Unthinkable

by TotallyObsessed82

How can a woman go on after learning that the love of her life has committed one of
the ultimate wrongs. Bella will have to find out for herself after she learns who Edward

truly is. Will she love him after she knows the truth? AH, OOC.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of
their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the
author. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 1- The ER

Bella POV

"He's crashing! Get Dr. Hutton in here now!" My mouth always gets really dry, my hands

sweat and my heart rate goes through the ceiling every time a patient begins to crash in
front of me. It's my job to take care of them. It's my job to heal them. I feel like I'm

failing at my job when someone crashes.

We could get this guy back. I knew we could. He wasn't that bad off when he came in
here. He had been involved in a car accident. The other driver was going the wrong way

on a one way street and ran into him head on. He was alert when he arrived. He clearly
had a bit of head trauma and some broken ribs but his heart monitor was giving a

normal reading. Then all of a sudden he went into atrial fibrillation and we needed to
get his heart rate back to normal before too much damage was done.

His identification said his name was Mike Newton. He was a twenty three year old organ

donor from Atlanta Georgia. Poor guy had probably been in the wrong place at the
wrong time.

"Nurse Swan, what's going on?" Dr. Hutton shouted as he entered the room.

"Twenty three year old male, MVA, alert on arrival, steady vitals, sudden A Fib. I've been

doing chest compressions on him but I can't get his rhythm back to normal." I rushed
out while I pumped on his chest as hard as I could for him. Just as I finished the

sentence, his heart flat lined.

"Step down, Swan. Give me the paddles."

I handed the paddles to Dr. Hutton. I charged them like I knew he wanted. We had
worked together enough for me to know his routine. He shocked the kid twice before

we got back his heart rhythm. The doctor finished the assessment and treatment for Mr.
Newton and he was on his way to radiology and then to the floor. He was no longer in

my ER and was no longer my responsibility. I can't worry about every patient that comes
through my ER. I have to treat them and get them stable to either go home or go to the

floor. Some called it heartless, but if I sat around worrying about every one of them I
would never be able to treat the people that needed my attention.

"Good work in there Swan. He wouldn't have survived without your quick actions."

stated Dr. Hutton as he finished Mr. Newton's chart at my desk.

"Thank you. That was a rough one. I think he will be alright though. You did an amazing

job getting him back."

"I'm sure he will make a full recovery. When is your shift over?"

I glanced at my watch. "Just over an hour left. You?"

"Same here. I've been here for twenty four hours straight. It's time for a drink and some

relaxation."

"I couldn't agree more. I think I'm gonna go to the bar across the street and have a drink
before I head home." I didn't know why I was telling him that. It wasn't like we had ever

hung out before. It almost sounded like I was inviting him to come with me.

"That does sound good. You up for some company?" He questioned as he raised his
eyebrows. Dr. Hutton was an attractive man. He was well built, tall, intelligent, cropped

curly blond hair, blue eyes. Hell, if I wasn't with Edward I probably would've already
tried to get with him.

"Sure." Edward wouldn't be mad about me having a drink with a co-worker. He wasn't

the jealous type.

"Great. I'll meet you in the lounge when our shifts are over." He said with a huge smile
as he tapped the desk and walked off.

I still wasn't sure why I agreed to have a drink with him. He had asked me many times

before but I never accepted. It couldn't hurt. We were two colleagues having a drink to
relax after work. I'd go home to Edward like I always did. I'd probably only get to see

him for a few hours before he'd get called in for a trauma. It seemed lately he and I
weren't getting any time together. My long hours in the ER combined with his extremely

long hours either in office or on call. The good part of nursing in the ER was that when I
was off duty, I was off. I didn't get called in. Edward was the Medical Director of Surgery

at the hospital. That meant if a patient from his office was having an emergency, he was
the one to be called in to attend. He had to rotate weekends with the other physicians

for trauma. Which meant if someone was shot or severely injured in an accident and
needed surgery, he had to go in. The pay was good but I often wondered if it was worth

the time we spent apart.

I had purposely applied for the ER position so that I would have great pay and reliable
hours. I often wished Edward had chosen another specialty back in college but I loved

him and that meant loving all of him. - even if I only got to see him for a few hours at a
time. Those few hours were often very hot and heavy. They were definitely worth the

wait.

Before I knew it, I was clocking out and throwing my coat on. I opened the door to exit

the ladies locker room.

"Hello there Swan. You ready to get outta here?" Dr. Hutton surprised me. I jumped

back with my hand over my heart.

"Oh my God!" I gasped. "You surprised me."

He raised his brow suggestively "Is that a good or a bad thing?" Was he flirting with me?
His tone sounded as such but he knew I was taken. He couldn't possibly think he had a

chance, could he?

"I dunno. I guess we will find out." I joked as I shrugged. Dr. Hutton turned on his heels
and we were headed out the doors. The bar was only a quarter of a mile down the

street and the weather was nice enough to walk.

"So what's new with you, Swan?"

"Can you not call me Swan? I do have a first name, ya know?" I replied sarcastically. I
didn't mind being called by my last name in the ER because that's just how things work

around there but I liked to be addressed by my first name when I was off the clock.

He held his hands up. "Whoa, sorry! Didn't mean to make you mad. Let me try again.
What's new with you, Bella?"

I shook my head. "Not much really. Just getting ready for a vacation next month. Edward

and I are going up to the mountains for a week. Just to sort of escape for a while."

"Can I ask a personal question? You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

I nodded. "Shoot."

"Why hasn't Edward married you yet?"

I was taken aback by his extremely forward question. We were co-workers not best
friends. Just because I agreed to a drink with him, didn't give him the right to ask such

personal questions.

"How do you know that it's not my decision? That I'm the one that doesn't want to get
married?" I retorted.

We entered the bar and I was already wishing I hadn't agreed to this. We sat at the bar

and the bartender came over quickly to take our orders. I ordered a rum and Coke. Dr.
Hutton ordered a vodka tonic. We sat in uncomfortable silence for a minute. I was still

angered by his question and I was attempting to calm myself by focusing on something

other than him. I looked at all the people in the bar. There was clearly a prostitute and

her John sitting at the opposite end of the bar. Her profession was made obvious by her
outfit and the way she was stroking this man's arm. There was a young couple who

looked like they had been having a rough night and way too much to drink. Then there
was a middle aged, nicely dressed, well kept woman sitting at the bar steadily downing

shots of liquor. I wondered what her story was. Divorced? Death of a loved one?
Unemployed? Guess I'd never know.

Dr. Hutton cleared his throat. "Swa... Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so intrusive. It's

just that you are such a catch and I can't believe Edward hasn't committed himself to
you in that way."

Was he serious? I was such a catch? What did he know about me outside of work? All he

knew was that I was with Edward.

"Dr. Hutton, its fine. I'm not going to answer your question because I don't feel that it's
any of your business. Can we just stick to conversations not dealing with my love life?" I

asked as I sipped my drink.

"Sure thing, Bella. And if I'm not allowed to call you Swan outside the hospital then you
can't call me Dr. Hutton. Okay?"

I nodded. "Agreed, James."

Chapter 2- Weird

Luckily the rest of my conversation with James had no mention of Edward or my
personal life. We finished our drinks and he offered to pay for mine but I refused. I

made enough money to buy my own drinks.

I had said goodbye to James not long ago and after he made sure that I was in my car
safely, I was on my way home. I hadn't heard from Edward. He was probably sleeping. It

was late after all. While I had the next day off, he had to go in to his office to see
patients.

Edward and I worked at the same hospital but we rarely had any interaction while we

were there. He was either making rounds, in the operating room, or seeing patients in
his private office. I rarely even left the ER. There was, of course, the occasional instance

when I was on duty and he would be called in for a major trauma. Even then, it wasn't
like we were chit chatting. I barely even knew he was there. We both had very

strenuous jobs and took them seriously. We could save the small talk for home or one of
the few times we had lunch together.

I'm sure our relationship was not a secret but we didn't see the need to flaunt it. I
received no special treatment from him. I was a nurse and he was a surgeon. That was

our relationship while inside the walls of the hospital.

Edward was an extremely intelligent man. He graduated in the top two percent of his
medical school class. He came from a wealthy familybut he never relied on their money.

His father was a surgeon in a small town in southern Georgia and he wanted to follow in
his father's footsteps, only in a big city. I always knew Edward was commitment shy and

I never felt the need to pressure him to make more of a commitment to me. Our
relationship had always worked for us. I was never one to rush into marriage and as long

as our relationship worked for us, I didn't care what anyone else thought. We were
partners, lovers and friends. I couldn't ask for anything else from a man who was as

great as him.

I turned into our neighborhood. We only lived a few miles from the hospital campus. It
made our life much easier to live close to campus. The house was completely dark as I

entered the garage. I shut off the car and let down the garage door. As I walked into the
house and couldn't believe how quiet it was. Edward usually slept with the television on.

The only time our house was ever completely quiet was when we weren't home.

I opened the door to our room and noticed Edward peacefully asleep on top of the
covers. The light from the street lamps were peeking through the blinds and I could see

his beautiful face. He was still in his dress shirt and pants he had worn to work. He must
have had a long day at the office.

I showered and put on my pajamas. I couldn't go to bed with the bar smell on me. I

kissed Edward on the forehead and told him I loved him. He hummed in response. I
wanted to take off his pants and shirt so he could sleep comfortably but he looked

peaceful even with all of it on. I decided to leave him as he was and climbed into the
covers on my side of the bed. I quickly drifted off to sleep.

I awoke the next morning to Edward peppering kisses along my neck. "Mmm, good
morning to you too."

"Sorry, love. I didn't mean to wake you. You looked so beautiful while you slept. I just

had to taste you before I went in to work." He continued lightly kissing my neck and jaw
until he reached my ear. He knew my ears were my weakness. He knew exactly what he

was doing.

"You better stop that if you want to make it to work on time." I groaned out as he
continued to lick the length of my ear lobe.

"What are they gonna do? Fire me? I doubt it." His teeth grazed the bottom skin of my

ear and my body shuddered. I could feel myself becoming more aroused by the second.
I was going to explode if he didn't hurry up.

"Mmmm, Edward. Please don't stop." Just then Edward quickly moved his body on top

of mine. I could feel his erection pressed against my core. He needed to take those
stupid pants off that he was still wearing. I moved my hands to his belt buckle and

started to unfasten it. "Take these off, now."

He sprang out of bed and swiftly removed his pants and boxer shorts. He moved back on
top of me and pulled off my underwear. As he licked along my jaw line, he began to rub

my core and a heat wave ran through my whole body. "You're so wet." He whispered in
my ear. "I love it when you get this wet for me."

I could feel myself getting closer to that magical point and I could no longer form actual

sentences. "Mmmm." I pressed my center into his hand. I needed him inside of me.

He moved to position himself where he could finally enter me. My body relaxed as he
fully entered me. It was like my body was made for his. We were two puzzle pieces that

fit together perfectly. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he thrust into me and it felt
like heaven.

"You feel so good, Love." He said into my mouth and he kissed me. There was

something magical about his mouth. His lips were always so soft and his tongue was
smooth. He could work wonders with that mouth.

He continued to thrust into me and I could feel myself being pushed over the edge.

"Ohhhh God, Edward." I dug my fingernails into his back as I finally reached my peak.

"I'm not gonna last much longer. You feel too damn good." With one last thrust I felt
him come inside of me. His body shivered with his release and I ran my fingers through

his sikly hair.

He rolled over onto his back and looked over to me. "Now that is a good morning."

I laughed. "Very true."

He rose from the bed and walked into the bathroom. "I tried to wait up for you last
night but I was exhausted. Did you get stuck at the hospital?"

"No. I went out with Dr. Hutton for a drink after work. We had a stressful night and

needed to relax." I was waiting for his response but he was silent.

I walked over to the bathroom and heard the shower running. "Did you hear me?" I

questioned as I began to wash up at the sink.

"Yeah, I heard you. Why did you go with him?" He sounded mad but I had no idea why. I

knew he and Dr. Hutton had run into each other at the hospital occasionally but I didn't
think Edward actually knew him.

"Like I said, we had a stressful night. We almost lost a guy and we needed to relax. Is this

a problem?" I wasn't used to Edward questioning my social activities and I didn't like it.

"No, not a problem. I had just rather you spend your free time with someone else." I
was still thoroughly confused. If it wasn't a problem, why couldn't I do it?

"Edward, you're confusing me. Since when is it a problem for me to have an after work

drink with a co-worker?" I spat out. I was getting mad. There was clearly more to it than
he was telling me. How could he expect me to honor his request if he couldn't even tell

me why?

He shut off the shower and grabbed the towel to dry off. "It's not a problem, Bella. Do
whatever you want."

I was about to speak when I heard his phone ringing. "It's five thirty in the morning and

you're not on call. Who is calling you this early?"

He wrapped the towel around his waist and continued his morning routine. "Don't
worry about it. I'll call them back on my way to the office."

Edward always answered his phone. He was always afraid a patient needed him and he

didn't want to miss the call. Now he wasn't answering his phone? "You're acting weird,
Edward. It's too early. I had a long night last night and I'm going back to bed. Have a

good day." I walked out of the bathroom and climbed back into bed.

I was almost asleep again when I heard his phone ring again. Something was definitely
up. We would certainly have to talk about it later.

I buried my head under the covers in an attempt to drown out the noise from Edward

and his phone ringing. I was ill and I wanted to sleep. I wanted to take his phone and
throw it across the room. I just wanted it to shut up.

He finally answered the phone. "What? Yeah, I'm getting ready to leave now. I'll be

there in a few." Then he hung up.

Where was he going this early other than his office? Was anyone even at the office yet?
There were so many questions going through my head but I was so tired I couldn't even

really process my thoughts. I needed to sleep. I could deal with this shit later.

I was awakened by my phone ringing. I could see the light pouring in through the blinds

so at least I had gotten a few more hours sleep. I rolled over and grabbed my phone
from the nightstand. It was a text message from Em.

You're off today right? - Emmett

Yeah. Why? What's up?- Bella

I rubbed my eyes in an attempt to wake up a little more while I waited for his response.

Emmett was my big brother and only sibling. He was my best friend also. I always knew I
could count on him to protect me. He was the typical big brother.

Wanna meet me and Rosie for lunch? - Emmett

That sounded like a great idea. He and Rosalie had been together for a couple years and

were pretty serious about each other. She was the only woman I'd ever seen him with
that didn't take his shit. She didn't let him get away with anything and that was saying

alot considering how huge he is. They were made for each other.

Sure! When and where?- Bella

Noon at El Azteca on East Ponce.- Emmett

I'll be there! Love you.- Bella

Love you too.- Emmett

I had a little over two hours to get ready and be there. That was more than enough
time. I showered and dressed and I still couldn't get Edward out of my head. He was

acting so weird. I drove to the restaurant and got us a table.

My mind continued to wonder as I waited for them to arrive. I ordered a drink and
decided to text Edward.

I love you baby. I hope you are having a good day. - Bella

Hopefully he would be out of his weird ass mood by the time he got home and we could

talk about what was bothering him.

Emmett and Rosalie arrived right on time. Emmett greeted me with a huge bear hug as
usual. The man was huge but he was harmless until you crossed him. I gave Rosalie a

quick hug before she sat down.

"I'm so happy to see you two. What's been going on?" I asked.

"Well..." Rosalie started as she held her left hand up and I saw a huge diamond sitting
on her ring finger.

"Oh my God!" I gasped. "When did this happen?"

"Just last night. I couldn't risk the chance of someone stealing away my Rosie." Emmett

said as he kissed her cheek.

I slapped his arm. "I can't believe you didn't tell me before you asked her!"

"Ow, I didn't want you to tell her! I wanted to surprise her. Don't hit me again!"

"I'm so happy for you two! This is great news!" I exclaimed. I knew it was only lunchtime
but this was definitely cause for celebration. I summoned the waiter and ordered a

round of margaritas for the table.

"Thanks, Bella." Rosalie said. "Will you help me with the wedding planning? I'm clueless
with all of this stuff."

"Of course, but you know I have zero experience right?"

"Yeah but I can use all the help I can get. You know Emmett wants this to be a big

show."

Emmett simply shrugged his shoulders. He always loved the chance to be the center of
attention.

I looked at Emmett. "Have you told Mom and Dad yet?"

"No, we wanted to tell you first. We are gonna go see them this weekend and tell

them."

Our parents lived about an hour outside of the city. It wasn't that far of a drive but far
enough to where you wanted to stay for a while.

"Oh I know who can help us! Alice! Edward's sister. She's a stylist, who loves to plan

weddings just for the hell of it. She's been trying to get Edward and I married just to plan
the wedding. She'd be perfect."

"That sounds great!"

We finished lunch and said our goodbyes. I was really happy for them. I started the drive

back to the house and noticed I still hadn't heard from Edward. It never took him that
long to respond.

I guess you're still being weird. Fine. - Bella

Edward and I rarely fought about anything but when we did, it wasn't good. We both

have very strong personalities and it's hard for either one of us to admit we were wrong.

I'm not being weird. Just busy. I'll see you at home tonight.- Edward

Now I was even more pissed off. Was I just imagining all the weirdness?

Chapter 3- Pushing

I didn't care what Edward said, he was being weird and that was the bottom line. He

never took that long to respond to me. Even if he was in surgery, he would have a nurse
call or text me back. His words were not adding up with his actions. Edward and I had

been together long enough for me to know his mannerisms and habits. Things like that
just don't change overnight without a cause.

Once I arrived back at home I attempted to sit down and relax on the couch. Try to

watch some TV or something. My mind, however, had other plans. I couldn't seem to sit
still. My mind just couldn't let go of Edward's behavior and there was no way I could sit

and watch mundane TV at that time. I decided to clean the house instead. That was
pointless, also. We had a maid service that came in twice a week to do all the hard

cleaning. All we had to do was basically pick up after ourselves. I had to relieve my mind
somehow and I decided to go for a run instead. I changed clothes and locked the door

behind me. I stuck my key in shoe and fastened my iPod on my arm. After setting it to
the proper angry workout music, I took off down the street. It was a good day for a run.

The weather was nice. I could feel the sun on my skin and hear the birds chirping in the
trees above me. There was a nice breeze that kept me cool. My mind felt lighter with

each step. The blood coursing swiftly through my veins was working wonders for
relieving my tension.

I looked at my watch and noticed that forty five minutes had passed. I usually didn't run

for that long but I still felt like I had plenty of energy to release.

Edward wasn't on call and I knew he should've been home not long after his office
closed. By the time I finished showering and dressing, he should be there. I had just

finished drying my hair when I heard the front door shut. I waited a few moments to see
if he was going to say anything. He would usually call out something to let me know he

was home.

Silence.

I descended the stairs and noticed Edward sitting on the couch flipping through

channels. I was still mad but I wasn't going to start this conversation out with him on the
defensive.

"Hey Baby. How was work?" I questioned as I sat down next to him.

"Just another day at the office." He responded without even looking at me.

We sat in silence for a while. I wanted him to answer my questions. I wanted him to stop

acting weird. I wanted normal Edward back. My mind kept trying to think of ways to
ease into this conversation with him. Knowing it would blow up into a fight and I wasn't

ready for that, I kept my mouth closed. That was until I couldn't take it anymore.

"Edward," I began. "We need to talk."

"About what?"

"About how you've been acting."

"How I've been acting?" He asked harshly. "What does that mean?"

"It means that you've been acting weird. I know you say that you haven't been but from
where I stand, you have been weird."

He looked at me quizzically. As if he honestly had no idea what I was talking about.

"Specifically, Bella, what have I done that's weird?"

"You took hours to respond to me earlier today. When usually you at least send a quick
text or have an assistant respond to me. You let your phone ring over and over this

morning before you finally answered it and we both know you always answer your
phone. You sounded mad about me having a drink with Dr. Hutton. Then you didn't say

good bye to me this morning or say anything when you got home. Is that enough for
you?" I was getting more and more heated as the conversation continued. He was trying

to make it seem like I was imagining everything.

"Are you serious right now Bella?"

"Yes. I am dead serious."

"Okay, fine." He started. "The reason I took so long to respond to you today was

because I had a ton of patients in the office and I just didn't have time to respond to you

or to have one of my staff respond for me. The office was crazy today."

"Okay."

"I didn't answer my phone this morning because I was running late after having sex with
you. I thought you would understand that."

"Fine." I wasn't sure how much of this I was buying. It all sounded plausible but it just

didn't sound like him.

"I didn't say bye to you because you were buried under the covers and I didn't want to
wake you. I'm sorry I didn't say anything when I got home. I'm just really tired." He sat

back against the couch and let out a deep breath. "Are we good now?"

"You still didn't tell me why you had a problem with me and Dr. Hutton having a drink
last night."

His jaw hardened as he rubbed his forehead.

"Why don't you want me around him?"

"It's not just him. It's all men. I see how they look at you. You are so beautiful and they

look at you like you are their next meal. I guess it was just my jealous side showing."

"Edward, I don't buy it. I've had drinks with all kinds of men from work and you've never
said anything. Why James?"

"You're calling him James now?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "Seriously? Does it matter what I call him? You've never been

jealous of anyone I've spent time with in the past. What's the difference now?"

"I guess it's just that I'm getting older and I'm afraid you will find someone better than
me." He said as he looked down at his lap.

He had never been insecure or jealous before and it didn't suit him.

"Oh please, Edward. I've been in love with you from day one and you know that. I don't

want anyone else. I don't care how old you are, you will always be my Edward." I
reached for his hand. I was still a little skeptic of his explanations but I had no reason not

to believe him. We had always been honest with each other.

He held my hand inside of his and lightly kissed it. "I love you. I'm sorry to make you

worry."

"I love you, too." I moved over to kiss him and as our lips touched the spark was still

there. It was the same spark we always had.

"You wanna go get some dinner? I'm famished." He asked.

"Sure."

The rest of the night went smoothly. He seemed like my normal Edward and I was happy
to have him back. We didn't stay out too late. I had a long shift the next night and

Edward had office hours again in the morning. We fell asleep that night cuddled against
each other.

My night in the ER started out as usual. Sick people who refused to go to a family

practice clinic and insisted that their runny nose was the end of the world. Kids who had
fallen, sprained an ankle or broken a bone. There were no major traumas and it was

refreshing.

I hadn't run into Dr. Hutton. I knew from the board that he was on duty but he must
have been busy. It wasn't uncommon for a doctor to be on duty and me not see them

the entire twelve hour shift.

"Earth to Bella!"

I snapped out of my trance. "Hey, Ang. What are you doing here?" Angela was also a
nurse in the ER. She and I had been working together for about five years and had

become pretty good friends. She was a very loyal, honest, and trusting person and an
amazing nurse.

"They called me in because Lisa got sick and had to go home. Can you believe that? I've

been home from vacation for like half a day and they're already calling me in."

"How was the beach?" I asked. She and her new boyfriend Eric had just taken their first
vacation together to Miami. I had only met him once and he seemed like a great guy. He

was a special education teacher who seemed to have a big heart.

"It was amazing! I didn't want to come back. The sand looks like sugar and the water is
so clear. Eric and I had so much fun. I really like him!" She said grinning from ear to ear.

"Awe, that's great Ang!" She deserved to be happy. To have someone treat her like the

beautiful person she was.

"Thanks but back to real life, ya know?" She commented as she rolled her eyes.

Angela and I carried on chatting for a while until we had new patients to attend to.

I escorted my patient to the curtain area. After getting her vital signs and medical
history, I did a quick physical exam and drew some blood. She was having right lower

abdominal pain and it could've been caused by a few different factors. I informed her
that a doctor would be in to see her and for her to sit back and try to relax. I knew she

needed an ultrasound but that would have to wait for a doctor to order.

As I exited the area, I was writing notes in her chart when I bumped into someone. I
looked up just as I heard his voice.

"There you are Swan!" He exclaimed with a big smile on his face.

"Hey Dr. Hutton. Sorry I bumped into you."

"I'm not. How are you tonight?" He asked.

"Not too bad. Are you busy? Do you have time to see this patient for me?" There was no

need in waiting for another doctor is he wasn't busy.

"No. I just finished up with my last patient. What ya got?" He asked reaching for the
patient's chart.

I handed the chart over to him. "Twenty seven year old female, low grade fever, right

lower quadrant abdominal pain and tenderness, normal vitals."

"Blood work yet?"

"It's drawn but I haven't had a chance to send it off yet. I bumped into you first."

"Great." He began as he entered the curtain. "Let's do this."

I followed behind him. Male physicians always had to have a female chaperon when
they examined a female patient.

Dr. Hutton greeted the patient and performed a quick physical exam on her. "Nurse

Swan, please have radiology perform an abdominal ultrasound and send her labs off."

"I'm on it."

Dr. Hutton informed the patient of what was going to happen and we exited the room.

"I swear sometimes I'm not even needed. You could see these patients without me." He

stated as he signed the chart and handed it to me.

"Thanks but someone has to get paid the big bucks," I said with a smirk on my face.

He laughed. "Right."

I sent the blood work to the lab and put the order in for the ultrasound. It was time to

sit and wait on everyone else to do their job so we could finish ours.

"How was your day off yesterday?" He asked.

"It was pretty good. Found out that my brother is getting married. Rosalie, his fiancée,
wants me to help plan the wedding. I know nothing about weddings. I'll probably do

more damage than good."

"That can't be true. I'm sure you'll be tons of help." He said. "Ya know, you and Edward
could just get married at the same time. Have a two for one."

I knew he couldn't go too long without some snide comment about my relationship.

Why did he care so much?

"Dr. Hutton, didn't we just have this conversation the other night?"

He held his hands up. "Sorry. Sorry. Sometimes I say things without thinking."

"I can see that."

"Forgive me?" He asked with a sad puppy dog look on his face.

"Whatever." His comments had to end before it got ugly between us.

"One thing I will say though," he began. "You are far too smart and beautiful to be a
career girlfriend. That's it."

"Like I've said before, it's really none of your business." I was seriously annoyed with

him. Even if he was interested in me, which he couldn't be, making snide remarks about
my relationship wasn't the way to get me to like him. It was clear that he wasn't used to

having to rely on actually talking to girls. I'm sure with his looks and the M.D. behind his
name; he didn't have to actually say anything.

It began to occur to me that there was more to the James versus Edward thing than I

knew about. Edward had never been jealous of another man and James seemed dead
set in his opinion that I was too good for Edward. I felt like I was back in high school or

on Grey's Anatomy. I was going to have to see what I could find out about Dr. Hutton. I

knew pretty much everything about Edward, or so I thought. I knew practically nothing

about Dr. Hutton. That would have to change. I couldn't deal with a jealous boyfriend at
home and the comments from James at work.

Chapter 4- Signature

Dr. James Hutton seemed like a regular guy on paper. Just an average guy. A really good
looking, intelligent, persistent, doctor guy. I wasn't taking him at face value anymore.

His blond hair and baby blue eyes couldn't hide his true self from me. I was determined
to find out who he really was.

I spent any free second I had at work in an attempt to dig up dirt on him. I wasn't having

a lot of luck though. All I managed to find after Googling him was that he was a graduate
of Harvard Medical School and was now an Emergency Medicine physician at Atlanta

Medical Center. I knew all that shit already. I needed dirt. Hadn't he gotten a speeding
ticket or been arrested for something while he was a juvenile? His record was spotless.

No illegitimate children lingering around. The man seemed perfect and that made me
question him even more. No one is perfect. Even Edward had been arrested for being

drunk and disorderly when he was in undergraduate school.

I had almost become obsessed with digging up dirt on Dr. Hutton. Edward didn't like me
spending any of my free time with him and that added to my suspicion about him.

Edward never cared who I spent time with so there had to be a good reason.

Little slivers of light had begun to peer through the curtains and I knew soon Edward
would wake. This was one of our rare days off together. And it was a Saturday. That

hardly ever happened. He, of course, didn't have office hours on the weekends but I
almost always had to work the weekends. It was just a part of the job I become

accustomed to.

Rolling over to face Edward, I gently kissed his cheek. Today was going to be a good day.
We would spend the day together in the city. Maybe take a walk in the park or grab

some lunch at our favorite little cafe. Dr. Hutton wasn't going to invade my mind today.
Whatever had been bothering Edward had hopefully left his mind.

I snuggled into his side and inhaled his manly smell. He never smelled anything other

than nice. He was always very particular about hygiene. It didn't matter if it was
brushing his teeth, or shaving, or showering. Hygiene was just his thing.

"Good morning." I whispered as I saw his eyelids flutter.

"Mmm, morning." He hugged me closer to him and kissed my forehead.

"We have the whole day together right?" I asked. I already knew the answer but I
wanted confirmation that he wasn't on call. I didn't want to lose him right in the middle

of our day.

"We sure do. Any idea of what you'd like to do today?"

"Sure do. I wanna go for a walk in Piedmont Park and then I wanna go to our cafe for
lunch." I said confidently with a wide grin splayed on my face.

"That sounds good to me."

We lay in bed for a few minutes longer. No words were spoken. Only the sounds of our

hearts beating. I rose from bed to take a shower and I was surprised when he joined me.
He washed my body like I was a delicate silk. His hands were like magic as they moved

precisely over my skin. Barely touching me where I needed him the most and just
enough to make me want him even more. He made slow, sensual, passionate, love to

me in the shower. There was no rushing or force. There was only love.

"Can you believe Rose and Em are getting married?" I asked as we sat on a bench in the

park. It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining and it wasn't too hot. The birds were
chirping and the grass was green. It seemed as if all was right in the world.

"It seems a little rushed to me but whatever floats their boat."

"Rushed? Are you serious? They've been dating for four years. That's not rushed."

Edward's perception of time seemed to be different than the rest of the worlds. We had
been dating since I was twenty one and that was nine years ago. Maybe Edward wanted

them to date for nine years like we were.

"Like I said, whatever floats their boat. I just think they should wait a little while longer."

"I can't believe you are saying this. You know how perfect they are for each other. Not
everyone lives on the Edward time scale." I retorted frustratingly. We were having a

great day together and I was just making simple conversation about my family when he
had to turn it into something else. Couldn't he have just said "That's great. I'm happy for

them." Would that have been so hard? I understood his views on marriage but his views
weren't applicable for the rest of the world.

"The Edward time scale? What does that mean?" He asked sarcastically as he shifted on

the bench to look directly in my eyes.

"It means that not everyone feels the need to date for nine years before they commit

themselves to one another. Four years together is plenty of time to know if you want to

spend your life with someone. Not everyone is as scared of marriage as you are." I could
feel my blood pumping swiftly through my veins. I was getting upset about something

that didn't even really matter. I couldn't help myself though. I just wanted him to be
happy for my brother.

The sun was straight over our heads as we sat in uncomfortable silence on the bench. I

didn't want to argue with him anymore of someone else's wedding. The fact that my
brother was getting married had nothing to do with Edward and I. I hoped he

understood that.

"You hungry?" He asked.

"Yeah. You?"

"Let's go eat." He said as he stood and took my hand in his.

We walked the short distance to the cafe. This was our cafe. We considered it ours since
we found ourselves there almost weekly when we first met. It seemed to be out

meeting place as we both studied.

As we entered Edward went to the counter to order our food and I went to sit at our
regular booth. We always ordered the same food and drinks. Grilled chicken spring salad

and caramel latte for me. Southwest chicken panini and black coffee for Edward.

I sat at the booth taking in my surroundings and thinking about everything. Nothing ever
changed about the cafe. There were a few booths in the back with tears in the benches.

A group of wobbly wooden tables and chairs sat in the front of the cafe. The counter
was wood and had all kinds of initials carved into it. There was a small space for

ordering food and another small space to the left for the order to be picked up. A huge
chalkboard was behind the counter to display the daily specials or new drinks. It was

small but it had personality and held a lot of history for us.

The cafe was the first place we held hands. Our first kiss was just outside of the front
door. After any kind of concert or charity benefit we always found ourselves settled into

this same booth. It was like a second home to us.

"Here ya go." Edward said as he sat our food down. He held a small box out to me.

I took the box from his hands questioningly. "What's this?"

"Nothing much. Just your favorite." He replied as he reached for his sandwich.

I opened the box to find a half dozen white chocolate macadamia nut cookies. He was

right. They were my favorite. I held a weakness for good cookies and these were the

best within the city. The cookies were apparently his silent way of apologizing for his
comments earlier.

"Thank you."

"Anytime."

We ate our lunch and made lots of small talk about nothing of any importance. We were

just about ready to leave when Edward's phone rang.

"Dr. Cullen." He answered.

I gazed out of the window as I ate a cookie. The streets were bustling with cars and
people walking hurriedly to wherever they had to be.

"I'm not supposed to be on call. Dr. Jones is supposed to be on call this weekend."

I already knew what was coming. Even though he wasn't supposed to be on call, he

would go in. He would never allow a patient to suffer simply because he wasn't
technically on call.

"Fine. I'll be there in fifteen." He ended the call and began to type something into his

phone. "Bella..."

"It's okay. I already know. Go ahead."

"I'm really sorry but Dr. Jones is stuck in another case and they have a patient that
cannot wait for him."

"I understand. It's okay."

"How will you get home?" He asked since we had taken his car into the city.

"I'll take the train or maybe I'll call Alice and see if she's busy."

He stood up and moved around the table to kiss me goodbye. "I'm sorry again. I'll see

you at home later."

"Bye." I said lowly as I watched him walk out of the door.

As I continued to eat my cookies, I decided to call Alice. I hadn't seen her in a while and I
needed to ask her about helping with Rosalie's wedding. She answered on the first ring

and was her usual chipper, energetic self. She had just finished her work for the day and

said she'd love to hang out with me. I waited for her in the cafe. I knew she wouldn't be

long. She didn't know how to drive speed limit.

