ïż1
00:00:05,155 --> 00:00:10,994
♪Subtitles translated by♪ XQ2âÅšâ™Ä„

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In the beginning
you don't know it's the beginning;

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that things are just starting.

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Then all of a sudden they're off.

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Things become altogether
different than you thought.

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At first there were only
twelve apostles.

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That was before I found my six apostles.
Before the world got better.

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I should tell you the story from the
beginning, when I still lived with my parents.

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THE BRAND NEW
TESTAMENT

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God exists. He lives in Brussels.

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He's an asshole. He's horrible
to his wife and daughter.

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There's a lot of talk about his son,
but very little about his daughter.

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His daughter is me.

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That is my father. He's God.

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Even before the creation of the world
my father was already bored.

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So, he made Brussels.

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[GENESIS]
- Voila.âÅš

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He'd made a few things;
a few other creations,

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but they didn't work out.

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Something's not right.

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So, he created man in his image.

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With him, he could do as he pleased.

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Ah, much better! Much better.

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Enoch begat Irad.
Irad begat Mehujael.

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Mehujael begat Metuskael
Metuskael begat Lamech.

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Et cetera, et cetera...

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That's when it all started.

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He set one against the other.
In his name.

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For God!

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For Allah!

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For Baal!

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Voila, now you know exactly
how it came about.

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That's me. I'm called Ea.

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This is where I was born,
and where I was stuck for ten years.

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It has no entrance
and no exit.

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Three room apartment,
fully equipped kitchen and laundry.

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And my father's office,
where no one is allowed.

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It's forbidden to watch anything
but sports on TV.

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This is my mother, a pitiful woman,
100% certified browbeaten.

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She never says anything.

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When she's not embroidering flowers,
she looks at her baseball card collection.

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...and that makes eighteen.

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It's complete.

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Ea, we eat at the table
and as a family.

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Do as you're told!
You're in MY house, here!

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What? I'm your father.

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Put that fourth plate away,
it won't bring him back.

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You never know.

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Not at my right hand.

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I told you before, it bugs me.

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Stop that.

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Stop! You're not your brother.

53
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Just because you can't do it...

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Because I don't need to be able to.

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My father lived in a crappy place,
which he never left.

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He had a crappy life,
had never loved his wife

57
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and couldn't make things
with his hands.

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SILENCE! I'm working!

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He needed something to relax
and forget all that.

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That's when he got
the idea of humanity:

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All his toys, that he could
watch suffer and struggle.

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A lot of misery and a little
happiness, to give them false hope.

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It took him 8 years, but
after all, it worked pretty well.

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My father attained a certain
degree of virtuosity.

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Since then, he spent his days

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inventing new Laws of
Universal Pain-in-the-assness.

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I need to formulate this right.

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Law 2127:
The quantity of sleep, needed,

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is always ten more minutes.

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Law 2129:

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When a body is submerged in a bathtub

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the telephone rings.

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2125:

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A slice of bread always falls
jam side down,

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otherwise the jam is on
the wrong side.

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Law 2126: dishes never break

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until after they've been washed.

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Law 2218:

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The next line always moves faster.

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Law 2231:

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pains in the ass
never come one at a time.

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Why are you looking at me like that?
Lower your eyes.

83
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It's disgusting what you do to people.

84
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What?

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You don't even know them, you just
amuse yourself by harming them.

86
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- You've been in my office?
- Anybody could do better.

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I've forbidden you to go in my office.

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- You got nothing to say to me.
- C'mere!

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See what I have to say to you? Look!

90
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See how furious you make me, huh?

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That's no good!

92
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Just at that moment I decided
to do something.

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Maybe ten years, is the limit
of what one can put up with, I dunno.

94
00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:37,042
Anyway, I knew exactly
what I wanted:

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to do better than my father.

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But first I wanted to hurt him.

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I wanted to make him suffer.
To wreck his life like he wrecked mine.

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You could call it, anger.

99
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But once I'd done it...

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I'd have to leave.

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EXODUS

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Psst! Hey, J.C.

103
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- Hi, sis. - Hey, J.C. I need
your help getting outta here.

104
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- I hear you. What did mama say?
- Nothing for fear of getting smacked.

105
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It's about time she woke up.

106
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I wanna do like you; split this joint.
Find some Apostles to give me a hand.

107
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Apostles are a good idea,
I tried 12, but it got a bit messy.

108
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I thought 12 was a good number,
like a hockey team.

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Mama's number is 18.
She says you can play baseball with 18.

110
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How many apostles should I get?

111
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Try six. With my 12, it makes 18,
like mama's baseball players.

112
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How should I choose the apostles?

113
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Go with your feeling.
You don't have to justify it.

114
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Choose any six from papa's archive,
give'em a little miracle, and you're set.

115
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I can't make miracles.

116
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Just a small miracle,
something you can handle.

117
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Then with your 6 apostles,
write a Brand New Testament.

118
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- I don't want'em talking about me.
- Make it about them.

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A Brand New Testament in which
the apostles talk about themselves.

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- That'd be so totally new!
- You know, I can't write well.

121
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Delegate to someone who can.
You think I wrote mine by myself?

122
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To escape,
I hacked the washing machine.

123
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Set it on 'synthetic fibers'

124
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40 degrees, 1,200 rpm spin cycle.

125
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It'll open a passage.
In a few hours you're out.

126
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Thanks, J.C. you're cool.

127
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Don't forget, without his computer
papa's nothing.

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(1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

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{\an8}Births / Deaths

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{\9an5}LAWS
DISASTERS
MEN / WOMEN
.
>>do not open

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Death Dates
>>DO NOT OPEN<<

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{\an8}Births ........... Deaths

133
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Send death dates?

134
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Benoit, you have
14 years, 6 months, 4 days to live.

135
00:18:58,550 --> 00:19:00,825
Robert, you have 0 days to live.

136
00:19:13,459 --> 00:19:15,375
Willy, you have 54 days to live.

137
00:19:20,625 --> 00:19:26,250
Jean-Claude, you have
12 years, 9 months, 5 days to live.

138
00:19:36,167 --> 00:19:39,750
Aurélie, you have
11 years, 6 months, 27 days to live.

139
00:19:54,542 --> 00:19:58,750
Marc, you have 83 days to live.

140
00:20:03,334 --> 00:20:07,542
Francois, you have
25 years, 3 months, 8 days to live.

141
00:20:20,417 --> 00:20:24,417
Martine, you have
5 years, 2 months, 17 days to live.

142
00:20:56,500 --> 00:20:59,009
- Psst! Hey, J.C...
- You got the files?

143
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Yeah, I sent everybody
their death date.

144
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Papa's gonna lose all credibility.

145
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He'll be hopping mad.
Super idea!

146
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Giving men knowledge of their own death...

147
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Crazy!

148
00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:53,142
It's still impossible to say
if it's a hoax

149
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or if these death dates
will prove correct.

150
00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:58,750
Who could know when people die?

151
00:21:58,875 --> 00:22:01,625
It's impossible. I don't believe it.

152
00:22:01,750 --> 00:22:03,875
And yet there are troubling coincidences.

153
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For example a fridge fell from a cargo plane

154
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at the precise moment
of the victim's predicted demise.

155
00:22:13,209 --> 00:22:15,959
Andrée, you have 2 minutes to live.

156
00:22:30,675 --> 00:22:33,247
It's a special day for this
janitorial technician.

157
00:22:33,284 --> 00:22:36,484
Overnight he's become the
longest lived man in the world.

158
00:22:38,250 --> 00:22:41,792
102 years to live! It's a record!

159
00:22:41,867 --> 00:22:44,394
From the social networks
we have this.

160
00:22:44,429 --> 00:22:47,795
Hi, I'm Kevin. 62 years to live. 62!

161
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Test!

162
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- Shit!
- Darling... darling!

163
00:22:57,202 --> 00:22:59,967
Even if cellular regeneration
is programmed,

164
00:22:59,992 --> 00:23:04,375
length of life depends on
unforeseeable factors. It's random.

165
00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:06,959
It's impossible for it
to be predetermined.

166
00:23:06,984 --> 00:23:09,417
12 years, 4 months.

167
00:23:10,250 --> 00:23:11,959
And you?

168
00:23:12,084 --> 00:23:14,125
64 days.

169
00:23:14,250 --> 00:23:15,959
It's not fair!

170
00:23:16,084 --> 00:23:20,275
I've been taking care of you for years,
and you'll live longer than me.

171
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Ea.

172
00:23:41,409 --> 00:23:45,167
Since this morning's announcements
many people did not show up to work.

173
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"What'll we do with the rest of our lives?"

174
00:23:47,362 --> 00:23:49,510
is the most frequently asked
question on social networks.

175
00:23:49,525 --> 00:23:51,500
How has this changed you?

176
00:23:51,625 --> 00:23:56,125
It won't change anything.
I'll continue as before.

177
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Rosalie: 10 months,
12 days to live.

178
00:24:04,567 --> 00:24:09,334
{\an4}Georges: 16 years,
11 months, 21 days.

179
00:24:41,792 --> 00:24:43,334
Mama!

