Contents

BADDMOTHERF*CKER
COPYRIGHT
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
EPILOGUE
ALSOBY

BADDMOTHERF*CKER

ABaddBrothersnovel

JasindaWilder

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express
writtenpermissionoftheauthorexceptfortheuseofbriefquotationsinabookreview.

Thisisaworkoffiction.Names,characters,businesses,places,eventsandincidentsareeithertheproductsoftheauthor’simaginationor
usedinafictitiousmanner.Anyresemblancetoactualpersons,livingordead,oractualeventsispurelycoincidental.

Dru

Ismoothedtheruchedwhitefabricovermyhipsandsuckedinabreath;thedresswascrazytight

aroundmychest,whichdidwondersformycleavage,butleftmeunabletodrawafullbreath.

“Ican’treallybreathe,”Isaid,onceagainattemptingtofullyexpandmylungs.
“It’sonlyfor,like,anhour,”Anniesaid.“Soonastheserviceisover,youcanchangeintoyour

partydressforthereception.”

“Yeah,Iguess,”Isaid.“Whobreathesontheirweddingday,anyway?”Ijoked.
Lisa,anotherofmythreebridesmaids,putthefinishingtouchesonmyhair,tuckingafewstrands

intobobbypinsandleavingafewstrandsloosearoundmyface.“MyweddingdresswassotightI
nearlypassedoutduringtheservice,”shesaid.“Notbreathingonyourweddingdayisatime-
honoredtradition.”

“Well…fuckthattradition,”Isaid.“Ilikebreathing.Breathingisnice.”
Anniewasinfrontofme,touchingupmymakeup.“Thatcleavageisnice.Lookinghotonyour

weddingdayisalsonice.Breathing?Meh,it’soverrated.”

Itriedanotherbreath,feelingmybreastsswellagainsttheconstrainingmaterial.Myheadspun,

andIwasgladIwassittingdown.Iwasjustdizzyfromnerves,that’sall.Iwasnervous,thatmuchwas
true.ButIalsolegitimatelycouldn’tbreathe.Iwasscaredoutofmymind.IlovedMichael,Ireally,
reallydid.Ilovedhim.Iwasreadytogetmarried.IwasreadytobecomeDruConnolly-Morrison.
Mrs.MichaelMorrison.DruMorrison.

God,noneofthosesoundright.
ButMichaelinsistedItakehisname,evenifitwashyphenated.“I’mtraditionalthatway,”hehad

grumbled.

Ilikedmyname,though,andIdidn’twanttochangeit.DruConnolly:ithadaringtoit.Itwasa

strongnameand,moreimportantly,itwasmyname.

Breathingwasbecomingharderandharderwitheverypassingmoment—ormaybeitwasjustthe

factthatIwasclosetohyperventilating.Itriedtoslowmybreathingdown,butmylungsdidn’tseem
tobegettingthemessage.

“IneedtoseeMichael,”Isaid.
HealwayshadawayofcalmingmedownwhenIstartedpanickingandoverthinkingthings.He’d

kissmeandholdmeandtellmeitwouldbeokayand,somehow,thingsalwaysworkedout.Not
alwayshowIwantedthemto,orhowIexpectedthemto,but…theyworkedout.

Thisweddingwouldworkout,andthemarriagewould,too.
But…IwantedmorethanjustformymarriagetoWORKOUT.Iwantedittobeamazing.
AnnieandLisaexchangedglances.“Um…well...youknowit’sbadluckforhimtoseeyouinyour

dress.”

“I’llcoveruporsomething.Canyoujustgogethim?”
Anotherglancebetweenthetwoladies.
“It’sjustnerves,hon,”Lisasaid.
Anniezippedhermakeupbagclosed.“Justtakelotsofshallowbreathsandfocusonwalking

downtheaisle.You’llbefine.”

IlookedfromAnnietoLisaandback,feeling,perhapsunfairly,liketheywerehidingsomething,

oravoiding.Something.Iwasn’tclosetoeitherwoman,sincetheywerethesignificantothersof
Michael’sbestfriends,NateandEric—LisawasNate’swife,andAnniewasEric’sgirlfriend.There
wasonemoregroomsman,Tony,Michael’scousin,andonemorebridesmaid,Tawny,oneofLisa’s
friends,addedjusttokeepthesideseven;I’dbarelymetTawny,anddidn’treallycareforherallthat
much,butyoucouldn’thavetwobridesmaidsandthreegroomsmen,right?

Isighed.“Ijustneedafewminutesalone,Iguess.”
“Sure,”Anniesaid.“We’llgohelpTawnywiththeflowers.”
Ifrowned.“HelpTawnywiththeflowers?Ihadtheflowersprofessionallyarranged,andIchecked

themmyselfthismorning.”

Lisahesitated,andlickedherlips.“I…she’sjustdoublechecking.Youknow,just…tobesure

everythingisgolden.”

Ihonestlydidn’tcarewhatTawnywasdoing,soIjustshrugged.“Whatever.Ijustneedaminute.

Thanks,ladies.”

“Surething,Dru,”Lisasaid,andthensheandAnniewereoutthedoor,finger-wavingatmydadas

theypassedhim.

Ireallydidn’thaveanygirlfriendsofmyown,notanyoneItrulylikedortrusted.Ididn’ttrust

anyonebutmydad.

AndMichael.ItrustedMichael.
Michaelwasamazing.
Handsome,successful,kind.WorkedinmarketingforAmazon.Nobeerbelly,hadallhishair,

wenttothegymtwoorthreedaysaweek,andcouldlastlongerthanfiveminutesinbed.Whatwasn’t
tolove?

IhadtoseeMichael.IfIsawhim,allmydoubtswouldbeerased.
That’showitalwaysworked.
Michaelwasasticklerfortradition,soIknewhewouldn’twanttoseemeinmydressbeforethe

momentIwalkeddowntheaisletohim,soIstuckmyheadoutofthedooroftheSundayschool
roomIwasusingasadressingroom.Mydadwassittingonabenchoppositemyroom,scrollingon
hiscellphone.Hewasmybestfriend,andmynamesake:hewasDrewConnolly,andIwasDru
Connolly.Maybethatwascheesy,sure,buthewasallIhad.

“Daddy?”
Helookedup,smilingatme.“What’sup,babygirl?”
“Doyouhavethatstupidtrenchcoatyou’realwayswearing?”
Hefrownedatme.“WeliveinthePacificNorthwest,Dru,soatrenchcoatisn’tstupid,it’s

practical.So,yes,Ido.Why?”

“IneedtoseeMichael,butIdon’twanthimtoseemeinmydressyet.”
Dadnodded.“Ah,ofcourse.”Hestoodup,movedtoacoatrackdownthehallwayandliftedhis

beloved,twenty-year-oldtantrenchcoatoffthehook.

Ihatedthattrenchcoat.Itmadehimlooklikehewastryingtobeagumshoedetectiveinalate-

fortiesdetectivenoirflick.Butforthemoment,itwaswhatIneeded,soIputitonandbuttoneditover
mydress,andthendidatwirl,kickingmyheelupandposing…withzeropercentsarcasm,ofcourse.

“HowdoIlook?”
Dadsmirked.“Youlookgreat,baby.See?Atrenchcoatisalwaysfashionable.”
Irolledmyeyesathim.“Don’tevengetmestarted,Dad.Trenchcoatsareneverfashionable.Ever.

Like,maybeforfiveminutesinthenineteenforties,sure,butthat’sit.”Ileanedupandkissedhim.
“I’llbeback,andthenwe’llbereadytogetstarted,right?”

Dadgavemethelook,then.TheoneIhated.Thelookthattoldmehedidn’tquiteapproveof

Michael,orthewedding,butwassupportingmebecauseIwashisonlychildandhelovedme.“If

you’resurethisiswhatyouwant,thenyes,we’llbeready.Michael’sfamilyishere,allsixty-fourof
them.”Hegrinned.“Rolando,Vickers,Johnson,Benson,Ayers,andMickelsonareallheretoowith
theirfamilies,sowe’vegotafewpeopletofillupourside.Butifyou’rehavinganydoubts,justsay
theword.We’llorganizeagetaway.”

“I’msure,Daddy.Ipromise.”Ileanedupandkissedhim.“Nowwaithere,I’llberightback.”
Hesatbackdown,pulledhiscellphoneout,andresumedscrolling,contenttowaitaslongasit

took,aslongashehadhisBuzzfeedapptoscrollthrough.“I’llbehere,then.”

Michael’sdressingroomwasdownthehallwayandaroundacorner.Histwobestfriends,Nate

andEric,wereloungingonabenchlikeDadhadbeen,passingaflaskbackandforthandcackling
aboutsomethingonEric’scellphone.LisaandAnniewerecrowdedaroundEricandhiscellphone,
cacklingrightalongandtakinghitsfromtheflaskwhenitgotpassedaround.

Istrodeuptothem,andtheyweresoinvolvedwithwhatevertheywerewatchingthattheydidn’t

noticeme.IwascloseenoughtohearEric’sphone.Itsoundedlikeporn,andasIgotcloseenoughto
seeit,itlookedlikeporn.Erichadhisphoneheldawayfromhimself,soeveryonecouldsee,his
palmscuppedaroundthebacktoreflectthesound.IstoodnexttoLisaandcrowdedin.

“Whatareyouwatching?”Iasked,butIwasabletoseeenoughtoknowwhattheywerewatching.
Only,itdidn’tmakeanysense.
Itcouldn’tbe.
Ericdidanactualdoubletake:lookingatme,lookingbackatthephoneandthenlookingbackat

meintotalsurprise,whichquicklymorphedtopanic.

“Shit!Dru,I—we—we’rewatching…nothing.”Heclickedthephoneoffandstuffeditinhis

pocket.“Don’tworryaboutit.Astupidvideomybuddysentme.”

Iwasstayingcalm,sofar.
It’snotwhatIthink.
Hewouldn’t.
Wouldhe?
“That’snotwhatitlookedlike,”Isaid.
Ericshifted,lookingtohisfriendstohelphimout.
LisaglancedatMichael’sdressingroomdoor,eyeswide,andthenlookedbackatme,speakinga

littlelouderthannecessary.“Youwantashot,Dru?”ShesnatchedtheflaskoutofNate’shandand
shoveditatme.“Haveashot.It’sJimBeam.”

Ipushedpasther,ignoringherandtheflask,reachingforthedoorknob.
“You’renotsupposedtoseehimbeforethewedding,Dru!”Lisashouted,gettingbetweenthedoor

andme.“It’sbadluck!”

“He’snotsupposedtoseemeinmydressbeforethewedding,youidiot.”IhadneverlikedLisa,I

realized.Shewasvapidandstupidandnowshewasgettinginthewayofmeseeingmyfiancéonthe
dayofourwedding?“WhichiswhyI’mwearingthetrenchcoat.Nowgetoutoftheway.”

Iheardit,then.
Michael.
Makingcertain…sounds.
Lisaheardittoo,whichwaswhyshe’dtriedtotalklouderthannecessary.
Ibitmylip,blinkedhard,andforcedmyimminentbreakdownaside.TurningtoEric,Iheldout

myhand.“Phone,Eric.Now.”

Hehesitated.“Whydoyouwanttoseeit?Youknowwhatitis,obviously.”
Igotinhisface.“Phone…now.”IusedthehardvoiceI’dlearnedfromDad,theonewiththesnap

ofauthority.

Dadwasacop,aformerUSMCdrillinstructor,andanoverallbadass,sohewasanexpertinwhat

hecalledTheVoiceofAuthority.He’dalsotaughtmeself-defensefromthetimeIwasoldenoughto
walk,soIcouldhandmostmentheirownassesinthirtysecondsorless,andEricknewit.Hell,he’d
seenmedoitmorethanonce.

Hedughisphoneoutofhispocket,unlockedit,andhandedittome—thevideowascuedup,on

pause.

Itshowedthedoorbehindme,thedoortoMichael’sdressingroom.Itwascrackedopen,andthe

videowasbeingshotthroughthecrack.Michaelwasvisiblethroughthecrack,tuxedopantsaround
hisankles.Hisbowtieperfectlytied,hisvestbuttonedup,hiscoatleftopen,whiteshirthangingbelow
thevestandcoat.

Infrontofhim,bentoverthebackofachair,wasTawny,Lisa’sbestfriendandmythird

bridesmaid.Yes,hernamereallywasTawny.Andshefitthename,too:fakeblondhair,bigfaketits,
skanky,haddoneaturnasastripper.Inthevideo,shewastakingMichael’scockand,fromthesounds
shewasmaking,shewaslovingit.Loudly.

Iwantedtoseewhathadbeensofunny,soIscrolledtothelefttobringthevideobacktothe

beginning.ThevideohadcaughtMichaelashetrippedoverhisownpantsandfellbackwardontohis
ass,leavingTawnybentoverthechair,dressshoveduppasthergyratinghips.Michael’serectdick
flappedandfloppedandwobbledashetoppledbackward.Honestly,itwashysterical.Itwasfunny
enoughthatdespitethecircumstances,Iactuallygiggled.

ButIsoberedquickly.
“He’sstillinthere?”Idemanded,tossingEric’sphoneathim.“FuckingTawny?”
Nobodyanswered,whichwasalltheanswerIneeded;I’dseenenough,noneedtoconfronthim.
Iwiggledmyfull-caratdiamondsolitaireengagementringoffmyfingerandsuckedinadeep

breath—well,asdeepasIcould,anyway—tofendoffthemeltdownforafewmoreminutes.Iturned
toLisa,grabbedherwristandpressedtheringintoherpalm.“Tawnycanhavehim.”

Iturnedandleft,fightingofftheneedtohaveatotalnervousbreakdown.
Dadwasstillwaitingonthebench,andhelookedupasIstormedpasthim.“Baby?Dru?What’s

goingon?”

Ikeptmarching,andletDadcatchup.Wewereoutofthechurch,andintothepouringSeattlerain

inlessthansixtyseconds.

“Youwereright,Daddy,”Imanaged,asIapproachedthedriver ’ssideofDad’sbeat-upred’07

Tacoma—he’ddrivenushere,butnowIneededtodrive.Ineededtogetawayasfastaspossible.

Dadwastednotimehoppingintothepassengerseat,whichwasgoodsinceIwasn’twaiting

around.Thesecondmyasshitthefaded,rippedclothseat,theenginewasonandIwaspeelingout.

“Rightaboutwhat?What’sgoingon?”heaskedasIskiddedoutoftheparkinglotofthechurch

andontothemainroad.

Dadhavingtrainedmetodrive,hewasfairlyrelaxeddespitemywilddriving.
“AboutMichael,abouteverything.”Isniffledandtriedtostopthenextone,becauseIknewonceI

letitouttherewouldbenostoppingit.“He—he—Tawny,hewas—SHIT!”Islammedmyfistonthe
steeringwheelsohardthewholetruckshook.“ThatpieceofshitwasfuckingTawnyinthedressing
room.”

Dad’seyetwitched,andhismassivefistclenched.“Knewthatpunkwasaslimybastard.”
“Yeah,youdid.”
“Sonowwhat?”
Iunbuttonedthetrenchcoat,shruggeditoff,andhandedittoDad.“NowIgogetshitfaced.After

that?Idon’tknow.”Icontortedinplace,tryingtoloosenthebodice,andmanagedtogivemyself
enoughroominthedresssoIcouldactuallytakeabreathwithoutithurting.

Dadrestedhismeatyhandonmyshoulder.“Pullover,baby-cakes.I’lldrive.”

Iyankedthewheeltotheright,hoppedacurb,andskiddedtoahaltinadrugstoreparkinglot.We

didaChinesefiredrill,andwhenIwasseatedDadtookoffagain,albeitfarmoresedatelythanIhad.

Heglancedatme.“Yougonnacry?”
Inodded.“Alot.I’mgonnauglycrysohard,Dad,youdon’tevenknow.”
Hedugintohisbackpocketandproducedanactualhandkerchief.Dad,classic,rightthere.He’s

notallthatold,sinceMomhadmeatnineteen,butheactslikesomeonefromapreviousgeneration.
Handkerchiefs,trenchcoats,andI’mprettysurehehasafedorasomewhere.

Istaredatthehandkerchief.“Doyouusethatonyournose?”
Heshrugged.“Well,sure,it’sahanky.”
“That’sdisgusting.”
Dadstuffeditbackinhispocket.“Suityourself.Butit’sclean,youknow.Ihaveseveral,andIwash

them.It’snot,like,thesamehankywithtwentyyearsofsnotcrustedintoit.”

Thatgotalaughfromme,becausethatwaskindofwhatI’dbeenimagining.Butthelaughwas

whatbrokeme—Icouldn’tholdmyfeelingsbackanymore.Itstartedwithasingletearandasniffle,
whichturnedintoasob,andthenIwasfull-blownuglycrying,aspromised.

Itookthehanky,grossasitwas,andwipedmyeyeswithit,notcaringifIsmearedmymascara.
PrettysoonIwascryingsohardIcouldn’tsee,andIfeltDadpullthetruckover.Heunbuckledme

andhauledmetohisside,wrappedhisthickarmaroundme,andheldmecloseasIsobbed.He
smelledlikeDadandfeltlikecomfort.

HeletmecryforIdon’tknowhowlong,andwhenIwasfinished,hetookthehankyfromme,

wipedmyfacewithit,andstuffeditbackintohispocket.“Better?”

Ishookmyhead.“No,notevenclose.ButI’mdonecryingfornow.Timetogethammered.”
Dadtookmetohisfavoritedive,acopbarnearasmallruralairfieldwayoutsideSeattle.By

small,Imeanpostage-stamptiny.Thebiggestairplaneanywhereonthefieldwasatwin-engineprop
planegettingloadedwithcrates;therestoftheplanesweresingle-engineCessnas,PiperCubs,
Beechcraft,andothersingle-engineprivateaircraft.Hekneweveryonethere,sincehe’dbeenonthe
forcefortwentyyearsandhadbeengoingtothatparticulardivebarforevenlonger;itwasn’tso
muchacopbarasitwasthepersonal,mostlyprivatehangoutofDadandhiscopbuddies.

Whenwewalkedineveryheadturned,becauseitwasthekindofplaceyoujustdidn’tgointo

unlessyouknewyouwerewelcome.Sowhentheguyssawmeinmydress,bedraggledfromwalking
throughthedownpour,mascarasmearedfromcrying…well,thosecopswereatightbunch.They
tookcareoftheirown.Onelookatme,andtheypulledthetablesintoacircle,satmedown,pulleda
bottleofthefinestscotchinthejointandpouredmeadoubleontherocks.I’dgrownupwiththese
guys,yousee.TheirwiveshadbabysatmewhenDadworkedaweekendorschoolnightshift.They
hadcomeoverinthemiddleofthenightwhenDadhadtogointerviewasuspect.Theyhadcovered
formewhenIsnuckouttomakeoutwithboysinhighschool.Thesecopshadallbeenthereforme
mywholelife.

IfinishedmyfirstdoublescotchandlistenedtothemdiscussingplansforMichael,andthenwaited

whileDetectiveRolandopouredmeasecond.Ilookedatthemallinturn:Rolando,Vickers,Johnson,
Dad,Benson,Ayers,Mickelson…DadhadobviouslytextedthemtomeetushereafterI’dboltedfrom
thewedding.

“Norevenge,guys.”IstaredthemdownuntiltheysawIwasserious.“He’snotworthit.Hecan

haveTawnyandshecanhavehim.Norevenge.Although,ifyouevercatchhimspeeding,don’tlet
himoffwithawarning.I’mnotgoingtowasteanothermomentofmylifeonhim,andneithershould
anyofyou.”

Igotachorusofagreement.Afterfinishingmyseconddoublescotch,Istartedtakingthepinsout

ofmyhairand,oncemyhairwasdown,itwason.

Iswitchedfromscotchtobourbon,fromdoublestoshotschasedbypintsoflocalstout.
See,I’dlearnedtodrinkwiththecops,too—andtheseboyscouldpoundtheliquorlikenobody’s

business.

IcouldsayIlosttrackthenbut,hell,Ihadn’tbotheredcountinginthefirstplace.
Atsomepoint,Mickelsonputbreakupmusiconthebar ’sradio,andconsideringhowdrunkIwas

bythatpointIgotintoit.Really,reallyintoit.

DadandAyershadleftatsomepointtohaulinsomesuspectthey’dbeenchasing,soIwasalone

withMickelson,Benson,andRolando,Dad’sclosestfriendsontheforce,menwhowerelikeuncles
tome.

Mickelsonwasseatedbesideme,spoutingdrunkenwisdom.“Can’tletthebastardgetyoudown,

Dru.Gottakeepyourheadup,y’know?He’sabastard,andapunk,andheain’tworthyourtears.So
justforgethim,right?”

“Right,”Isaid,becausethathadbeenmyplanallalong,buttheykeptbringingMichaelbackinto

theconversation.Which,tomyinebriatedthinking,wascounterproductive.“Igottastartover.”

“Startover,that’sagreatplan.Scrapeverything,andstartnew,”Rolandoagreed.
Istoodup,wobbleddizzilyacrossthebartothegrimywindow.Aplanegettingreadytotakeoff,

takingadvantageofalullintherain.“BeeninSeattlemywholelife.Neverbeenanywhereelse.
Michaelis…everywhereIgointhiswholedamncityI’llseehim.Iwaswithhimforfouryears.Four
fuckingyears!Howlongwashecheatingonme?Orwasthat,like,somekindofstupidlasthurrah,
insteadofabachelorparty?Orwait,no,hehadabachelorparty.AndI’mprettysuretheywenttoa
stripclub.So…fuck,whatever.Ijust—”Iwasn’treallytalkingtoanyoneatthispoint.“IdunnoifIcan
stayinSeattleanymore.Igotta…Igottagetoutofhere.”

Rolandocameupbesideme,carefultostandarespectfuldistanceaway,butcloseenoughtograb

meshouldIpassoutorstartheaving.Eitherwaspossible.“Wherewouldyougo?”

Ishrugged,whichsentmeoffbalance,andIputahandonthebartosteadymyself.“Idon’tknow,

’Lando.Anywherebuthere.MaybeI’lljust…getononeofthoseplanesandgowhereitgoes.”

Rolandopattedmyshoulder.“Youroldmanwouldn’tknowwhattodowithhimselfifyouleft,

Dru.ButIgetyourpoint.”

“I’vebeenheremywholelife.Iwenttocollegehere,gotmyfirstrealjobhere,metMichaelhere.

HowcanIstartoverinthesameplaceI’vealwaysbeen?”Iwasstartingtoseedouble,butIfeltthe
truthofmyownwordsdeepinmybones.

Ihadmypurseonmyshoulder,whichcontainedallmyIDandbankcards,aswellasmycell

phoneandcharger.Ihadnoclothes,though,excepttheweddingdressIwasstillwearing.

Butfuckit,right?
Icouldn’tstayhereanymore—Ihadtoleave.
Istaredoutthewindowasaplanetaxiedontotherunwayandtookoff.
Whatif…?
Istraightened.
Anotherplanewasvisibleinthedistance,lightson,propellersspinning,waitingforthecueto

leave.Ididn’treallyevenseeit,justwhatitrepresented:freedom,afreshstart.Isawtwinpropellers
spinning,winglightsblinking,sawitpivotingfromthelineofwaitingsmallaircraftontotherunway.

IturnedtoRolandoandMickelson.“I’mleaving.”
Theybothfrowned.“You’re—what?”
Igrabbedmypurseoffthebackofthechairandslungitovermyshoulder.“Ican’tstayhere

anymore.Ineedtogetaway.”

“Sowhereareyougoing?”Mickelson,whoresembledaslightlysmallerversionofFatBastard

fromAustinPowers,stoodupandhobbledafterme.“Youcan’tjustleave,Dru.Whataboutyour

dad?”

Iliftedmyphoneoutofmypurseandwaggleditathim.“I’llcallhimwhenIgetwhereverIend

up.I’mnotleavingforever,Ijust—Ican’tbehereanymore.”

Ipushedoutthedoorandjoggedinmythree-inchheelsacrosstheparkinglot—thiswastruly

nothingbutapostage-stampairfield:nosecurity,nofences,noonetostopmeasIhauledassthrough
thegrasstotherunway

Rolandowashotonmyheels.“You’redrunk,Dru.Youcan’tdothisnow,notlikethis.”
“Ihaveto.It’scrazy,butit’swhatIhavetodo.It’shappening.TellDadIlovehimandthatI’llcall

himassoonasIcan,okay?”

Islippedmyheelsoffandheldtheminmyhand,thentookoffrunningacrossthefieldtowardthe

runway.Theplanewastaxiingtowardtherunwaynow,propswhirlingintoablur.Iwaswasted,but
somehowIstayeduprightuntilIreachedtherunway,heldupmyarms,andwavedattheplanetostop.

Thepilotflungopenhisdoor,propsslowing.“Whatgives,lady?Youcan’tjustjumpinfrontofa

planelikethat.Youwannagetkilled?”

Iclimbedupthesideandopenedthedoor,andhoppedintotheco-pilotseat.“I’mgoingwithyou!”

Ishouted.

Hestaredatme.“Thehellyouare.”
IopenedmywalletandpulledoutallthecashIhad—overathousanddollarsI’dbeenplanningon

spendingonmyhoneymooninHawaii.“Here,”Isaid,handingittohim.“Twelvehundreddollarsto
shutupandtakemewhereveritisyou’regoing.”

“I’mtakingaloadofsuppliesto—”
“Idon’tcare,Idon’twanttoknow!”Isaid,interruptinghim.“Itdoesn’tmatter.Aslongasit’sfar

fromhere.”

Hestaredatmeforalongmoment,thentookthecash,stuffeditintothebreastpocketofhisshort-

sleevebutton-downshirt;IthoughtIheardhimmumblesomethinglike“Alaskaherewecome,then,”
underhisbreath,butIwasn’tquitesure,becausethelastfewshotshadsuddenlycaughtuptome,and
weweretakingoffandIwasdizzyandfightingnausea.

WhenIfinallybeattheurgetopuke,Iturnedtothepilot.Wewereintheairnowandclimbing

steeply,goingupthroughtheraincloudsintothenightskyabovethem.

“DidyousayAlaska?”Ihadtoshoutthequestion,becauseitwassoloudinthecabinIcouldn’t

hearmyselfspeaking.

Hehandedmeapairofheadphoneswithamicrophoneattachedtoit,andwhenIputiton,he

glancedatme.“Thoughtyousaidyoudidn’twanttoknowwhereweweregoing.”

“Itsoundedlikeyousaid‘Alaska,’though.”
Henodded.“Ketchikan,Alaska,sweetheart.”
Iwentfaint.“Ithought—Iwasthinkingsomewheremorelike…Portland,orSanFrancisco.”
Hechuckled.“Nope,we’regoingtoAlaska.Well,youare.Whenweland,I’mdroppingoffthis

loadandpickingupaloadoffishandtakingitinland.Won’tbegoingbacktoSeattle.”

Dizzinesshitmeagain,andIbentovertoputmyheadbetweenmyknees.“Alaska?Jesus.”
Heeyedmewarily.“Yougonnapuke?Becausethere’resickbagsunderyourseatifyouare.”
Igrabbedasickbag,butinsteadofpukingintoitIusedittohelpmebreathe.
“Alaska.”Isaiditagain,asifsayingitagainwouldmakeitmorereal.
“Ketchikan,tobeexact.Niceplace,lotsofcruiseshipsgothroughthere.Beautiful.Abitchilly,

sometimes,butbeautiful.”

Anotherwaveofnauseatossedthroughme.“WoulditbehorriblyrudeifIaskedyoutoshutup?”
Hejustchuckled.“Finebyme.”
Andhedidjustthat,shutup,fiddlingwithknobsandswitchesandtappinggauges,adjustingthe

controls.

Alaska?
WhatthehellhadIgottenmyselfinto?

Sebastian

Wherearethefuckin’cruiseshipswhenyouneed’em?
Iwipeddownthebarfortheforty-seventhtimeinthelasthour,staringoutatmybar,whichwas

deadasadoornail,deaderthanagraveyardandaghosttownputtogether.Notadamnsoulinthebar
anditwassevenintheeveningonaSaturday.Thereshouldbefuckin’somebodywantingagoddamn
drink.Butno,hadn’tbeenonestinkin’customersincewe’dopenedatfour.Usuallythebarwas
hopping,oratleasthadadecentcrowd,evenonweeknightsorstormydays.I’dblameitontherain,
butthatdidn’tusuallystoppeoplefromneedingadrinkorsix.Shit,mostofthetimeitmadeitbusier,
notdeader.

Ishouldjustclose.Whatwastheharm?Wouldn’tbeanybodyinanyway.
ButIcouldn’tdothat.Badd’sBarandGrillwasstrugglingenoughasitwas,soifIhadanyhope

ofkeepingDad’sbaralive,Icouldn’taffordtocloseearly.Dadmaybegone—threemonthsinhis
grave—butnowayIwasgoingtolethisbargounder,too.I’dbeendoingmydamndest,butoneguy
torunawholebarwasn’tideal,andmeantI’dseenadecreaseinbusiness,simplybecauseIcouldn’t
keepupwiththedemand,sopeoplewentelsewhere.

I’dbeenraisedinthisdamnbar.Ilearnedtowalkgoingfromtablethreetofour.Kissedmyfirst

girlinthealleybehindtheplace,beddedthesamegirlinthestoreroomintheattic,gotinmyfirst
fistfightrightoutinthatparkinglot.

Iwasn’tgoingtolettheplaceclose.I’dstrugglealongsomehow.Keepitafloat,evenifitwasn’t

thehotspotithadoncebeen.MaybeIjusthadtobitethebulletandhiresomebodytohelpout.Hated
theidea,sinceinalltheyearsI’dbeenalive,we’dneverhiredasouloutsidethefamily,andIhated
theideaofbreakingthattradition.

I’dbeenhopingthere’dbesomekindofwindfallafterDaddied,youknow?Like,aninheritance

orsomething.IfiguredDadhadbeendoingokayallthoseyears,figuredhe’dhavemoneysaved.
Guessnot.Don’tknowhowhemanagednottosaveanything,sincehelivedinthebarandrarelyever
leftit,andwhenmybrothersandIwereyoungerwealllivedaboveit.Momcookedthefood,Dad
servedthedrinks.

Then,whenIwasseventeen,MompassedandItookoverthefoodprep.I’dgethomefromschool,

tieonanapronandstartslingingburgersandfriesandchickenwings.Itwasmyfirstjobandnow,
tenyearslater,thisbarwastheonlyjobI’deverhad.DadletmehelpwiththebookswhenIwas
twenty,letmesplittheshiftswithhim—threedaysaweekforhimandfourforme.

Iknewthebusinesshadbeenstrugglingforawhile,butinthelastfewmonthssinceDaddied

thingshadreallytakenanosedive.

Ididmybesttokeepthingsafloatbutitdidn’thelpthatIwasthesingleemployee.Icooked,

bartended,bussed,mopped,swept,andworkedopentoclose,fourp.m.totwoa.m.sevendaysaweek.

ThefrustratingthingwasthateventhoughIhadsevenbrotherstomyname,notonewasaroundto

help.

That’sright,therewereeightofus.MomandDadhadraisedeightboysinthethree-bedroom

apartmentabovethisbar—fourofustoaroomindoublebunkbedsets.WhenMomdiedZanehad
beenfifteen,Brockthirteen,Baxtertwelve,CaananandCorintheidenticaltwinsten,Luciannine,and
Xavier,thebabyofthetribe,hadbeenseven.

Tenyearslater,ZanewasoffbeingaNavySEALsomewhere,Brockwasplayingfootballinthe

CFLandwasbeingscoutedfortheNFL,orsoheclaimed,Baxterwasastuntpilottravelingthe
countrydoingairshows,CanaanandCorinweretouringtheworldwiththeirhardrockband,
Bishop’sPawn,andLucianwas…well,Iwasn’tentirelysure.He’dleftthedayheturnedeighteenand
hadn’tcomeback,hadn’tsomuchassentadamnpostcard.Ifiguredhe’dtakenthemoneyhe’dmade
workingonfishingboatsfromthetimehewasfifteenandwasjustsortofbummingaroundtheworld
likeadamnedvagabond.Thatwaslikehim,brooding,lazy,andjustinherentlycool.Xavierhad
gottenafullridetoStanfordfromsoccerandacademics,andtherewastalkofFIFAscoutswatching
him…ontopofthinktanksorsomeshitlikethat.Thentherewasme,SebastianBadd,theeldest,stuck
ingoddamnedKetchikantendingadead-assbar,sameasI’dbeendoingsinceIwasseventeen.

Allofmybrotherswerecoolandgood-lookingandsuccessful,andIwasafuckingbartender.
NotthatIwasbitter,oranything.Imeanshit,Iwasthebest-lookingofthelot,afterall.
And,don’tgetmewrong,Ilovedthebar.Itwashome.Itwasmyentirelife.Thehardpartwasthat

I’dnevergottenachancetodoanythingelse.WhenMomdiedithadbeenleftuptome,astheoldest,
tohelpDad.I’dmanagedtogetmyhighschooldiploma,butonlybarely.I’dbeentoobusycooking,
bussingtables,andwashingdishestocareabouttestsorhomework.Iworkedsomybrothersdidn’t
haveto—duringtheweekatleast.

DadalwaysgavemeSaturdaysoffandmadewhoeverwasaroundhelpout.Usuallythatmeant

Zane,Baxter,andthetwins,sinceBrockalwayshadpracticeandLucianandXavierweretooyoung
tobeofanyhelp.Saturdaysmeantdatesforme.I’dtakemyearningsfromtheweekandcruisethe
townonmybike—achoppedHarleyDadandIworkedoneverySunday—andgoscoutingforchicks.
Didn’tusuallytakelongtofindsomeonetokickitwithfortheevening,sinceIhadDad’ssizeand
looksandMom’schillconfidenceandcalmdemeanor.

Well,mostofMom’scalmdemeanor;IhadDad’stemperintheresomewhere,andthesedaysit

wasn’thardtobringitoutofme.IguessIwasmadbecauseIhadtorunthisplaceonmyown.Back
thenI’dbeenboredandfullofangeroverMom’sdeathandhadbeenasreadytofightasIhadbeento
fuck,andI’vealwaysbeendamngoodatboth.

Nowadays,theonlyfightingIdidwastokickouttheodddrunk.Thefuckingwasaconstant,since

eventhoughbusinesshadn’tbeengreat,Badd’sBarandGrillstillhadareputationforhavingagood-
lookingbartenderwhopouredstrongdrinksandwasalwaysDTFifyouwerehalf-decentlooking
andhadanicerack—thegood-lookingbartenderbeingme,obviously.

Ketchikan,beingapopulardestinationforAlaskancruises,almostalwayshadaconstantstreamof

touristslookingfora“localspot”todrink—whichmeantfine-lookinghoneysonlyinforadayor
two.Theseeasyhook-upshadabuilt-inescapeclause:theyknewtheywereleaving,Iknewtheywere
leaving,sotherewasnomess,nohurtfeelings,noawkwardmorning-afterchit-chat.

Itwasagoodgig.
ButitwastheonlygigI’deverhad.IhadnoideawhatelseIcoulddo,whatelseImightbegood

at,whatelseImightwanttodo.Itendedbarandfuckedhottourists,it’swhatIdid.

ItwasallIdid.
Today,I’dspentalmostanhourdaydreamingandbeingpissedatmybrothers,andstillnoonehad

comein.

“Fuckit,”Isaid,andpouredmyselfastiffscotch.
Stiff,meaningarocksglassfulltothebrimwithJohnnyWalkerBlackLabel.
Icircledaroundthebar,satdownbytheTV,andturnedonESPN,leaningthehigh-topchairback

withmyfeetflatagainstthebar-frontandsippedmyscotchwatchinglastnight’sreplaysand
highlights.

Maybetwohourslater,Iwasonmysecondglass,andstillhadn’tseenasoul.
Thenthebelloverthedoorchimed.

Ihopeditwasaprettytourist,maybearedheadwithanicesetoftits,orablondewithafat,juicy

ass.

WhatIgotwasRichardAmesBurroughs,theattorneyinchargeofexecutingDad’swill:three-

piecesuit,slimleatherbriefcase,oxfordshoes,slicked,partedhair,glassesthatcouldappropriately
andnotironicallybecalled“spectacles”,andatendencytoliterallylookdownhisnoseatme.Healso
hadatendencytoactlikethestoolsandbartopwereinfectedsurfaces,asifhemightcatchfuckin’
crabsorsomething.

Trustme,bub,Iwashthatbardownenoughthatthereain’tasinglegermonthedamnthing.
RichardAmesBurroughssteppedcarefullyacrossthefloor—whichwasstillcleanfromwhenI’d

sweptitbeforeopening—andshuffledbesideme.“Mr.Badd.”

“Name’sSebastian,”Igrowled.
“Sebastian,then.”Hepulledoutthestoolbesideme,brusheditoffwithanapkin,andthensethis

briefcaseonit.“Ihaveyourfather ’swill.”

Isluggedmyscotch.“He’sbeendeadthreemonths,Dick.Whyareyoubringingthistomenow?”
“YoucancallmeRichard,orMr.Burroughs,ifyouplease.Anditwaspartofhiswillthatitnotbe

readfortwelveweeksafterhisdeath.Idonotknowwhy,ashedidn’tchoosetoofferareason.”He
paused,openedhisbriefcase.“I’vesentcopiestoeachofyourbrothers,or,atleast,thoseforwhomI
couldlocateaphysicaladdress.ButI’mgettingaheadofmyself.Yourfatherwasveryspecificthathe
wantedmetowaitthreemonthsbeforereadingthewill,andthatyouweretobethelastonetowhomI
readit.”

IpushedthesleevesofmythermalHenleyuppastmyelbows,baringforearmscoveredintheends

ofmyfull-sleevetattoos.“Okay,well,that’sfuckin’weird.What’sthedamnthingsay,then?Letme
guess:I’mbroke,hewasbroke,thebarisforfeit,andIoweabunchofmoneyIdidn’tknowDad
owed.”

“Lordknowsthat’sexactlywhatonewouldexpect,afilthyplacelikethis,”Richardsaid,plucking

afolderfromhisbriefcase.“ButIthinkyou’llberathersurprised.”

Iloweredmystoolontoallfours,setmyscotchdown,andstooduptotowerovertheslimy

pencil-dicklawyer.“Listentome,pissant:youcomeinheretalkin’shitaboutmyfuckin’bar,I’ll
crushyoulikeagoddamncockroach.”Icrossedmyarmsandflexedtoproveapoint:myarmswere
thickerthanhislegs.“SohowaboutyousaywhatyoucameheretosayandIwon’tknockyour
fuckin’IvyLeaguewhiteteethdownyourskinnylittlechickenneck.”

Iwascomingacrossalittle…aggressive,maybe,buthecreepedmeoutandmademefeellikehe

thoughthewasbetterthanme,andthatpissedmeoff.

Hepaled,stumbledbackwardafewsteps.“Noneedforthreats,Mr.Badd,Isimply—thisisn’t

—ahem.Asyousay,I’llgettotheparticularsofthewill.”Heopenedthefolder,shuffledpapers,
adjustedhisspectacles,readinsilenceforafewminutes,thenreplacedthepapersinthefolderbut
didn’tclosethefolder.“Yourfathermanagedtosavequitealargesumofmoney,ifyoudon’tmind
mysayingso.”

Iblinkedathim.“He…what?”
“Yourfatherownedthisbuildingoutrightandlivedaboveit,sohehadverylittlebywayofbills

excepttheoverheadofthebar,whichhekepttoaminimumand,formanyyears,itseemsthisbarwas
quitesuccessful.Hewasparsimonious,andusedonlysmallamountsoftheprofits.Hespent
remarkablylittle,asamatteroffact.”

Inodded.“Thatmakessense.Sohowmuchdidheleave,andwhoto?”
“Towhom,youmean,”Richardsaid.
“Don’tcorrectmyfuckin’grammar,youfuckin’dork,”Isnarled.“Howmuch,andtowhom?”
Richardblinkedatmeforamoment,andthenheclearedhisthroatagain.“Ahem.Um…helefta

sumtotaloftwohundredandninetythousanddollarstobesplitevenbetweentheeightofyouBadd
brothers.Notafortune,butasizablesum.Plusthedeedtothebar,butthat’snotpartofthetwo-ninety
beingdistributedperthewill.Asforthedistributionitself,well,that’swhereitgetsalittlemore
complicated.”

Igrowled.“Complicated?What’sthatmean?What’scomplicatedaboutwhoDadlefthismoney

to?”

“Well,usuallyincircumstancessuchasthese,themoniesaredistributedequallyamongstall

parties,orinfavorofoneoranotherofthedeceased’sissue,whichusuallyleadstoargumentsand
lawsuits,butthat’sneitherherenorthere,inthiscase.”

Itwirledmyhandinacircle.“Getonwithit,Dick.What’stheshortversionforuspoor

uneducatedfolks?”

Hesighed.“Itmeansyourfatherleftspecificinstructionswhichmustbecompletedbeforeanyof

thefundscanbereleased.”

“Instructions?”
Richardnodded.“Caveatsisthelegaltermapplicablehere.Itmeansneitheryounoranyofyour

brothersgetanymoneyfromyourfather ’sestateuntilthetermsarefulfilled.”

“So?Whataretheterms?”
Hequotedfromthewill:“‘Beforeanyonegetsacentofmymoney,allsevenofmywaywardsons

mustreturntoKetchikan,Alaskaforaminimumofonecalendaryear,andspendthatyearliving
withinreasonableproximitytoBadd’sBarandGrill,andtheymustcontributeaminimumoftwo
thousandworkinghoursinBadd’sBarandGrillduringthattime.’”

Ihadtositdown,then.“Thefuck?”
“ItmeansyourbrothershavetocomebacktoKetchikantoliveandworkhereforoneyear.The

twothousandhoursfigureisbasedonaforty-hourworkweekinacalendaryearoffifty-twoweeks.”

Itriedtogetmybraingoing.“So…whatelsedoesitsay?”
“Itnameseachofyourbrothersandtheirlikelylocationsofresidence.Itawardsyousole

ownershipofthebar,uponsignatureofthedeed,andawardsyou—andonlyyou—tenthousand
dollars.Therestofthemoneywillbesplitevenlybetweentheeightofyou,whichcomesto…thirty-
sixthousandtwohundredandfiftydollarseach.”

“Sothetengrandtome…”
Richardconsultedthewill.“‘TomyoldestsonSebastian,Ileavetenthousanddollarsoutsidethe

parametersoftheexecutionofthewill’sprecedingterms,asaminorrewardforhisfaithfulnessover
theyearstomeandtoBadd’sBarandGrill.’”

Ichokedup.“Minorreward…shit.”Iblinkedhard,wentaroundbehindthebarandpouredmore

Johnny,sluggeditdownfacingthegrimymirrorbehindtherowsofbottlesonthebackwall.“Minor
rewardformyfaithfulness.AfuckinglifetimeI’vespentbackhere,andIgettenfuckin’grand.”Ihad
tolaugh.“Jesus,Dad.”

Ileanedagainstthebackcounter,tookanotherlonghitofscotch,andcackled.Tobehonest,Ifelta

littleunhinged.Tenthousandbucks?

Imean,thanksDad,that’sawesome.It’dkeepthebarafloatforawhilelonger.But…shit.Ikinda

feltlikemaybeIdeservedalittlemorebywayofthanks.Iwaspissed,now.AtDad,fordying,and
thenforgivingmeameaslytengrandafterallthehoursI’dputintothisplace.Tengrand?Fuck.Felt
likeaninsult.I’dhaverathereditjustgobackintothepottosplitup.

Mybrothersweregoingtoflipthefuckout,though,thatwasagiven—thoughwhetherthey’dbe

morepissedthatIgotextramoneyorthattheywerebeingforcedbackherewasanyone’sguess.Zane
hadn’tbeenbackinyears,andIwasn’thonestlysurehewasevenstillalive.Thetwinswerein
Germanyorsomething,lastIheard,onthatcrazyworldtouropeningforsomebignameact.

IglancedatRichard.“DidthewillsaywhereLucianis?”
Heflippedthroughthepapers.“Um…no.ItsaysLucian’slastverifiedlocationwas…UdonThani,

Thailand.Thatwasasofsixmonthsago,whenyourfathercreatedhiswill.”

“Thailand?What’sthelittleshitdoinginThailand?”Irubbedthebackofmyneck,feelinga

tensionheadachecomingon.

“I’msureIhavenoidea,Sebastian.Thatwasn’tmybusinesstoask.”
“Anyideahowyou’regoingtogetholdoftherestofmybrothers,then?”Iasked.“Goodluck

withLucian,bytheway.”

Richardclosedthefile,lookingprimandsatisfied.“Actually,Ihiredaprivateinvestigatortofind

yourmysteriousbrotherand,asoflastmonth,myinvestigatorwasabletomakecontactwithLucian
andinformhimofthewill.Idon’tknowwhereheisorwhathe’sdoing,buthe’sbeencontactedand
informedofthesituation.I’vealreadybeenincontactwiththerestofyourbrothers.I’vespokenon
thephonewithXavier,Baxter,andBrock,andIexchangedemailswithZaneandthetwins,Canaan
andCorin,allofthiswithinthelastmonthorso,andtheyallsaveLucianhaveindicatedthattheywill
bereturningassoonastheirrespectivesituationsallow.Mostofthemshouldbearrivingin
Ketchikanwithinthenextfewdays,Idobelieve.”

Ifrowned.“YouhaveZane’semailaddress?”
Richardseemedperplexed.“Well,yes,ofcourse.Itwasincludedwithyourfather ’swill.”
“Didn’tevenknowthebastardhademail.Wouldabeennicetoknow.”Itookalongsipofmy

drink.“’Course,itwouldn’tdoanygoodevenifIdidsinceIdon’thaveone.”

Richardcoughed,whichIsuspectedwasmeanttocoveralaugh.“Youwere,honestly,thehardest

tocontactofallyourbrothers,withtheexceptionofLucian.Thereisnophoneforthebar,you
yourselfdonothaveacellphone,andthisisn’tthekindofscenarioIcouldarrangeviamail,thus
necessitatingmytripherefromAnchorage.”

“Yeah,I’macavemanlikethat.IliketobeatmypreyovertheheadwithaclubbeforeIeatit.

Womentoo,asamatteroffact.”IcouldtellRichardwasn’tsureIwasjoking.“So.Myasshole
brothersareallcomingback,then?”

“Zaneis,Icansaythatforcertain.He’smakinghiswayherefromhismostrecentdutystation,

althoughI’mnotsurewherethatis.Theotherssaidtheywouldreturnastheirrespectiveschedules
allowed.ThetwinsarecommittedtothedurationoftheiroverseastourlastIheard,buttheysaid
they’llbebackwhenit’sover,orsooneriftheycouldworkitout.And,asIsaid,Iwasonlyrecently
abletolocateLucian,sohisintentionsareanyone’sguess.”

Irubbedmyfacewithbothhands.“Mybrothersallhatethisplace.”Ilookedupatthelawyer.

“WhywouldDaddothis,Dick?Idon’tgetit.”

“Iwouldonlybespeculating,ofcourse,sincehedidn’texplainhisreasoningtome.ButifIwere

toventureaguess,Iwouldsayitwashisfinalattempttoforceyoutoreconcilewithyourbrothers.”

“There’snothingtoreconcile.We’veneverhadanybeefbetweenanyofus…theyjusthateithere.

Allthisbullshitdoesissaddlewithmesevenpissedoffbrotherswhohatethisbarandthiscity.”

Richardshrugged.“I’msorry,Sebastian.I’monlydoingmyjob.There’snothingIcandoto

changethis.Youcouldchallengeit,ofcourse,butthatwouldbeacostlyandlengthylegalendeavor,
andIhonestlydonotbelieveanyjudgewouldbeinclinedtochangeorreverseyourfather ’swillfor
nogoodreason.Theconditionsareeminentlyreasonable,soitwouldstand,I’mcertain.”

“Awesome.”Ifinishedmyscotch.“Well,that’sthat,unlessthere’remorefunsurprisesinthatwill

ofDad’s.”

“No,that’severything.”Richardsetastapledstackofpapersonthebar.“Thisisacopyofthewill,

whichyoumaykeep.I’vecoveredalltheimportantfactors.Ifyouhaveanyquestionsafterreadingit
through,callme.I’veattachedmybusinesscard.”

“Wantadrink,Dick?”Iasked.
Hehesitated.“Aglassofwinewouldn’tgoamiss.”
Ilaughed.“Wine.You’refunny,Dick.Thisain’tawinebar,bub.”Ipouredhimameasureof

scotchinacleanglassandsliditovertohim.“Weserveliquorandbeerandscabies.”

“Scabies…veryfunny.”Clearlyunwillingtocomeacrossasrude,Richardtookatentativesipof

thescotch,swallowed,andcoughed.“Well,thatwillcertainlyputhaironone’schest,won’tit?”

Ilaughed.“You’reagrownman,Dick,don’tyoualreadyhavehaironyourchest?”
“It’s…it’samatterofphrasing,Sebastian.Iamnotahirsutepersonbynature,however,ifyou

mustknow.”

“Hirsute?”Iain’tstupid,butI’mnotthemostwell-readpersonever.Myvocabularydoesn’treally

extendtoIvyLeaguesortsofwords.

Hetookanothersipandthenindicatedhischest,hisvoicehoarsefromthewhiskyburn.“Hairy.

Coveredinfur.”

Istrugglednottolaughashetriedgamelytofinishthescotchwithoutcoughing,butitclearly

wasn’thiscupoftea.Or,cupofwhisky,Ishouldsay.Hefinishedit,though,I’llgivehimthat.

Icamearoundfrombehindthebarandslappedhimontheback.“That’saman’sdrink,Dick.Want

another?It’sonthehouse.”

Richardwinced.“No,thankyou.Ifyoudon’tmind,Imustbegoing.MyflightbacktoAnchorage

leavesshortly.”

“Suityourself.”Ishookhishand,andjustbecauseIwasthatkindofasshole,Iputalittleextra

crushintomygrip.“Thanksforcoming,Dick.”

“Yes,I…well,Ican’ttruthfullysayitwasmypleasure,asmyjobiscreatedviabereavement,but…

I’mgladtohavebeenofservice.Callmeifyouhaveanyfurtherquestions.”

“Surewill,Dick,surewill.”
Heleftshakinghishandandflexinghisfingers.Imaypossiblyhavelefthandprintsonhisskin.
Ispenttherestoftheeveningwonderingwhichofmybrotherswouldshowupfirst,andhowI’d

react.

Iwasabouttoturnoffthe‘OPEN’signandcloseupwhenthedooropened,lettinginlatenight

rainandcold.

Insteadofoneofmybrothers,though,anangelwalkedin.
Awet,bedraggled,hungover,pissedoffangelinasoppingwetweddingdress.
Butsweetmotherofgoddamn,shewasthemostbeautifulgirlI’deverseen.
Five-eight,hourglassfigure.Hairthatwouldprobablybesomewherebetweenfull-outIrishred

andauburn,whenitwasdry.Creamy,flawlessskin.Fuckin’curves,man.Like,Jesus.Whoeverthis
fine-as-winehoneyditchedatthealtarwasasorrysonofabitch,oracompletejackass.

Thoseeyesthough,brightblue,thekindofblueeyesyoudon’tseeonredheadsthatoften.Idon’t

knowallthefancywordsfordifferentshadesofblue,butifyou’veeverseenpicturesoftheocean
overbyGreece,thekindofbluethat’sjustsodamnblueitseemsimpossible…thatwasthecolorof
thisgirl’seyes.DidImentioncurves?Mycockwenthardinmyjeansjustwatchingherstompacross
thebar,watchingthewaythetightdressmoldedtoherbell-curvehipsandthewayhersilky,milky
cleavagejiggledwitheachstep.

Thatdress…Jesusgoddamn.Skin-tight,obviouslycustomcuttofitherbody,alldrawnupinto

bunchedwrinklesaroundherhipsandwaist,sleevelesstopwithheart-shapedbracupthingspushing
uptitsI’dlovetodrownmyselfinforhoursonend.

AndshewasalsotheunhappiestlookingpersonI’dseeninalongtime.
Iwentbackaroundbehindthebarandleanedagainstit,grippingtheedgesomyforearmsand

bicepsrippled;chicksseemedtodigthepose,soIusedittomyadvantage.

Sheploppeddowninachair,crossedherarmsonthebar,andletherforeheadthunkdownhard.

“Alcohol,now,”shemumbledintoherarms.

“Don’tgotanywine,princess,sorry.”
SheraisedherheadandgavemeaglaresofierceandfuriousIfeltitscorchthehairsontheback

ofmyneck.“Fuckyou,yougoddamnorc.”Shethunkedherheadbackdown.“Scotchontherocks.
Andleavethebottle.”

Well.Thiscouldprovetobeinteresting.

Dru

Iwasinnomoodforbullshit.EvenifitwascomingfromthemostintenselymasculinemanI’d

everlaideyeson.Intenselymasculine,fuckinggorgeous,inatall,dark,rock-stargorgeous,badass,
burly,tattooedsortofway.Six-fourifhewasaninch,armsthatstretchedthesleevesofathermal
Henley—whatwasitaboutthoseshirtsthatwassofuckingsexy,anyway?—withtattooscoveringhis
forearmsandobviouslyextendinguppasthiselbows.Hehadmassiveshouldersandabroadchest
thattaperedtoawedge,andI’dbetallthemoneyIhadleftthathissexyV-cutleaddowntoahuge
cock.

Iblushedatthethought,becausewhywasIthinkingabouthiscock?Iwasn’t,notreally.
Iwastoopissedoff,tooheartbroken,toolost,toohungover,andtoohungrytothinkabouta

penis.Evenifthatpeniswasverylikelyalovely,perfectorganthesizeofmyforearm.

Stop—nomorecockthoughts.
Hishairwas,putplainly,brown.ButifIwasgoingtobefairabouthishaircolor,itwasthekind

ofbrownyou’dseeonagrizzlybear.Sametexture,samecolor.Hehaditbrushedbackwardina
casual,messywaythatsaidhedidn’treallycarebecauseheknewhewasdamnsexyanddidn’thaveto
try.God,hishair.Plusthescruffonhisjaw,adayortwoofgrowthonajawlineHenryCavillshould
bejealousof.AndhaveImentionedhisarms?Andhisforearms?Fuck.Theywereabsolutelyperfect.
Theinkwasprofessionalartwork,notjustbikerorprisoncrap,itwasactualartwork.Isawaravenin
flight,somekindoftwisted,darkangel,skullsdoneintheMexicanDayoftheDeadstyle,Native
Americantotems,plusmoreIcouldn’tmakeout.

ButthenhehadtogoandassumeIwantedwine.
Fuckingwine.
ButwhenIcalledhimanorc,hejustlaughed,adeep,ursinerumbleofamusementratherthantake

offense,andliftedahalf-emptybottleofJohnnyWalkerBlackLabeloffthebarwhereithadbeen
sittingnexttoarocksglass,asifhe’dalreadybeenhelpinghimselftohisownwares.Although,
consideringthedearthofcustomers,Ididn’treallyblamehim.

Hesnaggedacleanrocksglassfromastackbytheservicebar,tosseditintotheairandcaughtit

uprightontheflatofhispalm,pouredwhathadtohavebeenatriple,orevenaquadruple.Theman
didn’tfuckaroundwithhispours,clearly.Wemightgetalongjustfineifhekeepspouringthe
JohnnyBlacksoliberally.WhenIhadminehepouredahealthymeasureintohisownglass,andthen
helditouttome.

“Tobeingsohungovertomorrowneitherofuswillrememberwhywe’redrinkingtonight,”he

said,andgod,evenhisvoiceremindedmeofabear,deep,feral,rumbling,withahintofsnarl.

Iclinkedmyglassagainsthisandtookalongblissfuldrinkbeforeanswering.“That’sthebest

goddamntoastI’veeverheard,”Imumbled.

Wedrankinanoddlynot-uncomfortablesilenceforawhile,watchingESPNhighlights,during

whichIfinishedmyscotch,andthebartenderpouredmore,anotherfullglass.

