How can one night change the rest of your life? A choice you can never
take back.
Lexi Warren was lost in a world of darkness. A spiraling whirlwind of
hate and destruction. When she made a huge mistake. All because of
one moment in time, and one bad decision.. .nothing would ever be the
same.
Until he reappeared...
Kole Hartman was a piece of her past that she had always treasured. A
time before everything went dark. Before everything no longer made
sense. He was also a reminder of the things she needed to forget, and
holding on to those memories was toxic.
Only he refused to let her walk away.


Toxic
Desired Affliction Series, Book One
C.A. Harms

Prologue
We all have those moments where we wish we could disappear. Just
close our eyes and pretend we were anywhere else other than where we
were right then.
Some perfect place, with perfect company.
A calm moment where everything else meant very little.
I had them often.
A way to escape those tainted moments of my past. Those times I
regretted the trust I'd given to those who didn't deserve it.
I'd been scorned one time too many. I'd begun to believe I didn't
deserve anything more than a lifetime of disappointment.
But it was those small moments of escape that gave me even a sliver of
hope. Maybe somewhere, somehow I'd find that peace.
But then I'd be dealt another shit hand and every one of those hopeful
thoughts would just disappear. I would remember that one moment in
my life that changed it all. That time when I hit bottom and lost all hope
of good in the world.
I' d been living that particular moment over and over, every day for
months.
I' d tried to drown out that ache within me, spending most of my time
inebriated, waking up in random places, surrounded by people I didn't
know. It had become my way of life.
Just a way to cope.

Some people might believe I was only begging for attention. Acting out
in hopes of being rescued.
But I' d long ago given up on white knights and princes. This was me.
This was who I had become.
Take it or leave it, this was my way of dealing with it all.
They didn't have to love me.
Hell, they didn't even have to like me.
I could never expect anyone to give me the things I couldn't even offer
myself.
I could barely tolerate being within my own skin. Loving myself was
impossible.

Chapter 1
Lexi
"God damn it, Lex," I whispered to myself as I ran my hands through
my hair while looking over at the guy lying naked next to me.
I told myself I was going to stop doing this. But then something would
happen, a distant memory of the hate in my soul would resurface, and I
would once again get so lost in a bottle of alcohol that history would
repeat itself.
I slowly and very carefully slid to the right side of the bed as the cool
sheet fell from my body. I tried my best not to wake the guy at my side,
once again feeling the sense of déjà vu. Then came the disgust. It was
all too familiar.
I held my arm up to shield my bare breasts as I stood from the bed and
searched the floor for my discarded clothes from the night before.
In my attempt to be discreet, my foot got tangled in the sheet and I
stumbled forward, stubbing my toe on the footboard of the bed.
Pain shot through my foot and without any hope of remaining silent I
screeched in agony. "God damn it. Mother.. .son of a bitch."
I bit down on my lower lip doing my best to regain my composure as I
hopped around on my other foot.

My body tensed at the gruff sound of the guy I was hoping would
remain lost in sleep.
"Hey, where you sneaking off to?"
My little outburst had woken him and I now felt an even deeper need to
escape my current situation.
I looked back over my shoulder and realized I couldn't even remember
the guy's name. Or even if I had taken the time last night to ask.
"I need to get going." I forced a smile. "I have to work... sorry, do you,
um.. .know where my shirt is?"
I kept my eyes on the guy's face as he stood up from the bed,
completely naked and showing no shame as he stretched his arms
above his head.
Why I suddenly felt embarrassed by his forwardness was confusing. I
had apparently just spent a long night of drunken sex with this stranger.
I think we were well past being shy at this point.
But still I turned away to avoid eye contact. at least he was hot.
I shook my head, feeling the too familiar sense of shame. God, what the
hell was I thinking? I couldn't remember anything from last night,
except getting unbelievably drunk.
I really had to stop drinking; I was self-destructing and I needed to
listen to my best friend, Megan. My actions were crazy, but it was
almost impossible to stop.
Being hammered to the point of almost passing out felt like the only
time I could stand myself.
I' d let one party after my high school graduation change my whole way
of life.
I became that girl.
That statistic.
I immediately fell to a low point and no matter how much I wanted to, I
couldn't seem to pull myself back up.
I stayed in the dark place that led me to wake up every day with only
new regrets.
When I realized Mr. No Name had no intentions of helping me find my
clothes, I got back to the task at hand.

I looked down toward the floor to avoid his stare and noticed the three
condom wrappers just to the side of his nightstand. I closed my eyes
tightly and for a moment tried not to focus on just how big of a
dumbass I was.
I guess there was one good thing about my hook up; I was safe.
I shuffled my feet and opened my eyes once more, feeling the even
stronger need to get the hell out of this apartment. I found my shirt on
the floor next to a rumpled pile of what appeared to be a week's worth
of dirty laundry.
Quickly I moved toward the other side of the room and gathered my
shirt and the jean skirt that was mixed in with the mystery guy' s jeans.
I could almost feel his eyes on me, and abruptly the anxiety that
threatened to smother me daily returned with a force that was making
me nauseated.
I don' t think I had ever in my life dressed quicker. My hands shook as I
grabbed my keys, also near the pile of clothing, and without another
thought began walking toward the door.
"So do I get your number?" It was first time he had spoken since I' d
asked him where my shirt was.
I was almost free and clear.
"I had a lot of fun last night." I tensed instantly because this time his
words came much closer. "I'd really like a repeat performance." He
wrapped his arms around my body from behind and leaned in to bite
my neck, just before swiping his tongue along my jaw.
I needed some space.
And I needed it now.
"Um, yeah, sure." I leaned forward, using my body to push away from
his and grabbed a pen off the dresser. Searching for the nearest thing to
scribble on, the empty cigarette box won.
I wrote down a fake number fast and held it out to him. When I held out
the carton he grabbed my hand pulling me flush against his still naked
body.
He gave me very little room to move as his mouth hovered only inches
from mine.

It became abundantly clear I had lost control of the situation.
Nowadays I only felt comfortable when I was in control. Things had to
be my way. my terms.
And when they weren't I freaked out.
My emotions got the best of me and I panicked. When I was at the
mercy of someone else it set my mind into overdrive.
"I really need to go, but call me, okay?" I forced a smile once again and
I think he sensed my need for space. Slowly he released his hold on me,
and I felt as if I had regained some control.
As I exited his apartment I didn't look back, but instead vowed that I
would change my ways. It was time to stop running from the truth.
Time to stop pretending that if I avoided the hate, it would somehow
just disappear.
I had spent far too long trying to keep myself from feeling anything. I
could never allow myself to be that vulnerable again. It was my way of
staying one step above every guy out there who believed women were
just a warm body to take whenever they were in need.
Closeness terrified me.
Well, any closeness that I didn't choose to initiate. And right now I just
needed space.

Chapter 2
"So are you finally ready to go?" I looked at my best friend Megan and
fought the urge to roll my eyes. Of course she just shrugged and offered
a wide smile.
I leaned back against the passenger door of Megan's car and crossed my
arms over my chest, wondering how she could be so happy all the time.
Actually I envied her; she always found the good in everything.
But at this moment she was entirely too chipper, in my opinion. Even
lifting a duffle bag larger than she was into the back of the car was done
with a bright smile on her face.
"You're exhausting," I told her.
"And you're cranky," she threw back at me, never faltering. She even
added a wink for annoyance factor.
So instead of more grumbling I went for the one finger salute just
before crawling into the car. She found the humor in my attitude and
laughed as she walked around to the driver's side to join me.
Megan and I had been friends since junior high when she moved from
Florida to this shithole town after her parents divorced.
She's the only person I've shared my deepest, darkest secrets with. The
only one who knows everything I went through and what I'm still
struggling with every day. I knew I could trust her and I needed

someone—at least one person—to keep me sane, or the closest version
of it.
"Sleep it off, Squidward," she said with a chuckle. "We' ll be there in
two hundred eighty-seven point seven miles. "
Megan turned the key in the ignition and when the car sparked to life
she did a happy little dance in the seat. For a brief moment I felt her
excitement, but it faded fast as I stared at her for a few seconds longer.
And when that happiness faded I leaned forward, turning up the stereo
and letting the music consume me as I sang along.
It was a form of escape; it always had been. But lately I had grown
more reliant on the distraction.
I used to want a career in music, even if it was using it to heal others. I
just wanted to share my love for the beauty of song, but that too faded.
Now I honestly didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, but I
hoped gaining some distance and starting fresh in a new place would
help me find some perspective.
We' d see.
Something had to change though, because I had given up on myself. I
stopped playing the guitar, stop composing my own music. I stopped
all of it. Anything that had meaning to me, because really, what in the
hell was the point anymore?
Nothing could take away the darkness of the night.
The night all my innocence was stripped from me, along with my
soul.
"Keep singing, Lexi Lou."
I hadn' t realized I was even singing loud enough for her to notice until
that moment. I turned my head to the side and offered Megan a smile.
But before I could say anything we were interrupted by her phone
ringing in her purse between us.
We' d only been driving about fifteen minutes, but each mile was one
closer to the man she loved.
Radley, her boyfriend and the guy who worshiped her. They had been
dating for two years and she was head over heels in love. It was sweet,
really, but something I'd never attain.

My opinions of love and forever after had long ago changed. Chances
of finding that one person were few and far between. Not everyone got
lucky enough to find that security and happiness.
"Hey handsome," she cooed. "We're on our way."
It was evident in her voice just how happy she was to be on her way to
him. "I can't wait to see you, either," she continued. "We got a later start
than originally planned because..." she faded off as she looked over at
me and stuck out her tongue.
Without a second thought I reached out and quickly grabbed the phone
from her hand.
"Not all of us get up at the buttcrack of dawn with a smile on their
face." He chuckled, and even the sound of it made me feel the giddiness
my best friend got every time she talks to him. Radley is unbelievably
sweet and kind. He was one of the very few men I could say I trusted.
"She said you all loaded up the car last night. So I guess the
combination of staying up late and getting up early is playing a toll on
your sunshine spirit." I could sense he was smiling.
"The thing is, Rad, your girlfriend decided there were more things she
needed to take. So we were stuck once again loading more shit in the
car this morning." Megan reached out and gave my shoulder a push,
pretending to be offended, but I knew she wasn't.
My best friend was a shopaholic and pack rat.
"I'm not sure I'm gonna fit in the dorm room with her after she unloads
the car. Just her shoes alone will take up half the room. " Another deep
chuckle expressed his amusement of our current banter. "And who in
the hell needs thirty different purses?"
"I do, you ass," Megan squawked which only made Radley laugh
harder.
"You two drive safe and tell my girl to get her ass here." His laughter
faded and the longing that made my stomach ache took over. I could
hear the truth in his words. "I miss her, Lex. "
"Okay," I whispered, trying my best to control the burning sensation in
my throat. "We'll be there in a little over four hours," I assured him
before ending the call.
That familiar sense of claustrophobia threatened to take over. It

always seemed to hit me at the worst possible moments, when I least
expected it. Most of the time there was never really any reason; it was
just a nagging feeling of suffocation.
"Radley told me about a party tonight at his frat house. What do you
think? Wanna go?" Megan asked.
Parties and I didn't work well together and she knew it. There were all
those people, and guys getting close and breathing down my neck to get
my attention. The only way I was able to tolerate them was to get really
wasted. One drink was never enough; I needed just one more. And that
one more became one more and so on, which explains how on most
nights I drank myself into a blunder and ended up in bed with random
men.
"I don't know. I just think I should sit this one out. I don't know how
well it would work for me to be known as the campus slut after the first
night." I looked away from her and stared out the window instead,
mindlessly watching as the world passed by.
"Lexi, this is your new start, a way to be whoever you want to be. I told
you I' m not going to let you do that anymore, I' m not gonna let you
drown. I promise." I turned back to face her when I felt her hand touch
my forearm. "Even if I have to tie our feet together to keep you from
repeating the past, I will. "
I took a deep breath and forced a smile. "I'll think about it."
She accepted my answer for the moment, but I knew she wouldn't let it
go. She had a Miss Fix It attitude, and allowing someone close to her to
fail wasn't in her nature.
She was always trying to help.
The remaining part of our trip was filled with laughter and silliness. But
I couldn't ignore the fact that the closer we got to the University of
North Carolina, the more uneasy I became.
The unknown was almost too much to take.
***
Radley was waiting just outside our dorm when we pulled in.

Megan had called him when we were close and he wasted no time
rushing over to help get us settled. In reality all he truly wanted to do
was kiss his girl.
It had been three weeks since they had seen each other and they were
taking the opportunity to catch up on the time they'd lost.
I allowed them that time as I grabbed my three smaller bags and walked
off toward the dorm, hollering over my shoulder. "I' m going to find our
room. "
Three floors up, and yes, I took the stairs. I needed the exercise to burn
off some of the nervous energy I felt.
Ignoring the curious stares of those I passed in the stairway and again in
the hall, I focused on finding room 305.
When a door and the little plate next to it with our number came into
view, I finally felt a sense of relief.
The door was open, the room was empty, and a small manila envelope
with only the room number on the front lay on the bed.
Stepping into the room, I lifted the envelope and tipped it to the side as
two keys fell out into my hand. Also tucked safely inside was a form
both Megan and I needed to sign and return, confirming we had
received our keys.
I held the keys tightly in my hand as I took a moment to look around the
room.
It was very small and basic. Two beds, two dresser-desk combo units
and one big closet. The space was limited, yet there was just enough
room to add the microwave and mini fridge Megan and I had picked up
weeks ago.
The door flew open and I turned as Megan squealed loudly. "This is so
exciting! I can't believe we're here and we live on our own, with the
ability to come and go as we please." She was like a kid in a candy
store, completely and utterly awestruck.
Insane.
We took full advantage of Radley and his muscles and used him to haul
in all our boxes and bags. But for Megan—he would do just about
anything.
He brought up the party a few times and from the way he went on

and on about us being there, I knew Megan had already assured him
we'd come.
I should have been annoyed, but I wasn't.
I knew she meant no harm and was only doing her best to keep me out
of the deep hole I tended to bury myself in. She was a great friend and I
was lucky to have her.
Which is why I chose to just suck it up and give in.
But I wasn't going to lie to myself and pretend I didn't already know
this night would most likely end in disaster.

Chapter 3
Kole
I' d never intended to have the type of attitude I did now when it came
to girls and college life. I was a guy that came from a great home, full of
love and acceptance. I'd seen my parents share the love they have for
each other daily, and if you'd asked me my freshman year if I wanted
those same things for myself one day, I would have said "Hell, yes."
But things change.
Opinions change.
By this point, college was just a time set aside to sow my oats, party,
and sleep with whoever I wanted. No commitments made to one
person, but an opening to explore all those women willing to offer a
night of fun.
I was ready for this year; it was going to be the best one yet and I

planned on enjoying every second of it. Freedom, no expectations, and
certainly no girl holding me back.
Which was exactly what I could see happening right then.
I knew I was going to have to set Hope straight. We were not a couple;
she knew that or at least I thought she did. It had always just been a
hook up between two willing parties. But lately something had shifted;
I could see it in her eyes and the way she watched me.
Hope Nelson was a party girl, a get down-and-dirty guarantee of a good
time. Only she was getting clingy. She was beginning to ask those
things only a girlfriend wanted to know, and Hope was not my
girlfriend.
She wanted to know where I was and who I'd been with. She would call
me constantly, leaving messages in a whiney ass tone, telling me she
missed me and shit.
But she was easy.
She never put up a fight when I just needed to get laid, which was one
of the reasons she ended up being my go-to girl at most parties.
Maybe it was wrong, but I wasn't willing to put in the work it would
take to line up another girl. I wasn't a sweet talking charmer.
Not anymore.
Get bit once—it was an accident. But get bit twice—that just meant I
was fucking stupid for letting that opportunity unfold. So I remained
distant. Get in, get what I needed, and get out.
A philosophy I lived by when it came to girls and sex. Take it or leave
it; I didn't give a shit. Because if one girl wasn't willing to accept my
terms, there would be another who would.
Hope had been watching me all night. I knew she and I would most
likely end up closing out our night together, but I had a point to make.
She didn't control me.
I continued to ignore the looks she threw my way or that pout she
offered whenever she caught me checking out another girl.
I didn't do jealousy and commitment. I didn't give a fuck if she hooked
up with someone else, and I needed her to understand I would do the
same if the opportunity arose.
"Hey, Kole," a whiney, drunken voice spoke from my left just as a

soft hand ran over my arm. "Come and dance with me. "
It was Ashley Gilbert, a sophomore and a girl who had slept with just
about every brother in the fraternity. I should know; I broke her in last
year and she had been on a sprint since.
She quickly lost her appeal to me; that nasally voice of hers was like
nails on a chalkboard. Sometime I couldn't believe I ever thought this
girl was hot. I guess when a guy was drunk and horny, any willing girl
looked good.
I hadn' t really talked much to her since the morning after we had sex
and she called me an asshole when I told her I wasn't the dating kind. I
had no idea why she chose that moment to flaunt herself.
But because Hope was staring at me from across the room with a look
of hatred in her eyes, I chose to use Ashley to prove I was free to be
with who I wanted. "I don't dance, sweetheart. But if you're interested
in another night of meaningless mind blowing sex, then I'm your guy."
She squinted at me and then I knew just how drunk she was. "Maybe,"
she cooed, stepping in a little closer, her body now positioned between
my parted knees. "Will you do that thing again," she whispered. "You
know, with your tongue?"
I knew exactly what she was talking about as she looked at me, hopeful.
"Not wearing the ring, baby," I stated and she pouted.
"But it felt so good," she ran her hands up my jean clad thighs, inching
closer to my cock. "I haven't been able to find a guy yet that made me
feel that good. "
I chuckled.
Chicks loved the tongue piercing, which was the main reason I got it in
the first place. It was a spur of the moment decision when I stopped in
to see my favorite tattoo artist, and I overheard some guy talking about
how much his wife loved his tongue being pierced.
He went on and on without shame about her willingness to do just
about anything if he went down on her.
So in that moment I chose to get one too.
And as he said, it got me a lot of things, including control.
"Not tonight, Ashley," I said as I stood from the chair and forced

her to step back. "Besides, as many guys who have been there by now,
I don't trust it."
She narrowed her eyes at me and I chuckled.
I may not be a commitment type of guy, but I did have some standards.
And since my night with Ashley, I'd seen her do the walk of shame out
of this fraternity one too many times to count.
Once I sleep with a girl, I generally don't go back for more. But with
Hope it was easier. I told her from the beginning we wouldn't be a
couple, and at that time she agreed. Maybe she just needed to be
reminded that between us it was only sex, simple and fulfilling.
I walked away from Ashley, ignoring the daggers she was shooting my
way.
I needed a fucking drink; after all it was a fucking party.

Chapter 4
Lexi
The music was thumping as we approached the house. People were
everywhere laughing and talking, all appearing to have a great time. So
I put on a fake smile and tried my best to come off as happy to be there
too.
But on the inside I was screaming at myself, wondering why I let
Megan convince me to do this. I regretted it the moment we left the
dorm.
"Come on, Lex, I told you I'm not leaving your side. It'll be fine, I
promise." Megan continued to assure me as she gripped my hand
tightly and led me inside the front door.
I could feel the blood rushing to my head as my heart rate picked up.
The sound of my heart beating loudly in my ears made me feel

lightheaded.
Girls were dancing around the room provocatively, as the guys stood
off to the sides ogling them. Everyone was tightly pushed together
grinding and moving with the music.
The four walls of the room felt as if they were closing in around me and
I could feel the sweat beading on my forehead.
"I need a drink, Meg." I had to get something in me to ease this anxiety
before I made a fool of myself.
As promised, Megan kept me close as she weaved through the wall to
wall bodies and found the keg. I chugged the first drink so quickly I felt
sick but ignored it as I refilled my cup.
I needed a buzz; even a small one would help ease the tension.
Radley found us a short time later and by then I was starting on my
fourth drink. I finally felt the hazy feeling I was so desperately seeking.
Without warning, Radley hooked his arm over Megan' s shoulders and
in turn she grabbed my hand. We were led toward a large game room in
the back of the house. It held a pool table and other assorted games as
well as a mechanical dart board in the back left corner of the room.
There were fewer people in here than out in the other room, but it was
still a little crowded. I looked around as we stood near the pool table
and realized there were a few girls who were only wearing their bras.
None of them seemed fazed by their attire as if being half naked at
some college party was just a way of life. I heard someone yell out
loudly and it startled me, causing me to pull my hand from Megan's and
put it on my chest in surprise.
My eyes immediately shifted toward the direction it came and settled
on one guy who, in my opinion, outshined any other in the room.
He was tall, not towering over those around him but it just enough to
make him stick out among the crowd. His shoulders were broad,
causing the material of his shirt to stretch over him like a second skin.
And his arms were muscular, not overly bulky but enough to notice the
cut angles, making it obvious he worked out.
I was entranced by him as he began to lift his shirt over his head,
exposing a magnificent display of ink etched out over his upper back,

which extended onto his shoulder blades and down onto each arm. It
was gorgeous, that tattoo of his. It only added to the beauty of the man
who stood with his back to me.
The girls were swarming him and flipping their hair in an annoying
attempt to get his attention. I wasn't sure exactly what had triggered
him to remove his shirt, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't thrilled he had.
But then he turned and I noticed the wetness that made his chest glisten.
And it continued to run over him as it gathered at the waist of his jeans.
I realized the wetness was from chugging a beer in what appeared to be
some kind of competition with another guy.
That tattoo I had just been admiring extended just slightly around onto
his upper shoulders and down onto his collarbone. His chest was just as
impressive as his back, a great addition to ab muscles that made me
want to step forward and feel the ripples beneath my fingertips.
There was evidence of a second tattoo peeking out just above the
waistband of his jeans that hung low on his waist. He screamed
dangerous, but it didn't stop my heart from beating rapidly in my chest.
"Rad, you're up, man."
I was pulled from my lust fest by a deep voice as they hollered out for
Radley.
I allowed myself to continue my perusal of the gorgeous guy without
giving anyone else much attention. He was so wrapped up in the group
around him that he had no idea I was practically molesting him in my
mind.
And then I lifted my gaze and took in the contour of his strong jaw as he
lowered the empty mug and wiped the dripping beer from his chin,
hollering out in victory.
My heart sank as I finally took in his face.
It couldn't be him. It had been years since I'd last seen him and now
there he stood. But what were the chances of him being here, only a few
feet away?
I reached out and grabbed Megan's arm to get her attention. "Meg, do
you know who that is? Do you know that guy's name?"
She looked at me and then discreetly back toward the direction I

was pointing.
"Yeah, his name's Kole," she said without even a pause. "Why, do you
know him?"
I suddenly felt like I couldn't breathe. I needed space. And a lot of
it.
I ignored her hollering after me as I rushed from the room in search of
some distance. What I think I really was in need of was something a bit
stronger than beer.
The remaining part of my night quickly became a blur as I moved from
one shot to the next.
The shots were going down smooth and when that happened it was just
too hard to stop. I was already beginning to feel that much needed haze,
making things fuzzy and numb.
Seeing Kole only made the memories of what Matt did to me harder to
drown out. I had to forget. I had to make it just go away.
But no matter how hard I tried, it felt as if I could still feel Matt's hand
pressing my head into the pillow beneath me. I could feel the weight of
his body pressed against mine as he continued to violate me.
I was losing myself; I could feel it happening as if in slow motion.
I just wanted to be normal. I wanted to feel carefree. I wanted for once
to be able to tolerate the touch of a man while I was sober, without
being thrown into a full on panic attack.
I wanted my God damn life back.
But I knew that wouldn't happen, so I just kept drinking.

Chapter 5
I closed my eyes and imagined the comfort of Kole's embrace, like
when we were kids and he treated me as if I was a precious angel. He
was protective and sweet like he'd always been.
But the way he was touching me now suggested we were no longer just
two kids getting candy from Mr. Thomas's convenience store down the
street from my house. This was more than that.
So much more.
It was dreamlike, the way his hand gripped my hip just before it slid
over my stomach, pulling my body back against his. The hardness of
his chest pressed firmly against my back.
I could tolerate this.
I could almost feel normal in my dreams.
Nothing about the way he held me made me want to move away.
I was so lost in his comfort.
Until his fingertips slipped beneath the hem of my shirt and he
whispered against my ear. "Let's go up to my room."
My body tensed when it dawned on me that this was real. The moment
I had escaped to was anything but a dream. And the man I had allowed
myself to find comfort in wasn't that man at all.
My head began to spin as the stranger held me close.
Bile rose in my throat as those memories of the loss of control

came rushing back. Even when I attempted to move away, this guy
thought I was playing hard to get.
"My room's this way, babe." His lips were a little too close to my ear as
they brushed against the lobe. "Let me lead the way. "
He turned my body toward the steps on the other side of the room and
the quick movements only made the room spin.
All the alcohol I had consumed left me powerless to stop it as he began
pushing me forward.
"No," I whispered hoarsely but even that one word was hard to get
out.
As the stairs grew closer I did all I could to keep my legs from moving
and was just on the verge of screaming when I heard the words spoken
by my take-charge best friend and I suddenly felt a rush of relief.
"Yeah, I don't think so, Romeo. Go find another girl to fill your fantasy
with." Megan grabbed my elbow and the guy smirked. He allowed her
to pull me from his grip but never once took his eyes off us.
"Well, you don't have to grow all possessive on me now; you're more
than welcome to join us. I was just taking your girl here upstairs for a
little more one on one, but I've got enough of me to share."
Zack reached out and gripped Megan's ass pulling her to him and I
could see the hate instantly flaring in her eyes.
Only she didn't get the chance to defend herself. It all happened too
fast. Zack's head jerked to the side as a fist connected with his jaw.
He immediately released his hold on me and Megan moved me to the
side.
"What the fuck, Rad?" Zack yelled as he shook his head, trying to ease
the pain I was sure he was now feeling.
"Keep your hands off my girl." Radley seethed and I had never seen
him angrier than he was in that moment.
Zack backed away still cupping his jaw with one hand while holding
the other up in surrender. "I didn't even know she was your girl. We
were dancing and she acted like she was interested in going upstairs
with me. I had no idea, man. She didn't say she was your girl."
Radley pulled both Megan and me toward him protectively. "Now you
fucking know." It was the only explanation Radley offered.