Her silver convertible BMW pulled up and parked right in front of the door. I climbed
into the passenger seat and hugged her quickly before she sped out onto the street.

"So, Bella, how are you? I feel like I haven't seen you in ages."

"I'm good. How are you and the wonderful Jasper?"

"Fabulous! But you already knew that, didn't you?" She laughed.

We chatted for a few minutes before I told her about Rose's wedding. She was ecstatic

that I asked her to help. Just like I knew she would be.

"Call Rosalie now. Have her meet us at your house and we can go ahead and start
planning!" She exclaimed.

Rosalie was just getting off of work and said she would come to my house right away.

Alice had to stop at a few stores to grab bridal magazines and some organization
supplies. Rosalie was about to have the wedding of a lifetime and she didn't even know

it yet.

Alice and I sat down at the kitchen table and began to sort through everything she had
purchased. "When are you going to marry my brother?" She asked sarcastically.

"Don't you start! You already know how your brother is. It's not me that doesn't want to

get married. It's all on him." The marriage question had come up in the last few years
more than I'd ever like to answer. I was tempted to respond to everyone "fuck off" but

that would be too rude.

"I know I know. I'm just giving you a hard time. I just love you both so much and I know
you love each other. I have such great ideas for your wedding and I'd like to do it before

we are all ancient."

"Talk to your brother. You are talking to the wrong person."

Rosalie arrived and Alice went into full on wedding planner mode. Poor Rose barely got
a word in. I simply sat back and smiled and nodded. My assistance really wasn't

necessary. Alice had it covered.

I took a break from the madness to retrieve the mail and use the bathroom. I sat at the
island in the kitchen to sort through the mail. I couldn't interfere with Alice's display on

the table.

Bills were all we ever received anymore. Except for the occasional charity event invite. I
opened the bills and scanned through them to make sure there weren't any fraudulent

charges. I was always in charge of paying the bills. My cards, Edward's cards-it didn't
matter. If I didn't take the initiative to pay them, they would never get paid.

As I scanned the American Express bill I noticed a charge that certainly wasn't from me

and there was no way it could have been Edward's. The rest of the charges looked
correct. Who steals a credit card number for one charge? It didn't make any sense to

me. I needed to find out what was going on.

"Ladies..." I began as I interrupted Alice in the middle of one of her brilliant ideas. "I
have to go make a call. I'll be in the office if you need anything."

"Okay." Alice responded waving me off.

I sat down in our home office and dialed the number to the American Express customer

service. After holding for about twenty minutes and being transferred to five different
people I finally was connected with the correct department.

"Hi, Betty, I think there has been a fraudulent charge on my card and I'm wondering if

you can give me a little more information about it."

"Sure, first I need to verify your identity." I proceeded to give her my name, social
security number and date of birth. "Thank you Ms. Swan. What charge is in question?"

"There is a charge for the Omni Hotel in Atlanta. I was wondering if you could provide

me with a copy of the signature given for that charge."

"Just one second. Let me take a look." A few seconds later she returned. "Do you have
access to a fax machine?"

"Yes, I do."

"I can fax you a copy of the signature if that would help?"

"That would be great." I gave her the number to our fax and she gave me her direct line

to contact her back if I felt the charge was indeed fraud.

The call was ended and I sat in front of the machine anxiously waiting for the fax to
come through. I could still hear Rose and Alice going over ideas for the wedding. If I was

being honest, I would have to admit that I was a little jealous of my brother and Rosalie.
It didn't seem fair that my little brother was getting married before me.

The fax slowly came through and I could see it. I hoped it hadn't been true but it was

there in black and white.

Edward's signature.

His signature wasn't one that could be replicated.

I didn't want to jump to conclusions about why he had bought a hotel room but I
couldn't help myself. My pulse was racing and my hands were sweaty. I didn't know

what to do. How could I go back in there with his sister and act like nothing is wrong?

I needed to compose myself. I didn't know the circumstances yet and I couldn't act like
the world had ended.

After a few minutes to myself in an attempt to calm down, I walked back into the

kitchen. It looked like things were winding down with the wedding planning.

"I have to go. I'm going to be late meeting Jasper." Alice said as she began collecting all
of her things. "Rose, I'll call you to go over some things."

"Okay." Rose replied.

"Bye! Talk to you soon!" She called as she flew through the door.

Not long after Rose had to leave also. She didn't want to keep her new fiancee waiting

on her at home. We said our goodbyes and I was left in the house all alone.

I hadn't heard anything from Edward since he left and I had no idea when he would be
back home. There were many times throughout the evening when I would pick up my

phone and start to text him but then I'd delete the whole thing. I didn't want to start
that conversation out over a text message. It was something that needed to be handled

in person. I was getting more and more anxious as I waited on him and decided to drink
some wine to calm myself.

The last thing I remember was reading the clock at 11:23 pm and Edward still wasn't

home.

Chapter 5-Confrontation

"Bella, where do you think you are going?" Edward growled. "You can't leave me. I

won't allow it." He grabbed my wrist as I walked towards the front door. My eyes were
red and puffy and my cheeks were stained with tears. He had broken my heart and I had

to get away from him.

I yanked my arm away as I turned to face him. My body was overtaken with rage and

hurt. "I'm leaving Edward. I can't stay here with you when I know you are cheating on
me." I looked in his face and saw no regret. All I saw was pure anger. He no longer

looked like the man I fell in love with all those years ago. The man in front of me was a
monster. "Goodbye Edward."

As I grabbed my bag and walked to the door, I heard something click behind me. "If I

can't have you, no one can." He said calmly before I turned around to look at him and
came face to face with the barrel of a gun.

"Oh shit!" I exclaimed as I awoke. It was only a dream. Thank God.

I was still on the couch and was covered in sweat. My hair was plastered to my face and

I felt like I couldn't breathe. The dream had seemed so real, too real in fact. Edward had
turned into a completely different person in my dream. That statement seemed true for

the real Edward too.

I walked to the kitchen for a glass of water and glanced at the clock. 3:43 am. I looked
out of the window and saw Edward's car parked in front of the garage. He was finally

home and didn't even bother to wake me. He just left me on the couch.

As I finished my water, I wondered how to confront Edward about the hotel. How could
I ask him without sounding accusatory? I tended to be a bit forward and abrasive at

times and this was one of those times that I needed to shut down that part of me.

I walked up the stairs and to our room. After opening the closed door, I saw him
sleeping soundly on his side of the bed. The room was dark and the only light came from

the street lamps peeking through the blinds. I walked over and stood in front of him
simply staring. The man that had made so happy for so long now held the ability to

shatter it all. A million thoughts raced through my head as I watched him. I wanted to
confront him but then again, I didn't. I wanted to know the truth and I didn't. I was

anxious, confused, hurt, stressed. I was one big ball of emotions.

It wouldn't do any good to wake him up and confront him in the middle of the night.
That would've been asking for a huge fight.

I walked around the bed and sat down on my side. I couldn't bring myself to slide

underneath the covers or even lay down for that matter. I wasn't comfortable being in
such close proximity to Edward. Not until I knew for certain that he hadn't cheated on

me.

In the end, I went back downstairs and cleaned everything in sight until it was time to

get ready for work. I had to do something to occupy my mind. Watching TV was useless

in the middle of the night. All there was on TV were infomercials and porn. Neither of
which I had been in the mood for. Cleaning was a great outlet for stress too. I pretended

to say all the things I wanted to say to Edward to the sink as I scrubbed it.

I made it to work early, which never happens. I had to get out of that house. Hopefully
the patients would keep my mind busy for the next twelve hours. Hopefully Angela and I

could talk trash and have no mention of Edward.

I pulled my purse off my shoulder and placed it in my locker. I pulled my hair back in a
low ponytail, loaded my pockets with pens, and grabbed my stethoscope.

"Hey Bella." Angela sang as she entered the room. "Ready to deal with the crazies

today?"

"Hey Ang. Yeah, I guess. We don't have much choice, do we?" I responded as I sat on the
bench.

"Well we could just tell the patients to fuck off and go somewhere else." She joked.

"True. And then we could go find new jobs too." I laughed. Angela was always making

sarcastic jokes. She was hilarious. We often found ourselves in trouble after long shifts
together. Twelve hours in a small space with each other and patients driving us crazy

seemed to equal cabin fever of some sort for us. If anyone could keep me entertained, it
was her.

"Let's get this show on the road."

"If we have to."

We exited the locker room and made our way to the nurse's station. It was time to

check the board and see which doctors were there and what kind of patient load we had
walked into. A quick scan of the doctors names and there was one I hoped I wouldn't

see, Dr. Hutton.

No such luck. There it was. Dr. J. Hutton: 7a-7p.

What kind of shit luck was I having? Had he bribed one of the other physicians to switch
shifts or something? How was it possible that he was always here at the same time as

me? It wasn't that I disliked Dr. Hutton but a girl can only get hit on so much by the
same person. And he was always prying into my personal business, which was no

concern of his.

I began to rub my temples while taking deep breaths.

"What's wrong?" Angela asked.

"Nothing."

"You're lying. Out with it."

"Dr. Hutton."

"What about him?"

"He keeps hitting on me and telling me how I'm too good for Edward. Just a bunch of
shit but it gets old. I wish he'd just leave me alone."

"Well don't look up then."

My eyes shot up to meet hers. "Why?"

"He's walking up right behind you."

"Fuck!" I said under my breath as I walked in the opposite direction. Angela quickly

followed beside me. I knew I'd have to run into him at some point during the day but I
wasn't ready to deal with him yet.

"When did this start?"

"While you were on vacation. I agreed to have a drink with him and he apparently

thought it was a life invitation."

"He is really hot though."

We rounded the corner and I glared at her in surprise. "What?"

"He's hot. Come on, you don't see it?"

"That has nothing to do with it. I'm taken. I don't want him."

"Fine. I'm just saying." She shrugged.

"I'm gonna do some work, Ang. I'll talk to you later." As I walked away, I heard her
giggling behind me. "Stop it, Ang. I can hear you."

"Fine. Fine. I'm done."

The day turned out to be pretty average. A sprained ankle here, a sore throat there.

Nothing out of the ordinary. Just an average day in the ER. I avoided Dr. Hutton like the
plague. Angela would see me across the room and shoot me crazy looks.

Omni Hotel.

Angela and I took our lunch together and sat outside since the weather was nice. It was

warm, sunny, and quiet. There were a few pigeons along the sidewalk but that was to be
expected.

"So, no run-ins with Dr. Hutton yet?"

"Thankfully, no. Why can't guys accept that a no is a 'no'?"

"Have you actually told him no?"

Of course I had told him no. "Yeah, I think. He knows I'm with Edward. He shouldn't

have tried in the first place."

"True. But you know how men can be. You have to spell it out for them. Otherwise they
think the opportunity is still there." We went back to eating our lunch and watching the

pigeons.

Edward.

"Ladies, how are we this afternoon?" I knew the voice before I looked up. That fucker
had found me. I should've known.

"Fine, Dr. Hutton. How are you?" Angela replied. She was playing into his game and I

wanted to slap her.

"I'm great. It's a beautiful day. Isn't it Isabella?" Isabella? I haven't been called that since
I was twelve.

"Yep and it's Bella or did you forget?"

"Oooh touchy touchy. I just like the way Isabella rolls off my tongue. It's such a beautiful

name and you deserve such a great name." He sat down at our table. I had no idea why
he thought he was invited to sit with us.

"Dr. Hutton, my name is Bella, not Isabella or Nurse Swan. I've told you this before." I

retorted as I gathered my things from the table. "Angela, I'll see you back inside."

"Okay." Angela replied.

"Bella, I..." Dr. Hutton started but I held up my hand to stop him.

I walked into the restroom and just sat for a while. Even though random thoughts of
Edward or that stupid hotel charge had popped into my head periodically, I hadn't really

thought about the situation with Edward and I was thankful. I pulled my phone out of
my pocket and there weren't any texts or messages from him. But then again, he didn't

know anything was wrong. He had no idea that I knew about the hotel.

I sat at the desk to finish a patient's chart when I was interrupted. "Bella, I didn't mean
to upset you earlier. I was just playing with you."

"It's fine Dr. Hutton. I've just got some things on my mind today." I responded without

looking up. I wanted to finish my work and I wanted him to move along.

"Oh, okay. Anything you want to talk about? I'm a great listener, ya know?"

"Really? Never would have imagined that."

"I am. Seriously. I promise not to put in my two cents." He said as he sat in the chair next
to mine.

I turned my head to look at him. "I don't want to talk about it but thanks." I went back

to writing in the chart. Couldn't he take the hint? Go away already.

Edward and another woman. The thought almost made me vomit.

He reached for my left hand and held it lightly. I confusedly looked at him. I wanted to
snatch my hand away but his hands were surprisingly soft and warm.

"Bella, I know you don't think of me as a friend but that's what I'd like to be. I'd like to

be here for you for whatever you need. I really am a great listener and I won't subject
you to my opinions. I promise."

He wanted to be friends? I wasn't so sure he was capable of that but we did have to

work together. I needed to maintain a civil relationship with him.

"Thanks. Of course we can be friends."

"Great. Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?" He asked as he released my hand.
I did want to talk about it but not just yet. I needed to sort things out and get answers

before I started talking about everything.

"I'm certain."

"Okay, I'm here when you need me."

"Thanks." I responded as he walked away. I hoped we could be friends but knowing him,
it wouldn't last too long and I seriously doubted his ability to keep his opinions to

himself.

My shift ended and Angela invited me for a drink afterwards. We deserved a reward as
she put it, for dealing with all of the crap during the day. I wasn't feeling very social but I

decided to go and have just one drink. Maybe it would relax me and the conversation
with Edward would be easier.

"I'll have my usual." I said to Felix. He had been the bartender for years and knew

exactly what my usual was.

"Me too, Felix."

As we took our seats at the bar I couldn't help but notice the same woman sitting in the
same spot at the bar as the last time I was there. She was very nicely dressed. Her hair

was in perfect place and her make up was flawless. She was still downing shots like
there was no tomorrow and she was still alone.

I nudged Angela with my elbow. "Hey," I started. "You see that woman across the bar?"

"Yeah. What about her?"

Felix brought our drinks. "Enjoy ladies."

We both took a sip of our drinks. "Have you ever seen her before?"

"I don't know. I don't pay too much attention to the people in here. Why?"

"I saw her last time I was in here. She was dressed in the same manner. She always looks

so polished and poised but she's always taking shot after shot. And her face just looks so
sad. I wonder what her story is."

"Leave it to you to notice some crazy drunk woman sitting at the bar. She probably has a

high paying job that she hates, a man that doesn't appreciate her and no friends. Hence
the all alone, drunk, beautiful facade."

I laughed at her assumptions. "I don't think so. I think there's more to it than that."

Thirty minutes later and we had finished our drinks. I knew it was time to head home.

There was no use in putting off the inevitable. I needed answers and only Edward could

give them to me. Angela and I said our goodbyes and I made the short drive home.

I walked in the house and didn't see Edward. His car was there so I knew he was home. I

set my things down in the kitchen and walked to the office. He was often in there
working on something.

The door to the office was closed. I opened it and walked in. Edward was sitting at the

desk with his feet propped up and talking on the phone.

He smiled at me and waved for me sit down. "Alright Sam, I'll talk to you soon then. I'll
have the offer sent over in the morning." He sat the phone on the receiver.

"Hey love. How was your day?"

Love? Now he was being sweet? "It was fine. How was yours?" I was trying to remain

calm but I was growing more anxious with each passing second.

"Pretty good. I think we are going to have a new doctor join the practice." He said as he
stacked the papers on his desk.

No longer able to continue with the small talk, I had to ask the question that had been

bothering me all day.

"Edward, we need to talk. I need to ask you something."

"Um, okay. What is it?"

"I need you to stop messing with those papers and focus on me while I ask this." The
least he could do was give me his full attention. This was hard enough as it was.

He stopped shuffling the papers and looked up at me. "Alright."

"Is... I... What..." I couldn't even produce a sentence. The fear inside of me took over. I

knew deep down that this conversation wasn't going to end how I had hoped.

"What is it Bella?"

"I ..." I stopped to take a deep breath as I looked into his emerald green eyes. "I saw the
American Express statement."

"Okay."

"I saw the charge for the Omni Hotel."

"Okay."

"I knew it wasn't mine so I called to verify that you had signed for the charge and they

faxed me a copy of the bill with your signature."

"Okay."

"Okay? Is that all you are gonna say? Why did you pay for a room at that hotel?"

"I used the card to pay for Sam's room when he came to interview for the position at
the office."

"I'm supposed to believe that?" I was getting angry. I felt like he was insulting my

intelligence.

"Yes, you are. It's the truth."

"Well I don't. You've never even spoken about Sam until today and you've been acting
really weird for the past couple weeks."

"How have I been acting weird?"

"You never call me anymore. You're getting weird phone calls at all hours of the night.

You leave me in the middle of our day when you aren't supposed to be on call. You
come home late as hell and don't bother to let me know you are okay. You've never

been like this before and that makes me not believe what you are saying."

"Bella, you know there has been a lot going on at the office lately. It's crazy and I'm
sorry if it's made you think something different."

It sounded good but I didn't believe him. My gut feeling had never been wrong before

and it was telling me there was more to it than work.

"Then why didn't his hotel go on the company card? That is what you have that for."

"I had let the office manager use my card to buy things for the office and I didn't have it
when it came time to purchase Dr. Uley's room."

He had an answer for everything and it was pissing me off. "Why didn't your office

manager arrange his hotel? That's her job isn't it? She doesn't get paid eighty grand a
year to buy supplies right?" I knew my tone was getting out of control but he really was

testing me with theses answers. How dumb did he think I was? Did he think I was just
going to fall for whatever answer he gave me?

He stood up from the chair and I could see the anger building up inside of him. "Bella,

I'm not discussing this any further. I'm telling you the truth. If you can't accept it then
it's your problem. Not mine." He growled before walking out of the office and down the

hall.

"You're not getting out of it that easy Edward. This conversation is not done. I want the
real answer. You're lying to my face and I know it." I shouted as I followed behind him

up the stairs.

He didn't say anything but I could hear him breathing roughly. I was getting to him and I
knew it. I was going to get the truth out of him in one way or another.

"Quit walking away from me!"

"I'm not playing into your games Bella."

"I'm not playing games Edward, you are. You think after all these years I don't know

when something is going on with you?"

He turned to face me. "Then you don't know anything because nothing is going on with
me. I haven't done anything for you to act this way towards me."

I threw my hands up. "Are you serious? Finding your signature on a hotel bill that I had

no knowledge of, isn't reason to act this way?"

"No. I told you the truth."

"And now you're insulting my intelligence again. I want the fucking truth Edward. I
deserve that much."

"I already told you the truth." He said lowly as he began taking his work clothes off.

"That's bullshit and you know it. This would've been a lot less difficult if you had just told

me the truth when I first asked but now you're lying to my face and shattering every bit
of trust I ever had in you. I can't even look at you right now." I shouted as I walked to

the closet and grabbed my suitcase.

I didn't want to leave the house but it was clear that he wasn't going to admit to
anything and I couldn't keep looking at such a liar. I began throwing everything I could

find into the suitcase.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm leaving. I can't be around you right now. You think I'm stupid and you're lying to my

face. I need some time away from you." I walked into the bathroom to grab my

toiletries. I'd rather stay in a cardboard box than look at him for another second.

"Don't leave."

"Why should I stay? You don't want me anymore. You have some bitch on the side that
is more important than me. You've made that clear without actually being a man and

admitting to what you've done." I shoved him with my shoulder as I walked past him. I
wanted to hit him in the nuts with my foot but shoving him was a start.

"Fine."

"Fine what?"

"I'll tell you everything you want to know just please don't leave."

I didn't know whether to believe that he was going to be honest and stay or say fuck it

and leave. I knew what he was going to say and I didn't know if I really wanted to hear
all of it. I knew there was someone else. The question was who and why. And once he

admitted to the truth did he think I'd really stay with him and everything would be fine
again?

I set my bag down at the bedroom door and crossed my arms as I glared at him. "I want

the whole truth and if you're about to say what I think then I can't promise I'll stay
afterwards."

"Okay." He said quietly as he sat down on the edge of the bed.

He was silent for a while. He seemed to be lost in thought. He was either coming up

with a new lie or figuring out the easiest was to break my heart. It wasn't going to be
good either way.

Chapter 6- Aftermath

My pulse was racing and my breathing was erratic at best. I was finally going to get my
answers from Edward and I wasn't sure that I was prepared for my world shatter. Things

would never be the same after tonight and I knew it. I glared at Edward from across the
room as a million thoughts raced through my head. He seemed to be struggling with

how to tell me what he had done and as much as I wanted the answers, I wasn't in a
rush to hear him actually say the words.

"I...it was...fuck." He sighed as he ran his hands through his hair. "I don't know how to

say this or where to start."

"Start at the beginning." I said bluntly.

"That's the hard part. I don't really know where it all started."

"Well, it's clear that you've been having an affair. Why don't you start with that?" I

retorted. He looked up at me in shock. As if he couldn't believe I was being so blunt
about it. I wasn't the one that fucked up. I had nothing to hide.

"I just don't know where it all went wrong."

"What are you talking about? There was a point in your head when you thought it was a

good idea to stick your dick inside of another woman after all our years together. That's
where it went wrong." I was getting angry and my emotions were starting to take over

my body. I was shaking, couldn't think straight and his inability to just say the words,
were making it hard to stay in the same room as him.

"You don't have to be so crass about it."

"You can't be serious right now. Just say it Edward. I cheated on you. Four little words

are all I need you to say. Just be a man and admit it."

He sat quiet for a moment before speaking. "I cheated on you." He whispered.

"I fucking knew it. You are a lying sack of shit, you know that? I can't believe I've given
you nine years of my life. I can't believe you thought you'd get away with this. I can't

believe you'd throw away nine years for some other woman. I don't even know who you
are anymore. Maybe I never did. Maybe this is my fault for staying with you all these

years and just accepting that you weren't ever gonna marry me." I ranted as I paced
around the room. I knew the truth finally and it hurt. Big time. It felt like he had ripped

my heart out of my chest and stomped on it. I wanted to cry, yell, and hit him.

"Bella..." He began. "Don't say that."

I stopped pacing and looked him right in the eyes. "Don't tell me what to say. You can't
tell me shit anymore. I want you out. Out of this house. Out my face. Out of my life.

Gone." I walked over to the closet and began throwing his things into a suitcase. I knew
he wouldn't leave willingly so I was going to have to force him out. The house was just

as much mine as it was his. He had fucked this all up and he was the one leaving.

"What are you doing, Bella?" He shouted as he tried to hold my wrists.

"Don't fucking touch me!" I shouted as I yanked my arms away from him. "You're

leaving. I told you. I want you gone. Go to your whore's house or sleep on the sidewalk. I

don't give a shit but you will not be spending anymore time in this house with me." I
closed the suitcase and walked over to the stairs throwing it down.

"Bella, don't do this. We can work this out. We can fix this. Please..." I held up my hand

to stop him.

"I don't want to hear anything you have to say. There is no working this out. You
cheated. You're gone. I've never once even thought about cheating on you. There is no

fixing this. We are done. Goodbye Edward." I said as I walked down the stairs and to the
door. I held it open and looked at him expectantly.

He stood still as he registered what I had just said. I'm sure he thought I was just going

to accept what he did and agree to work on this but he was wrong. I wasn't going to let
him run me over and I wasn't going to let him get away with cheating. He buttoned his

shirt as he walked toward the door. He slipped on his shoes before grabbing his keys
and stepping outside the door. He turned around once he was on the front porch and

looked in my eyes. "Bella, I'm sorry. Please don't..." He began.

"I don't wanna hear it, Edward. Goodbye." I said flatly before slamming the door shut.
He could get back in if he wanted to but I knew he wouldn't. He knew deep down that

he had fucked us up and it was his time to pay for it.

I walked into the living room and sat on the couch. I didn't bother turning the TV on. I
needed time to calm myself and think. I needed to figure out where to go from here. I

needed to let my emotions out. I had kept them bottled up until I knew the truth. As I
sat on the couch, alone, in the dark the weight of it all had finally taken it's toll on me

and I began to cry uncontrollably. I never considered myself a weak person but knowing
the last nine years of my life was now a waste, was enough to break me. I let it all out as

I lay on the couch sobbing into the pillow.

I had no idea of how a life without Edward would be. My whole adult life had been
spent with him. All the vacations, holidays, concerts, parties. Everything had been with

him. I had a few friends outside of his circle and of course my family but day to day life
outside of the hospital was going to be completely new for me.

The rest of the day flew by in a blur of pain and sadness. I laid on the couch and cried for

God knows how long. I wasn't so much crying for the fact that Edward was gone but
crying for the fact that I had apparently wasted the last nine years of my life. I was

stupid to have stayed with him without some type of commitment of a future. I had
become a career girlfriend, which was something I said I'd never do.

Edward had thrown away our years together for another woman and didn't even have

the balls to tell me that he didn't want me anymore. He humiliated me. I really felt

stupid and I didn't like it at all.

I forced myself to move from the couch. I had to get up and do something. I couldn't let

Edward's actions dictate my happiness. There's always a time to grieve but I wasn't the
one that messed everything up and I wasn't going to sit around a mope.

I needed to some stress relief but I wasn't really ready to be around a lot of people yet.

Luckily, I had the next day off of work. I wouldn't have to face Dr. Hutton or any of the
patients.

I needed to work out. I needed to sweat out the pain and anger. I needed to cleanse

myself through exercise.

I put on my yoga pants, tank top and running shoes and took off out the door. My blood
was quickly flowing through my veins and I could feel the sweat pouring out of my

pores. By the end of the two mile run I felt like I my soul had been cleansed. I knew I
wouldn't just be able to move on and act as if this had never happened but I refused to

be the woman that sits around and loses herself because a man fucked her over. It
wasn't in me. I was a strong, independent woman. I could stand on my own. I didn't

need Edward.

After a hot shower I checked my phone. There were messages from Alice and Rose both
asking if we could get together to plan for the wedding. They clearly had no clue of what

happened with Edward and I was thankful but I wasn't sure if I was ready to help a
happy couple plan their wedding, if even if was my brother.

I texted them back and agreed to meet up with them the next day for planning. I wasn't

sure I was ready to plan a wedding but if I'd said no I would've had to explain why and I
definitely wasn't ready for that.

It was too soon for anyone to know what transpired between Edward and me. He wasn't

the type to spread his business around and neither was I. After pouring myself a glass of
wine, I decided to sit on the back porch. The weather was nice. It wasn't too hot or

humid. It seemed as though at least something was on my side, even if it was just the
weather. The leaves on the trees swayed lightly in the breeze. The sky was a purple,

orange hue as the sun set on the horizon. For just a second I thought of something other
than Edward.

The phone rang loudly and woke me from a trance. Reaching for the phone, I noticed it

was Emmett. It had been a few days since we had talked and being each other's only
siblings, we never let it go more than a few days without talking. Our parents had

instilled a strong sense of family in us from childhood. We all kept in touch regularly
even if it was through an email or text message. We were a small family but we valued

each other very much.

"Hey Em." I said trying my hardest to sound happy.

"Hey B! What's up?"

I took another sip of my wine. "Not much. Just sitting on the porch, enjoying the
weather. What's going on with you?"

"Just wanted to see if you wanted to have lunch tomorrow?"

"Yeah, that would be great. I'm supposed to meet Alice and Rose tomorrow to help with

the wedding."

"I know. She already told me. She says she needs your help to tame Alice. It seems she's
gotten a little carried away with the plans." He said laughingly.

I giggled softly, understanding what he meant. Alice got carried away planning all

celebrations. It was just her thing. "I kind of figured that. She has a tendency to take
things a little too far but she means well."

"So... noon tomorrow? You want to meet at Benihana's?"

"Sure, sounds perfect. I'll see you tomorrow."

"See you then B." He said as I hung up the phone. It was nice to talk to my brother. I

would enjoy spending some time with him. He always cheered me up even when he
didn't know anything was wrong. I remember this one time as kid when I was ten years

old. My cat had run away and Em had been at football practice all night and had no idea
that my car was gone. I was sulking on my bed when he burst into my room, with his

boom box blaring a Bell Biv Devoe song and started doing the funniest dance. It made
me laugh so hard that I almost peed myself. It seemed he had some sixth sense of when

I was sad and he'd always step in to make me smile. He was the best brother I could
ever ask for.

After a few glasses of wine I found myself back on the living room couch nearly drunk

and sad, yet again. I couldn't bring myself to sleep in the bed. It reminded me of Edward.
It smelled like Edward and I wasn't ready to deal with that. The couch would do just fine.

I was asleep within minutes.

The next morning I awoke to the sun beaming through the blinds and heating my face. I
had kicked the blanket off of me at some point during the night and my neck was stiff

from the position I had slept in.

I moseyed around the kitchen for a while, contemplating whether or not to make a pot

of coffee. I ultimately decided against after noticing the time. I was running late.

I managed to make myself presentable in just enough time to meet Em. We arrived at

the restaurant at exactly the same time. It was just us two and we were seated at the
grill with four other people who seemed to be co-workers.

We ordered our food and drinks and before we knew it, the chef was pushing his cart to

our table getting ready to perform his show for us.

"You're awfully quiet, B. Are you okay?" He asked.

"Yeah...well... I will be." I sighed as I watched the chef.

"What does that mean? What happened?" He asked in a concerned tone. I could never
hide anything from him. He knew my expressions too well.

"I'd rather not talk about it. Okay?"

"B, just tell me. You'll feel better. Is it work?"

I shook my head.

"Is it Edward?"

I didn't move. I couldn't lie to my brother but this wasn't the place for me to go into

details.

"Bella, did Edward do something to you? He didn't lay his hands on you did he?" I could
tell he was getting angry now. The fact that I didn't answer him about Edward, gave

away my answer.

"No, Em. Edward has never hit me."

"Then what did he do?"

"I'll tell you later. This isn't the place for it."

"I'm not letting this go. I expect to know what happened before we leave."

"Fine Em. Let's just enjoy the show and the food."

The show didn't last long. The chef prepared our food and performed a couple of tricks
and soon it was time to pay the bill and leave. As we walked toward the parking lot, I

was dreading the conversation that would soon take place. I had tried to repress the

emotions that were about to be brought back to the surface.

"B, you know you can talk to me. I'm your bro. I love you. I'm always here for you." He

said as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

"I know Em. This has just been really hard. I haven't told anyone." I paused to take a
deep breath. "Edward and I split up." There it was. It was officially out there. We were

no longer Edward and Bella. There was no us. It was just me now.

"I'm so sorry." He said as he hugged me to his chest. I wrapped my arms around his thick
waist and began to cry. Telling him made it seem so much more real. "Do you wanna tell

me what happened?"

"He cheated on me." I said as a few tears began to spill over onto my cheeks. I knew it
would come out eventually and my brother was my confidant. He knew everything

about me and I trusted him with my life.

"I can't believe that son of a bitch!" He exclaimed and I could feel his body become
tense. "I'm gonna kill him!"

I backed away from him. "No you're not. We are not in high school. I'll deal with it and

I'll be fine."

"After, what ten years he just thinks he can cheat on my sister and get away with it?
Does he not know what a good person you are? He never deserved you. You were

always too good for him."

"Thanks, Em but I'll be alright. Just let it go."

"Fine but if you change your mind, I'm ready at a moment's notice to kick his ass." He
said confidently.

"Gotcha" I said. "Oh, and please don't tell anyone. I'm not ready for the whole world to

ask me a million questions yet."

"You got it sis."

We talked for a few more minutes and hugged before exiting the parking lot. As I drove
to Rose's, I flipped through the radio stations and stopped when I heard Fortunate by

Maxwell. It was our song. Edward has always said it was his song to me. What a fucking
lie that was. I turned the station before I could hear thirty seconds of it. Hearing

anymore of that song would make me emotional and I didn't need to be all red eyed
when I met the girls.

I finally arrived at Rose's apartment and saw that Alice was already there. Of course she

was; she was always early.

I checked myself in the mirror and took a few deep breaths before exiting the car. It was
going to take all the strength I had inside to make it through the next few hours

pretending that everything was fine.

"She's finally here!" Alice exclaimed as I walked through the door.

"I'm on time. What are you talking about Alice?"

"On time in my world, is actually late. You need to get on my time schedule, Bella."

"She's in rare form today." Rose whispered in my ear.

"Great!" I said sarcastically.

We sat at the table and began looking through centerpieces and table linens and chair
covers. All kinds of shit that in the grand scheme of life didn't mean anything but I

couldn't tell them that. I wouldn't do that to Rose just because my idea of love was no
longer pure. It was now jaded.

Over the course of the night, I teared up a few times but managed to fight back the

tears. I occasionally excused myself to the bathroom just to compose myself. Luckily the
girls were too engulfed in the wedding plans to notice that I was a little off. I added in a

few nods and smiles and before I knew it, it was time to go home.

Alice seemed to be satisfied with the progress for the night. Rose thanked me as I was
leaving and hugged me. I felt my emotions coming to a head as I walked to the car. By

the time I reached the door, the tears were spilling over. I laid my head in my hands as
let it all out. I didn't want to keep crying but all the wedding talk hadn't helped me think

of other subjects.

How could he have done this to me? What had I done wrong? Why wasn't I enough for
him? How could he throw it all away? Why didn't he love me enough? Who was the girl

that was so great to make him betray me? Why was she so special?

There were a million questions I could ask but I doubted I'd ever get the answers to any
of them.