Iwasinafoulmood,andthescotchhelpedalittle,butonlyalittle.Aturbulentthreeandahalf

hourflight,followedbyaroughlanding,whichhadbeenontheseaitselfratherthananairfield.In
mydrunkenrushtogetawayfromSeattle,Ihadn’tevennoticedthattheairplaneI’dgottenintowasa
seaplane.

ThelengthoftheflightmeantI’dgonefromhammeredtohungover,andthenthepilothadtaken

mymoneyandleftmeonthedockswithmypurseandweddingdressandnotadamnthingelse
exceptasplittingheadacheandabrokenheart.Well,thepilotactuallywasn’tthatmuchofadick:he’d
givenbacksixhundredofmycash,sayingIlookedsomesseduphefiguredIneededitmorethanhe
did.Buthestillleftmeonthedockswithnowheretogo,noonetotalkto,inarainstorm,alone…

Plus,Ihadn’teatensinceIcouldn’trememberwhen.Lunch?I’dleftSeattlesometimearoundnine

orten,whichmeantithadtobenearingtwointhemorningnow,ifnotpast.

Asifoncue,mystomachletoutavociferoussnarl.
Thegorgeousbartender ’sstupidlyperfectCupid’sbowlipsquirked.“Hungry?”
Ishruggedandtippedbacktherocksglass.“Abit,yeah.”Iwasfuckingstarved,actually,butI’dbe

damnedifI’dadmitittohim.

“Icoulduseabitemyself,”hesaid,sluggingbacktherestofhisscotchasifitwasnothing,“so

I’llrustlesomethingup.Won’tbefancy,butit’llfillya.”

Heduckedundertheservicebarandwentintothekitchen,flickingonlightsashewent.Frommy

angle,Icouldseemostofthekitchen,whichgavemeanopportunitytowatchhimwhileIworkedon
mysecondbigol’glassoftastyscotch.

Heturnedonthegrill,thekindwithaflatmetaltopusedinshortorderrestaurants,turnedona

deepfryer,pulledoutatrayofhand-shapedburgerpattiesandtossedfourofthemontothegrill,then
openedafreezerandpouredafewhandfulsofFrenchfriesintothenow-cracklingdeepfryer.Hedid
allthiswithcasualfamiliarity,movingwithgraceandeasearoundthekitchen.Hesetthehandle-press
thingyontothepattiestoflattenthemandmakethemcookfaster,tossedtwobunsontothegrillto
toastthem,thensetuptwoplatterswithtomatoes,onions,lettuce,andasideofmayo,alldone
expertlyandneatly,withaneyeforpresentation.Afewmoreminutesandthefriesweredone,sohe
liftedthebasketouttodrain,flippedtheburgers,andthenshooksaltontothefries,shakingthebasket
sothesaltdistributedevenly.

NextcameacardboardMillerHighLifesix-packholderfilledwithsilverwarerolls,ketchup,

mustard,vinegar,andA-1.Therewerenowastedmotions,noidlemomentsspentjustwaitingforthe
foodtocook.Helaidasliceofcheddaroneachburger,andthenasliceofpepper-jack,andthenslid
hisspatulabeneathtwopattiesatatimeandsettheminatop-downheatertomeltthecheese,which
onlytookafewseconds,thenhelaidtwopattieseachonabunbottom,setthetopbunonthematan
angle,andthenshookhalfthefriesontooneplateandhalfontotheother.

Heshutoffthegrillandfryer,wipeddownallthesurfaceshe’dused,andcarriedbothplatesin

onehandandthecondimentsintheother,andevenmanagedtoshutoffthekitchenlightswithhis
elbow.Hesetoneplateinfrontofmeandtheothernexttomethen,leaningoverthebarfromthe
customerside,poureduseachapintofsomelocalamberbeer.

FifteenminutesafterI’dsaidIwashungry,I’dfinishedmyquadruplescotchandhadathick,juicy

doublecheeseburgerinfrontofme,completewithstill-steaminggolden-brownfriesandapintof
coldbeer.

Ilikedthisguy.
Just,youknow…nottoomuch.
Andthen,afteraliberalslatheringofmayo,Isankmyteethintotheburger…
Themanwasashortordergod,Itellyou.
“Ohmygod,”Isaid,stillchewing,“thisburgerisfuckingamazing.I’msorryIcalledyouan

orc.”

Hefinishedabiteofhisownandgrinnedatme.“Hey,I’vebeencalledworse.Gladyoulikeit.”
I’mnotsureIevenpausedtobreathe,afterthat.TheburgerwasthemostincrediblethingI’dever

tasted,whichmayhavepartiallybeenduetoextremehungerontopofbeinghungoverandonmy
waytowardgettingre-buzzed.Butitwasalsojustadamngoodcheeseburger.IknewI’dhavetofind

agymatsomepointtoworkoffthecalories,butrightthenIdidn’tevenremotelygiveashit.Not
evenhalfashit.

IfIcan’tindulgewithoutguiltonwhatwassupposedtobemyweddingnight,whichhadturned

intotheworstnightofmylife,thenwhencanI?

WhenIfinishedtheburger,Igotbusyonthefriesandthebeer,finallywillingmyselftoslow

downandtakeabreath.Embarrassingly,Inoticedthegorgeoustatted-upbear-dudewasn’teven
halfwaythroughhisburger,yet.

Istaredathim,silentlydaringhimtosaysomethingaboutmytablemanners.
Hejustpoppedafryintohismouthandwasheditdownwithbeer.“Hey,don’tlookatmelikethat.

Achickwhocandigintoacheeseburgerlikethatisallrightinmybook.Plus,ifyoudon’tmindme
sayingso,youlooklikeyou’resportingawickedhangover,andnothingcuresthatlikegood,greasy
barfood.”

“I’mnotsureifI’mstilldrunk,ordrunkagain,”Iadmitted.“Both,probably.Andyeah,thefoodis

doingwondersformymotherofallbitchhangoverheadaches.”

“FinishthebeerandI’llpouryouanother.Nosensewaveringbetweenhungoverordrunk,

right?”

“AslongasyouknowsomewhereIcancrashwhenIneedtopassout,thenkeeppouringthem.”
“Gotchacovered,angel,”hesaid,aslylookonhisface.
Ishothimaglare.“Angel?”Thenthesmirkonhislipsregistered,andIshottomyfeet,knocking

thestoolover,andgotinhishandsome,ruggedface.“Listenhere,motherfucker,ifyouthinkyou’re
gettingmeoutofthisdressjust’causeyoumakeadecentcheeseburger,you’dbetterthinkagain.You
donotwantanyofthis,andit’snotonoffer,sobackthefuckoff.”

Heraisedhishandsandeyebrows.“Whoa,lady,chill.NotwhatImeant.”Hetippedhisheadtoone

side,thatsmirkonhisfaceagain.“Imean,yeah,Iain’tgonnalie,I’dlovetoseeyououtofthatdress.
Butit’sobviousthatyou’redrinkingtoforget,andImaybeanasshole,butI’mnotthatasshole.
Thereareacoupleofhotelsnottoofarfromhere.Icandropyouoff,ifyouwant.’Course,it’s
touristseason,andeveninthisshittyweather,I’mguessingthey’llbemostlybookedbythispoint.
AndI’vebeendrinking,sodrivingmaynotbethebestoption.”

Isatdown,knowingI’dblownupalittleprematurely,butIwasnotabouttoapologizeforit.“So

whataremyoptionsthen?”

Hestuckafingerupattheceiling.“Threebedroomsupthere,andI’monlyusingone.They’veall

gotsturdylocksandtheirownbathrooms.Ifyouneedtocrashandsleepyourhangoveroff,you’re
welcometoone.”

“Alone?”
Henodded.“LikeIsaid,I’mnotthatbigofanasshole.Butyouonlygetonefreenight.”
“Thenyoustartcharging?”
“ThenIstarthittingonyou.”Hegrinnedwidely.“You’rewelcometostayfreeaslongasyou

want.”

“ButI’llhavetodealwithyourslimyadvances?”
Hetoyedwithafry,andhisdeepchocolatebrowneyesfixedonmine,andgoodfuckinggrief,

thoseeyesweredeep,vivid,fulloflifeandpromiseandheat.“Angel,therewon’tbenothin’slimy
aboutit.Trustmeonthat.”Anddamnme,butIbelievedhim.Whichwasaproblem.“’Course,those
bedroomsaregonnagetawfulcrowdedawfulsoon.”

Iscrunchedmynoseinconfusion.“What’sthatmean?”
Hesighed,andtappedastackofpapersonthebar.“Meansmydeadlittlebarisabouttobe

drowninginBaddbrothers.”

“I’mstillnotfollowing.”

Heindicatedthehand-carvedwoodensignoverthemirrorontherearwall:Badd’sBarandGrill.

“I’mSebastianBadd.Thisismybar,andI’vegotsevenbrothersallabouttoconvergeonthisplace.”
Hesaidthiswithawincelikehewasn’tentirelyoverjoyedattheprospect.

Ichoked.Thereweresevenmorelikehim?“Yourbrothers…dotheyalllooklikeyou?”Icouldn’t

helpasking.Ireallycouldn’t.

Heshotmethesmirkagain.“I’mtheoldest,andthesexiest.Therestareuglyfuckingtrollsand

orcsandogresoftheworstsort.You’llhate’em.EspeciallyZane,thenextoldest.He’srealugly.”

“Youdon’tlikeyourbrothers?”
“Nah,Ilove’em.”Heliftedashoulder.“It’sjustcomplicated.They’remybrothers,andIlove’em,

butlet’sjustsaythey’renotgoingtobehappytobehere.We’reallbigdudesandthisisasmall
space,soit’sgonnaget…interesting.”

TheoddthingaboutthiswholeconversationwastheunspokenassumptionthatI’dbearoundto

meetthem.

Ifinishedthelastofmyfriesandwashedthemdownwiththelastofmybeer,andthenstoodup—

somewhatunsteadily,itmustbeadmitted.Ifumbledformypurse,andthenrememberedI’dgiventhe
pilothalfofmycash.Whichleftmewithsixhundreddollars…andcreditcardsthatwereallmaxed
outpayingfortheweddingandthehoneymoonandmydress.Dadhadhelped,andMichaelhadput
moneyinforthehoneymoontoo,andhadpaidforthecatering,butI’dfrontedthebulkofthebills.I
hadsomesavings,butitwouldn’tlastmeforever.

SinceIhadlimitedcash,IdugouttheonlycreditcardIhadthatstillhadalittleroomleftonit,and

extendedittohim.“Here,putitallonthis.”

Hejusteyedme,amused.“Nottakin’yourmoney,angel.It’sonthehouse.”
“Idon’twantyourcharity,andI’mnotsleepingwithyou.”
Hestoodupandmovedtostandoverme.God,hewastall.Andthoseeyesofhisboredintome,

intense,fierce,primal.“It’snotcharity,andI’mnottryingtogetunderthatsexyfuckin’dressof
yours.”

“Kindoffeelslikeyou’retrying,”Isaid.
Hesidledcloser,socloseIcouldfeelhisbodyheat,smellhismasculinescent,socloseIhadto

stareupathim,andmyheartthunderedinmychestathisproximity.“Honey,ifIwastryin’,you’d
know,becauseyou’dbenakedandscreamingmyname.I’dhaveyouonthatbar,thosecreamythighs
ofyoursspreadopenandmytongueonyourclit.”

Well.Shit.
Isquirmed,ached,andthenrememberedmyanger.
“Fuckyou,yougoddamnorc.”Iturnedaway,shovingmycreditcardbackintomypurseand

stompedoutofthebarandintotherain.

Istumbled,myheelcatchingonsomething,sendingmetothegroundonmyhandsandknees.Mud

splashedup,soakingmydress,myface,myhands.Somuchforadramaticexit.Ilookedupandsaw
therestofKetchikan,mostlydark,withsomethinghugeanddarkandbulkyinthedistance.
Everythinglookedsofaraway,andIhadnoideawhereanyofthehotelswere.I’donlyfoundthebar
becauseitwastheonlyplacewithlightsonclosetowherethepilothaddroppedmeoff.

AndnowIwaswetterthanI’deverbeen,drunkagain,coveredinmud,andfightingtears.
Isatdowninthemud,triedtowipeitoffmyfacewithmyhands,butmyhandswerecoveredin

mud,and—

I’dpromisedmyselfthebreakdownI’dhadinthetruckbackinSeattlewastheonlyoneI’dallow

myself,butapparentlyI’dliedtomyself.

BecauseIwascryingagain.
Hard.

ButnowIwasaloneinthemud,sittingintherain,withnoDadtocomfortme.
WhyhadIrunaway?
WhathadIbeenthinking?
Nojob—I’dquitmyjobatthelawfirmIclerkedatsincetheywouldn’tgivemeenoughtimeoff

formyhoneymoon,andI’dhadplentyofotheroffersinmyfield.I’dbeenconfidentI’dbeableto
findanewjobwhenIgotback,andhadevensentoutmyresumetoafewlikelyplaces.ExceptnowI
wasinKetchikan,Alaskawithfourmaxed-outcreditcards,limitedsavings,nojob,nocar,nofamily
exceptDad,noreturnflightavailabletillwhoknewwhen,evenifIcouldafforditand,ohyeah,my
fiancéhadbeenfuckingmybridesmaidminutesbeforeIwassupposedtowalkdowntheaisletohim.

Igaveinandletmyselfsob.
AndthenIheardhisfootstepsinthemud,glancedovertoseehismassivebootssquishingthough

themud,fadedjeansdappledbytherain,andthenhewaskneelingbesideme,hairdampeningwith
everypassingsecond,butheseemednottocare.Hereachedoutabigpaw,wipedthemudoffofmy
faceandwipeditonhisjeans.Hewasn’tsmiling,buttherewassomethingawfullylikecompassion
onhisface,whichonlymademeevenmoreunreasonablyangry.

“Leavemealone,”Isaid.“Idon’tneedyourhelp.”
“Toobad,”hesaid,slidinghisarmsaroundmeandliftingmeeffortlessly,“becauseyou’re

gettingit,likeitornot,wantitornot.”

“Putmedown,youorc.”
Hewastooclose,andIwasfull-ondrunkagain,andIhatedhimbecausehewasfuckinggorgeous

andhecouldcookandhepouredscotchwithaheavyhandandhewasgorgeous—didIalreadysay
that?—andhehadtattoosandI’dalwayshadasecretthingfortattoos,andhecouldpickmeupeasily,
eventhoughI’mnotreallydainty.I’mnot,like,big,butI’mnotsmalleither.

Hecarriedmeeasilyacrossthemuddystreet,throughadoorway,andupasetofstairs.
Hekickedopenadoor,flickedonalightsomehow,andthensetmeonmyfeet.Wewereina

bedroom,butthatwasallIcouldmanagetomakeoutthroughtheonsetofdoublevision.

“Canyoumanagefromhere?”
Inoddedsloppily.“Sure,sure.Noproblem.Justgonnagotosleep.”
HecaughtmebeforeIfellover.“Angel,you’resoaked,coveredinmud,andwasted.Youcan’tjust

gotosleep.”

“SureIcan.”
Iwobbled,becausewitheverypassingsecond,thefood,thescotch,thebeer,andtheexhaustion

andtheheartachewereallcatchinguptome,andpullingmeunder.Icouldn’tstopitandIdidn’tcare
aboutanythingbutbeingwarmanddryandhorizontal,whichwerethedirectoppositesofeverything
Iwasatthatmoment.

“Goddamnit,”Iheardhimmurmurunderhisbreath,andthenIfelthimguidemewithhisbig

hardwarmhandsonmywaisttowardthemultipledarkeneddoorwaysspinninginkaleidoscope
circlesthatIassumedwasthebathroom.

Thelightswenton,andIheardashowerstart.Iwassleepy.Sosleepy,andsodrunk.Andso

heartbroken.Ithurt,goddamnit…ithurt.

Thenhewasinfrontofme.“Hey,staywithme,angel.”
“MynameisDru,handsomeorc-man.Dru.D-R-U.Dru.”
“Okay,gotit.Dru.”Hisfacewoveandspuninfrontofme.“Youdesperatelyneedtoshower.

You’regonnacatchacold.Butyou’realsocompletelyshitfaced.”

“Yes.YesIam.Iamvery,veryshitfaced.Thankyouforthat,bytheway.”
“Noproblem.GladIcouldhelp.”Heheldmebytheshoulderstokeepmeupright.“ButIneedyou

topayattentiontome,okay?”

Inodded,sortof.“’Kay.What’sup,buttercup?”
“I’mgoingtohelpyougetundressed,andI’mgoingtohelpyoushower,becausethere’snobody

else.”

“Thefuckyouare.”Imanagedtoworkupagoodglare.“Youjustwanttogetyoursexypawson

me.”

Icaughthisgrinbeforemyabilitytofocusonhimwenttoshit.“AbsolutelyIdo.Whenyou’re

sober,andinyourrightframeofmind.Rightnow,I’mexercisingmygentlemanmanners,whichare
prettyfuckin’rusty,Imustadmit.Iwon’tbecoppinganyfeels,butIwillbetakingafewgoodlooks
aspayment,allright?”

Itriedtostareathim,togethismeasure,butshit,Iwasabsolutelyplasteredandcouldn’teven

managetomakeoutoneofhim,letalonedecidewhetherornotIwasgoingtowakeupwithasore
pussyfrombeingtakenadvantageofwhiledrunk.Somehow,though,Ididn’tgetthatfeelingfrom
him.Iwasbeingstupid,andIknewit,butIwasdrunkenoughnottocare.IfIwasgoingtogettaken
advantageofwhilehammered,atleasthewashot.HopefullyI’dremembersomeofit,andhopefully
it’dbegood.

“Whatever.Justmakeitgood,okay?”
Hemovedaroundbehindmewithoutlettinggoofmeandfumbledwiththehiddenzipperofmy

dress.“Makewhatgood?”

“Whenyoutakeadvantageofmydrunkass.”
Hehadmyzipperopentomid-back,paused,andspunmearound.Roughly,harshly,andgood

thinghehadastronggriponmebecauseIwould’vegonedownotherwise,andIdon’tmeanonhim,
Imeantothefloor—Drugoboom.

Hewasangry.“Listen,Dru.IknowI’mjustatatted-upbartenderfromtheass-endofnowhere,

andIgetI’mkindaroughlookin’.ButIhaveneverandwillnevertakeadvantageofadrunkchick.
Gotit?Yougotnothin’tofearfromme.Yourvirtueissafeashouses,allright?”

Icackled.“Virtue?That’srich.IlostmyvirtuetoJimmyIrvininthebackofhispickupafter

freshmanprom.”Isaw,eventhroughmydrunkenandspinninghaze,thathewasn’tamused.“Sorry.
YousaidyournameisSebastian,right?”

Heturnedmebackaround—gentlythistime—andfinishedundoingmyzipper.“Yeah,mynameis

Sebastian.”

NowthatIwasunzippedalltheway,Ifeltfree,finally.“Jesus,thatthingwastight.”Iexperimented,

takingdeeplungfulsofoxygen,revelinginthefreedomtofullyexpandmylungsforthefirsttimein
godknowshowmanyhours.“Look,I’msorryIoffendedyou.Butputyourselfinmypositionfora
second.Youknowyou’reagooddudewhowon’ttakeadvantageofsloppydrunkheartbrokenshould-
have-beenbrides,butIdon’tknowthat.”

Hewaswatchingmeinthemirror,Icouldtell,andhiseyesweregluedtomytitswitheverybreath

Itook.Iwasn’twearingabra.Iwaswearingpanties,buttheyweren’tmuchmorethanscrapsoflace
thatcouldbarelybecalledathong.

Myheartwaspoundinginmychest,andotherpartsofmeweresittingupandtakingnoticeofthe

factthatIwasinabathroom,mydressunzipped,titsonebigbreathfromspillingfree,andtheman
standingbehindmewasthedrop-deadsexiestmanI’deverseen.Andhewas,eventomyboozy,
fatiguedobservationalskills,attractedtome.

ButIcouldn’tstandupstraightwithouthishelp,couldn’tevenseestraight.Ifheletgoofme,I’d

topplesideways,probablywhackmyheadonthecounterandwouldneedstitches,andgodonlyknew
whatkindofmedicalfacilitiestheyhadinthistownIwasin,which,Isuddenlyremembered,Iknew
absolutelynothingabout.Ididn’tevenknow,geographically,whereinAlaskaIwas.

Sebastian’shandstouchedmyshoulders.“Dru?Yougonnapuke?”

Ishookmyhead.“No,no.Just…it’sbeenareallylongdayandit’sallsortofcatchinguptome.”
“Gonnacryagain?’CauseI’mnotsurehowtohandlethatshit.”
“No.Ijust…Ineedashower.”Imethiseyesinthemirror,ortriedto.AllImanagedwastolook

sortofinhisgeneraldirectionor,atleast,inthedirectionofthetwoorthreeofhimthatwere
rotatinginfrontofme.

“Yougotit?”
Ipushedmyselfupright,keptonehandonthecounter,andtriedtowiggleoutofthedress.But

consideringithadtakenallthreeofmybridesmaidsalmostanhourtogetmeintoit,mychancesof
gettingoutofitalonewhilewastedwere…well…notgreat.

“Shit,”Imumbled.“You’regonnahavetohelpme.Butifyoutouchmytits,I’llpunchyou.And

Sebastian?”IglaredinhisdirectionbestIcould.“TrustmewhenIsayyoudon’twantmetopunch
you.I’mIrish,andI’mthedaughterofaMarineCorpsdrillinstructor.Icanlayyouout,okay?”

Heseemedimpressed,oratleast,that’swhatmyadmittedlycompromisedabilitytoreadfacial

expressionsinformedme.“I’llbeonmybestbehavior,Iswear.”

Thiswasafuckedupsituation.
ButI’dgottenmyselfintothismess,andDadhadtaughtmetoalwaysacceptresponsibilityformy

actions,andtojusttakewhatcamebestIcouldanddealwithshitwithoutflinching.

Dowhatyougottado,anddealwiththeemotionsofitlater,Dadalwayssaid.
DowhatIgottado.
Iputbothhandsonthecounter,steadiedmyself,andlookedathiminthemirror.“Helpmeoutof

thisstupiddress,Sebastian.”

Sebastian

Fuck,fuck,fuck,fuck,fuck.
Thiswasbad.Imean,itwasgoddamnedamazing,but…itwasbad.Thisgirlwasbarelyholdingit

together.Iwasn’tabouttoaskwhathadhappened,butithadn’tbeengood.Thewayshe’djust…
brokendown…outinthestreet—itputafireinmybelly,man.Pissedmethefuckoff.Whocoulddo
somethingtoagirllikethatbadenoughtomakeherbreakthatway?Shestruckmeasstrong,tough,
atake-no-shitsortofgirl.Shedidn’tbreakeasy.Butoutthereinthemud?Shejustshattered.Alone.
Broken-hearted.AndIguessIwasasucker,becauseIcouldn’tleaveheroutthere.Itwasobviousshe
wasinnoconditiontobeleftalone,andI’dfedherthescotch,whichmeantshewasmyproblemnow.

Andnowhereshewas,sexyasfuck,coveredinmud,obliterated,fightinganotherbreakdown,so

exhaustedshehadcirclesunderhereyes,andfuck,sogoddamnbeautiful.Wet,muddy,straggly
auburn-redhairstickingtoherfaceandherbareshoulders,thatsexy-as-sinweddingdressall
splatteredwithmudanddroopingunderherbig,lush,creamandivorytits,hernipplesandareolae
playingpeek-a-boo,hipslikefuckin’magnetsformyhands,andherass—JesusChrist,thatass.
Round,full,juicyasapeach.Butshewasafuckin’wreck.Icouldn’tdoadamnthing.Couldn’ttouch.
Couldn’tputmylipstothatcreamyskinofhers,couldn’tkissawayherheartbreak,couldn’tfuckher
sogood,sohard,forsolongshe’dforgetthenameofwhateverassholehadshreddedherheart.

Ihadtobeagentleman.
Andthatwasn’tme.
Idrank,Ifucked,andItendedbar.Ididn’tdothegentlemanshit.Thewomenwhocamethrough

thebarwerelookingforonething,justlikeme.Aquick,simple,easybang.Nostrings,noemotions,
justbodilyreleaseandfeelinggoodforawhile.Ididn’thavetobothercaringwhattheylikedor
thoughtorfelt.Icouldreadtheirbody’sreactiontowhatIwasdoinglikeabook,andIgotthemoff,
andtheywentbacktotheirvacation,feelingdirtyforhavingslummeditwiththelocalbartender.

Thischickwasn’tlikethat.
Shewasclass.Thedresshadtobeworthamint,justliketheshoesshe’dleftonthefloorofmy

barandthatpurseonthefloorofthebedroom.Butitwasn’tthemoney.Shewasnorichbitch;Icould
smellthose,andI’dfuckedplentyof’em.Shewasjust…class.Shedidn’tfuckrandoms.Shedidn’tdo
hookups.

WhatthefuckwasIthinking?Icouldn’tfuckthisgirl.Noway,nohow,never.Shewasn’tmeantfor

me.Ihadtotamethebeastinmypants,getherclean,andletherpassthehellout.

Internalscoldingfinished,Isteeledmyself,summonedalltheself-controlIpossessed,andsetto

workhelpingthesexiestwomanI’deverseenoutofherweddingdress…knowingIwouldn’tbe
settingafingeronasingleinchofherperfectfuckin’skin.

Ihadtotugprettyhardtogetthegowndownpastherchestand,Jesus,everytimeItugged,Ibared

moreofhertits,whichnotonlywerebig,butwereallnatural,bouncinglikefuckin’Jell-Oevery
timeItugged.Ifeltmycockhardeninginmyjeans,anddidmybesttoignoreit.Afewmoretugs,and
thedresswasatherhips,andthenpastthem,andthenfinallyshewasstandingthereinfrontofmein
nothingbutawhitestripoflacearoundherhips.Bare-ass,thewhitestringdisappearingbetween
thosesweet,lush,juicycheeks.Icouldseeherinthemirrorand—Christ,thethongdidn’tcovermuch
infronteither.Imean,forreal,itdidn’tcovershit.Herpussywasstraightupeatingthatskimpylittle
thonglikealastmeal,andifIdidn’thaveahard-onalready,Isprunghardasgoddamnedsteelatthe

sightofthoseplumppussylipsstickingtodampwhitesilk.Yeah,shewaswet.Notjustfromtherain
andmud,either.Shewasstaringatmeinthemirror,thoseridiculousblueeyeswobblingand
focusingandwavering,butfixedonmewithunreadablethoughtsandemotionsrippingacrossher
featuresandblazinginhereyes.

Fuckme.
Ihadtoletgoofher,hadtoclenchmyhandsintofistsandclosemyeyesandthinkaboutthattime

adeliverytruckhitapuppy.

Nakedoldnuns.
Nakedoldpriests.
Cold,wrigglingfish.
Wormsinthedirt.
WhenIopenedmyeyes,shewasstillstaringatmeinthemirror.ButnowIwaslooking,andher

titswereonfulldisplayinthemirror,big,round,high,perfect,withdarksilver-dollarsizeareolae
andthick,plump,erectpinknipples,andanyworkI’ddonetopushdownmyerectionwastotally
undone.

Andshewasjustlookingatme,andIsweartofuckshewasthinkingshewouldn’tmindifIcopped

atouch,ifmyself-controlslippedalittle.

“Quitfuckin’lookin’atmelikethat,Dru,sweartoChrist.”Mygrowlwasthedeepest,snarliest

soundIthinkI’devermade.

“Likewhat?”
“Idunno.Whateveryou’rethinkin’,lookin’atmelikethat,youbestquit.”Ituggedasidethe

showercurtain,adjustedthewatermixsoitwasn’ttoohotorcold,andthengrabbedherwristinmy
hand.“Getin,angel.”

Shesteppedin,fumbledfortheknobtoaddmorehotwater,andthenglancedatme,steadying

herselfagainstthewall.“I’mstillwearingmyunderwear.”

Igroundmyteeth,spokethroughclenchedmolars,becausenowshewasinmyshower,allbut

naked,watersluicingdownherskin,pastingherhairtoherscalpandshoulders,andIwasfighting
everyinstinctIhad,whichwastoclimbintherewithherandscrubhercleanjustsoIcouldgetherall
dirtyagain.

Icouldn’thelpthepissedoffglareIgaveher.“Wellpardonme,butthere’snowayinfuckin’hell

I’mtakingthatoffyou.Thisistakingallmyself-controlasitis.Soyou’lljusthavetoshowerinthat
fuckin’thong,becauseIain’thelpingyououtofit.”

“Oh.”Sheduckedherheadbackunderthespray,rinsingherhair,thenwipedherfaceandpeered

aroundtheshower.“Shampoo?”

Isnaggedabottlefromunderthesinkandhandedittoher.
Shelatheredherhair,occasionallysteadyingherselfagainstthewallwithonehand,orgrabbingat

mewiththeother.Iwasgettingsoakedbythespray,aswasthefloorbut,fuckit,Ididn’tcare.Not
then.Watchinghershower?God,Iwastheluckiestbastardinthewholefuckingworld,andthemost
cursed:treatedtothesightofhernudebody,allthatperfectskin,allthosegoddamnperfectcurves,
watchingdropletsofwaterslidedownherbreastsandbetweenherthighs…fuck—butIwascursed,
becauseIcouldn’ttouch.

Andthensheglancedatme,considering,thinking.Shesteadiedherselfwithahandonthewall,

hookedherthumbintothelaceofherthong,andworkeditdownaroundherhips,thenslidherthighs
togetherandwiggledherhipstoshimmyitdowntoherknees,andthenitwasoffandatherfeet.She
benttograbit,wentoffbalance,andIhadtograbhershoulderstokeepherupright,whichmeantI
gotblastedbythescaldinghotwater,andIhadmyhandsonhernakedwetskin,andnowshewas
inchesawayfromme,waterrunningdownherfaceandhereyeswerewideandblueandfrightened

andarousedandfullofsadness.

Butshehadherthonginherhand.
And,inthatmoment,hereyesonmine,herthoughtsandfeelingsrunningclearasdayacrossher

faceandinhereyes,hernakedwetbodypressedupagainstmine…

Shesethersoakedthongontopofmyhead,andgiggled.
Itdrippedhotwaterintomyhairanddownmyfaceandontothebackofmyneck.Isnaggeditoff

myhead,wrungitout,andbackedawayfromher.Ihadto.

Thatgiggle.
Motherfucker,thatgiggle.
Sweet,innocent,playful,sexy,breathy.
IfIcouldmakehergigglelikethatinbed,tickleher,teaseherwithmytongueuntilthoseerotic

littlegigglesturnedtomoans,whichwouldturntobegging,whichwouldturntoscreamsoforgasm
asIsweptmytongueagainstherclit,tastingthesugarofherpussy…

Istartedforher,reachedforher,fullyintendingtotossherontothebedandmakeherbegformy

cockinthatmusicalvoiceofhers…

Igotsofarastorestmypalmonherhip,andthenmyfingerscurledagainstherskin,andher

eyesfixedonmine,andshewavered,fellbackagainsttheshowerwall,breathinghard,titsrisingand
fallingwitheachgaspingbreath,andfuck,fuck,fuck,herthighswereshaking,andIsweartoChristI
couldsmellthedesirefromherpussythroughthesteamofthescorchinghotwater,andshewas
reachingformetoo,butshestillhadonehandonthewalltokeepherselffromtopplingover,and—

Shit.
You’reafuckingbastard,SebastianBadd.
IspunawayfromherbeforeIdidanythingwe’dbothregret,butIwassopissedatmyself,ather,

attheassholewho’dbrokenherheart…sofuckingpissed.AdrenalinecoursedthroughmeasIripped
myselfawayfromher.

Ilashedout,smashedmyfistagainstthedoorframeashardasIcould,splinteringitso

thoroughlychunksofmoldingsplitoffandhitthefloor.

“Jesus,Sebastian!Whatthefuck!”Shewasshocked,scared.
Ikeptmyeyesoffher,grabbedatowelfromunderthesinkandsetitonthecounter.“Ican’tdo

this.Sorry.Trynottopassoutandbreakyourfuckin’headopen.”

Ileftthebathroom,closedthebedroomdoorbehindme,andthenputmybacktoit,clutchingat

myhairwithbothhands.Myfistthrobbedlikeabitch,butIdidn’tcare.

IlistenedtotheshowergoingforsolongIthoughtshe’dforsurepassedoutinthere,but

eventuallythewatershutoffandthenIheardthebedspringssqueakasshehitthebed.

“Sebastian?”Iheardhervoicebeyondthedoor,muzzy,slurred.
“Yeah.”
“Needatrashcan.IncaseIpuke.”
“Gotit.”Ifetchedatrashcanfromoneoftheotherbathrooms,andthenknockedonherdoor.

“Youcovered?”

“Mostly.”
Iopenedthedoorandmovedbesidethebed.Shewasdiagonalacrossthemattress,facingthefoot

end,andby‘mostly’covered,shemeantshehadthetowelwrappedaroundherwaisttocovermostof
herass,andshewaslyingonherstomachwithherheadoverthesideofthebed.

“Thedressisallyougotwithyou,I’mguessing?”
Shenodded.“Yep.Andapairofheels.Andmypurse,andmybrokenheart.Butnoclothes.”
“I’llgetyouashirttosleepin,then.”
Ibroughtoneofmyold,fadedBadd’sBarandGrillshirts,frombackwhenBadd’swasa

relativelyhigh-drawtouristattractionratherthanarun-downone-manoperation.Itwassoft,thelogo
sofadedyoucouldbarelyreadit.Itouchedhershouldergently,andthensatdownnearherhead.

“Canyousitup?”
Sheshookherheadsloppily.“Nope.Nocando,MisterSebastiansir.I’malldrunkedout.Alldone.

Bye-bye.”

“Awesome.Well,workwithme,here.I’mgonnagetthisshirtonyou,okay?”
“Okay.”
Iheldherbytheshoulders,helpedherrollontoherback,thenliftedhertoasittingposition,and

somehowmanagedtomakesurethetowelstayedinplaceoverherchestintheprocess.Ituggedit
overherhead,andtriedtohelphergetherarmsthrough,butshegotlostorconfusedorsomething,
andIcouldn’tfigureoutwhicharmIhadandshecouldn’tfigureoutwhereitwasgoing,andshegot
alltangledup,herheadhalfwaythroughtheopening,onearminthewrongsleeve,theother
fumblingbehindher.

“Waitwaitwait.”Shewhackedatmewithbothhands.“Stop,youstupidgorgeousorcman.Icando

it.”

Iletgoofher,tryingnottolaughandfailingbadly.
“Stoplaughingatme!”
“I’msorry,it’sjustfunny.You’refunny,butit’sacutefunny.”
Shefinallygottheshirtsortedoutandgotitdowninplace,andthengavemeasad,sorrowful

look.“I’mnotsupposedtobecute.I’msupposedtobesexy,”shesaid,hervoiceplaintiveand
mournful.“I’msupposedtobemarried.I’msupposedtobemarriedrightnow!Itwassupposedtobe
Michaeltakingmydressoff.Ishouldhavehiscockinsidemerightnow,butinsteadI’mhere,drunk
outofmymind,heartbroken,andwishingitwasyouwithyourcockinsidemeinstead,andIdon’t
evencare,becauseMichaelisanASSHOLE!”SheshoutedthelastwordsoloudlyIflinched.

Ihadtoforcemyselftoignoretheonephraseoutofeverythingshesaidthatreallyregistered…

takeawildguesswhich.Ipalmedhercheekgently.“Youaresexy,Dru.AndI’msorryyourfuckhead
ex-fiancébrokeyourheart.He’stheworstkindofassholeinthewholeworld,andyou’rebetteroff
withouthim.”

Shegiggledatmeagain.“WannaknowwhyMichaelisanasshole?”
“Hestoodyouup?”
Sheshookherheadsidetosideinasloppy,wide,exaggeratedgesture.“Noooooope.Hewas

fuckingmybridesmaidrightbeforethegoddamnwedding.AndhernamewasTawny!Whothefuck
namestheirkidTawny?Didherparentswanthertobeaslut?Becausethat’showyougetaslut.And
she’saslut.Imean,I’msuretherearenice,normal,non-sluttygirlsouttherenamedsorry—Imean…
Tawny—shit.WhatImeantwas,sorrytoallthenon-slutgirlsnamedTawnyintheworldfor
assumingthey’reallsluts.Butshe’saslut.Shefuckedmyfiancéonmyweddingday!Whodoesthat?
Tawnydoesthat,becauseshe’saslut!Fuckyou,Tawny,youfuckingslut.”

Shestaredatme,eyesswimmingdizzily,andthengrinnedasiftherewasajokeI’dmissed.“Did

youhearwhatelseIsaid?IsaidIwantedyourcockinsideme,andnotMichael’s.Ibetyouhavea
huuuuuuuuugecock,thehugest,thebiggest,mostbeautifulcockever,right?Youdo,Ijustknowyou
do.AndifIwasn’ttotallywastedandsupposedtobemarriedRIGHTNOW,I’dbefuckingyouso
hardyoudon’tevenknow.You—don’t—even—know!”Shejabbedherindexfingerintomychest.
“Didyougetallthat?”

Isighed,strugglingwithmyself.“Yes,Dru,Igotallthat.”
“Well?”
Ifrowned.“Wellwhat?”
“Doyou?”

“DoIwhat?”
Shepointedatmycrotch.“HavethehugestcockI’veeverseen.”
IwantedsofuckingbadtoshowherwhatIhad,becausedespitethesituation,Iwassohardithurt.

“Neverhadanycomplaints.Butfornow,Ithinkyouneedtogotosleep.”

“Alone.”
Inodded.“Yes,alone.”
“Good.”Shefloppedbackwardontothepillows,andItuggedtheblanketsoutfrombeneathher

andcoveredherwiththem.Iwasonmywaytowardthedoorwhenhersweet,sleepyvoicestopped
me.“Knowwhatsucks,Sebastian?”

“What’sthat?”
“You’llrememberthiswholethingtomorrow,andIwon’t.”Shetriedtopointatme,butmissed,

andhitthebedbesideherinstead.“Or,atleast,IhopeIdon’trememberthistomorrow.Ihopeyou
don’teither,’causeI’mafuckingmess.IhopeIwakeupwithamnesia.Canyougivemeamnesia?”

“No.AndevenifIcould,Iwouldn’t.”
“Whynot?Idon’twannarememberthis.Noneofit.”
“Becauseforgettingisacop-out,angel,andyou’restrongerthanthat.”
“Howdoyouknow?”
Iflickedoffthelights,hearingherfading.“Icanjusttell.Nowsleep.You’resafehere.”
“That’scauseyou’reanorc,andnobodyfuckswithorcs.Exceptyou’reasexyorc.Adamnsexy

orc.”

Shitwasgettingseriouslyinteresting.
Ilefthersnoring,atrashcanonthefloorneartohand,andwenttomybedroom.
Ilockedmydoor.Lockedmybathroomdoor,strippednaked,turnedontheshower,andtold

myselftostopthinkingabouther.

Butitwasfutile.
IgotintotheshowerandfoughtitasIwashedmyhair.IfoughtitasIscrubbedsoapovermyskin.
ShewasallIcouldsee.AllIcouldsmell.AllIcouldfeel.Icouldpictureeveryinchofhernaked,

wetbody,andIcouldalmostfeelherpussytightandwetandwarmslidingaroundmycockasI
pushedintoher,couldalmosthearthatsexyplayfulgiggleasIteasedher—shit,shit…she’dbesowet
forme,she’dfeellike—god,likenothingIhadeverfeltbefore.Ijustknewfuckingherwouldfeel
likenothingI’deverfeltbefore.Thewayshe’dmoveunderme,ontopofme,thewayshe’dwhimper
andmoanandbegformetofuckherharder…

MycockthrobbedinmyfistasIjerkedmyselfthinkingaboutDru,picturingherwetskinagainst

mine,herslickpussyswallowingeveryinchofmycock,whichIknewforafactwouldbethe
longest,thickest,hardestcockshe’deverhadinsideher,andI’dfuckheruntilwebothwentcrazy
withit—

IcamesohardIthoughtI’dgoblind,emptyingmyballsingushaftergush,untilIwentlimpand

hadtobraceagainstthefarwalltostayupright.

Iwasafuckingbastard.
BecauseIknewI’djerkofftoDruagain,andfrequently.
Ijustcouldn’ttouchher.
Youdon’tfucktheheartbrokenones:theycling,andIdon’tdoclingy.
Notever,butespeciallynotwithmysevenbrothersabouttodescenduponme.
Whichraisedoneverypressingquestion:Wherethehellwerealleightofusgoingtosleep?We

hadn’treallyfitfourtoaroombackwhenwewerekids;wewereallbigmenwhotookupalotof
spacenow,andtheserooms,whilenottiny,weredefinitelynotgoingtofiteightgrownmen,evenifI
didgiveuphavingaroomtomyself,whichIwasn’tsuperexcitedabout.Shit,noneofuswouldbe.

Whatthefuck,Dad?I’dhavehelpatthebar,sure…butstill.Whatthefuck?

Dru

IwokeuptoapoundingheadacheandamouthsoparchedIthoughtI’dswallowedsand.
Whatthefuck—wherewasI?Whathappened?
Icouldn’trememberanything,atfirst.Whichwasamercy,ofsorts.
Itriedtofallbackasleep,but,asarule,onceIwasawakeIwasupforgood,nomatterhow

exhaustedorstilldrunkorhungoverIwas.

Thebedunderneathmedidn’tfeelright—itwasn’tmybed.Itwastoofirm,andthesheetsfelt

wrong,andtheblanketssmelledwrong,andthepillowwastoothickanditsmelledwrong.I
wrenchedmyeyesopen,staredattheceilingforafewminutes,whichwasamistake,sinceitwas
furtherevidenceIwasn’tathome.Thisceilingwasflatwhitedrywallwithnomoldingtohidethe
corners.MyceilingathomeinSeattlewasmuchhigherandwasindustrialchic,blackpaintedmetal
raftersmeetingexposedbrickwalls.

Iturnedovertotheside,andsawtwominormiracles:alitrebottleofwater,andtwoaspirin.Also,

therewasanote.

Masculinehandwriting,sloppilyandquicklyscrawled,butlegible:

Dru,
Betyou’refeelinglikeshitaboutnow.Drinkthewholebottleofwaterandtaketheaspirin,and

thencomedownstairs.I’llmakeyousomebreakfast.

Justsoyouknow,oneofmybrothersishere,andhe’stheugliestmotherfuckeryou’veeverseen,so

bewarned.He’salsoamajordouche-tard,sodon’texpectmannersfromhim,ashe’sspentthelastfew
yearspretendinghe’sabadass.HisnameisZane,andifyouignorehimlongenough,he’llgoaway.
Unlikeme.

Coupleotherquickthings:Ihaveabuddyintownwhoownsadry-cleaningbusiness,sohe’sgot

yourdresstoseeifhecanworksomemagiconthosemudstains.Second,Ihaveanotherfriendwho
ownsasecond-handclothingshop,soshebroughtyousomeclothes.Igotnofuckingcluewhatsize
youare,soItoldherwhatsizeyourdressisandsheguessedfromthere.Hopetheyfit.

Lastly,Iseemtohavedevelopedanoddcaseofamnesiaregardinglastnight.ToomuchJohnny,

probably.Sodon’tfeelweird,sinceneitherofusremembersshitaboutshit.

Sebastian

PS:you’refuckingadorablewhenyousleep.Yousnore.

Fuck.
Fuck.
FUCK.
FUCK!
Irememberedeverything.Allatonce,likeafreighttrainofheartacheandembarrassment.
ThevideoonEric’sphoneofMichaeldrillingTawnyfrombehindinthedressingroom,minutes

beforehewassupposedtosay“Ido”tome.

GettingobliteratedwithDad’scopbuddies.
Literallyjumpingonthefirstairplanegoinganywhere,andofferingthepilotallmycashtotake

mewhereverhewasgoing.

WhichturnedouttobesomewherecalledKetchikan,Alaska.
Stumblinghalf-drunk,halfhungover,andallpissedoffintosomeshittydivebaronthedocks,

andgettingwastedalloveragainwiththesexiestmotherfuckerI’deverlaideyeson.

Whohadpouredmescotch.
Fedmedeliciousfood.
Carriedmeoutofthemud.
Undressedme.
Putmeintheshower.
Putmeinbed.
Andhadn’ttakenadvantageofme.
EventhoughIhadtoldhim,Iwasprettysure,thatheprobablyhadthehugestcockandthatI

wanteditinsideme.

Andthen—andthen…he’dleftmewaterandaspirinandacutenote.
Andgottenmydressdry-cleaned.
Andprovidedrealclothingforme.
Andwasgoingtomakemebreakfast.
Itwasprobablythehangover,butIcouldhavecriedatthethoughtfulnessandcarehe’dshownme.
Iworkedonsittingup,whichtookafewminutesbecausemovingwashard,andbeingawakewas

hard,andbeingalivewashardandeverythinghurtlikehell,butmostespeciallymyheadandmy
heartachedindifferentbutequallyexcruciatingways.Itwistedthetopoffthewater,tookfourhuge
slugsofthestill-coldwater,andthenchasedtheaspirindownwithmorewater.Thenfinallytooka
goodlookaroundme.Theroomwasspare,sparse.ThebedIwasonwasnothingbutamattressand
boxspringonaframe,noheadboardorfootboard.Plainwhitesheetsandathickgrayquilt.There
reallywasn’tanythingelseintheroomexceptasidetableonmyleft,whichhadthewateronit,the
note,andmyphone,withmychargercordconnectedtoawallplug.He’devenpluggedinmyphone.

Therewasawindow,soIgingerlystoodupandwalkedstifflyacrossthesmallroomandlooked

out.

Jesus.
Ketchikanwasgorgeous.Theviewfromthewindowshoweddocksextendingalongtheshoreline

withboatsofallkindsmooredtothem,andthenthesearipplingwithwhitecapsanddottedwithsails
andfishingboatsandamassivecruiselineroffinthedistanceapproachingtheshore.Thenfartherto
theleftsideofmyviewthehillswerecarpetedingreentrees,aleadengrayskyabove,andcolorful
housesclimbingupintothehills,andamountainoffinthedistance,white-capped.

I’dpickedabeautifulspottorunawayto,thatwasforsure.
Iturnedawayfromtheviewandnoticedapileofclothingonthefootofthebed:apairofjeans,a

pairofblackyogapants,twoV-neckT-shirts—oneblackandonewhite—ahoodedsweatshirt,athick
cable-knitsweater,anunopenedthree-packofplaincottonunderwear,asportsbra,twopairofthick
woolsocks,andausedbutexpensive-lookingpairofhikingboots.

Mythroatfeltthickandhot,forsomestupidreason.
Itwasjustclothing.
But…he’dthoughtofeverything.Evenabraandunderwear,andhadmadesuretheunderwear

weren’tsecond-hand.Thebra,too,stillhadthetagonit,whichhadbeenscribbledoverwithasharpie
andasecond-handpricehandwrittenontheback.Iputontheunderwearandthebra,bothofwhichfit,
althoughthebrawasalittlesmall.Thejeanswereexactlymysize,soIputonthosealongwithaT-
shirtandthehoodieand,letmejustsay,beingdressedinwarm,cleanclothingfeltlikealuxuryafter
theeventsofthedaybefore.

Myhairwasadisaster,though.Idiscoveredthatafterpeekingintothebathroom.Ifingercombed

itoutasbestIcould,whichdidn’tdomuchforthetangles,butatleastnowitwaskindoflessfucked.I
turnedtoleavethebathroom,andthatwaswhenIsawthedamageddoorframe,andhadamental
flashback.

He’dreachedforme,asifhisself-controlhadfinallyfizzledout,hadhishandonmynakedhip,

andIrememberedfeelinghishandbeingsowarmandstrong,cuppingthegenerouscurveofmyhip
likehishandwasmadetomoldtomycurves,andthenhe’dspunaroundandpunchedthedoorframe
sohardthemoldinghadsplintered,hisfistleavingacrushedindentinthewoodandplaster.

Shit,themancouldhithard.
Iwasdelaying,Irealized.
Ihadtoleavetherelativesanctuaryofthisroom,hadtogodownstairsandfaceSebastianandhis

supposedlyuglydouchetardbrother.

Enoughofthesissyshit.Itwastimetowomanup.
SoItuggedthehoodovermyhead,pocketedmyphone,twistedopenthedoorknob,andleftthe

room.Thereweretwootherbedroomsinthehallway,bothdoorsclosed,thehallwayopeningintoan
expansivegreatroom.Thekitchenareawasseparatedfromthelivingroombyanislandcounterwith
stoolsonthelivingroomside,andthesittingareafeaturedtwooverstuffedarmchairs,amismatched
leathercouchandloveseat,abatteredcoffeetable,andasmallflatscreenTVmountedonthewall
oppositethecouch.Windowsletinnaturallight,andrevealedbreathtakingviewsoftheharborand
thegreenhills.

Nothingexpensive,nothingfancy,butcomfortable,cozy,homey.
Attheotherendofthehallwayfromthegreatroomwasadoorway,whichIassumedled

downstairs.Thegreatroomwasempty,soIassumedSebastianandhisbrotherweredownstairs.
Heartthudding,Idescendedthenarrowstaircase,pushedthroughthedooratthebottom,emerged
insidethebarnexttothekitchen—

Andintoatense,frozentableau.
Sebastianwaswearingapairoffaded,rippedbluejeansandaplainwhiteV-neckT-shirt,which

wasinnowayequaltothetaskofcontaininghismuscularbulkorhidinghistattoos.Icouldactually
seealotmoreofthetatsnowthathewaswearingashort-sleevedshirt,thesleevesofwhichstopped
justabovethebulgeofhisbicepsandlookedtobesostretchedIwasworriedthestitchingwasgoing
topop.Itwasalsostretchedacrosshisshouldersandchest,highlightingthebreadthandwidthofhis
torso,andthendrapeddowntoclingtohisslimwaist.

Hewasalsobarefootand,holymotheroffuck,whatwasitaboutamanwhowasbarefootinblue

jeans?Socliché,Iknow,butshit,itwassogoddamnhot.

Thetats,though.Iactuallylickedmylips,lookingatthem.Eachimagewasdistinctyetbledand

mergedwiththeothersoneacharm,extendingacrossthebackofhisshouldersanddowneacharm.
Therewerealotoftotems,animals,skulls,playingcards,popcultureimagestwistedsomehowintoa
wholemenagerieofimageswiththeirownstories.

FacingSebastianwasanotherman,thisonealittleshorterthanSebastianbymaybethreeorfour

inches,makinghimaboutsixfeettoSebastian’ssix-four,butJeeeeesusandholyhell,themanwas
built.ImeanSebastianwasripped,butthisman…god,hewasonawholeotherlevelofmassive.He
hadthesameessentialbuild—broadshoulders,awidechest,taperedwaist—butthisothermantook
theimageandranwildwithit.ArmsthickereventhanSebastian’s,nearlyasthickasmythighs,a
chestyoucoulduseasananvil,themanwasjust…insanelymuscled.Yetitstillwasn’tbodybuilder
bulk…hewaslean,hard.EverythingabouthimjustscreamedDANGER.Hisheadwasshavedtothe
scalponthesidesandhadonlyathinscruffofbrownfuzzontop.HehadonlyonetattoothatIcould
see,ascreamingeagleonhisleftbiceps,theeagleclutchingatridentinonetalonandaflintlock

pistolintheother,withananchorsuperimposedinfrontofit.Irecognizedthelogo,butittookmea
minutetoputittogether;Sebastian’snotehadsaidhisbrotherZanehadspentthelastfewyears
“pretendingtobeabadass.”ThelogowasthatoftheUSNavySEALs.

Damn.Probablynot“pretending”tobeabadassthen,I’dguess.
SebastianhadalsosaidZanewouldbethe“ugliestmotherfucker”I’deverseen,yet,powerhouse

warrior ’sphysiqueaside,ZanewaseverybitassexyasSebastian.Craggycliff-sidejawline,deep-set
darkeyes,highcheekbones,awideexpressivemouth…Yeah,ZaneBaddwasfuckinghotashell.But
whereSebastianwashard,gruff,androughlookingyetwithanintoxicatingpatinaofwarmthand
charisma,Zanejustlooked…scary.Hiseyeswerecold,dark,wild.Sebastianhadthatsamewildness
inhisgaze,butZane’seyeswerejustflatouticy.Themanhadseenanddonesometrulyhellish
thingsinhislife,anditbledintohisoverallaura.

Neithermanhadseenmeyet.Theywerestandingfacetofaceinthemiddleofthebar,afewscant

inchesbetweentheirmassivechests,eyesblazing,fistsclenched;theywerebothpissed.Closeto
blows,itlookedlike,tome.

“Ihadnofuckin’clueDadwasgonnaputanyofthatshitinhiswill,Zane!HowthefuckcouldI?I

didn’tevenknowhehadagoddamnwill,muchlessthathe’dbeenhavinghearttrouble.Hejustup
anddied,inthemiddleofashift.Hewasdeadbeforehehitthefuckin’floor,andIdidn’thearshit
aboutthewilluntilyesterday.Sodon’tcomebarginginhereactinglikeIknewsomethingyou
didn’t.”

“Thatratofalawyerfaxedmeacopyofthewill,Bast.Yougottengrandnoneofusgot.Explain

thatshit,then.”

Sebastianseemedtobesecondsfromblowinghistopandattackinghisbrother.Who,fromthe

looksofit,waseverybitasclosetogoinginafterSebastianinturn.Andgiventheabsurdsizeand
powerofbothmen,Iwasn’tsurethisbarwouldsurviveiftheystartedfighting.

ButwhatwasIgoingtodo?Iwashalftheirsize,didn’tknoweitherofthem,andwasintrudingon

aclearlypersonalargument.

“Ifyousawthewill,andifyousawIgotthattengrand—whichIhaven’tseenafuckin’dimeof,by

theway—thenyousawwhatDadsaidinhiswill.BecauseIwasalwaystheonetostepinaroundhere.
ItookoverthekitchenwhenMomdied.ItookoverthepaperworksoDadcouldsemi-retire.Iranthis
place,Zane.Me.AllofyouguysranofftochaseyourdreamsandIstayedheretorunthebarwith
Dad.Nobodyevenaskedifthat’swhatIwanted.SothenDadgavemeafewextrabucksasaminor
rewardorsomeshit,andyou’vegottheballstoactjealous?Fuck…you.”

Sebastianpunctuatedthelastwordwithahardshove,sendinghisbrothersteppingbackwarda

couplesteps.

AndZane?Well…hedidn’ttakeitwell.Obviously.Hisfistflew,crackedagainstSebastian’sjaw

andtwistedhimsideways.

Andthenitwason,bothmenrushingateachother,spittingcursesandswingingfists.
Ihadtostopit.
Itwasn’tevenaconsciousthing,honestly,Ijustreacted.FromthetimeIwastwoyearsold,Dad

hadtaughtmemartialarts.Everymorningbeforedawnweranthroughthekatas,andonceaweekI
wentwithDadtohisgymtospar.Ineverreallycaredaboutbeltsoranything,becauseIdiditforDad
morethananything,butI’dpassedthesecond-degreeblackbelttest,onDad’sinsistence.

SoIknewIcouldhandlemyself,andjumpingintostopafightwasjustsecondnature.Ihadthe

skills,soIwasobligedtousethemwhennecessaryinthedefenseofothers—anotherlessonDadhad
impressedonme,growingup.

Sowhenthefistsstartedflying,Iwentin.
IblockedSebastian’srightcrossandredirectedhismomentumaside,sendinghimstumbling,and

thenspuntofaceZane,whoalreadyhadhisownpunchrocketingtowardwhereSebastianhadbeen—
andwhereInowwas.Itwistedtododgeit,steppedinsideZane’sreach,caughthisoff-handand
twistedagainstthejointinawrist-lock.

Theplanhadbeentospinhimaroundandshovehimawaytoseparatethebrothers,butI

underestimatedthesnake-fastspeedofZane’sinstinctivereactiontothewrist-lock.Themanwasa
NavySEALforfuck’ssake…whathadIexpected?Hesimplyacceptedthepainofthewrist-lockand
slammedtheheelofhispalmintomychest,rightagainstmydiaphragm.Knockedthewindoutof
me,sentmestumbling,gaspingforbreath.Itwasn’tahardhit,andhadbeeninstinctive,theresultof
hundredsofhoursofpractice.

