future girlfriend? That sounds like a
promise. " Then he kisses my cheek and moves away from me. "Okay,
I won't trip about y'all being friends. Just don't tell me what she says.
Rachel hasn't ever had a filter and most times I can't stomach the shit
she says about guys." Then he shudders before leaving the bathroom.
I grab my bag off the counter and pull out clothes. I'm not staying the
night, but I really wanted clean clothes to put on.
When I exit the bathroom, Royal sits at his computer desk, typing
away. "You want to study later? We haven't gone over your history in a
while, and I don't want you to get rusty."
He turns in his chair, a huge grin on his face. "Will you take off a piece
of clothing every time I get something right?"
I give him a sly grin. "Sure. I'll even do that thing with my tongue if you
get every question right. "
He stands up and walks over to me. He holds his hand out and I giggle.
"It's a deal, Bridges."
"See you in an hour, Sanders." I kiss his bare shoulder and head out to
find Rachel. I' m not sure where her room is.
Turns out I didn't have to wonder for long. She stands in a doorway, a
nail file in her hand. "Took you long enough. I was about to come bang
on the door again." She looks up from her nails and gives me an evil
grin. "You really shouldn't fuck so much. You're skinny enough as it is.
I really don't want to have to worry about you dying from starvation."
"You have a way with words, Rachel. I don't know whether to hit you
or feel joy that you're worried," I tell her, walking past her to get inside
her room.
"I don't like to worry about anyone but Royal, so you should feel
honored." Rachel's room is way plainer than I would have thought. The
bedspread on her bed is a light pink, which matches the walls. She has
white furniture, which includes a dresser, desk and chair, entertainment
center, and a couch. The curtains are white, but the carpet is fluffy and
pink. Her TV, incidentally, is pink, but I find that cute. "I take that
back. I worry over Kellan, but that's only because his mom is a straight
up bitch. I think that's why we bonded in the first place. My mom isn't

around and his tries to control his entire life. I even think she hits him. "
She plops down on her bed and starts pinching the bedspread between
her fingers. "He has these bruises sometimes, you know, when we do it.
They are on his arms but he says they are from messing around with
Brody."
I sit down on her couch, which is a few feet away from the bed. "Maybe
they are from Brody. Those two are pretty close. They probably do get
a little rough. Kellan doesn't help when he hits on Lola all the time."
Rachel rolls her eyes. "He only hits on her because it's funny to see
Brody react. Anyway, I've watched them horsing around. They don't
hit that hard. And besides, sometimes he has nail marks. I asked him if
he was sleeping with someone else and he said no. I believe him
because he's always bugging me. If he had someone on the side, he
wouldn't be after me so much. "
I place my elbow on my knee and rest my chin on my palm. "The way I
see it, he's almost eighteen years old. If she's hitting him, then it's been
going on for a long ass time. And he doesn't want to talk about it, so
don't worry. Unless he gets really hurt, then you definitely need to
worry. But I've met Mrs. Dean. She's a tiny thing compared to Kellan.
If she got really violent with him, then I think he could hold her down
without effort. He's going to be off at college soon, then you don't have
to worry about it at all. "
She chews on the inside of her cheek for a minute and I wonder what' s
going through her mind. "You want me to sit here and do nothing? That
doesn't seem right."
"You're a teenaged girl, Rachel. And you don't even know if she's
hitting him. Just because she's a bitch and he has bruises doesn't mean
he' s getting abused. What if you went to the cops with this? They
would investigate and if nothing was wrong, a stain would still be over
Mrs. Dean. They take that stuff very seriously," I tell her, shifting my
feet to under me on the couch.
Rachel still pinches the bedspread, lost in thought. When she finally
speaks it's annoyed, yet happy. "I guess I can't do anything unless he
wants me to." Then she laughs. "I got drunk at this party and I

called him to come get me. " She finally stops pinching the bedspread
and looks up at me. "I' ve always had this thing for him. He' s just so
funny and kind. He never treated me like Royal' s sister. So I kissed him
when he was trying to get me out of the car. The rest is history. "
"Don' t you want more though? Having sex is nice and all, but don' t
you want a relationship?" I question timidly.
She rolls her eyes. "We are boyfriend and girlfriend. We just haven' t
told Royal yet, and that' s his thing, not mine. I want to tell Royal. I don'
t like keeping things from him. He' s the only family that counts."
I shrug. Ugh with the shrugging! "Then tell him. If Kellan really wants
to be with you, then he won' t truly care if you tell Royal. "
Speaking of the devil, Royal barges in and looks around at us. "You' ve
been gone for an hour. Let' s go study. " Then he waggles his eyebrows.
Rachel makes a disgusted face before telling me, "Thanks for the
advice. I'll think about it." Then she pulls her cell out of her pocket and
starts texting.
I hold Royal' s hand out of Rachel' s room and all the way to his. "What
was that about?" he inquires, his face a little worried.
I smile brightly and reach up to kiss his nose. "Girl stuff. She wanted to
know who I thought was hotter, Harry Styles or Robert Pattinson."
Royal pretends to gag and sits down on his bed. "Okay, I' ve heard
enough."
Then we spend the rest of the evening studying and. well, you know.

Chapter Eighteen
I have a plan. Thanksgiving is a few weeks away and that seems like
the perfect time to spring Royal on Pierce and Annabella. That way we
can figure out if being together is truly what we want. Or should I say,
if that's what he wants. I just don't see him sticking around, based on
the fact that I'm a nutcase. I mean, I have forgone happiness to hang on
to my dead boyfriend. For a while I was with him. Dead inside
completely. I don't think I would have come back from that without
Royal. He was there when no one else was.
Royal is so alive in everything he does. That's why I'm so drawn to him.
I've been holding on to the darkness of death and I need his light. And
in order for us to be in a healthy relationship, I have to say goodbye to
Trey. It's the one thing I've been dreading. While I go on with life, he's
still walking beside me. He's still there, unless I'm with Royal. And I
like that peace. I freaking need that peace.
It's almost ten at night but I'm already in bed. I had a feeling this night
would be hard for me, so I left Royal's hours ago. The first thing I did
when I got home was change into one of Trey's shirts. Then I laid in bed
for a long time thinking about him. And now as I climb out of bed, I
vow that today will be the last time I cry for Trey.
To move on with my life, I have to put him in a box and seal it. No, I
won't ever forget him, and I know that now. And no, I won't ever stop
loving him. I'll always love my bright beautiful Trey, the one who
made me laugh constantly. The one who loved me unconditionally and
faithfully. I know it's okay to be sad, but at some point, I have to move
on with my life and it's going to get done.
I open my closet door and pull out the boxes of stuff I didn't ever go
through. The first thing I pull out is a mixed CD. In his handwriting are
all the songs on a piece of notebook paper, stuck on the inside of the
case. I see a list of his favorite songs and smile. We always had similar

tastes, but he refused to listen to the pop that I do. I refused to listen to
his heavy metal. All the growling and screaming, I can't even
understand what they are saying. That didn't stop Trey. He sang along
to every song, all the words just coming to him. He never got them
wrong.
The next thing I pull out is a photo album. This is almost enough to kill
me because it is full of him and me. Junior prom is at the beginning. My
dress was a light pink and strapless. It was flowy and trailed behind me
when I walked around. I loved it. And Trey had fun taking it off of me
that night. Pierce and Annabella went with us. Though Pierce brought
his girlfriend and Annabella went with Donovan.
Pierce has a different girlfriend now. I don't spend much time with her.
She's kind of stupid and into Hello Kitty. Come to think of it, I don't
know why Pierce is into her either. Annabella and I have sat at lunch
and made fun of her while Pierce wasn't listening in. I think he keeps
her around so he doesn't have to go looking for sex. It's wrong and
stupid, but Pierce is a guy.
There are a few photos of us out on dates and hanging out with friends.
The back half of the book is all of me. I'm doing different things
throughout but you can tell I' m thinking about Trey in all of them. My
face is relaxed and happy. My smile is full of joy. And that is what I' ll
remember the most about him. About how happy we were and how I
could have spent my life with him and never regretted it.
The thing I' m becoming more and more clear with is, no matter how
perfect we were and no matter how happy I was, he is gone. Life moves
on from death. Life is also unfair and unkind. Taking Trey from me was
probably the worst thing life could have thrown at me. But now
everything is different. Life has given me Royal, who isn't anything
like Trey, but I know I can be just as happy with him. Maybe more so.
Because with Royal there is a chance of drama and fighting. I never
fought with Trey. We never disagreed about anything and it made it
boring. And no, I didn't realize that until just now. I never thought I
would say it, but I need drama in my life.
There are a few more knickknacks in the box. A lone DVD, his favorite
gold chain necklace I gave him for Christmas, and a baseball. I thought
I had reached the end but I was wrong. Sitting at the very bottom

is a small black box. Kay Jewelers is printed on the lid. I wonder if it' s
a pair of earrings or a necklace he picked out for our anniversary. When
I lift the lid I find another box, but it doesn't have earrings or a necklace
in it. No, inside that box is the one thing that could ruin my progress.
My hands shake as I carefully take the ring box out. I flip open the box
on a silent scream. Grief, rage, sorrow, and hopelessness settle into my
body. Because in that box sits an engagement ring. A silver band with a
perfect princess cut diamond in the middle. Simple, perfect, elegant, all
the things we were together. I'm frozen in time just looking at it. My
life crashing all around me.
Trey was going to ask me to marry him.
Then he was taken from me.
I calmly set the box down, with the lid still open. I stand up and barely
notice that my hands are shaking. I pick up my old softball bat, which is
propped up in my closet. I walk over to my dresser and look at myself
in the mirror. I don't comprehend that I look deranged. I look fucking
crazy.
I look like death.
The bat connects with the mirror making a loud crashing sound as the
glass shards fall around me. I think one stabs into my arm, but I don' t
notice. I swing the bat at the stuff collected on top of my dresser. I
break fingernail polish, shatter makeup, and break apart the wood
before my mom and Bentley run into the room.
I swing the bat at Bentley when he tries to reach out for me. "Don't
touch me!" I scream, my voice uncontrolled and crazy.
"Wesley..." Bentley is breathing hard and crying but it doesn't penetrate
my thoughts. No, right now I'm stuck in a place where no one can reach
me. My rage controls my movements and my actions. It wants me to
destroy everything because I'm completely destroyed inside.
Bentley and mom are stuck in the doorway, both afraid to move toward
me. At this point I'll use the bat to destroy anyone who gets in my way.
I start swinging into walls, making huge holes in the plaster. I don't
care. I'll tear down this entire house. I don't care about anything
anymore.
"Is t h a t . " Bentley says and I see him point at something on my

floor out of the corner of my eye.
"Oh Jesus," my mom mutters but I don't listen. "Call Victor. Get him
over here and tell him to bring Pierce and Annabella. Tell him to
hurry."
When Bentley moves out of the doorway it startles me and I swing the
bat close to my mom's head. Thankfully she backs away but in the state
I'm in it doesn't really matter. "Baby girl, Wesley, please, please stop
this. I know you're hurting and I know you don't want to do this. Please
put the bat down. Please, you are scaring me to death, baby, please..."
she keeps begging me but I don't hear. I don't hear anything in my head
really, just the sound of Trey asking me to marry him then I hear his
mother's voice telling me he's going to die.
Royal was wrong all those weeks ago. It wasn't me who was going to
break him; no it was me who was going to break me.
***
"Wesley, put the bat down. If you don't calm down, we are letting
Victor in here. You won't like what he's going to do. I promise you
that." Annabella's raspy voice floats into the fog in my head.
They got here fast. It was only twenty minutes ago that Bentley left to
get his phone. I still have the bat in front of me, protecting me from
them. They will make me hurt more, I know it. They will make me talk
about it and I don't want that. I want to stand here in my rage forever. I
don't want to think about that box and what's in it. I want the voices in
my head to go away too. I can't take it anymore.
"Look at her feet. You have to send Vic in there. She's going to hurt
herself real bad." Pierce sounds so scared, something I never thought I
would hear.
It sort of breaks through my fog but not completely. "Are you scared
Pierce? You shouldn' t be! I' m the one who has to live with this! I' m
the one carrying around this pain! Not you!" I scream at the top of my
lungs.
The crowd in my doorway all blanches. I don't blame them. I look

like a deranged wild animal. I'm thinking like one too. I want to slam
this bat into my cousin's face. I want someone to hurt with me too.
Pierce comes out of his stupor first and quickly shuts my door. He's on
the inside and they are all on the outside. He locks it before they can
stop him. "I'm more scared right now than I have been since I was a
little boy. I love you, Wesley. You're more like my fucking sister then
my cousin, I would die for you. I would die to take this pain away from
you, but I can't. I know what it's like though. Not the deep searing that
you do, but I know one ounce of it. I know what it's like to love
someone with everything you have and they are nowhere to be found.
"Put the bat down, Wes, please. I'm going to send Vic in here, I swear
to god I am. He's going to knock you out with his special forces mojo.
You don't want that." Banging starts on the door and we both look at it.
I' m already lowering the bat because something Pierce said makes the
pain more bearable. I know what it's like to love someone with
everything you have and they are nowhere to be found. "Open the door,
Pierce! Right the fuck now!" Victor yells through the door.
I flinch and drop the bat on the floor. I start to walk toward Pierce but
he stops me. "Wait! Don' t move! Let Vic come in here and carry you.
There is glass everywhere and you already have most of it in your feet,"
he tells me, his eyes wide and full of pain. I look down at my feet and
sure enough I have glass shards dug into my feet. There are bloody
footprints from where I've moved around. I look back at Pierce and
nod.
Pierce turns around and unlocks the door before moving out of the way
for Victor. Victor scares me on a good day, so I shrink away from him
but he doesn't react. I've known him since I was little so he's used to it.
His huge combat boots crunch over the glass on my bedroom floor
before he scoops me up into his arms. He carries me past the worried
faces of my family and that's when the tears start to roll down my face.
Why does being in pain hurt everyone around you?
Pierce is right behind Victor, so I reach out and he grabs my hand. He is
the only one who gets it, even if only a little bit. "Don't leave me," I sob
out, burying my head against Victor's shoulder.
"I won't, Wes," Pierce says, his own voice full of tears.

When we get to the couch, Victor nods at Pierce to sit down. He does
and then I'm gently lowered into Pierce's lap. Pierce makes me lay my
head against the armrest. My Aunt Lily appears down by my feet with a
first aid kit. "Will she need stiches?" my mom asks from somewhere
behind my head.
Aunt Lily carefully moves my feet around before answering. "No.
These are all little pieces. It might hurt her a bit when I have to dig
some of them out. "
"I won't feel it, Aunt Lily. I don't feel anything." Tears flow down my
face. I lied to her; I do feel one thing and that's overwhelming grief.
Because for me, I lost Trey all over again, but this time Royal went
with him.
"She got one in her arm, mom," Pierce chokes out and I look down at
my arm. It's a bigger piece stuck there, but I don't really notice.
Aunt Lily comes to look at it and appears relieved. "That one won't
need stiches either. "
After that Ash and Victor go into the kitchen to make coffee for
everyone. I didn't even know Ash was here. Figures though, she hardly
goes anywhere without Victor. Annabella comes and lays her head on
my stomach. After a few minutes I start running my fingers through her
hair and it gives me comfort.
Aunt Lily works for an hour, getting all the pieces of glass out. Bentley
paces back and forth behind the couch and I watch him with my eyes.
I've seriously freaked him out. I think I've freaked everyone out. Well
not Victor, he doesn't get freaked out. He's calm at all times. Mom is on
the phone with dad, who had to work tonight. They talk about sending
me back to the mental ward, but I think they finally agree not to.
I honestly don't care either way.