Chapter 7- Surprises

The sun was shining and the birds outside were chirping. It looked like a beautiful day.

Maybe to the outside world it was a beautiful day. In my world, however, it was the day
I had to go back to work and face the real world. My heart was broken and my

confidence had been shattered - all due to one man and his wandering dick. I still
couldn't process how he could throw away nine years of love for some slut. I never had

any respect for women that messed around with taken men and this was why. Someone
always got hurt in the end and this time that someone was me.

Edward had been lying to me for God knows how long. Looking back there were plenty

of times when he was supposedly on call and had to go in or was stuck at the office. I
began to question every one of those incidents. I was certain he was lying then also.

What a dumb ass I was. I believed him so blindly and he was out fucking some other
woman.

I couldn't for the life of me understand what had made him cheat. Did I nag him? I didn't

think so. Did I not give him enough attention? I thought I had. Did I not have sex with
him enough? We practically had sex every chance we got. I just couldn't wrap my head

around it.

Most of the time I sat around dazed and completely zoned out. If I wasn't zoned out
then I was crying. I considered myself strong but my heart was broken and the tears

could not be contained. I felt like I had turned into one of those chicks you see on
Lifetime that just sit around crying all day because some asshole man broke her heart. I

couldn't be like that at work though. None of my co-workers knew what had happened
between Edward and I and I definitely wasn't ready to talk about it with them. Talking to

Em was different, he was family. He knew all of my secrets and had never told a soul.
Talking to half of the hospital staff about my personal life was out of the question. I

needed to focus and be professional at work. My patients needed my full attention not
a zombie version of myself.

Em, of course, continually checked on me. It seemed I was always getting some text

message from him with a joke inside. The jokes usually got a little laugh out of me and
lasted for a minute or two but then it was back to the sadness. Sadness wasn't the type

of person I had ever been. I had always been able to deal with issues and move on.
Sitting around crying was very unlike me.

I took a few deep breaths and wrapped my stethoscope around my neck before I walked

out on the floor. Angela was already at the nurse's station sipping her coffee.

"Look who it is! Bella!" She exclaimed as I neared the station.

I smiled in response to her enthusiasm. It was time to put on the happy face as best I
could.

"I hope its slow today. My back is killing me and I don't feel like hearing dumb shit

today." She said. You had to love her bluntness. There was no beating around the bush
with Angela.

"What'd you do to your back?"

"I decided to rearrange my furniture yesterday and apparently pulled a muscle or

something." She said as she rubbed her lower back with her right hand.

"Why?"

"I don't even know. I'm stupid apparently." I laughed at her sarcasm. "What's up with
you?"

"Not much. Just hoping this shift goes by quick."

"Good afternoon ladies!" I heard from behind me. Dr. Hutton again. I couldn't catch a

fucking break.

"I'm going to get started. I'll see you later, Ang." I said as I walked away without even
turning around to face Dr. Hutton. I didn't need his shit today.

I treated a few patients and the next few hours flew by in a blur and I was thankful. A

few broken bones and minor cuts later and it was time for my break. I sat down in the
cafeteria alone by the window and stared at the world outside. The trees had lost all

their leaves and the temperature was starting to drop. Although in Georgia it rarely ever
gets really cold.

I used to love to work but now the hospital reminded me of Edward. So many times I

looked down the hall and thought I saw him but after a few blinks I realized I was just
seeing shit. A few times I thought I even heard his voice behind me and it sent an eerie

feeling through my body. Yes, I was the one that made him leave the house but that
didn't mean I didn't miss him.

"Hey Bella. How are you today?" Dr. Hutton asked as his sat across from me. I wanted to

be alone and I had clearly avoided him earlier but he still didn't understand. He either
wasn't seeing things clearly or he was choosing to ignore the fact that I hadn't even

acknowledged him this morning.

"Hey Dr. Hutton." I said frustratingly as I continued to eat my sandwich.

"So how's your day been so far?" He sounded so damn chipper and it pissed me off.

"It's alright. Your's?" He was at least being nice and I didn't have the energy to be rude.

The least I could do was be cordial to him.

"Not too bad. It's better now that I'm talking with you." He was obviously back to hitting

on me. I was annoyed at first but then I had to remind myself that I was single now. I let
that thought sink in and a few moments later it actually felt a good to know that I was

still attractive to other men. Edward may not have wanted me anymore but someone
did.

"You're funny."

"I wasn't being funny. I was being serious."

"I know." I responded as I looked at his face. He honestly was an incredibly attractive

man. Maybe, just maybe, when the pain from Edward subsided I could bring myself to
go on a date with him.

We continued our conversation with easy, neutral topics. For once, he hadn't even

mentioned Edward's name and I wondered if he somehow knew about the break up.
We went back to work and I found myself actually smiling a few times. That was until I

felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and saw that it was Edward. My heart stopped. I
hadn't heard from him since the break up and I had no idea what he wanted. What else

could he say? I didn't want to hear anything he had to say. I didn't want his sorry
explanations or his meaningless apologies. They weren't going to fix anything and damn

sure weren't going to make me feel better. I rejected the call and shoved the phone
back in my pocket. My phone vibrated again and I was certain he had left a voice mail.

There wasn't a chance in hell I was listening to that message anytime soon.

I finished the workday and said goodbye to everyone before heading home. Dr. Hutton
hadn't made any more advances toward me. I was shocked and pleased that he had

managed to be professional and keep his distance for the rest of my shift.

The house was so quiet and dark when I walked in. It seemed like just a house now.
There was no one there to make it a home. It was filled with memories Edward and I

had made together and that fact made me uneasy in my own house.

That night I cried myself to sleep again on the couch.

Days passed in the same manner and the tears fell less often. Edward's calls continued

to come and I continued to reject them. I never listened to the voice mails and I never
called him back. He sent a few texts that I deleted before even reading. I had to move

on and get over him. That wasn't going to happen if I stayed in contact with him. It
would only pick at the scars on my heart as they tried to heal.

I came home from a double shift one night and walked in to find that half of the stuff in

the house was gone. The flat screen TV, office furniture, bed and all of his clothing was
gone. My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach and tears welled in my eyes. I didn't

care if he took the bed. It wasn't like I had used it but I was thankful he left the couch. It
hurt to know that he had just come in and took half of our stuff. He should have taken it

all. It would have been less painful.

The pictures of us had been taken out of the frames and were gone. They weren't in the
trash they weren't laying on the floor. Gone. It was as if we had never happened. It was

as if the last nine years had never happened.

Why would he take the pictures? Was he just trying to hurt me? If so, it was working.
Seeing all of our captured memories disappear hurt more than anything that happened

since the break up. The tears began to flow from my eyes. I tried to hold them back but
it was too much to handle.

I walked into his closet and it was bare. Every tie, shoe, belt, and box. All gone. I began

to sob uncontrollably as I fell to my knees in his closet. It felt as if he had ripped open
my chest and broke my heart all over again. I should have expected that he would come

to get his belongings and while I was thankful he did it when I was at work, it would
have been nice to get a little warning. As I cried in the closet, something in my mind

clicked. That's why he had been calling me. He didn't want to apologize. He wanted to
know when he could come get his stuff. What a douche bag.

If there had been any doubt in my mind about the decision to make him leave, it was

now gone. He didn't want me back. He just wanted his stuff. I was furious. I refused to
allow myself to cry anymore over him after that. He wasn't sad or hurt and I refused to

be either.

In that moment, I knew that I had to let him go. It was my turning point. He didn't miss
me and was happy the way things had turned out and he was not going to break me. I

wasn't going to give him the satisfaction.

I pulled myself together and took a shower. It was late and I was exhausted. Tomorrow
would be a better day. Tomorrow I was going to be the new me. brokenhearted Bella

was gone. No nonsense Bella was taking her place. Edward could kiss my ass. I was
done. Completely and finally done.

After my shower, I brought my TV from the guest bedroom downstairs to the living

room. I connected all the cables and sat down on my couch. I watched an old Chris
Farley movie and really laughed at it. New Bella was already on her way in.

I didn't cry myself to sleep that night and when I woke up the next morning I honestly

felt refreshed. I started my morning with a run followed by a cup of coffee. I sat in the

kitchen and looked out the window at the world outside.

Edward.

I fought back that thought. It was a new day and new me. There was no time for

thoughts or talks of Edward.

While I sat at the computer shopping for new furniture, I saw that Alice and Rosalie had
sent me an email asking my opinion about wedding details. I wasn't sure how I was

going to react to the wedding talk. I was doing good with my whole "new Bella"
movement but wedding talk seemed to be pushing the limits for day one. I took a deep

breath and opened the email. Luckily it was a simple question about which DJ they
should use. I read their bio's and quickly responded with my opinion. I was relieved that

I had gotten through it without breaking down.

That afternoon as I was enjoying my Chinese takeout and I received a call from the
hospital asking me to cover a shift. Ellen seemed to have the flu and they needed me to

take the shift. I needed the extra income now that Edward was gone and it wasn't like I
had much else planned for the day, so I agreed.

A short while later I was back in the ER listening to babies cry and grown men yelling in

pain. Men could be such babies sometimes.

"Well if it isn't my favorite nurse!" I heard as I sat to finish documenting a chart. He
slapped the counter in front of me. It was Dr. Hutton again. "I didn't think you were

working today?"

I wasn't as annoyed this time as I had been the other times he snuck up on me. I
stopped writing and looked up at him. "Hey Dr. Hutton. I wasn't on the schedule but

Ellen was sick and who else would they call other than me, the super nurse?" I was
pleased with myself. I had actually made a joke. It was a sarcastic joke but a joke none

the less. New Bella was definitely taking over.

"And she jokes! Amazing!" He feigned surprise.

"Yeah, ya know, we women can be quite funny if you let us." I teased.

"I'm sure you are capable of a lot of things in the right situation." He said with a serious
tone. The conversation went from funny to serious in a split second. "Sorry. That just

came out."

I shook my head. "It's okay. I appreciate the compliment." It felt good to have a man
compliment me.

"It's nice to see you smile and laugh. It's been a while since I saw you this way."

"Thanks. It feels good to smile." I confessed.

"I don't mean to pry. I know I told you that I'd stay out of your business but I couldn't

help notice that you hadn't been yourself the last couple of times I saw you." He began
as he fidgeted with the papers in front of him. "Is everything okay? Can I help with

anything?"

He seemed sincere and a little nervous about asking me if he could help. He seemed
genuine and it made me look at him just a little bit differently. "It's okay. You are right

though, I haven't been myself for a little while now but all that is over. I've turned over a
new leaf."

"Well, it's good to have the smiling Bella back." He said with a smile before he walked

away. It had been the least annoying and awkward conversation between us in quite a
while. It was nice.

The next few days came and went. I managed to keep the tears away and the calls from

Edward seemed to have stopped. I continued my morning runs and my new furniture
began to arrive. I was starting to enjoy the new me. I was returning to the person I was

before I got caught up in Edward.

Emmett came by to help set up some of the furniture and he even noticed how well I
was coping with everything. He continually stated how proud he was of me. He did

mention that our parents were concerned about me. They had been questioning him
about me since I hadn't called them in a while. I just hadn't been ready to talk to them

about the break up and there was no way my mom was going to let me not talk about it.

I gave in and called mom the night after Emmett had come over. My mom was
surprisingly supportive and overall just happy to hear from me. She didn't give me any

lectures about my life and it was nice to talk with her. I hadn't noticed how much I
missed her until I talked to her. Dad, of course, interjected that he would find a way to

punish Edward for what he did to me. Dad was the chief of police in his town and I was
sure he would find a way to make Edward pay but I just didn't want to have anything to

do with him anymore. We said our goodbyes and I promised to visit them soon.

Alice and Rosalie had called a few times asking for my input and I survived all of them. I
couldn't understand why they were set on having my input on the wedding. I knew

nothing about weddings but if it made them happy I would do it.

Alice sent me an email explaining Edward told her what happened, and how sorry she
was for what he did to me. She asked if we could still be friends and she promised not to

mention Edward. I agreed. I really liked Alice and it wasn't her fault that her brother was

a scum bag. Being friends with Alice didn't mean I had to have anything to do with her

brother. I certainly wasn't going to make it awkward for Rosalie while she was trying to
plan her wedding.

I was back at the hospital working another long shift and I was exhausted. So many

difficult patients had come in and my it literally hurt to even think. I sat at the nurse's
station to finish the last few notes when Dr. Hutton approached me. He and I had been

getting along really well lately and they annoyance I once held for him seemed to have
vanished. He was growing on me.

"Bella, do you have plans after work?"

"None at all."

"Great. I know tonight has been really crazy. Do you want to have a drink with me

afterwards?" He asked with a big smile across his face.

Instinctively I almost said no but I stopped myself. I had no one to rush home to. There
was no one waiting on me. I was a single woman. I could have drinks with whomever I

wanted.

"That sounds great."

"Really? Great! I'll meet you out front then." He said excitedly. Someone was excited to
spend time with me. In your face Edward.

We made our way to the bar and sat down. We ordered the same drinks as last time.

Lots of things were the same but lots of things had changed since the last time we were
both here at the same time. We enjoyed casual conversation about the crazy work day

and he told me funny stories from his childhood. He was almost charming. I felt like I
had misjudged him and had been a bitch to him for no reason.

The same well kept woman was sitting in her usual spot across the bar and I was still as

intrigued as ever. She clearly had no friends or family if she was in the bar all the time
getting drunk. She had to have money coming from somewhere because she always

looked amazing. Her face just looked sad and she drank enough for an army. James had
noticed her too but he was just a clueless about her life as I was.

The conversation quickly moved on from the sad lady. James was telling me a story

about his childhood.

"My parents had built this tree house that overlooked the pool. I was a bit of a dare
devil as a kid and I just knew that I could jump from the porch of the tree house to the

deep end of the pool. My parents would yell at me any time I even mentioned it but I

was determined to prove that I could do it. So, my parents were inside getting things

together for the grill and I knew it was my big chance."

"This isn't going to end well is it?" I questioned jokingly.

"Just wait and see." He continued. "So I climbed to the porch and I was standing on the
railing. I was nervous as hell but I just knew I could do it. Finally I jumped off and I was

so excited that I was above the water and then just as my feet hit the water I felt my left
arm snap. I hadn't taken into account the space for the diving board and my arm hit and

broke clean in two. I was in so much pain that I swallowed a whole bunch of water and
almost drowned. My dad jumped in and pulled me out. I was rushed to the hospital.

Needless to say, the tree house came down after that."

I was laughing so hard as he finished. It was such a funny story and he had clearly
survived. "That sounds exactly like something I could see you doing as a kid. Thinking

you know it all."

"Thanks a lot." He joked. "It is funny looking back now but it was hell at the time."

"I bet." I glanced at my watch and noticed how late it was. "I'm sorry James, but I'm
gonna have to get going. It's way later than I thought."

"No problem." He said as he threw some money on the bar. "I'm just glad you came."

"Me too. You don't have to buy my drinks though."

"Nonsense. I asked you to come, remember?"

"If you insist."

We exited the bar and he held the door open for me. It was the first night I had spent

with another man that wasn't Edward or my brother. I was surprised at how much fun I
had with James. Given the chance, he wasn't such a bad guy.

"So, I know I'm probably out of line but I heard about your break up. I'm really sorry."

He knew. I wondered who told him. I hadn't told anyone at the hospital and no one had

said anything to me. Edward had to be telling people. Figured.

"Why would you be sorry? It wasn't your fault." I said as we walked to our cars.

"I know but you deserve the best and I don't like seeing you hurt."

Glad someone thought so highly of me. Asshole obviously didn't.

"Thanks."

"I want you to know that whenever you are ready to date again, I'd love to take you out.
I think we could have fun together." He offered as he kicked at the ground nervously.

I wasn't sure how to react to his offer. Was I ready to date? New Bella was saying yes

but the ache in my heart I had tried to repress was saying no.

One statement kept running through my head. Edward doesn't want you. He's not
wasting time moving on. Go out with James. It appeared new Bella was here to stay.

Should I accept? Was I ready?

If Edward wasn't going to be alone and miserable, then why should I?

"That would be great."

Chapter 8- Advice & Actions

"You have to be kidding! There is no way that's true." I exclaimed as I laughed so hard I
was almost crying.

James held his hand up in the air. "I swear." He made an X across his chest. "Cross my

heart."

"I cannot believe that your mom made you wear her high heels and dance around the
house to Tina Turner records. She couldn't have been that cruel to her only son, right?" I

questioned. I had hoped that story was just a silly story he used to make women laugh.

"It's completely true." He began. "My mom always wanted a daughter but couldn't have
any more kids after I was born. So, she used to make me dress up as a kid and do things

little girls usually only did. I can laugh about it now but I wouldn't have dreamed of
telling anyone back then."

I was laughing so hard by that point. It was funny but also a little scary that his mother

would ask him to do traditional girl things. His mother was apparently where he got his
personality from. He was aggressive but charming and I had a feeling his mother was the

same way with him when he was a child.

"Okay, now you're just mocking me." He said laughingly. "I think you may be enjoying
that story a little too much."

I attempted to quit laughing and wipe the smile from my face. "Sorry."

He smiled slightly. "It's okay. I was just messing with you."

It was my first official date with James. We had drinks a couple nights after work but
those didn't count as dates since I was still in my scrubs. Over the past few weeks I had

really grown to like James. He was sweet, attentive and somehow managed to make me
laugh when I was having a rough day. There were times when I arrived at my locker and

saw a flower taped to it with a note telling me to have a good day. It turned out that all
the things that annoyed me about James at first were now the things that attracted me.

I hadn't heard from Edward since he moved all of his stuff. It was actually a blessing. My

curiosity for answers and explanations had diminished. I no longer thought constantly
about whom she was or why he did it. The knowledge that karma is a bitch helped

satisfy me. I knew that in one way or another Edward would pay for what he did to me.
Worrying about the "why" and "how" would only serve to stress me out. I had to move

on; just like he was and the date with James was exactly that. I was moving on.

James and I decided to meet at the restaurant instead of him picking me up. It had been
almost a decade since I had been on a date and I wanted this date to be as least

awkward as possible. I was already nervous as hell. He made reservations at the Sun Dial
restaurant in downtown Atlanta. It was upscale and I had only been there once before

for Edward's parents' anniversary one year. Sun Dial was 73 stories high and we had a
small table by the windows. It was an amazing view of the city at night. The streets

looked so peaceful. I could see couples walking down the streets hand in hand.

We sat across from each other as we sipped wine and told stories from years ago. I
hadn't told my stories in such a long time. Edward had heard all of my childhood and

teenage stories and it felt good to have someone interested in hearing about
cheerleading competitions, swim meets and high school parties. Before I met Edward, I

was the life of the parties. I was always entertaining people. Those days had been long
gone.

It felt nice to get to know someone new. Someone that wasn't afraid to talk to me or to

tell me stories that may make him feel stupid. James was so different than Edward. It
seemed the only similarity was their occupation. Edward wasn't always emotionally

available. There were times when he would completely shut down to me about his
feelings. He would say that 'men don't talk about feelings.' It always irritated the hell

out of me. James, on the other hand, was like an open book with his feelings. Over the
last month I had consistently heard from him 'you're beautiful' or 'I like that you do such

and such.' He would open up to me about how his day was going or if someone in his
family was having a hard time. I didn't have to pry him to open up; he just did it.

Our final course of the meal was brought to the table and broke us from our separate

world we created between the two of us.

"Bella that looks great." He said as he began to cut into his steak. "I can't believe you are
going to eat all that. You look too little to be able to hold all that food."

I ordered the peach glazed salmon and the plate was huge. I had no idea when I ordered

it that it would be that big of a serving. "What?" I feigned shock. "You don't think us
little girls can put away some food?"

He laughed. "A woman that isn't afraid to eat is truly attractive."

I took a bite of the salmon and smiled. "Good because I like to eat."

We finished our meal in almost complete silence. It seemed that the food was too good

to interrupt with conversation. The waiter brought the check and James grabbed it
before I could even see it. He paid the waiter and we finished our glasses of wine before

exiting the restaurant.

We stood closely in the elevator and I could feel the heat from his body. It was
something I hadn't felt in a long time and it was nice. Seventy three floors is a long trip

down and before I knew it James had slipped his hand around mine. For a small second
instinct told me to pull away but the warm, comforting feeling had taken over before I

could remove my hand from his.

We didn't say any actual words in the elevator but his gesture and my gut feeling had
said volumes in my mind. The pain in my heart had begun to subside and I knew in that

moment in the elevator that James was someone I could fall for. The idea of truly caring
for this man and the sensation inside my soul surprised me. I never planned to feel

anything for him. I had simply wanted to get out in the world again and to move on from
Edward. Falling for another man hadn't entered my mind.

James and I had spent quite a bit of time together over the last month. Between times

at work, hanging out afterwards and the phone conversations I had learned who he was
and I liked what I knew. He had never attempted to kiss me but would hug me tightly

instead. Until this night he had never even held my hand.

We exited the building and he walked me to my car, still holding my hand.

"Are you okay to drive?" He asked as we approached my car.

"Of course." I began. "But thank you for asking. I only live a few miles away anyway. I'll
be home in no time." I pressed the unlock button my key ring.

"Well, I really had a great time tonight." He said turning to face me.

"Me too." I said nervously. I did have a great time but I knew this was the part of the

date when there was usually a good night kiss. I had just gotten used to holding his hand
and although there was a part of me inside screaming to kiss this handsome man, I

wasn't sure if I was ready. Instinctively I licked my lips.

"Let me know you get home safe, please." He requested.

I nodded my head. "Sure." It was clear that we were both nervous and stalling the
situation.

"Great." He said softly before leaning his face closer to mine. My pulse rapidly increased

and I felt like my heart would beat through my chest. My palms were clammy and it felt
like there wasn't enough oxygen in my lungs. I had only kissed one man in the last nine

years and I was nervous as hell about kissing James.

I closed my eyes and I soon felt his lips pressed against mine. They were moist, soft and
warm. My heart stopped for a second. I knew it was coming and I still hadn't been

prepared. I allowed myself to relax against his lips. Our lips moved together smoothly
and after a few seconds he pulled back. I stood there breathless with my eyes closed. I

was stunned. Not only had he kissed me and I allowed it but I actually enjoyed it. This
night was full of surprises.

"I'm sorry." He said shamefully.

I opened my eyes to look at him. "For what?"

"I shouldn't have pushed myself on you. I just couldn't stop myself." He confessed as he

looked at the ground.

"You didn't push yourself on me. I could have stopped you but I didn't." He looked in my
eyes. I smiled. "And besides, I liked it."

A huge smile came across his face. "I did too." He released my hand and wrapped his

arms around me.

I relaxed in his arms and breathed in his scent. It was such a masculine, musk smell.

"Thank you." I whispered.

He released me from his embrace. "No, thank you." He lightly kissed my forehead
before opening the door for me. I slipped behind the steering wheel and looked up to

him.

"Good night, James."

"Good night, Bella." He responded as he closed the door.

I started the engine and started my drive home. I was completely speechless from the
night. I had expected dinner and conversation but I never expected hand holding, kissing

and definitely not for feelings to develop. All in all, I felt really good about it though.

I had always believed that everything happened for a reason and I was starting to think
that maybe everything over the last few months had all happened for a reason I didn't

yet know.

I fell asleep that night in my new bed with no thoughts or memories of my past. I was
actually looking to the future.

I was scheduled to scout locations for the wedding with Alice and Rose. Emmett and
Rose hadn't decided if they wanted their wedding indoors or outside. The wedding was

scheduled for early Spring which meant that it could be outside if they wanted. Rose
seemed to be more traditional and was leaning toward having the wedding in a church.

Alice, however, had huge visions for a beautiful outside wedding. I just wanted my
brother and Rose to be happy. Although I was one of her bridesmaids, the location

made no difference to me.

So today we would visit the possible outdoor locations and a few churches Rose had
selected. Wedding talk no longer bothered me but actually gave me a sense of purpose.

It felt good to be so involved in my brother's wedding.

We were all piled into Rose's SUV as we ventured from location to location.

"Rose, you know that the lighting is not so flattering inside churches, right?" Alice
questioned.

Rose looked at her in surprise. "What are you saying? That I'll be ugly if I get married in a

church?"

Uh oh.I thought to myself. Alice may have been a wedding expert but Rose was
gorgeous and she knew it. She wasn't bitchy about it but if you told her otherwise she

would correct you in a quick second.

"That's not what I'm saying at all. I just want you to consider the fact that outside
lighting may be better for the pictures and video."

"But what if it rains?" She questioned. "Then the whole ceremony is fucked. What will

we do then? And you know how it is that time of year around here."

Alice thought for a second. "We will have a tent erected nearby for such a
circumstance."

Rose laughed to herself. "You have an answer for everything."

"That's my job." Alice replied confidently.

My phone vibrated in my purse and as I pulled it out I noticed that it was a text from

James.

Hey beautiful! Hope you are having a good day.-James

I smiled like a school girl knowing that he was thinking of me.

Hey handsome! I am having a good day. Laughing at these crazy women I'm with. Have
a good day. I'll call you tonight.-Bella

We had already seen two churches and two parks and they were no closer to a decision

than when we started. It was going to be a long day.

"So, Bella, how is everything with you?" Rose asked. This was their way of asking how I
was coping without actually saying the words. Between Alice, Rose and Emmett I had

gotten used to the subtle questions. I knew they were just concerned. None of them,
however, knew that me and James were dating. I wasn't ready to release that

information to them just yet. I would tell them when it was necessary and today it was
not.

"Everything is good. Work is good. Mom and Dad aren't bothering me too much."

"We just saw your parents last weekend. They kept asking when you were going to

come see them." Rose said.

"What'd you tell them?"

"That you were busy with work and getting everything situated. I said you would visit as
soon as you had a free day."

"Thanks. I need to go out there." I responded.

We finished visiting the locations and I was on my way home when Emmett called.

"Hey bro. What's up?" I said as I answered the phone.

"Not much. What's going on Bells?"

"Just on the way home from another adventure with your fiancé and wedding planner."

"I'm shocked you survived." He said sarcastically.

"I know." I responded as I turned into my neighborhood.

"So you have plans tonight?" He asked.

"Not at all. Why? You wanna come over?"

"Yeah, I do." He started. "I feel like my fiancé is spending more time with my sister than I

am."

"Awe, are you jealous Em?" I chided.

"Whatever, Bells. I'll be there in about an hour."

Sure enough an hour later Em was pulling into my driveway. After saying our hellos,
putting the beer in the fridge and sorting through delivery menus we decided to order a

pizza and watch a movie.

The movie was a quarter of the way in and the pizza was halfway gone.

"If I ask you something will answer me honestly?" He asked.

"Of course." I responded. "I've never lied to you before."

"Good." He paused to take a deep breath. "How are you? Really? And don't give me the
I'm fine bullshit answer."

"Uhhh..." I stammered. I thought I was just going to be hanging out with my brother, not

that it would contain such loaded questions. "Well, I really am okay. Now, that is. There
was a while when I wasn't sure I would be okay but I got through it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Really, Em. I'm okay."

"Have you talked to Edward at all?" He asked.

"Nope."

"Has he called you?"

"Yep."

"But you didn't talk to him?"

"Right."

"And you're okay with that?"

"Yep."

"Well, I don't really buy that and I'm sure you don't want my advice but I'm going to give

it to you anyway." He began. "I think you should talk to Edward. You need closure. You
need answers. You can't spend a decade with someone and not want an explanation.

You deserve to know the truth."

"You're right. I don't want your advice. This is my life." I said defensively. I loved my
brother but we didn't always agree. I didn't try to tell him how to live his life and I didn't

appreciate him trying to tell me.

"Bella, I didn't mean it like that."

"Then how did you mean it?" I questioned as I turned to face him. "Did you mean that I
should sit around and cry all day about Edward? Or should I drive myself crazy with the

details of my failed relationship? Is that what you meant?"

"Bells, calm down. That's not what I meant at all. I don't want you to sit around and pine
for him. I want you to move on. I just think you deserve some answers first."

"Well, you live your life and I'll live mine." I retorted before turning back to the TV.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

"Whatever." I responded and that was the end of the conversation. I knew I shouldn't

have been mad at Em, he only wanted to help but I couldn't help it. I was moving on and
was doing a good job at it. I didn't need his advice. I was doing just fine.

Em didn't bring up Edward or anything about me moving on for the rest of the night.

After a few minutes we were back to being our silly selves and I thoroughly enjoyed the
rest of my night with him. We finished the twelve pack of beer he had brought and

before I knew it Em was passed out on my couch. I covered him up and made my way to

bed.

I knew that I needed to go and see my parents. My brother and Rose didn't need to be
interrogated about my life. One weekend visit and they would be satisfied enough to

leave everyone else alone. I called my mom and made plans to visit them for the
upcoming weekend.

"Bella!" Mom exclaimed as she ran out the front door towards my car. "I'm so happy to

see you!"

As soon as I was out of the car she wrapped her arms around me tightly. "Hey Mom."

"I feel like I haven't seen you in forever!" She said as she pushed my hair behind my
ears. She turned to the house. "Charlie! Bella's here! Get out here!"

"It hasn't been that long." I began. "How are you?"

"I'm good sweetie. Things don't really change much around here, ya know?" She opened

the rear car door. "Let's get your things inside." She reached for my bag before I
stopped her.

"I've got it. I'm a big girl now. I can carry my own bags." I said laughingly.

"I know, I know."

We walked into the house just as Dad made his way to the door.

"Hey Bells." He said as he embraced me in a hug. "I'm happy you're here."

He released his arms and looked at my face. "Me too Dad."

I put my things in my old room after casual conversation with my parents. I knew the

real questions were coming but they would wait until dinner. They wouldn't want me to
feel bombarded upon arrival.

My room looked exactly the same as I did when I left for college. Nothing had changed.

The trophies, medals, and pictures were all in the same place I had left them years ago. I
had spent my summers here during college but I never returned to live with my parents

full time.

I looked out the window in my old room and saw the small creek in the back yard. We
used to have so much fun in that yard. Em and I would always get in the creek even

though Mom would yell at us. It was our own way of rebelling. It gave us a sense of

adventure to see what we could find in the bottom of the creek. We never found

anything exciting; usually it was just a bunch of rocks. The thoughts of a younger,
carefree version of myself made me smile. I had the world at my feet and could've done

anything I wanted. I had made smart career choices but my personal life has suffered a
nine year set back.

I shook my head; ridding myself from those thoughts. I couldn't think like that anymore.

I was fixing the situation. I was moving on. I still had plenty of time to figure everything
out.

That night I helped Mom make dinner. I would cut the squash as she fried the chicken.

She updated me on all the local gossip. There was always a friend doing something
semi-scandalous and she just couldn't wait to tell me about it.

Almost an hour later we sat around the table and began to eat dinner.

"So Bella, I don't want to upset you but we have been really concerned about you."

Mom said as she finished her dinner.

"I know but really I'm okay."

"Sweetie," She began. "How can that be? You and Edward were together for a really
long time. I don't think you've had enough time to grieve."

"Mom, he didn't die. What's there to grieve? He just found someone better."

"The loss of such a long term relationship is something to grieve. And after what he did,

I would think that would have been pretty traumatizing."

She was right and I knew it but I wasn't going to be traumatized because he couldn't
keep his dick in his pants. I was down playing how seriously I had been hurt by his

actions but I was a grown woman, I didn't need to run crying home to my mom. Adults
deal with things maturely and that's what I was doing.

"I'm not going to let his actions dictate the rest of my life. I'm not that weak. I've dealt

with my feelings and I'm over it. It's time to live my life for me."

"Bella," Dad started. "We just want to make sure you are happy."

"I know and I am. You raised me to be a strong woman and that's what I am. I don't give
others the ability to break me, Dad."

He held my hand in his. "I'm glad to hear that."

My mom, however, didn't look convinced but I knew that after my dad had accepted it,

she would drop the subject.

The rest of the weekend didn't involve any talk of Edward or my failed relationship. We
spent time watching movies, playing games and enjoying each other's company. I never

realized how much I missed them until I hadn't seen them for a while. They were great
parents and truly just wanted their children to be happy.

I received a few texts from James over the weekend. He knew that I was going to my

parents for the weekend but had said he would miss me. He never sent texts with too
much meaning. They were the usual 'Have a great day' or 'Can't wait to see you.' Just

enough to let me know I was still on his mind and it was a good feeling. It had been so
long since I had received anything like that from Edward. Toward the end it was pretty

non-existent.

James and I made plans to see each other when I got back in town. After our last date, I
was both nervous and excited for the next one.

As I was packing my bag to leave for home, my phone alerted me to a new text

message. I figured it was from James or Em, hell maybe even Rose or Alice but never
expected it to be from anyone else. Then I opened it and saw it- Edward.

Chapter 9- Unexpected Turn

My mind was running a mile a minute; I couldn't understand why Edward was trying to
contact me now. It had been a month since he officially moved out and longer than that

since we had been separated. He had all of his belongings and I was certain he had a
new woman, which left me wondering what the hell he wanted? Why now?

I wasn't ready to speak to him. I wasn't ready to deal with any of the things that

involved him. I was moving on nicely and I didn't need him to come along and set me
back. Did he want to rub in my face how well he was doing without me? Did he want to

take the house and car too after all?

After deciding not to open the text message, I finished packing my things and headed
down stairs. I hadn't deleted the message but I wasn't ready to read it yet either. I'd

decide what to do with the message after once I was back in the comforts of my own
home.