BeforeIcouldreact,hehadhisfingersaroundmythroat,cuttingoffmybreathandliftingme

clearoffthefloorasolidinch.“Whothefuckisthisbitch,Bast?”

Ofcourse,mytraininghadobviouslycoveredhowtocounterahandaroundthethroat,andI

wasn’tabouttobechokedoutorintimidated,SEALornot.Igrabbedhishandinbothofmine,twisted
tobreakhisgrip,wrenchedhisarmaroundbehindhisback,spinninghiminplace,andthenbrought
mykneeupbetweenhislegsashardasIcould.

Whichdroppedhisbigsoldierasstothefloor,post-haste.
IcrouchedbesideZane,whowaswrithingonthefloorinagony.“MynameisDruConnolly.And

ifyouevercallmeabitchagain,I’llripyourfuckingballsoff,doyouunderstandme?”

Henodded,cuppinghisballswithbothhands,strugglingforbreath.
Ifelttwohandsgrabmyshouldersandpullmeaway.Myfirstinstinctwastostartbreakingbones,

butthenIrealizeditwasSebastian,soIlethimpullmeafewfeetbackward.

Itwistedinplaceandstaredupathim.“Yousaidyourbrotherwasugly,notthathewasacomplete

asshole.”

Sebastian’slipsquirked.“IthinkIalsosaidnottoexpectmuchbywayofmannersfromhim.”
“True.”InoticedthenthatSebastian’slipwassplit,andhewastricklingbloodfromhisnose.

“You’rehurt.Comehere.”

Anotherinstinctivereaction,happeningwithoutconsciousthought.Ipulledhimovertothebarand

sathimdowninachair.Therewasacleanwhitetowelsittingonthebar,foldedinquarters;Igrabbed
it,stuffedsomeicefromtheservicebarintoit,andtouchedittothepuffy,swollen,splitopenlump
onSebastian’slip,andthenusedoneofthedanglingcornerstodabathisnose.Iwasn’tsurewhat
cameoverme,honestly.EvenasIwasdoingit,itfeltodd.Unlikeme.Yetalsooddly…right.And
familiar.

Whichfreakedmethefuckout.
Idon’thavemuchofanurturinginstinct,andneverhave.Or,atleast,IneverthoughtIdid.

Michaelslicedopenhisfingercuttingbellpeppersonce,andmyideaofnurturinghimthenhadbeen
totosshimarollofpapertowelsandtellhimnottobleedonthepeppers.Thatcuthadrequiredfour
stitches,andthemanhadbeenmyfiancé.Now,amanI’dmetthenightbeforegotintoafistfightwith
hisownbrotherandgotasplitlipandbloodynoseforthetrouble,andIwaswifingonhimsohard
myovarieswerewonderingifitwasbabytime.

IblinkedupathimasIrealizedwhatIwasdoing,andthathewasstaringdownatmewiththose

wildwarmintensebrownbeareyes,exudingheatandsexuality.

Isteppedbackabruptly.“Thanks.Fortheclothes,Imean.And…for—forlastnight.Youwerea

truegentleman,andI—yeah.Thanks.”Iturnedaway,movedpastthestillgaspingandwrithingZane
fortheexit.

Imadeittothedoor,hadmyhandontheknob.
“Wait.”Sebastian’svoicehaltedme.Itwasagrowledorder,rumblingsolowandsopowerfullyI

hadnochanceofresisting.

Icouldn’tmove.Ifelthimcomeupbehindme,felthimgrabmeandspinmearound.“Why’dyou

dothat?”

“Dowhat?”
“Jumpinlikethat.”
Ishrugged.“Instinct.Itoldyoualready,mydadisacopandaformerMarine,andI’mhisonly

kid,sohetaughtmeeverythingheknowsandthensome.”

Sebastianwastooclose.“Youkickedmybrother ’sass,andhe’saNavySEAL.”
“Iwouldn’tsayIkickedhisass,butevenNavySEALsarestillmenwithsensitiveballs.”
“Hedidn’tmeanit.Thechokingorthebitchcomment.”
“Feltlikeit,inbothcases.AndIdon’ttakebeingcalledabitchanybetterthanIdohavingaman

puthishandsonmeagainstmywishes.”

“Youwrist-lockedme.”ThiswasfromZane,behindusboth.“Itwasmuscle-memoryinstinct.”
IsteppedpastSebastian.“Yeah,andwhataboutcallingmeabitch?”
Hewasonhisfeet,albeitgingerly,andlimpedovertome.“Thatwasuncalledfor,andIapologize.

Iwaspissedoff,andyougotinthewayofit.”Heheldhishandoutformetoshake.“Canwestart
over?I’mZaneBadd.”

Ishookhishand.“DruConnolly.”
ZaneglancedpastmetoSebastian.“Sincewhenyoudoyoudogirlfriends,Bast?”
“I’mnothisgirlfriend,”Isaid,beforeSebastiancouldanswer.
“Notyet,”Sebastianmurmuredunderhisbreath,justloudenoughformetohear.
“Notever,”Isaid,shameandembarrassmentovermybehaviorlastnightblastingthroughme.“I

needtofindaflightbacktoSeattle.”

Sebastianfrowneddownatme.“Why?”
“BecausenobodyknowswhereIam.Isortofranawayonthespurofthemoment,andI—”
Zanespokeup,then.“Sorry,sweetheart,butyou’renotgoinganywhere.”
Iwhirledonhim,readytogetpissedalloveragainifhewastryingtoordermearound.“Andwhy

not?”

Heleanedpastmeandpulledopenthedoor,revealingatorrentialdownpour,andthenletthedoor

close.“Myflightherelandedjustbarelyaheadofthisstorm,andIheardthepilotssayingallflights
weregoingtobecanceledforatleasttherestoftheday,ifnotlonger.Thisstormishuge,andnasty.”

“Shit.”Iturnedawayfrombothmenandmovedtositatthebar.“I’vegottocallDadatthevery

least.”

SebastianpushedZanetowardthedoortotheupperlevel.“Comeon,we’lltalkupstairs.”
Whentheyweregone,Ipulledoutmyphoneandunlockedit.Sixteenmissedcalls,nine

voicemails,andforty-seventexts.

Fourteenofthecalls,sevenofthevoicemails,andforty-twoofthetextswerefromDad,

everythingelsefromMichael.

Really?Hehadtheballstotryandgetholdofmeafterwhathedid?Dumbass.
IwastemptedtodeleteeverythingfromMichaelunheardandunread,butIdidn’t—Icouldn’t.I’d

beenwithhimforfouryears,andcouldn’tjustdismisshimthateasily,asmuchasIwantedto.Iwas
stillinshock,Ithink,stillmentallyandemotionallyprocessingwhathadhappened,whatI’dseen.

YetanotherreasontokeepmydistancefromamanlikeSebastianBadd.Iknewtheoldadage

aboutthebestwaytogetoversomeonewastogetundersomebodyelse,butIdidn’trollthatway.It
wouldn’twork.NoamountofcasualfuckingcoulderasefouryearsofmylifewithMichael.No
matterhowspectacularlySebastianmightfuckme,itwouldn’tfixmybrokenheart.

Itwouldbefuckingspectacular,though…or,shouldIsayspectacularfucking.
Shit.IwasnotsupposedtobethinkingabouthowgoodSebastianwouldbeinbed.

BadDru.Iwasn’tfuckinghim.Iwasgoingtogobackhomeanddealwiththemessthatwasmy

life.

Theproblemwas,Ididn’twanttogobackhome.Ididn’twanttowalktheSeattlestreetsandsee

ourfavoriterestaurantsandbars.I’dhavetogobacktomycondo.I’dsmellhimonmysheets,and
I’dhavehistoothbrushinmybathroom,andhispubesinmyshowerdrain,andhissizemedium
condomsinmybedsidetable,andhisclothesinthedrawerI’dgivenhim.Hewaswovenintoevery
facetofmyentirefuckinglife,andIdidn’thavetheslightestcluehowtounravelitall.

Againstmyownwill,mythumbtappedthemessagesapp,andbroughtupthetextmessagethread

withMichael.

Dru,itwasntwhatyouthink.,pleasecallme!!!!
Shemeantnothingtomebabyiswear.Itwasamomentofstupiditypleasepleaseplease

forgiveme!Illdoanythng!

Therewerethreemoretextsinthesamevein,eachmoredesperatelymisspelledandunpunctuated

thanthelast.Ididn’trespondtoanyofthem,butIknewhe’dgetthe‘read’receipts.He’dknowIsaw
them,whichmeantI’dbehearingfromhimatsomepoint.NowayIwasreadyforthat,soIpulledup
thevoicemailsandlistenedtotheonesfromMichaelfirst.

Inthefirstonehesoundedfrantic,desperate,alittlecrazy.“Baby,baby—yougottacallmeback.I

knowwhatyousaw,andit’snotlikeyouthink.Itwasjustthatonce.Wecanfixthis,Dru,Iknowwe
can.Iloveyou.”

Delete.
“Dru,baby.I’msosorry.”Hesoundedcalmerinthisone,andhonestlyclosetotears.“Iscrewed

up.IknowIdid.Ijust—Iwishyou’dgivemeachancetoexplain.”

ExplainyourcockinTawny’sblown-outpussy,asshole.
Delete.
WhenIfinallydrummedupthecouragetoopenMichael’slastvoicemail,itwasn’twhatIwas

expecting.“I’mguessingyouwon’tlistentothis,andifyoudo,youwon’tcallmeback.Igetit.Iwas
anasshole.Nobodyhasanycluewhereyouareandwe’reallworried.It’snotlikeyoutojustvanish.
Atleastcallyourdadsohestopspanicking.Ithinkifyoudon’tlethimknowwhereyouaresoon,
he’sgonnamakemedisappear,andI’mnotentirelysurethat’sajoke.”Hesoundedlucid,butdrunk.
“There’ssomuchIcouldsay,butI’vebeendrinkingandI’mnotgonnasayitinavoicemail.Ijust—I
knowImessedup,but—fuck.Yourdad’scallingagain.Hopefullysomebodywillhearfromyouat
somepoint,Dru.We’reallworried.So…bye,Iguess.”

Ididn’tdeletethatone.Notsurewhy,honestly.Ijust…couldn’t.
Somethingwetdrippedfromtheendofmynoseontothebartop.
Whatthefuck?Irefusedtocryaboutthatbastardagain.Notanymore.
Hewasn’tworthwastinganymoretimeorthoughtorenergyon.Nobodywasevergoingtobe

faithful;MomleftDadandmewhenIwaseleven,cleanedoutthebankaccountandsplitwithsome
dudeonaHarley.Irememberit.Shehadabackpack,atoo-bighelmet,andwalkedoutofthehouse,
climbedontothebackofarumblingHarley,wrappedherarmsaroundtherider,abig,burly,hairy
beastofaman,andtheyleft,justlikethat.Dadstoodbesidemeonthefrontporch,watching,utterly
shell-shocked.

Ithadcometotallyoutofleftfield.DadhadjoinedtheMarinesateighteen,hadspenttwentyyears

intheCorps,andhadfinallyretired.Hehadn’tbeensurewhathewasgoingtodo,andhadbeenat
looseends.Moneywasn’ttight,butweweren’tflush,either.We’dhadanicehouse,adecentcar,food
toeat,enoughextracashtogotothemoviesnowandthen,outtoeatmaybe.IrememberDadbeing
homealot,andMomworkingatadinertoputalittlemorecushioninthebankuntilDadfiguredout
hisnextcareer.

Andthen,withoutaword,withoutareason,withoutsomuchasasingleargumentorblowout,

Momjust…left.

IthadscarredbothDadandmeforlife.Dadneverdatedagain,andI’dalwaysfounditimpossible

totrustanyoneexceptDad.Ineverreallyhadmanyfriends,neverreallydatedallthatmuch.Igotinto
lotsoftroubleinhighschool,ofthedrinkingandsmokingpotandfuckingboysinthebackofcars
variety,butthatwasbecauseIwasangryandconfused.Ididn’thaveamomtoshowmehowtobea
woman,andDadhadhiscareerasacopbythen,sotherewasn’tanyonetotellmeno.Noneofthe
boysIeverfuckedmeantanything.Itwaswhattroublemakersdid,anditwas—believemewhenIsay
Igethowfuckingclichéthisis—acryforattention.

ImetMichaelmyjunioryearofcollege.Hewasafewyearsolderthanme,cool,laid-back,good-

looking,hadanintactnuclearfamily,mom,dad,brother,sister.Hewasn’texactlyclosetohis
siblings,buthehadthemandsawthemregularly.Hisdadwasanassholeandhismomwasadrunk,
buthehadthem,bothtogetherinthesamehouse,stillmarried.Itwasodd,forme.We’dgooverto
hishouse,thesameonehegrewupinhiswholelife—unlikeme,aCorpsbratwho’dbeentosix
differentelementaryschoolsbetweenkindergartenandfifthgrade—andwe’dsitaroundthedinner
tablewithhiswholefamily,andthey’dargueandbickeranddrinktoomuchandsometimesMichael
andhisbrotherwouldnearlycometoblowsaftertoomuchredwine,butthey’dalwayshugbefore
MichaelandIleft,andhe’dhughismomanddadandsistertoo,anditwasjust…soweird.Itmadeno
sensetome.Theyweredysfunctional,sure,butinanormalway.

Mymomhadabandonedme.I’dbeenmoreindependentattwelvethanmostcollegekids.Imade

myownbreakfast,packedmyownlunch,andusuallymadedinnerforDad,too.Ididmyhomework
withoutbeingtold,andmostofthehousework.Icouldtakeabusfromhometotheprecinct,anddid
soregularly.I’droutinelyacceptridestoandfromschoolortothestationfromDad’scopbuddies,
whichmeantclimbingintothepassengerseatandplayingwiththeradioandturningonthesirenif
theygotacall.

Icouldshootagunbetterthanmostrookies,knewadozendifferentwaystobreaksomeone’s

wrist,andownedmyownTaser.WhichI’donceusedonaguyonabuswhowastryingtocopafeel
onfourteen-year-oldme.

Mydadwasbig,gruff,cynical,tough,intimidating.HeoncearrestedaboyI’dbeenfooling

aroundwith—thekidhadwantedmetoblowhimandI’dsaidno,andhe’dgottenalittlehandsyinhis
teenagedispleasure.UnfortunatelyforBillyPricewe’dbeeninhiscaroutsidemyhouse,andDadhad
beenwatching.Honestly,BillyhadbeenluckyDadhadn’tpeppersprayedhim.He’dbeencuffed,
bookedforassault,andhadspentthenightintheholdingcellwiththedrunksbeforeDadlethimout.
Ihadn’tneededDad’sintervention,butIhadn’tbeenupsetaboutiteither.

ThenalongcameMichaelandhisnormalfamilyandhisaffectionate-but-not-clingyways,hisnot-

impressive-but-decentcock,hisnot-impressive-but-decentabilitytolastformorethanfivesecondsin
bed,andthefactthathe’dclaimedtoloveme.He’dpickmeupfromworkatthelawfirm,takemeto
dinner,buymeroses,takemetothemoviesoraconcert,andwe’dhavesexandwakeupandhave
breakfast,andhe’dgotoworkinthemarketingdivisionofAmazonandI’dgotoworkinthesmall
butintensefirmwhereIwasalawclerk,andthatwaslife.Heseemedhappy.I’dthoughtIwashappy.

Heproposedoverdinnerataswankyrestaurant,andweplannedthewedding.We’dplanneditto

besmall,justhisfamilyandclosestfriends.DadandIdidn’treallyhaveanyoneexceptDad’scop
buddiessincewedidn’tgiveashitaboutMom’sfamily,andDadwastheonlychildoflong-dead
parents.

IneverquestionedMichael.Hedidn’tstaylateatwork,didn’tkeephisphoneunderhispillowor

textatoddhoursortakesecretivephonecalls.Therewasnolipstickonhiscollars,noperfumeI
didn’trecognizeonhisbody.

Thelipstickonthecollarthing,though—doesthatactuallyhappen?Howdoyougetlipstickona

guy’scollar?Areyoukissinghisshirt?

Pointis,thereweren’tanywarningsigns.
Wehadregularsex.Heneveractedweird.Hewasn’tsuperpossessiveorjealous,neverobviously

checkedoutotherchicks…

Then…onourweddingday,hefuckedTawnyHowardinhisdressingroom.
IfIhadn’tcaughthim,wouldhehavemarriedme?Takenmetobedonourhoneymoonwith

Tawny’spussyjuicealloverhisdick?

Ishuddered,sincenowIhadnocluewhatelsehe’dbeenupto—or,rather,whoelsehe’dbeenup

in.Weneverhadsexwithoutprotection,sinceIwasn’tonbirthcontrol—Ihadregular,not-very
heavyperiodsandhatedthewaybirthcontrolmessedwithmyhormones.Iwasgladforthat,now,
becauseitmeantIwascleanevenifhewasacheatingbastardwhore.

Ifeltanotherteartrickledownmycheek,andthenanother.He’dprobablybeencheatingonmethe

wholetime,I’djustbeentoostupidtoseeit.I’dmadetheconsciousefforttotrusthimafterhe’dtold
mehelovedme.He’dsaiditfirst,withoutanypressurefromme.Ithadn’tevenfeltforced,or
unnatural,orfake.I’dbelievedhim.AndI’dletmyselffeellikeIwasinlovewithhim,too.I’dput
blindfaithinhim,whichhadgoneagainsteveryinstinctI’deverhad.Ihadn’twantedtotrusthim,
hadn’twantedtofallinlovewithhim.ButI’dmademyselftrusthimbecause,asItoldmyself,ifI
didn’tchoosetotrustsomeoneeventually,I’dgothroughlifealone,likeDad.Whowassad,lonely,
anddifficult,exceptwhereIwasconcerned.

SpeakingofDad…IopenedouriMessagethreadandstartedreadingthroughthebacklog.
Dru?Wheretheshitareyou,girl?
Seriously.Callme.NOW.
WHErETHEfUCkDIDYOUGO?!
DRUEMMALINECONNOLLYCALLYOURFATHERFUCKINGPRONTO!
Thetextsgotincreasinglyangryandfrightened,untilthelastfewwerenearlyunintelligible.The

voicemailswereworse.Hesoundedabsolutelyterrified,andforaguywho’ddoneatourinIraqand
patrolledtheworstpartsofSeattleeverynight,thatsaidsomething.

Shit.
SHITSHITSHIT.
I’dfuckedup.
Momhadlefthimfornoreason,andnowIhad,too,oratleastIwasassumingitmusthavefelt

likethat.Imean,I’dtoldRolandototellhimI’dcallhim,butforsomeonewho’dalreadyhadhiswife
abandonhim,ithadtohavefeltlikeabetrayal.Likeaknifetotheheart.

Iwipedmyeyes,triedtoswallowthelumpinmythroat,andhitDad’sspeeddialinmyphone,and

hepickedupbeforeitfinishedthefirstring.

Hesoundedgroggy,scratchy.“Dru?”
“Yeah,Daddy.It’sme.”
“Wherethemotherfuckinggoddamnedhelldidyoufuckinggo?”OnlyaMarineCorpsDIcould

swearlikethat.

“I’minKetchikan,Dad.”
“Alaska?”
“Apparently.”
Amomentofsilence,thenthesoundsoftheburrgrinderandthefaucetasDadmadecoffee.

“Explain.”

“I—I’msorry,Dad.I’msosorry.Ididn’tthinkabouthowit’dmakeyoufeel,Ijust…Ihadtogo.I

couldn’tstayinSeattleanothersecond.ItwasacrazyspurofthemomentthingandIwasdrunk…but

itwastherightthingtodoforme.I’mjustsorryIworriedyou.”

“Worriedme?WorriediswhatI’dbeifyougotinafenderbenderorsomeshit.Iheardfrom

Rolandothatyoujumpedinfrontofaseaplaneduringtake-offandclimbedintotheplanedrunkand
stillinyourweddingdress,andtookoffinit?That’snotworry,that’saheartattack.Itore’Landoa
newassholeforlettingyoudothat.Heshould’vecuffedyoubeforelettingyougetonthatfucking
airplane.”

“Iwouldn’thavelethim.Iwasn’tthinkingstraight.Iwaspanicked,Iwas—wait,youdidn’thavean

actualheartattack,didyou?”

“No,no.ThoughtIwashavingone,andevenwentintoseeDocRoberts,buthesaiditwascalled

panic,notangina.I’mhealthyasahorse,justworriedaboutyou.You’reallI’vegot,baby-cakes.”

“EverythinginSeattleisstainedbyMichael.I’llcomeback,Ijustdon’tknowwhen.”
“Soyou’reinAlaska?”
“It’swheretheplanewasgoing.It’snicehere.”
“Youneedanything?”
“Anewheart?”
Thisgotmeasadlaugh.“Youandmeboth,babe.”
“Ijustneedtime.”
“Areyousomewheresafe,atleast?Youneedmoneyoranything?”
“I’vegotsavings.I’m…”WasIsafe?Imean,sortof.ForDad’spurposes,Idecided,yes,Iwas

safe.“I’mokay.Imean,I’mnotokay,butI’msomewheresafe.I’llbefine.”

“Youwantmeandtheboystoputthehurtonthatexassholeofyours?”Hepausedamoment.

“Wait,heisex,right?You’renottakinghimback,areyou?”

“No,don’thurthim,he’snotworthit.AndhellthefucknoI’mnottakinghimback.I’llprobably

lethimtrytoexplainhimself,atsomepoint,butI’mnottakinghimback.Igotmyabilitytoforgive
fromyou,afterall.”

“Yeah,Idon’tgotthatability.”
“Mypointexactly,Dad.”
Hechuckled.“Ah.Right.”Hewasquietforanothermoment.“Sureyou’reokay,baby-cakes?Igot

anoldbuddyfromtheCorpsinSpokanewhohasaplane.Icansendhimtocomegetyou.”

Ishould.IshouldhaveDad’sCorpsbuddycomegetmeandbringmehome.Therewasnothingin

Ketchikanforme.

Exceptacertaintattooedbartender…
Nope.
NOPE.
Noway.Badplan.Superbadhorribleterriblenogoodveryveryterriblystupidplan,having

anythingtodowithSebastian.OrhisbeefcakeassholeNavySEALbrother.

ButIcouldn’tbringmyselftodoit.Ididn’thaveanygoodreason,andlotsofgoodreasonsnotto,

butIwantedtostay.Iwasn’tsurewhereI’dgo,orwhatI’ddo,butaslongasIwasinKetchikan—a
long,longwayfromthatstupidcheatingmotherfuckingdickheadbastardcock-faceshit-eatingsonof
abitchMichael—Imightaswellstayhereandfigurethingsout,likeI’doriginallyplanned…albeit
plannedmightbethewrongword,butIwasgoingwithit.

Youdon’tgrowupaDI’sdaughterwithoutlearninghowtostringswearwordstogether.
HadnothingtodowithSebastian.
Ijustneededachangeofscenery,somewherenewandunfamiliartoputmythoughtsinorder,to

sortoutmyfeelings,tojust…letmyselfbehurtandlearntogetoverit.Plus,thestormwasn’tletting
up,soIwasstuckhereforanotherdayorsoanyway.

“Dru?”Dad’svoiceshookmeoutofmythoughts.“Areyoustillthere?”

Iblinked,clearedmythroat.“Sorry,Dad,Igotlostinmyheadforasecond.No,I’llbeokayfor

now.Butkeepthatbuddyonthehook,becauseImightneedarideoutofherewhenI’mready.”

“Yougotit,honey.”Iheardthesoundofcoffeepouring.“Well,I’mgonnaletyougo,then.Ilove

you,Dru.AndI’msorryyou’regoingthroughthis.”

“Thanks.Iloveyoutoo,Dad.AndI’msorryIfreakedyouout.”
“NowthatIknowyou’realiveandokayandwhereyouwanttobe,I’mokay.Takewhatevertime

youneed.I’llbeherewhenyougetback,andifyouneedanything,anything,justcallme.Allright,
honey?”

“Yougotit,Dad.Loveyou,bye.”Thatstupidlumpinmythroatwouldn’tgoaway.
“Bye.”
Isetthephoneonthebarandspunitincircles.
AtleastI’dalwayshaveDad.
IheadedupstairsinsearchofSebastiantoremindhimaboutthebreakfasthe’dpromisedme.

Sebastian

“Whatwerewesupposedtodo,Bast?Forgeteverythinganyofuseverdreamedofdoingwithour

lives?Weallhatedithere.Wewantedmore.YoualwaysseemedcontenttorunthebarwithDad.”
Zanewassittingononeofthestools,flippingidlythroughamagazinewhileIrustledupbreakfastin
theupstairskitchen.

“NobodyeveraskedmewhatIwanted,Zane.That’sallI’msaying.Youalljustassumed.WhatifI

wasn’tcontenthere?Youleft,thenBrock…”Istirredthescrambledeggsalittlemoreforcefullythan
Ineededto.“Oneafteranother,everyonejustleft.ItwasjustLucianandmeforthelastfewmonths,
afterXaviergotthatridetoStanford,butLucian…youknowhowheis.HewasworkingClint’s
fishingboatmorethanhewashome,savinghisbank.Thenhejustfuckin’vanished.Packedabag,
boardedacargoshipheadedeast,andIain’theardawordfromhisasssince.”

“LastIcheckedin,hewasinthePhilippines.”
“LawyersaidThailand.”
“Thatwassixmonthsago.IhadabuddyinIntelligencepinghimformeafewweeksago,andgot

himtrackeddowntoManila.”

“Nobodyevertellsmethisshit,”Igroused.
“That’s’causeyourcavemanassdon’thaveafuckingcomputerorcellphone.”
“Ihaveacomputer.”
Zanelaughed.“Dude,that’snotacomputer,it’sadinosaur.I’mprettysuremyfirstcellphonehad

morecomputingpowerthanthatoldpieceofshit.”

Itreallywasanancientpieceofshit.IthinkDadgotitinlike’96tokeephisreceiptsandinventory

moreorganized,orsomething.Imainlyusedittoplaysolitaireonboringevenings.Sometimesit
wasMinesweeper,butIdidn’treallyunderstandthatone.Inventoryhappenedonaclipboard,and
receiptsgotfiledinafilingcabinet.Nointernet,noemail,andIwasn’tsureitevenhadaCD-ROM
player,orwhateveritwascalled.Themosttechnologicallyadvancedpieceofequipmentinthebar
asidefromthetwenty-year-oldregisterwasaradioconnectedtofourlittlespeakersI’dinstalledup
ontheceiling.Theradiogotthreestationsclearly:country,rock,andpop;itstayedtunedtorock.

“Whatever,”Isaid.Ididn’twanttogetintotherealreasonIdidn’treplacethedamnthing.
Zane,however,wasaperceptivebastard.“IgetthatitwasDad’s,buthe’snotinthecomputer,Bast.

He’sgone.Youwon’tbereplacinghimifyougetanewcomputerandaninternetconnection.”

“Fuckyou,”Isnarled.“Whatthefuckdoyouknow?”
Zanehaddonethatninjathinghecoulddo,wherehe’dmovedsoquicklyandsilentlyIdidn’teven

knowhewasrightbehindmeuntilIfelthishandonmyshoulder.

“Dude,look,Igetit,okay?”
Ispunonhim,shovedhim.Iknewitwasstupidtophysicallyprovokehim,sincehereallywasa

deadlymotherfucker,butIcouldn’thelpit.“Youdon’tgetagoddamnthing,Zane!You…
weren’t…here.”

Hegrowled,andhishandlatchedaroundmythroat.Fourinchesshorterthanme,butthe

motherfuckerwasstrongashell.Hehadmeshoveduponmytip-toesandseeingstars.“BecauseI
wasinfuckingAfghanistankillingterrorists,youasshole!Iwascrawlingthroughthedirtdodging
RPGswhenDaddied.IwentofftherezwhenIfoundout,butIwasin-country.WhatwasIsupposed
todo?GoAWOL?Fuckyoutoo,Sebastian.You’renottheonlyonewholosthim.”Heletmego,

turnedawaywithasigh.“Shit.”

IfollowedhisgazeandsawDrustandingintheentrancewatchingus.
“I—I’msorry.I’mobviouslyinterrupting.”Sheturnedaroundtoleave.
“Stop,Dru,wait.”Zane’svoicestoppedher.“You’regettingabadimpression.Don’tgo.We’renot

usuallylikethis.”

“Idon’tneedtobearoundyourfamilyarguments,”shesaid,openingthedoortothestairs.“I’ve

gotdramaofmyown—Idon’tneedyours,too.”Shewasdownthestairsthen,herfootstepsslowbut
steady.

IpushedpastZane.“Platetheeggsforthree,andfinishthebacon,”Itoldhim.
Hefrownedatme.“LikeIcancook?”
“Doyourbest,”Isaid.“IfyoucanHALOjump,youcanmanagebacon.”
IscrambleddownthestairsafterDru,notreallysurewhy,apartfromagutfeelingthatIdidn’t

wanthertoleaveyet.

Ijustwantedmydickinsideher,partofmeargued,andIknewshedidn’tneedthatfromme.
Didn’tstopmydickfromwantingher,though.Ormyfeetfromgoingafterher,butIwasn’tsure

ifmyfeetwereactinginserviceofmydickorthestrangefeelinginmygutthatwantedhertostay.
Ofcourse,“gutfeelings”usuallyhappenedsomewhereotherthanmyheart,butIwasgoingwithgut
feelingsinceitseemedsimplerandeasiertoexplain.

Icaughtuptoheratthefrontdoorofthebar.
Myhandswrappedaroundherwaist,spunheraround,pressedherbackupagainstthedoor.She

staredupatme,blueeyessadandangryandshockedandconfusedand…sparkingwithlustasfierce
asmyown.

Ikissedher.
Itwasn’tarough,demandingkiss,butitwasn’tsomeslowsappywetthing,either.Ikissedherlike

shewasmine,likeIhadallthetimeintheworldtokissherthoroughly,likeI’dspentathousand
nightsandthousanddayskissingherlikethis,myhandsonherwaist,pullingheragainstmenowand
pushingmybodyagainsthers.

God,shewassoft.
Pliable.
Hertitswerefirmlumpssquashedagainstmychest,herlipswarmanddamponmine.Shewas

perfect.Shejustfit.Amomentoffrozendisbelief,andthensomeotherpartofhertookover,apartof
herthatwantedthiskissasbadasIdid.Hermouthmoved,then,herlipsslidingonmine,tilting,
gliding,wetonwet,andthenIprobedtheseamofhermouthwithmytongueandsheopenedforme,
acceptedmytongueandslashedhersagainstmine.Ipulledhercloser,andIknewtherewasnoway
shewasmissingtheironstaffofmyerectionwedgedbetweenus.Itastedhertongue,andthenfelther
moan,heardit,tastedit.God,thatmoan.Itsentfireintomyveins.

Mademyalreadypulsingcockthroballtheharder.
Herhandsdriftedupaswekissed,onesettlingonmyarmtostrokemybiceps,tracingmyink,the

otherburiedinmyhairabovemyearandglidingdowntotracetheoutsideofmyear—andJesus
fuckmethattouch,thesoftest,gentlest,questingbrushofherfingertipsovermyear…whatwasit
aboutitthatmademesocrazy?Itdrovemewild,mademychestbuzzandmyhearthammerandmy
cockpoundandmythroatemitasnarlasIscoopedherup,carvingmyhandsoverherround,juicy
assandliftingherup,pullingherhardagainstme,shovingmyzipperintothetightwedgeofher
thighs.Islammedherupagainstthedoor,andthankgoditwaslocked,otherwisewewouldhave
gonetopplingoutside.

Thekisswentwild,then.
Asifshewerestarving.Asifthiskisscouldsatesomedeepneedinsideher,asifshe’dneverbeen

kissedlikethis.Whichhadtobeajoke,becausehowcouldanymanhaveawomanlikethisinhis
handsandnotgowild?Ifeltlikeananimal,mylibidogoneprimal,demandingIpawherclothesoff
andravagehersenseless,fuckherboneless,makehermine,leavemymarkonherpalecreamskin.I
couldn’tstop.Iwasravenous,monstrous,feral.Myfingersclawedintoherassandmytongueslashed
andtangledagainsthersandmyhipsdroveagainsthercore.Shewaswhimpering,gaspingagainst
mymouth,moaningintomykiss,groaningintomylips.

Ispuninplace,walkedthreestepsforward,andlaidherdownonatable,kickingchairsaside,my

mouthneverleavinghers.Herlegshookedaroundmywaist,keepingmeinplace,firmagainsther
denim-coveredcore.Didn’tstopmefromgrinding,frommovingasifIwerefuckingher,asifI
couldfeelhertighthotwetpussythroughthedenim.Muchmoreofthis,andIwouldbe.Iwashard
enoughtodrivenailsatthatpoint,andgrindingagainsthersohardIwasindangerofspoogingin
myshortslikeadamnteenager,butfuckifIcared.Ineededher,neededmore,couldn’tstop.Didn’t
eventry.

Shewassober,andshewasn’tstoppingme.
Hell,shewasbeggingformore.Hermouthwaswildonmine,kissingmebackjustasfiercelyasI

waskissingher.

Ineededtofuckthiswoman.
Myhandstookover,tookmytrainofthoughtandranwithit.
Myhandsleftherassandslidupherhips,pushedthecottonofhersweatshirtuptobareherbelly,

andthenthesportsbra.Ibrokethekiss,sliddownherbodytoflickmytongueinherbellybutton,
thenkissedherstomachdowntowardthewaistofthejeans,thenbackuptoherdiaphragm.Across
herribsjustbeneaththeloweredgeofthesportsbra.

Fuck.
NowayIcouldrestrainmyself,notnowthatIhadmylipsonher,notnowthatI’dgottenadouble

handfulofthatsweetassofhers,andespeciallynotnowthatIhadherpronebeneathme,herlegs
aroundmywaist,hertitsinchesfrommylips,justabitoffabricbetweenmymouthandhernipples.

Apullandupwardtug,andherboobsslidfreeofthesportsbra,and—god,Iwasjustdone,then.

Thesightofthosefine-as-fucktitswasnearlytoomuch.Ihadtoclenchmymusclesandforcemy
cometobehave.Big,round,real,justabitmorethanafullhandfuleach…themostlush,beautifultits
I’deverlaideyeson.

“Jesus,Dru.”Iheardmymouthsayingwhatmycockwasthinking.“Youaresofuckin’sexy.”
“Sebastian—”Hervoicewasbreathy,eroticmusictomyears.
Iansweredbysuckinghernippleintomymouth,andtheytastedjustasfuckingdivineasI’d

imaginedlastnightasIwatchedtheshowerwatertrickleoverthem,andwhenI’djerkedofftothe
imageofthemlastnightandagainthismorning.AndifIdidn’tgetoffnow,I’dbemakingatripto
thebathroomtojerkoffthinkingaboutheragain.

Shewrithedupoffthetable,pressingherselfagainstme,moaning,cuppingmyheadinboth

hands,andthenIslidmymouthtoherotherbreastandsampledthesaltyskinflavorofthatone,
palmingthedamp,puckerednippleoftheoneI’djusthadinmymouth,andshewhimperedagain,
andthesoundwentstraighttomythrobbingcock.

Iflickedmytongueagainsthernipple,oneaftertheother,thumbingandtwistingwhicheveroneI

didn’thavemymouthon.ButshehadotherlipsIwantedtotaste,andI’dseenthosetoo,justasplump
anddampastheonesonhermouth,andIbettedtheytastedlikesugar.Icuppedherbreastwithone
handandflickedherothernipplewithmytongueandbroughtmyfreehandtotheflyofherjeans,
rippedopenthebuttonandslidthezipperdown,shovedmyhandbeneathherassandgraspeddenim
andcottonunderwearelasticandjerkedthemdowninoneroughyank,baringherpussy.

Shesquealed,butthesquealendedinawhimperasIbrushedmylipsacrossherpussy,breathing

outasIdidso,andshesmelledamazing,likegood,cleanpussy.Recentlywaxed,softassilk.Seeping
desire.Fuck,Icouldseethejuicesdrippingdownherlabia.Ilickedthemaway,andshewrithed,
gasping,andthengroaninglongandlowandfierceasIslatheredmytongueagainstherclit.Idove
rightin,nofuckingaround,noteasing,justwentstraightforeatingherpussylikeastarvingman.

Shewastwistingundermymouthinnotime,bucking,writhingsohardIhadtopressmyforearm

acrossherhipstokeepherwhereIwantedher.Whichonlydrovehercrazier.

“Sebastian!Fuck!God,yourmouth,it’s—fuck!”
“Comeforme,Dru.”Islippedtwofingersinsidehertightwetpussy,exploredherchannel,slid

themout,backin,faster,faster,mimickingwhatI’ddotoherwithmycockthesecondIgotthe
chance.“Letmefeelthistightfuckin’cuntsqueezearoundmyfingers.”

Icurledmyfingersinsideher,felthershudder,feltherthighsclencharoundmyhandwith

bruising,crushingforceasshebuckedupoffthetabletosmashherclitagainstmymouth.Isucked
herclitbetweenmyteethandthenflickeditwithmytongueandfuckedherwithmyfingers.Ipinched
hernipples,onethentheother,sucked,licked,flicked,andfingeredhertopulsating,clenching,
spasming,teeth-gnashingorgasm.

Inside—JesusChrist…Ineededtobeinsideher.
“Fuck,fuck,fuck—Sebastian,ohmygod,ohmygod—”Drupanted,thewordsnearlylostinthe

grindingofherteethandthehoarsewhimpers.

Then,mid-orgasm,shecompletelylosthergoddamnmind.
“STOP!STOP!JesusChrist,whatthefuckamIdoing?”Shekickedmeaway,fightingherorgasm,

tryingtostandup,togetawayfromme,trying,itsortofseemed,toevengetawayfromherself,
fromthepleasurerushingthroughher.

Shelungedoffthetable,andIlether.Atleast,untilIrealizedshewasn’tcapableofevenstanding

upstraight,yet.Icaughther,pulledheragainstmychestandheldherassheshiveredandshuddered
throughthelastwavesofherclimax,andthencrouchedwithoutlettinggoofherandsnaggedher
jeanstodragthemupherbody.Gotthemtojustbeneathherbuttcheeksandthenslidherunderwear
up,tracingafingeraroundthecircumferenceofthewaistbandtomakesuretheywereupalltheway
aroundherbody,thentuggedherjeansintoplace,zippedandsnappedthem.Tuggedherbradown
overhertits—asadthing,tohavetoputawaysuchsweettits—andlastlylethershirtfallintoplaceso
shewasdressed.

Sheshovedawayfromme,stumblingbackward,wipingathermouthandstaringatmein

disbelief.“Ican’tbelievemyself.Fuck—fuck.”SheleanedagainstthetableI’djustlaidherdown
across.“IcannotbelieveIjust—goddammit—”

“Dru,what’stheproblem?Ithoughtyouwantedthat.Itfeltlikeyouwereintoit,babe.”Imoved

closertoher,mainlybecauseIcouldn’thelpit.

Thewomanwasfuckingmagnetic.Iwasdrawntoherhelplessly.Ihadtobecloser,hadtogetmy

handsonheragain,inanycapacityIcould.

Sheskitteredaway,puttingoutherhandsasiftofendmeoff.“Stop,don’t,Sebastian—don’ttouch

me.”

Istopped,handsupinsurrender.“Okay,okay,handsoff,butIgottaadmitI’malittleconfused.”I

watchedhercarefully,watchingariverofemotionsflickeracrossherfeaturestoofastformetoread
anyofthem.

Sheshookherhead.“Thatwasn’tsupposedtohappen.Ishouldn’thavedonethat.Notwithyou,not

now.Notatall.Jesus,I’mjustsofuckingmixedup,andI—”Sheseemedlikeshewascloseto
panicking,likelastnight,butthistimeshewassober,whichmeantitwouldbeworse,becauseit
wouldn’tbesloppydrunkgirlcute,butsoberemotionalwomanmessy.“Ican’t—Ican’t—”

“Whoa,okay—justtakeabreath,allright?Whydon’tyousitdown?”Ipulledoutachairatthebar

forher,andshesortofautomaticallysatdown,breathinghardandscrubbingatherface.Iwent
aroundbehindthebarandpulledherabeer,becauseifIknowanythingit’swhensomeoneneedsa
beer.“Drink,Dru.”

“Idon’twantadrink,”shesaid,herhandsoverherface.
“Yes,youdo.”
Shepeeredatme,thenglanceddownatthebeerI’dpulled—alightlyhoppedlocalale.“MaybeI

do.God,I’mamess.”

“It’sallowed,”Isaid,leaningonthebarclosertoher,justsoIcouldsmellherintoxicatingscent,

ifnothingelse.

Shetookadrink,sighed.“Youmentionedbreakfast?Idon’tknowifIcanhandleanythingelseon

anemptystomach.”

Istrodeovertothestairs,openedthedoorandyelledup.“Zane!Wherethefuckisthefood?”
“What,I’msupposedtoserveyourasstoo?”Zaneshoutedback,butIheardhisfeetonthestairs.
Hecamedownprecariouslybalancingthreeplatesinhishands.Hehandedmetwoofthem,paused

inthedoorwayashecaughtsightofDruhunchedoverthebar,curledaroundherbeerandstruggling
tocalmdown…atteno’clockinthemorning.

Hequirkedaneyebrowatme.“That’sallyou,bro.”
“Thanks,”Isaid,rollingmyeyesathimashetiptoeddramaticallybackupthestairs.“Sissy.”
“Hey,givemeatangowithanAKoveraweepyfemaleanydayoftheweek.”Heshutthedoorat

thetopofthestairs,andthenIwasalonewithDru.

Whowas,yes,cryingintoherbeer.
Godhelpme.
Zanemighthavebeenontosomething.WhatwasIsupposedtodonow?Ihadnoclue.Iwasn’t

evensurewhatthefuckhadjusthappenedtomakeDrufreakoutonmelikethat.AllIknewforsure
wasshetastedlikeheavenonmytongueandfeltlikeperfectioninmyhandsandIwasstillsofucking
hardinmyjeansitwashardtowalk.

Ibroughttheplatesovertothebar,pulledmyselfabeer—because,fuckit,whynot?—setaplatein

frontofDruandsatbesideherwithmine.Shedidn’topenlyflinchawayfrommypresence—wewere
closeenoughthatourshoulderswerebrushing.Shepickedupherfork,pokedattheeggsafewtimes,
andthendugineagerly.Ifollowedsuit,butspentasmuchtimewatchingherasIdideating.

“Notbad,”Icommented.“Heovercookedthebaconandundercookedtheeggsalittle,butnot

bad.”

Sheignoredme,focusingonthefood,washingdowneveryfewbiteswithbeer.Whenshewas

finished,shepushedtheplatebackafewinches,curledherhandsaroundthepintglass,andstared
downintothegoldenbubblingliquid.

Iwaited,sensingthatshe’dstarttalkingwhenshewasready.
“Icaughtmyfiancécheatingonmewithabridesmaidonourweddingday.Yesterday,Iguess.

Feelslikeawholeotherlife,inafunnyway.Like…thenaivegirlwhothoughtshewasgetting
marriedtoamansheloved.Iwasthatgirljustyesterday,buttodayIfeellikesomeoneelse.”

“Wasthebridesmaidoneofyourfriends?”Iasked.
Drushookherhead.“No.Idon’treallyhaveanyfemalefriends,tobehonest.Nosisters,cousins,

aunts,nothing.Justmeandmydad.Thebridesmaidswereallmy—theywereallMichael’sfriends’
girlfriends.Andtheonehewasfucking,Tawny,shewasafriendofoneoftheotherbridesmaids.
Therewerethreegroomsmen—Michael’sthreebestfriends—andMichaelfeltweneededathird
bridesmaid,soLisaaskedherfriend.I’dmetTawnylike,twice?Maybe?We’dallgettogetherfor
drinks,andTawnywasthereacoupletimes.Ineverlikedher.Ialwaysthoughtshecameacrossas
kindofslutty.TurnsoutIwasright,apparently.”

“Apparently,”Iagreed.“Thinkthatwasaone-and-donesortofthing?Like,hecheatedonyoujust

theonce?”

“That’swhatIcan’tfigureout.Ican’tcomeupwithanywarningsignsImissedalongtheway.So,

fromthataspectIwanttosay,yes,itwastheonetime.Butthenthatdoesn’tmakeanysense,doesit?
Whyonourweddingday?Itmakesliterallyzerosense.Onourweddingday,inhisdressingroom,in
thesamebuildingasme.Iwasliterallyaroundthecorneranddownthehall,gettingmyselfready.”
Shesniffed.“Iwas…Iwashavingjitters,youknow?Like,amIdoingtherightthing?SoIputonmy
dad’scoatovermydresssoMichaelwouldn’tseemeinmydressbeforethewedding,andwenttosee
Michael.Ithoughthewouldcalmmedown,remindmewhyweweregettingmarried.”

“Andyouwalkedinonhimfuckin’abridesmaid.”
“Notquite.Ididn’tactuallygoin.”Shetookadrink,swirledthedregs.“Hisfriends,the

groomsmenandthebridesmaids,theywereallsittingoutsidehisdressingroomwatchingsomething
ononeoftheirphones,laughinglikecrazy.Iwaslike‘hey,what’ssofunny?’andtheywentquiet,like
ohit’snothing.Justastupidvideogoingaround.ThenIheardhim.Iknowthesoundshemakeswhen
he’sfucking,andthat’swhatIheard,whichmademewonderwhytheywereallsoweirdaboutthat
video.SoImadethemshowme.Anditwashim,inthatdressingroom,fuckingTawny.”

“Theyrecordedit?”Iasked,incredulous.
Whothehellwoulddothat?
Shenodded.“Throughthecracked-opendoor.Thefunnypartwasthathehadhistuxpantsaround

hisankles,right?Andhewasgoingatherlikecrazy,gotalittletoointoitandtrippedoverhispants
andfellbackwardontohisass.HisdickwentfloppingallovertheplaceandTawnywasleftwiggling
herstupidlittlehipslikehewasstillfuckingher,buthewasonthefloorwithhisdickoutandhis
pantsaroundhisankles.

“Theywerewatchingthisoverandoveragain,cackling,whilehewasstillgoingatitinsidethe

room,fuckingTawnyonourweddingday.”Sheheavedasigh.“Ijustdon’tgetit.Hecouldn’twait
till,like,afterourhoneymoontocheatonme?Hecouldn’tevenmakeitthroughtheactualwedding
day?Likewhatthefuck?Andme,like…whatthehelliswrongwithmethathe’dclaimtoloveme,
thathe’dproposetome,planaweddingwithme,andthencheatonme?AndthatIhadnoidea?What
haveIbeenmissing?”

“He’sanidiot,”Isaid.
“Yeah.That’sagiven.”Sheshookherheadindisbelief.“Butitcallssomuchintoquestion.About

me.Like…whyamInotgoodenough?WhywasInotenoughforhim?It’snotlikeweneverhadsex,
youknow?Wedid.Prettyfrequently.Noteveryday,butalot.AndI—Ialwaysthoughtitwaspretty
goodbetweenus.ButIguessitwasn’t.Ifhehadtogotosomeoneelse,onourfuckingweddingday,
thenobviouslyI’mmissingsomething.There’ssomethingIdidn’tgivehimthatheneeded.”

“Nowthat’sbullshit,”Isaid.Igrabbedherkneesandspunhertofaceme.“Thisain’tonyou.He’s

thecheatingbastard.Onehundredpercentoftheblamefallsonhim.Evenifyouguyshadbeen
havingtrouble,likethingsweren’tgreatandthesexwasn’tonpointallthetimeorwhateversohe
wasn’tgettingitfromyou—thatdoesn’tgivehimreasontogofuckin’aroundwithothergirls.”

“Butthat’smypoint.Sexwasgood.Webothgotoff,oratleasthedideverytime.Ididn’talways,

buthedid.Hegotitfromme,andhestillcheatedonme,andgodknowswhoelsewhilewewere
together.Imean,therehadtohavebeenothersinthefouryearsweweretogether.”

Ifeltalittleunhinged,thinkingaboutsomeotherassholewithhisungratefulhandsonthis

goddess.He’dhadhersweet,sexybodyalltohimselfwheneverhewantedit…Icouldn’timaginenot
makingsureshewenttobedsogluttedonorgasmsshecouldn’tstayawakeanylonger,sothoroughly
fuckedshecouldn’twalkthenextday.Icouldn’timaginenotdoinganythingandeverythingtoplease
her.God,I’donlymadehercomeonce,andshe’dfreakedouthalfwaythrough,butIknewwatching

hercomewouldbeitsownrewardeverysingletime.Makinghercome,feelinghercomeapart,
watchingthatbeautifulfacetwistasshecame,feelingthatgoddamnedincrediblebodybuckand
writhe,hersweatundermyhands,herpussyundermymouth,hercuntsqueezingmyfingers—Jesus,
shesqueezedhard,too.Icouldonlyimaginehowhardshe’dsqueezearoundmycock.

Theassholedidn’tdeserveher.
Hedidn’tdeservetofuckingliveifhehadthiswoman,hadtheopportunitytomakeherhis

forever…andthenwastedit.

Hegaverealmenabadname.
Iwasaplayer,sure.Ifuckedalotofdifferentwomenonaregularbasis.There’dbeenthreesomes,

andfoursomes,andtwogirlsinthesamenightatdifferenttimes.ThemostI’deverhadinonenight,
butnotinmybedatthesametime,wasfourgirlsand,god,I’dbarelybeenabletowalkthenextday,
butithadbeenfuckingworthit.ButI’dnevermadeanypromisestoanyone.I’dalwaysbeenupfront
abouthowshitwas.Imadeitclearweweregonnafuckandshewasgonnagoherway.Nocuddling,
nopillowtalk,noseconds.I’donlybrokenthatruleonce,foronewoman.She’dbeenacougar,and
hadtaughtmeafewtricks;thesexhadhonestlybeengoodenoughthatI’dbeentheonetowant
secondswhenshe’dbeenreadytoleaveafterthefirstround.

ButDru?
Ihadn’tevenhadheronce,andIwantedthirds,andfourths.
Andthestupidbastardhadgiventhatup?
Druglancedatme,andIrealizedI’dbeenspacingout,thinking.“What’sthatlookonyourface

for?”

Ishookmyhead.“Youprobablydon’twannaknow.”
Shetossedbackthelastofherbeerandglaredatme.“Don’ttellmewhatIdon’twannaknow.”
Ifinishedmyownbeerandpushedtheglassaside.Tookherkneesinmyhands,slidalittlecloser

toher.“Fine.IwasthinkingthatI’veneverhaditgoodenoughwithanyonegirlthatI’veeverwanted
tobanganyonemorethanonce.That’sthetruth.Butyou?Dru,ifIgotyouintomybed,I’dneverlet
youout.”Istoodupoffthestoolandcrowdedherspace,stareddownintohereyes,letherseethe
truthinmine.

“Thesexwouldn’tbeprettygood.It’dbethebestgoddamnsexeitherofuseverhad,everysingle

time.I’dmakeyoucomesohardsomanyfuckin’timesyou’dbebeggin’metoquitjustsoyoucould
catchyourbreath.I’dfuckthattight,wet,sugar-sweetcuntofyourseverysinglenightandevery
singledaysohardforsolongyou’dbewalkin’bowlegged.Andnomatterhowmuchwefucked,
Dru,Iwouldn’tevergetenough.AndIdamnsurewouldn’tsomuchasthinkaboutanotherwoman
foraslongasIhadyou.Shit,allI’vegottenisonelittletasteofthatpussy,andIcan’tthinkof
anythingelse.”

Sheblinkedupatme,eyeswide,chestheaving,fingersclenchedintofistsonherlap.Hermouth

opened,butnowordscameout.

Icuppedthebackofherneckandleanedin,brushedmylipsacrosshers.“ThatiswhatIwas

thinkin’.”

“Oh,”shebreathed.
Imovedmylipsonhers,notquitekissingher,moreteasingherwiththepromiseofthekiss.

“Yeah,”Iwhisperedback.“Oh.”

Shegazedupatme,torn.Shewantedthekiss.Hell,shewantedeverythingI’djustpromisedher.It

wasapromise,too,andnotanidleone.Butshewasstillfightingwhateverhang-upshehadabout
lettinggo,andgivingintothisthingbetweenus.

Shewasquivering,shaking,barelybreathing.Herlipstrembledagainstmine,andherhandsstole

uptorestonmychest.

Bingo.
Ipressedmylipsagainsthers,tracedhermouthwithmytongue.Sheslidoffthestool,pressedher

bodyagainstme.God,thosecurvescrushedagainstme,itdrovemenuts.I’dsortofgottenmyhard-
ontogoaway,andnowshewasstaringupatmewiththoseabsurdlyblueeyesagainandhertitswere
squishyagainstmychestandherhipswereinmyhandsandherlipsonmineweresoftandwarmand
wet—

“Goddammit,Sebastian!”Shewrenchedherselfoutofmyhands,knockingoverastoolinher

questtoescape.“Stopdoingthattome.”

“Doingwhat?”
Shebackedawayfromme.“Kissingmelikethat.Touchingmelikethat.”
Ifollowedher.“See,yourmouthsays‘don’tdothat,’butyourbodyandyoureyessay‘doitagain.

Doitagainanddon’tfuckin’stop.’”

Shebumpedagainstthefrontdoor.“Idon’twanttouseyouasarebound.”
“Idon’tmind.”
“Imind,”shesnapped.“Yeah,Iwantyou.That’sobvious.ButI’mnotinamentaloremotional

placetobewantinganyone.”

“Icanmakeyoufeelgood,Dru.”Ipressedherupagainstthedoor,palmedherhip,touchedmy

foreheadtohers.“Youdeservetofeelgood.”

“It’stoomuch.It’stoosoon.”Herhandswerefumblingbehindherback.
“Notenough,andnotsoonenough.Letmeeraseitall,Dru.”
“Idon’twanttoforgetitall.”
“Notwhatyousaidlastnight.”
“Iwasdrunk.Imadeafoolofmyself.Isaidalotofstupiduntrueshit.”
“See,Ithinkwhatyouweresayin’lastnightwasthetruth.Embarrassing?Nah.Andnotstupid,

either.Justthetruth.”Iwasrockingamonstererection,andIgrounditagainsthercore.“Youfeel
that?Itcanbeinsideyou.Makingyoufeelincredible.Makingallthebullshitgoaway.Youwantit.It
doesn’thavetobecomplicated,Dru.Itcanbesimple,andreal,andgood.Aslongasyouwantit.”

Sheclosedhereyes,squeezedthemshut,andshookherhead.“Goddamnyou,Sebastian.You’reso

bad.Sobadforme.”

“SpellitwithtwoDsandyou’vegotitright,honey.”
Shehuffed,becausethatwasaprettycheesy-assline,butitwassobaditwasgood.Or…soBaddit

wasgood.

Thankyou,thankyou,I’llbehereallnight.
Sheshovedopenthedoorshe’dunlockedwhileIwasrunningmymouth,andduckedoutintothe

storm.

Ifollowedherout.“DRU!”Ishouted,overthehammeringrainandcrashingthunder.
Shestoppedafewfeetway,alreadysoakedtothebone.“What?”
Ipointedatasmallsailboatdockedafewslipsaway.“That’smine.Hangoutthereuntilyou’re

readytocomeback.”

Shenodded,andjoggedtowardmyboat,hoppedontothedeckandvanishedintothecabin.
Ilethergo.
She’dbeback.
Ihoped.

Dru

Goodgoddamnandholymotherfuckinghell,thatmanwaspotent.
Onceheclosedin,oncehegotthosebigstronghandsonme…Iwasjustlost.Thewayhekissed

me,thosesoftlipsbrushingagainstmine,teasingmewiththekiss,drawingitoutofme,makingme
crazy.Icouldn’thandlehimoncehegotclose.Andifheputhishandsonme?Shit…Iwasgone.And
hismouth?God,god,god.I’dneverinmylifefeltanythinglikehowSebastianmademefeel,spread
outforhimonthattable.