Chapter Nineteen
"How do you feel today, Wesley?" Michele asks me from behind her
big desk.
I shrug. That's my answer for everything the past couple of days.
Nothing matters to me anymore. I want to waste away, be nobody.
Michele taps her pen against her desk and gives me a "do you think I'm
going to let that go?" look. "You've been sitting there for ten minutes in
silence. Have you decided not to speak anymore? " She raises one of
her eyebrows and things start to click in my head. Rachel does that all
the time. Plus Royal has Michele's smile.
I sit forward in my chair and look her over seriously. Her eyes are the
same soulful brown that Royal has. The twins also inherited her brown
hair. Rachel got her looks from Michele; I don't know why I didn't see
it before. "What's your last name?" Those are the first words I've said
since Monday night. It's Thursday today, so my voice sounds dry and
unused.
Michele sets her pen down and opens a drawer in her desk. She pulls
out a nameplate and sets it down in front of me. It reads "Michele
Sanders". "You know who I am. "
"I only became friends with Rachel this week. Before that I didn't
spend that much time looking at her. I would never have guessed if she
hadn' t befriended me," I tell her, a slight smile on my lips.
Michele grins and I find it lightens up her face. She doesn't look so
intense anymore. "Yes, Rachel and I share similar facial features. But
Royal gets his personality from me, and we both know you have a
heavier relationship with him. "
I shrug again. "I did. I was hoping for more. But life has other ideas."
Michele gets up from her chair and walks around the desk. Her suit is
expensive and tailored to fit her perfectly. Her brown hair is pulled up

into a high bun, not a single strand out of place. "I'm sorry I hid my
identity. When Royal told me he had a friend coming here for
treatment, I figured I could get you to open up more if you didn't know
whose mother I was. "
She sits at the edge of her desk, crossing her ankles over each other. I
only notice because I ' m looking at the floor. "It wouldn't have
mattered to me. You are paid to help people; you have to be private and
confidential. I would never have thought you'd tell Royal anything I
said to you. I ' m going to Yale you know, I ' m not an idiot. "
Her lips part into a perfect O and I wonder if I seem so dumb that she
would be surprised I got into Yale. "With your test scores and GPA I
would have thought Harvard would have opened their doors for you. "
Oh that. "I had considered Harvard, but once they found out who my
father is, they stopped calling. No big deal to me. The Big Three all
have great History programs. I can't choose wrong there."
She nods like this makes sense. "Let's get back to the topic at hand,
since I've gotten you to speak for the first time in three days." I sigh and
she laughs. "There's no need for that. I know you feel beaten down right
now, but that's okay. It's okay to feel whatever it is you do feel. You
just have a bad habit of bottling that all up and letting it explode. "
"I didn't bottle it up this time. I wanted so bad to be with Royal so I
decided to say goodbye for good to Trey. His mom brought over a
couple of boxes while I was in here the first time. I went through one
box weeks ago, but I completely forgot about the other ones. So that
night, after I left Royal's, I went through another box. I didn't expect to
find an engagement ring. I feel like I've been taking one step forward
and two steps back since the day he died.
"When I pulled that ring out, I felt so much rage. Rage over some
dumbass who decided to drive drunk and hit my boyfriend. He took
that away from me. He took my entire life away from me and I was left
with this gaping hole. I started to put the pieces back together but they
never seemed to fit." Tears start to pool on my open palm but I don't
wipe them away. "That was my biggest problem. I didn't know who I
was without Trey. Plus, I was always alone and I listened to that voice
in my head that told me no one cared. Then I started tutoring Royal. It
wasn' t a

big shift. Nothing changed overnight. Over time though? I became
someone else because of him. I became someone who didn't need
anybody to define who I am.
"Thinking about Trey hurt less and less. Until one day I didn't think
about him at all. That scared the shit out of me because I didn' t think I
wanted to let him go. Then I realized talking to Royal or Annabella or
even Pierce, it helped me. No, they didn't understand, but they give
killer advice. That's when I decided I do need people, I just don't need
to rely solely on them for my sanity." The tears have pooled so high in
my palm they wash over onto my jeans. I don't even care that it kind of
looks like I pissed myself.
"I want you to know that it's okay to always love Trey. He was a part of
your life for a long time. You should always keep his memory with
you. There is nothing wrong with that. But this sadness and constantly
thinking about it are going to keep bringing you down. You have to
start getting back out with your friends. You have to find it inside you
to keep Trey, but find another place to let someone else in. We never
plan to lose the ones we love, so when they are gone, living becomes
bleak.
"I'm sure you've heard it before, Wesley, but I'll say it again. From what
I can gather, Trey wouldn't want you to mourn him for the rest of your
life. He would want you to go on. He would want you to have a family,
someone who loves you like he did. Living is the best present we can
give the dead. Do the things Trey would have wanted to do. Get out
there and celebrate his life, don't grieve in a dark room, with tears as
your only friend." Michele gets up off the desk and moves back around
to her desk chair.
She's about to sit down when I ask the only thing I've been dying to ask.
"You have two beautiful children. I just can't understand how you can
ignore them all the time. "
Michele flinches and I feel awful for asking this question. It's true
though. Why does she not take part in their lives? "I was diagnosed
with cancer when I was twenty five. The twins were three years old. At
that point I had never given them a nanny, I did all their raising. But
with chemo and constantly being in the hospital, they had to have a
nanny. It

took me three years to completely beat it. For a long time they thought I
was going to die. It's a miracle I'm sitting here today.
"When I started being home all the time, the twins had no idea who I
was. They knew I was their mother, but that I wasn't around. I could see
they loved their nanny; she had filled the mother role when I couldn't. I
didn't blame her, or anyone, for it. Cancer and life did that to me. It may
hurt them but I just never tried to be their true mother again. They had
become so independent and self-sufficient. So I buried myself in my
work. Now I barely see them but I'm helping people. I could be out
doing drugs or spending my trust fund. Instead I choose to save lives
and help people overcome the troubles in their lives." She picks up a
handkerchief from her desk and dabs at her eyes.
"I'm sorry. I've just had to see what that did to them. You've been a
huge help to me, I just want to repay you." I take a deep breath and
speak from my heart. "I just think you should stop working so much
and be home more. Rachel doesn't understand why you aren't around.
Royal is like me. He bottles it up and makes everyone think he's okay
on the outside. But he's not. He's hurting. They are both hurting. You
should get to know them again. It's never too late to be their mother."
After those parting words I walk out of her office. I notice for the first
time she even pulled the faceplate out of her door. Good thing because
Pierce is sitting outside in the waiting room. "You ready to go, love?" I
ask him.
His eyes pop open and he smiles. "It's so good to hear your voice,
Wes," he mumbles, getting up and hugging me to his body.
I relax against him for what seems like forever. It brings back all the
times I scraped my knee when I was little. Or when I hurt myself at all
when I was little. I didn't run to my mom. I didn't run to my dad or even
Bentley. I ran to Pierce because he always knew how to make it better.
"I promise I won't shut up like that again. It just took me a long time to
realize I'm not only hurting myself, but I'm hurting everyone around
me. "
He chuckles and I smile. "You knew you were hurting everyone. You
just didn't care, not this time at least. You wanted us all to hurt like you
are. I just hope you get over that soon. "

"Okay maybe I did know. It's just really hard to stop. If I hurt so much,
why can't everyone else? Everyone is so fucking happy all the time and
I just want to punch them in the face." He chuckles again and it makes
me think about another chuckle I love to hear. Then I just get sad again.
"You want to get some food? I'm starving right now," Pierce asks as he
leads me out of my shrink's office.
***
"Donovan!" I scream walking into my house. My grown up cousin with
his shaggy hair and deep green eyes is full of smiles. I run until I' m
picked up and in his arms. "What are you doing here?"
He sets me down and kisses the top of my head. "I came to see you,
Dumbo. I hear you have had quite the week." He looks at me like I
should just start spilling it all out.
I put my hands on my hips and glare. "You can't even lie. You came to
see Annabella. You couldn't even wait the two weeks for Thanksgiving
to get here. "
He laughs and pulls me down to the couch with him. "You look good
today. The way Pierce made it sound, you weren't be speaking to
anyone."
I let out a snort. "Yeah, I went through that for three days. But it was
more like I was lost in my own thoughts than not wanting to speak to
anyone," I tell him, settling back against the couch.
"Annabella has been worried about you. So I figured it was pretty bad
because we all know she only worries about herself." He throws his
head back and smiles up at Annabella, who had come into the living
room from the kitchen.
She gives him an evil grin and kisses him. I spy Pierce lurking at the
kitchen entrance and my heart hurts for him. If only Annabella had
wanted Pierce, instead of Donovan. Not that I don't want Donovan to
be happy, but that' s Donovan. He would be happy with anyone who
could have a good time and loved him. Annabella was it for Pierce.
There

wasn't anyone else out there for him. And she had to go and screw it all
up because when Annabella and Donovan break up, and they will break
up, she couldn't be with Pierce. Donovan would never let that happen.
Annabella is the Helen of Troy in our family. My heart does,and
always will, side with Pierce. He deserves the best in life and it sucks
that he won' t ever want anyone the way he wants Annabella.
"I'm going to go up to my room. I haven't looked at my phone for days,"
I say to no one since Van and Annabella have their tongues down each
other's throats. I don't even think they notice me walking away and up
to my room.
My mom let me stay home from school on Tuesday and Wednesday.
Not that she had much to fight it, considering I refused to get out of
bed. So I slept for two days. That's why this morning she forced me out
of bed and made Pierce take me to Michele.
My phone died at some point during all of this and I found it on my bed
where I left it Monday night. It hurts to enter my room, where
everything has changed. Mom had a cleaning company come yesterday
to clean the glass and repair the sheetrock. The ring and everything of
Trey's is nowhere to be found. I couldn't stomach coming in here after
that so I slept in the guest room.
I plug the charger in and connect my phone. I wait for like five minutes
before it comes on. I immediately start getting texts and voicemails.
The texts are all from Rachel. The voicemails are all from Royal. I go
through the texts first, but they all say the same thing. "Where are
you?", "Pierce won't tell me shit! Let me know you're not dead! ", or "I
hate you! My brother is in ruins! Get ahold of me! "
I'm not much of a texter but I text her anyway. I let her know I'll be at
school tomorrow and I'm not dead. I send an all-together different one
to Royal.
We made a mistake. I can't be with you. I'm sorry if I led you on. Have a
nice life, Royal.

Chapter Twenty
You might be wondering why I let go of Royal. I mean, I had a
perfectly nice guy who was there for me, and we had amazing sex. He'
s funny, charming, and so full of love it's not even funny. That's what
makes him so alive. He and Trey are both like that. They would do
anything they could to make someone else feel better. They didn't care
if it made them look weak or girly. They are true men in my eyes.
You might also be wondering why I got so mad the night I found the
ring. Yeah I was mad because it seemed life was throwing another
thing at me, a thing I had no control over. I was mostly mad because
that ring ruined anything I ever had with Royal. How could I ever be
with him, try something with him, if I would always be in love with
another man?
What scares me the most is that I would have told Trey yes. If he had
asked me, I would have screamed from the rooftops, "YES! " But I
would have also told him hell no. If he had asked right here and now, I
would have told him no because I was thinking about giving my heart
to another man. I had already given him my body my heart was close
behind.
If both of them were standing in front of me right now, I wouldn't know
whom to pick. And that adds more to my hurt. How could I even think
of picking Royal over Trey? How could I become that person? If they
were both alive, I couldn't do it. I want both of them and that's why I let
Royal go.
You might not understand, but that's okay. I don't expect you to. I don' t
ever want you to be in this position to begin with. Losing my boyfriend
is, and will probably be, the hardest thing I'll ever have to go through.
Which brings me to my point. Being with Royal isn't worth the pain I'll
put him through. I'll never be one hundred percent his. I'll always be
half Trey' s.

Believe it or not, Trey helped shape me into the woman I am today. He
gave me advice; straightforward, beautiful advice every day I was with
him. He made me a better person. I don't want Royal to ever have to
think about what I am thinking about. I don't want him to think I'm
thinking of Trey when I' m doing the dishes or folding clothes. I don' t
want him to think if we have kids, I'll wish their father were Trey.
I don' t want Royal to be Pierce.
Pierce will forever be in love with a girl who can't love him back. Not
the way he deserves. Annabella is already in love with Donovan, not to
mention, herself. I don't see an end for her and Van any time soon.
"Love The Way You Lie" is the perfect song for Annabella and Pierce.
She will forever watch him burn and he'll always love to burn for her. It
scares me to even think about. Two people, who I love, will forever be
hurt because Annabella couldn't see the right guy for her was always
there.
I don' t want Royal to waste his time on me because I will never be over
Trey. Yeah, ten years down the road, I might not think of him every
day, but I will still love him. I can't do that to my sweet Royal. I can't let
him love me, knowing I will always be in love with Trey. So, I hurt him
now before it's too late.
***
"Dude, why is the Brady Bunch staring at us?" Annabella whispers
from across the lunch table.
"The Brady Bunch?" I mumble, on the verge of laughter. Pierce has
already beaten me to it. He's sitting next to me laughing from his
gut.
Annabella glares at us both and huffs. "Paisley, Royal, Rachel and
Channing. The mother fucking Brady Bunch," she spits out, venom in
her voice.
I hold back my laughter, barely. "Did you start your period today? "
Annabella has the worst PMS of any girl I have ever met. It's that whole
pain thing. Her cramps are awful and I've found her plenty of times in a

ball on the bathroom floor crying her eyes out. Annabella hates pain
and hates crying. Add them together and she is a raging bitch.
"Yes." She sighs, already calming down. "Sorry. You know how I
am."
I snort but look over at the Brady Bunch. Paisley is looking directly at
me with a thoughtful look on her face. I glare at her and her face
changes to shock. Then she just glares back at me. "Aren't Paisley and
Channing together now?" I ask, looking at Annabella.
She holds her stomach and groans. "Yes. You remember I told you they
haven't been to school for like three days? They both had the flu.
Apparently they got each other sick with all the spit swapping and shit.
"
"Gross! You didn't have to say all that," I mutter. "You could have
stopped at 'They both had the flu.' I mean, Jesus."
Pierce snickers and I smack his shoulder. "Sorry. I overhead that from
Rachel Sanders. You know how she is. All up in your face and no filter
in her brain," Annabella speaks directly to her huge piece of chocolate
cake.
I glance over at Rachel and see her head bent low. She's speaking to
Paisley and I wonder if they are talking about me. Did Royal say
something? I still talk to Rachel. I feel like I should since she doesn' t
make friends well. I know what it' s like to be alone when you really
need someone around.
Then I move my eyes to her twin brother. Outwardly he looks fine, but
that's only if you don't know him. His shoulders are tense and he eats
like a dying man. Well, that's not different, but the messy hair and
wrinkled clothes are.
After I came back to school, he tried to talk to me a few times, but I
blew him off. I've been staying close to Annabella and Pierce so he
doesn't get any ideas about approaching me. Though for the past week
he's been ignoring me. He won't meet my eyes and he got a new tutor
for World History.
I'm not going to lie and say it doesn't hurt, but what was I expecting? I
let him go, and he moved on. I guess I just thought what we had was
more than that. But what do I know? I didn' t fight for him, so why
should he fight for me?