I set my bags down at the door before turning to say goodbye to my parents. Mom was

crying like she would never see me again although, I only lived an hour away. Dad gave a
warm hug and kissed my forehead before telling me 'don't take any shit from the city

guys.' We said goodbye and I headed back to the city.

My iPod was plugged in and set to my happy play list. The roads weren't busy and sun

was beginning to set as I sang along with the music. Something just didn't seem right
though and I knew what it was, Edward's text. It was like a big elephant I tried to ignore

sitting in my passenger seat staring at me. It was just waiting on me to acknowledge its
presence. That stupid text message was haunting me from the passenger seat.

My curiosity was getting the best of me. I wanted to know what it said, but I also didn't.

I was afraid that whatever he had to say in that message would invoke such a strong
feeling inside of me that I'd have to respond. I wasn't ready to start a dialogue with him.

I had maintained my silence in regards to him and I wasn't sure I was ready to end that
just yet.

I managed to not read the text message while I was driving home. Once I was home and

I was situated, I pulled the phone from my purse. I sat down on the couch and looked at
my in box and his name for what seemed like eternity. My thumb felt like it was made of

bricks; I couldn't seem to make it actually move and press the open button.

Finally I summoned the courage to just give in and open it. I was a strong woman, I
could handle it. I had revoked his ability to fuck with my head so whatever the message

said, wouldn't matter anyway.

Please talk to me.-. - Edward

That was it? One sentence was what I had been stressing over? I felt like such an idiot
but I still didn't understand why he wanted to talk to me. He could have been a little

more convincing articulate than four words. Were we back in elementary school?

I didn't respond. I simply closed the message and set my phone back down. He was
going to have to do better than one measly sentence to get me to talk to him again.

Later that night as I sat down to have a glass of wine, I couldn't help but think of James.

My attraction to him had caught me completely off guard. I had tried to fight him off
thinking that I was in a committed relationship when in reality I should have just given

into him then. Instead I was trying to be the good girlfriend, lot of good that did. James
really seemed to be a great guy and I wondered why he was still single. Sure, lots of

doctors stay single for a while due to their time constraints but for a man to be as
attractive, kind, sweet, smart, and not even have a girlfriend seemed outrageous to me.

James was always the one initiating our conversations and I felt he deserved more. I just

always had a lot going on between wedding planning, parental visits, Em hanging out
and work. He was probably at the hospital but I could at least text him.

Just thinking of you. Hope you're having a good night. I'll see you soon. - Bella

It was getting late and the wine was quickly affecting me and I knew it was time to go to

bed. I had to work the next day and I didn't need to go in with a hangover. As I snuggled
into the covers I heard my message alarm ring. I rolled over to grab my phone and was

heart fluttered when I saw it was from James.

Hey there beautiful! Hope your weekend with you parents was good. I missed you. Are
you working tomorrow? - James

The weekend with my parents was very good. I missed you too. I am working tomorrow

second shift. You? -Bella

I used to dread the shifts we had together but lately it was the exact opposite. The shifts
without him seemed to be boring and long. It was funny how quickly things can change.

It seemed that Edward's cheating had led me to a blossoming new relationship that I
would never have anticipated.

Looks like you're stuck with me tomorrow then. Can't wait to see you. Good night.-. -

James

Poor poor me. Another whole shift with Dr. Hutton. Damn! How will I survive? (Just
kidding.) Good night. - Bella

The next morning I went about my usual routine of coffee, jogging, and checking emails.

Every day I had emails from Rose or Alice asking about more wedding details. There
were the usual garbage emails and the ones from family and friends just chatting about

their lives. I came to one that I had no idea of the sender's address and it wasn't marked
for SPAM. I had no clue as to who it was by the address and title.

MMBALWYS New Items

It looked like SPAM but something told me to open it before I deleted it.

Dear Bella,

You won't talk to me. You never respond to my messages. I call and it always goes to

voice mail. I guess you blocked my number. I can't say that I blame you. I know what I
did was wrong. I just want to talk to you. I want to explain myself. I know my

explanation won't make it okay but I just need you to know. Please just talk to me. I'd
rather not do it through emails but if that's all I can get then I'll take it.

Please.

Edward

My heart stopped as I glared at the screen.

What did he expect? That we could just be best friends and go on like nothing

happened? Like he never betrayed me?

I still couldn't understand what was so important that he needed to talk to me now?
After a month? Now he's trying everything to contact me? I had nothing left to give him

and that included my time. I had wasted enough time with him already. I wasn't going to
give him another minute of my life.

I shut down the computer without responding to his email and ran my errands before

heading into work. I was not going to let that man fuck with my head anymore. I was in
a good place in my life and all he wanted to do was fuck it up with mind games. His new

woman could have all of that. I was done. How much clearer could I make that to him?

I passed James as I headed to the locker room and he looked very handsome in his
street clothes. He wore a button down striped Polo shirt, loose fitting dark jeans and

Nike tennis shoes to match. His hair was neatly combed back and his face was freshly
shaved. He winked at me and smiled as I went in to change and I giggled in return like a

school girl. He was having more of an effect on me than I previously thought. I hadn't
giggled like that in a very long time.

We still hadn't told anyone that we were dating. We wanted to keep things low key for

as long as possible; not wanting everyone in the entire hospital all in our business. I
hadn't even told Angela yet, which was surprising. It seemed everyone, however, knew

about Edward and me. Though, no one would actually speak to me about it. They would
simply whisper things behind my back which always made its way to me. They would say

shit like 'Can you believe she kicked him out?' or 'She really fucked up by letting him go.'
It was always dumb shit that people knew nothing about. All they knew was that we

weren't together and they were too chicken shit to say anything to my face.

The shift was pretty hectic. There seemed to be an outbreak of the flu, and there was a
car accident that came in a few hours after I arrived. We all banned together and

everyone involved in the accident would be just fine in the end. I had noticed a couple
of secretaries eying me and whispering to each other. I assumed it was more gossip of

Edward and I and just brushed it off. I had no time to deal with their shit.

As Angela and I ate our dinner together in the cafeteria, I was surprised by what she had
to say.

"So, we are keeping secrets from each other now?" She asked sarcastically as she glared

at me.

"What are you talking about?"

"What am I talking about?" She began. "I'm talking about you and James."

How did she know about me and James? We hadn't told anyone and we tried not to
make it obvious when were working.

"Me and James what?"

She tossed her fork down. "Now you're playing crazy? Bella don't lie to me."

"I don't know what you're talking about." I said defiantly as I continued to eat.

"Yes, you do Bella. I thought it was just harmless flirting at first and I didn't say anything

because I knew how much you had been hurt but then I'm hearing from other people
that you two have been on dates. Like real, official dates and you tell me nothing."

"Fine, Ang." I said. "Yes, but we only went on one official date. The rest of the time we

just talk while have having drinks after work. It's not that serious."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I wasn't ready for anyone to know. I'm sorry."

"It's cool. I get it. He's hot. I would've done it too. You don't have to lie to me though. I
thought we were better than that."

"I just wasn't ready."

"Well I hate to tell you but that cat's out of the bag. Everyone is talking about it."

"Are you serious?" I asked. I couldn't believe everyone was talking about it. More

importantly, how the hell did they all know? James knew how I felt about it and I was
going to be livid if he was the one telling people. "Do you know who's telling everyone?"

"I heard it from an Operating Room nurse who said another nurse told her. I don't know

the other chick's name."

"Great." I said sarcastically.

"What? It's not so bad. He is hot as hell. You could do worse."

"So now my life is the gossip of the hospital. First my break up and now my new

relationship is just entertainment for everyone around here. Fantastic." I was pissed

that everyone could say everything behind my back but only one person had the guts to
say anything to my face.

"So do you really like him or is he just the rebound guy?"

She never could be subtle. She just had to get right down to it. "What?"

"What do you mean 'what'? Do you like him? Did he kiss you? Did you have sex yet?"

"What the hell Ang? ! No, I haven't had sex with him yet. I told you we went on one

date."

"Okay, so did you kiss him?"

I blushed before I could speak.

"You did! You kissed him! Was it good?"

"I can't believe you're asking me this." I paused. "Yes."

"I knew it!" She exclaimed nearly jumping out of her seat. "I can't wait until you have sex
with him. I want full details."

"Who said I was going to have sex with him?"

"Come on Bella. You'd be crazy not to have sex with that man and you clearly like him.

Just do it."

Ang was right. I clearly liked him. Apparently, it was obvious to everyone. I had never
been the type of girl to sleep with a lot of guys though. Edward wasn't the only man I'd

ever been with but he was the only man for damn near a decade. Even thinking the
thought of about someone else seeing me naked felt weird. I had gotten become so

comfortable with Edward over the years, and never planned to be intimate with anyone
after him. I thought he was it for me.

Boy was I wrong.

A few more weeks passed and Edward was entering my mind less and less. The days
grew easier and while I still received emails and texts from Edward begging me to talk to

him, I never responded to any of them. There was no space for him in my life and he
only had himself to blame. If he hadn't cheated, I wouldn't have made him leave and we

would still be together.

I'm sure some would say that I was being a cold hearted bitch to Edward but what did
he deserve? Did he deserve to get whatever he wanted? He already had that. He

accomplished that when he cheated on me. Did he deserve to to be able to explain to
me? I didn't think so. I didn't care what happened or what he thought drove him to

cheat. If I wasn't what he wanted or he wanted someone else, he should have just
broken up with me. Cheating, in my mind, has never been acceptable.

James and I had been on a few more dates. We had been to the movies, dinner,

bowling, and to the park. I allowed him to pick me up from my house but we had yet to
really spend time at either of our homes. While I was getting more relaxed around him

with each date, I still wasn't comfortable with spending time in his house or having him
spend an extended amount of time in mine. I just wasn't ready for that yet.

I was surprised in how much I was feeling for James. His demeanor and personality

hadn't wavered from our first date. He was always funny and charming and every time
he kissed me, held my hand or hugged me my whole body felt warm. It felt like I was

enveloped in a warm blanket on a cold night.

He once took me to the Georgia Aquarium and as we stood there intent on looking at
the whales, I couldn't help but look at him. He really was handsome. He was a different

type of handsome than I had previously dated. While he could be considered a pretty
man, he didn't carry himself like that. Everything about him was laid back; from his

attitude to his style. He had money but he didn't flash it around by wearing expensive
suits or five hundred dollar jeans and I really liked that about him. He caught me staring

at him and just laughed it off after kissing me on my forehead.

James and I had a date planned for Saturday night. We were both off work and planned
to take full advantage of our free night. He wouldn't tell me where we were going or

what we would be doing but he did tell me to dress up. He kept insisting that it was a
surprise.

I had no idea what I was going to wear. I didn't feel like going shopping so instead I

decided to rummage through my closet and see if I had anything suitable. I found a
couple of dresses in the back of my closet that still had the tags on them. I had forgotten

all about them. Edward and I used to go to so many black tie events that I must have
bought them in anticipation and never wore them.

There was a black floor length halter style dress and then there was a red, knee length,

cocktail dress with rhinestones and beads along the front. One was clearly an evening
dress and the other was more of a cocktail dress. I opted for the red cocktail dress. If it

was black tie attire, I'm sure he would have said so.

I was nervous as hell all day on Saturday. I didn't check my emails or read any messages

from Edward. I didn't need to hear his voice in my head all night begging me to talk to

him. I was going to have a wonderful time and he wasn't going to ruin it.

I had my eyebrows and legs waxed early in the day before getting a manicure and
pedicure. I felt like I was going to prom all over again. On my way home from the salon I

received a text from James.

Hello beautiful. I'll pick you up at 7. Can't wait to see you. - James

I'll be waiting with bells on. Me too. -Bella

After arriving home I had plenty of time to get ready. I showered and styled my hair. I
applied just enough make up to accent my features but not look like a clown. I lathered

myself in lotion and lightly spritzed myself with perfume before putting on my dress. I
felt like I was over doing it, but he did say to dress up and that's what I was doing. After

slipping into the dress and heels, I looked at myself in the mirror.

I felt like a new woman.

I loved the way I looked and I was going out with a man that I was quickly falling for. It
was definitely going to be a good night.

Seven o'clock on the dot and I heard James pull into the drive way. I hadn't been

nervous all day until then and it hit that moment. My stomach was filled with butterflies
and my pulse raced. We had been on several dates, why was I getting nervous now? It

had to be because I felt myself falling in love with him. It was impossible not to. A
woman would have to be gay or stupid not to fall in love with him.

After he knocked on the door, I opened it and was stunned at how handsome he looked.

His curly hair was cut short but long enough to see the small curls. He wore a tailored
gray, pin striped suit with a red and gray striped tie. I had never seen him dressed that

way and it took my breath away. He was beautiful.

I finally looked into his baby blue eyes and I swear, for a second I couldn't breathe. I
hadn't been left breathless since I was a schoolgirl and that's exactly how I felt in that

moment.

"Wow... I... I... you..." He stammered as he stood on my porch and stared at me. I smiled
slightly as he struggled to find the words to say. "You... you look amazing."

"Thank you." I began. "You look amazing yourself."

"Oh," He started as he brought his hands around from behind his back and handed me a

dozen tulips. "These are for you."

I gasped in response and placed my hand over my mouth. "Thank you so much. Come
on in."

"You're welcome." He said as he stepped in the foyer and shut the door behind him.

"These are beautiful." I said, placing the flowers into a vase.

"I didn't want to get you plain roses. You are special and I wanted your flowers to be

special too."

I filled the vase with water and walked over to him. I placed my hands on either side of
his face and pressed my lips against his. "You are too sweet."

He kissed my lips one more time before speaking. "We better get going. I don't want us

to be late."

After grabbing my purse and keys, I locked the door behind me. We walked to his car
and he opened the door for me before he slipped in behind the wheel.

"Where are we going anyway?" I questioned knowing it was pointless but I was hoping

he would give in and tell me.

He shook his head as he backed out of the drive way. "I told you it's a surprise. I'm not
telling you."

I pretended to pout. "Fine."

He laughed slightly. "Don't be like that. We will be there soon enough."

As he drove through the moonlit city streets, he held my hand and I smiled at the

gesture. In no time at all he pulled up to Ecco. It was another one of the restaurants I'd
heard about but couldn't get Edward to bring me to. He exited the vehicle as the valet

approached and walked over to open my door.

James walked to the host and gave his name. The host scanned his list and quickly
gathered two menus. We followed him to the back of the room where we sat a secluded

table. James thanked the host before pulling out the chair for me to sit. The restaurant
was packed and it was clear that he had made this reservation a while ago. He sat across

from me and reached for my hand again. I placed my hand in his with no hesitation. I
liked the way his hand felt wrapped around mine. I liked how it made me feel inside.

The restaurant was well lit and beautifully decorated. There was a very modern

European feel to it. The waiters were dressed in black pants and vests with a white

button up shirt underneath and long black aprons.

"James," I started. "This place is great. I've wanted to come here for a while."

"Me too. I've heard a lot about it but never had anyone to come with." He said before

kissing my hand. "Until you, that is." I blushed in response to him.

We ordered our food and started on a great white wine. He was again telling funny
stories of his teen and college years. The conversation was light and as he began to talk

about wanting to settle down and have a family, I felt myself fall over the cliff. It was in
that moment that I knew I was in love with him. It had happened so quickly and I knew

it was coming; but actually realizing it, was something I could never truly prepare for.

I wanted a child and I wanted to have a marriage. I never cared so much about the
wedding but I wanted a life partner that had vowed to always love me. Hearing that the

beautiful man in front of me wanted the same things was amazing.

In that moment I knew how what I felt about for him; and I had an idea of his feelings
for me, but I didn't know if he'd fallen for me in the same way. I didn't want to blurt out

'I love you' without having some idea of knowing more of what he felt for me. The
question was; how was I supposed to ask that in a way that doesn't make me look

stupid? 'Do you love me?' I couldn't just come out and ask him that. He would probably
run for the hills and never look back.

"Are you ready to get out of here?" He asked as he gently rubbed small circles with his

thumb on the back of my hand.

I smiled and nodded. I was in a such a daze that I couldn't even manage to speak. We
waited for the valet to retrieve his car and for the first time I noticed how cool the air

became. I had a light jacket on but I was still cold. James wrapped his arms around me
and I held myself tightly against his chest as I looked in his eyes. All my nervousness was

gone and in its place was sheer happiness and love. He bent down and pressed his lips
softly against mine and my blood began to pump fiercely through my veins and

centralized deep in my core. I was quickly becoming aroused and knew that it wouldn't
be long before my panties were wet.

Our lips moved in unison and our tongues began to dance together. My hands moved

this neck and I lightly fingered his hair. Our kiss was full of passion and desire. It was
intense and sweet simultaneously.

We heard a man clear his throat behind us and broke us from our kiss. He pressed his

forehead against mine as we both laughed. It was as if we were in high school all over
again. We couldn't get enough of each other.

He held my hand as we walked to his car and as he walked around to enter the car, I

couldn't help but watch him.

I wanted him.

I wanted him in every way. I wanted him to have me. I wanted to share that part of me
with him.

He entered the car and leaned over the console to kiss my lips quickly before pulling

onto the road. I couldn't bring myself to stop staring at him while he drove.

Quickly he glanced at me and smiled. "Do I have something on my face?"

"No. Why?"

"Because you keep looking at me. It's making me self conscious."

"Oh," I began. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I'd be staring at you too if I didn't have to drive." Yet again, his confession
made me blush. I hadn't blushed this many times in the past three years. It was starting

to make me feel stupid but after all, I was in love.

"You're just saying that." I replied quietly.

"What?" He questioned as he quickly looked at me. "I am not just saying that. It's the
truth. Did you not see me staring at you all through dinner?"

I guess I hadn't noticed it during dinner because I was too caught up in my inner

revelations. "Oh."

"I don't want to take you home Bella." He said as we sat at a red light watching each
other and not paying any attention to the world around us. "I don't want tonight to end

just yet."

"Me either." I began before the car behind us honked their horn. The light had turned
green while we were preoccupied some moments before.

"Let's go somewhere. Anywhere." He suggested, sounding full of hope.

"Okay." I readily agreed. "Where do you want to go?" I knew where I wanted to go and

what I wanted to do but I wasn't about to suggest it. That would seem too forward.

"I don't know. Somewhere we can talk and just be with each other."

"What about your place?" It was as close as I could get to suggesting sex without
actually saying the words. The longer he drove and the more he held my hand the more

aroused I became.

"Are you sure?" He asked.

I nodded my head. "I'm sure."

We arrived at his house minutes later and I wasn't surprised by his home. It was exactly
what I expected. It was a new ranch style house. It wasn't flashy and didn't scream 'look

at all my money.' It was cozy and inviting; just like he was.

He pulled into the garage and when he released my hand to shift the car into park I
instantly missed his touch. He would walk over to open the door for me, like always, but

I was too impatient for that. I wanted to be as close to him as I could. I wanted to feel
his skin against mine.

We walked into the house and it was decorated nicely. It wasn't the typical bachelor

pad. It was clear he had great taste but it wasn't over the top. The kitchen was open to
the living room and as we walked through he suggested I sit on the couch.

"Would you like some wine?" He asked.

"Sure."

He removed his suit jacket before gathering the glasses and pouring them halfway full.

He handed one to me as he sat down next to me. His heat radiated in my direction and
my need for him was growing. He turned off the lights after lighting a few candles

around the room. We sipped the wine and stared at each other for a long time. Neither
one of us needing needed to fill the silence.

He reached for my glass and then sat both glassed on the table. He brought his hands to

my face and he pressed his lips to mine again. I wanted him. I wanted every part of him.

Our lips and tongues danced together for a while before pushed him to lie back on the
couch. I could tell he was surprised at my actions by his hesitation to comply. Never

breaking breaking our kiss, I moved to lie on top of him.

He pulled his head back after I began rubbing his stomach. It was rock hard and I could
feel the definition of his muscles. His stomach felt like mountains and valleys and I was

aroused even more.

"Bella," He spoke trying to catch his breath. "Are you sure?"

"Yes." I responded before kissing him again.

He pulled back again. "I don't want you to rush into this."

"I'm not. I know what I want." He kissed me in response before pulling back.

"Okay, but not like this. Not right here." He said before sliding out from under me. He
held his his hand out to me and gave him mine in return. My heart was pumping so hard

in anticipation as he led me to his bedroom before turning to face me. "I want to do this
right." He pressed his lips to mine again and I knew in that moment that I was doing the

right thing. He was a good guy and I deserved him. I deserved this. I deserved to be
happy.

He slowly backed us to the bed as we kissed. Our hands were franticly moving over each

other's bodies, exploring, enticing the other. My knees hit the bed and before I knew it,
he was gently pushing me back, his hands soft and slow, clearly giving me the chance to

back out. I slid up the bed, and took his hand, pulling and pulled him towards me.

I pulled him close, just a few seconds was too long without his touch. My body ached for
his hands on me again, I needed him. His lips caressed my skin as he brushed them along

my jaw, his hands gripping my waist.

"James," I whispered, before wrapping my arms around his neck and tugging him till his
lips finally met mine. Never, in so many years, has I felt so alive, so charged, as I did

now. His tongue massaged mine with such tenderness it made my heart skip. I moaned
into the kiss, gasping as he took my bottom lip between his lips and sucked. My hips

bucked towards him of their own accord, brushing against him as I did so. It was his turn
to gasp, and suddenly, his kisses held more passion, more urgency to them, if that were

even possible. He set my soul on fire, my heart was racing in my chest as he began to
slide is hands under my top, his fingers dancing over the sensitive skin of my stomach.

My heart leapt in my chest at the feel of it. I sat up, and he lifted my dress over my
head, throwing it on the ground before pushing me back and scattering small kisses

along my collarbone.

I whined as his fingers grazed over my bra, and he smirked up at me.

"You're sure you want this?" he asked me, hesitating slightly, looking for any sign of
discomfort in my eyes.

"I'm sure," I replied, smiling, and arching my back towards him to emphasize my point.

He smirked again at my eagerness, and reached around me, unhooking my bra with
ease. This too was flung onto the floor. He paused for a second, staring at me as his

hand ghosted over my hardened nipples, making me clench my legs together to try and

relieve some of the tension.

"You are so beautiful, Bella." Emotion welled deep within my chest. No one had called

me beautiful in years. I pulled him to me, trying to express everything I felt through my
passion and incredible need for him. My chest brushed against his and I frowned at the

fabric. My hands fumbled with the buttons and he chuckled at my haste.

"Shhh, slow down. We have all night." His shirt was soon off and my hands brushed
against him, in awe of how he looked right now; his eyes hooded and scorching with

lust, light hitting his chest in the sexiest way possible. His lips met mine again, in a
heated rush. His hands massaged my breasts until I was squirming under him.

"James," I begged, my need growing inexplicably stronger. He shifted down my body at

my words, his hands running over my skin again. His eyes widened at the sight of me in
only my panties. I sat up, undressing him in the same way manner as he had to me. My

fingers tugged on his boxers too and he slid out of them, before removing my
underwear as well.

The slight brush of his fingers as he did so had me quivering. In a lust induced haze, I

pulled him to me, kissing him fervently. Suddenly, his fingers slid against me, and I
moaned at the unexpected touch. He laid me back, his finger circling my clit again. My

breathing, now beyond erratic, was heavy and loud, but I wasn't the least embarrassed.
He made me feel at ease. He made me feel beautiful.

My hips bucked when he slid a finger inside me, curling it up to reach that precious spot.

"Oh God, James!" I cried as he began to move his finger in and out. He added another

and I began to move my hips with him, but it wasn't enough. I needed more; I needed
him.

"I need you," I begged, pulling his hand away. "Please." I kissed him, my hands running

down his body to grasp his erection. My thumb stroked around his head and he choked
in a breath. He reached around me, to his nightstand and pulled out a condom. He tore

it and we both helped ease it on him. He pushed me back, kissing lightly all over my
face.

I felt him press against my entrance, and with his hand holding him steady, he slid inside

me.

My hands gripped his shoulders, keeping him close; hoping the exquisite feeling of him
inside me would never end.

"You okay?" he whispered. I could only nod. I drew my hips back, and then bucked them

forward again, making an unintelligible noise at the sensations he was creating within

me. It was as if everything was re-awakening, all at once. I could barely contain myself.

His hand grasped at my thigh, raising it up to get deeper as he began to move in and out
of me. With every whimper from me, he would groan in pleasure. The heat, the fire, the

passion, everything racing between us was too hard much to contain.

I could feel myself moving closer and closer to the edge as he moved faster inside me. I
felt him press against my clit and that was what did me in. I could feel myself coming

undone.

"Fuck, James!" I moaned as my muscles clenched around him, and I came in one dizzying
wave of pleasure. I could vaguely hear him calling my name as he tensed and came also,

just after me. My muscles spasmed as he slid out of me,me and my eyes closed,
physically and emotionally spent. I heard him remove the condom, and soon I was back

in his arms with him cradling me as I snuggled in closer to him.

Between all of the physical activity, the excitement and the new found emotions, I was
utterly exhausted. Even so, my eyelids were heavy and I relaxed in his embrace and

quickly fell into a deep sleep in his arms.

Chapter 10- What She Said

The sun was steadily rising and rays of light began to flow through the curtains. The

warmth from the sun felt nice on my bare skin. I looked up to see James' sleeping face.
He was even more beautiful in this light than normal. I could feel the steady thumping of

his heart as I set my chin on his chest. His right arm was wrapped tightly around me
while his left arm was draped across his pillow. Watching him like this, I couldn't imagine

how I had gotten the complete wrong impression of him initially. It seems I had been
wrong about all sorts of things lately. I was wrong about Edward and clearly wrong

about James.

Last night had been something completely unexpected. I hadn't expected to fall in love
with James and definitely hadn't planned on sleeping with him last night. Everything was

happening so quickly.

I was happy with the decisions that I had made since the break up. I was living my life
the way I wanted. Everything felt right last night and I was happy with the way

everything had turned out. I wanted to share myself with James and I did and it was
amazing. I felt like a virgin all over again. Experiencing sex with someone completely

new was exhilarating. I relished every time he touched me or kissed me and when he
entered my body I felt like I was a new woman.

The hardest part of it all was coming to fully understand I was in love with James. Before

Edward I'd had small crushes and infatuations but he was the first man I truly loved. He

was the one I pictured the rest of my life with. Knowing that my life with Edward was
over and that I was now in fact in love with James was astonishing and frightening.

I knew that Edward and James were two completely different men but I was still

frightened that if I opened up and told James exactly how I felt about him, the end
result would be the same. I'd be left alone, broken hearted to pick up the pieces. I didn't

know if I could go through that again. I was strong. I survived this time, but the fear of
loving another man and being hurt again was almost crippling. I wanted him to know

what I felt, but was I ready to give another man that power over me?

James' eyes began to flutter and he turned his head to face me. He hugged himself
tighter against me before speaking. "Good morning beautiful." He lightly pressed his lips

to mine.

"Good morning it is."

"Did you sleep well?" He asked while he draped his left arm across my stomach and
nuzzled into my neck.

"Like a rock." I began to run my fingers the length of his back.

"Why are you up so early then?" I could still hear the exhaustion in his voice. I didn't

intend to wake him up. My mind was simply flooded with thoughts and I couldn't return
to sleep.

"I'm used to being up early. I usually jog in the mornings."

"Oh," He began. "I didn't mean to mess up your morning routine. Do you want me to

take you home?"

I shook my head. "No, it's okay. I can miss one morning. It was worth it after last night."

"Mmm, I agree. That was amazing." He confessed as started lightly kissing my neck and I
could feel the wetness begin to accumulate between my legs.

"You're gonna be in trouble if you don't stop." I teased. There was no way I wanted him

to stop.

"Stop what? I don't know what you're talking about." He replied in a mocking tone. He
knew what he was doing to me.

He began to nip and lick his way up my neck to my earlobe and heat flowed through my

body. It was definitely time for round two and I was glad I decided to stay the night.

"God, James that feels so good." I hitched my leg over his hip and began grinding my
core against his cock. He was already hard and with one quick motion I could have him

inside of me. I continued to moan as I felt his cock slide against my wet center. I pulled
his head back and kissed him quickly and hard. Our tongues danced a familiar dance

together and soon we were out of breath. He pulled away and brushed the hair from my
face.

"Bella..." He panted.

"James, I want to feel you inside of me. Please..." I was practically begging by that point.

He kissed me once and swiftly reached over to the nightstand for a condom. He
managed to put it on without breaking our kiss and moments later I felt him slowly

enter me. My entire body felt like it was on fire. He was on top of me slowly gliding in
and out of me. The look on his face was so intense.

Although I was out of breath I couldn't bring myself to stop kissing him. I couldn't get

enough of him. I wanted to be consumed by him in every way.

I wrapped my legs around his waist and angled my hips up to allow him deeper into me.

"Bella... fuck... it's so hot right there...I'm not gonna last much longer." He panted into
my mouth.

Moments later I felt my whole body flush as I reached my orgasm. "James...shit...I'm

gonna come...oh shit."

I opened my eyes to find James watching me and I blushed. Seconds later I felt him slide
into me one last time as his body shook with his release. He kissed me again as he rolled

to my side.

"You are going to be the death of me." He panted.

"Don't blame it on me. You started it." I joked.

"I know." He started. "You are really beautiful when you orgasm."

"Thanks. I think."

"It was definitely a compliment." We laid in silence as we regained our breathing. "You
wanna take a shower? I'm sure I have something you can wear until you get home."

I nodded my head. "Sure."

We showered together and while I was inclined to rub my hands all over his toned

muscles, I refrained. He gave me a pair of his basketball shorts and a white tank top to
wear home. The only shoes I had with me were my high heels from last night and that

wasn't going to work with my borrowed clothing.

"I can either carry you to the car and into your house or you can put on my shoes that
are entirely too big for you." He suggested as we stood at the door of his garage. I

contemplated the decision for a minute. "I'll just carry you." He said as he scooped me
up and carried me to his car.

"Thanks."

"No problem." He said as he started the car engine.

He held my hand as he drove me home. The drive wasn't but a few miles and bef ore I

knew it he was scooping me up out of the car and carrying me into my house.

"I feel like a princess." I joked as he set me down at the door.

"That's good because you are one."

I opened the door and walked inside with James following behind me. "That's funny. I'm
far from a princess."

He shut the door behind him. "Not true."

I shook my head. "Whatever you say."

James left shortly after dropping me off. He had things to do and so did I. I had to be at

the hospital at three o'clock and I was supposed to meet Alice and Rose at the bridal
shop at eleven. That left me with an hour to get dressed and get to the store.

Today was the day Rose was going to try on wedding dresses. She had narrowed the

selection down to a few but couldn't decide and asked for our help.

I packed a work bag and quickly changed clothes. After speeding through the streets of
Atlanta I made it to the store just in time.

"It's about time, Bella." Alice chided as I rushed through the doors.

"Don't start today."

"Thanks for coming," Rose greeted as she hugged me.

"Let's get this show on the road. Go put on those dresses!" Alice ordered to Rose.

Rose and the bridal consultant went into the dressing room while Alice and I sat on the

couch in front of the mirrors.

She asked what I had been doing that made me have to rush in. When I hesitated to
answer she knew what I had been doing. Thankfully, she didn't pressure me about

details. As we sat and joked I realized how much I missed talking with Alice about things
other than the upcoming wedding but she was Edward's sister and I wasn't ready to talk

with her about dating someone else. I wasn't sure she was ready to hear about it either.

"So, how is Jasper? I feel like I haven't seen him in ages."

"He's great. Just really busy with work. His company has a lot of projections due in the
next month so he's running around like a mad man."

"I'm glad he's well. How are your parents?"

"They are good. Enjoying being retired. Every week they are off to a different vacation."

"That must be nice."

"I guess it's enjoying the fruits of the labor and all that crap." Alice paused for a minute

or two and I gathered that something was on her mind. She wasn't one to hold back and
I wondered what it was.

"What's on your mind Alice? I can see it's something."

"I don't want to pry into your business and I know I have no right to say anything about

what happened but you are one of my closest friends and he's my brother. So, I'm stuck
in the middle."

I wasn't sure where she was going with the conversation but I wasn't in the mood to talk

about Edward. He probably bribed her into talking to me about him.

"I've told Edward that he fucked up the relationship and it's up to him to fix it if he
wants to but that I wasn't going to help him. However, I want to tell you some things I

don't think you've ever known about him. They may help you understand a little more
about the situation. Is that okay?"

I was curious as to what Alice was going to tell me. Up until a couple months ago I

thought I knew everything about him. While I didn't want to ruin my post coital
happiness, I felt like I should at least listen to what she had to say.

"Yeah, I guess."

Before Alice could start Rose emerged from the dressing room looking absolutely

stunning in a white, sleeveless, lace gown. She stood in front of the mirror and we all
raved about how amazing she looked. The consultant whisked her back to the dressing

room to try on the next dress.

"Where were we?" Alice started. "Oh yes, I remember. So, did Edward ever tell you
about the girls he dated before he met you?"

I shook my head. "Not really. He had just told me that he had dated a few girls but

nothing was ever serious."

"True but there's more to it than that. I guess it starts back when we were little kids.
Esme isn't our biological mother."

"What?" I interrupted.

"Yeah, no one outside of the family knows and no one ever speaks about it. Our

biological mom left our dad when we were just toddlers. She told Dad that she had
made a mistake by marrying him and having children when she wasn't ready for any of

it. She left Dad to take care of us by himself. After realizing she wasn't coming back he
had her sign all of her parental rights away."

I was completely shocked. "I can't believe that."