I’dneverbeentakenlikethat,just…claimed.HesensedthatIwantedhim,sensedthatI’dbeen

willing,andhejusttookme.Noapologies,norequestsforpermissionoristhisokay?Hejustmade
mehis,andmademefeelfuckingincredible,broughtmetoorgasmwithinseconds.Michaelcould
makemecome,butittookalotofwork,tookalotofdirectionandno,slowdown,notthere,don’t
stopdon’tstop,goddamnitIsaiddon’tstop!Andthenhe’dusuallystop,orslowdownorspeedup
justwhenIwasgettingclose,whichwouldruinit.Andyes,sometimesI’dfakeitjustsoIcouldgive
myselfanOlater,myway,nofumbling.Othertimeshe’dgetitrightandwe’dbothgetourOs,andit
wouldbegreat.We’dfeelcloseandinloveanditwas…nice.

Sebastiansetmeonfire.
Therewasnotasinglesecondofhesitationorfumbling.Heknewexactlyhowtomakemecome,

foundmyG-spotwithunerringaccuracy,slidthosethickstrongfingersinsidemeandlickedmyclit
andtweakedmynipples—andgod,thewayhe’djerkedmypantsdownwassofuckinghot.

Itwasn’tnicewithSebastian.Itwas…nuclearintense.
Hemademecomelikeitwashisonlymission.
Irememberedhowhardandhowthickhiscockhadfeltbehindhiszipper,bothwhenhe’dpressed

meupagainstthedoorthefirsttime,andthenagainjustbeforeI’descaped.He’dprobablybeen
fightingthehard-onthewholetime,thepoorguy.

Hemademecomewithoutexpectinganythinginreturn.
Imean,obviouslyhewantedmore.ButwhenI’dfreakedout,he’dbackedoff.He’dtalkedme

down,fedme,comfortedme.Andthenhe’dgottenmeallworkedupandwhisperedthosedirty,
beautifulpromisesinmyear,andI’drunoutonhimagain,leavinghimwithwhathadtobeanother
achingerection.

Andlastnight?Hehadn’ttrustedhimselfnottotouchmewhenIwaswasted,sohe’dleftthe

bathroomratherthanrisktakingadvantageofme.AndI’dbeencompletelynakedandhadtoyedwith
him,takingoffmypantiesinfrontofhim,talkingabouthiscock—

WhichI’dbeenrightabout,asamatteroffact:thethingwashuge.
Itookasecondtoexaminemysurroundings.Thecabinofthesailboatwastiny.Barelyenough

roomformetostandupin,andIwasseveralinchesshorterthanSebastian.Butitwascozy.Blond
woodaccents,chrome,all-weathercarpeting,atablewithaboothfortwo,agalley,adoorleadingto
asmallbedroom,anotherleadingtoabathroom.Notmuch,butitwaswarmanddryand
comfortable.

Problemwas,IfeltterribleaboutrunningoutonSebastian.
He’dmademefeelincredible,andthenhe’dhandledmyfreakoutwithgrace.
Goddammit.
Icouldn’tstayhereinthislittleboat.Iwantedtohidefromhim,wantedtopretendnothinghad

happened.Iwantedtosithereinthiscabinandnursemyachingheart.

God,ithurt.
NowthattherewasalittletimebetweenmeandTheBetrayal,asIthoughtofit,Irealized

Michael’sinfidelityandthewayI’ddiscovereditwasdeeply,intenselypainful.WaymoresothanI’d
evenestimated.Itcutmedeep,pastthebonetotheveryessenceofmysoul.EradicatedeverythingI
thoughtIknew,everythingIthoughtIwantedinlife.Underminedmyabilitytotrustanyone,andthat
wasalreadyprettywellfuckedbyMom’sbetrayal.

Ithurtsobad.
Why,Michael?WHY?
Therewasnoeasyorobviousanswer.
TheonlythingthatwasobviouswashowcrazilyIwasattractedtoSebastian.Whichmadeno

sense,andIdidn’tknowwhattodoaboutit,becauseIwantedhimmorethanI’deverwanted
anything,butmyheartfuckinghurtsogoddamnbadIdidn’tdaretrustmyselfwithit,muchlessaguy
Ibarelyknew.

Mylibidohadanopinion,obviously:
Itdoesn’thavetoinvolvemyheart,justmypussy.
Andmytits.
Andmymouth.
Andmyhands.
Andmyass.
Andeveryinchofmyflesh,whichIwassurehe’dkiss.Carefully,andthoroughly.
AndfuckinghelldidIwantthat.
“Youfeelthat?Itcanbeinsideyou.Makingyoufeelincredible.Makingallthebullshitgoaway.

Youwantit.Itdoesn’thavetobecomplicated,Dru.Itcanbesimple,andreal,andgood.Aslongas
youwantit.”He’dactuallysaidthattome,outloud.Andithadnearlyworked.BecauseIdidwant
that.Iwantedallthebullshittogoaway.Iwantedtoforgeteverything,andIknewassurelyasIknew
myownnamethatSebastiancouldmakegoodonthatpromise.Hecoulddrowneverythingout.

IfIlethim.
ButIshouldn’t.
Itwouldbereckless.I’dgetinvested.I’dwantmorefromhim.Andevenifhewascapableof

more,ofputtingrealemotionsontheline,Iwasn’tsureIwascapableofthat,notafterwhatMichael
haddone.Plus,thiswashishome,notmine.I’dhavetogobacktoSeattleatsomepoint,right?My
lifewasthere.Dadwasthere.

Michaelwasthere—butshit,thatwasanargumentfortheothercolumn.
Iwasgoingincircles,andIknewit.
“Icanmakeyoufeelgood,Dru.Youdeservetofeelgood.”
“Letmeeraseitall.”
Icouldlethimeraseitall.IcouldgobackacrossthestreetandletSebastianmakemefeelgood

forawhile.Andthen,whenI’dgottenenough,whenIfeltstrongenoughagaintofaceSeattleandthe
prospectofstartingalloverwithoutMichael…I’dgoback.Afewdays,max.

SpendafewdaysfuckingSebastian,lettinghimmakemefeelgood,andthenI’dgobackto

Seattle.

ForgetMichael.
ForgetTawny.
Forgetthebotchedweddingandmymaxed-outcreditcardsandthefactthatI’dquitmyjoband

thattheleaseonmyapartmentwasupattheendofthemonthandIhadnowheretogo.

Butnoneofthatmattered,didit?Notrightnow.IwasinKetchikan,Alaska,farfromallthat

bullshit,andIhadasexyashellmanacrossthestreetwhowantedmeandwhocouldgivemeafew

daysworthofthebestorgasmsofmylife.

Fuckit,Ithought.
Iwasn’ttypicallya“fuckit”kindofgirl.Ithoughtthingsthrough.Ididtherightthing.Ipaid

attentiontothedetailsandformulatedplans,andmadedecisionslogically.MyleasewasendingandI
wasgettingmarried,thusIhadn’tlinedupanewapartmentbecauseI’dbemovinginwithMichael.
I’dbeenofferedacoupleoflawclerkpositionsoutofcollege,andhadtakentheoneIlikedbest,
whichhadturnedouttobeamistakebecausetheyweren’tintendingtoactuallymovemeuporuse
metothefullestofmyabilities,soIputoutsomefeelersandknewI’dbeabletogetanewpositionat
abigger,betterfirm.Thus,whenmybosstoldmeIcouldn’ttakeanytimeoffformyhoneymoon,I’d
putinmytwoweeksnotice.Michaelmadegoodmoney,Imadegoodmoney,thusIhadnoproblem
maxingoutmycreditcardstopayforthewedding,especiallysinceDadwasn’treallyinaplaceto
payforitall,andgodknewMichael’sparentswouldn’t.

Butlookingback,thosehadallbeenseriousmistakes.Well,Imean,IcouldstillgetajobifIwent

backtoSeattle.Thatmuch,atleast,didn’tdependonMichaelandthewedding.

If?
No…thatwascrazytalk.OfcourseIwasgoingback.
Just…notyet.
Thecabinofthesailboatwasniceandwarmandcozyanddry,andmostofall,private.Icould

chillhere.Relaxalone,nofucked-upsituationstonavigate.

Istrippedoffmyclothesandlaidthemouttodry,wentintothebedroomandclimbedintothebed,

pulledthecoversuptomychin…andpromptlyfellasleep.

WhenIwokeupagain,myphonetoldmeI’dsleptfourmorehours,andIwasstilltired.SoI

unlockedmyphone,pulleduptheKindleapp,andreadforafewhours,finishingonebookand
startinganother.Ireaduntilmyeyesdraggedagain,andthensetmyphoneasideandletmyeyes
close,lettingmyselffloatbackunderthesurfaceofconsciousness.ThenexttimeIbreached
awareness,itwasdarkoutsideandtherainhadstopped.Myphonereadjustpasttenatnight,andIwas
wired.Idressedinmymostlydryclothes,remadethebed,lefttheboatandjoggedacrossthestreetto
Badd’s.

Thebarwasmiddlingbusy,witheveryseatatthebarandmostofthetablesfull,butitwasn’tquite

standingroomonly.Zanewasbehindthebar,andlookedlikehewasholdinghisown,poppingthe
toponabeer,thenpouringalittletoomuchvodkaintoahighball…hewasnoSebastianbehindthe
bar.

IangleduptothebarandgotZane’sattention.“Whereishe?”
Zaneshruggedasheaddedtonictothevodka,awedgeoflime,andastraw.“Notsure.Outback,

maybe?ThoughtIsawhimheadoutthatway.Hecouldn’thavegonefar,becauseit’ssobusy.Ifitgets
anybusieraroundhere,I’llhavetofiremyself.”

“Thanks,”Isaid,andwanderedthroughthekitchen,tothebackdoor,whichwasproppedopenby

abigjugoffryingoil.

Iheardvoices,oneofthemdefinitelySebastian’s.IpeeredthroughtheopeningandsawSebastian

leaningagainstawall,handsinhishippockets,afrownonhisface.Therewasawomanfacinghim.
Scantilycladwouldbeanoverstatement.Miniskirtsoshortitbarelycoveredherassandnothingbuta
braletteonuptop.Five-inchheels,teased-outhair.AndshehadherhandsalloverSebastian.He
wasn’ttouchingherback,buthewasn’tstoppinghereither.Theywereinprofiletome,soIcouldsee
everything.

“Itwasgoodbetweenus,wasn’tit,Sebastian?”Hervoicewaswheedling,tryingtobeseductive.“I

madeyoufeelgood.YourememberwhatIcandowithmymouth,don’tyou?”

“Allie…god,stop.We’renotdoingthis.”Heshifted,sohewasn’tquiteasclosetoher,pulling

awaysubtly.“I’mnotdoingthis.Youshouldgo.”

Shejustlaughed.“I’mnotaskingyoutodateme,I’mjust…lookingforagoodtime.That’swhat

you’rebestat,right?Aquickandeasygoodtime?That’sallI’mlookingfor.”

“Allie,you’renothearin’me.”
Shesanktoherknees,herhandsgoingtohisfly.“Ohcomeon,Sebastian.Youknowyouwant

this.YouknowhowgoodIcansuckyourcock,don’tyou?Icansuckyourcockandmakeitlastfor
hours,Sebastian.”Shewasstrokinghislengthoverhisunderwear,gettingreadytotakehimoutand
blowhim.“Thatfeelsgood,doesn’tit?You’resoharditaches.Icanfixthatforyou,baby.”

Ifeltbetrayed.Stupid,butIcouldn’tun-feelit.Heowedmenothing.Hewasnothingtome.But

thereitwas,rawandrealandundeniable,sittinglikeatonofjagged-edgebricksontopofthealready
rawwoundofMichael’sbetrayal.Icouldn’thandlethis,too.

Iturnedtoleaveandmyfoothitsomethingthatclattered;IheardSebastian’svoiceshoutingmy

name,butIwasn’tabouttostopandlistentohim.

Nopoint.
Iranpell-mellthroughthekitchen,backacrossthebar,ignoringZane’scuriousexpression.
Outsideitwasrainingagain,notatorrentialdownpourbutasteadyrain.Enoughtosoakme

throughinthefewstepsImadeitoutofthedoorbeforeIfeltahandgraspmyshoulder.

Notasmartmove.Icouldn’thavehelpedmyreactionevenifI’dwantedto,andIdidn’twantto.I

grabbedhiswrist,pivotedtoputmyshoulderinhisarmpitandusedmymomentumandshorter
staturetohaulhimovermybodyinabrutalthrow.Helandedonhisbackinthestreet,gaspingand
blinkingupatme.

“DonotEVERputyourhandsonmelikethat,asshole.Notever.Thoughtyou’dhavelearnedthat

already,butIguessnot.”Iturnedawayfromhimandstartedwalkingdownthestreet.

Hewasstillgaspingforbreath,butmanagedtomakeittohisfeet,haltingly,painfully.“Wait—”

Hecoughed,suckedinadeepbreath,andtriedagain.“Dru,please.Pleasewait.”

“Why?You’vegotyourexwaitingforaredo.Whywouldyouwantme?”Hestumbledaroundin

frontofme,puthishandsupplacatingly,buthedidn’ttouchme.Hisjeanswerestillopenand
unzipped,Inoticed.

“Ididn’tletthatdesperatesluttouchme,Dru.IkickedherasstothecurbbeforeIevenknewyou’d

seenanything.ThesecondshetriedtoputherhandonmycockIstoppedher.Itoldhertoleave,andI
wasn’tniceaboutit.She’snotanex,okay?She’sjustsomechickIbonedonceandshewassniffing
around,hopingforseconds.”

“Andthat’ssupposedtoreassureme?”Icrossedmyarmsovermychestandshotalookathisfly.
Heglanceddown,realizedhewasstillopen,andzippedandbuttonedhisjeans.“No,Ijust—”
“Becausethat’sallI’llbetoo,eventually,right?Somedesperatebitchshowinguphopingfora

pityfuckfromthealmightySebastian?”

“That’snotwhatImeant.”Hesoundedalittleirritated.
AndIknewIwasn’tbeingrational.Hedidn’towemeanything.Ihadnorighttotreathimthisway.

Ifhewantedtofucksomeoneelsehecould,andtherewasnothingIcouldsay.Ifhewantedtolet
somechickblowhiminthealleybehindhisbar,hehadeveryrighttothat,andheowedmezero
explanations.

Andhonestly,thefactthatIfeltlikehedidowemethat,thatIwanteditfromhim…botheredme.I

shouldn’twantthat.

Atthatmoment,IsawZanepokehisheadoutthedoorofthebar.“Yo,Bast.Needyourhelp,

brother.Gettin’alittlehairyinhere.”

Sebastiangrowledinfrustration.“Igottago.Butplease,don’tleave.Ididn’ttouchher,didn’tlet

hertouchme.Shemeansnothingtome,Dru,andthat’sthetruthwhetheryoubelieveitornot.Idon’t

normallygoaroundexplainingmyshittoanyone,butforsomereasonthethoughtoflettingyoujust
leavewithout—Idon’tknow.Idon’tknow.Ijustknow—”

“SEBASTIAN!”Zane’svoicewaspowerfulandirritated,now.“Gotpissed-offcustomers,man.

Let’sgo.Thiscanhappenlater.”

“Go,Sebastian,”Isaid.“Yourbrotherneedsyou.”
Hegrowledagain.“Pleasedon’tleave.Thisain’tover,honey.Notbyalongshot.”
Andthenhewastrottingbackintothebar,andIwasaloneinthestreet,intherain,completely

cluelessastowhatIwasevensupposedtothinkorfeel,muchlesswhattodonext.SoIwentbackto
thesailboat.Feltatoddends,loose,adrift,withnothingtodo.

Ididn’twanttoleave.IwantedmorewithSebastian.Iwantedhim,fullstop.Itwasfoolish,

probably.I’donlyendupbeinghurtworsethanever,lefttocrawlbacktoDaddyinSeattleandtryto
rebuildtheshatteredruinsofmyfucked-uplife.Stayingwasarisk.Andforwhat?Afewminutesof
feelinggoodinSebastianBadd’sstrongarms?

Fuckyes.Exactlyforthat.Becausethosefewminutespromisedtobe…shit,betterthananything

I’deverexperienced.Ijustknewthat’swhatitwouldbe.Life-changing,earth-shatteringsex.And
goddammit,butIwantedthat.Iwanteditbad.

ButwasIreallywillingtoriskgettingallattachedtoSebastianbecauseofhowgoodthefucking

was,onlytohavehimsendmepackingoncehe’dhadhisfillofme?BecauseifwhatI’dhadwith
Michaelhadn’tbeengoodenoughforhimtostayfaithful,thenwhatwerethechancesamanlike
Sebastianwouldfindmesatisfying?Imean,hewasagod.Beyondgorgeous,tough,rough,dominant,
skilledatsex,ranhisownbar,hadwomensodesperateforasecondroundwithhiscockthatthey
werewillingtodoanythingtogetit,evenblowhiminthealleyjustforachancetohavemorewith
him.Andherewasme,whocouldn’tevengetaboringregularoldJoelikeMichaeltoremain
faithful.

Yeah,goodluck.ButsomethinginsidemeinsistedIgivehimashot.Becauseitwouldbethatgood.

Itwouldbeworththerisk.

Itriedtoputitoutofmymindforawhile.
Iread,scrolledthroughsocialmediaonmyphone,checkedthenewsapps,readsomemore.

Managedtocrashagain,eventhoughI’dsleptmostofthedayalready.

Iwokeupwithdimgraylightfilteringinthoughthewindows.Myphonewasdead,soIhadno

ideawhattimeitwas,butmyguesswouldhavebeenaroundsevenoreightinthemorning.

AndmyfirstthoughtwasSebastian.
Iwantedhim.Iknewitwaslikelytoendbadly,butsomecrazy,impulsivedriveinsidemewas

tellingmetogoforit.ThatIcouldn’tletMichaelwreckmylife,orforcemetoputupevenhigher
wallsthanIalreadyhad.Icouldn’tletMichael’sbetrayalturnmeintoacoward,intosomeonetoo
scaredtogoafterwhatshewanted.AndIwantedSebastian.Ihadnocluewhatitwouldlooklike,how
itwouldgo,howitwouldend,orifmyheartwouldsurvivetheexperience,butIwaswillingtotakea
chance.Ihadto.

Fuckit.
Ishovedopenthedoorofthecabin,duckedout,slammedthedoorbehindme,andjoggedthrough

thedownpourbackacrossthestreet.Iopenedthedoortothebar,butfounditempty.Thelightswere
alloff,andthedoortothestairsleadinguptotheapartmentwasopen,soIfiguredhemustbeup
there,probablysleepingsinceitwasstillearlymorning.

IfoundZanecrashedonthecouchlookingsleepybutwatchingthenewsonTV.Heblinkedatme,

andthenjerkedathumbatthehallway.“Hisroom’stheoneattheveryend.”

Sebastian’sdoorwasclosedbutnotlatched,soIwentin.Hehadakingsizebedwithasimple

metalrailingheadboardandfootboard,withmessyflannelsheetsandathickfleeceblanket.Adresser

withsixdrawers,oneofthemopen,aT-shirthanginghalfout,adishontopcontainingahandfulof
change,aLeathermanmultitool,andanoldsilverwatch.Underwearonthefloor,apairofjeans.An
old,batteredTayloracousticguitarinthecornersittingonthewidebottom,apickinthestringson
theneck.ApairofTimberlandboots,wellworn.Awoolpeacoathangingofftheopendoorofthe
closet,lookinglikeithadbeenhangingthereontheopendoorsincetheendoflastwinter.Nothing
onthewalls,noalarmclock,nophonecordorradiooranything,nothingelectronicatall,asa
matteroffact.Theonlythingsonthenightstandtablenexttothebedwerealitrebottleofwateranda
smallframedblackandwhitephotoofawoman,whoIassumedwashismother,standingnexttoa
manwhoIassumedwashisfather.

NoSebastian,though.
Thebathroomdoorwasslightlyajar,andIpeekedin,gotaglimpseinthemirrorofSebastian

standingfacingthetoilet.

Legsspreadwideapart,headducked,shouldersheaving.Jeanstuggeddownaroundhisthighsto

bareataut,muscularasswithadustingofdarkhair.Oneofhishandswasbracedonthewallinfront
ofhisface,hisarmstraightenedtoholduphisweight,andtheotherwasinfrontofhisbody.Hewas
rigid,hisassflexedforward.Hisarmwasmovingbackandforthslowly.

“Fuck…”hegroaned,hisvoicelowandsnarling.
Andunexpected.Ijumpedwhenhegrowledthatcurseword,caughtspyingonhim.Watchinghim

masturbate.

“Dru…fuck—”herumbled.
Hewasjerkingoffthinkingaboutme?Myhearthammered,myguttwisted,myhandsshook,and

mycoreheated.

Icouldn’tlookaway.Absolutelycouldnot.
Imovedslightly,adjustingmyanglesonowinsteadofseeingjusthisback,Icouldseemoreof

hisprofileinthemirror.Hisfistslidingupanddownhishuge,hardlength.AndIdomeanhugeand
hard.

Iwatchedashestrokedhimself,andfeltheatbillowthroughme,feltwetnessseepintomypanties.

Hedidn’thurry,juststrokedhimselfslowlyandleisurely,takinghistime.Afteracoupleminutesof
slowstroking,hishipsstartedtoflexbackandforth,andhisbreathstartedtohuffpastgrittedteeth,
andhisfiststartedtomovealittlefaster.

Hehadn’tseenme;hiseyeswereshuttight,hisjawclenchedashisfistflewfasterandfaster.
Andthenhestopped.Hiseyesflickedopen,andhereachedout,pumpedahandfuloflotioninto

hispalm,smeareditonhiscock,andbeganstrokingagain,startingslowlyandworkingquicklyback
uptospeed.

“Dru…god,Dru…”
Myhearthammeredeverytimehesaidmyname,andmycoredrippeddesireatthesightofhis

bighandslidingupanddownhishuge,hardcock.Ipicturedmyownhandonhim,strokinghim…I’d
needbothhands,andcouldprobablyonlyfitalittlebitintomymouth.

Butthenheglancedinthemirror,andsawme.
“Seesomethingyoulike,Dru?”hesaid,hisvoiceagrowlingbassmurmur.
“Yes,”Iheardmyselfsay.“Don’tstop.”
Heresumedstrokinghiscock,butdidn’ttakehiseyesoffmineinthemirror.“Comeinhere.”I

pushedopenthedoorenoughtoslipthrough,andthencloseditbehindme.Sebastianusedhisfree
handtoshoveasidetheshowercurtain.“Sit.”

Isatontheedgeofthetub,trembling,inchesawayfromhim.Inchesawayfromhisthickcock.I

staredupathim,tryingtolookmoredaringthanIfelt.

“Why’reyouhere,Dru?”heasked,hisfistnotstopping,stillslidingslowlyalonghisshaft.

“I—Iwanttoforget,Sebastian.Ijust—Ijustwanttoforget.Likeyousaid.Feelgoodforawhile.”
“Gonnafreakoutonmeagain?”
Ishrugged.“Probably.”
Hesmirked.“Fairenough.”Heglanceddownathimself,andwebothwatchedhimstrokinghis

dick.“Youliketowatch?”

“I’veneverwatched—this,before.Neverwatchedanyonedothis.”
“Neverhadanybodywatchbeforeeither.”
Ilickedmylips,glancedfromhiseyestohiscock.“Keepgoing.”
Sohedid.
Hisfistslidupanddown,slowly,leisurely,thelotionsquelchingwetlywitheachstroke.Thenhe

startedtojerk,goingfaster,andhisjawclenched,andhismolarsbegantoflexandpulseashe
groundhiscockintohisflyingfist.

Iached.
Myhands,foldedonmylap,twitchedtotouchhim.
Hiseyesclosedmomentarily,thenflewbackopenandpinnedme.“Touchme,Dru.Helpmefinish.

It’syourfaultI’mthishard.”

Ireachedout,hesitatedwithmyfingersahair ’sbreadthfromhisshaft,andthenIclosedmyhand

aroundhim.God,sothick,sosoft,yetsoiron-hard.Iglidedmyhanduptotheheadandalltheway
down,myfistslidingslicklyoverthelotion.Webothhadahandonhiscock,now,hisbelowmine.
Westrokedhimtogether,fasterandfaster.

“Fuck—Dru,yourhandfeelssogoodaroundmycock.”
“Yourcockisamazing,Sebastian.”Igrinnedupathim.“IguessIwasrighttheothernight,huh?”
“Guessso,”hegrunted,andhishipsbegantothrust.
Iworkedhimfaster,andhishandfellaway,soitwasonlymineonhisflesh.Icuppedhisasswith

myotherhand,andsetaquickflutteringrhythmofstrokesonhisthrobbingcock.Harder,faster.

God,howlongcouldheholdout?
Hestartedgrunting,lowunderhisbreath.Glancedatme.“Gonnacome,Dru.”
Hisbeautifulcockpushedintomyfistandhiseyespinnedmeandhisabstensedandflexed.I

watched,rapt,asmysmallpalehandslidupanddownhistanflesh,andthenhefroze,hipsthrust
forward.

“Fuck…fuck,I’mcoming,Dru.Watchmecome.”
Itiltedawayfromhisbody,cuppedmypalmunderthetipofhiscockandkeptstrokinghim.He

snarled,thrusthishipsoncemore,andthenhecamewithalowgrowl.Hisdickpulsedinmyfistand
comespurtedoutofhimandintomypalm,overflowingtodripdownintothetoilet,andthenhe
gruntedandthrustintomyfistandcameagain,fillingandover-fillingmypalm,again,andagain,
andIkeptstrokinghimuntilhefinallystoppedgrowlingandgruntingandcomingintomyhand.

“Jesus,youcomealot,”Isaid,marvelingattheunbelievableamountofcomeinmyhand,

drippingdownbetweenmyfingersintothewaterbelow,coatingmypalminwethotwhitestickiness.

“Yougotnofuckin’idea,”hegrowled.“Washyourhandsandgetthoseclothesoff.”
Ishiveredatthefiercepotencyinhisvoice.“Areyoualwaysthisbossy?”
Hegrowledatmeagain.“Justhadyourhandonmycock,Dru.Ineedtoeatyoursweetcuntuntil

youcomeonmytongue,andthenwhenI’mhardagain,I’mgonnafuckyousixwaystoSunday.Soif
youdon’tdowhatItellyou,I’lldoitforyou.”

Istaredathim,takingintheblazeofhisbrowneyes,theheavingofhischest,thedroopofhis

dick.Hesteppedoutofhisjeansandunderwear,peeledoffhisshirt,tossedthembothonthefloor,
andstoodnakedinfrontofme.Andholyshit,themanwasripped.Chiseledabs,bulgingpecs,
ripplingbiceps,andallthatincredibleinkstretchingfromwristtowristandshouldertoshoulder.

TheV,godyes,theV-cut.Andhiscock,evengoinglimp—onlymomentarily,itseemed—was
impressive.FullyerectithadbeenthehugestthingI’deverseen,thickerandlongerthananycockin
myexperience,andjustperfectlystraightandsobeautiful…andsobighe’dstretchmetoburning,I
wassure.

Ishiveredatthethought.
AndapparentlyIdidn’tmovefastenoughforhim,becauseSebastiansnaggedmywrist,turnedon

thefaucet,rinsedhiscomeoffmyhand,drieditwithatowel,andthenjerkedopenthebathroomdoor
andhauledmeoutintohisbedroom.Kickedthatdoorclosed,thenspunaroundtofacemewithhis
handonthelock.

“Youwannaleave?Now’sthetime,sweetthing.I’mgonnalockthisdoor,andI’mnotlettingyou

outuntilyoubegformercy.”

Iliftedmychin.“Idon’twanttoleave.”
Ididn’t,reallyIdidn’t.Butthelookinhiseyeswasferal.Iwasstartingtowonderifmyideaof

gettingafeworgasmsoutofthisguyandthengoingbacktoSeattleunscathedhadjustmaybebeena
littleunrealistic.Helookedravenous,asifheweresecondsfrompouncingonmeanddevouringme.

I’dneverbeendevouredbefore.Hell,I’dneverevenbeenlookedatlikethatbefore.
Hegrabbedahandfulofmysweatshirt,tuggedthehoodovermyhead,andthenyankedthehoodie

off.Tosseditaside.JerkedmyT-shirtoff,andthenmybra.Ruthlessly,efficiently.Thenheripped
openmyjeansandshovedthemdownalongwithmyunderwear,andwhenIsteppedoutofthem,I
wasnaked.Thewholeprocesshadtakenlessthanthirtyseconds.

Hewrappedhishandsaroundmywaist,andforamomenthewassoftandtender,staringdownat

mewiththosebigbrowngrizzlybeareyesgoneaffectionateandappreciative.Itlastedforaslongas
hewasstaringintomyeyes,andthenhisgazeflickeddownward,tookinmybreasts,mybelly,my
core…

Andhisgriponmywaisttightened.
“Notasound,Dru.Yeah?”
Inodded,andthatwaswhentheworldasIknewitended.
Heliftedmeupbymywaistandtossedmebackwardontohisbed,acasual,easymovementthat

sentmeflyingacrosstheroomtobounceonce,andthenhecaughtmeinhisarmsonthesecond
bounceandwasalloverme,skinpressedtoskin,hismouthonmyneck,lipskissingandsucking,
teethnipping,tonguelicking.Hemovedhiswaydowntomybreasts,andhelappedatthem,suckled
myrigid,sensitivenippleintohismouthandsawedhisteethacrossit,elicitingamoanfromme.I
didn’thavetimetoevenprocesshowI’dgottenonthebedyet,andhewasflickingmynipplesand
bitingthemjustalittletoohard,andthenhewasgrazinghismouthdownmybelly,flickinghis
tongueintomybellybuttoninawaythathadmefightingtheurgetosqueal,andthenhewasoffof
me,offthebed.Hewrappedhishandsaroundmyanklesandyankedmetotheedgeofthebed,
shovedmylegsopen,anddovein.

“Jesus,Sebastian,slowdown!”Igasped.
“No.”Hegrowledtheone-wordanswer.
“ButI—ohfuck.Ohfuck.Ohhhhhh—ffffffuuuuuck!”Ashockofutterblissdrewthewordoutof

me,elongatedeachconsonant,eachvowel,eachsyllable,hismouthclosingaroundmyclit,tongue
flickingmadly,lipscreatingsuction,andthenheslidtwofingersintomyslitandIcouldn’thelpa
gaspfromleavingmylipsashescissoredhisfingersandthencurledtheminsidemetofindmyG-
spotasifhehadsomekindofradarordiviningrodforfindingthatspotinsideme.

Twolicks,twofingers,andIwasgone.
Ispasmedoffthebed,bitingdownonmyliptokeepsilent,andthenheswirledhistonguearound

myclitandIlostit,buckedunderhim,comingwithinarecordshortamountoftime.

“God,Dru,youcomesoeasy,”Sebastianbreathed,hisvoicebuzzingagainstmyslit.“Gimme

anotherone.Letmefeelthispussysqueezemeagain.”

Headdedathirdfinger,andhismouthwentbacktomypussyandcircledmyclit,andI’dneverin

mylifecomemorethanonceinasinglesessionevenonmyown,muchlessbeforepenetrationhad
evenoccurred,yetthereIwashoveringontheedgeofasecondonealready.

“Pinchyournipples.Makeithurt.”
Ihadtoobey.Icouldn’texplainit,theeffecthiscommandshadonme.Iwasn’tatake-orders-

easilygirl,butsomethingaboutthewaySebastiangrowledhisordershitsomeinstinctualnerve
insidemeandhadmeobeyinghimautomatically.Hadmewanting—no,needing—toobeyhim.

Isqueezedbothnipples,rolledtheerectbuttonsbetweenfingersandthumbsuntilheatseared

throughmeattheexquisitesensation.

“Harder,”hesnarled.“Isaidmakeithurt.”
SoIpinchedmynippleshardenoughthatawhimperleftmylips,butthepainturnedinstantlyinto

somethingelseashisthickfingersworkedinandoutofmeandhistongueandlipsscouredmyclit
andlabia.

AndthenIfeltasharpstingjustoutsidemyouterlabia,inthecreasewherepussymetthigh,and

myeyesflickedopentoseeSebastianmovingbacktolickingmyclit.Ileanedforward,pulledatthe
skin,andsawthathe’dleftabig,darklovebitethere.

“You…gavemea…ahickey—”Idemanded,betweenbarely-suppressedgaspsofpleasure,“onmy

pussy?”

Heglancedupatmeacrossmybody,andhissmilewasn’tsweetorkindoraffectionate,butwild

andfierce.Hebentclosertomycore,pulledmythighasideandpressedhislipstothesamespoton
theoppositeside,andIfeltthenipofhisteethandthesuctionofhistongueandlipsinasharpsting,
andthenhepulledaway,leavinganotherhickey.

“Mine.”Histonebrookednodisagreement,andhishandsonmybodyleftnoroomforargument.
His?Fuck,therewasnowayI’dsurvivethat.
Butthenthoughtswereeradicatedashewentbacktodrivingmyorgasmoutofme.
Didn’ttakehimlong.
Ifeltitboiling,andthistimeIdidn’tneedhiscommandformyfingerstofindmynipplesand

pinchthemhard,andthenheatandtensionwereblastingthroughmeandwashingoverme,andIwas
seeingstars,darknessripplingacrossmyvisionasIarchedupoffthebed.Hishandswereundermy
ass,liftingmeoffthebed,holdingmeagainsthismouthashelickedandsuckedmethroughthe
orgasm,andthensetmedownandhistonguekeptgoing,wetandwarmandinsistentandhungry,
slidingdownmyslittolickattheseepingjuicesofmydesire.

Whenhe’dlappedmeclean,hefinallycrawledupmybodyandontothebed,hauledmetothe

pillows,onceagainmanhandlingmeasifIweighednothing,asifIwashistodowithashewished.

AndIwas,wasn’tI?I’dputmyselfinhishands,lethimlockthedoorbehindus,andnowIwas

naked,flushwithtwointenseorgasms,andnotevenremotelysated.

IexpectedhimtodemandIreturnthefavor,suckhimtohardnessagain,butinsteadhelayagainst

thepillowsonhisside,pulledmetohimandwrappedmeupinhisarms.Botharmswentaroundme
likesteelbands,crushingmeagainsthisbody.Ismelledhim,felthim,felthisheatandthesoftnessof
hisskin…

Andthenhecuppedmyfaceandtiltedmymouthtohisandkissedme.
Slowly.
Deeply.
Thoroughly.
Hefuckedmewithhismouthasintimatelyanddeliriouslyashewasgoingtofuckmypussy.I

moaned,becausehowcouldInot?Histonguewasplunderingthecavityofmymouth,tanglingwith
mytongueandtracingmyteeth,andIwassafeandwarmlockedinhispowerfularms.Hehadone
handonmycheek,fingersbrushingpastmyearandhisthumbundermyjaw,directingthekiss,and
hisotherarmwastuckedunderthehollowwheremyhipdippedintomywaist,andhishandwas
splayedacrossmyass,fingersdimplingtheflesh,clutching,pawing,kneading,exploringtheexpanse
andcurveofeachglobeinturn.Andgod,whywasthatsimpletouchsofuckingerotic?Allhewas
doingwascaressingmyass,butitsentthrillsthroughme,mademyhipspushagainsthisbody,
forcedmythighstoopenandaccepthislegbetweentheminapoorexcuseforwhatIreallywanted:
hiscock,erectandinsideme.

Buthewasinnohurry.
Hekissedmewithartistryandpassion,cuppingmyfaceandexploringmyassatthesametime.

Howlongdidwelaythere,onhisbed,wrappedupineachother,justkissing?Ihadnoidea.Forever.
Allday.Allnight.Ormaybejustafewminutes.Notlongenough,surely.Hiskisswasintoxicating,
histouchlikefireonmyskin.

AndthenIfelthiscockthickeningagainstmyhipandbelly.Ibroughtmyhandtohisface,

caressedhisroughstubbleandputallofmyselfintothekiss,gaveback,tastedhistongue,suckedhis
breathintomylungs.Ihadto.Icouldn’tnot.Youdon’tgetkissedlikethatandnotgiveitback.It
leavesyoudelirious,wild.Therewasatumultdeepinsideme,acrazyrushofemotionsIdidn’tdare
examine,soIshovedthemalldeepdownandfocusedonthetasteofhislipsandthefeelofhisstubble
undermypalm,andthenIwedgedmyotherhandbetweenourbodiesandfoundhiscock.

HehissedbetweenhisteethasIfondledhim,feelinghimhardeninginmyhand.“Yourtouchis

likemagic,Dru.Idon’tknowwhatitisyoudotome,butjustyourhandonmycockmakesme
crazy.”

“Fuckme,Sebastian.”Iwhisperedthisagainsthislips.“Ineedyourcockinsidemesofucking

bad.”

Sebastian

Holyshit,hervoiceasshebeggedmeformycock?Hereyes?Shewastrembling,shivering,her

thighsquakingaroundmyleg.I’vealwaysbeenblessedwitharefractoryperiodasshortasmycock
isbig,butsomethingaboutDruhadmehardassteelfasterthanever,andnowshewasbeggingme
forit?

“Yeah?”Irolledawayfromher,tuggedopenmynightstanddrawerandrippedacondomfree

fromthestring.“Howbad?”

Shesnatchedthecondomfromme,shovedmetomyback,andtorethepacketopen,tosseditaside

withtherubberinonehand.Shefiddledwithitforasecond,figuringoutwhichwayitrolled,then
grippedmycockatthebaseandrolledthecondomontomeinahand-over-handmovement,which
hadmestiflingagroan.

“SofuckingbadI’mcrazywithit,Sebastian.Please.”Shesaidthisassheslidherthighovermy

hipsandsatastrideme.“Youpromisedyoucouldmakemeforget.SoI’mbeggingyou,please,takeit
allaway.”

Shebracedherhandsonmychest,andherlooseauburn-redhairdrapedaroundmyfaceandonto

myshoulders,andherweightwasanarousingpromiseofwhatwasabouttohappen.Ireached
betweenus,grippedmycockwithonehandandfingeredheropeningwiththeother.Iguidedthehead
ofmycocktoherslit.

Nudgedalmostbutnotquitein,sotheheadwassplittingherpussyopenbutitwasn’tquiteinside

her.Iletgo,caughtherhipstokeepherfromslidingdownonmebeforeIwasready.Sheleaned
forward,thetipsofhertitsbrushingmychest,andhereyeswerethehottestwildblue.Ineededtobe
insideherasbadlyassheneededmeinsideher,butIwantedtosavorthis.Burnthememoryintomy
mind.Searitintohers.

“Likethis?”Iteased.
“No,”shemurmured.“Deeper.”
Iletgoofherhips.Cuppedhertitsandleaneduptobiteherlowerlip,drewitoutandletgo.Her

eyesflaredopenasIpinchedhernipples,thenwentheavy-liddedasIflexedmyhipstoteasemycock
alittledeeper.

“Yeah…”shewhimpered.“Likethat.Deeper.”
Igrippedherhipsagainandguidedhertoflutterupanddownshallowlyontheheadofmydick.

Teasingusboth.Makingmyselfabsolutelycrazywithit.Icouldfeelher,feelthatsweetcuntwrapped
tightaroundmycock,anditwasn’tenough,Ineededdeeper,neededtofillher,neededtoclaimher
pussyasmine,mine,neededtoslamdeepandfeelherthighsquakearoundmeasshecame.

Shewasquivering,gasping,needingtoimpaleherselfonme.“Please,Sebastian.Please.”Shewas

desperate,now.

Iwas,too.IwasdonewiththiscruelgameIwasplaying.
Iletgoofherhips.“Showmehowdeepyouwantme,Dru.”
“Ohfuck—finally.”Shepressedherforeheadtomineandkepthereyesonmine,hesitatingasplit

second,hipswrithinghelplessly,andthenshesankdownaroundmyshaft.Slowly,deliberately,her
eyesgoingwideasIstretchedthattightperfectpussyopen.“JesusChrist,Sebastian.Ican’t—ohgod,
Ican’ttakeitall.”

“Yes,youcan,”Igrowled.“Slow.Backup.Goslow.”

“I’mtrying,butyou’resofuckinghuge,Ijust—”Hereyeswerewide,glimmeringandgleaming

withdeliriousawe,andalittlepainasIstretchedherapart.Sheliftedherhipstodrawmeout,
hoveredthereforamoment,catchingherbreath,andthensankdownagain,takingmedeeper.“God,
Sebastian.So—fucking—good.”

Icouldn’tbreathe.Legit,Iwasbreathless,shakingallover.BeinginsideDru…iterasedevery

momentthathadevergonebefore.Itwas…perfection.Iwasn’tevenallthewayinyet,andIwas
fightingtheurgetopinhertothebedandfuckherlikeasavagebeast.Equally,Ineededtojusthold
herlikethis,cupthebeautifulswellofherlushhipsandletherridemetocompletionandjustsoakin
herincrediblebeauty,justdrinkintheanglesofherface,thefallofherthickredhairaroundher
shoulders,thewayherheavytitstrembledassheloweredherselfonme.Ijustwantedtofeelthis,to
drowninthefeelofbeinginsidethiswoman.

Ididn’twantittoeverend.
Iwantedtosavoreachindividualsecondofthis.
Shegaspedasshesliddownmycockagain,herfingersdiggingintomypecs,sharpstrongclaws

piercingmetoclinghard.Thepainonlyremindedmethatthiswasreal,thatIwasreallyherewith
her,feelingthis,fillingher,splittingheropen.Itwasn’tadream,wasn’tmyimagination.Itwasbetter
thanI’dfantasizedwhilejerkingoff.Infinitelybetter.Herbodywassogoddamnglorious,Ididn’t
dareevenblink,becauseIdidn’twanttomissasinglesecondofthewayshelookedontopofme.

Beforeshe’deventakenhalfofmylength,shebackedawayagainuntiljustthetipwasinsideher,

andshehesitatedthere,asifpreparingtofeelmefillheralloveragain.Ifeltmyheartbeathammer
wildandstaccatoasshehoveredthere,waiting,waiting,andIwascrazyfromnotknowingwhen
she’dslidemebackin,orhowdeep,orhowslowly.IttookeverythingIhadtoholdstill,toletherget
usedtomeinherowntime,herownway.

Shesuckedinasharpbreath,dugherfingernailsevendeeperintomyskin,nearlybreakingitnow,

andthenslowlylowereddownontome.Andgod,fuck—shewassotightIfelteverymillimeterasI
pushedintoher,feltherpussysqueezingaroundmelikeavise,grippingme,slidingwetandslick
andhot—itwas…itfeltlikegoinghome,slidingintoher.Fillingher.

Shetookalmostallofme,gaspingbreathlesslyasshewithdrewagain,hesitated,foreheadtomine,

breathinghard.Then,inthesameagonizinglyslow,wet,torturousslide,sheimpaledherselfonme
alloveragain.Groaningthewholetime,hervoicelowandhoarseandprimal,likealioness.Almost
allthewayout,hoveringattheapexofthewithdrawal,andthenthistimeinsteadofsinkingdownon
me,sheflutteredherhips,rolledthemtofuckthetopfewinchesofmycockintoherpussy.Shewas
teasingmeandteasingherself,groaninglowinherthroatinasoundsofuckinginsanelyeroticithad
myballsclenching,hadmycockthrobbing,hadmeclawingmyfingersintoherass,holdingonfor
dearlife.

God,Ineededtomove,neededtothrust.Neededtofuck.ButIcouldn’t.Wouldn’t.Notuntilshe

wasready.

Withoutwarning,sheslappedherassdownontome,tookallofmycockinasinglehardcrushing

thrust,takingamouthfulofmyshoulderandbitingdowntostiflehercry.Igrowledatthestinging
acheofherteethinmyfleshandthesuddendizzyingonslaughtofecstasyasIfeltherpussy
swallowingmycock,fillinghertightcuntsocompletelyIcouldn’tpossiblykeepquietbecauseofthe
rawheadyblissofthewayshefelt.

“Fuck—”Ibreathed,mylipsbrushingherear.“Dru,youfeellike—Jesus,Ididn’tknowitcould

feellikethis.”

Shewassobbing,gasping,herassflushagainstmyhips,hercuntsqueezingaroundmeasifshe

wasalreadyorgasming.“Somuch,Sebastian.Sofuckingmuch.”

“Lookatme,Dru,”Igrowled.Hergazemetmine,andwetnessglazedherbluestblueeyes.“Those

goodtears,darlin’?”

Herfingersclawedintothemeatofmychest,hairlooseandwildaroundourfaces,herknees

squeezingmyhipsasshestraddledme,shecouldonlynodatfirst,teethcatchingherlowerlip.Then
shespoke,throughgrittedteeth.“Thebest.Toogood.”

“Canyoutakemenow?”Iasked.
Shenoddedagain,herbreathcatchingandstutteringasshebegantorollherhips,andthenburied

herfaceinthebaseofmythroat.

Iwrappedherthickauburnhairaroundmyfistandhauledherfacebackupsoshewasforcedto

lookatme.“Needyourvoice,Dru.Ineedtomove.Canyoutakeallofmenow?Sayit.”

Sheinhaledraggedly.“Icantakeyou,Sebastian.Givemeallyou’vegot.Givemeeverything.”
Iclutchedhertightagainstmeandrolledtopinherspinetothebed.“Don’tcloseyoureyes.Don’t

missasecondofthis,Dru.”

“Iwon’t.”
Ipushedmyhipsharderagainsther,pushedmycockasdeepasitwouldgo.Then,slowly,Ipulled

back,andshewhimperedasiftomournthelossofmeinsideher.Gently,then,Islidbackin.Myarms
werebracedoneithersideofherface,herthighsframingmyhips,feetplantedinthemattressnear
myknees.Herhandswereclutchingmyshoulders,andasIpushedin,herfingernailsbecameclaws
alloveragain,andshegaspedwhenIfilledher.Again,andagain,andeverytimeIthrustintohershe
clawedherfingersdeeperintomyflesh,andIrelishedthedesperationofthewaysheclungtome,the
ferocityinherfingersandtheeroticbreathygaspingofhervoice.

ButIwasstillgoingslow.Takinghermeasure,morethananything.Justgettingstarted.Not

wantingtooverwhelmherorfrightenheroffwithmyfullpower.

Butshesensedit.Scrapedherhandsthroughmyhairanddownmybacktogripmyass.Herpalms

smoothedovermybuttocksandthenshetracedthemwithherfingertips,andthensheslammedher
hipsupagainstmineanddugherfingersroughandfierceintomyassandyankedmeagainstherto
deepenthethrust.

“More,Sebastian.IsaidIcantakeyou.Giveittome.”Sheliftedherfacetomine,kissedthecorner

ofmymouth,teasingmewithakiss,andthenbitmyearlobe.“I’lltakeallyouhaveandbegyoufor
more.”

Irearedbackandstartedmovingmoreearnestly,staringdownather.“Ilikeitwhenyoubeg,

sweetthing.”

Shesmiled,apleased,amusedlittlegrin.“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
Shepulledmeagainstherwithonehandonmyass,andwrappedtheotherhandaroundthebackof

myneckandtuggedmyeartoherlips.“Fuckme,Sebastian.Please…pleasefuckme.”Shewhispered
intomyear,writhinghersweet,tight,wetpussyaroundmythrobbing,achingcock.“Ineedyouto
fuckmesohardIcan’tbreathe.Fuckmesenseless.”

Ileanedback,gotmykneesunderneathme,liftedherthighsandpushedthemupagainstherbelly,

stretchingherout,splittingheropen,lettingmeindeeper.Islidclosertoher,seatingmycockasdeep
asIcouldgo.Withdrew,pushedbackin.Slowatfirst,testingherdepth.ShegroanedasIpusheddeep,
tangledherfingersinherhairandarchedherspineoffthebed.

“Yeah,justlikethat,”shegroaned.
Ithrustharderthen,slowlylettingmyselfunleashthebeastIfeltsnarlinginsideme,ragingtoget

loose.“Likethis?”

Shenodded,spinearchedcompletelyoffthebed,onehanddivingbetweenherthighs,theother

goingtohernipples.“Yeah,Sebastian,justlikethat.Sogood.Sofuckinggood.God,pleasedon’t
stop.”

Igrinneddownather,adrenalinebashingthroughmeasIrealizedhowvoraciousshewas,thatshe

couldtakeallIhadandstilldemandmore,justlikeshe’dsaidshewould.“I’mjustgettingstarted,
baby.Ineedtofeelyoucomearoundmycock.”

Hereyeswentblankforasecond,andshefroze,eyesgoingcoldandhardandpain-filled.“Don’t

callmethat.Don’tevercallme‘baby.’”

Ifaltered.“Okay.Sorry?”
Shesuckedinadeepbreath,closedhereyesandjustbreathedforafewseconds.Whenhereyes

openedagain,therewasremorseinthem.“I’msorry,Sebastian.Ijust—”

Isetherlegsdownandwrappedmyarmunderherneck,movedtomysideandhauledhertight

againstme,cuppedherassasIthrustdeep.Onehandtangledinherhair,theotheronherass,ourlegs
wovenunderandovereachother ’s.

“Hey,youdon’tlikeit,that’sallthatmatters,darlin’.Don’tgottaexplainshittome,okay?”I

movedintoher,slowandsinuous.“Justyouandmehere,sweetthing.Nothingelsematters.Youfeel
me?”

Sheclungtome,justbreathing,andthennoddedafteramoment.“Ifeelyou.”
“Allrightnow?”
Hereyesopenedandmetmine,andherfingersskatedthroughmyhair.“I’mgood.Morethan

good.I’msorry,Ijust—”

Ishutherupwithasearingkiss,thrustingmytongueinandoutofhermouthtomimictheaction

ofmycock.“Noapologies.Don’twantit,don’tneedit.”

Inippedherlowerlip,andthenshetiltedherheadbacktogivemeaccesstoherthroat.Ikissed

andbitmywaydowntheivorycolumnofherthroattoherbreasts,andthenfoundhernipples,
lickingandsuckingandbitingthemuntilshewasgasping.

“That’swhatIneed,Dru.Thosesoundsyoumake.”Irolledhertoherbackagain,leaningawayto

leaveroomforherhandbetweenourbodies.Iguidedherfingersdownbetweenherthighstoherclit.
“Getyourselfthere,honey.Letmefeelyoucomeapartbeneathme.”

Shestartedouttentatively,allferocitysubsumedbeneathwhatevermyuseoftheword‘baby’had

broughtupforher.Iwantedherback,thatfierceunrelentinglioness.ButIhadtogoslow,hadtocoax
itoutofher.

Imovedgently,slowly,shallowlyassheclosedhereyes,pressedherfingertipstoherclitand

beganslowlycircling.Ibentoverher,kissedhertits,flickedhernippleswithmytongue.Bracedmy
weightwithonearmandpressedmypalmtoherfreehand,tangledourfingers.NotsurewhyIdid
that,honestly.Itjustfeltright.Feltlikewhatsheneededinthemoment.Onceourhandswerejoined,
though…somethingshifted.Insideme.Inher.Ifeltitwithinusboth,asifthepressofherpalmto
minebrokeopensomeconnectionbetweenusandnowthatthelinkwascreateditblastedeverything
apartforusboth.Shegasped,hereyesflickingopenandmeetingmine,andthatneedwasback,the
hunger,theragingdesperation.Hereyeswentwideandglistenedwet,andIlovedthat,seeinghernear
tearsfromtheintensityofthis.Ifeltittoo.Icouldn’tdenyhowfuckingintensethiswas.

Herfingersmovedfaster,andIstartedslidingdeeperashertouchwentwild,blurringfasterand

fasteruntilherhipsleftthebedandpressedherpussyagainstmeinasilentdemandformore.Herlip
wascaughtbetweenherteethandhereyeswateredandherassbuckedandwrithed,andherhand
crushedmine.

“Oh—ohfuck,ohfuckyes,fuckyes…”shegroaned.“Sebastian,god,I’m—I’mgonnacome,

Sebastian.”

Iletmyselfmovealittleharder,then,andshewhimpered,groaned,squeezedmyhandinhersso

hardIthoughtmyfingersweregoingtobreak,butIloveditandgaveherthepressurebackjustas
hard.Ifeltherpussyclencharoundmine,andherhipswentwild,buckingagainstmeasshe

detonated,eyesslidingshut.

“FUCK!Ohshitohfuckohgod,Sebastian!God,I’mcomingsofuckinghardithurts—”
“Lookatme,Dru,darlin’.Lookatmewhileyoucome.”
Shewrenchedhereyesopenwide,fingersflyinginabluraroundherclitasIfuckedherslowand

deep.“Ineedyoutocome,Sebastian.”

“Iwill,”Isaid.“Iwill.Ipromise.ButI’mnotdonewithyouyet.”

Dru

Notdonewithmeyet?I’djustcomeharderthanIeverhadinmylife,andhewasn’tdoneyet?
HewaiteduntilIwasshakingwiththeaftershocksofmyorgasm,stillgasping,stillsobbing,and

thenhemovedbacktositonhisheels,hisshinsagainstthemattress,pullingmeupwithhimsoIwas
sittingonhisthighs.Iwasshakyandweakandtrembling,soIclungtohisneckwithbotharmsand
curledmylegsaroundhiswaist.Heflexedhishipstopushintome,andIcouldn’thelpanothergasp.
Justlikethat,then,forthespaceofmaybeaminute,Sebastianjustlazilyflexinghishipstothrustinto
me,untilIstartedfeelinggreedyformore,startedfeelingtheneedbuildupwithinmealloveragain.

Ipressedmymouthtohisear.“More,Sebastian.More.”
“Thankfuck,”hegrowled.“Thoughtyou’dneverask.”
Ipulledbacktomeethiseyes.“Youdon’tseemthetypetowaittobeasked.”
“I’mnot,”hesaid,risingupontohisknees,“butyouhadamoment.Didn’twanttopushyoutoo

fast.”

“You’resweet.”Ilatchedmoretightlyaroundhiswaistwithmylegsandusedmyarmstoliftup,

thensankdown.“ButI’movermymoment.”

“Yousure?”
Idugmyfingersintohisshoulders;heseemedtolikethat,andgodknewIcouldn’thelpit,not

whenhisteethnippedthesideofmyneckandhiscockwasfillingmetobursting.“Totally.”

“’CauseIthoughtIlostyouthereforasecond.”
“Youdid.ButI’mback.”
Hecuppedmyassandliftedmeupanddrewhimselfoutofme.“Igotthewildthingback?”
Iclawedhisbackandsankdownonhim,feelinghishardsweatymuscularbackstutterundermy

fingernails,bittheroundofhisshouldersohardhegrowledinpain,andhishipspistonedalmoston
instinct,thrustinghisthick,hot,ironshaftintomesohardIlostmybreath.“Youtellme,”Igasped,
movingwithhim,writhingonhim,tearingathisbackwithmynailsandbitinghimashardasIdared.
“Thiswildenoughforyou?”

“No,”hesnarled.“Notevenfuckin’close.”
Hethrewmeoffofhim,mypussythrobbingandachingwithhisabsence.Hiscockslappedagainst

hisbelly,andhisgazewasprimal,thebrowngonenearlyblack,hisbroadchestheaving,hishard,
chiseledabstensingwitheachbreath.

Heslidoffthebedtostandatthefoot,juststaringatmeandgaspingforbreath.Iwasleftpanting,

empty,desperate,confused.Onmyback,legssplayedopen,pussydrenchedandondisplay,tits
swayinginrhythmwithmybreathing.

Hegrabbedmebytheanklesandjerkedmedownthebed,wedginghishipsbetweenmythighs.“I

ain’tusuallyonetoask,butIneedyouonthesamepageasme,soI’mgonnaask,justthisonce.”He
grippedhiscockinonehandandfeditintome,buriedhimselfdeep,thencuppedhishandsundermy
ass,liftedmeoffthebedandtowardhimsoonlymyupperbackwasonthemattress,thenjustheld
methere.“HowhardcanIfuckyou,wildthing?”

Iwrithedinhisgrip,undulating,secureinhisholdonme,knowinghewouldn’tletmefall.Imet

hisgazeandpinchedmynippleswithonehand,hookedmyheelsaroundhisass,andfingeredmyclit
withmyotherhand.“Ashardasyouwant,”Ibreathed.“Wreckme.”