"I' m getting Vic to call and let me leave early. I need to lay down and
take a handful of pain pills." Annabella groans, banging her head
against the table.
"Well banging your head isn't going to make it any better, sugar," I say,
laughing with Pierce at her antics.
She lifts her head up and glares. "Just you wait. Yours will be here
before the day is over. You're never far behind me with Aunt Flo." Her
phone goes off on the table and she grins real big while reading it.
"Later, dickholes! I'm going home to my boyfriend, the heating pad!"
Pierce and I watch her leave. I giggle when she passes the Brady Bunch
and flips them off. Rachel stands up and throws an apple core at her.
She sits down fast before Annabella can turn around to see who threw
it. It bangs into Annabella's shoulder and falls to the ground. She turns
with a glare on her face and I can see her getting ready to let it all out.
What surprises me the most is when Pierce starts laughing when
Paisley points to Channing, who points to Rachel who points to Royal
who points to Paisley. I mean it's funny, but usually if they are being
funny he gets all pissy. "You are growing up on me Pierce," I tell him,
laying my head on his shoulder.
"I still hate Channing and Royal but Rachel is growing on me. Plus,
Paisley has balls bigger than mine. And it's comical that they are going
up against Annabella, who will eat them for dinner." He wraps an arm
around my shoulders squeezing me to him.
"No way. Paisley is from the wrong side of the tracks. She's got spunk,
humor, smarts, and muscles. All Annabella has is smarts and muscles.
Then you add Rachel, who has humor and spunk. They don' t equal out.
They will take her down and I might just sit back and watch the show,"
I tell him, completely serious.
There has come a time in my life that I realize Annabella is my best
friend. I love her to death and I will do just about anything for her. But
I won't let her ruin Pierce. I won't let her ruin my cousin. Because in the
long run, Pierce will always be here. Annabella won't.

"Can I talk to you?" Rachel asks after seventh period at our lockers.
I look at her and notice her chewing her lip. "As long as you don't lock
me in a room with Royal, then sure." I put my last book up and shut the
locker door.
Rachel rummages around for a second before closing her locker door.
"No. Believe it or not, I like you. I don't need you to make my brother
happy, because you make me happy. If I was just into this because of
him, I would have stopped talking to you the second you sent that text
message. "
Well that's nice to know. We walk out of the school together and I
notice Kellan Dean standing by her car long before we get there.
"Ummm... do you want me to meet you later?"
Rachel scowls when she notices him there. "Hell no. He cornered me in
the girl's bathroom during second period. He can wait till tonight."
When we get to her car, the look on his face is priceless. He looks at me
then at Rachel. "No Kellan, you didn't smoke too much weed during
lunch. Wesley here is my new best friend. She doesn't ask anything of
me and she listens when I have something to say. "
"Does your brother know this?" he asks, disbelief still written all over
his face.
She rolls her eyes. "Duh. He would notice when I bring home a tiny
cute blonde. Not when I sneak a hot brunette through my window at
night."
Kellan swallows hard and I want to laugh. He is really scared of Royal.
"Well then. I'll call you later, princess." He walks over to her, not
caring about who can see him and wraps his arms around her waist. He
nuzzles her cheek and my heart melts. "Don't have too much fun
without me. I'll be missing you till then." He whispers all this, but since
my elbow is still linked with Rachel's, I hear it all.
She sighs all dreamy like. "I'll miss you, too." Then they share an
altogether hot kiss, which shouldn't have been in public.
Later, when we are sitting at a back booth in Selma's, this beautiful

café in Meadows, she tells me, "Okay, I promised I wouldn't force you
to talk to Royal, but I am going to force you to talk about him."
I knew this was coming. I take a bite out of my cinnamon roll and look
her in the eyes. "I really care about your brother. I really want to be
with him. But it's one of those things that will never work out. I'm
always going to be in love with Trey. It's not fair to him to start a
relationship and put him through shit. I don't want him to hurt because
of it."
Rachel' s mouth drops open and anger darkens her eyes. "Are you
really that dense?" Then she smacks me in the arm. "Oh my god! We all
know you are going to love Trey forever. That's not something you
ever get over. Yeah, if he had cheated and dumped you for a slut, you' d
be over him by now. It' s the fact he was still with you that makes it
okay. It' s okay to always love him, Wesley. No one will ask you not to
love him. But are you really going to go the rest of your life alone?
Because that' s what this means. You won' t give your heart to anyone
else because Trey has a piece of it? Royal has a piece of it too or you
wouldn't be worried that you're going to hurt him.
"Royal knows you still love Trey. He wants you to love him too." Then
she pauses and chews on the inside of her cheek. I don't know about
you but I really wanted to hear the rest of this. "He loves you, Wesley.
He would give you the world if you let him. He talks about you all the
time. He has for weeks. I even remember when he saw you dressed up
as a duchess. I think he's been smitten ever since."
My breathing became labored at some point and I stammer out,
"What?"
Rachel grabs my hand and holds it tightly. My own foul-mouthed
anchor. "He. Loves. You. He won't come out of his room unless he has
to go to school. Channing comes over to see him and stuff, but that' s it.
He sits in there and writes music on his guitar and plays stupid love
songs day and night. I'm actually surprised Channing hasn't been to see
you. You don't hurt his Royal without payback." Then she leans in
close and whispers, "If those two were gay, they would be the perfect
couple."
This shocks me so much I laugh and snort at the same time. "Do you
think I could love him, too?"

She pretends to think on this for a moment and grins. "I think you've
been in love with him since the first time he called you Duchess. You
just don't want to see it because that means a dead guy and a guy full of
life are sharing your heart. But that's okay. No one gets to dictate how
you divide your heart. Love is love no matter what form it comes
in."
"You should really think about a career in what your mom does, " I tell
her, laughing at her expression.
She waves me off with a flick of her hand. "Please. I want to write
romance novels. There is nothing better in this world than love. I want
to write a story that shows someone how love can change your entire
life. I want people to see my books and know they are going home with
a great story that shows you what real love looks like. "
I hug her neck and say, "I think you'd be perfect at that."

Chapter Twenty-One
"Wesley Ann Bridges! " My named being screamed, instantly wakes
me up. I fell asleep on my hand and as I lift up my head, I shake my
hand to relieve the tingling. Then I start rubbing sleep out of my eyes as
I hear footsteps stomping up the stairs. Annabella walks into my room a
moment later. I'm only wearing one of Trey's shirts so I quickly throw
my bedspread over my exposed legs.
"What?" I say, grumpily.
The look on her face makes me instantly alert. That's Annabella's "I' m
fucking pissed at you and you are going to die" look. "You better
explain and you better explain fast. Why the fuck is Royal Sanders
sending you flowers?" Her voice is sharp as nails and cuts my skin with
every word.
I gulp, so not ready for this at ten in the morning. "I have no idea,
Annabella," I mumble, all but ready to lie my ass off. There is nothing
between Royal and I anymore.
"They are pink roses! " she screams, throwing one pink rose at me. I let
it fall to the bed so I don't get pricked. "How did he know you liked
pink roses? Huh?" She shoves her hands on her hips, her face more red
than I have ever seen.
The one thing I hate the most about fighting with Annabella is that we
know each other too well. In a minute she is going to start hitting below
the belt. Then I'll start hitting below the belt, and I know Pierce is
around here somewhere. This is going to get ugly real fast.
I climb off my bed and get a pair of yoga pants out of my dresser. I
moved back into my room once the mirror was replaced and my room
looked more like my own. I shove my legs through the pants and pull
them up. I shove around Annabella and run down to the first floor.
There is a vase of pink roses sitting on the end table placed in the
hallway. I pick the card up and read it before Annabella snatches it out
of my hand.

Wes,
You might think it's over but it's not. I won't let you go without a fight.
So be prepared to be courted like those English ladies you like so much.
Love, Royal
"Oh my god," I say out loud, my mouth hanging open. My heart wants
to beat out of my chest in happiness. He remembered when I told him I
had always wanted to be courted like the women in my novels. And he
remembered my favorite flowers. Well he has that on Trey. Trey
couldn't remember small things like that.
"Why would you do this? You know how much we hate them! "
Annabella screams and I wince, hating how the sound scratches around
my skin.
I turn toward her and take her in. Long, honey-colored hair pulled up in
a high ponytail. Feather earrings that reach her shoulders and a
matching necklace, but it hangs in-between her breasts. Her red long
sleeve blouse Donovan bought her for Christmas last year matched
with skinny jeans and black leather boots. This is something I have
always found annoying about Annabella. She always looks nice. She
gets up at the crack of dawn every day just to get ready for school.
"That's the problem with you Annabella. You hate everyone." My
voice is almost a whisper and I worry she didn't hear me. I don't have
the courage to say it again.
"You hate them, too! You're always talking shit about them with us!"
She is still screaming and I'm worried everyone in my house is

about to witness this show.
"No, Annabella. I don't hate any of them. I love Ash, don't get me
wrong. But her shit with Channing is not our problem. If Channing
wants to be cut off from his sister, then I imagine he has a good reason."
I spy Pierce walking up the sidewalk from the window in my front
door. "I know you don't want to hear me say all this, but I'm sorry, I
can't keep pretending with you. "
Pierce sees us standing in the entryway and quickly opens the door
after noticing the way both of us are standing. "What's going on now?
Can' t you two go a couple years between fallouts? "
Annabella turns around to face him. I close my eyes because I don' t
want to see the disappointment on his face or the hurt. "Wesley has
been seeing Royal Sanders behind our backs! "
"Wh-what?" Pierce sputters. I keep my eyes firmly closed. I feel him
brush past me, heading for the flowers. I hear him growl and the noise
makes me shudder. "You have got to be fucking kidding me! " I haven't
heard Pierce this mad in a really long time.
"I think it's time you both left." Shock races down my body when I hear
Bentley speak, his voice wise beyond his years. "I'm not going to sit
here and listen to this bullshit. Wesley has been through enough. She
doesn't need either of you giving her a hard time about Royal. She feels
like shit enough because she gave him up. Because of you two! " I open
my eyes and turn around to see him descending the stairs. He isn' t
wearing a shirt, only plaid sleeping pants, so I assume we woke him up.
His face is beet red, just like Annabella's. "Get the hell out! I'm not
playing around. This is our house. You're not going to yell at my sister
like you fucking own the fucking world. You two need a goddamn
wake up call. Not everyone agrees with you. Not everyone is going to
follow your every move. "
Pierce and Annabella wear matching shocked faces; their mouths
dropped open staring at Bentley. I grab Bentley's hand and squeeze it,
letting him know I am thankful. But I have to handle this on my own.
"He's right, you need to leave. I'm not going to listen to both of you
putting me down for a relationship I' m not even in. And if I want to be
with Royal or whoever, then you can't say shit. It's my decision.
Neither

of you have anything to do with it. Plus, you need to remember what
relationships you're in to begin with." With those parting words I head
up the stairs, pulling Bentley behind me.
I don' t watch them leave and I refuse to feel bad about anything I have
done.
***
Thanksgiving is coming up this week, and right now I'm not looking
forward to it. I haven' t heard from either Pierce or Annabella since this
morning. It's freaking Saturday and I'm bored. Rachel texted me earlier
this afternoon inviting me to a party at her house. I don' t know if I'm up
for all that. No doubt Royal will be there and that will make everything
just awkward.
A few hours later, I'm so bored I don't care who I see at the party. I pull
out some jeans and a blue shirt. I'm not sure it is even clean. When have
I ever cared what I look like?
I knock on Bentley's door but he doesn't answer. I open it a crack and
find he isn't even here. I wonder when he left as I make my way down
the stairs. It saddens me to realize I'm the only one home. Mom and dad
went into Dallas for dinner hours ago. That's fine because they hardly
get any time alone together. I have no idea where Bentley went. I kind
of want to text him to find out, but he might be on a date and that' s just
too weird for me.
I find my car keys buried under junk mail in the kitchen. I lock all the
doors before I head out the front door. I' m just letting go of the
doorknob when I feel someone behind me. God I hope its not Pierce or
Annabella.
I slowly turn around and find who I was dreading the most. Annabella
hasn't changed since this morning, but she redid her makeup. Pierce has
on a dark grey t-shirt and leather jacket. They both have their arms
crossed over their chests and I feel like I'm about to get arrested. "Can
we do this later?" I squeak out.
Pierce steps out first and the porch light shines on his face. He

looks beaten down. "I'm really sorry, Wesley. Ash sat both of us down
and had a talking to us. Apparently Bentley called, the little traitor. "
I shrug. "He was always more loyal to her than you two." Which makes
me so proud. It was really hard for Bentley to get close to the three of us
because we have always been the three of us. Ash though, she took him
right under her wing. She might appear meek and timid but she is far
from it.
Pierce flinches and I kind of want to smile. I don't know why it feels
good to see him figure out his mistakes. "It might take me a long time to
get used to it, but I will... agree to disagree... about your boyfriend. I
don't like him but Bentley told Ash he was the one there for you when
we got stupid. "
I don' t reply right away. I wonder about his words and then I decide to
forgive him. Pierce has spent his whole high school career pissed off at
Channing. He doesn' t even know him or Royal. He had no right to be
mad that I was seeing him. But that doesn't matter in the long run
because I'm not going to see him anymore. "You're forgiven. I just
want you to know, I didn't do it to piss you off or hurt you. He's a really
good guy, he made losing Trey easier. But that's all over now."
Annabella steps forward, uncrossing and re-crossing her arms over her
chest. "Are you sure? That note seemed like he wasn't going to let you
go." She chews on her lip like she wants to say more but doesn't know
how. Then she takes a deep breath and says it anyway. "I thought that
was pretty awesome of him. He doesn't want to let you go, so he's going
to act out one of your fantasies. One I have always found to be odd and
stupid, but then again, it's yours not mine."
Pierce scrunches his face up in disgust. "I wouldn't say fantasy. More
like a dream. Fantasy implies sex and I don't want to hear about their
sex life. "
Annabella and I both laugh at him, but in a good naturedly kind of way.
"Well if it makes you feel better, the sex was amazing." I grin real big
as Pierce turns green.
Annabella walks up the steps and hugs me tightly. "I'm sorry we went
psycho on you. Sometimes it just takes an older, wiser person to put
you in your place." Then she giggles. "Or a younger, wiser person to

kick you out. It doesn't matter how we came to our senses, it just
matters that we have."
Annabella passes me to Pierce once we get to the bottom of the steps.
His arms wrap around my shoulders and I smile, breathing him in. "I
just want you to be happy. And if Royal Sanders makes you happy, I
don't give a shit if you're with him."
"I' m glad you said that, because we are headed to their party. I feel like
crashing tonight," I tell him, moving toward my Kia. They both hate
my driving so they groan when I climb in the driver's seat. "Let's go,
dickholes!"
***
This was the stupidest idea I have ever had. Royal is shitfaced and
sitting on the couch just staring at me. At least Kellan and Rachel are
flirting near him and he's not trying to beat Kellan up. Kellan's cousin,
Brody, and his girlfriend, Lola, are damn near having sex on the couch.
But if you share a class that they are both in, this isn't anything new. It's
a wonder they haven't had a baby yet. "Do you feel weird? I feel
weird," Annabella mumbles to Pierce behind me.
Pierce doesn't say anything, but I can see him in my head nodding his
head. Good. After the scene this morning, they need some payback.
Though I'm starting to realize that I'm making myself feel weird,
mainly for the fact that Royal won't stop staring at me.
"What the fuck did we just walk into?" Ugh. That voice! My thighs
instantly tighten and I kind of want to hit him. But I can't, considering I
think he's pretty cool.
"I don't know, baby." I turn to see Paisley Vaughn shrug her shoulders
while standing next to Channing.
He leans down and moves her sweater a little off her shoulder. He
bends over it and kisses her bare skin. If I'm not mistaken, I think she
has a bite mark there. Gross. "I'm going to go talk to Royal. You take
care of Wesley," he tells her after lifting his head. Then he presses his
forehead to hers. "Don't get tired. I'll be keeping you up all night."