I was just about to explain that I had not agreed to go anywhere with
him when I saw Kole approach just over Megan's shoulder.
I wanted to leave so I could avoid him, but my head was spinning from
the alcohol and I knew if I attempted to flee now I would end up flat on
my ass. So instead I leaned into Radley and ignored the fact that he was
struggling with both Megan and I so closely tucked together in his
arms.
And yes I may have been leaning my body weight onto him, but I
honestly needed the support because my legs were a little wobbly. A
mixture of adrenaline and alcohol left me slightly unstable.
Kole must have picked up on Radley's struggle because he instantly
took my shoulders and shifted me to his hold. One arm gripped me
around the waist while the other stretched out before us, clearing a path
from the crowd that had accumulated to watch the fight between Zack
and Radley.
My head was still spinning but I found comfort in Kole' s secure
embrace. It was something I knew he was only offering to assist his
friend, but damn if it didn' t make me feel safe for the first time in
months.
I was guided toward a smaller room then lowered down onto a chair. I
had done a great job so far using my hair to shield my face.
I didn't think I was ready to face a piece of my past, a piece that
reminded me so much of Matt and the way he hurt me. Looking into
Kole's eyes would do just that; I knew that already.
Only he gave me no choice to avoid his stare when he moved around
me and knelt down. "Hey, are you gonna be all right?" he asked.
I nodded my head, only that was not good enough.
He reached out and placed his finger beneath my chin, forcing my head
upward. And there were those kind brown eyes from my past.
I saw the moment recognition set in for him, too.
"Lexi?" His eyes squinted as he took me in for a few seconds before he
spoke again. "Lexi Warren, it's really you. Isn't it?"
I offered a gentle nod and his grin grew wider.
"Wow, you look so different," he said in an almost amazed tone.
My eyes felt droopy as I smiled back at him. I was so unbelievably

drunk I was afraid to react more than that for fear of making a fool of
myself.
"I grew up, Kole. I'm not twelve anymore," I assured him. "No, you're
definitely not." I wasn't sure what I saw in his eyes, but I knew it felt
different from the way he used to look at me. Kole was a man, no
longer that testosterone-driven teenager I remembered.
We both just stared at one another as if we couldn't believe the other
was there.
"Hey, sweetie, I think we should go back to the dorm." I looked up to
find Megan watching me with concern. "What do you think?"
"Okay." I agreed because I needed to break free from this haze being so
close to Kole had put me in.
As she helped me up from the chair, I heard Kole ask her if she needed
help getting me to the car, but she refused.
With Radley by her side they led me to the door. I didn't look back. I
couldn't. I still needed time before I allowed myself to go there with
Kole.
He would ask questions. He would want to talk about my past and I
wasn't ready for that.
I' m not sure I ever would be.
***
I' m not sure how she did it, but Megan got me upstairs to our dorm
room and set securely on my bed.
I didn't remember much since the moment Kole said my name.
Everything else since then had become a blur.
She now sat directly across from me, staring at me with that same
concerned look on her face.
"What happened tonight?" she asked. "You were fine. I mean, yes, you
were drinking, but not excessively. You seemed okay and then we
walked into the back room and it was like you flipped the switch. Why?
"
When I looked up into her eyes, I tried to blink back the tears. "Kole," I
whispered. "I saw Kole. I remembered him from when our

moms were friends. He was always so nice to me. I had a little crush on
him back then." I know none of this made sense to her but it soon
would. "Kole is Matt's cousin."
I watched as her shoulders sagged and she leaned in closer, taking my
hands in hers.
"It just triggered the past," I said in attempt to explain my actions. "I
suddenly felt like I was suffocating and tried to drown out that feeling."
She slid forward and knelt on the ground before me. "Matt's not here;
he's in California and he's never going to hurt you again." I knew that, I
did, but it never made the fear inside me dissipate. "Kole is not
Matt."
Without any further hesitation she rose up on her knees, wrapped her
arms around me, and pulled me close, allowing me to cry. A cry I so
desperately needed.
"I know Kole isn't Matt," I said in a whisper. "They're nothing alike, but
it was just too much when I didn't expect it to be, ya know. He's just a
reminder of who I used to be. The girl before everything changed. That
me, that no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to bring
back."
We did something that night we had not done in years.
We crawled into my twin bed and fell asleep side by side. It may have
been juvenile to some, but the comfort of the one person in my life I
knew truly loved me was what I needed. I fell asleep with little effort.
Only to wake abruptly a short time later feeling as if the dream I just
had was so real. I could feel the pressure of his hands as he held me
down. I tried to get up, but his weight was just too much.
He only pushed me harder as I continued to struggle beneath him. He
fed on my fear, I knew that now. It was what drove him to continue,
thrilled him.
It was all just a game.
And I was the one who lost.

Chapter 6
Kole
I tried to lose myself like I did after every other party. With little effort,
I led Hope to my room and had every intention to burn off some of the
energy I felt, but she was not the one I envisioned when I closed my
eyes.
"Yes," she moaned as I thrust my hips forward, begging for my release.
All I wanted was for this to end.
It had the opposite effect on me. Because now I was wound tighter than
I was before.
"Harder, Kole," she insisted.
I'd noticed the last couple times we were together that she yelled and
squealed as if she was trying to make sure every person in the house
heard her.

It was a fucking show. And I was tired of the games.
"Do you have to be so fucking loud?" I asked in irritation.
I don' t know what it was, but every single time she opened her mouth I
wanted to put the pillow over her face. It was taking everything for me
to stay hard right now.
"Kole, yes!" she yelled out as if what I just said wasn't even heard.
I couldn' t do this.
I faked the fucking orgasm. Anything to get out of this torture. I pushed
back leaving her staring after me with disbelief. "I wasn't done
yet, Kole! "
"Well I was," I countered back, even though it was a fucking lie. Not
really—I was done with her. "You need to get going, anyway. It's late
and I need a shower." I got up and slipped on my shorts, ignoring her
complaints as I walked out of my door.
By this time most of the guests of the house were gone. Those who
weren't were safely tucked away behind closed doors, so the bathroom
was open.
I was in need of a shower, a little time to wash away some of this
tension in my body.
I leaned into the hot water and let it run over me. Closing my eyes, I
extended my hands out against the wall and just let the mist spray over
my face, trying to wash the images away in my mind.
I shouldn't be thinking about that sweet girl from my past the way I was
now, but I couldn't help myself. She was no longer that innocent young
girl. I'd known back then she had a crush on me; it was a cute reaction.
But now she was a woman. A hot as hell amazing body with a gorgeous
smile woman, and I couldn't help but allow my mind to wander into
dangerous territory.
Her sweet ass and those perfect tits. Just the thought of her was getting
me hard, leading to a "what the fuck" moment. I couldn't get my dick to
work ten minutes ago, but I think of Lexi and was suddenly ready to
rock. And fuck I did need release; if this was what it took, then why in
the hell fight it?
I closed my eyes and pictured Lexi under me as I slowly moved

inside her.
Her perfect lips formed an O shape as she reached her peak. I fisted my
erection and began to stroke myself as I imagined her tits bouncing
with each thrust and before I knew it I exploded.
"Fuck," I moaned out as my toes curled into the tile at my feet. Her face
was still there in my mind, no matter how hard I tried to shake it.
I took extra time in the shower in an attempt to bring myself back to
reality before I gathered my shit and made my way down the hall back
to my room. Finding Hope still in my room was the last thing I wanted
to fucking deal with right now.
What part of "The night is over" didn't she understand?
"Hope, get up. You can't stay here; you know that. Come on, get up." I
nudged the bed with my foot, making the mattress shift beneath her
naked body.
"Let me relax you," she cooed.
"I am relaxed and ready to go to sleep, which is why you need to get
moving. Your place is literally across the fucking street." She was part
of a sorority which was diagonal from my house. It wasn't like I was
sending her out the door half lit and expecting her to drive twenty
minutes across town.
She pouted to me about sucking me off if I let her stay, she tried to
provoke me with promises of letting me do to her whatever I wanted,
but none of it interested me. Maybe my interest in her had faded. I
wasn' t sure; I just knew nothing she offered was appealing to me.
She finally grew frustrated at my lack of interest and got up from the
bed, grabbing her things from the floor. She didn't even take the time to
get dressed before angrily storming out of my room.

Chapter 7
Lexi
Megan and I spent Sunday trying to erase my frat party meltdown. We
never talked about it; we just chose to pretend it didn't happen.
After spending hours organizing, and rearranging our dorm room
multiple times, we finally found a setup that worked. Everything had its
place and believe it or not, we each had our own little space; space that
was tiny but perfect and cozy.
When Monday came I found myself wishing for another Sunday. I
wasn't sure I was quite ready for this. It was all still so very
overwhelming and I hadn't yet figured out the best form of attack.
I hid that anxiety I felt deep in my stomach and pushed through as I
always did. But with each step I took, I could feel the desire within me
to turn around and escape to the safety of the little island Megan and I
had created for ourselves.
It was safe there.

Like a security blanket that kept all the monsters at bay.
I didn't cave, though; I focused on my classes and schedule, drowning
out the fear in me instead. I still had not settled on exactly what I
wanted to do with my life. It all used to be so clear; now I was lucky I'd
even graduated high school.
I hoped it would all someday come back to me. Maybe one day I'd
wake up and remember the things I used to love and life would become
clear to me.
But for now I was only floating through with no purpose. At least that' s
what it felt like.
I was actually proud of myself when my last class ended and I had
made it through the entire day without some form of a mental
breakdown. Nowadays that was a huge accomplishment.
I gathered my things, loaded them into my bag, and exited the room. I
remained back a few steps from the students who exited before me; it
was something I did often—remain distant.
Our dorm was on the east side of campus, which wasn't too far from my
last class. As I began walking in that direction, my phone began to ring
in my bag. I smiled to myself when the Spongebob song began to play
over and over. Megan and her random ringtones. It was never the same
for long periods of time. She was always hijacking my phone and
uploading another surprise tone, but only to her phone number. She
wanted to make sure she stood out above all others.
As I dug around in my bag looking for my phone, I took my focus off
where I was walking. It was only for a few seconds, but that was all it
took for me to collide with someone else who also wasn't paying
attention.
I may as well have collided with a brick wall because I think it would
have been less painful. "God damn it," I groaned as I tried to control my
urge to say more.
Upon impact I bit my tongue, dropped my bag and stubbed my toe. My
day of great accomplishment had just taken a nosedive. I looked up just
above to give a quick apology when I froze midthought. Big brown
eyes. Kind, gentle, brown eyes.
Kole had always been attractive. I was twelve when I first met him,

so I guess at that point it was more of that dreamy older boy crush back
then. When he smiled down at me, I realized I must have just been
staring at him like some awestruck girl.
"You in a hurry, sweetheart?" he asked as he stepped back widening his
stance and crossing his arms over his chest.
Each word he spoke only brought more attention to his mouth. I knew I
was still staring, but there was something that continued to gain my
attention each time he talked.
"You okay?" he asked me. And there it was again, I caught a glimpse of
something shiny on his tongue—a tongue piercing.
I hadn' t expected that, but something about it sent a shiver over my
back.
"Um, yeah. I'm so sorry I wasn't looking where I was going." I had
already made this into a weird situation with all my staring, and I just
wanted to move past it and pretend I hadn't acted so strangely. "Excuse
me," I said as I stepped around him and hurried off toward my dorm.
That was embarrassing.
When I finally found my phone I had already missed three calls from
Megan. By then I was sure she was in panic mode, worrying I' d hidden
away in some dark closet with a bottle of whiskey. It wouldn't be that
hard to believe, considering alcohol had become my escape.
I started to call her back when I was startled by someone gripping my
shoulder from behind. I spun around quickly and jerked my arm away.
"Oh shit, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." My heart was racing as
I looked up at Kole. His hands were extended upward, palms facing me
in a surrender stance. Any other girl on campus would probably laugh
and brush off the fact that they had been startled. But me—I was in
fight or flight mode.
There I stood facing him, my chest heaving rapidly, with my hands
held out before me in a defensive manner.
"You just surprised me." Someone approaching me from behind and
touching me without my knowledge freaked me the fuck out. It brought
back too many memories.
Kole stood facing me for a few more seconds, just allowing me to

calm down before he spoke.
"I just wanted to make sure you were okay after our collision back
there." He lowered his hands and motioned over his shoulder indicating
what took place between us only moments ago.
"Yeah, I' m fine," I assured him.
"Okay good," he smiled. "What about Saturday? Have you fully
recovered after the whole Zack thing at the party? "
"I'm good." I had actually hoped to never talk of it again.
"You were really messed up. You do that often? " he asked and I arched
a brow at him. "You know, get fucked up and let random guys lead you
off to unknown places?"
Was he serious?
It appeared he had already formed an opinion of me. That thought
irritated me. How dare he assume I had intentions of sleeping with
Zack? He didn' t know me. Not anymore.
"I'd explain to you that your friend Zack didn't even ask me to go with
him before he started forcing me toward the stairs, but it would be a
waste of my time." I could feel my heart thumping so hard behind my
breast bone, and my cheeks felt warm as I expressed my irritation. "It
appears that to you I am just some slut, so why waste my time trying to
convince you of anything else?"
"Wait, I didn't meant that you were..." I cut him off, because at this
point I just wanted him to walk away.
"Our moms were friends a long time ago. I knew you a long time ago,
but things change, people change. Just because you knew me back
when doesn't mean you know me now. And it sure as hell doesn't make
you my babysitter. So why don't you just worry about yourself and I'll
take care of me. " I walked off quickly without looking back or giving
him a chance to say anything more.
By the time I made it back to the dorm I had calmed down enough to
call Megan back. I didn't want to have to explain to her why my voice
was shaking or I couldn't stop saying fuck.
That was something that happened when I grew irritated. I would drop
the f-bomb more times than I could keep track of.
She was, as I thought, in a frantic mode thinking I had been

abducted or something. She was my mother hen and I loved her for
how protective she was.
"Sorry, I meant to call you back. I was just getting out of class and got
distracted with the crowd." I heard some people in the background and
assumed she too was just leaving a class.
"It's okay. I just wanted to check on you and see how your first day
went." The voices were muffled in the background as if she was
covering the phone.
"Everything went great," I assured her. There really was no reason to
tell her about the incident with Kole.
"Good," she said happily. "I'm over at the house with Radley. I was
going to invite you to come over and hang out too. "
Yeah right, not happening. "Meg, it' s okay. Really. I' m just going to
pop something in the microwave, take a quick shower and maybe
watch a movie. I don't feel like going anywhere."
I heard her breath deeply into the phone and I knew at that moment she
was a little irritated with my response.
"You need to stop worrying about me so much."
"I'll always worry about you, Lex. I love you and I hate that you won't
let anyone in. You need friends. You need to be able to have fun
without drinking. I just wish you would get to know people." I knew
my need to isolate myself was hard for her to understand, but it was
who I was.
I hadn' t always been this way.
I actually used to be a social bug and no one frightened me. Now on
most days I was scared of my own shadow. I bit my lower lip to hold
back the tremble. "Lex," she whispered.
"I can't, Meg," I told her. "I wish I could too, but it's just too hard. If I
can stay just one step ahead, no one will get a chance to take anything
from me again. The last time I trusted someone and let them in, they
took my security from me. They took that girl I used to be and made her
vanish. "
"It doesn't have to be that way," she said in return, and I wished her
words were true. But it did have to be this way. It was my only way

of holding some sort of control over my life.
"It has to be this way for me. I'm sorry I can't change. I'm sorry that
things with me are so difficult, but I just can't get that night out of my
head." I didn't want to do this. I didn't want to think about Matt and all
the ways he destroyed me, but Megan was pushing. I knew she meant
well, but it was sending me into a downfall.
She was silent, and I knew she was worrying and most likely deciding
that she needed to change her plans and come back here to babysit me.
But that was the last thing I wanted right now.
"Megan, I' m fine. Just stop worrying about me so much and enjoy your
time with Radley." I did my best fake impression of happiness.
Only it did nothing to ease the concern etching her voice. "Lexi, not
every guy is like Matt. What he did to you was horrible, but hiding and
not letting someone in is allowing him to win. He took enough away
from you. Don't give him any more, please."
I never responded. I just sat there waiting for her to say goodbye,
begging silently that she would just let it go.
"I love you, Lexi," she whispered.
"I love you too." I closed my eyes tightly and laid back against the
pillow on my bed.
"Are you sure you're fine alone?" Confirmation that she was thinking
of coming back to the dorm.
"I'm more than fine. I have a hot date with Edward and Jacob. I'm
thinking a Twilight marathon is exactly what I need." I had no intention
of watching that movie or any other for that matter.
I truly just felt like I needed a form of escape, a break from the ache
burning inside my chest.

Chapter 8
Kole
I was still at a loss when I arrived back at the fraternity. That sweet girl
I had once known in Lexi was not the same girl who went off on me
moments ago.
I was shocked at her reaction.
I didn' t mean to insinuate that she was a whore; she didn' t even give
me a chance to explain.
When I entered the house, Hope was just coming around the corner,
from the direction of my room. "Hey handsome, I was looking for you.
"
Before I could say a word, she wrapped her arms around my waist and I
allowed her to lead me toward the living room.
Megan, Radley's girlfriend sat next to him talking about none other

than Lexi, the fiery bitch who went all psycho on me.
"Lexi scares me sometimes." She expressed my exact thoughts.
"Join the club; that girl is scary. She just fucking went off on me
without a second thought. What the hell happened to the sweet and
funny version of her?" I flopped down in the chair opposite them and
dropped my bag to the floor at my feet. Without a second of hesitation
Hope sat on my lap, acting all cozy.
"Shut the fuck up, Kole. You don't know anything about her. She's a
great person." And round two of piss a girl off had just begun. I was 0
for 2 today.
"How dare you judge her when you got some two dollar whore glued to
you like a second skin? A girl, I might add, that only moments ago was
talking about hooking up with Zack just to piss you off. "
I nudged Hope from my lap, but not because I gave two shits about her
fucking Zack. She wasn't my girlfriend. But because Megan was now
off the couch and heading toward the front door.
Plus Radley was giving me the look of death and I realized pissing off
his girl only pissed him off too.
Hope was trying to deny the accusation Megan just made, but I brushed
her off and walked after Radley who was now following his girl.
"Megan, wait." At the sound of my voice, she turned around and
collided with Radley. He reached out to make sure she didn't fall and
her eyes never left me.
In fact she was glaring and I should have been pissed that she was
obviously redirecting the irritation she felt with Lexi on me. But I
wasn't.
"Listen, I wasn't trying to be a dick. I just meant Lexi got pissed off at
me and I' m not really sure where all that anger came from. She didn't
even allow me to explain or try to diffuse the problem."
"She's not really a people person," Megan said, still glaring at me.
"I got that." I smiled but she didn't return the gesture. "I was just
making sure she was okay after the party the other night, but she
flipped out. I remember her being so sweet that her attitude took me off
guard."
Radley pulled her in closer to him and she still didn't look away from
me. "Listen, Kole, you're right—she is different. There are so

many things that you don't know. There are things that no one knows.
Just don't be so quick to judge her." She took a deep breath, appearing
to calm down.
"I haven't seen her in years. I guess I just imagined she would still be
the happy little girl I once knew." I never expected what I was faced
with instead.
"Well you can thank your jackass cousin for the person she is today,"
Megan said. It was more of a mumble and I'm not sure I was meant to
hear it, but I did.
She turned around again and reached for the door. I was still staring
after her, wondering what in the hell my cousin had to do with Lexi and
her moods.
"Meg, babe, don't leave. Come on," Radley begged as he trailed behind
her.
"I' m going to go home. I have an early morning and I think I just need
to call it a night." Megan didn't even looked back
"Megan, wait. Before you leave..." I stepped forward closing the
distance, Radley still separating us, but she did turn around to face me.
"What did you mean about my cousin?"
"I never should have said anything." She looked down at her lap as if
she was ashamed. "Just forget it."
I stood next to Radley in the open doorway as we both watched Megan
rush off toward her car.
A knot formed in my stomach because I knew whatever it was she was
referring to couldn't be good. With her reaction and the intensity in her
eyes, it had to be bad.

Chapter 9
Lexi
Oh my god, my freaking head was killing me! I couldn't believe the
pounding behind my eyes. It felt like my head was cracking in half and
my stomach was so queasy. Last night was a blur.
I remember putting my fake ID to use at the nearest bar. But most of
everything after the first round of shots was lost to me.
I slowly sat up and looked toward the clock on the desk to my left.
"Shit!"
I began scrambling around the room for my clothes and shoes. I had
class in twenty minutes, and I had to go all the way across campus.
Being late on only the second day of classes would leave a great
impression on my professors.

I quickly brushed my teeth and threw my hair into a ponytail. Throwing
my bag over my shoulder, I opened my door and rushed out with my
shoes still in hand. I hurried down the hall bouncing from side to side,
attempting to place my sandals on my feet before using the stairway
instead of losing more time waiting for the elevator.
I made it to class with not even two seconds to spare. Just when the
professor came in I flopped down into my seat letting out a huff.
Just a little out of breath.
I spent the entire class trying to remember what in the hell I did last
night. Only bits and pieces came through the blind spots. The bar, and
there was a guy.
A guy who kept following me around most of the night. His name was
something like Todd or Toby. It started with a T, I knew that much.
After more than an hour of his pushing, I had never been happier than
the moment I saw Radley enter the bar.
He rescued me from waking up in another random stranger's bed. The
way he took care of me and helped me into his car—he was so caring
and kind.
I remembered talking to him; I just rambled on but I couldn't remember
exactly what I said.
I remember stumbling on the stairs and Radley catching me before I
face planted. The time between that and waking up this morning was a
complete blur.
The longer I sat in class the more nauseated I felt. I barely made it
through class without puking. I needed to get some water. I was so
hung over. Why I kept doing this to myself was the million dollar
question.
When the professor assigned our first essay then excused himself, I
quickly grabbed my bag and decided I would skip the rest of the day. A
shower followed by a long nap sounded like a form of heaven at the
moment.
As I walked out of the building, I heard my name called from behind
me. Something about the voice sounded familiar.
"Where did you run off to last night?" I turned around to face the guy
from last night whose name I couldn't quite remember. "I came back
from the bathroom and you were gone. "

This was just my luck.
"Yeah." I stalled for a moment trying to come up with something to say
that would give me the chance to get away from him. "My friend
showed up and needed me; sorry about not saying bye." I took a step
back and he took a step forward, oblivious to my need for space.
Apparently he and I had grown a little closer than I remembered from
last night, or he was just one of those men who thought it was okay to
grope a girl he barely knew. He reached out, hooked my waist, and
pulled me in close to him, our chests pressed closely together.
"Please don't," I said, spinning out of his hold, and he smiled as if I was
just trying to play hard to get.
"I was just wondering if maybe you wanted to pick up where we left off
last night."
By this time he was stepping back toward me, once again invading my
personal space. I was two seconds from either kicking him in the balls
or punching him in the cocky ass smirk he held on his lips.
"Hey, Lex, there you are. I' ve been waiting for you. What' s taking so
long?" Kole wrapped his arm around my shoulders and I was too
shocked to react. I only looked up at him, confused with his actions.
"Thanks for keeping my girl safe for me, bud. " He didn' t wait for the
guy to respond before pulling me away.
When we were a few steps away he leaned in and whispered. "Don' t
punch me or get pissed. You just looked like you needed to be
rescued."
After we got out of the guy' s view, he released his hold on me and
stopped walking. "The guy looked like he wanted to clobber you over
the head and drag you off by your hair. I just thought maybe I would
offer my help. I hope I didn't interfere with something you were hoping
to be more. "
I laughed nervously and tucked my hair behind my ear. "Thanks," I
offered with a smile. "And trust me, your interference is appreciated. "
He put his hand on his chest and stumbled back, playing it as if my
words made him feel faint. "Did you just. thank me?"
I shoved his chest with my hand and glared at him even though I wasn't
angry. In fact, I felt more at ease than I had in a long time.

