NOREGRETS

ASECONDCHANCEROMANCE

VIVIANWARD

Contents

Allrightsreserved.

Nopartofthisbookmaybereproducedinanyformorbyanyelectronicormechanicalmeans,includinginformation

storageandretrievalsystems,withoutwrittenpermissionfromtheauthor,exceptfortheuseofbriefquotationsinabook

review.Thistitlewaspreviouslypublishedunderadifferentpenname.Allrightshavebeentransferred.

FormyfamilywhomIlovedearly

VIVIANWARDNEWSLETTER

Getfreebooks,ARCopportunities,giveaways,andspecialofferswhenyousignupfor

Vivian’snewsletter.Weallgetenoughspamsoyourinformationwillneverbeshared,

soldorredistributedinanyway.You’llinstantlyreceiveafreenoveljustforsigningup

thatisn’tavailableanywhereelse!

ClickHeretoSubscribe

CHAPTER1

STEPHANIE

ure adrenaline pumped through my veins as I crawled across my bedroom

floor with a thick cloud of smoke swirling above my head. The echo of the

crackling and popping from the scorching fire made it near impossible for me to hear

Drew.Iwouldnormallyputhiminhistoddlerbed,butwithhisheadcold,Ilefthimon

the couch where he fell asleep. Coughing and choking on the limited air supply in our

two-bedroomapartment,IfranticallysearchedforhimasIfeltwithmyhands,arms,feet,

andlegs.EverythingwassodarkthatIcouldn’tseemorethanafewinchesinfrontofme.

“Drew!”MyarmycrawlslowedasIgotnearthecouchandbeganfeelingforhimwith

myhands.“Andrew!Answermommy!”

Flames were everywhere I looked, and I became terrified that maybe he was hiding

someplace to escape the fire. My heart dropped as I thought about all the hiding places

thathecouldbein.Hecouldbeinacloset,oneofhistwotoychests,underthecouch,ina

corner,inacabinet—thepossibilitieswereendless.IwasbeginningtothinkthatImight

notfindhimintime.

“Andrew!”Ikeptcrawlingandfeelingaround.“Comeon,Drew!Whereareyou?”I

alreadyknewthatonceIfoundhim,Iwasgoingtohavetofigureouthowtoescapefrom

oursecond-storywindow.“Mommyneedsyou!Wehavetogetoutofthefire!”

Thethicksmokewaschokingme,threateningtodepleteanymoleculeofoxygenthat

maybenearme.ItwassohardtocallouttohimsinceIcouldhardlybreathe.Iknewhe

had to be just as scared as I was. What three-year-old wouldn’t be? At that moment—

probablytheonlymomentever—Iwasgladthatourapartmentwastiny.Theonlyrooms

left to search were the bathroom and kitchen; I opted to check the bathroom first. I

continuedcallinghisnameasIcrawledonthefloor,hopinghewaslyinglow,too.

“Mommy’slookingforyou,baby!Please,comeout!”Iwantedtocry,butIknewthat

wouldonlymakemattersworse.Keepcalm,Stephanie.Youcan’tlethimseeyougetupset

because it will only scare him. I stretched my arm out in front of me and felt for the

bathroomdoor.

Afterwavingmyhandaroundafewtimes,Ifeltthewooddoorandpusheditopen.

“Drew,areyouinhere?”

A booming crash prevented me from hearing him if he did answer. “Drew! Answer

me!” I hope he didn’t run out the front door and go into the main hall between the

apartments.

“Mommy!”Iheardhimcry.Forasplitsecond,IwasrelievedthatIfoundhiminthe

apartmentwithme,butwestillhadtogetout.

Fanningthesmokefrominfrontofmyface,IsquintedmyeyesasItriedtoseewhere

hewas.“Whereareyou,Drew?”

“Overhere,”heshrieked.Hisshakyvoicemeltedmyheart.Iknewhowscaredhewas.

Feelingaround,Ilocatedthesink,toilet,andclothesbasketwithoutrunningintohim.

Hemustbeinthebathtub.“Areyouinthetub?”

“Uh-huh.”

Iraisedupandsatonmykneesinfrontofthewarm,porcelainbathtubandwavedmy

armsarounduntilIfeltthetrunkofhisbody.“Isthisyourarm?”IaskedasIgrabbedwhat

Ithoughtfeltlikehisarm.TheinstantItouchedhim,Ilostit.Iwassorelievedtohavemy

handsonhimthatIbegantosob.Iknewthatmakingittohimwasonlyhalfthebattle.

His tiny life was in my hands, and it was up to me to get us out of there. He tightly

wrapped his arms around my neck and held onto me for dear life. If the smoke wasn’t

goingtochokemetodeath,hewould.“Drew,loosenupyourarms,baby.Mommycan’t

breathe.”

Once he loosened his death grip on me, I positioned him on my back as I began

crawlingoutofthebathroom.Half-wayacrossthelivingroomfloor,aceilingbeamfell

and nearly missed our heads by inches. Andrew began crying as he tightened his grip

aroundmyneckagain.Tappinghisarm,ItoldhimtoloosenhisarmsasIcontinuedmy

armycrawltowardsthefrontdoor.Itwasouronlyhopeofescape,andIwasprayingthat

thestairwellwouldstillbeintactsothatwecouldmakeitdownthem.Please,God.Don’t

letusgettrapped.Idon’twantmybabyormetodie.

Crawlingpastthecenterofthecouch,Iheardaloudexplosion.Itwasthewindowto

myapartmentshattering.IflippedAndrewoffmybackandontothefloor,coveringhim

withmybodytoshieldhimfromtheshardsofglassthatwereflyingthroughtheair.My

lungs were on fire from the heat, and the lack of oxygen made it impossible to

communicatewithhimanylonger.AllIcoulddowastrytokeepmovingforwardwhile

protectinghimfromfallingobjectsandflyingglass.Theheatwassohotthateverything

around me was beginning to ignite spontaneously. His grip on me was beginning to get

weaker; he was running out of oxygen, as was I. Everything was beginning to look

disoriented,andIlosttrackofwhatpartofthelivingroomIwasin.

“Hello?Isanyonehere?”

Iheardaman’svoice.DidIimaginethis?“Hello?”Iresponded.

“Didyouhearthat?Iheardawoman,”adifferentvoicesaid.“Ma’am?Canyouhear

me?”

“Help!” I yelled while choking on the heavy smoke which was lingering a few feet

abovethefloor.

“Overthere,”hesaidtohispartner.“Ma’am,thisistheMemphisFireDepartment.We

areheretorescueyou,andneedyoutostaywhereyouarewhilewelocateyou.”

I froze in place with Drew barely clinging to me. “I’m by the couch, and I have my

son.”Ikepttryingtotalksotheycouldfollowmyvoice.“He’sonlythree,andheneeds

air.”

Thefiremangrabbedaholdofmyankle.“Ma’am,isthisyourleg?”Histhickgloves

squeezedthebareskinofmyleg.

“It’smyankle,butyes.Mysonisonthefloorbeneathme.Please,helphim!”Drew’s

petitebodyhadgonelimp,andhewasnolongerabletoholdontome.“Drew!”Whenhe

didn’trespond,Iknewhewasunconscious.

Thefiremangrabbedmyleganddraggedmebackwards,towardshim.“Ma’am,I’m

going to pull you to me, and then my partner and I will carry the two of you down the

ladder.”

“Downtheladder?”IhadaskedonthefinaltugbeforeIbumpedintohim.

“Yes, ma’am.” He handed me off to his partner as he took Andrew out of my arms.

“I’vegotyourson.Youcangowithmypartner.”

The other fireman grabbed my arm and draped it around his neck as he helped me

walktothewindow.Theheavycouldofsmokebillowingoutofthebustedwindowmade

it impossible to see the ladder that we were supposed to make our descent on. The man

whotookmysonmadetheirwayoutfirstsinceDrewwasunresponsive.Myheartsankas

Iwatchedhislimpbodybounceontheshoulderofthefiremanwhileheclimbeddownthe

ladderwithhim.

“Doyouneedhelpgoingdown?”thefiremanwhowasstillinmyburningapartment

askedme.

“No, I think I can do it.” I quickly tried to glance around my apartment. I know it

should probably be the furthest thing from my mind, but I became embarrassed when I

lookeddownatthecrowdofpeoplewhowerespectatingfromthestreet.Iwaswearing

nothingbutawhiteslip.IhadneverchangedoutofitafterIgothomefrommywomen’s

supportgroupmeetingatchurch.

“You won’t be able to take anything with you. We need to get going,” he pulled me

closer to the window. Even though I knew he was right—I didn’t have time to grab

anything—Istillstruggledwiththeideaofgoingoutintothecrowdinmyundergarments.

“Ma’am,”hispaddedglovepressedagainstmyback,“now.”

I looked down the ladder and saw Drew draped over the fireman’s shoulder as he

nearedthestreet.Itdidn’tmatterwhatIhadon,Ineededtobewithmybaby.Takingthe

fireman’shandinmine,hehelpedmeontotheladder,andIclimbeddownonerungata

time. When I finally reached the ground, I started running over to the stretcher that

Andrewwaslyingon.Withinafewfeetofit,Isawthattheyhadhimonoxygen,andthey

weretryingtospeaktohim.

“Drew, mommy’s here,” his eyes were glazed over, dopey looking. “Baby, can you

hearme?”Ishookhisarm.

“You’rehismother?”theparamedicaskedme.Inoddedinresponsetoherquestion.

“Whatishisname?”

“Andrew.HisnameisAndrew—”

“Stephanie Frost,” the fireman who carried him down the ladder interrupted my

sentence,pullinghishelmetoffofhishead.

Myjawdroppedasmymindwentblank.Matt?MattPorter?Whatishedoinghere?

Whyisheafireman?

“His name is Andrew Smith. He’s only three years old. Is he going to be okay?” I

strokedhishairasIglimpsedatMattfromthecornerofmyeye.IneverthoughtIwould

seehimagain—notafterthewaythingsended.

“With the way his vitals are, we are going to have to transport him to Children’s

Hospitalforovernightobservation.Youcanridewithhimifyou’dlike,oryoucanfollow

theambulanceinyourvehicle.”Shestartedloadinghimintothebackoftheambulanceas

theycontinuedtoadministeroxygentohistinybody.

“I’ll have to ride with him. My keys are in my purse, which is probably melted,” I

nodded towards the second story of what was my home only a half an hour ago. There

wasn’tmuchlefttoitnow,though.Everythingwasblack,smokyandwet.

Sitting on the bench next to Drew’s stretcher, I peered out the window of the

ambulance.StandingattheedgeofthesidewalkisMattstaringatus.Welockedeyes,and

everymemoryofpainandhappinessflashedthroughmymindlikeaboltoflightning.I

couldn’t stop looking at him; the corners of his lips were turned downward, as were his

eyesandhisshouldersappearedslumpedforward.Helookedsad,defeated.TheoldMatt

thatIknewstoodtall,proud,smiledandhadaspecialtwinkleinhiseyethatcouldstirthe

butterfliesinthepitofanygirl’sstomach.

“Ishegoingtobeokay?”Iaskedtheparamedic,thefieryscenefadingbehindusas

wedriveaway.

“We’llneedtotakehimforobservation,”shesaidasshefilledoutachart,notingall

ofhisinjuries.

CHAPTER2

MATT

never dreamed that I would run into her—not after all these years. What’s it

been?Eightyears.Yeah,I’dsayitwaseightyearsagothatIhadmywholelife

infrontofme.StephanieandIwereinlove,inseparable,andhappy.WehadplansthatI

wouldfinishschool,wewouldstartafamily,andshewouldbeastay-at-homemomwhile

I earned a living. It shouldn’t surprise me that she has a little boy; she always said how

badlyshewantedtohavechildren.

It’d been a long time since I’d had a drink, but I felt like I could use one. A neat

scotch.Icouldtasteitonthetipofmytongue—justlikeher.Herpale,creamyskinlooked

sosoftagainsttheblue,elegantnightgownshewaswearing.Istillrememberhowsweetit

tastedtokisshermoist,dewyskin.Shetastedlikethenectarofthegods.Mytongueused

torunagainsthersatinskin,andherperkynipples.HowcouldIforgetthem?Whensoft,

theywereaboutthesizeofthetipofmypinky,butafterIteasedthemandsuckedonthem,

theygrewintoperfectpoints;similartothetipofacrayon.Theyweretheperfectsizefor

herbreasts.

Icouldfeelmymanhoodbeingstifledbytheclothofmybluejeans.Itwasadamned

goodthingIhadthenightoff.TherewasnowayinhellIcouldfocusonworkandsaving

lives—notwhileshewasoccupyingeveryopenspaceinmymind.Idrovetomyfavorite

bar—Squiggy’s—ontheothersideoftown.Duringthetrip,ItoldmyselfthatIshouldn’t

gobacktomyoldways,butitdidn’tstopmefrommakingabeelinerighttoit.Ineeded

this.Ihadwanteditforsolong.AndseeingStephanie?Itwastheperfectexcuse.

I pulled up in front of the bar and threw my pickup into park before I got out and

kickedthedoorshut.TheplacelookedrougherthanIhadrememberedit.Ihaven’tbeen

to a bar since I got sober. The front of it was weathered, and one of the windows was

coveredwithapieceofcardboard.Myguesswastherehadtohavebeenabarfightand

someonegottossedoutthewindow.

That’sprettytypicalforthispartofMemphis,though,andit’soneoftheoldestbars

around.Rumorhasitthatthisbarhasbeenaroundformorethanahundredyearsthough

it’sbeensoldmoretimesthanyoucouldcount.Iwalkedaroundthefrontofmytruckand

steppeduponthesidewalk.Takinginadeepbreath,Icouldalreadysmelltheboozeinthe

air.ThethickhopsfilledmysensesasthebreezeblewthroughmyhairwhenIcrossedthe

sidewalk.

Theinsideofthebarsmelledfamiliar,welcoming.IlookedaroundandnoticedthatI

didn’tknowasinglesoulinthewholeplace.WhenIusedtogothere,Ikneweveryone.

The bartender knew me by name and could pour me the perfect drink based on the

expressionIworeonmyfacewhenIwalkedthroughthedoors.Ioptedforaseatatthe

endofthebar,nearadarkcorner.Ididn’twantanyonetoseemebreakmysobriety.

“What’llitbe?”thebartenderasked,wipingoutashotglasswithastainedbartowel.

“AneatScotch.”

Ilookedaroundandnoticedthattheoldjukeboxwasgone.Thatthingusedtokeepme

somuchcompanythatIalmostfeltsadasIstaredattheemptywall.

“Fourbucks.”

Ipulledafiveoutofmywalletandlaiditacrosstheold,dark-stainedwoodcounter.It

had more scratches in it than a headboard at the Bunny Ranch. I’ve always thought that

the wooden bar was the original counter top since the place first opened. The bartender

tookthemoneyoffthecounterandstuffeditinsidetheregister,offeringmethechange.I

heldmyhandupandnoddedtowardstheglassbeersteinonthecounter.

Myhandsshookassweatbeadedonmyupperlip.

IshouldcallMick.Goddamn,Matt.Whatareyoudoing?Fiveyearsofsobrietyand

you’re gonna throw it all away on this shit? But it looks so good, and it smells fucking

delicious.Onedrink.What’sitgoingtohurt?Coulditreallydothatmuchdamage?

The truth? Yes, it could do that much damage. I’ve never been able to stop at one

drink, especially when it comes to thinking about her. She was the sole reason I was in

Alcoholics Anonymous. I hadn’t been to an AA meeting in years, but Mick has always

been just a phone call away. I picked up the glass and eyeballed it. The amber liquid

sloshed around as the glass shook in my hand. I sat it back down on the scratched up

woodenbarandtookadeepbreath,lettingtheairblowoutofmypuffycheeks.

“Everythingallright?”thebartenderasked.

Istillhadn’tdrunkit,notasingledrop.

“Yeah.”Istoodupandkickedthebarstooltomyleft.“Justneedtotakealeak.”

Itwasalie.WhatwasIsupposedtosay?ThatIwaspussin’outandcouldn’tdrinka

little scotch? I walked into the bathroom. Stale piss filled my nostrils and made my

stomachturnasIleanedoverthedirtysinkandsplashedwateronmyface.

Come on, Matt. One drink. You can have a drink. After seeing her, you deserve it. I

looked at myself. My eyes looked weary, tired. No, I can’t fuck this up. What if I never

stopagain?Whatifit’slikelasttime?God.Lasttime.

I walked back out to the bar and sat in front of the drink I had ordered. I fished my

phoneoutofmypocketandbroughtituptomyface.AsIpressedthepowerbuttononmy

phonetocallhim,nothinghappened.

No.No.No.Notnow.Comeon.Ipressedthebuttonagain.Thephoneremaineddark.

That’swhenIrememberedthatIhadforgottentochargeityesterday,andlastnightIwas

busy thinking about pulling Stephanie and her kid out of the fire that I didn’t think to

chargeitbeforeIwenttobed.

Fuck.Seriously?Whydoesthisalwayshappentome?Isthisasign?Maybeahigher

poweristestingme.Maybethisisallatest.IlookedbackdownattheglassofScotch.

“Hey, man,” the bartender leaned across the counter. “You feelin’ okay? You’re

sweatinglikeastuckpiganddon’tlooksohot.”

Slowly,myeyesmethis.“YougottaphoneIcanborrow?”

“Sure.I’llberightback.Trynottofalloffthestool,though.”Hewalkedtotheother

side of the bar and grabbed the cordless phone that was mounted on the wall. “Here ya

go.”

Thank God I know his number by heart. My shaky finger had pressed the last digit

beforeIbroughtthephoneuptomyear.Asthephonestartedtoringonthethirdring,I

prayed that he would answer. C’mon, man. Pick up the damned phone. I slapped the

counter,abouttohangupthephonebeforeIheardhisfamiliarvoice.

“Hello?”

“Mick,yougotaminute,bro?”

“Whoisthis?”

“It’sme,Matt.MattPorter.”

“Matty?Whereyouatman?Yougetanewnumberorsomething?”

“Listen,” I turned away from the bar and leaned over. I covered the phone with my

hand.“I’matSquiggy’s,andIwas—”

“WhatthehellareyoudoingatSquiggy’s?Yougottagetoutofthere!Howmanyhave

youhad?Youneedaride?”

“Ihaven’thadanything,yet.”Iturnedandsawtheglassofscotchstillonthebar.“But

I’mstaringatliquidgold,man.”

“It’sbeenawhilesinceyou’vebeentoanAAmeeting.We’rehavingonetonight.You

getyourassoutofthatbarandheadonover.Wecantalk,andgetdowntothebottomof

things.Itstartsinaboutfortyminutes.”

“AretheystillattheCommunityCenteronBroadway?”

“God,youreallyhaven’tbeentooneinages,”hesighed.“No,wemovedthemoverto

theChurchofChristoffMainStreetbytheWhiteGrill.Parkintherearandcomeinthe

setofdoubledoors.”

Ihandedthephonebacktothebartender,“Getridofthis.”Ipushedtheglasstowards

himasIstoodup.“Ican’tdrinkit,”Imumbledbeforeheadingoutthedoor.

Ifiredupmytruckandstartedmakingthecommutebackacrosstown.Myhandswere

stillshaky,andIfeltlikeshit.Sittingataredlight,Iglancedatmyselfinthemirrorand

sawanunfamiliarface.Itwasmine,anditwascoveredinacoldsweat.Mickwasright;it

wasabouttimeIgotmyassbackinAAmeetings.AsmuchasIhatebeingthenewguy,it

wouldbegoodtogetbackintogoodgraceswiththemanupstairs.

CHAPTER3

STEPHANIE

venthoughAndrewandIbothescapedthefirewithminorinjuries,Iwasrattled

byseeingMatt.Howwasthatoutofallthefirementhatwerethere,ithappened

tobehimandhispartnerthatrescuedus?Ineededtotalktosomeoneandknewjustthe

person. Susan had become my best friend over the last several years. Really since I

becameamotherandstartedgoingtothewomen’ssupportgroupmeetingsatthechurch.

Shetookmeunderherwingasoursupportgroupleader,andwedevelopedadeepbond.

“Hello?”sheansweredthephone.

“Hey,Susan.Ineedtotalk.Yougottaminute?”

“Yeah,butonlyaminute.I’mtryingtogetmyshoppingdonesoIdon’thavetomess

withitaftergroup.”

“What?Wait.Wehavegrouptonight?”

I have to be honest; I hadn’t realized that it was Wednesday. I’d been so busy

searchingforajoblatelyandthenthefirehappened;IbarelyknowwhetherI’mcoming

orgoing.

“Yeah, tonight’s our group meeting. You’re coming, right?” The phone dipped away

fromhermouthasshespoketothecashier,“Canyoubagtheseseparately,please?”

“Uh, I guess. I’m just so lost and messed up today. Our apartment burned down last

nightand—”

“YoulivedinPeachTreeApartments?IthoughtyouandDrewmovedovertoSandy

Valley?”

“No,wecouldn’tgetapprovedforSandyValleybecauseofincomequalifications.”

“Damn.Sorry,girl.Whatareyoudoing?Whereareyougoingtolivenow?”

“Idon’thavemanyoptions;youknowthat.That’sactuallyoneofthereasonswhyI

wascallingyou.Wejustgotreleasedfromthehospital.Couldyoupickusup?”

“Anddowhatwithyou?Stephanie,asmuchasIloveyouandAndrew,Idon’thave

room for you at my place. Not since I let Trish and her two girls move in, otherwise I

woulddoitinaheartbeat.Youknowthat.”

IhadforgottenthatshetookinTrishandherkids.“Canyoustillpickusup?MaybeI

can call Lance and see if we can crash at his place for a day or two until I get things

figuredout.”

“I’mcheckingoutatthegrocerystorerightnow.I’llbethereinafewminutes.”

WhileIwaitedforhertopickusupfromthehospital,Icalledmybrother.

“What’sup,sis?”

“Lance,ourapartmentburneddownlastnight,andIwaswonderingifwecouldstay

withyouuntilIfiguredoutsomeplaceforustogo.”

“What?Howdidthathappen?Ineedtostartwatchingthenews.”

“I’mnotsurehowithappened,butSusanispickingusupfromthehospitalinafew

—”

“Hospital?Areyoutwookay?”

“Yeah, we’re good. Drew had minor smoke inhalation, but we’re fine. I have a

women’ssupportgroupmeetingtonight.Canyouwatchhimforme?”

“Yep,theboyswereabouttocomeoversowecouldwatchtheGrizzliesplaytonight.”

SusanpulledupandtookustoLance’shouse.He’sonlybeenoutforfouryears,but

he’sworkedhardsincethedayhewasreleased.Oneofhisfriendshookedhimupwitha

jobinconstruction,andhesavedhismoneyuntilhehadadownpaymenttobuyhisone-

bedroom house. It needed a lot of work, but he’s done most of it himself and is almost

finished.

“Doyouwantmetowaitforyou?”sheleanedacrossthefrontseat,craningherneck.

“Yeah,ifyoucould.”

Shenoddedandremaineddouble-parkedinthestreetwhileIdroppedofAndrew.On

ourwaytothemeeting,wetalkedaboutthefire.

“But that’s not what’s bothering me. I mean, yes, I’m upset that everything we own

wasdestroyed,butIsawhim.”Ilookedathertogaugeherreaction.

Hereyesbulgedasshecockedherhead.“Who?”sheasked.

“Him.” Her blank stare didn’t change; she only craned her neck farther. “Matt. Matt

Porter.”

“Matt Porter?” she whispered as her eyes rolled up while she thought. “I know that

name.”

“He’smyex.Remember?TheonethatputLanceaway?”

Her jaw dropped, and her shoulders slumped forward. “Nah, girl. How did you see

him?Whathappened?”

“You’renevergoingtobelievethis,”Isnorted.“HerescuedAndrewfromthefire,and

hispartnerhelpedmeclimbdowntheladderinmynightgown.”

“What? You’re kidding.” She pulled into the church parking lot. “Did you talk to

him?”

“Notreally.”Ilookedatherfromthecornerofmyeye.

“What does that mean? Don’t you hold back no details. You tell me all of it,” she

laughed.

I filled her in on the details of how he spoke up when the paramedic was asking

Andrew’slastnameaswewalkedinsidethechurch.Sheshookherhead.

“You know, he was probably just as stunned as you were, but I have to ask you a

question.”Shelookedmesquareintheeyes,“Areyoubringingthisupbecausethefire

scaredyouandyouneedsomeonetoventto,orareyouthinkingaboutthepast?”

IrockedbackonmyheelsforamomentasIexhaledadeepbreath.“I’mhopingyou

canhelpmefigurethatout.Idon’tknowwhat’sgoingon,butIhaven’tbeenabletostop

thinkingabouthimsinceIsawhim.”

“Whydoyouthinkthatis?”sheaskedme.

“Ugh.MaybebecauseIknowIcan’thavehimeventhoughhewastheonlyguywho

evermademetrulyhappy.Wejusthadsuchagreatrelationship,yaknow?Like,hewas

alwaysthereformeandthenhedid…”

“Didn’tyoutellmethatheclaimedhenevertold?”Inodded.“Maybehereallydidn’t.

It’s too bad that last night wasn’t exactly the most opportune time to run into him. You

could’vetalkedifitwereundernormalcircumstances.”

“Iknow.Itjustsucks.I’mtellingyou,Susan;I’veneverlovedanyoneasmuchasI

lovedMatt.Notevenclose,butwhathedidtomybrother?That’sunforgivable.Ican’tlet

thatgo.”

“Here,”shehandedmeastackofleafletsthatshewasgoingtohandoutattonight’s

meeting.“Carrythisstack,andI’llgrabthis.Youcanhelpmesetup.”

We walked to our room and started placing a leaflet at each seat as we talked about

whatIshoulddoandhowIwasgoingtohandlemycurrentlivingsituation.

CHAPTER4

MATT

alkingintothechurch,mystomachstartedknottingupasmyanxietygrew.

Myfightorflightresponsekickedin,andIwantedtorunlikehell;forget

I’devercalledMickandpretendthatIhadn’ttriedtodrink,butthatwasn’ttherightthing

todo.IfIwasgoingtoputthepastinthepast,Ineededtodealwithitheadon.IfIdidn’t,

itwouldeatmealiveandpushmetopolishingoffawholedamnedbottleifIdidn’tget

thingsundercontrol.

TheremusthavebeenadozenroomsoffthewingofthehallwaythatIwasstandingin

onceIwalkedthroughthedoubledoorsthatMickhadtoldmeabout.DidImentionIhate

beingthenewguyatshit?IstartedcheckingtheroomsonebyonetoseeifIcouldfind

him or if there were any signs posted for AA meetings. Halfway down the hall, I heard

voices,butitsoundedlikewomentalking.

Heading in that direction, I stopped right outside the door. I could have sworn that I

heardStephanie’svoicetalking.IcontinuedeavesdroppinguntilIheardthenameLance.I

sheepishlypokedmyheadaroundthedoorjamb,stoleaquickpeekofStephanie’sangelic

faceandslidbackagainstthewall.Shedidn’tseeme,butthatdidn’tstopmyheartfrom

skippingabeat.Contemplatingmynextmove,Isawsomeonecomingdownthehall.

“Hey,man,gladyoucouldmakeit,”Micksaid.

Bringingmyfingertomylip,Ihushedhimandgrabbedhisarm.“Whichroomisour

meetingin?”Iwhispered.

“Inthere,”hepointedinthedirectionIhadalreadywalkedpast.

Henodded,indicatingformetofollow,asheremovedhiskeysfromhispocketand

unlockedthedoor.Oncewewereintheroom,heflippedonthelightsasIclosedthedoor.

“Matty,boy?What’swrong?Whyarewehidingandwhisperinginchurchhallways?

What’sgottenintoyou?”

“She’sinthere,”Ipointeddownthehall.“She’sthewholereasonI’mhere,”Ikeptmy

voicelow.

“Who?Whatareyoutalkingabout?”

“RememberIwasabouttorelapse?It’sbecauseofher,StephanieFrost.Ican’tdothis,

man.”

“Slowdown.”Heglancedathiswatch.“Wehaveabouttenminutesbeforetheothers

starttoshow.Tellmewhat’sgoingonsoIcanhelpyou.”

Itookadeepbreath.“StephanieandIusedtobeanexclusiveitem.Herbrotherrobbed

aconveniencestore,shottheguyandlefthimparalyzed.Iwastheonlywitness,andthat’s

becauseIhappenedtopullupinfrontofthestoreashewasrunningout.Ifoundtheguy

lyingapoolofbloodandcalledforhelp.”

“And?” he poured a cup of coffee and handed it to me. “Oh! I get it. You were the

witnessandhadtotestifyagainsthimorsomething,right?”

“No,”Iwatchedhimpourhimselfacupofcoffee.“I’venevertoldyouthisbefore,but

my dad’s a cop—was a cop. He’s retired now. Being the son of a police officer, I knew

what type of evidence they looked for and the best way to get rid of it. I promised

StephaniethatIwouldnevertell—andIdidn’t.”

“Thesecrettoreyourrelationshipapart?”

“Worse. I was on the phone with her the day after it all happened, and my dad—his

nosy ass—overheard me talking to Stephanie on the phone. I’m not sure what he heard,

buthewentintohisbedroomandpickedupthephoneinhisroomandstartedlisteningin

onus.Mick,heheardmetellherwhereherbrothershouldhidehisshoes,theclotheshe

waswearing,everythingandthenwenttoallofthoselocationsandfishedthemoutofthe

trash.Onepieceatatimeuntilhehaditall.Everypieceofevidencethatheneededtotake

the next step in his career. He used me to put her brother away and to get ahead in his

careersohecouldretireearly.Thatfuckingbastard.Ihatehimforit.Heruinedmylife.”

“Matt,aslongasI’veknownyou,I’veneverknownanyofthis.Thatmustbealotof

weighttocarryaround,”heputhishandonmyshoulder.“Yougottaopenupmore,man.

Letpeoplein.”

“It’snotmystrongpoint.Besides,ItoldherIdidn’ttell,butshedidn’tbelieveme.If

youwanttoknowthetruth,Idon’tthinkanyofherfamilybelievedme.Ithinktheyall

blamedme.Ifitweren’tforthatassholetryingtogethimselfahead,I’dhaveacushyjob

asanengineerandI’dbemarriedtothatwomaninthere.”

Hisfacetwisted.“HowcomeI’mjustnowhearingaboutallthis?Whydidn’tyoutell

meallthisbefore?I’myoursponsor;Ineedtoknowthesethings.”

“Itwasn’tanissueuntilIrescuedherandhersonfromafirelastnightatPeachTree

Apartments.Theywereoneofthelastpeopleoutofthebuilding.Youshould’veseenher,

man.ShelookedjustasgorgeousasthelastdayIsawher.Shehasn’tchangedabit.”

“Ahh,soyouranintotheghostofthepastandneededtoputthosespiritstorest.Igot

it.”

Amanwalkedin,noddedandtookaseat.“We’lltalkaboutthislater,butyouneedto

startthinkingofawaytoputthepasttobed.”

During the meeting, that was all I did. I couldn’t stop thinking about how to find

closureandmoveon.Bytheendofthemeeting,IdecidedthatIwasgoingtotalktoher.