My face wants to scowl but I don't because that was kind of hot.
Channing winks at me on his way to Royal and I refrain from laughing.
I' m starting to realize Channing is a sneaky bastard.
"Hi, Wesley," Paisley says to me, holding out her hand. "I'm
Paisley."
I roll my eyes before taking her hand. "I know who you are. The
Cinderella of Meadows." Pierce snickers behind me and she glares at
him.
Then she's scowling at me. "Look, I don't know you, you don't know
me. " She crosses her arms over her chest and looks over my shoulder. I
assume to peer at Royal, who is still shitfaced drunk sitting on the
couch staring at me. I know because I can feel heat wherever his eyes
touch me. "I do know that Royal is like my brother, and you're hurting
him. Which is hurting me. So we have a problem. "
At first I' m a little ticked off. So is Pierce, who I know is tense behind
me. I can feel the waves of anger. He really needs to see someone about
that. Then I realize she might have a little insight, considering she is
dating Channing. "How do you do it?" I question, adding a look like
pleading to my eyes. If there is one thing you should know about
Paisley, she has a huge heart. She might act like a badass, but if
someone is hurting, she wants to fix it.
"Do what?" She asks, uncrossing her arms and leaning closer to
me.
"Be with one of them? I mean, I have money too, but my money isn't
good money. They have old money. They have trust funds that were set
up before they were even thought of." I pause and look down at the
floor. "I know you are like that now, but you weren' t raised that way.
You're from the wrong side of the tracks. And Channing is a freaking
god." I feel myself blush when I look over at Royal. "So is Royal." This
is all total bullshit because I have no problem with my money or his
money. This is just me trying to play on her heartstrings.
She bites her lip and I watch her eyes cross over to Channing. "That's
the thing you have to remember. They aren't gods. They are human like
everyone else. You might not be able to believe that one of them loves
you, but they do. And just like with any good man, they love

with their whole heart. You feel like every time they look at you, you
become their goddess and you'll never know anything bad again in your
life." Then she smiles at Channing, who instantly smiles back. "You
might have bad parts, but that's in every relationship. You'll even cause
some of them." Then she laughs, seemingly lost in a memory. "I was
scared too, Wesley. I didn't know what to do with him. But finally I
realized that I was more miserable without him than I would ever be
with him. I gave him that one chance and he blew me away. " She looks
at me as I study her face to see if she's being truthful. "Just give him one
chance. I promise he won't blow it."
And then she walks away from me. And maybe she took some of my
doubt with her. This is when I turn around and pull Annabella and
Pierce with me. I walk us out the door because if I want to fix Royal
and me, I can't do it while he's drunk.

Chapter Twenty-Two
Thanksgiving for my family is always a huge affair. There are a lot of
us. Lily is my dad's sister. Their parents passed away when I was
younger, so now my dad is the head of the family. With Lily comes
Ash, Victor, Pierce, Donovan and Annabella. Then you have my
parents, Bentley and me. My mom and Lily always end up cooking the
big meal, and all the girls have to help out. The men sit around and
watch football or movies. It depends on who's playing.
Then we eat until we can't stand and we have to unbutton the top of our
pants to breathe. Afterward mom, dad, and Aunt Lily end up having a
drink in my dad's office and the kids sit out in the living room and
watch TV. Sometimes we bring our own drinks, but not enough to get
us drunk. Vic would have our asses.
***
After the party Saturday, in which my group left after the conversation
with Paisley, I haven't heard from Royal. Well, until today. It' s Sunday
morning, and we have to go back to school tomorrow. There was a
knock on my front door at ten a.m. and there stood Channing
Southerland.
I was seriously shocked that he was at my house. I could see Paisley's
red head in his Jag but apparently he wanted to do this alone. "Royal
wrote this for you. He didn't want to bring it himself. He said
something about the courter always having someone else bring the
letter. He was going to send it in the mail but that would've taken longer
than he liked." Then Channing handed me an envelope and left.
Now I'm sitting in my room staring at the letter, wishing I didn't have it.
Then I wish I had the courage to open it and read it. I can only

imagine what's written in there. I want it to be a love letter, but then I
want it to be a fuck off letter.
"Are you going to sit there and stare it all day, or open it? " Annabella
asks while sitting at my desk. She used some lame excuse about using
my nail polish to come over. I think she can't stand to be around Pierce
and Donovan at the same time. I don't want her around both of them at
the same time, so I agreed. Luckily, Donovan will be going home
tomorrow.
"If I say I'm scared will you hit me?" I question, biting my lip and still
staring at the letter.
Annabella huffs. "No, I'll only hit you if you don't open that thing and
read it. I can see the way you're looking at it. You have a mixture of
longing and scared shitless in your eyes. "
I pick up the envelope and carefully open it. My name is written on the
front in expressive cursive. I figure he got Rachel to write that part, that
way it would look pretty. My nerves shoot up when I pull the notebook
paper out. My palms get sweaty but I can't open it. I'm too scared.
"Oh for the love of god! " Annabella quickly snatches the letter out of
my hands and opens it. Her eyes move over the words written and I
start spazzing out. You know, breathing like a crazy person and trying
to pull my hair out. She finishes a few seconds later and smiles up at
me. "I never thought I would ever say this but Royal Sanders is fucking
awesome. Oh my god, if you don't read this I will kill you!" She throws
the letter at me and sits on the bed.
I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and scoop the letter off the
bed. I open it slowly and start reading:
Duchess,
I don't have pretty words. I don't even know that many pretty words, but
I do know that you are beautiful. Is that cheesy? I don't really care if it
is. I can remember the first time I ever thought you were beautiful. It
was in the third grade. You were dancing around with Annabella on the
playground. You looked so amazing, so free and full of

life. You didn' t care who was looking at you, you didn' t even care that
you had no rhythm or style. You just wanted to dance. And I remember
you telling Pierce that when he said you looked stupid. Even then you
were standing up to him. I think that' s why you cling to him so much.
You need him in your life because the shit he gave you, you gave him
right back. You have a relationship with him that I am so envious of. I
want to be that guy for you. I want you to give me shit and I give it right
back. I want to fight like an old married couple. I want to grow old with
you. I want those amazing green eyes to be the first thing I see every
morning and the last thing I see at night.
I'm getting ahead of myself. The next time your beauty really affected
me was when you showed up at school as a duchess. I' ve told you this
before, I know, but it' s worth repeating. You stole my breath in that
huge dress and that crazy up do. And you carried yourself like a
duchess. That' s what made me look up and notice. I didn' t know much
about you then, I just knew you were Pierce' s cousin. And he always
seemed to be standing in front of you. Annabella too. It took me a long
time to realize that they weren' t smothering you. They were protecting
you. I know you now, girl. I know you inside and out. You didn' t ever
want to stand out. I knew that the moment you said you were headed to
Harvard. Most people would have been shouting that from the
rooftops, but you, you didn' t want anyone to know. Annabella and
Pierce, they cover you, make you less important than you are. And this
last year you needed that. You needed to be unnoticed so you could
grieve for Trey.
That's the next time I thought you were beautiful. Channing and I were
out grabbing a bite to eat and we noticed you and Trey at the
restaurant. The way he was looking at you, I wanted to look at you like
that too. You could see it in his eyes how happy you made him. That guy
loved you so much and I hope one day you can let me love you that
much. I don' t want to replace Trey. I could never replace him. I don' t
even want to try. I just want to be with you. And I want you to glow like
you did that day, again. Because you were; you were glowing. I could
see how much he meant to you even then. I remember thinking I wanted
that so bad. I wanted to be so in love like that. Little did I know I would
one day want that love with you.

The next time I thought you were beautiful, is probably not a time you
would like to remember. I realize now that Trey had passed months
before this. It was the first day of school this year. I don't think you ever
saw me, but I saw you. I was coming out of the swim coach's office
when I noticed you sitting on the blenchers in the gym. You weren' t
making any noise, which I thought was strange because you were
crying. I mean, really crying. You brought tears to my eyes; I could feel
your pain, Wes. I had no idea at the time what you were crying about
but I knew you loved whatever it was. You loved it so much it brought
you those heart wrenching tears I thought you were beautiful even with
puffy eyes and makeup trails. And you were beautiful because whatever
had brought you to that point, it made you feel. And when you feel
something that strongly, you can see it in everything you do. I love that
about you. You don't just stick your foot in the water; no you jump in
headfirst.
Well, except for me, but I don' t blame you for that. I would have been
scared of me too, if I had lost someone like Trey. Which brings me to
the next time. That night you cried on my chest; that night you slept in
my bed, you changed me. Before that night I was shallow and I didn' t
care about much around me. I kind of floated through life, not really
caring about anything. I used girls before you. I hate to even admit
that, but it' s the truth. I used them because I could. I used them because
I wanted to. There' s no excuse for that. But that night you showed me
how I was being an awful person. You were so upset; I couldn' t get you
to stop crying. I couldn' t figure it out, but you trusted me anyway. You
trusted me enough to cry on and sleep next to, even though we didn' t
know anything about each other.
You made me realize I wanted to be a better person. I wanted to be that
guy you trusted, because before that night, I wasn't.
When I saw you in that hospital bed, I thought I might die. I couldn' t
figure out what was wrong with you. I just knew you needed me to lean
on, so I let you. And that' s what makes you so beautiful. You lean on me
even when I don' t deserve it. I wanted to hurt whoever made you feel
like that, but I never realized it was a dead man. I felt horrible when I
found out. And at one point, I wanted to bring him back just so you
would be happy. But this is real life and I can' t do that. Besides, I want

my time with you now. I know that makes me a selfish bastard, but I
don' t care.
I want you to know that you will always be beautiful, no matter what
state I see you in, but this one I' m about to talk about, it' s my favorite.
When you looked up into my eyes when we made love that first time, it
broke me. You can't imagine how I handled that in my head. You
showed me trust, comfort, and love all at once. I knew right then and
there I was in love, and there isn' t anything or anyone who can take
that from me. Even if you never read this, never give me the time of day,
I will always love you. That might be a serious thing for me to say since
I' m only eighteen, but it' s true, girl. You are all I think about, all I see.
Everyday life constantly reminds me of you. It hurts, but if being with
me isn't what you want, I'll let you go. But I don't honestly think you
want to let me go. I think you 're just scared. Of what, I'm not sure. I
can tell you I' m not going anywhere. I' ll be alive and kicking for a
long time coming.
What happened to Trey was a freak accident. One in a million. He didn'
t deserve to die, you didn' t deserve to lose him, but that' s life Wes. Life
is a fucking bitch and I hope this doesn' t give me bad juju. But she is,
she takes away the people we love one by one. Sometimes she takes
away a bunch of them at the same time. The choice we have to make is
whether to let them go, or hold on to them even in death. But you aren'
t living if you are doing that.
Wesley you aren' t living. You are sitting by that grave with Trey. You
haven' t left it since he was buried. Whether you want me or not, I want
you to leave that grave. I want you to move on with your life. I want you
to love again. I want you, most of all, to be happy. No one deserves that
more than you.
And just to let you know, I'll always be here. Forever and always.
Because in the long run, we were friends first and I will always be your
friend. Oh and I' m not done courting you. I plan on doing a lot more to
win you over, unless you tell me to go to hell. But I have hope on my
side. Hope that you won' t let me go forever. Hope that one day you
will walk through my front door and tell me you love me, too.
As you wish,

Royal
I wipe tears away from my eyes and wonder how I got so lucky. How
did I end up with Trey first and now Royal? That doesn't seem fair to
the rest of the world. "He's so awesome," I breathe out through my
tears.
Annabella moves my face up to look at her. She swipes her fingers
under my eyes, clearing away some tears. "If you don't go after that
boy, I will. And we both know I have enough boy problems to begin
with."
I nod, because let's face it, it's true. "I'm scared though."
She nods as well. She tucks a strand of my curls behind my ear. "I
know. I'm scared for you. Because every time you have tried to let Trey
go, it didn' t go well. I think you need to at least give it a few days. Once
it settles in that Royal really wants you, you might find it's impossible
to be without him. Plus, I want to see what else he has in store for you.
" Then she winks.

Chapter Twenty-Three
I took Annabella' s advice. I sat on it for a few days. My mind always
wandered to that day I spent in his bed. How good it felt to be close to
Royal. When it comes down to the nitty gritty stuff, the one thing I
want is to be happy. And Royal makes me happy. I might be scared
shitless, but isn't that what makes it fun? I don't know what's going to
happen; I just know I need to let them happen.
And let me tell you, it took me two weeks to come to that conclusion.
Let's start with the day after I received Royal's letter. The day was
normal, I got up, went to school, and by the time History came around,
I was so nervous. I wanted to see him but I didn't want to see him. My
stomach was in knots and I couldn't get my knees to stop shaking.
Turns out, I shouldn't have bothered. Royal ignored me. I mean I
looked right at him but he never made eye contact. I couldn't help
wondering for the rest of the day why he would send me that letter, only
to pretend he didn' t. He did this in seventh period too. And let me tell
you, for once in my life it wasn't someone else who made an entire
room feel awkward. No, it was Royal and I. It was almost like everyone
was waiting for us to make a move before they started talking. Needless
to say, no one spoke at all during that class.
So that night when my phone went off, I got excited to see a text from
Royal. He sent me an audio file, which I thought was weird, because
neither of us are texters. I clicked to open the file and laughed when a
song started playing. A thought crossed my mind, reminding me that
gentlemen used to serenade their ladies. So I realized that is what Royal
was doing. The beat started playing, a song I didn't recognize at first.
Then Royal's voice started singing the words. I sat and listened to him
sing and then I hit replay three times before I went to bed. I couldn' t
stop listening to his voice. It is so rich and vibrant, just like him.

"Best of Me" by The Starting Line was the song. I had to look it up.
Apparently The Starting Line is an old emo band. I thought the lyrics
spoke to our situation. It actually grew on me by the time I drove to
school the next morning. I had my iPhone plugged into the stereo and I
jammed it all the way to school, singing at the top of my lungs.
School was pretty much the same, except everyone in seventh period
decided Royal and I weren't going to talk to each other, so they
resumed their chatter. I got another song that night and it totally
surprised me. Nicki Minaj's "Super Bass" was the inspiration this night
and it brought back memories of our first kiss. Except instead of Royal
doing the rapping, Rachel did. She did an amazing job. And at the end
of it she said, "I hope you liked tonight's song! I totally picked it out
and shit. But I felt I needed to serenade you a little as well considering
Royal and I come as a package." Then she paused and I could see her
biting her lip in my head. "You also talked some sense into my mother,
which I will be forever grateful for. "
The next night it was "A Thousand Years" by Christina Perri. Only this
time he didn't sing and neither did Rachel. I kind of liked that it was just
Christina Perri and I. After that I got "Unconditionally" by Katy
Perry, "Clarity" by Zedd, "Lights" by Ellie Goulding, and "With Me"
by
Sum 41. So the first week was generally happy. That's not true for the
second week.
First up was "I Miss You" by Blink 182. I cried not only because Royal
played it for me, but also because it was one of Trey's favorite songs.
You could hear the pain in Royal's voice. That was the first time I hated
myself for hurting him. It gave me chills and I wanted to run to him, but
I didn't. I was scared to death. I'm still scared to death.
"The Story of My Life" by One Direction was a surprise. And while
listening to it, you might not think it's all that sad, but the next time you
listen to that song, think of Royal. Think of what I've put him through
and what he's gone through in life in general, and it might move you to
tears. Or it just might be me, because I'm the one hurting him.
"Wrecking Ball" by Miley Cyrus, I should have seen coming. While I
don't condone Miley's video for this song, I can love the song. It flows
incredibly well and the words hold such meaning.

