Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.

Author's Note: I bought new house-shoes! Yay! Now I finally have warm feet again! Just wanted to tell you so that you can share my joy! And my brother fixed my computer, obviously and surprisingly enough his solution didn't include a reinstalling, which means that my documents are still there! Yay! I'm in a really good mood. And although I'm not absolutely happy with this chappie it was rather easy to write so I hope you like it. And I finally came around to answer all your reviews, thanks so much again. It motivates me to write as often as possible and even more often, which is not exactly good. Well, not good for me, I guess #smile#

Anyway, this chapter contains mentions of RAPE and ABUSE. I thought I shpuld warn you...

36. DIARY

Meanwhile in the Slytherin Sixth year dormitory of Draco Malfoy and Blaise Zabini the mood was far from amused. The two boys both felt remorse because of how they had extorted the answer to their question from Harry. They had planned it of course beforehand: How they would make it look like Harry only had to answer one innocent question and that Harry once he had given his promise wouldn't break it. But they hadn't foreseen that he would be so hurt by their action. However, they both agreed that it was a little late for doubts now and so, sitting on Draco's bed (because Blaise's was far too messy), they hesitantly and at the same time eagerly opened Harry's diary. The first page was completely empty, but the second one was filled with Harry's messy handwriting:

Our English teacher, Miss Ophelia, said we should start writing a diary to improve our writing skills. She said that if we didn't know what to write about we should start with some facts about ourselves, like e. g. how old we are or what hobbies we have. She said she wouldn't read what we wrote because it's supposedly very personal. I can't see what's so personal about all this stuff, but I guess it would be very boring to read everything everyone came up with.

Especially Dudley, he's my cousin and at the moment Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon are trying to help him with his homework. Aunt Marge is here, too. She isn't really my aunt though, because she's my uncle's sister, but Aunt Petunia said it would be rude of me to call her just Marge. But she thinks I'm rude, ungrateful and disappointing anyway, so I don't see the point. She always says that she would have put me in an orphanage because my parents are dead.

They died when I was only a year old in a car crash. My aunt says they were drunk and that's about the only thing I know about them because Aunt Petunia doesn't like to talk about her sister, my mother. She's still very angry with her for burdening her and her family with me.

I live with them, with Aunt Petunia, Uncle Vernon and Dudley. There last name is Dursley. My name is Harry James Potter and I'm ten. Uncle Vernon said once that I'm a good-for-nothing freak when I didn't finish my chores. He works for a drilling company and my aunt says that he's a very important man- I guess that's a lot of work.

My hobbies are cooking, gardening, cleaning, being beaten up by my cousin, screamed at by my aunt and hit by my uncle when I don't finish my chores. Dudley never has any chores and I even have to tidy up his room and Aunt Petunia says it is like this because I don't belong here and because I would have done them a huge favour if I just died alongside with my parents.

I don't really mind the chores though, Aunt Petunia is pretty busy, too, and she needs a little help. Simon says that children are not supposed to work so hard, but I guess that's the guardian's decision. Miss Ophelia said that we should help our parents and so I think I'm just going to help the only family I still have.

I used to dream about a man on a flying motorcycle with the nicest smile who would come and get me and tell me that my parents are still alive, but I know this is nonsense. For one motorcycles don't fly and Uncle Vernon would go overboard if I told him a story like that- he doesn't like things that are not normal and because of that he doesn't like me. But no-one really does.

Well, Simon perhaps, he's my best friend and he says that he's an empath, which is a person who can read others' emotions, and his mother says that she's one, too. They say that it's a gift as well as a curse like those superheroes in Dudley's comics. I'm not allowed to touch them, but I had to one time because he had stuck it to the wall with his bubblegum. Piers, his best friend, and he bet me up after that and I couldn't finish my chores so Uncle Vernon became really angry and locked me in the cupboard.

I think I might have swallowed I spider. Simon said that you eat at least seven spiders a year in your sleep. I think that's kind of gross and I tried to sleep with my mouth closed for a while, but then it was kind of hard to breath so I gave up on it. Simon said that as long as I don't notice it's okay. Simon is really clever like that, he always helps me with maths and I then have to help Dudley. I don't think that I'm helping him very much because he always demands that I do his homework and if I don't he either hits me or begins crying. He never really cries though, but Aunt Petunia is always on his side and screams at me to do his homework to make up for my bad behaviour. On the other hand when I do it for him she's angry at me, too, so it doesn't make much of a difference.

My favourite subject is Arts because Mr. Brush always let's us do what we want and because Dudley isn't in the same class. Mr. Brush always says that he's giving us the space to develop into a personality. I don't think I'll ever be a personality, but that's okay.