"I know. It's crazy. So a few years later he meets Esme and they fell in love and the rest

is history but Edward never recovered emotionally from her leaving us. Everyone
thought that as he grew older he would learn that not all women are like that but he

never did. Every time he started really liking a girl he would push her away. He never let
himself get close to anyone. There was one girl in high school that we thought was going

to break down his wall, Lauren, she was a sweet girl but she said those three words to
him and he left her and never looked back."

I was completely flabbergasted at what she was telling me. Edward had never

mentioned anything about any of this and my mind was spinning. I really hadn't known
anything about him. How could he spend every day with me for years and never think to

mention this stuff?

"Then there was another girl when he first went to college, Jessica. She was a lot like
Lauren and everyone really liked her. He even brought her home for a weekend one

time but she too fell in love with him and he dumped her like a bad habit. I really started
to feel for these girls. Edward eventually gave up on actually dating girls until he met

you."

All kinds of things began to click in my mind. Why Edward had always seemed so closed
off emotionally. How long it had taken him to say 'I love you' when we first started

dating. How he shut down at the mere mention of the word marriage. I began to think
he slept with another woman subconsciously to get me to leave him. That way he would

have to marry me and he could feel that he didn't deserve me. I was starting to realize
just how much his biological mother had messed him up.

"He met you and he couldn't stop talking about you. He had never been that way with

another woman and we all knew he was falling in love with you. He tried not too but he
couldn't help himself. He was so scared that first year. He used to call me all the time

asking for advice and saying that he didn't want to fuck it up with you but he didn't
know how to love or trust a woman. Now I'm not telling you this to feel sorry for him

but I knew he would never tell you these things and I felt like you had a right to know."

I was still trying to make sense of everything she had told me. It was overwhelming
information and would have been a lot more helpful to know while we were still

together.

"Thanks Alice. It's just a lot of information to digest." I confessed as my mind was still
reeling.

"I know what he did was wrong and I'm not asking you to take him back. Maybe just

think about what you know now and talk to him when you're ready."

Before I could respond, Rose was stepping up on the platform in the second dress. It
was a huge satin ball gown with beading across the chest. Again, she looked stunning. I

had no idea how I was supposed to help her choose a dress when my mind was flooded
with new information.

There wasn't much conversation between the second and third dresses. I couldn't find

the words to say. Rose modeled the third dress and it was beautiful but it wasn't her
style. Alice and I voted on the first dress. It fit her figure and her style and she looked

amazing in it.

By the time the dress was ordered and all the arrangements were made, I barely made it
to work on time. My mind was still clouded and I had a million different thoughts

streaming through. I couldn't concentrate on anything. It was going to be fun working
while I had a million other things on my mind.

I made in to work on time and just as I was starting my shift I saw James round the

corner. As soon as our eyes met we both smiled like little kids. We instinctively began
walking towards each other and I knew there was no way we could hide our relationship

now. There was too much chemistry between us.

We stopped mere inches away from each other. I wanted to kiss him but that would
have been inappropriate.

"Hey." He said quietly.

"Hey." I replied through a huge smile.

"I was hoping I'd get to see you before it got crazy around here."

"Me too."

Angela cleared her throat behind us.

"Guess we better get to work." He said, as he took a step back

"Guess so." I paused for a second before turning to walk away. "Thanks."

"For what?" He questioned.

"Just being you and being here." I answered quickly before walking away.

Just the fact that he showed up at that exact moment had cleared my mind of all the

Edward revelations. Yes, the revelations helped explain a lot of his behavior but it didn't
excuse it. What was done, was still done and the fact was that I had moved on.

I focused my thoughts on the patients that needed my attention and the first half of the

shift went by in a flash. I was finishing a chart before I went on my break and Angela
asked if I could run to the supply room and grab a splint for her. Somehow the nurses

before us forgot to stock some of the rooms at the end of their shift.

I went to our supply room and couldn't find any that she needed. How was it that no
one in the entire ER could stock the supply closet? That meant I had to go all the way to

the central supply to get the damn splint.

As I walked in I noticed Tanya loading up a cart to take to the OR. I had met her briefly in
passing but I knew she was one of the regular OR nurses.

"Hey." I said as walked around her to grab what I needed.

She gave me a sly look. I didn't know too much about her other than hear-say but even

that wasn't good. Pretty much everyone described her as a bitch.

"Hey." She responded sounding annoyed. I guess the rumors were true. She was a bitch.

I continued to grab my supplies and I couldn't help but notice that she looked like she
had a gut. I laughed to myself thinking that she deserved to have a gut to go along with

her shitty attitude.

"Wow my back hurts." Tanya started. "This baby is going to kill me before it pops out."

She was pregnant? Well that explained the gut but why was she telling me? We had
never talked before and with her attitude, I wasn't going to start then.

"It's all Edward's fault." She added.

Chapter 11- What He Said

"It's all Edward's fault."

What the fuck? Was she serious? Who the hell did she think she was?

She was pregnant by Edward? That bastard had knocked up his mistress while he was
still with me?

She was visibly pregnant which meant she was probably at least four months along. I

felt sick to my stomach. I gave him nine years of my life with nothing left to show for it
and she was having his child. Bitch.

I had to get out of that room before I lost my lunch and punched her in the face. I

quickly grabbed a few splints and turned towards the door.

"Oh, Bella" She began. "I hope you enjoy my sloppy seconds. Tell James I said hello."

I was through the door like a bolt of lightning. My mind was reeling; I couldn't
comprehend anything that was happening. I usually didn't allow other people to affect

me in such a way, but not only was she pregnant with what she claimed as Edward's
child, she was somehow involved with James. Was karma trying to get it's revenge on

me for something? The relationship with Edward was over, I dealt with that. I wasn't,
however, ready to have my relationship with James completely crumble so soon.

It was too much for my mind to process and in turn my I felt my stomach begin to

convulse. The next thing I knew, I was bent over the trash can in the hallway throwing
up my lunch. Once I was done, I wiped my mouth and finally made it to the bathroom.

I stared in the mirror after washing my face. I couldn't even recognize the woman in the

mirror anymore. My life wasn't at all what I had planned it to be. Nine years down the

drain for him to knock up some chick in the hospital.

I was on the verge of tears. I had to get a grip on my emotions. I couldn't go back on the
floor looking and acting crazy. Edward wasn't mine anymore. Yes, he knocked up some

chick while we were together but there was no us anymore. I had clearly done the right
thing by throwing him out. He hadn't broken me before and I wasn't going to break

then.

The more pressing matter was how she knew James. She had said 'I hope you enjoy my
sloppy seconds.' Was that is reference to Edward or was she involved with James too?

Edward was my past but I had thought James was my future. He and I were going to
have to talk about this and soon. I wasn't going to sit around and look stupid like I had

while Edward was cheating. I wouldn't be a fool twice.

Once I had regained my composure and I didn't look like a psycho anymore, I made my
way back to the ER. I handed Angela the splints without saying a word.

"Bella, are you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost." Angela said.

I shrugged in response to her before walking away. I felt like I had seen a ghost. As I

walked past the nurse's station I glanced at my watch noticing that I only had thirty
minutes before it was time to leave. Thank God. The sooner I could get out of the

hospital the better. I didn't want to run into Tanya again. She had said so little while
saying so much. Her few sentences stood the chance of tearing down everything I had

been trying to build after Edward.

"Hey Bella," James called from behind me and my heart stopped.

Shit. I had to deal with him. I had to get some answers about Tanya. I hoped I was wrong
about the whole thing and that they had been childhood friends or something. Anything

other than lovers.

I turned to face him and managed to place a smile on my face. "Hey James."

"It's almost quitting time, huh?"

"Thank God."

He laughed under his breath. "Yeah, I hear that. Are you busy after work? You want to
come to my place? I thought I'd cook you dinner."

It would definitely be more comfortable to talk to him about Tanya away from work.

"Sure, that sounds fine."

"Great. Do you want to follow me from here?"

"No, I have to stop at the store first. I'll meet you at your place."

"Do you remember how to get there?" He asked.

"If not, I'll call you."

"I'll see you soon then." He said as he winked.

I smiled and nodded in response to him.

Asking him about his past wasn't going to be fun. He had filled me in about his childhood
but had never really spoken about ex girlfriends or anything about his sexual history.

What was I supposed to say, 'Hey did you happen to fuck Tanya before you met me?'
That wasn't going to go over well.

I drove to the grocery store to pick up a few things and decided to grab a twelve pack of

beer. I was going to need it tonight. A few beers would relax me enough to be able to
ask my questions and not freak out if the answers weren't what I wanted to hear. I still

couldn't get Edward out of my mind and the mystery of Tanya and James was beginning
to make me crazy. My mind was a continuous loop of James, Tanya, and Edward.

While I stood in line to check out my phone alerted me to a new message.

Please talk to me Bella. We need to talk. Please stop ignoring me. Just give me five

minutes. Please?- Edward.

His pregnant mistress must have told him that she saw me. I was in no mood to talk to
him. He was going to have to live with the decisions he made and realize that I was no

longer a part of his world.

The streets were bare and the air was cold as I drove through the city to James' house.
Surprisingly, I remembered the way to his house and I was pulling into the driveway in

no time. He had left the porch light on for me. He was always so considerate. With my
bag in hand, I knocked on his door.

"Come in." I heard him shout from inside.

I turned the knob and was engulfed in the smell of garlic. After shutting the door behind

me, I made my way into the kitchen.

"Bella, I'm so glad you made it."

"It smells great in here. What are you making?" I asked as I sat down the bag.

"Just a little chicken parmesan. What's in the bag?" He questioned.

"Just some beer." I mirrored as I held up the box.

"Awesome. You can go ahead and put the beer in the fridge if you want. Dinner is
almost ready."

"I can't wait." I replied as I placed the beer in the fridge after removing one for myself. I

sat down on one of the barstools as I twisted the cap off the beer and took a sip.

I wanted my answers but I needed to ease into it and I didn't want to just barge in his
house and start demanding answers. I could be wrong about the whole situation. She

could be pregnant with someone else's baby. She could not even really know James. If
that was the case, why was she so intent to say such things to someone she didn't even

know? Who would just say random accusatory shit to people?

We chatted a while about the shift at work and how everyone seemed to be gossiping
about us. We both laughed it off thinking it was funny. James was a lot like me in his

ability to brush gossip off and not let it affect him.

Dinner was ready and we ate on the couch while watching a movie. I honestly couldn't
remember the name of the movie. My mind was in a million different places and none

of them was the movie.

Once we were finished eating, I took our dishes to the sink and grabbed a couple more
beers. I sat down next to James on the couch after handing him a beer.

"Bella, you seem a little preoccupied. Are you alright?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'm good. I've just gotten a lot of new information over the past twenty four

hours and I'm trying to process it all."

He held my hand in his and I felt myself relax just a bit. I still didn't understand how he
held that power. "You know you can talk to me about anything, right?" famous last

words -Shae

I nodded. "I know."

He leaned over and pressed his lips to mine. "Okay."

"Well there is one thing."

"Sure. Anything you want." He said as he looked into my eyes. His eyes were so piercing
blue and gorgeous. His eyes alone could make me weak.

"I just feel like I don't really know anything about your history."

"I've told you all about my past." He responded quickly.

"You've told me about your childhood but not about any of your ex girlfriends or any

crazy one night stands in college. You know the real details."

"I just didn't think you'd want to hear about all of that."

"Well, I do. I want to know everything about you. I want you to know everything about
me. I want us to be completely honest with each other." I said softly.

James then began to tell me about his dating and sexual history back to high school.

About the girl that broke his heart in the eleventh grade and the girl who took his
virginity. He told me about his first one night stand on spring break in college in Mexico.

It seemed to be the regular history of a heterosexual man. Nothing was out of the
ordinary.

"That's it?" It just seemed like there was more. Something he had left out.

He nodded his head. "Yeah, pretty much."

"What about your last relationship?" I asked. This was it. It was do or die time. I was

about to find out the truth. My stomach began to twist with anxiety.

"Well," He began. "We dated for over a year and we were pretty serious, or so I
thought. Then she cheated on me. I found out, confronted her and she chose him over

me. That's pretty much it."

"That's terrible."

"Yeah, that's why I kept telling you that you could talk to me about what was going on
with Edward. I understood what you were feeling."

"I see that know. What was her name? If you don't mind me asking."

"Tanya Denali."

Fuck. It was her. How could one woman I had just met cause so much havoc in my life?

She took my man, got pregnant with his child, and was with my new man before I knew

him. Bitch.

"When did you guys break up?"

"About four months before I met you."

I quickly did the math in my head. That bitch had cheated on James with Edward. Not

only had she fucked up my life but she had fucked over James too. I was ready to kill
her.

"Do you know who she cheated with?" I knew my questions were getting too in depth

to just pass as curious but I needed to know how much James knew.

He shook his head."No. She wouldn't tell me."

So, James was with Tanya and she cheated on him with Edward but he didn't know that
it was Edward. Did Edward know that James and Tanya were together when he met

Tanya? The whole situation was starting to feel like a soap opera and I felt like I was
going to be sick again. I could live without hearing Edward's excuses and reasoning for

cheating on me. I could live with never knowing what would have happened between us
had he not cheated. However, adding Tanya into the mix and possibly James having

something to do with it wasn't something I could go without knowing.

It was all too much to take in.

"Are you okay?" James asked.

"I need to go James. I'm sorry. I'm not feeling well." I confessed as I stood.

"You can lie down in the bedroom if you want?" He suggested as he stood and rubbed
my arm. "You don't have to leave."

"No, thank you. I think I need to go home. I'll call you tomorrow."

I quickly hugged him goodbye before placing a quick kiss on his cheek. I grabbed my

purse and shot through the door. The cold air stung my cheeks and I walked swiftly to
the car. After slipping behind the steering wheel and putting the car in reverse, I felt the

tears stream down my face.

I needed to figure this all out and soon. I needed to know what Tanya had against me.
She had Edward and his child, what more did she want from me? Why would she have

even made the comment about James? She didn't want him anymore so what did it
matter who had him?

I was home in no time and I managed to stop the tears. I was too strong for this. I wasn't

going to break. It wasn't going to happen. I would figure this out and still stand strong.

I wanted to call Edward and demand answers from him. I thought back to all the times
he had called or texted and maybe I should have responded but I couldn't take it back.

Deep down I thought calling Edward would make the situation worse for me. I wanted
to know if he knew that James and Tanya were together when he was fucking her. It

would make sense if that was the case. That could have been why Edward didn't want
me spending time with James. But that was if he knew.

There were so many 'what if' questions and in all honesty I wasn't prepared to deal with

the answers.

Did it really matter that she was with James before me? I had him now. Not her. She
could have cheating ass Edward. They deserved each other. They were both cheaters

and didn't deserve an honest, good partner.

I laid down in my bed and stared at the ceiling as I processed my thoughts. I was
exhausted from working and all the emotional stress from the day. I was asleep in no

time. Tomorrow was going to be different. It was going to be better.

Chapter 12- Eyewall

Eyewall: A ring of towering thunderstorms where the most severe weather of a

cyclone occurs; and thus causing the most damage.

April is usually such a happy time. Spring was upon us; the birds were chirping and the
flowers were blooming. The weather was nice and the sun quickly warmed me.

I stood outside at The Atlanta Botanical Garden where my brother was getting married

that day. The crew was rushing around to get all the chairs set up. The florist was busy
making sure all the arrangements were in the perfect place. Rose had decided on yellow

sweetheart roses as the main flower. They were in the centerpieces, decorated the arch
and lined the chairs at the end of the rows. It was absolutely beautiful.

Everything was coming into place nicely. Alice had truly done an amazing job with the

wedding planning. The reception hall was already finished. The tables were decorated
and the caterer was beginning to set up the food.

While I was happy for my brother, I couldn't help but be a little sad that it wasn't my

wedding day. I wondered if I'd ever have a wedding day.

James and I were still dating. The seven month mark was rapidly approaching for us and

I couldn't believe it had been that long. Time seemed to fly by when I was with him.

After the break up with Edward, I didn't think I could be happy again and especially with
James. It was comical to look back now and see how hard I tried to fight him off.

Thankfully he hadn't given up. He turned out to be a great man and he helped me
through the most difficult time in my life. He always appreciated being with me and

never expected anything in return when he did something for me. It was happy just by
being with me.

James and I went on our first trip together to the mountains in February. It was just a

weekend trip but it was exactly what we both needed. The time away from the chaos of
work and the city was relaxing. We cooked all our food and spent most of the time in

the hot tub drinking wine. As we made love those nights I felt like I was exactly where I
was meant to be. He would hold me in his arms as we drifted off to sleep. He told more

stories of his youth as did I. We avoided the topic of our past relationships after the
incident with Tanya. It wasn't worth it. Neither Edward nor Tanya had anything to do

with our relationship and talking about them would only put a damper on our time
together.

After the night I questioned James about Tanya, I decided not to press the issue with

him or Edward. There was nothing that either of them could say that would change the
past. I had to focus on the future and on James. Edward was having a baby with Tanya.

They were starting a family. It didn't matter how they came to that point. The facts were
facts and I no longer was a part of his life.

"Hey Bells, what are you doing out here?" Em said as he wrapped his arm around my

shoulder.

"Hey," I said. "I'm just enjoying the scenery. It really is beautiful. Alice did a great job."

He nodded his head. "She really did. I can't believe I'm getting married today."

I turned to face him and noticed how handsome he looked. He was dressed in his
tailored black tuxedo. His face was freshly shaved and his hair was closely cut. It was

hard to believe my little brother was going to be a married man in just an hour.

"Em, you look so handsome. I'm really happy for you."

He hugged me close to him. "Thank you. That means a lot from you." He pulled back.
"How is Rose?"

"She's great. She says she's not nervous at all. She's ready to be Mrs. Emmett Swan. She

looks amazing but you already knew that."

He laughed lightly. "I'm not nervous at all either. It's weird. I guess that means I'm doing
the right thing, huh?"

I swatted at his arm. "You know you're doing the right thing. You two are made for each

other."

"I know." He began. "I didn't want to bring this up but I don't want you to be blindsided
either."

"Okay."

"Well, you know Edward is going to be here today."

I nodded my head. I didn't know for sure but I figured he would have been invited

simply through the Alice connection and the fact that our families had been intertwined
for so long. After the last revelation Alice gave me about Esme, I had sworn her to not

bring up Edward no matter what. It was the only way our friendship would survive. I
didn't want to hear about him at all.

"He's bringing a guest too. I don't know who it is. That's just what the response card

said."

"Thanks for the heads up but I'll be alright. With all of the guests I'm sure we won't even
see each other."

"Okay, I'm just looking out for you."

"I know. I'm going to go check on Rose before the guests start showing up."

Rose was doing fine and I knew it. She was such a strong, confident woman. She knew

exactly what she was doing today and couldn't wait for everyone to be staring at her. I
was, however, surprised that Edward was bringing a guest to the wedding. Did he really

think it was appropriate to bring his mistress to the wedding? It was going to be okay
though. I was going to be okay. James would be in the audience and he'd be at my side

the rest of the time. I didn't have to face the lying couple alone.

I went to the bathroom to check my hair and makeup while I made sure I didn't freak
out at having to see them together. I knew they were together but seeing it would be

another thing completely.

Edward had eventually given up contacting me. A month or so after the Tanya incident
the texts and emails began to slowly fade out. It seemed he had finally given up on

talking to me and I was thankful.

My bridesmaid dress was knee length, A-line, satin, and yellow. It looked really pretty.
There was no way Alice was going to let anyone have a hideous dress in a wedding she

was associated with. The wedding was very much a Spring theme. Everything was yellow
and white. I had a small, yellow Lily in my hair at Rose's request.

The guest list was huge but the wedding party was small. Rose only wanted the most

important people in her wedding. There wasn't a maid of honor; there was just me. I
was the only one Rose wanted standing with her. Em had agreed with her. The only

person standing with him was his best friend Tyler. They had been best friends since
childhood.

I went to the dressing room to see Rose and make sure she didn't need anything. Her

mother and I were the only ones allowed in the room before the wedding. Alice had
already taken care of everything and she would be back to sit in the audience.

Rose was standing in front of the full length mirror as I entered. She looked at me and

smiled so brightly.

"How do I look sister-in-law?"

"You look amazing."

"I can't believe we are going to be sisters. I'm just going to leave the in-law part out."
She exclaimed.

"Me too. I've always wanted a sister." I said as I held her hands.

"I can't wait Bella. I love your brother so much." She confessed.

"I know you do. You two are going to be so happy together."

Rose's mother came back and made sure Rose had everything she needed. I stared out

the window at the arriving guests while Rose and her mom talked. I swear they invited
everyone they ever knew. I noticed Alice and Jasper walking in hand in hand. Shortly

after, I saw James arrive looking far too handsome in his suit. My heart beat sped up just
at the sight of him. I couldn't wait to get to him.

Rose, her mother and I chatted for a while longer until Rose's father came in to tell us it

was time. We made our way down to the garden entrance and I noticed that every seat
was taken. My parents were seated and Rose's mother was next. The processional music

began and I looped my arm through Tyler's as we walked down the aisle. I quickly found
James' beaming face and he winked at me as I passed him. We reached the end of the

aisle and stood in our assigned positions.

Rose's music began and she made her way to Em with her father at her side. I almost
cried looking at how the two of them looked at each other. The love between them was

visible to everyone.

I hadn't noticed Edward but I also wasn't looking for him. Once I knew where James was
sitting, I only glanced between the happy couple and him. I didn't need to see anyone

else.

The wedding was over in no time and the minister pronounced them husband and wife.
They kissed each other and turned around to be announced as Mr. and Mrs. Emmett

Swan. Tyler and I followed them down the aisle once again and were quickly swept aside
to take pictures while the crowd gathered in the reception hall.

Luckily, Tyler and I only had to endure about thirty minutes of pictures. Rose and Em

stayed a while longer to take more pictures. As we entered the reception I quickly
spotted James talking to my dad. They hadn't met yet but I was sure James would make

a good impression. I snuck up behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist.

"Hello there handsome. Did you come here alone?" I whispered to him.

He quickly turned around to face me. "I didn't think I'd ever get you away from the
festivities. You look absolutely beautiful." He said before kissing my lips.

"You don't look so bad yourself." I said before James moved to my side. "Hey Dad."

"Hey, Bells." He said as he took a sip of his beer. "I just met James here. He says you two

are pretty close."

"Yeah we are. I like him a lot."

"He says the same thing about you. You should hang on to this one. I like him already."
He said before hugging me. "You looked great today. I'm gonna let you two love birds

have some time together."

"I like your Dad. He's funny." James said.

"I'm glad. He means a lot to me." I turned to hug him again and kissed his lips. "I've
wanted to do that ever since I saw you arrive."

He kissed my lips again and my body relaxed as it always did when he kissed me. "Let's

get you something to drink. You have to be thirsty."

"Okay." I responded as we walked hand in hand to the bar. I still hadn't seen Edward. I

was starting to think he chickened out and didn't come. That wouldn't have been such a

bad thing.

James ordered us a couple of drinks and as we made our way to his table the happy
couple made their grand entrance to the reception. The music began and they started

their first dance as husband and wife. Everyone watched from their tables and the edge
of the dance floor as they danced and stared at each other. They were so cute.

The song ended and they made the rounds talking to the guests and thanking them for

coming. James asked if I wanted to dance when "Back at One" by Brian McKnight came
on.

He held my right hand in his and placed his other hand on the small of my back as he

held me tightly against him. We swayed with the rhythm of the music and were in own
little world. As we slowly rotated I noticed Edward standing at a nearby table. My

breathing hitched for a second when I saw he was glaring at me. His jaw was tense and
he looked like he hadn't slept in weeks. His hair looked thin and he looked even thinner.

He didn't look well at all. He hardly resembled the man he was when we were together.

I saw Tanya sitting close to him holding a small child. It was his child. Edward was a
father. She held the child close to her chest and I could barely see the blue on the child's

feet. Edward had a son. Tanya sat rocking her child and staring at me with a snarky smile
on her face. I briefly wanted to slap her before I reminded myself that Edward wasn't

mine.

James and I continued dancing and then they were out of my eyesight. I wondered if
James had seen them. I wondered how he was going to react to seeing them together. It

could either go one of two ways. We could all be civil adults or be childish and get angry.
I just hoped they would keep their distance from us.

The song ended and James and I went to sit down. Before we reached the table I heard

his voice from behind me.

"Bella!"

This couldn't be happening. What could he possibly want? Were we all going to sit down
as friends and have a drink? That would never happen.

I stopped and turned to face him. "What, Edward?" I asked harshly.

"Bella, you don't have to talk to him." James said.

"I know." I responded before Edward interjected.

"Wait a second. She can talk to whoever she wants." Edward said angrily.

"I know she can talk to whoever she wants but you've done nothing but hurt her. Why

would she want to even talk to you?" James said.

"You have nothing to do with this. She deserves better than you." Edward responded.

"Wait a second you two." I began. "We are not doing this here. This is my brother's
wedding and we will not cause a scene."

"Fine." They both muttered in unison.

"I still need to talk to you." Edward pleaded.

"Fine but we are going outside and James is coming with us."

"Why?" Edward questioned.

"Because he is my date and anything you need to say to me you can say in front of him."

I answered before turning to walk away. This was going to get ugly. I could see it
coming. I was embarrassed already.

I turned to Edward. "What is so serious that you have to interrupt my brother's

reception?"

"I've been trying to get in touch with you but you won't talk to me."

"There's a reason for that Edward. You moved on and so did I. There was no point in
talking about the past."

"So, that's it Bella?" Edward questioned.

"That's it Edward. What else could there be?"

"There could be a lot more. I wanted to work things out with you but you wouldn't let

me."

"Again, there are reasons for that Edward. You did this to us, not me. Blame yourself."

"You know," Edward began. "I heard you two were together but I never believed it. I
thought you would be able to see through him."

"What?" I questioned.

"He knows what I'm talking about. Why don't you ask him?" Edward spat out while he

motioned toward James.

I looked at James. "What's he talking about?"

"Nothing, Bella." James began. "He's just trying to tear us apart."

"Don't lie to her asshole." Edward spat.

"Like you know anything about being honest." James responded.

"If you don't tell her I will." Edward warned.

"Someone better fucking tell me something right now. What the fuck are y'all talking
about?" I shouted angrily.

They both went silent and stared at each other. It was like a gun battle from the old

west.

"Bella," Edward began. "James knew that..."

James cut him off. "That's right. You took my girlfriend and now I have yours. You
thought you could just take whatever you want without any repercussions. Well you

can't."

I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. I couldn't believe what James was
saying. He lied to me about not knowing who Tanya had cheated with. He had used me

to get back at Edward for taking Tanya from him. He didn't care about me at all. I was
just a form of revenge on Edward.

Edward knew about James and that's why he didn't want me to spend time with him. I

was a fucking pawn in this sick ass game they were playing.

I had been humiliated again. The only two men I ever truly cared about had both broken
my heart. Not only had been used but I had opened up myself to James and had been

hurt again. What had I done to deserve what was happening?

I could hear the shouting around me but I couldn't decipher the words. My mind was
was reeling and my anger was growing. I wanted to cry and punch James at the same

time. I wasn't going to break though. Neither one of them deserved to break me. I
wasn't going to give them that power.

"Bella," James said. "It's not how it sounds."

I angrily looked him in the eyes. His eyes used to be so beautiful to me but now they

seemed evil. "What the fuck does that mean? You used me to get back at Edward for
taking Tanya from you. You never cared about me at all."

"I admit that it started like that but that's not how it is now. You know that Bella. You

know how much I care for you." He pleaded.

"That's bullshit and you know it." Edward interjected.

"Edward, shut up." I ordered before turning back to James. "James, I can't believe
anything you say right now. Our whole relationship has been one big lie."

James reached out to touch my arm and I quickly backed away. "Don't touch me."

"Tanya, take Parker back inside. This doesn't concern you." Edward shouted at Tanya as

she walked through the door.

"The fuck if it doesn't concern her?" I responded. "She's the reason for all of this."

"Bella, calm down." Edward said as he touched my arm.

"Don't fucking touch her!" James warned.

"Don't touch me Edward." I began. "James, you have no say in anything to do with me
anymore. So keep your fucking mouth shut."

"Don't talk to Edward that way." Tanya interjected.

"Didn't I tell you to go inside?" Edward shouted.

"But I..." Tanya started.

"But nothing. Go!" Edward said.

"Bella," Edward began. "I'm sorry it came out like this but you deserved to know."

"Just like I deserved to know you were fucking her?" I responded sarcastically.

"That's not fair."

"Fuck that. None of this is fair to me." I began to walk away when I turned around after

realizing I had more to say. "Actually, why don't you both go and fuck her. You can all
have a threesome. Then you both get her since she's what all of this is about." I turned

and opened the door.

"Bella, please don't leave. I made a mistake. I want to fix us. I want you. I don't want her.
I'm sorry." Edward shouted as I walked through the door.

After everything I had found out, there wasn't a part of me that wanted to even think of

getting back with Edward. Did he think because he spilled James' secret that I'd
magically forget what he had done to me? They could both go fuck themselves for all I

cared. I was done with the whole fucking situation. I had been fucked over again and it
was too much. I didn't deserve it.

I quickly hugged and kissed the bride and groom before I raced out of the reception. I

grabbed my purse and got in my car as quickly as I could. I wanted to cry for everything
that seemed to be happening to hurt me but I wasn't going to let them see me cry. I was

too strong for that shit.

I had to get out of there. I had to get away from them. I needed to be alone. I needed to
be away from everything that reminded me of either one of them. I needed to figure it

out on my own. Figure out who I truly was as a single woman. I had some soul searching
to do and that wasn't going to be possible at home. I had to get away.

Chapter 13- Phoenix

A phoenix is a mythical bird that is a fire spirit. It has a 500 to 1000 year life-cycle, near

the end of which it builds itself a nest of twigs that then ignites; both nest and bird burn

fiercely and are reduced to ashes, from which a new, young phoenix arises, reborn anew

to live again.

"You took my girlfriend and now I have yours."

"I want you. I don't want her. I'm sorry."

They both deserved to rot in hell. Where did either one of them get off saying and doing
shit like that? Who did they think they were? They were regular men that screwed shit

up. They weren't masters of the universe or some shit.

Those words kept haunting me. I couldn't seem to get them out of my head. I couldn't
believe I was made a fool again. I was mad at them but I was madder with myself. I had

prided myself on being strong and independent but it seemed I didn't know my self at
all. I should've been able to see through James like Edward said. I also should've been

able to see what was going on with Edward sooner. I had been blinded by comfort and
love and I let the truth get away from me.

My phone was ringing non stop and it wasn't helping my current mental state. They

honestly couldn't think I was going to talk to them. I reached in my purse and shut it off

completely. I wasn't going to talk to either one of them and I wasn't going to answer
questions from my family until I knew what the hell I was doing.

I sped into my driveway and quickly jumped out of the car. As I walked through the door

to my house I was overwhelmed with the memories of Edward that were made here.
This was never truly going to be my house. It would always hold memories of me and

Edward. He would always be here haunting me. I wouldn't be able to think, let alone
find myself in this house. Even though Edward had removed the physical reminders of

his life in the house, I could still see him.

He was everywhere. I could see his reflection in the mirror above the couch. I could hear
his voice echoing through the hallways. I could hear the dishes clinking together as he

cooked. I could hear his music blasting from the garage. There was no escaping him.

I sank down to my knees as I reached the bedroom. His memory was stronger in the
bedroom than anywhere else. It was where we cuddled and made love. It was where I

would wake up in his arms. I covered my face with the palms of my hands as I sobbed
loudly. I could no longer control my emotions. It was all too much. I hated him but I still

loved him. Nine years couldn't be erased so quickly, no matter how hard I tried. Even
still, I couldn't go back to him. He had a family and no matter what I felt, I wasn't going

to come in between a father and his child. I wasn't going to stoop to their level of
immaturity.

I wiped the tears from my face and took a few deep breaths before standing up. I felt

slightly better after allowing myself to cry but I had to get out of that dress and out of
that house. I ripped the dress off as quickly as I could and threw it in the corner. That

dress should have held good memories of my brother's wedding but instead it reminded
me of my stupidity. I grabbed the biggest suitcase I could find and threw in a bunch of

clothes and toiletries. Basically anything I could get my hands on. I threw on some jeans,
a shirt, and tennis shoes, then loaded my car with my belongings.

I was an idiot. I had to get to know who I was again. I felt like breaking down inside. I felt

like crying for days on end but that wasn't going to get me anywhere. I had allowed
myself to be taken advantage of and it wasn't going to happen again. This was going to

make me stronger. I would rise from the ashes of my former self into a phoenix that is
indestructible. Those two assholes were doing me a favor.

After all of the appliances were shut off and I was sure everything was locked, I slipped

behind the wheel of my car and backed away from the house. I wasn't sure I would ever
return to the house again. If I did, it wasn't going to be anywhere in the near future. It

was time to find out who I really was deep inside as a person. I drove away from the
house and towards the hospital.

I was going to take a leave of absence. I couldn't just abandon my job though; I needed

to at least put in the notice. I went in to Human Resources knowing they wouldn't be
open but I could slide my hand written letter under the door. I wanted it to be more

professional and I wanted to type it but there was no time for that. I had to get out of
Atlanta as soon as possible.

I stopped by the bank to withdraw some cash. I wasn't sure where I was going and I

wanted to make sure I had enough to cash for at least a few days. Luckily, I had saved
enough money over the years that I had enough to last at least six months.

Where would I go? North? South? West? Out of the country? Maybe go to Brazil or to

India. I could see things I had always wanted to see. I could meet new interesting people
that knew nothing of what I had been through. The possibilities were endless.