I braced myself for "Stay" by Rihanna and "Love The Way You Lie"
by Eminem, but the last two... well they put a different light on things.
In the long run, with his silence at school and these songs, these last
two songs are what made me decide once and for all that I was in love
with Royal Sanders. I loved him. I couldn' t take it anymore. I couldn't
take the silence, these stupid sad songs, and I couldn't stand not
touching him anymore.
"Promise" by Matchbook Romance had me on my bedroom floor
crying my eyes out. But for a different reason. I listened to it for months
after Trey died. That song to me is about the loss of a loved one. About
death. What' s funny, instead of pushing me closer to Trey, it pushed
me closer to Royal. Because for once he made me see that he was
feeling what I felt when I lost Trey. It's unbearable. I almost ran to his
house, in a t-shirt and panties with no shoes on. Annabella walked into
my room right when the song stopped playing. I told her I had to leave
and she told me it wasn't time yet. I told her to get out of my way and
she refused to let me.
When the last song came in, I understood. "Say Something" by A Great
Big World and Christina Aguilera. I got the meaning behind it loud and
clear. If I didn't make my move tonight, then he was done. This time, I
shoved on my yoga pants and a jacket before I raced down the stairs.
Annabella was standing by the front door, holding my keys out. "Did
you have something to do with this? " I ask, some things clicking in my
head.
She gives me her evil grin and nods. "I told him what songs to sing to
you. Plus a two-week courtship is long enough. I just wanted you to
realize you loved him before you went to him. I wanted you to truly
know you wanted it. I know letting go of Trey is hard, but you deserve
a chance at love again. Even if it is with the enemy." Tears leak out of
her eyes and she sniffs.
I reach around her neck and hug her to me. "You deserve love, too. The
kind you want, not the kind you think you have to settle for. When you
find yourself at that crossroad, I'll help you find the right path." Then I
kiss her cheek and run out the front door.

By the time I make it to Royal's, I'm a nervous wreck. My palms are
making it hard to steer since they have gotten so sweaty. I can't stop
wiggling my toes or chewing on the inside of my cheek. I wonder who
I picked that up from?
When I park my Kia outside the Sanders house, it takes me a minute to
realize he is waiting for me. He stands on the front porch, wearing his
basketball shorts and a hoodie. He looks so amazing; I can' t even catch
my breath. I don't know how I got out of my car, but I know I' m
running right for him. His arms spread wide when I jump into them. I
slam my lips against his and kiss him like I'm dying. And maybe I am
because my heart has never beaten this hard. The moment his tongue
touches mine I know I have never felt like this. What I had with Trey
was real but it was simple and made me feel safe. Being in love with
Royal is completely different. He makes me think about things. He
makes me feel alive. Our love isn't simple but flawed. We make each
other better. Not that Trey didn't do that but he was already good. Royal
was lost and so was I. We found our way together and nothing has ever
been this beautiful.
When we break apart, I look deep into his eyes. His gorgeous, tender
brown eyes. "I love you," I whisper, a tiny smile playing about my lips.
His grin is huge. He leans down to kiss my nose. "I love you, too." Then
he kisses my mouth, slowly, but full of heat.
I break away, saying, "Come somewhere with me?"
He nods and I lead him to my car. I don't tell him where we are going,
nor does he ask. I think he's just happy to be with me right now. I know
I'm more than happy with it. I don't ever want to be away from him
again. Well, not for long periods of time.
When we make it to the graveyard, I can see Royal shift uneasily from
the corner of my eye. I want to laugh, but it doesn' t seem appropriate.
"I need you to help me with something. You think you're up
to it?"

He gives me a look but agrees with a nod of his head. "Trey's buried
here, isn't he?"
I nod and turn around to get my bag out of the back seat of my car. I set
the bag in my lap and turn to face him. He looks smushed in my car, his
long legs bunched up near the dashboard. He has to lean his head down
a bit so he doesn't hit the top of the car. "There are two reasons we are
here." I pause to take a deep breath, drawing on my inner strength. "I
wanted to tell you why I acted the way I did. I' m sure someone has told
you, but I want you to hear it from me. "
He leans toward me and opens the bag. He rummages around until his
big hands bring out the box. "This, right?" His voice is gentle but I can
hear the inflection. He's worried this is going to set me back.
"They might have told you I went nuts because of that, and I guess I
did. But that wasn't the whole truth. I got mad, full of rage." I look him
in the eyes, my hands flying around to express my feelings. "I was so
mad that I found it in that box. I was so ready to let Trey go, but it set
me back. I was so mad that I couldn't be with you. I know it was all
irrational now, but I wasn't thinking clearly. I just couldn't figure out
how I was going to let him go then. That ring means he was going to
marry me, because I would have said yes." Royal flinches and I feel
guilty for saying that. But then I don't, because I want to be honest. I
want to throw everything on the table, explain why I've been such a
bitch. "Then I realized if Trey walked up to me right now and asked me
to marry him, I would say no. It may have taken me a long time, but I
finally realized that he is my past. He' s not coming back and I won' t
ever be with him again." Then I pointed at my heart. "He will always be
right here. He doesn't own my entire heart but he owns a little bit. But
you are in there now too, and you are my future. And I want to be a part
of that future, so that's the other reason we are here."
I climb out of the car, holding the ring box. I don't even want to open it
and look at it one last time. I honestly haven't looked at it since the
night I found it. My mom had put it in the safe in my parent' s bedroom.
I calmly asked for it, and she gave it to me. I could tell she was scared
to, but I didn't react. I have no reason to anymore. Because deep in my
soul, I have let Trey go. I no longer feel his imagined presence and

I no longer constantly think about him.
I open the back door and pull out the little hand shovel I found in our
shed. Royal climbs out too, a sad look on his face. He meets me at the
front of my Kia and I reach up and touch his face. "I want to give this
ring back to Trey. And the only way I know how to do that is to bury it
with him. "
"I think that's a good idea," he murmurs, as I take his hand to lead him
to Trey's grave.
I freeze once I get there. I had an entire speech planned out in my head
but I draw a blank once it comes time to speak it. When Royal stops
next to me and grabs my hand, I know what I need to say. "Trey, this is
Royal. I wanted you to meet the guy I' m in love with. I thought you
might like that. Everyone keeps telling me that you would want me to
be happy, and it took me long enough to find my own happiness. You
would want me to be full of happiness and love." Tears start to pour,
but what else is new? "I loved you so much. I still love you, but I
moved on to a different love. My love has morphed and changed into
something else. It chose someone who is charming, funny, and full of
life. Something you no longer have. And I'm sorry you're gone. I'm
sorry this happened to you, but I can't change it. I wanted to for months.
I tried to wish you back into existence, but it never worked.
"I'm giving you this ring back. I love it, but it's just not mine to keep.
And I wanted you to know, if you had asked while you were still alive,
my answer would have been yes. I would have married you in a
heartbeat. But you're gone and life moves on."
Royal sinks down to his knees and starts digging a hole for us to bury
the ring. It's at the foot of Trey's grave. I don't feel comfortable standing
on him. When Royal's done digging, I drop the ring box in the hole and
bury it. Then I stand up but Royal starts talking once I stand, "Trey, I
can promise you I will always take care of Wesley. I won't ever hurt her
and I'll be the best friend she ever had. And maybe one day, I'll make
her a wife and mother. I don't know if that will happen for sure, because
we are still in high school, but I do know I'll always protect her. " Then
he smiles. "It was nice to meet you, bro. Rest in peace. " He kisses my
head and walks back to the car.

"He's great, isn't he? I can see you in my mind standing in front of me,
telling me how good I did. You wouldn't have any hard feelings." I sit
down on my butt and wipe a few stray tears away. "Anyway, I love
you. And I promise to bring you flowers on your birthday every year. I
promise to bring my husband and kids to meet you. And I promise I
will never forget you. You will live on inside of me, because that's
where you are safest. I'm going to miss you for the rest of my life. But
it's nice to know it won't ever hurt again, not like the first day. I have
Royal now, and he makes it better. Almost normal, actually. "
I stand up and walk to his headstone. I place a kiss there and whisper,
"Goodbye, my sweet boy. Sleep in peace." Then I walk away from
Trey' s grave, tears flowing down my face and I reach for Royal.
He folds me in his arms and rocks me back and forth. "Will you stay
with me tonight?" he whispers against my hair.
"Always."

Chapter Twenty-Four
After leaving Trey's grave, I haven't felt so free. I kind of think I could
up and fly right off the ground. I don't try that though, because I know
it's never going to happen. But a girl can dream.
"I don't think I have ever seen you this happy," Royal whispers, as we
make our way up to his bedroom. Since my talk with his mom, she' s
been home a lot more. That means we have to sneak up to his room. It'
s almost midnight and for some reason I can't wait for it to be
tomorrow. I've let go of everything that was holding me back. It's the
most amazing feeling ever.
"I've been this happy before, but right now I blame it on you." I smile
when he squeezes my hand.
Right before we pass Rachel's room, Kellan steps out. With no shirt on.
Like any girl with hormones, I check him out. His light green eyes are
wide, fear resounding within them. His brown hair hangs down to
about his chin and normally he swings his head around to clear his eyes
but I think he's too surprised to do that now. His lips are full and
swollen, most likely from Rachel's kisses. He's on the swim team along
with Royal and Channing, and his body shows it. Lean with a flat
stomach, his chest is slightly broader than I would have thought. His
arms have muscles but they aren't out of control.
Before I try to stop him, Royal punches Kellan in the face. His slender
nose starts to pool blood while he's laid out on the floor. "Royal!" I
screech.
He looks back at me with a smile on his face. He winks before turning
back around to face Kellan. Since he seems so light hearted about the
whole thing, I decide to let it go. "I figured this would happen after that
party," he tells Kellan, reaching his hand out to help Kellan back up.
"You wouldn' t have gotten punched if you had come to me first. Just so
you know. " Then he moves to open Rachel' s door. I don' t

see Rachel but I hear her surprised gasp. "I know about Kellan now. No
need to keep making him hide his car and sneak in through your
window. Have a good night." Then he sticks his tongue out at her.
"You are an asshole! Go away!" She starts throwing something at the
door but Royal shuts it before he gets hit.
"I see you finally came to your senses, Bridges," Kellan murmurs to
me, while Royal laughs and keeps taunting his twin sister. "With you
around, things should be easier for me." Then he winks, crossing the
hallway to break up Royal and Rachel's spat.
Royal laughs the whole way to his bedroom. He enters before me, so I
shut the door and lean against it. I decide to take some of his fun away.
"They've been together for a lot longer than you think." His shoulders
stop shaking and he turns around to face me, a question on his face.
"Yeah, when I was coming around before, she told me they had been
sneaking around. Well, I don' t know about sneaking around.
Apparently you're the only one who didn't know."
His lips get really small and he strides back toward the door. I won't
move out of the way and he looks down at me, his eyes angry. "Move. I
think Kellan needs to have his ass beat." His breathing is hard and his
chest rises and falls with the movement.
I don' t move. Well, not away from the door. I stand on my tiptoes and
kiss his neck. I let my tongue come out and gently lick at his skin.
"Why would you go and do that, when you have me here? Hmm? I
have other plans for your hands, Royal." I whisper this into his ear and
grin when he shivers. "I'll let you do whatever you want, as long as you
stay here... with me."
He looks down at me, his eyes focused on my lips. "You play dirty, girl.
" Then he kisses me. My lips open up immediately, waiting for his
tongue. It's been so long since I was in his arms.
His hands move under my shirt, as his tongue enters my mouth. I suck
at it and then bite his lip. I might never have been in a true relationship
with Royal before now, but I do know what he likes in the bedroom. I
lift one of my legs to hook around his back, grinding myself against his
erection. He growls before removing his hands from under my shirt to
my yoga pants. He pushes them down along with my panties.

His fingers smooth over the exposed skin, finding my sex ready for
him. "Someone's excited," he whispers against my lips before sinking
his tongue back into my mouth.
I moan around it, my hips chasing his fingers around. "It' s been
awhile." I gasp as he plunges a finger inside of me.
"Way too long." While his fingers control my body, he uses his other
hand to push down his basketball shorts. I reach up and my fingers
connect with the crown molding around his door. I lift my leg, the one
not around his hip, and toss my clothes off my foot. They are still
around my other leg, but that's okay.
I lift my other leg around his hips and finally my eyes are level with his.
His brown eyes burn with passion, lust, and love. It's a dizzying effect
as he removes his fingers and pushes his erection inside of me. "Fuck,"
he mutters when he starts to thrust. "Why are you always so tight?" he
asks, rapture in his voice.
I shudder, those tingles I get below, shooting up to my lower stomach.
"Because I weigh one hundred pounds less than you do, " I gasp out,
rolling my hips while his hands move to my back, supporting me.
He chuckles my favorite chuckle and it does funny things to my
insides. "Sarcasm during sex. That's a new one." He doesn't give me
time to reply as he slams his lips against mine. His tongue moves into
my mouth, mimicking what he's doing below.
It' s not long before I' m climaxing and clutching his hair. His hips jerk
a few times before he stills. Instead of letting me down to the floor he
keeps me against the door. His eyes are full of everything he's feeling
and its almost more than I can take. "I love you, Wesley. And I' m
seriously happy you came to your senses." He kisses my lips gently and
I smile around it.
"I love you, too. And I'm seriously happy I came to my senses." He
pecks me again before gently moving out of my body.
He looks down and then over at me. His face is clouded, hiding
whatever it is that he's thinking. "What?" I ask, both eyebrows raised.
"We should really start using condoms. I'm too young to be a daddy. "
He kind of looks terrified, so I laugh. "I don' t really think it' s funny."

I shrug, because that's what I do. "I'm still on birth control. And from
now on I'll be naggy and make you wear one." Then I wink before
moving to the bathroom to clean up.
When I come back out, all hell has broken loose. Michele is standing at
Royal's front door with her arms crossed over her chest. "At least it's
you. I had horrible images of some bimbo with air for brains."
My eyes widen and my mouth falls open. "Hi, Michele." What? It' s the
only thing I could come up with.
She snorts and looks back at Royal. "Well the two of you can join the
other two and me in the dining room. " Royal clenches his fists but I
gently pry one apart and link my fingers with his. He looks down at me
and smiles. Then we follow Michele down to the dining room.
Kellan, who still isn't wearing a shirt, and Rachel, who's in a robe, are
sitting with their arms crossed at the table. "I didn't tell her I swear. I
thought she took her damn pill and went to sleep. She caught Kellan in
the kitchen getting food, then she heard a thump in your room, " Rachel
rushes out, looking angry and scared all at once.
"I know you didn't rat, Rach. Stop bugging out." Royal quiets her and
sits down at the table. I move to the chair next to his but he pulls me
into his lap. "You're sitting here if I'm about to get chewed out. It will
make me feel better," he whispers in my ear so I relax against him.
Michele stands at the head of the table and looks over us all. Then she
just shakes her head. "I don't even know what to say. It's after midnight
on a school night and I find both my children in inappropriate
positions." She glares at Rachel and I assume Rachel wasn't wearing
that robe when she found her.
"I don't mind either of you having relationships, especially if they're
with these two. I approve of your choices, I just don't approve of the
late nights. All four of you are still in high school. You aren' t old
enough to be staying the night together and having sex at all hours of
the night." She puts her hands on her hips and starts pacing. "I don't
even know how to punish you. On the one hand, I'm angry that you
would betray my trust like this. Then I remember I haven' t been around
for a long time, so I wonder how long these late nights have been going
on. Then it makes me sick to my stomach because I'm way too young to
be a

grandmother. I just hope at this point everyone has been using
protection." She's too busy pacing for her to notice Royal stiffen. I want
to laugh at him. Not only am I on the pill, but I'm not fertile now, nor
was I the last time we did it. I guess I didn't tell him that. Oops.
"Mom, before you start talking about the birds and the bees, just stop.
I'm pretty sure we all know how babies are made. Just get to the
punishment, please," Rachel states placing her head on her palm.
Michele rolls her eyes. "I'm the parent here. I believe at this point and
time, I have the right to talk about whatever I want. But you are right. I
believe we are all familiar with the birds and the bees." Then she sits
down at the table and looks over all of us. "First up, your curfew is
eleven on school nights. Two in the morning on weekends. I think that'
s fair. " Rachel and Royal nod. "When you have company of the
opposite sex, you will leave your bedroom doors open. There will be no
sleepovers or late night sneaking in the window. Y'all aren't married.
You're still children. Mature children, but children nonetheless."
"That all sounds fine, mom. But can I ask why you feel the need to
punish us now, when before you didn't seem to care one bit?" Royal
growls out. I can tell he is getting more upset the more she talks.
Michele flinches and I feel for her. I remember what she said about her
cancer and when she stayed away from her children. Then I decide to
get into everyone' s business. "You should tell them about the cancer,
Michele." I speak up softly but everyone hears me.
"I believe you are right, Wesley. Once again I've been given advice by
a patient." Then she kind of glares, kind of smiles at me.
Royal stands up real fast, planting me on my feet gently. "You have
cancer? Why didn't you tell us?" he demands, hitting his fists against
the table.
"Mom?" Rachel asks, and then she looks at me. "And how did you
know, but I didn't?"
I look down at my feet and shrug. "It's not my story to tell, Rachel. It's
your mom's." Then I look over at Kellan. "We should probably leave.
This seems like a family matter. "
He looks relieved but I don't know why. I don't ask either. Everyone
has something to hide at some point in his or her life. "Rach,

just call me later." He kisses her and gets out of his seat.
Royal looks over at me and frowns. "How about you call me later,
too?" It's more of a question than a statement. He nods.
Kellan and I leave the house, to the sound of Michele explaining to her
children about her cancer. Later that night Royal shows up at my house.
I'm too happy to see him to get on him for disobeying his mother. He
doesn't speak. He just pushes me against my bedroom wall. His kiss is
hard, desperate, and frantic. I enjoy the hell out of it. He pulls my hair
gently, arching my neck so he has better access to my lips. We end up
on my bed, where our lovemaking is hard and fast.
Royal kisses me on the forehead before he gets up to leave. "I love you,
girl." After he pulls his pants on he leans over me again and kisses me
gently. "Thank you. "
I grin. "You don't need to thank me. Your mom should have done that
sooner. "
He shakes his head, a big smile on his gorgeous face. "No, thank you
for being you. You make it so easy to love you. " He makes it so hard to
have a comeback.