I'm invisible to almost everyone around me. My Local History teacher didn't even know I existed- when he told everyone his or her mark he stopped at my name and asked if there was a Harry Potter in this class. I had to stand up and tell him that I was here and everybody laughed about me because my glasses were broken and my clothes didn't fit. Not that they ever. I always get Dudley's hand-me-downs and because he's so much bigger than me they never fit.

I'm smaller than anyone in my class. Maybe it's because I live in a cupboard or because I don't get to eat much. But Simon is rather small, too, and he doesn't live in a cupboard so I think that has nothing to do with it.

The school counsellor said I should eat more and spend more time outside when I went to see him after I landed on the roof of the school. I don't know how I did it, but Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia were really angry and the counsellor thought I was trying to commit suicide. I don't know what suicide means, but I will look it up to find out what I did wrong so that I don't do it again.

Aunt Petunia is calling for me to make something to eat for everyone so I better go now before Uncle Vernon comes to get me.

The two Slytherin's exchanged a shocked look: the boy-who-lived, the Saviour of the Wizarding World, their friend Harry, had lived in a cupboard and was treated like a slave by his relatives. Sure they had expected that he wasn't treated like royalty or as good as he deserved, but they had rather expected that it had only started a few years ago and not when he was ten or most likely even before that.

There were several blank pages after that till the messy handwriting started again, though this time the writing was smudgy at times and the pages were a little wavy from being hit by water. There were also some brown stains:

It's about seven weeks until my birthday now and Aunt Petunia has sent me into my cupboard because I was bothering her. I'm so glad she's back from the station. She took Aunt Marge to the station because she's finally going back. I must have done something incredibly wrong because Uncle Vernon was really angry, at least I think he was, he was so weird. I think, I know what I did wrong this time.

Aunt Marge hadn't wanted to see me anymore because I'm so ugly to look at and so they told me to stay away for a couple of hours. It was raining, but there's something about the rain I like very much so I did as told. Uncle Vernon kicked me down the steps and I scrapped my knee and he told me that I wasn't worth living under his roof.

I didn't really know where to go after he had slammed the door shut and I guess I got lost because the next thing I can remember clearly is this man asking if I wanted to play and how he grabbed me. I told him no although Aunt Petunia said once that it was very rude to say no, but she also said to Dudley that he shouldn't speak to strangers. I'm of course not Dudley so maybe I shouldn't have said no because the man got really close then and somehow I lay in the mud and he on top of me.

I could smell the alcohol in his breath, he smelled like Uncle Vernon when he's really angry. I was so scared. I don't know why but he began to finger between my legs and somehow my trousers had disappeared. He thrust something hard into me and it hurt, it hurt so much, more than any beating before had ever had.

I must have passed out because the next thing I remember is that I was in a hospital and a tall blond-haired woman sat next to me. She asked me how I was feeling and I said I didn't know. Then she asked me if she should contact someone and I told her that my parents were dead and she got this really sad look on her face. The door opened and another man walked into the room and said his name was Pimpernell and if he could ask me some questions. I said yes and he asked if I remembered what happened and then what had happened. I told him.

I guess I must have started crying again because the woman pressed a handkerchief in my hand and said that they would find the man who had done this to me. She said what he did was called rape (I still have to look it up) and was a very bad crime and that it would be punished heavily.

They went out then, but I could still hear them talking through the door. Pimpernell said that he couldn't believe someone would do this to a child and that he would snap the guy's neck should he ever get his hands on him. And she said that I looked still so sweet and innocent and I didn't deserve something like that. I don't know about the sweet and innocent part but I guess I deserved it. She went back in then and told me that she would bring me back to my relatives. She said I shouldn't worry and that she would explain everything to them.

She didn't though and Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia told me that this was the only thing I'd ever be good for and sent me to my cupboard. That night when Dudley and Marge were sleeping Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon came to my cupboard and she started hitting me with one of her cooking spoons, yelling at me how ashamed she was and that I was ungrateful for bringing the police to her house. It was already morning when she finally tired and then Uncle Vernon took over for several hours. I couldn't move when he finished and so they had to make their breakfast on their own this time.

It was Marge's last day here so Aunt Petunia and Dudley took her to the station. Uncle Vernon started a second round then and grabbed me by the hair and pressed my face into the mattress. He had a knife and he cut my trousers off my legs. I could feel the blood running down. I deserved it, he said, and he called me his little slut, whatever that is, but maybe it means that he loves me. Because it didn't feel like he was angry as he raped me. It hurt, it still hurts, but he said that I was his little boy-toy. When he calls Dudley his big boy, that's a sign of affection, said Aunt Petunia when I asked her why he never called me that so I guess it's a term of affection, too, I'm not really big like Dudley.