“‘Wreckme’shesays,”Sebastiangrunted.“Yousure?”

“Toomuchtalking,notenoughfucking.”
Hegrowledwordlessly,then.TighteninghisgriponmyhipsuntilIknewI’dhavebruiseswhere

hisfingersdugintomyflesh,butgod,Icravedthatferocityinhim.Ineededtofeelhimlosecontrol,
neededtofeellikeIhadthatpoweroverhim,thatIcouldpushhimpasthislimitsandbreakhim,the
wayhe’dbrokenme.I’dgladlyandproudlytakethebruisesastokens,remindersofwhatwehad
together.

Iwrithedagainsthim,andthenIfelttheshiftinhim.Felthimswell,bothinsidemeandaboveme.

Hepulledaway,drewout,andthenslammedbackin,jerkingmeagainsthim,andtheslapofour
bodiesmeetingwasloud.Iclenchedmyteethonthedeepgroanhisthrustrippedoutofme,andI
wasn’tevenfinishedgroaningwhenhepulledbackandthrustdeepagain,tearinganothergroanfrom
me.

Faster,then.
Harder.
Eachthrustwentdeeper,eachthrustslammedharderintome.
“Fuck,youfeelsogood,Dru,”hemurmured,“sofuckin’good.”
“YourcockisthemostincrediblethingI’veeverfelt,Sebastian.”
Hewatchedasmypussyswallowedhiscock,watchedhimselfdisappearinsideme.“Thewayyou

takeme—shit,it’slikeyouwerecustommadetotakemycock.”

“Ithink—”Ihadtogaspforbreathasherampeduphisspeed,trulyandwildlyfuckingmenow.“I

thinkIwas.Ohmyfuckinggod,Sebastian,yes…yes,justlikethat.Ohgod,fuckmesogood—fuck
meharder,harder!”

“Jesus,woman…”Sebastiansnarled.“You’reafuckinganimal.”
Imethisthrustswithmyown,fingeredmyclitasheslammedintome.“Onlyforyou…ohmy

fuck—yes,justlikethat.Harder,Sebastian.Neverstop,god,neverstopfuckingmejustlikethis.”I’d
lostmyself,bythen.Iwassomeoneelse,somecrazed,animalversionofDruthathadneverseenthe
lightofdayuntilSebastiangothishandsonmeandhiscockinsideme.

ThisDruwasinsatiable,powerful.Shewasfullyme,thebestme.Truly,deeplyme.Andhewas

bringingheroutofme.

Hisfuckingreachedaclimaxthen,hishipsrelentlesslypoundingagainstmine,hiscockslamming

intomesohardandfastIlosttrackofwhereonethrustendedandthenextbegan,andeverythingwas
narroweddowntothis,toSebastian’shandsonmyassjerkingmeintohisthrusts,hiscockinsideme,
hiseyesonmine.

Icouldn’tkeepquiet.Notanymore.Icriedout,anotherorgasmrippingthroughme,thisonethe

mostblindingyet,makingmespasmandarchandwritheinhisgrip,butIcouldn’tmatchhis
slamming,poundingspeed,couldonlycryoutandtakehisfucking.

“Comeforme,Sebastian!Letmefeelit.Letmehaveit.”
“Iam,god,Iam.Rightnow.”Hebreathedthis,andhisthrustsfaltered.Hesetmedownontheedge

ofthebedandbentovermeandpushedintome,leanedcloseandclaimedmymouthashecame,
gruntingagainstmylips.

“Yes,Sebastian,fuck,youfeelsogood.Comeforme.Keepfuckingme.”
Histhrustsresumed,buthismouthneverleftmine.Idugmynailsintohisbackanddraggedthem

downhisflesh,hisorgasmspurringanotherofmyown,hiscockslidingagainstmejustright,thetip
diggingintomyG-spot,hisreleasedrivingmyown.Hesnarledandgruntedashefuckedme;Ifelt
himspasminsidemeandcamewithhim,clawingathimalltheharder.

“Lookatme,Sebastian,”Ibreathed.“Lookatmewhileyoucome.”
Hemetmygazewithhis,crawledupontothebedandkneltbetweenmythighsandcuppedmyhips

topullmecloserashepoundedintomethroughhisorgasm,andhiseyesneverleftmine,widening

ashecame,browslowering,jawclenching.

“Fuck,ohfuck—Dru…Jesus,”hegasped,“Ididn’t—Ididn’tknow—”
Hefuckedmedeepandstayedthere,flexingtodigdeeper,wordscuttingoffintoanotherprimal

growl.Ifelthimfillthecondom,thrustdeep,andthenwhenhewasdonehethrustagainthroughthe
aftershocks,buryinghisfaceinmybreasts.Icuppedthebackofhisheadandwrithedwithhis
flutteringpulsingshallowthrusts.

“Whatdidn’tyouknow,Sebastian?”Iasked.
“Thatanythingcouldfeelthatway.”Hisvoicewasmuffledagainstmytits.“Thatfuckingcould—”

Hestopped,seemingunsureofhowtoputit.

“Feellikesomuchmorethanjustfucking?”Ifinishedforhim.
Hegrunted.“Yeah.Exactly.”
Hewasn’tlookingatmeanymore,Irealized.Iwiggledoutfromunderneathhim,reaching

betweenustomakesurethecondomstayedonhim.Isatonmyheelsandstareddownathimashelay
onhisbelly,faceburiedinhisarm.

“Hey,Sebastian.”
Herolledtohisbackandthrewhisforearmacrosshisforehead,chestheaving,eyesclosed.

“Yeah,sweetthing.”

“Whathappenedto‘wildthing’?”Iasked.“Ilikedthatbetter.”
Hesmirked.“Gimmeafewminutestorecuperate,andI’llshowyou.”
“Lookatme,”Idemanded.
Hiseyesopened,andIsawthedistanceinthem.“What?”
“NowI’mlosingyou,”Isaid.
“Howdoyoumean?”
Ilaydownonthebedbesidehim,rolledonmysidetofacehim.“Thatwasintense,yeah?”
Hegruntedanaffirmative.“Prettyfuckin’intense,yeah.”
“Sowhyareyouactinglikethis?”
“Likewhat?”Hiseyeswereonmine,butthemaskwasstillinplace.
“Likethiswasahook-upandyou’rejustwaitingformetoleave.”
“Well,what’reyouexpecting?Cuddles?”
Thatstung.Ifeltmyeyeswater.Irolledawayfromhim,slidingoffthebed.IsnaggedhiswhiteT-

shirtoffthefloorandtuggediton,gatheredmysoddenclothesandopenedhisdoor,pausinginhis
opendoorway.

“Somethinglikethat,yeah,”Isaid,tryingtohidethehurt.
IsteppedasquietlyasIcouldoutofhisroom,hopingtoescapeZane’snotice.
WhichIshould’veknownwasfutile.Hewasbehindthecounterinthekitchen,rummaginginthe

fridge.Hestraightenedwhenhesawme,andhisgazerakedovermybody,coveredinnothingbut
Sebastian’stoo-bigT-shirt.Thenuptomyface.

“Heain’tthe‘somethinglikethat’type,sweetheart.”Zanetwistedthetopoffabottleofbeer.

“Sorrytobetheonetobreakittoya.”

“Howthefuckwouldyouknow?”Iasked,shovingopenthedoortotheroomI’dsleptinthenight

before.

“Becausenoneofusare,andwealllearnedfromhim.”
“Wellfuckme,”Isaid.
“Noooope,”Zanedrawled.“Bastalreadydid.Makesyouano-flyzonefortherestofus.”
Igrowledinirritation.Shutthedoortomytemporaryroombehindme,tossedmywetclothes

ontothefloorandsankontothebed,fightingtears.

WhathadIexpected?Eitherfromhimormyself?I’dknowngoinginthatIwouldn’tbeabletojust

fuckhimandnotgetemotionalaboutit.Iwasanemotionalwreck,afterall.I’djustbeencheatedon,
rejected.I’dwastedfifteenthousanddollarsI’dnevergetbackonaweddingthatneverhappened.No
wedding.Nohusband.Nohoneymoon.

AndnowIwasinKetchikanfuckingAlaskahalfinthebagforasexy,tattooedbartenderIbarely

knew,amanI’djustmet,fuckedonce,andwastotallyruinedover.

HowcouldIeverfuckanyothermaneveragainandnotcomparehimtothewaySebastianhad

justfuckedme?He’dsetanimpossibletobeatstandard,andthenhadjustshutdown,shutmeout.

Rejectedmealloveragain.
Why?
Becauseithadstartedsmackingofinvolvement.
Fuckingpussy.
Ishouldhaveknownbetter.Ishouldhaveknownmyselfbetterthantoallowmetotalkmyselfinto

reboundsexwithaperfectstrangerlessthanforty-eighthoursafterthesecond-worstdayofmylife.
AndIshouldhaveknownbetterthantoexpectmorethanonefuckfromaplayerlikeSebastian,
especiallywhenitstartedfeelinglikesomethingreal,somethingmorethanfucking.Somuchmore.

Becauseithadbeen,hadn’tit?
I’dfeltaconnection.
Real,powerful,potent,andundeniable.AndcompletelyunlikeanythingI’deverfeltbefore,with

anyone.

IpeeledSebastian’sT-shirtoff,becauseIcouldn’thandlehisscentanylonger.
Excepthisscentwasn’tjustontheT-shirt,itwasonme.Onmyskin.Inmyhair.Ispreadmylegs

andpulledtheskinofmythighsaparttolookatthestarkblacklovebiteshe’dleftoneithersideof
mypussy.He’dmarkedme.Claimedme.Forafewhandfulsofminutes,I’dfeltsoutterlyperfect,
beautiful,powerful,desired,needed.

Andthenhe’djustslammedawalldown,andthatwasthat.
Somuchforneverlettingmeleavehisbed.
IhadtogethisscentoffmesoIjumpedintheshowerandrinsedoff,scrubbedmyskinalittletoo

angrily,andthengotout,driedoff,anddressedalloveragainintheotherchangeofclothes.Outside,
therainhadslackenedoffabit,itseemed,soifIwasgoingtogetoutofthisbarandawayfrom
Sebastian,nowwasthetime.

IignoredZanecompletelyasIlefttheroomandrusheddownthestairs,purseinhand.Ridiculous,

thatallIhadwasawhiteclutchpursemeanttomatchmyweddingdress,butwhatever.Ithadmy
walletandphoneinit,whichwasallIreallyneeded.

Therewasaseriesofcoathooksatthebottomofthestairs,justinsidethestairwell,andhanging

fromonehookwasdrabgreenraincoatwithadeephood.Islippediton,zippeditupovermypurse,
andleftthebar.

IwastemptedtogobacktoSebastian’ssailboat,butIwasn’treadytobefoundyet—assuminghe

wouldevengolookingforme.

So…Ijustwalked.
AndtrieddesperatelytotalkmyselfoutoffeelinghurtandrejectedbySebastian.Itdidn’twork,of

course,butIhadtotry.Itwasbetterthanjustwallowinginit,right?

Iwassofuckingstupid.
Itwastrue,andIknewit.Therewasn’tevenanypointinarguingwithmyselfovermyown

stupidity.Stupideryet,I’dknowngoinginthatthiswouldhappen.

Doubledumb.

Sebastian

Iheardtheapartmentdooropenandclose,andknewDruhadleft.Whetherforgoodorjustto

think,Iwasn’tsure,andtriedtotellmyselfIdidn’tcare.

Ipulledonapairofjeanscommandoandleftmyroom,foundZaneloungingonthecouchwitha

beer,watchingsomeactionflickoncableTV.

TherewashalfabottleofJackinthecabinetabovethefridge,anddespitethehour,Ineededit.Not

evennoonandIwasalreadyamessoverthatwoman.Idugoutthebottle,ablockofcheesefromthe
fridgeandaknifefromtheblock,andsatdownbesideZaneonthecouch,cuttingmyselfathickslice
ofColbyJackandshovingitintomymouth.

ZanewatchedmetwistthetopofftheJack,justsortofstaringatmeoddly.Igotthebottletomy

lips,tippeditback,andthenhishandflashedoutandsnatchedthebottlefromme,spillingwhiskeyall
overmybarechest.

“Whatthefuck,dude?”Idemanded.
HesnatchedthecapfrommebeforeIcouldreact,twisteditbackon,andtossedthebottleacross

theroom.“Thefuckareyoudoing,dumbass?”

“Drinking?BecauseI’manadultandIcan?”Ipushedupoffthecouch,butZane’sfistslammed

intomychestandknockedmebackontothecouch.

“No,you’renot.You’reafuckingdumbass.ThedumbestdumbassI’veevermet,andthatincludes

thefirst-daywashoutsatSEALtraining.Youletthatgirlwalkoutthedooranddon’tgoafterher,you
mightaswellcutoffyourteeny-weenylittleboyballs,becauseyousureasfuckdon’tdeserve’em.”
HeindicatedthebottleofJackwithanangrywaveofhishand.“Andinsteadofmanningthefuckup,
you’regonnahideinthebottomofabottlelikesomewetbehindtheearyellow-bellypussy?You’rea
pussy.Fuckyou,pussy-boy.”

Istoodup,ragerisinginsideme.Whothefuckdidhethinkhewas?
Istompedacrosstheroom,snatchedthebottle,andmovedtowardthekitchen.I’dplannedtoputit

away,butZanemust’veinterpretedmyactionasintenttodrinkanyway.

Hewasacrosstheroomandinmyfaceinaflash.“Icankickyourass,Bast,andyou’dbetternot

fuckingforgetit.”Hetookthebottlefrommeandsetitfartoogentlyonthecounter,thenreturnedto
standaninchinfrontofmyface,hisvoicedeadlyquiet.“ThoughtDadraisedusbetterthantopussy
outofthehardshit,especiallybydrinking.”

Iletmyangershow,then.“DonotbringDadintothis,youbastard.”
Thedooropened,andbothofusturnedtoseewhoitwas.
BaxterwasstandinginthedoorwaywithBrockbehindhim.Bothweredampfromtherainand

lookingalittleshocked.ZaneandIquarrelledalmostasmuchasCanaanandCorindid,butforusto
showtrueangerateachotherwasveryrare.Mostlywejustbickered,sinceZanewaseverybitas
alphamaleasIwasandthoughthewasthemorematureandresponsibleonemostofthetime,asifhe
wastheoldestratherthanme,whichcausedustobuttheadsoverprettymucheverything.

TheproblemwasZaneusuallywasthemorematureandresponsibleofthetwoofus.Hewasby

farthemostseriousofallofus,whichwastobeexpectedgivenhiscallinginlife.He’dseenand
doneshitIdidn’treallywanttoknowtoomuchabout,stuffthathadscarredhimdeeply,left
permanentmarksonhissoul.Itlefthimwithlittletactandnotoleranceforbullshit,whichmeanthe’d
callmeoutandnotsparemyfeelingsintheprocess.

Likenow.
Thusmyanger:Iknewhewasright,anditpissedmeoff.AndIwaspissingmyselfoffbybeinga

stupidpussy,andDruwaspissingmeoffbybeingheramazingtoo-good-for-meselfandmakingme
feellikeafuckingpussy,andthelooksBrockandBaxterweregivingmewerepissingmeoff,just
becausetheyweremylittlebrothers.

Needlesstosay,Iwasalotofdifferentkindsofpissedoff.
“Thefuckareyoutwoknuckleheadslookingat?”Isnarled.
Atsix-two,BaxterwasbetweenZaneandmeinheightbutclosertoZaneintermsofrawbulk.

WhereasZane’sbodywasthatofawarrior—lean,hard,andconditionedtohandlethemostgruelling
ofcircumstances—Baxter,beingasemi-profootballplayer,wasoverallthicker.Hecarriedalittle
morebodyfatoverhismuscles,wasconditionedforrawpowerandtoabsorbthebrutalimpactsof
tackles.Hishairwas,likemostofusBaddbrothers,adeep,richbrown,thickandwavy,clippedclose
onthesidesandleftlongandmessyontop.Samedarkbrowneyesasallofus,buthisreflectedan
easy-going,lackadaisical,party-boypersonality.

Hetookhisfootballcareerintenselyseriously,though,andonthefieldBaxwasanabsolute

monster,fasterthanhissizebeliedandyetstrongenoughtobreakthehardesttackleswithease.I’d
seenhimshrugoffhitsfromguysthatstoodsix-eightandweighedfourhundredpounds.He’djust
brushtheirworstdamageofflikeanirritation,andthentakeofflikearockettonailtheQBwiththe
crushingforceofarunawaysemi.

Offthefield,though,hetookjustaboutnothingseriously.Hewasanaturalladiesman,everybit

theplayerIwas.Hehadaneasywayofpickingupchicks—andaneasierwayofditchingthem.He
dranklikeafish,trainedlikeabeast,andgenerallygaveoffanairofnotgivingashitaboutmuchof
anythingexceptfootball,women,andbooze.Whichwastrue…mostly.Hehadhisdemons,likeallof
us,hejustkepthisburieddeepanddidn’tbothertryingtosort’emout,preferringinsteadtodrink
andfuckandbenchpressthemaway.

Baxtersidledovertome,aweirdlookonhisface.Heliftedbothhandsandcurledhisfingersinto

claws,pressedthemtomychest,andslidthemdownafewinches.

Shit,shit,shit.Forgotaboutthat—should’veputashirton.
Hemovedaroundbehindmethen,andletoutachuckle.“Holyhell,brother,”hesaid,laughing

outright,now,“eitheryoutangledwithamountainlion,oryou’vegotaprimepieceoftailstashed
aroundheresomewhere.”

Anotherlaugh,andhisfingersweretracingwhatIassumedwereDru’sfingernailmarksonmy

back.Fromtheextentofhistouchandthedisbelievinglaughterfromhimandtherestofmybrothers
—allcrowdedbehindme,now—Irealizedthemarksshe’dlefthadtobeprettyextensive.

“Imean…damn,dude,”Baxtersaid,aweinhisvoice.“Shetoreyouthefuckup.”
Zane,ofcourse,hadtogethistwocentsin.“Yeah,andheletherleave,too.”
Baxspunmearound,gapingatmelikethebull-neckmoronhewas.“Youwhat?”
“Likeanyofyouassholesknowshitaboutit,”Isnapped.“Youhaven’tmether,andnoneofyou

fuckershaveeverkickeditwithachickmorethanonce,nomorethanIhave.SoIdon’twannahear
dickaboutitfromanyofyou.”

Brockeyedme.“Wasshegood?”
Isighedandrubbedmyfacewithbothhands.“MostfuckingincrediblethingI’veever

experienced.”

“Which,ofcourse,meansyoushouldbailonherpronto,right?”Brockquirkedaneyebrow,a

gestureIhated;itwasaDadgesture,thatliftedeyebrow.

BrocklookedthemostlikeDad.JustslightlyshorterthanBaxatsix-one,hewasleaner,rangier,

moreinclinedtospendhistimeinthecockpitofhisstuntplanethaninthegym.Samebrownhairand

eyes,butBrockkepthishairneatlycutandsweptofftoonesidelikeaGQmodel,afewstrandsleft
todanglenearhislefteye.Beingmyownbrother,Ihadnoproblemadmittinghewasapretty
sonofabitch.Itwasannoying,honestly.Hehadadrysenseofhumor,asharpinsight,andatendency
toaskthehardquestions,usuallyattheworsttimes,too.Likenow.

Isluggedhisshoulder.“Shutup,Brock.”
Hejustlaughed,andglancedatZane.“He’sgotitbad,doesn’the?”
ZanejerkedathumbattheJack.“Thatwashisideaofdealingwithit.”
Brockclappedmeontheback.“Goodidea,bigbrother:drinkheraway.Makesperfectsense.

That’sclearlythemostlogicalwayofdealingwiththosepeskyemotions.Workseverytime!”

“Smartass,”Igrowled.
Ishouldhaveknownbetter,becausethesecondthewordsleftmymouth,allthreeofmybrothers

spokeinunison:

“Betterthanbeingadumbass!”
ThatwasDad’sfavoritephrasetouse,andhearingitfromthemallatonceonlypissedmeoffall

themore.

“Fuckall’ayoumotherfuckers.Idon’tneedthisshit.”Istalkedbacktomyroom,shruggedintoa

shirt,stuffedmybarefeetintomyboots,andthenpushedpastmyidiotbrotherstothestairs.

“Where’reyougoing,dickwad?”Baxterasked.
“HellifIknow.Whereveryoubastardsaren’t,”Isaid,stompingdownthestairs.
Brockwastheonetofollowme;Iignoredhimforthemoment,butofallthepresentbrothers,he

wasthemostlevel-headedandthuslikelytoactuallygetthroughtome.TheonlyotherbrotherI’d
everreallylistentowhenIwaspissedoffwasLucian,simplybecausehewasthestrongsilenttype.
Herarelyspokemorethanahandfulofsyllablesatatime,butwhenhedid,hetendedtocuttothe
marrowofthingswithwell-chosen,hard-hittingwords.

Myraincoatwasgone,whichIassumed—hoped—meantDruhadborroweditandwasoutthere

somewhere.

Fuckit.Justalittlerain,notgonnahurtanything.
Iwasjustgoingforawalktocooloff,Itriedtotellmyself.IwasnotlookingforDru.
“So,whered’youthinkshewent?”Brockasked.
“Idon’tknow.”
“Youdon’tknow?Youdon’tknowwhereshe’dhavegoneafteryoupussedoutonher?”
“Ijustmether,Brock.Literally,thenightbeforelast.Nothingtopussouton.”
“Andyetyou’realreadythishunguponher?”
“I’mnothunguponher,asshole.”Ididn’thavetobelookingathimtoseethequirkedeyebrow.

“Putthatfuckin’eyebrowdownbeforeIknockitoffyourprettyboyface.”

“Superhungup,then.”
“Shutup,Brock.”
“What’shername?”
“Dru.”
“Shepretty?”
“Stopyouinyourtrackshot,man.”
HekeptpacewithmeasIstompedupthedocks.“Andthesex…yousaiditwasthebestever?”
“Ithinkmyheartactuallystoppedforasecond,neartheendthere.”
“See,yousayyourheartstopped,butIthinkyou’rejustoutoftouchwithyourfeelings.You’re

mistakingyourphysicalheartstoppingforyourmetaphysicalheartreachingoutforher.”

IstoppedinmytracksandstaredatBrock.“Wherethefuckdoyougetthisshit?”
Heshrugged.“Books.”Aslyglanceatme.“TellmeI’mwrong,though.”

Iknewbetterthantobullshitthisparticularbrother.“Shutup,Brock.”
Hejustlaughed.“See?Superhunguponagirlyoujustmetlastnight.Agirlwhoalsohappensto

beabletostopyouinyourtracksjustbyexisting,gaveyouthebestsexofyourlifeandclawedyou
alltoshititwassogood…andthenyoubailedonher.Andnowyou’rewanderingtheKetchikan
docksrefusingtoadmityou’relookingforher,andI’mguessingyoudon’thavethefirstclueabout
whattosayevenifyouactuallyfoundher.”

“ShutthefuckUP,Brock!”
Goddammit,buthewasright.Ihateditwhenmybrothersweresmarterthanme…whichwasmost

ofthetime.

Hecaughtallthat,anddidn’tevenknowthecircumstancesaboutwhyshewasinKetchikaninthe

firstplace.He’dreallyripintomeifheknewthat.

Ishudderedatthethought.
And,ofcourse,Brocksawmechewingonthings.“Whataren’tyousaying?”
Iglaredathim.“Godfuckin’dammit,Brock,whycan’tyoujustleaveitalone?”
“Becauseyoudon’twantmeto.You’dhavetossedmebackintothebarifyoudidn’tactuallywant

tohearwhatIhavetosay.”

Hewasright,asusual,soIjustgrunted.“Asshole.When’dyougetsofuckin’smart?”
“Problemisn’tyourintelligence,Sebastian.It’sthatyou’veneverhadachancetogrowup

emotionally.”

Istoppedinmytracksandwhirledonhim.“You’dbetterexplainthatshitrealfuckin’fast,Brock.”
Despitebeingthreeinchesshorter,thirtypoundslighter,andfouryearsyounger,Brockdidn’t

seemintimidatedbymyanger.Hejustclappedmeonthebackandkeptwalkingalongthedocks,the
wateronourleft,Ketchikanonourright.

“Youwerewhat,seventeenwhenMomdied?Thatmessedallofusupinsomeway,butIthinkit

fuckedyouupthemost.Youhadtotakeherplaceinthebar,yeah,butDadwassodepressedforso
longyouhadtobeasurrogateparenttomostofus.”

“Ididn’tdoshit,”Igrumbled,aheavy,uncomfortablefeelingrollingthroughme.
Brockshotanirritatedlookatme.“Maybewehavedifferentmemoriesofthoseyears,then.I

seemtorememberyoumakinglunchesforus.Helpinguswithhomeworkyoubarelyunderstood
yourself—don’thitme!Youknowit’strueandnofaultofyourown.”Heheldupbothhandstofend
offmyinstinctivelythrownfist.“Yougotusupinthemorning.MadesureBaxhadaridehomefrom
footballpractice.Gotmetoflightlessons.”

Itriedtofindsomewayofresponding,butIhadnothing.Ihaddoneallthat,butithadn’tseemed

likeI’dhadachoice.DadsleptlatealotafterMomdied,andI’djustblameditonhavingtoclosethe
bareverynight,beinguptillthreeorfour.Ofcourse,I’dclosedwithhimandstillgotuptogoto
school,andthenafterIgraduatedImadesuretherestoftheboysdid,too.Ithadtobedone,andIwas
theoldest,whichmadeitmyjob.Lookingback,IsawthatMom’sdeathhaddecimatedDadworse
thanIthinkanyofusreallyrealizedand,perhapsunfairly,putalotofpressureonme.MorethanI
probablyunderstood.

Ishrugged,andstuffedmyhandsinmyhippockets.“Didwhathadtobedone.Didn’tmeanshit.”
“That’swhereyou’rewrong,youmachofuckstick.Itdidmeansomething.Yousteppedup.None

ofushaveeverforgottenthat.We’realllivingourdreams,atleastpartiallybecauseyousteppedup
whenDadcouldn’t.AndnoneofusholdthatagainstDad,butitsucked.Forallofus,butitputahuge
burdenonyou,especially.”Hepunchedmyshoulder,andithurtalotmorethanI’dexpecteditto.“So
whenIsayyounevergottogrowupemotionally,Ijustmeanthatyouweresopreoccupiedwith
takingcareofus,youdidn’thaveachancetoletyourselfsortthroughyourownemotions.You’re
outoftouch.Youdidn’tgettomournMom,andyousureashellhaven’tmournedDad.You’reall

sortsofamessinside,andthensomegirlcomesalongandchallengesthatstatusquoyou’vebeen
hangingonto,anditfuckswithyourcarefullyinsulatedemotions,andyoudon’tknowhowtohandle
it.”Heshrugged.“Soyoubail.”

Isighed,adeepgustinggrowl.“AndthenyouassholescomealongandtellmeeverythingI’m

doingwrong.”

“Onlybecausewecare.”
“Yeah,yeah,yeah.SomuchcaringgoingonI’mfeelingallmushyinside.Jesus.”
Brockraisedhishandsandshookthem.“Ohno!Feelings!You’dbettergopunchawallsoyou

don’tturnintoagirl.”

“MaybeI’llpunchyourstupidfaceinsteadofawall.Makeyoualittleuglier.Godknowsyou

coulduseit,prettyboy.”

“You’rejustjealous.”
“Jealous?Ofyou?Forwhat?”Istoppedwalkingandglaredathim.
Hewasbaitingme,ofcourse,andI’djustfallenforit.“Oh,Idon’tknow…maybethatIcanuse

three-syllablewordsandformcompletesentenceswithoutcursing?”

Ichargedathim.“Youfuckin’twerp.Let’sseeyoucompletesentencesafterIknockyourfuckin’

teethin!”

Hecaughtmychargeandsomehowdeflectedit,redirectingmymomentumasidesoneatlyInearly

toppledoffthedock.ZaneknewthatJudobullshittooandI’droughhousedwithhimenoughtolearn
toexpectthosedirtytricksandhowtodealwiththem.Caseinpoint?Pretendtobemoreoffbalance
thanIwas,andthenwhenhemovedintodosomekindoffancybullshitthrow,slughiminthegut.
Hardtoredirectmychiorwhateverthefuckifyoucan’tbreathe.

Hetookitlikeaman,though,andcameatmewithablazingrighthookthattookmecompletely

bysurprise,mainlyduetoitscompletelackofsophistication,whichwasn’tmuchlikeBrock,forthe
mostpart.Itclockedmeonthejaw,sentstarsflashingbehindmyeyes,andleftmedizzy.

NotdizzyenoughthatIdidn’treturnthefavorinkind,though,andIwassatisfiedtonotemyright

hooksentBrocktotheground.Ofcourse,Iwasdumbenoughtostaywithinreachofhimwhilehe
wasontheground.Hislegsshotout,scissoredaroundmine,andthrewmetothegroundsofastI
didn’tknowwhathitmeuntilmyheadwasringingandhislegswereclampedaroundmythroat.I
rolledtowardhim,gotmyhandsaroundhisneck…andstartedsqueezing.Nowitwasjustamatterof
whocouldgothelongestwithoutbreathingbeforetappingout.

Hetappedme,speakinghoarselypastmychokehold.“Wait—wait!”Hislegsreleasedme,andhe

pointeddownthedocks.“Isn’tthatyourraincoat?”

Ilethimgoandfollowedhisoutstretchedfinger.Sureenough,therewasafigureafewhundred

feetawaywearinganolivegreenraincoatseveralsizestoobig,standinginfrontofaseaplane
gesticulatingsomewhatangrilyatthepilot.

Dru.
Itwasher.
Andfromthelooksofit,shewastryingtowranglearideoutofherewithmyraincoat.
…Andmyheart.
Orsomesappyemotionalbullshitlikethat.AllIknewforsurewasthatthethoughtofDrugetting

onthatplaneandflyingoutofKetchikannevertoreturnfeltalotlikewrongandscaryandshitty—
andsomethingIreallyneededtoprevent.

Like…now.
Brocksatupandquirkedthatdamneyebrowatme.“Well?Go,youmachofuckstick!”
Iwentandevenmanagedtobematureenoughtoignorethebarbhe’dsentmyway.Well…mostly

ignored.ExceptamiddlefingerortwoflashedathimasIjoggeddownthedocktowardDru.

Problemwas,BrockhadbeenrightearlierwhenhesaidIwouldn’thaveafuckin’cluewhattosay

ifIfoundDru.BecauseIdidn’t.Notthefirstdamnidea.

Butthen,talkingwasn’teverreallymystrongsuit,wasit?MaybeIshouldjustplaytomy

strengths,andshowherwhatImeant.

Dru

“Sorry,honey.Nocando,”thepilotrepeated.“Itoldyou,I’mgonnahaveafullloadasitis,no

spaceforpassengers.AndevenifIdidhavetheroom,Icouldn’tpossiblycartyouwhereveritisyou
wannagowithoutfullpaymentupfront.Getmethecashnow,Icouldmaybewranglesomething.But
I’mleavin’intenminutes,soyou’dbesthustle.”

“AndItoldyouIcouldgetyoumorecashassoonasweland.”Iheldupmycellphone.“One

phonecall,andIcouldhavecashinhandthesecondwetouchdown.Buttherearen’tanybanks
aroundherethat’llletmewithdrawfrommysavingsaccount.Please,please…sixhundredbucksfor
aone-wayridetoSeattle?Howmuchmoredoyouwant?Hell,evenjustgetmeclosetoSeattle!
You’llgetpaid,youhavemyword.”

“Wordsdon’tpaythefuelbill,sweetheart.”Hestartedflippingswitches,andthentheengines

chugged,burpedexhaust,andthepropsstartedspinning,rampinguptoadeafeningroarwithin
seconds.Heclosedhisdoorandleanedouttheopenwindow.“TryBruce!Coupleslipsdown!”

Andthentheseaplanewasreversingoutintothebay,andmylasthopeforgettingthefuckoutof

hereonmyownwasgone.

Iglanceddownthedockattheonlyotherseaplanewithinsight.Singleengine,tiny,withducttape

onthefloats,visiblerustinplacesanddirtystreaksinothers…theaircraftwasobviouslyancient,and
wellpastitsprime.Andthepilot,sittingonthefloatwithafishingpoleinhand…helookedlikehe
wasolderthanactualdirt,andastimewornashisplane.Um…probablynot.IfIgotdrunkand
desperateenough,maybe,butIdidn’tratemychancesveryhighofreachingSeattlealive.Thanksbut
nothanks,Bruce.

Shit.SHIT!
IwasjustgonnahavetocallDad,Idecided.Ididn’twantto,though.Itfelttoomuchlikegiving

up,callingDaddytocomerescueme.I’dgottenmyselfintothismess,andthehellifI’dbeghimto
comepluckmeoutofit.

Istoodontheedgeofthedock,scrubbingmyfaceandtryingnottocry.Ijustwantedtogohome

andpretendnoneofthishadeverhappened.Drinkafewdozenbottlesofwineandeatafewdozen
cartonsoficecream,andbingeonRealHousewives.

Ofcourse,myleaseonhomewasexpiringsoon,whichmeanthousehunting,ormovinginwith

Dad.Iknewforafactmyunithadbeenleasedtosomeoneelsealready,soIhadnoleewaythere,and
thereweren’tanyunitsleftinthebuilding,sinceithappenedtobeaprimebuildinginadesirablepart
ofSeattle….whichI’dgivenupforMichael.

Athoughtoccurredtome,aproposofnothing.Michaelhadbeeninpossessionoftheairline

ticketsforourhoneymoon.Andtheall-inclusiveresortreservationhadbeeninhisname,too.I
checkedthetimeonmyphone:eleven-fourteeninthemorning;ourflightwasscheduledtoleaveat
eleven-forty.SoIshouldbeboardingrightnow.Obviouslythatwasn’thappening,butmaybeIcould
changemyticketinsuchawaytogetmeoutofhere…

Iscrolledthroughmyemailstotheflightcheck-innotification,whichI’dnevergottenaroundto

actuallydoing.Foundaphonenumber,andafterafewtransfersgotholdofanactualperson.

“DeltaAirlines,thisisFeliciaspeaking,howcanIhelpyou?”aflatfemalevoicesaid.
“Yeah,hi,mynameisDruConnolly.IhaveticketsforaflightleavingfromSeattle-Tacomain

abouttwentyminutes,butI—”

“Flightnumber?”sheinterrupted.Ireadtheflightnumberofftoher,andIheardthesoundof

fingersonakeyboard,thenshespokeagain.“Yeah,Ishowthatyou’realreadycheckedinandon
board.”

“ButI’mnot,whichiswhyI’mcalling—”
“You’llhavetoaskthegateattendant.AllIhaveiswhatmycomputertellsme.”Sherattledoffa

phonenumberandthenpromptlyclickedoff.

Nice.Customerserviceatitsfinest.
IdialedthenumberI’dbeengiven,andafterafewringsanexuberantmalevoiceanswered.“Delta

Airlines,gateC20,thisKevin,howcanIhelpyou?”

“HasflightDL743leftyet?”
“It’sfullyboarded,butithasn’tleftyet,no.WhatcandoIforyou,ma’am?”
Istruggledtofindanexplanation.“Ihaveaticketforthatflight,butanotherDeltareptellsme

someone’stakenmyseat.I’mwonderingifyoucouldhelpmefigurethisout.”

“What’syourseatnumber?”
“Three-C.”
Afewsecondsoftapping,andthenhehummed.“Oh,hmm.Interesting.What’syourname,

ma’am?”

“DruConnolly.”
“Ah,yes.Well,itseemstheticketwaschangedearlythismorning.Theticketholderisnowone…

TawnyHoward.”

“Fuck!”Ishouted,thenimmediatelyquieted.“Sorry,Kevin.Ijust—thanks.That’sallIneeded.”
“IsthereanythingelseIcandoforyou?”
“Unlessyoucanmakemyex-fiancélessofacheatingdickbag,thenno,probablynot.Butthanks

anyway.”

“Menarepigs,”hesaid,clearlycommiserating.
“Thattheyare.”Isighed.“Well,thanksforchecking.”
“Mypleasure,ma’am.Haveaniceday.”
Ilaughedbitterly.“Yeah,notsofar.”Ihungupbeforesubjectingthepoorgateattendanttoany

moreself-pityingawkwardness.

Thebastard!HewastakingHERonMYhoneymoon?Motherfucker!
Iwantedtothrowmyphoneintotheocean,butthatwouldn’tactuallyhelpanything,soIdidn’t.
Instead,Icried.
BecauseapparentlythatwasjustwhatIdidthesedays.
Butthen,beingcheatedonandthenrejectedwithinforty-eighthourswilldothattoyou,Iguess.
Ididn’thearthefootsteps,didn’tfeelhisapproach,becauseIwasbawlingmyeyesout.
Hewasjustthere,wrappinghisarmsaroundme,envelopingmewithhisheat,hisstrength,andI

wassoupsetIdidn’tevenquestionitatfirst.

Thenithitme.
AndIshovedhimawayfrommeashardasIcould.“NO!Keepyourdamnhandsoffme,

Sebastian!”

Herecoveredhisbalanceandcamebacktostandinfrontofme,reachingformebutnotquite

touchingme.“Dru,listen—”

“No,youbastard.Youhadyourchance.Itdoesn’tworkthatway.Notwithme,notaftereverything

I’vebeenthough.Hell,everythingI’mstillgoingthrough.”

Hewassoaked,becauseeventhoughtherainhadslackedoff,itwasstillcomingdownhard

enoughtosoakyoutothebonewithinafewminutes.AndIhadhisraincoat.

DoNOTfeelbadforhim,Iorderedmyself.Hewaswet,notinjured.He’ddry.

Buthedidhaveashadowonhisjaw,asifsomebodyhadsluggedhimhardenoughtobruiseeven

hiscraggyjaw.Andhedidlooksuitablyupset.Heshould,though,theasshole.Hedeservedit.

“Dru,please.Justlistentomeforliketenfuckin’seconds.”
“WhyshouldI?”Idemanded.
Heshiftedfromfoottofoot,strugglingforananswer,andhekeptlookingatmeasifI’dtakepity

onhimandexplainhisactionsforhim.Notlikely,buddy.

“Look,thisshitisn’teasyforme,okay?I’mtryin’here.”
Icouldn’thelpalaugh.“Whatisn’teasy,Sebastian?Talkingtoawoman?I’msureyou’vehad

plentyofpractice.Figureitout.”

Hegrowled,becausethatseemedtobethelargestpartofhisvocabulary.“Yeah,I’vetalkedto

plenty.Butthisisdifferent.”

Ikeptmyexpressionblank,eventhoughhopewasstartingtogerminateinsideme.“Why?”
“Because—”Hesighed,scrubbedhishandsthroughhishair,flingingdropletsofraineverywhere

andmakinghimlookevensexierthanhealreadydid,whatwiththerainplasteringhiswhiteT-shirtto
hismuscularbody,highlightinghisbulkandhisinkandhiseverythingbeingfuckingstupidsexy…

No.NOPE.Donotgothere,Dru.He’satroll.He’sugly.He’sstupid.He’saman,andmenare

pigs.

Yeah,arguedsomeother,stupiderpartofme,buthe’snotMichael.Don’tpunishhimforthat.And

heISsexyasfuck.

Buthe’sstillanasshole.
Granted.
Nowthatbothpartsofmewereinagreement—sortof—IwaitedforSebastiantocomeupwith

whateveritwashewastryingtosay.

“Because…?”Iprompted.
“BecauseIfeelthings,”heconcluded,somewhatlamely,rubbingthebackofhisneckwithone

hand.

Irolledmyeyesathim.“Wow.Thatwasdeep,Sebastian.Youfeelthings?Couldyoumaybebejust

alittlemorespecific?”

Hegrowledagain,turnedawaytoglareatanothermanstandingahundredorsoyardsaway,then

backtome.“Tryin’here,sweetthing,butthisshitdon’tcomenaturally.”Heletoutanotherbreath.“I
feelthingsforyou,Dru.Ishouldn’t’veletyouleavelikethat.Ishould’ve…Idunno.Donealotofshit
differently.”

Isighedandshookmyhead.“Asfarasproclamationsoflovego,thisoneisrather…unique.”
Hedidn’tlikethat.“MaybeIdon’tknowabunchoffancytwenty-dollarwords.Youwantthatshit,

gotalktoBrockbackthere,he’sfullof’em.AllIgotiswhatIgot.”Hesteppedcloser,andIcouldn’t
backawayorI’dbeswimming.Icouldonlyholdmygroundandstareupathim,andgod,evenhis
scowlwassexy.Scary,butsexy.“Andit’snotaproclamationoflove,becausewejustfuckin’met.I’m
justsayin’…Ifeelshitforyou,andmaybeifweweretoplaythisout,itcouldbe.Meaning,Icould
feelthatwayforyou.Iknowthat’snotsomefairytalepoetryaboutmyfeelingsorwhatever,butit’s
thebestIcando.Itwasn’tjustfuckin’,whatwehadearlier.Iseethat.Iknowthat.Iknowyoudotoo,
and…I’dreallyliketoseewhatthat’slike,long-term.I’mnotpromisingI’dbeanybetteratthis
feelingsbullshitthanIamnow,becauseIhaven’treallyhadmuchpracticewithlistenin’towhatmy
hearthastosayorhoweveryouwannaputit,but…I’dtry.That’swhatIcouldpromiseyou.”

Iblinkedupathim,absorbingeverythinghe’djustsaidtome.Which,despitetheroughnessofit,

wasincrediblysweet,andashonestandupfrontasyoucouldaskfor.Ifhe’ddeclaredhisundying
love,I’dhavelaughedinhisface,butthatwasn’twhathewasoffering.Hewasn’tsayinghe’dbeable
tochangehisnature,buthewaswillingtotry.Becausehe“feltshitforme.”Wasthatenoughforme?

WasitevenwhatIwanted?

Ididn’tgetachancetoreply,though.
“Now,whatarethechancesofyoucomingbackhomewithmesowecancontinuethissomewhere

alittledrier?”Hejerkedhisheadbacktowardthebar.

ApparentlyIdidn’treplyquicklyenough,becausehescoopedmeupinhisarmsandstarted

walkingbackdownthedock.Ilaughedandslappedhimontheshoulder.“Putmedown,youbigidiot.
Icanwalk.”

“Willyoubegoin’intherightdirection,though?”heasked.
“Yes,yes,I’llgowithyou.Justputmedown.I’mnotafuckinginvalid.”
“I’mwetandgettingcoldandyouweren’tanswering,”hemuttered,settingmeonmyfeet.“AndI

justputmyselfoutthereandyouhaven’tsaiddickaboutitinreturn,soI’mgettingalittleantsy,here,
youknow?”

We’dreachedthemanwhomSebastianhadsaidwasBrock—oneofhisbrothers,Iassumed—and

heheardSebastian’slaststatement.

“Givethegirlaminutetoprocess,wouldyou?”Heextendedhishandtome.“I’mBrock.”
“Dru,”Iresponded,shakinghishand,andhatedhowstunnedIsounded.
Becauseholymotherofshit,ifIthoughtSebastianandZanewerehot?Brockwas…Jesus.The

manwasgorgeous,inaneat,classical,lean-and-wirysortofway.SimilarfeaturesasZaneand
Sebastian,thesamerichbrownhairandliquid,expressivebrowneyes,butwhereSebastianwas
roughandwildandruggedandZanewascoldanddangerousandbrutal-lookinginascarysexyway,
Brockwasjust…beautiful.Male,definitely,notatalleffeminate,justtrulybeautiful.Ihadnoidea
whatBrockdidforaliving,butifhesaidhewasamodel,Iwouldn’thavebeensurprised.

Whichonlymademewonderwhattheotherfivelookedlike.Holyhell,fivemoreBaddbrothers?
IelbowedSebastian.“Areallyourbrothersthisgood-looking?”
Hegrinneddownatme.“Nah.Therestareugly.”
Ifrowned.“That’swhatyousaidaboutZane,andIwouldn’tclassifyhimasuglybyanystretchof

theimagination.”

Brocklaughed.“Alongwithpunching,insultsarehiswayofshowingaffection.”
“It’stheonlylanguageyouuneducatedgorillasunderstand,”Sebastiansaid.
Andforsomereason,Brockthoughtthiswashilarious.“I’msurprisedyoumanagedallthose

syllablesinthesamesentence,Bast.I’msoproudofyou!”

Sebastiangrowled.“Icanstillchokeyouout,youlittleprick.”
Brockjustlaughedagain.“Yeah,I’dliketoseeyoutry,youbigmachofuckstick.”
Iwatchedtheireasybanter.Despitetheharshwords,neitherseemedtrulyinsultedorangry.Weird.

Ifanyonehadsaidthatkindofthingtome,they’dwakeupinthehospitalwithfalseteethandpins
keepingtheirbonestogether.

Brockeyedme,apparentlynoticingmyunfamiliaritywiththeirbrandofplayfulness.“We’reonly

kidding,youknow.”

SebastianshovedBrocktowardthewater,andtheyoungerbrotherbarelymanagedtoavoidtaking

aswim.“Speakforyourself,ding-dong.You’dstillbeunconsciousifyouhadn’tspottedDru.”

“Excuseme?”BrockstoppedandthentookasteptowardSebastian.“Ithinkyouweretheone

abouttopassout,actually.”

Andtheywereabouttofaceoffagain.“Um,boys?Canwenot?”Isaid,steppingbetweenthem.
SebastiangrinnedatBrock.“Bytheway,incaseyougetanyfunnyideas…DruheretookZane

downintwomoves.”

Brockgavemealookofshockedsurprise.“Damn,girl.TakesballstogoafterZane.”
“Nah,justakneetotheballs,”Isaid.

“Howdidthiscomeabout?”Brockasked.
Sebastianshrugged.“Wedidn’texactlystartoffonthebestfoot,youmightsay.”
Isnorted.“Ifbythatyoumean‘abouttoteareachothersfacesoff’,thenyes,thatwouldbean

accuratestatement.”

“Itwasn’tthatbad,”Sebastianargued.“Justa…disagreement.”
Brockshookhishead.“YoutwoarguemorethanCorinandCanaan.It’spathetic.”
“Wasn’tmyfault.HewentinonmeaboutthetengrandDadleftme.”
“Andletmeguess,yousaidsomethingaboutbeingstuckhereinKetchikan,andhetookit

personally,andthenyouweretryingtobeateachotherintotoothpastelikethemuscle-boundape-men
youare?”

Ilaughedatthat.“Prettymuchexactlyit.You’refunny,Brock.”
Hewinkedatme.“That’sme,thefunnyone.”
“Whatareyourotherbrotherslike?”Iasked.
Sebastiananswered.“You’vemetZane.He’sserious,intense,andalittlehardtogetusedto.But

he’scool,ifyoucanearnhistrust.Brockhereisthefunnyone—”

“Andthesmartone,don’tforget,”Brockputin.
“Nah,that’sXavier.Hemakesevenyoulooklikeanumbskull,”SebastiansaidtoBrock,then

glancedatme.“Xavieristhebaby.He’sseventeen,nationalhighschoolsoccerall-star,gotafull
academicridetoStanfordandoffersfromacoupleotherIvyLeagueschoolsforthatandsoccer.
Baxterisbackatthebaralready.Heplaysfootball,andthat’sreallyallyouneedtoknowabouthim.
HeplaysintheCFLfornow,butIguessthere’sbeentalkofgoingpro.Wouldn’tsurpriseme,
honestly.Thekidisamonster.”

Brockspokeup.“Well,therewastalkofgoingpro.ThiswillofDad’sputsacrimponthat.”
Sebastiansighed.“Yeah.Itputsacrimponalotofshitforeveryone.”
Brock’steasinghumorwasgone,now.“Yeah,butBaxandthetwinshavethemosttolosefrom

thisyearinKetchikanbusiness.Baxbasicallyhastoputhiscareeronhold,andthetwinshavetoskip
anentireyearoftouring.Zanetookhisdischargepapersforthis,incaseyouweren’taware,andwho
thehellknowswhatLucianisdoing.Icaneasilyskipayearofairshows,soitdoesn’tbothermeall
thatmuch.”

Sebastianfrownedathisbrother.“ZanelefttheNavy?”
Brocksnorted.“Noshit.Hehadto.Ifallofusdon’tshowupforthisyearofbrotherlybonding,

noonegetsthemoney.”

“Ididn’tthinkaboutthataspectofit,”Sebastiansaid.
“That’swhyI’msayingsomething,”Brocksaid,clappingSebastianontheshoulder.“ButImean

youhavetoknowthere’sgoingtobesometempersflaringinthenearfuture.Butjustremember,
we’realldoingit.ForDad,yeah,butforyoutoo.”

SebastianstoppedandglaredatBrock.“Forme?Whatthefuckdoesthatmean?”
Ifeltlikeanoutsider,listeninginonthis.Itwasobviouslyaverytouchy,difficultsubject.
Brocksighed,andtookaminutetoformulatehisthoughts.“Weshouldprobablyhavethis

conversationanothertime.”Heglancedatme.“Notbecauseofyou,Dru,it’sjust…it’satricky
subject,forallofus.Dad’sdeathisstillfreshforusall,Sebastian.Butnoneofushaveforgottenhow
yousteppedup,andthatyou’vebeenrunningthebaralonesinceDaddied.Wealltookasmuchtime
offforthefuneralaswecould,but…”Heshrugged,foronceataloss.“Thenwegotthecallfrom
thatlawyeraboutthetermsofthewill,andweknewwehadtocomeback.Notmuchchoice.Notfor
anyofus.”

“Wait,wait…didyouguystalkaboutthisalready?”Sebastianasked.
Brockhesitated.“Yeah,sortof.”

“Ofcourseyoudid.”Sebastianpushedahead,hislonglegsswiftlycarryinghimawayfromBrock

andme.

“Notlikeyou’rethinking,though.”Brockjoggedtocatchup.“Bast,you’renotunderstanding.All

ofushaveourcareers.Wedon’treallyneedthemoney.Sowetalkedaboutdoingtheyearandthen
givingDad’spayoutbacktoyou.”

Sebastianstopped,angeronhisface.“Idon’tneedthefuckin’money,asshole.”
“Yes,youdo.Butit’snotaboutthemoney.”
“Thenwhat’sitabout?”
BrockgrabbedSebastian’sshoulders.“You.”
Sebastianshookhisholdoff.“Itoldyou,allthatbullshitaboutthewaythingswereafterMom

died…thatwaswhatIhadtodo.Nomore,noless.”

“Howyoufeelaboutitisn’tthepoint,”Brocksaid.
Sebastianthrewuphishandsandkeptwalking.“Thencolormefuckin’confused.”Hejerkedopen

thedoortothebarandvanishedinside.

Brocklethimgo,andturnedtolookatme.“He’sastubbornmotherfucker,buthe’llcomearound.

Youcan’teverreallytakeSebastian’sfirstreactionatfacevalue.Hetendstogiveintoknee-jerk
reactions,andthenafterhehasachancetothinkthingsthrough,hecomesaround.So…youknow,
justgivehimachance.”

Inodded,butmymindwasgoingamillionmilesasecond.“Soundslikethingsaregetting

complicatedforyouguys.”

Brockquirkedaneyebrowup.“Youcouldsaythat.Ourdadpassedawaythreemonthsago,andhis

willstipulatedthatallofhiskids—meaningthesevenofuswholefthome—havetoreturnherefora
fullyeartoworkinthebarwithSebastianbeforewegetanyofthemoneyfromhisestate.”Hepulled
thedooropenforme,andwewentintothestill-darkenedbar.Sebastianwasnowheretobeseen,
whichmeanthewasupstairs,Iassumed.“Which,yes,complicateslifeforprettymuchallofus.It’s
abouttime,though,ifyouaskme.Sebastianhashadtodealwithwaymorethanhisshareofthe
burdenaroundherefortoolong.Sowealldecidedtocomebackanddowhatwehadtodo,for
Sebastian’ssake.Excepthe’stoodamnstubborntoacceptthat,sohe’sgonnabeagruntycaveman
aboutituntilhedecidestocomearoundtoourwayofthinking.

“Andyeah,alleightofusfullygrownBaddbrotherslivingandworkinginthislittlebar?”He

chuckledwithdarkamusement.“Ooooohboy,it’sgonnagetsuperinterestingaroundhere,letmetell
you.BetweenZaneandSebastianposturingaboutwho’sthemostbadass,Baxteractinglikehisusual
bull-in-a-chinashopself,thecat-and-dogfightingofthetwins…holyshit,man.Thenextyearis
goingtobefun.Especiallyforme,sinceI’mthemediatormostofthetime.”

“There’seightofyou,right?”IcountedoffthenamesIknew.“Sebastian,theoldest,thenZane—”
Brocktookover.“Thenme,thenBaxter,thefootballplayer,thenCanaanandCorintheidentical

twins,whoarecurrentlyinGermanyontourwiththeirband,thenLucian,who’skindofaweirdand
mysteriousguy,butcoolifyoucangethimtoopenup,thenXavierthebaby.”

“Andthey’reallcomingback?”Iasked.
Henodded.“IguessLucianisgoingtotakeawhile,sincehewashalfwayacrosstheworlddoing

godknowswhat.Xaviershouldbeherewithinafewdays,andthetwinsinacoupleweeks.Theyhada
seriesofshowsinEuropetheywerecommittedto,butthey’vecanceledtherest.Andthat’sthelot,as
theysay.”HesaidthelastsentenceinapassableBritishaccent.

Ileanedagainstthebar.“Andthere’sme,inthemiddleofitall,fuckingwithSebastian’shead.”
Brockwobbledhisheadsidetoside.“Idon’tknow,actually.I’mnotsureI’dsayyou’refucking

withhishead.Imean,I’veonlybeenhereanhour,buthe’sobviouslyhunguponyou,andI’venever
knownhimtoevergethunguponachickbefore.Heneedsagoodkicktothestatusquo.He’sbeen

stuckinarut,Ithink,andtheonlywayhe’llevergetoutofitisifsomeoneforceshimoutofit.”

“Andyouthinkthat’sme?”
Brockjustshrugged.“That’suptothetwoofyou,whetherornothe’swillingtoactuallymanup

andletyouin,andwhetherornotyouhavethepatiencetoputupwithhisemotionally-stunted
nonsense.”Heslappedthebartopwithhispalm.“AndI,forone,hopeyoudo,andhopehedoes.”

“Andifhedoesn’t?”
Anotherliftofhisshoulder.“He’llassholehiswayoutofhavingtobevulnerable.I’veseenhim

doitanynumberoftimes.Hedoesn’tlikeitwhenthingsgetreal,soheputsupthesespikydeathrays
ofassholebehavior,tojustsortofpushpeopleaway.Doesn’tworkonus,ofcourse,sincewe’rehis
brothersandweseethroughit,butforwomen…?He’sabadboy,youknow?Like,true-blue,downto
thebonebadboy.Chicksloveit,shortterm.Buttryingtopushthroughtheassholetogettothetruly
decentguylurkingbeneathittakesmorethananyone’severbeenwillingtoputup.”

Abigboomingvoicebroketheskinofthequietdiscussion.“Quitboringtheladywithyourgirly

psychobabblebullshit,Brock!Timetodoshots!”

ThemanaccompanyingthevoicemusthavebeenBaxter,accordingtoSebastian’sdescription.

Big,burly,thick,bull-necked,fullofblusteringthunderandpower.SameasSebastian,Zane,and
Brock,Baxterhadbrownhairandbrowneyes,butlikeeachofhisbrothers,heworeitdifferently.
HisarmsweresohugeIfoundmyselfwonderinghowheevenmanagedtowipehisownasshole,and
hischestwasactuallysomekindoftectonicplate,buthiswaistwasatrimwedgehuggedbyagreen
andyellowUniversityofOregonT-shirt.Heoccupiedahugephysicalspace,butasheleftthe
stairwellandswaggeredacrosstothebar,itwasclearhewasalsooneofthosepeoplewhojust
dominatedanyroomhewasin,throughvirtueofsheervolume,bluster,bravado,andpowerof
personality.