"Real funny, smartass," I said with a laugh.
I caught movement over his shoulder and noticed two girls standing a
distance away, just watching us. The blonde girl had her arms crossed
over her chest as she glared at us.
"I think you're pissing your girlfriend off by standing here with me." I
pointed discreetly toward the direction of the girls and he looked over
his shoulder. When he turned back to me he put his hands into the front
pockets of his jeans.
"Hope isn't my girlfriend," he assured me. "I don't have a girlfriend," he
smirked.
"Well, whatever she is to you, she doesn' t like the idea of us standing
here together. I think you should go take care of her, because the bitchy
glare she' s giving me just makes me want to slap her face myself." He
smiled, and because his smile made the pit of my stomach tense with
excitement, I turned away quickly.
"Thanks again for saving me," I hollered back and his eyes lit up. I
knew he was about to make another comment regarding the second
"thank you" I just gave him so I ruined his chances. "Yeah, smartass—I
said it again. "
When I walked about twenty feet away, I turned to look back just
casually, wondering if he still stood in the same place.
And he was, still staring after me with a smile on his face.
He was just being nice; it was nothing more.
But it still made me feel that happy lump that formed deep in my chest
when I allowed myself to believe something good was about to happen.
Damn you, Kole, for giving me that feeling.
I felt that happiness all the way back to my dorm room. At least until I
opened my dorm and found Momma Megan in full parental mode,
waiting for me.
I had to suffer the long speech from her regarding my poor choices, my
lack of guidance, and inability to handle conflict. I wanted to yell at her
and tell her to just drop it already, but I couldn't. Because everything
she said was true.
I did run from my problems.

I did avoid solution, because to me no matter how much I talked about
it, how many times I told myself it wasn't my fault, I didn't believe it. I
was raped by Matt, and the fact that I ignored all the signs that led up to
that moment made it all my fault. I could have avoided it all, but I was
blinded by the popular boy being interested in me. Those things didn't
happen to me.
Guys like Matt didn't fall for girls like me.
I was awestruck by the sudden popularity and when it came down to the
motive behind it all, there was no way out.
That fact haunted my dreams and hung heavy in my heart every time I
opened my eyes.

Chapter 10
Kole
Lexi was constantly floating around in my head. Only this time I wasn't
cussing her for being a bitch that first day after class.
It was the image of her smile that lingered. She puzzled the hell out of
me. She was this hard shell on the outside, trying too hard to keep
people away, but when she smiled she cracked just a little. That's when
I could see a small tease of the old Lexi. The girl who had those dreamy
eyes and beautiful smile was still there. For some reason she was doing
everything she could to hide that version of herself.
I just wish I knew why.
Laying back on my bed, my arm rested behind my head. Closing my
eyes I remembered the time I gave Lexi a back ride down the road from
my house to Dreamsicle. It was an ice cream shop operated by an

older couple who ran it more for the kids in the neighborhood than to
actually turn a profit. They just loved to see the happiness.
I remember her laughing so hard as I made different sounds imitating
squealing tires as I spun around in circles and hopped up and down.
Like neither of us had a care in the world.
The thought of how we used to be made me smile.
I heard a light knock on my door and lifted my head up just as the door
began to open.
Hope stood in the open doorway with a gleam in her eye. "Hey, sexy, I
was hoping I could spend some time alone with you. What do you say,
feel like getting lucky?"
I already knew I was losing interest in Hope.
If interest in her was really the way to explain it. It was sad, really, but
the reason I went back time and again was because the girl was easy.
I knew that made me an ass.
But she was never forced and I had always been up front and honest. It
wasn't my fault she became delusional in believing we could ever be
more.
"I've missed you lately," she pushed out her breasts, trying to gain more
attention. "So what do you say? Feel up to making me scream?" It was
sad, really.
Why did she settle for any man treating her like a sex toy? Didn't she
want more out of a relationship?
Not that I would be the one to offer it to her, but still—didn't she want
to stop being used and find a man who could give her more?
"Why do you just keep staring at me like that?" she asked.
I stood up from the bed and walked to the door. I could tell by the look
on her face she thought I was game for her offer.
"I' m not interested," I told her.
Her smile faded and she cocked her head to the side. "Since
when?"
"Hope, you're not my girlfriend. We don't have a relationship going
here and I think you know that." I placed my hand on the door handle.
"You think you have some claim on me, but you don't. Just like earlier
when you got all territorial, displaying your jealousy. "

"No, I was..." she started to argue.
"I know what I saw," I assured her. "You and I were just sex, and now
that's over." I didn't wait for this shit to go any further; I was bored.
There was no reason to sit here and hash out anything.
Because there was nothing to save.

Chapter 11
Lexi
I was actually beginning to feel comfortable on campus. I was still very
alert of my surroundings and mainly kept to myself, but that perpetual
knot in my stomach had slowly dissipated.
And the urge to drink and drown out the demons never even crossed my
mind. I did opt out of attending any further frat parties, thinking that
with the way the first one turned out, it was logical to avoid them all
together.
Even when Megan begged me to join her, I refused. And eventually she
let it go, accepting that my idea of a good time was spending an evening
in with movies and popcorn.
I spent Sunday in my pajamas with no intention of changing until it was
time to shower, but even then it would be another pair of pajamas.

But a day of lounging was short lived when I found that not only were
we out of microwavable popcorn, but shampoo. So with very little
enthusiasm I got dressed and went to the nearest store, only five
minutes from campus, and restocked.
I was just arriving back to my dorm when I found Radley exiting. "Hey,
Rad. Where's your shadow?"
He chuckled because he knew I was referring to Megan.
He hadn' t been his usual self with me, and it was concerning. He rarely
made eye contact and when he did it was never for long. And it all
started the day after he brought me home from the bar.
He stepped around me and down the last step before turning quickly to
face me once more.
"Listen, Lex. I wasn't gonna say anything because I didn't want things
to be weird between us, but I think we can both agree they're weird
anyway. " His gaze connected with mine and I forced a smile even
though that was the last thing I wanted to do. "You said something that'
s been bothering me since that night I brought you home." He paused
looking around and then back to me when he saw no one else was
around. "You were drunk I know, but you were serious. You cried and
s a i d . "
He stopped and took a deep breath as he ran his hand through his
hair.
His actions made me feel clammy and suddenly nauseated. "You
apologized for being such a mess, and then you said that getting raped
crushed the old Lexi. " My stomach felt like it bottomed out. "You told
me that now you were just a waste of space. " The tears swelled in my
eyes and I tried with everything I could to hold them back. But it was
pointless because they ran down my cheeks heavily.
"Rad. it w a s . " He cut me off.
"Lexi, you don' t owe me anything. I just want you to know that you
aren't a mess. You're just scared and there's a huge difference." He
stepped closer and knelt just enough to bring us eye level before he
continued. "Don't let that sick fuck mold the rest of your life. I told
Megan a quick censored version of the things you said and she told me
to talk to you. She said it was up to you to tell me if you wanted to."

Radley reached out his hand and placed it onto mine as I squeezed the
railing behind me tightly. I never flinched away from his touch. I
trusted Rad completely. He was one of the good guys, without a doubt.
I just normally didn't give many people the chance to prove that to me.
"If you ever need me to beat the fuck out of the little coward, you just
point me in the right direction, doll. No questions. It would be my
pleasure." He released my hand and after a quick smile he stepped back
"And know that if you ever need to talk or yell, you just say the word
and I' m here. "
I nodded my head because right now I couldn't speak. It would have
broken me had I tried.
Rad offered me a gentle smile before he turned around and walked
toward the parking lot outside of the dorm, leaving me standing on the
stairs in a daze.
Blindingly I turned around and entered the dorm. I didn't pay attention
to anyone around and I climbed inside the elevator and waited for it to
arrive on the third floor.
Upon entering my room I dropped my bags onto the floor and walked
toward my bed. It took no time at all for Megan to join me, as she
pulled me close and held me tight.
"He won't say anything, Lex. I know he won't," she assured me. "He's
just worried. We both are."
I remained quiet.
I didn' t want to talk it out or attempt to feel better. Right now I just
wanted to feel like falling apart was okay to do.
So I did.

Chapter 12
Kole
I had been doing something over the last couple weeks that I hadn' t
done in a long time. And I would have thought it would be hard, almost
impossible to accomplish with my track record. But it was actually one
of the easiest things.
I refrained from any type of random hook up.
I still went to parties and had a few drinks, but that's where it all
stopped.
It may have started out as just a way to avoid Hope, who still didn't
seem to get the fact that we were done messing around. When her
antics of flaunting herself in front of me failed, she upped her ante and
thought she would move on to the other guys in the house.
She flirted and teased those who'd pay attention in hopes of making me
jealous. It was actually really sad. It was the point when I realized just
how wrong I had been. She obviously had no self-respect

and the game I played with her was the worst thing I could have
possibly done. At times I felt sorry for her, but the problem was
showing that would only make her mistake my guilt for interest. So
instead I ignored her. It was the easiest way, for the both of us. Or at
least I'd hoped.
But I knew a lot of the reason I had been enforcing this new found
freedom was because my mind wandered to Lexi more often than not.
I should have been running in the opposite direction with the way her
mood shifted from friendly to angry in the blink of an eye, but I didn' t.
I wanted to spend more time with her instead.
I wanted to get to know the woman she was now versus the child who I
knew crushed on me all those years ago.
Our mothers had been friends for years, and being a teenage boy, I
spent most of my time running around with friends chasing girls and
creating havoc. But there were those times I would ride along and
spend the day hanging out with the girl who was a few years younger
than me. It was always the kid sister scenario with her, but I could
assure anyone that when I saw Lexi now, kid sister was the furthest
thing from my mind.
It had been a long time since I'd allowed a girl to get inside my head. I'
d told myself I had learned my lesson and would never do it again.
So why in the hell couldn't I get the image of her tucked securely in my
arms out of my fucking head?
For some reason Lexi had me under her spell, and I knew she had no
idea she was even doing it. She was like a puzzle I couldn't solve.
I was addicted to the idea of breaking through that wall she built around
her. I wanted more; I needed more.
I parked my car along the street in front of the fraternity and climbed
out of my car, grabbing my bag from the passenger seat. Wrapping up
yet another week felt good.
I was still so lost in thoughts of ways to get closer to Lexi when I
looked up and found Radley exiting the house.
"Hey, Rad," I said as I climbed the stairs to the front porch.
"Hey, Kole." He offered a slight nod.

There had been something off with him lately.
He and I had been friends for years, and it wasn't hard to figure out
when the guy had things on his mind. He would get quiet, distant,
sulking maybe.
I just assumed he and Megan were having issues so I never pushed. I
knew if he wanted to talk about it, he'd share. "Have you seen Lexi
lately?"
He instantly squinted with curiosity at my question but didn't answer
me.
"I was just wondering if maybe you could, um...maybe put in a good
word for me? I' m not sure how to get her to let her guard down. She's
hard to break." I smiled over at him.
His reaction was again a little off.
He lifted his hand and ran it through his hair roughly. He looked toward
the ground and brought that same hand to rest on the back of his neck,
gripping tightly.
I was about to ask him what the hell was going on with him when he
looked back up and the look on his face held no humor. "No," he said.
"Just do me a favor and leave her alone. Seriously, she doesn't need to
be toyed with. "
"Toyed with?" I repeated his words, questioning him.
"Yeah man, I know how it all works. Just not her, please."
"What the fuck are you talking about?" I asked, trying not come off as
pissed, but honestly I was a bit irritated with him insinuating that I
wanted to toy with Lexi.
"There are just things about her you don't know, things she's been
through. She can't take the games."
"What, so now I can't just want to get to know someone?" I grew
defensive. "So I'm that guy that just wants to toy with a girl and fuck
her
over?"
I've hooked up. I've had my fair share of one night stands, but never
once had a girl not already known the score going in. I didn't play
games.
"She isn't the kind of girl you're looking for, Kole," Radley stated as he
stepped around me and took the porch steps two at a time.

He didn't even give me a chance to respond before he walked off
toward his car and quickly crawled inside.
Something was up with the entire Lexi thing. Megan was way too
protective and now so was Radley. The problem was figuring out
exactly what was the big secret they were all trying so hard to protect.

Chapter 13
Lexi
The big brother I never had. Protective, territorial and strangely
comforting. That was the best way, the only way to describe Radley
and how he was around me.
He didn't bring up the conversation we shared.
A weird comfort had settled over us and I gained peace from it. Things
felt as if for once they might actually be all right.
My classes and schedule were less overwhelming. I even found myself
talking to random students on campus during class or even in passing. I
was still very reserved and observant, but less skittish.
The strangest thing of all was that I'd picked up my guitar again and
found creating music was something I missed more than I had allowed
myself to believe. Singing along to music on my iPod as I

walked to class was something that made me smile, even when heads
would turn as I passed them.
On most nights it was just the three of us, Radley, Megan and me
hanging out, watching movies, going for ice cream late at night. I
should have felt like the third wheel but they made sure I didn't.
Somehow during one of our late night movie-thons I was tricked into
agreeing to help out at a fundraiser.
The fraternity along with a sorority had joined forces to run a carwash
and donate all proceeds to a local shelter that helped women and
children who had been abused seek a safe haven to start new.
The cause was what actually made me agree. But I let Radley believe
that it was his charm that convinced me; I wasn't sure his ego could take
the truth.
After all, he had been spending most of his time trapped in a tiny dorm
room with Megan and me. When together, sometimes we could be
brutal.
Megan and I were running late and had already been threatened by Rad
that if we didn't move our asses, he would drag us out by our necks. We
knew he was bluffing, and instead of hurrying we drug our feet a little
more just to irritate him.
"Shit," Megan announced from the open doorway of our tiny closet.
I looked up to find her staring down at the phone she held in her
hand.
"What?" I knew it was most likely him once again throwing out another
threat.
"He's threatening to share the photos he has on his phone of us with
bedhead and the one of you drooling in your sleep." She looked up and
widened her eyes in horror. "He said he also has one that looks like I' m
picking my nose and then the one of us that he swears we were
spooning in. "
I laughed.
"Honestly we need to get moving." She began moving around the room
gathering her things and tossing them into her bag.
"Tell him I'll go with him to the print shop." She stopped mid-rush

and turned to face me giving a puzzling stare. "What? We can get them
all blown up poster size and cover up this hideous yellowed paint with
our beauty. "
I didn' t give a shit if Radley had a picture of me on his phone drooling
or picking my butt. He could share them wherever. But by the look on
Megan's face, a picture floating around campus of her looking like she
was digging for gold in her nose was the worst possible scenario.
So to put her out of her misery I pushed off the bed and began gathering
my own things.
She seemed pleased with my choice and I tried not to laugh when she
actually let out a sigh of relief that I had chosen to skip the trip to the
local print shop.
Once we both had our bikinis on and shorts and tanks over them to
cover up until we got there, we headed out the door.
I tried not to let the fact that in just a short while I would be in front of a
group of people wearing only my suit. The anxiety I would normally
feel in similar situations had become much easier to tame. But it still
gave me a little knot in my stomach if I thought about it too much.
Exiting the building, I looked up toward Radley's Jeep and skidded to a
stop almost immediately.
The passenger side of the vehicle was facing us, and there with his
tattooed arm hanging out the open window was Kole. Each time I saw
him I could swear he had another tattoo.
I heard Megan laughed as she stepped up next to me. "You look like
you've seen a monster."
I glared at her because she obviously knew all about this but chose not
to warn me.
She only stepped around me and winked as she passed. "Come on,
love, we have cars to wash." She hollered as she waved over her
shoulder at me, but kept her head facing forward.
Visions of tackling her as payback swarmed my head and made the
irritation in me fade. I had been ambushed, but how bad could it be?
Right?
When I climbed into the Jeep, she was still smiling and playing with the
ends of her hair, pulled back in a high ponytail that hung over

her right shoulder. I took the opportunity to reach and tug, only making
her squeal. "Brat," I mouthed and she shrugged, leaning forward to kiss
Radley. He was willingly waiting to be assaulted.
Things grew a little uncomfortable as they mauled each other in plain
sight.
I looked away quickly and instantly was face to face with Kole as he
looked back at me. "Hey," he said, trying to ease the awkwardness that
settled over us.
"Hi," I said and quickly looked away.
I knew I had to. Kole was easy on the eyes, and it was simple to get lost
in deep thought when looking at him. I didn't want to come across as
some awestruck girl so the best option was to look away.
When the car began to move, I knew it was once again safe to look up.
Megan and Radley had moved past the heavy making out and Kole was
now looking forward.
And I was relieved.
One of my favorite songs came on the radio; I closed my eyes and
began tapping my thigh lightly with my fingertips to the beat of the
music.
I loved getting lost in the words of a great song. It was an escape I had
been revisiting a lot lately.
It truly felt good to love it again.
At some point I began softly singing along and leaned my head back
against the headrest.
When the music ended, I lifted my head and immediately found that not
only had Radley adjusted the rear view mirror so he could look at me,
but Kole was completely turned around in his seat, staring at me too.
I looked over at my best friend who only sat there in the seat next to me
with a shit-eating grin covering her face.
"What?" I asked.
Looking between the three of them, I wondered why they were all
watching me.
"You can sing." Kole was the first to speak and my stomach dropped
instantly. "And you can sing well, too. "

Apparently I wasn't singing quietly to myself.
"Um, yeah." I was a little embarrassed about the show I put on. From
now on I would just imagine the words in my head versus trying to sing
lightly.
"That was..." Kole started to speak again but I cut him off. "Let's all just
pretend you heard nothing and move on." I waved my hand in the air
nonchalantly which only made Megan laugh harder. So much for the
day being uncomfortable.
I watched as Kole toyed with the piercing in his tongue as he continued
to stare back at me. It was hypnotizing, but I realized I was staring so I
quickly averted my eyes.
I begged silently for this moment to be forgotten and within seconds it
had been. Well, by almost everyone.
Radley went back to driving and Megan leaned forward as she softly
rubbed Radley's shoulder while he drove. But Kole kept looking back
over his shoulder and smiling at me. And he continued to flip that damn
stud in his tongue out, biting it between his teeth.
I picked up quickly on the fact that he was doing it on purpose. I think
he knew it had gained my attention.
Cocky son of a bitch.
When we pulled up at the strip mall that allowed us to use the parking
lot and the hookups for the carwash, we all piled out of the Jeep.
Megan wasted no time as she started to take off her shorts and then pull
her tank over her head. She had no fear. I, on the other hand, would
have preferred to remain covered.
But of course she wasn't going to allow that.
"Take it off!" she hollered, immediately gaining a glare. "Seriously, if
I'm doing this so are you."
Instead of making this into a battle I would eventually give up and cave
on anyway, I grabbed the edge of my tank and lifted it over my head.
"Fine, but the shorts stay on. That's where I draw the line." She rolled
her eyes but did it with a smile on her face.
"And the first guy that asks me to show him where my tattoo ends, I' m
nut punching him," I added as I tossed my tank top into my bag and
shut the back door of the Jeep.

Megan just laughed, but she knew I was serious.
It was a question that annoyed me because no one actually cared about
my tattoo or the meaning behind it. Guys just used it as an excuse to be
perverted.
It was a cherry blossom vine, just like the one that was in my mother's
garden when I was younger, before it all went to hell. She used to love
that garden, and she'd spend hours pruning and admiring. It was a time
I'd think of often, because back then everything seemed so simple, so
perfect.
It was time when my parents were happy and we were a family.
The tattoo started very low on my left hipbone, wrapping in both
directions around the front and back of my body. The front curled
around me further, extending up just under my left breast. But it was
the quote intertwined with the vines that had the deepest meaning.
"Remembering is Painful but Forgetting is Impossible. "
I stumbled upon the verse one day and it spoke to me because it
explained exactly how I felt.
Megan was the only person who knew why I got it and its exact
meaning. Just thinking of it brought back the ache inside me that I spent
every day fighting.
Megan, of course, saw the sadness in me and chose to help me forget. It
was one of the biggest reasons I loved her so much. She knew me better
than anyone. She knew what I needed and when.
She hooked her arm in mine and drug me off toward the big black truck
Radley was washing. It was massive, and most of the girls attempting
to help could barely reach the windows on the doors. It was comical to
watch.
Loud squealing and shrieking actually broke through the air and I
turned around to find the source. Will someone please shut that girl up?
She sounded like a dying cat; it was so annoying.
When my eyes landed on the person responsible, I rolled my eyes. It
was the same girl who glared at me with such hate the day Kole rescued
me from the ass at the bar. I still had a difficult time remembering his
name.
The girl was being sprayed by some guy who held a hose in his

hand. Of course she was wearing a white bikini and nothing else. White
as in when wet, it may as well have been Saran wrap. She flaunted
herself and made little effort to cover up, so it was obvious she wanted
all those around her to see what was visible beneath.
Her eyes connected with mine and immediately started scanning the
parking lot for Kole. Why? Hell, I didn't know; I really shouldn't have
cared.
The moment I spotted him I smiled. I shouldn't have been so happy to
find he was alone but I was. But that joy was short lived when I saw
little Miss Bimbo herself step up to his side.
I chose to look away.
It was better that way, because seeing him with her only irritated me
and I knew I shouldn't allow myself to feel that way. I had no claim on
him.
I got back to the task at hand and busied myself once again washing the
truck before me.
I don't know how much time had passed but I flinched when I felt an
arm brush against mine. I looked over and found Kole standing next to
me, but looking forward with a wash mitt in his hand.
He had a smirk on his lips, and something about it made me feel a rush
of excitement.
He was gorgeous. He knew it, you could tell.
"So that tattoo," he said, still not looking at me.
I tensed at his words waiting for some perverted smartass comment.
But it never came.
"It's amazing. Hot yes, but the detail is beautiful." He then turned his
head and his smile widened. "I'd never have guessed that you'd have
ink."
Cocky. Sexy.
And started to wiggle his way beneath my tough exterior. That was
exactly what Kole was doing. I hated it. But I liked it too.

"Wipe that cocky grin off your face, Kole. You're not getting anywhere
with it." I so just lied.
His laughter was infectious because I couldn't help but smile.
"Oh really?" He bumped his shoulder against mine. "Because I have
been told I can be pretty persuasive. "
Now it was my turn to laugh. "Oh, I'm sure you can be, but I'm not your
typical girl. You know, the one who falls head over heels for a sexy
smile on a hot guy. I'm a little tougher to break than that."
He had stopped washing the truck and was now turned completely to
the side, facing me. "So you think I'm hot and have a sexy smile,
huh?"
Oh my god he was so cocky.
Get over it. I didn't say that out loud, though, and you had to be blind if
you didn't think this guy was gorgeous. But instead of showing him I
was falling for his charm I fought against it, maintaining my tough girl
act.
Fisting the sponge I held in my hand, the suds ran over my palm and
dripped to the ground at my feet. I looked up at Kole who still smiled at
me with a gleam in his eyes. Without a second thought I threw the
sponge at him. It hit him in the chest before falling to the ground.
His deep chuckle ran through me like melted chocolate. My body
betrayed me and I marched off hearing his laughter follow me across
the
lot.
My body felt warm and it had nothing to do with the heat of the
day.
Spotting a Pepsi machine across the lot, I thought it was the perfect
excuse for an escape.
Keeping my back toward the crowd of college students that spent more
time goofing off than actually washing cars, I purchased the soda.
The cool liquid felt amazing rolling down my throat.
"You don't think he actually likes you, do you?" I cringed at the sound
of the nasally voice that came from behind me.
I turned around to come face to face with no other than the bimbo in the
see-through bikini.
"I mean, he flirts with everyone. Don't let yourself feel special.

Give it a few minutes and he'll move on to the next girl."
I didn't give her the satisfaction of knowing she was irritating me. Girls
like her only wanted to get a rise out of others, and once they got a sign
they had, it was like a drug to them.
I slowly and carefully placed the cap back on the soda bottle in my
hands, and took my time before I made eye contact with the whore.
Once I did I could see that she thought she had some hold over me. Like
she had accomplished some big goal she set out to fulfill.
I took a step closer to her and smirked. "I really don't know who you
think you are, and to be honest, I really don't give a shit. I do, however,
have some advice to offer. Don't ever walk up to me and pretend you
know anything about me. I suggest you turn your skanky ass around
and go back to your happy little illusion that you and Kole are going to
one day get married, have kids, and live happily ever after. Because
from what I've seen, that is the only place you and he are ever going to
have anything together. "
"Oh, I can assure you that he a n d . " She stopped midsentence when I
held my hand in front of her face, and she took a step backwards.
"Wake up." I laughed sarcastically. "It's actually pretty pathetic that
you felt the need to walk all the way over here and stake your
imaginary claim on Kole. You really should gain some self-respect. "
She laughed nervously.
"Laugh," I told her. "Because you know it's all true. But just so you
know, if I wanted him, I could have him in a second."