180
00:24:59,917 --> 00:25:03,759
We're back in the studio
for a news update.

181
00:25:03,804 --> 00:25:06,962
Fighting has stopped in most
war zones,

182
00:25:06,997 --> 00:25:09,300
in the wake of 'Deathleak';
.

183
00:25:09,307 --> 00:25:12,984
the disclosure by an unidenitied
source, of our dates of death.

184
00:25:14,917 --> 00:25:17,484
Goddamn! What is this?

185
00:25:17,502 --> 00:25:19,495
On the social networks we have this:

186
00:25:19,502 --> 00:25:23,792
I'm Bart.
I still have 12 years to live

187
00:25:23,917 --> 00:25:28,990
and I'd like to make the Titanic
out of matchsticks.

188
00:25:29,542 --> 00:25:32,292
Shit, goddamn, fuck, shit!

189
00:25:32,417 --> 00:25:34,667
Henri, 6 years to live.

190
00:25:34,792 --> 00:25:37,992
What I want, is to learn to play
the helicon*. (sousaphone)

191
00:25:43,250 --> 00:25:48,834
Goddamn, Goddamn, shit!
What the hell?!

192
00:26:20,334 --> 00:26:23,750
Goddamn, Goddamn, shit!
What's this?

193
00:26:31,134 --> 00:26:33,650
EAAA!!

194
00:26:33,667 --> 00:26:39,125
Ea, get on my computer
and fix what you screwed up!

195
00:26:40,167 --> 00:26:41,875
Open up!

196
00:27:09,125 --> 00:27:10,650
Ea!

197
00:27:11,125 --> 00:27:14,650
Come back! Papa's not angry.

198
00:27:17,005 --> 00:27:18,550
EAAA!!

199
00:29:01,500 --> 00:29:03,709
It's the fish-burgers.

200
00:29:06,167 --> 00:29:07,917
- What?
- The fish-burgers.

201
00:29:08,042 --> 00:29:11,334
They're made from bits of
stranded whales.

202
00:29:11,459 --> 00:29:16,834
When a whale gets stranded somewhere,
they don't throw it out, they sell it.

203
00:29:16,959 --> 00:29:19,375
And make fish-burgers out of it.

204
00:29:19,500 --> 00:29:22,084
Do you know how to write?

205
00:29:22,209 --> 00:29:25,375
- A bit.
- Then, you will write.

206
00:29:25,500 --> 00:29:27,917
Can you take me to this address?

207
00:29:28,042 --> 00:29:30,459
I have no time. No time

208
00:29:30,584 --> 00:29:33,000
Why are you following me?

209
00:29:34,167 --> 00:29:37,042
Leave me alone. Scram!

210
00:29:37,167 --> 00:29:39,500
Anyway, I'm dyslexic.

211
00:29:40,334 --> 00:29:43,500
I don't write well,
and I can't even read,

212
00:29:43,625 --> 00:29:47,634
Then learn to write.
You wanna end up a bum, like me?

213
00:29:48,617 --> 00:29:51,080
What do you want me to write?

214
00:29:51,125 --> 00:29:54,667
- The Brand New Testament.
- What for?

215
00:29:56,334 --> 00:29:59,459
- Can you turn water into wine?
- No.

216
00:30:00,417 --> 00:30:03,042
- Can you walk on water?
- No.

217
00:30:03,167 --> 00:30:05,167
Then you won't get far.

218
00:30:09,334 --> 00:30:11,084
He was called Victor.

219
00:30:11,250 --> 00:30:15,917
His sweat smelled of salt,
garlic and lemon.

220
00:30:16,042 --> 00:30:18,375
He had skin like an old serpent

221
00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:23,225
waiting for a glass of blood
at the counter, in a deserted bar.

222
00:30:23,292 --> 00:30:26,917
Just the type
I'd have liked as father.

223
00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:32,584
What's that?

224
00:30:32,709 --> 00:30:35,459
An incinerator.

225
00:30:35,584 --> 00:30:38,792
It's beautiful.
There should be more.

226
00:30:38,917 --> 00:30:43,209
- So, ever go to paradise?
- Paradise?

227
00:30:43,334 --> 00:30:45,000
Yeah, around here.

228
00:30:45,050 --> 00:30:49,334
If this is paradise, it's so fucked up,
I could've made it myself.

229
00:30:49,459 --> 00:30:53,792
- Paradise is after death.
- No, there's nothing after death.

230
00:30:53,917 --> 00:30:58,750
Paradise is here. Adam was here
and my brother came here too.

231
00:30:58,875 --> 00:31:02,500
- But he got himself killed.
- Told ya!

232
00:31:02,625 --> 00:31:06,125
- What's your brother called?
- J.C.

233
00:31:06,250 --> 00:31:09,759
J.C.? Like J.C. Van Damme?

234
00:31:10,584 --> 00:31:13,000
- Who?
- Jean-Claude Van Damme.

235
00:31:13,125 --> 00:31:15,875
Dragon Eyes, Double Impact...

236
00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:18,250
Didn't you see Double Impact?

237
00:31:18,375 --> 00:31:21,042
Universal Soldier?

238
00:31:21,209 --> 00:31:25,250
You haven't seen anything.
You're an odd girl.

239
00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:32,667
- As if I had nothing better to do!
- Are you leaving?

240
00:31:32,792 --> 00:31:36,875
Yes, I'll find her. I tell you
that little psycho will suffer.

241
00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:41,500
You've never been down there.
It's dangerous.

242
00:31:42,834 --> 00:31:45,250
You know what your daughter did?

243
00:31:45,300 --> 00:31:48,559
She fired off the death dates!

244
00:31:48,584 --> 00:31:53,792
How can I fix this,
without the use of my computer?

245
00:31:54,375 --> 00:31:57,400
Do you get it? Before...

246
00:31:57,425 --> 00:32:01,700
I had people by the balls,
'cause they didn't know when they'd die.

247
00:32:01,709 --> 00:32:04,325
I had'em beat; walking on eggs
Understand?

248
00:32:04,350 --> 00:32:08,125
But now, they know.
They won't be shat on, anymore.

249
00:32:08,250 --> 00:32:12,025
They can decide what to do
with the rest of their lives.

250
00:32:12,050 --> 00:32:13,225
Understand? Oh?

251
00:32:14,250 --> 00:32:17,259
What if, like her brother,
she falls in with some fanatics?

252
00:32:17,284 --> 00:32:20,392
And does tricks with
glasses of milk, yada, yada...

253
00:32:20,417 --> 00:32:23,667
Do you realize the consequenses?

254
00:32:23,792 --> 00:32:27,875
Imagine if she shows them how to
get themselves out of shit.

255
00:32:27,892 --> 00:32:29,875
I, um... I... I...

256
00:32:34,084 --> 00:32:38,009
No, huh? You don't get it.

257
00:32:38,034 --> 00:32:39,859
You don't understand anything.

258
00:32:39,864 --> 00:32:42,059
You say nothing, because
you understand nothing.

259
00:32:42,075 --> 00:32:45,209
Why do you understand nothing?
Because you don't think at all!

260
00:32:45,234 --> 00:32:48,909
You think of nothing but
embroidery and baseball players!

261
00:32:48,934 --> 00:32:51,209
I detest baseball!

262
00:32:57,125 --> 00:33:01,625
Goddamit, Goddamit, Goddamit, shit.

263
00:33:04,259 --> 00:33:05,817
I'm going.

264
00:33:06,459 --> 00:33:08,417
Help me!

265
00:33:28,417 --> 00:33:30,125
Here.

266
00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:32,600
Hello.

267
00:33:32,650 --> 00:33:36,550
Hello, I'm here about
your arm and the metro.

268
00:33:36,552 --> 00:33:39,834
THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO
AURELIE

269
00:33:40,667 --> 00:33:43,334
The first apostle was called Aurélie.

270
00:33:43,459 --> 00:33:46,542
When she learned how much time
she had left to live

271
00:33:46,667 --> 00:33:51,000
she decided to change nothing
but to continue as before.

272
00:33:51,125 --> 00:33:55,542
Aurélie is a super nice girl.
Oddly, she lives alone.

273
00:33:55,667 --> 00:34:00,417
Aurélie is a babe, a fox,
a bombshell, a great piece

274
00:34:00,542 --> 00:34:02,959
the doormat of the whole building.

275
00:34:03,084 --> 00:34:07,167
Her mother was Dutch,
her father, no one knows.

276
00:34:07,334 --> 00:34:13,084
Perhaps a Lapplander, given her
porcelain complexion and dark hair.

277
00:34:13,209 --> 00:34:17,875
Anyway the combination
turned out really well.

278
00:34:18,000 --> 00:34:22,959
But, porcelain complexion and
dark hair don't suffice to make a babe.

279
00:34:23,084 --> 00:34:29,209
You also need a laugh like pearls
scattered on a marble staircase.

280
00:34:35,834 --> 00:34:40,125
Seven men in her building are
sincerely in love with Aurélie.

281
00:34:40,292 --> 00:34:43,292
Two of them are over 84 years old.

282
00:34:43,417 --> 00:34:46,667
another is under eleven.