HeslidbehindBrock,trailinghisfingersalongthebottlesofboozelineduponshelves.“Eeny…

meeny…miney…mo!”HetappedabottleofJohnnyWalker,JackDaniel’s,WildTurkeyeachinturn,
andthenattheword“mo”stoppedonabottleofPatrónSilver.

BrockwhackedBaxterontheshoulder.“It’snoon,moron.We’renotdoingshotsoftequila.”
Baxterignoredhim,pouredthreeoverflowingshotglassesfulloftequila,rummagedaround

underthebarforatrayfullofslicedlimesandasaltshaker.“It’salwaystimefortequila,youlittle
bitch!”Hesetashotglassinfrontofme,grabbedmywrist,lickedit,shooksaltontoit,tossedmea
lime.Helduphisglasstome.“TomybrotherSebastian—assholeextraordinaire,andownerofthe
meanestrighthookI’veeverfuckingfelt;andtoyou,Dru,forbeingwomanenoughtogetevenhis
tightwadpantiesinahellofabunch!”

Heclinkedmyshotglasswithhis,spillingtequilaallovermyhandandhis,andthenheslammed

hisglassagainstBrock’sglasswho,despitehisprotest,wasdoingtheshotwithus.Welickedthesalt
offourhands,didtheshot,andthensuckedthelimes,eachofusdoingtherequisitepost-tequilashot
grunt.

Inoticed,then,thatBaxterhadashadowonhisjaw,too.“Wait,Sebastianpunchedyou,too?”
Baxterpouredanothershotanddownedthatone,nosaltorlimeorgasp.“Yes,hedid.Thefucker.

Ialwaysforgethowhardthatbastardcanhit.”

Ifrowned.“Why’dhehityou?”
Zaneappeared,then,grabbedthebottleoftequilaandstoleBaxter ’sshotglass,didtwoshotsin

shortorder,forgoingthesaltandlime.“BecausethedumbfuckhadtheballstoaskSebastianwhyhe
hadhispantiesinabunch.”

“TowhichSebastianreplied‘notwearinganypanties,cocksucker,’”Baxtersaid,rubbinghisjaw,

“andthenhedeckedme.”

IlookedinturnatZane,Baxter,andBrock,eachofwhoboresomekindofmarkfromSebastian’s

anger.“Sohe’sclockedallthreeofyou…”Igrabbedthebottleanddidanothershot,butIwentwith
saltandlime,becauseIclearlywasn’tonthesamelevelofhard-drinkingbadasseryastheBadd
brothers.“Whichleadstotequilashotsat…twelve-oh-nineonaMondayafternoon?”

Zanenodded.“Yep.Imean,Idon’tknowaboutthesefuckers,butIhaven’tbeentobedyet.Tookan

overnightfromLondontoLA,andthenconnectedfromLAtoSeattle,andthenfromSeattlehere,and
thatwastheshortlegofmyjourney.Soforme,it’sbasicallystillSunday,accordingtotheancient
rulesofstayingupallnight.”

“AndIgotcheatedon,onthedayofmywedding,”Isaid.“Whichwastwodaysago—andthenI

metSebastianandhadhimmessmeupinallkindsofways,soIfeelalittleentitled.”

“Andwe’vebothbeenpunched,”Baxterpointedout,sluggingBrockintheshoulder,“whichgives

usagoodexcuse.Butyouknowme,Idon’treallyneedanexcusetogetshitty,na’mean?”Andthenhe
promptlydidathirdshot.

Iwasfeelingmyfirsttwo,soIheldoff.“WhyisSebastiangoingaroundhittingeveryone?”
“Itoldyou,”Brocksaid.“Becausehe’sanemotionallystuntedcaveman.”
“Oh,”Isaid.
Baxterlaughed.“Andbecausehe’sanidiot.Thinkswe’regonnajustlethimgetawaywithhitting

usbecausehe’sallpissyaboutthings.”

Iglancedfrombrothertobrothertobrotherinturn,oncemore,andnoticedeachofthemhadthe

sameexpressiongoingon…andBrockwasdoingasecondshottoo,andthenathird.Theywereall
lookingateachother,exchangingthosemeaningfulglancesinwhichmenwhoknoweachotherwell
haveatendencytodowhentheywanttocommunicate.

“I’mguessingyou’renotplanningonlettinghimgetawaywithit?”Iasked,warily.
Zanechuckleddarkly.“Hellno.”
BaxtercorkedthebottleofPatrón,replacedit,andthenslammedhisfistonthebar.“Ready,

brothers?”

ZaneandBrockansweredinunison.“Ready.”
Allthreeswaggeredofftowardthestairs,Zanegoingupfirst,Brocksecond,andBaxterthird.

Baxterreappearedalmostimmediately,eyeingme.“Dru?IfIwereyou,Iwould…um…duck.”

Iblinkedathim,andthenhewasgone,andIheardhisfeetonthestairs.Afewmomentsofsilence,

andthenawordlessbellowingroarfromSebastian…

Thuds,bangs,thecrashofsomethingbreaking,morethudssohardandloudthewallsshook…
Andthenseveralpairsoffeetstompingonthestairs,morethuds,andthenSebastian’svoice

shoutingandbellowingandcursing.

“LETMEGOYOUFUCKINGASSHOLES!”Iheardhimshout,andthenBaxterandZane

appeared,eachholdingoneofSebastian’sthrashingarms,andthenBrockwithhisfeet.

Theycarriedhimacrossthebar,andhewaskickingandthrashingsohardtheywereobviously

strugglingtokeepholdofhim.Baxterhadabloodylip,Zane’snosewastricklingblood,andBrock’s
shirtwasripped…andtheydidn’tevenhavehimoutsideyet.

Iwaiteduntiltheygothimthroughthedoor,andthenIfollowed,tentatively,tostandinthe

doorwayasthebrothersunceremoniouslytossedSebastianontohisassinthemiddleofthestreet,
andtheneachofthemjumpedbackagoodfoot.

Sebastiancameupswinging,lungedforBaxterfirst,andthatrighthookofhisconnectedwitha

sickeningcrunchthatsentBaxterstumblingbackward.BrockandZaneclosedin,andthefightthat
followedwasabrutalknock-down,drag-outbare-knucklebrawlbetweenfourmassive,powerful
men.Andeventhoughitwasthreeonone,Sebastianwasinsuchahorrificrageheheldhisownfora
while,snarling,seething,cursing,roaring,lashingoutwithfeetandfistsandknees,takingnonstop
hitsfromhisbrotherswithoutslowingdown.

Itwasstillthree-on-one,though,andSebastian,evenaspowerfulashewas,didn’treallystand

muchofachance.EventuallyBrockgotonearminalockandZanetheother,andBaxterfollowedin
withascythinguppercutfisttoSebastian’sgut,whichtookthewindandthefightoutofhim.

Allfourbrotherswerebloodied,bythatpoint.Isawatleasttwobrokennoses,everybody’slips

weresplit,jawswerebruised…

ButSebastianwassubdued.Theylethimfalltotheground,gasping,bloodoozingdownhischin

andnose,andfromacutoverhiseye.Zanefloppeddowntositbesidehim,andthenBrock,andthen
Baxter,eachsittingfacingSebastiansotheyformedaringofbrothers.Forlongmoments,nobody
spoke.

Andthen,slurredbysplit,bloodylips,Sebastianspoke.“Imisshim,goddammit.”Hisvoicewas

thick.

“Metoo,”Zanesaid.“I’llnevergetovermissinghisfuneral.”
“Nobodyblamesyouforthat,”Baxtersaid.“Notlikeyouhadachoice.”
“Ilostmybestfriendthatday.”Zane’svoicewasquiet,low,rough.“Nevertoldanyofyou.”
SebastianlookedupatZane.“Youdid?”
Zanenodded.“Marco.Tookastrayround…ithappenedsofast—myheadwasn’tinthegame,it

wasonDad,onyouguys,missingthefuckingfuneral…Marcoshouldn’thavehadhisheadupandI
didn’tsayanythingtohim.I’velostguysbefore,obviously,butMarco,man…wewentthrough
BUD/Stogether.”

“Jesus,dude.Ihadnoidea.”SebastianwrappedhisarmaroundZane.“Thatsucks.”
“Yeah.IlostDadandMarcowithindaysofeachother.”
Iwasjuststandingthere,inthedoorway,handovermymouth,fullofsomanyconflicting

emotionsIdidn’tknowwhattodoaboutanyofthem.IwantedtosmotherSebastianwithkisses,wipe
awaytheblood,takehiminsideandmakehimfeelbetter,gethimtotalkabouthisdad,butIwasa
littlefrightenedofhowwellhefought,howsavagely.Ofcourse,noneofthemweretryingtoreally
trulyhurteachother,buttheyweren’tholdingbackmucheither.Aboveall,IjustwantedSebastian
to…letmein,Iguess.

Butthisscene,withhisbrothers…itwasn’taboutme.Itwasaboutthem;Iwasjustaspectator.
Ididn’tunderstand,honestly.Icouldn’tfathomwhatkindofbondtheyhadthatcouldletthem

battereachotherbloodylikethat,andthensittheresharingdeeplypersonalthoughts,armsaround
eachother.

“WeallmissDad,”Baxtersaid.“YouknowhowmuchfuckingtequilaI’veputawaythelastfew

monthsbecauseofit?CoachBaldwinnearlybenchedmeafewtimes.”

Brockspatamouthfulofblood,wincing.“Noneofusarereallyhandlingthisverywell,Iguess.”
“What,you?Misterwell-adjustedpsychologymajor?”Baxtersaid,hisvoicethickwithsarcasm.“I

don’tbelieveit.”

BrockshothisbrotherwhatIthoughtwasanuncharacteristicallyfoulglare.“Fuckyou,Bax.You

thinkI’munaffected?”

Baxterhelduphishands,unwillingtostartanotherbrawl,apparently.“Justsaying,youprobably

satinontherapysessionseveryweekinsteadofdrinkingyourfeelingsawayliketherestofus.”

Brockreddened.“SowhatifIdid?Idon’tcaretopretendI’mnotfeelingthings,andwhileImay

havegivenintothedesiretonumbthepainwithalcoholmorethanI’dliketoadmit,lettinggo
completelyjustwasn’tanoptionforme.IfIgetinthecockpithungoverorstilldrunk,I’mgonnakill
myselforsomeoneelse.Ican’taffordtodrinkmyfeelingsaway.”

BaxtergrippedBrock’sshoulderandsqueezed,shookit.“Yeah,well,somebodyinthisdamn

familyhastobeanadult,huh?”

Sebastian’sshouldersshook,then,andmyheartsqueezedinmychest.“It’sstupid…it’ssostupid

—”

“What’sstupid?”Brockasked.
“I’mangryathim,”Sebastiansaid,hisvoicebreaking.“AtDad—I’msofuckin’pissedathimfor

leaving.Why’dheleave?Hejustfuckin’leftmeherealone,leftthebaronmeand,justlikeafter
Mompassed,Ididn’thaveachoicebuttofuckin’—tojustdowhathadtobedone.Ididn’twantit.I
wasgonnaseeifhecouldhiresomebodyelsetofillinsoIcould—Idunnowhat.Dosomethingelse
forachange.Butthenhedied,andIjust—fuck.Fuck.”Heshookhishead,rubbedathiseyesasifhe
couldrubawaythepain.“Fuckin’hatethisbullshit.”

“WhenMarcodied,”Zanesaid,hisvoicethoughtful,careful,“meandCodywentAWOL.Wetook

aHumveeandabottleofsomeshittyboozeandwentoffintothemiddleoffuckin’nowhere.We
drankourselvesstupidandcriedoureyesoutlikelittlebitches.Youcan’tignorethisshit,Bast.You
gottaletitout.It’llfuckin’eatyoualiveifyoudon’t.”

“Yeah,butI’vejust—”Sebastianshovedtheheelsofhispalmsagainsthiseyesandrubbedhard.

“I’vejustbeensofuckin’alone.”

“Notanymore,brother,”Zanesaid,roughlygrapplingSebastianintoahugagainsthischest,

holdinghimthere.“Notanymore.”

“All’ayoujustfuckin’leftmehere.Iknowyouhadyourlivestolive,but—fuck,fuck

—goddammit!”Sebastian’sshouldersheavedagain,andthistimetheydidn’tstop,andZanejustkepta
harshholdonhisshoulders,refusingtolethimgoeventhoughSebastianwasstruggling,tryingto
getaway,tryingtodenythereleaseofemotions.

Myhearthurt,hearingtheacheinhisvoice,therawagonyoflossandloneliness,andI

understoodthenthereasonforhiswalls,thereasonforhidingbehindthemachoassholefaçade.He
wasinpain,alone,andrefusingtodealwithit.UntilnowIthinkhe’drefusedtoevenacknowledge
thathehadaproblem.

BrockandBaxterclosedthecircle,wrappedtheirarmsaroundSebastian,andinsidethesafetyof

thathuddle,Iheardhimfinallyletgo,finallyallowhimselftogrieveforthelossofhisfatherandthe
monthsandyearsofloneliness.

IjuststoodthereinthedoorwayofBadd’sandwatched,feelinglikeanoutsider,butprivilegedto

beabletowitnessthemoment.

Afterseveralminutes,Sebastianstraightenedandstoodup,grabbingthebackofhisshirtand

pullingitoff,wipinghisfacewithit.Thenheturnedandhelpedeachofhisbrotherstostandup.

Helookedupandsawmestandinginthedoorwayofthebar.
Thelookonhisfaceinthatmomentmademylegsshakeandmycoreclench.
IwasprettysureSebastianBaddwasabouttofuckmesenseless.

Sebastian

Icouldn’tdenyhowdamnfreeingitfelttogetthatshitout.Ifeltasifaburdenhadbeenliftedoff

myshoulders,asifacrushingweighthadbeenrippedoutofmychest.Yetitallstillfeltraw,likea
raggedwound.DespitethefactthatIfeltrelief,Dadwasnotcomingback.Thebarwasstillmy
problem.Theguyswouldeventuallyleaveagain,andI’dbealonealloveragain.

Shit,man,Ihadn’tcriedsinceMomdied.Butthathadbeenbymyself,inmyroom,doorclosed

andlocked,lightsoff,andIrememberithadhurtlikeamotherfuckerbecauseIjustcouldn’tkeepit
inanymorenomatterhowhardItried.Ihatedlettingitout,hatedcrying,butIcouldn’tphysically
stopit.Justlikethismomentonthedockswithmybrothers.Iwaspowerlesstostopit,andthatwas
whatthey’dbeenafterallalong.Thebastardshadgangeduponmeandphysicallyforcedmeto
confrontmyownemotions.

Andtheywereright—Idon’tthinkI’deverreallytrulyletitalloutorsortedthroughmyfeelings

atall.NotafterMom’sdeath,andnotafterDad’s,andIcertainlyhadn’tconfrontedmydeeply-rooted
senseofabandonment.Irrational?Sure.Iknewitwas.ButIcouldn’tshakeit.Momleftme.Dadleft
me.Alltheboysleftme.

Butnowtheywereback—underduressandtemporarily,buttheywereback.Anditfeltgood.Now

Ijustneedtheotherfourtogethere,andit’dfeelcomplete.

Iwipedthebloodoffmyfacewithmyshirtandhelditinacrumpledballinmyfist.
AndthenIfeltherpresence.
Ihurtallover:theboyshadn’ttakeniteasyonme.They’dreallygoneinaftermehard,andIwas

inalotofpain.Myemotionswerestillrunningonhighoctane,blastingthroughmehardandfastand
merciless,andthereshefuckin’was.Juststandingthereinthedoorwayofthebar,oneshoulder
leaningagainsttheframe,stillwearingmydrabgreenraincoat.Thehoodwashalfwayoffherhead,
revealingaportionofherauburnhairloosearoundhershouldersandframingherlovelyface.And
hereyes,goddamn,thoseeyes.Sobluetheyfuckingstunnedmebreathlessfromtwentyfeetaway.

Andthecompassiononherface…holyshit.Forme?Thatlookshewasgivingmecutstraight

throughme,diggingdeepandsinkingbarbedhooksintomethatIknewwouldneverbereleased.It
wasalookthatsaidIseeyou.Andthosethreewordsdon’treallydoitjustice.Shesawme.Meaning,
shesawpastthefrontIputup.Pastthetattoos,themuscles,theassholeplayermentality,pastallmy
bullshitemotionalarmormeanttokeepeveryoneaway…andtokeepthemfromlookingtooclosely.

ButDru?Shesaw.Shedidn’thavetolookpastthosethings,becauseshesawthemaspartofme.
Andthatrighttherewaswhatflayedmetothebone.
Thebruises,thebreakinmynose,theachyribs,thesplitlips…itallfadedintonothingasIstalked

towardher.SheheldhergroundasIapproached.

Istoodoverher,staringdown,tastingthebloodonmylipsfrommystill-tricklingnose.“Ineed

you,Dru.”

Shejustsmiledupatme.“Iknow.”
Shereachedupwithbothhandsandplacedthemalongsidemynose,hesitatedasplitsecond,and

thenswiftlyanddeftlyre-setmynose.

“You’vedonethatbefore,”Isaid.
Shegrinned.“Youdon’tsparwiththirdandfourthdansandnotgetyournosebrokenatimeor

three.”

“Whatyousawjustnow—”Istarted,eventhoughIwasn’tsurewhatIwasgoingtosaybywayof

explanation,orevenaskhowshefeltaboutit.

Shetookmyshirtoutofmyhand,dabbedatmynose,wipedatmylips,herexpressionsoftand

affectionate.“Shhh...”

Ifrowned.“ButI—”
Shelifteduponhertoes.“Hush,Sebastian.Shutupandkissme.”
Ishutupandkissedher.Wrappedmyarmaroundherwaistandyankedherflushagainstme,

palmedhercheekwithmyotherhand,and—gingerly—kissedher.

It’shardtogingerlykisstheever-lovingfuckoutofsomeone,though,soIhadtosettleforlong

andslowanddeepandthorough,tastingherlips,thelineofherteeth,theslipperystrengthofher
tongue.Andthenherhandswereonme,slidingacrossmychest,myskinslickfromtherainand
sweat,andherhandswerecuppingthebackofmyheadandtiltingmedowntodeepenthekiss,to
demandmorefromme.

Iheardamotorcyclerumblingbehindus,heardtheenginecutoff,bootshitthepavement.“Well

hell,lookslikeImissedallthefun.”Thevoicewasmuffledbehindahelmet,butIknewwhoitwas.

Ipulledback,whisperedagainstDru’slips,“Xavier.Gottasayhi,andthenI’mtakingyou

upstairs.”

“Makeitfast,”shewhisperedback.
Ilethergo,reluctantly,andpivotedjustintimetoseeXaviertuggingoffhisfull-coverage

motorcyclehelmet.Thecollegeboyhadgonefullhipster,apparently.

Ofallofus,XavierlookedthemostlikeMom.Hishairwasclosertoblackthanbrown,curlyand

unruly.HewasalsotheonlyoneofustogetMom’sgreeneyes.Hewasapunkbarelyoldenoughto
shave,buthesureasfuckhadtheBaddlooksandswagger.Tightblackjeansabovehalf-lacedcombat
boots,tightwhiteT-shirtunderneatha’50sstylegreaserleatherjacket.Thesidesofhisheadwere
buzzedtothescalpwiththetopofhishairleftlongandmessyinawildcurlymop.Triple-pierced
ears,aseriesofgeometricshapestattedininterlockingpatternsonhisforearms…theboywastaking
afterme,itseemed.

Thatbike,though,thatwasnew.LastI’dseenhimhe’dbeendrivingsomehooptypieceofshit

beater-mobile,a’93Topazorsomeshit.Guesshe’dsavedforanupgrade,andIapproved.Itwasa
TriumphAdventurer,used,probablyeightortenyearsoldbutwellmaintained.Abeauty,andIwasa
tadjealous.NotthatIhadtimeormoneyforabike,butI’dbeenpiningforoneeversinceI’dhadto
sellminetopayoffsomedebtsI’dincurredwhile…intoxicatedandimpetuous,let’sjustsay.

HegrinnedasIstompedtowardhim,grabbedhiminabearhugsofierceInearlypulledhimoff

hisbike.

“Hey,youbigfuckin’freak,letmego!”Xaviershovedatmeinanattempttofendmeoff,butI

wastenyearshisseniorandatleastfiftypoundsheavier,sohestoodzerochance.Eventuallyhe
relentedandgaveintothehug.“Fine,yougoddamnogre.Allright,allright,you’vegottenyourhug,
nowletmegobeforeIdropthebike.It’sbrandnew.”

ItwasfuntofuckwithXavier.Hewasalittlestandoffish,abitstiff,andnotreallyintophysical

touch.Meaning,hehatedhugs,hatedbeingtouchedbyanyone.Justaquirk,Iguess.Somethingtodo
withhisfreakofnatureintelligence,Iassumed.PerfectSATscore,4.3GPA,valedictorianofhishigh
schoolclass,collegecreditsunderhisbeltbeforehehitsenioryear,self-taughtphysicswizard,speed
reader,voraciousbooknerd,mastersketchartist,andinhissparetimehealsohadthisweird
obsessionwithcreatingtheseoddlittlerobotsthatdidnothinguseful,justsortofwobbledand
gyratedandhoppedaround.Heusedwatchgearsandbatteriesandoddsandendsanddidsomesortof
geniusmagicandmadethemprancearoundlikecute,freakylittlelivingcreatures.And,ohyeah,he
wasaninsanelytalentedsoccerplayer.

Gofigure.
ThatkidgotthebrainsBaxandZaneandImissedouton.Notthatwewerestupid,butBrockand

Xavierwereonawholedifferentlevelofsmart,andXavierthentookthatlevelandleftitinthedust.

Anddamnthekid,buthewasgoodlookingashellandhadmorefuckin’swaggerthanheknew

whattodowith.Just…don’ttouchhim.

Ilethimgo,finally,andwatchedhimrollhisshouldersandshrugandwiggle,asiftryingtorid

himselfofthecreepy-crawlies.“Allright,youlittlepunk.IgotsomethingIgottado.I’llseeyouina
bit,yeah?”

Xavier ’seyeswenttoDru,thentome.He’dalwaysbeenobservant,andbeingtheyoungesthad

beenaroundmelongerthantheothers,sohe’dseenmewithanembarrassinglyridiculousnumberof
differentwomenovertheyears,noneofwhomI’deverbroughtupstairs,neverbroughtaroundthe
brothers,letaloneDad.Ineversawthemmorethanonce,andneverdidanythingtogivethemthe
impressionit’dbeanythingotherthanaquickcasualfuck.Itmeantnoaffection,nolovey-dovey
bullshit.

Xavier,who’dhadahabitofdoinghishomeworksittingbytheservicebar,hadseenmecloseup

andgoawaywiththosegirls,seenmetakebreakstofucktheminthealleyorthebathroomor
whereverwascloseandconvenient.He’dbeenanightowl,likeme,andI’djustgonewithitsincehe
wasalwaysupintimeforschoolwithoutneedingawake-upcall,sohe’dseenthingsevenmyother
brothershadn’t.

Allofwhichmeanthedidn’tmissthesignificanceofthesituationwhenIturnedbacktoDru,

scoopedherupwithherlegshookedaroundmywaistandherarmsaroundmyneckandkissedheras
Iwalkedwithhertowardthestairs.

“ThehellhappenedtoBigBast?”IheardhimaskasIwasonthestairs.
Baxchuckled.“Hegotcaught,littlebrother.”
“Looks…uncomfortable.”
“Yeah,well,you’vestillgotyourV-card.”IheardBaxsay.“You’llunderstandwhenyou’re

older.”

“I’llspikeyourwheypowderwithestrogensupplementsifyoueverbringthatupagain,Baxter,”

Xaviersaid.

“Youwouldn’t,youlittlerat.”
“Thinkagain,meat-head.”
IlosttherestoftheargumentasIclosedthedooratthetopofthestairs.Druwaschuckling

againstthesideofmyneck.

“He’savirgin?”
Ilaughedwithher.“Yeah,he’sanoddone.He’sgotthelooksandtheconfidence,buthehasthis

thingaboutbeingtouched.Itriedtosethimupwithagirllastyear,thischickwhowasafriendofa
friend’slittlesister,knewshewaseasy,knewshe’dhelpabrotherout,youknow?Butno,thelittle
fuckerwouldn’tgoforit.Saidhe’dwaitforittofeelright.”

“That’sadmirable,”shesaid.
“It’sdirtyingthefamilyreputation,iswhatitis,”Igrumbled.“Almosteighteenandstillavirgin?

Therestofuslostityearsbeforethat.”

Shehuffed.“He’swaitingforittoberight,Sebastian.There’snothingwrongwiththat.Ithinkit’s

admirableandhonorable.”

“Yeah,well…forhissakeIhopewhicheverchickhefallsforfeelsthesameway.”
Wewereatmybedroomatthispoint,andIclosedandlockedthedoorbehindus,thensetDru

downonherfeet.

“Ihaveaquestion.”SheputherhandsonmychesttohaltmeasIreachedforherclothes.“Whydo

theycallyouBast?”

Ichuckled.“ThatwasXavier ’sfault.Whenhewaslittletykejustlearningtotalk,hecouldn’tsay

myname.He’dsaythingslike‘Sastian’and‘Sabashan’,andhejustcouldn’tevergetit.Wetriedshort
versionslike‘Seb’or‘Bastian’,butthoseneverstuck.Thenonedayhecalledme‘Bast’andthatwas
theonethatstuck,andit’sbeenmynicknameeversince.”

“Awww,that’ssocute!”shesaid,inthathigh-pitchedsquealgirlsuseforadorablethings.
Igrabbedherwristsinonehandandpinnedherupagainstthedoor.“I’llshowyoucute,wild

thing.”

Sheblinkedupatmeslowly,lazily,heatandmischiefinhergaze.“Ohyeah?”
Ikeptherwristspinnedoverherheadwithonehandandyankedheryogapantsdownaroundher

thighswiththeother.“Yeah.It’ssocuteyouwon’tevenbelieveit.”

“Doesitliveinyourpantsandresembleananacondainanyway?”
“Itmight.”
“Notsurecuteistherightwordforthatmonsteryoucallacock…Bast.”Hervoicewasbreathless

asIslidmyfingersinsidethelegofherpanties.“Oh…god,pleasetouchme.”

Idippedmyfingerinsideher.“You’refuckin’soaked,Dru.Soakingfuckin’wetforme.”
“Can’thelpthatyoumakemecrazy,”shemurmured.
“Iloveit,”Isaid.“Ilovefeelingyouwetlikethis,knowingit’sallforme.”
Idraggedmyfingertipsupherbody,undertheraincoatshewasstillwearing,thehoodnowfallen

forwardaroundherface.

“I’mhot,”shebreathed.“Takeoffmyclothes.”
Iunbuttonedtheraincoatslowly,pullingtheedgesasidewhileIreleasedoneofherhandsandlet

herpullitfreeandtossitaside.ThenIre-capturedbothwristsagainandtuggedherT-shirtupover
herbra,workingthecupsdownbeneathherbreaststobarehernipples.ShegaspedasIbentandtook
oneinmymouth,andnowherhandswriggledandfoughtagainstmyhold.Irefusedtolethergo,
though,likingherhelplessundermytouch.Iteasedhernipplesuntilshewasgaspingandwrithing,
andthenIslidmyfingersinsideherunderwearandagainstherslit.Herheadthunkedagainstthedoor
andshegroanedoutloudasIfoundherclitandstartedworkingmyfingeragainstit.

“Letmego,Sebastian.Ineedtotouchyou.”
“Notquiteyet,”Imurmured.“I’mnotdone.”
Iteasedherpussy,fingeringher,circlingherclit,rampingherupandmakinghercrazybutnot

lettinghergetneartheedgeoforgasmforhertoreallyletgo.

“I’mwarningyou,Sebastian.Letmego.”Hervoicewaslow,andIwasn’treallylistening.Too

focusedonthetasteofhertits,thefeelofherpussyaroundmyfingers.

Ikeptteasingher,andthen—withoutwarning—theworldspunandmyarmswerewrenched

behindme,andIhitthebedlikeatonofbricks.Notsurewhatshe’ddone,evenasIlayonthebed,
dizzyanddisoriented.Shewassittingastrideme,aferalglintinhereyes.

“Putyourwristsaboveyourhead,Sebastian.”Shewhisperedthecommand,ahungrysmileonher

face.

Let’splaythisout,Idecided.Seewhatshedoes.
Ijustgrinnedbackatherandofferedhermywrists.WithinsecondsshehadherT-shirtwhipped

offandwaswrappingitaroundmywriststobindthemtogether,andthenshetiedtheendstothe
simplemetalheadboard.

Shestareddownatme.“Nowit’smyturntomakeyoubeg.”Ashiverwentdownmyspineatthe

soundofhervoice,thelookinhereyes.Sheshimmieddownmybodysoshewassittingonmyfeet,
reachedupandunfastenedtheflyofmyjeans,tuggeddownthezipper.“You’renotwearingany
underwear.”

Ijustshrugged.“KnewI’dfuckeduplettingyougo,didn’twannatakethetimetobotherwith

’em.”

Shejerkedmyjeansdownaroundmyankles,swungoffme,slidmybootsoff,thenmyjeans,and

thenIwasnakedandtiedtomyownbed,andthegirlsureashellknewherknots,’causetherewasno
wayIwasgettingoutofthisunlesssheletme;I’dbeentuggingandworkingatthebindingthewhole
time,andhadgottennowhere.

“Well,”Drusaid,standingbesidethebednearmyface,“we’rebothherenow,andyou’reatmy

mercy.”

“NowayinhellI’mgettingoutofthisknot,soyeah,I’dsayI’matyourmercy.”
Sheleaneddownandkissedthetipofmynose.“Sebastian,honey.Onethingyouneedto

understandaboutmeisthatIdonotfuckaround.”

Shekickedherbootsoffandclimbeduponthebedbesidemecladinnothingbutabraandher

yogapants,whichwerestilldownatmid-thigh,baringherunderwear.Shethrewherlegovermy
chestandstraddledmeagain,bringinghercoreneartomyface.

“Now,youstartedtakingmypantsoff,butdidn’tquitefinishthejob.”Shethrusthercotton-

coveredpussyagainstmyface.“Finishtakingthemoff,Sebastian.”

“Handsaretied,honey.Howyouexpectmetodothat?”
Hergrinwaspredatory.“Yourteeth,dumbass.”
“It’slikethat,isit?”
“It’sexactlylikethat.Yougotmeallworkedupandleftmehanging,sonowwe’regonnaplaythis

myway.”

“Whatwayisthat?”
ShepressedherthumbagainstmylowerlipandpresseddownuntilIopenedmyjaw,andthenslid

herentirethumbintomymouth.“Slowly,that’show.BythetimeI’mdonewithyou,you’llbe
beggingformypussy.”HereyeswenthoodedasIsuckedonherthumb,lickingitaseroticallyasI
knewhow.“Andmakenomistake,Iplanongivingittoyou.ButonlyafterIdecideyou’velearned
yourlesson.”

“Andwhichlessonisthat,Dru?”
“Off,Sebastian.”Shepressedherthumbagainstmylowerteethtoholdmyjawopen,andthenfit

thewaistbandofheryogapantsbetweenmyjaws.“Whichlesson?”

Iclampeddownandtugged,andDruwiggledup,slowlyworkingherwayoutofthetightyoga

pants.Whenshewasfreeofthem,shereachedup,unhookedherbra,shruggedoutofit,andthen,
withalittlegiggle,setitonmyheadasifI’ddecidedtowearitlikeahat.Likethatcrazylittleblue
fuckerfromtheDisneymovie.Xavierusedtolovethatmovie—whichonewasit?Withthelittleblue
aliencritterandtheHawaiiangirl?Whatever.Likethat.

“Hysterical,”Isaid,deadpan.
“Ithinkso,”shesaid,stillgiggling.“Thelesson,mysweet,rugged,handsomeSebastian—”she

pausedtothrustherhipsagainstme,encouragingmetotaketheelasticbandofherpantiesinmy
jaws,whichIdid,“—istonevereverteasemeunlessyouexpectmetoteaseyoubackinkind,plus
interest.”

“Considermetaught,then,”Isaid.Iwasn’tlikingbeingtiedupandhelpless.Tookmy

vulnerabilitytoawholenewlevel,andIwasstillreelingfromthescenewithmybrothers.

“Oh,Idon’tthinkso,”shebreathed.“Notyet.Notbyalongshot.”
“Dru…pleaseuntieme.”
“Ohmy…beggingalready?”Shegrinneddownatme.“This’llbefun.”
Shewrithedinfrontofme,ontopofme,teasingme,drapinghertitsagainstmyfaceandthen

pushinghercoreagainstmymouth,thenpullingaway,wrigglingandwrithingslowly,undulating

upward,sashayingherhipssidetoside.Sherosetoherknees,thepantiesnowbelowherhips.Spun
around,pressedherasstomyface,andItookthepantiesinmyteethandtuggedthemlower,baring
thatbeautifulassofhers.Backtofacingme,then,andnowIhadtheupperfewinchesofhersweet
pussybaredforme,andIstoleakissasshethrustagainstme,urgingmetofinishremovingher
panties.WhenIhadthembetweenmyteethagain,sheundulatedagainstme,pressingthesweet,
desire-pungentslitofherpussyagainstmynose—Iflinchedatthetwingeofpain,backedoffalittle
—andthenshewasstandinguponthebed,andtheunderwearwasloosearoundherknees.Shelet
themdropontomychest.

Shesteppedoutofthem,snaggedthem,andsatdownonmychestagain.“Youkeeptalkingabout

howsweetmypussyis,”shesaid,mischiefinhereyesagain.“Proveit.”

“How?”Ihadaprettygoodidea,andIwasplentyeagertoproveit.
Shesnaggedherpanties,sniffedthem.“Yougotmeallworkedup,Sebastian.”Sheleanedcloseto

whispertome.“GotmesoworkedupIwasallwetanddrippingbecauseofyou.Yousaidit
yourself…Iwassoaked.”

“Fuck,Dru.Icansmellyourightnow.”
“That’sright.Icanfeelitdrippingdownmyleg.”Shebroughtherpussyclosetomyface,andI

stuckoutmytongue,eagerforherjuicesonmytongue.“Youwanttolickmeclean?”

“Fuckyeah,Dru.I’lllickeveryfuckin’inchofthissweetpussy.”
“Showme.”
Shegrippedthemetalrailingoftheheadboardandthrustherselfagainstme.“Lickmeclean,

Sebastian.Iknowyouwantto.”

“FuckyeahIdo,Dru.Ilovethissweet,perfectcuntofyours.”
“Youdo,huh?”Ifroze,stareduppastherbodytomeethereyes,realizingwhatI’djustsaid.She

narrowedhereyes.“Isitjustmycuntyoulove?Whatabouttherestofme?”

“I—”hadnofuckingideawhatIwassupposedtosay.SayingIlovedhercunthadbeenafigureof

speech,andIhadn’treallybeenreadytosaythoseparticularthreewordsjustyet.“Imeant—”Panic
seizedme,becauseshewasgoingtoexpectitandIwasn’tready,wasn’tfuckingready…

Shelaughed.“Relax,Sebastian.I’mjustmessingwithyou.”Shesliddownmybodyandkissedmy

lips.“Youdon’thavetosayit.We’veknowneachotherlessthanwhat,threedays?SoI’mnotreadyto
hearitanymorethanyou’rereadytosayit.Iwasjustmessingwithyou.Relax.”

“Notfuckin’funny.”
Shewormedbackupagain,writhing,assheplacedhercoreagainstmymouth.“Sureitwas.You

should’veseenyourface.”ShegaspedasIteasedheropeningwithmytongue.“Yeah,justlikethat.
Lickmesogood,Sebastian.MakemecomeandI’llrewardyou.”

“Ilikerewards.”
“You’lllovethisone.”ShepiledherhairontopofherheadwithbothhandsandwrithedasI

startedeatingherpussywithalltheskillIhad.“Ihaveplansthatinvolveyourmonstercockandmy
extraordinarylackofagagreflex.Andyou…shoutingmynamesoloudtheneighborswillcallthe
cops.”

“Mmmmmmm?”Ihummedmyresponse,toobusytryingtoearnmyrewardtostoptoreply.
“Ohyeah,it’sgonnabesogoodforyou,Sebastian…ohgod,yeah,justlikethat,rightthere—oh

fuck,fuck,fuck—thattongueofyours!Mygod,Sebastian…where’dyoulearntodothat?Jesus…
nevermind,Idon’twanttoknow.I’mjustgladyoulearned,becausegodthatfeelssofuckinggood.”

“Howgoodisitgonnabeforme?”Ipausedtoask,staringupather.
Sheburiedherfingersinmyhair.“Lesstalking,morelicking—I’mgettingclose.”Pressing

herselfagainstme,shewrithedasIgaveittoherthewaysheseemedtolikeitbest:slowatfirst,
circlingherclitwithmytongue,andthenasshegotclosertoorgasmspeedingupandflickingher

clitdirectly,andthenasshestartedtocome,suckingherclitintomymouthandgoingwild,tongue-
thrashingherintoafrenzy.“It’sgonnabethebestthingyou’veeverfelt.I’mgonnasuckyousogood
you’llforgetyourownname,andthat’sjusttostart.Ohgod,ohgod—yeah,yes…yes—YES!
Sebastian,fuck,you’remakingmecomerightnow.”

IfIwasn’tsoutterlyfocusedonbringinghertoorgasm,Imight’veadmittedsomethingelse:thatI

lovedhowfastshecame,thatitnevertookmuchtobringhertoorgasm,andthatIlovedhowshe
came,thewaysheletloose,justgaveherselfcompletelytotheorgasm,thewayherpaleskinflushed
andthewaybeadsofsweatdottedherupperlip,andtheswellofhertits,andthelinesofherforehead.

Ididn’tsayanyofthat,butIthoughtit.Whichwasscaryenoughasitwas.
ButthenshewascominganditwasallIknew,allIcaredabout,lickingthehardnubofherclitand

suckingitintomymouthandthrashingmyfacesidetosideandupanddownuntilshewasscreaming
pastherclenchedjawandfuckingmyfacewithwildthrustsofherhips.

Whenshewasfinallydonecoming,afterlongmomentsofgaspingandheavingandtwitchingand

writhingagainstmyface,shefinallycollapsedontome,breathinghard,clutchingmyshoulders.

Igaveherafewminutestocatchherbreath,andthenIshiftedmyweightbeneathher,pushing

againsther.“Youmentionedcertainplans?”

Shesatup,aslygrinonherface.“Idid,didn’tI?”Shepretendedtothink.“WhatdidIsayI’ddo?I

don’tseemtoremember.”

“Yousaid,ifIremembercorrectly,thatyouhadplanswhichmightinvolvemymonstercockand

yourlackofagagreflex.”

Sheslidoffmetositbesideme.“Oh,that’sright—thoseplans.”Shegatheredmycockinherfist,

andgaveitanexploratorystroke.“NowIremember.”

Shestrokedmeslowly,untilIwasfullyerect.“AcouplethingsIshouldmention,Isuppose.”She

pulledherhairbackintoaponytailandthenabun,andbounditbackwithaponytailholderfromher
wrist.“Numberone,Ireallydon’thaveagagreflex.”

Shepulledmycockawayfrommybody,tiltingitsoitstoodstraightupfrommygroin.Stroked

meacouplemoretimes,slowly.Andthenshebentoverme,keepinghereyesonmine.Sheopened
hermouth,lickedherlipsseductively,andthen—withouttakinghereyesoffme—putherlipstothe
headofmycock.

Fuck,ohfuck,ohfuck.
Aninch,two,three…sheblinkedatme,takingmedeeperanddeeper.Thenbackedaway,licked

herlipsagain,gavemeateasinglittlegrin,andtookmeintohermouthagain.Andfuck,fuck,holy
fuck,shewasn’tkidding.ZEROgagreflex.I’dhadsomereallygreatblowjobsbefore,butnogirlhad
everdonewhatDruwasdoingrightthen,namely,takingmyentirecockinhermouthanddownher
throat.

Ithadneverreallymatteredtomebefore,sincethegoalofblowjobswastypicallyjusttogetme

offasfastaspossible,sotryingtomakeagirldeep-throatseemedkindapointless.Justsuckmedry
andgetitdone,yeah?Butthis,whatDruwhatdoing?Thiswas…totallysomethingelse,somethingI’d
neverexperiencedbefore.Thiswas…fuckingerotic.Seductive.Teasing.Shetookmeslowly,inchby
inch,hereyesonmine,loweringhermoutharoundmycock,flutteringhertongueagainstmyshaft
asIslidindeeperanddeeper.Andthen,fuck,shehadallofme,everysingleinchofmycockdown
herthroat,hereyesblinkingoveratmewithapleased,proud,eagergleam,hernostrilsflaring,her
throatworkingassheswallowedaroundmyshaft,hernoseagainstmybelly.

Andthenshebackedawayasslowlyasshe’dtakenme,unhurried,neverlookingaway.
IsweartofuckInearlycamerightthen.Thatlookonhereyes,thesightofmycockstretchingher

mouthwide,herlipsslidingovermywetshaft…

Sheletmefalloutofhermouthwithapop.

“Holymotherfuckinghell,Dru…”Igasped.“What—um—whatwasthesecondthing?”
Almostidly,shestrokedmycockwithbothhands,hersalivamakingmeslick.“Oh.JustthatI

plannedtomakeyouenjoyit,butnotnecessarilymakeyoucome.Orthatitwouldbequick.”

“What’sthatmean?”
Shejustgrinnedatme,andlickedtheheadofmycock.“Oh…you’llsee.”

Dru

Ohman,ohman,ohman.WhatthehellwasIdoing?Thiswasn’tme.Notanymore,atleast.Itused

tobeme,though.

BeingwithMichaelhadsortofchilledmeout,takenthefreakoutofme.Iusedtolikeitkinky.

Not,like,superfreakykinkylikehardcoreBDSMoranything,just…mildwild,ifthatmadeany
sense.Iwascrazy.Iwaslonely,andhorny,andhadnoreasontoholdback.Itwasn’tDaddyissues,
sinceDaddywasalwaysthereformeandwasalwaysamazing,buthewasabusyguyasoneofthe
betterdetectivesintheSeattlePoliceDepartment.

Iranwild,whatcanIsay?Iwantedattention,Iwantedlove,Iwantedtobewanted.SoI’dbeena

littlecrazy.Lotsofguys,lotsofhotandheavynightsandwalksofshamethenextday.Idon’tthink
anybodyreallyknewtheextentofmycrazinessduringthoseyears,becausetherewasn’tanybodyI’d
havetold.Ineverreallyhadgirlfriends,whichwasadirectresultofMomabandoningmeatsucha
youngage;Ididn’ttrustwomen.Neverhad,probablyneverwould.WhichjustmeantIhadnooneto
talkmeoutofbaddecisions,likeshackingupwithMichaelforfouryears.

Givinghimthebestofmeandgettingnothinginreturn.
Lettinghimflattenme,boretheactualpersonalityoutofme.Hisfriendswereboring,hisjobwas

boring,hislifewasboring…hewasboring.I’dbeenbored.I’dbeenboredinmyjob,hadnofriends,
andMichael,eventhoughIlovedhim—orthoughtIhad,whichIwasnowbeginningtoquestion—I
wasstartingtorealizeI’dbeendeeplyunhappy.Michaelhadn’tevenbeguntosatisfymeinbed.He
likeditoneway—missionary’tilhecame,thenitwasdone.He’dusuallyremembertoworkmeupto
anObeforehestarted,soatleasthehadthatamountofconsiderationasalover,buttherewasno
variety,nospice,nokink.Just…blah.Notbad,thesexwasneverbad—Iwouldn’thavestayedwith
himforsolongotherwise—itwasjust…blah.

AndIdidn’tlikeblah.
IthinkthatwastheentirepointofmyrelationshipwithMichael:he’dmademefeelnormal.I’d

grownuparoundcops,grownuplearningmartialartsfromthetimeIcouldwalk.I’dspentasmuch
timeattheshootingrangeasIhadthelibrary,asmuchtimeinthedojoasIhadintheclassroom.I
couldholdmyownagainstthreeblackbeltsatonce,andcouldputanentireclipinatightgrouping
deadcenterwithaninemillimeterattwenty-fiveyards.I’dgoneskydivingwithDadateighteen,and
didmyfirstsolojumpatnineteen.Icouldthrowaknifeandhitthetarget.Iwasonafirst-namebasis
withmostofthepoliceofficersinSeattle.

Notnormal…atall.
Michaelwasnormal.Evenhisfamilywasthe“normal”kindofdysfunctional.Andbeingwithhim

hadsortofforcedmetofitintoa“normalperson”pigeonhole.

Butthatwasn’tme.
Thiswasme.
Surroundedbyabunchofwild,dominant,alphamaleswhoseemedtoacceptmeatfacevalueand

weren’tinclinedtoaskanyquestions.Menwhoweren’tintimidatedbythefactthatIcouldgohand-
to-handwithaNavySEALandholdmyown,andwereactuallyimpressedbyit.Inbedwithabig,
hard,strong,powerful,bare-knucklebrawlingtattooedbartenderwithaheartofgold—onceyoudug
pastthesurlydemeanor—andamonstercock.Amanwholetmetiehimupandteasehim.Ihadno
doubthecouldripthatflimsyT-shirtapartifhereallywantedto,buthewascontenttoletmedowhat

Iwanted,confidentenoughinhimselftoletmehavemywayandknowit’dbegoodforhim.

Ihadn’tleftthistinysliceofKetchikan,butevensoIfeltmoreathomeherethanIhadmyentire

lifeinSeattle.Themountainsinthedistance,theconstantsquawkofseagullsandthecrashofwaves
againstthedocks—itremindedmeofSeattleinsomeways,buttherewasawildnesstoitthat
appealedtome.

Justlikethemanbeneathme.
Ihadhimhardasarock,leakingpre-come.Hewasthrobbinginmyhands.Hiseyeswereheavy-

liddedwithneed,hishardmusclestensedfromtheefforttoholdhimselfstill.Hiscockwaswetwith
mysaliva,andhewasalreadyholdingback,Icouldtell.Andboyohboy,Iwasjustgettingstarted.I
knewallhistells,already.Iknewhewasclosetocomingandholdingback,andIknewexactlywhen
tobackoffsohedidn’tcomebeforeIwasready.

He’dmademecomeoncealready,andIwasplanningtogetseveralmoreoutofhimbeforeIlet

himcome.

Sebastiangrowledandbuckedhiships,andIrealizedI’dbeenspacingout,staringathimwhile

lostinthought.“Dru?Youallright?”

Iplungedmyfistdownhisshaft.“Morethanallright.”Anotherslowstroke,thenIbentandlicked

pre-comeawayasifIwaseatinganicecreamcone.“Just…comingtoafewrealizationsofmyown.”

“Whatkindarealizations?”heasked,strugglingtosoundnormalratherthanbreathlessfrom

pleasure.

Iwrappedmylipsaroundtheplumpheadofhiscockandswirledmytonguearoundhim,then

pausedtoanswer.“JustthatIneverreallybelongedinSeattle.Thatwasmydad’shome,notmine.My
lifetherewasn’twhatIwanted,itwasjustmemakingthebestoutofwhatIhad.”

HegruntedasIputmymoutharoundhimagainandtookinchafterthick,throbbinginchofhis

cock.“Andhaveyoufiguredoutwhereyou—shit,shit,Dru,thatfeelssofuckinggood—whereyou
dobelong?”

Itookallofhim,swallowedtoripplemythroatmusclesaroundhim.Backedaway,thenbobbed

downagain,backedaway,bobbeddown—takinghimoutofmymouthandthentakinghimdeep
again,teasinghim,fuckinghimwithmymouthuntilIhadhimgruntingandbucking.

WhenIfinallylethimfallfreefrommymouth,Isighedinpleasureatthesightofhismassive

cockallglisteningwetfrommymouth,leakingpre-come,secondsfromdetonating.Suchabeautiful
cockthismanhad.Icuppedmypalmaroundtheshaftandkissedthesideofhim.“Ireallyloveyour
cock,Sebastian.”

Hegroaned.“Mycocklovesyouback,Dru.”Itookhimdownmythroatagain,alltheway,without

warning.“Fuck,holyfuck!Howthehelldoyouthat?”

IgrinnedathimafterI’dbackedaway.“Magic.”
“Ilikeyourmagic.”
“Ithoughtyoumight.”
Istrokedhislengthwithbothhands,slowly,rhythmically,untilhewasbuckingintomyfistsand

groaningandcursingbetweenclenchedteeth.

“Dru,shit—Ineedtocome.”
“Ohyeah?”Icuppedhisballsinmyhand.“Thesefeelprettytight.Aretheyaching?”
HeactuallywhimperedwhenIsuckledthoseplump,sensitiveballsintomymouth.“Everything

aches,Dru.Sofuckin’bad.Ineedtocome.”

“Idon’thearyoubegging,Sebastian,”Isaid,thenstrokedhiscockwithonehandandmassaged

hisballswiththeother,lickinguphisshafttothetip.“IthinkIneedtohearyoubegmetoletyou
come.”

“Please?Fuck,Dru,I’mdyin’here…Iachesofuckin’bad.Ineedtobeinsideyou.Ineedtofeel

yourcunt,wildthing.Please.Please.Wantmetobeg?I’mbegging.Pleaseletmecome.”

Iletgoofhim,straddledhimagain.“Hmmmm…Ithinkyou’realmostdesperateenough.Butnot

quite.AndIthinkIneedanotherorgasm,first.”

“I’mplentydesperate,Dru.Iswear.”
Isliduphischest,broughtmypussytohismouth.“Eatmeoutagain,Sebastian.”
“Fuck,Dru…Icouldspendeverysinglefuckin’secondofmylifeeatingthissweetcuntofyours

andnevergetenough.”Hewasasgoodashisword,andheburiedhisfaceinmyfolds,tongue
thrashing,lipssuckling,stubblescratching.

Everysinglesecondofyourlife?Soundedanawfullotlikelovetome,Sebastian.
Ithoughtit,butIdidn’tsayit.Noneed.He’dgetthere,I’dgetthere.Ididn’tneedthewords,not

yet,atleast.Iwould,someday.Butfornow,knowinghewantedmethisbadly,knowingIwantedhim
thisbadly…feelingathomewithhim,inhisarms,inhislife,evenaroundhiscrazybrothers…itwas
enough.Morethanenough.

Ilostallcapacityforthought,then,ashistalentedmouthpushedmetotheedgeandthenoverit,

sentmecrashingandthrashingtoanotherorgasmsopotentIhadtogritmyteethfromscreamingout
loud,andeventhenwhimpersandgroansandwhininggaspsescapedme,andevenwhenIcamehe
didn’trelent,justkeptdevouringmeuntilIwasrockingagainsthisfaceandgruntingintimewithmy
thrusts,fingersfistedinhishair,comingandcomingandcoming—

Iwrenchedmyselfaway,gasping.Istareddownathim;hehadmyessencesmearedalloverhis

mouthandchin.“Ilikeyouwithmypussyjuicealloveryourface,”Isaid.“IthinkI’llkeepyoulike
this.”

Heexhaledroughly.“Howaboutyoujustkeepme,period?”
Islidmyaching,throbbing,pulsatingpussydownhischesttohisbelly,leavingawetlineof

desireonhisflesh.ThenInudgedhiscockagainstmyopening,hoveredthereforamoment,my
bodyflushagainsthis,breastsflattenedagainsthischest,myhandsonhisshoulders.

Iimpaledmyselfonhim,tookhimtothehilt,gaspingraggedlyashesplitmeopen.“Sebastian—”
“Dru?”
“WhatifIjustneverwentback?”Iaskeditwithhiscockfullyseatedinsideme,mypussyburning

ashestretchedmeapart.“Ikindalikeithere.”

Herolledhishipsbeneathme,pushingdeeperyet.“Idon’tgotmuchtooffer.Probablyneverwill.

Thisbar,mybrothers…shit,me,asIamrightnow…thisiswhatitis.It’sallit’lleverbe.Iain’tthe
upwardlymobiletype,sweetthing.Gotnoneedforfancyhousesandshit.Youwannastayhere?
Nothin’wouldmakemehappier,butit’sgottabewhatyouwant—Ketchikan,mygrumpyass,andmy
sevenugly,annoying,stupidbrothers.”

“Yoursevengorgeous,incrediblebrothers,youmean?”
“Yeah…no.Uglyandannoying.Butthey’remine,andthey’repartofthepackage,Iguess.”
“Wejustmet.”Igroanedasherolledhishipsagain,fillingme,movinginsideme.“Thisiskinda

crazy,youknow?”

“Knownyoursexyasslessthanthreefuckin’days,butI’mhooked,Dru.That’sallIknow.Crazy?

Sure.Whatever.Don’treallycarewhatyoucallit.Maybeshit’llchangeforoneorbothofus.Noway
ofknowing.AllIknowrightnowisIcan’tgetenoughofyou,andIlikeyouhere,andIlikemyself
betterwhenyou’rearound.”

Istartedmoving,then.Icouldn’ttakeanymoredeeptalkoremotionalintensity.Thewholepoint

ofthiswastodistracthimfromhispain,tohelphimgetpastthehugeweighthe’dletgoofwithhis
brothers.Toshowhimthatemotionalmaturityandvulnerabilitywassexytome.

Butit’dgonepastthat,somehow.
Hewasinsideme.Literally,obviously,butmetaphorically,too.ThemomentIwalkedintothisbar

I’dfeltcalmer,I’dfeltasifIwassomewhereIbelonged.Itwasn’tthebaritself,though,itwasthis
man.WasIinlove?Maybe.Gettingthere.IfIwasn’t,IwaslearningthatwhatI’dfeltforMichael
hadn’tbeenloveatall.Affection,sure.Icaredforhim—atleast,Ihad.NowIjusthatedhim.Butit
hadn’tbeenlove.BecausewhatIfeltforSebastianaftersomethinglikeforty-eighthoursmade
everythingI’dsharedwithMichaeloverfouryearspaleincomparison.Madeitseemstupidand
paltryandflimsyandweak,likeatinycandleflamegutteringfromlackofoxygen.Sebastianwasa
wildfire,hotandmajesticanddangerousandoutofcontrol.

Therewasnostoppingthis.
NotsureIwantedto…infact,IknewIdidn’t.
God,god,god,hefeltsofuckingamazinginsideme.Heaven.Home.Perfection.Glorious.Words

failed.

Butwordsdidn’tmatter,becauseSebastianwasn’tamanforwhomwordsreallymattered—

actionsmattered.Hecouldtellmehelovedmetillhewasblueintheface,butifhedidn’tactlikeit,it
wouldn’tmatter,becauseitwouldn’tbetrue;anotherlessonlearnedthankstoMichael.Butbecause
Sebastianwasn’tamanofmanywords,healsowouldneversayanythinghedidn’tmean.He
wouldn’twastehisbreathonbullshit.

“Shit,Dru,you’remakin’mecrazyhere,wildthing.”Hisvoicebarreledthroughme,thatdeep

ursinerumbleofhis.

I’dlostmyselfinhim,feelinghim,thinkingabouthim,whichonlyservedtoteasehimfurther,

makehimcrazier.Butitservedmypurposes.Iwantedhimcrazy.

Iproppedmyselfupwithmyhandsonhischest,rockedmyhipsforwardtopullhimnearlyoutof

me,lifteduponmykneestoanglehimaway.

“Makingyoucrazy,amI?”Ileanedinandbithischin.“Sebastian,sweetheart—youhavenoidea

whatcrazyis.”

There’snobettertermforwhatIdidtohimthenthantosayItwerkedonhim.Bouncedmyassup

anddownhardandfastinshortlittlemovements,sohiscockgroundinandoutofmypussyin
staccatomachine-gunrhythm.Afteraboutthirtysecondsofthis,hestartedwrithing,hisspinegoing
concave,hishipsthrustingup,andhewasyankingattheT-shirttryingtogetaway,gruntingand
snarlinglikeasavage.

Ibouncedonhimuntilhewasridingtheraggededgeoforgasm,tensed,arched,thrusting,

groaning.