Chapter 14
Kole
"Hey, Kole, you might want to run to the rescue of your bimbo before
Lexi makes sure she isn' t so fun to look at anymore," Megan hollered
over the hood of the Mustang we were washing
I turned my body just enough to look over my shoulder and see what in
the hell she was referring to and my stomach instantly dropped.
Not because of fear that Lexi might end up hitting Hope, but because
Hope was most likely saying shit that wasn't true.
"Fuck." I dropped my sponge and immediately started to jog over
toward them.
"Okay, ladies, we're here to wash cars. No need for a cat fight; put the
claws away," I said as I stepped between them. I was trying for a little
humor to diffuse the problem but it backfired.

I saw the fire burn in Lexi's eyes almost instantly.
"There won't be any claws," Lexi said. "You should choose who you
spend time with more carefully, Kole. Most people fumigate when they
become infested with cockroaches, not invite them to hop in their
bed."
She pushed past me and I couldn't help but smile at her irritated
manner. "By the way, keep this fucking skank out of my face in the
future." The tone of her voice told me she was completely serious.
I shouldn't have found her pissed off state sexy, but I did.
I watched her storm off as her tight little shorts showed the bottom of
her ass cheeks. Her hips shifting from side to side almost hypnotized
me.
"You're not seriously into her, are you? She is so nasty." I took my eyes
off Lexi, remembering Hope still stood nearby. I'd forgotten all about
her until she opened her damn mouth.
"Nasty? She's nasty, is she?" I'd grown real tired of her bullshit, and
right now she was really beginning to piss me the fuck off. "That' s
priceless, coming from the girl who I know has slept with more than a
half dozen of my frat brothers in the last couple weeks, just trying to get
my attention. You would be the definition of nasty." I turned back to
look in the direction Lexi had gone. "And yes—I'm into her. So you can
cut the crap, Hope, because you're starting to piss me off."

Chapter 15

Lexi
I spent the rest of the afternoon trying to avoid Kole and his annoying
friend. I made every attempt to stay on the opposite side of the parking
lot just trying to get through the day.
Just when I thought my day couldn't have gotten any more annoying,
my overly helpful best friend had to once again prove me wrong. Her
ability to see right through me and understand exactly what I was
feeling was sometimes scary.
"It' s okay to like him, you know. He' s actually a really decent guy. "
She hip checked me and I chose to continue looking forward.
"I don' t like him like that. He' s just a guy. A really cocky,
self-centered, arrogant, conceited guy. " So why did he make my heart
race?
"Yeah. But again, it is okay to like him." Did I mention that Megan was
also very pushy?
"I've been here for a few hours," I said, completely ignoring her
invasion into my mind. "That is a couple more than I had originally
planned, so maybe I should just call it a day. "
I tossed my sponge into the nearest bucket and suds splashed up over
the edge upon impact.
I turned around and took no more than two steps when she halted me by
pulling at my hair.
"What the hell?" I complained. Turning around to face her, I pulled my
hair free of her hand.
"Are you seriously going to walk back to campus by yourself? It's like
three, maybe four miles," she asked with an annoyed look on her face.
"I'll be fine, Meg." I was done with the interrogating questions. I was
past the bimbo in the see-through bikini, and I was so over the guy I

immediately noticed had been observing Megan and me.
Kole stood only a few feet away and by the look on his face, he also
didn't agree with me walking alone.
"What?" I said, directing the question only to him which caused Megan
to look behind her.
"I can take you back to the dorm." It was hard to be annoyed with him
when he had that concerned look in his eyes.
I wanted to like him, I truly did. But there was that nagging feeling
inside me that made being with Kole entirely too close to the one
person who destroyed my life. With the help of my own parents, but
that was an entirely different story.
"I could use the walk, but thanks." I turned around and began walking
without looking back.
Who was I kidding?
Being a normal college student, having fun and living in the moment
just wasn't me. I had entirely too many things weighing me down, and
no matter how hard I tried I always felt as if I was drowning.
"Lex," Megan hollered out and I just waved as if everything was good.
"Will you wait up?"
I turned around to face my nosy best friend, but she wasn't alone.
"You two aren't gonna give up on this are you?" Megan arched her
brow and Kole still wore that same concerned expression on his face.
"Did I piss you off or something?" he asked, surprising me. "I thought
you and me were over that awkward shit by now. "
A silence set over us for a moment and before I could respond, Kole
spoke again. Only the words he chose made the ground beneath me feel
as if it was crumbling.
"What exactly happened between you and him to make you so angry all
the time?"
My chest tightened and my hands began to shake.
I looked at Megan and could instantly see the look of turmoil in her
features. I knew than that she had betrayed me.
The one person I trusted with everything that was dark inside me, and
she managed to share those secrets.
"I' m sorry" were the only two words she spoke, and they were all I

needed to hear to know my fears were valid.
"Matt is an ass, I know that as well as anyone else, but is it something
so bad you can't move on from it?" he asked, pushing me further into a
rage.
The air in my lungs felt as if it had disappeared. A burning sensation
filled my chest and bile rose in my throat.
"I can't believe you told him." A mixture of hurt and anger swarmed in
me uncontrollably.
"It just..." Megan began to speak but stopped abruptly when I shook my
head and stepped back from them both, gaining some distance.
"Listen, I'm sorry. Megan said that somehow Matt was responsible for
how closed off you are. She didn't share details, but from the look on
your face I can tell it must be worse than I imagined. "
I couldn' t do this.
I couldn't have this conversation in the center of a strip mall parking lot.
Who the hell was I kidding? Even if we were safely tucked away in a
secluded area, I still wouldn't be ready to have this conversation.
So without saying another word, I turned around and began walking
away.
Even when they hollered out for me, I kept walking.
I needed space.
I needed time to think. Time to decide how I should face this. It was too
soon; I wasn't ready.
To be honest, I didn't think I would ever be ready to face that darkness
head on.

Chapter 16
Kole
We allowed her to walk away.
Against my better judgement, I took Megan' s advice and just allowed
Lexi the time Meg insisted she needed.
I could tell by the look in her eyes she felt horrible. Which in turn only
made me feel like a complete ass for bringing it up.
But in my defense, I had no idea it would gain the reaction it had.
The car ride back to the dorms was silent. Megan stared out the
passenger window and Radley gently rubbed her arm she braced
against the center armrest. The radio softly played and it reminded me
of the ride to the strip mall earlier.
The way Lexi sang along with the music as if no one was
listening—she seemed so carefree in that moment.

That was lost the moment I opened my fucking mouth.
"Megan, I'm sorry I said anything. I had no idea she would freak out
like that." I felt horrible about everything.
"Kole, you couldn't have known how she would react. It's my fault; I
never should have said anything to you." Megan looked down at her lap
and once again grew quiet.
I don' t think any one of us wasted even a second when we came to a
stop outside the dorms. We were all out of the Jeep and heading toward
the entrance, as if we were on a mission.
Only disappointment set in when we found their room empty. Evidence
that she had been there was lying in a pile on the floor.
Her shorts and the bikini top and bottom she wore were tossed between
the two beds, as well as the flip flops she had on.
Megan stood at the foot of her bed just staring down at the pile, a lost
look on her face.
"Where do you think she went?" I asked.
Still silence.
"Megan?" I said trying to gain her attention.
Radley stepped around her and placed his hand beneath her chin, lifting
just enough that she was forced to look at him. "Babe, do you know
where she would go?"
I could see from where I stood that she had been crying. Her lower lip
trembled and that fucking shit was hard to see. I couldn't take a woman
crying, especially when I knew I was partly to blame.
"Bar," she whispered. "She would go to a bar. Try to forget it all."
"A bar?" I asked stepping in a little closer.
"Try to drown out the images," she said, just barely enough to hear. It
was as if she was repeating something she had heard. "Take away the
ache even if only for a little while."
Something about this entire thing was giving me a sick fucking feeling
in my gut.
"There are a shit ton of bars around here, maybe we should split up; we
could cover more that way." I suggested. Yes, I thought what I said was
true, but more than that I wanted to be the one to find her.
I needed to find her.

"Yeah, that sounds good," Megan whispered.
A sense of relief washed over me when she agreed so easily.
Radley dropped me off at the house and I didn't waste any time. I
climbed into my car, and within seconds I was backing out of the drive
with my phone in hand.
There was a call I needed to make.
I had to find out what the fuck was going on, or what had gone on,
between Lexi and Matt.
The kid grew up living a charmed life. His parents gave him everything
he ever asked for, and in their eyes he did no wrong. He ate that shit up,
knowing that whatever mistakes he made, Daddy and Mommy would
fix them.
He was a cocky fucker and seeing him and Lexi together gave me a sick
feeling.
My patience grew thin as I waited for the douche to answer the call
once it started to ring.
After the third ring, and just as I was about to hang up and try to call
again, he finally answered.
"Well if it isn't the infamous Kole. What the hell's going on, man?" His
voice was a little slurred and I assumed he'd been drinking. Perfect;
people seemed to be more open to share shit when they had a few
drinks in them. Or at least that was my experience.
"Hey, how's Cali and college?" I figured a few pleasantries couldn't
hurt. After all, I wanted information from him.
Play nice, even though I wasn't really a big fan of his. Never had
been.
Matt just laughed. I could sense the familiar cockiness in his voice.
"It's great, but you know that. Girls are insane, but in a good way.
Being here on a full athletic scholarship has some real great perks. Girls
drop to their knees for a chance to say they scored a quarterback. And
who am I to deny 'em?" He chuckled. "I'm enjoying all the attention as
often as possible if ya know what I'm saying."
"Yeah, man." I offered the fakest form of my own joy. Matt was always
a little too arrogant for his own good and I only had one reason for this
call. It was time to get on with it.

"I got a question for you. Did you date a girl named Lexi Warren?" He
was silent for a minute and I almost asked him if he was there, then he
spoke.
"I wouldn't say we dated. More like she followed me around my entire
senior year like a lost puppy and then showed up to some big party one
of my teammates had after we all graduated." He cleared his throat
before continuing. Only this time when he spoke he sounded much
clearer than before.
"Let's just say she got drunk and went a little wild. I fucked her a couple
times, but hell, I wasn't the only one." I cringed at the image of Lexi
beneath Matt. "So date her—no, just nailed her. She's a little whore,
Kole. If I were you I wouldn't get wrapped up in that."
I hated hearing him talk about her like that. There was more to the
story; I could almost feel it. The girl he was describing didn't sound
anything like the Lexi I knew all those years ago or the version I knew
now.
"But hey, if you're just looking for a quick lay, she'd be your girl," he
added, once again laughing.
It was time to call this shit over.
"Nah, she just came to a few parties here at the fraternity and one of the
guys was asking about her. I thought I would ask you since you went to
the same school. "
He laughed lightly.
"Well, tell your friend she likes it rough." I flexed my jaw in irritation
as I fought the urge to tell him to shut the fuck up.
"I gotta go, but we'll talk again." I knew I was lying and I'm sure he did
too. I could count on one hand how many times I'd talked to him in the
last two years. The only reason I had his number was because my aunt
insisted he and I should be closer. So to shut her up, the last time I
visited I added his number to my phone while she watched to make sure
I had it right.
Something was off about the whole thing. The phone call did nothing
more than heighten my pissed off, aggravated state.
Something happened to make Lexi so distant and so angry. Even
though I tried to imagine it was something simple and small, I knew I

was only lying to myself.
This was bigger than anything I had ever faced. This was darker.

Chapter 17
Lexi
"I don't want anymore," I said as I pushed away the beer held close to
my face.
I was already so drunk. I knew if I drank anymore I would be sick. I
could feel the rolling of my stomach and the room was already
spinning.
"Come on, just one more," a guy whispered next to my ear.
I only shook my head, before leaning against the wall next to me.
I had come to this bar hoping to distance myself from the earlier hell. I
wanted to forget that my best friend had shared my secrets behind my
back. I wanted to ignore the fact that Kole probably pitied me by now.
It was all just one fucked up mess I wanted to ignore for a while.

It didn' t take long.
Flanagan's just happened to be a place where half of fraternity row
frequented. I met a few friends, if that is what you wanted to call guys
offering to buy you all the drinks you wanted. They thought they could
get lucky.
But they had another think coming, because tonight I would be
sleeping alone. Where? I had no idea yet. But one fact was for sure, I
would not be waking up tomorrow regretting the night before.
I just wanted to forget for a little while.
This helped.
"Let's get out of here." This time the whisper was followed by the brush
of lips along the side of my neck.
I shied away, only I couldn't go far because the wall to my side was
stopping me.
Using my hand, I attempted to push the guy away. His deep chuckle
reminded me of Matt and the way he laughed when he knew he had
over-powered me.
The room spun, my head felt hazy and suddenly I stumbled and was
unable to catch myself.
I heard the sound of someone yelling and suddenly I was wrapped in a
strong set of arms just before it all faded out.

Chapter 18
Kole
I was fuming, still an hour later.
I was ready to rip the fuck out of Zack Hannigan. The moment I entered
the bar and found that sorry piece of shit up in Lexi' s space, my anger
went through the roof.
Hadn' t he learned his lesson when Radley punched him the last
time?
I was pacing my room when there was a light tap on the door. Within
seconds it came open slowly and on the other side stood Rad and
Megan, both with concern etching their faces.

"She's asleep," I told them. "She's staying in my room." It wasn't up for
debate and neither of them argued.
"Someone better get Zack another place to stay tonight, too, because
I'm seconds away from dragging him out on the front lawn and beating
his fucking ass. "
I ran my hands through my hair in frustration and Radley laughed.
"I don't look for him to come home tonight," Radley said. "We'll see ya
in the morning." He placed his hand on my shoulder and squeezed
before stepping back and leading Megan out of the room. She had
already closed the distance between us and wrapped her arms around
my neck in a hug.
"Thank you," she whispered.
I knew she was thanking me for finding Lexi but her thanks weren't
necessary. I had no intention of stopping until I did.
As they exited the room and shut the door behind them, I looked over
toward my bed. I could barely see the top of Lexi's head peeking out
from beneath the covers. She was curled up in a ball on her side, her
back facing me.
She was out like a light and didn't stir when I lowered myself to the bed
beside her. I could faintly hear her snoring and it made me smile.
Just lying there in the darkness feeling her back pressed up against my
arm was comforting. I knew she was safe. The demons within her had
not gone; I wasn't sure they would ever fade, but if she would just open
up to me maybe I could help.
I let my mind wander back to my earlier phone conversation and that
uneasy feeling returned.
I wasn't a dumbass; I knew things weren't right. I had a sick feeling in
my gut. With the way Lexi had withdrawn, mixed with Matt' s attitude
about the night they shared, it didn't take a genius to figure out that
things didn't play out as he said.
I wanted the story from her. I wanted to hear from Lexi about their
night together.
But the problem was convincing her that even though Matt and I were
related, I was on her side. I found the desire to protect her
overwhelming. She wasn't my girl, hell, I didn't know if she would
even

consider us friends, but none of that mattered.
I wanted that sweet happy Lexi from all those years ago to return. She
was in there somewhere; I knew she was.

Chapter 19
Lexi
I woke up feeling like my tongue was three sizes too big. My mouth
was dry and my head felt heavy. It was all too familiar.
The warmness of a masculine body pressed to my side made me hate
my life and what it had become even more. I promised myself I
wouldn't do this, not anymore. I left that girl behind when I chose to
come to North Carolina and start fresh.
Random hookups after a heavy night of drinking were a thing of my
past.
But that past was now lying beside me reminding me that I may always
be that girl.
The one who cringed at the idea of physical intimacy and could

only tolerate the touch of a man when she was so drunk that it all felt
hazy.
It was sick.
It was sad and it was my life.
When I slowly began to crawl out of the bed I caught a glimpse of the
guy' s face and froze. It was Kole.
Out of all the times I had gone home in a drunken stupor with someone
and woke up blank, this would have been the one time I wished I' d
remembered it all.
I could see myself trusting him.
And that scared the hell out of me. It terrified me, really.
The next few steps I took were entirely too familiar. Sneak out of the
bed, find my clothes—only I was still wearing them. And then.. .wait, I
still had on my pants and my bra, everything but my shoes. They were
across the room near the door.
Tip-toeing across the room I bent to grab my shoes and was startled by
Kole's scruffy voice. "You don't have to sneak off."
I kept my back to him as I released the breath I had been holding.
"I wasn't trying to sneak. I was just leaving." He didn't say anything,
but I could hear the movement of the sheets as he untangled them from
his body.
And then he was there, behind me. I could feel his presence.
"Nothing happened between us, Lexi." He spoke in a hushed whisper.
"You just slept here. I found you at the bar last night and didn' t want
anything bad to happen to you. So I brought you here. "
I hated the thought of him seeing me last night. I knew I had to have
looked ridiculous considering I was so obliviated that I remembered
nothing.
I was embarrassed.
"You had me a little worried last night," he confessed.
I couldn' t take the ache inside me that his words caused.
"You shouldn't worry about me, Kole. I don't need you to. I don't really
need anyone to." It was better this way. I couldn't be anyone's anything
right now.

I walked toward the door as he came up quickly behind me and
wrapped his arms around my waist from behind.
I shouldn't have allowed it to happen but in that moment I felt safe. I
couldn' t remember the last time I felt that kind of comfort. So for just a
moment I allowed myself to accept it.
"It's okay to let people in, Lexi. You can trust me." He held me for a
few seconds and I heard him breathe in deep as he buried his nose in
my hair. Just holding me close, he rocked from side to side and I closed
my eyes, relaxing back against him.
"Just talk to me, tell me what happened and let me help you. " I was
instantly reminded of the relationship between him and the heartless
bastard who made me the way I was.
I pulled away from Kole trying to get free, and he reluctantly released
me.
Kole was a good guy, I could feel it. But that fact didn't change
anything. I was better off on my own. That way no one held the power
to destroy me.
I had found I couldn't even trust my best friend. And I refused to be
delusional enough to believe that Kole couldn't and wouldn't hurt me
too. Maybe not the same way his cousin did, but the possibility was
there.
I stepped toward the door and reached out to twist the handle.
"Please, Lexi." His words sounded more like a plea.
Pulling open the door, I looked back over my shoulder and gave him
just a glimpse of the person I was and why.
"I made the mistake almost six months ago of trusting the wrong
person. I thought he liked me, and in turn, he only used that as a way to
hurt me. Matt took things from me that no matter what I say or do, I can
never get them back. I won't ever make that same mistake twice." I
turned quickly and left.
***
After a heated conversation between Megan and me that same

afternoon, she distanced herself from our dorm. I was thankful she took
it upon herself to stay with Radley.
I had nothing to say to her, not now.
I won't lie and say I didn't miss her, because I did. But I wasn't yet ready
to forgive her. I was hurt that she had so easily betrayed my trust. I
never thought I would have to fear that when it came to Megan.
I began to act distanced, broody and angry. It was a performance I had
perfected.
I avoided all contact with Radley, Megan, and even Kole because I
needed no one. Or at least I had convinced myself I didn't.
Whenever I was forced to be in the same room with Megan, it always
turned into a fight. I would say things reflecting my anger toward her
and in the end, she would just storm out and retreat back to Radley' s.
For a short time after, I allowed myself to feel bad about the distance
between us, but it was always short-lived. I would remember her
betrayal, and somehow in my warped and damaged mind I convinced
myself my actions were okay and that she was the one who was wrong.
Of course, each wrong turn I took only brought me closer to rock
bottom.

Chapter 20
I' d allowed myself to fall back into that ugly stage of depression. That
"I need no one, want nothing and can do it all on my own" stage. The
"no one can be trusted, everyone is out to hurt me in some way, I am
better off alone" state.
I was there.
And I was fine with that. It was a place I thought I would be okay
with.
But depression was funny like that.
The demon on my shoulder, the hatred in my heart, was overtaking my
life. And I was powerless to stop it.
I came home after another long day of class, avoidance, and being
angry at the world to find Radley, Megan and Kole sitting in my dorm
room waiting for me.
I froze in the open doorway of my room as I looked around at them
slowly. They remained quiet as if weighing out my mood. I chose to
ignore their questioning stares until the moment I noticed some
pamphlets next to Kole on the bed.
The words depression, guilt, and blame practically jumped out at
me.
I reached out and picked one of them up, instantly offended by their
tactic.

"What the fuck are these?" I held up the pamphlet in my hand as I
looked around the room eyeing each one of them.
"I brought them," Radley announced. "I just thought m a y b e . " He
stopped abruptly when I tossed the booklet to the bed.
"You thought what, Radley?" I said angrily. "You thought you could
just show up here with a few pamphlets on how I should heal and not
blame myself, and things would just be okay?"
"No, but if you would just let us help you." Radley stood from the bed
and took a step in my direction.
I was exhausted. I was tired of being the poor girl who was stupid and
trusted the wrong guy. I was so sick of those around me offering to fix
me.
I couldn't be fixed. And their efforts and pure ignorance of the matter
only angered me more.
"Do you have any idea what it feels like to be held down against your
will and to have someone grope your body even though you do
everything within your power to fight them?" At this point all hope of
going back to a calm state was lost. "You can't scream. You can't yell
for help because they have their hand covering your mouth so tightly
that even the attempt causes you to bite the insides of your lips."
I hadn' t even realized I was crying until a tear dropped from my
chin.
"Do you have any idea what it feels like to have that same person rape
you more than once? After they have just stripped you of your
innocence, they flip you over, shove your face into a pillow, and push
your legs apart only to force themselves on you again. Do you know,
Radley?"
Megan was sobbing as she sat on the bed staring up at Radley and me.
Kole also appeared sickened by my words as his eyes glistened with
unshed tears.
"You all show up here with some plan to intervene, but none of you
truly know the hate inside me. "
Kole now stood and the last thing I wanted was for him to attempt to
comfort me. I couldn't take it.
"I know you all want to fix me, but you can't fix me. No one can.

I'll never forgive myself for the things I did." It was true. If only Radley
and Kole knew the full truth, they wouldn't be so determined to offer
me help.
"You didn't do anything wrong." It was Kole who spoke this time.
"You have no idea what you're talking about." I assured him. He looked
back at me sympathetically and I hated that look.
"You're so sure of that, but let me enlighten you just how wrong you
are." Megan hollered out for me to stop but I didn't. I couldn't. Because
I was so tired of living like this.
I just wanted it all to go away.
I wanted to breathe again without feeling like my chest was on fire.
"I was so unbelievably stupid," I whispered. "I willingly followed Matt
to that cabin on the night of Will's party. I went upstairs with him
because I was that dumbass little virgin who thought the guy with an
amazing future actually liked me. But it was all some sick game." I
took in a shuddering breath.
"When he was done with me he told me no one would believe that he
raped me. He could have had anyone and I was dumb enough to believe
him. Everyone saw how into him I was. Everyone witnessed the way I
followed him around. So I left the party without saying a word and
went home to take a shower. "
I looked up and found all three of them staring back at me. "I hid out,
and I never reported it. I just went home and tried to forget, but then
five weeks later..."
Megan crawled from the bed in a hurry and moved around Radley to
get closer to me. "You don't have to say anything more."
"Yes I do because it's never gonna go away." I had two men hell bent
on fixing me—the poor girl who was falling apart at the seams.
"Five weeks later I found out I was pregnant." I said the words without
looking away from Megan, and I didn't miss the intake of breath that
filled the silence after I spoke. I had no idea if it was Radley or Kole,
hell maybe it was both of them, but I never let it stop me from
continuing.
"I couldn't tell my mom, because she had already hit rock bottom
herself after my father left her. I couldn't count on her and I knew that.

So in my warped, crazy mind I thought if I ignored it, I'd never have to
face it." I took a step backward and sat down in the chair at my desk,
twisting my hands nervously. "I never went to the doctor, I never said a
word to anyone. Until the morning I found myself on the bathroom
floor screaming in pain." The tears fell heavy as the events of that day
ran through my mind, still feeling as if it was only yesterday. "My mom
took me to the emergency room, after she yelled at me for ten minutes
for interrupting her evening plans. "
"Lex," Kole whispered hoarsely, but I refused to look up.
"I had a miscarriage, and as I lay there in that hospital bed, tuning out
the harsh words my mother spoke to me, I just felt sad because I lost my
baby. It was such a mixture of so many different feelings, and each one
just took me deeper and deeper into depression. "
I looked up at Kole, Radley, and Megan, oddly feeling relieved that I
no longer had secrets to hide.
"My mom called me a slut before she stormed out of the hospital room,
leaving me there to fend for myself. She was so lost in her own form of
depression and sadness that I was only getting in the way. She kicked
me out over it all without even asking for an explanation." I no longer
cried. I'd already accepted that my mother was heartless.
"Depression makes you do crazed things. One minute you're thinking
of ways you can make things better because you want a different kind
of life. But then something small takes place, something that most
would just brush off and move on from, but I couldn't. I would let it
affect me and then the next thing I knew I would be spiraling out of
control."
Kole surprised me by taking a step forward and kneeling to the floor in
front of me.
I watched as he lifted his hands and went to reach out for me but
suddenly stopped and lowered them. You could see the indecisiveness
in his features.
"I know you think you asked for it, but you couldn't be more wrong," he
whispered. His voice was strained as he continued to speak. "Nobody
deserves to go through the things you' ve faced. And nothing you said
in the last ten minutes makes you weak or pathetic. It just

proves how strong you are. "
"But I' m not," I argued, only to have him move in closer and this time
reach out to take my hands.
"You are," he said.
"I let him take everything from me, without a fight. I just forgot the girl
I used to be and became the one I am now." Those tears I thought I was
done shedding returned. "I've made so many bad choices since that
moment."
"We all make bad choices, sweetheart, believe me. I've made my fair
share." He still held my hands in his as he stared back at me. I forgot we
were not alone, because in that moment it was only Kole I saw.
"It's time to take back your life, Lex, time to stop letting him win." The
moment a tear escaped and began running down my cheek, Kole
reached up and caught it with his thumb. "I' m not going anywhere, and
nothing you shared today changes that because I know that sweet,
generous girl I knew long ago is still in there. And I'm gonna help you
find her. "
I was emotionally exhausted.
The fight in me had faded and in its place was a girl who wanted to be
free from all the heartache inside.
I just wanted to live again, but I had no idea how.
"Let me help you, please," he whispered. "You can trust me, because I
would never hurt you and in no way will I allow anyone else to hurt you
either. "
I believed him.
I could see the determination and dedication in his eyes. And I didn' t
fear him; in fact I found myself only wanting to bring him closer.
Without any further hesitation I leaned forward and wrapped my arms
around him, letting him take hold of me, keeping me close.
"Just let me in," he whispered against my ear. "Let me be here for
you."
I knew it wouldn't be easy, but at this point something had to change. I
had to stop this self-destruction and take back my life. It was time.