Chapter Twenty-Five
Royal stands a few feet away. His gorgeous brown locks fall into his
brown eyes. Always the roguish lord with his cocky smile. He makes me
want to run into his arms...or run in the opposite direction.
"Wesley, always a pleasure," he states, tucking his hands into his
pockets. Hands that pushed me against the wall in my room last night.
Hands that pulled my hair gently to get the right angle for his lips.
Cue the shiver.
"Royal. It's never a pleasure." I hear Annabella and Pierce snicker
behind me.
I want to roll my eyes but I don't. Why can't the people I love get along
with my Prince Charming? Why must we be a secret? I shouldn't have
to suffer because Channing wants nothing to do with Ash. It's not my
fault. It's definitely not Royal's.
"Why don't you move, Sanders? Some of us have better things to do
than bow to your presence," Pierce says from behind me.
Royal's eyes twinkle because he knows what I want to do. I want to
smack my cousin. Then I want to kiss Royal's full lips and get lost in the
way he makes me feel.
"Sorry Pierce, I'm just admiring the view. Your lovely cousin is
something to look at." My heart beats like crazy. What will Pierce do?
"Excuse me?"Pierce growls.
My spine stiffens and before things get worse, I lunge forward and kiss
Royal. My hands quickly bring his lips to mine. His hands quickly hold
my face. I keep it simple because we are at school. His lips are warm
and sweet, like rich chocolate.
We break apart and I look up at him and smile. "There's my queen," he
whispers, as he rubs his thumb across my cheekbone.
I close my eyes and smile before taking in the scene around me.
Before Trey died I would have never been in this situation.

Everyone is looking at us. Pierce's mouth keeps opening and closing
like a fish and Annabella looks like she might faint.
I notice Channing and Paisley just behind them, but they look way
happier than my family. They both wear smiles. "Bout time, Bridges,"
Channing speaks out in his crazy voice. It still makes me want to
tighten my legs together.
"Are you kidding me right now? Are you serious?" Pierce's face has
turned red and I think he might blow. "There's anyone you could have
moved on to, but you disgrace Trey's memory with him?"
Royal places his hands on my shoulders, always ready to defend me. I
stop him when I speak, "Trey would want me to be happy. Royal makes
me happy. Our issues have nothing to do with him. You know
that."
Pierce glares at me. Everything is a battle with him. It seems he's
fighting for stuff he has no need for. "If you're going to be with him,
then we can't be family."
All the blood drains from my face. My knees give out and I lean back
against Royal.
This is the moment I've been waiting for. The moment where I put
Pierce in his place. No longer will I be left out or left behind. It won't
even hurt anymore because I won't have to worry about what he thinks.
We will be nothing to each other.
Only I feel hurt that he would make me choose. But I always care way
more than I should.
I regain my footing and take one of Royal's hands in mine. "So be
it."
Then I walk away. Hand in hand with the enemy.
I wake up with a start from my dream. I have to pat myself down to
make sure I'm not at school. I know it's just a dream; something my
mind came up with. I just can't help thinking that it might be what
happens today. I mean, that' s my worst fear. Having to choose between
my boyfriend and my best friends. Boyfriend. that sounds so right and
amazing. Even after two years with Trey, I never felt like this.
Though I've come to see that with every person you love, you love

them differently. I just love Royal with a different kind than I did Trey.
And that' s okay.
My phone goes off and I reach for it off my bedroom floor. I have a
new text message from Royal. I open the text message to find a new
song. This time he didn't use anyone else's words. He used his own. His
voice comes through clear and strong. His voice is so beautiful I can' t
find words to describe it. I'm just happy he sings to me.
I' ve watched you grow I' ve watched you change When you walked
into my life I had nothing by shame There' s a part of me That will
always need you There's a part of you That will always rise above
Standing behind the line
I noticed your beauty
Way before you ever saw mine
And I am beautiful
With you beside me
We' ve made something meaningful
Something we shouldn' t give up
For you girl, I'd do anything
I' d walk my ass right to the moon
For you girl, I' d change anything
I' d take all your pain, even if it were to soon
For you girl, I' d love anything
I' d make you happy, to the loss of anything
You' re the reason I' m still breathing You' re the reason I' m the man
I am today Stars in your eyes

You can finally dream again
Death no longer knocks at your door
He rests peacefully in the arms of heaven
Because I gave you the strength
To let him go
You dragged me through the mud
My heart broke into pieces
I thought I was just a stud
You didn' t want me for all these reasons
Though I wasn't guilty of any treason
I told you, you would break me
Now I need you to save me
For you girl, I' d do anything
I'd walk my ass right to the moon
For you girl, I' d change anything
I' d take all your pain, even if it were to soon
For you girl, I' d love anything
I'd make you happy at the loss of any boon
I love you
I cherish you
I savor you
They all mean the same thing I' ll always be here for you
For once in my life, I didn't cry. No, I listened and I fell in love all over
again. At the end he simply says, "This is called 'For You'. I love you,
Wes. See you at school. "
So I get out of bed and get ready for school. I admit, I was kind of
nervous considering the rift between my group and his group and my
stupid dream. I know Pierce and Annabella know about us, but that
doesn't change the fact that they are.. .Pierce and Annabella.
When I make it down to my living room, Pierce and Annabella sit
around with Bentley. They are joking around and having a good time so
I

instantly relax. "Good morning," I tell them, bright and cheery.
Bentley looks like I punched him in the face. While it' s comical, I
haven't wanted to punch him since he was seven and set my cat's tail on
fire. "Did you just sound. happy?" he questions, standing up from the
couch.
"She's in love again. You remember how that was right? She's going to
be a Stepford wife and shit." Annabella has a way with words, doesn't
she?
Pierce gently slaps her arm. "You promised you wouldn't be rude
today. We've caused enough shit with Wes. Just smile and bear it."
Annabella rolls her eyes. "While I appreciate the concern, I'm not
worried about Annabella. She speaks her own language and we all
know
that."
Annabella grins and slaps Pierce back, not gently. "Yeah, you hear that,
you big oaf? I' m unique and there is nothing you can do about it!" This
starts a verbal argument I have to listen to the entire way to school.
Tired of my friends when I park at school, I don't even bother to wait
for them to exit the vehicle. Besides, I see my tired looking boyfriend.
"Here goes nothing," I mumble, adjusting the backpack strap on my
shoulder.
My backpack hits my butt as I make my way over to Royal. He notices
me and breaks away from his friends. "How are Pierce and Annabella?"
he inquires, looking behind me. His arms wrap around my waist and I
smile.
"They are fine. I've just had to listen to them bicker the entire way to
school. I know it's only ten minutes but I'm exhausted." I lay my head
against his shoulder as he chuckles.
"Well, I can think of a few more reasons you might be exhausted."
Then I playfully smack his butt.
I take my head off his shoulder and look up into his tender brown eyes.
"Can we get this over with? The anxiety is getting to me. "
His face darkens a bit, but not much. He grabs my hand and pulls me
over to his friends. Paisley and Channing, who are still together, wear
matching grins but I figured that was coming. Rachel is talking five
hundred miles an hour to one of the girls standing there, while Kellan
has

a hand on her hip. No one blinks when Royal walks up with me. He
stands next to Channing, who's cuddled up to Paisley. I stand in front of
Royal and his arms go around my shoulders. He starts a conversation
with Channing but I don't feel like talking to anyone. So I close my
eyes and rest against Royal's chest.
That is until Rachel gasps and I hear Annabella speak. "We've decided
since our friend has joined the dark side, we might as well, too. Don't
worry, you don't have any choice in the matter. If Wesley is here, we
are here." I open my eyes to see her climbing on the hood of Channing's
Jag. Pierce rolls his eyes but winks at me.
"We've had this talk before Annabella. You can't just invite yourself
into a group." I try so hard not to laugh at her shocked expression.
That's what I love about her; she is so dramatic but pretends she isn't.
"Well, Paisley likes me. We all know she's the only one who matters."
She leans back on the hood and props herself up on her elbows. If she
was wearing a bathing suit she would appear to be sunbathing.
Paisley snorts. "She's right, you know."
Pierce stands there, looking awkward as hell and I want to hug him.
Pierce would do anything for Annabella and I. Even endure these
people because we want him to. So I break away from Royal to pull
Pierce over to us. "Just stand there and look intimidating. No one will
speak to you then," I whisper, as he slides up next to Royal and me.
Pierce nods and drops his backpack on the ground. He crosses his arms
over his chest and glares. Everyone looks shell-shocked but they go
back to their conversations. "Thanks, Wes," he whispers back to me.
Channing's group includes a weird guy named Vince, who I've tried to
stay away from since I saw him corner a freshman in the hallways at the
beginning of school, then we have Jasmine, who is bubbly and full of
life. I kind of think she's a moron, but whatever. Then there is the tall
blonde girl who always has her tongue down Paisley' s cousin's throat,
Lola. Brody is the cousin and I'm pretty sure they don't even know we
came over to the group. I know it seems like a lot, but if don' t
remember any of them, its not a big deal. I kind of forget they are there
myself.

I turn and look at Channing when he asks me a question. "Can you get
Annabella off my car? I just had the paint redone." With that he gives a
grin to Paisley. I didn't get to witness it, but I overheard some chicks in
class talking about how Paisley keyed Channing's car. Paisley blushes
but grins back.
"Annabella, get off the car, " I tell her with both my eyebrows raised.
She rolls her head toward me and smirks. "Why would I do that?" I
smile like she's a kid and I know better than her. "Because secrets make
friends. "
"You are no fun!" she exclaims while climbing off the car. "Wait till
you do something I don't like. I won't threaten, I'll tell."
"Oh? So if you tell some of my secrets, I guess I can just tell all of
yours." I wink and turn around in Royal's arms as he lets out that
chuckle I love so much.
"You are so cute," he murmurs, leaning down to kiss me. I let him, only
to hear the bell ring.
I pout my lip but I don't let him go. "Let's just stay out here all day," I
offer.
He grins but shakes his head. "Unlike you miss smarty pants, I have to
pass my classes." He starts walking forward, carrying me a few inches
off the ground. I make a face but he just laughs. When we get to the
front steps he lowers me back down. He raises his hands to cup my
cheeks. His thumbs caress my cheeks and I shiver. "I love you, girl.
And always will. "
"I love you, too." He gives me a tiny kiss on my lips before joining
Channing at the top of the steps. He waves before they go into the
building.
I' m waving back when a bony arm links elbows with mine. Then
another arm links with my other arm. Rachel on the left and Annabella
on the right. Paisley looks at us and winces. "How long have y'all been
friends? I didn't think you would be buddy buddy with Royal's
girlfriend so fast. You know, since you've all hated each other since the
beginning of time?"
Rachel glares at Paisley. "Lets not get into all the hate right now. I

could go on for days about who hates each other in this school." Rachel
spits out. "But to answer your questions, we've been friends for weeks.
And it was a secret because we didn't want to upset the devil twins."
"The devil twins?" Paisley asks, a giggle right behind her lips.
"Yeah. Pierce and Annabella," Rachel answers, like this should have
been common knowledge.
"That's really funny, Rach. Pierce and I used to call Royal and you, the
devil twins." That's when they start glaring at each other.
I break away and climb the stairs to stand with Paisley. "This is going
to be a long, hard relationship. "
Paisley nods. "Yeah, but it's worth it. Love is a magical thing."
I think about how happy I am right now and how happy Royal looked
and I get butterflies in my stomach. "Yeah, he's so worth anything."