“Fuck,fuck—Dru,gonnacomesofuckin’hard,Dru!”
Ijerkedmyhipsawaysohefloppedoutofme.“I’mnotreadyforthatquiteyet,”Isaid,then

kissedhimtotakethestingoutoflosingmypussy.

“Fuck!Goddammit,Dru.Ithinkyougotyourrevengealready.Enough.”
Ibithislowerlipuntilhegruntedinpain.“Notsosureaboutthat,actually.IthinkIcouldteaseyou

awhilelonger.Another…oh…hourorso?”

Hissnarlthenwasinhuman.HehauledatthetwistedcottonoftheT-shirtuntilhismusclesbulged

andhisveinsstoodout.Iheardseamspop,andthen,afteranotherroaringstrainingheave,thefabric
gavewayandhishandswerefree.

Hewasonmeinaflash.
Curlingforward,hesnaggedmywristsandjerkedmeagainsthischest.“Nowyou’vedoneit,”he

rumbled.

Iwriggledagainsthim,leanedintolickthetipofhisnose.“Ohgoody,”Ibreathed.
Hechuckled.“Whyyoudirtylittleminx!Youwererilingmeuponpurpose,weren’tyou?”
Ifeltmyselfbeingliftedashecaughtmeinhisarmsandrosetohisknees.“Maybe.”
“Tryin’tomakemecrazy?”

“Ilikeyouwhenyou’rewild,”Isaid,goingstillinhisarms,feelingutterlycontentandsaferight

whereIwas.“Plus,Ihatedseeingyouupset.”

Hepressedhislipstomineinabrief,softkiss—whichfeltlikeawordlessthanks—thenbitmylip

likeIhadhis,hardenoughtoreallyhurt.“I’malwayswild,Dru.”

“Good,”Iwhispered.“Tameisforpussies.Beenthere,donethat,boughttheweddingdress.No

thanks.”

Hislipscurledinapredatorysmile,andthenhetossedmetothebedonmystomach.Heknelt

behindme,grabbedmebymyhipsandhauledmebackwardtowardhim.Iwatchedhimovermy
shoulder,andIquiveredatthesightofhim.Tattooscoveredhisarms,shoulders,andchestinwhorls
andeddiesofink,turninghisskinintoacanvas,brightcolorsandboldimagessheathingrippling
muscles.Hewashugeandhardbehindme,hishandssmoothingovermyback,caressingmyass,
grippingmyhips.

Hegrippedhismassivecockinonehand,teasedmyopeningwithhisfingers,andguidedhimself

intomeslowly,gently,untilhishipswereflushagainstmyass.Amomentarypause,andthenhe
pulledback,slidbackin.Slow,deliberate.

Anotherslow,lazythrust,hishandsroamingmyhipsandass,praisingthemwithhishands,

worshippingmewithhistouch.

Thenheleanedforwardovermyback,gatheredmyhairinhisfist.“That’sallthegentleI’vegot

patiencefor,”hegrowled.

Iwrithedagainsthim,shovingmyassagainsthim,drivinghiscockintome.“Toldyou,Sebastian,

Idon’twantgentle.”

Heletoutaraggedbreath,andthentightenedthepressureofhisgriponmyhair,pullingmeback

withit.Hedrovehiscockintomeonagrowl,andhispalmsmackedagainstmyass,settingitto
stingingandquivering.“You’resayingyouwantitrough?”

“ExactlywhatI’msaying,”Igasped,breathlessfromthestingandtheblissofhistouch.
Hefuckedme,then.Hard.Roughly.Hedroveintomehardandfast,hiscockpoundingmypussy

mercilessly,skinslappingskin,ourvoicestanglingingruntsandcurses.Occasionallyhe’dslapmy
asswithhishand,butmostly…hejustfucked.

Andgod,itwasthemostincrediblethingI’deverfelt.
BecauseI’dglancebackovermyshoulderandhiseyeswouldbeblazing,rakingoverme,his

bodymovinginperfectsynchwithmine,givingmeexactlywhatIwanted,whatIneeded,whatI’d
neverknownIneeded.

“Fuck,Dru.Youfeelsofuckin’amazing.”Hegrippedbothofmyhipsandjerkedmehardback

intohim,thrustingforwardtodrivehimselfdeep.“You’resobeautiful,Dru.Needtofeelyoucome
aroundmycock,needtowatchyoucomeapartforme.”

Islippedonehandbetweenmythighsandtweakedmyclit,andthatwasallittook,onelittletouch

tosetmeonfire,thepoundingbeautyofhiscockinsidemeandhiswordsandhispower,andthenthe
lightcirclingtouchofmyfingersagainstmyclit—

“Sebastian!I’mcoming,god—I’mcoming!”Igasped.
“Fuck—Ifeelit,babe.Ifeelyourcuntsqueezingme…”
Iclampeddownevenharder,shaking,trembling,tornapartbytheorgasm.Thefireoftheclimax

wasintensifiedbyhiswildthrusting,theunbridledlustofhisdrivingcock.

“Fuck,babe.Idon’teverwantittostop,butIcan’tholdoutanylonger.Igottacome,Dru.”
Thattickledsomethinginmyhead,butIwassocaughtupinmyownorgasmthatIdidn’tpauseto

thinkaboutit.Ijustthrashedagainsthim,grippingthesheetsinmyfistsandslammingmyassback
intohis,takinghispistoningcockwithbreathlessshrieksandgasps,andwhisperedcurses,andhis
namerepeatedagainandagain—

“Sebastian,Sebastian,godyes,Sebastian!”
ThenIfelthisthrustsfalter,andthethingthathadbeenpercolatinginmyheadpoppedfree.
“Shit!Don’tcomeinsideme,Sebastian!”
Hegrowled.“Fuck—”
Ifelthimtense,andthenhepulledoutandIfelthisfistmoving.
Irolledoverontomybackandhestraddledmyhips.Ibrushedhishandaway,tookhisthickslick

throbbingcockinmyhandsandsmearedouressencesalloverhisshaft,andthen,onimpulse,cupped
hisfirmasstoguidehimforward.Hemovedcloser,hiseyesonmine,wild,feral,desperate,jaw
clenchedasheteeteredonthebrinkoforgasm.

Ilaybeneathhimandtookhimintomymouth,tastedmyownessenceandhiscombined,tastes

tangling,smokeandmuskandtangandsalt.

“Ican’t—fuck—Dru,Dru…Ihavetocome,Ican’tfuckin’stopitthistime,”hesaid,hisvoice

ragged.

Ijustmoanedandfistedhislengthandcuppedhisballs,slidmyfingeralonghistaintand

massagedthesensitivenervesthere,fuckedhimwithmymouthuntilhisfistburiedinmyhairandhe
startedpullingmeagainsthimself.

“Mmmmmm—”Imoaned,andhiseyesflickeddowntomine.Iletgoofhisshaftandcuppedhis

ass,openedmythroat,andthenheunderstoodwhatIwasn’tsaying.

Hegrowled,tangledbothofhishandsintomyhairandlethimselfgo,lethimselffuckmythroat

knowingIcouldtakeit,knowingIwantedit.AndIdid.Idid.AllIwantedthenwastoseehimloseit,
tofeelhimletgo,toknowhe’dfoundwhatheneededinme.TogivehimthemostpleasureIcould.

Hegrunted,andhishipsdrove,andItastedus,felthisgirthbetweenmylipsandhislengthagainst

mytongue.

“Fuck—I’mcoming,Jesus…holyshit—Dru,god…Dru!”
Itookoverashetensedonthethrust,backingawaysohisheadwasinmymouth.Isuckedand

hummedandflickedhimwithmytongueandtastedmuskandfelthisgripinmyhairgopainfully
tight,andthenhespurtedandIswallowed;hegroanedlongandlowashecameandcameandcame,
hiscomesaltyandalmostsweetandtangyandthickandwarminmymouth.Iswallowedand
swallowed,andstillhecame.AndthenfinallyhewasdoneandItookhimdeepdownmythroatagain
untilheshudderedandpulledaway,collapsingontohisback.

Afterafewminutesofgaspingsilence,aswebothcaughtourbreath,hecurledmeintohisarms

andheldmeagainsthischest.“You’renotonthepill?”

Ishookmyheadagainsthim.“Notonanykindofbirthcontrol.Itmesseswithmyhormonestoo

much.MakesmeallbloatedandIgainweight.Sono,nobirthcontrolformeotherthancondoms.”I
leanedupandkissedhisjaw.“Sorryaboutthat.”

Hebrushedhisthumbagainstmycheek.“Justgladyoucaughtmebeforeitwastoolate.I’msorry,

Dru.Ididn’tevenstoptothinkaboutthat.”Hesoundedchagrined,thunkinghisforeheadwithhisfist.
“God,I’msuchafuckin’asshole.”

“It’sfine,Sebastian.”Icaughthishandandkissedhisknuckles.“It’sonmetoo.You’renotan

asshole.”

Hequirkedaneyebrowatme.“Youdidsortapushmybuttonsonpurpose.”
Ilaughed,nuzzlinghisneck.“Noregrets.Justcan’tforgetthecondomnexttime.”
Heplayedwithmyhair,rubbingitbetweenthumbandforefinger.“Youmakemecrazylikethat,I

can’tbeheldaccountableforhowIreact.Pokeabear,you’regonnagetbit,sweetthing.”

“I’llrememberthat,”Imurmured.
“Good.Youbetter.’Causehoney,youwantwild,you’regonnagetwild.”
Ireacheddownandtoyedwithhispenis.“IthinkIprovedfairlywellthatIcanhandleallthewild

beastyou’vegot.”

Hehardenedinmyhand,watchingwithglinting,hungryeyesasIfondledhimtoerection.“Think

youfairlywelldid.”Hegrabbedmyhipsandthrewmeontopofhim.“ButIthinkyoumightneedto
doalittlemoreproving.”

Ireachedoverandtookacondomfromthedrawer,rippeditopenandrolleditontohim.“IthinkI

mightbeknowafewmoretricks.”

“Ohyeah?Likewhat?”
Ispunaroundtofacehisfeet,slippedhiminsideme.“Bettergrabontosomething,Sebastian.I’m

abouttorockyourworld.”

“Youjustdid,Ithought,”hesaid,takingholdofmyass.
IwatchedhimovermyshoulderasIrodehimreversecowgirl,startingslow.“Thatwasjustan

appetizer.”

“ThenIcan’tfuckin’waitforthemaincourse.”
“Itstartswithalittlesomethinglikethis…”Iswiveledmyhipsinwide,slowcircles.
“Ho-lyshit—”

Sebastian

It’dbeadamndirtylieifIsaidDruandIdidn’tspendtherestofthedayfucking.And,sweetJesus,

thewomanwasabsolutelyinsatiable.Wefuckedandwefuckedandwefucked,andshe’dbeallover
meformoreassoonasmycockwasready,andDruConnollywassogoddamngorgeousIwas
alwayshardwithintenortwentyminutes.

Finally,shepassedout.We’dgoneintomyroomatsomewherearoundoneintheafternoon,andit

waseightatnightbeforeshefellasleepinmybed,myflannelsheetdrapedlowoverhersweetround,
juicyass,therestofherbareandsobeautifulmybreathcaughtjustlookingather.WhenIknewshe
wasasleep,Ituggedonapairofworkoutshortsandleftmyroom.Mybrotherswereallclusteredin
thelivingroomaroundtheTV,playingavideogame.

ButasIstoodthereandthoughtaboutit,afewthingsweredifferent.
TherewasanewTVmountedonthewall,anditwasHUGE.Like,sixtyinchesatleast,probably

closertoseventy—theoldonewasnearlyfouryearsoldandlessthanfiftyinches.TheTVwas
goddamnedenormous,butitwasbarelytwoorthreeinchesthick,andithadaslightcurvetoit,and
thepicturewassocrazycrystalclearitmademyheadspin.Also,afewhoursagoIdidn’tpossessa
videogamesystem,butIdidnow.

Thegametheywereplayinghadthescreensplitintofourquadrants,eachshowingsomething

different.Itwasashooterofsomekind,butthatwasallIreallyknew.I’dneverhadtimeforvideo
gamesgrowingup,althoughthetwinsandLucianwereaddictedtothem,andevenXaviertoalesser
extent.

Istoodinthehallwaywatching.CanaanandCorinhadshownupapparently,sonowtheliving

roomwasahowlingdenofcacophony.Baxter,Zane,andXavierweresquishedtogetheronthecouch
withcontrollersintheirhands.CanaanandCorinwerestandingbehindthem,andCanehada
controllerinhishandswhileCorstoodbesidehim,shovinghimandshoutingdirections:“NO,you
fuckin’idiot,overthere—NO,theotherdirection,yes,rightthere,nowgodownthathallway—”

Xavierwashisusualquietintenseself,leaningforwardwithhiselbowsonhisknees,tongue

stickingoutofthecornerofhismouth,rockingslightlybackandforthashenavigatedthefantasy
worldofthegame—HALO,itlookedlike,probablythenewestversion,butwhatdidIknow?Zane
andBaxterwerebothshoutingtoo,elbowingeachother,cursingeachotherout,roughhousingeven
astheyplayed.Brockwassittingintheeasychair,abeerinhishand,watchingthegame,acontent
smileonhisface.

ThenBrocksawme.“Atlastthewildcreatureemergesfromhislair!”hesaidinadrawling,over-

the-topAustralianaccent.

Whichstoppedthegameassixpairsofeyesturnedonme.CanaanandCorinbothmovedatthe

sametime,inthatfreakyinstinctivesynchronizationtheyhad.Theydroppedtheircontrollersand
cameovertoflingtheirarmsaroundmeandcrushmeinbearhugs.

“BAST!”theyshoutedinunison.
CanaanandCorinlookedthepartoftherockstarstheytrulywere.Theyhadmyheight,bothof

themstandingnearsix-three,buttheycarrieditrazor-thinandlean.Canaanworehishairlongand
looseandmessy,anditwasconstantlyfallingintohiseyes,andhehadthebeginningsofabeard
going.Corinwastheedgierofthetwo,sportingasevereundercutwiththetopleftlongandbrushed
backoverhisscalp,theendsdyedvirulentneonblue.Theybothhadfull-sleevetattoosstarted,blank

spacesshowingwherefuturetatsweregoingtogo,andtheywerebothdressedintightjeansthat
saggedaroundtheirwaistswithholesinthekneesandthighs,fadedgraphicprintT-shirtsand
Sharpie-decoratedConverseAll-Starstocompletetheirlooks.Individualstylesthatstillsomehow
managedtoalmost-but-not-quitematch,enoughindividualitythatyouwouldn’tevermistakeonetwin
fortheother.

They’dplayedthatgameforawhile,though,dressingalikeandlookingalikesoyouneverknew

whichtwinyouweretalkingto.Theyusedtofuckwiththeaudienceatshows,too,oneofthem
playingleadguitarandleadvocalsandtheotherdoingbassandbackingvocals,andthenduringa
lightingchangethey’dswitchguitarsandmics.Theyevenmadeafunnylittlegimmickoutofit,
tossingguitarsbackandforthwhileharmonizing,soyouneverknewwhichonewaswhich.Thelabel
hadcutthatoutoftheiractrealfast,though.Which,inretrospect,hadbeenforthebest,asithad
forcedeachofthemtofindtheirownnicheasmusicians,forcingthembemoreseriousaboutthe
musicratherthanjustshowingoff.

“Thoughtyou’dnevercomeout,”Canaansaid.
“Shemustbereallysomethingtokeepyouinthereforsevenfuckin’hours,”Corinsaid.
“Or,rather,forsevenhoursoffucking,”Canaansaid,grinning.
Iturnedthebearhugsintoheadlocksonbothofthem.“Keeparespectfultongueinyourdamn

headsorI’llrip’emoff,youlittlepunkbastards.”Ipunctuatedthisbysqueezinguntilbothofthem
startedstrugglingandsquawking.

“FINE!LEMMEGO!”ThiswasCorin,themorevocalofthetwo.
Ireleasedtheheadlocksthen,butdidn’tletthemgoentirely.Ispunthemtofaceme.“Serious,

guys.Nobullshitabouther.Gotit?”

Canaaneyedmecuriously.“Whoareyouandwhat’dyoudowithmyrealbrother?”
Ishovedhimhardenoughthathehitthebackofthecouchandtoppledover.“It’sreallyme,

dumbass.IjustfoundagirlIreallylike.Don’tmakebigdealoutofit.”

“Itkindofisabigdeal,though,isn’tit?”Xavierasked.“Didn’tIhearyouoncesaylovewasfor

pussieswhocouldn’thauldownasslikearealman?”

Isighed.“Yeah,IthinkIdidsaysomethinglikethat.Butfirst,IwasdrunkwhenIsaidit,second,

thatwasbeforeImetDru,andthird,Iwaskindofanassholebackthen.”

Xavier ’slipsquirked.“Thatwaslessthanayearago.”
“Alotcanchangeinayear,kiddo.”
Baxterlaughed.“Alotcanchangeinasingleday,Ithink.”
“Truth,”Isaid,andthenhadarealizationhitme.“Wait.IfI’mhere,andallofyouarehere,who’s

workingthebar?”

Zaneanswered.“Thecommitteedecidedtoclosethebarforaday.We’veallspentthelastseveral

daystraveling,andyouwere…otherwiseindisposed.”

Corinraisedhishand.“Plus,minorpointhere…noneofusknowwhatthefuckwe’redoingdown

there.”

“Who’sthecommittee?”Iasked.
Zanewavedattheroomatlarge.“Allofus.”
“AndI’mnotpartofthecommittee?”
Zanelaughed.“Well,youarenow,Iguess.Butwhenwemadethedecisionyouwereballsdeepin

themissus,soyoumissedout.”

Igrowled.“Watchyourfuckin’mouth,asshole.”
Heraisedhishandspalmsoutandshotmealookthatsaidhewashavingasmuchtrouble

recognizingthisnewprotectiveversionofmeasthetwinswere.“Ajoke,man,itwasajoke.Relax.
I’mthelastoneherethat’lltalkshitaboutthatchick,seeingasmyballsstillachefromherfoot.”

CanaanandCorinswiveledonZaneandspokeinunison.“Wait…Bast’sgirlfriendkickedyouin

thenuts?”Itwasfuckin’freaky,howtheycouldspeakentiresentencesinprecisesynch,including
inflectionandemphasis.Ioftenwonderediftheypracticeddoingit.

“She’snotmygirlfriend,”Isnarled.Thentheeventsofthelastdayandthethingswe’dsaidand

sharedearliertodayrifledthroughme,andmademerethinkthatposition.“Well,maybesheis.We
haven’tnailedanythingdown.Pointis,yes,she’sabadass,sofuckwithheratyourownrisk.”

Zaneshiftedhisweightonthecouchandrubbedhiscrotch.“AndI’msayin’fromexperience…

don’tfuckwithher.Thekicktotheballswaswhatlaidmeout,butthemovesshepulledtogetthe
kickoutwereasfastandpreciseasanybodyI’veeversparredagainst.”

Ifeltprideheatmeupfromtheinsideout,hearingahardcorebadasslikeZanetalkaboutDruso

highly.Zanedidn’thandoutcomplimentseasily—hewashardtoimpress,andverysparingwithhis
praise.

IgesturedattheTV.“Where’dthemonsterTVandthegamesystemcomefrom?”
Corinraisedahand.“Thatwasus.Wegothere,sawyourdinkylittlepieceofshitTVfromlikethe

ninetiesorwhatever,andthedistressinglackofaPlayStation,andwehadtorectifythatposte-
fuckin’-haste.ThatTVwassofuckin’tinyIdon’tevenknowwhyyouevenbothered.AndnoPS4?I
don’tthinkso.”

“Whopaidforit?”
Canaananswered.“Wedid.”
“WorldtouropeningforRevTheory,remember?”Corinadded.“Wegot’chu,bro!”
Irolledmyeyes.“Aslongasitdidn’tcomefrombarfunds,thenwhatever.ItisaniceTV.”
“Nice?”Xaviersaid,soundingincredulous.“Seventyinchesofultrahighdefinitionpicture,and

youcallitnice?”

“Yeah,it’snice.”Ieyedthetwins.“Isthetourdonewith,then?Isortahadtheideayouhadafew

moreshowsleft.”

Canaanshrugged.“Weweresupposedtoplayacouplemoredates…whichcitieswasit,you

remember,Cor?”

“Barcelona,Madrid,andLisbon,Ithink.TheoriginalplanwastohookupwithBeartoothinParis

andthendoadouble-headliningtourwiththemintheUK.”

Mygutsank.“Youhadaheadlininggig?”
Canaanshruggedagain;thekidhadanentirelanguageofshrugs.Theycouldmean‘whatever ’,

‘sure’,‘whynot’,or’whocares’,plusafewmorethatwerejustsortofallaroundlazyI-don’t-give-
a-shit.Thisshrugwasawhatevershrug.“Yeah.Notasoloheadliner,though,”hesaid.“Ourmanager
waspissedatusforbailing,butfamilyisfamily,right?”

“Fuck,man,”Igroaned.“Yougaveupaheadliningtourtocomebackhere?”
Thathadbeentheirdreamsincetheyfirstorganizedabandwhentheywerethirteen.They’d

playedgigsdownstairsonTuesdaynightsallthroughjuniorhighandhighschool,andeventually
thosegigshadtranslatedintoplayingatotherbarsaroundhereinKetchikan,andtheninAnchorage,
andthendownalongthePacificNorthwestinplaceslikeSeattleandPortland.

EventuallyascouthadcaughttheiractinashittydivebarinLA.Man,they’dbeensoproudto

havebookedagiginLA,andforgoodreason.Ithadbeenabigdeal.Onefuckin’showinLA,and
they’dgottenacontract.Thatwasduringtheirjunioryearofhighschool,whentheywerejustbarely
sixteen.TheyquithighschooltomovetoLA,spentayearrecordingadebutalbumwhilefinishing
theirGEDs—thatwasDad’sstipulationforlettingthemgo,theyhadtogettheirdiplomasbeforethey
couldstarttouring.

There’dbeentalkeventhen,beforetheirfirstalbumwascut,ofnationalandeveninternational

tours.Theyweredestinedforthebigtime,andalwayshadbeen.Atourco-headliningwithafairly

wellknownbandlikeBeartoothcouldhavereallycatapultedthemintothespotlight.

Andthey’dbailedonthattocomebackhere.
Brock’swordsfromearliercamebacktohauntme:thetwinshavetoskipanentireyearof

touring…weknewwehadtocomeback…wasn’treallymuchchoice,notforanyofus…

Fuck.
Thetwinsdidn’tneedthemoney,theyneededthetouringexperienceandthespotlightontheir

talent.

Canaanwasthemoreseriousofthetwins,anditwasCanaanwholeanedagainstmeandwrappeda

wiryarmaroundmyshoulders.“Listen,bigbrother.We’vebeentouringformorethantwoyears.
I’velostcountofhowmanyshowswe’vedone,howmanycitieswe’vebeento.Cuttingthetourshort
wasn’tjustaboutthewill.Itwasn’tevenentirelyaboutbeingheretohelpyouout,sodon’tgetall
caughtupinfeelinglikesomekindofgoddamnmartyr,okay?Wewereapproachingburnout.”

Corincutinwithoutmissingabeat.“Weneededthetimeoff.Werecordedthealbumandthenwent

righttotouringandwehaven’tsloweddownsince.Weneededafuckin’break.”

Ishookmyhead.“Bullshit.Youguyswereonthevergeofreallybreakingoutbig.Youneed

anotheralbum.Youneed—”

Canaaninterruptedme.“Allrespect,Bast,butshutthefuckup.Sincewhenareyouamusic

industryexpert?You’renot.Thisisourband,ourcareer.Andwechoosetobehere.Ifwe’re
sacrificingalittlemomentumtobehere,thensobeit.Wecangetitback.”

Corinleanedinonmyotherside,sandwichingmebetweenthetwins.“Also,we’vegotabuddy

whospecializesinbuildingrecordingstudios.He’scominguptoKetchikansometimeinthenext
couplemonthsandhe’sgoingtoscoutagoodspottoputinastudiosowecanrecordournextalbum
ourselves.”

“Whataboutyourcontract?Doesn’tthatsaywhenandwhere—”Istarted.
Canaantookover,interruptingmeyetagain.“Whenwebailedonthetour,webailedonthe

contract.Itwasonlyforonemorealbumanyway,andtheywantedtotakeoursoundinadirectionwe
weren’tcoolwith.Wehadtogivebacksomeoftheadvance,butit’sallworkingout.Itwasjust
money,andwe’vemadeplentyofthatthelasttwoyears.”

“Sowait,youbrokeyourcontracttoo?”
Corinblewaraspberry.“Trytokeepup,bro—yes,webrokethecontract.Thelabeldidn’twanna

letusgo,andwearen’tabouttoletsomefuckin’suitandtiepussiesinNewYorktelluswhatto
fuckin’dowithourlivesorourmusic,sowetold’emwheretoshovetheirstupidcontract,andthen
wecamehome.”

Igroanedagain,andrubbedbothhandsovermyface.“Whatadisaster.”
Canaan,thistime.“Bast,you’renotlisteningtous.Theyweretalkingaboutournextalbum,how

theywantedtoustosoundmore‘commerciallyapproachable’,meaningsofter,closertopopthan
hardrock.”

“We’regoingindie,bro!”Corinshouted.“Wegettomakethisalbumourselves,makeitexactly

whatwewantratherthanhavingtocatertothedumbfucklabelexecs.Thisisaboutus,now.Our
music,ourlives,ourtime.”

“Thesedays,there’sjustasmuchpotentialforrecognitionandgainingpopularitybyputtingup

videosonYouTube,”Canaansaid.“Ourdedicatedfanbasedoesn’tgivetwoshitsaboutwhichlabel
ourmusiccomesouton,theyjustwantourmusic.Wecandothathere.”

Isighed.“Soundslikeyoutwohavethisthoughtout.”
“We’renotstupid,Bast,”theybothsaidatonce.
“Wehavenoplanstoabandonourmusiccareer—”Canaanstarted.
“We’rejusttakingitinadifferentdirection,”Corinfinished.

“Plus,familyisfamily,andourbrotherscomefirst,”theybothsaid.
“Enoughtalk,”Baxtersaid,shootingtohisfeet.“Ineedboozeandfood.”
“Isecondthatmotion,”Brocksaid.
Thebrothersalltroopeddownstairstothebar,andIhungbacktocheckinonDru,whowasstill

conkedouthard,lettingoutacutesnufflingsnorenowandthen.Ileftheranotetellingherwewere
downstairsandtojoinuswhenshewokeup,thenjoggeddownthestairstofixfoodformybrothers.

Baxwasalreadyplayingbartender,pullingbeersandpouringshotsforeveryonewhileXavier

wasinthekitchen,firingupthefryersandthegrill.

IjoinedXavierinthekitchen.“Knowyourwayaroundthekitchen,huh,kid?”
Hedumpedtwofullbagsoffriesintofourofthesixbaskets,tossedseveralhandfulsofmyhand-

breaded,locally-caughtcodfilletsintotheothertwobaskets,andthenstartedtossingpattiesonthe
grill.Heshotmeagrinwhileheworked.“Iworkmidnightsasashort-ordercookatadinerbackin
Cali,”hesaid.“Icanonlyspendsomuchtimestudying,youknow?Andmyelectronicshabitwon’t
funditself.”

Ididsomementalcalculating.“Holdup,X.You’reinschoolfull-time,onthevarsitysoccerteam,

workintheroboticsresearchlab,andyouworkmidnights?Whendoyousleep?”

Heshrugged,alotlikeCanaan’swhydoesitmatter?gesture.“Ionlyneedafewhoursanight.”
“Whatdoes‘afew’mean?”
“Fourorfive,max.I’veneverneededalotofsleep,Bast,youknowthat.”
“Yeah,butyou’recrazybusy,youcan’t—”
“Allofthemostsuccessful,mostintelligentpeopleinhistoryarethesameway.Tesla,Einstein,

Jobs,Edison,guyslikethatrarelysleptmorethanafewhoursatatime.”

“Okay,I’llgiveyouthat,asI’veheardsimilarstories.Butwhyworkashort-orderjob?Withyour

brains—”

Hegesturedatastackofplates.“Startplatingbunsandtartar,wouldyou?”Heflippedburgersand

replacedthepresses,checkedthefriesandthefish,andthenstartedseparatingslicesofcheesewhile
talking.“Ilikethework.It’smindless,andfast-paced.Itgivesmetimetothink,youknow?It’sall
automatic,Ijustkindazoneoutontherhythmandlettherestofmymindwander.Idomostofmy
homeworkinmyheadwhileI’mworking,andthenIjusthavetogohomeandwritetheanswers
downlater.”

Ilaughed.“Youdoyourhomeworkinyourhead?Howdoesthatwork?”
“Eideticmemory,”heanswered.“IreadtheproblemsandthenI’vegottheminmyhead,andIcan

just…thinkthemthroughandcomeupwiththeanswers.”

“What’s—thatthingyousaid…eideticmemory?”
“It’swhatmostpeoplearethinkingofwhentheytalkaboutaphotographicmemory.Mybrain

basicallytakesasnapshotofeverythingIread—mathproblems,physicsequations,books,sheet
music,schematics,whatever.IfIlookatsomethingonce,Icanbringitupinmymindwithperfect
recall.”

“Sothat’swhyyou’resodamnsmart?”Isaid,liftingthebasketsfromthefryersandshakingthe

greaseout.

Hetiltedhisheadsidetoside.“It’smoreofa…symptomofintelligence,youcouldsay.Thefact

thatIhaveaneideticmemoryisn’tthecauseofmyintelligence,butratherismoreofaby-productof
it.”Hegrinnedalittlesheepishly.“Youknow,just…clinicallyspeaking,Imean.”

“Heyman,aswickedsmartasyouare,Ithinkyougettobealittlesmugaboutitsometimes.”
Hepausedintheactofslidingapattyontoabun.“Smug?YouthinkI’m…smug?”
HisexpressionwassoconcernedIcouldn’thelplaughing.“Dude,chill,”Isaid.“No,you’renot

smug.”

Hewentbacktoplatingtherestofthefood.“Ican’trelyonrawintelligence.Ifthesmartestperson

intheworldisalazybumwithnodriveorambition,nobodywilleverhaveheardofhimbecausehe
won’thaveeveraccomplishedasinglething.It’swastedpotential.I’mnotgoingtowastemy
potential.Doesn’tmatterwhatmyIQisorwhatmySATscorewasifI’mnotpushingmyself.That’s
alluselesshorseshitifIdon’tactualizemypotentialandturnitintorealworldaccomplishments.
WorkingasashortordercookjustkeepsmybodybusywhileI’munabletosleep,andletsmeearn
moneywhilemymindisbusydoingotherthings.Isolvedanequationinmyheadwhileflipping
burgersthatmyprofessorwasstumpedonforsixmonths—andthat’slessabragonmysmartsthan
myefficientuseoftime.”

“Iguessthatmakessense,”Isaid,feelingdistinctlyoverwhelmedbymybabybrother ’s

intelligence.

IknewforafactallofmybrothersfeltthesamewayiftheyspenttoomuchtimearoundXavier.

Thebruteforceofhisintellecttendedtodominateeverything.Hismindwasneveratrest,ever,and
neitherwashe.Evenwhilestudying,he’dbedoingsomethingwithhishands.Irememberedwatching
himreadahistorytextbookforclassoncewhilehewasstandingupatthekitchentableidlytinkering
withbitsandpiecesofelectronicsandalaptop.Hefinishedtheentiretextbookinasingletwo-hour
session,andwhenhewasfinishedhe’dbuiltafour-leggedrobotthatwouldtotteraroundlikeadrunk
dog,thenstop,tipforwardonitsforelegs,thenkeepwalkingarounddoinghandstands.Itdidn’tdo
anythingotherthanthatlittletrick,butitwasn’tmeantto.He’dstuckpiecestogethertokeephishands
andtherestofhisbrain-spacebusywhilereading,andtherobotwaswhathe’dendedupwithasan
accidentalby-product.

Honestly,itwashardnottofeelalittleinferioraroundhim.
Whenallthefoodwasplatedup,wecarriedallsevenplatesouttogether.Theothershadshoveda

pairoftablestogetherandwereplayingsomecrazydrinkinggamethatinvolvedplayingcards,anda
lotofshouting,andabottleofJamesonthathadbeennewandunopenedlessthanhalfanhourago
andwasnownearlyhalfempty.Ihadafeelingmyliquoroverheadwasabouttogoupexponentially.

Thegamewasclearedawayandfreshbeerswerepouredallaround,evenforXavierandthetwins

since,asBrock—theonlyotherbrotherwithcollegeexperience—pointedout,eventhoughtheywere
underagehereinAlaskaitwasobviousXavierwasgoingtodrinkatStanford,andthetwinswould
haveconstantaccesstoboozewhileontour,sopretendingtheydidn’tdrinkwaskindofdumb.

Wedugintoourlatedinner;itwaswellaftertenbythispoint,butwe’dalwaysbeenafamilytoeat

late.WhenIwastheoneincharge,Iusuallydidn’tgetachancetofixdinnerfortheboysuntilafter
nineortenmostweeknights,havingbeentoobusycookingandwaitingtablestotaketimeforituntil
aftertherushended.Dadwasalwaysbehindthebarthen,andusuallyfairlywellintoabottleofJack
bythenanyway.He’dnevergottensodrunkonshiftthathestoppedbeingawhirlwindwizardofa
bartender,butitmeanthewasfocusedonthedrinksandthecustomersratherthantherestofus.His
wayofcoping,Iguess.Easiertoburyhimselfinboozeandcustomersthantolethimselfgiveinto
grief.

WefinishedeatingandwereworkingonakegofbeerandthebottleofJameson,catchingup,

playingpoker,justbasicallyshootingtheshitandreacquaintingourselveswitheachother.

Thentherewasafistpoundingonthefrontdoor,whichwe’dlockedsopeopledidn’tmistakethe

glowoflightsforusbeingopen,justincasetheneonclosedsignwasn’tenoughofanindicator.

Brockjumpedup.“That’sprobablyLucian,”hesaid,stridingforthedoor.
Weallstoodup,readytocrushourweirdestandmostwaywardbrotherunderanavalancheof

hugs.

Brockstiffenedwhenhegotthedooropen,though.“Sorry,man.We’reclosedforaprivateparty.”
Amalevoicecamefromtheothersideofthedoor.“I’mnotheretodrink.”

BaxterwasrightbehindBrock,asusual.“Good,sincewe’reclosed.Comebacktomorrow.”
“IjustsaidI’mnotheretodrink.I’mlookingforsomeone.”
Brockturnedtoglanceatmeoverhisshoulder,obviouslyunsurehowtoproceed.Isluggedthe

lastofmybeerandjoinedBrockandBaxbythedoor.Theguyontheothersidewasprobablya
coupleyearsolderthanme,maybethirtyorso.Mediumheight,fineblondhairslickedback.Not
ugly,butnotgood-lookingeither.Just…average.Somethingabouthimmademyinstinctssitupand
takenote.Hemademe…uncomfortable,butfornoreasonIcouldpinpoint.

“HowcanIhelpyou?”Iasked.
“MynameisMichaelMorrison,andI’mlookingforsomeone,”theguyrepeated.“Awoman.

Aboutfive-eight,reddish-brownhair.HernameisDruConnolly.”

Everythinginsidemewentcoldandhardandallsortsofpissedoff.Brocknoticedmyreaction,

andhisarmswentacrosshischest,andheshiftedtoblockthedoormorecompletely.Baxter,always
readytothrowdown,crackedhisknucklesandrolledhisheadonhisthickneck.Iheardchairs
scrapingacrossthewoodfloorbehindme,andknewtherestofmybrothersweretheretobackmeup
—notthatIneededit,sinceIwasfairlycertainIcouldbreakthistwerpinhalfwithoutbreakinga
sweat.Hewaswearingpressedkhakisandapinkpolo,forfuck’ssake,andthecreasesinhispants
wereasfreshatmidnightastheywouldhavebeenatnoon.HeevenhadapairofWayfarershanging
fromtheVofhispolo.Jesus,whatadweeb.

“Getlost,motherfucker,”Igrowled.“Youain’tgonnafindanythingherebuttrouble.”
“I’mnotlookingfortrouble,”hesaid,hisvoicecalmdespitethefactthatIhadalotofinchesand

poundsonhim—nottomentionBaxandBrockstandingtherelookingon.“I’mlookingforDru.”

Iactuallysnorted.“Ifyougottagolookin’,thenmaybeshedon’twannabefound.”
Hisbrowslowered.“Youknowwheresheis,don’tyou?”Hesteppedforward,pushingtowithina

coupleinchesofme;ballsysonofabitch,I’llgivehimthat.“Ispoketothepilotwhoflewtheairplane
shearrivedon,andheindicatedthatthisbarwaswithinwalkingdistanceofthedockwherehe’dtied
up.I’dliketoseeDru,please.”

Icrossedmyarmsovermybarechest;I’dneverbotheredputtingonashirtorshoes,somybuild

andtatswereonfulldisplay.Mostpeopletendtofindmeprettyintimidating,especiallyifI’mputting
outtheIcanbashyourskullinwithoutflinchingvibe,whichIwasdoingrightthen.“Allright,I’llsay
thisasclearlyasIknowhow:youhaveexactlythirtysecondstoclearthefuckout,oryou’llbeeating
yourmealsthroughastraw.Youpickin’upwhatI’mputtin’down,shitstick?”

Hepaledalittle,butheldhisground.“Noneedforviolence.Ijustwanttospeakwithher.”
“Shedon’twannatalktoyou,”Igrowled.“Twentyseconds.”
“You’reoutofyourdepth,I’mafraid,”heresponded.“You’vethreatenedmewithoutprovocation,

andifyoudophysicallyharmme,mylawyerswillsueyouintothenextcentury.Now.Iwillonlysay
thisoncemore.Iwant…tospeak…toDru.”

Isawredthen,andstartedforward,readytoblastinhisveneeredfuckingteeth.
Bax,however,gottherefirst.HisfistclosedaroundMichael’sthroat,thenBaxter ’sseventeen-inch

bicepsflexedandMichaellefttheground.“Youmustbefuckin’stupid,yo,”Baxtergrowled.“Get
lost.Lastchance.Isqueezejustalittleharder…”hisfisttightened,andMichael’sfacewentredder,
nearingblue,“…andyouwon’tbesuinganyone.Gotme,bub?”

Asmall,palehandtouchedBaxter ’sbiceps.“Bax…puthimdown.He’snotworthit.”
Baxter ’sheadswiveled,andhestaredatDrucarefully.“Yousure?’CuzIcanpophisnecklikea

pretzel.”

Drupattedhisbiceps.“I’msure.Lethimgo,please.”
BaxterreleasedMichael,whohitthegroundlikeabagofpotatoes,gaspinglikeafishoutof

water.“Ifitain’tworthitformetobreakhim,thenitain’tworthitforyoutospendanothersecond

talkingtohisass,yeah?”

DruonlysmiledupatBaxtersoftly.“Ispentfouryearswithhim,Bax.Ideserveanexplanation

fromhim.I’llbefine.”

“Yeah,well,wewon’tbegoingfar.”Baxterpivotedinplaceandwhirledhishandinacirclebyhis

head.“Let’sgoupstairs,boys.HundredbuckssaysIcankickallofy’all’sassesinHALO.”

CanaanandCorintookthebetvolubly,asdidXavier,butBrockandZanewereslowertorespond.

Eventually,Brockjoinedtheyoungerthreeguysupstairs,leavingonlyZaneinthebarwithmeand
Druandherpieceofshitex-fiancé.

Zane,Inoticed,hadaninemillimeterinhisfistheldlownexttohisthigh,andanicyexpression

onhisface.Druhadn’tmissedthat,either.

“Zane,it’sfine.Really,”shesaid.
Zanetuckedthegunintothesmallofhisbackandwentupstairswithoutaword.
Thenitwasjustme,Dru,andMichael.
Drupressedupagainstme,herhandsonmychest.“Letmetalktohim,okay?”
InoticedshewaswearingmyBadd’sT-shirt…andprobablynothingelse.Factwas,Icouldseeher

nipplesoutlinedbytheT-shirt,andIwasreasonablysureshewasn’twearinganypantieseither.

“Sotalk,”Igrowled.
Shebackedawayfromme,herexpressionshuttering.“Alone,please?”
“Notfuckin’happening.”
Sheshookherhead.“Sebastian,it’sfine,Ipromise.He’sacheatingasshole,sure,buthe’snever

hurtme.I’llbefine,Iswear.”

Notthathecould,Irealized.Butevenknowingshecouldhandleherselfifhegotphysicaldidn’t

makethisanyeasier.

“Lookmeintheeyesandtellmeyouwannatalktothisdouchebag.”
Shestaredupatme.“Ineedtoknowwhy,Sebastian.SoIcanbedonewithhimforever.It’sjust…

closure,okay?”

Mychestached.Thisguyspelledmoneyandhe’dhadfouryearswithher.Inthatinstant,seeinghis

dweebassgaspingonthefloorinhisthousand-dollaroutfit,IfeltallthehopeI’djuststartedto
nurturebegintofade.WhatdidIhavetoofferawomanlikeDruConnolly?Iwasabetterman,sure,
butdidsheseethat?Shewantedtotalktohim?Shewantedclosure?Shewantedtotakehimback,
that’swhatshewanted.

Isteppedbackfromher,feelingcoldnesswashthroughme.“Fine.Whateveryouwant.”Ipivoted

andstalkedtowardthestairs.

ButIonlymadeitthreestepswhenIfeltherhandsonmyarms,feltherspinmearound,andthen

shewaspressedflushagainstmesoIcouldfeeleverysweetperfectcurveofherbodyagainstmine.

“Bast,wait.”
Bast?Whywouldshecallmethatifshewantedthisdickhead?
“What?”Isnarled.
Shesmiledupatme.“YouthinkI’mwalkingoutofherewithhim,don’tyou?”
“Well?Aren’tyou?”
Aflashofirritationshotthroughherfeatures.“Really?DoIseemthatwishy-washytoyou?”
Iletoutabreath.“Guessnot.”
“No,I’mnot.Notevenalittle.I’mgoingtogivehimachancetoexplainhimself,becauseIneed

thatformyself,andbecauseeventhoughitendedthewayitdid,Istillspentfouryearswithhimand
that’snotasmallamountoftimetoinvestinsomeone.Ididcareforhimattheveryleast,andI’m
goingtogivehimafewminutesofmytime.I’mnottakinghimback,I’mjusthearinghimout.Then
I’mgoingupstairs.”Sherubbedmychestwithherpalms,andhereyestookonahintoflust.“And

afteryoufeedmeandgetmedrunk,you’retakingmetobedandI’mgoingtoshowyouafewmore
tricksIknow.”

“Ilikeyourtricks,”Igrumbled,feelingabitreassured.“Sorryformyreaction.Ijust—”
Sheputherfingersovermylips.“Shush,youbigmachofuckstick.Igetit.Wecantalkaboutit

later.NowgoupstairsandplayHALOwithyourbrothers.I’llbeupsoon.”

Inodded.“Allright,butifhe—”
Sheclappedherhandovermymouth,thistime.“Youforgetwhoyou’redealingwith,Sebastian?”
“Yeah,yeah,”Isighed.“Haveyourconversation.ButIknowafewtrickstoo,don’tforget.”
Shegrinnedatme.“Ohreally?”Shedrawledthelastword,makingitalewdinsinuation.
“Idon’treadmuch,”Isaid,“ButIhaveseenpicture-bookcopiesoftheKamaSutra…”
Shegiggled.“Ohmy.Thissoundspromising.”
“GotthisonepositionI’vebeenwantingtotryoutwithyou…”
Shepushedmeaway.“Go,beforeIjumpyourighthere.”
Michaelwasonhisfeetatthispoint,massaginghisthroatandwatchingDruandmewithhateand

confusioninhiseyes.

“GotonethingIgottadofirst,though,yeah?”ImetDru’seyes,andshesawtheangerthere.

“Gottaproveapointrealquick.”

Shesteppedaside,andherjawclenched,hereyesgoinghard.“Onlyonepoint,yes?”
Itooktwolongstridesacrossthefloor,swungmyfist,once,ashardasIcould.Peopleonthe

receivingendofmyrighthookhavecomparedittobeinghitbyatwenty-poundsledgehammer…and
thosepeopleareusuallymybrotherswhoI’mnotreallytryingtohurt,soI’malwaysholdingback.I
didn’tholdback,thistime.

Ifhisjawwasn’tbroken,thenhe’dbemissingafewteethattheleast.Ididn’tstoptocheck,though,

justshookthestingoutofmyfist,kissedDruasIbrushedpasthertowardthestairs.

Dru

Holyshit—SebastianhitMichaelsohardhewentbackdowntothefloorlikealog.Michael

just…dropped.ContrarytowhatTVandmoviesshow,youhavetohitsomeoneveryhardtodrop
themwithasingleshottothejaw.

ItwasseverallongmomentsbeforeMichaelstirredagain,andwhenhediditwaswithalotof

agonizedgroaning.Moregroaningandwrithing,andhefinallysatup,gingerly,slowly…andspatout
amolar.

“Jesus,”Michaelslurred.“Whatabarbarian.”
“KeeptalkinglikethatandI’llcallhimbackdownhere,Michael,”Isaid.“ThatwasSebastian

restraininghimselfformysake,soI’dwatchwhatyousayifIwereyou.”

Icircledaroundbehindthebarandpouredmyselfascotchontherocks,leanedagainstthecounter

andwaitedforMichaeltogatherhimself.Hestoodup,collectedhistooth,examinedit,andthen
tosseditinthetrashcanstandingbeneaththeservicebar.

Heindicatedthebar.“CanIsit?”
Ishrugged.“Goahead.Youwon’tbesittingforlong,though.”
Pullingoutoneofthehigh-backedbarchairs,hesatdownandmassagedhisjaw.“How’dyouget

involvedwiththatguy,anyway?”Hefrownedatme.“Orareyouinvolvedwithallofthem?”

IsetmyscotchdownandleanedforwardtogetinMichael’sface.“Haveyouforgottenwhoyou’re

talkingto,Michael?Keeptalkingshit,seewhereyougetyourself.Idon’tneedthemtowreckyour
world.”

Herubbedhistempleswithhisindexandmiddlefingers.“Goddammit,thisisn’thowIenvisioned

thingsgoing.”

“Idon’tknowwhatyouexpected,butyou’dbettergetanyideasaboutmeforgivingyououtof

yourhead.”

Hepeeredatme,browfurrowed,sorrowinhiseyes.“Ihadhoped,yes.”
“Well,that’snothappening.Notinamillionyears.”Ifeltmyeyesprickle,butrefusedtoletit

show.“Itwasourweddingday,Michael.”

Hehunghisheadbackwardonhisneck.“Iknow,Iknow.Ijust…”Hetrailedoff.
“Youjustwhat?ThisiswhatI’mwaitingtohear.Youwhat?Andwhy?”
Ashrug.“Idon’tknow.Idon’tknow,Dru.Ifuckedup.”
“Nooooooo,”Idrawled,“youfuckedTawnyHoward.”
“Iknow,but—”
“Onourweddingday.LessthantenminutesbeforeIwasgoingtowalkdowntheaisle.”Ifeltmy

rageandhurtboilingbackupwitheachword.“AweddingIpaidfor—”Thatgotmybraingoing,and
Ihaltedmid-sentence.“Waitasecond.IthoughtyoutookTawnytoHawaiiwithyou…onmy
honeymoon,whichIpaidfor,bytheway.”

“Actually,Ipaidforthat,remember?Thatwasthedeal:youpaidforthevenueandcatering,andI

paidforthehoneymoon.Theairfarewasincludedinthepackage.”Hewavedahand.“AndIdid.I
mean,she’stherenow,butIhoppedaflighthere.Ihadtofindyou.Icouldn’tleavethingslikethat.”

“Howdidyoufindme,anyway?”
“Wasn’thardtonarrowdownwhichflightyoustowedawayon,andonceIhadthetailnumber,it

wasasimplematterofgettingthepilot’snumberandaskingafewquestions.Wasn’thard.”

“Whatever,Idon’treallycare.SoyouleftTawnyinHawaiitocomehereand…what?Nothing

aboutthismakessense.”Ipickedupmyscotchandtookadrinktofortifymynerves.“Like,Ireally,
reallydon’tgetit.Fouryears.Fouryears,Michael.Youproposedtome,anditwasn’tlikeIwas
droppinghintsaboutit.Iwasn’tevensureIwasreadytogetengaged,butyou—youwenttosomuch
troublemakingitromantic,andeveryoneintherestaurantwaswatching,andI…Ididn’tfeellikeI
hadachoicebuttosayyes.”

Michelindicatedmydrink.“CanIgetoneofthose?”
Ishookmyhead.“No,youcan’t.”Irolledmyhand.“Explain,Michael.”
Hetookadeepbreath,letitout.“It’shardtoexplain.Ididcareforyou.Ido,Imean.”
“Bullshit,butcontinue.”
“Idid,Iswear.Likeyousaid,wespentfouryearstogether.Itjust…Idon’tknow.Iwasn’thappy.”

Hewipedhisfacewithbothhands.“IthoughtifIaskedyoutomarryme,it’dmakeushappier.Ikind
offeltlikeyouwereneverhappywithmeeither,andIhopedgettingmarriedwouldsolvewhatever
theproblemwas,andthat—thatwasn’tsomethingI’veeverbeenabletofigureout,whyyouweren’t
happy.”

“Butyouwentthroughwiththeweddinganyway.UpuntilIcaughtyouwithyourdickinTawny,at

least.Andthatbegsthequestion…ifIhadn’tcaughtyou,wouldyouhavemarriedme?Wouldyou
havetakenmetoHawaiiandfuckedmewithTawnystillalloveryou?”

“Idon’tknow—god,Idon’tknow!”
“Stopsayingyoudon’tknow,youfuckingbastard!”Ishouted.“Youdoknow,you’rejusttoo

muchofapussytosaywhatyoureallymean.”

“Fine!Ineverlovedyou!”heshoutedback.“Iwantedtoloveyou,Itriedtoloveyou,butInever

did.Andyouwere…youwerealways…Idon’tknowhowtosayit.Itfeltlikeyouwereplayingarole.
Likeyouweretryingtobesomeoneelse,or…likeyouweretryingtofitintothepersonaofsomeone
youweren’t.Likeanill-fittingmask,perhaps.Sexwithyouwas…neverbad,perse,but…notenough.
WhenImetyou,youwerethiswildpersonwithallthesecrazystories,andthefirstfewtimesweslept
togetheryouwere…fierce,Iguess.Butthenyouchanged.Yougot…boring.AndIdidn’tknowhowto
getyoubacktowhoyouwere,whoyouusedtobe.Ithought,ifwegotengaged,you’dopenup.
You’d…thatwe’d—thatsomethingwouldchange,Iguess.”

“Igotboring?!”Ishrieked,outraged.“Itwasalwaysthesameoldthingwithyou.Younever

showedtheslightestinterestinanythingbutthesamethingeverytime!AndIwastryingtobewhat
youwanted,tofitintoyourlife,tofitintotheboxyouputmein!”

“HowthefuckdidIeverputyouintoabox?Ineveroncetoldyouwhattowearorhowtoactor

thatIwantedyoutochange.Youdidthatonyourown.Ithoughtyou’d…outgrownyourwildways,
maybe.Likeyou’dsettleddown.”Hewasstandingup,now,visiblyupset,moreanimatedthanI’dever
seenhimaboutanything;herarelyswore,too,maintainingthatcursingwasthesignofaweakmind.
“IalwaysfeltlikeIwasmissingout,likebygettingthewatered-downDruConnollyIwasmissing
outonthefunversionyouusedtobe.ButIneverputyouinthatbox.”

Istaggeredbackward,handsshaking.
Holyfuck—hewasright.
MyeyeswateredwithtearsIdidn’tdareshed.Iturnedaway,settherocksglassdownontheback

counterofthebar,strugglingtogetmyselfundercontrol.Igrippedtheedgeofthecounterand
leanedagainstitasifitalonewaskeepingmeupright.Andmaybe,inthatmoment,itwas.

I’dchangedmyselfforhim…buthehadn’twantedmetochange.He’dwantedthepersonhe’dmet,

andI’dputmyselfintoapigeonholeinsomekindofefforttomakemyselfintowhatI’dthoughthe
wantedinhislife.

Oh,theirony.

“Dru?”Michael’svoicewassoft,concerned.
Iwavered,foramoment.IrememberedwhenI’dfirstmethim,howmuchfunwe’dhadtogether,

howeasythingshadseemed.He’dbeenalittleaverage,sure,andhe’dnevermademypulsethunder
ormylegsshake,buthe’dbeenstable,easytobearound,decentinbed,andmostofall…normal.I’d
beensosickoffeelingoutofplaceandalonethatI’dsettledforsomeoneI’dneverloved,andinthe
processI’dchangedmyself,forcedmyselfintobeingsomekindofpatheticattemptat“normal”,
whenI’dneverbethat;Icouldn’tbe.IcouldneverbeinlovewithsomeonelikeMichaelMorrison.
AndIshouldneverhavetried.

Myeyeslifted,andIsawthemirrorbehindthebottlesofPatrónandSauzaandJohnnyandJack

andBeefeater,sawthenameofthebaremblazonedinfrostedlettersacrossthetopofthemirror:
Badd’sBarandGrill.IsawthetablewhereSebastianhaddonesuchdelightful,dirtythingstome,and
thedoorwherehe’ddoneotherthings…andthenmyeyesliftedtotheceiling,justbeyondwhichwere
sevenincrediblemen,oneofwhomcouldrockmyworldtothecorewithouteventrying.Andwhen
hetried?Holyhell.

IknewIcouldnevergobacktoMichael.Ididn’twantto,firstandforemost,formyself.Not

becauseofSebastianoranyotherreasonthanthatIjustdidn’twantthatlifeorthatversionofmyself.
Iwantedthisme.TheonewhotookachanceonadifferentlifewithastrangerinabarinKetchikan,
Alaska.Theonewhowasn’tafraidtokicksomeass,fucklikethetigressIwas,andneverapologize
foranyofmysharpedges.Hell,maybeI’dgetsometattoos.Takethoseedgesandsharpenthem,
flauntthemforeveryonetosee.

Istoodup,straighteningmyback.Iturnedaround,tookadeepbreath,andletitout,feelingpeace

washthroughme.“You’reright,youknow.Ididchangemyself.Thatwasn’tyou,thatwasallme.And
IguessIoweyouanapology.Itturnedourwholerelationshipintosomethingitwasn’t,into
somethingitcouldneverbe.So,forthat,I’msorry.”

“Dru,wait,justlisten—”
“I’mnotdone,Michael.Yes,youwererightaboutthat.Iturnedmyselfintoaboringversionof

me,wenttocollegeandgotadegreeIdidn’treallywant,tookaboringjobIhated,livedinacityI’ve
neverfeltathomein,spentfouryearstryingtoconvincemyselfIlovedamanIcouldn’teverreally
loveandneverhad.”

Ijabbedafingerathim,leteverythingspillout.“Butthatdoesn’texcusewhatyoudid!Ifyou

weren’thappy,youshouldhavebrokenupwithme!Ifthesexwasboring,youshouldhave—Idon’t
know,triedtospiceitup!Triedsomethingdifferent!Tiedmeuporputitinmyassorsomething.
Anything!Butyouneverdid.Sowhatifitwasn’tenough?Iwasn’tenoughforyou?Fine,okay,
whatever.Maybewewerebothatfault,ormaybeI’mtheonlyoneatfaultforpretendingtobe
somethingIwasn’t,butyoushould’vebrokenupwithmeifthatwerethecase,notproposed!Andjust
becauseIwasn’tenough,justbecauseIwasn’twhatyouwanted,thatdoesn’tmeanyougetafreepass
tostartfuckingaround!”

“Iknow,Ijust—”
“NO!There’snoyoujust.”Islammedafistonthetable.“Tellmewhy!Whyher,whythen?”
Hedeflatedfurther,ifthatwasevenpossible.“Tawnyandme…we’dknowneachotherbeforeyou

andImet.We’dhadathingincollege,justabrieffling,but—”

“Wait,college?Cansheevenread?”
Hisexpressionsoured.“Don’tbeabitch,Dru.”
Iseethed.“Whatdidyoujustcallme?”
Hehelduphishands.“I’msorry,thatwasuncalledfor.”
“Damnrightitwas.”
“Pointis,yes,shewenttocollege.”