Chapter 21
Kole
A fire burned inside me like a raging inferno. I wanted to hop on the
first plane to California and find Matt. I wanted to take his life and
destroy it the way he had done to Lexi.
But right then, with her wrapped in my arms, was where I needed
to be.
She let me in.
She wasn't pushing me away and running in the opposite direction.
Instead she held onto me like I was her lifeline.
Hours had passed since she bared her soul to us, and now she was fast
asleep, her arms still holding me securely.
We were both tucked into her tiny fucking bed, barely room to breathe
for fear of falling out but never in my life had I been more

unwilling to move.
I didn't give a shit about my own comfort at this point; I just wanted her
to know I was there.
If the tight grip was any indication that she still felt my presence while
she was asleep, then in no way would I take that from her.
I' d handle Matt when the time came.
That sick fuck would pay for what he put her through. He would know
how it felt to have your life flipped upside down and then torn from you
without control.
I remained very still as Lexi's head rested on my chest. I was afraid any
small movement would wake her.
I listened quietly to the sound of her breathing, a peaceful rhythm.
I felt so protective of Lexi. I still had not figured out if it was related to
that little girl who had looked up to me all those years ago or the
woman she had become. I just knew that I was willing to do whatever I
had to do to make sure no one hurt her again.
Tucking my chin closer to my chest, I looked toward the beautiful girl
who appeared to be sleeping peacefully on my chest and lifted my hand
up to brush away a loose hair that had fallen over her face. Only instead
of releasing it, I twisted it around my finger, enjoying the silky feeling
of it against me.
I could smell the coconut scent of her shampoo as I continued to move
her hair around my finger.
I was so lost in the moment that I had not noticed she woke until I felt
her pulling away from me. "Where are you going?" I asked as I
released her hair.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep on you. I'm sure you're
uncomfortable." She was looking up at me timidly.
The last thing I wanted was for her to move.
"I wasn't uncomfortable. It was actually kind of perfect, until you
decided to move." I grinned down at her when she shied away, trying to
hide her own smile.
I wasn't sure what she was thinking, but I waited for her to respond. Just
when I thought I freaked her out she surprised me. "Do you mind
staying here all night? It's actually comforting to have you here."

She was propped up using her elbow against the mattress at my side to
support her upper body. "I think that's why I slept so soundly," she
confessed.
I curled my arm around her waist and pulled her body back against
mine, our faces now only inches apart. The urge to kiss her was
powerful, almost irresistible.
"I' m not leaving," I said, involuntarily looking toward her lips. "You
know you can trust me right?"
She nodded her head without hesitation and relief filled my chest.
"I won't hurt you," I assured her.
"I know," she replied.
I had broken through that wall she'd built, and never before had I felt
the sense of accomplishment that gave me.
"Thank you, for everything." She curled in closer and I could feel her
breath on my cheek.
I shouldn't have been thinking of pulling her closer and kissing her, but
I couldn' t stop my mind from going there.
I wanted her to feel what it felt like to be kissed by a guy who cared as
much as I did. I wanted to show her that not everyone could take
without giving back.
I was at a loss for words though.
I was scared of pushing her away after it took so much to get her to let
me in.
"You're a good guy, Kole." Her words pulled me back from the inner
battle I was having with myself. "I just hope you realize what kind of
mess you're dealing with when it comes to me."
"I'm willing to suffer through it." I licked my lips and she laughed
softly. "You're worth it, Lex."
And I meant it.
I watched her throat bob as she swallowed nervously.
Had Radley and Megan not chosen to go back to the house, I knew this
conversation would not be happening, so I was taking advantage of
being alone. That, in itself, showed how much she trusted me.
"You might change your mind," she replied, still smiling.
She seemed more relaxed the longer we talked, so I chose to keep it

going for as long as I could. I wanted her to know that nothing would
keep me from being exactly where I was.
"I know what I want," I assured her, and her eyes widened just a bit.
Maybe I had taken it too far.
"Why would you want me?" she asked. "You could have a simple girl
without all the baggage I have. "
"Simple is overrated," I told her and she tilted her head to the side,
smiling. "Plus I'm sorta crushing on you and all that comes with. I'm
not intimidated by your past; it's all part of the woman I can't stop
thinking about."
"You're kind of amazing, Kole Hartman." She moved in just a little
closer and my heartrate picked up.
"And so are you, Lexi Warren," I said in response, just before I got that
kiss I fantasized about only moments ago, only it was Lexi who led.
I let her take from me what she needed and in turn I got exactly what I
hoped for.
I was given her trust.
That kind of gift from Lexi was huge.

Chapter 22
Lexi
I kissed Kole.
I kissed Kole a lot.
And I loved the way it made me feel.
He was never pushy, striving for more. He was content just lying
together kissing, like a couple of young kids just learning to experience
the feelings of attraction.
He had no idea by him offering me such a small gesture, he was giving
me back a big part of what I had lost over the last year.
He was so unbelievably patient and kind to me.
It almost felt surreal.
I also regained my best friend, and the odd feeling that had developed
between Radley and I had faded. He no longer looked at me with
sympathy. He instead offered the kind of support I needed to keep my
head held high.
I knew I had a long road ahead of me, but because of their dedication to
helping me keep my head above water, I felt like I might just be able to
heal.
I was sitting on the lawn just outside Henderson Hall, completely

engrossed in the paper I was writing, when a shadow cast over my
paper.
I turned enough to look back over my shoulder, fully expecting to come
face to face with Megan or maybe even Kole, but found the blonde
bimbo from the carwash standing behind me.
And she wore a smile on her face.
"Hey, Lori is it?" she asked.
I fought the urge to spout off some line about her fake ass blonde hair
and remained silent, just looking up at her, unamused by her presence.
"Anyway," she said waving her hand out as if my name wasn't even
important in reference to what she had to say. "I just wanted to say I
was sorry about the day at the carwash. I just thought warning you of
Kole and his track record of hooking up was the right thing to do."
And here we go.
"And why do you feel the need to once again bother me with your petty
nonsense?" I asked turning my head back to my paper.
I'd hoped she'd get the hint and just decide to walk away, but she went a
little further and actually sat down on the grass next to me.
I had one of those "what in the holy fuck" moments when I looked over
at her and just stared.
"Kole isn't the settling down type," she said with a shrug.
It was at that moment my phone rang and I looked away from this
weird girl to dig in my bag.
Kole's name flashing across the screen gave me a strange flutter in my
stomach, the same feeling I got every time over the last week when he
was near.
I didn' t miss the fact that slut bomb leaned in closer to see the screen of
my phone. I secretly loved the idea that she could see it was Kole
calling.
I swiped my finger across the screen and lifted my phone to my ear.
"Hey you," I said with a smile.
It was a reaction I found myself having often and on most days it was
related to something involving Kole.
"What are you up too?" he asked.
And again that flutter took over my stomach at the sound of his

voice. I could almost visualize that sly grin of his.
"Oh, nothing important," I said as I looked up to find the freak still
close, watching me. "In fact your phone call kind of saved me."
The girl arched a brow in confusion as if she was part of this
conversation and needed me to somehow explain to her what it was
Kole and I were talking about.
It was becoming one of those single white female moments and I
wondered if I should fear her. She was slightly insane.
"Why is Hope sitting with you?" I laughed involuntarily at the tone his
voice took when asking that question. But that laughter only lasted a
few seconds when I registered his actual question.
I began looking around at the open ground around me when my eyes
fell upon his broad form stalking toward me with a purpose. His
expression was hardened, and you could tell he was unimpressed.
"But Kole, she was just warning me of your frivolous ways," I said
innocently, trying to make him smile but it did not even faze him. He
took the phone from his ear, yet never hit the end button as he came to a
stop next to us.
"Why the fuck are you here, Hope?" He was irritated, yet I found it all
funny.
Hope looked shocked. Fearful, maybe. And I was loving every second
of it.
Here she thought she was rescuing me, but she was the one who needed
rescuing. But she wasn't gonna find it from me; I was enjoying the
show.
"I just wanted Lori to know I wanted no hard feelings between the two
of us." Apparently my name had just been changed to Lori.
Kole looked at me for the first time since he stopped walking and
wrinkled his eyebrows.
"I' m Lori," I said, waving up at him. Offering a smile, but what I really
wanted to do was laugh.
And he did too.
I could see the smile tugging at the corner of his lips.
"Hey Lori," he replied, as if he was just meeting me for the first
time.

And I could no longer hold back my laughter. Within seconds Kole was
also laughing. She sat there looking at us with a puzzled expression.
"You need to go," Kole said to her.
"But..." she began to argue but he stopped her.
"No, you really need to just go." He waved her off as he sat down on the
grass facing me with one leg stretched out on each side of me. "My
girlfriend and I would like to be alone," he added, and his comment
even threw me off a bit.
Hope's mouth fell open in shock and within seconds she stood up and
jerked her bag up before turning around and storming away.
"Girlfriend, huh?"
"Is that okay?" he asked, leaning in to press a gentle kiss to my lips
before I could answer.
When he pulled back I could only nod in response. As if I could have
actually told him no.

Chapter 23
Kole
Spending time with Lexi had become an everyday thing. Something I
relied on, looked forward too.
I enjoyed even the simplest of things when we were together. I hadn' t
remembered being this content before with just talking to someone,
even when I was with Miley.
But now looking back on those times, I don't truly know if what I felt
for Miley was love or infatuation. At the time I thought she was it for
me. But she was also the first real girlfriend I ever had.
But Lexi—she was different.
She was more.
"Where's your girl?" Marshall asked as I lowered the keg to the
floor.
Whenever someone mentioned Lexi as being my girl I couldn't help but
smile.
"She'll be here later. She and Megan are getting ready and then heading
over," I told him as I left the room to retrieve the second keg.
Tonight was our annual Halloween costume party at the fraternity.
Everyone came dressed up.

It would be the first party Lexi and I would attend as a couple. It would
also be the first party she attended since she shared her past. I vowed to
make this one different than all the others because I refused to let the
aspect of it all scare her.
My mouth went completely dry, and I swore with the way my heart was
beating it would beat out of my chest.
The moment Lexi walked in everything else faded. I'd been
mid-conversation with a few of my fraternity brothers and the moment
I looked up and found her standing in the entry way—I swear I couldn'
t even remember what the fuck we were even talking about.
She was dressed as an angel, and let me tell you there were a lot of
angels at the party. But she looked gorgeous. Most girls went for the
trashy, slutty version. Tight shorts, skimpy tops, those that barely
covered more than most swimsuits, but not Lex.
She wore a pair of form-fitting capris, showing off her long thin legs
and that perfect round ass of hers. They were low rise, which did
nothing to hide her flat, toned stomach but showed enough to highlight
the belly ring against her tan skin. It shimmered in the light as she
turned to the side laughing at something Megan said to her.
She also wore a white tank top that hugged her in all the right places. I
knew I wasn't the only guy Lexi had gained the attention of.
Somehow she had mounted a pair of white wings to her back, which
stuck up just enough to be seen over each of her shoulders.
The halo was mixed in with the hair she had piled on top of her head.
Dark wavy curls hung from all directions.
She was a fucking knock out.
I moved in her direction and she looked up just as I circled my arm
around her waist and pulled her body flush against mine. "Hey
beautiful," I whispered, causing her to blush.
"Hi," she said in return just before I pressed my lips to hers.
It may have been me staking my claim.

Well, yeah, it was definitely me claiming what was mine.
I was momentarily lost, forgetting we were in the center of the room.
I'm sure we were attracting an audience.
I pulled back and her eyes remained closed for a few seconds before
slowly opening and a smile stretched out over her lips.
"Great costume," I told her, leaning back just enough to give her
another look. "Amazing costume," I corrected myself, licking my
lower lip and tasting her cherry lip gloss.
"What are you dressed as?" she asked.
"Your man," I said proudly and she looked slightly confused.
I let go of her and stepped back so I could turn my back to her. Within
seconds her laughter filled the area as well as Megan' s.
Both Radley and I came up with an idea. We hated to dress up, but
figured we had to do something. So we each had a shirt made up.
Mine was black, his red, and on the front across our chests they said
Taken. On the back mine said Property of Lexi Warren, so back the
fuck off, ladies.
Of course Radley's had Megan's name instead.
Hey—it was as close as I was getting to a costume.
"I like it," Lex said as I stepped in closer once again.
"Me too," I assured her.
And that shirt set the tone for our night.
Lex was happy, without alcohol. In fact she only had one drink all night
before she drank water instead.
She didn't need that shit to enjoy herself, not tonight.
We played darts, danced, and at the end of the night I fell asleep with
my girl tucked in securely at my side. She was happy, I was happy,
And I knew in that moment that Lexi had the ability to break me if she
chose to. She was quickly becoming my form of kryptonite.

Chapter 24
Lexi
Had you asked me six months ago if I thought I'd ever feel whole again,
I would have laughed.
But if you asked me now, I'd say I couldn't remember what it felt like to
be empty.
Kole had consumed me.
He had found a way to crawl inside my broken heart and began to heal
those dark places.
I' d never felt so alive.
I needed him. I found myself wanting to share everything I could with
him, both now and from the past. He had given me the security to know
that whatever it was I had to say, he would still be there right where I
needed him.
His patience was astounding, his gentle behavior mesmerizing, and the
way he looked at me made me feel untouched and beautiful.
Spending the night at his side was something we did most nights.
Whether it was his place or my dorm room, we often ended our nights
tucked side by side, my head resting against his chest as he held me
close.

Just like we were now. Only I couldn't sleep.
The gentle brush of his fingertips along my side was too distracting. I
think he thought I had long ago given in to exhaustion and fallen
asleep, but I was completely alert.
My mind was conjuring up entirely too many thoughts. Some I wasn't
sure I should be having but knew I was ready for.
"You awake?" I jumped in surprise at the sound of his voice and he
chuckled. "Deep in thought?"
I felt my cheeks heat up but knew he couldn't see them because I had
my head tilted down. If only he knew the thoughts I was having, I was
sure he would not be laughing.
"I' m awake," I said, waiting a few seconds before turning my neck just
enough to look at him. "Not really that tired. "
"No?" he questioned.
I shook my head in response.
Kole moved his body and gently maneuvered my head from his chest,
to the pillow at his side. He then propped his body up next to me and
continued to run his fingers over my tattoo on my side.
"I've never asked you about this," he whispered his eyes focused on that
part of me. "The verse, is it in reference to the baby you lost? "
I averted my eyes to his hand and he stopped his movements, right over
the word Painful. I felt a burning sensation in my chest as I nodded my
head. "Yeah, and the blossoms are in reference to a time before
everything went to hell. "
He slowly lifted my shirt to expose the remaining part and once again
ran his fingertips over the flowers etched across my skin.
He didn't speak but stared down at the art.
His sudden movements caused me to take my eyes off his hand and
watch as he positioned his body to where he could lean over and press
his lips to my waist. All along the words that I chose to brand myself
with.
The gesture made it harder to hold back as emotions built inside of
me.
I placed my outstretched hand against his cheek and he tilted his head
to look up at me. "Why are you so good to me?" I asked. I truly

wanted to know how he could be so amazing when every other guy I' d
met had been the worst versions of themselves.
"Because you deserve it," he said, as if I should already know his
reasons. "You make me a better person, Lex. You may not know it, but
I needed you just as much as you needed me. Maybe even more. "
I don' t know what I did to deserve him, but I was so glad I had found
him again.
He was right; I did need him. But the part about him needing me more I
couldn't agree with. I felt like without Kole, I may have lost the ability
to hold myself above water. He kept me from drowning.
He moved up my body, and hovered over me, his lips only inches from
mine. "Thank you for taking a chance on me," he whispered.
"Thank you for saving me," I replied, and instantly saw something
change in his expression. I'm not sure what it was, acceptance maybe,
lust, I'm not sure.
But it was definitely a change.
I reached out and circled my hand around the back of his neck, pulling
him to me as our lips met in a sweet kiss that quickly turned into more.
And I was powerless to stop it.
I didn't want to stop it, not this time.
I felt his tongue piercing flip against my tongue and I think I
whimpered. I was learning to love that piercing. It was erotic the way
he used it to tease me. That little piece of metal made it even harder to
resist him.
The way he wrapped me in his arms, while continuing to kiss me, made
me feel like nothing in this world could hurt me as long as I was right
there with him.
Reaching over his shoulder I began gathering his shirt and pulling it up
over his head. There was absolutely no hesitation in his movements as
he pulled back from our kiss to help me remove his shirt.
I had spent months trying to chase away my demons with alcohol and
meaningless hook ups, just trying to feel human again. Had I known
just a kiss from Kole would spark life back into me, I would have
skipped right over those dark moments of my life and found him
sooner.

He was the man who would heal me, I just knew it. He was here to save
me.
I arched my neck as he began to kiss along its side, giving him
complete access to my body. I wanted nothing more than for him to
consume me.
The touch of his fingers against my stomach as he began to lift my shirt
higher sent excited chills through me.
When he noticed me shiver, he paused for a moment as if to weigh my
reaction. It was good, it was all so good.
The last thing I wanted was for him to stop.
"Don't stop," I told him and he continued to stare at me while he slipped
his hand beneath my shirt and began lifting it up and over my head.
The desire in his eyes was only making my own harder to control. I
wanted him.
I hadn' t remembered ever in my life wanting anything more.
So without a second thought I reached between us and began to
unbuckle his jeans. He used his arms as leverage as he pushed up
giving me better access. Both of us watched the movement of my hands
and nothing else.
His deep intake of breath when I reached inside his jeans and wrapped
my hand around his hardness made the excitement grow. Looking up
into his eyes, I became mesmerized by the look on his face when I
started to stroke him.
"Fuck.. .Lex!" he moaned my name as he closed his eyes tightly.
It was empowering to know my touch did this to him.
I let my gaze fall back to the space between us as I watched his hips
move ever so slightly, thrusting to move with the motions of my hand.
I imagined those same movements with his body hovering over mine
and him moving inside me.
"Lie back and relax, Lex. I want to taste you," Kole said, his voice
husky and needy.
If it was possible to come from a man's voice and words alone I would
have done it right then. Kole and his mouth, his tongue with that

sexy piercing—oh yeah, I wanted this.
I released my hold on him as he moved down my body, working my
jeans free on the way. He paused for a moment just looking down at me
in my bra and panties, and sly smile pulling at his lips.
"I' m a very lucky man," he stated, trailing his finger over my thigh.
"You are gorgeous, baby. "
And he made me feel that way.
The way he looked at me, not just in this moment but every time. He
made me feel like I was the only person he saw.
Kole took his time removing my remaining clothing, and I watched in
awe. He treated me as if I was a gift.
Gentle touches, kisses and those seconds that he would pause to look
me over in between.
My heart raced with excitement as he began to lower himself between
my parted legs and kissed along my inner thigh.
In no time at all I was lost to everything prior to that moment. He
devoured me, leaving me bucking and begging for more. Each kiss,
every flick of his tongue only made me lose my mind even more. That
piercing of his mixed with his tongue was wicked.
"Oh yes," I moaned and he continued the teasing. He repeated his
movements over and over until I felt the pressure build and I grabbed
the sides of his head, holding him in place.
"Don't stop," I begged. "Oh my god." And he didn't.
In fact, he applied more pressure and within seconds I ignited. I may
have screamed out his name as I was thrown over the edge and I
exploded with extreme pleasure from the most intense orgasm ripping
through me. He continued to slowly run his tongue over my swollen
wetness, dragging it out until I couldn't take any more.
I hadn' t even noticed he moved until I opened my eyes and found him
hovering above me. I was so lost as my body continued to shiver and I
attempted to bring myself down from what felt like my version of
heaven.
He was smiling, knowingly.
There was no way I could hide the pleased feelings rolling around

inside me. And we had just started.
I found myself giddy with excitement to make him feel the same type
of pleasure he'd just showed me.
"You okay?" he asked.
He knew I was more than okay, but he was also loving the fact that he
had left me in a state of bliss, I could see it in his eyes. "I' m good," I
assured him.
"You are more than good, babe." He licked his lip and the meaning of
his words hit me in that moment. "You're sweet and addicting."
Had I not been so aroused and ready for more I may have blushed at his
words.
He reached across the bed and dug through his nightstand at the side.
Within seconds he produced a condom and again my heart began to
race.
Lifting the package up to his lips he bit the edge and tore it open,
squeezing to push the latex to the opening.
I watched, mesmerized as he sat up and began to roll it over his
cock.
My mouth watered with anticipation.
"You sure you're ready for this?" Kole asked and I nodded my head
without hesitation.
He seemed pleased I answered him so quickly.
Positioning himself between my thighs he began to kiss me slowly. I
could feel him resting against my thigh and I was just about to beg him
for more but it was as if he could read my mind.
Reaching between us he gripped his hardness and I suddenly felt him at
my entrance, slowly and very gently entering me.
The feeling was amazing. I wanted to remember every single minute of
this—every sensation. I had so many feelings rushing through me as he
reached the point where he could go no further. I heard a low moan
rumble deep within his chest.
"Lexi," he whispered, and didn't need to say anything more because I
could feel it too. It was so much more than just sex.
There was a connection between us that felt so much deeper than
that.

Kole slowly began to pull out before thrusting back inside of me, taking
a slow, easy pace.
He wasn't just having sex; he was loving me.
For the first time in my life I knew what it felt like for a man to make
love to a woman.
My heart was aching with what I felt for him in that moment.
There was no doubt in my mind that I was falling hard for Kole.

Chapter 25
Kole
Things with Lexi were changing.
She was happy more often than not and that smile of hers lit up my
day.
I could get her to laugh so easily and that sound, oh that sound was
beautiful.
She was so comfortable around me and our time together just felt
natural, and peaceful.
I' d brought up the day she sang in Radley' s jeep and at first she became
embarrassed, but I had no idea why. The girl could sing.
I spent days trying to convince her to sing for me but she always found
a way out of it.
But today I refused to let it go.

After a little sulking, followed by about ten minutes of evil stares she
gave in.
I was shocked when she reached under her bed and slid out a guitar
case. It was just another part of her she was giving me. I truly had no
idea she could play.
"You can't laugh." She narrowed her eyes, daring me to argue. "Even if
you hate it and it hurts your ears, just lie, smile, and pretend it is the
most amazing thing you've ever heard!" She really was so fucking
cute. "Got it?"
I tried not to laugh.
"Well, I' m not going to hate it. I know what you sounds like
sweetheart, so I don't have to lie." I leaned over and stole a kiss from
her. "Sing for me, Lex," I whispered before getting comfortable and
waiting for her to settle.
She took in a deep breath, before bowing her head and bringing her
hand up to rest against the strings of the guitar.
I felt like my heart was in my throat when she began to play. The
moment the words began to leave her lips, my throat tightened.
She was amazing.
I already knew she had that kind of voice that made you feel shit when
she sang the words. But this was unreal.
She was showing me yet another piece of the girl she thought was lost
and I was so thankful.
My heart literally fucking ached.
When the song ended she didn't look up.
Maybe she was embarrassed or worried I didn't like it, but she couldn't
have been more wrong.
I reached for her guitar and as I pulled it from her grasp her gaze met
mine. Placing it on the floor at my side, I turned back to face her and
without hesitation I leaned in and pressed my lips to hers.
"That was beautiful, Lexi," I told her, pulling back and resting my
forehead to hers. "You're amazing."
She placed her hands at the back of my neck and pulled me in closer,
bringing her lips to mine once again, seeking what I was more than
willing to give her.