But I'm still glad he stopped. He said it was our little secret and that I shouldn't tell anyone. He said that he would teach me how to be a good boy. My whole body aches now and it really smells like blood in here.

Blaise was holding his hand to his mouth like he was going to be sick and, judging by the colour of his face, that was what was going to happen. Draco looked pale, too, and his hands were clutched around the little book in his hand.

"Oh, Merlin", Blaise finally choked out, "Oh, shit, how can someone be so cruel?"

"His own uncle raped him", Draco exclaimed, suddenly furious, "This stupid, fat Muggle raped his ten-year old nephew and Harry not only thought he deserved it, but also that it was a sign for his affection."

"Do you think Harry still thinks that?", Blaise asked unsurely, "That he deserved it?"

"Have you heard him talking? Every second sentence he says is a bloody apology!", Draco replied furiously, "I'm going to kill those stupid Muggles."

Blaise, although he looked like he was agreeing wholeheartedly, shook his head: "Let's find out first what else they did to him and then we have to look after Harry."

I can't believe what just happened. It all started with those letters addressed to me. I never got any letters and then there was the first one, which Uncle Vernon tore into little pieces, and then so many uncountable ones. My relatives didn't want me to read them, Uncle Vernon was really angry and he raped me again.

I have looked it up and it's defined as the crime of forcing another person to submit to sex acts, especially sexual intercourse, but I guess, it's alright for Uncle Vernon to rape me since he's my uncle and he's only trying to teach me a lesson.

I'm in my cupboard right now, but after the letters even came on Sunday my uncle had taken us to a little hut on an island. He even bought a gun. At midnight the door burst open, there was a storm outside and the biggest man I've ever seen came in. His name was Hagrid and he brought another one of those letters. He said that I was a wizard and that there was a school called Hogwarts, where I would be going to learn magic. My parents were wizard and witch, too, he said and they weren't drunk when they died. He said they didn't die in a car crash, but were killed by a Dark Wizard called Lord Voldemort.

He was really afraid to say his name though, even though he somehow disappeared. Hagrid said that I was famous because of that because Voldemort had tried to kill me, too, but couldn't and instead vanished and that I got my scar because of that curse.

I guess it makes sense that my relatives don't like me very much now that I'm a freak. Aunt Petunia said, she always knew I would turn out to be as abnormal as her sister.

Hagrid took me to Diagon Alley, which is the street where wizard buy their things. We went to the Leaky Cauldron and everyone wanted to shake my hand, I wished they would have stayed away from me. Especially Professor Quirell, for some reason I got the impression that he didn't like me, though he was nice enough. It was like everybody knew more about me than I and most likely it is true.

I couldn't believe it at first when Hagrid told me I was a wizard, but then he asked if never anything strange had happened around me. Of course there were a lot of such things and I remembered that my aunt and uncle always were very angry afterwards. For instance after that glass separating the boa constrictor from Dudley just vanished and that I talked to her, Uncle Vernon was so mad that he taught me another one of his lessons as soon as Petunia was out shopping and Dudley was visiting Piers.

We went to Gringotts, I can't believe how much money I have, I need to find out how too change it into Muggle money so that I can give some to my family so that Uncle Vernon doesn't need to work so hard, maybe then they will have more time to love me. Hagrid was feeling ill after the ride down to the vault- there were those little carriages- and so I went to buy my new robes without him.

There was this other boy in the shop, he acted a lot like Dudley and he kind of scared me. He talked about Quidditch and school houses and I felt so stupid because I had no idea what he was talking about. Then he made fun of Hagrid and I told him that I thought Hagrid was brilliant and he asked whether my mum and dad were magical. He said they shouldn't allow people brought up by Muggles (it means people without magic) to go to Hogwarts because they didn't know anything. But I want to go to Hogwarts, I just wished Simon could come, too, but I want to learn more about my parents and maybe how to help Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon.

I'm sure magic can be useful, though I'll guess I'll go to Hufflepuff. That's one of the school houses and it sounds like the house for weaklings like me. The boy said he would go to Slytherin. I don't want to be in the same house as him, that would be like living with my relatives all over again and I don't want to offend him. I know I shouldn't think about them like that, but I wished it would be easier to love them. I annoy them and it would be the same if I was sorted into Slytherin. I don't want to get on his nerves. I plan to avoid him and don't get in his way.