I pulled away from the bank and just allowed myself to drive. No destination, just a

journey. A journey to find me. Soon, I was traveling on interstate 75 South towards
Florida. How far would I go? I could go all the way to the Florida Keys if I wanted. See

the beautiful sand and ocean.

The silent drive was soothing. Watching the trees pass quickly in a blur as I drove. I
didn't turn the radio on or plug in my iPod. Music would drudge up emotions and

memories I was trying to suppress. A few tears managed to escape but not many. The
sad thing was that I wasn't crying for Edward or James. I was crying for what I allowed to

be done to me. I was ultimately responsible for the situation. If I hadn't been so focused
on being strong and moving on, I might have seen James for what he was earlier.

"You know how much I care for you."

Who did he think he was kidding? He used me to get back at Edward and Tanya and I

was supposed to believe that he honestly cared about me? He may have fooled me once
but he wasn't going to do it again.

A few hours later I stopped for gas in a small town near the Georgia & Florida state line.

I grabbed a cup of coffee and a bag of chips as I paid for the gas. The sun had set and I
was starting to get tired. I was emotionally drained but I wasn't ready to stop driving

yet. The coffee would get me through a few more hours at least.

I started the engine again and situated myself in the car before I drove away. Soon the
coffee and chips were gone and the caffeine didn't work as well as I hoped. I made it to

Interstate 10 before I had to pull over and stay in a roadside motel that seemed
designed for truck drivers. It would do for the night. I only needed a few hours of sleep

and quick shower before hitting the road I the morning.

Thankfully, the motel was pretty empty and I was able to park my car right in front of

my room. The motel was clearly outdated. It didn't look like it had been touched since

1975. The curtains were puke green and the bed spread was orange paisley. The
television was small and full of static but the bed and shower looked clean which was all

that mattered.

I set my suitcase down on the chair in the corner of the room. I slipped on some sweat
pants and climbed under the sheets. I tried not to think about the two idiots but I

couldn't help it. My mind continually drifted back to them. I wiped away a few more
tears before drifting off to sleep.

Morning came early and I was awake before seven o'clock. I jumped in the shower and

scrubbed my skin in an attempt to wash away the previous day. It was a new day. I
wasn't going to dwell on the past. I wasn't going to be defined by what others had done

to me. I was going to be defined my actions and what I chose for myself.

After gathering my things and returning the key to the front desk, I was back on my
journey. I needed to get some real food into my system. Coffee and chips were not

going to cut it for long. I didn't exactly define real food as McDonald's but it was the only
thing I could find before I was back on the interstate.

I drove in silence again and I quickly approached a crossroads. I could either continue on

the same road to Jacksonville or go North toward Savannah or South towards Miami. I
wasn't going back to Georgia, so North was out. Jacksonville was a big city and I had just

left a big city, so Jacksonville was out. Miami was also a big city but there were lots of
little towns in between Jacksonville and Miami. I needed to be somewhere that life

moved at a slower pace. Somewhere people cared for one another and weren't out to
screw over their neighbors. I needed to be somewhere quiet where I could think.

South it was.

Soon, I was passing St. Augustine. I had heard of St. Augustine before and I knew it was

a great city but I also knew tourist season would be hitting soon and I didn't want to be
around the crowds. As I continued down Interstate 95, I noticed a sign for Flagler Beach.

I'd never even heard of such a place but it sounded nice. I exited the interstate and
followed the signs to Flagler Beach.

I crossed the bridge to the beach area and I loved what I saw. People were biking down

the palm tree lined streets. The shops were small and old but had character. There were
no chair rentals on the beach which meant there weren't a lot of tourists. It seemed it

was a private place for locals only. I soon found a small hotel with just a handful of
rooms. I pulled in and walked into the office.

I was greeted by a woman who dressed like she was twenty one but she looked closer to

forty one. The years spent in the sun had made her skin resemble leather. She politely

rented me a room for the week before handing me a couple brochures that detailed

what the town had to offer.

I situated myself in the room and unpacked a few things before heading into town. It
seemed like everything was within walking distance so I decided to walk around and see

what I could find. The weather had a slight chill from the ocean breeze but the sun
quickly warmed me.

There wasn't much to the town. A few shops and locally owned restaurants. There were

a couple bait and tackle shops along the beachfront. Families walked the streets smiling
and laughing. Everything seemed so relaxed and care free. I was envious. This was what

it was all about. This was how life was supposed to be. Spending quality time with your
family and not slaving away at work or waiting nine years to be cheated on.

I sat down for lunch at a small restaurant on the beach. The young waitress was dressed

in jeans and a t-shirt. The tables were wooden and had been engraved with guest names
over the years. There were only two other customers in the place but they talked as if

they had known each other their whole lives.

"My name is Lisa. What can I get you to drink?"

"Hi." I said. "I'll just have water for now. Thank you."

"Okay. The menu is right behind the napkin holder. I'll be back in a jiffy." Lisa said before
turning on her heels and heading towards the back.

She was back before I knew it and had barely had a chance to look at the menu.

"Here you go, hun." She said as she sat the glass down. "What can I get you to eat?"

I hesitated for a second. "What would you recommend? I'm new in town and want

something different."

"The fish tacos are to die for. They come with a spicy dip that makes them completely
original."

"That sounds perfect. Thank you." I said as I placed the menu back in it's place.

"You got it."

I sipped the water as I stared out the window to the beautiful ocean. The sand was dark.

It wasn't like the sand I was used to seeing at the beach. Instead of being refined sand, it
was made of broken shells. How perfect, a beach made of broken shells while I was

nursing a broken heart.

The waves crashed on the beach and I could tell the water was still cold from the
people's reactions. The seagulls swooped low attempting to catch fish.

I wondered how I had gotten to this point. How had I let myself continue to be so

foolish? How had I not seen what James was doing? Better yet, how had I not seen what
Edward was doing? I was a complete blind fool just fumbling around in my life. When

had I become the woman that continued to make bad decisions and ignore my
intuition? I didn't like the person I had become and it was time to change that.

Lisa soon brought the tacos and she was right. There were unlike anything I had ever

tasted.

I finished my meal and paid the bill before heading onto the beach. I removed my shoes
and socks and allowed my feet to sink into the cold sand. I slowly walked to the edge of

the water and felt the cool water wash over my feet. It was invigorating. I felt like a child
again.

I hadn't been anywhere like this on my own, ever. It was always with family or with

Edward. It was different being alone at the beach, but it was nice. It was what I needed.
I stared at the ocean and realized the possibilities for my life were as vast as the ocean.

I could stay here forever or just for a while. I could make new friends and fall in love

again. Granted, the falling in love idea was in the distant future, but it was possible. I
could have a ton of kids one day or have none at all. One thing I knew, without a doubt,

was that I wasn't going to become an old cat lady who never recovered after a man
broke her heart. I wasn't going to be that woman.

The next few days passed much in the same manner. I mostly kept to myself; only

speaking when necessary. I finally turned my phone back on to let my family know
where I was and that I was alright.

My parents wanted details of what happened but I couldn't tell them yet. I would fill

them in one day when it didn't hurt so badly. They understood when I told them I wasn't
ready to talk about it and just asked that I keep them informed so they wouldn't worry.

My text message in box was out of control and I had too many voicemails to count. I

knew who they would be from and I knew I wasn't ready to read or listen to them yet.

Instead, I called Em to apologize for leaving in such a rush and to let him know I was
alright. He and Rose would still be on their honeymoon but they deserved to know I was

okay. I left him a voicemail and told him that I would call him in a few days. I wasn't
going to leave my phone on all the time. I had no doubt James and Edward would be

blowing it up. I felt bad for leaving without saying goodbye to Angela. Aside from my

family, she was my closest friend.

I called her and she answered before it could ring twice.

"Oh my God, Bella! Are you okay?" She rushed.

"Hey Ang." I began. "I'm fine. Sorry I'm just now calling."

"It's alright. I was just worried about you." She started. "HR told us that you had taken a

leave of absence and I asked James about it but his punk ass wouldn't say anything. So I
figured it had something to do with him."

"Yeah."

"You don't have to tell me, ya know? I knew it had to be bad to make you leave. I'm just

glad you are alright. I miss you."

"I miss you too, Ang. Hey, do me a favor okay?"

"Sure."

"Don't tell anyone that you talked to me. I don't want them to know where I am."

"Where are you?" She asked and I realized I hadn't told her yet.

"I'm in Florida. I had to get away from there."

"Your secret is safe with me. I'm here whenever you need to talk."

"Thanks Ang. I'm going to go now but I'll call you soon okay?"

"Alright Bella. Take care of yourself."

"I will." I replied before hanging up.

I powered off the phone and walked out on the balcony. I sat in one of the chairs and
stared at the ocean. It was mesmerizing. It always seemed to look the same, yet

completely different at once.

I had a couple days left in the hotel before I had to make another decision. What next?
Would I leave and continue travelling? Would I stay here? I liked it at the hotel. It was

nice. I hadn't shed more than a few tears since I had been there. It seemed to be
calming my soul.

I found a real estate agency with listings for a few long term rental houses in the area.

The agent showed me a few over the next couple of days. I found the perfect two
bedroom bungalow right on the beach. It was an older house but had been remodeled

in the last few years and was in amazing condition. The rent wasn't much and it was
completely furnished. All I had to do was move in.

I gathered my belongings from the hotel and thanked the desk clerk as I turned in the

room key. I met the agent at the rental house and she handed me the keys.

"Welcome to your new home." She said as I unlocked the door.

It was official. I would stay in Flagler Beach for the next six months, at least.

This would be the house where I would make new memories and discover who I truly
was as a woman. I was starting the new era of me. They tried to break me and they had

almost succeeded but I truly was a phoenix and it was time for me to rise.

Chapter 14- Music

"Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent."

~Victor Hugo

May 21

Dear Diary,

I've never been much of a writer but these days, I find myself with no one to really talk to

or confide in. I have so much I need to get out. So much that needs to be released from
the confines of my head.

I wish I knew what I was doing with my life. I thought I had it all figured out. I was a

nurse and I thought I was in a loving relationship with a wonderful man. I thought he
would eventually see that we were meant for each other and propose to me. I thought

we would have kids and grandchildren one day.

I was so wrong.

Everything I thought I knew was a lie. Edward had cheated on me for God only knows
how long. To make matters worse, he had a baby with his mistress. They were a family.

Something it seemed I was never going to have.

Then James, I was way off with him. My initial impression of him was right. He was a
scum bag. I guess I was so determined to be strong that I only saw what I wanted to see.

I didn't see him for the trash that he was. And Tanya, I hardly even knew her but

somehow she had managed to fuck up my whole life.

I couldn't believe the nerve Edward had bringing her and his baby to my brother's
wedding. It was my brother, not his. If he wanted to come, he should've left them at

home. Why would Edward think that I would be willing to even discuss getting back with
him after bringing them to the wedding? How did he think I was going to react? Was I

supposed to be happy for him?

I've gone through more pain in the last year than in my entire life. Despite all my efforts,
my heart was broken twice and I wasn't sure if I'd ever completely be able to give my

heart to another man. I still cry, even though I try to fight it. I still find myself thinking
about the good times with Edward. Maybe I should have listened to him and not ran

away, but at the time I couldn't handle any more pain. I didn't want to know how much
worse it could get.

I'm hoping God is on my side and that everything that happened, happened for a reason.

B

June 4

Dear Diary,

It turns out I can only sit around doing nothing for so long. I've applied for some jobs.

Not that I need the money. I need the interaction and conversation. I need to meet
people here. I can't sit in this house like a hermit all day. Hopefully with my training and

background I'll get an offer soon.

I've learned new things about myself in the last few weeks. It turns out I'm actually a
pretty good painter. I went to the hobby shop in town and bought all kinds of paints,

canvases and tools. I sit on the deck in the evening and paint the scenery as the sun sets.
The sunsets are so beautiful here. The sky turns from light blue to orange and to purple

before setting beyond the horizon. I really enjoy painting too. There is something about
it that is cathartic. Once I finish a painting, I feel like I've been cleansed.

Aside from the painting, I had to get out of the house. The only thing I could think of was

to go to the local marina to look at the boats. They were magnificent. I'd never been on
a recreational boat before. I wanted to go sailing but I had no idea how. As I wondered

around the marina, admiring the boats, I was approached by a man named Mike who
offered to take me sailing. I had thought the offer was just a nice gesture but he was

ready to go right then. We sailed out into the ocean until the coastline was just a sliver
on the horizon.

The ocean was beautiful. The dolphins swam around the boat playing with one another.

It was marvelous. The waves were peaceful and the wind swept through my hair. I felt
carefree for the first time in a long time.

Mike was sweet. We talked about how I had come to Flagler Beach, without giving him

the dirty details. He told me about how he had grown up here and just couldn't bring
himself to leave. He taught me the boating terminology and how to set the sails.

He was cute too and under normal circumstances I may have found myself attracted to

him but I wasn't ready to allow myself. We exchanged numbers and while I wasn't sure
I'd ever see Mike again, it was nice to know there was someone I knew in town.

The days are getting easier. The memories and tears still come but not as often.

I bought a new cell phone since I kept the old one pretty much powered off. I only turned

it on to call my parents and call Angela. I needed a new phone number for my job
applications. Every time I turned the phone on, the number of unread or unheard

messages grew exponentially. The two dumb asses still weren't giving up.

What did they have to say that was so important? Maybe I'd listen to the messages one
day, not today though.

B

June 16

Dear Diary,

I'm so excited! Flagler County Home Health called today and offered me a job. It seems

my luck is finally turning around. I'll be a visiting home health nurse for patients after
they leave a rehabilitation facility. It's a new field for me but I am always up for new

challenges. It can't be any worse than working the emergency room.

I start in two days and I can't wait. I will get to meet lots of new people this way. Maybe
even make a few new friends at work. I feel the need to celebrate but I have no one to

share the joy with. I've called my parents and they are happy for me. Em said he was
happy but I could tell deep down he wasn't. I think he sees this as me moving on from

Georgia for good, that I may never go back.

News like this I would've shared with Edward or James but that's no longer an option.
While things are looking up, I'm also reminded of what I've lost. But I'm not going to

dwell on the loss. It's time to celebrate the win. I'm going to at least do something nice
for myself tonight. I will not sit in this house and be bored.

B

July 7

Dear Diary,

I haven't written in a while. Work has been crazy busy but in a good way. I've learned a

lot about the town and met lots of new people. My co-workers are nice. Most of them
are older but they are very welcoming. They never treated me like the new girl and were

always willing to help.

I was assigned to a new case last week. His name is Riley Biers. He's a fisherman who
was injured at sea. His femur was shattered and had to be replaced with a steel rod.

Somehow, one of his wounds became infected and needs daily attention. Riley's a funny
guy. He's always cracking jokes no matter how many times I draw blood or clean his

wound. I've gotten to know him pretty well after seeing him for seven days in a row.

He lives alone in a house by the beach. He's never been married and doesn't have any
kids. He's an only child and both of his parents passed away years ago. He's thirty two

years old but looks like he's still eighteen. I was surprised when I walked into his house. I
was expecting a nasty guy that lived in a house that was filthy. I guess that's the image

of fisherman I had. He wasn't like that at all. His house was clean and he definitely
wasn't nasty.

The way Riley talks about losing his parents and hating the fact that he never had any

closure makes me think about the situation with Edward. At this point how much
damage can be done by listening to his messages or reading his texts? Maybe it would

help me move on and not think about him as much. Maybe I could finally lay our past to
rest.

Definitely something to think about.

B

July 10

Dear D,

I haven't been able to get Riley, his missed closure and Edward out of my head for the

past few days. It was like a nagging ulcer in my mouth that wouldn't go away.
Something kept telling me just to listen to the messages from Edward and as much as I

didn't want to, I did it.

I sat on the back deck and turned on the phone. I gazed at the ocean as I pressed the

voicemail button. As soon as I heard his voice my breathing hitched and my heart raced.

I questioned whether I was ready but I pushed through.

"Bella, I don't know what to say but I can't just let you go. I came by the house but you
were gone. I'm sorry about yesterday at the wedding. I wasn't thinking straight. I can't

apologize enough. Please call me and let me know you are alright. Please."

I deleted the message and the next few that followed. They all sounded the same.

"Bella, I'm getting worried about you. I heard you took a leave of absence from the
hospital. Where are you? Please tell me you are okay. I went by the house again and you

still weren't there. I guess you left town and I can't blame you. There is no excuse for
what I've done to you and I'll never be able to make it up to you. Hell, I don't even

deserve your forgiveness but please give me the chance to explain myself and then I'll
leave you alone. Please. I still love you Bella. I always have."

Delete.

Was I really supposed to believe that he loved me? His actions sure weren't helping

confirm his words.

The rest of the messages were a variation of the same thing. There were a few messages
from James but not many.

"Bella, I know I was wrong and I wanted to tell you but I couldn't bring myself to actually

do it. I didn't want to hurt you. It started out to get back at Edward but it became so
much more. I really do care for you. I know there is no way I can make you believe me

and I wish I could take it all back. I understand if you never talk to me again but please
know that I'm sorry for it all."

There was a lot of 'sorry' going around but nothing to back it up. I deleted all of the text

messages without reading them. I knew they were going to say the same thing as the
voice mails.

Tonight is going to be rough. Thank God I have wine in the refrigerator.

B

July 13

Dear D,

Mike called a few days ago and asked if I wanted to go sailing again. I had so much fun

with Mike the first time there was no way I was going to pass up another opportunity

and besides, Mike was good company. We watched the sun set from the boat as we

shared a few beers. It was nice being with him but I suspected he was hoping our
friendship would eventually turn to more. I still wasn't ready for that. My mind was still

clouded with Edward and James.

I checked my email yesterday for the first time since I left Georgia. I wasn't at all
prepared for what I found. There were a few emails from Alice and from Em but there

were a ton from Edward.

Alice apologized for not warning me about Edward and Tanya coming to the wedding. I
wasn't mad at her. I made her swear not to speak of Edward, ever. It wasn't her fault.

She said she warned him not bring Tanya and Parker but he of course didn't listen. I
responded to her email to let her know that I wasn't mad at her but I wasn't ready to

talk to her just yet either. She was just too close to Edward.

Em apologized for even allowing Edward to come to the wedding. He admitted it was a
dumb ass decision and asked me to forgive him. He was my brother; of course I'd forgive

him. He also asked when they could visit me. I hadn't imagined anyone would want to
visit but the thought was nice. I replied and told him they could come anytime. I gave

them the address and my new number and told him to call whenever they wanted to get
away.

Those were the easy emails. The tons from Edward were heart wrenching at best. I cried

then cried again. It was an emotional roller coaster and I wasn't prepared.

Dear Bella,

I'm a complete and utter fool, we both know that. I'm an asshole and I don't deserve
you. Hell, I never deserved you. I always knew that you could do better than me but

you loved me anyway. I broke the trust you put in me and I regret it to this day. I never
loved Tanya. She is the biggest mistake I've ever made and I'll never be able to undo

my actions but I want to show you that I'm a better man now. I can be better for you.

I've only ever loved you. I've never loved another woman the way I love you. I know I
didn't show it well or tell you enough but I did love you then and I still love you now.

I've never been taught how to truly show a woman that I love her. I've just been
fumbling through it. Hoping that I was doing a good enough job to keep you. I clearly

failed at that and I'm sorry.

I know bringing Tanya and Parker to the wedding was wrong. Alice said that you were
bringing James as your date and I didn't want to have to endure seeing you two on my

own. I know it's a lame excuse but it's the truth. I'm a coward and a wuss, I admit it.

I didn't want to tell you about James. I knew about him for months but everyone said

how happy you were with him and I decided to keep my mouth shut. Until I saw you

two together at the wedding and I couldn't control myself. I know it sounds
masochistic and barbaric but he doesn't deserve you. I know I hurt you but I couldn't

allow him to hurt you too. I know this sounds stupid and I am stupid but I love you.
There's so much more I need to say and want to say. Please talk to me.

Love,

Edward

He was right. He did sound stupid and he was stupid. His excuses were lame and I still

hated him for what he had done but the opposite of love isn't hate, it is indifference. I
still loved him but I wasn't going to tell him that. I wasn't going to allow myself to admit

it.

I didn't read anymore of his emails. They could sit a while longer. I wasn't ready for the
emotion that overcame me from just one letter so I knew I couldn't handle fifty more.

B

July 20

Dear D,

I finally mustered up the courage to read the rest of Edward's emails. I cried long and

hard after reading the first one but the next day I awoke feeling surprisingly refreshed. It
was almost a way of letting go of him.

Bella,

I don't even know what to say anymore. I know there's no way you will ever take me

back but I have to try. I pretended for a long time after you left that I was okay with it.
I pretended I didn't love you anymore. I pretended Tanya was what I wanted.

I've been remembering all of the good times we shared over the years. Do you

remember the time when I was doing my residency and we went to Brian's party? We
were both so drunk that we could barely walk back to the apartment. I think we fell

five times during such a short walk. We stayed on the ground and laughed until we
couldn't breathe. We finally made it up the stairs and you saw the cookies I'd brought

home for you and you devoured the entire box in mere minutes. Every time I even see
a cookie I think of you. I see your beautiful eyes and smiling face and I almost break

down. I know it's stupid to remember stuff like that but we were so good together and
we had so much fun. I don't know where it went wrong and I know that I did the worst

thing possible and I wish I could take it all back.

My life since you left has been one big disaster. I know I've gone about this the wrong
way but it's all I know.

There were times I saw you in the hallways of the hospital and I wanted to yell to you

and run to you and make you listen to me but I know how you hate people who make
a big scene and I wasn't going to do that to you. I wasn't going to add fuel to the

gossip fire like that. I sat out by your car a few nights waiting for you but I knew you
would be pissed and feel that I wasn't allowing you to make your own decisions, so I

left before you saw me. I know now that I should've stayed there or maybe I should've
camped out on the porch of the house. I just didn't want to do anything to make the

situation worse. I thought eventually you would talk to me and we could work it out.
That never happened though, you moved on to James without letting me explain.

I'll never be able to apologize enough but I will apologize until I can no longer speak.

I love you, Bella.

Edward

The rest of his emails contained few words. Most were songs and videos he asked me to

listen to. He had said that he was a fool who would never fully be able to explain how he
felt about me and what I meant to him and that the songs could do a better job. I

listened and was brought to tears again. The first song was "Nobody Knows by Tony Rich
Project" and the words hit me hard.

I pretended I'm glad you went away

These four walls close in more every day
And I'm dying inside

And nobody knows it but me

Like a clown I put on a show
The pain is real even if nobody knows

And I'm crying inside
And nobody knows it but me

Why didn't I say

The things I needed to say
How could I let my angel get away

Now my world is just a tumbling down
I can say it so clearly

But you're nowhere around

I carry a smile when I'm broken in two

And I'm nobody without someone like you

I'm trembling inside and nobody knows it but me

I lie awake it's a quarter past three
I'd scream it at night as if I thought

You'd hear me
Yeah my heart is calling you

And nobody knows it but me

How blue can I get
You could ask my heart

But like a jigsaw puzzle it's been torn all apart
A million words couldn't say just how I feel

A million years from now you know
I'll be loving you still

Tomorrow morning I'm hitting the dusty road

Gonna find you wherever, ever you might go
I'm gonna unload my heart and hope you come back to me

Said when the nights are lonely...

The nights are lonely, the days are so sad
And I just keep thinking about

The love that we had
And I'm missing you

And nobody knows it but me

Was he serious? He had never been the sentimental type to dedicate a song to someone
or use it for his words. Could he have been hurting as much as I was? He couldn't be. He

did this to us. He was the one that cheated, not me.

I opened another email to find another song. "How Do I Breathe" by Mario. Again, the
lyrics hit me and it was almost like these songs were made for Edward. I reminisced over

our years together and saw how even though he said he loved me I was kept at arm's
length. He never truly let me in. I guessed it was a side effect of his mother leaving him

but he'd never bothered to let me know that part of him. I continued to shed tears as the
song played.

The next song was "Alone In This Bed" by Framing Hanley. The title almost made me

laugh. He was alone in his bed? How many times had he left me alone in my bed? Still, I
listened to the words as they played.

Waking up without you

It doesn't feel right

To sleep with only memories

It's harder every night
Sometimes I think I can feel you breathing on my neck

Tonight I'm reaching out to the stars

I think that he owes me a favor
It doesn't matter where you are

I'll hold you again

I wish I could hear your voice
Don't leave me alone in this bed

I wish I could touch you once more
Don't leave me alone in this bed

Not tonight, not tomorrow

I've got the feeling that this will never cease
Living in these pictures

It never comes with ease
I swear if I could make this right

You'd be back by now

Tonight I'm screaming out to the stars
He knows he owes me a favor

It doesn't matter where you are
You'll be mine again

I wish I can hear your voice

Don't leave me alone in this bed
I wish I could touch you once more

Don't leave me alone in this bed

What about the plans that we had

We've been crazy not to go
Meet me in Capeside

The more songs I listened to the more I cried but it was time to get it all out. Time to let

it all go. I was never going to be able to move on if I didn't deal with it. I listened to a few
more songs and continued to break down. I hadn't cried this much in a long, long time. I

listened to "Anymore" by Travis Tritt and wondered when he started listening to country
music. He had never liked country music and that was an old song. Then he shifted to

"I'll Always Love You" by Lyfe Jennings. He really was covering all his bases with these

songs. They didn't exactly make me feel sorry for him but they did make me feel like he

really did love me, even if he was shitty at showing it. But a few songs and pretty
sentences weren't going to make me forget what happened and open my heart to him

again. It was going to take more than that.

The last song I listened to was in the last email. He said that it was specifically dedicated
to me from him and he hoped it would help me understand him a little more. The song

was "Trying To Find My Way Back" by Jaheim. The lyrics were powerful and made my
brain spin with the thoughts of what he was feeling and trying to say. It was clear that

despite his brilliance as a surgeon, he wasn't good at expressing his feelings or letting
people in.

Lights out,

Sucker punch, siked out.
Caught a love wave,

Rode it then i wiped out.
Two ships just passing in the night now,

Offshore, looking for a light house.
Reveal you said that it was painless,

Down and out drowning in the sea of my anguish
Funny, you always said hope floats.

Comprehended it, but I can't cope
So I

Gotta find my way back, way back to you baby.

Trying to find my way back, way back to you baby.
Gotta find my way back, way back to you, to us, to love.

Man down, my heart's in your hands now.

Hate to love, draw an X in the sand now.
No clue, no map, damn.

So I'm digging until I end up in Japan now

We got lost, lines got crossed
and the light turned to static baby.

In the night your ship got caught up in the current
and then carried both of us away

We were so much better
When we were together

and I just can't let you slip away.

Was he really trying to find a way back to me? Did he really think we could be together
after everything that happened? I'm not even ready to email him back; much less talk

about being together. I have a lot of thinking to do and I hope it doesn't tear me apart.

B

July 28

D,

Em and Rose came to visit this past weekend. It was nice to have them here. They were
so happy and in love. It was so cute to see them in that light. I was no longer jealous of

their love, I was actually happy for them. They are great together.

We went to the marina and we went sailing with Mike. He and I have been occasionally
talking and hanging out. He was a pretty nice guy to have around. He asked me on a

date but I had to decline. I was flattered but I'm not ready to date. I'm down here for me.
To find out who I am. Not to find a new man. He still volunteered to take us sailing when

I told him my brother was coming in to town.

He and Em cracked jokes all day while Rose and I sunbathed and caught up with each
other. It was nice to have someone I could call a sister.

That night at dinner, Em informed me that Mom and Dad were dying to see me and

really hoped I'd come home to visit soon. I'd been gone for three months and I did miss
them. Maybe returning home wouldn't be such a bad idea. I would just have to make

sure and avoid the two assholes and Tanya. I did have a few vacation days built up and
someone else could handle Riley for a few days.

Speaking of Riley; he seemed like a great guy but my judgement in men was clearly

inaccurate. I told Riley a few details of what I had been through in Atlanta and he
encouraged me to talk to Edward. Saying that I needed his point of view before I could

truly move forward and make an informed decision. He seems to be my own Dr. Phil.

The days have been easier since reading Edward's emails and listening to the songs. I
find myself replaying the songs and thinking of him. I feel like such a loser too when I do

it. How I could spend my free time thinking of him when he's the one that fucked this all
up. I feel like such a naive child for even thinking of him or wondering what's happening

with him. I just don't know what to think anymore and I'm tired of thinking. I'm going to
bed now.

B

Chapter 15- Closing A Door

Time heals griefs and quarrels, for we change and are no longer the same persons -

Pascal

I thought the ocean breeze would cool me down but it doesn't. Heat in August is

nothing new to me but I did think it would be cooler close to the beach. I was wrong. It's
still hot as hell. It's bearable when I'm sitting on the porch and feeling the ocean breeze

against my face. However, it is miserably hot when I'm riding in my car from house to
house visiting my patients.

The office has given me a full load of patients and I barely have time in between to grab

a quick bite for lunch. Riley is no longer a patient. His leg has mended and his wound is
almost healed. He's not getting around as well as he wants. The cane seems to work his

nerves but his physical therapists says he will be able to walk without it in no time. I
hope that's true. It's killing him not to be out at sea catching fish.

Riley's told me so many funny stories of what they do while they are at sea. It turns out

there is a lot of drinking, card playing and Playboy magazines. There are no women on
their ship and after three months at sea the guys get lonely. They guys fight a lot but

only because they can't escape each other for months at a time. I've asked Riley why he
doesn't have a girlfriend and all he could say was that women don't like to be alone for

three months and not knowing if their man will return. I understood his point but he
seemed like too nice of a guy to be all alone.

Riley and I spent quite a bit of time together after his treatment was complete. We

developed a pretty close friendship and I valued him as a person. He didn't ask me out
again and we moved on as if it had never happened. I wasn't ready for a relationship

and he was intrigued by the new girl.

I eventually opened up to Riley about everything that happened with James and
Edward. He was the only person in Florida that knew the whole story. We often

discussed the situation over lunch or while sitting on the beach. He helped me realize
when I thought I loved James, I was really just projecting the "hero" syndrome on him. I

was feeling hurt and rejected after I found out about Edward's affair. James came along
saying all the right things and being nice so I latched on to him when I should have been

dealing with what I was feeling. James came in a swept me away and made me forget
my problems with Edward. I couldn't have been more wrong about James. I thought he

was going to save me when in reality, he only added to my pain.

I was thankful I finally understood what happened. As a human I have to learn from my
mistakes and that's what I was doing. I would never again be caught up in finding

someone to save me or distract me. I was going to learn to face adversity and deal with
my feelings.

Riley also convinced me that it was time to return home for a visit. My parents missed

me, Angela missed me and there was unfinished business I needed to deal with in order

for me to completely move on. I needed to sell the house. I needed to be rid of it. Even

if I eventually returned to Atlanta, there wasn't a chance in hell I was living in that house
again. The house was in both of our names and it was going to be hard to sell without

actually talking to Edward. I would talk to him eventually, I just wasn't sure when.

Four months had passed since the wedding and I hadn't spoken or written a word to
him. I read his emails and listened to his messages but never responded. I wasn't sure

what to say. I had a million questions I wanted answered and I wanted to cuss at him
and make him hurt like I did but I wasn't ready for the chain of events that may follow.

I made the travel arrangements for my trip home. I booked the flight and the rental car.

I called my parents to let them know I was coming. I would be staying with them. I hired
movers to pack up my house and put the contents in storage. I wasn't sure yet what I

wanted to do with all of the furniture. I would retrieve my clothes and a few other
belongings from the house first but the majority of it, I could live without. I couldn't

imagine sleeping in that house another night.

My parents were overly excited that I was coming to visit. They acted like they hadn't
seen me in years. It had only been a few months but I missed them too.

Angela and I agreed to meet up for drinks one night. Between everything I had to

accomplish while I was in town and her work schedule it seemed the only time we could
meet was after her shift at the bar close to the hospital. I would have rather went

somewhere else but I wouldn't be there too long and hopefully I'd miss the two
assholes.

The flight to Atlanta was short and comfortable. There were no crying babies or smelly

people next to me. The rental car was waiting for me when I arrived and in no time I was
on the way to the real estate agent's office. I drove quickly through the streets of

downtown Atlanta. I thought I would miss the city, but it only seemed to hold negative
memories for me and it had become unhappy place for me.

I pulled into the parking lot of The Volturi Real Estate agency. I'd heard great things

about how quickly they were able to sell houses and Jane seemed to be the master
mind to it all. I spoke with her over the phone before leaving Florida and informed her

of my situation. She told me that she would take care of everything in regards to
Edward. I felt kind of childish for not telling Edward myself that I was selling the house

but he had to know it was coming.

"Hi Bella, I'm Jane Volturi, how are you today?" She said as she firmly shook my hand.
She was blonde, petite, well dressed and radiated an aura of confidence. She was pretty

intimidating just from the first glance.

"I'm doing well. Thanks for asking."

She turned around and started walking back into her office. "Follow me, please."

I did as she requested and she was soon sitting opposite me with a cherry wooden desk
in between us. Her office was better decorated than any office I'd ever seen.

"I've already drawn up the contract to allow me to sell your home. I'll need any contact

information for Mr. Cullen that you have. I will contact him and inform him that I've
been hired by you to sell the house and that all he will have to do is sign the contracts. Is

that what you anticipated?" She questioned as he opened a folder and handed me the
papers and pen.

"Yes," I began. "That's exactly what I was hoping for." I quickly signed the contracts

before returning them to her.