Chapter Twenty-Six
Three Months Later. . .
"What I wouldn't give for some privacy in my own house," Royal
grumbles, as we lay on his bed listening to Rachel and Paisley chitchat.
The two girls sit on his couch while Channing plays a video game. I
think it's Bioshock 3 but I can't be sure. I can't tell the difference
between one and two, let alone three. Even after watching Royal play
all of them.
"Well you did invite them over." Then I giggle. "Plus I invited Pierce
and Annabella, so it's about to get a little louder."
He groans. "Annabella and Rachel together always ends up being loud.
They always end up fighting over something and then pretending they
didn't."
"Well, Kellan should be here any minute, so that should distract
Rachel." We both laugh and draw attention from everyone else.
"Why don't you two get out of bed and come join the real world! You
two spend every waking moment together. I don't know how you aren' t
sick of each other yet," Rachel complains.
Royal sits up and glares at her. "Just because Kellan can't spend all his
time with you, doesn't mean you have to put down the rest of us."
She sticks her tongue out at him. "Please. He could never get tired of
me, I' m fucking perfect! " She says it in a singsong voice and Royal
throws a pillow at her.
I tap his shoulder and move to get off the bed. "We really should get up.
We can't make love with all these people in here." This makes Rachel
gag and I giggle.
"Did you really just say 'make love'? What, are we in the 19th

century?" Channing asks while still tapping away at his controller.
"No, we aren't, but it's better than saying, 'sex' or 'fucking' or ' mad
monkey sex' as Rachel likes to use. Royal and I make love, no matter
where we are or how fast we go." I get a sick sense of pleasure as I take
in Rachel's green face.
Paisley scrunches up her nose. "She has a point. Though getting you to
use 'making love' would be a wish that will never come true. Anything
that makes you look less like a man, and all that bullshit. "
Channing glares at her. "I love you, that's the best you are going to get
from me. "
Paisley smiles. "I love you, too. That's why I take you as you are." Then
they share a gentle kiss.
Rachel immediately starts texting on her phone and I sigh. "Kellan will
get here when he gets here. "
Rachel looks up at me and winks. "I know, but I told him what I want
him to do to me when he gets here. I went into plenty of detail. You
want to read?"
It's Royal's turn to turn green. "Fuck no! Put that shit away. It's bad
enough you're having sex. I don't need visuals."
She smiles. "Don't worry, I'm not texting him all that. Apparently he's
having an issue with his dad and he won't be here for a little while."
Then she just looks sad.
"What's up with Uncle Nathan?" Paisley asks, trying to take Rachel' s
phone.
Outrage covers Rachel' s face now. "It' s none of your business.
Besides, I don't know anything. His text just says his dad needs him and
he' ll be over later. "
When my phone starts ringing, I get a sick feeling down my spine.
"Titanium" blares out of my phone. That's Ashley's ringtone and she
never calls. She texts. I don' t reach it in time, so I wait for her to leave
me a voicemail. Before she can, it starts ringing again, this time its
"Timber". "Van? What's going on? Is Aunt Lily okay?"
"Mom's fine, Wes." He doesn't say anything else and that feeling
moves down my spine again.
"What's wrong, Van?" Royal has moved off the bed and now

stands behind me. He places his hands on my shoulders and starts to
rub them when he finds them tense.
"She broke up with me," he whispers, and my stomach drops. It's the
one moment in my life that I wish had never happened. I know Pierce is
in love with Annabella. I've always known she picked the wrong
brother. I just never thought she would do this.
"When?" Three days ago, Pierce and Annabella left on a road trip. They
were supposed to be back by now. I didn' t think anything of it. They
have been doing it for spring break for the past three years.
"Three days ago," he replies, and I can hear the anguish in his voice.
I'm speechless. Truly, deeply speechless. I don't know what to tell him.
When I invited them over to Royal's, I didn't speak to them on the
phone. I just texted. Annabella texted back that they would be over
later. She lied to me. They both lied to me. They've lied to everyone
around them. This betrayal hurts more than anything I've been through.
I drop the phone down to my waist and just stare at the wall. They have
ruined my family. I told her all those years ago to leave Pierce alone.
And she told me she didn't feel that way about him. I understand you
love who you love, but there is a line. You don't string two brothers
along. Because when Van finds out, he's going to blow up. There is
going to be a huge rift in my family now.
Royal takes the phone out of my hand but I hardly notice. I hear his
amazing voice behind me but I can't make sense of his words. I just
stare at the wall. What am I going to do?
Rachel walks up beside me and pulls me away from the wall. "Ashley's
here."
I look over to the doorway and see my beautiful, older cousin and I hurt
for her. I cross over but stop halfway when I notice she's staring
wide-eyed at Channing. "You look just like him," she whispers,
dumbstruck.
Channing has turned pale and Paisley stands beside him, holding his
hand. "So do you," he mumbles, his lips barely moving.
"Ashley..." I say, trying to break up this awkward situation. She turns
her head toward me and the spell is broken. "I was waiting for you

to leave me a voice message but Van called. Where are they?"
Her face goes from shock to rage. My cousin is the sweetest, kindest
person I have ever met. That's why Victor loves her so much. "I have
no idea. I was hoping you knew. I had no idea she even broke up with
Van. He called and he sounded horrible. I didn't tell him that Court was
with her. I didn't tell him they left together. I feel so horrible for lying to
him." She leans against the doorway and starts to sob.
"He knows. Apparently Annabella posted pictures on Facebook."
Royal pauses and swallows, hard. "Apparently they are pretty bad. "
"What is pretty bad?" Ash asks, but we both look at my boyfriend.
Royal just shakes his head. "Oh my fucking god! " Rachel exclaims and
we all turn toward her. She jumps up and runs over to me, her phone in
her hand. She shoves it in my hands and looks up at Royal. "Things are
about to get real bad. "
What I see in those photos fill me with rage and a long-lasting hatred
for my best friend. At first they are innocent. Just them at the beach, the
Gulf of Mexico, beautiful behind them. Some are in the car, just them
goofing off and having fun. Then they get really bad. As in, they are
kissing in front of the Gulf of Mexico. There are even a few where they
are kissing in a hotel bed.
"I' m going to be sick," I mumble, dropping the phone and running to
the bathroom. I throw up the pizza Royal and I had for dinner. Someone
holds my hair up so I don't get vomit on me.
When I finish, I find Royal in the bathroom with me. He holds out a cup
of water and I take it. I take a drink and swish the water around. Then I
spit it in the toilet. "How could she do that to Donovan? How could she
take two and a half years and hurt him like that? It's not his fault
Annabella is a bitch. I knew she was going to do this. I kept praying
that she wouldn't, but this is what she does. She ruins everything. She
pushes everything good out of her life." I slam my head back against
the cabinet and grit my teeth. "Pierce is in love with her. Like there is
no one else on this planet for Pierce but Annabella. She's going to
destroy him."
Someone knocks on the door and I groan. "It's me," Ash says, and I tell
her to open the door. When she comes in she looks distraught. "I just
want to find them. "

"Annabella said they were coming over here later. Just sit and wait.
You know her, you can't hurry her anywhere," I say, my voice weak.
Ash leans on the floor and cups my cheek. "You shouldn't worry about
this, Wes. The moment Annabella chose Van, I knew this was going to
happen. I knew she was going to ruin my family. I honestly think that's
what she wants. I have no idea why, but maybe somewhere in her crazy
head, she has a reason. "
"I have to worry. She's going to destroy Pierce, Ash. I can't let her do
that. I can't let her hurt my Pierce," I whisper, tears starting to fall down
my face.
Ash hugs me tight to her chest and we both cry. I think we get this from
Aunt Lily, because Ash is always crying, too. "Ash?" Victors booming
voice shocks both of us.
Ash looks a little sheepish when she pulls away. "I totally forgot I left
him downstairs with Mrs. Sanders." Then she turns her head toward the
door. "We're coming out, love."
Then with Royal' s help, they get me off the floor. Victor stands right
outside the door and his face is pissed. He looks at me and I flinch.
"Where is my sister?" Royal feels me tense up and backs me behind
him.
"I have no idea," I squeak out, popping my head around Royal's
back.
Victor eyes him up and down. His face doesn't change but I can tell he
approves. Oh what joy, my cousin's boyfriend approves of my
boyfriend. All my dreams have come true. "Vic! Royal is going to
punch you in the face if you don't stop scaring Wesley. You know how
she is with you. "
Victor grunts but moves around the room to stand by Ash. Royal still
stands in front of me, while Channing glares at Victor with his hands in
fists. Paisley looks pissed off too and I see Rachel took her pepper
spray out of her purse. I take a deep breath. "Sorry guys. Victor and I
have a... weird past. He isn't going to hurt me."
Everyone seems to stand down. I told Royal about Victor a long time
ago. I can still hear him screaming whenever he talks. I just hate that it's
not even his fault I'm scared of him. I meet his eyes and try to smile. I
kind of want to cry when I see the hurt. He wants me to love him

because Ash is his, and I do. I love Victor, like I love the rest of my
family; he's just hard to be around.
We all decide to sit around and wait for Pierce and Annabella. I guess
since Channing and Ashley haven't seen each other in a long time, they
decided they needed to talk. If only I had known it was that easy. Could
have saved a lot of bullshit in my life.
Paisley and Victor sit beside their loves, but you can tell how happy
they are. Finally Channing grows some balls. Paisley and I have been
working on him for three months. He hasn't budged once. If I had
known he only needed to see her, I would have planned a secret attack.
Two hours go by and we try to do things, but we can't. Our minds are
on what lays ahead. Confrontations with Annabella are never fun.
That's why I'm glad Victor is here. He doesn't put up with her shit and
she knows it.
My phone rings and it's Pierce. No one else knows it's Pierce because I
used one of the factory ringtones. Pierce isn't really a music guy. Royal
and I sit side by side on the bed and he sees Pierce's name. He nods
when I pick it up. "Hello?"
I can feel all eyes on me. But I don't meet any of them. I hear a sob and
my shoulders slump. "She left. "
"Where are you?" I whisper. That sob brings back so many memories.
"Please. "
"In Royal's driveway." He sobs again and I throw my phone down.
"Ash, he's outside. I think I should go first." I look at Victor and make
eye contact, which is something I never do. "She's going to contact you.
We all know she is. Pierce is out there, crying." Then I laugh. The noise
is deranged. "Pierce crying. This is what she's left him to be. I told you
when I was seven, but you didn't listen."
Ash looks from me to Victor, who she focuses on. "What did she
tell you?"
Victor clenches his fist but doesn't look at her. No, he keeps looking at
me. "That Anna would destroy Courtney. "
"That's the thing about this family." I look at both of them. "No one
ever listens to me." Then I go outside to comfort my cousin.
I find him in his car. No music, no noise, just the silence of the

night. I climb in the passenger side and just sit. He doesn't speak but he
does grab my hand. Ten minutes pass before I speak. "Ash is really
worried about you. "
He laughs through his tears and the noise grates on my skin. "Believe it
or not, Van is worried about me, too. I stole his girlfriend and he' s
worried about me. "
"He's called you?" I ask.
Pierce nods. "Yeah, and I answered because I wanted to hear him yell
at me. I wanted to hear him beat me down. It' s what I deserve. " Then
he wrenches his hand out of mine and starts punching the steering
wheel. "That bitch! That fucking bitch! She knew what she was doing!
She wanted us to fucking hate each other and fight over her! I told that
whore I loved her! " He stops punching the wheel only to lay his head
against it. He broke the horn, so it just sits there blaring. "I love her.
Why do I love a person like that? She told Van when she broke up with
him she was going to go after me. And I fell right into her trap. Then
she told me she couldn't ever love me. I was a weak person and she
needed a real man. Then she kicked me out of her house. She didn't
even care, Wesley. She just stood there; no emotion whatsoever. She
was so cold. "
"I don't know why, Pierce. I just knew she was going to do this. If I had
known she broke up with Van, then I would have warned you, " I
whisper, rubbing his back.
"HA! Shows what you know! We've been fucking since you started
dating Royal. She wouldn't leave Van. And I didn't care because I
wanted her so much! I'm so fucked up."
A new sense of rage hits me. I don't react to Pierce's confession but
inside I'm boiling. The next time I see Annabella Gage, she better run
in the opposite direction. I'm coming after her with guns blazing.
I say more soothing things to Pierce and text Royal to bring Ash down.
When I see them I want to run to Annabella's house. I want to end her.
I calmly climb out of the car and run into Royal's outstretched arms.
"Are you okay, Duchess?" he asks, kissing the top of my head.
"I'll be okay as long as I'm in your arms," I tell him, and it's the truth. I'll
be fine as long as I have Royal. "Though I can't say the same

for Annabella. She's a dead woman walking."

Epilogue
Seven Weeks Later. . .
I step out of my car and shield my eyes from the sunlight. Pierce stands
with his back to me. His shoulders are tense and his hair has gotten
longer. He stands next to his car listening to my boyfriend talk. I
wonder what they are saying but I decide I don't care.
I was so worried about Pierce without Annabella, but it turns out I
shouldn't have been. He fits in with Royal and Channing like he should
have been there all along. It helps that Channing and Ashley are
working on their relationship. Pierce feels more comfortable around
them knowing he doesn't have to worry about Ashley anymore.
Royal's entire face lights up when he spots me. I love to see that. I make
someone that happy. He makes me feel like the most beautiful girl in
the world. It doesn't hurt that he tells me that everyday. Every time I
wake up I want to run around and dance my heart out because this
amazing guy loves me.
After Trey died, I didn't think I would ever feel this way again. It's
crazy to think I've had two loves in the short time I've been on this
earth. And I' ve come to think that just maybe I was here to love Trey so
he would know what it was like before he passed. And just maybe I
made his life that much more amazing. I know he made my life that
much more amazing.
And I think I'm going to love Royal for the rest of my life. It's not
something I know, just something I feel deep in my bones. To see him
light up the way he does, who would ever want to lose that?
He runs over to me, Pierce following behind him. "Let me see! " he
exclaims excitedly.

I bite my lip and look at Pierce. At first glance he looks healthy and
whole, but if you look deep into those green eyes, you would see
sorrow unlike anything else. I never thought Pierce and I would switch
places. I'm the one madly in love now, and he's the one mourning for a
girl who shouldn't have left.
The only person who knows where Annabella is, is Victor. Well I'm
sure Ash knows too, but we told her we didn't want to know. We didn' t
care. And the funny part about it is, Pierce sounded like he meant it. I
think slowly but surely, Annabella will no longer be the girl for Pierce.
"Fine," I tell Royal, kissing his cheek. His warm skin smells like home
and I can't wait to be wrapped up with him later. I raise up my shirt and
turn around so they can see my lower back. I turned eighteen yesterday
and I told Royal I wanted a tattoo. He wanted to come with me, but I
said I needed to do it alone. I guess he thought I wanted a Trey tattoo,
when in reality I wanted a tattoo to represent all the men in my
life.
"Oh," Pierce whispers, and I imagine his eyes getting wide.
"It's beautiful, Duchess," Royal says, and kisses the top of my
head.
I had the artist draw up a sun, a mighty sun shining so bright. Then I
had him add a slightly bigger star on the right side. On the left side I
said I wanted a smaller moon. And around the bottom I asked that he
add a cloud to hold them all up. It turned out amazing. The colors are
bright and vibrant, just like Royal.
"The sun is Royal, the star is Pierce, the moon is Trey and the
cloud-"
"Is Bentley. That's amazing, girl. The guy did a really good job." Royal
cuts me off and lowers my shirt back down.
I turn around and stick out my tongue. "So, you really like it?"
"I love it, Wes. It's amazing, but then again, it's tattooed on you." Then
he winks before kissing me deeply.
Pierce clears his throat and looks a little off. "You ready to get going?
Royal, you have that swim meet? " Pierce raises his eyebrows and
smirks.