I got a lot of books and potion's ingredients and I intend to read them as soon as I can move again without dripping blood everywhere. I got a wand, too, and the seller, Mr. Ollivander, said that it had the same core as Voldemort's and Hagrid bought me an owl for my birthday. I named her Hedwig, she's snowy white and the first present I ever got. I told her to stay away so that Uncle Vernon doesn't kill her.

He wasn't very happy when I came back with all my new things and he would have burnt them, but Aunt Petunia didn't want the other wizards to find out how I'm treated here. I don't understand, because they treat me like I deserve to be treated and gave me more than could be expected from them. I have to think about that later on. Maybe things like this are different for Wizarding children. Vernon raped me again.

Blaise had given a snort at what Harry had written about Draco and Draco had elbowed him in the rips, but this amusement had dimmed as the continued reading:

I know now that it's wrong that it's not supposed to happen. What they are doing to me is abuse and child molestation and it's punished very hard particularly in the Wizarding World. I tried to tell that to Uncle Vernon when he raped me again, on my second day back from school, but he didn't listen. I won't let him see me cry ever again. I won't let him break me.

He did it again, because a house-elf dropped Petunia's dessert she had made for the Masons and then the Ministry sent me a letter, stating that I was not allowed to do magic outside of school. I hadn't mentioned that before so he was angry. He whipped my back afterwards and now I have to wipe up all the blood and do the rest of my chores. I get the feeling he likes it.

Simon found out, too, but he promised that he wouldn't tell anyone if I didn't want to. And I don't want anyone to know, although I now know it's wrong there are still my family, my only family. I don't want them to get into trouble. Maybe if I do everything they say they'll like me someday. Besides, I can't let everyone down, Malfoy and Snape would have a field day if they ever found out about this: The famous Harry Potter lying in his own blood, begging for it to stop. Not that I beg, I realised a while ago that it wouldn't help any and I don't want to give my uncle the satisfaction to know how helpless and dirty I feel every time he pulls out just to slam back in.

Draco quickly brushed away a tear that had threatened to fall onto the already smudged page and Blaise took the book from his hand, not commenting on the feeling his best friend showed. He wasn't feeling much better, though he guessed it was worse for Draco since Harry also wrote about him:

I begged Dumbledore not to send me back, but he just smiled at me and said that I needed the protection of my relatives' home and that a child needed to spent time with his family.

I knew what would happen even before Aunt Petunia and Dudley declared that they would go visit an amusement park for his birthday. Vernon drew all the curtains closed and locked the door and windows after they were gone, before he dragged me out of my cupboard. He started to kick me and to beat me with Dudley's baseball bat, I'm sure he broke several bones and rips. Breathing hurts. Then he told me to undress, but I refused, I knew what was coming and that I could do nothing to stop him, but I would not pretend that I liked it or that I allowed it.

He fetched a knife from the kitchen, a cardboard cutter, and pressed me against the wall, cutting my clothes of my body. The cuts are still bleeding. When I was in the nude he undressed, too, a heap of blubbering flesh, and grabbed me by the hair. He jerked me over to one of the kitchen chairs and plopped down in it, making me kneel in front of it. "Suck it", he ordered and pointed at his cock and as I didn't react he just rammed into my mouth, making me gag. It was so disgusting. I can still taste his seed in my mouth, though I washed it out with soap- anything is better than his taste. I threw up, too, though with little success. He raped me afterwards. It's always the same so there really is no point in describing it, too, he throws me on the bed or the floor face-down and pushes into me until he climaxes. He still calls me his little slut and his boy-toy, but lately he also started to tell me how beautiful I am. How can that possible be true? I have the feeling it's getting worse.

"How can it possible become worse than that?", Blaise choked out, "No wonder Harry is so afraid of touch and anything related to sex. And now he has to have sex with Voldemort every week. Salazar!"

Draco distressedly tugged his hair shaking his head mutely in silent denial:

Things have changed. It's the holidays before fifth year and Voldemort has returned with the help of my blood. They all think I killed Cedric and they hate me for it. Simon says I'm an empath, too, because I know what others feel and it is like this knowledge only made it more prominent. Yesterday, it's past midnight, Dudley and I were attacked by Dementors and they wanted to expel me from Hogwarts for using magic, but Dumbledore pulled some strings and now there's a hearing. Maybe then I'll finally see Ron and Hermione again. They have been different lately, they are keeping secrets and don't tell me anything, I'm literally in the dark.