283
00:34:46,792 --> 00:34:51,250
218 men just want to bang her.

284
00:34:54,500 --> 00:35:00,084
And for almost all the women,
she's just a slutty cock-tease.

285
00:35:07,417 --> 00:35:09,959
Yet, Aurélie lives alone,

286
00:35:10,084 --> 00:35:12,792
and her heart,
her melting-butter heart,

287
00:35:12,917 --> 00:35:16,292
is as sad as a little heap of cinders.

288
00:35:16,417 --> 00:35:21,209
When I was seven, my arm was
ripped off by a subway car.

289
00:35:21,334 --> 00:35:25,500
Don't ask how such a thing is possible.

290
00:35:25,625 --> 00:35:29,834
It was just, me here,
and my arm over there.

291
00:35:29,959 --> 00:35:34,667
In its place, now,
there's 600 grams silicone.

292
00:35:52,500 --> 00:35:54,292
Who are you?

293
00:35:54,417 --> 00:35:55,959
My father is God.

294
00:35:56,084 --> 00:35:58,084
I ran away from his house.

295
00:35:58,209 --> 00:36:02,417
I gotta find six apostles.
You're the first.

296
00:36:02,542 --> 00:36:04,625
And him?

297
00:36:04,750 --> 00:36:07,917
That's Victor. He'll be writing
the Brand New Testament.

298
00:36:08,042 --> 00:36:10,550
You need to talk about yourself.

299
00:36:10,575 --> 00:36:13,042
Myself? ... I dunno...

300
00:36:16,959 --> 00:36:20,792
One day I was alone

301
00:36:20,917 --> 00:36:23,334
and a guy came up to me.

302
00:36:23,400 --> 00:36:27,200
the type of guy who sleeps
on bits of cardboard.

303
00:36:27,209 --> 00:36:31,834
His eyes were two red balls
in a heap of flesh

304
00:36:31,959 --> 00:36:38,000
He reeked of alcohol, rotting flesh,
perspiration and urine.

305
00:36:38,125 --> 00:36:41,959
Like a dead camel in a distillery.

306
00:36:42,917 --> 00:36:46,292
As he approached, I thought

307
00:36:46,417 --> 00:36:49,167
he'd ask for money,
or pull out a knife

308
00:36:49,292 --> 00:36:53,250
or show me his cock,
as sometimes happens.

309
00:36:53,375 --> 00:36:56,500
But none of that happened.

310
00:36:56,625 --> 00:36:59,459
He just came near

311
00:36:59,584 --> 00:37:04,500
I could see he wanted to
tell me something.

312
00:37:04,625 --> 00:37:08,667
My eyes stung a bit from the odor.

313
00:37:08,792 --> 00:37:12,834
But I smiled at him.
It's a reflex.

314
00:37:12,959 --> 00:37:15,292
Then he spoke.

315
00:37:16,050 --> 00:37:20,990
In his voice there were, like,
thirty people cracking nuts.

316
00:37:23,709 --> 00:37:26,542
He said:

317
00:37:26,667 --> 00:37:28,875
Girly...

318
00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:32,000
Life is like a skating rink.

319
00:37:32,167 --> 00:37:34,784
a lot of people fall.

320
00:37:37,792 --> 00:37:40,375
A lot of people fall.

321
00:37:41,275 --> 00:37:46,992
How do you write 'skating rink'?
Two t's or two n's?

322
00:37:47,334 --> 00:37:52,750
His two-bit philosophical phrase
stuck in my head.

323
00:37:54,334 --> 00:37:59,875
Often, in the morning,
when I look in the mirror...

324
00:38:01,375 --> 00:38:04,334
I can't help thinking of it.

325
00:38:04,834 --> 00:38:07,667
Are you young or old?

326
00:38:09,334 --> 00:38:12,125
I'm still young.

327
00:38:12,250 --> 00:38:13,750
I dunno...

328
00:38:13,875 --> 00:38:18,209
- Is your mom young or old?
- She's old.

329
00:38:18,334 --> 00:38:23,584
Do you remember when
your mom was little? - No.

330
00:38:23,709 --> 00:38:25,167
Why not?

331
00:38:28,292 --> 00:38:31,375
Because I wasn't born.

332
00:38:31,440 --> 00:38:35,992
- Will you get old, too?
- I'll die before then.

333
00:38:44,917 --> 00:38:46,875
What are you doing?

334
00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:50,250
I collect people's tears.

335
00:38:50,417 --> 00:38:54,125
I don't know how to cry.
There are lots of things I can't do.

336
00:38:54,250 --> 00:38:59,334
But I can hear people's music.
Everyone has their own music.

337
00:38:59,459 --> 00:39:03,625
Do you wanna know what yours is?

338
00:39:03,959 --> 00:39:05,125
Yes.

339
00:39:09,750 --> 00:39:14,600
It's Handel. It's lovely.
Tonight I'll invent a dream for you.

340
00:41:12,875 --> 00:41:15,334
Do you know when you'll die?

341
00:41:15,459 --> 00:41:19,292
I dunno, I never had a telephone.

342
00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:38,542
The second apostle was not at home.

343
00:41:40,000 --> 00:41:43,875
{\an1}THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO JEAN-CLAUDE

344
00:41:49,150 --> 00:41:52,804
For a long time, Jean-Claude was
one of the greatest adventurers

345
00:41:52,850 --> 00:41:54,584
the world has ever known.

346
00:41:56,167 --> 00:42:01,042
Then one day, nobody knows how,
it stopped.

347
00:42:04,084 --> 00:42:07,667
Then his life became very small.

348
00:42:13,625 --> 00:42:18,084
It's called reality,
an ugly thing.

349
00:42:18,209 --> 00:42:23,542
First Jean-Claude became assistant vice-manager
of a shopping center, sub-level 2.

350
00:42:23,667 --> 00:42:26,459
Then Jean-Claude climbed
the corporate ladder

351
00:42:26,584 --> 00:42:29,804
to become Budget Manager of
the Monitoring Department.

352
00:42:29,809 --> 00:42:33,125
That means I encode numbers.

353
00:42:33,250 --> 00:42:35,875
Jean-Claude, 58 years old...

354
00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:37,959
single, no children.

355
00:42:38,084 --> 00:42:41,000
Jean-Claude lived a shitty little life.

356
00:42:41,125 --> 00:42:47,042
He traded the hours of his life
for a shitty job with shitty hours.

357
00:43:43,625 --> 00:43:46,625
When he found out how much time
he had left to live...

358
00:43:46,792 --> 00:43:51,209
he sat on a bench.
And he decided never to move again.

359
00:45:13,709 --> 00:45:18,959
So, if there were no air,
would birds fall?

360
00:45:19,084 --> 00:45:22,209
Dunno.
How can fish breathe?

361
00:45:22,254 --> 00:45:23,975
They have gills.

362
00:45:24,000 --> 00:45:25,459
I'll make a note of that.

363
00:45:25,584 --> 00:45:29,959
- Could I have gills?
- No, you're a child.

364
00:45:30,917 --> 00:45:32,500
What becomes of children?

365
00:45:32,625 --> 00:45:34,875
They become parents. Somtimes.

366
00:45:35,509 --> 00:45:39,350
- What became of your mother?
- She died.

367
00:45:39,395 --> 00:45:42,209
Why did she die?

368
00:45:42,334 --> 00:45:44,250
Because she was old.

369
00:45:45,709 --> 00:45:49,292
- What becomes of old people, then?
- They die.

370
00:45:56,584 --> 00:46:00,667
Your music is 'Le rappel des oiseaux'
by Rameau.

371
00:46:10,167 --> 00:46:12,834
He says he likes you.

372
00:46:12,959 --> 00:46:17,500
Why does he stay in this park
if he can fly anywhere?

373
00:46:20,375 --> 00:46:23,292
He says, he could ask you
the same question.

374
00:46:40,375 --> 00:46:41,834
He's gone.

375
00:46:41,959 --> 00:46:45,250
An apostle who's not there,
isn't that serious?

376
00:46:45,300 --> 00:46:48,975
No, I don't think so.
All we needed was to get acquainted.

377
00:47:43,500 --> 00:47:45,959
Excuse me...

378
00:47:46,084 --> 00:47:50,084
I'm looking for a girl with
black hair, a bit sickly...

379
00:47:51,875 --> 00:47:54,667
It hurts.
Why did you do that?

380
00:48:07,742 --> 00:48:09,700
Oh, that was me. Damn.

381
00:48:18,742 --> 00:48:22,000
EA! EAAA!

382
00:48:29,542 --> 00:48:31,000
Hey you, bum!

383
00:48:31,125 --> 00:48:34,584
What the fuck are you up to?
Eating out of garbage cans?

384
00:48:34,709 --> 00:48:37,125
I'm looking for a girl with black hair.

385
00:48:37,250 --> 00:48:39,334
You can't eat out of a dumpster.

386
00:48:39,459 --> 00:48:42,375
That garbage isn't yours.
And you stink.

387
00:48:51,542 --> 00:48:54,500
I'm bleeding. I'm bleeding!

388
00:48:54,667 --> 00:48:57,334
That's because I smashed your face in.