There’snothingwrongwithseeinghowshe’sdoingandsayinghi.Ascloseasweusedto

be, she would probably like that, or, at least, I hope so because that’s exactly what I’m

doing.IfIlearnedonethingwhileIwasgettingmyselfstraightafterbeinghomelessand

goingdownadestructivepathisthat—

“Matt?Areyoulistening?”Mickwaslookingatme,andsowaseveryoneelse.Icould

feeltheheatradiatingfrommyfaceasmycheeksturnedcrimson.Inodded.“Wouldyou

liketointroduceyourselftothegroup?”

“Uh, yes,” I cleared my throat. “My name is Matt, and I’m an alcoholic. I have five

yearsofsobriety,andIcamebecauseit’sbeenawhile.”

“Thankyou,Matt.”

Whenthemeetingwasover,Icouldn’twaittoseeifIcouldfindher.Everyonepoured

outofthecramped,stuffyroomandmadetheirdescenttowardsthedoubledoorsthatled

totheparkinglot.Imadeasharpright,headingtheoppositedirectiontowardstheroom

whereshewas.

CHAPTER5

STEPHANIE

washelpingSusanpackuptheleftoverleafletsfromourmeetingwhenIheard

adeepvoiceandlookedup.Hewasstandinginthedoorwaylookingconfident

andcocky.Mesmerizedbyhisbulgingbicepsandperfectwaist,Iwastoodumbfoundedto

respond after he asked how I was doing. My mouth hung open as a few of the papers

slippedoutofmyhand.Susanbumpedmewithherhiptoknockmeoutofmydaze.

“Uh,”Istuttered.“Hi,Matt.”

“Iaskedhowyou’redoing,”hesmiled,standingalittletallerthanIrememberedhim.

“Oh,um,good.”Damn.Idon’trememberhimbeingthatfine.Imean,hewasalways

good looking, but his body was bulkier, thicker and muscular. He had definitely given

himselfamakeover,anditwasobviousthattimeagreedwithhim.Hehadn’tagedatall.

“Andyourboy?How’she?”hesteppedcloser.

Thebreathinmythroathitchedasthescentofhiscolognefilledmysenses.Icould

smell,tasteanddamnnearwantedtotouchit.“He’sfine.”Ibackedupandtrippedovera

chairleg.IglancedoveratSusan,whowasblatantlyamusedassheworeacockysmileon

herface.“Thehospitalsaidhisoxygenlevelswerefine.”

TheweightoftheroomshiftedashelookedoveratSusan.“Canwetalk?Forjusta

minute.”

IlookedatSusan,almostseekingherpermission.Shegrantedit.“Sure,”IpausedasI

sat down the leaflets, trying to buy myself a moment to think. “We can head out to the

commonsarea.Theyhavedonutsandjuice,I’msure.”

“Ididn’tcomeherefordonutsandjuice.Whydon’twegooutsideforamoment?”

Ilookedintohisdarkeyesandnoticedthathissoft,longbrownhairbarelytouchedhis

lashes.Iswallowedthelumpinmythroat.Suddenly,thetemperatureoftheroommatched

the heat of the blazing fire from the night before. As I continued to stare into his eyes,

flashesofhislaughter,smileandthewayheusedtostrumtheguitarashesungtomeon

datesracedthroughmymind.“Okay,”Imustered.

“I’ll go ahead and finish up in here,” Susan stared at us as she attempted to stack

upsidedownchairsonthetable.Thelegsclumsilybangedintothetable.

He led me outside, near his truck. “Sorry if this is awkward, Stephanie, but I had to

talktoyou.”

“HowdidyouknowIwashere?”ithadcrossedmymindinsidebeforeheinvadedmy

personalspace.

“Let’snottalkaboutthat.”Heseemedtowanttochangethesubject.“Iwantedtosay

hi,checkinandseehowyouweredoing.Youhaveacuteboy,”hecomplimented.

“Thanks.HisnameisAndrew,andhe’sthree-years-old.”

“Thismightbeoutofmyelement,andmaybeIshouldn’taskthis,butwouldyoujoin

meforacupofcoffee?Wecantakemytruck.Ifigureyourcarwasoneofthemthatwere

damagedbythefire.”

“Youfiguredright,”Ibitmylip,debatingwhatIshoulddo.Lancewouldkillmeifhe

foundoutthatIwentoutwithhim,andeventhoughIwasn’treadytoforgivehim,Iwas

drawn to him. I missed him. “I’d love to go with you, but I can’t tonight. My brother’s

watchingmyboyrightnowandhewouldn’tlike—”

“Igetit.Youdon’thavetoexplain.Haveagoodnight.”Hestartedtoclimbintothe

cabofhistruck.

“Wait!”Igrabbedhisarmtostophim.Damn.Hismusclesarebiggerthanmythigh.I

becameawareofthefactthatIwastouchinghisbodyandpulledmyhandaway.“Ididn’t

sayno.”Hecockedhisheadandgrinnedatme.“Maybetomorrow?Letmeseewhenmy

friendisavailabletowatchAndrew,okay?”

“Yeah,” he shook his head. “Here’s my number,” he pulled a business card from his

walletandbeganwritingonit.“It’snotmycard,butcallmewhenyoufiguresomething

out.”

Oureyeslockedforamoment,andthenhedidsomethingIneverimaginedhewould

do.Heleaneddownandswiftlykissedmeonthecheekasheplaceshishandonthesmall

ofmyback.Feelinghisfingerstouchingmyskinsenttinglesthroughmyspineandawoke

thebutterfliesinthepitofmystomach.

“I’lldothat.”Istooddazedbehindthechurchashebackedoutofthespaceanddrove

away.

“Mmm,girl!Damn.Heisfine.”Susanstartledme.

“Were you spying on us the whole time?” I asked accusingly. The truth is, I didn’t

blameher.Iwouldhavedonethesamething.

“Youdidn’tthinkIwasgoingtoleaveyouallalone,didyou?Hell,Iwasstumbling

overstuffbacktherebeforeyoutwolefttheroom.”Westartedwalkingtowardshercarto

headbacktomybrother’shouse.“Areyougoingtocallhim?”

“Idon’tknow.Iwantto.Imean,everyonedeservesasecondchance,right?ButLance

willkillmeifhefindsout.”

Shesmackedherlips,“Well,Icanbabysitanytimeyouwant.Drewcancomeoverto

AuntieSusan’shousewheneveryouneed—aslongasyoupromisetofillmeinonevery

detailwhenyoupickhimup.”

The ride home was filled with silence as I thought about what to do. I know Susan

keptlookingoveratmeandcouldtellIwasthinking,butsheneversaidaword.Ihopped

outofthecarinfrontofLance’shouseandthankedherfortheridebeforeIscamperedup

thesteps.

“Hi,Drew!”IswoopedAndrewupandswunghimaround.“WereyougoodforUncle

Lance?”

“Uh-huh,”hesmiled.

“Drew, what is this?” I asked as I pried his sticky fingers from my hair. A red

substancecoatedthem,preventinghimfromseparatinghisfingers.

Hegiggled.“UncleLancegavemesuckers.”

“Oh,boy.Comeon,let’sgetyouwashedupbeforewegotobed.”

“Youallright,sis?Youdon’tseemlikeyourself.”

“Yeah,I’mgood.It’sjustbeenalong,crazyday.”

Iwasn’tlying.Ithadbeenlongandcrazy.IneverthoughtI’dbepulledoutofafireby

an old flame, get stranded at the hospital, and run back into my ex at church. The same

churchIhavebeengoingtoforthepastthreeyears,wellsinceIhadAndrew.Mysocial

workerhadsuggestedItrytheirsupportgroupafterIleftAndrew’sdaddy,Joe.

AfterIfinallyhadhimasleep,IstartedthinkingaboutMatt.Ishouldstillbemadat

him,buteverytimeIpicturehim,itallgoesaway.IguessononehandIwanttobeangry

withhimoverthepast,butontheotherhand,Ican’thelpbutforgivehim.Wesharedalot

ofgoodtimes,includingmyvirginity.

CHAPTER6

MATT

hopethatIappearedascalmandcollectedasItriedtobewhenIapproached

her.IfIwerehandingoutawards,Iwouldgivemyselfafuckingtrophyformy

actingskillsbecauseIthoughtIwasgoingtovomitalloverhersandals.Ittookeverybit

ofcourageIhadtogouptoherandapproachher,especiallyinfrontofherfriend,butit

mighthavebeenmyonlyshottodoit.I’verunintoburningbuildingswithlessfearthanI

hadwhenItalkedtoher.

BeforemyAAmeeting,Iwantedtogetthehelloutofthatbuilding.Infiretraining,

theyteachyoutotrustyourgutinstinctsaboutthings.Theproblemisthatsometimesyour

gutiswrong,butIwouldratherspendalifetimeknowingthatIwaswrongthanspendan

eternitywonderingwhatif.ForStephanie,Iwouldputeveryounceofmyselfouttherefor

her.

WhenIleftthechurchthatnight,Iwasoncloudnine.Itwasliberatingtoseeherafter

allthoseyearsandwalkuptoherandtalktoher.WhenIgotbacktothefirehousethat

night,theguysnoticedthatmyspiritsweremuchlighterthanwhenIhadleftearlierthat

day.

“What’swithyou?”Zackasked.

“Don’tknowwhatyoumean,”IsmiledasIgotmygearreadyincasewehadacall-

out.

“You’ve been gloating since the minute you walked in that door. One of two things

happened:youeithergotyourdickwet,oryouhadadrink.Whichisit?”

Ilaughed.“Neither.”HestaredatmeuntilIwasforcedtolookupathim.Isighedand

letmybodyrelax.“Okay.I’lltellyouthis,butonlybecauseyouknowmetoowell,and

honestly,Ihavetotellsomeone.Iwenttothebar,”heimmediatelyraisedhisbrows.“No,

no, no.” I held my hand up. “I came this close,” I pinched my fingers together, “but I

didn’tdoit.Notevenasip.”

“Good,man.I’mproudofyou.”

“Thanks,butsomethinghappened.”Icheckedmyoxygentanktomakesureitwasfull

andreadytogo.“IsawStephanie,”Ilookedathimtoseeifherememberedthename.I

hadtoldhimaboutitbefore,butIhadjustbrieflymentionedher.

“Stephanie?” he rubbed his upper lip with his finger as he thought. “Why do I

rememberthatname?Oh!That’sthegirlyouweremadlyinlovewith,right?”

“That’dbetheone.”

“Oh,shit.How’dthatgo?”

“Ithoughtitwentwell.Wetalked;keptitlight,butwetalked.Igavehermynumber.”

“Isthatwhyyoualmosthadadrink?Calmyournerves?”

“No,thathappenedbeforeIwentandsawher.Idon’twanttotalkaboutit.”

Zack’sagoodfriend.Heknowswhentobethereformeandwhentoshutup.AfterI

hadfinishedsettingupmybunkergear,Iputonafreshuniformshirtandploppeddown

onmybed.Ineededsometimetothinkandreflectonthings.Plugginginmyearbuds,I

crankedupmyiPodasIbegantoletmythoughtsconsumeme.

MaybeIshouldhaveneverevenapproachedher.It’sbeentwodayssinceIgaveher

mynumber,andIhaven’theardapeepfromher.SheseemedlikeshewasgladthatIhad

talked to her, but they say your actions speak louder than words so maybe she was just

beingpolite.Idoknowonething,though,andthat’sthatIcan’tharponittoday.

Our Fire Chief, Paul Butler, asked me to make myself available for a 3 PM meeting

thisafternoon.AsfarasIknow,Ihaven’tdoneanythingwrong,andIhavenocluewhat

hewantstotalktomeabout.Iaskedmybuddies,Byron,andZackiftheyknewanything

aboutit,buttheyshruggedtheirshoulders,completelyobliviousastowhatIwastalking

about.

I cracked the door to his office open and saw he was busy filling out reports. “You

wantedtoseeme?”IaskedasIsteppedinside.

He looked up at me, “Yes. Grab a seat, Matt.” Straightening the stack of papers, he

added,“Andclosethedoor.”

Ilookedaroundhisofficeforaseat.AllthatIcouldusewasaflimsymetalchairthat

was folded in the corner. I unfolded it and carefully sat down, hoping it would hold my

weight.“Whatdidyouwanttotalktomeabout,Chief?”

Heclearedhisthroatandranahandthroughhisspeckledgrayhair.“Matt,I’malittle

concernedaboutyou.Iheardthatyoualmostfelloffthewagontheothernightandvisited

abar.Isthattrue?”

Shit.Zackmusthavesaidsomethingtohim.“Almost,sir,butIhaveitundercontrol.”

“Son,I’ve been aroundthe block afew times, and Iknow a brokenman when I see

one. Now you’ve done a terrific job straightening up and turning your life around. So

terrific,infact,thatI’vebeenconsideringpromotingyoutobeournewfirecaptain,butI

can’tdothatifyou’remakingpoorchoices.DoyouunderstandwhatI’msaying?”

Wow. Fire captain? It would be such an honor for the chief to promote me, and it

would mean so much to me. “Yes, sir. I can assure you that the other night was a short

lapseinmyjudgmentandwillnothappenagaininthefuture.”

“You better make damn sure of that, son. I haven’t made this decision public, and I

stillneedtodiscussitwiththefiredeputy.I’llbekeepingacloseeyeonyouoverthenext

coupleofmonthsbeforeImakemyrecommendationsomakesureyou’recrossingyour

T’sanddottingallofyourI’s.Wecan’thaveyourelapsing.Youfollowme?”

“Yes,sir.Iwilldomybesttomakeyouandourfirestationproud,”Inodded.“Havea

goodday,sir.”

As much as I wanted to celebrate the news that the chief was considering me for a

promotion,acloudwasstillhangingoverheadsinceIhadn’theardfromStephanie.Onmy

waytothekitchen,myphonewentoffwithatextalert.Iunlockedmyphonescreenand

pushedtheenvelopeicononmyscreenandscrolledtoreadthemessage.

Hey,thisisStephanie.Givemeacallwhenyou’renotbusy.

Iwassurprisedtoseethemessagewasfromher.I’dstartedtoresigntothefactthatI

hadanopportunitytotalktoher,andthingsweregoingtoendthere.BeforeIcouldpulla

plateoutofthecabinet,ourfirealarmsounded,andIhadtogoonacallout.Iwasn’tsure

ifIwasgoingtocallherrightaway,butifIhadanyintentionstodoso,itwasgoingto

havetowait.Islippedonmybunkergearandclimbedontothetruckasitrolledoutonto

thestreet.

CHAPTER7

STEPHANIE

ouwouldthinkthatwhenyourapartmentburnsdown,andyouloseeverything

init,thatwouldbetheendofit.Right?Wrong.Sincemycarwasdamagedin

the fire, I’ve been borrowing my mom’s car to get around which wasn’t an

easytask.Beforeshewouldgivemethekeys,Ihadtoagreetoherlonglistofdemands

andpromisenottospillordropanythinginhercar.Nofood,nodrinks—andthatgoesfor

bothDrewandme.SheevenlecturedmeabouthowmuchmileageIwasallowedtoput

onhercar.“Nottoomuchnow,”shewarned.

IhadbeenworkingwithmysocialworkeronsharpeningmyjobskillssothatIcould

getanicejobthatwouldpaywellenoughtosupportAndrewandmyself,butnowIhave

to start all over from square one with her. Unfortunately, there was no immediate

assistance that I could take advantage of in regards to housing, and she told me that it

would be my responsibility to find a place to live until they got to me on the list for a

placeofmyown.

Withlimitedoptions,IendeduphavingtoaskLanceifwecouldjuststayathisplace

until my name comes back around on the waiting list. There was no way I was moving

backinwithJoe.Hedidn’tobject,butIcouldtellthathewasn’tthrilledaboutiteither.I

knowhelovesusandwantstohelp,butIalsounderstandthathe’syoung,singleandlikes

tobringtheladieshome—somethingIaskedhimnottodowhilewe’restayingwithhim.

NotthatIcareabouthisloveaffairs,butIdon’twantDrewthinkingit’sokaytohaveall

kindsofstrangepeoplecomingandgoinginthemornings.

Being so busy, I had forgotten all about getting a hold of Matt. I sent him a text

message earlier this afternoon, but I haven’t heard back from him. He probably thinks I

blewhimoff,butIdidn’t.Partofitwasmehavingafullplatetodealwith,andtheother

partisthatI’mnotsurewherethisisgoingtogo.Hewasthebiggestpartofmylifefor

suchalongtime,buttheneverythingchanged.

I honestly thought that he had moved away and was gone for good. I figured he’d

became a big shot engineer somewhere and had gotten out of Memphis. We had always

talkedaboutmovingawayfromMemphisandgoingsomeplacedifferent.Iwasshocked

toseethathewasstillhere,andafiremanofallthings.

That’sonethingIhaveneverunderstood.LancealwayssaidthatheknewMattwould

turnhimin,butIdisagreed.Well,thatwasuntiltheywerehaulinghimdowntowninthe

backseatofacopcar.Iguesswhathad—andstillhastothisday—mesoconfusedisthat

hewashelpingmehelpmybrother.Heknewwhatthecopswouldbelookingforsincehis

dadwasanofficerandtoldmehowtogetridofeverythingsotheywouldn’tfindoutthat

my brother had done it. The million-dollar question was: Why would he go against him

andturnhimin?Itjustdidn’tmakesense.

Susan had agreed to meet me for lunch at our favorite local diner to talk things

through.Iparkedmymom’scarandgrabbedatablewhileIwaitedforher.

“Haveyouorderedyet?”shesatherbagdown.

“Iorderedusaplateofcheesefries,butifyouwantsomethingelsewecanchangeit.”

“No,that’sfine.Ihadabiglunch,soI’mnotveryhungryanyway.”Shestudiedmy

face.“NowtellmemoreaboutthisMattguy.Youwereprettyquietonthewayhomethe

othernight.What’sgoingonwiththetwoofyou?”

“I’mnotsure.Idon’tknowwhatanythingmeansanymoreorwhat’sevengoingon.”

Thewaitresssatthefooddowninfrontofus.“Ihavespentthelasteightyearshatinghim

forturningmybrotherinandputtingourfamilythroughallthatpain.Andnow?Idon’t

knowwhattofeel.”

“How did it make you feel when he talked to you at church the other night?” she

asked.

“Idon’tknow.Confused?Happy?Sad?I’mnotsurehowI’msupposedtoanswerthat

question.”Idippedafryinacheesypuddleandshoveditinmymouth.“Hetoldmeto

callhim.Isenthimatext,butIhaven’theardback.”

“Whydoyouthinkthatis?”Shegrabbedacheesefryoffthetopofthepileandjoined

me.

“Maybehe’sbusy,ormaybeherealizeditwasamistake,andnowhe’signoringme.”I

sighed,“IwishIhadacrystalballsoIcouldpredictthefuture.”

“Don’tweall?”welaughed.“Honestly,andyoumighthatemeforthislater,Ithink

youlookedprettydamnhappytalkingtohim.Iwaswatchingfromthedoorway,andyou

hadalookinyoureyesthatI’veneverseenbefore.Idon’tthinkyou’reoverhim.”

I frowned. She could read me so well. She was right; I wasn’t over Matt, and I was

happy that I saw him, even if I didn’t want to admit it. “Do you know what my brother

woulddoifhecaughtmetalkingtohim?HewouldtellJoe,andthetwoofthemwould

probablybeatthehelloutofthatman.”

“Uh, judging by his body, I think he could take care of himself, sweetheart,” she

snorted.

I remember how he used to have just an average build, nothing special. Not like his

bodynow.Icanstillpicturehimpickingupthatwoodenguitarofhisandsingingtomeon

ourdates.

“Stephanie!” Susan snapped her fingers, bringing me out of my daze. “Did you hear

whatIsaid?”

Smiling,Ishookmyhead.Ihadn’theardawordshe’dsaidforthelastfiveminutes.

“What?”

“Isaid,doyoureallythinkyourbrotherandJoewoulddothat?Yourbrotherusually

staysoutofyourbusinessandJoehasn’tcaredwhatyouhavedonesinceyoumovedout.”

“Don’tforgetthatLancewastheonewhosetmeupwithJoebecausethat’shisboy.If

Lancesaidtojump,Joewouldaskhowhigh.Youknowhowthemfoolsare.”

“Ifyouknowthat,whyareyoutalkingtothisguy?Therehastobesomethingthere.

Somesortofconnectionorfeelingsthatyou’reharboringforhim.”

Whenshe’sright,she’sright.TherewasnothingthatIcouldsaytoarguethatbecause

I had already thought it myself. “I guess now we play the waiting game and see if he’ll

callmeback.”

had just walked out of the job training center when my cell phone started to

ring. Glancing down at my phone, I saw it was him. For a second, I thought

aboutlettingitgotovoicemail,butIcouldn’tdoit.

“Hello?”Ianswered.

“HiStephanie,it’sMatt.Areyoubusy?”

“Notatthemoment.Howhaveyoubeen?”

“Good.Igotyourtextyesterday,buttherewasafire.Youknowhowthatgoes.”

“Yeah,Imighthavebeeninone,”Ilaughed.AshappyasIwastotalktohim,itfelt

awkward.

“Iwaswonderingifyoucouldmeetupsometimetodayorthisevening?Ihavetheday

offandthoughtmaybewecouldseeeachother?”

Ididn’tknowwhattosay.Iwantedtosayyes,butIknewIshouldsayno.BeforeI

couldeventhinkofanexcusetobackout,thewordswereleavingmylipsandtakingona

mindoftheirown.“I’llhavetoseeifIcanfindasitterformyson.”

“Okay,Ihavetorunsomeerrands,butjustcallandletmeknow.”

Shit.HowwasIgoingtogetoutofthisone?Andwhydidn’tIjustsayno?Ialready

knew the answer to that, and it was because I wanted to see him. It’s been a long time

sinceIwashappy.EvenwhenJoeandIweretogether,Iwasneverreallyhappy.NotlikeI

waswithMatt,andtheendofourrelationshipdraggedonforeverbeforeIfinallylefthim.

IcalledSusantoseeifshecouldhelpbailmeout.

“Susan,mybestfriend,myreliablepal,”Ibeamed.“Areyoubusytonight?”

“Uh-huh.Whatareyouupto?Youhaven’tsoundedthishappyin…well,Idon’tknow

when.”

“Matt called me back today and asked if I could meet up later. I was wondering if I

couldsweettalkyouintowatchingDrewforme?Please?”

Shesighed,“Iguess,butjustrememberthatIalreadyhaveafullhousewithTrishand

hergirls.Youaregoingtooweme,”sheteased.

“I’lloweyoubiggerthanbig.Ipromise.Thankyousomuch,Susan,”Isquealed.

“Whattimeareyoubringinghimover?”

“Um,letmefeedhimdinnerandgivehimabath.Icanbringhimover,”Ilookedat

thecarclock,“around6:30.”

“We’llseeyouthen.”

Whenwegothome,IfixedhisfavoritedinnerofSpaghetti-O’sandhotdogswhileI

gothispajamasout.ExcitedaboutseeingMatt,Icouldn’twipethegrinoffmyfaceasI

straightenedthehousebeforemybrothergothome.Mymooddidn’tgounnoticed.

“Whyareyousohappy?”hekickedhisshoesoffatthefrontdoor.

“Noreason.”TherewasnowayinhellIwastellinghimthatIhadadatewithMatt

Porter.

“You’relyingaboutsomething,andareyoucooking?”hesniffedtheair.

“Mmhmm,”IansweredasIscoopedupAndrew’spileofclothesoffthecouch.

“Ithinkyou’reburningwhateveritis.”

“Oh don’t be,” the smell of burned food wafted in front of me. “Shit!” I ran to the

kitchenandsawthatIhadforgottentostiritforalongtime.WhenIturnedaround,Lance

wasstandinginthedoorway,leaningagainstitwithhisarmwhichblockedmypathfrom

gettingpasthim.

“Justbecauseyourplacegotburneddowndoesn’tmeanyouhavetotorchminetoo,”

hejoked.“Now,tellmewhat’sgotyouinsuchagoodmood.”

Hewasn’tgoingtoletmeoutoftheroomuntilItoldhimsomething,anything.“I’m

going out with a few of my friends tonight.” I lied, and I knew it was wrong, but I

certainlycouldn’ttellhimthetruth.

“Who’swatchingAndrew?”Hecrossedhisarms.“BecauseIhavegotplans.”

“Susan.Shesaidshewouldwatchhim.”

“Cool.”Hewalkedpastme,brushingmyshoulderwithhisarmashenudgedmeout

oftheway.“Whatareyoumaking?Itsmellsgoodnowthatit’snotburning!”

Irolledmyeyes.“Spaghetti-O’swithhotdogscutupinthem.”

“Damn. Chef Boyar-Stephanie knows what’s up!” He lifted a spoonful to his mouth

andshoveleditin.“Hot,hot,”hesaidashewalkedovertothetrashcanandspatitout.I

couldn’thelpbutlaugh.“Tastesbetterthanwhenwewerekids.Letmeknowwhenthat

coolsoff.Ihavetogetchangedoutoftheseworkclothes.”

Ah, my brother the giant kid. And he could act like one, too. After I had made

Andrew’s bowl of food, I called Lance in to eat the rest of what was left in the pan. I

watchedinamazementasheinhaledallofit.“I’msorry.Didyouwantsome,sis?”

“No,I’llgrabsomethingwhileI’mout.”

While I gave Andrew a bath, I sent Matt a text to set up our plans for the evening.

OnceIgotDrewdroppedoff,ImethimatthePinkGalleonsowecouldshootsomedarts

andplaysomepool.Itwaspracticallyeveryone’sfavoritegameroomwhogrewupinour

area.NervousasIwas,Ispottedhimfromthecarintheparkinglot.Hewasplayingski-

ballnearthefrontwindow.

“Hey,”Iwalkedupbesidehim.

“Hey,”heleanedinandgavemeahug.“It’sgoodtoseeyouagain.”

CHAPTER8

MATT

ftertwohoursofplayingpoolandshootingdarts,wewerebothstarved.Iordered

usacoupleofcombosandcarriedthetrayoffoodovertothetablesowecould

talk.

“Stephanie,Ihavetoadmit,tonighthasbeensomuchfunhangingoutwithyou.”

“Yeah,ithas.Hasn’tit?”Shecrinkledhernose.Ihadalwayslovedwhenshedidthat.

IremembereverythingtherewastorememberaboutStephanie.Thewayshelaughed,

thewayshecarriedherself,howmuchfunshewasandmostofall,howmuchImissed

her.Iwasworriedthatthingswouldbeuncomfortablebetweenus,butwepickedbackup

likewehadnevermissedabeat.Sheevenworethesameperfumethatshealwayswore

whenweweredating:ChanelNo5.IknowbecauseIsmelleditonheratthechurchand

againwhenshewalkeduptometonight.

“Whydon’twegetoutofhere?”Iaskedaswefinishedourfood.“Wecantakeadrive

andtalkmoreprivately.”

“Okay,”sheagreed.

The humid air was charged with enough static electricity that the hair on my arms

stoodonend.Astronggustofwarmairhitmyfaceandblewherhairaswejumpedinside

the cab of my truck. I looked up at the sky and noticed this wasn’t the ordinary starry

stretchthattypicallyblanketedMemphisonasummernight.Dark,heavycloudshunglow

totheground,threateningtoopenupwithasuddendownpour.

“Howcomeyou’resingle?”Ilookedather.Confusionspreadacrossherface.“Imean,

whereisAndrew’sdad?”

“He’saround.”Shestaredstraightahead.

“Areyou?Imean,doyou?”Iwasn’tsurewhattherightwordsweretoaskiftheystill

hadanongoingrelationshipornot,butsheknewexactlywhatIwasgettingat.

“No,” she looked at me this time. “We’re not a couple, and we never hook up or

anythinglikethat.Wejustdidn’tworkout.”

“I’msorry.Iguessit’snoneofmybusiness.”Shedidn’tseemlikeshewantedtotalk

aboutitsoIdecidedtodropit.

“Wellifwe’reaskingthingsthatarenoneofourbusiness,IhaveaquestionI’dliketo

askyou,”shesaid.Icouldtellbythelookonherfacethatitwasequallyas—ifnotmore

—importantasmeaskingaboutherex.Ipulledthetruckoverafewblocksfromthebar

thatI’dwenttoonlyafewnightsago.

Giganticraindropsstartedtobeatagainstmywindshieldfollowedbysmallpiecesof

hail.Inodded.“Goahead.”

“Whydidyoudoit?WhatmadeyouratonLance?”Shelookedlikeshewantedtosay

more,butIcouldtellthatshewasholdingback.

“Stephanie,”Igrabbedherhandandlookedherintheeyes.“ItoldyoubackthenthatI

nevertold.IpromisedyouthatIwouldnevertell,andIalwayskeptthatpromise,butyou

wouldneverlisten.”Shejerkedherhandawayfromme.

“Don’tactlikeI’mstupid,Matt.Don’tyouthinkit’sironicthatyoutolduswhereto

ditchalloftheevidenceandthepolicesomehowwentstraighttoitandfounditall?And

thatcopwasyourdad?”shehissed.

Ileanedacrosstheseatandlookedintoherbeautifulface,thosechestnuteyes.“Ican’t

makeyou believe me,but I’m tellingyou the truth. Ididn’t find outuntil a year later—

when my dad received his promotion—that he had listened in on the phone while I told

youwheretohaveyourbrotherdumpeverything.”Ituckedastrandofhairbehindherear.

“Stephanie,I’vealwayswantedtoprotectyourandyourfamily.Iwouldneverputanyof

yououtlikethat.”

Her eyes had widened before her jaw went slack. I could see the truth was finally

registeringwithher.“OhmyGod,Matt.Youmean—”tearsstartedtocollectinhereyes

assherealizedallthelostyearsthathadputtimeanddistancebetweenus.

Icouldn’tstandanothermomentofdistancebetweenherandme.Theraincontinued

beating against the truck as the wind gusts rocked it back and forth while we remained

parkedinthemiddleoftown.Igrabbedherfaceandstartedkissingher,myteethcrashing

againsthersasIpulledherclosetome.ItfeltlikeaneternitysinceIhadkissedhersoft,

invitinglips.HerdelicatehandsgrabbedmineasItastedhersweetbreath.Everythingfelt

sorightasshecurledintome.

Shepulledherheadbackandpressedherhandagainstthestubbleonmyfaceasshe

lookedintomyeyes.Ididn’tknowwhyshehadstoppedkissingme,butIcouldseethe

lookofconfusioninhereyes.

“I don’t know if we should be doing this, Matt. What if my brother finds out or

someoneseesus?Whatarewedoing?Imean,Idon’tknowwherethisisgoingor—”

Iheldmycallousedfingeragainstherplumplips.“Thequestioniswheredoyouwant

thistogo?”

Iwantedtohearheranswer.Inmymind,IalreadyknewwhatIwanted.Ihadgiven

hermyheartallthoseyearsagoandnevertookitback.TherewasnowayIcouldtellher

thatandletherbreakmyhearttwice.Herhurtingme,cuttingmeoutofherlifelikeabad

cancerwasthereasonIcarriedsomanyscars.ThescarsthatIwasstillhidingfromher—

theonesthatshewouldseewithherowneyes.Icouldn’thidethemforever.