"Great." She handed me another paper. "Just write down any information you have for
him. Workplace, phone number, address, parent's information. Anything will help me

find him."

I took the paper and began writing everything I could think of. I wrote the hospital
information, his cell phone number, his email address and his parent's phone number. I

had no idea of his address so I didn't even bother to guess.

I handed the paper back to her and she glanced over it quickly. "This looks like enough
to contact him. If there are any problems, I will contact you. Otherwise, you won't hear

from me again until you have an offer."

I handed her the extra key before shaking her hand. "Thank you so much for your help."

"That's what I'm here for. Have a great day."

I exited the office and slipped back into the rental car. I still felt bad for not at least
warning Edward. Not that he gave a shit about blindsiding me with his affair but I wasn't

going to do that to him. I decided that I could at least text him. I didn't have to hear his
voice or see his face but at least he would be warned.

He didn't have my Florida phone number and he wasn't going to get it. I opened my old

phone and typed a text to him.

I just wanted to warn you. The Volturi Real Estate Agency will be contacting you soon
to sell the house. I've signed the contracts; they just need your signature now. You

won't need to do anything else. Please don't fight this. Let me sell the house, please.-
B

I hoped he wouldn't fight signing the papers in an attempt to get to me. It wouldn't

work. I was going to sell this house in one way or another. Neither of us lived there now
and there was no need to keep it. I turned off the phone before I could receive a reply

from him.

I went to the house to gather the things I wanted before the movers came and as I
walked into the house for the first time in four months I was again bombarded with

memories of Edward. They no longer broke me down as they had previously. This time
they made me smile. Our relationship hadn't ended the way I would have wished but

that didn't mean I couldn't remember our good times. We had more good times than
bad times and I was choosing to remember the good about Edward. It was time to let

the hurt and anger go.

Soon, it was time to meet Angela for drinks. As I drove to the bar, I received a text from
Angela saying that she was stuck in the ER because Sharon was running late. I had no

idea who Sharon was and I was sure there were many other things in the ER that had
changed since my departure. I responded to her text and let her know that I'd be there

waiting when she was done.

My parents knew that I had plans for today and wouldn't make it to their house until
late. They offered to stay up but there was no need for that. Instead, they informed me

there would be a spare key under the mat.

I parked in front of the bar and stared at the neon sign. I'd been here many times before
with Angela, James and Edward but this visit was different. I wasn't a hospital employee

anymore. I wasn't Edward's girlfriend or on a date with James. I was just Bella. Just me.
No attachment other than my good friend Angela.

I walked into the bar which was pretty empty and I was thankful. There were a few

hospital employees and a couple men in suits at the bar. I took a seat at the bar and
heard someone shout my name as draped my purse across the back of the stool.

I turned around to see Felix with a surprised look on his face. "Hey Felix!"

"How the hell are ya?" He asked as he sat a glass in front of me and filled it with rum

and Coke. "I didn't think I'd ever see your face again."

"I'm good actually." I said as I reached for the glass. "I haven't been gone that long. Just
a few months. I can't believe you still remember my drink."

"Yeah but I was used to seeing you on a regular basis. Of course, I remembered what

you drink. It's my job." He said as he threw a hand towel over his shoulder. "It's good to
see you. You look really good."

"Thanks Felix." I replied before sipping my drink.

"Well, I better get back to work. You know those men in suits think they run the country.

I'll check on you in a minute."

I nodded in response to him and sipped my drink again. I scanned the room again and
noticed the same woman sitting on the opposite side of the bar. She was still very well

dressed, hair and make up were perfect but she still wasn't smiling. I'd never seen her
smile. I'd never seen her speak to anyone other than Felix and that was just to order a

drink. She had a few empty shot glasses in front of her like usual. I really felt bad for her.
It had almost been a year since I first saw her. I wanted to know her story. What would

cause a beautiful woman to sit in the same bar every night, drinking her self into a
stupor? It had to be bad.

I grabbed my drink before walking over to her. I knew I was being nosey but maybe she

could use someone to talk to. If not, she could always tell me to fuck off. What was the
worst that could happen?

She downed another shot as I rounded the corner.

"Is this seat taken?" I asked as I stood beside her.

She shook her head in response to me. It was going to be difficult to get her to talk. I sat

down in the seat and tried to think of a way to break the ice with her. I couldn't just say
'Hey, I've seen you in here getting drunk as hell for the past year looking all sad. What's

wrong?'

As I was contemplating what to say, I saw a breaking news flash on the television. There
was a man on the run from the police under the suspicion of shooting his wife.

"I can't believe some people are so stupid. Why would you shoot her? Couldn't he have

just left her?" I said in hopes it would get her talking.

"Some people just don't know what they have." She said quietly.

I was shocked. She was actually speaking. "I know. That's crazy that he would just shoot
the woman he claimed to love."

"He will regret that."

"Definitely. Men do stupid things sometimes." I added.

"They do but we women do dumb things too." She sounded so sad. It was almost

heartbreaking.

"You are right." I responded. "I'm Bella." I offered as I held out my hand to her.

"Leah." She said as she shook my hand.

"It's nice to meet you, Leah."

"You too." She responded.

"Are you just getting off work?" I asked. There was no need to tell her that I'd seen her
in plenty of times. She didn't need to know that people actually noticed it.

"I've been off for a while now. How about you?"

I shook my head. "No, I'm just here visiting some family and friends."

"That's nice."

"Yeah, it should be fun." I replied as I took another sip of the drink. "So are you married?

Have any kids?"

"No kids. I was married once." She answered and I saw tears begin to form in her eyes. I
instantly felt bad. I didn't want her to cry.

"Well, at least you got someone to marry you. I couldn't even do that." I joked but she

still didn't laugh. "Did you guys get divorced?"

She shook her head. "No," She began. "His name was Jacob and we were high school
sweethearts. I knew from the moment I met him that I was destined to be with him. He

was the nicest, kindest, gently, handsome man I'd ever known." She sighed as she
downed another shot. "We were married for eight years and we got into a stupid fight

one night because I thought he was having an affair with his secretary. He swore that he
wasn't but I just didn't believe him."

"Oh no."

"Well, we fought and fought about it until I couldn't take it anymore and I left. I stayed

with my parents for a few weeks. He called, came by, came to my job, sent flowers; the
whole nine yards. The entire time he maintained his innocence but I just felt in my gut

that he had cheated on me. I was only trying to prove a point to him and prove that he
couldn't get away with doing that to me. I wasn't going to divorce him. I just wanted him

to admit it, ya know?"

I shook my head in response.

"He showed up at my parent's house one night declaring his love for me and apologizing
profusely and I just told him to leave. I told him I didn't want to even look at him until he

could admit what he had done to me. He left the house that night and I never saw him
again." She could no longer hold back the tears. They quickly slid down her cheeks as

she began to sob.

I reached over and softly rubbed her back. I didn't know what to say. I had never
expected this to be her story.

"It started to rain as he rode home on his motorcycle and he took a curve to quickly and

the bike slide into a ditch. He was thrown off and into a tree. They say he died on impact
but that doesn't help. I never got to tell him I loved him and that I wasn't going to leave

him. I never got to kiss him again or hug him." By that point she was full on sobbing and
I felt horrible. No wonder she sits in the bar and drinks herself into oblivion. I would too.

"So now I go to work every day and I get all dressed up. I make myself look the best that

I can and I head into the world hoping that one day everything will be alright again.
Hoping that some of this pain will go away. Hoping I won't feel like a monster for killing

my husband. It never works though so I come here and drink as much as I can until I
can't feel anything anymore."

I felt so bad for her. She was carrying around so much pain and was blaming herself for

the accident. I knew saying 'sorry' wasn't going to help her. Instead, I sat with her and
rubbed her back as she cried. I had a feeling she needed to release it. She needed to tell

someone her story. Talking to a stranger could be therapeutic.

It made me think about Edward. Leah would never know for certain if Jacob had
cheated on her. She would always wonder if Jacob died for nothing. I knew Edward had

cheated on me. That much I was certain of but what if Edward died tomorrow and I
never gave him a chance to tell his side of the story? Could I live with never knowing

what happened? Could I live with never truly getting closure with him? He was a huge
part of my life for so long. The least I could do was hear what he had to say.

A while later Angela walked in and I introduced her to Leah. The three of us drank and

told stories for hours. Angela and Eric were still going strong and she was completely
smitten with him. We didn't bother to talk about James or Edward. She told the ER

stories and we laughed. It was nice to talk to someone who was always on my side.

I was getting ready to leave when I noticed James walk through the door. My heart
stopped. I hadn't seen him since the wedding and his calls had quickly faded out

afterward. However, there were things I wanted to know and things I wanted to say.
Leah's story made me see that I needed answers. I couldn't continue assuming things. I

needed the facts.

I said goodbye to Angela and exchanged numbers with Leah. She was a sweet girl and
we could both use a new friend.

I walked over to the table where James was sitting. He looked like he had seen a ghost

when I sat down in front of him. "Hi James."

"H… hi Bella." He stuttered. I made him nervous and internally laughed about it.

"Last person you expected to see, huh?" I said with a smirk.

"To say the least."

"How are you?" I asked sweetly. I was killing him with kindness and it was fun. He had
fucked me over but my feelings for him never matched how I felt about Edward. I wasn't

as mad with him anymore after realizing that he was just the rebound guy.

"I'm alright. How are you?" He responded as he nervously tapped his finger against his
glass.

"I'm great." I beamed.

"I'm glad to hear it. You deserve it." His voice was monotone. It was clear he wasn't sure

how this conversation was going to end.

"You're right, I do deserve it." Like he knew anything about what I deserved. He was the
one that used me to get back at Edward and Tanya after all.

"You disappeared." He blurted unexpectedly.

"I did. What did you expect me to do?" I asked sarcastically.

"I don't know. I just didn't expect you to disappear."

"I had to get away from everything. Do something for me for once. It was time to take

care of me." I confessed.

"I understand that but you never even let me explain."

"What was there to say James?"I asked. "That you were sorry you used me to get
revenge on Edward for taking your girl? That you never meant anything you said to me?

Our relationship was all lies. I asked you if you knew who Tanya cheated with and you
specifically said no."

"That's not all true." He interjected.

"What part of it's not true?" I asked harshly. I was already getting fed up with talking to

him.

"That I never meant anything I said to you. I truly cared for you. It didn't start that way
but as I got to know you I fell for you. If it was just for revenge I would have ended it

before seven months had passed."

"If that's true, why didn't you come after me when I left the wedding?"

"I did but you were gone by the time I got there." Bullshit.

"I was there at least an hour before I left. You could have caught me."

"I tried to chase after you but Edward wouldn't shut up. He just kept on and on about
how I was wrong and he was going to get you back somehow. Then your dad came

outside and told us to all shut up and leave you alone. He said he didn't know what
happened but he knew that we hurt you and he was going to send us both to jail if we

didn't let you go."

"I never knew that." I confessed.

"Well, you never let me tell you. I'm sorry for what I did and I wish I could change what I
did but I can't. I can only ask that in time you forgive me. "

He sounded sincere but forgiveness was a long way away for him. "I can't promise

anything."

"I know. "

"So did your plan work? Did you get you revenge?"

"No. It completely backfired. I hurt an innocent, beautiful, amazing girl and still didn't
get Tanya back."

"So Edward and her are together?" I was confused. From the sound of his emails I was

under the impression they were no longer together.

"I have no idea. Tanya won't even speak to me and Edward and I have never been
anything close to friends."

"Well, I can't say I'm sorry that it worked out that way. You deserve what you've

gotten."

"I know. "

James and I talked for a few more minutes before I left. I had gotten the answers I
wanted and I could move on from him now. I had my closure with him; the only thing

left to deal with was Edward. That was going to be harder. There was more history and
more feelings with Edward. This would have to do for now.

I made my way to my parent's house and they were of course knocked out. The drive

didn't take long but it could've been that my mind was full of thoughts after hearing
Leah's story. I didn't even drink anymore after that. I had it in my head that with my luck

I would be the one to die in the accident, not Edward.

The key was exactly where Mom said it would be. I settled into my old bedroom and
changed clothes. I climbed into bed but I couldn't sleep. My mind was still racing with

Leah's story and the conversation with James. It was much more than I had planned for
my first day in Georgia.

Chapter 16- Family Consensus

Other things may change us, but we start and end with the family. ~Anthony Brandt

My second day in Georgia started beautifully. The warm sun peered in through the

curtains. It was certain to be another hot, humid day and I missed the beach already. I
missed the view from my deck and the ocean breeze in my hair. I wondered why I

stayed in Georgia as long as I had. Florida was a beautiful place; I couldn't imagine
moving back to Atlanta.

I couldn't get Leah and Jacob off my mind. I never imagined her story to be so sad. I

knew that she was a sign that I needed to gain the closure I needed before the chance
was taken from me.

The smell of bacon frying blanketed the house and I knew my parents were already

awake. More than likely, Mom would be downstairs cooking a full breakfast that could
feed an army. She never knew how to cook for just a few people.

I rose from the bed and stretched before I made my way to the bathroom. I brushed my

teeth and ran the brush through my hair. I glanced at myself in the mirror and was
proud of who I had become. I was beautiful, smart and intelligent and despite the

efforts of a few, I hadn't been broken. I was stronger than before. Knowing that James
regretted what he'd done made me feel slightly better. I didn't need an apology from

him but I had the closure I needed to move on from him.

Angela informed me that James often asked her about me but she never told him

anything. She'd also said Edward asked a few times but she had been so mean to him
that she didn't think he'd approach her again. She truly was a great friend and I was

thankful that I had one person who would always be in my corner.

"Bella, are you up?" Mom shouted from the kitchen.

I opened the door and walked downstairs. "Yes, Mom." I replied as I rounded the
corner. I walked up behind her and kissed her on the cheek. "How are you?"

"Well, good morning sunshine." She said. "I'm great now that you are here. How was

your trip?"

I walked over and hugged Dad. "Good morning, Dad."

"Good morning, sweetie." He replied as he sipped his coffee.

"What, mom? I'm sorry."

"I just asked how your trip was." She repeated.

"The trip was fine. It was the events that followed that I could have done without."

"Oh no. What happened?" She asked as she flipped the slices of bacon.

"I'd rather not go into right now. Is that okay?"

"Sure. I'm just glad you're home."

We ate breakfast and chatted for a while. They told me how they were looking into
buying a camper and I asked them to come down for a visit. Mom was sad when I told

her I probably wouldn't be leaving Florida anytime soon.

We all showered and dressed for the day. I hadn't made any plans in hopes I could
spend the whole day with my family. I thanked Dad for setting Edward and James

straight after I left the wedding. He said it took all of his strength not to kick both of
their asses' right then, but he didn't want to ruin Emmett's wedding.

Emmett and Rose called and asked for us to meet them for dinner. I was excited by the

thought of having all of the family together. We didn't get together enough and it was
even less since I'd moved to Florida.

We went to the mall and bought a few things for my new house. Mom couldn't believe I

was living in a furnished house and said it was too impersonal. That was the whole idea

when I had moved there. I didn't want to be reminded of my past. She insisted on

buying some photo frames and new bedding. She was being the typical mother although
I was a fully capable adult.

Time flew by and we were soon on our way to meet Emmett. He and Rose were already

seated at the table when arrived at the restaurant. Em hopped up and hugged me
before I could even make it to my seat.

"Bells!" He exclaimed.

"Ow, Em. You're killing me here."

He released me from his embrace with a pitiful look on his face. "Oh, sorry. I'm just

excited to see you."

"I'm happy to see you too but it works a lot better when I can breathe."

"Hey Bella." Rose said as she stood up to hug me.

"Hey Sis! How is married life?" I asked.

"It's great. How are you?" She replied as she sat back in her seat.

"I'm really good." I answered as I picked up the menu to browse the selections. We were
at a small Italian restaurant that my Dad had found years ago. The place was tiny but the

food tasted authentic. The menu didn't have much to choose from but I knew whatever
I picked was going to be outstanding. The Chicken Marsala sounded good.

We all visited with each other and made small talk for the majority of the dinner. The

wine was flowing and we were all laughing uncontrollably in no time. We ordered
another bottle of Merlot before Em mentioned that he had something to talk to me

about.

"Sure, Em. Shoot." I replied as I filled my glass.

"Well, I feel really bad about the wedding. I know now that we shouldn't have even
invited Edward. It was stupid but when he replied plus one, I didn't really think about

who the plus one was going to be. I didn't even know that he had knocked up that girl
and definitely didn't know he was going to bring her and the baby. You have to believe

that I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you."

"It's alright. It's over and done with. Everything happens for a reason and if he hadn't
shown up, I never would have found out the truth about James."

"Just please know that I honestly thought he was over you and you were over him. You

were with James for seven months and seemed really happy. I didn't think anything
would happen with him coming to the wedding." He added sounding incredibly

regretful.

"Bella, I didn't really want to invite him but the wedding wouldn't have happened
without Alice. I also thought you two were over each other and nothing would happen.

I'm really sorry too." Rose interjected.

"You guys, it's alright. I'm over it now. There's no bad blood between us. We are family."
I said as I reached out and took their hands in mine and smiled. I meant what I said. I

was over it. They would never intentionally hurt me and I knew that.

"I really wanted to kick Edward's ass right then and there but Rose wouldn't let me." Em
added.

"So what was the deal with James anyway? I thought he was a good guy." Mom asked.

I proceeded to tell them the story of James and how it was all to get revenge on Edward

and Tanya. They were appalled that someone could be so cold and heartless. They all
thought he was a good guy and were as fooled by his act as I was. They asked if I had

seen or talked to Edward yet. I told them that I'd just begun to check his emails and
listen to his messages.

"Honey," Mom started. "You know we love you and are so happy that you have a good

life in Florida but I think you should at least talk to him."

Now my mom was on his side? I couldn't understand why.

"I don't know, Mom."

"Well, I wasn't sure I was going to tell you this but he's been calling the house and
coming by a lot."

"What?" I asked in surprise. "He came by your house?" I was shocked. I couldn't believe

he was going to my parents' house.

"He says he can't find you and that you disappeared. He says you won't return his calls
or emails and he misses you so much. It's so sad. I almost feel bad for him."

"You feel bad for him, Mom?" I asked. "You know what he did to me."

"I know Bella but the guy really seems to be sorry for what he did. I really think he's

changed."

"I don't know." I responded in astonishment. It was getting out of control with Edward. I
knew he was bothering my parents because I avoided him for so long but they had

nothing to do with my decisions. I was almost pissed off that he was even bothering
them.

"Bella," Em began. "He's been coming by our house too."

"What? Why are y'all telling me this?" I asked. It was getting crazier by the minute.

"Yeah, he's come by a few times begging us to tell him where you are. You know how

much I dislike him for what he did to you but I feel bad for him too. I don't think I've
ever seen someone so distraught."

"I can't believe you guys are on his side." I responded.

"We are not on his side." Dad chimed in. "We are very happy that you have a new life

that is free from the stress you lived with here. I just want to make sure that you have
all the closure you need to fully move on from him. We live and learn and the least you

can do is hear what he has to say and then let it all go."

I knew Dad was right but I never imagined the whole family would want me to talk to
him. I assumed they would be on my side. They only wanted the best for me and I guess

I did need to finally hear him out. I just wasn't sure when that would happen.

After Dad's interjection of old wisdom the table went back to silly banter. I, however,
couldn't get it all out of my head. They all joked while I simply added a smile and nod

every so often. I had too much on my mind. I thought the trip would be a little tough but
I hadn't planned for everything that happened.

The next day was surprisingly relaxing. I spent the day with my parents doing nothing

and it felt wonderful. There was no talk of Edward or James. My family had said their
peace and moved on.

There was one last thing I needed to take care of before I went back home. I need to

talk to Alice. I hadn't spoken to her since I replied to the email she sent. I wasn't sure
that the friendship between us would ever be right again. I couldn't blame her for not

telling me about Edward and the wedding but a part of me wanted to. It wasn't fair, I
knew that. I had made her promise not to ever speak of Edward but she could have

chanced it for something so huge. A little warning would have been nice.

I texted Alice the following morning and asked her to meet me at the Marriott hotel at
the airport. She quickly agreed; noting that she was excited to see me. I wanted to be

excited to see her; I just couldn't bring myself actually feel it.

I said goodbye to my parents and they made me promise to visit again soon. While I
definitely missed them, I wanted them to visit me. They could use a vacation and they

would always have a place to stay with me. My mom cried and I fought back tears as I
drove away from the house I grew up in.

I spotted Alice's silver convertible as I pulled in the hotel parking lot. My pulse sped up

and my palms begin to sweat. I felt like I was going into battle and didn't know why. I
just needed to say some things to her before I could say that our friendship would

survive. We were only friends through Edward and it now seemed weird to spend time
with her.

She was sitting at the bar sipping her martini. She waved and smiled as I walked to meet

her. I waved and smiled in return.

"Hey Bella!" She exclaimed as I sat next to her.

"Hey Alice." I responded as I turned towards the bartender and summoned him over.

"What can I get ya?" He asked.

"Rum and Coke please."

"Coming right up."

"So, how long have you been in town?" Alice asked.

"Just a couple days." I said. "I had a few things I needed to take care of and I really
missed my family."

"I can imagine." She replied before sipping her drink. "It was a good trip then, huh?"

I nodded. "It's been a good trip." The bartender then sat the drink in front of me and I

handed him some cash. I wasn't going to allow myself to stay long enough to start a tab.

"Where are you living now?" She asked.

"Florida." I simply replied. I knew she would tell Edward and I wasn't going to tell her the
city. Florida's a big state and he'd never find me unless my family told him.

"Really?" She asked sounding surprised. "That's great."

"I love it there. It's so different than up here." I was already getting tired of the small

talk. I needed to go ahead and tell her what I came to say. "Alice, I need to say some

things to you."

Her smile faded as she nodded. "Okay."

I took a deep breath before starting. "I know that I made you promise not to mention

Edward but I feel like you should have warned me that he was coming to the wedding
with Tanya."

"I know, Bella." She began. "I feel really bad about it. I only found out that he was

bringing Tanya the day before the wedding. He and I barely even spoke after you two
broke up. I didn't even know about Tanya or Parker until he was born. It's no excuse. I

should have told you when I found out."

"Yeah, you should have. I just felt blindsided. I felt like everyone knew but me." I
confessed.

"I can't apologize enough. I told him not to bring her but he didn't listen to me. You

know how stubborn he is."

I nodded. He was extremely stubborn. I felt a small relief that she wasn't denying the
part she played but I felt bad that there was no a wedge between her and Edward.

"No one in the family knew anything about Tanya. He wouldn't tell anyone why you two

broke up. They figured out after Parker was born and everyone loves Parker but no one
has anything to do with Tanya. I don't even know what he saw in her."

"Me either but it's over with now." I replied. I was happy to know that none of his family

liked her.

"I just want to tell you one thing Bella." She requested and I nodded. "He really does
miss you. I've never seen him like this before. Aside from work, he does nothing. He

takes care of Parker but that's it. He sits in his apartment and sulks all day. I didn't think
I'd ever feel bad for him after what he did to you but I really do feel bad for him." She

sighed and paused for a second. "Will you please just email him back? I'm not
suggesting you actually talk to him or see him. Just email him. Please."

I didn't know what to say. I couldn't make any promises in regards to Edward. I didn't

even know what I was going to do. The fact that he was miserable made me a little
happier than he should, but he deserved to suffer.

"Thanks for hearing me out." She said as we exited the hotel.

"Take care of yourself Alice."

"You too." She replied as she walked to her car.

I think deep down, both of us knew our friendship would never be the same again. I was

glad, however, that we had cleared the air. There was only one person left for me to
deal with. Edward. He was going to be the toughest also.

I made it to the airport with more than enough time to catch my flight. As I boarded the

plane and took my seat, I couldn't get Edward off of my mind. Everyone I knew was in
agreement that I should at least talk to him. Maybe they were all right. I needed to talk

to him. I needed to get it over with. I had delayed it enough. The flight home was quick
and I felt the ocean breeze in my hair before I knew it. I realized how much I missed my

new home and new life.

I took the laptop and set on the back deck. I stared at the ocean as I tried to gather my
thoughts and words to write to Edward. I would start with an email and see where it

went from there.

Edward,

It's taken me a long time to be able to write this to you. I felt like you tried your hardest
to break me. I still don't know why you felt the need to cheat. We had a good life. I

accepted you as you were. I never tried to change you but I guess I wasn't enough for
you. Alice told me about your mother and I'm sorry that happened to you. I just don't

understand why you never told me about it. We could have worked through it. We could
have overcome any obstacle but you chose to exclude me and find comfort in another

woman. What did she give you that I didn't?

You say that you tried to talk to me and wanted to fix it but I never knew any of that. It
seemed to me that you were happy I found out and made you leave. Then you came into

our home and took all the pictures. The furniture didn't bother me. Our pictures did.
Who gave you the right to remove them? You didn't want me anyway so why would you

want them? I just don't understand anything about you anymore. Then the wedding
fiasco with James and Tanya. You shouldn't have even come to the wedding and you

definitely shouldn't have brought your mistress and child. You certainly should not have
approached me and James. Our relationship had nothing to do with you but you made it

your business. I don't know that I can forgive you for anything you've done. There's still
so much I need to say but that's enough for now.

Bella

I pressed the send button before I could think about deleting it and closed the laptop. I

sat on the deck and drank my wine as I contemplated everything that happened and
everything that could happen.

Chapter 17- Confessions

"These are my confessions

Just when I thought I said all I can say

My chick on the side said she got one on the way

These are my confessions

Man I'm throwed and I don't know what to do

I guess I gotta give you part 2 of my confessions

If I'm gonna tell it then I gotta tell it all

Damn near cried when I got that phone call

I'm so throwed and I don't know what to do

But to give you part 2 of my confessions"~Usher

The first contact I had with Edward was almost two months ago. It started with one
email and quickly multiplied. His first reply wasn't even ten minutes after I sent mine.

There was never a delay in his replies to me. I would often take time in between my
letters to him simply just to make him wait. Anything that happened was on my time

table, not his. I was no longer living on the Edward time scale.

I enjoyed my new life and I enjoyed getting answers from him little by little. It was much
easier to digest everything that happened in small doses. He automatically wanted to

know where I was and wanted to visit me, but there was no way I was ready for that. I
was still working on forgiving him and I had no idea when I would be ready to see him.

I'd settled into an easy almost carefree life in Flagler Beach. I renewed my lease for

another six months. I loved my job. The patient's were great.

I didn't have many girlfriends but Riley and Mike had quickly become close friends. Over
the months they both asked me on a date but I wasn't ready to begin a new

relationship. I was enjoying finding myself and learning new things. Mike was teaching
me how to sail. He said I was a quick learner but I think he was just being nice. I still had

no idea of what I was doing once I stepped on the boat. It didn't stop me from trying
though. Riley, AKA Dr. Phil, was always one to listen to my cares and concerns. I had no

doubt he'd make a great partner for a lucky lady, she just wasn't me.

I'd told Riley about the letters from Edward and he thought I should see Edward. I didn't
understand why he thought that at first but then he explained seeing him and asking

him everything I wanted answers to, would be the closure I needed. I could see him, get
my answers, and walk away. I was working on building the strength to be able to meet

with Edward but I wasn't going to meet with him on his territory. He would do it on my
terms where I was comfortable. It was about me this time; not him.

I thought for a week about agreeing to meet with Edward and I decided Riley was right. I

needed to see him. Not to satisfy him but for myself.

Edward,

I will agree to meet with you because I need answers that only you can provide and I
want to be able to look at you when you answer them. This has been going on for over a

year now and I need this closure to move on. I don't know what will happen afterwards. I
hope one day I can forgive you but I know without answers that it will never happen.

I'm taking the weekend after next off so that you and I can focus on settling what's left

between us. If you cannot make it that weekend, then I'll know you were never serious
about this anyway.

You'll need to fly into Daytona Beach airport and rent a car. I'll give you the address and

you can drive to meet me. Also, rent a hotel room. You will not be staying at my house.

Bella

The response from him was staggering. It sounded like he'd hit the lottery. I wasn't
agreeing to take him back or forgive him. I was simply agreeing to meet and talk with

him. I was so conflicted with my emotions. I hated him and I loved him still. I was excited
to see him and I was angry too. I had no idea how I would react when I actually saw him.

I was allowing him to see my happy in my new life without him. I was thriving in my new
environment. I wanted him to see that I was happy without him, without any man.

The days passed in a blur and the day had come for Edward to arrive. Riley assured me

that I was going to be okay. Whether it went good or bad, I would come out unscathed.

I sat on my porch as the sun set that Friday night. Edward's plane had landed not long
ago and I knew it wouldn't take him long to find my house. My stomach was doing flips.

I was so nervous. He was almost like a stranger to me and I didn't know what to expect. I
didn't know what he expected either. I had made a list of questions I needed answered.

I knew that I'd forget half of them if I hadn't written them down. This was my chance to
have everything out in the open.

I gulped down the wine in my glass as the minutes ticked by. Minutes seemed like

hours. I wanted to get this over with and I also wanted to postpone it. I saw an
unfamiliar car turn into the driveway and my pulse began to race. It was no or never. I

could see his wild, bronze hair through the windshield and it looked like he was smiling.
Why was his smiling? My nerves were a wreck and he was smiling like a kid.

I decided before he arrived that I wasn't going to make this easy on him. I didn't rise

from my chair or make any movement to greet him. I sat in my chair, fingering my wine

glass as I tried to keep my breathing steady.

The car stopped and the engine shut off. He climbed out of the car and shut the door

behind him. He stood by the car for a minute, unsure of how to proceed. He did look like
hell. Everyone said he wasn't taking care of himself and I could see that. He was thin and

dark circles lined his eyes. He didn't look like the same man I fell in love with years ago.
He was a shell of that man. I could see why everyone felt bad for him.

"Hey Bella." He said softly without making a movement.

"Edward." I responded trying to sound confident. My thoughts and emotions were in a

million different places but I was trying to maintain a strong front.

"Should I come up?" He asked motioning to the house. His smile was still prominently
displayed on his face. He almost looked ridiculous.

"Sure."

He slowly walked to the porch and sat in the chair next to me. "This is a great house. I

can see why you like it here." I watched him as he took in his surroundings.

"It's not much but its home."

"You're right on the beach too?"

I nodded. "You want to see the rest of the house?"

"I'd love to." He answered. We both stood from our seats and he followed behind me
through the front door.

I gave him the full tour and then took him on the back deck. That was the best part of

the house. I could smell him as we stood on the deck and I was taken back to the good
memories I held of him.

"What a view. This is magnificent." He remarked as he ran his hands through his hair. I

used to love his hair.

"I know."

We made small talk for a while but it was getting late and I was too tired to dive into the
serious talk. We said goodbye for the night and Edward left for his hotel. There was no

hug or kiss. Just a simple "goodnight" and he was gone. I was mentally exhausted from
the little time spent with Edward and I quickly fell asleep.

"Edward," I began. "We need to talk about what happened." I said as we sat on the back

deck of my house. We were together all day. We went to breakfast and lunch together. I
showed him some of the local attractions and I surprisingly enjoyed his company. Once I

allowed myself to relax, we settled into an easy day with each other. However, I knew
this visit wasn't for pleasure. There were things we needed to discuss.

"I know." He replied as he sipped his beer.

"Well, I have a lot of questions for you."

"Okay. I'm ready."

"I need you to be completely honest. The only way this will help either one of us is we

are totally honest."

"I promise. I'm done lying to you." He said confidently. I would soon find out if that was
true or not.

"I've asked some of these before I want to see you when you answer them."

"Okay."

"Why?"

He looked confused. "Why did I cheat on you?" I nodded. "In short, I was scared."

"Scared of what?" I questioned.

"Scared of us." He started. "We were together for so long and things between us were

so good and I just knew if I didn't make a commitment to you that you would leave."

"So you cheated because our relationship was too good?" What kind of sense did that
make?

"No. I cheated because I guess subconsciously I sabotaged our relationship. I didn't want

to break your heart and I didn't think I'd ever be able to commit to you like you
deserved."

"That makes no sense Edward."

"I know it makes no sense. It wasn't you though. It was nothing you did. Deep down I

was scared of our relationship. I was so scared it was all going to fall apart if I didn't
propose to you and I thought if you left me, you could find someone better for you."

"That's dumb but whatever."

"I always loved you though."

"You have a great way of showing it. You should have just talked to me about what you

were feeling and we could have worked it out."

"I know that now. I'm sorry."

"How did it happen with her? Why did you pick her?"

"She was my nurse in the OR and she was flirting with me for a long time but I always
rejected her. One day you and I argued over something before work and I was in a shitty

mood all day. She kept asking if I wanted to go have drinks with her afterward and I was
still angry from our argument that I agreed." He paused taking a sip of his beer. "We had

a few drinks and as I walked to my car she kept saying that she could make me forget
my problems and all this other garbage and the next thing I knew we were in the back of

my car naked."

"You fucked her in your car?"

"Yeah." He responded shamefully.

"Why did you continue to see her? Do you know how it made me feel? I wasted nine
years of my life."

"I honestly don't know why I saw her again. I only saw her a few times after that and it

was in less than a few weeks time. I knew it was wrong and I knew that you deserved
better. I ended it with her before you found the credit card bill. I'm sorry for how it

made you feel. It was never your fault."

"Speaking of the credit card bill; why did you lie when I confronted you?"

"I had already broken it off with her. In my mind, it was over. I knew I should have told
you but I hoped it would go away. I'm sorry."

"So when I kicked you out, did you go to her?"

"No. I didn't want her. Even if I couldn't have you, I didn't want her."