389
00:49:10,450 --> 00:49:12,934
He has nothing on him.
Found between two cars.

390
00:49:12,959 --> 00:49:14,792
Does it hurt when I do this?

391
00:49:16,334 --> 00:49:19,667
Moron! Of course it hurts!
It's a sprain!

392
00:49:19,792 --> 00:49:24,792
I know, because I created sprains.
And migraines. That was me too!

393
00:49:24,917 --> 00:49:28,000
- Give me morphine.
- Sir, we don't just hand it out.

394
00:49:28,125 --> 00:49:32,417
Aw, shut up! I'm sick of you.
Don't piss me off, asshole!

395
00:49:38,375 --> 00:49:42,084
- Gimme that, I'm hungry.
- Are you out of your mind?

396
00:49:48,250 --> 00:49:51,209
THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO THE SEX MANIAC

397
00:49:51,334 --> 00:49:54,250
The third apostle was named Marc.

398
00:49:54,375 --> 00:49:57,500
He called himself "sex maniac".

399
00:49:59,375 --> 00:50:01,500
♪ Change me

400
00:50:01,975 --> 00:50:05,500
♪ You wanna change me

401
00:50:06,375 --> 00:50:11,500
♪ it's so much easier
to change me than try...

402
00:50:15,667 --> 00:50:18,042
Marc didn't think of his parents, often.

403
00:50:18,167 --> 00:50:22,542
But when Marc thought of them,
usually the same memories came to mind.

404
00:50:22,709 --> 00:50:25,500
I remember the caravan model 'Comtesse'

405
00:50:25,667 --> 00:50:29,250
which my parents bought on
a ten year mortgage.

406
00:50:29,375 --> 00:50:34,917
A few cubic meters that smelled of soap,
tanning lotion and tomato sauce.

407
00:50:35,709 --> 00:50:38,792
Through the anti-mildew curtain

408
00:50:38,917 --> 00:50:43,667
you can hear the rain falling on
the campground 'Manga del Mar Menor'.

409
00:50:43,792 --> 00:50:47,709
I'm nine, and my life changed,
barely three hours ago.

410
00:51:09,592 --> 00:51:11,995
Legs, long like pulled taffy

411
00:51:12,000 --> 00:51:15,867
a turquoise bikini as big as
two dots and a comma.

412
00:51:16,042 --> 00:51:21,875
She looked at me with a strange expression
a mixture of interest and disgust.

413
00:51:22,000 --> 00:51:26,250
I wanted to eat her.
I smiled stupidly.

414
00:51:28,292 --> 00:51:30,667
She was the daughter
of the German family.

415
00:51:36,334 --> 00:51:39,959
Of course, I have many other
memories of my childhood.

416
00:51:40,084 --> 00:51:46,417
What's strange is, that in each
memory there's a little sadness.

417
00:51:46,542 --> 00:51:51,000
You see my eyebrows?
As if I was making an effort.

418
00:51:51,125 --> 00:51:54,500
Naturally, I AM making an effort.

419
00:52:03,002 --> 00:52:07,900
I try to prevent all the images
in my head from bursting out of my eyes

420
00:52:07,934 --> 00:52:12,625
and splattering against the
clean walls of my parents' living room.

421
00:52:18,375 --> 00:52:22,875
For two years, the image of the
German girl, with her caramel legs

422
00:52:23,000 --> 00:52:26,417
the contempt in her eyes and
the violent turquoise of her bikini

423
00:52:26,542 --> 00:52:28,959
have never left my mind.

424
00:52:29,084 --> 00:52:32,042
Then other girls came along.

425
00:52:32,167 --> 00:52:33,750
The hairdresser's daughter.

426
00:52:33,875 --> 00:52:37,417
The one with the cute nose
and tight pants.

427
00:52:37,542 --> 00:52:40,625
- The baker's daughter.
- With Her doe eyes

428
00:52:40,750 --> 00:52:44,792
which looked so sad, it seemed
as if she'd just been crying.

429
00:52:45,834 --> 00:52:47,834
Cathy, the neighbor's daughter.

430
00:52:47,959 --> 00:52:52,250
So timid, that when she talks,
it sounds like a tire blowing out.

431
00:52:52,375 --> 00:52:54,917
He hit it! Papa, he hit it!

432
00:52:56,459 --> 00:52:58,917
What becomes of children?

433
00:52:59,042 --> 00:53:00,792
They become adults.

434
00:53:00,917 --> 00:53:04,042
And what becomes of adults?

435
00:53:04,167 --> 00:53:06,334
Sometimes they have children.

436
00:53:06,459 --> 00:53:08,875
Will you have children?

437
00:53:10,750 --> 00:53:15,292
I don't have the time. Not in 83 days.
And first I'd have to meet a girl.

438
00:53:15,417 --> 00:53:17,625
Look at the girl. Smile...

439
00:53:17,750 --> 00:53:20,667
unless she says something sad.

440
00:53:20,792 --> 00:53:23,792
Lesson 2.
If she touches her hair, say:

441
00:53:23,917 --> 00:53:29,125
- I love your hairdo. Very original.
- I love your hairdo. Very original.

442
00:53:29,250 --> 00:53:33,209
- You're different from other girls.
- You're different from other girls.

443
00:53:43,375 --> 00:53:47,334
I really love your hairdo.
Very original.

444
00:53:52,042 --> 00:53:55,417
When he learned he had only
83 days to live

445
00:53:55,542 --> 00:53:58,834
He thought, time is too short.
He hadn't a day to lose.

446
00:53:58,959 --> 00:54:01,709
I thought, I'll empty out
my bank account.

447
00:54:01,834 --> 00:54:04,917
18,000 euro, 83 days to live,

448
00:54:05,042 --> 00:54:07,750
200 euros per day,
and the rest for food.

449
00:55:09,125 --> 00:55:11,084
It's all there.

450
00:55:11,209 --> 00:55:16,334
At the same time,
so close at hand

451
00:55:16,459 --> 00:55:18,792
yet so far away.

452
00:55:29,125 --> 00:55:32,417
I want them all, all...

453
00:55:32,542 --> 00:55:35,542
Life would be like a miracle.

454
00:55:40,675 --> 00:55:43,975
Let the days pass and
take me towards death.

455
00:55:44,000 --> 00:55:49,000
Nothing matters anymore,
my life will be as I dreamed.

456
00:55:49,459 --> 00:55:53,417
Never, in my life, I'd imagined
days so full of happiness.

457
00:55:53,542 --> 00:55:58,292
Days flavored of fresh fruits,
days flavored of grand mysterious voyages

458
00:55:58,417 --> 00:56:01,625
salty flavored days,
days of infinite beauty.

459
00:56:03,467 --> 00:56:06,409
Until the day I ran out of money.

460
00:56:06,417 --> 00:56:09,000
200 euros a day is a bit short.

461
00:56:09,025 --> 00:56:12,979
Salty flavored* days ...
Does 'gout*' have an accent?

462
00:56:12,999 --> 00:56:17,734
- Why isn't everything free on earth?
- I don't know.

463
00:56:25,375 --> 00:56:28,667
Your music is 'O Solitude' by Purcell.

464
00:56:28,792 --> 00:56:33,250
It was written for a voice like yours.
You have a very nice voice.

465
00:56:33,375 --> 00:56:37,375
You could try to earn some
money with your voice.

466
00:56:46,375 --> 00:56:49,250
Test. 1, 2, 3 ... Test.

467
00:56:49,375 --> 00:56:52,542
Perfect. When you see the 'H' start.
- OK.

468
00:56:55,375 --> 00:56:58,542
- Ah, ooh...
- Aah...

469
00:56:59,584 --> 00:57:01,750
- More, more.
- Yes, yes.

470
00:57:02,584 --> 00:57:04,750
Yes, yes, yes...

471
00:57:06,584 --> 00:57:09,417
- Great. Oh good!
- Ahh!

472
00:57:16,834 --> 00:57:19,292
OK, very good.
I'll just change the roll.

473
00:57:30,834 --> 00:57:33,209
Ah, Proust.

474
00:57:33,334 --> 00:57:35,792
'In Search of Lost Time'

475
00:57:35,917 --> 00:57:38,584
"For a long time I would go to bed early"

476
00:57:38,709 --> 00:57:40,250
I especially like Elstir.

477
00:57:40,269 --> 00:57:43,750
I can't figure out if he's
really in love with Andrée

478
00:57:43,875 --> 00:57:46,209
or if it's to make Albertine jealous.

479
00:57:46,334 --> 00:57:50,125
Just 'to call a spud a spud'?*

480
00:57:50,250 --> 00:57:52,834
Pardon?

481
00:57:52,959 --> 00:57:56,042
'call a spate a spate'.*

482
00:57:58,375 --> 00:58:01,875
- There's some sadness in Proust.
- I think so too.

483
00:58:02,000 --> 00:58:05,375
Through his secondary characters
Proust 'in a grain of pepper'*

484
00:58:05,500 --> 00:58:08,700
manages to 'pull the doughnuts
out of the fire'.*

485
00:58:11,417 --> 00:58:13,459
I like the way you talk.