“I—I don’t know. When we were together,” she looked straight ahead, staring at the

hugeraindropsthatweredrummingagainstthetruck,“Iwashappy.I’venotbeenhappy

withanyoneelse,butthere’snowaymyfamilywouldacceptyou,orus.”

“Stephanie,youcan’talwaysdowhatmakeseveryoneelsehappy.”Ileanedbackinto

myseatandrestedmywristsonthetopofmysteeringwheel.“Neitheroneofusisgetting

anyyounger.Youhavetodowhatmakesyouhappy.”

Sheremainedsilentforamomentbeforesheswallowedhard.“Ifwedecidetodothis,

it’snotgoingtobeeasy.”

“Baby,nobodyeverpromisedthatthingsinlifeweregonnabeeasy,butI’mhere.We

cangetthroughthistogetherandbehappyagain.”

“Youknowmybrotherisgoingtokillyou,right?”

“Iplannedonit,andyou’rewortheverysecondofthefight.”Ikissedherhand.

“Wheredowegofromhere?”sheasked.

“Youtellme.It’syourfamilywhohastheissue.”

“Whataboutyours?Whatwillyourfolkssay?”

Shit. Talking about my family was something I wasn’t prepared to do so soon. “I’m

prettysuretheywon’thavemuchtosay.Whatwillyourfamilysaywhentheyfindout?”

“I don’t want to think about that.” She started biting her nail. “Your dad won’t care

thatyou’redatingLanceFrost’slittlesister?OrdotheyhatemeforwhenIquittalkingto

you?”

I sighed as I let my head fall back on the headrest. “I don’t talk to them, Stephanie.

When you cut me out of your life, I cut them out of mine.” Her eyes bulged as she

listened.“Itoldyou.IneversaidawordtoanyoneaboutLance.Wewereneverfriends,

butIwouldprotecthissecretifitmeantprotectingyou,evenifitwasthewrongthingto

do.”

Ialwaysdidtherightthing,butwhenitcametoher,Iwouldbreakeverylawinthe

landifitmeantkeepinghersafeandhappy.

“Howlonghasitbeen?Imeansinceyoustoppedtalkingtothem?”

“Ayearafterwestopped,whenIfoundoutwhatmydadhaddone.”Mylipssnarled

thinkingaboutthesonofabitch.“He’suselesstome.”

Withthewaymylifechangedbecauseofhisdoings,hecouldgotohellasfarasIwas

concerned.Andwhynot?Godknowsthat’swhereIwasduringallthoseyearsawayfrom

her. Aside from the dropping out of college, becoming an alcoholic and having those

assholessetmeonfire,Ihaddancedcirclesaroundthedevilhimselfwhenitcametomy

timeinhell.

TherainwasfinallybeginningtoletupsoIcoulddrive,butIdidn’twanttodropher

backoffathercar.IwantedtoknowmoreaboutthisJoeguy—Andrew’sdad—andwhy

hewasn’tinthepicture.“Youwanttoridearoundforawhile?”Ireachedforthekeysin

theignition.

“Actually, I think I should probably head back to Susan’s house to pick up my son

beforeitgetstoolate.She’sprobablyworriedanyway.”

“Youtrusther?”

“Ido.We’rebestfriends,andIwouldtrustherwithmylife.She’sbeenhereforme

eversinceIbecameamom.”

WhenIdroppedheroffathercar,Ididn’twanthertogo,butit’snotlikeIhadmy

ownplacetotakeherto.AsmuchasIhadturnedmylifearound,Istilldidn’thavemy

place.Isleptatthefirehouse,whichwasprobablybest.Ithelpedkeepmeoutoftrouble,

andthatwastheonlyreasonIdidn’tlivealone.

CHAPTER9

STEPHANIE

hadn’tbeenthisnervousandexcitedsinceIgavebirth.IhopedthatInailedit

whileIwasintherebecauseIneededabreak.It’sbeenagessinceI’vegoneon

ajobinterview,andIhopedthattheywouldconsiderme.Itwasn’texactlymydreamjob

sinceitwasonlydataentry,butitpaiddecentenoughthatIcouldprobablysavemyfirst

coupleofmonths’worthofincomeandgetanapartmentforAndrewandme.

WhenJoeandIhadgottentogether,hemademequitmyjobtostayathomeassoon

asIfoundoutthatIwaspregnant.Ithoughthewassweetatfirst,butthenIrealizeditwas

all part of his game. He had a hidden agenda; I would quickly learn how controlling he

was.OnceIquitmyjob,hereallystartedactingafool.Hedidn’twantmetogooutwith

my friends; he didn’t like me leaving without telling him where I was going, and he

monitored everything I did on the computer. There were times when I woke up in the

middleofthenight,whenheshouldhavebeensleepingforwork,andcaughthimgoing

throughmyemails,trashfolder,recyclebinandbrowserhistory.

Ittookalongtimeformetoleavethatsituationandgetoutofthatmess,butIdidit.I

stayedbecauseIdidn’twantmyDrewgrowingupwithoutbothofhisparents,butSusan

taughtmethathecouldstillhavebothofhisparentsevenifwedidn’tlivetogether.Itwas

thebestthingIhaveeverdone.It’sbeenastruggleregainingmyground,butIhavebeen

workingonitformonths.

I stopped by my mom’s house, picked up Andrew and went home, well, to my

brother’s house. Being nervous about the job interview, I had skipped lunch so that my

stomach wouldn’t be too upset. I realized how much of a mistake it was on my way to

pickhimupbecauseallofmyhungerhitmeatonce.IwassohungrythatIthoughtIwas

goingtobesick.

“Come on, baby,” I helped him out of his car seat. “Let’s get inside so I can make

dinner.”

“WhatamIcookingtonight?”heasked.

“Whatareyoucooking?”Ilaughed.“YoumeanwhatamIcooking?”

“Yeah,that’swhatIsaid.WhatamIcookingwhenyoumakedinner?”

“Thatdependsonwhatyouwanttocook,”Iteasedhim.

“Iwantagrilledcheesesamwich.”

“Grilled cheese, huh?” he nodded. “I can make that. You want fries to go with it or

chips?”

“Fries!”heshriekedashetookoffrunningthroughthehouse.IwishedIhadanounce

ofhisenergytobottleupforaquickpick-me-upsometimes.

Thebutteredbreadsizzledinthepanwhilethefriescookedintheoven,andIcould

hardlywait to eat.It had beena long day. Iwas famished andready for bed. Tomorrow

wouldbeanewday.IheardLancewalkinandwaslisteningtohimandDrewtalkuntil

hemadehiswayintothekitchen.

“Smellsgood,”hesaidasheunfastenedhisoveralls.

“Thanks.I’mstarvingsothiswillprobablybethefastestIhaveevercookeddinnerin

mylife.”

“Yeah?Iwantedtoaskyousomething,”hebegan.

“Goaheadandshoot,”Isaid,pouringDrewacupofmilktogowithhisdinner.

“NowI’mnotsayingthisistrue,buttherehavebeenrumorsfloatingaroundtownthat

you and Matt have been seeing each other. Tell me what I’m hearing is a lie.” His jaw

tightenedashisrigidbodyremainedstiffasaboardwaitingformyanswer.

I didn’t know how to answer, but I knew that I couldn’t make him wait long, or he

would get suspicious and figure out that it wasn’t a rumor, and it was the truth. “What?

Where did you hear something like that?” I kept my back turned as I continued making

dinnersoIcouldavoideyecontact.

“JustsomethingIheard,butIseethatyoudonotdenyit.”

Isighed.“Okay,Ididn’twanttosayanythingbecauseIdidn’twantyoutrippin’,butI

didseeMatt—andhispartner.TheyweretheoneswhorescuedAndrewandmefromthe

fire.Itwasn’tabigdeal.”

Ihatedlyingtomybrother,butitwasn’ttotallyalie.Itwasaliethatwouldhaveto

satiatehiscuriosity,atleastfornow.EvenafterIhadtoldhimthatMattsavedourlives,

hestillwasn’tamusedbythefactthatIhadseenhimandkeptitfromhim.

“Uh-huh. I don’t know if I buy that bullshit story, sis. What I heard is that you two

werekissinginthemiddleoftown.”

Dammit.Whydopeoplealwayshavetohavesuchabigmouth?Iwonderedwhotold.

“Yeah,itgoesfromhimrescuingusoutofafiretousplayingtonsilhockeyinthecenter

oftown,”Ilaughed,makinglightofit.“Typical,”Isnorted.

Hestoppedquestioningafterthat,butIcouldtellthathedidn’tbelieveme.Weboth

knewthatIwaslying,butIwasn’treadytogothereyet.Everythingwasstilltoonew,and

IwantedtomakesurethatthiswasaforsurethingbeforeIgotmyfamilyinvolved.No

senseincausingmyselfmoretroublethanIalreadyhadonmyplate.

Beforewefinisheddinner,IaskedLancetowatchDrewformethenextdaywhileI

wenttoprintoffextraresumesandfilloutafewmoreapplicationsincaseIdidn’tgetthat

job.Sincehisbossdidn’thaveanyworklinedupforafewdays,heagreed.Hehasnever

minded watching his nephew, but I could tell that it irritated him, probably because he

knewIwashidingsomethingfromhim.Wefinishedeatingdinnerincomplete,awkward

silence.

WhileIwasatSuperPrintswaitingoncopiesofmyresumetofinishprinting,Icalled

Matt. I wanted to warn him about my brother’s suspicions and see what he had to say

aboutthem.

“Hello?”heanswered.

“Canyoutalkrightnoworisthisabadtime?”

“Yeah,Icantalk.What’sup?”

“Mybrotherknowsthatthereissomethinggoingonbetweenus.”Justthinkingabout

what Lance would do made my palms sweat and my heart race a little faster. “I’m so

worriedaboutwhatwillhappenifhefindsoutaboutus.”

“Whatdidhesayandhowdidhefindout?”

“Idon’t know howhe found out,but he knew thatwe were kissingin the middle of

town.”

“Shit.That’snotgood.Whatdidyousaywhenheconfrontedyou?”

“Itriedtoblowitofflikeitwasajoke,butIthinkhesawrightthroughit.Matt,ifhe

findsout,I’mnotdealingwithalittlesiblingrivalry.Hemightkickmeoutofhishouse

overthis.Iwouldn’thaveanyplacetogo.”

“Yourbrotherisalotofthings,Stephanie,butIdon’tthinkhewoulddothattoyou.

Notwithyouhavingason.”

Loudalarmsranginthebackground,andIcouldnolongerhearhim.“Hello?Hello?”

Ilookedatthephoneandsawthelinehadgonedead.

Hemusthavehadanemergency,orcallout,orwhateverhecallsthem.Ilookedover

attheedgeofthecounterandsawthattheclerkhadneatlystackedallofmyresumeson

thecounterwhileIwasonthephone.“WhatdoIoweyou?”Iaskedhim.

“Thatwillbe$2.34,please.”

Ipaidthemanandscoopedmyresumesoffthecounter,readytogoonamissionto

applyformorejobsandgetmynameoutthere.

“

CHAPTER10

MATT

hat’sthiscallfor,Chief?”IaskedPaulonourwaytothescene.

“There’s a small kid choking on a hot dog. We should be there in less than two

minutes,” his voice boomed over the loud sirens wailing through the streets as we sped

throughintersections.

Ihavealwayshatedcallsthatinvolvedchildren.Itnevergetsanyeasiertopulloneout

ofaburningbuildingorgetthemoutofatightspacethatthey’vejammedthemselvesinto

andhopethatyougettherebeforetheyturnoutofoxygentobreathe.It’satoughjob,but

Iwouldn’ttradeitfortheworld.IneverthoughtI’dbecomeafirefighteruntilIhitrock

bottom.They’retheonesthatsavedme.

It was a cool fall evening, right before we had our first frost of the year. I had been

down a righteous path of self-destruction and was sleeping on the streets. It was the

beginningofOctober,andI’dbeendrinkingnon-stopwhenIfinallyfoundaparkbenchto

passouton.Thealcoholbetrayedmybodybyallowingmetothinkitwasmuchwarmer

outsidethanitwas,soIwasobliviousastohowcolditwas.

Atsomepointduringmysleep,theeffectsofthealcoholworeoff,andIbegantoget

cold. I vaguely remember waking up, shivering as I curled into a ball while I slept. I

hadn’tbeenasleepverylongwhenIstartedtogetniceandwarm;comfortable—butonly

forasecond.Withinacoupleofminutes,IwokeupstillinahungoverdazeandallIcould

seewasbrightorangeflamesasmyclothesweresetablaze.

Ijumpedoffthebenchandwithoutthinking,Itookoffrunning.Everyoneknowsthat

you’re supposed to stop, drop and roll—hell they teach that to kindergartners—but my

mindwasfuzzy.Eyewitnessesdrivingbycalled911andsenthelp.Runningaroundwith

my torso on fire, someone tackled me. We rolled around, wrestling in the grass before I

realizedthatitwasafiremanwithaflame-retardantblanket.

Therewasagroupofjuvenileswhowerepassingthroughtheparkthathadseenme

sleepingonthebench.Apparently,theyhaddaredeachothertosetmeonfirewhileIwas

passedout.Thecopsfoundtheboyshidinginparkbusheswhentheysearchedtheareato

see who might have done it. The youngest of the three confessed, and they were all

sentencedtocommunityservice.Aslaponthewristsifyouaskme.

I’mthe one whohas to walkaround with these scarsthat remind methat the past is

real.Every.Single.Time.Ilookinthemirror;myscarredtorsohelpsmerememberthat

I’vecomesofar,butitdoesn’tmakemypastanybetter.Iwasinadarkplace,butwiththe

helpofmybrothersinthefiredepartment,Igotbackontherighttrack.Withoutthem,I

wouldn’tbewhereIamtoday—andImightnothaveeverrunintoStephanieagain.

“Grabthegurneyandtheplasticoxygenmask,”ourchiefbarkedaswepulledinfront

ofthehouse.

I was the first one at the door of the residence. Banging with my fist, I yelled,

“MemphisFireDepartment!”Ireachedforthedoorknobbutstoppeddeadinmytracks.

Even with my adrenaline pumping and my attention focused on the kid who was

choking, I was taken aback when Lance ripped the door open. My eyes bulged as I

realizedIwasstandingfacetofacewithamanthathatedmyguts,amanwhosuspected

that I was dating his sister and the man who was caring for her son. I pushed past him

withoutawordandimmediatelystartedworkingonAndrew.

Sweepinghismouthwithmyfinger,Iknewthatthepieceofmeatwaslodgedfarther

downhisthroatthanIhadhopedbecauseIdidn’tfeelit.Iwrappedmyarmsaroundhis

waistandbegandoingtheHeimlichmaneuveronhim.Afterseveralhardthrusts,thefood

wasstilllodgedinhisthroat.Mybrother,Byron,broughtamechanicalsuctionaidthatwe

workedtogetherwithandeventuallysuctionedthehotdogoutofhisairpassageway.

“Areyouallright,Andrew?”Iaskedhimoncehewasbreathingagain.Heshookhis

headnoashecontinuedholdinghisthroat.“What’swrong,buddy?”

“It hurts,” he whispered as his big, brown eyes peered up at everyone who was

gatheredaroundhim.God,theylookjustlikehismother’s.

“Yeah,I’dimagineitdoes,”Iputmyhandonhisshoulder,“butitwillgoaway.The

burningandpain,thatis.”IlookedupatLance,buthehadonhispokerface.“It’sagood

thingyourunclecalledforhelpwhenhedid.Youhavetochewyourfoodmore,okay?”

Henodded,“Yes,sir.”

OurFireChief,PaulButler,wastalkingtoLanceinthekitchenwhilehefilledouta

reportofthecall.ItfeltstrangebeinginhishouseknowingthathewasontoStephanie

andme,butatthesametime,Iwasgladtobethere.IwasgladthatIwastheonewho

savedhimandlikedbeingabletoseewheretheywereliving.

“Excuse me,” I knocked on the door frame of the kitchen to grab their attention.

“Paramedicshavearrived.Wouldyoulikehimtogotothehospitaltogetcheckedout?”

“No,” Lance answered. My head could have been on fire, but he would have never

knownbecauseIcouldn’tgethimtolookupatmeifmylifedependedonit.

“I’llletthemknow.”IlookedatPaul,“Chief?”

“Hm?”heanswered,stillfillingoutthereport.

“We’regoingtogoaheadand—”Stephanieranintothehouse,shriekingassherushed

overtoAndrew.

“Oh my God! What happened?” she inspected his body as she looked him up and

down.“Areyouokay?”

Henoddedassheputhiminabearhugandpressedhissmallbodyupagainsthers.

Watching him cling to her was the most precious thing I have ever seen. Lance walked

into the living room where they were and began telling her what happened. As he

concludedhisstory,helookedoveratme.

“AndhesavedAndrew.”

StephanielookedoninshockassherealizedthatIwasinthehousewithherbrother

and son, but she was too focused on him to worry about that. “Oh, Drew! I’m so glad

you’reokay!”Shehuggedhimonemoretimeforgoodmeasure.“Breezycalledmeand

saidshesawfiretrucksrushingtoyourhouse.Iwasworriedthatyourhousewasonfire!”

“Pfft,Iwishedshewouldmindherdamnedbusiness.Ihatehavingnosyneighbors.”

Hepushedthroughthecrowdoffiremeninthelivingroom,“I’moutofhere.I’llseeyou

later.”

Onourwaybacktothefirestation,Chiefsmiledatme.

“What?”Iasked.

“Thatsituationbackthere,itwasawkward.IsthatthegirlI’veheardabout?”

What? How in the hell does he know? I swear Zack and Byron have the biggest

mouths.“Idon’tknowwhatyou’veheard,butIsupposethat’sher.”

“Youhandledyourselfwellbackthere.”Heleanedforward,motioningformetomeet

himhalfway.“That’sthetypeofthingafirecaptainwoulddo,”hewinkedatmewitha

beamingsmile.“Remainingasprofessionalasyoudid.I’mproudofyou,son.”

“Thanks,Chief.Thatmeansalotcomingfromyou.”

“Yeah?Welllet’sjustmakesurethatwekeepthinkingwiththishead,”hepointedto

hishelmet,“andnottheotherone.”Hecrackeduplaughingasthoughhe’dheardthemost

epicjoke.Irolledmyeyes.

“Whatever,Chief.”

tephanie

Things had been rough, but I was determined to keep on keepin’ on. My

parents had always taught me to be a fighter, and that’s exactly what I was doing. No

matter what happened, I was damn sure that Andrew and I would have a good future

becauseIknewIhaditwithinmyselftoclimbtothetop.Thankstomysocialworker,I

had a new set of job skills that I hadn’t recently possessed and with the career center

helpingmewithmyresume,itlookedstunning.

Mother’s Day was coming up, and Susan wanted to do something special for our

women’s support group, so she created small care packages for everyone. They weren’t

anything extravagant, but they had relaxation crystals, bath salts, a scented candle, and

samples of perfume that she had gotten from the mall. Apparently, one of her nieces

workedattheperfumecounter,andshewasabletoscoresamplesofperfumeforus.Iwas

headingtomywomen’ssupportgroupmeetingalittleearlytohelpSusansetupourroom

whenmycellphonestartedtoring.

I looked down at my phone screen and started to ignore the call since I didn’t

recognizethenumber,butthoughtbetterofit.Maybeit’sanothercompanywantingtoset

upajobinterview.IquicklypulledthecaroversothatIcouldconcentrateonthephone

callwithouttheriskofrear-endingsomeone.

“Hello,thisisStephanie,”Iansweredthephoneinmymostprofessionalvoice.

“Hello,Stephanie.ThisisJanetfromMasonDataServices.Isthisagoodtime?”

Mason Data Services? I already went on an interview with them. “Yes,” I said, my

voice a little too eager, too high pitched. I immediately rolled my eyes at myself and

thoughtIalreadyblewit.

“Verywell.Stephanie,Iwouldliketoextendajoboffertoyouwithourcompanyif

you’restillinterested.Doesthissoundlikesomethingyouwouldliketodiscuss?”

“Oh, yes. Absolutely,” I gloated. I knew I had done well during the interview, but

havingthemcallmeswelledmyego.

“Great. The starting pay is eleven dollars per hour, and it is a full-time position. We

haveanopeningonourdayshift.Thestartingtimewouldbe7AM,andyouwouldwork

until3:30PMbecauseyouaredocked30minutesforyourlunchbreak.Afteryour90-day

probation period, we will evaluate your work, and at that time, you may earn up to an

additionalthreedollarsperhour.”

“Thatsoundswonderful!”

“Wouldyoubeabletostarttomorrow?Irealizethatit’sshortnotice,butwearevery

shortstaffed.Wewouldliketogiveyouacoupleofdays’worthoftrainingthisweekso

youcanstartfreshnextweek.Thetrainingisn’ttoohard,andIthinkyouwillbeableto

catchonfairlyquickly.”

“Tomorrow?”Shit.Idon’tknowifIcangetasitterfortomorrow.“Sure!Thatwillbe

great.”Islappedmyforehead.WhydoIalwaysputmyfootinmymouth?

“Perfect! Report to me when you come in so I can get your new hire paperwork

started,andthenI’llintroduceyoutoKyleMillhouse.He’llbeyoursupervisor.”

“Oh, thank you so much, Janet! You have no idea how grateful I am for this

opportunity.I’llseeyoutomorrowmorning.”

Icouldn’twaittogettochurchtotellSusanaboutit.Therewasnopointincallingher

sinceIwouldbethereinlessthanthreeminutes.Icouldseethechurchbuildingfromthe

redlightthatIwassittingat.Mybiggestproblemwasgoingtobefindingababysitterfor

Andrewonsuchshortnotice.Hopefully,oneofmyparentswouldbeabletowatchhim

formesoIwouldn’thavetopaysomeone.EventhoughIhadbeenlivingwithmybrother,

money was still tight because I was helping him out with his bills since we were there

usinghiswater,electricityandeatinghisfood.

“Susan,” I shouted down the hall as she struggled to open the door, carrying a large

boxfilledwithallofthegiftbags.“Letmegetthat.Ihavesomenewsforyou,”Isang.

“You’reinanawfullygoodmood.What’sgoingon?”

“Mason Data Services called and offered me a job! I get to start tomorrow, and the

startingpayiselevenandhour,andafter90days,Icangetaraise!”Iswooned.

“That’s awesome! I’m proud of you.” She handed me some of the gift bags to start

placingatseats.“How’severythingonthehomefront?Youandyourbrotherstillgetting

along?How’sAndrew?Matt?Tellmeeverything.Ihaven’theardfromyousincelatelast

week.”

“Girl, I don’t even want to talk about it for real. Things are such a mess right now.

LanceheardaboutmeseeingMatt,sothingshavebeenalittletensebetweenusbecauseI

deniedeverything.AsfarasMattgoes,I’mnotsurewhat’sgoingon.Wehungoutonce,

butthatdoesn’tmeanawholelot.Iguessyoucouldsaythingsarejustkindofupinthe

airbetweenus.”

“YouneedtotalktoMattandfindoutwhat’sgoingon.You’renotgoingtobeableto

moveforwardinyourlifeunlessyouknowwherethetwoofyoustand.There’snoway

youcanmoveineitherdirection,yaknow?”

“Iknow,”Iagreedasafewoftheladiesstartedwalkingin.

Myfirstdayofworkwasgreat.Janethelpedmefilloutallofmypaperworkandwent

overtheinsuranceformswithme—thatwassomethingshehadforgottentotellmeabout

on the phone. After 30 days, Andrew and I will have full coverage insurance. I didn’t

thinkthiswasgoingtobemydreamjob,butit’sturningouttobeexactlythat.Mynew

boss, Kyle Millhouse, is a sweetheart. Super nice guy who doesn’t mind showing you

whattodotwiceifyouneedhimtoandisalwaystheretoanswerquestions.Icouldsee

myselfworkingforMDSforalongwhile.

IcalledMattafterworktotellhimhowmyfirstdaywent,buthehadasurpriseofhis

own.

“Howaboutyouletmetakeyououttodinnertonighttocelebrate?”heasked.

“Areyouaskingmeonadate?Likeanofficialdate?”

“Yes,ma’am.Ifyou’regood,ImightevenplaytheguitarforyoulikeIusedto,”he

teased.

“I don’t know. It was like pulling teeth to get my parents to babysit for me today. I

doubt I could ask them to keep him longer, and I’m sure as hell not going to ask my

brother.He’llgetmoresuspiciousofus.”

“WhataboutyourfriendSusan?Youtwoseemlikebestfriends.I’msureshe’llwatch

himforacoupleofhourswhileItakeyououttodinner,won’tshe?”

Isighed.Hewasright,andwebothknewit.“I’llcallandaskher.”

CHAPTER11

MATT

fter Stephanie had dropped Andrew off at Susan’s house, she met me at the

library. It had been ages since I had been in one, but I wanted to study up on

some of the latest fire technology if I was going to interview for that promotion. There

would be nothing worse than sitting before my superiors and not having the correct

answers during the interview. Not only would it be embarrassing, but it would also be a

disgracetomyfiredepartment.Icheckedoutmybooksandstudiedinmytruckuntilshe

pulledupnexttomeandgotin.

“Youlooknice,”Isaid,noticinghercuteturquoisescarfandherperfectmakeup.

“Thanks,”shesmiled.“Youdon’tlookhalfbad,either.”

IwinkedatherasIputthetruckingearandbackedoutoftheparkingspace.Ihad

made dinner arrangements at a restaurant where I had booked our reservations. We had

gone there once before when we were younger when I learned that Mountainside

Universityhadacceptedmeintotheirengineeringprogram.BeforeIgotontheHighway

240,IrealizedthatIneededgasifweweregoingtomakeitthere.

“Shit,”Imumbled.

“What?”

“Iforgottogasupearlier.Imeanttodoit,butIforgot.We’llhavetostopbythegas

stationbeforewego.”

“That’sfinebyme.I’mdyingofthirstandcoulduseadrink.”

While I was filling up the truck, she went inside to get herself a drink. I’m not sure

whatshewasdoinginthere,maybemakingthesyrupforthesodamachineorsomething,

butIdecidedtohavealittlefunwithher.Ihadfilledupmy36-gallongastank,andshe

stillhadn’tcomebacktothetruck,soIgotinandstarteditupwhileIwaswaitingforher.

Afewmomentslater,shewalkedoutsidewithasodainherhand,wearingacandidsmile.

IsmiledbackatherasIpullednearthefrontdoortopickherup.

ShegrinnedasIpulledthetruckrightinfrontofher,likeatruegentleman.Iheldup

myfinger,signalingtowait,asIunlockedthedoorforher.Shetiltedhersweetlittleface

to the side as she realized how thoughtful I was being. I sat up, smiled and waited. As

soonas she reachedfor the doorhandle, I gassed itand shot forward.She looked at me

withasideeyeandwalkedafewfeetuptothecabandreachedforthehandleagain.This

time,Igunneditandshotforwardabouttenfeet.

Everyoneintheparkinglotwaswatching,andallshecoulddowasbustuplaughing.I

looked in the rear view mirror as she buckled over in laughter, holding her gut as she

laughed and laughed. Waiting for her, she finally started walking toward the door of the

truck, laughing in anticipation that I might do it again. I didn’t disappoint. I gassed it

again,thistimeonlylurchingupafewfeet.Shewasdyingoflaughterwithtearstrickling

fromhereyes.Surethatshemightpissherpants,Ifinallywavedheronandtoldhertoget

in.

“You’reafunnyman,aren’tyou?”shesaid,stilllaughing.

“Idon’tknowwhatyou’retalkingabout,”Ilaughedwithher.

“Oh, I haven’t had this much fun on a date in a long time. It’s nice just being silly

every once in a while, but don’t worry. I will owe you one for that, Nicholas Edward

White.”

“CallmebymyfullnameagainandI’llpayyoubacktwiceasbad.”

“Aw,what’sMattE.Whitegonnado?”shemockedme.SheknewhowmuchIhated

mymiddleinitialbecauseitmademynamesoundlikeitwasMattyWhite.

“I’llspankthatass.That’swhatI’lldo,”IcockedmyeyebrowlettingherknowthatI

wasbeingapervert.

“Mhmm,youtalkagoodgame.”

Once we arrived at Houston’s restaurant, I went into full gentleman mode, opening

doors, pulling out chairs, ordering champagne, the whole nine yards. As she told me all

abouthernewjob,Iwatchedhereyestwinkleandlistenedtotheprideinhervoice.She

was doing well for herself, and I was proud of her. She’s always been a strong,

independentwoman.AsIlistenedtohergoon,Icouldn’thelpbutnoticeherfull,plump

lips.IttookeverythingIhadnottoreachacrossthetable,grabherandkissher.Mymind

keptwanderingoff,backtothenightwekissedinmytruckduringthestorm.

“Areyoulisteningtome,Matt?”sheasked.

“Ofcourse.”Ireachedacrossthetableandtookherhandintomine.“Goon.Iwantto

hearmoreaboutyourday.”

“Actually,Iwanttoaskyouaquestion.”Iraisedmyeyebrows,anticipatingwhatshe

hadtosay.“Whatarewedoing?Imean,whatdoyouexpectoutofthisbecauseIneedto

knowupfront.Ihaveasonwhocomesbeforeanyone—includingmyself.”

“Stephanie, I decided years ago that you were the one for me, and that has never

changed.Thisheart,”Iraisedherhandtomychest,“itbeatsforyou.Mymindonlythinks

aboutyouandmyeyesonlyadoreyou.Iwantyou.Iwantustowork,andI’mwillingto

dowhateverittakes.I’llfaceyourfamily,standupforyou—standupforus—andI’lltake

careofAndrewasifheweremyownson.NotthatIwouldtrytoreplacehisdad,butI

willtreathimvery,verywell.”

Her hand was still feeling my heartbeat as I looked into her eyes. It was honest to

God’s truth, my right hand on a stack of Bibles. I’d live and die for this woman. It

wouldn’tmatterifIhadtofighteachofherfamilymemberstoothandnail,onebyone.

ThatwassomethingIalreadyknewIhadtodo.Theycoulddoanythingtheywantedto

me;itwouldn’tmatter.Allthatmatteredisthatattheendoftheday,shewasmine.

“Matt,”shesighedheavily.“Youhaveaheartofgold.Idon’tknowwhatIeverdidto

deserve you, but I’m glad that you’re back in my life. I’ll never be able to apologize

enoughfor—”Ibroughtmyhanduptoherfaceandhelditthereasmyfingercaressedher

soft,beautifullips.

I shook my head, “You don’t owe me an apology. It wasn’t your fault, and it wasn’t

mine.Itwasacombinationofunfortunatecircumstances,buttherewasn’tadaythatwent

bythatIdidn’tthinkofyou.Believemeonthat.”

“Let’sgetoutofheresowecantalkmoreprivately,goforadriveorsomething,”she

suggested.