"But you brought her to the wedding?"

"Because at that point I was trying to do the right thing. I didn't believe she was

pregnant at first. I told her that I wasn't going to believe her until we did a DNA test to

prove it was mine."

"And?" I already knew the answer but I wanted him to say it.

"Parker is mine. I love him but I've never felt anything close to love for her. She was the

biggest mistake of my life. I tried to be a family with her but it was impossible. I
compared her to you and she could never live up to those standards. I'm sorry for

bringing her to the wedding too. I was being childish and I regret that."

"So you and her lived together?"

"No. I tried to have a relationship with her but that only lasted a few weeks. We are
civilized to each other now because of Parker. That's it though."

"Did you know about Tanya and James before I had drinks with him that night?"

"Yeah. That's why I didn't want you hanging out with him. I knew he was up to no good."

"But you also were up to no good. Why didn't you tell me about James and Tanya when

you heard we were dating?"

"You seemed so happy and I thought maybe he was genuinely interested in you. I never
planned to tell you but after I saw you two at the wedding, I couldn't hold my tongue

any longer. You deserved to know the truth."

"Did you know that Tanya was the one that told me you got her pregnant?"

"I didn't know until I heard her boasting to another nurse about it and I was pissed. It
just made me resent her even more."

My mind was reeling with questions while trying to absorb the answers. I glanced down

at my list of questions and asked another one. "Why did you take the bed and the
pictures?"

"You didn't want me anymore and I didn't think you'd want to see my face around the

house either. That and I wanted to have them. They were all I had left of you. I took the
bed because I didn't want to think of you and another man in it. It was our bed and it

would always be our bed."

I was livid at his response. "Who are you to talk to me about sleeping with another
man? You slept with her while you were still with me. I never did that to you!"

"I know Bella. It's hypocritical but it made sense at the time."

"Was she ever in our house?"

"No."

I felt a bit of relief that his whore had never been in my house or in my bed.

"Did you have unprotected sex with her? You did knock her up after all."

"No. You were the only person I'd ever had unprotected sex with."

"Then how did she get pregnant?"

He shrugged. "I guess the condom broke. Stupid fucking condoms."

I sipped my wine as I considered how to proceed. "I heard your family isn't too fond of

her? How did they take the news of Parker?"

"They can't stand her but the love Parker. They were so disappointed that I fucked
things up with you. They always thought of you as a daughter and I thought they were

going to kill me when they found out."

We sat in silence for a minute. My emotions were on a rollercoaster. It was a lot of
information to take in at one time.

"Can I ask you something?" He asked.

I nodded.

"Why did you put the house up for sale?"

"I tried to live in that house without you but I couldn't escape you. Your face is

everywhere in that house. All I could think of was us. I could never move on in that
house. And I couldn't afford to pay the mortgage there and rent here."

"I was paying the mortgage every month for you."

"What?" It couldn't be true. How could he have been paying it too?

"Yeah. I screwed up and felt it was right that I continue to pay the mortgage on it."

"I wish I had known." I confessed.

"You would have if you talked to me." He had me there. "Bella I want you know

something."

"Okay."

He moved to his knees in front of me. "I've only ever loved you. I don't ever want
anyone else but you. Yes, I fucked up but I swear I will never betray you again. I want to

be the man that you deserve."

My heart skipped a beat. I didn't know what to think. My emotions were all over the
map.

"What about Parker?"

"I love my son so much but his mother means nothing to me. She was the biggest

mistake I've ever made."

Part of me wanted to kiss him right there and part of me wanted to slap him. I still
needed to time to think things through. I couldn't agree to anything regarding him.

"You need to focus on your son."

"I focus on him but he'd be better off with a happy father than the miserable man I've

been without you. Please say you forgive me."

"Edward, I don't know. You've given me so much to think about. I haven't even
processed it all yet."

"I know. Just think about it, please?" He looked up at me with his puppy dog eyes.

"I'll think about it."

He left for the night after our talk and I knew his flight left early the next morning. I

didn't kiss him goodbye but I gave him a hug. I was surprised at how right it felt to be in
his arms again.

I lay in bed that night and watched the fan rotate. My thoughts were all over the place. I

still loved him but hated him less after he confessed. I missed him but was there room
for him in my new life? Could I forgive him and try to repair our broken relationship?

Could I accept his son as a constant reminder of his infidelity?

One thing I was certain of was that Florida was my home and I wasn't going back to
Georgia.

The next morning as the sun rose I walked to the back deck with my coffee. I opened the

door and noticed a box with a pink bow on top.

Bella,

Thank you for this weekend. Thank you for listening to me and allowing me to explain.
I'm so sorry for everything I've put you through. I'll do whatever is needed to fix us. You

are it for me. There will never be another you. Please forgive me.

Edward

I opened the box to find two dozen of my favorite cookies from our diner. He
remembered.

Chapter 18- Changing Tides

"What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a

beginning. The end is where we start from." ~T. S. Eliot

One year. It can seem like a lifetime or just a small minute of an entire life. To me, one
year was neither a lifetime nor a minute but was a span of time in which I discovered

who I truly was and what I really wanted out of life. In the year since Edward had
confessed everything to me, I had become who I always wanted to be. I'd laughed,

cried, learned, fell back, moved forward, gained, lost and became someone I wasn't
ashamed to be.

The year hadn't been easy. I'd struggled to come to grips with Edward's actions. I

reflected on how I'd gotten to that point in my life and I was certain that Edward
cheated because there was something within himself that he wasn't happy with me

Before Edward's visit, I'd questioned if his infidelity was somehow my fault. Everyone
was right by encouraging me to listen to Edward. His confessions had granted me

closure and I was able to move forward without regrets. He was responsible for his
actions, not me.

Riley and Mike were still in my life. I often spent long spans of time with Riley when he

was in town. He met a wonderful woman and they were happy together. I was like a
sister to Riley and I was happy he'd met someone he could share his life with. Mike went

on the occasional date but they always turned into flings. Mike wasn't the type of guy to
be tied down. He was a free spirit which was why most of his time was spent out to sea.

A month after Edward's visit I turned in my official resignation at the hospital in Atlanta.

I missed my family and Angela but I missed nothing about that city or the hospital. I
loved the life I created in this small, ocean front town. I love the slow life. I loved that

people valued friendships and family. People here weren't out to hurt one another or
get revenge. Forgiveness came as easily as the waves. Angela and Eric visited a few

times and they were engaged to be married. Knowing Ang, the wedding wouldn't be for

another few years but they couldn't have been happier.

I didn't have any contact with Edward the first month after his visit. My mind was
processing everything and my heart was still recovering. I allowed him to say what he

needed to say and I had the answers I needed. Even though I didn't respond to his
emails or messages they never ceased to come. He had become like clockwork. An email

every other day and a text message on the other days. They weren't always long,
heartfelt letters sometimes they were just simple lines or songs. I had come to anxiously

await his emails. I looked forward to what he was going to say.

My new career was progressing nicely. I was now the supervisor over the entire eastern
half of the county. The women I worked with were nice and we got along well. I never

dreaded going into work. I looked forward to it. I enjoyed helping people get back on
their feet and back to their life.

I agreed to allow Edward to visit occasionally. The first visit was three months after he

confessed. He flew down for the weekend and again, he stayed at a hotel. The weekend
went much as the previous had; only this time there wasn't a huge confession or

inquisition. I allowed myself to get to know the man he was becoming. I allowed myself
to let go of what I'd known about him from before. I knew the only way we could ever

even become friends was if we let go of our pain and who we were before. I was no
longer that woman and I could tell that he was changing into a new man.

He slowly opened up about his family and his life before me. I expressed to him that he

should seek counseling regarding the issues with his mother. He would continue to
make the same mistakes if he didn't seek professional help to finally allow him to move

forward. He agreed and began seeing Dr. Banner once a week. I never asked him about
the sessions but he often shared details through his emails or when he visited. He

seemed to be making great progress. He allowed his feelings to flow more freely and he
would often remember things that I'd thought he never even noticed.

The visits started to get closer in time and I found myself excited to see him. In the

winter months we'd start a small fire on the beach and sit next to each other as we
learned more about each other. He cut back his hours as work so he could spend extra

time with Parker. He shared stories of Parker's first steps and his first tooth. He showed
me pictures of his first birthday party. He was a cute kid who looked just like Edward.

At first I was saddened by hearing about Parker and jealous another woman gave him

his first child. I repressed the feeling as quickly as it came. The old me was jealous but
we weren't those people anymore.

There was no Tanya and Edward. They were amicable only because of Parker and their

conversations were only in regards to Parker. Edward was a great father and Parker was

lucky to have him. We didn't speak much of Tanya. She didn't have anything to do with

us anymore.

I often arrived in my office to find a box of my favorite cookies from Edward or a picture
he framed from one of his visits. My feelings for him were slowly returning. Part of me

was surprised, and part of me knew I'd always love him. We shared too many good
memories, lived too much of life together to not love him.

A few months ago, Edward brought Parker with him to visit. I was nervous at first but I

wanted to meet him. I recognized my feelings for Edward and I also recognized he
reciprocated those feelings. I hadn't yet agreed to engage in a relationship with him but

if things continued as they were, a relationship wouldn't be far off.

Parker was a miniature Edward. He was too young to say many words but I knew he
liked me when he hugged me after we played in the sand together. He was a sweet,

loving kid and was always smiling.

As Parker and I shoveled sand I felt my gaze travel to Edward and saw tears in his eyes.

"What's wrong?" I asked as I made my way to his side.

He shook his head, unable to speak.

"Why are you about to cry then?"

"I just never thought this would happen." He choked.

"Never thought what would happen?" I asked.

"This." He said pointing between me and Parker. "I never thought I'd be able to be with
you both. You are the two most important people in my world and to have you two

together is more than I can ever ask for."

I reached for his hand and held it in mine. Tears pricked my eyes as I fought back the
emotions. He truly was changing and I knew that he was a different man.

Edward's last visit was a few weeks ago. Parker wasn't with him and I was both happy

and sad. I liked spending time with his son but I'd come to value our time alone. Edward
didn't pressure me to restart our relationship and I was grateful. He was allowing me to

work through it in my own time. I allowed him to spend the weekend at my house for
the first time. I wasn't going to let him sleep in my room but I was comfortable with him

staying in my house.

"Bella, do you have anything specific planned for tonight?" He asked as he sat beside me

on the deck. He arrived the previous night and we stayed up late talking on the beach. I

hadn't slept easy after his arrival. Knowing he was just across the hall made me feel like
a teenager again. I found myself wanting to be near him. I wondered if he was sleeping

or if he was lying awake also. Part of me wanted to go to him and envelope myself in his
arms but the other part of me knew that we needed to talk before such actions were

feasible.

I shook my head as I lowered my beer. "No, why?"

"I just had an idea for something. A surprise for you." He said with a smile on his face.

"Really?" He nodded. "Okay."

I was already surprised by so many things that he'd done over the months. I had no idea
of what to expect from him. He asked if I could meet him on my front porch at seven

o'clock that night and I agreed. He asked me to dress comfortably and relaxed. He
disappeared around three that afternoon and I paced the house wondering what he was

up to. A million different scenarios came to mind but were all quickly discarded.

Around six that evening Edward hadn't returned and I began getting ready. Relaxed and
comfortable to me meant jeans, a nice top and flip flops. We couldn't be going

anywhere too nice or he wouldn't have told me to dress relaxed.

I ran the brush through my hair and checked my makeup before stepping out on to the
porch. I looked at my watch, 6:57. I still had a few minutes. Just as I began to relax a bit I

saw Edward's rental car turn into the drive and I couldn't help but smile.

He parked the car and shut off the engine before stepping out. He looked handsome. His
hair was clean but messy. He wore khakis and a light button up shirt. He'd slowly begun

to look healthier over the year we had been communicating. His eyes were no longer
lined with deep, dark circles and he regained the weight he lost.

"Hey." He said softly as he walked toward me. "Are you ready?"

I smiled and nodded. "Yes."

He held his hand out to me as he stood at the edge of the steps that led to the porch. I

placed my hand in his as I descended the steps. He led me around the side of the house
to the ocean side and I was confused. I thought we were going somewhere. I started

wondering where he had been all day. Nothing in the backyard looked out of place or
new. We approached the water line and we both stopped to remove our shoes.

I looked in his eyes as we began to walk in the water, hand in hand. His smile seemed as

if it couldn't be removed if his life depended on it. His eyes were bright and held so

much emotion. He'd become such an emotional creature during the year. Seeking

professional help really helped him.

"Where are we going, Edward?" I questioned after we'd been walking for a while.

He pointed to the rocks in front of us. "It's just up here."

As we neared the rocks I saw a small fire near the ocean and my heart began to race.
The closer we came, the more I could see. A blanket with a basket on top. A bottle of

champagne in a bucket of ice. The last thing I noticed before we completed the walk
was a small leather book. I couldn't see a title and I wondered what it was.

"Here we are." He said as he dropped our shoes in the sand.

"Wow, Edward." I began as I took in the sight before me. "I can't believe you did all

this."

"I'd do anything for you." He replied as he motioned for me to sit down. Instead I
wrapped my arms around his waist and allowed myself to breathe him in. He softly

wrapped his arms around my shoulders and held me close to him. I felt his nose against
the top of my head and he inhaled me. I felt tears begin to form in my eyes and I

allowed a few to fall. The emotions I was feeling for him and the actions behind his
emotions were too much to hold in.

I pulled back and he looked in my eyes. "Don't cry. I didn't mean to make you cry."

I shook my head. "It's okay. They are happy tears."

"Good." He said before he sat on the blanket and reached for me. I sat in between his

legs with my back to his chest and we both gazed at the ocean as the sun began to set to
the west of us. It felt right being in his arms. I didn't think of all the wrong that had been

done before I thought of all the good that could happen in the future if I allowed it.

He reached to his side and poured us both a glass of champagne. I turned around to face
him. I wanted to see his face and see if I was imaging everything that was happening. He

looked so happy and I could see the love in his eyes.

He opened the basket and we fed each other cheese squares and fruit. The beach was
abandoned except for us and I felt like we were in our own world.

"This is all so amazing, Edward."

"I just wanted to do something nice for you."

"Thank you." I said as I set down my glass. My emotions were over flowing and I was

fighting the urge all night to kiss him. I wanted to kiss him from the moment he stepped
out of the car and again when we walked in the water. I could no longer fight the urge. I

leaned over and touched his face with the palm of my hand. I licked my lips as I neared
his mouth. I heard him take a deep breath as I closed my eyes. My lips lightly brushed

against his and I felt the spark we once held between us. I knew I was doing the right
thing. I thought the spark was gone forever. I softly pressed my lips against his once

more before pulling away.

I opened my eyes and to find him smiling with his eyes closed. "Are you okay?" I asked.
I'd never seen him look that way before.

"Perfect." He said lightly before opening his eyes.

We were silent for a while before he spoke. "Bella," He began. "There are some things I

want to talk to you about."

"Okay."

"I've grown so much over the past year and I owe that to you. You've helped me
become a better father and a better person. If it weren't for you I would never have

went to Dr. Banner. He's helped me move forward and forgive my mother for leaving
me all those years ago. More than that, he's also helped me process my feelings for you

and understand where I went wrong."

I nodded as I took in all he had to say. I didn't want to interrupt him.

He picked up the leather book and held it between his hands. "He told me to write
down my feelings, fears, wants and desires. Things I would never tell anyone. That's

what this is. I've written in it every day since he suggested six months ago. I want you to
have it." He said as he held the book out to me.

I shook my head. "I can't take that, Edward."

"Yes you can. I want you to have it. You don't have to read it but I want you to always

have access to every part of me. Even the parts I'd never tell a soul."

I took the book and ran my fingers over the edges. "Thank you." I didn't know what else
to say. No one had ever given me such a deep gift.

"No, thank you. I wouldn't be the man I am today if you hadn't allowed me to be in your

life."

I was completely shocked and had no idea of what to do next.

"Bella, I know I will never be able to undo the past but I promise I'll never hurt you
again. I know now that I am the man I was meant to be. I am the man that you always

wanted." He reached for my hands and kissed the tops of them before speaking again.
"Do you think we can try again?"

I knew this was coming. After the night and the kiss, it was the only question left to be

asked.

"I don't know, Edward." I started. "I know that I love you. I never stopped loving you; I
was just extremely hurt and felt betrayed."

"I know..." He interjected before I stopped him.

"Let me finish." He nodded. "I never stopped loving you but over the past year I have

fallen in love with the new you. You are a different man than you were before. I see the
progress you have made and the man you've become. I never thought there would be

an 'us' again but I can the possibility now. I'm no longer angry with you. It no longer
feels wrong to be close to you. It actually feels right again. There are a few things that

have to be addressed before I can make a decision."

"Okay."

"You have to stay in counseling."

"Of course."

"The bigger issue though is that I won't move back to Atlanta and if this is going to work
it can't be long distance but I can't ask you to leave your son."

"Bella," He started. "You're not asking me to leave my son. I will still be in his life and I'll

still be his dad wherever I live."

"You'd be willing to move here to be with me?" I asked.

"Of course. I knew you wouldn't come back to Georgia. I wouldn't ask you to."

"What about Parker? He needs you."

"You're right. We will work something out. I'll get him on the weekends or during the
summer or I can get him for a month then Tanya can have him for a month. I will work it

out. I need the both of you in my life to be whole."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive." He responded as he moved forward to kiss me before I stopped him.

"Wait." I started. "One more thing." He nodded. "I can't be your career girlfriend,
Edward. We did that before for nine years. I won't do it again. I have to know that this

time marriage is a possibility."

He smiled before answering. "I'd marry you tomorrow if you'd agree." I laughed lightly.

"Well, that's not going to happen but you get the idea."

"Good." He replied before pressing his lips against mine. Nothing had ever felt more
right than what I felt in that moment. The love that flowed between us couldn't be

denied and I knew this was where we were meant to be.

We began to make arrangements after that. He started looking for work in town and
terminated his lease on his apartment.

Edward POV

Bella and I were a couple again. I never imagined she would fall in love with me again.

Things were finally back where they belonged. I had an interview with the local hospital
at Flagler Beach and the lease in Atlanta would be terminated in a couple months.

I knew I could never make up for what I did to Bella but I was going to spend the rest of

my life showing her that she'd made the right decision in taking me back. It wouldn't be
easy, I knew that. I wasn't stupid. Bella would have to help care for a child that wasn't

hers and was a constant reminder of what'd I done to her. We would get through that
part.

I wasn't so naive to think that we'd never argue or disagree but the difference this time

was that I knew how to process all of that now. Thanks to Dr. Banner I could now deal
with my emotions and take her feelings into account before I did anything stupid. I was

a different man than before and I relished in the fact that Bella had seen it too.

The hardest part of moving was dealing with Tanya. I told her that we needed to talk
when I picked up Parker one day. She wasn't going to take it well and I knew we would

be in a court battle for custody of Parker. I would never try to take him away from her
but I deserved joint custody. Tanya was livid when I told her I was taking Parker to meet

Bella. Somehow Tanya thought there was still a chance that we would be a family. She
couldn't grasp the fact that I never really wanted her.

Bella understood that I couldn't leave the state until the courts made their decision.

Otherwise it would have been seen as child abandonment.

I walked the steps up to Tanya's condo and knocked on the door. I tried to gather my
thoughts as I waited for her to answer.

She opened the door and rushed away before I could enter. I stepped inside the door

and shut it behind me. I could see Parker playing with his toys in the floor and I walked
over to pick him up. I held him close and kissed his forehead.

"Tanya, I need to talk to you." I shouted not knowing where she was.

"I'll be right there." She responded and a few moments later she was sitting across from

me in the living room.

"Well, I'm moving to Florida and I want to file for joint custody of Parker."

A look of complete surprise came across her face and she froze.

"It's real, Tanya. You should say something."

"I... you... but... Parker..." She stammered.

"Tanya, I'm not trying to take him away from you I just want you to share him."

"Why?" She shouted. "So you can you go be with precious, perfect Bella?"

"Let's be adults about this."

"Fuck you!" She shouted as she stood up. "Don't come in my house and tell me you're
leaving the state and want to take my son with you. You can go but you won't take my

son with you."

"Tanya, let's just talk about this."

She opened the front door. "No, enjoy this weekend with Parker because it's the last
you'll have for a while. I'll see you in court."

I enjoyed my time with Parker and Tanya kept her word, I didn't see him again until the

court hearings. She tried to paint a picture that I was an unfit father which my attorney
quickly proved false. Bella asked if she could come to the hearings but I thought it was

best if she didn't. Tanya would try to use Bella against me and I wasn't going to allow
her. After two hearings the judge granted me joint custody. I would get Parker for four

weeks and then she would get him for four weeks. The judge was aware that I was
leaving the state and it didn't seem to affect his decision at all. Things were falling into

place and my life was finally back the way it belonged.

I was back with the woman I loved more than life. I was going to get equal time with my
son. Everything else was just extra. I didn't care if I got the job at the hospital in Florida.

I'd clean toilets if it meant I could be with Bella again. In just a few days, I'd be holding
Bella and staring at the ocean.

Chapter 19- Unthinkable

"If we do the unthinkable will it make us look crazy" Alicia Keys

I woke with the sun peering through the blinds. The temperature outside was dropping

this time of year and the sun warmed me. I was wrapped tightly in Edward's embrace
where I'd comfortable been for the past ten or so hours. Today was a big day and we

couldn't manage to emerge from our personal bubble created in our bedroom. Edward
moved in with me four weeks ago and we couldn't be happier. I never thought this level

of happiness was possible again with him. He was proving me wrong daily.

He was a complete new and improved person. I woke to breakfast in bed and back rubs
after work. We slept wrapped in each other's embrace. He was so open with his feelings

and would often leave small notes or tokens of his affection. We weren't living in
fantasy land; of course we still disagreed about things. The difference was that he no

longer yelled or spat mean words toward me. We both argued our side and listened to
the other. The transformation in him still surprised me. I never really believed people

could change but he had.

The day Edward arrived seemed to move so slowly. I couldn't sleep the night before and
I paced the deck all morning. I knew he was on his way since he'd called when he left.

The seven hour drive seemed more like fourteen. I was too excited to eat or do anything
productive. He finally arrived late in the afternoon and I ran out the door and tackled

him in the driveway. The Edward I always wanted was finally with me. I had no doubts
about the new relationship between us; we were going to be great.

A private practice at the local hospital offered Edward a position with the possibility to

become partner after five years. He couldn't have been more excited. He practically
burst through the door when he arrived home after the interview. Everything was falling

into place nicely.

I introduced Edward to Riley a week ago. Surprisingly, they got along well. I figured with
all Riley knew of Edward, he'd despise him but my 'Dr. Phil' was a forgiving person.

Edward thanked Riley for being there for me when he failed. Riley promised to take
Edward out on a fishing trip one day and show him how the 'real men' fished. The

thought itself made me laugh. Edward on a real fishing boat? That image was hilarious.

Mike seemed to think that Edward was his long lost friend. He took us sailing and

offered to help Edward find a boat for us to buy. Why he wanted to buy a boat when we
knew nothing about sailing was beyond me. Although, it would be fun. I was just

thankful we had a friend to help us figure everything out.

Edward stirred under the sheets and I felt him hug me tighter.

"Good morning, Love." He whispered in my ear.

"Good morning indeed." I responded as I kissed his forehead.

"I love you." He kissed my lips softly.

Morning breath wasn't always inviting but with him it didn't matter. We'd been apart
for so long and I was enjoying the love and affection.

"Did you sleep well?" I asked looking into his beautiful eyes.

"Like a rock." He replied as he peppered kisses along my jaw and neck.

"Mmm, Edward." I moaned. "We don't have time for this."

"Sure we do."

"No, really we don't." He kissed my collarbone. "We have to leave in an hour."

"That's plenty of time."

"You are so bad." I responded as he kissed his way down my chest.

"But you love me." He said as he licked my breast.

"I do."

We made love in the morning light and were barely left with enough time to shower

before we needed to leave.

Today was the first Parker exchange. He was going to be with us for four weeks and we
were both very excited. I was looking forward to getting know Parker and Edward really

missed him. The only drawback from today was seeing Tanya.

I offered to stay home while Edward met Tanya but he adamantly refused. He said we
were now a family and that I was a part of him. Tanya would need to learn to deal with

me or he would take her back to court and file for full custody.

I hoped we could be adults about the situation and at least be decent to each other. She
and I didn't need to be friends but we would need to get along for Parker's sake.

We climbed into the car and started the drive to meet Tanya at the halfway point. We

had a few snacks and drinks and held hands the entire drive.

Hours later we pulled into the parking lot of a McDonald's.

"There's her car." He said pointing to the black four door car. For some reason and wave
of nerves hit me. I didn't know why I was nervous and I tried to fight it.

Edward parked the car a few spaces over and shut off the engine. He looked into my

eyes.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

I nodded.

"Okay. This should be quick. No more than a few minutes." He said before lightly kissing
my lips and turning to exit the car.

I took a few moments to calm myself and gather my thoughts before exiting the car.

"He just ate before you got here. So he should be fine..." I heard Tanya say before she

spotted me.

She gave me the most evil look I'd ever seen and I felt sorry for her. She shoved the car
seat at Edward as he held Parker in his arms. They were so cute together. You could see

the love they held for each other.

"Hi Tanya." I said cheerfully.

"Hi." She replied caustically.

She looked at Edward. "I can't believe you brought her."

"Tanya," Edward began. "Bella is going to be here whether you like it or not. I suggest
you accept it."

"Don't you..." Tanya began before I cut her off.

"Edward," I started. "Please put Parker in the car. I can handle this."

"You sure?"

"Promise." I replied confidently before turning to Tanya.

"Tanya," I began as calm as possible. "We are going to have to get along for Parker's

sake. You're his mother and I would never try to be his mom but I can be his friend. He
doesn't need two moms."

"You're right," she spat. "You will never be his mom. I'm his mom. I gave Edward his first

child, not you. Remember that."

A part of me wanted to slap her but I knew I was better than her. I wasn't going to stoop
to her level , ever.

"Tanya, you're right but guess what?" I asked rhetorically. "You should feel lucky that

you had him at all. He's mine. He's always been mine. He will always be mine." I turned
on my heels and walked away. I could hear Edward laughing as he shut the car door.

He started the engine and we pulled away.

"That was classic. I'm so proud of you baby." He said with a quick kiss on my lips.

When we arrived home we unloaded Parker's things and placed them into the second

bedroom we dedicated to Parker. It was his room now, no longer a guest room.

I watched as Edward and Parker played on the deck with his toys. He was a good man
and an even better father and I could see that Parker admired his father.

"Want to take a walk on the beach before the sun sets?" I asked standing in the

doorway.

Edward looked up with a huge smile on his face. "That sounds perfect." He grabbed
Parker's hand and we walked to the beach. Life was good and I was overwhelmed with

love and happiness as we stood hand in hand watching Parker laugh with excitement as
he played at the edge of the water.

The unthinkable was done to me. Now, the unthinkable was happening again, in a good

way.

Chapter 20- The Dance

"And now, I'm glad I didn't know,

The way it all would end, the way it all would go

Our lives are better left to chance

I could have missed the pain,

But I'd have to miss the dance"~ Garth Brooks-The Dance

Edward POV

In just seven hours I would be where I was always destined to be. I'd be in Bella's arms. I

could kiss her anytime I wanted. I wouldn't apologize to her every day but I would do
something every day to make sure she knew how grateful I was to be back in her life. I

would make to love her gently and slowly. I would control my temper and never say a
mean word to her. I would listen to her when she had a hard day and rub her feet when

they hurt. I'd hold her in my arms as we sat and watched the ocean.

It was going to be great. I couldn't believe she'd honestly given me a second chance but I
would always make her happy that she did. This would be our love story to tell our kids

and grandkids. We could tell them of our happy ending love story and how true love
conquers all.

"Bella, I'm on my way." I spoke into the phone as I started the engine of the truck.

"Okay, be careful. I'll see you soon." She replied.

"Love you."

"Love you too."

I ended the call and put the truck in gear. I was driving the truck to Florida myself. I was

a man and I could handle a small moving truck on my own. The truck wouldn't even go
over eight five miles an hour anyway.

I eased the truck onto the highway and settled in for the long drive. I was only going to

stop when I needed to. I was ready to be with Bella. I didn't want to spend any more
time away from her. I was sad to say goodbye to Parker but he would join us in Florida

in a few short weeks.

The drive was slow and boring but the visions of Bella got me through. I was nearing the
Florida line in no time and I needed to stop for gas. I filled the tank with gas and grabbed

a coffee inside the store. The sun was setting as I made my way back on the highway.
Just a few more hours and I'd be home.

Almost an hour into Florida and the rain began to fall. It was steadily falling harder with

each passing minute. The lights on the truck weren't very bright and the sun had already
set. It was hard to see the signs as I merged on to interstate 95. Less than an hour and

I'd be with Bella.

I slowed the truck as the rain fell in sheets. I could hardly see five feet in front of me and
I began to wonder if I needed to pull over until the storm passed but I was so close to

Bella I could feel her.

The windshield wipers were on full blast and I barely saw the headlights staring back at
me.

Bella POV

I'd seen the weather on the news and knew that there was a violent storm right in the

path Edward was taking. I didn't want to call his cell phone and interrupt his driving. I sat
on the porch and watched the rain fall as I anxiously awaited his arrival. I couldn't

contain my excitement. I was ready for our new life to begin. I loved him more than I
thought was possible after everything we'd been through.

I glanced at my watch. He should have been here by now, even with the storm. I picked

up my phone to call him but stopped when I saw headlights pulling into the driveway. At
first I couldn't make out the vehicle but it looked too small to be a truck. Then I saw the

lights on top of the car. What were deputies doing at my house?

My stomach sank and my heart stopped. It couldn't be.

I sat motionless until the deputies were standing in front of me.

"Ms. Swan?" The short one asked.

I couldn't speak. I knew what they were going to say and the tears streamed from my
eyes and I began to sob.

"Ms. Swan, we need to talk with you about Mr. Edward Cullen."

It couldn't be. He would pull in the drive any minute. I tried to breathe but I couldn't

seem to get the oxygen into my lungs and body began to shake.

"There was an accident on I-95... a car spun out in the water... he couldn't stop the
truck... he swerved... truck ran off the road...flipped multiple times... died instantly..."

I only heard pieces of what the tall one said through my sobs. They were wrong. It

wasn't Edward. He wasn't dead. He'd be in here in just a minute.

"How... how... are you sure... it's him?" I managed to ask through the tears.

"Yes, Ma'am. I'm very sorry." The tall one said.

I continued to sob as I sat on the porch. A few minutes later the deputies pulled away. I
didn't hear anything else they'd said and I didn't care to. They were wrong. Edward

wasn't dead. We'd just fixed everything and were back together. He couldn't be gone
now. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair to me or to Parker. It wasn't fair to Edward either.

The next couple days passed in a huge blur. I couldn't remember anything other than

crying and screaming. We'd never get the life we deserved together.

I finally answered the phone after two days when Edward's Mom called. All the
arrangements were made and I was thankful that I didn't have to be the one responsible

for them. Esme and Carlisle were his legal next of kin and they'd taken care of
everything. They made arrangements for me to fly in the day before the funeral. I had

no idea I was going to get through his funeral. I wasn't ready to say goodbye to him but I
had no choice.

I did nothing other than cry the whole flight to Atlanta. The rest of the passengers

looked at me like I was crazy but I didn't care. I missed him more than words could ever
say. I regretted the time we spent apart and wished I listened to his side of the story

sooner. Maybe then none of this would have happened and he'd still be here with me.

I don't remember seeing the coffin. I don't remember what anyone said during the
service. I don't remember who I sat next to in the church. I don't remember how I got to

the cemetery. I don't remember what anyone said to me after I arrived. I don't
remember if my family was at the service. I was a walking zombie.

The only thing I remember was standing over his grave and staring at his coffin in the

fresh dirt. Edward was in there. He was gone for good. I'd never get to see him or kiss
him again. I'd never be able to tell him I loved him or run my fingers through his hair.

He was gone.

"Edward," I started as I sobbed roughly. "I don't know what to do without you. I had so

many plans for our future. There were so many things we hadn't done yet. I don't know
where to go without you. Nothing is the same anymore. I miss you. I want you to hold

me."

"What am I supposed to do now? This isn't fair Edward. We didn't deserve this. If it
wasn't for me you would be alive right now. I'm sorry I took you away from Parker. I

hope he can forgive me one day."

I stopped when I felt a small hand on my back.

"You know he loved you so much." Esme spoke softly.

I couldn't answer. I could barely breathe.

"Even when you were apart he always knew you'd end up together. He said it was
destiny."

The tears flowed again. "Thank you." I said as she embraced me in a hug.

We turned and walked to the car when they began to fill the grave with dirt.

I spotted Tanya and Parker at the edge of the cars but I didn't have enough energy to

engage her. This wasn't about her or me, it was about Edward. Parker waved to me as I
neared the cars and I waved back. He was such a sweet kid who would never know how

great his father was. I hoped Edward's family would tell him one day.

That was three months ago and while I hadn't fully recovered I was back into a normal
routine. I missed him immensely and life without him was difficult. I still cried at night

and when I sat on the beach. Life would never be the same without him but I chose not
to think of the bad times between us. I only remembered the good times we shared and

the love between us. He would always be a part of me.

I could have missed the pain of losing Edward if I'd never reconciled with him. I could
have let him go along time ago. If I'd done that I would've missed all the love and

happiness we experienced when we reunited and I wouldn't trade those days for
anything.

The End