I stood and moved toward her, crawling over her body as I hovered
above her on her bed.
It took no time at all to appreciate the woman below me, before I
covered her body with mine.
She felt so small against me, but she felt right.
I knew she trusted me completely and she should because protecting
her was all I wanted. I knew she felt safe.
There was nothing I wouldn't do for her. I'd become so lost in Lex that I
knew I had fallen for her.
When I felt her hands slide up the back of my shirt I let out a moan.
Lexi' s hands were so delicate and she could undo me every time with
the smallest touch.
Just when things started to heat up, we heard keys rattling just before
the door opened, and we both groaned in disappointment.
"Okay, you two can stop dry humping each other. I'm home now,"
Megan complained as she dropped her bag to the floor and flopped
onto her bed.
I looked back toward Lexi, still safely tucked beneath me and gave her
one more kiss before climbing off her and trying to not be too obvious
as I adjusted myself.
"Thanks for the cock block, Megan," I complained.
Both the girls laughed and I just hung my head, trying to force the
blood that had rushed to one area of my body to recirculate back to
places that needed it most.
"I'm gonna take off, baby. I'll see ya later." I said to Lexi as I grabbed
my sweatshirt and held it over my still painfully hard erection.
She pouted a little, but stood to give me one more kiss before I left them
alone.
***
"Come home with me," I whispered against Lexi's ear. Her naked body
was curled against mine, her back to my front as we lay in my bed
beneath the covers.

"What?" she asked, looking back over her shoulder.
"Thanksgiving," I said. "You should come home with me."
I think I already knew she wouldn't want to but I couldn't stop myself
from asking. I couldn't help the disappointment I felt when she said
shook her head and whispered "No" before turning her head away from
me.
I'd already gotten word that Matt wasn't coming home for this holiday
due to his schedule. It was a really good thing because I knew the next
time I saw him I wouldn't be able to control my anger. I knew I would
have to beat the shit out of the fucking punk.
There was no way I couldn't defend Lexi.
Guess I had hoped by some miracle she would want to come and I
wouldn't have to leave her.
But knowing that Megan wouldn't be going home to her parents gave
me a small ray of relief. At least they would have each other. It turned
out Megan' s mom and dad were going to be gone on a cruise, so she
too had no one to go home to.
"I wish you would change your mind," I confessed as I wrapped my
arms around her a little tighter and pulled her back against me.
"Maybe next time," she whispered and I knew she was just saying that
to get me to drop it.
So I did.
We lay there for a few minutes in silence before she began to get
up.
"Where are you going?" I asked still holding on to her.
"Well if you must know, I have to pee," she replied with an annoyed
tone and I couldn't help but chuckle.
I watched as she slipped a t-shirt and shorts on just before slipping out
of my room.
The bathroom was just down the hall.
When she returned she crawled back in bed still dressed, and I couldn't
hide the disappointment I felt no longer being able to feel her naked
against me.
She was quiet, and she left distance between us, which I didn't like.
"Is everything okay?" I asked as I reached out and placed my hand

on her hip.
Silence met me once again.
"Lexi?" I added feeling a little sense of panic rush through me. Then
she spoke.
"Is it normal to walk around half naked in a house full of frat guys?" she
asked, and my stomach tensed.
I knew at that point who she was talking about because I had seen Hope
earlier and knew she was here.
Her new conquest was Kevin, who was a sophomore and willing to nail
anything with tits.
Hope got under Lexi's skin badly. She despised the girl but hid it
well.
"She's trying to get a rise out of you," I said and she looked back over
her shoulder.
"Well, it's working." The annoyance was evident in her voice. And the
last thing I wanted was our last night before I left to end like this.
"You do know that you have nothing to worry about, don't you?" I
attempted to reassure her. "Not when it comes to Hope or any other
girl. "
Lexi turned over to face me and tucked herself in closer against my
body. Her face pressed into the crease of my neck, I felt her place a soft
kiss at the base and it soothed my worry.
She may not have replied but her actions said enough.
She trusted me.

Chapter 26
Lexi
"I' m going to miss you," Kole said as he hooked his arm around my
waist and pulled my body closer to his.
"I'll miss you too, but it is only a couple days." Two very long and
lonely days, but I didn't say that out loud. I didn't want him to feel
worse for leaving. He deserved time with his family and I just wasn't
ready to go back and face that part of my life.
I was just starting to feel normal again, and I didn't want to fall back
into that place of darkness.
One day I knew I would be forced to deal with that part of me; I just
knew I couldn't right then.
"I guess I better get going," he said, still stalling as he rocked me from
side to side. I couldn't help but laugh. "This shit ain't funny," he
complained.
Which only made me laugh harder.
I felt so at ease with him.
After a few kisses and some pouting from him, he crawled into his car
and drove away.
I hadn' t even made it up to my dorm room before the first text

came through.
Kole: I miss you like crazy!
It felt great to know he was also that reliant on the connection we had. I
secretly loved seeing him struggle with leaving me. It made this ache
deep in my stomach easier to handle.
Because I knew I wasn't alone.
Lexi: I miss you too.
I tucked my phone in my pocket and climbed the stairs to the fourth
floor.
I crawled into my bed, flipped on the television, and for the next hour
got lost in the current show playing on the Lifetime channel. Lifetime
was one of my weaknesses.
I woke to the sound of my phone ringing and sat up, realizing I had
fallen asleep.
It was on the third ring when I grabbed it from my desk and without
looking answered the incoming call. "Hello," I said in a rush.
"Hey baby, I wanted to call you and let you know I just made it home."
I couldn't wipe the smile from my face. Knowing he missed me
warmed my heart.
We talked for a while until his mother came out of the house, forcing
him to come inside because he had waited too long to get out of his car.
He let me go with promises of calling later after he got in and got
settled.
When I ended the call and the quietness settled over me, I couldn't help
but feel that familiar sadness settling over me.
Maybe I should have told Kole that Megan decided to go home with
Radley at the last minute. They both had tried to convince me to join
them, but something about being the third wheel in their happy little
love bubble made me nauseated.

So alone here in the dorm, while most students went home to spend the
holiday with their families, was where I would be.
My mother was probably too drunk to even know what day of the week
it was, and my father had gone long ago.
From what I remembered and the things my mother had said, he chose
his secretary over his family and packed up one day, never looking
back.
When it came to shit parents, I held the fucking crown, because mine
were worthless.
When the quiet became too much to take, I decided to take Megan's car
and drive to the nearest food mart in search of comfort foods.
It looked like my thanksgiving would consist of deli meat and instant
mashed potatoes. But what I was really looking forward to were my
Toaster Strudels, because let's face it, they were the bomb. I could
survive on cinnamon Toaster Strudels alone, with a big glass of
chocolate milk.
I drove past the bar I had visited on more than one occasion since
arriving here months ago. It was also the place where I got smashed and
Kole rescued me the night I left the carwash feeling alone and dark.
I passed it slowly, feeling that familiar loneliness I'd felt so many times
before deep in my stomach. I didn't have any form of distraction to go
back to. Only an empty dorm room, with nothing but silence.
The idea of having just one drink had me turning around in the first
available spot and driving back to the bar.
It wasn't too busy with most students being gone for the holiday, so I
honestly couldn't see the hurt.
Without a second thought I got out of the car and walked toward the
entrance of the bar.
The familiar scent of cigarette smoke and sweat engulfed me as I
stepped inside, immediately scanning the bar.
As I thought, there were only a few people sitting at a table and one or
two at the bar.
The door closed behind me creating a loud bang causing everyone to
look over toward me. This idea was such a big mistake.

Loud music spilled from the jukebox. And it made me jump in surprise.
Just faintly I could hear my phone ringing from the bag I held tightly in
my hands. I moved quickly without even thinking and answered the
call almost desperately, grasping for some form of control.
"Hello," I said in a rush.
"Lex, are you okay? You sound out of breath." I instantly regretted not
looking at the screen before answering the call.
"I' m okay," I tried to reassure him but could hear the shakiness in my
own voice.
"Where's that music coming from?" he asked sounding skeptical.
"I...uh..." I stuttered. I'd thought of lying, but knew I couldn't. Not to
Kole. Not when he had been there for me when most guys would have
run.
"Lex," he whispered, sounding concerned. "I stopped by Flanagan' s," I
confessed.
Saying it out loud made me realize just how stupid I was to even
consider coming here.
"What—you and Megan bored already, without Radley and me
around?" he asked, only making me feel more guilty that I hadn' t told
him about Megan leaving.
"Just me," I confessed.
His chuckling ended and a silence settled over us for a few short
seconds before he spoke again.
"There something you ain't telling me, Lex?" my stomach dropped as I
turned around and walked back outside in search of my car.
The amount of tension that was boiling within my stomach made it
almost hard to breathe.

Chapter 27
Kole
"Megan left with Radley," she said in a whisper. "He asked her to go
home with him at the last minute and she felt bad about leaving me, but
I insisted she go. "
I tried not to get pissed but it was hard.
"Why didn' t you tell me?" I asked her, knowing if I said more I might
later regret it.
"I'm not ready to face your family yet," she confessed. "I knew if I told
you she left you' d insist on me going with you. That, or you wouldn't
have gone home and I didn't want to be responsible for you not seeing
your family during the holiday. "
"Lex, you should have said something," I said more angrily than I had
intended. "So instead of spending time with me and my family, you

decided sitting in a bar with strange men was the way to go. "
"No," I said.
"With the way you've coped in the past..." I said only to be immediately
interrupted.
"What you think—I' m just gonna go off and find some guy to fill the
void?" she said, sounding irritated. "Like I'm just going to take what we
have and throw it away? Not even a second thought about it. "
"Damn it, Lex, you can't get mad at me for this. You fucking lied. And
then to top it off you wait until we're all out of town before you run off
to some fucking bar." I had tried to refrain from getting angry. I wanted
to be the guy that was there for her, understanding and accepting. But
the fact that she intentionally lied and then went in search of her old
habits to fill the emptiness she now felt was too much.
"I'll let you enjoy your evening without me and my issues with it
fucking it all up for you." I hung up without another word. I was too
pissed to talk and being this far away, unable to go to that bar and drag
her ass out of it, only made it that much worse.
***
I ignored the incoming calls from Lexi.
It may have been childish, but at the moment I felt it necessary. I
needed to cool off before we talked again.
I sat around that night, watching television with my dad, pretending
everything was okay.
But my mother was entirely too smart for my games. She could see
right through me and when my grandparents and other family left for
the evening she cornered me in the hall.
"You gonna tell me about it? Or do you plan to sulk the rest of the
time?" She crossed her arms over her chest and gave me a questioning
glare.
"I'm good, Mom, really." I tried to assure her with a smile, but again my
mother was a smart woman.
"Yeah, somehow I knew you'd say that. So...you can cut the crap

and tell me the truth, or I'll just follow you around all night until you
confess you're full of shit." That earned a chuckle.
My mother was bold. She was a tiny little woman, so innocent and pure
looking but she packed a punch. She gave me and my father the kick we
needed whenever we let the Hartman stubbornness take over.
"Me and Lex sorta had an argument. I may have acted like an ass, but
she's not all innocent either." I knew if I didn't throw in that last part she
would have started lecturing me about the wrongs and rights of a
relationship.
I ' d told my mother all about reconnecting with Lexi weeks ago. To say
she was happy would be an understatement.
She too had wished Lexi would have chosen to come along.
"I need a little more than just that to go on. " She uncrossed her arms
and leaned back against the wall opposite me.
"She told me her friend Megan was staying back at the dorms too, and
they would be spending the holiday together," I began. "But then at the
last minute, Megan left and went home with Radley and now Lexi' s
back at UNC alone. "
I couldn't bring up the bar and why it pissed me off so much that it was
the first place she ran to. I wasn't ready for my parents to know that shit,
then or ever.
My mother lectured me about my inability to understand women. Fuck,
she wasn't telling me anything I didn't already know. I was damn
confused when it came to the right and wrongs of relationships.
Thirty minutes with my mother had me regretting everything I said to
Lexi earlier that night.

Chapter 28
Lexi
"Hey," I said holding the phone to my ear, still staring at the wall.
I had been in that position all night long.
Weighing out my wrongs and rights during the last few days.
He had called three times before I finally answered when I realized he
wasn't going to stop.
"I'm sorry," he sounded tired. "I was an ass."
"Yeah you were, but I shouldn't have lied to you. We were both
wrong."
"I'm on my way back." It was just after 6:00 in the morning. "I need to
see you. I feel like such an ass for the things I said and I just need to
hold you. "
I ' d spent the last few hours trying to figure out this hole that was

still inside me. Over the last month, Kole was a great distraction, but
that hole still remained.
There was a darkness in me that no matter how hard I tried to fight it, it
always came back. I couldn't be alone.
I relied on the distraction of others to fight away the demons still
hidden within me.
I couldn' t live like that.
It was just too hard.
"We need to talk," I confessed.
There were things I needed to say. Things that wouldn't be easy. But
after hours of going over every scenario in my head, I felt this option
was the best.
For the both of us.
"Yeah, we do," he said hesitantly.
I could tell he was leery.
"I'll just come to the dorm," he added. "I should be there in about an
hour. "
"Okay," I agreed. I wasn' t sure it was the best option, but having this
conversation over the phone wouldn't work either.
Seeing him, though, would only make what I had to say so much
harder.
***
My stomach had been tense since the moment we hung up the phone. I
didn't think it could get much worse but the moment he knocked on my
door, I knew I was wrong.
With each second that passed his knocking grew more impatient.
I hurried toward the door and opened it just as he was about to knock
again.
"Sorry; I was still in bed," I confessed, making it sound as if I had fallen
back to sleep.
He instantly stepped into the room and wrapped his arms around me,
pulling me close. That strong sexy masculine scent of him, filling

me and making it hard to concentrate on anything other than him.
Kole did make me feel safe. He did make me feel better. But I couldn't
live in that little bubble.
There would be times just like yesterday when I would be faced to
handle things on my own. I had to learn to stand on my own two feet.
"I' m so sorry, baby," he whispered, and it only made my chest tighten.
"I never meant to make it sound like you would run off with some guy
from the bar. "
I pushed back reluctantly, because all I really wanted to do was wrap
my arms around him and forget about everything. I just knew I
couldn't.
Ignoring the ugliness inside me would never allow it to heal.
"What's wrong?" Kole asked, and by the worried expression on his face
it almost made me forget about the things I needed to share.
"We need to talk," I said looking away from his eyes and focusing on
his jaw instead. "I think I need some time to focus on me," I said,
feeling as if the words were acid, making my throat burn.
"What are you talking about?" he said, slouching just enough to bring
his eyes level with mine. He gave me no option other than to look at
him when I explained further.
"I realized something over the last couple days," I said softly. "I still
have so many things I need to work on, so many things that are gonna
keep getting in the way of me moving forward."
He narrowed his eyes, giving me a confused look. "Just say what it is
you want to say, Lexi." I could see he was growing irritated, but doing
everything he could to hold it back. "Because from the sounds of it,
you've already made up your mind."
"I really care about you Kole, I just think that in order for me to give
this relationship between us a fair shot, I need to let go of my past
fully." I didn't want this to turn into an argument. "Because until I do, it
will always be there lingering between us. "
I truly hoped that he would understand, but from the defensive stance
he was taking I could see this was going in an entirely different
direction.
"So we hit one snag and you're ready to call it quits?" he asked as

he stepped back and ran his hand through his hair roughly. "Did
something happen last night? Is that why you're ending things?"
"What?" I said in surprise. "God, no." I tried not to let his words get to
me; I knew he was frustrated.
"I came over here to apologize for being an asshole, and this whole
time you knew that you were going to end this. " He looked irritated
and hurt. It was the last thing I wanted.
"I don't want to end things," I said. "I just need a break."
He sneered, an angry, agitated look that honestly made my stomach
ache. I could already feel him retreating and I knew it was too late to try
and make this any clearer. Kole had already formed his opinions.
"A break is just a polite way to say things are over." He turned toward
the door and I instantly reached out for him in attempt to stop him.
Only he kept walking, yanking open the door without looking back.

Chapter 29
Kole
I couldn' t see straight. My irritation had clouded my judgement. A time
when I needed to remain calm, I couldn' t see past the fact that she just
let go of us so easily.
I guess I thought what we had was just worth more.
It was taking everything I had not to turn around and go back to her, to
hold her and tell her that I wouldn' t let go, no matter how hard she
pushed me away.
But my ego wouldn't let me.
Instead I ended up back at the fraternity and when the guys started
handing me drink after drink, I just continued to down them as fast as
they were coming. It was easier to drown out the ache in my chest then
to actually accept that we were finished.
The front door came open and when I saw Hope, it was almost a reflex
that I snarled in disgust. She had been an ass to Lexi on more than one
occasion and that was hard to forget. Even after what had just gone
down between us, I couldn't imagine reconnecting with Hope.
Because somewhere inside of me, I still held on to the hope that Lexi
and I would find our way back to one another. I'd fallen for her. In

my entire life, I never remembered feeling for anyone else the things I
felt for Lexi.
Maybe it was because she and I had connected in some strange way
when she was that innocent twelve-year-old girl, or maybe it was
because she trusted me with her heart now. I truly had no idea what
made me love her the way I did.
What I did know was that the idea of her no longer being in my life was
too hard to swallow. Even with all the alcohol streaming through my
veins, that ache for her was still there.

Chapter 30
Lexi
"Oh my god, Lexi, what happened? What's wrong?" Megan rushed
toward me the minute she entered our dorm room, with Radley trailing
closely behind.
They found me in the same spot I had been in since the moment Kole
left me. I sat at the side of my bed, my head resting back against the
mattress. And from the looks on both of their faces I had to have looked
as bad as I felt.
"Kole and I broke up," I said in more of a whisper.
Megan turned to look at Radley and then her concerned stare
reconnected with mine. "What happened?" She knelt down at my side
and brushed my hair away from my face, waiting for my explanation.
"I just wanted some time," I said, looking down at my hands as I
twisted them nervously in my lap. "He took it all wrong. I just realized
I still have so much healing and acceptance to face, and being able to
give Kole all of me would be impossible until I dealt with those things
first."
I took in a shuddering breath and looked up to find them both staring
back at me.
I shrugged. "He took everything I said wrong, and before I knew

what was happening, he was storming out of the room, angry. "
Radley bent down and whispered something to Megan before he kissed
her softly on the temple and turned to leave.
"Where did he go?" I asked, wondering to myself why he just left
without saying a word to me.
Megan took a seat next to me, our shoulders now touching as she
leaned in closer. "He' s gonna go talk to Kole. Right now I' m sure he' s
hurting. He' s a guy, and guys don' t take rejection well, especially
when they care so much about the person rejecting them. I'm sure he
just needs some time to calm down, Lex. Just give him some time to
calm down. "
I sat next to Megan as I remembered every word that was spoken
between Kole and I. I could almost feel my body flinching as I
remembered the way he raised his voice over and over. It felt like my
heart shattered into a million pieces when he slammed my door after
leaving the room.
The longer I sat there, the more I realized he and I had a conversation to
finish. He didn't let me finish explaining. I just needed some time, just
enough to clear my mind and found out how to get help with all this
anger and pain I still felt inside.
"Meg," I said, breaking the silence and gaining her full attention. "Can
you please come with me? I need to go talk to him. I need to finish the
conversation he didn't let me complete. He needs to know I care about
him, and that though I need time now, I won't need it always."
Megan gave me a gentle nod of her head. "Okay," she replied. "Let's
go, but I'll drive."

Chapter 31
Kole
I spent over two hours in Wyatt's room playing poker with a group of
the guys. Anything was better than being forced to deal with Hope and
her games.
Knowing the moment she caught wind of trouble between Lex and me,
she'd use it to her advantage.
I had envisioned my night heading in a completely different direction.
I' d figured Lexi and I would be together, happy and making up for the
last couple days of being apart. Nothing had prepared me for the
situation I walked into when I went to her dorm after arriving back in
town.
When I had reached the point where I'd had enough of the guys

and the booze, I cashed in, taking Wyatt and Ricky for pretty much all
they had.
One day the sorry assholes would learn not to invite me to join their
games.
My room was dark when I entered, and I didn't see a reason to turn on
the lights. I slipped off my jeans and pulled the t-shirt I was wearing
over my head.
Before I even got a chance to crawl into bed a soft hand reached out for
me and hooked the waistband of my boxers.
And all at once everything unfolded and became one big fucking
disaster after another.
The bedroom door came open and the bright light from the hall
streamed in.
"What the fuck, Kole?" I looked back over my shoulder to see a very
angry Radley standing in my now open doorway. "It's not what it looks
like," I assured him.
"Really?" he asked, disgust lacing his voice. "Because to me it looks
like you're about to climb in to bed with a very naked Hope."
I turned back toward Hope and from the light of the hall found that she
was indeed naked. Fuck, this didn't look good.
"Kole," Hope whined and I had never in my life ever wanted to hit a
girl until that moment. "Can we get back to this or do you plan to keep
me waiting even longer?"
I heard a loud gasp and my heart instantly sank because I knew the
moment I looked back toward the door I would find the one person I
didn' t want finding me in this predicament.
My heart broke when I saw the look of hurt on her face.
Both Megan and Lexi stood at Radley's side. "You sure didn't wait
long, did you?" she said, doing everything she could do to hold back
her emotions.
"And to think I came over her to explain and talk this out. Guess I'm the
idiot." She spun around on her heels and left, leaving me behind to face
Megan and Radley.
"You're an asshole," Megan spat. "And you're a fucking slut," she said
to Hope just before she, too, turned and left.

All Radley could do was offer me a disappointing shake of his head as
he backed out of the room and turned in the same direction.
"Fuck," I growled as I jerked back from Hope, hearing the fabric of my
boxers strained against her tight hold. "Let go," I said, no longer caring
if she tore them.
"Kole, just forget about her," Hope began to protest as I started
searching for my clothes. "Come to bed and I'll help you forget all
about whatever her name is. "
"Her name is Lexi, but you fucking know that," I threw back at her.
"Get out, Hope!" She looked at me as if I was joking. "I said... Get the
fuck out! " Hope rose from the bed grabbing her clothes and she walked
out of my room, glaring back over her shoulder.
Everything had just gotten a hell of a lot worse and I had to fix this
shit.

Chapter 32
Lexi
So this was what a true broken heart felt like. Now I understood why I
tried to stay away from feeling like this. It's miserable. I couldn't
stomach food, I couldn't sleep without recurring nightmares of both
what I had seen in Kole's room and those of my past.
Kole tried almost daily to make excuse after excuse as to why I found
him in the situation I had. But nothing made it any better. I felt like a
fool.
I was miserable, because even though the idea of him and Hope
together was the worst possible thing, I still missed him.
My classes were almost pointless considering I could rarely focus. It
didn't matter how hard I focused, I couldn't get my head wrapped
around anything at all. I felt claustrophobic once I was sitting in a room

filled with students and the professor started talking. It was like it was
all closing in around me.
Two days after I walked in on Kole and Hope in his bed, he showed up
at my dorm with flowers. I chose to ignore him because at the moment
I didn't have the energy for a long dragged out talk, or argument, for
that matter. I later found the flowers sitting outside my door. Megan
gathered them up and placed them on my desk and there they still sat a
week later.
And it was that same week that I decided it was time I made some
changes. Time to make some decisions and move forward.
Starting with my appearance.
I spent two hours at Milly's, a salon in town, and left feeling like a
whole new me, at least on the outside.
"Oh my God! That looks so hot. I can't believe you cut it off." Megan
jumped up from the bed and moved toward me as I entered the dorm
room. She lifted her hands and began running her fingers through my
hair. I had once had hair so long it rested just at my waist and now it
was gone.
I had made a spur of the moment change.
That once long hair now barely graced the top of my shoulders, with
long layers. And to make it a little more drastic than just a cut, I also
added some caramel highlights throughout my darker brown.
My hair had not been my only change or addition.
I flipped my wrist over and showed Megan and it was then Radley
stood and moved in our direction. It was a simple small Chinese letter
tattooed on my inner left wrist.
"What does it mean?" Radley asked as he looked closely.
"Strength," I whispered. "I thought it was fitting. And I joined a support
group for rape victims." They both looked up at me and Megan's eyes
filled with tears almost instantly as she hugged me closely.
"I'm so proud of you, Lex. That's so great."
Radley gave me a one arm squeeze and I let my head fall to rest on his
shoulder. "Thanks, guys. I'm ready to start healing myself. It's long
overdue."
I had my first group on Wednesday at the community center just

off campus. I was nervous, but when I signed up I was told you talk
when you are ready, otherwise you just listen. I slowly walked up the
sidewalk and my hands were shaking badly. I had to take a few deep
breaths before I pushed the door open, forcing myself to move forward.
I was done hiding.
The group consisted of about ten ladies and they appeared to range
from teens to middle age women. We all introduced ourselves, whether
this was our first session, or if we had been to group before. The
counselor began talking about humiliation and feeling at fault for what
had happened to us. She explained that these were all normal reactions.
A few women shared their stories and I was surprised at the differences
in each one.
The youngest of the group was Natalie, only seventeen, and a victim of
date rape when she was sixteen. She opened up so freely about her
situation and I was amazed at her strength. I traced my fingers over the
inner part of my wrist, remembering my recent tattoo's meaning. I
would get there. I made a promise to myself and I refused to give up.
After my session ended I made a quick stop for gas and drove back to
the dorms. I sat in my car for a few minutes just listening to the music
play softly as I hummed along with the radio.
It still hadn't gotten easier.
Missing him.
Even when I did everything possible not to think about him, he was still
there in my mind.
Reaching up I flipped the visor down, finding the picture of Kole I had
stashed there. That smile of his and those eyes still pulled heavily at my
heart. I had allowed myself to fall in love with Kole.
I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the headrest,
remembering the time before everything went crazy. Then it struck me
that there was never truly a time when things weren't crazy. Because
even though Kole made me forget for a while the heavy hate I had in
me, it was always still there. It was inside me and it was eating at me
with each day that passed.
When I finally made it up to my room I found it empty and I was
thankful for the peace.