Imotionedforthewaiterandlefthimaheavytipthatmorethanenoughcoveredour

mealplusgratuitytoavoidwaitingforthebill.Idroveustotheedgeoftown,rightalong

the Mississippi River bank. The star-filled sky was clear with a crisp full moon that

reflected perfectly off the rippling water. After I had shut off the engine, Stephanie

climbedintomyarmsasIheldhertight.

“Stephanie, I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make your family okay with us. I

don’t want any bad blood between them and you for a misunderstanding from the past.

Whatdoweneedtodo?”

“IwishIknew,”shelookedatme.Thosebeautiful,chestnuteyes.“We’llfigureitout

together.It’snotsomethingthatwecan,orevenshould,figureouttonight.Let’sjustenjoy

themoment.”Shepurredagainstmychestasshecurleduptome.

Everythingfeltright.Holdingher,talkingtoher,planningourfuturetogether.Itwas

perfect.Ileaneddownandkissedher.BeforeIknewit,ourlipswerelockedtogether,and

IcouldfeelhersweetbreathonmyfaceasIpulledherclosertome.Therewasnothingin

this world more blissful than kissing her. She wrapped her arms around my neck and

begansoftlycaressingmyhair,tuggingonitjustalittle.

I forced my tongue into her mouth as my fingers bounced along her cleavage and

eventuallywandereddowntoherwaist.Inreturn,herhandsweregentlyslidingdownmy

backbeforemakingtheirwayaroundtomychest.Herhandswandereddowntomybelt

beforeshetriedtoslipherhandsundermyshirt.Istoppedher.

“Ah-ah,”Iwhispered.Notundermyshirt.Istillwasn’treadyforhertoknowabout

myscarsfromthenightIwassetonfire.Ididn’twanthertoknowhowlowIhadsunk.

Herfingernailstracedlightcatscratchesdownmychestandabsoverthematerialof

myshirt.Mycockwasalreadyrockhard,butthoselightscratchesmadeitjerkasIdrank

inthescentofherperfume.Iwantedher.

ShewasallIeverdreamedabout.Sometimesitwasnightmares—aboutthelasttimeI

sawherwalkingawayfromme—andothertimesitwasaboutamomentjustlikethis.I

could hear the soft whoosh of Mississippi River; it was soft just like her breasts. It was

gettinghotinsidethecabofmytruck,andthewindowswerestartingtofog,butIdidn’t

careaboutanyofthat.Itjustmadeitthatmuchhottertobewithher.

Hertonguehadflickedmyneckbeforeshesankherteethintomyskin,suckingever

solightly.Myhandscuppedandsqueezedherbreastsasthezipperinmypantsheldback

mylength.IthadbeenalongtimesinceIwasthishard.

“MayI?”Iaskedasmyfingersdancedalongherback,slippingunderneaththeclasp

ofherbra.MybreathmovedherhairasIwhisperedinherear.Sheletoutasoftmoanas

shetossedherheadback.

In one swift motion, I had her bra off as my lips caressed the length of her neck.

Lifting her shirt, my tongue swirled around her nipples while my hand headed south.

Grabbinghermoundbeneathherskirt,IfelthowwetshealreadywasasIsuckedonher

nipple.Myfingerbegantracingapathalongherinnerthigh,andjustasIwasabouttoslip

itinsideherpanties,shegrabbedmywrist.

“Ithinkweshouldtakeitslow,”herbreathwasragged.Itwasclearthatshewanted

more,hell,Iwantedmore.Ineededmore,butIrespectedherandherwishes.

“Areyousure?”Iasked,kissingherneckasIletoutadeepbreathrightnexttoher

ear.Itwasasighoffrustration.

“Yeah,”shesatupandpulledherskirtdownbeforesheadjustedherbraandblouse.

“Let’sjusttalkandlookatthewater.”

Webothlaughed.“Sure,we’lldothatassoonasthefoggoesaway,”Irolleddownthe

window.

ThebullfrogssangloudlyalongthebanksoftheriverasIheldStephanieinmyarms.

Itwasnicetobetherewithheranditcertainlybeatsittingatthefirestationwithabunch

ofmen.Brothersornot,theywereroughonmyeyesbutnother.Shewasbeautiful.Her

honey complexion glowed as the moonlight illuminated all of her best features—which

waseverythingabouther.Icouldsithereandadorethiswomanforever.

“Matt,”shelookedupatme.“Let’sgoonanotherdatetomorrownight.Thishasbeen

nice,andasmuchasIdon’twantittoend,Ihavetogetback.”

“Iknow.Damnjobs,damnlife,”Ijoked,eventhoughitwashalftrue.“Whatdoyou

wanttodotomorrow?”Iasked,firingupmytruck.

Shethoughtforamoment.“I’mnotsureyet.I’llthinkofsomethingandtextyou.”

“Soundsgood.”

Dropping her back off at her car, I grabbed her arm before she got out of the truck.

“Stephanie?”Shelookedbackatme.“Ihadagreattimewithyou.”

“Metoo,”sheleanedintothecabofthetruckandkissedmegoodnight.“I’lltextyou

tomorrow.”

CHAPTER12

STEPHANIE

neofthereasonsthatIfellinlovewithMattallthoseyearsagowasbecauseof

hisstrength,fearlessness,andstubbornness.He’sasdependableastherisingsun.

I’vealwaysbeenabletocountonhim.Wehadbigplanstostartafamily—heandI—and

I thought that maybe I had let him down, but he seems to be on board with Andrew. I

don’tknowhowmuchJoewilllikeanewmaninthepicture,butwhetheritwasMattor

someoneelse,hewasgoingtohavetodealwithitanyway.

At least with Matt, he’s a good guy. A hero. It took a lot of guts to approach me,

especially thinking that my whole family and I have hated him all these years. Anytime

we’veeverbeentogether—whetheritbenoworinthepast—I’vealwaysbeenabletobe

myself.

ThereisnopretendingthatIhavetobeperfect,thereisnowalkingoneggshells,and

there is no hoping that I make him happy. He tells and shows me every time we’re

togetherhowhappyImakehim.Thereisnoguessing.Iknowthatinhisworld,I’msafe

andhappy.There’snobodytryingtorunmylifeoraccusemeofnegativethings.

HearinghimsaythathewouldtreatAndrewlikehisownmademyheartmelt.That

wasoneofthethingsholdingmebackfromleavingJoebecauseIwasalwaysafraidthat

I’dneverbeabletogetamansinceIwasalreadyamother.Itprobablydidn’thelpthathe

usedtodrillitintomyheadthatthatwouldprobablybethecaseifIeverlefthim.

Ispentyearslivingunderhisruleandthumb,allowinghimtocutmedownandfillmy

head with lies while he controlled me. Matt lifts me up, brings out the best in me and

encouragesme.Inthesmallamountoftimewehavespenttogetherandtalkedortexted,

I’ve rekindled so many feelings for him that I had lost over the years—some still there

thoughIdidn’trealizeit.

Mybrothertookofffortheweekendsinceheandsomeofhisfriendsdecidedtogo

fishing.Iknowitmightbearisk,butIinvitedMattoverfordinneratmybrother’splace.

I’mworriedthatBreezyoroneoftheotherneighborsmightseehimandsaysomethingto

Lance, but that’s a chance that I’m willing to take. Before things go to the next level

betweenus,IwanttoseehowheandAndrewinteractandgetalong.

Whilehemightbewillingtoplayhouse,Drewmightnotlikethat.Thatboyloveshis

father,andIdon’tknowhowhe’lltaketoanewmanbeinginmylifeorhis.He’sasmart

kidandI’msurehe’lllikeMatt,butIhavetoseeformyself.IcalledMattearlier,andhe

agreed to come over for dinner and a movie so we could spend time together, and with

Andrew.

Slidingthepanintotheoven,Iheardaknockatthedoor.Ilookedattheclockonthe

stoveandrealizedthathewasearly.Wipingmyhandsonadishtowel,Isaunteredoverto

thefrontdoorandopeneditwithAndrewstandingbehindmylegs,hiding.

“Wellhello,”Mattsmiledathim.“Howareyou?”

I stared, taking in full view of him. His faded denim blue jeans hung loosely off his

hips, and his V-neck shirt clung to his muscular body. He was also wearing his guitar

strappedaroundhistorso.Inoddedatit,“Planningonperformingtonight?”

Iwavedmyarm,grantinghimpermissiontocomeinside.“IhadpromisedyouthatI’d

play for you, and since I didn’t get a chance to do it last night, I thought I would do it

tonight.”

“Isthatarealguitar?”Andrewasked,mesmerizedbyit.

“Itsureis,”Mattbeamedathim.Thesparkleinhiseyetoldmethatheadoredhim.

“Youcantryitout.Here,comewithme.”

Mattwalkedovertothecouchandsatdownasheplacedtheguitaronhislap.Andrew

couldn’ttakehiseyesoffofhim.Itwascutewatchingthetwoofthemandhe’donlybeen

insideforabout30seconds.Thiswasgoingtobeagoodnight.

“So,youjustputyourfingershere,”Mattdemonstrated,“andyoudothistopluckthe

strings.”Andrewcoveredhisearsasthesoundoftheguitarfilledthedeadairintheroom.

Welaughedasheclimbedintomyarms,unsureofwhattothink.

“What made you bring that?” I asked, happy to see that he did. I’ve always loved

listeningtohimplay,andheknewit.

“I was only half joking the other night about playing for you, and I never got the

chanceto.I’mgoingtomakeupforittonight,”agrinbrokeoutacrosshisface.

IfacedAndrew,stillsittinginmylap.“He’sgoingtoplaysomemusicforuslater.Do

youwanttolistentohimwhenhedoes?”Heslowlynoddedhishead.“Good.Whydon’t

youplaywhilemommyfinishesgettingtherestofdinnerstartedsinceourguestarrivedso

early,”IplayfullygaveMattthesideeye.

“Sorry.IwasboredatthestationandthoughtI’dcomeoverearly.”

“That’sokay,Ifig—”

“Areyouthefiremanthatcameherelastweek?”AndrewsuddenlyrealizedwhoMatt

was. I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Part of me was glad that he

rememberedsomethinggoodaboutMatt—thefactthathesavedhislife—butpartofme

wasworriedthatherememberedexactlywhohewasandthathecouldtellhisuncle.

“Iam.”

“Wow.Arealfireman!Isyourtruckoutsidetoo?”

“No,” he laughed. “We can only drive that when there’s an emergency. Like when I

washerebecauseyouwerechoking.Thatwasprettyimportant,wasn’tit?”

IleftthetwoofthemtalkingwhileIwentintothekitchentopreparethegarlicbread.

Basting the garlic and butter mixture onto the loaf of French bread, Matt walked in and

wrappedhisarmsaroundmywaist,restinghischinonmyshoulder.

“Everythingsmellsgood.”

“Thankyou.It’soneofmysignaturedishesthatIliketothrowtogether.”

“Ohyeah?IcanthinkofacoupleofthingsI’dliketothrowtogether,”hepushedhis

pelvisintomybehindashetrailedkissesdownmyneck,hiswarmbreathagainstmyskin.

“Be good,” I said, but I didn’t mean it. It had been a while since I had been with

anybody.ThelastmanthatIwaswithwasJoe,andthatwasthebetterpartofsixmonths

ago,maybelonger.Itfeltgoodtofeelwanted.

“Iamgood.Damngood,”hespunmearound,histongueswirledaroundthefrontof

my throat. His over-sized fists enclosed my petite hands as he pushed me against the

counter.Ipeekedoutofthekitchendoor,downthehallthatledtothelivingroom.Drew

wasengrossedinhiscartoons.Heleanedin,lettingthestubbleonhischeekbrushagainst

myface.

Teasinghim,Ipushedmyhipsagainstthegirthofhisbody,pressingustogether.He

letgoofmyhands,wrappingthemaroundme,holdingusevenclosertogether.Planting

soft kisses along my collar bone, my fingers traced his sculpted arms until they reached

hisears.They’vealwaysbeenhisweakspot,andIdidn’tforget.Gently,Iranmyfinger

along the top of his ear as I nibbled on his lobe, allowing the warmth of my breath to

tickleagainsthisskin.

My fingers felt every tiny prickle of his skin as he broke out in goosebumps. The

kisses on my collar bone halted as he leaned back, looking deep into my eyes as if he

could see my soul. His fingers dug into my flesh as I teasingly bucked my hips against

him.Hisstrongholdpulledmecloser,smashingmybreastsagainsthischest,allowingme

to feel the rock hard bulge in his pants. For a second, I thought I felt it jerk and press

againstmybelly.

“I think we should check on Andrew,” I said, breaking his stare as I looked away.

“Dinnerwillbereadysoon.”

Partofmehadstartedfeelingguiltyabouthavinghimovertomybrother’shouse.If

Lanceknewthathewashere,he’dgoafterbothofus,butitfeltsogoodtoseehimagain.

Iknewthathavinghimoverfordinnerlikethiswouldlikelyneverhappenagain,atleast

notuntilIhadmyownplace,soIwasgoingtotakeadvantageofitforthetimebeing.

Afterdinner,hehelpedmeclearthetableandloadthedishwasherwhileIgaveDrew

hisbath.Whilewewereplayinginthetub,Ihadn’tforgottenaboutpayinghimbackfor

hislittlegasstationprank.Whenmybrotherwasgettingreadyforhisfishingtrip,Itook

someofhisfishinglineforwhatIhadinmind.OnceIsentAndrewouttoplaywithMatt

whileIcleanedupthebathroom,Isetmytrap.

Verycarefully,Iwrappedoneendofthefishinglinearoundthemetaldoorhingesat

thebottomofthedoor,pullingthestringtautbeforewrappingtheotherendaroundatiny

nailthatwasstickingoutofthedoorframe.Onceitwastiedinplace,Icarefullyplucked

itwithmyfingertomakesureitwoulddothejob.Thesecurestringdidn’tmoveatall.

After it was in place, I shut off the bathroom light and stealthily stepped over the wire,

carefulnottotripmyself.

DrewandIsnuggledonthecouch,listeningtoMattplaytheguitaruntilhegrewso

sleepythathecouldbarelyholdhiseyesopen.“IthinkIbetterputhimtobed.He’snot

usedtostayingupthislate.”

“Good,maybemeandmommycanhavesomealonetime,”hewinked.

WithAndrewfastasleepinhistoddlerbedinthenextroom,IfoundMattsittingon

thecouchpattinghislap.“Come,haveaseat.”

He pulled me onto his lap, wrapping his strong arms around me. We smiled at each

other before leaning in, pressing our foreheads together. “Dinner was great. Thanks for

invitingme,”hekissedme.

“Thanks for coming. I’m glad that you had a chance to hang out with us, especially

him.Whatdidyouthinkabouthangingoutwithathree-year-old?”

“Well,”heputhismouthnexttomyearandloweredhisvoice,“Ilikedhangingout

withhim.He’sagoodboy,well-behavedandIthinkwecouldgetalongreallywell.The

importantthingishowdidweimpresshismom?”hekissedmyearlobe.

“I’dsayyoudidagoodjob.I’mhappy.Youtwoseemedlikeyouenjoyedeachother’s

companyandhethinksit’ssocoolthatyou’reafireman.I’msurprisedherememberedit

wasyouwhosavedhim.”

“Yep,kidswillbekids.”Hisforestgreeneyeslookedatmelongingly.I’dbeentrying

to put some distance between us—sexually, that is—but it was becoming increasingly

difficult.

Truth be told? I had been lusting after him ever since the day I had run into him.

There’snothingsexierthanagoodlookingmanwhomakesyoufeelwanted,neededand

desirable. I leaned in, kissing him deeply as he held me close in his lap, my tongue

invadinghismouth,lettinghimfeelmypassion.

The next thing I knew, he stood up, grabbed my legs and wrapped them around his

waist. “Which way is the bedroom?” he growled in my ear, sending electrical tingles

throughmybodyashisbreathmovedmyhairawayfrommyear.

“Thatway,”Ibarelymanagedtosay,pointingtothebedroom.

Ihadwantedthis.Wantedhim.HewastheforbiddenfruitthatIwasn’tsupposedto

have.Theonethatcouldlandmeinalotofhotwater,butallthatmatteredthatmoment

was the two of us together. I wanted him to take me. He knew how to take me out of

reality and put me in a world where problems didn’t exist, money didn’t matter, and

nobodybuthimcared.

He laid me on the bed—on my brother’s bed. “What are you going to do with me

now?”Imoanedashekissedme.

“I’mgoingtomakeupforallofthatlosttime,”hekickedoffhisshoesanddropped

meontothebed.

Heslidhishandsbeneathmyshirt,runninghisthick,ruggedfingersagainstmybare

skin. I wanted to melt in his hands, and he was only getting started. He sat me up and

slippedmyblouseovermyhead.Sittingbeforehiminmybraandslacks,Ifelttheheat

flushthroughmeandfloodmymostsensitiveareas.Icouldfeelmyselfbecomingwetter

witheachtouchofhisfingertips.

His cologne filled my senses, clouding my thoughts. I had thought of helping him

remove my clothes, but I was too intoxicated by his scent. It had been ages since I had

smelledthatscent,butIhadneverforgottenit.Withoneswifttug,heremovedmyslacks,

leavingmeinnothingbutmypantiesandbra.

Kissingmepassionately,hethreadedhisfingersthroughmyhair.Hewastakingevery

bitofwhathewanted.AndIwaslettinghim.Ireacheddown,undoinghisjeanswithmy

fingers,wantingtoundresshimasquicklyaspossible.Ididn’tknowhowmuchlongerI

couldstandnothavinghiminsideofme,feelinghisfleshagainstmine.

He had wiggled out of his jeans before his tongue started swirling my nipples.

Relishing in pleasure, I waited for an opening to reach down and grab him. He was

already completely hard again. Unbelievable. Stroking him, he smiled and reached

betweenmylegs,feelingmywetnessfromtheoutsideofmypanties.

“My, aren’t we turned on?” he rumbled. “Let’s see how wet I can make you.” He

tuggedmypantiesdown,“I’vewantedyouforsolong,babe.”

Hepushedmeflatonmybackagainstthemattress,shovingmythighsapartwithhis

knee.Igulped,anticipatingwhatwascomingnext.Hewasabouttoenterme.Forthefirst

time in years, I was giving myself to him all over again. He grabbed the base of his

throbbingcock,pre-cumwasalreadypoolingatthehead,lineditupwithmeandburied

himselfballsdeep.

Grabbingmyhips,hethrusthimselfintomeoverandoveragainashisfingerduginto

myskin.Ifmybrotherdidkillus,allthepleasurewasworthit.Tiltingmyhips,Ispread

mylegswide,givinghimfullaccesstome.Iwantedeverylastinchofhiminsideofme.I

reacheddowntohiswaist,grabbingtheedgeofhisshirtandtriedtakingitoff.

“No,”hegrowled.“Theshirtstayson.”

“Why?”Imoaned.Iwantedtofeelhisskin,hischestpressedagainstmybarebreasts

thatbouncedbeneathhim.“Iwanttofeelyou.”

He sat up, dragged me to the edge of the bed and grabbed a hold of my hips. “Feel

this,”heplungedhimselfdeepinsideofme.

MynailsdugintohisouterthighsasIwrappedmylegstightlyaroundhim.Arching

hisback,heburiedhimselffurtherintome,thrustinginperfectrhythm.Icouldfeelmyself

gettingclosetoorgasm.

“More,”Ibegged,squeezingmylegsaroundhim.

Heswitchedpositionsandthrewmyanklesoverhisshouldersashecontinuedtostand

attheedgeofthebed.Withmylegsinaperfect“V”,hehadprimeaccesstomyG-spot.

Drilling into me over and over, I couldn’t take it anymore. He didn’t let up until I was

cummingandbegginghimtostop,buthewasn’tfinishedyet.Pullingmylegsaroundhis

waist,herepositionedmeandgainedmomentumwitharhythmicpace.Ibuckedmyhips,

matchinghismovementsuntilIfelthimbeginningtoswellinsideofme.

“That’sit,baby.Cuminsideme,”Imumbled.

Afterrecuperatingonthebedforseveralminutesoncewewerefinished,hesatup.

“Whereareyougoing?”Iasked.

“Ihavetotakealeak.”

I nodded, trying to keep a straight face. I knew what was coming next as I watched

him make his way to the bathroom across the dark room. I counted—one, two, three,

boom!Hewentdownlikeatonofbricks.

“Whatthefuck,Stephanie?”hegrunted,pickinghimselfupoffthefloor.

Icouldn’thelpit.Ibusteduplaughing.Itwassofunny!Watchinghimtripoverthat

tinyfishingwirewasthefunniestthingIhadseeninalongtime.Iflippedonthelightand

looked at him lying half-naked on the bathroom floor. “You might want to watch what

you’redoing,”Isnorted.

“Ha-ha! Very funny.” He stood up, wiping his hands as he examined the string. “I

guessyougotyourpaybackfromtheothernight,huh?”

CHAPTER13

MATT

hesunlightspilledinthroughtheheavywoodenblinds,wakingmeearlierthan

Iwouldhaveliked.Ireachedout,feelingtheemptyspotwhereStephaniehad

been.Shehadn’tgonefarbecauseIcouldhearherandAndrewtalking.Climbingoutof

bedIslippedonmypantsandmadeabeelineforthebathroom,checkingforanyinvisible

stringbeforeIentered.

Makingmywayintothekitchen,Icouldsmellbaconandcoffee.Itwasniceandwas

somethingIcouldgetusedtointhefutureifeverythingworkedoutthewayIwanteditto.

Thetwoofthemsatatthekitchentable,talkingwhilesippingonorangejuice.Watching

fromthedoorway,Icouldtellhowmuchthetwoofthemlovedeachotherandhowmuch

sheadoredhim.

“Mornin’,”Isaid.Herheadwhippedaround,andshegrabbedherchest.

“Youscaredme.Iwasn’texpectingyoutotalk,”shelaughed.“Wantsomecoffeeor

juice?Breakfastwillbereadyinafewminutes.”

“Coffee, please.” I looked at Andrew, who was watching me. “How’s it going lil’

man?”

“It’sDrew,”hecorrectedme.

“Oh,I’msorry.HowisyourmorningDrew?”IglancedatStephanieasshesmiledand

shookherheadathim.

“Didyouspendthenighthere?”

Shit.I didn’t knowwhat to say.Stephanie and I lookedat each otherfor a minute. I

decidedtoletheranswerasIslowlysippedmycoffee.

“Andrew, it’s not polite to question grown-ups. Do you want cereal or bacon with

Frenchtoast?”

“Cereal,”herolledhiseyesandsighed.“LuckyCharms.”

Stephanie’sphonestartedringingandvibratingonthecounter.Hereyesbulgedwhen

she looked at the screen, and she put her finger to her mouth, telling me to be quiet. I

nodded.

“Hello?”sheanswered.

Therewasabriefpausebeforehermouthfellopen.“What?Slowdown.Whatdoyou

meanithappenedontheboat?”

My eyes grew with concern as I watched her facial expression. She looked shocked,

butIdidn’tknowwhy.

“Okay,sure.I’llbehere,”shehungupthephone.

“What’sgoingon?”Iasked.

“Lance,he’sonhiswayhere.You’vegottogo,”shechuckedmyshoesatme.“They

weredrunklastnight,andhefelloffthebackoftheboatwhiletheywereontheirwayto

their campsite. The blades from the motor cut up his arm and leg really bad. He was

releasedfromthehospitalthismorning,andthey’rebringinghimhome.They’renottoo

faraway.”

“Shit,”Iscurriedtocollectmykeysandguitar.“Ishegoingtobeokay?”

“The wounds are really deep,” she hesitated for a moment. “Joe is bringing him. I

didn’tknowhehadgoneonthetrip,buthesaidthatitalmostcompletelyseveredhisarm

andleg.”

“Damn.Okay,I’mgoing.Callmeifyouneedanything,”Ikissedher.“ByeAndrew.

I’llseeyoulater.”

IshouldhaveknownassoonasIgotbacktothestation,theguysweregoingtolayit

onthickandgivemeshitforbeinggoneallnight.Notwantingtohearit,Itriedtoquietly

sneakin,butmyguitarhittherailingofthemetalbanisterasIclimbedthestairsbringing

alleyesonme.

“Well,well,well.Ifitisn’tMatt.Say,Matt,”Byronstarted,“Idon’trememberseeing

youlastnight.”HeturnedhisheadtoZack,“Didyouseehim?Washeinhisbed?”

Zack put down his newspaper; a wicked grin crept across his face as he leaned

forward.“Youknow,nowthatIthinkaboutit,Idon’tthinkhewas.Hisbeddidn’teven

looksleptinthismorningwhenwegotbackfromthatfireonBurkeStreet.”

“I’llbe.”Helookedbackoveratme.“SoMatt,wherewereyoulastnight?”

“Ha, ha. All right, quit busting my balls. You two are assholes. Real, grade-A,

Americanassholes.”

Byrongrabbedhisheart,“Oh,butMatt,”hesaidinahigh-pitchedvoice,doingapiss

poorimitationofawoman.“Ithurtsmyfeelingswhenyoucallmenames.”

Zackstoodup,wrappedhisarmsaroundByron,coddlinghim.“It’sokay,sweetthang,

I’mhereforyou.”Theybothpuckeredtheirlips,pretendingtokiss.

“Fuckoff,”Isaidtothem.

“White!”That’swhenIsawourchiefwalkingaroundthecorner.He’dmissedthelittle

duetthattheguyshadputon,butcameoutjustintimetohearmetellingthemtofuckoff.

“Isthathowyoutalktoyourbrothers?”hepressedhismouthintoahardlineashewaited

forananswer.

“Chief,I’msorry.Theywere,Ididn’t—”

Adry,laughbellowedfromhimashesmiledatme.“I’mbustin’yourballs,White.I

heard everything from my office. Maybe your grumpy ass will be a little more bearable

now.”

Ishookmyhead.“You’reallabunchofassholes.I’mgoingupstairstoputmystuff

away.”

Iwastryingtogetsomeshuteyebeforemyshiftlaterthatnightwhenthechiefcame

totalktome.

“White?”hecalledmyname.“Iwanttotalktoyouforaminute.”Irolledoverandsat

up.

“Yeah?”

“I’veheardyouhavealotgoingon.Anewlady?Withakid?”

“Yes,sir.”

“Whoisthislady?”

“Her name is Stephanie. We dated a long time ago and ran back into each other.” I

didn’tseeanyreasontoexplainthelong,complicatedstorytohim,especiallysinceIwas

almostasleep.

“You know; you’ve lived here at the station since you were in training. Now it’s no

secretthatyou’vehardlybeenaround.Iknowtheotherdayyoubarelymadeitintoshow

upforyourshift.I’mcountingonyou,son.”

“Iknow,Chief.I’mnotgoingtoscrewitup.”Ihadareputationforscrewingshitup.

From the moment things ended between the two of us, my whole life went to hell in a

hand basket. But I had gotten it back under control and now, I was climbing to the top.

Withherbymyside,IknewthatIcoulddoanythingIsetouttoachieve.Shebroughtout

thegoodinme,mademestandalittletaller,bealittlestronger.

“Makedamnedsureofthat,son.Iwantyoutohavethispromotionmorethananyone

else. When it comes time to review your file, I want everyone to see what an excellent

recommendationI’vemade,andIwantthemtorecognizeyouraccomplishments.”

“No problem, Chief. You have my word. Nothing will screw this up. You’ve always

hadmyback,andnowIhaveyours.Iwon’tletyoudown.”

“Good,”herubbedhischinforamoment.“WhendoIgettomeetthiswoman?She

seemstohavequiteaneffectonyou.”

“Soon.Hersonlovesfiremen;maybeI’llinvitethemuptothestation,showhimthe

trucksandourequipment.”

Chiefsmiledashepattedmyleg.“Youdothatson.We’llneedmoregoodmenlike

youinthefuture.”

CHAPTER14

STEPHANIE

akingcareofLancehasbeenapainintheasseventhoughIlovehimtodeath.

Between trying to juggle my brand new full-time job, a three-year-old, a 33-

year-oldandmyselfhasbeenachallengeinitself.Imissedthisweek’swomen’ssupport

group meeting, and I’ve barely talked to Susan. I promised that I’d fill her in on my

overnightdatewithMatt,butIhaven’thadthechance.

Onethingthat’sbeenbotheringmeisthatMattdoesn’tseemtowantmetotouchhim.

He’sfineifI’mjusttouchinghisarms,face,neck,andthingslikethatbutI’venevermeta

manwhowassoinsistentonnotlettingmeputmyhandsuphisshirtortakehisshirtoff.

There’snothingsexierthanscratchingupaman’sbackorchest,butitseemsimpossible

withhim,andIdon’trememberhimbeingsensitiveabouttakingoffhisshirtswhenwe

dated.

Thedoctorssaidthatmybrotherwilllikelyneedthenextthreeweeksoffofworkto

allowhiswoundstohealproperly.Theywereparticularlyconcernedabouthislegwound

because it looked like it might be starting to get infected. Apparently, your legs don’t

receive as good of blood flow as the rest of your body because they’re in your lower

extremity and are the farthest from your heart. With his blood supply being somewhat

limitedinthatregion,hislegwoundwastakingabitlongertoheal.

WhenIgotoffwork,Istoppedbythegrocerystoretopickupsomechickentomake

fordinner.ThatwasonegoodthingaboutLancebeingoffwork;hecouldwatchAndrew

forme.Itsavedmemoney,anditletthemgetinsomemalebonding.WhileIwasgetting

inlinetocheckout,IsawSusanshoppingintheproducesection.Igotoutoflinetogo

overandtalktoher.

“Susan,”IcalledhernameasIapproachedher.

“Stephanie!Howareyoudoing?Youmissedchurchlastnight.”

“Iknow.I’vegotalotgoingon.”

“Yeah, you still haven’t told me about,” she looked around and swooped in, “your

date,”shewhispered.

“It was amazing,” I smiled. “We had dinner, talked, he played the guitar for us and

we,”Ileanedin,“hadsex.”

Hereyesbulged.“Where?”

“Lance’sbed,”Ilaughed.

“Girl,doyouhaveadeathwish?YourbrotherwouldKILLyouifhefoundout!”

“Andthat’swhyyou’renotgoingtosayaword.You’remyBFF.Ican’ttellanyone

else.”

“Whenareyoutwogoingoutagain?”

“I don’t know,” I sighed, rocking the cart back and forth. “I don’t have a babysitter

sinceLanceneedscareandmyparentshavebeenbusyrenovatingtheirhouse.”

Shehuffed,“Bringhimovertome;I’llwatchhim.”

“Youwill?Whatabout—”

“They’regone.Sheandhergirlsfoundaplaceoftheirown.I’mallbymylonesome.”

“Really?”hearingthatthey’dgottentheirownplacewasmusictomyears.

“What?Whydoyoulooksohappy?”

“Susan!Iftheygotaplace,thatmeanspeoplearemovingonthelist.MaybeIgota

little bump in there, too. I’d love to get out of Lance’s house—not that I don’t love my

brother,butit’dbenicenothavingtosneakaroundsomuch.”

“Whatareyougoingtodoifandwhen—andyouknowit’sgoingtohappenatsome

point—yourbrother,andheavenforbid,Joe,findoutaboutthetwoofyou?”