"Right. I'll see you later," Royal says, kissing my ear where he
whispers, "I love you. Always. " Then he jogs off, weaving through the
cars parked in the lot.
"You two are so cute. I kind of want to snuggle you both and take you
home with me," Pierce taunts, his voice full of sarcasm.
"Okay, Mr. Moody. Let' s head over to Paisley' s. Are you sure you
want to hang out with us girls? " I purse my lips because I know it' s the
last thing he will probably want.
He sighs. "Mom went out of town for the weekend and I refuse to stay
at Ash and Vic's. You're stuck with me." Then his face clouds over with
disgust. "I don't feel like being alone and I'm not sitting at this swim
meet. I like Royal and Channing just fine, but I can't handle them in
Speedos. "
"Well, it' s a pretty good sight. " He groans before jogging back to his
car. I shake my head and climb into mine. He follows me over to
Paisley's, even though he lives a few houses down.
We walk up to Paisley's guesthouse. And by that, I mean, Paisley lives
with her grandfather who's going through a divorce with her
grandmother. But Paisley was living in the guesthouse before that went
down. The grandmother is crazy and a horrible person, or so Royal has
told me. I don' t really bring it up around Paisley because I can tell it
makes her sad.
She opens the door after I knock but is distracted by the phone in her
hand. "You can't tell him! No, no, no! Let Rachel tell him! I mean it,
Channing. If you fucking say anything I'm going to cut your junk off!"
She screams and hangs up on him.
Then she looks up at us and then down at her phone. "Okay. You have
walked into a crazy situation. I'm sorry that you did, but there's not
much I can do about it. " Then she grabs my arm and pulls me inside,
before pointing toward her bedroom. "Go in there and take care of
Rachel. For some damn reason you're the only one who can calm her
down. " Then she grabs Pierce and pulls him inside. "Channing has his
PS3 hooked up in the living room. Play whatever you want. This is
going to be a long dramatic day. I know how you are with drama so just
sit there and pretend it's not going on." Pierce nods, so I go into the

bedroom and find Rachel crying on the bathroom floor.
I take in her mascara-streaked face and the way she is clutching her
stomach. Then I take in the three pregnancy tests lying on the bathroom
counter. "Oh my god! " I exclaim without thinking.
"When did you get here?" she moans.
"Just now. Oh my god," I say, sinking to my knees in front of her. "You
already said that," she mumbles, trying to wipe some tears off her face.
"I know, but you're pregnant. I'm having trouble wrapping my brain
around this. What are we going to do? " Then I laugh because I' m in
shock and too much crap has been thrown at me. "At least you can hide
it till you graduate. That way you won't get shit at school."
Rachel suddenly sits up and looks at something behind me. Her
breathing accelerates. "Who is that?"
"What? Who?" I turn around but don't see anyone.
"No that voice?" She starts twisting her hands in front of her.
I listen for a second but don't hear anything. "You probably heard
Pierce. He didn't want to be alone this weekend. So I brought him with
me."
She doesn't relax, which causes red flags to go up. "Oh. Okay," she
says, her eyes wide and her focus still on the outside.
Paisley walks into the bathroom and takes us in, sitting on the floor.
"Okay, Channing is bringing Royal and Kellan. I figure with Wes
being here, that we can tell them both at the same time. Then we need
to find you a good doctor, because we want to make sure you are, in
fact, pregnant. I mean three sticks all said positive so I mean you are
pregnant."
"Paisley, stop rambling. We can get all that figured out on Monday. It's
Saturday, chick, no doctors are open." I stop her before she can keep
rambling on.
Rachel doesn't seem to have heard anything that was said. She won't
stop staring outside of the bathroom. Something is floating around in
my thoughts but I can't seem to grasp it.
Thirty minutes later, the boys arrive. This is where I start to get
nervous. Paisley has the two boys sit down in the living room, and I
have

this overwhelming urge to sit between them. Rachel finally comes out
of the bathroom and Paisley and I stand her between us.
"Okay. Okay. Okay." Paisley says three times and I can tell she doesn't
like the spotlight on her.
"Rachel's pregnant," I say, looking at Royal. Kellan and him both stand
up. Kellan has gone pale and he slowly backs away from Royal. Royal
just stands there and stares at his sister.
Pierce was standing off in the back and I hear glass break. When I look
up he looks just as pale as Kellan. That's when that "something" clicks.
"Oh my fucking god," I blurt, staring wide-eyed at Pierce. "Please, for
the love of everything that's holy, tell me you didn't, Courtney
Wentworth Pierce! "
He nods his head slowly, still looking like a ghost. It takes Royal two
seconds to catch on and I run after him when he stalks toward Pierce.
"You didn't, what?" Royal spits out, his entire face red. I've never seen
him this mad. I fear for Pierce' s well being.
"STOP IT!" Rachel screams, and we all freeze. "Don't you dare hit him,
Royal! I swear to god, I will stab you if you touch him! " She takes a
few deep breaths while plopping down on the coffee table. "I' m sorry
Kellan. God, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I feel like so much
shit right now. I kind of want to run off with that crazy bitch,
Annabella."
Kellan swallows hard and stares at Rachel. "What are you talking
about?"
"This baby is Pierce's. Not yours." The End
Turn the page for a sneak peek at the third novel in my Make or
Break Series

Save Me (Make or Break, #3)
Coming Soon...
"I don't care! Do you hear me? I don't care Pierce!" She screams at
me. She is pissed and breathing fire. She has never looked so beautiful
to me. Well when I can see her face and she isn't turning away from me.
"You care. You can pretend you don't, but you do. You came all the way
out here. " I pause grabbing her hand and swinging her around to face
me. "You wouldn 't be here if you didn 't care. " I'm breathing fire now
myself, but I don' t care. I pull her closer, until her chest touches mine.
I cup my hands around her jaw and lean down to whisper against her
lips, " You made me, you broke me, now you' re going to freaking save
me. "

Acknowledgements
The biggest thank you goes out to all my fans. I can't thank you guys
enough for all the support and the daily messages. You guys are the
reason I do this. I would have quit a long time ago if I didn't have
someone tell me they love my writing style or they love one of my men.
If you keep wanting my stories, I'll keep putting them out there!
Dawn, Shanora, Jessy, I love you ladies like there is no tomorrow.
Sometimes I feel like I'm in a shark tank but instead of being a shark
I'm a regular old fish and I'm running away from the sharks. You three
keep me sane and every time I've thought about calling it quits, y'all
talk me out of it. I know I might not be the best friend around but you
three are a godsend!
Ena, thank you so much for doing my blog tours and everything else for
this series! You have gotten the word out there about Make Me and
Break Me and I can' t thank you enough.
Tamsyn, you are awesome. Since you seem to love my Royal so much,
you can be his Duchess. Even though your accent is South African
instead of English. Though you have to take Pierce and Annabella with
him because I'm quite tired of their bullshit. <3
Finally, Cody, I love you even though you're a butthole. Thank you for
being you and letting me write. Thank you for cleaning my house
because I don't have the mental strength to do the dishes. Thank you for
helping with the monkey even though I' m used to doing all of it. I love
you to the moon and back.

About The Author
I live in southern Arkansas with my husband and young daughter.
There is also an insane Boston Terrier running around. I've always been
a lone wolf and find my friends in books. I started writing at a young
age and I haven't stopped since. Most days you can find me either glued
to my laptop or my kindle. My first novel, This Beautiful Thing was an
Amazon best seller for 11 weeks and a year later I'm still tickled to see
people enjoy it. I may not be a huge seller but I have the best fans ever
and I thank God everyday for every single one of them.
Find me on Facebook!

First Chapter of Make Me (Make or Break, #1)
Chapter 1
"PAISLEY! ANSWER YOUR phone!" The voice of my best friend,
Carly, filters in through my sleep. I blink open my eyes and realize that
she isn' t actually here. She took my phone one night at a party and
programmed her voice as her ringtone.
I grab the offending thing from the floor in my bedroom and answer.
"What?" I snarl, rubbing my eyes.
"Good morning to you, too, grumpy," she states in her sweet, china doll
voice.
"What do you want?" I say in the same voice, only minus the growl.
I can see her in my mind. Her porcelain skin and amazing brown eyes.
Her long, blonde hair pulled up in a ponytail, wearing a pair of jean
shorts and a pink tank top. I' ve been best friends with her most of my
life. She lives two trailers down from me with her dad and older
brother. Her dad is a nice guy but he has the "can't get right gene".
"Do you need a ride to school, grumpy? I'm leaving in like ten
minutes," she says and I can see her shit-eating grin through the phone.
"Dang," I say, rubbing my eyes some more. "Yeah, but we'll have to be
late. BeeBee isn't awake yet. I've got to feed her and make sure she's
taken care of for the rest of the day." BeeBee is my little sister. She's
two and full of life.
"I was only joking about the ten minutes, silly. It's only seven." She
laughs and I smack my forehead. Not one of my finer moments. My
alarm clock is sitting right next to my bed and it reads 7:01 a.m.
"Thanks for the wake up call, asshole." I hang up before she gets onto
me for cursing. I used to curse all the time, before my little sister

came along. She doesn't need to hear that from me. Mom curses enough
for the entire world.
I scramble out of bed and head into the only bathroom in the house. I
find a needle and rubber tube sitting on the bathroom counter. Instead
of freaking out like someone else might, I quickly throw them away in
the trash. Mom's new boyfriend deals in heroin, so right now it's her
drug of choice. I don't really care; the woman has never shown me any
love.
I grab my brush from under the sink and pull my hair up into a ponytail.
I line my eyes with liner and brush on some mascara. After that I take a
moment to study my reflection. My hair is long, curly, and auburn. I
spend a lot of time in the sun, so there are a lot of blonde highlights
running through the strands. My eyes are deep green with shades of
blue streaking through. My eyes are huge, and so are my lips, which are
shaped like a bow.
It's really comical when I run into a group of guys I don't know. They
stop in their tracks, staring at my lips. Derek, Carly's older brother, says
they are perfect, perfect for sucking. Don't worry - I slapped him upside
his head for that one.
I run back into my room and throw on a pair of low-rise skinny jeans
and a green shirt. It's a few years old, so it's skintight. Not the kind of
attention I want to bring to myself, but I'm dirt poor and I can't afford
new clothes. My mom won't buy any clothes for me since I started
throwing her drugs out. The skinny jeans are hers. If she isn't going to
buy me anything new, or give me money to get it myself, I'll just steal
hers.
I pad into my little sister's room, which is next door to mine. Her little,
red head is peeking up from under her covers. I reach an arm into her
crib and rub her back. Her little eyes open, showcasing her amazing,
light green eyes. My little sister is gorgeous; I'm going to be beating
boys off with sticks when she grows up.
"Good morning, BeeBee," I coo, picking her up. I lay her down on her
fluffy pink rug on the floor. We can't afford to buy a toddler bed, so she
has to wear pull-ups at night. I had this little angel potty trained four
days before she turned two.

"Morwing Pawisley," she tells me, rubbing her eyes. She's a light
sleeper, unlike me, so she can't sleep with me. According to Carly, I
toss, turn, and punch in my sleep. It would kill me to give BeeBee a
black eye.
I get her changed into her day clothes and she toddles behind me into
the living room/kitchen area. Mom is either really high and out of it or
she's passed out. When I hear a snore, I realize she is passed out.
BeeBee and I sit at the kitchen table while I feed us both from the same
bowl of cereal. I'm seriously lucky our next-door neighbor loves kids.
She has one of the nicest trailers in the park, and it doesn't hurt that she
keeps it spotless. She babysits a few kids, and when she found out
about our situation she offered to watch BeeBee for free. I think I cried
for like ten minutes on Ms. Summers' floor. She sat besides me and
patted my back the whole time. I freaking love that women.
After we finish eating I grab my backpack and pick BeeBee up. I take a
look at the trailer before I exit. One old patched up couch sits against
the wall next to the door. A small box TV sits on a table across from the
couch. The carpet is an ugly brown with stains galore, all over it. The
kitchen has an old wooden table with four plastic chairs. The fridge is
ancient and barely holds the food. We used to have a microwave, but
in-between boyfriends my mom pawned it. The stove is old and barely
works. I've stopped trying to cook on it. Instead I pitch in with Carly's
dad and we eat dinner over there every night.
Shaking my head, I head next door to Ms. Summers' to drop off
BeeBee. BeeBee is not her actual name. My mom, believe it or not,
comes from money. I've never met any of her family, but she rants and
raves about how loaded they are. She says they don't care about us, and
hey, if that' s the way they feel, then screw them. Anyway, mom
thought it would be funny to name us with big names. Rich names. I'm
Paisley Noelle Vaughn and BeeBee is Beatrice Victoria Vaughn. I was
not about to call my sister Beatrice. No thank you.
Ms. Summers happily takes an equally happy BeeBee. "I'll see you
after school, Ms. Summers! " I say on my way out the door. I would get
a job but Mom would just steal all my money. And I couldn't ask Ms.
Summers to watch her that long. As soon as I graduate though, I'll be

finding permanent employment. That way I can pay Ms. Summers and
she'll only have to watch her for eight hours, while I'm at work.
"Paisley, looking sexy as usual," Derek says when I knock on their
door. Besides his pervy ways, he's a decent dude. He doesn't drink or do
any drugs and has a steady girlfriend. He also has a steady job at a
mechanic shop in town. He hits on me because I think it's funny and it
annoys Carly.
"Looking pervy as usual, Derek." I smirk and dip under his arm to enter
their home. Mr. Peters is at the kitchen table reading the newspaper and
drinking a cup of coffee. He works over night at the local chicken plant,
and luckily he's had this job for six months. Maybe he'll stay away from
the alcohol this time.
About seven months ago he wrecked the family car after a night of
boozing, and I' m pretty sure Derek kicked the shit out of him. I think it
was a wake up call and he is actually trying to get his act together this
time.
"Morning, Paisley. Want some coffee?" he asks me.
I nod and head over to the table, setting my bag on the floor. Mr. Peters
is in his early forties and has dirty blonde hair with greys growing at his
temples. His eyes are brown but I've never seen them sparkle, not like
his children's. Derek takes the seat next to me and grins as he places my
cup down in front of me.
Unknown to Carly (and really, I feel bad about it) I lost my virginity
after a party to Derek. I was really drunk and had just found out Mom
was pregnant. Derek was equally as drunk, and you know... things
happen. He felt really bad about it the next morning; the only thing I
felt bad about was puking all over his bedroom floor. It was just my
virginity - who takes that seriously nowadays?
Derek, though, is super hot. His dirty blonde hair is long, down to his
shoulders, and he keeps it tied back. His brown eyes are the color of
dark chocolate and they smolder. It's really sexy but I only get a tiny
twinge of lust. We only had sex the one time, but it was my first time,
so of course it sucked. He wanted to date me, but I was not going there.
I don't want a boyfriend. Never have, never will. I don't even know
what got into me the night I spent with him. I don't get turned on, or go
gaga

over a guy. That's Carly's department.
"Paisley! Let's go before Derek decides to devour your face." Her eyes
are bugging out of her head when I turn to look at her. Those eyes are
pointed at Derek so I look over at him. Of course his eyes are pointed at
my lips. Being the bitch that I am, I nibble on my bottom one for a
second and blink my eyes a few times at him. When he starts panting I
giggle and get up.
Mr. Peters slaps him on the back of the head, knocking Derek out of his
lust haze. "Damn, Paisley, if you would have me, I would treat you
so...right." He winks at me as he follows my eye movement.
"Don't lie to me Derek," I exclaim. "Donna would kill you and then me.
Besides, you love her too much. "
He sighs and finally looks away. "You're right. Y'all have a good day at
school! " he shouts as Carly and I head out the front door.
"My brother is such a pervert! " she shouts as well. I can only chuckle.
After we climbed into her old Pontiac Grand Am, she starts in on me.
"So. Laney said Ben was asking about you. He totally wants to date
you." I see her look at me hopefully from the corner of my eye.
I rub in-between my eyes after hearing this. I' m sick to death of her
trying to find me a boyfriend. She's been with Mark Gauthier's for like
five years. Just because she's happy with a guy, doesn't mean I will be.
Besides, I'm happy now. "Drop it, Carly. You know I don't want a
man."
"I don't know why. A guy could drive you to and from school. Could
help fix things up around your house. Help you with your homework.
And if you find the right man, you could even have him take you out on
dates that include BeeBee. " She grins over at me and I can only roll my
eyes.
"I'm in freaking high school, Carly. I don't need to settle down. I'm
good how I am." She goes to open her mouth to spew out more
nonsense, so I just glower at her. She rightly shuts up.
I go through my whole day on autopilot. It' s the only way to get
through high school. I ' m two weeks into my senior year and I already
wish I were graduated. I want to get BeeBee way from my mom so she

doesn't have to go through the things that I did.
I ' m waiting for Carly at the end of the day, by her car. She comes out
holding hands with Mark. Those two will be married the second they
get out of high school. Mark is insanely smart, though, so I ' m thinking
Carly has her ticket out of the trailer park. Too bad I ' ll always be stuck
there.
They kiss for like ten minutes until I start clearing my throat. I have to
do it five times before they break apart. "I'll see you tonight?" he asks.
Carly nods. "Later Paisley," he states, tossing his dark brown hair out
of his blue eyes. Carly didn't do badly in the looks department either.
Not bad at all.
"Later, Mark." I wave and climb into Carly's car. We chat about
random stuff on the way home. The second she pulls to a stop in front
of my house, though, I get a horrible feeling. "Will you come in with
me for a second?" I ask her softly.
She looks puzzled but after seeing the look on my face she gets out with
me. We silently walk into the house. If I had known this would be the
second my entire life would change, I don't know if I would have
walked into that house.
My mom is lying on her side on the couch. Her left arm is hanging off
with the rubber tube still tied around her arm. The needle and spoon are
on lying on the floor. Her dark green eyes are open and staring
lifelessly. Her greasy red hair is pulled back from her face. If she had
her eyes closed she would have looked like she was sleeping.
I always knew I would come home and find her like this. I always knew
I would come home and find her dead.