486
00:58:13,584 --> 00:58:17,052
Excuse my French, I always
'put my mouth in my foot'.

487
00:58:17,077 --> 00:58:20,539
The way you said
"call a spud a spud", is lovely.*

488
00:58:20,584 --> 00:58:23,625
Why? Isn't that how you say it?

489
00:58:24,025 --> 00:58:25,434
No.

490
00:58:33,125 --> 00:58:36,575
- Manga del Mar Menor.
- Bitte? (sorry?)

491
00:58:37,917 --> 00:58:40,417
Manga del Mar Menor.

492
00:58:40,542 --> 00:58:43,125
The campground. The beach.

493
00:58:44,042 --> 00:58:48,992
That boy was me.
Das kleine Kind, das war ich.

494
00:58:49,000 --> 00:58:50,704
- Wirklich? (Really?)
- Ja.

495
00:58:50,750 --> 00:58:53,634
- Das warst du? (That was you?)
- Ja.

496
00:59:21,667 --> 00:59:23,667
It's been a pleasure.

497
00:59:27,792 --> 00:59:29,917
Would you like to...

498
00:59:31,375 --> 00:59:33,084
Yes.

499
00:59:59,342 --> 01:00:02,617
My heart is pounding
like a 'stammer'.

500
01:00:04,750 --> 01:00:06,667
Mine too.

501
01:00:10,917 --> 01:00:13,375
- Good night.
- Good night.

502
01:00:51,259 --> 01:00:53,875
... 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7...

503
01:00:55,959 --> 01:00:58,875
... 13, 14, 15!

504
01:01:55,405 --> 01:01:57,584
Andale. Piss off.
Stand in line!

505
01:01:57,750 --> 01:02:00,167
- This line's faster.
- Get back there!

506
01:02:08,850 --> 01:02:10,167
No, no...

507
01:02:11,500 --> 01:02:13,750
I'm god!

508
01:02:21,792 --> 01:02:26,334
Such a beautiful face.
It radiates peace.

509
01:02:28,625 --> 01:02:32,500
God tells us,
'love your neighbor as yourself'.

510
01:02:32,625 --> 01:02:35,584
- I never said that.
- Pardon?

511
01:02:35,750 --> 01:02:38,042
- I never said that!
- No, I...

512
01:02:38,067 --> 01:02:42,284
I detest myself, so I'd never say it.
I'd say, I dunno...

513
01:02:42,289 --> 01:02:47,042
detest your neighbor
as you detest yourself.

514
01:02:47,167 --> 01:02:48,917
But that guy, there ...

515
01:02:49,084 --> 01:02:51,542
screwed it up.

516
01:02:52,334 --> 01:02:57,084
He improvised.
Went with his feelings. See?

517
01:02:59,125 --> 01:03:00,625
But 'I' am God.

518
01:03:00,750 --> 01:03:03,667
I invented all the crap.

519
01:03:03,792 --> 01:03:06,584
You're a nice guy. Hm?

520
01:03:06,709 --> 01:03:09,209
- Got a big heart?
- I try.

521
01:03:09,334 --> 01:03:12,500
You're daydreamer.

522
01:03:12,625 --> 01:03:14,375
Ludovic.

523
01:03:15,250 --> 01:03:20,625
Your mother died when you were five.
No? And you were grief-stricken.

524
01:03:20,750 --> 01:03:23,084
And you got polio, afterwards.

525
01:03:23,209 --> 01:03:27,584
Oh, poor Ludovic.
One leg shorter than the other.

526
01:03:28,750 --> 01:03:30,917
How, sad!

527
01:03:32,167 --> 01:03:34,584
And little Cécile.
Remember Cécile?

528
01:03:34,709 --> 01:03:37,417
Lovely little Cécile!

529
01:03:37,542 --> 01:03:41,250
You were in love with Cécile.
You loved Cécile, huh?

530
01:03:41,375 --> 01:03:44,667
When you gave her flowers,
what did she do? Laughed in your face!

531
01:03:44,792 --> 01:03:49,625
She laughed in your face because
she was with that asshole with a moped.

532
01:03:49,750 --> 01:03:53,959
And you couldn't ride a moped because
you had one leg shorter than the other.

533
01:03:54,125 --> 01:03:57,834
All that was me. ME! Understand?

534
01:03:57,959 --> 01:03:59,667
He is nothing.

535
01:03:59,792 --> 01:04:02,584
All he succeded in doing

536
01:04:02,709 --> 01:04:06,934
was getting himself nailed to
a coat rack*, like an owl.

537
01:04:17,167 --> 01:04:20,467
I'm GOD!
Are you sick in the head?

538
01:04:21,084 --> 01:04:24,167
THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO
THE ASSASSIN

539
01:04:25,625 --> 01:04:28,209
The fourth apostle was named Francois.

540
01:04:28,334 --> 01:04:31,750
The day everyone learned
how long they had to live

541
01:04:31,875 --> 01:04:33,542
Francois bought a rifle.

542
01:04:37,542 --> 01:04:40,625
If he shot his target
and missed

543
01:04:40,750 --> 01:04:44,542
it meant, it wasn't
that person's day to die.

544
01:04:44,667 --> 01:04:49,084
If he killed the person, then,
it wouldn't be his fault.

545
01:04:50,149 --> 01:04:54,925
It was written. Francois was
merely the hand of destiny.

546
01:05:31,959 --> 01:05:34,584
He'd always loved death.

547
01:05:50,000 --> 01:05:52,542
He loved funerals.

548
01:05:53,792 --> 01:05:58,417
Francois never cried.
He was never sad.

549
01:05:58,542 --> 01:06:01,209
He called himself The Assassin.

550
01:06:01,334 --> 01:06:05,042
The Assassin had slain
according to this partial list:

551
01:06:05,167 --> 01:06:07,959
Ants: number, unknown.

552
01:06:09,250 --> 01:06:11,417
Flies: number, unknown.

553
01:06:15,125 --> 01:06:17,209
Butterflies: six.

554
01:06:17,734 --> 01:06:20,142
Estimates by The Assassin.

555
01:06:20,209 --> 01:06:22,759
His cousin's mice.

556
01:06:23,917 --> 01:06:26,500
Two parakeets, still his cousin's

557
01:06:28,002 --> 01:06:31,267
Poisoned by 'spirits of salt'* (HCl)
in the food dish.

558
01:06:31,334 --> 01:06:33,667
The Assassin knew that
he was an assassin

559
01:06:33,702 --> 01:06:37,747
ever since as a very small child
he became aware of himself.

560
01:06:37,792 --> 01:06:41,542
At the same time he realized
there was a world outside himself.

561
01:06:41,667 --> 01:06:45,292
At the same time he became
aware of the great frontier

562
01:06:45,417 --> 01:06:49,250
separating the world of life
from that of death.

563
01:06:54,542 --> 01:06:56,625
I knew I was the 'Ferryman'.

564
01:06:56,750 --> 01:07:01,584
I was made for taking lives,
it was my deep nature I couldn't help it.

565
01:07:01,709 --> 01:07:06,250
Like hair color, or shape of the nose,
it's genetically coded.

566
01:07:06,375 --> 01:07:08,709
I'm an assassin.

567
01:07:08,834 --> 01:07:12,500
My focus, my raison d'etre,
my vocation is ...

568
01:07:12,625 --> 01:07:14,167
killing.

569
01:07:14,667 --> 01:07:17,667
Today The Assassin is 41 years old,

570
01:07:17,792 --> 01:07:22,125
At this stage, what's important
to know about The Assassin

571
01:07:22,250 --> 01:07:25,334
is that his wife is named Catherine.

572
01:07:25,459 --> 01:07:29,784
They had a child; a boy,
by mutual accord, called Grégory.

573
01:07:31,159 --> 01:07:35,000
Catherine doesn't know that
The Assassin is an assassin.

574
01:07:35,167 --> 01:07:37,925
She usually calls him - 'Cheri' - in the daytime,

575
01:07:37,950 --> 01:07:39,900
on the phone, or with friends.

576
01:07:39,909 --> 01:07:42,875
Sometimes - 'Bunny-rabbit'- on certain nights:

577
01:07:43,000 --> 01:07:47,417
or - 'Francois'.- during serious
discussions or arguments.

578
01:07:47,542 --> 01:07:51,292
Francois was one of the
many victims of 'Law 1522'

579
01:07:51,417 --> 01:07:53,042
invented by my father.

580
01:07:53,209 --> 01:07:56,959
If, one day, you fall in love

581
01:07:57,125 --> 01:08:01,167
with a woman, there's a great chance

582
01:08:01,222 --> 01:08:04,142
you will not spend your life with her.

583
01:08:04,209 --> 01:08:08,209
Francois used to sell life insurance
but quickly realized

584
01:08:08,334 --> 01:08:10,667
that his job served no purpose.

585
01:08:10,792 --> 01:08:14,667
For your last day, choose one of
our fifty destinations.

586
01:08:14,792 --> 01:08:18,500
Treat yourself to an end that
surpasses all that preceded it.

587
01:08:20,875 --> 01:08:22,875
Hi, Kevin here again.

588
01:09:09,334 --> 01:09:11,875
Why do you shoot at people?