“Ugh.Idon’tevenwanttothinkaboutit.”Irolledmyeyes.AsmuchasIwantedtobe

with Matt, I wasn’t ready for the fight ahead with my family and Andrew’s father. Any

timehecametothehouse,Itriedtoavoidhim.Eversincetheircampingtrip,he’dbeen

comingaroundmoreandmore,usingLanceasanexcuse.Hewas‘justcheckingonhis

friend’, but I’m not dumb. He was checking up on me. He’d find any reason to insert

himselfbackintomylife.

“Well,wheneveryouneedmetowatchhim,youjustbringhimonover.I’llbehome.”

“Thanks,Susan.”Ihuggedher.“Ibettergetoutofhere.Igottwohungryboysathome

waitingforme.”Iturnedtowalkawaybutstopped.“I’llcallhimtoseewhenhe’sgota

nightoffsowecangoout.”

“Allright.I’llholleratyoulater.”

On my way home, I called Matt to see what his schedule was like. Just hearing his

voicemademeexcited.

“Actually, one of the guys is going on vacation all of next week, and we’re short so

tonight’smyonlynightoffforthenextweekandahalf.”

“Tonight?”Ihadtothinkfast.Itwasalmost5:00andIstillhadtomakedinner,give

AndrewabathandgetmythingsreadyforworkbeforeIwenttobed.“I’lltellyouwhat,

letmegrabsomefastfoodrealquickandgetitdroppedoffatthehouse.Icancometothe

firestationinaboutanhour.Isthatokay?”

“I’llbewaiting.”

I picked up some dinner for the boys, packed up some clothes for Andrew and took

himovertoSusan’s.LanceseemedalittlesurprisedthatIwasheadingoutwithhimsince

I had work in the morning, but I explained that Susan wanted to catch me up on our

meetingnotesfromthisweeksinceIhadmissedchurch.

WhenIpulleduptothefirestation,IfoundMattwaitingoutsideashesatinafold-up

lawn chair by the big bay doors. The sun hit his hair just right, almost making it look

blond.Hestoodandsmiledwhenhesawmepullingin.

“How’dyoumanagetogetoutonsuchshortnotice?”hehuggedmeasIgotoutofmy

car.

“IranintoSusanatthestore,andsheofferedtobabysitanytime,soItookheruponit

tonight.Whatdoyouwanttodo?”

“How about dinner in the park?” he produced a cooler from inside the bed of his

pickup. “I packed us sandwiches and drinks while I was waiting for you to drive over

here.”Helookedinthesky,“It’sabeautifulsunset.”

“Soundsgoodtome.”

Heparkedontopofahilloverlookingtherestoftheparkwherethetreeswereoutof

view,andwecouldadmirethesunset.Ihelpedhimspreadouttheblanketandunpackour

dinner. We were eating our food when he asked me something that I wasn’t ready to

answer.

“Whatdoyouwanttodo?”

“Idon’tknowwhatyoumean,”Isippedmytea.

“I mean, us. What do you want to do about us? Where do you see this in a month,

threemonths,ayear?”

“Right now we’re stuck until I figure out how to tell my family that I’m seeing you

again.Ican’tdothatrightnowwhileI’mlivingwithLance,butI’dlikeustogetbackto

whatweusedtobe.Wehadsomethinggood,andImissit.”

“Same. I’d like to come home to you and Andrew after a long day of work. Cuddle

you in my arms like this,” he grabbed me, pulling me back onto him. “Watch a good

movie,tuckhimintobed.”

“I love the sound of that,” I said, leaning up to kiss him. “You’re such a good guy,

Matt,andAndrewiscrazyaboutyou.”

“Good.”Hesqueezedme.“BecauseI’vealwayswantedafamily.Actually,”helooked

downatme,“wehavealwayswantedafamilytogether.You’vealreadystartedone,but

I’d like to add to it.” His hand floated down to my stomach, rubbing my belly. Every

butterflyinmystomachstirredwhenhisfingertipstouchedmyskin.

“I’dliketohavemorekidswhenI’mready.Whenwe’rebothready.”Iturnedtokiss

him as he pulled me closer to him. I traced the muscles on his thick forearms, stopping

whenIgottotheedgeofhisshirtathisbiceps.“CanIaskyousomething?”

“Hm?”

“Whywouldn’tyoutakeyourshirtofftheothernightwhenwehadsex?”

HisAdam’sapplebobbedinhisthroatashegulped.Icouldn’tunderstandhissudden

quietness;hewouldn’tevenlookatme.Loweringmyheadsothatoureyesmadecontact,

Ilookedupathiminanticipation.Hetookinadeepbreathbeforelookingintothesunset.

“BecauseIdidn’twantyoutoseewhatIhadbecome.Itwasalongtimeago,andit’snot

somethingI’mproudof.”

“Whatdoyoumean?I’mnotfollowingyou.”

“ThereasonImetyou,thewholereasonIsawyouatthechurch,itwasn’tbychance.I

wasatthechurchbecauseIwasgoingtoanAAmeeting,andIhappenedtoseeyou.After

youbrokeupwithme,ignoredallmycallsandvowednevertoseemeagain,Ihitrock

bottom.IfinallybottomedoutwhenIwasinadrunkenstuporandpassedoutonapark

bench.”Hiseyesscannedthepark;theystoppednearasetoftrashcansthatsurrounded

thebenchseatsalongapavedpaththatledtoawalkingtrail.“Theseboys—threeofthem

—daredeachothertosetmeonfire,sooneofthemdid.Iwokeupwithmytorsoengulfed

inflames.Thescars,”hetookanotherdeepbreath,“theytwistandturn.They’reugly,and

I’mashamedofthem,justlikemypast.”

Hearing him tell his story, watching him relive it, was heart wrenching. He’s always

been such a great guy, the kind that would beat up an asshole who was mistreating a

woman,thekindwhowouldkicktheshitoutofaguyifhebeathisdog…thekindofguy

whowouldrescueagirlandherkidoutofafire.

Tooafraidtoask,Ihadtoassumeitwasthispark.Hiseyesbecameicy,glazedoveras

helookeddownonthebenchareaofthepark.Ithadtobehere.“Don’tbe.Yourpastis

whatmakesyouwhoyouaretoday.”Suddenly,itmadeperfectsense.Iunderstoodwhy

he wasn’t an engineer; I knew why he was a fireman. They had saved him, and now he

waspayingitforward,rescuingpeopleoutofburningbuildings,riskinghislife.

“Isthatwhyyou’reafireman?”Iwantedtoconfirmmysuspicionandlethimknow

thatIunderstood.Icouldfeelhisheartburdenedbyallthepain.

“Yes.Mybrothers,theysavedmylife.Ioweittothem.Iowethemeverything.It’smy

dutytobebytheirsideeverytimetheyenteracollapsingbuildingtosearchforvictims.

Theyhadmyback,andnowIhavetheirs.It’sacodethatwelivebywhenweenterthat

brotherhood.”

Hearinghimtalkabouthispast,whyhebecameafiremanandwhatitallmeanttohim

wasthesexiestdamnedthingI’deverheard.Iturnedover,pushedhimdownonthegrass

andpartedhislipswithmytongueasIplacedmyhandonhisheart.Hegrabbedmywaist,

pulling me off of him as he laid me next to him, still kissing me. Tugging on his hair, I

buckedmyhips,teasinghimandshowinghimthatIwantedmore.

Thesalmonandpurple-streakedsunsetwasbeginningtoexposeallthetinydiamonds

thatglitteredintheMemphisnightsky.“Theparkisgoingtobeclosingsoon.Whydon’t

wepackupandgetoutofhere?Iknowaplacethatwecango.”

ParkedatTomLeeParkoverlookingtheMississippiRiver,hekilledtheengineofhis

truckandplayedsomesmoothjazzontheradiobeforewegotoutandsatinthebedofhis

pickup. The half-crescent moon hung low in the sky, blanketing the city in a dim glow

fromtheviewontopofthecliffoverlookingthecity.Stormcloudswerebeginningtoroll

in, cooling the air, making me shiver as I took in the stunning view from the Memphis

Bridge.

“Cold?”heaskedashepulledmeintohisarms.

“Yeah,”Irestedmyheadonhischest.Icouldhearhisheartbeatingaswewatchedthe

darkcloudsswirlaroundthemoon,blockingitperiodically.“Oh,Iforgottotellyou.Trish

movedoutofSusan’splace!”

“Whatdoesthatmean?Areyoumovinginwithher?Sheseemsnice,andshedoesn’t

wanttokillme,”heteased.

“No, I’m going to stay at Lance’s house, but Trish was on the housing list, so that

meansthatthelistismoving.Imightbeclosertogettingaplaceofmyown.”

“That’sgood,”hestrokedmyhair,“butmostofthehousingunitsareinsomeofthe

worst spots in town. I hate to see you move into a bad neighborhood. Living with your

brother’s one thing because he can protect you, but living by yourself? That’s just crazy

talk.”

“Iwasthinkingthatifthingswerestillgoingwellbythetimetheygottomeonthe

list,youcouldmaybecomelivewithus?”

“Isthatright?”hekissedme.“We’llhavetoseeaboutthat.”

CHAPTER15

MATT

hatedtellingheraboutwhathappenedinmypast;itfeltlikeIwasrelivingthe

wholedamnedthingbutIdidn’twantherthinkingitwasher.ThelastthingI’d

everwanttodoishurther.Openinguptoherlikethatmademerealizehowmanyfeelings

Istillhaveforher.IthinkI’mfallinginlovewithherall—Shit.Thereitis.The“L”bomb.

DidIreallyjustgothere?

Eversincewestartedseeingeachotheragain,Ihaven’tthoughtclearly.Mymindwas

consumedbyconstantthoughtsabouther.Itdidn’tmatterifIwaspairedupwithZackina

firewhilesearchingforvictimsortryingtogotobed,allIcouldthinkaboutwasher.How

muchIwantedtobewithherandhowmuchIcouldn’twaittostarttherestofourlives

togetherforever.

Myactionsdidn’tgounnoticedbyChief,though.HecouldtellthatIwaszoningout,

takingunnecessaryrisksandgettingsloppy,butIjustcouldn’tfuckinghelpit.Ihadgone

intohisofficetwiceinthelastcoupleofweeksbecauseofsimple,stupidmistakesthatI

hadmadewhilewewereworking.Italsodidn’thelpthatIhadbarelybeenshowingupfor

shiftsontimeandwaseagertogohomeiftherewasanopportunitytoleaveearly.

Themajorproblem,though?Ididn’tcare.Yes,IcaredthatIcouldhaveputmylifeor

oneofmybrother’slivesinjeopardy,butIdidn’tcareaboutmyattendanceorpunctuality.

I didn’t care that I’d been zoning out. Stephanie and I had been spending more time

together than ever. Sometimes we would go to the Pink Galleon to shoot pool and play

games,sometimeswe’dtakeAndrewtothepark,andonceIhadgoneovertoSusan’sto

havedinnerwiththem.

Forme,lifewasgreat.Iwashappy,shewashappy,andwewerehavingfun.Building

ourrelationshipwastheonlythingthatmatteredtome.Work,mycareer,everythingelse,

itallcamelast.Ihadherbackinmylife,andIwasn’tlettinghergo.Thiswasmysecond

chance,andIwasseizingeveryopportunitythatIcouldtomakeupforlosttime.

Justlastnight,wetookAndrewskatingandhadablast.Itwas,atleast,adecadeago

thatIhadrollerskated,butitallcamebacktomewhenIrolledouttothewoodenfloor.

ThefreshcoatofwaxandstrobelightsremindedmehowoldIwas,andhowfragilemy

tailbonewas.Ionlyfellonce,butIcouldn’tsaythesameforStephanie.Shefellafew

goodtimes,butIwasrighttheretopickherup.

I was only about four hours into my 48-hour shift when she called me, frantic and

crying.

“What’swrong,babe?”Isatupinmychair,readytokillsomeoneifthey’dhurther.

“Oh my god, he’s so pissed. I don’t know what’s going to happen to me,” she cried

intothephone.

“Who?Whatareyoutalkingabout?”Isnarled.

“Mybrother!Lanceknowsaboutus,Matt,”hervoicetrembled.

Shit.Thatwasn’tgoodatall.Ifiguredwe’dhavealittlemoretimeuntilhefoundout.

“Howdidhefindout?”

“Andrew.WhenJoetookhimyesterday,hetoldhimallaboutyouandhowmuchfun

we’d been having. I was gone at church—in my women’s support group—and Joe

droppedhimoffwithmybrothersinceIwasgone.Joedidn’tknowwhoyouweresohe

asked my brother about you. After they had started talking, Andrew told them that you

werethefiremanwhohadbeenatthehouse,theyknewexactlywhoyouwere.”

“Dammit! Okay,” I looked at the clock. It was almost lunch time. “Where are you

now?”

“I’matwork,Matt.I’msoafraidtogobackhome.”

“Whathappenedwhenyoucamebackfromyourchurchgroupmeetinglastnight?”

“Ididn’tgethomeuntillatebecauseIstayedaftertohelpSusanmakehopebracelets

fornextweek’smeeting.BythetimeIgotin,Andrewwasasleep,andIwasexhaustedso

Lance didn’t say too much to me but I know he’ll have plenty to say when I get home

tonight.Hejustletmeknowthatheknewwhatwasgoingon.”

“Soyouhaven’ttalkedtohim?”

“No,notyet.Iknowitsoundsstupid,butIfeellikeaschoolgirlwho’safraidtogo

homebecausetheprincipalcalledherdaddy.”

“Shit.Iwouldgowithyou,butIcan’t.TheChiefwillhavemyballsonaplatterifI

try to leave tonight to face your brother with you. Is there any way that you can go to

Susan’safterworksoyoucanavoidhimuntilIgetoffwork?”

“Matt,he’sbeenbabysittingAndrewforme.Ihavetogohomebecausethat’swhere

Andrewis.”

“Howmuchlongerishebabysittinghimforyou?Whendoeshegobacktowork?”

“OnMonday.”

“Shit,that’sfourdaysaway.”

“Iknow.That’swhatmakesitworse.There’snowayyoucouldsneakaway?Noteven

foralittlebitsowecantalkandfigureoutwhatI’mgoingtosaytohimwhenIgethome?

I’msoscared.”

SometimesIhateresponsibility.Icouldhearthefearinhervoiceasittrembledonthe

otherendoftheline.“IwishIcould,Stephanie,buttheChiefhasbeenonmycaselately.

If I tried taking off or got caught sneaking away to see you, I could jeopardize my

promotionandmyjob.”Ithoughtforasecond.“Butyoucouldcomehereifyouwanted

to.There’snothingthatsaysyoucan’tcometothefirestation.”

“No,Idon’twanteveryonetoknowmybusiness,andwewouldn’thaveanyprivacy

there.IguessI’lljustgohomeandfacethemusic.What’stheworsthecouldsay?I’ma

grownwoman.”Shegrewsilentforamoment.“Idon’twanthimtohateme,Matt.None

ofthisisyourfault,andit’scertainlynotmyfaulteither.”

“Ifyoudon’tthinkyoucanwait,goahead.Youcanalwayscallmeorcomebyifyou

changeyourmind.”

IhatedthatIcouldn’tbethereforherbutwiththemistakesI’dbeenmakingtherewas

nowaythatIcouldjustupandleavework.IfIdidsomethinglikethat,theChiefmight

noteverrecommendmeforthatpromotionanditwassoimportanttome.Ihadworked

hardforit,anditwasn’tsomethingthatIwasgoingtoletslipthroughmyfingers.Onthe

other hand, the last thing I wanted her to do was to face him alone. I should be there. I

wantedtobethere.

CHAPTER16

STEPHANIE

dreaded the drive home. When Lance confronted me last night, he was eerily

quiet. The kind of calm before a storm, and I knew he was sitting at home

brewing up something dramatic for when I walked through that door. I knew that there

wasnothingIcouldsaythatwouldchangehismind.Heandmywholefamily—including

me—hadmadeupourmindsovereightyearsago.Whywouldhesuddenlylistentome

now?Hedidn’thaveanyincentiveto.

Takingadeepbreath,Iclosedmyeyesandreachedtoputmykeyinthedoor,butit

poppedopenbeforeIgotthatfar.

“Iwaswatchingforyoutocomehome,”Lancesaid,holdingthedooropen,waiting

formetowalkinside.Icouldn’ttakemyeyesoffofhim.Iflookscouldkill,Ithoughthe

wasgoingtobrutallymurdermerightthereonthestoopofhisporch.

Iwasshockedwhenmyarmwasgrabbed,andIwassnatchedinsidethehouse.Ihad

todoadouble-takebecauseIdidn’tevenseehimgrabmyarm.Ithappenedthatfast,but

onceIwasinside,Iquicklyrealizedhehadn’tgrabbedmyarm.ItwasJoe.

“Whointhehelldoyouthinkyouaredatingthatman?”hesnappedatme.IfIthought

my brother’s eyes had looked mad, they were tame compared to Joe’s wild eyes. His

eyebrowswerearched,andhispupilshaddilatedtothesizeofquarters.Heinchedcloser

tomyface,makingmeleanback,tryingtogetawayfromhim.

“He’s not a bad guy! Lance,” I looked at my brother as I tried to avoid eye contact

with Joe, “he never turned you in. It was all a misunderstanding. His dad was

eavesdroppingonourconversationwhilewetalkedonthephone.”

“Ifyouthinkyou’regoingtotakemyboyaroundthatdude,you’refuckingcrazy!”he

snarled as his nose wrinkled. His breath smelled like booze. He had definitely been

drinking,HennessyifIhadtoguess.“Whatyougottosay,bitch?”heslappedmeacross

theface.

Before I could respond, there was a knock at the door. All of our attention darted in

thatdirectionasIheldmyburningface.Itstunglikehellwherehehadslappedme.Under

any other circumstances, Lance would have knocked his ass to the ground for laying a

handonme,buthewaspissed.Healmosthadalookofsatisfactiononhisface.

“Coming,” Lance said as he walked towards the door and opened it. “Oh hell naw!”

HeturnedtolookatJoewithawise-assgrinplasteredacrosshisface.Itwasthelookof

thedevilhimself.“Lookslikewe’vegotsomeoneourownsize,”hesnickeredandstepped

totheside.

Oh no. Matt was standing on the porch stoop. “Matt, leave!” I yelled. He was

outnumbered, and he had no clue how bad of a temper Joe had, especially when he had

beendrinking.I’dneverreallytoldhimhowJoewouldlockmeinourapartmentorhow

hewouldoccasionallyslapme.Ileftoutthosepartsofourfailedrelationshipbecauseno

sisterwantstotalkabouthowhermanmistreatedherandshewasdumbenoughtostay.

“Naw, come on in,” Joe said, pulling up his pants, cracking his knuckles. “We were

just about to tell Stephanie how fucking STUPID she is, but since you’re here, you’re

gonnagetagoodol’fashionedbeatdown!”

Andrew. Oh Lord, where’s Andrew. I scanned the house for him but didn’t see him

anywhere. I didn’t want him to witness what was about to go down because I’d seen it

before.TherehadbeenmanytimesthatJoewouldgetintobarfights,orLancewouldget

pissedandbeattheshitoutofsomeone.“Where’sAndrew?”Icriedout.

“He’s in a safe place,” Lance gave me the side eye, not wanting to look away from

Matt.

“Where?”Idemanded.

“IhadyourfriendSusanpickhimup.Youknow,”nowhewaslookingatme,“since

shelikestowatchhimsomuchwhilethetwoofyougoout.”

Shit.Andrewhadtoldthemeverything.

“Youknow,Stephanie’sabiggirl,andshecandatewhoevershewants,”Mattspoke

up.

Thatwasallittook.Joebarreledoutthefrontdoor,hurlinghisfistatMatt’sface.Matt

jumpedofftheporchandlandedonthesidewalk.BeforeIcouldblinkmyeyes,thethree

ofthemweretangledup,fightingoneanother.Mybrotherclockedhimsquareinthejaw;

Ithoughtitwasgoingtoknockhimout,butitdidn’t.Joetookaswing,butMattcountered

itandhithimwithanuppercut.ItseemedlikeeverythingwasgoinginslowmotionasI

watchedJoe’sheadbouncebackwardandbloodflingthroughtheair.

“Stopit!Stoprightnow!”Iscreamed.IwantedtobreakthemupbutIcouldn’t.Fists

wereflying,andtheywerealltearingeachotherapart.Iheardsirensinthedistanceand

lookedinthedirectionthattheywerecomingfrom.Withinacoupleofminutes,thered

andbluelightspulledontoourstreet.

“Police!Everyonesurrender,now!”

Twocopschargedtowardthetrioasmorecopcarspulledontoourblockandjumped

out of their units. All of the neighbors were outside on their porches, staring at the

commotionasitallwentdown.TheonlythingIcoulddowassitontheporchwithmy

headinmyhands.Avoicecaughtmyattention;itwasloudmouthBreezyonthephone

callingeveryonetotellthemwhatwasgoingoninourfrontyard.

“Shutthehellup,Breezy!Andhangupthatdamnedphone!”Idon’tknowwhatgot

intome,butatthatmoment,I’dhadenoughofeveryoneandeverything.

ItwasacoupleofdaysbeforeIgottoseemybrotherorMatt,andIhadnointention

ofseeingJoeuntilthenexttimewewereexchangingcustodyofAndrew.TheMemphis

policedepartmenthadlockedallofthemupandinterviewedeachoneseparatelytoseeif

theotherswantedtopressanycharges.Surprisingly,theyallsaidno.

Matt and I met up to discuss things at the Pink Galleon, where we had our first—

unofficial—date.Themspendingacoupleofdaysinjailhadgivenmesometimetothink

and reflect on things, and I wanted to talk to him about the revelation that I had. I was

sittingatatablewhenIsawhimwalkin.

“I’msorryaboutwhathappenedtheothernight,”hestarted.

I held up my hand, “Stop. You don’t need to apologize.” I took a sip of my soda,

“While you were…away,” I put air quotes on ‘away’ for emphasis, “I had some time to

think.”

“Stephanie,you’restartingtoworryme.Justsaywhatyouwanttosay.”

IlookedataneonGrizzliessignhangingonthewall.TherewasnowayIcouldsay

this while looking at him. The steel bar of the chair felt warmer than my heart at that

moment.“Idon’tthinkthisisgoingtowork.Mywholefamilyblamesyouforeverything

—Lancegoingtojailprison,himgoingtojailthisweekendandeverythingelse.Ican’tbe

arguingwithmyfamilylikethis.Myparentsweresoshockedanddisappointedthat—”

“Wait a minute. Are you telling me that you’re going to throw away everything you

want,allofyourfeelings,your,”heleanedinandloweredhisvoice,“sexlifeforeveryone

else?”Hepaused,waitingtohearmyanswer.“Stephanie?”

“Idon’tknowwhattosay.Whatdoyouwantmetodo?”Andtheretheywere.Tears

startedforming,andthelumpinmythroatthreatenedtosuffocateme.Iwastryingnotto

cry.Ididn’twanttolookweakinfrontofhim.

“Iwantyoutosaythatyou’llbewithme,Stephanie.You’rekillingme,”hereached

acrossthetable,takingmyhandintohis.“Please?”

“I think we need to take a break.” I stood up and pulled my purse strap onto my

shoulder, “It was nice spending time with you.” I kissed his cheek and marched out the

door,refusingtolookback.

HottearsstungmyeyesasIgaspedforfreshaironceIwasoutside.Ihatemybrother.

IhateJoe.Ihateeveryonerightnow!

CHAPTER17

MATT

utofallthedaysIhavedreadedgoingtowork,myfirstdaybackaftergetting

arrestedwastheworst.Chiefmadesurehewastherewhenmyshiftstartedand

had me in his office at 7:00 on the dot. Judging by his gruff voice and tightened jaw, I

knewIwasinhotwater.

“Sitdown,son,”hepointedtotheredcushionchairinhisoffice.Chiefhasalwayshad

alittlerosaceaonhischeeks,buthisfacewasn’tthetypicalshadeofcherryfromhisskin

condition,itwasmuchdarker,almostascarlet.

Isatinthechairwaitingforhimtostart,buthesaidnothing.HestaredatmeuntilI

becameuncomfortable.Ishruggedmyshoulders,“WhatChief?”

“I’mwaitingforyoutotellmewhyyouditchedyourshift,howyoulandedinjailand

whyyou’venotcometome.Isthissomejoke?Doyounotwantthatpromotion?Doyou

notwantyourjob?”

Isighed.Fuck.I,atleast,expectedhimtoyellatme,screamordosomethingbuthe

didnothing.Itwasobviousthathewaspissed,butIhadneverseenhimlikethisbefore.

“I’msorry.”

“Sorry?Matt,yousaysorrywhenyoubumpintosomeone.Yousaysorrywhenyou

step on someone’s shoe.” He leaned across his desk, “But dammit, boy! You don’t say

sorrywhenyouturnyourbackonthemenwhosavedyourlife,themenwhohelpedyou

turnyourlifearound,andthegoddamnedmanwhowantstoputyouonapedestal!”

Nowhewasyelling.Isweartheveinbelowhiseyelookedlikeitwasgonnablowasit

poppedoutonhisface,causinghiseyetotwitch.“Chief,Ifuckedup.Iwasn’tthinking.

Thedaythatithappened,Ihad—”

“Blah,blah,blah!”Hesmashedhisfistintohisdesk.“Idon’twanttohearyourshit

anymore,son!Youmadeapromisetome—onmorethanoneoccasion.Youneedtostop

thinkingwithyourdickandstartthinkingwiththebrainthatGodgaveyou.”

“You’reright.Ididpromiseyou,andit’sabouttimeIstartlivinguptoit.”It’snotlike

anythingelsematteredanymore.Stephaniemadeitveryclearthatwewerethrough.She

wantednothingmoretodowithme.AllIhadtofocusonnowwasmycareer.“Chief,I

sweartogod,myrighthandonastackofBibles,nomorefuckups,nomoregoofingoff,

no more bad calls. From here on out you’ll get a dedicated Captain out of me. Give me

onemoreshot,please,sir?”

IhatedthefactthatIhaddisappointedhim.Chiefwaslikemydad;hewasbetterthan

my dad. He studied me for a moment before he walked behind my chair. I knew I had

fucked up, but I didn’t realize how badly. I don’t think I had ever seen anyone this

disappointedbefore.Hebentover,hissinginmyear,“Lastchanceson.The.Last.One.Do

you understand that? One more time and I swear to god—my right hand on a stack of

Bibles—that you’ll be permanently out of this fire station faster than you could light a

match.”

Igulped.“Yes,sir.”

“Good, now get the hell out of my office and do something productive. Set a good

exampleforyourbrothersoutthere.”

Heopenedthedoor,anxiousformetogetoutofhisofficeandrefusedtolookatme

asIwalkedpasthim.

We had an uneventful night with only one call to assist paramedics in getting an

overweightpatientoutofhishouseandintotheambulance.Ihadalotoftimetoprocess

some of my feelings and put them into thoughts. Maybe Stephanie was right. She made

somevalidpoints,butIstillfeltthatweshouldbetogether.

ThemainproblemwasthatIwantedtobetogethernomatterwhichwayIspunit,but

Iknewitwasimpossible.ThewayshehadwalkedoutonmeatthePinkGalleon,theway

her words cut through me, there was no way we could be together. It was becoming

painfully apparent that we were from two different worlds, and there wasn’t anything

eitheroneofuscoulddoaboutit.

Inherworld,herfamilyhatedme.Thathatehasbeenbuildingforyears,andnomatter

howmuchIhavetoldthemthatIdidn’tdoit,theyrefusetobelieveme.Herbaby’sdaddy,

Joe, is a whole other ball of wax. He looked like he wanted to tear into me something

fierce,buthewastoodrunktodoshitaboutit.IfIhadtoguess,I’dsayheandStephanie

didn’tworkoutbecausehehas,orhadangerissues.It’sjustthevibeIgotfromhim.

Idon’twanttoruinthingsforStephanieandAndrew,either.Joeseemslikethekindof

assholewhowouldtakeitoutonherandthekidbecausehe’snotmanenoughtodealwith

his problems. I also don’t want to mess up her living arrangements because I know she

can’tgetherownplaceuntiltheygettohernameonthehousinglist.She’salreadybeen

waitingforclosetosixmonths,andI’msureherbrotheristiredofsharinghissmallhouse

withherandakid.

Withmysituation,itseemslikeallI’mdoingiscausingorcreatinghavoceverywhere

I turn. I’m fucking up my job, my career, my love life, and Stephanie’s life. I’m

squanderingawayallofmychancestobesomething,togosomewhereinlife.Ican’tdo

this.BeforeIknowit,I’llbethirty.Idon’twanttostartoverat30-years-oldandhaveto

findanewjob,anewcareer.NotwhenI’veworkedsohardtogetwhereIamtoday.

Aside from the work thing, I got myself arrested. That was fucking stupid. What if

they look at that when it’s time for me to go up for my promotion, or what if it gets

brought up to our superiors? Nobody wants a fire captain who lands in jail on the

weekends,andasmuchasherfamilyhatesme,Ihaveafeelingthat’swhereI’dendup

mostofthetime.

HowdidInotseeallofthis?Stephaniesawit.Shesawitallandendedit.Ineededan

outlet,awaytogetridofsomeofthisresentment,hate.Therewasonlyonewaytodothat

without smashing in her brother’s or ex’s face, and that was hitting the weights in our

workoutroom.ItwaswhereIspentalotofmydayssoberingup.

“I’llbeinthere,”Inoddedtotheweightroom,“ifanyoneneedsme,Zack.”

“Allright,brother.”

“

CHAPTER18

STEPHANIE

can’tbelieveyoudidthat,”Susansaid,braidingmyhair.“Whatareyougoingto

donow?”

“IwashopingyoucouldtellmewhatIshoulddonext.Forreal,Iseenootherway

that things could or would work. You should have seen them all fighting. It looked like

Royal Rumble 2015 with the way the three of them were wrestling around in the front

yard.”

“Honestly? I don’t know if you should have told Matt that things might not work

between the two of you. I would have waited a little longer. Hand me the comb next to

you,please.”

“It’sjustthatLanceandJoearen’tgoingtoletthingsgo.Lancestillbelievesthathe

turned him in, and Joe doesn’t think I should be dating anyone because we have a kid

together.”

“Girl,don’tplay.”ShelookedatmeinthemirrorasIhandedherthecomb.“Youcan’t

be doing what that fool tells you to do, or you’ll die a lonely old maid. You know that,

right?”

“There’snorightanswerhere,”Ihuffed.“Ilikeditbackwhenthingsweresimple,and

nobodywasfighting.Beforetheothernighthappened,Iwassohappy.ThehappiestI’ve

beeninalongtime.”Ifrownedather,“IthinkImessedup.”

“Stephanie,IthinkItoldyouthisbefore,butyouhavetodowhatmakesyouhappy.”

That’s what was the most frustrating thing to me. There was no simple answer as to

whatwouldmakemehappy.Itwouldmakemehappynottohavemybrotherpissedoffat

me,butatthesametime,itwouldmakemehappytobeabletobewithMatt.AsfarasJoe

goes,Icouldn’tcarelessastowhathethoughtorhadtosayaboutthings,butMattmight.