Sirius is different, without him and Simon I wouldn't have survived the last year. Sirius doesn't know what happens here and I don't want him to know, I don't want to burden him, he deserves to be happy. I want the only person who ever loved me to be happy. If he knew what Vernon does to me he would blame himself and it's certainly not his fault.

Anyway, my uncle was angry again because Dudley was pretty shaken after that meeting and he even wanted me to leave his house, but then he thought better of it and instead raped me again. Aunt Petunia and Dudley had went out to buy him a lot of chocolate because I told them it would help. He enjoys it.

Vernon locked the door to my cupboard and left me lying in my blood and still tied to my bed and a knife in my hole. He said he would come by in a few days. I was close to crying and I didn't dare to fall asleep because I was afraid the knife would twist in deeper if I moved in my sleep.

An hour or so ago the door opened, I was so frightened because I thought Vernon had come back because he decided I hadn't been punished enough, but instead it was Dudley. He looked unsure at first but after he saw the state I was in he quickly closed the door behind him and crouched next to me. I think he called my name, but I'm not sure because at the same time he untied the rope from my wrists and it hurt pretty badly- I think my wrist is broken.

Then he wanted to sit me up, but I couldn't stand his touch and so I curled up in the corner furthest away from him. That's a bad move when you still have a knife up your ass and I passed out. The next time I woke up Dudley was still there and was trying to bandage my wrists, the knife lay somewhere on the floor. I asked him what he was doing and he said he would explain everything as soon as he had tended to my wounds.

I had never tend anyone for my wounds at least not for those wounds and I guess I wasn't a very easy patient, but Dudley was surprisingly patient and gentle, something I wouldn't have thought him capable of and after everything was bandaged up he tucked me in my bed and even got me a second blanket from his own room before he sat down next to me. Dudley told me what he had seen when the Dementor had tried to kiss him, his worst memory, something he had pushed away until now.

He had seen the one time Uncle Vernon had raped me after the incident with the boa constrictor, because Piers hadn't been home but had gone to buy his school supplies for Smeltings. He said he had suppressed the thought that his father could do something like that to me and after a while he believed himself. However, the Dementor attack had brought the image back.

He asked for my forgiveness for all the things he did wrong and he promised he would never beat anyone up every again and offered to bring me to the police so that I could make a report, but I told him the same thing I had already told Simon. He's still here and I'm not sure if I like the arms around my body, but it's nice to know that at least someone of my family cares about me.

"So that is why they are so close now", Draco murmured absent-mindedly, while he leafed through the book, "Harry would believe something like that."

"Maybe he really didn't remember", Blaise argued, "Think about how Pansy acted when her parents got divorced. Plus he seemed to care about Harry. I think it's more strange that one's worst memory happened to be someone else's."

"I don't know", Draco gave back, "If I found my dad cheating on my mum that wouldn't really be against me, but I would hate him for it nonetheless. Let alone when I found out he was raping someone. I never want to have my world view so drastically changed."

"Neither of our dads would ever rape someone", Blaise protested, "But I guess I understand what you mean. Let's continue!"

There's barely a time when I'm not dripping blood anywhere. My relatives didn't take kindly to being threatened by the order and now that they know Sirius is dead they have no fear to treat me worse than ever. Aunt Petunia is away very often nowadays. Of course she pretends she doesn't know what happens when she's not there, but I know, she knows. She's merely a little disgusted, but doesn't really care. I don't know why I hoped she would.

Dudley takes care of me afterwards, but he can't do much because Vernon would notice. I still remember how angry he was after the first time- he thought I had done magic. I brewed a potion though that would heal some of the cuts when I was at Simon's. He says I should finally put an end to all this, that my uncle and aunt are not worth the pain, but I don't think he really understands why I'm doing this. I'm doing it because I have no choice, because if I really told the police what is happening to me, the Wizarding World would find out and they would lose hope.

I think it's stupid of them to rely on me to save them, but at least they have something they believe in. And I don't want Dudley to lose his parents, though he says he wouldn't mind, but they are his parents and they always were nice to him, spoilt him even, I don't think he's completely honest to himself. Besides it's nothing new and I guess I'll just survive the last two years, get rid of Voldemort and kill myself. Wow, if that isn't a nice future. I certainly don't have problems of finding out what I should be doing with the rest of my life.

Dumbledore says that he had just wanted to protect me and give me a chance of a childhood by not telling me the prophecy, but what he doesn't realise is that I never had a childhood to begin with. He knows what's going on here, but he still does nothing and for that I will never forgive him. Dudley is helping me with my chores right now or to be more precise he's doing my chores and ordered me to take a bath. The water is really red by now.