“Andhowdowegetfromyouhavingaflingwithherincollegetoyoufuckingheronour

weddingday?”

Heshifted,gettinguncomfortablenow.“I—sheandI,we…”
“Spititout,Michael.”
Asigh.“Thattimeyouwentbackpackingwithyourdad?”
Igapedathim.“Really?Weweregonethreedays!Noteven!”
“Everybodycameoverforsomedrinks,andTawnywasthelastonetoleave,andwe’dbothhada

littletoomuch…”Heshrugged.“Andonethingledtoanother.”

“Thatwastwoyearsago.”Iwasbarelyholdingmyselftogether,secondsfromrippinghimapart.

“Twoyearsago.Soallthistime…?”Itrailedoff,waitingforhimtofillintherest.

Andhedid.“Allthistime,yes.”
“Ineverevenguessed.”
“Wewerecareful.”
Istruggledtokeepsomecomposure.“When?Where?Howoften?”
Hesighed.“Doesitmatter?”
“YESITMATTERS!”Iscreamed.
“Thesalonwheresheworks.”HewaseyeingmeasifIwasatimebombliabletogooffatany

second—which,admittedly,Iwas.“Thetanningbooths.Prettymucheveryday.”

“Ineversmelledheronyou.Younevercalledher,nevertextedher.”
Hesighedagain.“I’dgoseeherinthemorning,onthewaytothegym.We’dmeetathersalon,

andthenI’dgoworkout,takeashower,andgotowork.”Awaveofhishand.“Shenevercalledme,
andIalwaysdeletedourtextthreadsbeforeIgothome.”

“Soyou’vebeenseeingTawnyonthesidefortwoyears?”Inearlycrumpled.“Twoyears.You’ve

bencheatingonmefortwoyears?”

“Yes.”
Iwobbled,andtheroomspun.Hearingitsaidoutrighttooktheearthoffitsaxis.Icollapsedonto

mybuttonthefloorbehindthebar.“And…theproposal,thewedding,everything…you’dhavegone
throughwithit,butkeptseeingherontheside?”

“Idon’tknow.Itwassortofobviousthatyouwereclueless,soIjustwentwithit.FiguredI’d

just…Idon’tknowwhat.Figureitoutlater,Iguess.Ifthingsbetweenusgotbetter,I’ddumpTawny,
butifnot,she’dbethereforme.”

“Andshewasfinewiththisarrangement?Knowingshewasthesidechick?”
“Itfeelsalittlemorecomplicatedthanthattome,honestly,”Michaelsaid.“She…getsme.I

always…I’vealwayssortoffeltlike…likeyou…”Hehesitatedagain.“Likeyouwerethesidechick.”

“That’s…”Ishookmyhead,palmstomyforehead,heartpounding,gutclenching.“That’sfucking

batshitcrazy,Michael.I’mthesidechick,butyouaskedmetomarryyouandarrangedawedding…”

Istoodup,then,becauseIwasattheendofmyabilitytohandleanythingmore.Andthat’swhenI

sawit.

Athin,plaingoldbandontheringfingerofhislefthand.
“You…wait,wait,wait…you—”Iwasabouttovomit.“Youmarriedher?”
Hestoodup,pushedthebarchairin.“Yes.”
“Saturday?AfterIleft?”
Henodded.“Yeah.Myfamilywasthere,thepastorwasthere,theringswerethere,andI’dnever

signedorsentinourmarriagelicense…andIknewhowIfeltabouther,soIfiguredwhynot?Your
dadandhiscopbuddieswentafteryou,andthatwastheentiretyofyourside,so…itjustworked.She
wasfinewithit.”

Ihadtroubleformulatingwordsforseveralseconds.“Thisiscrazy.”Iblinked,triedtogetmy

headtoacceptwhathewassaying.“Yourfamily…theywerefinewithit?”

Hechuckled,alittleawkwardly.“Theywerekindofconfused,atfirst.Buttherewasanopenbarat

thereception,so…”Hetrailedoff,asifthatexplainedit.

“Yougavehermyring?Theringyouproposedtomewith?Theweddingbandswepickedout

together?ThepastorIinterviewed,thecateringcompanyIhired,thevenueIpickedout…”

“Itwasallthereandsetupandpaidfor,sowhynot?Nosenselettingitgotowaste.”
Ishookmyhead.“Thiswholethingismakingmyheadhurt.Idon’t…itdoesn’tmakeanysense.”I

finallymademyselfmeethisgaze.Heseemeduntroubled.“Whyareyouhere,then?”

Heshruggedandheldbothhandspalmsup.“Ijust…hatedhowyoufoundout.Youdeservedmore

thanthat.”

Ichoked.“Ideserved—”Icouldn’tevenfinishrepeatinghiswords.“You’recrazy.Idon’teven

knowhowyou’recapableofcrazinessofthiscaliber.You’reactinglikethiswholethingisperfectly
normal.”

“Iknowit’snot.It’sunusual,sure,but…itworksforme.”
“Andwhataboutme?”
Heshrugged,andIwasgoingtobreakhisshouldersifheshruggedonemoredamntime.“You’re

astronggirl,Iknewyou’dbefine.”

Icircledaroundfrombehindthebar,openedthedoortoshowhimthestreet.“Youneedtoleave.”
Henodded.Andthatwasit.Anod.Asinglebobofhishead,andhewasoutthedoor,asifhe’dsaid

whathecametosay.

“Michael?”Isaid,andhestoppedjustontheothersideofthedoor.“Justonemorething.”
Heeyedmecautiously.“You’regoingtopunchme,aren’tyou?”
Ismashedmyfistintohisnose.“How’dyouknow?”
Hestaggeredbackward,bloodsluicingdownhischin.“Luckyguess.”
Hewalkedaway,then,andIwasfinallyalone.
AndwonderinghowthehellI’dspentfouryearswiththemanandneverknewhewascapableof…

whateverbizarrekindofcrazinessthatwas.Like…really?Hemarriedher?Insteadofme?Whodoes
that?Imean,ifwe’dbrokenup,orithadbeenafewmonths,orevenweeks…butheliterallyjust
broughtTawnyoutandwaslike,I’mmarryingherinsteadofthatotherbitch.

ButyetsomehowIdeservedmorethanhowI’dfoundout?
Noneofitmadeanysense.HadIfallendownarabbithole?
Myheadwasspinning.
Iheardfeetonthefloorbehindme,andthenfeltSebastian’sarmsgoaroundme.
“Niceshot,”hesaid.
“Howmuchdidyouhear?”Iasked,notquitereadytoturnaroundandfacehimyet.
“Allofit.”He,apparently,hadotherideas,sincehespunmearoundandtuckedmyheadunderhis

chin,myearagainsthischest.“Iwasontheothersideofthedoorthewholetime,listening.”

“Asshole,”Imurmured,notreallymeaningit.
“Yeah,well,that’sme.KingoftheAssholes.”Hetouchedmychin,soIwaslookingathim.“I

knowshouldn’t’velistenedtoyourprivateshit,but…Iwasn’treadytoletyougothroughthatalone.”

“Meaning,atthefirsthintthathewasgoingtogetoutoflineyouwerereadytoriphimapart?”
Hegruntedanaffirmative.“Nearlycameoutwhenhecalledyouabitch.”
“YoudoknowIcanhandlemyself,right?”Isaid,frowningupathim.
Hejustsmirkedatme.“Yeah,’course.Butnowyoudon’thaveto.”
Isighed,notmindingitatall,ifIwasbeinghonest.“So…canyoubelieveallthat?”
Herumbledanegative.“Notevenclose.Ithinkhe’sgottabeoneofthose…whaddyacall’em,

psychopaths,orwhatever.Like,theoneswhodon’tevenreallygetthedifferencebetweenrightand

wrong.”

“Ithinkthat’sasociopath,”Isaid.“AndIthinkyoumayberight.Ijust…itmakesnosense.”
“No,itdoesn’t.”Hescoopedmeupinhisarms,setmedownonthetablenearestthedoor.“Now

kissme,sowecanbothforgetthatcrazyfuckhead.”

“Soundsgood,”Imurmured,butthewordswerelostashekissedme,andIrealizedthat,fromthe

outsidelookingin,thisthingIhadwithSebastianmightseemjustascrazy,justasunlikelyaswhat
MichaelhaddonewithTawny.

IonlymethimtheothernightbutIknewIwasn’tgoinganywhereanytimesoon.Neitherofus

wereclaimingthiswassomekindofundyinglove,butwealsobothknewthatwaswhereitwas
going.Howlongwouldittaketogetthere?Nowaytoknow,andIdidn’treallycare.Amonth,ayear,
fiveyears?Aslongasitwasreal,bothofusallinandhonestaboutwhatwehadandwhatwe
wanted…thatwasallIneeded.Well,thatand…

“Yougonnatakemeupstairsandfuckmeorwhat?”Iwhispered.
Helaughed.“Wildthing,we’vefuckedlikeeighttimestoday.”
“So?I’mreadyfornumbernine.”Icuppedhishardeningcockoverhisshorts.“Andfromthefeel

ofit,soareyou.”

“Yeah,always.ButIgotbrothersyouain’tmetyet.”
Thedoortothebaropenedthen,andSebastianswiveledtoputmebehindhim,butthenwhenthe

figuresteppedoverthethresholdandintothelight,heimmediatelyletmego.

“Lucian!”Hetookaneagerstepforward.“You’rehere!Wasn’texpectingyouforawhileyet,

fromwhatIwashearing.”

LucianBadd…deargod.Whatevermagichadgoneintothecreationoftheseeightbrothershadn’t

sparedthebeautifulgene.Lucianwas—likethetwinsI’donlybarelyseenandtheyoungestbrother,
Xavier—tallandthin,rangy,cordedwithleanmuscle,moreofarazorthanaburlybear.Hehadthe
samerichbrownhairastheothers,buthiswassolongIwonderedifhe’devercutit.Itwasbound
lowonhisnapeandhungtomid-spine.Hehadabitofeveryone’sfeatures,thesharpnose,thestrong
jawline,thedeep-setdarkeyes,theperfectsymmetry,butwhereevenBrock,themostclassically
handsomeofthemall,wasstillhandsomeinthatrugged,masculineway,Lucianwas…

Istruggledtoputawordtoit.
Ethereal.Otherworldly.
Somethinglikethat.AllofthebrothersI’dmetwerelargerthanlifeandcouldeasilydominatea

roomwiththeirloud,brashpersonalities,andthequieteroneslikeBrockwerestillfascinating,
peopleyoucouldn’tignore.ButLucianjust…suckedyouin.

Itwashardtoexplain,honestly.
Hewasgorgeous,freakishlyso.Sharp-featured,hard-eyed,tall,emanatingaquietstrength.His

presencewas…unnerving,inaway.Hehadn’tsaidaword,buthisgazewastakinginme,Sebastian’s
shirtonme,Sebastian’sprotectiveposture,andhe’dprobablyseenMichaeloutsidewithhisbloody
nose.Lucian’sgazemissednothing.

Finally,Luciansteppedforward,slammedhisarmsaroundSebastian.“Goodtobehome,Bast.”
“How’dyougetheresofast?IthoughtyouwereinthePhilippines?”
Luciantiltedoneshoulderupward.“Red-eyefromHonolulu.”
“Hawaii?”Sebastianasked.
Anod.“SomesickwavesontheNorthShore.”
“SowereyoueverinthePhilippines?”
Ashakeofhishead,ponytailbouncing.“Notforawhile.Afewmonthsago?Gotthecallfromthe

lawyerinHonolulu.Beenthereafewweeks.”

Sebastianchuckled.“Nevercouldpinyoudown.WhatwereyoudoinginHawaii?”

“Surfing.Fishing.”Aslywink.“And…fishing,na’mean,brah?”Heheldouthishandtome.

“Lucian.”

Ishookhishand,stilltryingtogetareadonhim.Hewaschill,quiet,andterseeven,butIcould

seeawhirling,dizzyingdepthboilingbeneathhisplacidexterior.Hejust…gaveawaylittleofwhathe
wasthinkingorfeeling.Butyoujustknewitwasdeep,andthathewasseeingandhearingeverything,
missingnothing,andyoucouldn’thelpbutwonderwhathewasthinking,ifonlybecausehewasso
hardtoread.

“I’mDruConnolly,”Isaid.“Welcomehome.”
“Home?”Lucianasked,anditwasjustoneword,buttheinflectionhelentthatonesyllableputa

dozenquestionsoutintheair.

Sebastianclappedhisbrotherontheback.“Yes,home.Foryou,foralltheothers…”hecurledme

againsthisotherside,“andforher,ifthat’swhatshewants.”

Aliftedeyebrow,andasinglenodfromLucian.“Gonnabecrowded,then.”Heletgoofmyhand,

andevenofferedmeasmallsmile.“IfSebastianlikesyou,thenpleasedtomeetyou.”

“Imorethanlikeher,punk.”
ThisgotLucian’sattention.“Noshit?”
SebastianseemedtobeabletoreadLucianahellofalotbetterthanIcould,andtheyobviously

hadthatsilentguy-communicationgoingon.“Yeah,noshit.”

Luciannoddedandshrugged.“Allrightthen.”Hehadahugebackpackonhisback,thekind

peoplewhohiketheAppalachianTrailforweeksandmonthsatatimeuse.“I’mhungry.”

And,justlikethat,alltheBaddBrotherswerehome.
And,itseemed,sowasI.

EPILOGUE

Zane

Ifuckin’hatedsuits.PutmeinghilliesuitinthegoddamndesertandIwon’tcomplain,butwhenI

stuffmyassintoatuxedoI’llbitchtillthecowscomehome.

Drudidn’tseemtogiveashit.“It’sforliketwentyminutes,Zane.Soonaswestartthereception

youcantakethecoatandtieoff.”

“Iwantthegoddamntieoffnow,”Igrowled.
Shejustpattedmychest.“Butyou’rethebestman.Youhavetowearthetie.Plus,ifyoudon’twear

thetie,noneoftheotherboyswill.Andthenallhellwillbreakloose,andmyweddingwillberuined.
Youwouldn’twantthat,wouldyou?”

Ifrownedatherlogic.“Thestupidfuckin’tiesaren’twhat’skeepingtheminline,Dru,it’sthe

threatofviolenceandthepromiseofbooze.”

Shegavemeherpatentedfreeze-your-balls-offglare.“Wearthegoddamnmotherfuckingtie,Zane

Badd.”

GodblessSebastianandmayhehavealonglifeandahappyonewithDruConnolly,butgod,it

tookballstoparlaywiththiswoman.Shewassomethingelse,thatwasfordamnsure.

Iheldupmyhandsinsurrender.“Fine,Jesus.Butthesecondthatserviceisover—”
“ThenI’lltakethetieoffforyou,ifyou’resoworkedupaboutit,”shecutin.“Justpleasequit

bitchingaboutit.”

“Ican’tbreathewearingthefuckin’thing,”Istarted.
Drujusthissedatme.“You’reaNavySEAL,Zane.Youcanholdyourbreathfor,like,ten

minutes.”

“That’sbesidethepoint,”Isaid.“Doesn’tmakethegoddamnmonkeysuitanymorecomfortable.”
Shejustshookherhead.“Pussy.”
Sheturnedawayfromme,then,becauseBaxterwasrollinguponhisHarley.Thebastardhad

gottenonelookatXavier ’sbikeandhaddecidedheneededonetoo,butofcourseheneededthe
biggest,baddest,loudestoneevermade,soyoucouldhearthestupidgorillacomingfromamile
away.Hewasn’twearingahelmet,beingabsurdlyvainabouthishair,andheworehistuxlikehe’d
beenborninone.Butthen,hewenttoalotofplayers’dinnersandsuch,soheworeonemore
frequentlythanIeverhad.

Dru,wearingherweddingdress,gatheredupthebackofherdressandswungontothebikebehind

him.IwasprettysureonlyDruConnollycouldpullthisoff.She’dtakenheroldweddingdress,the
onethatdouche-canoeMichaelhadn’teverevenseenherin,andwenttotownwithapairofshears
andaneedleandthread.Ajoke,ajoke—I’mjustkidding.

She’dtakenittoaqualifiedseamstressandhaditprofessionallyaltered.I’dneverseenthe

originalversion,butthisdresslookedprettygoodtome.I’dheardshe’dhadthetoppartloosenedso
shecouldbreatheinit,andhadtheskirtpartcutawayuptoherthighssoshecouldwalkitinwhile
leavingthebacklongenoughtobearealtrain.Idon’tknowhowtheseamstresshadmanagedit,but
shehad,andDrulookedfuckin’bangin’.Classy,sexy,andregalallatonce.

ThisbeingDruandBast,theweddingwasanythingbuttraditional.Theservicewasbeingheldon

thedocksoutsidethebar,andthereceptionwasonthestreetoutsidethebar…duringnormalbusiness
hours.Itwassevenp.m.,andBaxwasonlytakingheraroundtheblocksoshecouldmakehergrand

entranceonthebackofaHarley.Noaisle,no“HereComestheBride”.Well,actually,IthinkCane
andCorwereplanningonsurprisingherwithanimpromptuversionofit.

We’dblockedofftheentirestreetaroundthebar,andthecateringcompanyhadsetupabuffetof

foodoutsideandabunchofwhite-cloth-coveredtablesinthestreetandonthedocks.Canaanand
Corinhadastageofftoonesideandplannedtoplayallnightlong,takingbreaksforfoodandbooze,
ofcourse.

Thetwins,beingthetwins,couldplaycoversofjustaboutanything,plustheircatalogofa

hundredorsooriginalsongs—includingdozensofsongsthey’dwrittenwhiletouringbuthadnever
gotintothestudiotorecord.They’dnevertoldtheiroldrecordlabelaboutthem,andtherewereonly
thetwelvesongsfromtheirdebutalbumthattheyweren’tallowedtoplaywithoutpermission.

Thewholeweddingwasopentothepublic,withtheinteriorofthebaropenforbusinessasusual,

theweddingandreceptionalltakingplaceoutside.We’dhiredtemporarystaffinadditiontothe
cateringstafftorunthebarfortheeveningsoallofuscouldhangoutandpartyallnight.

Thereweresomethingliketwohundredpeoplegatheredalready,moreinthebar,andyetmore

streaminginfromalldirections.MighthavebeenCanaanandCorin’srambunctiouscoverof
“StairwaytoHeaven”theywerecurrentlyplaying,oritcouldhavebeenthelightsandthecrowdand
thesmelloffood…orjusttheairofarippin’partythathadinfusedthisentiresectionofKetchikan.

InthefourmonthssinceDruhaddrunkenlycrash-landedinBadd’sBarandGrill,thingshad

gottenalittlecrazy.WordhadspreadthatalleightofusBaddbrotherswerebackintown,andthatwe
allwerearoundinthebaronaregularbasis,whichhadbroughtintheladiesindroves…andtheir
boyfriendsandhusbandshadstuckaroundbecauseofthekickassmusicprovidedonanightlybasis
bythetwinsandthestiffdrinkspouredbyBastandBax.Businesshadturnedaround,youmightsay.
Xavierhadproventobeastalentedachefashewasatanythingelse,whichmeantwehadakiller
menu,andDruprovidedasmiling,beautiful,happyfaceforthecrowdswhichpushedintomax
capacityeverynight.That’sright,thechickhadtornupherlawdegreetoplayhostessatadivebar…
andseemedwellandtrulyhappywiththedecision.

Lucian,Brock,andItookturnshelpingoutasneededinthekitchen,behindthebar,andonthe

floor,andXaviertookituponhimselftotakecareofthebooks,sincehecoulddotherequisitemath
inhisheadblind-drunk.Thingswere…amazing.Wewerebusierthanever,andallofuswerepretty
contentwiththewaythingswere.

Ihadn’tshotaguninmonths,whichwasthelongestI’dgonewithoutspendinghoursonthefiring

rangeorincombatsinceIwaseighteen.

Notallofusfitintheapartmentabovethebar,obviously,sosomeofusbrothershadpitchedin

fundstobuyandrenovateanoldstorefrontandtheapartmentaboveitablockawayfromthebar.The
storefronthadbeenturnedintoarecordingstudioforthetwins,andtheapartmentaboveprovided
livingspaceforthem,Lucian,Brock,andBax,whileXavierandIhadtheothertwobedroomsabove
Badd’s.Noneofusspentmuchtimeinanyofthebedroomsexcepttosleep,soitdidn’treallymatter,
aswealltendedtospendeverywakingmomentatthebareitherworkingordrinking.

WithDruandBaxmakingtheircircuitaroundtheblock,itwastimeformetotakemyplace

besideSebastianatthealtar—whichwasamicrophonestandandarentedwhitearchwaydecorated
withroses—withthebrotherslineduponeitherside.SinceDrudidn’thaveanyrealgirlfriendsand
nofamilyexceptherdad—whowasperformingtheceremony—thebrothershadtakenitupon
themselvestobeher“bridesmen”aswellasSebastian’sgroomsmen.Lucian,Xavier,Bax,andBrock
wereherbridesmen,andthetwinsandIwereBast’sgroomsmen.TechnicallyIwasthebestman,but
thatjustmeantIwastaskedwithcarryingtherings.

Sebastian,standingnexttoDrew,seemedmorenervousthanI’deverseenhim.
Inudgedhim.“You’renotnervousareyou?”

Hescowledatme.“FuckyeahIam.Gettin’married,man.OfcourseI’mnervous.”
“It’snotlikeshe’sgonnabackoutoranything,youknowthat,right?”
Hesnorted.“Well,fuck,dude,Ihopenot,butthatain’twhyI’mnervous.”
“Thenwhatisit?Neverseenyoulooksogreenaroundthegillsaboutanything.”
Heshiftedhisweightfromfoottofoot,peeringovertheheadsofthecrowd,watchingforDru’s

approach.“Myvows.Iwrote’emmyself,but…”Heshruggeduncomfortably.“Puttingwhat’sinmy
headintowordsain’teverbeenmystrongestsuit.”

Istruggledforsomethingusefultosay.“I’mnotmuchbetteratitthanyou,bro.Butjust…beyou,I

guess.That’swhatsheloves,andshe’llbehappywithit.”

DrewConnolly,wearinghisfulldressuniformfromhisCorpsdays,clappedSebastianonthe

shoulder.“Listen,kid.Itain’tallthatcomplicated.Yourbrotherhititonthehead.Trickis,don’ttryto
saywhat’sinyourhead.Saywhat’sinyourheart.MyDrudoesn’tcaremuchforfancywords,never
has.Iraisedhertopaymoreattentiontowhatpeopledo,’causethat’swhatreallytellsyoutheir
character.Youtrytoputyourvowsiniambicpentameterorsomeshit,she’lljuststareatyoulike
you’velostyourdamnmind.Justtellherhowyoufeel,andmakeherheartfeltpromisesaboutthe
future.”

Sebastianpulledaface.“Thehellisiambicwhateverthefuckyousaid?”
Xavierspokeup:
“‘Letmenottothemarriageoftrueminds
Admitimpediments.Loveisnotlove
Whichalterswhenitalterationfinds,
Orbendswiththeremovertoremove:
O,no!Itisanever-fixedmark,
Thatlooksontempestsandisnevershaken;
Itisthestartoeverywanderingbark,
Whoseworth’sunknown,althoughhisheightbetaken.
Love’snotTime’sfool,thoughrosylipsandcheeks
Withinhisbendingsickle’scompasscome;
Lovealtersnotwithhisbriefhoursandweeks,
Butbearsitouteventotheedgeofdoom.

Ifthisbeerroranduponmeproved,
Ineverwrit,nornomaneverloved.’”

Everyonejustkindofstaredathimforamoment,untilheshrugged.“What?That’sShakespeare.

Sonnetone-sixteen,iniambicpentameter.Oneofthemosticonicpoemsaboutloveeverwritten.”

SebastianstaredatXavierblanklyforaminute.“Wellthat’srealpretty,butwhatthefuck’sit

mean?”

Xavierblinkedrapidly,whichmeanthewasthinkingthroughhisresponse.“Dependsonifyou

readitonitsown,orincontextwiththeothersonnetsintheseriestowhichitbelongs.Ifyoureadit
byitself,outofcontext,it’sabouttheperfectionoftruelove,andhowloveiseternaland
immalleable.”

Sebastianlaughed.“Youlostme,bro.Ionlyknowwhatlikefourofthosewordsmean.”
Xaviersighed.“Nevermind.”HefrownedatSebastian,then.“Youknow,Iactuallythinkyou’rea

lotsmarterthanyougiveyourselfcreditfor.”

“Thanksforthevoteofconfidence,punk,butI’llleavethefancywordsandpoetrytoyouand

Brock.”

“Hey,leavemeoutofthepoetry,thanks,”Brocksaid.“I’lltakeKantandNietzscheover

ShakespeareandMarloweanydayoftheweek.”

Xavieropenedhismouthtoargue,probablysomeoff-thecuffdoctoralthesisontheintersection

ofpoetryandpsychologyorsomefancybullshit,buttherumblingsnarlofBax’sHarleyinterrupted
him.Thecrowdpartedforthebigbike,andwhenBaxwasparallelwiththealtarandthelineofBadd
brothers,hehalted,flippeddownthekickstand,swungoff,andheldouthishandtohelpDru
dismount.Sheswungherlegover,flashinganalmostindecentamountoflegintheprocess,
smoothedherdressoverherhipsandstomach,andthenletoutadeepbreath.

Shestoodthereforafewlongmoments,justbreathingandsmilingandstaringatSebastian.The

twins,rightoncue,beganplaying“HereComestheBride”,althoughI’veneverheardaversionthat
includedahowlingguitarsoloorathuddingbassriff.Itworked,though,somehow.

Gatheringhertrain,sheapproachedSebastian,holdingontoBax’sarm.
DrewtookherhandandSebastian’s,andjoinedthembetweenbothofhis.“Noneofusaremuch

forceremonyortraditionaroundhere,soI’mgonnadothisquickandsimple.”

Helookedathisdaughter.“Dru,baby-cakes,mybabygirl—I’mthehappiestmanintheworld,

nexttoSebastian,here.Seeingyouhappy,seeingyoufindamanwho’sworthhissalt?Makesthisold
soldier ’scold,hardheartsoften,justalittle.Neverwouldathoughtsomethingsogoodcouldhave
comefromthatshittydayfourmonthsago,buthereweare,hitchingyouandSebastianinwhatthey
callholymatrimony.”

HelookedtoSebastian,then.“Sebastian,myboy.NotmuchIneedtosaytoyou.Loveher,take

careofher,bethemanshedeserves.Iknowyouwill,andIknowyouare.Youaskedmeamonthago
formygirl’shand,andIgaveyoumyblessinginprivatethen,andI’mgivingittoyouagainnow,
publicly.You’readamngoodman,andI’mproudasfucktohaveyouasmyson-in-law.”

Drusmackedherdad’sarm.“Dad!Youcan’tswearwhenyou’remarryingus!”
Drewjustchuckledintothemic.“SureIcan.We’renotinachurch,arewe?”Drusighed,

concedingthepoint,andherdadcontinued.“So,withoutfurtherspeechifying,herewego.”

HelookedatDru.
“DruConnolly,doyoutakeSebastianBaddasyourhusband,anddoyoupromisetolovehimand

himalonewitheverythingyou’vegotforaslongasyouliveandforwhatevercomesbeyondthis
life?”

Drutookadeepbreathandletitout.“Ido.Forever,andbeyond.”
DrewlookedatSebastiannext.“AndSebastian,doyoutakethiswoman—mypreciousdaughter

andmyonlyfamilyinthisworld—tobeyourwife,andtoloveherandheralonewitheverything
you’vegotforaslongasyouliveandforwhatevercomesbeyondthislife?”

Sebastiannodded.“Ido.”
Drew’sgazewentfromonetotheother.“Youhavevowstoexchange,beforeIdothehonors?”
Druletoutanotherbreath.“Sebastian…sometimesIhavetroubleacceptingthatI’mhere,thatthis

isreal.Thatyou’rereal.Butyouare,and…Iloveyou.Somuch.Andyourbrothers,allsevenofthem,
they’reallthefamilyI’veneverhad,andI’mthankfulforyou,andforthem.Ipromisetoloveyou
withallthecrazyI’vegot—whichisalot.AllIcansayis,I’msogladIwanderedintoyourbarthat
night.”

Sebastianlaughed.“I’mgladyoudid,too.Ihadthiswholebigspeechwrittenout,butthecardsI

wroteitonareallcrumplednowandIcan’tmakeoutmyownhandwriting—”heheldupapairof
3x5cardscoveredonbothsideswithillegiblescrawl,thenstuffedthembackinhistuxedopants
pocket,“soI’mjustgonnahavetowingit.Whenyoustumbledintomybarfourmonthsago,you
werewearingthatsameweddingdressyou’vegotonnow,butyouweresoakingwet,yourmakeup
wasrunning,yourhairwasatangledmess,andyouwereheart-brokenandhammered.And,honey,
myfirstthoughtthemomentIlaideyesonyou,wasthatyouwereanangel.Youtookmybreathaway
then,andyou’vetakenitawayeverysingledamndaysince.Ididn’tknowwhatIwaslookin’for,butI

founditinyou.Sohereweare.Iloveyou.Andthanksfortakingachanceonme.”Heglancedat
Drew,then.“AndDrew,nowthatI’vemarriedyourdaughter,you’vegoteightofusasyourfamily.
Soonbehalfofmybrothersandme…welcometothetribe.”

Drewletoutadeepbreath,clearedhisthroatandblinkedhard.“Thanks,Sebastian.Thatmeans

morethanIcansay.Now,ifyoutwodon’thaveanythingelse—”helookedfromDrutoSebastian
andback,andtheybothshooktheirheads,“thenallthereislefttosayis…bythepowervestedinme
by…what’sitcalled…theUniversalLifeChurch—andthegreatWorldWideWeb…Inowpronounce
youhusbandandwife.Kissher,kid.”

SebastianwastednotimelayingoneonDruand,holyshit…itwasascorcherofakiss.Madeafew

peoplemorethanalittleuncomfortable,buthell,youcouldn’tmissthelovebetweenthem.

SebastianthreadedhisfingersinDru’s,andtheyheldtheirjoinedhandsup,andthecrowd,amix

ofKetchikanlocalsandtourists,plusthesmallbutrowdyknotofDrew’scopbuddies,allwearing
loudHawaiiantouristshirtsandCrocswithsocks—theyespeciallyhowledandclappedlikecrazy,but
nobodymadeasmuchnoiseasusBaddbrothers.

Sebastianletitgoonforawhile,andthenleanedintothemic.“Thanks,everybody.Nowthatthe

ceremonyisdone,let’sparty!Havefun!”

Thetwinshoppedbackupbehindtheirmicsandinstrumentsandkickedoffarousingrenditionof

theBeastieBoysclassic,“FightForYourRightToParty”,andwouldn’tyouknowthosetwo
knuckleheadscouldevendothebackandforthrap?

Thepartywasonthen,thedrinksflowingandthefoodlineforming.
AssoonasDruandSebastianleftthealtarandthemic,Drusteppedinfrontofmeanduntiedmy

blackbowtie.Ishruggedoffthecoat,tookthetiefromherandstuffeditintothepocketofthecoat,
whichIthentossedoverthebackofthechairI’dbesittingin.AfterI’drolledmysleevesuptomy
elbows,Ifeltagoodbitbetter.Tieoff,coatoff,sleevesup…Icouldbreatheagain.

Thecrowdwasgettingwild,whichwasn’tdoingmyanxietyanyfavors.Aftercountlessmissions

inIraqandAfghanistanandafewinSouthAmericagoingafterdruglords,beingaroundlarge
groupsofpeoplewasn’texactlysuperawesome.Theytendedtomakemenervous,antsyand
uncomfortable.Thecrazierthingsgot,themoremynervesturnedintoanxiety,untileventuallyI’d
havetoremovemyselffromthenoiseandactivityandfindsomewherequietsoIcouldbreatheagain.

Noneofmybrothersknewaboutmyanxietyattacks,becauseI’dbedamnedifI’deveradmit

weaknesstoanyofthem,eventhoughIknewlogicallythey’dneversayshitaboutitexcepttosupport
me.Still,Icouldn’tadmitit.Noway,nohow.

Fornow,though,Iwasdoingokay.Ihadmybrothersgatheredaroundme,andSebastianwas

happyasfuck,grinningeartoearandrefusingtoletDrugetmorethanafootawayfromhim.I
grabbedabeerfromtheicebucketattheheadofthefoodline,piledaplatehighwithgrub,andtook
myseatnexttoLucianattheheadtablenearthestage.

God,Lucian.Thekidwasback,andjustasopaqueashe’deverbeen.IalwaysthoughtIdidagood

jobofkeepingmyinternalbullshittomyself,butLucianjust…thedudeletoutnothing,soevenfor
thoseofuswhoknewhimwellhewasnearlyimpossibletogetareadon.

Yetherehewas,leaninghischairbackontwolegs,sippingabeeroutofaredSolocup,asly,

amusedgrinonhisface.

“What’sfunny,Luce?”Hisnicknamewaspronouncedloose,eventhoughhisnamewas

pronouncedLOOSH-yee-an.Gofigure,right?Noaccountingforfamilialnicknames,Iguess.

Hejustshruggedatme.“This.”Hewavedattheproceedingswithhisbeer.“Bast,gettin’hitched.”
Ishothimawarningside-eye.“Why’sitfunny?”
Heshookhisheadsidetoside.“Eh,notfunnystupidorfunnylikeitain’tserious.”Hepausedto

takeadrink,probablybecausehe’dreachedthelimitofhowmanywordshecouldsayallatonce.

“Just…funnyweird,Iguess.Bast…married?Neverthoughthe’dbethefirstofustodothat,isall.
Andit’sweird.Andkindafunny.”

Icouldn’thelpachuckle.“Yeah,Ihearthat.”Andthuswespentthenextfewhours,LucianandI,

sittingatthetableandsippingbeers,neitherofusrealbigintoharddrinking.Oh,don’tgetme
wrong,I’minclinedtogetblack-outdrunkfromtimetotime,Ijustdoitinprivate.Notsureabout
Lucian,butIsuspectedherarelylethimselfgetsofargonehelostcontrol.

BrockandBax,however,hadnosuchinhibitions.Apartywasaparty,especiallyforBax.Hewas

wellonhiswaytogettingwasted,andunlessthingshadchangedwhilehewasinCanadaplayingfor
theCalgaryStampedersintheCFL,Baxalwaysprovidedaninterestingtimewhenhehadtoomuchto
drink.

Caseinpoint.Ijustlookedupand,yep,herewego.Baxwasstandingwithonefootonhischair,

oneuponthetable,abottleofJamesonupended,chuggingstraightfromthebottle.Thecrowdwas
chanting“CHUG!CHUG!CHUG!”andBax,beingBax,lookedlikehewasgonnatrytopolishoffthe
wholebottleinonefuckin’go…andgoddammit,thatwouldNOTendwell.Atall.Foranyone.

SoIhoppedup,snaggedthebottlefromhimandsaid,“Bax,don’tbeadumbass.”
Hepeeredatmeblearily,angrily.“Hey,fucker.Iwasabouttowinabet.”Hewinked,alittle

unevenly,atacoupleofgirls,whotitteredandgiggledcoyly.“IkillawholebottleofJamesonat
once,they’lltakemebacktotheirhotelwiththem.”

Ichuckled,despitemyirritation.“Bax,buddy.Listen.Youslamthisbottleofwhisky,won’tbe

nothin’happeningwitheitherof’em,orbothof’em,evenasfineastheyare,sinceyou’llhavea
wickedcaseofwhiskydick.So,thisismedoingyouabig-brosolid.Besmart,yeah?”

BaxreachedoutfasterthanI’dhaveexpectedhimtobecapableofgivenhisstateofintoxication,

andsnaggedthebottlefromme.“I…don’t…getwhiskydick…bro.”Heshotmeadirtylook,stuckout
histongue,andpolishedoffthebottleinhalfadozenlongswallows.“Imightasharedthis,butnowI
ain’t.”

HewasstillstandinginhisCaptainMorganpose,onekneeup,onefootonthetable,soIshoved

him,halfasaknee-jerkreactiontohimbeingadumbass,andhalfbecauseIwaspissedathim.He
toppledbackward,armswindmilling,bottleflailing,andthenjustbeforehewentdown,hegotagrip
onmyshirtandhauledmedownwithhim.Hehithard,andIslammeddownontopofhim,andI
heardthesoundofglassbreaking.Baxrolledover,throwingmeoff,andIfeltsomethingsharpgash
myribs,andthenIwasonmyback,thewindknockedoutofme,ribsscreamingfireandpain,and
peoplewereshouting,andBaxwascursing.

Isatup,pressedmyhandtomyribsanditcameawayred.Liftedupmyshirt,checkedthecut;not

toodeep,mightneedstitches,butnotsure.Nothingtooterrible.Igrabbedahandfulofnapkinsand
pressedthemagainstthecut,clampedthemthereashardasIcould,andthenturnedtocheckonBax.

Fuck.
FUCK.
Hewasinabadway,ajaggedpieceofthesmashedbottledeepintothemeatofhisupperthigh.An

inchin,ifnotmore.Iknewbasicbattlefieldtriage,whichmeantIknewtoputpressureonawound,
howtoimprovisesomethingtokeepthepressureon,andIknewtonotattempttoremovesomething
impaledintothebody.

“Don’tmove,Bax,”Isaid,workingtokeepmyvoicecalm.“Weneedtoleaveitinthereforahot

minute,okay,bro?Iknowithurts,butwegottaleaveitin.”

“Why?”Hespokethroughgrittedteeth,glaringatme.“Fuckin’hurts.Getitout.”
“Can’t,notyet,”Isaid.“Mightcauseworsedamageifwetakeitout.Andit’shighupenough,it

mightbenearyourartery.Wepullit,itcouldseverthatartery,andyou’llbleedoutbeforewecando
shit.”

Hewaslyingdownonhisback,strugglingnowandthentositupandlookatit,handshovering

aroundhisthighasiffightingtheurgetojustyanktheshardout.

“Fuck,man.”
“I’msorry,Bax.Ishouldn’thavepushedyou.”
“Noshit,asshole.”
Theblood,thepaininhiseyes,thetension,theguilt…itputmeback.“MEDIC!”Ishouted

forgetting,momentarily,thatIwasinAlaska,andnotonamission.

Iheardcommotionaroundmeandlookeduptoseesomeoneshovingtheirwaythroughthe

crowd.“Lemmethrough.I’mamedic.”Iheardawoman’svoice,withthatbrusquesnapofsomeone
usedtobeinglistenedto.“MovetheFUCKoutoftheway,assholes!”

Peoplewereshovedaside,andawomansteppedthroughthegapshe’dcreated,kneelingbeside

Bax.Ishiftedasidetogiveherroom,andshequicklytookstock.

“Ah,nottoobad.Notpretty,butyou’llbefine.Justholdstill,okay?”
“Iamholdingstill!”Baxwhined.“You’retheonewho’swiggling.”
Sheglancedatme.“Pinhislegdownforme.”
“Yesma’am,”Isaid,becauseshehadthatvoiceofauthority,andI’masoldiertrainedtolistento

that.IgrabbedBax’sthighupnearhisgroinandhiskneeandpinnedhimdown.“Nowwhat?”

“NowIyankitout,andhopehehitsyouinsteadofme.”Shesaidthiswithalopsidedgrinthat

knockedtheairoutofmylungs.

Fuck,damn,andholyshit,thisgirlwasgorgeous.Ontheshorterside,butcurvyasfuck.Blond

hairbraidedtightagainstherhead,thetailhangingoveroneshoulder,brightgreeneyesthecolorof
grasswiththesummersunshiningonit,andthatgrin,fuck,thatgrin.Lopsided,cute,confident,sexy,
ahintofwhiteteeth,herlipsexpressiveanddoneinbrightredlipstick.Thatgrinknockedmethefuck
out.

Andshewashandlingthiswiththecalmeaseofsomeonewho’dseenmuch,muchworse.
“Won’tithurthimworseifyoutakeitout?”
Sheshookherhead,thebraidswingingagainsthershoulder.“Nah.Notwhereitis.Nodangerof

nickinghisfemoral.Justmuscleandbloodinthere.He’llbefine.It’llhurthimworsewhenItakeit
out,butitwon’tdamagehimworse.Keydifferencethere.”SheglancedatBax.“Youneedabeltto
bitedownon,bigboy?Orcanyoutakethepain?”Shewasbaitinghim,Irealized.

“Icanfuckin’takeit,okay?Justgetitthefuckoutofme,”Baxgrowled.
“Grabontome,Bax,”Isaid.“Breaksomethingifyouhaveto.”
“OhI’llbebreakingsomething,”Baxsnarledatme.“Justyoufuckin’wait.”
“Ineedyoutokeephislegpinneddown,”thesexymedicsaid.“Sohedoesn’tthrashandmake

thingsworse.”

“Gotcha,”Ireplied.Iheardsirensinthedistance,whichmeantsomeonehadcalled911.Keepinga

firmgriponBax’sleg,Ibracedforthemomentshe’dpulloutthejaggedshardofthebottle.Baxwas
bracedtoo,teethgritted,bothofhishandsclampeddownonmyshoulder,hisgripbrutallypowerful.
Ideservedit,soIallowedit.Butitfuckin’hurt,andalongwiththecutonmyribs,whichwasstill
bleeding,Iwasinaworldofhurt.

ButBaxhadtobehurtingworse,soIpushedthepainasideandfocused.
Themedicshotmealook.“Onthree,allright?Ready?One…two…,”andthensheyankeditout

inaquickjerkofherhand,lightningfast.“Three.”

“Haha,”Baxgrunted,soundingdistinctlyfaintandunamused.“Veryfuckin’original.Ohfuck…

fuck,ithurts.”

ThemedicglancedupatBrock,whowashoveringoverus.“You.Needyourshirtandbelt.”
Brockcompliedimmediately,shruggingoffhiscoat,rippingoffthetie,andunbuttoningtheshirt.

Inlessthanthirtysecondshegaveherhisshirtandbelt.ThemedicwrappedtheshirtaroundBax’s
thigh,keepingathickwadoffabricbunchedoverthesiteofthewound,andthenwrappedthebelt
arounditandcinchedittight.TheambulancearrivedandtheEMScrewtookover,thesexymedic
fillingthemin,andthenBrockwasclimbingintotheambulanceafterBaxwhowasonthestretcher.
AndthentheyweregoneandIwasleftstandingthere,handpressedtomyside,withthemedicnextto
me,herhandsbloody.

Sheeyedme.“Military?”
Inodded.“NavySEAL.Well…ex,now,Iguess.”Ireturnedhergaze,foundmyselflostinthat

green.“Combatmedic?”

“Army.Threetours,oneinIraqandtwoinAfghanistan.”
“Thanks.”Iheldoutmyhand,theonenotpressedtomyribs.“ZaneBadd.”
Sheheldoutherhandtotakemine,butthenhesitated.“I’dshake,butmyhandsaremessy.”
“Notthefirsttimeeitherofushashadbloodonourhands.”Iclosedthespace,tookherhandin

mine.“What’syourname,darlin’?”

Sheshookmyhandwithafirm,stronggrip.“MaraQuinn.”Bothofourhandswereslickand

stickywithblood,herswithBax’s,andminewithhisandmineboth.

I’mnotatalker,likesomeofmybrothers,andI’malsonotquiteastaciturnorgruntyasLucianor

Sebastian,butI’veneverhadanyproblemstalkingtowomen.Mainly,I’dguess,becausemylooks
typicallyspeakforthemselves,andthefactthatthere’snotusuallymuchtalkingnecessaryafterIsay,
“I’maNavySEAL.”But,forsomereason,MaraQuinnleftmetongue-tied.

“So.”Ifeltlikemytonguewasstucktotheroofofmymouth,wordslodgedinmythroat.
“Smalltalksucks,andIneedadrink.”Shegavemethatlopsidedgrinagain,andsomething

flutteredinsideme,asiftherewereacolonyofbatsinsidemychest.“Happentoknowsomewhere…
quiet…wherewecouldgetone?”

Igrinnedbackather.“Imight.Therehappenstobethisbarnamedafterme…”
“Thebar ’snamedafteryou,oryouafterthebar?”
“Samedifference.Itwasourdad’s,andnowit’sours,”Isaid,gesturingaheadofmeforhertogo

intoBadd’s.

“Whenyousay‘ours,’whoisthat,exactly?”Maraasked.
“Meandmysevenbrothers,”Isaid.“Sebastian,theonegettingmarried,istheoldest.Thenme,

thenBrock,whoseshirtyouputaroundBax’sleg.Baxisnext,thenCanaanandCorin,thenLucian,
thenXavier.”

Mara’seyebrowslifted.“Damn,that’salotofbrothers.”
Inodded.“Sureis.Butthatjustmeansit’sneverboringaroundhere.”
Wetooktwostoolsatthebar,andthetempbartendercameoverimmediately.“WhatcanIgetyou,

Mr.Badd?”

Ifrownedathim.“Name’sZane.Mr.Baddwasmydadandhe’sgone.Bourbonontherocksfor

me.”IglancedatMara.“Foryou?”

“Sameashim.”
“Anyparticularbourbonyou’dlike,sir?”
“Maker ’sMarkisfine,”Isaid.
“Goodchoice,”Marasaid,smiling.“AlthoughI’musuallymoreofaBlanton’sneatsortofgirl,

butnoteveryonehasBlanton’s.”

WhenwehadourMaker ’s,wesippedinanoddlycompanionablesilenceforacoupleofminutes,

andthenMaraswiveledonherchairtofaceme.

“So,um…”shelookedatmeoverthetopofherrocksglass,asmall,slygrinonherlips,“whenI

saidsomewherequieter,thisisn’texactlywhatImeant.”

Thewayshewasinchingclosertome,lettingherkneesbrushmine,toldmewhatshelikely

meant,butI’mnotonetoplaygamesormincewords.IliketoknowexactlywhatI’mgettinginto,
andIlikethegirltobeclearaboutwhatshewantsfromme.I’vebrushedtooclosetoDeathtoomany
times,seentoomanybuddies’livescutshorttobotherfuckingaroundplayingmindgames.

“Oh.Well…whatdidyoumean,then,Mara?”Islidclosertoher,halfstandingnow,framingher

kneeswithmine,andIslidapalmupherthigh.Shesluggedthelastofherdrinkinonegoandthen
stoodup,pushingclosertome.Nohesitation,nogames.

“You,me,andsomewhereprivatewithabed,”shesaid.“Oracouch.Oracounter.”
“Ihaveallthreeofthoseatmydisposal,andeveryoneelsewillbedownherefortheforeseeable

future.”

“Leadtheway,then,”Marasaid,slippingherhandintomine.Iledherupstairstotheapartment

andshowedherintomyroom.AssoonasIhadthedoorclosedbehindher,Marajumpedatme.
Literally,sheleaptintotheairandcrashedagainstmychest,lettingmetakeallofherweight,her
mouthslammingagainstmine,hertongueseekingmine.

Foralong,breathlessmoment,then,wekissed.Ihadbothhandsontheplump,juicypeachofher

denim-cladass,squeezingit,holdingheraloftwiththatgrip.Ishiftedherhigher,andshewrappedher
short,powerfullegsaroundmine.

Iheldherthere,backedawayfromthekissenoughtowhisperagainstherlips.“Damn,girl.You

don’twastetime,doyou?”

Sheshookherhead.“Fuckno.You’veseenthesameshitIhave,Zane…youfeellikewastingtime

whenwebothknowwhatwewant?”

“Fuckno,”Iechoedherwordsbacktoher.
“But,tobeclear,”shemurmured,thatsweet,sexy,mischievous,lopsidedgringracingherlovely

mouth,“justbecauseIdon’twanttowastetimewithstupidgamesdoesn’tmeanIwanttoskipanyof
thegoodstuff.”

“I’dneverskipanyofthegoodstuff,”Isaid.
“Good,becauseforeplayishalfthefun.”
“Atleasthalf,”Iagreed.
“Gladwe’reonthesamepage,then.”
“Metoo.”
Shesliddowntoherfeet,pushedmyshirtupandletmeripitoff,thenshetosseditaside.Asshe

reachedfortheflyofmytuxedopantsshestopped,seeingthecutonmyribs.“Thefuckisthis,
Zane?”

Iglanceddownatit,havingforgottenaboutit.“Oh,that?It’snothing.”
Shepulledatthepapernapkins,whichweresoddenthroughwithbloodandstickingtomyskin.

“It’snotnothing.Jesus,whydidn’tyousayanything?”

“Baxwashurtworse,andthenIjustsortof…forgot.”
Sheshotmeabaffledlook.“Howcanyouforgetaboutasix-inchcutacrossyourfuckingribs?”
Ishrugged.“Imean,itdoesn’texactlytickle,butyousortof…distractedme.”Igrinned,knocking

herhandsaway,reachingforhershirt.“I’mfine.Wecandealwithitlater.”

Sheignoredmyattemptstoputheroff,andcontinuedtogentlypeeltheblood-wetwadofnapkins

away,thenexaminedthecut.“Youmightgetawaywithoutstitches.It’snotallthatdeep,justlong.And
it’salreadycongealing.”Sheglancedupatme.“Gotanysuperglue?”

“Superglue?”
Shenodded.“Yeah.Worksgreatforthingslikethis.Medicalgluewouldbebetter,butplainold

superglueworksinapinch.”

“There’ssomeinthejunkdrawerinthekitchen.”

“Well,showmetheway.Ican’tjustignorethis,youknow.Notinmynature.Sothefasteryou

showmetheglue,thefasterwecangetbacktothefunstuff.”

Iledheroutofthebedroomandintothekitchen,foundtheglueandthefirstaidkitwiththe

bandagesandtape.Sherippedoffagiantwadofpapertowels,filledacupwithwater,andpouredthe
wateracrossthecuttocleanit,andthenwhenshewassatisfieditwascleanshedabbeditdryand
carefullyappliedathickstripofsupergluealongthecut,thenkneltandblewonmyskintodrythe
gluefaster.Withinaminute,thegluewasdryandIwasasgoodasnew.

Well,mostly.
Shestoodup,washedherhands,andthenleanedahipagainstthecounter,standingfacingme.

“Yourpantsarewet.Oops.”ShesaidthiswithagrinthattoldmeeverythingIneededtoknow.

“Guessthey’llhavetocomeoff,”Isaid,andledherdownthehallwaytomyroom,closedand

lockedthedoorbehindus.

“Guesstheywill.”Sheunbuttonedthefly,unhookedtheclasp,andloweredthezipper.“Isthis

wherewewere?I’mhavingtroubleremembering.”

Ifeltmygutflipping,mycockhardening,myheadhammering.“Ithinkwe’reonthesamepage,

abouthowforeplayisatleasthalfthefunofsex.”

“Oh,yeah,”shemurmured,tuggingmytuxedopantsdown.“Thatpage.”
“Thatpage.”Itoedoffmyshoes,steppedoutofmypants,andstoodinfrontofafullyclothed

Marainnothingbutapairoftightblackbriefs.

“God,you’refuckinggorgeous,Zane,youknowthat?”Mara’svoicewaslow,ahumofsincere

appreciation.“Butyou’restillwearingtoomanyclothes.”

Ilethertugmyunderwearoff,andthenIwasnaked,andshestillhadeverylastarticleofclothing

on,asituationIintendedtorectifyASAP.Shestoodinfrontofme,hergazerakingblatantlyupand
downmybody.Iletherlook,becauseIworkedmyassofftolookthisway.“Mara,honey,you’re
plentygorgeoustoo,butIthinkIneedtoseemoreofyou.Just…youknow…justtomakesurewe’re
onthesamepage.”

Shegrabbedthehemofhershirtinpreparationtopeelitoff,butIcaughtherwristsinmyhands.
“Ah-ah-ah,”Isaid,“that’sformetodo.”
Maraletmepeelhershirtoff,toedoffhershoeslikeIhad,letmeworkthosetightjeansoff.And

thenshewas,gloriously,innothingbutherbraandunderwear,amatchingsetofgreenlaceandsilk
thatcoveredjustenoughtobe,youknow,functional,butstillleftlittletotheimagination.Itooka
momenttotakeinherbeauty;shewas,asIalreadyknew,fuckingincredible.Fivefootfiveatmost.
Musculararmsandlegs,tonedabs,atautroundassthattoldmeshedidashitloadofsquatsatthe
gym,andtitsthatwouldbejustslightlymorethanahandful.Shewasn’twhatIwouldcallripped,but
shewasclearlynostrangertothegymandcleaneating,yetshestillhadhintsofsoftnessandflesh
whereIlikedtoseeitonawoman.Fuckingperfectiswhatshewas.

Ipoppedherbraclaspswithapinchofonehand,tossedthegarmentaside,andthenkneltinfront

ofher,runningmynoseacrossherbellytoonehip,thenacrossagain,alittlelower,givingher
plentyofwarningastomyintentinthenextfewmoments.Shedidn’tdemur,andIdidn’texpecther
to.Sheletmeshimmyherpantiesoffand,sweetgoddamn,herpussywaswaxedbareexceptfora
thin,closelytrimmedlandingstrip.Plump,thickpussylips,damp,glistening.

“Fuck,Mara.You’reperfect,”Igrowled.
Islidmyhandsupthebacksofherthighs,cuppedthatfirmbutjuicyass,bareformyhandsnow,

andassoftasthesilkI’djuststrippedoffher.Ibroughtmyhandsaround,tracedafingeruptheslitof
herpussy,gettingalowmoanfromher.

“CanItasteyou,Mara?”
Shescrapedherhandsovermyscalptoclutchthebackofmyhead.“I’llbepissedifyoudidn’t.”

Islidmytongueupherslit,tastingherjuices.
“Ohfuck,Zane,fuckthatfeelssogood.”
“I’mjustgettingstarted,babe.”
Shewatchedmelickherpussy,andwitheachslowlickshemoanedlouderandherhipsflexedand

pushed,tellingmeshewasgettingcloserandclosertoorgasm.Andthen,justwhenIwassureshe
wassecondsfromcoming,shepushedmyfaceaway.“Wait.Zane,wait.”

Istoppedimmediately,butfrownedupather.“Ithoughtyouwantedthat?”
“Idid—Ido.”Shedidn’ttrytopullmetomyfeet,juststareddownatmeforamoment.“Ijust

needtomakesurewe’reonthesamepageaboutoneotherthing.”

“What’sthat?”
“Thatthisis…nostrings.Justfortonight.Thatneitherofuswillmakeitweirdinthemorning.”
Myheartsqueezedatherwords.Thatwasn’twhatIwanted.Iwantedweird.Iknew,fromthefew

shortmomentsI’dhadwithhersofar,thatthisonenightwouldn’tbeenough,nomatterhowmany
timeswefucked.I’dwantmore.ButIwasn’tabouttolosemychanceatwhatIhadinfrontofme,soI
squashedmyhopes.

Islidtwofingersinsideherchannel,andflickedmytongueagainstherclit.
“Nostrings,noweirdness,”Iagreed.
ButIwasn’tsureIwastellingthetruth.
OrmaybeIwasjustmakingapromiseIwasn’tplanningtokeep.
Thatwasn’thonestthough,butrightnowIdidn’tcare.
IknewIwoulddowhateverittooktokeepMarainmybedforaslongasIcould.

BADASS:ABaddBrothersnovel

COMINGSOON!

JasindaWilder

Visitmeatmywebsite:

www.jasindawilder.com

Emailme:

jasindawilder@gmail.com

Ifyouenjoyedthisbook,youcanhelpothersenjoyitaswellbyrecommendingittofriendsand
family,orbymentioningitinreadinganddiscussiongroupsandonlineforums.Youcanalsoreview
itonthesitefromwhichyoupurchasedit.But,whetheryourecommendittoanyoneelseornot,
thankyousomuchfortakingthetimetoreadmybook!Yoursupportmeanstheworldtome!

Myothertitles:

ThePreacher'sSon:

BikerBillionaire:

Delilah'sDiary:

LaVitaSexy
ASexySurrender

BigGirlsDoIt:

BoxedSet
Married