589
01:09:12,000 --> 01:09:16,600
If they die, it's not my fault.
It's their time to die, today.

590
01:09:16,625 --> 01:09:19,334
If I miss ...

591
01:09:19,459 --> 01:09:21,334
this wasn't their day.

592
01:09:21,459 --> 01:09:25,250
- Is your gun loaded?
- No, not yet.

593
01:09:27,042 --> 01:09:29,834
I should tell you
it's not your fault.

594
01:09:29,859 --> 01:09:33,634
I fucked up all this shit.
I sent off the death dates

595
01:09:33,659 --> 01:09:36,167
to get revenge on my father.

596
01:09:36,292 --> 01:09:40,542
I thought I could do some good for people.
Now I must find six apostles.

597
01:09:40,667 --> 01:09:42,709
You're the fourth.

598
01:09:47,459 --> 01:09:50,625
Your music is
'The Death and the Maiden' by Schubert.

599
01:09:50,750 --> 01:09:54,459
It's sad but beautiful.
It would go well with Handel.

600
01:09:54,584 --> 01:09:58,950
You should try shooting
a young woman with chestnut hair.

601
01:10:01,209 --> 01:10:03,000
Go ahead.

602
01:10:05,250 --> 01:10:07,709
She'll pass by in six seconds.

603
01:10:07,834 --> 01:10:10,417
One crocodile, two crocodiles,
three crocodiles

604
01:10:10,542 --> 01:10:14,459
four crocodiles, five crocodiles,
six crocodiles...

605
01:10:17,875 --> 01:10:20,750
- How'd you do that?
- That's her. Shoot.

606
01:10:21,250 --> 01:10:23,092
Shoot! Shoot!

607
01:10:28,709 --> 01:10:30,209
What happened?

608
01:10:30,334 --> 01:10:32,292
A miracle.

609
01:11:52,125 --> 01:11:54,375
I don't love you.

610
01:12:01,542 --> 01:12:03,000
I don't love you.

611
01:12:03,125 --> 01:12:06,625
I don't love you.
I don't love you.

612
01:12:23,542 --> 01:12:25,125
Yeah.

613
01:12:32,834 --> 01:12:34,959
A little tired, that's all.

614
01:12:56,042 --> 01:12:58,292
Excuse me ...

615
01:12:58,417 --> 01:13:00,334
I love you.

616
01:13:00,459 --> 01:13:04,959
I've never loved anyone.
I'm married, I don't love my wife.

617
01:13:05,084 --> 01:13:09,125
I don't love my son, either.
I never loved my parents.

618
01:13:09,292 --> 01:13:11,375
I've never loved anything, anyhow.

619
01:13:11,500 --> 01:13:13,125
Except you.

620
01:13:14,625 --> 01:13:18,209
I love you and
I will always love you.

621
01:13:19,375 --> 01:13:22,125
If you don't love me, it's fine.

622
01:13:22,250 --> 01:13:27,084
I'll go live alone, waiting for death,
thinking of you every day.

623
01:13:37,900 --> 01:13:40,009
I wrote my number on the wrapping.

624
01:13:40,084 --> 01:13:42,292
She'll call you.

625
01:14:14,250 --> 01:14:17,417
13, 14, 15, 16 ...

626
01:14:56,750 --> 01:14:59,084
Hi, still Kevin.

627
01:15:02,542 --> 01:15:04,792
62 years to live!

628
01:15:11,000 --> 01:15:14,125
THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO MARTINE

629
01:15:14,292 --> 01:15:17,334
The fifth apostle was called Martine.

630
01:15:18,759 --> 01:15:22,325
In the beginning, when she still
lived in the land of childhood

631
01:15:22,392 --> 01:15:27,140
Martine's heart was composed,
95%, of gooey, perfumy stuff

632
01:15:27,200 --> 01:15:30,675
which predisposes you
to romantic love.

633
01:15:31,667 --> 01:15:34,459
Some things, you can't change.

634
01:15:34,584 --> 01:15:39,167
{\an4}Martine, you have
5 years, 2 months, 17 days to live.

635
01:15:47,417 --> 01:15:50,209
- I won't be here, tonight.
- What?

636
01:15:50,334 --> 01:15:54,084
I have a meeting in DÃźsseldorf,
with the Germans. - Oh.

637
01:16:21,342 --> 01:16:24,500
'Morning, Madame. Feel like a coffee?

638
01:16:55,917 --> 01:16:58,750
My husband came by the house.

639
01:16:58,875 --> 01:17:03,084
He got a message that he had
39 years left to live.

640
01:17:03,209 --> 01:17:08,042
I told him I had five years.
It seemed to comfort him.

641
01:17:21,909 --> 01:17:23,884
Is 200, OK?

642
01:17:52,875 --> 01:17:54,917
You have beautiful hair, Madame.

643
01:17:55,000 --> 01:17:58,667
Thank you. Would you mind
not calling me Madame?

644
01:18:00,584 --> 01:18:03,042
You have very beautiful eyes, too.

645
01:18:03,167 --> 01:18:06,875
Thank you. What's your name?

646
01:18:07,000 --> 01:18:08,875
I'm called Philippe.

647
01:18:10,125 --> 01:18:11,709
Oh, yes...

648
01:18:18,417 --> 01:18:20,042
Don't look.

649
01:19:04,917 --> 01:19:08,459
When I see people,
I hear their little music.

650
01:19:08,584 --> 01:19:11,084
Everyone has their own little music.

651
01:19:20,375 --> 01:19:22,125
You...

652
01:19:22,250 --> 01:19:24,292
have circus music.

653
01:20:13,300 --> 01:20:16,334
He says he likes you.

654
01:20:16,459 --> 01:20:19,775
It's the first time something
so beautiful happened to me.

655
01:20:19,842 --> 01:20:23,717
Such lovely proof of love
makes me so happy.

656
01:21:04,250 --> 01:21:06,959
Never mind,
I'm fed up with that thing.

657
01:21:07,125 --> 01:21:09,792
Make yourself at home.
Want something to drink?

658
01:21:15,584 --> 01:21:18,709
Sure you don't want to sleep inside?

659
01:21:18,834 --> 01:21:22,292
I can't sleep unless I see the sky.

660
01:21:22,417 --> 01:21:24,709
Victor had done 6 months in prison.

661
01:21:24,834 --> 01:21:28,334
He was in the wrong place
at the wrong time.

662
01:21:28,459 --> 01:21:33,459
When he got out, he couldn't stand
to sleep with a roof over him.

663
01:21:33,584 --> 01:21:37,375
He was afraid of waking up
locked up.

664
01:22:16,667 --> 01:22:18,167
17.

665
01:22:40,667 --> 01:22:43,584
How do you know, you love me?

666
01:22:44,209 --> 01:22:46,125
You don't even know me.

667
01:22:47,125 --> 01:22:50,609
I shot at you. I hit you and
nothing happened.

668
01:22:50,634 --> 01:22:53,400
Then I followed you,
I could smell your odor.

669
01:22:53,489 --> 01:22:57,450
It's like watercress.
And I fell in love.

670
01:23:05,092 --> 01:23:07,359
All right, come.

671
01:24:39,292 --> 01:24:40,959
Oh, shit.

672
01:25:01,542 --> 01:25:02,875
Ea!

673
01:25:07,175 --> 01:25:10,892
- Who's he?
- My Father, God.

674
01:25:10,959 --> 01:25:13,159
I never imagined him like that.

675
01:25:29,917 --> 01:25:34,042
Praise Myself! You're coming home
and you'll reboot my computer.

676
01:25:34,167 --> 01:25:36,250
You don't scare me.

677
01:25:36,375 --> 01:25:38,750
See what a state I'm in?

678
01:25:39,625 --> 01:25:41,542
Why won't you reboot it?

679
01:25:41,667 --> 01:25:45,459
Why won't you reboot my computer?
And put a stop to this crap.

680
01:25:45,584 --> 01:25:47,667
I'm never coming back!

681
01:25:48,042 --> 01:25:49,500
Do you like it here?

682
01:25:49,625 --> 01:25:53,709
I'm happy, I got lots of friends.
I just need one more apostle, to make 18.

683
01:25:53,834 --> 01:25:55,459
STOOOOPP!!

684
01:25:55,584 --> 01:25:58,334
Stop it, with your 18 apostles.

685
01:25:58,409 --> 01:26:00,799
12! There are 12, like hockey team.

686
01:26:00,834 --> 01:26:03,375
It works, it always has!
I told your brother.

687
01:26:03,500 --> 01:26:06,375
You want 18 because
your mother loves baseball.

688
01:26:06,500 --> 01:26:09,834
But, FUCK BASEBALL!

689
01:26:11,250 --> 01:26:14,417
You always loved your mother
more than me.

690
01:26:18,317 --> 01:26:20,842
*Bai He Quan, the White Crane!

691
01:26:27,625 --> 01:26:30,625
I've seen it. 'Way of the Dragon'?

692
01:26:31,625 --> 01:26:33,509
The Cunning Elephant.

693
01:26:38,384 --> 01:26:40,950
Forget it, Victor. Let's go.