"Dumbledore knows?", they asked simultaneously.

"The scheming old man knew about this?", Blaise growled dangerously, "What does he think he's proving with this? That he's almighty and can play with Harry like his little pawns?"

"I thought the Dursleys were bad, but then I have no words to describe what Dumbledore is", Draco hissed, "Let's finish this. I have a feeling that Harry needs us right now..."

I can't believe where I am right now. In Malfoy Manor. And as far as I can assess the situation I haven't been kidnapped. And Mr. Malfoy is taking care of me, too, because Uncle Vernon had another fit when I came to fetch my things. He promised not to tell anyone what he saw if I allowed him to coddle me up. I guess he contracted the weirdness of Voldemort. I mean why would he want to marry me? Voldemort of course, Mr. Malfoy just wants me to swallow loads of potions and to stay in this really big and soft bed. It's even better than the ones in Gryffindor tower.

Dumbledore wanted me to go back to the Dursleys, but Mr. Malfoy said Malfoy jr. had invited me to their home- I don't think he planned it, which I guess is a good thing. I thought he only said it because for whatever reason he, too, didn't want me to go back to the Dursleys, but as it turned out he was being honest- not the part about his son inviting me, but that he wanted me to stay with him.

And now I'm in Malfoy Manor and I hopefully won't ever have to go back to the Dursleys. Not that I think Voldemort will be any better, but at least he isn't my family. I guess the Dursleys aren't my family either, not really, only by blood. Well, Dudley is of course my family.

So much for the plan of my life, didn't work out as planned I guess, because I accepted this contract and in two weeks I'll be married to the murderer of my parents. Well, shit!

"Let's go find Harry", Blaise demanded after they made sure, they hadn't missed anything, "We have to somehow convince him that we don't hate him and that we're still his friends."

Draco got up as well and, ignoring Pansy's questioning call, they jogged out of the common room and up the stairs until they once again stood in front of the entrance to Harry's and Voldemort's rooms. It was already past midnight, but the two boys paid no mind to that and knocked against the wall.

Up in the bedroom, Tom's wand heated up telling him that someone was standing in front of their rooms and, carefully extracting his hand from under Harry's shirt, he got up and walked down the stairs.

"This better be important", he growled, pulling open the door, "Oh, it's you", he deblocked the doorway and let them enter, "I'll fetch Harry for you and what you're going to tell him should better be good since he was crying over an hour because of you."

The two Slytherins nodded and exchanged a guilty look, but Tom was already on his way to his husband. He quietly kneeled down next to the sleeping beauty and kissed Harry's forehead and his nose, causing Harry's eyes to flutter open.

"You have two visitors, little one", he murmured calmly, "They are really worried about you, do you want to see them?", Harry looked more than doubtful and so he continued, "I think you should, Harry, I know you haven't been sleeping properly and that you still don't believe me."

"Okay", Harry relented and wiggled out from under the blanket and let himself be guided down the stairs: "I'll be upstairs, Harry, and I promise I won't listen in. If you need me you can call me and I'll be down in a second", Tom brushed away some of the tear-tracks and, kissing Harry's forehead, disappeared back to their bedroom.

Harry unsurely looked up at the two boys through dark lashes and shifted from one foot the other. Draco and Blaise got up from the sofa and with two long strides enclosed the petite Gryffindor in their arms, pretending not to notice the small flinch.

"You will never go back there again", Draco murmured in his ear, "And they will wish they were never born once we're through with them. Please forgive us for being so nosy?"

"Don't you hate me?", Harry sniffed, "Don't you think I'm disgusting?"

"No, Harry", Blaise gently hustled him to the sofa, "I love you like the little brother I never had and it makes me sad to know that your so-called family did something so vile and evil to you. And I think that you're the most altruistic and stubborn person I ever met. You should have told us, Harry, we can help you and we will."

"We won't abandon you, Harry", Draco reassured him, "We're your friends and we will help even if you don't want our help. You didn't deserve what your uncle did to you."

"I know that", Harry sobbed, "I know that, but why couldn't I fight him off? Why if I'm supposed to be so strong can't I even stand up to my fat uncle?"

"Because you didn't want to", Blaise squeezed his hand, "Because you thought it your duty to protect them, because you were just a child, because you'd rather suffer than hurt someone else. Because you're too good for this world. But we're here now and we will protect you."

"I'm really stupid", Harry murmured.

"No, you just believed that there had to be something good in everyone and in most cases you succeeded, didn't you?", Draco said softly, "You found something good in Severus, in my father, in Dudley, in me and the Dark Lord himself. It's not your fault that your uncle is so sick."