As I looked around the room, the dry, brittle flowers Kole had left
outside my room weeks ago, caught my attention.
Taking in a deep breath I moved toward the desk and plucked the card
that still remained unopened. I held it in my hand as I stared at my name
printed in block letters on the front.
LEXI
I slowly slid my finger along the edge, opening the sealed envelope.
Taking in a deep breath as I pulled out the card and flipped it over, I
read the back.
I know that no amount of flowers or apologies will change the way
you feel right now. But I need you to know that what you saw
wasn't what it looked like. I don't want Hope; I only want you. It
was only a misunderstanding. Please just give me a chance to
explain.
Kole
I couldn' t swallow past the thickness that was in my throat. I wanted to
believe him, I did. Only right now I just didn't think I had the fight in
me.

Chapter 33
Kole
"Hey, Kole, have you seen Lexi lately? I got to say, dude, the girl is
looking real good." Cody let out an appreciative whistle. "She changed
her hair. Hell, I had to look twice before I figured out it was really her.
I just got to say if you don't fight for that girl... damn, you must be
crazy."
Radley nodded his head, agreeing with Cody's words.
There really wasn't a damn thing I could say to that. They were right. I
should be fighting for Lexi, but I couldn't force her. After seeing the
way she looked at me when she found me and Hope broke my heart. I
never wanted to be responsible for hurting her like that. She couldn't
even look at me when I brought her flowers. I didn't have the first clue
on how to fix this.
How could I repair her broken heart? My love for her was just as

strong as always, if not stronger, because losing her made me realize
just how much I needed her.
I missed her like crazy. I wished I had another chance to hold her and
try to make this right again.
I couldn' t sit here listening to them talk about Lexi, when seeing her
was the only thing I needed. I pushed up off the couch and grabbed my
keys.
When I pulled up in front of Lexi's dorm and saw her car in the lot, my
heart raced anxiously. I drove here almost in a daze, thinking of the
times she and I shared in the time we were together.
Her gorgeous smile, and that laugh.
Even though she pushed me away and wanted nothing to do with me, I
still wanted her as much as I always had.
I stood outside of her dorm room feeling as if this may have been a
mistake. But I knew I had to see her, even if she told me to leave.
Trying to gather the courage to knock, I lifted my hand and took in a
deep breath.
Stop being a pussy, Kole. Just do it.
Knock... Knock
I felt like such a fucking girl because when she opened the door, my
knees felt weak. She had changed her hair, but she was still gorgeous
and the way all the layers fell around her face just made her even more
beautiful. I really didn't think that was possible, but as I stood there in
her doorway looking into her eyes, I felt it. She was definitely
breathtaking.
"Hey, baby, how are you?" It was all I could come up with as I watched
her as if it had been years since I'd seen her. "Hi."
She looked so nervous, the way she raised her hand up and ran it
through her hair just before tucking a strand behind her ear.
I looked into Lexi' s beautiful eyes and the fact that she was offering me
a smile without telling me to leave gave me a small spark of hope.
And I don't know what came over me, but I had such a strong urge to
hold her, to feel her body against mine. Without a second thought, I

reached out and wrapped my hand around her waist and pulled her
close.
The familiar sweet smell I had missed so much filled my nostrils as I
rested my forehead against hers.
"There is no way I could ever let you go," I whispered. "Lexi, I am so in
love with you and I've missed you so damn much."
I pulled back just enough to see the expression on her face, her silence
scaring me. A look of indecisiveness covered her sweet face and it
made my stomach ache.
I knew if she asked me to leave I would. Even if inside it killed me, I
would give her what she wanted.
And just when I thought she was about to do that very thing, she
surprised me by lifting up on her tip toes and pressing her lips to mine.
And for a moment, I was shocked as I stood there, allowing her lips to
move against mine before I even responded.
Her kiss was sweet and gentle. And I could feel her tears against my
lips, which almost broke me.
Lifting my hands I placed one on each side of her face and held her
close, continuing the kiss for as long as she would allow me.
When she did pull back, I wrapped my arms around her to keep her
close. "I love you, Lexi, so much." I may have been grasping at the
moment, doing all I could to keep her focus on us, but I was so scared
of her pushing me away. "I want you back and I'll do whatever it takes
to make that happen. "
She leaned in and pressed her forehead to my chest, in order to hide her
tears. Only I felt her body tremble against mine and it nearly broke me
knowing she was still hurting
"I love you too." Her voice trembled with the words. "I miss you,
Kole," she cried into my neck.
Hearing her say that she loved me made the ache inside me easier to
accept. Though we were apart right then, though we would need time to
heal, it gave me the hope that someday we could.
She loved me. she fucking loved me. She missed me and she loved me.
She pulled back to look at me. I hated to see her red, tear-stained face
because I caused it. She was still beautiful, but it killed me when she
cried. It gutted me to see her scared or sad. Her lower lip

trembled and I just wanted to kiss it, but I held back.
"You really hurt me, Kole." Fuck, her words gutted me.
"When I saw you with Hope, it broke my heart." Her tears ran so heavy.
"Shh, baby, don't cry." I soothed her. "I didn't invite her in, she found
her way there on her own. When I went in to go to bed, she was there in
the same state that you saw her in. I never slept with her and I had no
intention to. "
"I believe you; I do," she confessed. I held her to me tightly for as long
as she allowed.
"I'd never hurt you that way, Lex. I care about you so much and these
last few weeks have been hell without you." I just wanted us to get back
to where we once were.

Chapter 34
Lexi
Kole and I talked for over an hour. Seeing him smile and laugh made
my heart race. Then when that smile on his face turned to more of a
frown when I told him I still needed time to heal, it was almost
impossible to take. I had to focus on me. I needed to heal.
I wanted to work on my insecurities and fears. I wanted to be a better
me.
Kole reluctantly agreed to give me the time I needed. I could tell he
wanted to argue and do his best to convince me otherwise. Kole wasn't
one to give up easily.
I continued going to group therapy and decided to start speaking

one on one with a counselor. I knew I would no longer be able to hide
behind the others in the group. I would have to talk about me.
"Good afternoon, Lexi. Please have a seat," the women was middle-age
with blonde hair and glasses. She was tall and slim and seemed friendly
enough. "So how are you feeling today?"
Nervous. Like I want to grab my bag and sneak back out of this room
pretending that I never agreed to this. "I'm fine, thanks."
I could tell she picked up on my nervous energy. After all, it's her job
and she was watching me like I was about to sprout wings and fly
around the room.
"Okay, so I'm really nervous," I finally admitted, biting my inner
cheek.
"Call me Gail, and it's okay to be nervous or scared. It's completely
normal to want to scream or cry or even run. You came here because
you feel that you' re ready to talk about what happened and that in itself
is a huge accomplishment. So we're just going to talk. We'll talk about
everything and anything you want. You can start wherever you would
like. I' m here to listen and anything you say in this room is completely
confidential and will always be kept that way. "
I let out a deep breath. I can do this.
"Thank you. I don' t know where to start; I guess maybe when I was
twelve. My dad left. He ran off with his secretary and three months
later my mother got divorce papers in the mail. So it had been just her
and me since then, but, uh.. .I haven't talked to her in months."
Gail mainly listened with the occasional question about something I
said that she wanted me to explain a little further. I sat in her office for
almost an hour and it went by so quickly. We talked about my father
and how I felt abandoned, like he didn't love me. When my hour was up
I could have kept talking. For once I wanted to. I had a sense of security
with her. I really liked it.
Over the next week and a half I met with Gail on Mondays and

Fridays. I shared so many things with her. I could talk freely and she
listened; it was almost like talking to Megan. We had discussed the
party and Matt vaguely, but I knew today was the day that I would have
to go further. I had reached that point.
I cried so hard as the details of that day poured out of me. "He
pretended to like me. He spent an entire month being sweet and saying
all the right things. I was so stupid to believe him. If I just would have
opened my eyes I would have seen that I wasn't the only girl he flirted
with. I just liked the attention from Mr. All-Star. The way the other
girls looked at me when he would put his arm around me or hold my
hand. He made me feel important." I took a deep breath as I grabbed a
tissue.
"Why I went to that cabin with him alone that night... I still can't
answer. I had no intentions of having sex with him. I was a virgin and
the thought of it was scary. I guess I thought maybe we could kiss and if
I felt like it was going too far we could just go back to the party. But
when he locked the door and looked at me, I instantly regretted it. It
was like he changed. He wasn't the sweet guy who had been flirting
with me. He became evil, hateful and aggressive. When he kissed me
the first time, I tried to pull away, but he just pulled me to him tighter. I
told him to stop. "
I could picture Matt's face as I told Gail about that night. I got chills as
I continued.
"He smiled, but it was such a sadistic smile. When he grabbed me I
started to scream, but he covered my mouth and pushed me onto the
bed." Reliving everything from that night emotionally drained me.
Gail spent a little extra time with me and we talked about how to move
forward and how to let go. I left feeling exhausted and I just wanted to
crawl in bed and sleep everything away.
Kole and I talked a few times through the week on the phone. But with
my emotional sessions and the fact that I was overcome with
exhaustion, it was too much; I always felt too raw. I felt that seeing him
right now would be too overwhelming. I needed time for me and I had
to sort through everything on my own.

Chapter 35
Kole
I really was trying to respect the fact that Lexi needed some time to
herself. I hated that I couldn' t see her. I missed her like hell and I felt
like each day she got further away from me.
"Hey, Kole, how are you?" I looked up from the television to see
Megan standing next to Radley.
"Hey, Meg, I' m all right I guess. I think Lexi is avoiding me, though. I'
ve tried to call her three times and she won' t answer. Maybe I screwed
it up too much to be fixed. " I shrugged and turned back to the TV,
feeling sorry for myself. They both walked toward me and sat on the
couch.
"Kole, she' s not avoiding you. She' s been seeing a counselor and going
to a group therapy session. "

I turned to Radley with my mouth slightly open in shock. After the way
she freaked out when we suggested it before, I never expected her to
agree to that.
"Counseling? Since when?" There was an ache in the pit of my
stomach. Lexi didn't even say anything to me about it.
"For almost three weeks now. It's been really hard, Kole, but she's
actually talking more and hurting less. It's been tough on her. Maybe
she didn' t say anything because she wanted to be able to show you it
was helping. She isn't avoiding you." I trusted Megan, but I still felt
like Lexi was a million miles away from me.
I hadn't been able to see her and I couldn't ever get her on the phone
I got up from the couch and went to my room. Kole: I miss you, Lex...
can I see you?
I felt like such a whipped pussy sitting on the side of my bed with my
phone in my hand. I stared at the screen waiting for a response.
anything. I felt like forever had passed before the screen lit up.
Lexi: I miss you, but tonight isn't good. I had a long day and now I
just feel like going to bed. Sorry. Soon, though, I promise.
Fuck. I fought the urge to smash my phone against the wall.
Kole: Okay it really sucks not being around you. It feels like you're
drifting away.
I let my thumb hover over the send button before finally touching the
screen.
Lexi: Sorry, I don't mean to. I'm just dealing with some things and
I'll tell you about it soon. I want to see you too...maybe this weekend?

There was no maybe about it; I was definitely going to see her. I had to
fix this distance between us because it was driving me insane. I didn't
care anymore how big of a pussy it made me. I needed Lexi and I
wanted her back in my life.

Chapter 36
Lexi
Friday was less stressful, I felt good about how far I had come with
Gail. I let it all out from my fears to my regrets. Walking out of her
office after my session felt liberating. I felt like a little piece of the old
Lexi had just reappeared. It was time that I started living again and
going after what I wanted. It was time to face the fact that what
happened to me was not my fault. I wouldn't let Matt control my
choices any longer. I wouldn't let him invade my mind. He didn't
deserve to be a part of my life in any way any longer.
I left the community center with a new sense of freedom. I was
searching through my purse for my keys when I heard someone call my
name. I looked up to find Kole walking in my direction; he looked so
handsome. I found myself admiring his features as he approached. His

hair was slightly tousled from the light breeze and his eyes were so
gorgeous, almost hypnotizing. There was a slight lift of his mouth as he
curled it into a sweet smile. He wore a tight gray T-shirt with a jacket
thrown over it, and I could see his chest ripple beneath it. As he reached
me I could smell his cologne and I caught myself closing my eyes
slightly to breathe him in. I slowly opened them to find Kole standing
before me as he continued to smile. He was showing off his sexy
dimple in his left cheek.
He looked over my shoulder to the community center. "How did it go?"
I knew at that minute someone had told him about my therapy.
"Which one told you—Radley or Megan?" He reached out and ran his
hand over my arm, then grabbed my hand to hold it.
"Radley did, but don't be mad at him. I'm proud of you. It's a big step."
He lifted my hand to his lips placing a light kiss on my knuckles. "Can
we go do something... anything? I really want to spend some time with
you, Lex. I miss you. "
I couldn't say no because I wanted to spend time with him also. I had
pushed him away to give myself time and now I just wanted to be near
him. I wanted to talk to him and have his arms around me. I had missed
him so much, but I knew I had to start healing. He followed me back to
the dorms to drop off my car.
"What sounds good. pizza?" He was watching me closely. I smiled at
him in reassurance that I was doing well.
"Pizza's fine, Kole."
Once we got there and they led us to the booth, I slid in. Kole stood at
the end looking down at me. "Can I sit next to you?"
I nodded up at him as he slid in. The feel of his body up against mine
mixed with his cologne was hypnotizing. I'd missed him and his touch.
After we got together and I grew to trust him, his touch became a
soothing feeling instead of a fear. I stopped being terrified of it and
began craving it. I had a desperate need to have him near and to feel his
embrace. I took a few deep breaths to fight back the need.
Leaning into me, he whispered, "Are you okay?" The feel of his breath
on my neck pulled at me even more. I turned into him and brought my
face to his. Our lips were so close and he was watching my mouth.

"I miss you so much, Kole. You' re the only person who can touch me."
I placed my lips gently to his. The kiss was so sweet and lingering.
We were interrupted by the waitress as she took our order. When Kole
turned back to face me, he brushed my hair behind my ear.
"Did I tell you that your hair looks really sexy? I love how it falls
around your face. " He paused brushing his thumb across my lip.
"Baby, we'll go at your pace, but I really missed you too. I missed your
touch and your kiss so fucking much. "
I let him bring his lips to mine again but this time I ran my tongue along
his lip as his followed. Our kiss was so heated and I think we were both
fighting it with everything we had to keep it from getting too intense.
Our pizza arrived and I just picked at it. I knew I needed to make a
decision regarding Kole. Could I trust him and let go of what
happened? Would I be able to move on and not have that in my mind
every day? I wanted to be able to, but could I? We talked while we ate.
After he paid I felt like he wanted to say something, but he just kept
flexing his jaw muscle quickly.
When we got into his car I watched him put the key in the ignition.
"Kole, what are you thinking? I know something is on your mind." He
turned to face me.
"I don't want to take you back to the dorm. I really just want you to
come home with me. They have people over and we could see Radley
and Meg. I know you don't want to jump back into it with me and I
understand that—I do—but I really can't help it, Lexi. I can't pretend
that I'm not in love with you. I can't just see you for a couple hours
every week and pretend that such a small amount of time doesn't kill
me. I just want to grab you and hold on so fucking tight. I screwed up, I
know that. But this is torture." He was staring at me with such intensity.
"Please, just spend the night with me. I'm not saying come home with
me so we can have sex. I just want you there. I want to fall asleep
holding you and know that in the morning you'll still be there. Please,
Lexi. I just don't know if I can do slow with you. I think it's impossible,
but if that's what you need then I'll have to, because I refuse to lose
you."

I lay my head back onto the headrest and just looked at him. I wanted to
say yes so badly. I wanted to go back to where we were before I told
him about me going to that bar. Kole made me feel beautiful, desirable.
There was nothing dirty about what we had. I loved him and I wanted
him so badly.
"Okay."
He wrinkled his eyebrows. "Okay?"
I couldn' t help but laugh. "Okay, I' ll go home with you. I' ll stay with
you tonight. "
He moved quickly. As his mouth crushed against mine he whispered, "I
love you. "

Chapter 37
Kole
I grabbed Lexi' s hand and pulled her to me for one more kiss before we
went inside. They were having a party and I wanted to spend the night
with her. I needed to feel her close I wanted to show everyone that I
was fighting for her. I wasn' t ashamed to let people know I loved Lexi.
I could feel her relaxing with each kiss we shared. I didn' t hold back
now. I figured she agreed to stay with me, so it should be okay to kiss
her. I could never get enough of her.
"You ready to go inside?" She nodded her head; I think we both knew
the chances of seeing Hope were going to be pretty high. She was back
to screwing the guys in the house to try and get to me. She really had no
clue that I couldn' t have cared less about who she was under. I

felt Lexi squeeze my hand as we walked inside. I turned to look at her
and she just smiled. I couldn't resist leaning over to kiss her once more.
The music was loud, but I heard Megan squeal with excitement when
she saw Lexi walk in with me. When she looked closer and saw that I
had hold of her hand I thought her excitement would break my
eardrums. Lexi leaned in to whisper something in Megan's ear and then
Megan shook her head yes. Then the both of them began scanning the
room. I knew then that she was looking for Hope. My stomach flipped
and I felt a sense of panic. I hated that Lex felt insecure about Hope and
me. There is no Hope and me—there never would be.
I sat down on a bar stool and pulled Lexi to me. Wrapping my arms
around her I pulled her close. I kissed her forehead causing her to look
up at me.
"I'm glad you're here." I watched her lips as she tilted her head up and
kissed me. I left mine lingering over hers, watching her as she kept her
eyes closed. After a second I kissed her again, keeping my eyes open
the entire time. Her eyes fluttered and I traced my tongue along hers,
lightly sucking on the tip.
She brought her hands up to run them through my hair while pulling me
closer. Nothing was sexier than watching her kiss me. I knew we were
putting on a show, but I didn't give a shit. If Lexi was going to kiss me,
I wasn't going to turn it down no matter where we were. When she
pulled back and her eyes slowly came open she looked into mine.
"Were you watching me?"
I grinned. "Sure was. You look so sexy when you kiss, I couldn't help
it." She turned around and leaned back into me. I ran my hand around
her waist and pulled her in just a little tighter.
Radley had gotten both of us a beer and we were all talking. I thought
maybe we were going to be able to avoid a tense situation with Hope,
but when I glanced toward the kitchen my stomach fell. Hope was
leaning against the counter drinking and staring directly at Lexi. We
locked eyes and her face softened then she licked her lips. I suddenly
got a bad feeling about this and I wanted to distract Lexi. Hope was
drunk, which only made her mouthier than usual. I hated that I ran back
here and straight to Hope after Lexi and I broke up. It really just fed her
fire.

"Why are you watching her?" Lexi sounded hurt. Shit, she caught me
watching Hope. I rotated her around to ensure she could see me when I
explained.
"I' m not watching her, okay? She just keeps getting closer to us and I'
m not going to let her start her shit. That is the only reason, Lex. I'm not
interested in Hope. I promise I'm just not going to let her ruin
this."
The look on her face made my chest feel tight. I knew she felt there was
more to it and I had to blame myself for that insecure feeling she had. "I
love you, baby. You have my heart, Lex. all of it. "
I kissed her while running my hands over her hips and along the hem of
her shirt across her back. "It' s you, baby," I whispered between kisses.
"Just you. I want you. " I felt her relax against me and I allowed myself
to relax.
The feel of her body against me so tightly and her hands running up and
down my arms was nice. It had been almost three weeks since I had
been this close to Lexi and I knew I missed it, but feeling her made me
realize just how much I needed her. I felt her small fingers trace across
my stomach just under the hem of my shirt, which caused a chain
reaction to run through me. I moaned into her mouth, pulled her in
tighter to me, my dick twitched, and I sucked her lower lip into my
mouth. She returned a sweet little moan and I felt like my head was
going to explode.
"Fuck, Lex, you're killing me."
I was so fucking turned on. I knew I had to keep her close to me
because I had to hide the erection threatening to bust out of my zipper.
I thought it would slow her down, but it didn't, if anything, it fueled her.
She reached under my shirt and ran her finger along the edge of my
pants.
"I miss this.. .so much." She kissed me again. I said it was her pace and
she was in control. I knew I was either making love to my girl tonight
or taking a cold shower. Either way, I wasn't stopping her. Lexi pulled
back from our kiss and brought her hand up to my mouth. She ran her
finger along my lip. I brushed my tongue across the tip flipping my
piercing against her finger. She bit her lower lip.

"I miss your tongue, and what you do to me with it."
Fucking hell. She was going to make me come right there in the living
room with everyone around.
"Lexi, whenever you're ready all you have to do is say the word. You
already know that I want you. It's your call." I watched her watch my
mouth.
She brought her mouth closer to mine and I thought she was going to
kiss me again, but she lingered over my lips. I could feel her breath.
"I want you, Kole. Just don't hurt me again, please."
Without any further hesitation, I stood up and pressed my obvious need
for her against her body. "I won't, baby, I promise. I love you. Let' s go
upstairs. "
I knew I was going to get a reaction from her and I held back a smile.
"Upstairs? Your room's down here."
I smoothed my fingers across her shoulder and brushed her hair back.
"I switched with Brad. That room had bad memories." I could tell that
she agreed and she was pleased I wouldn't be sleeping with her in my
old room.
I took her hand and guided her toward the stairs. I was so worked up,
but I just wanted to take my time with her. I wanted to kiss every inch
of her and drive her wild. I wanted to give her an amazing night of just
us. I wanted to leave the garbage behind and start over. I knew when I
got her to my room I was going to tell her that I wanted her back now. I
couldn't wait. I didn't want just sex, I wanted her... all of her. I couldn't
believe the hold this girl had on me.

Chapter 38
Lexi
I felt my head jerk back and my hair felt like it was being ripped out of
my head. I stumbled down three steps backward and landed on the
floor. Then a hand smacked my face hard. I heard yelling and Kole
charging back down the stairs toward me. When I looked up I saw
Hope standing over me.
"He's mine, you bitch! Why are you even here?" Hope brought her fist
back and Kole grabbed her arm and shoved it back making her stumble.
"I've never hit a girl, Hope, but if you touch her one more time I won't
hesitate."
Megan helped me up from the floor and my head hurt. "Did she hit
you?" I nodded at Megan.

Hope was pleading with Kole. "Kole, please, you don't need her. I' ll do
whatever you want. I want you, Kole. I hate seeing you with her. She
doesn't deserve you." I could feel the anger from Kole. I sensed it in his
tone, because the day that he broke up with me he voiced the same one.
"Hope, you were always just a piece of ass. You knew that's all it ever
was. You were a quick fix, an easy lay. We were never more than that.
I told you from the beginning, so don't stand here and pretend we were
ever more than that. I don't want anything more with you; I never
will."
I hated looking at them in front of me. I hated that she felt she was
better for him than me. I was pissed because he was mine. I wasn' t
willing to lose him. I needed him so much. He was my rock and my
security.
Kole was mine.
I walked toward her and Kole looked worried, like maybe I was mad at
him. I wasn't going to lie and say that I didn't wish they had never slept
together. I hated that she was with him like that, but I also knew he
loved me. What he felt for me was so much more; she never had that
from him and she never would.
I smiled at him. "It's okay. I think I should give Hope a chance to say
what she needs to say to me face to face. You know, instead of her
secret surprise attack from the back. "
I turned to face Hope and stepped in a little closer. I could feel the
tension radiate from Kole. "Alright, bitch, you were all badass a few
minutes ago. Don't tell me you're gonna bitch up now and sneak off.
You want to fucking hit me? Do it! "
She looked up over my shoulder at Kole and then back to me. "What?
He's not going to do anything. The second you hit me, this little
problem became ours, not his." I stood there waiting, but she didn't
know which way to go.
"Let me help you out with your little dilemma." I shoved her backwards
and she stumbled, falling on her ass. "Fucking sucks landing on your
ass, doesn' t it?" I stood over her waiting for her to say something,
anything. I slapped her across the face.