HemightnotwanttoputupwithJoe’snonsense.

Ihadbeentryingtopushmyfeelingsforhimtotheside,butIcouldn’tgoondenying

itanylonger.Ilovedhimandwantedhiminmylife,butIalsowantedmyfamilyinmy

lifeatthesametime.I’llneverknowhowhewasabletocuthisparentsoutofhislifelike

he did, but that’s not something I could do. Andrew and I are too close to them to do

somethinglikethat.

“Susan,ifyouwereinmyshoes,whatwouldyoudo?”

“Depends,”shestoppedworkingonmyhair.“Howstrongareyourfeelingsforhim?”

“Wouldyougetoutofmyhead?”Iturnedtolookather.“Youdothatishallthetime,

and it’s creepy as hell.” We had a good laugh for a minute, “No, seriously,” I glanced

downatthefloor,avoidingeyecontact.“IthinkIlovehim.”Assoonasthewordsleftmy

mouth,Ilookedupinthemirrortoseeherreaction.

She pursed her lips and put her hands on her waist, “I think you need to set your

family—thewholefamily—downandtalktothem.Theonlywaythatyouandthatman

aregoingtobetogetherisiftheboysaren’ttryingtokilleachother.”

I knew she was right, and I hated it. The only way I was going to accomplish my

brothernotwantingtokillhimandgetmyparentsonboardwasifIsatthemalldownand

explainedthepasttothem.Mattwasn’tthebadguythatweallthoughthewasandevenif

theydidn’tapproveofmehavingarelationshipwithhim,hedeservedmyfamilyknowing

that.

“Howisyournewjobgoing?”sheasked,tryingtochangethesubject.

“Pretty good. They were right; I was able to learn the systems easily when I first

started.RightnowI’mmakingsureIlearneverythingIcansowhenthere’sanopening,

maybeIcanadvance,andmybossissuchasweetheart.Ishouldtrytohookyouupwith

him.”

“Oh,no.Ms.Susandoesn’tneedaman,thankyouverymuch.”Shegrabbedanother

sectionofmyhairandstartedworkingonit.“Besides,”shesaidaminutelater,“whatif

thingsdidn’tworkoutwithusandhetookitoutonyou?”

I could see her wheels turning as she thought about it. “How long has it been?” She

looked at me, and her eyes bulged out of her head. “I’m not asking about your sex life.

Howlongsinceyou’vedatedsomeone?”

“Definedate,”shegrabbedanotherpieceofweaveandstartedworkingitintomyhair.

“Like,havingdinnerorhavingongoingdates?”

“Ongoing.Arelationship,notjustsomeoneaskedyoutodinner,andyouneversawor

heardfromthemagain.”

“Thatisn’tafairquestionbecauseI’malwayssobusywithchurchandthenI—”

“Susan,weallgotochurch,we’reallinthesupportgroup,andweallwork.Comeon

now.Tellthetruth.”

“Fine,”shestoppedworkingonmyhair,“probably….”

Icouldtellshewasthinkingandbythewayshewastryingtorecallthelasttime,the

answerwas:toolong.“Susan!Listentoyourself.Youcan’tevenrecallthelasttime.I’m

goingtosetyouuponadatewithhim.”

“You need to worry about your own love life before you start meddling in other

people’slovelives.Whatareyougoingtodoaboutyourlittlefireman?”

“I’m going to think on that one for a minute. I do know that before I talk to my

parents,I’llhavetoconvinceLanceandgethimonboard.”

“Why?Whywouldyouworkonhimfirst?”

“Because he’ll be the hardest to convince, and besides haven’t you seen my daddy

before? It’ll take an army to convince him of something once his mind is made up.

Hopefully, if I can get my brother on board, he can help me convince daddy. Best case

scenario, at least, he won’t be teaming up with him which is already winning half the

battle.”

Going over to Susan’s to get my hair done was the best thing I could have done for

myself.Itletmeclearmyhead,relaxandtalktosomeoneelsewhocaredaboutmeand

myhappiness.IdecidedonmywayhomethatIwasgoingtoforceLancetositdownto

talktome.Therewasgoingtohavetobesomemiddlegroundthatweweregoingtohave

tomeetat,andIknewitwouldbeachallenge,butIwaswillingtoatleastgiveitashot

beforeIcalledinquitswithMatt.

“Whatdoyouwanttotalkabout?”heaskedasIbroughtussomeicedteaandsatnext

tohimonthecouch.Matthadgottenhimprettygoodinthefight.Hiseyebrowwasstill

bustedwideopen.

“Before you get all crazy on me, I want you to listen to me. Just listen, don’t say a

wordandletmefinish.Doyouagree?”

Hesathisglassdown,“ThisisaboutMatt,isn’tit?Iknowitis.Saywhatyouhaveto

sayandthenI’vegotsomethingtosaytoyou,too.”

“Mattnevertoldonyou.Hewastryingtohelpyougetridofevidence.Whenhewas

tellingmewheretohaveyoudumpeverything,hisdadhadpickeduptheotherlineinthe

houseandwaslistening.Hisdadwentanddugoutallthatevidencehimselfandturnedit

in.Heknewifhecouldcrackabigcaselikethat,hewouldgetpromoted.Hewaslooking

foranearlyretirement,andyougaveittohim.”

“Icallbullshitonthat,Stephanie.Youcan’tbelieveeverythingyouhear.Didn’tdaddy

teachyouthat?”hisfingersdugintohisforeheadashebecamevisiblyannoyedwithme.

“I’monlygoingtotellyouthisonce,”hestarted,“butthatboyfriendofyoursisnosaint.

Didyouknowheusedtobeanalcoholic?He’shomelessandsleepsatthefirestation?He

almostlosthisjobrecently?Sis,”hegrabbedmyarm,pressinghisfingersintoit,“Iwant

betterthanthatforyou.YouandAndrewdon’tdeserveanalcoholic,homeless,loserwho

—”

“Slapsmeintheface?Beratesmeinfrontofpeople?Putsmedownandtellsmehow

worthlessIam?Orhowaboutsomeonewholocksmeinmyownapartment?Huh,Lance?

Huh?”Iscannedhisfaceforhisreaction,butitwasblank.Itdidn’tevenregisterwithhim

whoIwastalkingabout.“Becausethat’swhatyousetmeupwithwhenyouinsistedthatI

getwithyourboyJoe.Rememberthat?Whydoyouthinkwedidn’tworkout?Itwasn’t

becausehewasn’thappy!It’sbecauseIwasn’thappy.Mattwouldneverdothosethingsto

me!”

“Wouldyoulistentoyourdumbass?”helaughed.“Joewouldneverdoanyofthat.I

know him, and I know that fireman that you think is so wonderful. At least Joe had a

place;hewasn’talmostgettingfiredfromhisjob,andhecertainlydidn’thaveadrinking

problem.”

“Areyoukiddingme?He’sdrunkallthetime!Theonlydifferencebetweenhimand

Matt is that Matt was man enough to admit he had a drinking problem. Just because he

refusestoadmitit,itdoesn’tmeanthathe’snot an alcoholic. The first step is admitting

youhaveaproblem!Joe’sprobablythebiggestdrinkerthatIknow.”

“Thatdudeisaloser,Stephanie.He’snogoodforyouorAndrew,andifJoecatches

youaroundhim,hemightbeathimwithinaninchofhislife—ifhedoesn’tkillhim.Same

goesforme,too.We’renotthrough—Mattandme—becauseifIcatchhimoutagain,it’s

on.”

“That’s not going to solve anything, Lance. If you would just think about it for a

minute,itmakesperfectsensethathenevertold.Whywouldhe?Wehadplans,afuture

togetherandwerehappy.Youandhimneverhadanybeefwitheachotherandinsteadof

telling you where to hide it, he already knew where all the evidence was. It was at our

house;hecouldhavejustsentthepolicetomomanddad’sinsteadofsendingeveryoneon

adamnedscavengerhunt!”

I’dhadenoughofarguingwithhim.Istoodup,putonmyjacketandleft.Ineededto

getouttogetsomefreshairandclearmyhead.Arguingwitheveryonewasgettingtobe

too much, and I couldn’t take it anymore. There was one more person—the most

importantpersoninthismess—thatIneededtotalkto.

CHAPTER19

MATT

did it. I made it through my 48-hour shift without any incidents or fuck-ups.

Myplanwastoenjoymynextthreedaysoffandtrytounwind.Oneactivity

thatIlikedtodowasgohiking,andtodaywasnoexception.Theweatherwasperfect,I

felt refreshed and was getting ready when Byron called me down to the main bay. I

stoppeddeadinmytrackswhenIsawherstandingbythefiretruck.

“Whatareyoudoinghere?”Iaskedher.

“Icametotalk.Doyouhaveaminute?”

Ilookedatthebreakroomandsawalloftheguysstartingthroughtheglasswindow.

“Comewithme.Wecangooutsidetohavealittleprivacy.”Wewalkedtothesideofthe

buildingwhereallofourcarswereparked.“Ican’tbelieveyoucame,especiallyafteryou

walkedoutonmetheothernight.”

“Iknow,I’msorry.Thingshavegottensodamncomplicated,andIneededsometime

toclearmyhead,tothink.”Ilaughed.Didsheneedtimetothink?“Itriedtalkingtomy

brotheraboutus.”

“Whatdidhesay?”EvenashurtasIwasatherforwalkingoutonme,Icouldn’tturn

awayfromher.Iwantedto,buthersweetfacestandingbeforememademerealizehow

lucky I was to have her in my life. The fact that she talked to her brother made me

hopeful.Maybeshewasherebecauseshehadgoodnews.Shesighed.Ornot.

“Hethinks…,”shestruggledfortherightwords.“Inhismind,hethinksJoehasdone

nowrong,andyou’rethebiggestassholethereis.Herefusestolistentomeaboutyou.I

was hoping that I could get him on my side—our side—and make him believe that you

didn’tturnhimin,but—”hervoicedroppedoff.

“Hewouldn’tlisten?”Sheshookherheadslowly.

“No.” She looked up at me with those beautiful chestnut eyes, “He wouldn’t even

budge.Forsomereason,he’sgotitstuckinhisheadthatyou’reasnitchandwon’tlisten

toawordIsay.Hesaidthatifhecatchesyouout,”herlipstartedtoquiverasshegulped,

“it’son.”

“Stephanie, don’t worry about your brother. Here,” I held out my hand, “come with

me.Iwasabouttogoonahike.Wecanwalktogetherandfigurethingsout.Therehasto

be an answer. I was about ready to give up, but you’ve renewed my hope. I want you,

Stephanie.”

She threw herself into me, burying her head in my chest as she sobbed. I held her,

strokingherhairandjustlethercry.Thiswasn’tanyordinarycry,though.Icouldn’thelp

but think something was wrong. Very, very wrong. Leaning back to get a better view of

herfaceIasked,“What’swrong,baby?”

“Matt,” she sobbed and wiped her nose on my shirt, “I don’t think we can do this.

There’snowaywecanbetogether.Wejustcan’t.Idon’twantyoutogethurt.Joeandmy

brother don’t fight fair, and if they caught you out while they were together, they might

killyou.”

Iwrappedmyarmsaroundher,holdinghertight.Thosebastards.They’rebullyingher

intodoingwhattheywanthertodo.Theydon’tgiveashitifshe’shappyornot.“Shhh.

Listentome,Stephanie.We’reinthistogether,andwe’llgetthroughthis.I’mnotworried

aboutyourbrotheroryourex.I’mabigboy,andIcanhandlemyself.Don’tworryabouta

thing.”

“You’rewrong,”shepulledawayfromme.“I’msotiredofarguingwiththemabout

everything. In their eyes, you’ll never be good enough, and I can’t keep doing this. I’m

tiredofarguing;I’mtiredofwalkingoneggshells,andI’mtiredofsneakingaroundtobe

happy. That’s no way to live.” She looked at the ground, avoiding eye contact with me.

“I’msorry,Matt.Ifthesituationwasbetter,orifIcouldgetthroughtohim,thingswould

bedifferent,sothisisover.”

Sheleaneduponhertiptoesandkissedmycheekbeforeshegotintohercaranddrove

away. I stood at the edge of the sidewalk, watching her red taillights disappear into the

traffic.MymindwasstilltryingtoprocesseverythingbutallIcouldseewascrimsonas

mytemperbecameenraged.Ipunchedtheparkingsignonthestreetpostthatwasinfront

ofme,imaginingitwasherbrother’sface.

Iwasinnomoodtowalkafterthat.Iwantedtofight,punchsomething—orsomeone

—but I knew that wasn’t the answer. That would just land me back in jail, and if that

happened,Chiefmightkickmyasshimself—afterhefiredme.Ineededtodosomething,

though.Iwentbackinsideandgrabbedmybackpack.Iwasgoingtogorockclimbing.I

neededphysicalassertiontogetoutsomeofmyangerandwhatbetterwaytodoitthan

rockclimbing.

Slipping my harness straps on, I replayed mine and Stephanie’s conversation in my

head. Picturing her cry fueled my anger as I grabbed onto the first hold and started

climbing the steepest wall that Mountain Hikers had to offer. I had only climbed it—

successfully—oneothertime,butwiththepentupfrustrationthatwasboilingmyblood,I

knewIwouldn’thaveanyproblemscalingit.IwasmorethanhalfwayupitbeforeIeven

brokeoutinsweat.

ThethingthatbotheredmethemostwasthatStephaniewasbreakingthingsoffwith

mebecauseofherbrotherandnotbecauseshewantedto.AsfarasIknew,shewashappy

with our relationship. She liked how I treated her, and we had a lot of fun. In fact, I

rememberhersayinghowshefeltsoaliveandhowgladshewasthatIwasbackinher

life.AsIclimbedclosertothetopofthewall,Ihadmadeupmymind.

IwasgoingtopayLanceavisitandtalktohimman-to-man.OnethingthatI’venever

beenwasaquitter,andIwasn’tabouttolosethewomanIloved.Unlikeher,hecouldn’t

controlmeandtellmewhattodo,andIwasgoingtoshowhimthat.Icould—andwould

—treathissisterbetterthananymaninacrosstheentirestateofTennessee.Inmyeyes,

shewasagoddess,andshedeservedeverythingthatshewanted,plusmore.

I couldn’t climb back down that wall fast enough to get back on the road and head

over to his house. It didn’t matter what Stephanie said to me, I wasn’t scared of her

brotherorherex.TheywouldhavetokillmebeforeIgaveuponmyloveforherbecause

IwasmorescaredoflosingherthanIwastolosingmylife.

CHAPTER20

STEPHANIE

ottearsstung my eyes as I drove through town. I hated ending things with

Matt, but I had to think realistically. There was no way in hell that my

brother,orJoe,wouldallowmetohavearelationshipwithhim.Hehadalreadymadeup

hismind years ago,and he stillheld true to thebeliefs and opinionsthat he had formed

aboutMatt.Itwasobviousthathewasgoingtodoanythinghecouldtoshootdownany

relationshipthatIhadwithMatt.

Iwasn’treadytogohomeyetbecauseIknewhewouldbehomefromworkalready.

Hisbosshadtoldhimthateventhoughhewasclearedtocomebacktowork,hewould

keephimonlightdutyforhisfirstweekback.Lightdutymeantthathewouldbefilling

out paperwork, ordering supplies and running errands. I hopped on the 240, rolled the

windowsdownandcrankeduptheradio,turningonsomeMaryJ.Blige.

A white full moon glowed overhead, standing out against an apricot and lavender

streaked sky as I drove down the highway. Realizing how late it was getting, I picked

AndrewupfromthedaycarecenterthatIhadrecentlyenrolledhiminbeforegoingover

to Susan’s house. Even having a couple of hours to myself, I still wasn’t ready to drive

backhomeandfaceLance.RightnowIhatedhimandsittinginthesameroomwithhim

wouldbetoomuchforme.

She must have heard us walking up her wooden porch because her door flung open

beforewemadeittothetopofthestairs.Istartedtosayhitoher,butherfacialexpression

worriedme.

“What’swrong?”Iaskedher.

“I’vebeentryingtocallyou!Haveyoubeentoyourbrother’shouse?”

“What?”Ipulledoutmyphone.Itwasdead.“Myphone’sdeadandno,Ihaven’tbeen

bythere.Ifiguredwecouldcrashhere.”

“You better get your booty back in that car and get over to Lance’s. Go on! I got

Andrew,” she put her hand on his shoulder and pulled him into her waist. “M-A-T-T is

overthere!”Shespelled,notwantingAndrewtohearhisname.

“What?OhmyGod!”Istarteddownthestairstogetbacktothecar.“Howdidyou

know?Whotoldyou?”

“Your neighbor, Breezy, called me. She said that his blue pickup pulled in front of

yourbrother’shouse.Itmusthavebeenaboutanhourago?”

“Thanks,”Ishutthedoorandreversedoutofherdriveway.

I must have broken every traffic law there was racing over to my brother’s house. I

can’tbelievehim.ItoldhimthatmybrotherandJoewantedtokillhim.Doeshehaveno

commonsense?Youwouldthinkafterthethreeofthemgottospendsomequalitytimein

jail,hemightthinkbetterofdrivingovertheretogethimselfmurdered.Turningontothe

street,Isawhistruckparkedbehindmybrother’sSUV.

Racingupthestairs,Icouldn’thelpbutnoticehoweerilyquietitwas.Therewasno

yelling,shouting,fighting,glassbreakingoranyothersoundsthatwouldindicatethatthe

two of them were together. I instantly thought that one of them must be dead, or they

alreadykilledeachother.Thedoorwaslocked,whichwasn’tagoodsign.AsIpushedit

open,Ifoundthetwoofthemsittinginthelivingroom.

“Matt?”Iaskedbreathlessly.Myheartwaspoundingamileaminute,andIfeltlikeI

wasgoingtofaint.

“Sitdown,”herushedovertome,helpingmeintotheoverstuffedchairinfrontofhis

livingroomwindows.

The room was spinning, and they were both fussing over me to help me feel better.

Finally,LancebroughtafloorfaninandsatitupinfrontofmewhileMattplacedacool

washclothonmyforehead.Afterseveralminutes,Istartedfeelingbetter.“Whatareyou

twodoing?Ithoughtyouguyshadkilledeachother.”

“

CHAPTER21

MATT

hadtocomeoverhereandtalktoyourbrother,Stephanie.YoushouldknowthatI

couldn’tletthingsendthewaythattheydid.Ihaven’ttoldyouthisbefore,butI

loveyou,andI’mnotgoinganywhere.”

Shelookedpastme,staringatherbrotherwhowasbehindme.“Igottagiveittohim,”

Lance started, “he’s got it for you bad, but I don’t believe a damn thing he says. I love

you,sis,butIcan’tletyoustayhereifyou’regonnabewiththisdude.Itjustain’tgonna

fly,soI’mgivingyoutwooptions,andhealreadyknowswhattheyare,butthechoiceis

uptoyou.One:youcouldtellhimtogotohellandcontinuelivinghere,ortwo:youcan

getyourshitandgetouttonight.Eitherway,I’mcoolwithit.”

“Lance!That’snotright.Doyourealizethatifyoukickmeout,you’realsokicking

out your nephew? Where would we live, how would we get by? What would mom and

dadthinkofyoufordoingthat?”

Icouldtellthatherhearingherbrothersaysuchharshwordstoherhurtherfeelings.

Shelookedlikeshewantedtoyell,scream,orthrowsomethingathim,butshewouldn’t

ever do something like that. It wasn’t her style. I watched her stare at her brother in

amazement as she processed the words. Her eyes blinked as though she’d snapped back

intoreality.

“Okay,ifyou’regoingtoactlikethatandmakethosekindofdecisions,thenIhaveno

choice but to pick the person who supports me, who stands behind me and believes in

me.”Sheturnedtofaceme,“Iloveyou,too,andifyou’dhadtheballstocomebackhere

andfacehimalone,thenIhavethegutstostanduptohimtoo.”

“Getyourshitandgetthefuckoutofmyhouse,”Lancesaid,pointingatthedoorwith

hisfinger.

Icouldn’tbelievethatherbrother,herownfleshandblood,wasgoingtothrowherout

ofhishouse,andI’msureitprobablykilledherthathedidn’twantherthere.Istuckmy

handsinmyhoodietopreventmefromknockinghisteethoutforhurtingheronceagain.

Shelookedatmeforsupport;Inoddedmyhead.

“Ifthat’sthewayyouwantit,”shelookedatherbrotherwhosefacewasascoldasa

stonestatue.Heshowednoemotion.“Fine,”shesaid.

Shegotintothesparelivingroomclosetandgrabbedallthebagsthatshecouldfind.

Sincethefire,shesaidthatshehadn’treplacedmuchotherthanclothes,afewtoys,and

shoessoluckily,shedidn’thaveatonofstufftopack.Aftershehadfinishedstuffingitall

intothebagsthatshefound,Ihelpedhercarrythemalloutsideandputthemintohercar.

Afterwehadthelastofitoutofherbrother’shouse,Lancefollowedusoutsidewherehe

stoodonhisporch,quietasamouse.

“Whereareyougoingtonight?”Iasked,keepingmyvoicelow.Herbrother,thepiece

of shit, didn’t deserve to know where she was sleeping for the night, or where his tiny

nephewmightbe.

“IguessI’mgoingtostayatSusan’stonightandcallmysocialworkertomorrowto

seewhereI’matonthehousinglist.”

“That’llbegoodforyoutostaywithher.I’llfollowyouoverthereandhelpyoucarry

yourthingstoherplace.”

“Thanks,I’llmeetyouoverthere.”

Igotinmytruck,butshewasstilldumbstruckasshestaredupatherbrotherstanding

onthestoopofhisporch.Heremainedemotionlessashestaredather.Icouldn’tbelieve

thebastardwouldtreathersolow.Iwantedtopunchhimrightinthethroat,hurlhimto

thegroundandkickthelivingshitoutofhim.Aminutelater,shefinallygotintohercar

andstarteditupbeforeshedrovepastme.AsIpulledawayfromLance’shouse,Igave

himtheevileyetolethimknowthatthiswasnotover.Thingswerefarfromover.

When we pulled up to Susan’s house, she was sitting on the porch. She looked

surprised to see me, but her look of shock quickly turned into panic when she saw us

grabbingbagsoutofthebackofStephanie’scar.

“Uh-uh!Whatareyoudoing?”

“Lance threw me out, and I have nowhere to go,” she walked up on the porch. “I

figured we could crash here, and I promise to call my social worker tomorrow to see

whereI’matonthelistandaskherifthere’sanywayshecouldbumpme.”

“Andwhataboutyou?”shesteppedinfrontofme,blockingmypath.

“I’mjusthelpinghercarryherthings.”

“Good, I didn’t want you to think you could stay here too, but you are welcome to

comeinandsitforaspell.”

Sitforaspell?Didshereallyjustsaythat?Ishookmyheadandlaughedundermy

breath.“Yes,ma’am.”

“Where’sAndrew?”Stephanieaskedoncewewereinside.

“Oh,Igothimdowntosleepabouttwentyminutesago.Hewasworriedaboutyou,

butItoldhimthatyouwouldberightback.”

“Thankyou,Susan.Idon’tknowwhatIwoulddowithoutyou.”

I hung out with them until Stephanie started yawning. She’d had a long day, and I

wantedhertogetsomerest.“I’mgoingtogetoutofhere,butifyouneedanything,call

meandletmeknow.”Ileaneddownandkissedheronthecheek,“We’llgetthisfigured

out.Iloveyou.”

“Iloveyoutoo,”shewalkedmetothedoor.

“

CHAPTER22

STEPHANIE

rrr!” I slammed the phone down in the lunch room. Everyone’s head whipped

aroundandstaredatme.

Normally, I wouldn’t make a scene like that, but I was just so damned frustrated. I

tried calling my social worker before my shift started but she wasn’t in yet, so I had to

waittotryagainduringmylunchbreak.Eagertogetaholdofher,Ihadsneakedaquick

bathroombreakacoupleofhoursintomyshifttotrytogetheronthephone,butitwent

tovoicemailwhichwaswhatIgotagain.Ididn’twanttohavetowaituntilIgotoffwork

togetaholdofher.

My boss, Kyle, approached me as I sat with my head buried in my hands near the

break phones. “Stephanie, is everything okay? You’ve been acting…a little off today. Is

somethingbotheringyou?”

Ilookedathimandcouldtellthathewassincerelyconcerned.“Sorry,Ididn’tmeanto

causeascene.”

“What’s going on?” he pulled up a chair and sat next to me. I knew he wouldn’t go

awayuntilItoldhimwhatwasgoingon.

IfilledhiminonthelongstoryaboutmybrotherinprisonandMatt’sdadbeingacop

and how they’d all gotten into it recently and how I was currently homeless. Susan had

only given me a month to figure something out because while Trish was there, she had

overstepped her boundaries and wore out her welcome. It left a sour taste in Susan’s

mouthandnowshewasleeryoflettinganyonestaywithher—includingme,eventhough

wewereclosefriends.Shesaidshedidn’twantittoruinourfriendship,andIunderstood

whereshewascomingfrom,butitdidn’tmakemefeelanybetter.

“That’sterrible,andI’msosorrytohearthat.Whatareyougoingtodonow?”

“Well,I’vebeentryingtogetaholdofmycaseworkertoseewhereI’matinregards

to housing. I’m hoping that she’ll say I’m at the top of the list and will have something

soon.I’vebeenwaitingformonthseversincemyapartmentburneddown.”

“IsthereanythingIcandotohelp?”Kylewasaniceguy,hehadabigheartandcared

abouteveryone.

“No,I’mafraidthere’snotevenanythingthatIcandotohelpmyself.I’lltrycalling

herbacklater.”

“Okay,”hepushedhischairbackwithhisleg.“CanIbuyyoulunch?”

OhLord,Idon’twanttobeacharitycase.“No,that’sokay.I’mnotveryhungry,but

thanksanyway.”

As soon as work was over, I called her again from my car before I even left the

parkinglot.Thephonerangafewtimesbeforeshefinallypickedup.Thankgod,Ithought

Iwasgoingtogotohervoicemailagain.

“Shelly?Hi,thisisStephanieFrost.IwaswonderingifyoucouldtellmewhereI’mat

onthehousinglist?”

“Hello, Stephanie! I was just thinking about you the other day. The list has been

moving so let me take a look to see where you’re at on it.” I heard her clicking around,

“AreyoustillatMasonDataServices?”

“Yeah,Ilikeitthere.Mybossissupernice,thehoursaregood,andtheworkisn’ttoo

hard.”

“Good,I’m glad tohear that.” Basedon the noise Iheard on theother line, she was

moving the phone receiver around as she clicked her way to the housing list. “Okay,

Stephanie,givemeonemoresecond,please.”

“No problem. I was just hoping you’d have some good news for me because my

currentlivingsituationisn’tworkingout.”

“Oh,I’msorrytohearthat.What’sgoingon?”

Layitonherthicksoshe’llbumpyoutothetop.“Mybrotherkickedmysonandme

outofhishouse,andrightnowI’mstayingwithafriend,butshereallydoesn’twantus

there.It’sjustnotanidealsituationtobesomeplaceyou’renotwanted;youknow?”

“Iknowwhatyoumean.”Shewassilentforafewseconds.“Okay,I’mfinallyonthe

list.Theychangeditaround,soittookmeaminutetorememberhowtoaccessit,”she

offeredafakelaugh.

“That’sokay,justtellmesomethinggood.”

“The good news is that you have moved up on the list, but you’re currently number

twelve.”

“Number twelve?” I was hoping to hear either number one or two. “What does that

mean?Howfastdoesnumbertwelvemakeittonumberone?”

“That all depends on if people are moving. The problem right now is that it’s the

middleoftheschoolyear,sonotmanypeoplearemovingatthistime.Wedon’ttypically

seetheliststarttomoveagainuntilthesummermonths.”

“What do you consider the summer months? Like in April when it’s nice enough to

startmovingoraftertheendoftheschoolyeararoundJune?”

“Eachyearisdifferent,buttypicallyafterschoolisoutfortheyear.Doyouthinkyour

friendwouldletyoustayuntilthen?Imean,it’sonlyfourmonthsaway.”

“Thanks,I’llseewhatIcando,”Ihungupthephone.

IpickedupAndrewfromdaycareandcalledMattonmywaytoSusan’stohavehim

come over so we could discuss our options. Susan was still at work by the time I got

home,soIwentinsideandgotdinnerstarted.IfiguredIbetterstartbutteringherupifI

wasgoingtohavetostaywithherlongerthanshewantedmeto.

“Hello?”Iheardsomeoneknockingonthedoor.ItwasMatt.

“Comeonin,”Isaid.“CanIgetyousomethingtodrink?Ijustmadesomefreshtea.”

“Yeah,that’dbegreat.Didyoutalktoyoursocialworkertoday?Anygoodnews?”he

pulledupaseatatthetable.

“Italkedtoherallright,butitwasn’tanythinggood,”Ifrownedathim.“Shesaidit

wouldprobablybeanotherfourmonthsorsobeforetheygottomeonthelist.”

“Geez,whatthehelltakesthemsolong?Aretheywaitingonthecitytobuildmore

housingorwhat?”

“Pfft,Iwish.No,shesaidthatnotmanypeoplearemovingaroundthistimeofyear

andthatshe’llcallmewhentheygettomynameonthelist.”

“WhatdoyouthinkSusan’sgoingtosaywhenyoutellherthat?”

“Ihatetoevenfindout.Shetoldmethatshedidn’twantusherelongerthanamonth.”

“Shit.”HesippedhisteaasIthrewsomechickeninthepan.

“Areyougoingtoeatwithustonight?”

“Ifthat’sokay,I’dliketo.”

Ithrewanextrachickenbreastintotheskilletandstartedcuttingpotatoes.Hecould

tellthatIwasfrustrated.Partofmefeltlikethiswasallhisfault,butitwasn’t.Ididn’t

knowwhotoblameanymore.Mybrotherforkickingmeout?Mattforgettingmekicked

out?Ormyselfforallowingitalltohappen?

“Ihaveaquestionforyou,”hesathisglassonthetable.“Haveyouthoughtaboutjust

gettingaregularapartment?Covingtonhasincome-basedapartmentsthatyoucouldcheck

into.”

“Ican’taffordrentonmyown,Matt.Ihaveasonwhogoestodaycare,andIdon’t

thinkIcouldmakeenoughtopayrent,daycare,utilitiesandgroceries,plusIstillneedto

buyacar.”

“Myfriendusedtolivethere,andheandhiswifewereonpublichousingassistance.

Theyhadlosttheirassistanceforsomereason—Idon’trememberthecircumstances—but

theymovedinthere,andoncetheygottohimandhiswifeonthelist,theystartedpaying

aportionofhisrent.”

“Yeah,butI’dhavetodoitforatleastfourmonths,andIknowthatonceLancetells

our parents what’s going on, my mom’s going to demand her car back.” I put the last

potatointothebowl,“I’msoscrewed.”

“WhatifItoldyouthatI’dhelpyou?Icouldmoveinwithyou.”

“Livetogether?”