694
01:26:44,384 --> 01:26:45,950
No.

695
01:26:47,209 --> 01:26:49,167
Give me your hand.

696
01:26:59,450 --> 01:27:03,842
Ea! Don't make me come over there!
Ea, get back here!

697
01:27:13,450 --> 01:27:14,709
Ea!

698
01:27:15,450 --> 01:27:16,709
Ea!

699
01:27:28,750 --> 01:27:31,709
We fished him out of the canal.

700
01:27:31,774 --> 01:27:35,225
Dry him out on the mattress
with the Uzbeks.

701
01:28:37,542 --> 01:28:39,084
THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO WILLY

702
01:28:39,209 --> 01:28:42,834
The sixth and last apostle
was named Willy.

703
01:28:42,959 --> 01:28:46,167
When Willy found out how long
he had to live

704
01:28:46,292 --> 01:28:49,500
he decided to become a girl.

705
01:28:49,625 --> 01:28:52,742
Willy was my own personal miracle.

706
01:28:55,917 --> 01:28:58,709
Willy has always been sickly.

707
01:28:58,834 --> 01:29:02,959
You know what skin cancer is?
I've told you before, eh?

708
01:29:06,375 --> 01:29:08,250
Time for your injection.

709
01:29:08,375 --> 01:29:12,250
He never had anything serious
like cancer or stuff like that

710
01:29:12,375 --> 01:29:14,800
but sick, nevertheless. Always.

711
01:29:17,834 --> 01:29:20,709
When we were alone
my mother used to look at me.

712
01:29:20,834 --> 01:29:24,375
A funny look. Like I was
a box of tacks still lying around

713
01:29:24,500 --> 01:29:26,667
after she'd just cleaned house.

714
01:29:28,584 --> 01:29:31,959
Then she said I looked like hell.

715
01:29:32,125 --> 01:29:36,042
- You look like hell.
- And that I should keep calm.

716
01:29:36,167 --> 01:29:38,625
You have to keep calm.

717
01:29:38,680 --> 01:29:42,334
And then she gave me that
darned injection.

718
01:29:42,389 --> 01:29:47,342
Deep inside, something told me all was
not right with my mother's injections.

719
01:29:50,459 --> 01:29:52,750
Can we increase the dose?

720
01:29:52,875 --> 01:29:57,459
I know it's difficult for you.
You're doing all you can.

721
01:29:59,667 --> 01:30:01,334
The doctor liked my mother.

722
01:30:01,459 --> 01:30:05,500
He spoke to her, as if to
a draft horse, that he pitied.

723
01:30:05,625 --> 01:30:10,917
He thought, it can't be easy
to have child in fragile health.

724
01:30:11,042 --> 01:30:13,292
He cast a worried glance me,

725
01:30:13,417 --> 01:30:17,317
as if he found it odd that
I had any temperature at all,

726
01:30:18,000 --> 01:30:21,775
since I puked, morning till night,
a sort of greenish bile.

727
01:30:22,042 --> 01:30:25,284
By the age of 7, I'd had
an operation on my pancreas

728
01:30:25,299 --> 01:30:29,834
because the synthetic anti-diabetics
my mother shot me up with, daily,

729
01:30:29,959 --> 01:30:33,417
had burned it out like a hamburger.

730
01:30:33,542 --> 01:30:36,709
Then, what was supposed to happen, happened.

731
01:30:45,292 --> 01:30:48,834
It's next Sunday. In a week.

732
01:30:48,959 --> 01:30:51,125
I know. It's my fault.

733
01:30:51,250 --> 01:30:53,917
I released the death dates.

734
01:30:54,042 --> 01:30:59,167
You did right. Afterwards, everything
changed for me, for the better.

735
01:31:05,625 --> 01:31:07,459
Your mother and I ...

736
01:31:07,584 --> 01:31:11,750
felt we should be honest with you.

737
01:31:12,375 --> 01:31:14,667
You'll die on ...

738
01:31:14,792 --> 01:31:18,917
You still have ... a few weeks.

739
01:31:19,042 --> 01:31:22,834
We didn't tell you earlier
because you might...

740
01:31:22,959 --> 01:31:25,250
Is there anything you'd like?

741
01:31:25,375 --> 01:31:30,292
Do you want to quit school?
Take a trip? Whatever...

742
01:31:30,417 --> 01:31:32,334
we'll agree.

743
01:31:34,250 --> 01:31:36,875
Can boys become girls?

744
01:31:39,792 --> 01:31:41,417
What?

745
01:31:42,167 --> 01:31:44,792
I'd like to be a girl.

746
01:31:47,709 --> 01:31:49,167
Are you sure?

747
01:32:08,292 --> 01:32:10,925
Parents are such jerks!

748
01:32:11,000 --> 01:32:12,847
My friend's parents...

749
01:32:12,850 --> 01:32:17,084
when they found out, he was
gonna die, kept him locked up.

750
01:32:17,209 --> 01:32:22,750
He wanted to live as Alpha Arceus.
That's an aluminum Pokémon.

751
01:32:22,875 --> 01:32:25,750
At first they said OK.

752
01:32:25,875 --> 01:32:29,750
Then, they preferred that
he listen to J. S. Bach,

753
01:32:29,875 --> 01:32:32,750
for the ten days he had left.

754
01:32:32,875 --> 01:32:35,542
I felt like shooting myself!

755
01:32:36,084 --> 01:32:39,125
We live in a totally shitty world!

756
01:32:39,250 --> 01:32:43,167
I know, it's my father's fault.

757
01:32:43,292 --> 01:32:45,209
- Your father?
- My father is God.

758
01:32:45,334 --> 01:32:49,500
Couldn't get along with him,
so I split.

759
01:32:49,555 --> 01:32:52,505
My mother, too, is a goddess,
but doesn't dare say anything.

760
01:32:52,550 --> 01:32:54,667
She embroiders, all day.

761
01:32:54,792 --> 01:32:57,500
My father makes her zip her mouth.

762
01:32:59,084 --> 01:33:01,334
Sometimes I miss my mother.

763
01:33:04,667 --> 01:33:08,567
18. This changes everything. 18!

764
01:33:11,084 --> 01:33:13,209
Just like baseball.

765
01:33:18,334 --> 01:33:22,500
Does your father have powers
like a superhero?

766
01:33:22,625 --> 01:33:26,417
- Just power hungry.
- Do you have powers?

767
01:33:36,375 --> 01:33:39,084
You can multiply ham sandwiches!

768
01:33:39,209 --> 01:33:41,125
Doesn't always work, just sometimes.

769
01:33:41,250 --> 01:33:43,750
Sometimes the ham's missing

770
01:33:43,875 --> 01:33:47,500
There's lots of stuff I can't do.
Crying, for example.

771
01:33:47,625 --> 01:33:51,250
There's lots of stuff I've never done.
I've seen nothing of the world.

772
01:33:51,375 --> 01:33:55,084
I've never eaten an apple,
I've never seen the sea.

773
01:34:00,000 --> 01:34:03,625
Your music is "La Mer"
by Charles Trenet. It's nice.

774
01:34:03,750 --> 01:34:06,000
Tonight, I'll invent a dream for you.

775
01:34:09,084 --> 01:34:11,125
Willy, at least, eat the fish.

776
01:34:19,084 --> 01:34:28,125
♪ La mer, qu'on voit danser
Le long des golfes clairs

777
01:34:30,084 --> 01:34:41,125
♪ A des reflets d'argent, la mer
A des reflets changeants sous la pluie

778
01:34:42,884 --> 01:34:51,125
♪ La mer au ciel d'été
Confond ses blancs moutons

779
01:34:53,084 --> 01:35:01,425
♪ Avec les anges si purs.
La mer bergère d'azur infinie

780
01:35:01,542 --> 01:35:05,834
- He said he wants to return to the sea.
- I understand that.

781
01:35:05,959 --> 01:35:09,000
Good idea taking him to the sea.

782
01:35:09,075 --> 01:35:13,167
I'm gonna die in a week,
might as well die at the seaside.

783
01:35:22,000 --> 01:35:24,959
That's a great dress. Totally awesome!

784
01:35:28,259 --> 01:35:31,320
OK, I think,
we need to help the kids.

785
01:35:31,375 --> 01:35:34,334
Yes, I think so, too,
we need to help the kids.

786
01:35:34,459 --> 01:35:37,209
We have a week to wrap it up.

787
01:35:37,417 --> 01:35:42,792
MONDAY: Willy sold
his parents' furniture.

788
01:35:42,875 --> 01:35:45,542
Travel is expensive.

789
01:35:45,667 --> 01:35:50,125
TUESDAY: Aurélie asked The Assassin
to stop assassinating.

790
01:35:50,250 --> 01:35:53,334
Please don't shoot at people.

791
01:35:53,459 --> 01:35:55,667
I've lost interest in that.

792
01:35:57,667 --> 01:36:01,659
WEDNESDAY:, Martine put her
life in order.

793
01:36:19,375 --> 01:36:21,667
Ah, back already?

794
01:36:21,792 --> 01:36:23,792
What's this crap?

795
01:36:23,817 --> 01:36:26,267
I want you to go away
and never come back.