"Do you believe us, Harry?", Blaise asked gently and Harry shook his head huge tears rolling down his cheeks: "I'm sorry."

"That's okay you don't have to believe what we say", Draco protectively put an arm around Harry's shoulder, "Your relatives told you so many lies while you lived there- it's only natural that you don't trust easily. But we really want to help you and if there's anything we can do to make you feel better you have to tell us. But we don't expect you to just forgive us for what we did. It was unfair, we realise that, but we only wanted to get to know you better, because we really care about you."

"Is there anything we can do for you, Harry", Blaise asked mildly, "Anything at all?"

Harry looked up insecurely and pulled his legs up to his chest: "Would...", he took a deep breath, "Would you allow me to read your feelings? I can understand if you don't..."

"Of course", Draco smiled kindly down at the distressed Gryffindor, "You can read my emotions. Just tell me what I have to do."

Harry crawled closer to the blond so that he was kneeling in front of him on the sofa: "Okay, if you're sure... Close your eyes and think about me."

Draco did so without hesitation and Harry cautiously rested his small hands against his temples, closing his eyes as well. The blond felt a surge of purging energy slowly flowing through his head, leaving a pleasant feeling behind. He tried to keep focused on Harry, but it was not very easy because the energy was so distracting.

"Wow", Harry breathed out, dropping his hands, causing Draco to open his eyes, "You do care about me. Thank you", he crawled completely into Draco's lap and buried is head in the folds of his soft jumper, "Can you promise me something?"

"It depends on what you want me to promise", the blond answered, "I won't promise to stay away from you or not to lose my temper should I ever meet that son of a bitch..."

"Promise that you won't be disappointed if I can't trust you completely or when I shy away from you or when I don't want to talk to you about what happened to me."

"That I can promise", the Ice Prince of Slytherin returned encouragingly, "I'm sure you could never disappoint me."

"Thank you", Harry snuggled even closer to the blond.

"Don't you want to read my feelings for you to", Blaise asked, feeling a bit left out.

"If I'm allowed to", Harry turned around to face him, "But I don't want you to feel obligated."

"I don't feel obligated, but I want you to understand that I'll always be there for you", Blaise motioned him forward and closed his eyes, "If this is the way to accomplish that I'm more than willing to do it."

Harry once again kneeled in front of the older boy and laid his hands against his head, concentrating on what the other felt towards him. He again found concern and love, mixed with only a tad bit of pity and more than a bit sadness and anger that he had been treated so badly. Immediately after ending the connection he curled up in the Italian boy's lap, flinching slightly as Draco also wrapped himself around him, but then relaxing between the older boys, feeling safe in the knowledge that they would protect him even if it meant going against his wishes.

"Harry? Are you sleeping?", Blaise whispered and as Harry looked up he found both Slytherins staring at him, "Would it be okay for us to ask you a few question on what we read?"

The small boy nodded reluctantly and Draco asked the first question: "What happened in the holidays between third and fourth year?"

"I... My uncle always raped me once I was back home and Aunt Petunia and Dudley were out of the house- I guess it was his way to show me my place", Harry wrapped his thin arms around his shoulders, shielding his body from the other two boys, "After that he left me alone mostly because I told them Sirius would come and transfigure them into toads if they didn't treat me right. I still had a lot of work and they still hit me when I didn't finish it, but Uncle Vernon didn't rape me again. At least until one of his customers withdrew his order and he got really drunk. Aunt Petunia had to make a really urgent shopping trip when he came home drunk and she took Dudley with her. He told me... he told me he loved me and that if it wasn't for my body no-one would ever love me. He said that Sirius didn't love me either because I was a freak and a whore and if he ever found out how dirty and used I was he would give up on me... as had my parents. The Weasleys came the next day and took me to the Quidditch World Cup."

"Why are you still calling him uncle?", Blaise asked, "He forfeited that right, don't you think?"

"I...", he stumbled over the words, "I don't know. But if I don't call them aunt and uncle, it would be like I really had no family left. Do you understand? I always thought that family meant that you were loved and that they would look out for you if you were in trouble. I'm not sure, I can make it without them..."

"You have a family", Draco carefully cupped his face, "Sirius and Remus are your parents and if you want to I'm sure my parents wouldn't mind the job either. Blaise, Dudley, Simon and I are your brothers. Sev and Madam Pomfrey are your real aunt and uncle. Rudolphus and Rabastan are somewhere between your brothers and your uncles. We are your family, Harry, we might get on your nerves most of the time, but that is what you have brothers for. You don't need them."