"Okay so now that we're all caught up, what's next?" She sat on the
floor holding her cheek as if I was the crazy one who attacked her
instead of the other way around. She wasn't going to do anything; she
was all for show.
"Let me tell you how this works. If you ever fucking hit me again, I
won't hold back. Understand something—Kole and I are together. You
will never have with him what I have. Never. Move on and find another
guy because Kole's not available."
I turned to Kole and he pulled me into him. "Come on."
I followed him upstairs and when we got into his room I broke down
from the adrenaline. He held me as I cried into his chest. He led me to
the bed and lowered me down, crawling in next to me to pull me close.
"Lexi, don't let her come between us. Please," he sounded worried. I
curled into him and kissed him.
"I'm not, Kole. I just hate where we're at right now. I hate how we got
here, and I'm worried that we won't be able to get back to where we
were before. "
"I don't accept that, because I won't stop until we are. Until we're better
than we were before." He cradled me to his chest as I fell asleep in his
arms.

Chapter 39
Kole
"Does it tickle? Huh? Tell me." I loved Lexi's laughter and random
tickling had become a great source of torture—or an even better way of
getting her to agree to a variety of things.
"Wait, what was that? You would love to go home with me for
Christmas break? Really? Tickle you more? Of course I will." She was
laughing so hard her face was red.
"Kole, stop, seriously ...please. Oh my god! Please! I'm going to pee
my pants! Okay, damn it—fine I'll go! STOP!" I flopped on top of her
and started placing kisses all over her face.
"You can't take it back now, you agreed to it." I kissed the tip of her
nose. "You have no way out. If you try to bail next time, I will tickle
you until you pee your pants. "

"You're ridiculous. My insides hurt from laughing." I kissed her chin.
"Kole, your brothers probably think we are having crazy wild sex in
here." I brought my lips to hers kissing her slowly.
"I don't care what they think. Let them be jealous." I continued the
kiss.
She pushed on my chest and I rolled over onto my back as she straddled
me. "I'm nervous about going home with you. It's been so long since I
saw your parents. What if your mom doesn't think I'm right for you.
what i f . " I placed my finger against her lips.
"Stop, Lexi. My mom isn't like that and she knows how I feel about
you. When I told her we were dating she was so excited. She' s always
loved you. Stop freaking out. It'll be great having you home with me."
She watched me like she was studying my face. She lowered her lips to
mine and I ran my hands up her sides and back down over her hips
letting them come to rest on her ass.
"Stop watching me, Kole," she whispered against my lips.
"I can't stop. I love watching you. It's sexy! If only you could see just
how beautiful you are. If only you could see yourself through my eyes."
She held her eyes wide as she kissed me again, which led to us both
laughing. "See, it's weird, isn't it?" I loved her so much it hurt. She was
so fucking cute.
"Yeah, it's weird; don't watch me. You aren't allowed to, that's my
thing. Close your eyes, you weirdo." She rolled her eyes at me and of
course I had to tickle her again until she screamed out in laughter.
"Stop torturing her," Megan hollered as she barged into my room. She
flopped down next to us on the bed and Lexi looked at me, laughing.
"Um, Meg. how did you know when you walked in here we wouldn't be
having sex?"
Megan looked at us. "Please, I know what you two sound like when
you're screwing. Don't forget I was stuck in a small dorm room with
you two last night. You thought I was asleep. Granted you both tried to
be quiet, but I heard all your heavy breathing and panting. Thank god
for iPods." I couldn't help laughing. I told Lexi that Megan would

hear us last night, but she insisted that we could be quiet. Lexi broke
out
in giggles.
"Oh shit, Meg, I'm sorry. I thought you were out."
"So, Kole, how do you do it? I mean, seriously—Lexi sounded like she
was having a constant orgasm. I need to sit you down with Radley. His
game is slipping a bit. "
I about choked on my own spit. "Oh fuck, no. Conversation over. I am
not ragging on my boy. I'm out of here." I slid out from under Lexi to
go look for Radley and left her and Megan sitting on my bed. I heard
them laughing uncontrollably as I walked down the hallway.
"Radley, where the fuck are you, man? Your girl needs your help, " I
hollered as I came down the stairs. He was on the couch watching the
football game.
"Where is she. she disappeared on me?"
I flopped down next to him. "She's upstairs with Lex talking about your
lack of sexual abilities." "Fuck... whatever."
We watched the game until our girls made their way downstairs. Lexi
snuggled up into my side and watched with me.
"Don't forget to call your mom and let her know I'm coming," she
whispered. I gave her a light kiss.
"I already did last night." She wrinkled up her forehead.
"But I never agreed to go until today." I winked at her and kissed the tip
of her nose.
"I was pretty confident you wouldn't be able to resist my charm." Lexi
rolled her eyes at me and I heard a little giggle escape her.

Chapter 40
Lexi
To say I was nervous would be a complete understatement. I was
terrified. I had no idea what to expect. Once Kole said we were there
my heart started racing and I felt nauseated. Kole sensed my panic as he
grabbed my hand and squeezed.
"Breathe. Stop worrying so much. My mom is so happy you're here. "
He leaned over and gave me a kiss. I expected him to pull away
quickly, but he lingered over my lips and then slowly kissed me again.
He grazed his tongue across my lips. Instant calmness. I love this guy.
Tap Tap
When I looked over Kole's shoulder and out his car window, I saw his
mother who wore an unbelievably big smile. Kole opened the door and
climbed out. I followed. I walked around slowly to greet his mother.

After she hugged Kole she turned to face me.
"Lexi, sweetheart, you're still so beautiful. Kole said you were a
knockout now and he wasn't lying." She hugged me tightly and I could
see the huge grin on Kole's face. Once she released me we made our
way into the house.
Kole wrapped his arm around my waist once we entered. "Beth, your
house is so beautiful. "
She turned to face us. "Thank you. " Her gaze immediately fell to
Kole's arm around me and she smiled looking back up to us. "I have to
say, all those years ago I never thought I would see you two together.
You were always such a sweet girl, Lexi. Now seeing you here with my
Kole. it makes me happy. You two look so good together. "
Kole pulled me in just a little tighter and kissed my neck, sending chills
running through me. Beth went into the kitchen to check on dinner and
Kole took me upstairs to show me to my room. We had joint rooms
connected by a bathroom. Mm, this could be fun. Slow down, Lexi. I
needed to remember his parents were in the same house. Breathe.
I felt his hands come around me from the back and he laced his fingers
together over my stomach. The familiar warm flush ran through me. I
was so used to Kole's touch and it felt so natural now. He brushed my
hair to the side and kissed my neck. I felt his tongue trace up until he
reached my ear. mm. A moan escaped and I turned quickly into him.
Our lips met immediately and I was lost in his kiss.
"I really like having you here, Lexi."
His hands ran over my hips and down my thighs lifting me up. He
carried me to the bed. Once he lowered me he brought himself down on
top of me. I could feel his erection against my leg and reality hit.
"Kole, we can't do this. Your parents could walk in at any time. I just
can't."
He groaned and slowly lifted himself off, then reached for my hands
pulling me off the bed.
"Fine. But tonight I' m definitely sneaking into your room and you're
just going to have to learn to be quiet no matter how good I make you
feel." He winked and then turned for the door.

Chapter 41
Kole
I was sitting on the couch watching a game with my dad. Who was I
kidding? I hadn' t caught five minutes straight without finding myself
looking off into the kitchen to stare at Lexi. She was helping mom get
dinner ready and I was getting a really good view of her bending over
to get things out of the fridge. It was her fault she had such a nice ass. I
couldn't wait until later when I could feel her body against mine.
"So, Kole.. .how's school going?"
My dad brought me out of my Lexi fantasy. I turned to face him.
"Good. Everything is great. Classes, the fraternity ...everything." My
dad wasn' t a big talker. Normally he just nodded and smiled.
Conversation was limited with him.
Dinner was great and Lexi even got my dad to talk more than

usual. After we got everything cleaned up and put away, Lexi excused
herself. I sat with my parents to watch a Christmas movie that was
playing on TV.
"Oh, I forgot to tell you earlier—I ran into Uncle Randy and Matty at
the store yesterday. Matty said he would get in touch with you while
you're home so you can catch up. I told him you were coming home
with your girlfriend for the holidays. "
I whipped around quickly to face my mom.
"Mom, you didn't tell him it was Lexi, did you?" She just shook her
head "no" and continued to look at me strangely. "Don't mention
anything about Matt in front of Lex, Mom, please."
Before she could ask why, Lexi came back in the room and sat down
next to me. I knew I would be asked to explain to my parents later why
talking about Matt in front of Lexi was a bad thing. I started trying to
create some sort of an explanation I could use. I felt a nudge in my side
and I turned to look directly at Lexi who was now curled into me.
"Is everything okay? You look worried.
I put my arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer. "Everything's
great, baby. Are you glad you came?" She smiled up at me and nodded
her head.
"Me too." I gave her a little kiss and turned to see my mom watching
me. I knew whatever explanation I chose it was going to have to be a
good one to convince her.

Chapter 42
Lexi
I could tell something was bothering Kole. He seemed really quiet and
even when we went upstairs to get ready for bed he quickly kissed me
and went off to his room. I sat down on the bed and held my pajama' s
in my hand. I needed a shower, but I was feeling a little nauseated from
Kole's distance toward me. I started running through the day trying to
find any reason he might be upset with me. I thought the day went
really well.
I finally made my way to the bathroom and I quickly showered. Once I
crawled into bed and curled up onto my side the uneasy feeling
overtook me. I was so worried about what I could have done. How
could I have upset him?
I couldn' t sleep. I tried, but my mind continued to wonder. After

almost two hours I decided I could no longer worry. I slid out of bed
quietly and walked to the bathroom. I took a deep breath and opened
the door leading to Kole's room. I could see his body form under the
blankets and by the slow rise and fall I knew he was sleeping.
Once I reached the side of his bed I pulled back the covers and slid in
with him. I traced my finger over his cheek and down onto his lips. His
eyes fluttered open slowly.
"Hey, baby, what' s wrong?" I wanted to know that same thing.
"I should be asking you that. Did I upset you or do something wrong?"
He took my hand into his and laced our fingers together.
"Lexi, you didn't do anything wrong. I'm just tired and it hit me after
dinner. The long drive here and I didn't sleep much last night. Don't
worry, okay?"
I shook my head and curled closer to him burying my face into the
crease of his neck. I placed a light kiss below his ear.
"I'm going to go back to bed. I just couldn't sleep until we talked." I
started to rise up and he gripped my hip.
"Now that you're here, I don't think I'm going to let you leave."
I tried to hold back the giggle from him tickling my hip. A snort
escaped me which only caused me to laugh harder.
"I told you earlier you are going to have to be quiet. I don't want my
mom to hear us having sex," he said with a cocky grin.
"Who said we were going to have sex? I don't remember agreeing
to that. "
He ran his tongue across my lower lip before sucking it into his mouth.
I moaned lightly and he once again grinned.
"Are you saying that I can't convince you? Because I'm pretty sure I
can make you beg."
I lightly laughed. "Pretty confident, huh?"
He rolled over onto me and ran his hands down over my body coming
to rest on my thighs. He slowly lifted my nightie up exposing my
panties. He traced his finger along the edge and my breathing
increased. I knew I was a goner. Like I could ever tell him no. He ran
his tongue up the inside of my thigh and I moaned in acceptance.
"Do you still need to think about it or have I convinced you?"

He didn't wait for my answer before he removed my panties and ran his
tongue over my clit. I tried to stay quiet as he teased and taunted. I bit
the pillow to muffle my moans; he was so proud of my pleasure. The
cocky grin barely left his face. He brought his body back up over mine
and the fact that he was ready was evident.
He slid into me slowly and brought his mouth to mine before I could
make any noise. He moved so slowly as to take in every second. It was
absolutely mind blowing. He pulled his face back to watch me closely
as my eyes rolled back and I let my head rest into the pillow. Kole ran
kisses down my neck while continuing to thrust his hips. I concentrated
on keeping my moans under control. When I felt my impending orgasm
I wrapped my legs tightly around his waist and moved my hips into him
to meet his every thrust. My legs began to tense and a rush of pleasure
ripped through my body as Kole followed closely behind me.
When our breathing slowed he looked at me and smiled. "What are you
smiling about? Don't look so cocky." He licked his lower lip.
"I told you I was very persuasive. You can't resist me." He really was
adorable, cocky, but completely adorable. "Watch it, buddy, or you'll
be reacquainted with your old friend Rosy Palm. "
He smiled. "Oh, so you're actually going to make me jerk off for
punishment. What exactly is my punishment for? The fact that I' m
irresistible and my girlfriend can't get enough?"
I kissed him quickly. "How about the fact that your ego is entirely too
big for one person?"
Kole rubbed my jaw with his thumb.
"I love you, Lexi. You're so easy to love, do you know that?"
I felt a thickness in my throat that I couldn't swallow. I still found it
uncomfortable when he complimented me, but I was trying so hard to
be able to accept his kindness.
"You're pretty easy to love too." I looked into his eyes and I still felt
like something was there. He looked saddened or worried about
something, he seemed tense, and I hated that he was brushing it off like
it

was nothing.
Over the next few days things were great. Kole seemed to lighten up
and didn' t act as tense. His parents made me feel so welcome, and on
Christmas morning when his mother handed me a gift my heart raced. I
really wasn't expecting anything, especially the gorgeous suede coat
that I found when I opened the box. Beth seemed ecstatic with my
reaction and I was compelled to hug both her and Jack, which was
completely out of character for me. The surprised look on Kole's face
was the greatest part.

Chapter 43
Kole
Lexi had become so relaxed with my parents and her being here
through the holiday was perfect. I looked back over the last month and
knew that we were closer than before. I felt like this girl was created for
me. We were meant to find each other when we both needed it the
most. She was self-destructing and in my own way so was I. I just felt
when I was with Lexi everything had a purpose. All the little things
meant something and she made me truly happy. Lexi made me smile
without even trying.
My parents had a dinner that night with my father' s boss and would be
home late. Lexi and I were watching a movie, but she had fallen asleep
with her head on my shoulder. I was watching her instead of the movie;
she was easier on the eyes.

"Hey, baby..." I brushed her hair back. "Lex, wake up."
When she rose up and looked at me I had to smile. Damn she was
beautiful, even right after she woke up. She looked at me still half
asleep. I guess I should have let her sleep last night. Instead I snuck into
her room and spent two hours exploring her body. I couldn't help the
smile that spread across my face from the memories of us tangled up
together.
"What on earth are you grinning about?" She was looking at me like I
was crazy.
"You don't want to know. It has to do with you and me both being
naked, though." Lexi giggled and rolled her eyes.
"I was actually thinking maybe we should go to a movie or something.
Just to get out of the house for a while. What do you think?" I could
sense by her smile she agreed.
Lexi went up to change while I went out to start my car and let it warm
up. The temperature had dropped and they were calling for snow.
When she came down the stairs I had to stop and admire her. She really
was perfect. Her curves were so sexy and the way her hair flowed was
beautiful. She had lip gloss on, making her lips shiny. I really just
wanted to grab her and kiss her until we were both breathless. The shirt
she wore was tightly fitted and showed just the right amount of her
neck. Yeah, I knew—I was such a fucking pussy, but I loved the hell
out of this girl.
"Why are you staring?"
I walked slowly to her and placed my hands on her hips, pulling her
close to me so her entire body was pressed into mine. I kissed her
slowly at first and then sucked on the tip of her tongue. She moaned
lightly.
"I was admiring my girl. She's fucking hot." She pushed against my
chest and I laughed. I placed her hand into mine and walked toward the
door.
"What is this place? It looks like a bar, Kole." She appeared nervous.
"It's not a bar, more like a bar and grill. They have pool tables and darts,
music and dancing. Come on, it'll be fine."
Lexi followed me in, but held my hand tightly. The waitress led us

to a booth in the back. After she took our drink order, Lexi shrugged
her coat off and snuggled into me. We were sitting toward the back and
the dance floor was to our left, the pool tables to our right. I tilted her
chin up and gave her a light kiss.
"Do you want to kick my ass in pool?"
She laughed. "Um.. .I'll play, but I'm pretty sure I won't be kicking
your ass. "
I let her break and stood behind her watching her bend over the table. I
came up behind her and ran my hand over her ass, bringing it to rest on
her hip. She leaned back into me letting her head fall back onto my
chest. I kissed her neck.
"If you keep distracting me with that sexy ass of yours, I'm pretty sure
I won't be able to concentrate enough to shoot pool."
She pushed her ass back into my groin just a little more and a deep
groan ripped through me. Spinning her around, I backed her up against
the pool table pinning her with my body. I kissed her, letting our
tongues dance with each other as my hand roamed her hip and came to
a stop cupping her ass.
"Well, what do we have here?" I turned and my anger flared
immediately as Matt stood five feet from us with some really sleazy
girl. I kept Lexi behind me.
"What the fuck do you want?" Matt looked over my shoulder to see
Lexi and the smile he gave her made my blood boil. Lexi was
squeezing my arm tightly.
"Kole, I thought you had better taste than that. But hey, if you 're into
sluts then you went top of the line, because Lexi here has fucked half
the town. She's a good lay, so I guess when you're all done at least
you'll get that out of it."
It happened before I even realized what I was doing. I charged at Matt
and fisted his shirt with one hand while my other connected with his
face. I didn't stop; I kept punching him, and when he went down I kept
swinging. The only thing that pulled me back was Lexi's cries. When I
turned to look at her she looked terrified. I looked down at my hands
covered in blood and then back at Matt, who was now slouched against
the wall with blood pouring from his nose.

"Kole, they called the cops." Lexi sobbed as she pointed to the door.
When I looked in that direction I saw the three policemen walking
toward me. I quickly grabbed my keys from my pocket.
"Take these and go get my mom. She's at the Hilton." Lexi nodded, but
the tears fell heavy. I leaned over and kissed her before the cops
reached us. "Baby," I said, gaining her full attention. "I' ll be okay. I
love you. "
They arrested us both and as they were placing me in the car I almost
lost it. I looked back as Lexi was sitting in my car with her face in her
hands and I could tell she was crying heavily. I just wanted to hold her.
I wanted to kiss her and tell her everything would be okay. I didn' t
regret beating the fuck out of Matt. The sick bastard had it coming and
I knew it was just a matter of time before I got hold of him.

Chapter 44
Lexi
I drove to the Hilton and I couldn't stop shaking. How was I going to
tell Beth that Kole had been arrested and that it was my fault? I felt
sick. She surely wouldn't want us together after this. I tried to control
my tears, but they wouldn't stop. I was so worried about Kole being in
jail.
I approached the greeter.
"I was wondering if you could find a woman by the name of Beth
Hartman. She's having dinner here and it's very important that I speak
with her. It's an emergency." The young girl behind the counter
excused herself and I paced the hall waiting.
"Lexi, honey, is everything okay?" When I turned to face Beth she took
in my tear stained face. "Oh my god.. .where's Kole? Is Kole okay?
Honey, please, what happened?"

I took a deep breath. "He got arrested." She stared at me and I wasn't
sure what to say. I felt a fear run through me at her silence. Just when I
was about to apologize she spoke.
"Sweetheart, you wait right here. I'm going to get my coat and excuse
myself from dinner." Beth rubbed my shoulder to comfort me. "Lexi,
he got in a fight with Matt, didn't he?"
I felt a panic overtake me as I looked up at her. She smiled lightly and I
just nodded my head. "I'll be right back sweetheart."
Beth drove Kole's car in silence to the police station.
***
I couldn't hold back the tears as I sat in the waiting area waiting for
them to bring Kole out. Beth was talking to Matt's mother on the phone.
Apparently Matt had a broken nose and Kole knocked out two of his
teeth. He also needed nine stitches above his right eye.
I held my head in my hands crying at how badly our night turned out. I
was startled when Kole knelt down in front of me.
"Don't cry, Lex. I'm fine."
I threw myself at him and wrapped my arms around his neck. He stood
with me still holding him and wrapped his arms around my waist. I
cried into his shoulder and he whispered in my ear that he loved me and
that everything was okay.
When I heard Kole's dad's voice I jumped.
"Let's get you home, son." I rode with Kole in his car and his parents
followed.
"I hate that you went to jail because of me, Kole. We should have just
walked away." I ran my hand over his as he held my leg. He didn't turn
to look at me he just took a deep breath.
"Lexi, it wasn't your fault. I couldn't just walk away. He hurt you and I
have been waiting for the day I could show him that there is no fucking
way he is ever going to hurt you again. I don't even remember hitting
him. It happened so fast and I was so pissed. Hearing you was the only
thing that stopped me. I don't regret it; he had it coming. If you ask

me, he deserves worse. "
We parked behind his parents and I knew that they were going to want
an explanation. I knew they deserved it—after all, their son just went to
jail and they had no idea why. When Beth approached us she looked
directly at me and took me into her arms hugging me tightly. I looked at
her in confusion.
Kole's father spoke first. "Uncle Randy called after they stitched up
Matt and took him to the jail. They had gone in to try to bail him out.
Apparently, his bond was set too high. He has some charges against
him that his parents weren't aware of. Matt got in some trouble at
school a couple weeks ago. There are ongoing investigations on
campus for two different accusations of sexual assault."
My knees felt weak and Beth allowed Kole to take me into his embrace.
I felt him kiss the top of my head and hold me tightly to him. We made
our way into the house and Kole led me to the couch where he sat
closely beside me. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and I
rested my head on his chest. I concentrated on his voice as he
whispered, "I love you, Lexi. "
I found out that Kole had told his mother about Matt and what he had
done to me a few days before. I wasn't upset. Due to the circumstances
of tonight, it made it a little easier to get through. We didn' t have to sit
up explaining everything.
Kole decided to sleep in my room and his mother was completely
aware. I wanted him as close to me as possible. Falling asleep wrapped
in his arms was exactly what I needed. I needed to feel safe and Kole
was my safety and security. He gave me so much just by being near.
What I felt for him was overwhelming at times because I never thought
I would have that. I never wanted it before. Until I met Kole, I didn' t
know what I was allowing myself to miss.

Epilogue
"Hurry up, you slow ass," Megan yelled from the hallway as she drug
her bag out of the doorway.
"I am! I keep feeling like I'm forgetting something." I continued to
look around our dorm room.
"Kole and Radley are going to send out a search party for us. We were
supposed to be there by now," she complained.
Spring break had arrived and all four of us were taking a trip together.
***
Matt was charged with two counts of sexual assault on two different
girls he had met in college. They sentenced him to four years in prison.
Things were stressful after Kole was arrested, but once Matt was

charged a huge weight had been lifted from me. I knew that he wasn' t
being punished for what he had done to me, but in a way, it felt like he
was.
When we arrived at the fraternity house, Radley and Kole were waiting
outside. I stood beside the car, leaning against it and watching Kole. He
was sitting on the trunk and when he looked up at me I couldn' t help
but smile.
There was something magical about that smile of his.
Slowly he slid off the car and walked toward me with ease. He was so
relaxed, comfortable even. He wrapped his arms around my waist and
pinned me to the side of the car, giving me no ability to escape. As if I'd
actually want to.
Kole brought his mouth close to mine and whispered, "Why are you
staring, Lexi?" I tried my best to imitate his cockiness.
"Well, if my man wasn't so unbelievably attractive, I wouldn't be
forced to stare. "
He lowered his mouth to mine and kissed me slowly, and left me
feeling as if he'd taken my breath away. I allowed my mind to think of
nothing but Kole's kiss. I knew things would be okay for us.
I'd continued to go to counseling and each day I knew I'd get one step
closer to the strong girl I once was.
I had the love of a great guy, who I fell harder for every day. He gave
me so much to look forward too.
It was time to focus on us and let our past rest.

Author's Note:
National Sexual Assault

Hotline-1.800.656.HOPE

Lexi and Kole's story continues in: Conquer
Desired Affliction Series, Book Two

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Acknowledgements
Thank you to all my readers and followers without your praise my
drive to keep writing wouldn't be as strong. Thank you for all the kind
words and inspiration you share with me along the way. You are all
amazing and I love sharing my stories with each and every one of you.
Maria Trojanowski, once again you are so kick ass. You never fail me
when I need a boost in the right direction. If I hit a snag I know you will
shoot an idea at me. Even if that idea is so off the wall that all I can do is
smile, it still gets me moving in one way or the other. Thank you for
being exactly who you are.
The great and wonderful Lisa Watmough with RockWat Designs. I
love your guts, girl. You rock my world!
To my husband who has given me some great writing material without
even realizing it.
To my children Jayden and Tayler, I love you both to the moon and
back. You both are my greatest accomplishments in life.

About the Author
A little about me, let's see where to start.
I love HEA stories, as long as they come packing a little heat. I need
some excitement, some angst and moments that make me fan my face,
those are always good too. I am an Illinois girl, born and raised. Simple
and true, it honestly doesn't take much to make me happy. I love the
little things, they truly mean the most. I may have a slight addiction to
my new Keurig, oh my, that thing is a godsend. And so fast too. I have
two children who truly are my very best friends their faces never fail to
put a smile on my face. I have been married to my husband for sixteen
years and even though at times I want to beat him with a stick, I would
never change the years we have had. We have learned and fallen, only
to pick each other up, dust off the ache and help each other make it
right.
I am one of those authors that adore my fans, I love to hear from you.
After all it is because of each one of you that I continue to write. I look
forward to you feedback.
Be sure to follow me to stay up to date on all my upcoming releases.

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