“Comeon,Stephanie.Covingtonisnotthebestapartments,andI’dliketokeepyou

safe.IcouldwatchoveryouandAndrew.Itwouldbeagoodthing,Ipromise.”Helooked

intomyeyeswithagoofygrinonhisface.“Whatdoyousay?”

“Okay,it’sworthashotbecauseSusanmightkillmeifItellherfourmonths.”

Icouldn’tbelievethatIagreedtosomethingonthespurofthemoment,butIhadbeen

doing that a lot lately and was getting better at it. The smile that beamed across Matt’s

face told me that he was the happiest man in all of Memphis. Susan walked in, but I

decidednottotellherthatitmightbefourmonths—atleast,notrightaway.

CHAPTER23

MATT

e just couldn’t catch a break. Stephanie had called Covington and the

woman in their front office told her that they didn’t have any units that

were currently available, but they could take down her contact information and call her

whensomethingpoppedup.IonlyhadonemoredayoffuntilIwentonmy48-hourshift

rotationsomytimewaslimitedastohowmuchIcouldhelpher.

Hernextdayoffwasn’tuntilSunday,whichwouldn’tbeanidealtimetocallaround

to apartment complexes as most offices were only open on weekdays. I got on the

computerinthebreakroomandlookedupallthesurroundingapartmentsandwrotedown

their address and phone number. I still couldn’t believe that her brother was heartless

enoughtokickherandthebabyoutonthestreets.Whatkindofpersondoesthat?

“Whatareyouuptonow,White?”Chiefaskedashewalkedintograbacupofcoffee.

“Huh?”Hecaughtmeoffguard,andIdidn’tknowhowtorespond.“Justlookingup

somegoodhikingtrails,”Isaid,quicklyopeninganewtabinthebrowser.

“Soundslikefun.You’llhavetotakemewithyouoneofthesedayswhenyougo.”

“Yeah,I’lldothat,”Isaid,waitingforhimtofinishpouringhiscreamersohewould

leave.

“Haveagoodday,son.You’reontherighttrack.”

“Thanks,sir.Youhaveagooddayaswell.”

Armedwithmylist,Idecidedtotakeadriveuptoourlocalcoffeeshoptomakemy

phonecallssotheguyswouldn’toverhearme.It’snotthatIdidn’twantthemtoknowthat

I planned on living with Stephanie, but I didn’t want them reporting anything back to

Chiefthatmightjeopardizemypromotion.Healreadyhaditinhisheadthatshewasthe

wholereasonI’dbeengettingintrouble;whichIguesshedidhavegroundstobasethat

argumenton.

AfterIhadorderedacoffee,IoptedforatableinthebackoftherestaurantwhereI

wouldbebymyselfandcouldtalkopenlywiththeleasingoffices.AsImademyphone

calls, I kept track of everything in a pocket-sized notepad. By the time lunch rolled

around, I was starving and couldn’t wait to hear from Stephanie when she called me on

herbreak.EventhoughIhadmadealotofprogress,therewerestillsomanyplacestocall

andthen,ofcourse,drivingtoeachofthemtoputinanapplication.

Standinginlineforfood,myphonebegantoring.ItwasStephanie,soIgotoutofline

andwalkedtothebackoftherestaurant.

“Hello?”

“Hey,babe.How’syourdaygoing?Anygoodnews?”

“Eh, I don’t know that I’d say good news. I did find some apartments that have

vacancies, but I don’t know if they’re within our price range. I’ve just been telling

everyonethatI’llgetbacktothem.”

“Whereareyouat?Itsoundsbusy?”sheasked.

“Ididn’twanttheguysatthefirestationallupinmybusiness,soIcametothecoffee

shop.Howisyourdaygoing?”

“It’sgood.Iwashopingthatyouwould’vehadbetternewsformeotherthanyou’ve

beencallingplaces.”

“Well,babe,youhavetostartsomewhereandtodayIstartedwithphonecalls.”

“Okay,I’mgoingtograbalunchrealquick,andI’llcallyouwhenI’moffwork.”

“DoyouthinkSusancouldwatchAndrewforustonight?Weneedtofigureoutour

finances.”

“Icanaskher,butIdon’tseewhyshewouldn’t.”

ShecalledmeasshewasdroppingAndrewoffatSusan’shouseandagreedtomeet

me at the park, the same park we had gone to on one of our first dates. I stopped for a

bucketofchickenanddrinksonthewaytheresowecouldspreadoutoverablanketand

havedinnerwhilewefiguredthingsout.Lifewassomuchsimplerafewmonthsago,but

Iwouldn’ttradeanyofitfortheworld.

Sheparkednexttomytruckandgotout,smilingasshewalkedovertoourpicnicarea.

“Whatdowehavehere?”

“Ithoughtwe’dhaveacozylittledinner.Areyouhungry?”

“Yes!IwassonervousatworkalldaythatIcouldbarelyeat.Thankyouforpicking

somethingup,”shekissedme.I’dratherdiethanneverfeelherlipsonmineagain.

Asweatedinner,wediscussedwhattypeofapartmenteachofuswouldlikeandwhat

our expectations were. She had far more expectations than I did, but she also had a son

whowouldbestartingschoolinalittleoverayear.

“SoIwanttoliveinagoodschooldistrict,”shesaid.

“OutofalltheapartmentsIcalled,thisiswhatwasavailable,”Ipulledoutthenotepad

that I had been scribbling in all day. “While I was on the phone, I wrote down all the

pricessowecoulddiscussrent.Ifiguredaftertalkingaboutfinances;wecouldthenfigure

outifwecanaffordaoneortwo-bedroomapartment.”

“Okay,” she looked at the list. “Wow, some of these are expensive,” I could see the

anxietygrowingashereyesswelledlookingatallthenumbersIhadjotteddowninthe

notebook.

“Yeah,butdon’tforgetthatwe’llhavetwoincomessoit’snotlikeyou’llbepayingfor

everythingallbyyourself.Howmuchdoyoumake?”

“Withorwithoutovertime?”sheanswered.

“Either.Imakeaboutforty-thousandayear,giveortake.”

“What?”hermouthfellopen.“Whydoyouliveatthefirestationthen?Ifiguredthat

youdidn’tmakemuch.”

“RememberhowIusedtohaveadrinkingproblem?”Shenodded.“Well,Istilldoand

stayingtheremakesmeaccountableformytimeandmyactions.IknowthatIcan’tjust

gooutanddrinkwhileI’mstayingtherebecausetheguyswillknow,they’llsmelliton

meandnoticeifI’mstumblingin.”

“Wow,Idon’tmakeanythingclosetothat.Imakeabouttwenty-threethousandwith

overtimeandbonuses.”

“Thenwe’llbefine.Idefinitelythinkwecanaffordatwo-bedroomapartment.Wecan

goapartmenthuntingnextweekifyou’dlike.”

“Yeah,thatsoundsgood.Let’sgetbacktoSusan’ssoIcangiveDrewabathandget

himlaiddownfordaycare.”

“Waitaminute,”Igrabbedherhandandpulledherupoffthegrass.“Beforewehead

back,Ithoughtmaybewecouldspendjustafewmoreminutesunderthestars?”Inodded

towardsthebedofmypickup.

“NicholasWhite!”Shegrinned,“Okay!Comeon,realquick.”

Ilookedatherassassheraninfrontofme,“Oh,don’tworry.Itwillbequick.”

Assoonassheclimbedinthebackofmytruck,Ilookedaroundtomakesurenoone

waswatching.

“Aren’tyougoingtogetin?”sheasked,giggling.

“Inaminute,”Igrinnedatherasmyhandsslowlyslidupherlegs.

Ifoldedmyfingersinsidethewaistbandofheryogapantsandslowlystartedsliding

themdown,allowingmyfingertipstohookherpantiestoo.AsIpulledthemoffofher,I

sateachofherlegsontopofmyshouldersandpulledherbodytowardsme.

“Whatareyoudoing?”sheasked,hereyeswidewithanticipation.

“Havingdessert,”IgrowledasIpartedherslitandtracedherclitwithmytongue.

Shewasalreadywet.Islippedafingerinsideofherwitheaseasmytongueswirled

aroundherpussy,tastingeverybitofherjuices.Mycockwashungryforherandtheonly

thingkeepingitawayfromherwasthefabricofmyjeansthatseparatedus.Iwantedher

rightthen,rightthereintheparkandIwasgoingtotakeexactlywhatIwanted.Ididn’t

carewhosaworwhattheythought.

tephanie

“Are you sure we should be doing this? Here? Now?” I whispered, not

wanting to draw any attention to us even though I already knew what was going to

happen.

“Righthere,”hepressedhisfingeragainstmyG-spot.“Anddefinitelyrightnow,”he

buriedhisfacedeeper,growlingashisstubbletickledmythighs.

As his finger worked in and out of me, I ground against it, wanting more. I could

alreadyfeelthefirebuildingwithinme,andtherewasonlyonemanwhocouldputitout.

My lover, my soul mate and my closest friend. The man who always had my back and

stoodbymysidenomatterwhat.IknewthatIcouldrelyonhimbecausehewasalways

theretocatchmewhenIfell.

Iremovedmylegsfromhisshouldersanddugmyheelsintothebedofthetruckand

thrustmyselfdeepinsidetheframe,makinghimcomeafterme.“Comehere,”Isaid.“I

wantyounow.”

“Isthatright?”hesaid,climbingbetweenmylegs,kissingmythighsasheslidupto

myface.

Thewarmthofhisbreathagainstmyneckandearsenttinglesdownmyspine,making

me break out in tiny goosebumps all over my body. I grabbed fistfuls of his hair and

kissedhimhard.“Yes,”Ihissed.“Takeoffyourpants.”

Hesatup,kneelingbetweenmylegsandslowlyremovedhispants,teasingmeashe

went.Hisraginghardonwasobscuredbyhisshirt,hidingthemassofmusculatureunder

it.Ihadneverseenamansowellbuilt,socutandruggedasMattPorter.Hislarge,barrel-

chestedframematchedtherestofhismenacingmusclesinhisarmsandlegs.

Ilovedhisbody,mind,andsoul.Hewasmine,completelyandwholly.Nobodycould

evertakethatawayfromme,nomatterhowhardtheytriedbecause,attheendoftheday,

wewereineachother’sarms.Ididn’tcarewhatmyfamilythoughtabouthim.Iwanted

him.

Thestarsshonedownonus,themoonlightcascadingthroughhislightbrownhair.He

madequickworkofmybra,leavingmybreastsnakedbeforehim.Hishandsslippedover

mybreastsbeforecuppingtheminhispalms.

“God,youaregorgeous,”hesaid,rollingmynipplesbetweenhisfingers,givingthem

asmallpinch.“Iflookingatyourbeautifulbodywasasin,I’dgostraighttohellforyou.

Doyouknowthat?”

I sucked in a deep breath as his mouth came crashing down over my erect nipples,

flickingthemwithhistonguebeforehebitthem.“IfIwouldhaveknownhowbadlyyou

wantedmetonight,Iwouldhavemadeyouworkharderforit.”

“I’veworkedplentyhardrestrainingmyselfupuntilnow,”hesaid,usinghiskneeto

spreadmythighsapart.

He pushed his boxers down around his ankles, allowing his manhood to spring free.

My eyes widened as I saw how turned on he already was. Did I have that much of an

effectonhim?Hishandwrappedaroundthebaseofhiscock,ashelineditupwithmy

body,readytopenetratemeatamoment’snotice.

“Takeoffyourshirt,please,”Ilookedintohiseyes.Ididn’tcareabouthisscarsorhis

past.Ilovedhimandwantedhimforwhohewas.

“Stephanie,youknowthat—”Ileanedupandkissedhim,shuttinghimupinstantlyas

Iwrappedmyarmsaroundhisneck.

“Matt,Iwantallofyou,”Iwhispered.

“I’mamonster.”HisforestgreeneyessparkledinthemoonlightasIlookedintothem.

IsworeIcouldseehissoul,howsadhewasandhowtormentedhispastwas.

“Youarenotamonster,Matt,”Ispokesoftly.“Iloveyou,insideandout.Iwantyou

foryou.”

Ileanedupandputmymouthonhis,kissinghimlikemylifedependedonit.Iwanted

toshowhimthatIdidn’tcarebecauseallthatmatteredtomewasbecomingonewithhim.

“Please,”Ibegged.

Hisover-sizedhandsgrabbedthebottomofhisshirt,liftingitabovehishead.Forthe

firsttimeinoverfivemonths,Iwasfinallyseeingthemanwholovedme.Themanwhom

I’d give up anything for, and he was gorgeous. I reached up to his torso with my

fingertips,gentlycaressinghisskin.Everytwistandeveryturnshowedmehowmuchhe

hadsacrificedformeyearsago.

“Iloveyou,”Isaid,kissinghischestandstomach,allowingmylipstotoucheachone

ofhisscarsasifIwashealingthem.“Takeme,Matt.Makelovetome,now.”

He groaned as he laid me down in the bed of his pickup and slowly pushed himself

inside of me. I bucked my hips, matching his slow rhythm with my arms still wrapped

aroundhisneck.ItfeltsoserenetomakelovetohimundertheMemphisstar-filledskyin

thepark.Theverysameparkwhereeverythinghappenedwhenwewereapart.

“Iloveyou,Stephanie,”hesaid,pushingmyhairawayfrommyfaceashecontinued

drivinghimselfintome.

Histeethcrasheddownonmylips,gentlybitingmylowerlipashemadelovetome

beforehistonguebeganexploringmymouth.Iwantedhimmorethanever.Wrappingmy

legsaroundhiswaist,Itiltedmyhipsandmeldedourbodiesintoone.“Harder,”Isaid,

pushingmyhipsintohim.

Hethrustharder,burrowinghisshaftdeepinsideofmeashistipcollidedagainstmy

G-spot.Icriedout,beggingformoreashepistonedinandoutofme.Histeethsankinto

mybreast,bitingthetopofit,pushingmeovertheedge.

“Ohh,Matt,”Icriedout.Ididn’tcarewhoheardme.

Holding me tight, his fingers dug into my hip bones as he crammed himself deeper

insideofme,allowingmetocumonhisthickcock.Icouldfeelthewallsofmyvagina

clampingdown,grabbingontohimasIpantedanddugmynailsintohisback.

“Comeon,baby,”hebreathedinmyear,movingmyhair.“Letmefeelit,”heburied

himselfballsdeep,tantalizingmyG-spot.

I bit down on his shoulder as he sent me into overdrive. That’s when I felt him

beginningtoswellupinsideofme.Ilookedintohiseyesthatwerenowglazedoverunder

hisheavylidsashegrunted.IgrinnedknowingfullwellwhatIwasabouttodo.

I wrapped myself around him tightly like a python squeezing the life out of its prey

andthrustmyhips,slammingmyselfintohimoverandover.Hisarmsbegantoshakeand

sweat beaded off his brow. “Cum inside of me,” I moaned, wanting to feel him—all of

him—insideofme.

Hishandspriedmyarmsfromhisneckashesatup,themoonlightbouncingoffhis

chest.HegrabbedontomyhipsandthrustwildlyinsideofmeasIfelthimbeginningto

cum. It felt like hot, smoldering jets shooting inside of me until his last grunt when he

collapsed on top of me. As we lay there under the starry sky, my hand ran over my

stomach.

I kissed him goodnight before climbing into my car, my legs still wobbly from the

amazingsexwehadinthebackofhistruck.“Callmetomorrowonmylunchbreakifyou

can,”Isaid.

“Iwill,andI’llletyouknowifIfindanymoreplaces.”

CHAPTER24

MATT

waited nervously in our meeting room. Sitting at the large, eight-person table

wasintimidatingwhileIwaitedformyFireChieftobringinhissuperiors.It

wastimeforthemtoreviewmeformypromotionandgoovermypersonnelfile.Ihad

beenwaitingforthismomentforalongtimeandtoknowthatitwasfinallytimemademe

worriedandexcitedatthesametime.

It had been quite a while since I had been in any trouble though Chief never really

wrotemeuporrecordedanythingtoobadinmyfile.IjusthopedIhaddoneenoughto

make him happy and prove to everyone that I had what it took to become the next fire

captain. As I poured myself a cup of water from the water cooler, I heard them

approachingtheroom.

“Matt,”Chiefsmiledatmeastheyallfiledin,“thesearemysuperiors.”Iwalkedto

thetableandsatthecupdown.“ThisisourBattalionChief,GaryUnderwood,”Ishook

his hand, “and this is our District Chief, Herman Roiter.” I smiled and shook his hand,

“AndthisisKennethHouse,ourFireMarshall.”

“It’s nice to meet all of you,” I said, shaking Kenneth’s hand. “I’m Lieutenant Matt

Porter.”

“Goahead,haveaseateveryone,”Chiefsaid,wavinghishandaroundthetable.

Aswesataroundthetable,Ifeltmystomachchurningwhiletheyreviewedmyfiles.

TheirvoicesbecameechoesasIthoughtaboutallthetimesIhadfuckedup,likethetime

IforgottorechargeourairtanksorthetimeswhenIhadjeopardizedmybrotherswhile

weweresearchingforvictimsinburninghouses.Ihadmadealotofmistakes;toomany.

Theycontinueddiscussingmyfileastheyflippedthrougheachsheetofpaperinside

themanilafolder.“Matt,canyouwaitoutsideinthehallwhilewediscussthings?”Chief

asked.

“Hm?Oh,yes,ofcourse.”Inoddedmyheadandquietlyslippedoutoftheroom.The

anticipationwaskillingme.

Waiting in the hall, I chewed my lip as I thought about my promotion and our

apartmentsearch.Stephaniehadappliedatanapartmentcomplexthatwebothlikedand

we were waiting to hear back from them. All of this waiting was enough to give a man

ulcers.

The apartment was in a much better neighborhood than most apartments around

MemphisandwasnearaprivateschoolthatwehadtalkedaboutsendingAndrewto.The

roomswerespacious,anditwasmostlyfilledwithmiddle-agedmarriedcouplesandafew

retireessprinkledintothemix.Hereyeslitupwhenwewalkedthroughthedisplayunits,

andshewassoexcitedtoputintheapplication.

“How’ditgointhere?”Byronaskedashewalkedby,keepinghisvoicelow.

“Notsureyet.Ijustcompletedtheinterviewportionwhiletheyreviewedmyfilesand

askedmequestions.ChiefaskedmetostepoutsidesonowI’mwaitingforthemtocall

mebackin.”

“Nervous?”

“Can’tyoutell?”Iheldmyhandsoutastheyshook.

“Goodluck,man.”Hepattedmybackandheadedouttothebay.

Thedoorcracked,andChief’sfaceemerged.“Canyoucomebackin,please?”

Itookaseatinmychairandlookedaroundthetable.Theirsmilingfaceshadfaded,

and their laughs were absent. They were all stonewalling me, not giving away a thing.

KennethHouse,ourFireMarshall,washoldingmyfileinhishands,tappingmyfileon

thetableashestaredatme.“Well,Mr.White,youhaveanimpressivefile,buttherearea

fewthingsthatwefeeldeserveanexplanation.”

“Okay,”Inodded.Shit.Iwastryingmydamnesttolookcalmandcollected,butIwas

soworried.“Whatwouldyouliketodiscuss?”

“Weseeherethatyourecentlywalkedoutinthemiddleofashift.Canyouelaborate

onthat?”

“Yes,” I looked at Chief. He just had to write than in my file. “There was a family

emergencyand,againstmybetterjudgment,Ileftwithoutapproval.Iapologizedforthat,

andithasneverhappenedbeforeorsincethatincident.”

“Very well,” his eyes scanned my file. “We have one final question for you, Mr.

White.”

“Sure,”Itriedtokeepmytoneeven.

“AreyoureadytobecomeournextFireCaptain?”

“I, um—wait. What?” his question caught me off guard. Did he really ask what I

thoughthesaid?

“Wewouldliketogiveyouthepromotion.Canyouhandleit?”

“Yes,oh,yessir!I’vebeenwaitingforthisopportunityforalongtime,sir.”Istood,

shakingeachoftheirhands.“Youhavenoideahowmuchthismeanstome.”

EagertotellStephanie,Iwentuptoherworkattheendofhershift.Whenshewalked

outofthebuilding,Ipickedherupandswungheraroundintheairbeforesettingherback

downontheground.

“Oh,myGod!What’sgottenintoyou?”shesmiledatme.

“You’relookingatthenewMemphisFireCaptain,”Ibowedanddidacurtsy.

“That’samazing!”shethrewherarmsaroundme.

“Doyouwanttocelebratetonight?Icanbuysomesteaksandbringthemoverand—”

she shook her head no and held her hand up, stopping me dead in my tracks. “What?

Why?”

“I didn’t want to have this discussion because it’s embarrassing,” she began as we

walked to her car, “but Susan has made it very clear that I’m overstaying my welcome.

Matt, she only gave me a month to find a place, and I’ve been there almost double that

time.Sheisn’thappywithmesoIdon’tthinkhavinganextrapersonthereinvadingher

kitchenwouldbethebestthingtodorightnow.”

“Haveyouheardbackfromthoseapartments?Theonesthatyouliked?”

“Notyet.I’vebeentryingtocallthemthepastcoupleofdaysonmylunchbreakbutI

think they break for lunch at the same time that I do. Nobody ever picks up and by the

timeIgetoutofhere,they’regonefortheday.”

“Well,”Iwrappedmyarmsaroundherwaistandpressedourforeheadstogether,“how

aboutItakeyouandAndrewouttonight?Wecangotothatrestaurantontheedgeoftown

—theonewiththefireplace—andorderacoupleofsteaks?”

“Youcantakeme.It’sJoe’sdaytotakehimsohe’llpickhimupfromdaycare.”

“Evenbetter,”Ikissedher,“we’llhavealittleromanticdinnerwithjustthetwoofus.

I’llpickyouuparoundsix?Willthatbeenoughtimetogetready?”

“Plenty,” she flicked her tongue against my neck before sucking on it, “I’ll see you

then.”

I bit my lip, trying not to think about my jeans stifling my cock, holding it down. It

didn’ttakemuchforhertoturnmeon.“Trytowearaslittleaspossible,”Iwinkedather.

CHAPTER25

STEPHANIE

was hoping that Matt’s good fortune at his job would carry over into our

apartmentsearch.IthadbeenalmostaweeksinceIhadappliedatGoldenOaks

Apartments,andgettingaholdofthemwasprovingtobedifficult.IguessmaybeIwasso

nervousbecauseofwhatIputontheapplicationwhenIfilleditout.

They were salary-based apartments though they weren’t low-income housing.

Basically,yourincomehadtomeetcertaincriteriainordertoliveinthem,andIwasn’t

sureexactlywhattheirrequirementswere.Whenwelookedatthedisplayunits,theywere

fancy—somethingIcouldneveraffordonmyown,soIincludedMattontheapplication.

Hewasfinewithitandthoughtitwasagoodideabecauseitwouldhelpboostourincome

andhopefully,improveourchancesofgettingaccepted.

Even though we had been overstaying our welcome at Susan’s house, she was being

patientbecausesheknewthatIwastrying,butIcouldtellthatAndrewwaswearingon

her nerves. Trish’s girls were quiet for the most part and stayed to themselves whereas

Andrew is loud and rambunctious, which is the exact opposite of what she’s used to. I

knowsheloveshimtodeath,butIthinkit’salittlemuchonher.

Withtheweekendcomingup,Ihadtogetaholdofthemtoseewhattheyhadtosay

about my application. If I didn’t, I was pretty sure that I was going to go crazy. I tried

calling them before my shift started but got their answering machine once again. It was

killingmenottoknowsoleftamessagehopingthey’dcallmeback.

DisappointedthatIwasunabletogetthroughonceagain,Iclockedinformyshiftand

moped around at my desk. It was a little after 10 AM when I saw that my phone was

vibratingonmydesk.Ijumpedupfrommyseatandtappedonthegreenphonetoanswer

thecallasIdartedtothebathroom.AssoonasIhadthedoorshut,Ibeganspeaking.

“Hello?”Isaidbreathless,hopingtheywerestillthere.

“Hello?”thewomanontheotherlinereplied.“IsthisStephanie?”

“Yes,itis.”

“Is this a bad time?” she asked. She probably thought I was dying by the heavy

breathingIwasdoingintothephone.Imoveditawayfrommymouthsothatshecouldn’t

hearmybreath.

“No,no.IsthisGoldenOaksApartments?”

“Yes,thisisCaroline,theassistantmanager.”

“Howareyoudoing?”Iasked.

“Good,thankyou.Iwasreturningyourcallfromthismorning.”Oh,thanktheLord,

leavingthatmessagedidhelp!

“Yes, I’ve been trying to get through all week, but I think you must break for lunch

around the same time I do,” I nervously laughed into the phone. “Do you know if my

applicationhasbeenreviewedyet?”

“Actually, that’s why we haven’t called you back. Misty, our full-time manager, did

review your application. Unfortunately, you did not fall within our guidelines and

qualificationstorentfromus.”

“Ugh.”Itfeltlikesomeonepunchedmeinthegut.“Well,ifithelpsany,myboyfriend

who I listed on the application just received a promotion so that will help our income

increaseandI’llbedueformynextraiseinafewmonths,”Isaid,hopeful.

“I’msorry,Stephanie,butthat’stheproblem.Inordertoliveinourunits,werequire

thatyourincomeisbetweentwenty-fivethousandtofortythousand.Yourincomealoneis

too little to live here and when you include…,” her voice trailed off as she read the

application,“Matt’sincome,youmaketoomuch.Yourcreditisalsoanissue.”

“Mycredit?What’swrongwithmycredit?”

“AtGoldenOaks,werequirethatyouhaveaminimum650creditscoreandyoursis

inthelow500’s.”

“What?How?”I’vealwayspaidmybillsontime;therewasnowaythatwastrue.

“Youcanrequestacopyofitifyou’dlikebutjustbylookingatit,Iseethatyouhave

some collections on there from Home Furnishings Mart, another unpaid collection from

GamersEverywhereUnited,LLCandseveralcellphonecollections.”

I’ve never purchased anything from a home furniture store, nor have I ever bought

videogamesandI’veonlyhadonecellphone—theoneI’mcurrentlyusing—inmyentire

life. The only other person who may have had access to my social security number that

could have opened those accounts would be Joe. He was dead meat the next time I saw

him.

Icouldn’tbelievemyears.“So,wecan’tlivethere?”

“No,ma’am.I’mafraidnot.Ifyou’dlike,youcanappealthiswithMisty,butshe’son

vacationandwon’tbebackuntilMonday.”

“Thankyou,”IsaidasIhungupthephone.

Ifeltflatanddefeated.I’veneverheardofmakingtoomuchmoneytolivesomeplace,

but apparently it could happen. And my credit? That was a whole other ballgame, and I

couldn’twaittoseeJoethenexttimeweexchangedcustody.ItriedcallingMatt,buthe

didn’tanswer,soIreturnedtomydeskandfinishedenteringastackofdata.

ThelongerIsatatwork,themoreagitatedanddepressedIbecame.Itflooredmethat

Joehadsingle-handedlyruinedmycredit,andthatwasafteralltheishIputupwithwhile

we lived together. And my brother thought Matt was the bad one. Pfft, he was sadly

mistaking.IdecidedthatwhenIgotoffwork,IwasgoingtocallmybrotherandJoe,and

leteachofthemknowexactlywhatIthoughtaboutthem.

I called Joe first because I couldn’t wait to tear into him. His phone—or maybe my

phone,oneofthemanyphonesI’dapparentlyhad—ranguntilthevoicemailpickedup.I

hung up and began dialing my brother but just as I was about to hit the last digit, my

phonestartedringing.ItwasJoe.

“Hello?”myvoicewasangry.

“What’sgoingon?I’mnotsupposedtogetAndrewfortwomoredays.Iseverything

okay?”

“Okay?Youwanttoknowwhat’snotokay?”

“Oh,herewegowiththisshit,”hecutmeoff.

“No, you listen to me! I’ve had enough of you bullying me, overstepping your

boundariesandinsertingyourselfintomylife.I’magrownasswomanandcandowhatI

please,butwhatpissesmeoffisthatyouruinedmycredit!”

“Psh, ruined your credit how?” he played dumb. I swore I was going to murder him

thenexttimeIsawhim.

“Joe! You have collections on my credit for gaming stuff and house stuff and cell

phones!”Ipaused,thinkingfast.“Ihadthemverifythedebts,andtheycamefromyou!”I

can’tevenrememberthelasttimeIlied,butIwantedtogethimtomanupandownit.If

hewasdumbenoughtousemysocialsecuritynumber,hewasprobablydumbenoughto

believeanythingItoldhim.

“Verifythem?”hesoundedworried.

“Hellyeah!Youthinkthey’rejustgonnaremovedebtsbecauseIsaytheyaren’tmine?

No! I had to verify they were mine and when I didn’t know the address or dates, they

knewthatitwasn’tme.Butthethingis,theGamerplacehadyoucallingin,andthenotes

ontheaccountstatedthatMr.Frostcalledin,andIknowitwasn’tLancebecausetheyhad

ouroldaddressfromwhenIwaspregnantwithAndrew.”

WhileIwasinthemiddleofarguingwithJoe,Mattbeepedin.Decidingnottotalkto

anidiotanylonger,Ihunguponhimandclickedover.

“Hello?”

“What’swrong?Yousoundtired,”Mattsaid.

“Yeah,IwasarguingwithJoe.”

“Aboutwhat?”

“Heruinedmycredit.Ifinallygotaholdofthepeoplefromtheapartments,andthey

saidthatwedidn’tqualifyforaplacewiththem.Oneofthereasonsbeingmycreditand

theotherwasourincome.Theysaidwemadetoomuchcombined.”

“What? That’s insane. I’m sorry baby; I know you wanted to live there and send

Andrewtothatniceschoolthatwasupthestreetfromthere.”

“Yeah,Iknow.Iwishyouweren’tworkingrightnow.”

“Why?Youwanttoseeme?”

“YouknowIdo.”

“There’snothingstoppingyoufromcomingupheretoseeme.Whydon’tyoucome

upandbringmesomefoodwhileyou’reonyourway?”

“I’llswingbythedaycaretopickAndrewup,andwe’llhavedinneratthefirestation

withyou.”

“I’llseeyouinabit.”

CHAPTER26

MATT

knew how bummed Stephanie was about not getting accepted into those

apartments.ShehadherheartsetonsendingAndrewtotheprivatepreschool

schoolthatwasjustuptheroadfromthemandwaslookingforwardtolivinginanicer

area. It also pissed me off that Joe had ruined her credit, but all I could do now was be

theretosupporther.

ShehadtalkedtoherbrotherabouteverythingandevenhewasangrythatJoewould

stooptosuchalowlevel,buthestillhatedme.Idon’tthinkthere’sanythingIcouldhave

done to change their minds, but at least her mom was still letting her use her car which

wassomethingthatStephaniewasworriedabout.Hermomsaidshecoulduseitaslongas

sheneededit,andIknewStephaniehadbeensavingsomemoneytogetanewone.

Iwantedtodosomethingspecialforhertocheerherup,butIhadbeenfillinginon

shifts, taking overtime. On my days off, I kept busy, but I always made sure I was

availabletospendtimewithherandseeherintheeveningsaftershegotoffwork.Lately,

shehadbeencomplainingthatSusanwasgrowingmoreimpatientbytheday,andshewas

worriedthatitwastakingatollontheirfriendship.