"I always wondered what it would be like to have a brother", Harry murmured after a while and smiled at them.

"Now you have the chance to find it out", Blaise grinned back at him, "And as your brothers of course we're very protective of you, so... Do you want us to kill those Muggles?"

Harry violently shook his head and the two boys sighed: "We thought as much", Draco replied, "But if you ever change your mind let us know. What about the Dark Lord, is it at least okay or do we need to castrate him? That's not a joke, we already got a plan- we would need you to tell us when he's sleeping, but if you'd rather not, we still have the option to make it look like an accident..."

"No, thanks for the offer, but no", Harry smiled gratefully up at them, "Tom... I don't like it, but it's not his fault, he's trying hard not to hurt me."

"He better not hurt you, Harry", Blaise growled, but calmed down as he caught Harry's pleading look, "Just one more question, okay?", Harry nodded and so he continued, "Why were there so many blank pages in your book?"

"Oh, I used a spell to make everything invisible I didn't want you to read", Harry shrugged, "You wouldn't allow me to read your diaries either, would you?"

"Well, sorry to disappoint you, but we don't write diaries", Draco teased him lightly and began to tickle his side, "That's not very manly, though it definitely suits you..."

Harry sent him his best death-glare, however it wasn't quite as effective as usual as Blaise, too, had started to tickle his side and he was howling with laughter, trying to escape their nimble fingers.

"Are you laughing at us, Harry?", Blaise growled playfully, attacking Harry's neck, "That is not very nice, is it, Draco?"

"No, definitely, whatever shall we do with him, Blaise?", Draco said sorrowfully, "Harry, do you see that what you're doing is wrong? He doesn't even listen... I guess we have no choice- we have to give him a cold shower!"

The two boys grinned mischievously and Blaise who was a little more muscular, though they both were around the same quite impressive height, threw Harry over his shoulders, who had tears running down his cheeks from so much laughter.

"Please, no, no, I didn't mean to laugh, I surrender", Harry squeaked, but the two other boys ignored him, "Please, I surrender. I don't want to take a shower, it's cold, please? Draco, please, do something, tell him to let me down. Come on, Blaise, I'm your little brother..."

His protests were cut short as icy water hit his head and soaked his pyjama, he closed his eyes briefly: "You. Are. So. Dead", he pressed out and lunged at Blaise, who stood closer to him, taking the shower head with him and directed it at the blond, who had tried to open the door, which had closed on Harry's command.

The water splattered from the blond, who for a moment was too shocked to react, and dripped to the floor, forming a growing puddle. Blaise meanwhile tried to push the small Gryffindor off his chest, but that only earned him a splash of water directly in the face.

"And now you will apologise and promise, you'll never do this again", Harry demanded once he thought the two Slytherins sufficiently soaked.

The older boys exchanged a calculating look before they both attacked Harry at the same time; Blaise easily rolled around so that he now sat on top of the smaller Gryffindor and Draco wrested the shower head from Harry's fingers, letting the cold water patter down on Harry's chest. Harry gasped and tried to squirm away from both the water and the body on top of him, but Blaise had his hands in a tight grip and held them over his head. He really didn't want to panic, but the situation was so familiar and he felt so helpless.

"Please, please, let me go", he begged in a whisper his eyes pressed shut, "I'm sorry, please, no."

The weight on his chest immediately rolled to the side and the water was turned off, allowing him to breathe more freely. He pulled his legs to his chest and started rocking back on forth, trying to calm down.

One of the huge soft towels was put around his shoulders and someone started to gingerly rub him dry while soft words were murmured in his ear: "Shh, you're safe, nothing will happen to you. We've gone too far. Shh, it's okay now, calm down."

"It's not your fault", Harry sniffed after a while, "I'm sorry, I just don't like it..."

"You don't like it when someone sits on top of you", Blaise completed the sentence, "That's completely understandable, I should have thought about that... Sorry?"

"That water was really cold", Harry complained, drawing the towel closer and the Slytherins laughed.

"You can stay here if you want to", Harry offered, once they had got rid of all the water on the floor, their hair and their clothes and comfortable sat on the sofa, "I'm not sure how, but the sofa is extendable."

"Of course we're staying", Blaise stated matter-of-factly, "You don't expect us walk back to the dungeons in the middle of the night way past curfew, do you?"

Harry chuckled. After a bit of trouble they finally managed to extend the sofa so that it was the size of a king-size bed and they all slipped under the blankets, wishing each other a good night.

A review for poor little me, please...