796
01:36:26,292 --> 01:36:27,625
Oh, I say!

797
01:36:49,007 --> 01:36:51,259
Oh, you were marvellous!

798
01:36:53,334 --> 01:36:57,959
THURSDAY: Marc and Xenia
made love for the first time.

799
01:36:59,417 --> 01:37:01,709
And they liked it.

800
01:37:08,692 --> 01:37:13,884
My mother availed herself
of Thursday to wash the windows.

801
01:37:16,459 --> 01:37:19,959
FRIDAY: Willy and I
decided that every day

802
01:37:20,025 --> 01:37:24,375
instead of being called
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday...

803
01:37:24,400 --> 01:37:27,867
would be called
January, February, March...

804
01:37:27,900 --> 01:37:35,867
♪ So Frankly spoken. They'd adore to see
her failing in her quest for love love love

805
01:37:41,084 --> 01:37:44,992
By week's end, we'd lived together
for seven months.

806
01:37:45,004 --> 01:37:50,992
♪ Little Sally, shameless girl
They're just as jealous as you question their world

807
01:37:51,004 --> 01:37:55,992
♪ She'd say: "Okay
I'll be going all the way

808
01:37:56,004 --> 01:38:00,992
♪ But the hardest part of living
is from day to day"

809
01:38:09,704 --> 01:38:17,292
♪ Lazy days in the sun
It doesn't matter if your battle's won

810
01:38:17,304 --> 01:38:22,092
♪ If it's done
Living day to day

811
01:38:23,375 --> 01:38:27,334
SATURDAY: Jean-Claude reached
the Arctic Circle.

812
01:39:24,000 --> 01:39:27,300
On Saturday,
God, having no papers,

813
01:39:27,335 --> 01:39:29,994
got himself deported
to Uzbekistan.

814
01:39:30,109 --> 01:39:34,042
I'll make it rain frogs and locusts!

815
01:39:34,209 --> 01:39:38,167
A pox on your face!

816
01:39:38,292 --> 01:39:40,084
YOU MOTHERFUCKERRR!!

817
01:39:40,209 --> 01:39:42,750
Don't you know who I am?
Don't you know?

818
01:39:42,875 --> 01:39:47,392
I'll turn you into a stutterer
and a premature ejaculator!

819
01:39:47,442 --> 01:39:50,459
SONG OF SONGS

820
01:39:55,959 --> 01:39:59,875
And on Sunday everybody was
at the seaside.

821
01:40:06,067 --> 01:40:09,850
Seems I'm not the only one
with the idea of dying by the sea.

822
01:40:09,895 --> 01:40:14,334
I didn't dare say it, but it's true
seems everyone had the same idea.

823
01:40:48,125 --> 01:40:53,084
Would all those dying today,
come get a black armband.

824
01:40:54,292 --> 01:40:58,292
Those accompanying them,
get a white armband.

825
01:41:01,825 --> 01:41:06,084
All those dying today,
come get a black armband.

826
01:41:07,192 --> 01:41:10,692
Those accompanying them,
get a white armband.

827
01:41:11,192 --> 01:41:12,692
Voila.

828
01:41:18,359 --> 01:41:21,709
What will all the black armbands
die of ?

829
01:41:30,792 --> 01:41:34,834
All we have to do is wait.
Won't be long.

830
01:41:37,167 --> 01:41:40,459
Any chance of it not happening?

831
01:41:40,504 --> 01:41:44,900
My brother said, with 6 more
apostles, it'd make 18,

832
01:41:44,904 --> 01:41:46,205
like in baseball.

833
01:41:46,250 --> 01:41:48,042
And that would change something,

834
01:41:48,050 --> 01:41:50,102
because it's mom's favorite number.

835
01:41:50,167 --> 01:41:51,959
He must have been mistaken.

836
01:41:56,792 --> 01:41:59,892
He'd just turned 18
♪ Il venait d'avoir 18 ans

837
01:41:59,917 --> 01:42:02,684
Beautiful as a child
♪ Il était beau comme un enfant

838
01:42:02,709 --> 01:42:05,417
Strong as a man
♪ Fort comme un homme

839
01:42:07,292 --> 01:42:09,995
It was summer, obviously.
♪ C'était l'été évidemment

840
01:42:10,042 --> 01:42:12,825
When I saw him, I counted
♪ Et j'ai compté en le voyant

841
01:42:12,850 --> 01:42:16,750
All my autumn nights.
♪ Mes nuits d'automne

842
01:42:17,650 --> 01:42:20,650
I re-arranged my hair,
♪ J'ai mis de l'ordre à mes cheveux

843
01:42:20,650 --> 01:42:24,650
More shadow on my eyes.
♪ Un peu plus de noir sur mes yeux

844
01:42:24,700 --> 01:42:27,750
It made him laugh.
♪ Ca l'a fait rire

845
01:42:28,250 --> 01:42:31,750
As he drew near,
♪ Quand il s'est approché de moi

846
01:42:32,150 --> 01:42:35,950
I'd have given anything
♪ J'aurais donné n'importe quoi

847
01:42:36,250 --> 01:42:39,750
To seduce him
♪ Pour le séduire

848
01:42:41,000 --> 01:42:43,750
He'd just turned 18.
♪ Il venait d'avoir 18 ans

849
01:42:43,800 --> 01:42:46,850
That was the best argument
♪ C'était le plus bel argument

850
01:42:46,900 --> 01:42:49,750
For his victory.
♪ De sa victoire

851
01:42:50,650 --> 01:42:53,800
He didn't speak to me of love.
♪ Il ne m'a pas parlé d'amour

852
01:42:53,850 --> 01:42:56,800
He thought that words of love
♪ Il pensait que les mots d'amour

853
01:42:56,850 --> 01:43:00,750
Are laughable.
♪ Sont dérisoires

854
01:43:10,275 --> 01:43:12,575
It's been nice to know you.

855
01:43:23,542 --> 01:43:27,167
Shall we read a few lines
of our Brand New Testament?

856
01:43:34,209 --> 01:43:37,250
"Life is like a skating rink."

857
01:43:38,250 --> 01:43:39,625
That was me.

858
01:43:39,750 --> 01:43:41,667
"If there was no air

859
01:43:41,792 --> 01:43:44,375
birds would fall."

860
01:43:55,842 --> 01:43:59,884
Seems to be losing altitude.
It's coming right at us.

861
01:44:03,000 --> 01:44:05,892
Son of a motherfucking whore,
we're all gonna die.

862
01:44:05,900 --> 01:44:07,892
Only the black armbands.

863
01:44:23,800 --> 01:44:24,292
NOOO!!

864
01:44:32,000 --> 01:44:34,917
Do you want to re-initialize?

865
01:44:52,417 --> 01:44:54,000
{\an5}ENTER YOUR PERSONAL CODE

866
01:44:54,005 --> 01:44:56,367
♪ He'd just turned 18

867
01:44:56,409 --> 01:44:57,995
18!â™Ä„

868
01:45:00,900 --> 01:45:04,909
Hello Goddess,
I'm glad to see you again.

869
01:45:06,292 --> 01:45:08,375
Re-initializing

870
01:45:31,292 --> 01:45:33,075
REBOOTING

871
01:45:33,099 --> 01:45:36,959
I'm not dead? What happened?

872
01:45:42,112 --> 01:45:45,709
The countdown's disappeared.
Everything's like before.

873
01:45:45,834 --> 01:45:47,750
Who did that?

874
01:45:58,000 --> 01:46:01,125
Suggestions for:... 'sky'.

875
01:46:31,125 --> 01:46:33,292
That's my mother.

876
01:46:33,875 --> 01:46:35,792
It's mama.

877
01:46:36,667 --> 01:46:38,209
It's my mother!

878
01:46:39,875 --> 01:46:42,167
Excellent choice, Goddess.

879
01:46:55,092 --> 01:46:58,124
Today, as every other day,
there's only good news.

880
01:46:58,209 --> 01:47:01,684
Despite global warming the
ice caps have stopped melting.

881
01:47:15,342 --> 01:47:17,175
Gravity.

882
01:47:25,792 --> 01:47:28,000
Seabed.

883
01:47:35,709 --> 01:47:37,300
Vegetation.

884
01:47:51,042 --> 01:47:53,209
Cyclops.

885
01:47:57,584 --> 01:47:59,834
THE BRAND NEW TESTAMENT

886
01:48:19,375 --> 01:48:22,375
- Did you feel it move?
- Yes.

887
01:48:22,500 --> 01:48:24,209
Cheri ...

888
01:48:25,500 --> 01:48:27,209
the thing is...

889
01:48:28,542 --> 01:48:30,209
Now...

890
01:48:31,134 --> 01:48:33,967
Couldn't you, maybe,
shave your legs?

891
01:48:36,292 --> 01:48:38,042
We'll see.

892
01:48:51,417 --> 01:48:53,375
Goddamn, shit.

893
01:48:54,417 --> 01:48:59,375
♪Subtitles translated by♪ XQ2âÅšâ™Ä„

894
01:54:40,750 --> 01:54:43,375
Hi, it's Kevin again.