Ironically,theparkthatIhadhatedforsolonghadstartedtobecomeourhaventoget

away and escape it all while we watched Andrew play. I invited her to meet me there

whenshegotoffworksinceitwasmydayoffandpackedusadinnerwithablanket.I

hadgrowntolearnthathersonwouldeatPB&Jsandwiches24/7andthathelovedCool

RanchDoritos,andthatshelikedturkeysandwicheswithcheese,pickles,andtomatoes.

“Howwasyourday?”Ikissedheronthecheek.

“Same as it always is,” she sighed. I could tell that she was still down, and I hated

seeingherlikethat.“Drew,doyouwanttogoslide?”

“Yes!”herantowardsthegreenplasticslidesandfoundaboyabouthisagetoplay

with.

“Stilldepressedabouteverything,huh?”

“Matt, it’s almost been three months since I moved into Susan’s. I don’t know how

muchmoreshecantake.I’msogladthatit’sbeenniceoutsideandthatwe’vebeenableto

get out of the house most evenings, but I just want a place that I can call home. A

permanentplace,notafriend’slivingroom.I’mtiredoflivingoutofbagsandsuitcases.”

“I’m sorry, babe. You know if I could make it all better, I would,” I rubbed her

shoulders,tryingtohelpherrelax.

“I know, and I’m hoping that my social worker will get to my name within the next

month,”shepattedmyhand.“Whatdidyoupackusfordinner?”

“Somesandwiches,chips,andjuice.Areyouhungry?Wecaneatnowifyouwant.”

“Yeah,letmecallAndrew.Doyouneedhelpsettingitallupfirst?”sheasked.

“Igotit.”

After the three of us had eaten dinner in the middle of the park, he ran back to the

playground, eager to play with the other kids. It was nice spending time together as a

family,eventhoughhewasn’tmine.Ilovedhimjustthesameandwoulddoanythingin

theworldforhim.Althoughhisfingersweretiny,hehadmewrappedaroundeverysingle

oneofthem.Theproblemwasthatheknewitandusedittohisfulladvantage.

“You’reoffworktomorrow,right?”Iaskedheraswepickedupourtrashandthrewit

away.

“Yeah,I’mofftomorrowandWednesday.Why?Didyouwanttodosomething?”

“Stephanie,there’ssomethingI’vebeenthinkingaboutforawhilenow,andIwantto

askyouaquestion.Rememberhowweweregoingtogetthatapartmenttogether?”

“Yes?” I could tell by the look on her face that she was wondering where this was

going.

“WouldyoustillbewillingtolivewithmeifIboughtahouse?”

“Ifyouboughtahouse?”Herbrowsfurrowedandhermouthtwisted.

“What’sthatlookfor?Youdon’tlikethesoundofit?”

“No,itjustsoundsso…serious,”shesaid.“ButIdon’tdisliketheidea.”

“Good,becauseIhaveasurpriseforyoutomorrow.Wouldyouliketogoseeahouse

withme?”

Shesmiled,“Yeah,IthinkIwould.Youwouldbewillingtobuyahouseforustolive

intogether?”sheputherheadonmychest.

“Weweregoingtolivetogetherintheapartment.What’sthedifference?”

“Becauseanapartmentispermanentforayear,duringthelease.Ahouseispermanent

forever.”

Igrinnedather,“Itsureis,butthethingis,you’remine.Allmine,andit’stimethat

we start our future together. I’m tired of us going to separate places every night. I just

wanttolaynexttoyoueverynightandwakeupbesideyoueverymorning.”

IdecidedtoleaveoutthepartthatIhadalreadyputadownpaymentonitassoonasI

had my real estate agent make an offer on it and the owner accepted it. The house was

alreadyours,andIcouldn’twaittoseeherfacethenextdaywhenIshowedittoherand

toldherthenews.Wehadbeenapartlongenough,anditwastimethatwechangedthat

becausewehadbothworkedsohardtogetwherewewere.

CHAPTER27

STEPHANIE

couldn’twaittogohousehuntingwithMatt.Mybackwassore,andmyeyes

burned because I couldn’t stop thinking about it all night. I tossed and turned

onthecouch,imaginingwhattypeofkitchenIwanted,howIwantedthebathroom,what

size yard we would need, and I secretly wondered how many bedrooms we should look

for. We had always planned on starting a family together someday and even though we

hadAndrew,Iwasn’tsureifhewouldwantonetogether.

AfterIhaddroppedAndrewoffatdaycare,Iheadedovertothefirestationtomeetup

withMatt.Iwassurprisedthathewasupandreadytogoat8AM,butIhadseenstranger

things. Not only was he ready, but he looked good. His hair was neatly combed, and he

hadonanicepairofkhakipantswithapoloshirtandwaswearingapairofsmoothboots.

“Well,don’tyoulooknice?”Iteasedhim.

“AreyousayingthatInormallylooklikeabum?”hejoked.“Iwantthistobespecial.

Comeon,”heplacedhishandonmyback,usheringmeoutthedoor,“Iwanttoshowyou

somethingthatwillshockyou.”

“Shockme,huh?”Iasked,climbingintohistruck.

“Yes,ma’am.Sitbackandpreparetobeamazed.”

I kept wondering what he was up to. The whole time we were in the truck, he kept

lookingoveratmeoutofthecornerofhiseye,grinningeverysooften.Iknewitwouldbe

pointlesstoaskhimwhathewasuptobecausehewouldn’ttellme,butIalsoknewhe

wasreallygoodatsurprises,soIwasn’tworriedtoomuch.Iplayedalongwithhislittle

game,whateverittooktomakehimhappy.

Itwasn’tuntilwegotneartheprivateschoolthatIstartedgettingnervous.Hesaidthat

we were going to look at houses, but we were close to the apartments that I had been

rejectedfrom.Suddenly,Irememberedthemhavingtownhousesthatyoucouldrent,and

therentonthosewassubstantiallyhigherthantherentamountoftheregularapartments.

“Wherearewegoing?”Iasked,placingmyhandsontheseatanddoor,bracingmyself

forhisanswer.

“Relax,”helaughed.“Itoldyou,Ihaveasurprisetoshowyou.Aspecialhouse.”

“Whathouse?Where’sitat?”

“Wouldyouchillout?What’sgottenintoyou?”

“You’renottakingmebacktothoseapartmentstorentatownhouseareyou?”

“Stephanie,lastnightwetalkedaboutbuyingahouse,notrentinganything.Wecan’t

livethere;youknowthatbutwearealmosttowhereI’mtakingyou.”

Thereitwas,thatcheesygrin.Theonethatsaid,“I’muptosomething,andyoudon’t

know what it is.” As long as he wasn’t taking me back to the apartments, I didn’t care

wherewewent.Aswepulledontoasidestreet,thetruckstartedtoslow,andIsawa“For

Sale”signintheyard.

“Isthisit?Thehousethatyouwantedtoshowme?”Iasked.

Lookingatit,Idecidedthatitwasacutelittlehouse.Ithadnewerbeigesidingonit,

withlargebrownstonesaroundthefoundationofthehouse,givingitatexturedrock-like

appearance.Theyardwasnicelylandscapedandoverall,Iwouldsaythatthepropertywas

wellkept.Itwasanolderhouse,butitlookedlikeithadalotofupdates,includingnew

windows.

“Doyoulikeit?”heasked,shuttingoffthetruckasweparkedinfrontofit.

“Yeah,itlookslikeanicelittlehouse.Ilikethefrontporch;wecouldsetasmalltable

orabenchonit.”Aswewalkedclosertothehouse,itdawnedonmethattherewasno

real estate agent to show us the inside of the house. “How are we supposed to see the

insides?Justlookthroughthewindows?”

“Youcoulddothat,”hegrinned,diggingintohispocket,“orIcangiveyouyourkey.”

Heheldoutakeychainthatread,“HomeSweetHome”thathadapictureofahousewith

asinglegoldkeydanglingfromit.

“What?”Icouldn’tbelievemyeyes.Wasthatmyhousekey?Tothishouse?“Isthat—I

mean,didyou?Whatdidyoudo?”

He walked towards me, scooped me up and carried me to the front door. “Welcome

home,Stephanie.Thisisournewhouse!”

Ithrewmyarmsaroundhisneckandkissedhimaswepassedoverthethreshold.It

suddenlymadesensetomewhyhehadbeensobusyanddidn’thavealotoftimeforme

lately. All this time I thought it was his job because of his new promotion, but it was

becausehewasbusylookingforusahousetolivein.“Whendidyoudothis?”Iasked,

wipingthecornersofmyeyes.

“I started house hunting after the apartment complex turned us down. I knew how

muchyouneededtogetoutofSusan’shouse,andIwasreadytostartlivingtherestofmy

lifewithyou.”

The Lord blessed me with the sweetest man on Earth, which made me question

myself.WhywasIsuddenlyfeelingsoguilty?IhadfinallygottenwhatIwanted.Ihada

manwholovedme,ahome,andGodrewardedmewithapreciousson,butIfeltempty.It

wasatthatmomentthatIrealizedIwasmissingmyfamily.Wehadbecomesoalienated

fromoneanother.

IhadalwaysimaginedmyparentscelebratingwithmewhenIbecameahomeowner

andfoundtheperfectman,andhadenvisionedmybrotherhelpingmemoveintoanew

house,stickingaroundforabarbecueoracookoutbutnoneofthosethingsweregoingto

happen.Ifanything,movingintoahousewithMattwasgoingtopushmyfamilyfurther

away.

“Matt,” I started to cry as a wealth of emotions swept over me. I felt happiness,

sadness,guiltandexcitement.“Iloveyou.”

“What’swrong?”heheldmeclose,strokingmyhair.“Thosedon’tseemliketearsof

happiness.Talktome,baby.”

“I’m so lucky to have you and very blessed to have a house, but I don’t have my

family.ImisstalkingtothemlikeIusedtoandseeingthem.”

“YouknowI’mhereforyou,baby.We’llgetthroughthistogether,”hepulledmeto

hischest,wrappinghisbigarmsaroundme.“I’llmakesureofit.”

CHAPTER28

MATT

here’s nothing I hate more than seeing her upset. I can’t help but feel that it’s

myfaultforthingsbeingthewaytheyaresoIdecidedtotakemattersintomy

hands. There was no way that I was going to be able to talk to her family, but I knew

someone who could—and would—help me get things back on track for her because

havingherbackinmylifewasn’tdoingmeanygoodifshewasn’thappy.

IstoppedbySusan’shouseafteralong,busyshiftatthefiredepartment.Iknockedon

her screen door, hoping that she would be willing to help. Even though Stephanie had

overstayed her welcome, the two of them were still best friends, and I couldn’t imagine

Susanturningmedown.

“Matt?”shesaidassheapproachedthedoor.“Whatareyoudoinghere?Idon’tthink

sheleftanythingbehind.”

“Iwashopingthatwecouldtalk.Doyouhaveaminute?”

“Yes,comeonin,”sheopenedthescreendoorandinvitedmeinside.“Wouldyoulike

sometea?”

“No,thanks.Iwaswonderingifyoucouldhelpmewithsomething.”

“Like what?” she sat across from me. I had never realized how much older she was

thanStephanie.Shehadsilverstrandsofhaircominginrightalongherfronthairline,and

hereyeswerestartingtoshowsignsofcrow’sfeet.

“Susan,Iknowthatyourunthewomen’ssupportgroupmeetingsdownatthechurch

andthatyouandStephaniearethebestoffriends,right?”

“True.”

“She’snothappyrightnow,andI’msureyou’reprobablyalreadyawareofthis,”she

begannodding.“Shewantsherfamilybackinherlife,butaslongasI’maround,they’ll

havenopartofthat.”

“Sowhatdoyouwantmetodo?”shesippedhertea.“Idon’tknowwhyyouwould

cometome.”

“You’regoodattalkingpeoplethroughtheirproblems,andyouknowStephanieand

her family better than anyone else I know. Could you sit them all down and talk some

senseintothem?”

“Oh,Matt,”shesuckedinadeepbreath.“Idon’tknowaboutthat.Doyouhaveany

ideawhatyou’reaskingmetodo?”

“I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t love her. This is something that is so important to her. I

thoughtthatmaybeyoucouldinvitethemalltochurchoneevening—youknow,itwould

be a common ground where nobody would feel threatened—and we could all sit around

thetableandtalkthere.Youcouldlurethemdownthereundersomeotherpretense.”She

lookedatmelikeIwascrazy.“Please?”

Shesattallinherchairandsighed.“Well,”shebegan,crossingherlegs.“Stephanieis

oneofmyclosestfriends,andIwoulddoanythingforher—includingthis.Itwilltakeme

acoupleofdays,butIthinkIcanmanageit.GivemeyournumberandI’llcallyouwith

thedayandtime.”

“Thankyou,Susan,”Ikissedherhand.“Icanneverrepayyouforthis.”

“Youcansaythatagain,”sherolledhereyes.

Iscribbleddownmycellphonenumberandheadedhomeforahotshowerandsome

goodsleep.Itseemedlikelately,everyoneandtheirbrotherwasburningdowntheirhouse

or blowing something up. The best part of coming home at the end of a long shift was

sleepingnexttoStephanieandseeingAndrewofftoschool.

Aspromised,Susansentmeatexttwodayslaterinstructingmetomeether,andthe

restofStephanie’sfamily,atthechurchthateveningat6:00.Ihatedlyingtoher,butthe

onlywaythatIcouldgethertothechurchandtalkherintoleavingAndrewwithasitter

wasbytellingherthatweweregoingonaromanticdate.Shebegantofigureitoutonce

sherealizedwherewewereheaded.

“Arewegoingtochurch?”sheaskedasIgotintheturnlane.

“Mmhhm,”Ianswered.

“Why?Ithoughtyousaidweweregoingonadate?Whatareyoudoing?”

“Okay, I have to level with you. I talked to Susan, and she agreed to get your entire

familyheresowecanalltalkthisthrough.”

“Matt,Ican’tbelievethat—”Iputmyfingeronherlip.

“Shhh.You’remygirl,andIwantyoutobehappy.Nowwebothknowthat’snever

goingtohappenifwedon’tgetthisfamilythingsquashedonceandforall.Icanhandle

them,butIcan’thandleseeingyousadallthetime.”

IlookedaroundtoseeifIsawanyofherfamilymembersaswepulledintoaparking

space.Iwassemi-relievedwhenIdidn’tseethem,butIsawtheircars.Theywerealready

insidewaitingforus.IlookedoveratStephanie,whowasstiffasaboard.

“It’ll be okay,” I nudged her. “I’m right here by your side, and we’re going to get

throughthis—together.”

Thechurchdoorssnappedshutbehindus,andtherewasnoturningback.Anannoying

buzzingsoundfromoneoftheflickeringlightsfilledthehallaswemadeourwaytothe

women’s support group room where Susan said to meet her. I looked over at Stephanie,

wholookedlikeshehadseenaghost.

“We’vegotthis.Don’tworry,”Ikissedhercheekbeforewewalkedintotheroom.

HerparentsandbrotherweregatheredaroundarectangularwoodentablewithSusan

sitting at the head of the table. As soon as we walked in, their facial expressions turned

fromconversationaltoangry.Herdadstoodupatthesametimeasherbrother.

“Iknowwedidn’tcomehereforhim!”Lanceshouted.

“Sitdown,please,”Susanaskedthem.

Stephanieturnedaroundandbegantoboltoutthedoor,Igrabbedherarm,preventing

herfromleaving.“Comeon,babe.Sitdown.”

“Youdon’ttellmysisterwhattodo!”Lancegotinmyface.“I’veabouthaditwith

you.”

“Son,sitdown,”Stephanie’sdad,Vincent,spokeup.

IthadbeenagessinceIhadseenhimbuthestilllookedthesame.Hewasabout5’7”

withabaldhead,wrinkledskinandwasstillwearingthesamepairofsuspenderstohold

hispantsupthatheusedtowearwhenStephanieandIhadfirststarteddatingyearsago.It

feltniceseeinghim,anditbroughtbacksomeoftheoldmemoriesIhadofusworking

together,repairinglawnmowers.

I looked over at her mom who was sitting quietly; that was Kim for you. She never

hadmuchtosay,neverreallyhadheropinionaboutthingsandmindedherownbusiness.

She always spent most of her time making candles for her little shop that she had on

PoplarAvenue.Iremembercarryingboxesofcandlesintohershopaftershemadethemat

home.I’llneverknowhowshepackedthemsoheavyastinyasshewas.

Lance bowed up to me, puffing his chest out before he finally sat back down at his

dad’srequest.Susaninhaleddeeplybeforelettingoutasighofrelief.“Okay,let’sgetthis

started,”shesaid.

“I’dliketohearwhatyouhavetosay,Matt,”herdadstarted.“Ittakesballs—excuse

mylanguage—”helookedaroundattheladies,“forsomeoneinyourpositiontoaskusall

together.Tellme,boy:Whydidyoudoit?”

“Ididn’tdoit.IwouldneverdothattoStephanie,ortoyourfamily.Vincent,”Ileaned

forward,restingmyarmsonthetableasIclosedagapinthedistancebetweenus,“Itried

tellingyouyearsagothatIdidn’tdoit.Mydadwaslisteninginonmyconversationwhen

IwastellingStephaniewheretoditchalloftheevidence.Hesawanopportunityforan

earlyretirementby‘finding’evidencefromsuchahigh-profileassaultinthecommunity.

Everyoneintheneighborhoodwasterrifiedand—”

“Yes,” he gave Lance the side eye, “I never said my boy was an angel. He has

certainlydoneplentyofwronginhisdays.”

“Vincent,Kim,”Ilookedatherbrother,“andLance,Iwouldneverdoanythingtotear

yourfamilyapart.Ever.That’sthewholereasonwe’reheretoday.Ican’tgoonwatching

Stephaniebeunhappybecauseyou’velimitedyourcontactwithherbecauseofme.Iwant

herhappy.IknowthatIcutmyfamilyoutofmylifeyearsagobecauseitwastheright

thingtodo,butIcan’tletthesamehappentoher.Itwouldbewrongforhertodoit.”

“Youcutyourownparentsoutofyourlife?”Kimspokeup.Stephanie’smomwasa

veryfamily-orientedperson.“Howcouldyoudothat?”

“ItaboutkilledmetolosetheonethingIlovedmorethanlifeitself.HowcouldInot

doit?Theycausedmesomuchpain,yourfamilysomuchpain.”IlookedatStephanie,“I

have always loved her, even when I shouldn’t. It’s not something I could ever turn off.

LovingherjustbecamepartofwhoIwas,andstillamtothisday.”

CHAPTER29

STEPHANIE

almostcriedwhenIheardMattsaythosewords.Itwasthemostbeautifulthing

Ihadeverheard.Wastherenothingthatterrifiedthisman?Hehadrushedinto

a burning building to save Andrew and me, fist fought with my brother and my ex, and

nowweweresittingaroundthetablewithmyfamilywhileheprofessedhisloveforme

whilehedefendedourrelationship.

“I know that you might not want to hear this, but Matt didn’t snitch on Lance. He’s

tellingthetruth,”Ilookedatmybrother.“AndLance?Hehastreatedmemuchbetterthan

yourboyeverdid.He’snevermistreatedme,jackedupmycreditormademefeellikeI

wasworthless,andhetreatsAndrewasifhewerehisown.”

“FromwhatI’veseenoverthecourseofthelastyear,theymakeeachotherhappy,and

heisverygoodtothem,”Susanspokeup.“Dothethreeofyouthinkyoucanfinditin

yourheartstoforgivehim?”

My parents looked at each other, then looked at my brother. Lance’s emotions were

plastered across his face. It was obvious to see that he was confused, hurt and sad. I

wishedIcouldtakeitallawayfromhimandshowhimwhatMattisreallylike.Ifthey

evenknewhalfofMatt’sstory,theywouldknowthathe’snotthebadguythey’vealways

thoughthewas.

“Well,”Lanceclearedhisthroat.“IdoknowthatStephaniehasapoint.I’venotseen

her this happy in a very long time.” I couldn’t believe how much his demeanor had

changedsincewefirstwalkedintothisroomalmostanhourago.

“Iagreewiththat,”mydadsteppedin.“Stephanie,ifyoubelievehimandwaswilling

togothroughallofthis,thenIacceptthefactthatwewerewrong,andMatt?”Helooked

overathim.“Ithinkweoweyouanapology,boy.”

I watched the most amazing thing happen when my dad and Matt stood up, grabbed

eachother’shandsandembracedoneanotherastheypattedeachotherontheback.Much

tomysurprise,Lancefollowedsuitandjoinedthem.

“Heyman,I’msorry.Iknowyou’vealwaysbeenthereforher,andyou’rereallygood

withmynephew.Thankyouforbringingusalltogethertoday.Iappreciateit,”mybrother

said.

“Noproblem,”Mattsaid,shakinghishand.“I’lltakecareofheruntilthedayIdieif

sheletsme.”

“Whydon’tweallgoouttodinnersomeplace?”Susaninterrupted.“Youallaren’tthe

easiestbunchtoconvince,andI’mstarved.We’vebeenhereforalmosttwohours.”

“It’ll be my treat. Where does everyone want to go?” Matt asked. “We can stop and

pickupAndrewalongtheway.”

“Ithinkhe’dlikeseeingallofhistogether.Helovesallofussomuch,andIknowit’s

beenhardforhim,too,”Isaid.

Kyle had agreed to watch Andrew for me so that Matt and I could go out, so we

stopped by his house to pick him up. While we were at the Bass Pro restaurant in the

Pyramid, he just gloated over the fact that he got to eat dinner with all of his favorite

people.Ihadn’tseenhimsmilethatbigever.

“Doyoulikeusalleatingdinnertogether,Drew?”Iaskedhim.

“Uh-huh,”heshookhisheadyes.“Youlikeuseatingtogether.”

“Stephanie,youbettertalktothatschoolabouthimsayingthingsbackwards.Hedoes

thatalot,”mymomsaid,cuttingthroughhersteak.

“They’reworkingonit.Histeachersaidthatheprobablyjustgetsthingsconfusedand

that it should improve over time. Hopefully, when he gets to kindergarten, he’ll start

outgrowingit.”

“Matt,”mydadstarted,lookingoveratmybrother.“I’dliketoapologizeonbehalfof

ourfamily.WeshouldhaveallknownthatyounevertoldonLance.Ifhewouldn’thave

beensuchafoolwhenhewasyounger,noneofthiswouldhaveeverhappened.”

“We can’t make up for lost time,” Matt began, “but we can all move forward. I

understandwhyyouthoughtthewayyoudid,butI’dneverdoanythingtohurtStephanie

oryourfamily.”

Wewereonourwaybacktoourvehicles;ourbelly’sallstuffedfromadeliciousmeal

whenIkissedmybrotherandparentsgoodnight.Onceagain,Matthadarrangedaperfect

eveningformetoenjoywithmyfamily,andmybestfriend.Iwasjustgladthattheywere

all able to finally get on the same page and realize that he’s not the bad guy that they

alwaysthoughthewas.

Aftertalkingwithmybrotheracoupleofdayslater,hefinallyadmittedtomethathe

realizedhowbadlyJoehadtreatedmeandsaidthatheunderstoodwhyIwouldgofora

guylikeMatt.IttookmepointingouteverywrongthingJoeeverdidandMattproving

what lengths he would go to in order to keep me happy and my family together. It was

nicetoknowthathefinallysawmysideofthingsinsteadofseeingthemhowhethought

theywere.

“Hey,babe?”MattaskedasIclimbedintotheshower.

“Yeah?”

“Whydon’tyouseeifyourparentswanttocomeoverfordinnertomorrownight?”

“Okay. Why do you want them to come over?” I asked as hot steam surrounded my

body. It felt good, too. We had finally gotten everything put in its place, and we could

relaxforachange.IthadbeenamonthsincewemovedinandIneverrealizedhowmuch

stuffIhadaccumulatedafterthefireuntilIhadtoorganizeeverything.

“Ijustfigureditwouldbeanicegesture,andyoushouldinviteyourbrothertoo.Isn’t

heseeingsomeone?”

“Uh-huh,hernameisWanda.She’srealnice.Icouldpicturehimandhertogetherfor

awhile—aslongashedoesn’tscrewup,butyouknowhowhecanbe.”

“Invitethetwoofthemoverandfixwhateveryouthinkwillbeeasy,orIcangrillif

youwant.”

“I don’t care either way, babe,” I said, stepping out of the shower as I wrapped the

towelaroundme.“Iloveyou.Ican’tthankyouenoughformakingthingsrightwithmy

family.Doyouknowthat?”

“Well, if you insist, you can thank me in the official ‘thank you’ room,” he nodded

towardsthebedroom.

“Is that so?” I dropped the towel and did a ‘come hither’ motion with my finger.

“FollowmeandI’llshowyouwhatthanksisallabout.”

CHAPTER30

MATT

arryingthelastslabofribsoffthegrill,IheardStephanie’sfamilybeginningto

arrive.Andrewhadbeenkeepingmecompanyinthebackyard,enjoyingthenew

swingsetthatIhadputtogetherforhim.Hesaidhewantedtobeafiremanlikemeone

daysoIevenputametalpoleontheendofitthathecanslidedown.HeandIspendalot

oftimetogetherwhenI’mhomefromwork.

“Matt,doyouneedsomehelp?”Lanceaskedashecameoutintothebackyard.

“Yeah, if you could grab those tongs and get Andrew to follow us in, that would be

great.”

Whenwewalkedinside,wefoundStephanieandWandafinishingupthesidedishes

as they laughed and talked. It was nice having her family over and watching her enjoy

herself.IsattheribsonthecounterandstartedwashingupfordinnerwhileStephanie’s

parentsfussedoverAndrew.

“Thosesmellgood,”Vincentsaidtome,eyingtheribsinthepan.“Hopeyougotmore

cookingsotherestofyouwillhavesomethingtoeat,”helaughed,rubbinghisbelly.

“Ifyoucouldeatallofthoseribs,Ibetyou’dhavetobuyanewpairofsuspenders,

Vincent.”

Wewereallsittingaroundthetable,eatingandenjoyingeachother’scompanywhen

StephaniebegantalkingaboutAndrewstartingkindergartennextmonth.Shehadalready

enrolled him, and we learned that his teacher’s name would be Miss Traverse. It didn’t

takelongforhimtojoininontheconversationandstarttalkingaboutschool.

Hewassoproudandexcitedandhadbeenpracticinghishandwriting—well,asbestas

afive-year-oldcould.Hismomandgrandmotherhadbeenworkingwithhimalottoget

himready,anditwasstartingtopayoff.Hisspeechwasbetter,andhehadagrasponhis

numbers, alphabet, colors, shapes and could even sing a few songs. I was proud of that

littleboy.

Afterdinner,weallretreatedtothebackyardsothateveryonecouldgatheraroundand

listen to me play the guitar. Andrew sat next to me as I played a little something for

everyone,dancingalongtothemusic.Hewasquitethelittleshadow.Neartheendofthe

night,IplayedaspecialsongthatIhadwrittenjustforStephanie.

“Fromthestart,youstolemyheart,

Iknewthatwecouldneverliveapart.

Ialwaysputourloveaboveall,

Alwayswillingtotakethatfall,foryou.

Stephanie,Icouldneverdowithoutthee,

Willyoutakethisringandmarryme?”

I pulled her engagement ring out of my shirt pocket and got down on my knee as I

openedthebox.Hereyessparkledastearsbeganwellingup.

“Baby, I know we’ve been down a long road with a lot of bumps, but you’re the

womanIwanttospendtherestofmylifewith.I’vealreadyspokentoyourdad,andhe’s

givenushisblessing.Willyoumarryme,please?”

She looked up at her dad, who gave her a reassuring nod before she threw her arms

aroundmyneckandsquealed.

“Yes!”Shewipedhertearsaway.“Ican’tbelieveyoudidthis.Ohmygod,”sheheld

herhandout.“Mom,didyouknowaboutthistoo?”

Kimnodded,“Yes,baby.Idid.YourdaddyandIdiscusseditwithMatt,andwewould

behappytoaddhimtoourfamily.”

ShelookedtoLancewhostoodtogiveherahug.“Congrats,sis.Youhaveagoodman

there.”

“Ican’tbelieveallofyouworkedtogetheronthis,andnobodysaidawordtome,”she

beamed.“I’mtheluckiestgirlintheworld!”

VIVIANWARDNEWSLETTER

Getfreebooks,ARCopportunities,giveaways,andspecialofferswhenyousignupfor

Vivian’snewsletter.Weallgetenoughspamsoyourinformationwillneverbeshared,

soldorredistributedinanyway.You’llinstantlyreceiveafreenoveljustforsigningup

thatisn’tavailableanywhereelse!

ClickHeretoSubscribe

ABOUTTHEAUTHOR

VivianWardwasborninBrooklyn,NewYorkbutnowlivesinSt.Louis,Missouri.Growingupthedaughterofasingle

mother,herlifewasastrugglefromdaytoday.Whenthingsgothard,sheretreatedtoherroomwhereshewouldwrite

aboutfantasyworldsthatwouldtakeherawayfromreality.Evenasanadult,herpassionforwritingneverwentaway

andnowshehopestoshareitwiththeworld.

@authorvivian

www.authorvivianward.com

vivian@authorvivianward.com

ALSOBYVIVIANWARD

Pleasecheckoutmywebsiteforacompletelistofallofmynovelsandfeelfreetopokearoundwhileyou’rethere.If

youlikedmywork,pleasetakeamomenttoleaveareviewtoletmeknow.Thankyouforyoursupport!

Facebook

➡

https://www.facebook.com/authorvivianward

FacebookFanPage

➡

https://www.facebook.com/authorvivian

FanGroup

➡

https://www.facebook.com/groups/939139036188577/

Twitter

➡

https://twitter.com/AuthorVivian

Goodreads

➡

https://www.goodreads.com/authorvivian

Newsletternewsletter.authorvivianward.com

Website

➡

www.authorvivianward.com

AmazonAuthorPage

➡

https://tinyurl.com/lvl8jud

Document Outline

Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Vivian Ward Newsletter
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Vivian Ward Newsletter
About the Author
Also by Vivian Ward

Wyszukiwarka

Podobne podstrony:
Alex Riley Dirty Boss A Second Chance Romance
Cara Colter Second Chance with the Rebel
Second Chance 2 rozdział
Second Chance Rozdział 8
082 Debbie Gould Second Chance
Hot Latin Men 4 Second Chances Delaney Diamond
Second Chance
No Regrets by Kassanna
Stormy Glenn & Lynn Hagen Elite Force 01 Second Chances
Second Chance 4 rozdział
Second Chance 1 rozdział
No Regrets by Mesa
One More Try A Second Chance R Ted Evans
Second Chance 5 rozdział
Aurora Rose Reynolds 4 5 Second Chance Holiday
Sea of Flames (Second Chances # Madison Street
Peter F Hamilton Second Chance In Eden
Second Chance 6 rozdział
Second Chance Rozdziały 1 15

więcej podobnych podstron

No Regrets (A Second Chance Romance) Vivian Ward

Document Outline